Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Booms and Babes.

Xander looked at the contact that he was talking to then at the younger one who had walked over with an envelope.  "What's up?  Information on the kidnaping?"

"No, Senior," he said with a happy, bright, nearly manic grin.  If he had dark pigtails and was pale instead of medium green, he'd look a lot like Abby on a Caf-Pow high.  "Someone said that you are researching how the various species have relations."

"I'm helping a researcher who is studying that," he corrected.  "He's said he's studied many cultures and their version of what's appropriate for fun and relations.  Now he wants to know about how demons see those issues."

The boy pouted.  "Only helping?  There are many who would like it if you would study that in a personal manner."  The older one burst out laughing, shaking his head.

Xander gave the kid a gentle pat on the snout.  "I know they would but I still have to date to get to know anyone I'm serious about.  Fun in the clubs is one thing.  Fun for a longer time is completely different."

The younger demon beamed as he handed over the envelope.  "Then you can still use this, Senior.  You can share with that one so he knows that we're all different too.  That way he doesn't make stupid mistakes."

"I took him down to the prison to talk to the different species we've had in on more minor things, nothing too bad, and let him talk to them about how they do things."  Both demons giggled at that.  "But I'll pass this on after I've looked it over to see if there's anything in here I can use."

"Good."  He bounced some.  "My clan's patriarch said that you seniors are silly sometimes.  That you need *girls* for things."

"Well, some humans do like girls, some like boys, and some like both," he assured him.  "Breeding takes one of each but I'm not looking forward to kids to warp House for decades to come."

The kid beamed.  "You should have some to be a watcher to the new ones that were born."

"Crissy's is?"

He shrugged.  "The elders say it's possible."

"I'll check on that when I've found the kidnaped one and returned her.  Thank you and whoever else sent things."  The kid jogged off.  "He's sweet."

"He's very sweet but a bit naughty.  I have no idea what's in there."

Xander shrugged.  "I'm sure it'll be fun to watch later if there's tapes or anything."  The demon actually blushed so he smiled.  "Not like I discriminate.  As long as it's good and willing."  The demon blushed brighter.  "So, this kidnaped matriarch?  Any idea who she pissed off?"

"Many.  She was opinionated and wanted to be more open.  Many of us are still wary of what humans will think."

"You probably should be for a bit longer.  Some are more accepting than others, but there's still some kooks out there.  Like that cult in Texas."  The demon moaned, nodding some.  He let him see what he had taken down.  "More than that?"

"Much more."  He wrote out more notes for him, getting a nod of thanks and a pat on the arm.  He watched him walk off, shaking his head.  "The young want to make him a toy.  It's amusing."  He went to talk to the other elders about that one young demon's plans.  Before he got a slayer called on them for upsetting the Senior.


Xander walked into the station, smiling at Daniel.  "Matriarch rescued safely.  Returned home.  Have the report," he said, pulling out his USB key to hand over.  "Did it on the plane.  Is that researcher here?  One of the younger ones of the same clan gave me some information to share with him."

"He's in the library."

"Cool."  He grinned.  "And see, no team needed."

"You're a team all by yourself, Xander," Daniel said with a smile.  Xander beamed at that compliment.  "Though, that testing they've been doing for you?  *Way* too powerful."  He stared him down.

"We might need it."

"We might, but you can't store them in the lab."

"They weren't tested yet.  I couldn't move them to the armory."

"Fine.  Take the next few days to test those with Jack and Sheppard, with McKay looking over your shoulder since Abby hadn't heard anything about it, or Dean.  Then move what works to the armory."

"Yes, Danny."  He bounced off, heading to the library.  "Hey, Philip?" he called as he walked in.  Thomas gave him a dirty look.  "One of the younger clan members on the case I was on gave me an envelope to share with him for his research, Thomas."

"Anything decent?"

"I didn't open it yet."  He walked back to the table the researcher was on, getting a smile in greeting.  "I got a prezzie given to me to share with you."  He pulled out the envelope and opened it, watching as it expanded.  He looked inside.  "Oooh, nice space charms.  I forgot they can do those."  He stood up and poured it out onto the table, making the researcher blush and choke.  Demon porn magazines, tapes, pictures, and all sorts of things.  "Huh.  They did hear about your research and the young one who delivered it suggested I should use some of it to find a better playmate too, but I said I'd share with you."  He grinned as he handed over the envelope.  "There's a few tapes down there too that didn't come out."

Philip gave him a horrified look.  "Is that normal?"

"Their species has fun and does believe in monogamy when you've gotten that far, but playing around is acceptable until then."  He saw Dean walk in and waved him over.  "One young'ne gave me these to help him and said to find myself a new playmate."

Dean looked at the piles of demon porn then at him.  "Don't keep me up, Xander," he complained.  He sat down to flip through a magazine.  "She's kind of pretty, even if she is orange furred with brown stripes."  Philip nearly squeaked at that.  They could barely hear it because his voice was so high pitched.  Dean grinned.  "Work hard, play hard, slay hard when you've got to," he quipped.  John stomped in.  "Xander got given stuff for the research guy, Dad."

He looked at the pile then at the researcher.  "Keep it away from the slayers if you can please.  Some of them are very curious and a bit too hyped to try stuff."  He looked at Xander.  "Where's Buffy?  She missed practice."

"Ask Sheppard where Ronon is?"

"I can't find him."

"He's probably in the testing building."  He called Abby.  "John Winchester's looking for Buffy.  Any idea where she and Ronon are today?"  He grinned.  "Cool, thanks.  In the library with the demon porn someone gave me for Philip."  He hung up.  "They're having a picnic on the back forty today, talking about past battles and about what he went through when he was on his own."

John sighed, shaking his head.  "She looks better than she did before."

"Yeah, slayers who're getting some do," Xander agreed dryly with a smirk.   "They also eat better, sleep better, and are less bouncy.  You should've seen Kim before she hooked up with Amber.  Plus it helps keep them centered on something outside the hunting."

Dean nodded.  "I had to help cure Faith complaining her pants were too tight because she'd been hungry recently.  She's had less nightmares too, Dad."

"Good, I'm glad you two are so good together, son, but you don't let Faith miss practice."

"Have Ronon come spar with them tomorrow," Xander suggested.  "Fighting with her seems to turn him on."

John smirked.  "That's nearly evil.  I'll suggest that tonight, kid.  Clean this up before the girls see it?"

"Sure."  John walked off shaking his head.  Xander grinned when he saw Abby sneaking in.  "You can come see too."  She came over to look, blushing at some of them herself.  "They sent it for Philip."

"That's good," she said, still bright red.  She turned over a picture, looking at the next one.  "A few years ago I would've nearly been shocked by a naked woman in a Penthouse pose with three breasts but I think I'm more open minded now."

Dean looked.  "She's cleaner than some of the ones you see in Penthouse too."

"Oh, that address," Xander said, pulling out his laptop to look it up for him.  He wrote down all the passwords he had for them too.  "There you go, Anya's favorite demon fake dicks and stores sites."  He grinned.  "And a pretty good erotic story site that's written by demons."  He put his laptop back in his backpack and looked at Abby.  "Are the guys in the testing building?"

"That one that needs destroyed.  What did you build?" she asked, staring at him.


She huffed.  "I like weapons too you know."

He kissed her on the forehead.  "Apocalypse toys, Abby."

"Are you still getting freaky visions about the assault and things?"

"Yeah and I don't know where it's coming from.  If it's that cult in Texas, if it's the Knights of Dagon, if it's that demon trapped in the wormhole's people since he's related back to Varcher when he was a problem for us.  If it's just a regular but bad base assault like the last few."

"I can understand that.  Go clean out the rest of your little toys to test.  Then we'll try to build something more fun tonight."  She bounced off, taking one of the magazines with her.  "I'll bring it back tomorrow since Rod's been too busy to play."  She ran into Jack O'Neill out there, who gave her the oddest look for what she was carrying.  "Not like I can walk out there, push him against the wall, kiss him stupid, and then climb on top when he's playing with weapons, Jack.  I'll pounce him later.  This is for happy time reading during my siesta after lunch."

"I don't need to know," he assured her.  She beamed.  "Xander?"

"Library with Philip going over demon sex."

"I'll catch him later then."

"Danny said to clean out all his new toys to test.  Which means I may not get Rod back until tomorrow.  Or next week."

"I'll make sure he remembers that you take a nap, Abby."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Harris!  Report out there."

"Going, oh great loud one!" he called back.  He waved.  "Later, guys."  He headed to the back rooms of the lab he had been hiding his tinkering in, going to pull out the stuff they had probably missed.  He pulled out the portal he had brought with him, stuffing them all in the unused second setting.  That way it wouldn't get mixed up with the stuff he had brought with him.  Five more stops and he was headed out there.  "Rodney, Jack O'Neill said he'd remind you that Abby took an afternoon nap most days because she thinks we're keeping you hostage until we're done."  Rodney blushed.  "But she did find something interesting to look at."  He grinned at Sheppard.  "Anything blow up yet?"

"One thing did but I think it was supposed to by your notes."

Xander beamed.  "Cool."  He pulled out the other things, making them groan.  "Danny said whatever worked well enough had to go into the armory."

"Yup, might be a good idea," Bauer said dryly.  He came over to check on these new things.  "Interesting.  Is that like the little ball that shoots the energy whip?"

"Um, no, that's explosive."  He put that one aside.  Xander sorted them out that way.  Guns on one pile, explosive things in another, and toys in the last one.  He handed one to Jack from his stuff.  "Found it in one of the LA markets.  It's fireworks.  A whole show together."

"Interesting."  He put a post-it on it once he had noted what it was.  They could use some fireworks.  The rest, they'd test and see if it worked like expected and what sort of range and damage it had.


Buffy looked up at the pretty explosion.  "Oooh.  Toys."

Ronon looked then at her.  "Very pretty," he agreed.

She blushed.  "Thank you."  He smirked at that.   "They must be testing new weapons."  She paused to listen.  "I don't hear sirens or screaming.  We're not that far away so we'd hear."

He stood up with a groan, hauling her up.  "We'll go see."  She packed up their lunch and things, taking him back by the shortcut she had found.  They found the extra building, which had really needed to be torn down, was now down.  Bauer, Xander, and Sheppard were all covered in dust.  McKay was huddled under something so he and the computers weren't.  "Do we need help?" Ronon asked.

"No, Xander made a new explosive device.  That's what this is."  He held up the second one.

"Wasn't this a building before?" Buffy asked at the tiny rubble.

"Yeah, it was," Xander said proudly.

O'Neill and House came out of the back door to the main building.  "Do I need to smack someone around?" Jack demanded.

"No, we're all good," Sheppard called with a wave.  "I'm so having you make me one so I can plant it and run away from the wraith."  Xander beamed and nodded, bouncing some.

Buffy sighed.  "I like weapons as much as the next slayer, but Xander, too much.  We can't use it in combat."

"We could've used it in Georgia to blow him up," he told her.

She gave him a dirty look.  "It would've taken out the whole field."  She walked off with Ronon.

"Slayer sparring practice tomorrow," Xander called after her.  "He can watch you get sweaty and hot."

"I do like watching her battle," Ronon agreed.  "She's cute and quite bouncy."  She blushed but swatted him, taking him to get more food.  They both ate a lot and it was nice she wasn't shy about that fact.  "Have we been calling off?"

"No, I'm on vacation this summer."  She waved at Faith and Dean as they walked up the hall.  "Snack?"

"I could eat but it looks like his meal's already fully paid for," Faith assured her, making Ronon blush.  She patted Buffy on the arm.  "Geek boy toys make the explosion?"

"Um, yeah.  Xander's newest toy did.  Totally destroyed that extra building."

"Wow," Dean said, going to check.  "There's very little rubble too."

Sheppard pointed.  "It flew that way."

House finished looking them over then smacked Xander on the head.  "Make it less strong next time, Xander.  Before you blow us up too.  Remember, you like us."

"I do like you."  He gave him a short hug.  "But I got the laser rifle we got off that one contact to work."

"I'm sure you did," Jack sighed.  McKay showed him the data, making him shake his head.  "Way too powerful."

"We can use it," John reminded him.  "Think about it in a ship, General."

Jack smirked.  "Not a bad idea."  They went to look at the other toys that Rodney had kept safe.  "Fireworks?"

"Found it in LA," Xander said.

"I guess that's fine."  He and Bauer shared a look.  "He'll pout if you go back and drag the kid with you," he said quietly.

"I don't want to go back and I'd have to let him play with the bad guys too.  Not as much fun for the rest of us."

Xander pinched him.  "I haven't dated a bad girl in months.  Not since that one agent who said she wanted to be good again."

"Wasn't she an assassin?" Rodney asked.

"Well, yeah.  But she said she wanted to be good again for me."

All the other men moaned, but House.  "I know you warped her just like you do the rest of us, Xander.  Slide onto your back for someone nice and male.  Save us from your kids," House ordered.

"But some day my kids will play with Abby's kids and make sure that they make normal friends and do normal kid things instead of just being geeks.  Mine and Sheppard's both."

John gave him an odd look.  "That's not a vision, right?"

He shrugged.  "No idea.  I had it last night while I was napping."  He went to look at the next weapon.

Daniel stuck his head out.  "Guys, please don't do anything that would destroy the prison underneath us?" he said patiently.

"I'm not trying to, bossman," Xander called with a wave.

"I know you're not," he agreed.  He came to look at the damage.  "Well, that saved us about forty thousand to tear that building down," he said finally.  "We can pick up the debris by hand.  All those on the punishment list can help with that."

Xander beamed.  "Don't you think someday my kids will help make Abby's kids more normal?"

"It's very possible that your kids will help keep them from a life of military servitude after they build a weapon that's too powerful," McKay assured him.  Xander beamed at that and went to check on something else.  "Let's move the testing to the actual testing building, shall we?"

"No, people are living above it," Jack complained.  "Go pick out a tree on the back forty of the base, kids."  They sighed but packed everything back into the portal bag and headed off that way.  Bauer went inside to get them something to drink and then followed.  Jack waited until they were gone to look at Daniel.  "He's worse than our team and Cam's team," he said finally.  "Possibly all the teams together."

Daniel cracked up.  "A lot but we could've used that explosive a few times."

"Yeah, well, can't go back in time anymore thankfully."

"Don't wish," Dean reminded him from the doorway.  "More toys?"

"Back forty," Jack said with a point.

"We can go watch that, Faith."

"Sure."  They carried their lunch that way.

"Xander is insane but the best hire DCIS has ever had," Daniel told Jack.  "Think Jon wants to join us to be on his team?"

"Hell no.  Mini-me is not joining Harris' team.  No way in hell."  A portal opened and Crissy walked through with the twins and Connor, Morgan following.  "Vacation?" he guessed.

"Fumigating."  She handed Connor the kids then hugged House.  "We have demonic bugs."

"I'm sorry.  Want Xander to bomb your house?  He has a new explosive device."

"Then we can't live there," Connor complained.  "Besides, that's my job in LA."  He smirked.  The baby poked at him, making him sigh and look at her.  "Behave.  Please?"  She burbled so he handed her back.  "At least she doesn't like my dad like Buffy does."

"Her new casual boyfriend is here," Jack told them.

"Really?" Connor asked.  That would give him something to talk about that would annoy Angel for *years*.

"She and Faith together barely beat him in a fight," Daniel said.  "Video's in the common area."

"I want to see that," Connor decided, walking Morgan that way.  "Join us when you want to, Crissy."

"Sure."  She looked at House.  "Want to babysit?"

"I've got company in.  He might fall in love and want to keep them."

"Shoot.  Think Chase does?  I could use a nap.  I could *really* use a nap, House."

"Ask Anna.  She's with the furry, horned ones."

"Anna!" she called.  Digger came trotting over to nuzzle the babies.  "If you can get Anna to watch them, you guys can have them for an hour so I can rest."

Mary came out of the barn, giving her a look.  "What?"

"Want to babysit?"

"I might want one.  Gibbs would paddle me."

"Let the unicorns watch them then.  I need a nap.  Please?"

"Sure."  She came over to grab the babies and the diaper bag, walking it back with Digger's help.  "C'mon, horny.  We'll be good auntie slayers."  She shut the barn's door.  Then she leaned out again.  "Fargo's with us, Daniel."  She closed it again.

Daniel looked at Jack.  "I'm still normal, right?"

"If you were slipping that badly, I'd put you back in the hospital," he promised sarcastically, patting him on the back.  "Let me help the unicorns before the twins decide they're pets to take home."

"Sure, you go play with the babies," House said with a happy smirk.  He and Daniel watched him walk off.  "Are you sure you need the hospital and not him?" he asked.

Daniel snickered.  "Depends on the day and what's happening."  He looked out as something went off and a large tree shot into the air.  "That's probably not real useful on a battlefield either," he decided.

"Pepto's in the usual cabinet," House offered.  Daniel nodded all the way to the infirmary.  House spent a few minutes watching where the poor tree had fallen then went inside to get his own.  Yeah, Xander was clearly like a member of his family.

"Was that a tree?" Wilson asked as House walked in.

"Xander tinkered with some weapons.  The explosion was him too."

"I thought it was demolition work."

"Oh, it was."  He handed Wilson a vial.  "Headache?"

"Little bit."

"Crissy's twins are in with the unicorns if you want to play with gooingly cute things."

"Not my area of expertise."

"Good.  You being mushy is only fun when you're drunk."

Wilson smirked.  "You've still got the snark I see."  He walked off with him, both of them ignoring Buffy and Ronon teasing each other over food once they had their snacks and were headed out to the picnic tables.

Wesley looked over from his.  "Where did Xander retreat to blow up things?"

"If you were facing the other way, you'd have seen the tree he sent into the air," House said, pointing out the direction.

Wesley looked back.  Then he shook his head.  "He needs to date more often.  I should sign him up on a personal's site."

"I doubt would like him that much," House told him.

Wesley put in that address.  "Hmm, that's a porn site but it does have a personal's section.  Thank you for the address,  House."  House snickered, shaking his head.  Wilson was giggling too.  "I saw what Philip was given.  Which of the girls have already snatched some?"

"What did he get given?" Wilson asked.

"Demon pornography," Wesley said, looking at him.  "To help with his research."

"Unless Dean took some home with him, I don't think anyone has," House told him.

"Wonderful.  I don't want to answer questions from the younger set about why demons are built that way."  He went back to his email.  He looked back at another explosion.  "They really shouldn't pick on the poor trees.  We might have tree dwelling nymphs or something."  He went back to his reading.

"If we do, they're probably shooting them to keep them off Xander or Sheppard," House quipped.  "I heard he got all the chicks on his last assignment."

"Yes, Tiff did say quite a bit about the bimbos he ran into," Wesley said dryly.  He smiled at Wilson.  "You get used to their insanity when they have weapons."

"How long does it take?  That way I know when to go home," Wilson said.

"Probably too late," House said.  The gate exploded and he glared, hitting his emergency switch.  He called Xander too, heading that way to help pick up people or their parts.  "Xander, assault on the gate."  He looked up.  "Sure.  Guys, Xander's firing something!" he bellowed.  They moved all the casualties out of the way.  The car that was speeding toward them was suddenly sent into the air with a rush of loud, screeching noise and a lot of heat that nearly blew them off their feet.  "Okay then," he decided.  He jogged over to check.  "There's one living," he called.  Agents came to get that one while he took care of the injured guards.  It was their fastest base assault ever.

Xander came jogging out, looking at his new mess.  "Hey, it can target a single car."  He glared at the living demon.  "You fucked up," he said in it's language.  "Why did you fuck up?"

"Want you," it gasped, raising a bloody stump that used to have a tentacle.  "You are mine."  It gasped.

"No, thanks, I like slutty girls.  Really."  He got pulled away from the demon by Daniel.  "Did anyone know I had a stalker?" he asked Daniel.

"No, not that I'm aware of.  Check that betting board," he said, checking him over.  "What did you fire off?"

"Um, the new guidance system I begged Bauer to get me plans for?" he said hesitantly.

"Next time, give us more warning."  Xander nodded, giving him a hug then hurrying off again.  "House, need help?"

"The guards mostly have abrasions and a concussion.  The demon's nearly pulp.  We'll do our best."

Daniel nodded.  "Let me know how that turns out."  He watched House and Wilson both head that way, Chase coming out of the single's dorm with wet hair and a half-unbuttoned shirt.  Daniel looked at the military guys that came running.  "Jack, can you have some guys man the guard area?  I want to talk to that demon and see if more are coming."

"Sure, Danny.  Have at it."  He watched him stomp past.  "MP's to the guard shack, make sure no one else is coming."  A few went that way while others headed to the infirmary and then out there.  He looked at the small pile of debris.  "What sort of launcher fires that thing?" he muttered, going to check on the weapons.  "Did you give him the launcher or missile?" he asked Bauer when he ran into him.

"No, just the guidance system.  Dean gave him the idea and probably method for the missile.  The launcher was one of the used ones from something else.  They're great at cobbling together something that works way too well."  He looked at the mess that was being cleaned up then at him.  "Did it only hit the car?"

"Yeah, looks like it.  One of the ones inside lived too.  Said he was coming for Xander.  Said he was his."

"Ah.  One of those.  Maybe I can set Xander up.  I know plenty of covert agents and assassins," he muttered as he walked off shaking his head.

"It's not my fault!  I didn't encourage him!" Xander yelled from wherever he was.

"I'm making you date some of my former coworkers!" Bauer yelled back.  Wesley choked and spluttered.  "They're quasi-bad girls," he offered.  "Mostly on the side of good."

Wesley calmed himself, nodding slightly.  "That might help, yes.  Thank you.  What was that?"

"He called it Toy # 5."

"At least he's not naming them like pets."

"No, not yet."  He went to take that one from him.  He knew a lot of people who wanted that guidance system to work.

Daniel came out to stare at him.  "Anything he designs or builds is not to be sold on the black market.  If the DoD or someone wants it, they can ask to up our budget by paying us for it."

"Sure, I can understand that.  Even my former project?"

"Yes.  Though, can you set him up with some sort of slinky covert agent who likes to be tied down since he likes bondage?  Especially if they like to get loud?  That seems to be his type."

"Yeah, I know a few," he admitted with a smirk.  "I'll call them later."

"Thank you.  It's clearly been too long."  He walked off shaking his head again.  "You can tell them he got it to work but no selling it."

"I can do that," he agreed.  He had no idea when Daniel turned telepathic but at least it wasn't as creepy as the last telepaths they had on base.  He called an old friend.  "That guidance system that I had you get the plans for does work when paired with something Harris at DCIS built with Winchester's help.  Very nicely I might add.  Can you send me Clorina's number in my email?"  He hung up.  He went out there.  Sheppard was staring in horror at his betting board of beau's as they called it.  "Where am I this time?" he joked.

"Sixth.  You displaced Ryan and they dropped Chase down.  They've taken House off because it's clear to them that his boyfriend has finally appeared to claim him.  Oh, and Ryan's down so far because he said during his last case that he didn't like weapons that much."  Xander grinned at him.  "That guy was sixteenth but he's not now.  I updated that and they've taken him off the board.  Sheppard moved up right behind Sam though."  He went back to reading it over.

Jack looked at Sheppard.  "I'm fixing him up with a girl who likes weapons."

Xander beamed at him.  "Really?  Is she nice?"

"A bit tart and fairly sarcastic but she plays well from what I've been told."  Xander nearly purred at that.  "Let's call a day for this, go help with the clean up, and then we'll run more tomorrow?  Sheppard, some of your people are at the gate."

"Good."  He helped repack things and then helped gather the things that needed to go to the armory so they could safely store them.  The backpack got put into the vault too, just in case someone tried to get the untested stuff.  He went to check on his guys, finding Jack out there.  "Bauer's setting him up with someone."  The MP's all started to pray for mercy.  "This one wanted him but he likes bad girls.  Most of the time they give up after trying him."

"Yeah, that one assassin he slept with that gave up was amusing," O'Neill said dryly.

"Assassin?" one MP asked.  Jack nodded.  "Why?"

"An anti-hunting senator put out a contract on him," Sheppard said.  Jack gave him a funny look.  "Abby told us."

"Oh."  Jack just nodded.  "Yeah, that about describes it.  Hopefully this new woman won't be too bad of an evil wench."

"I heard stories about someone named Anise who was like that, General," Sheppard said.

Jack glared at him.  "Don't even suggest that, Sheppard.  We need them as allies.  I don't care how often she looked like a club girl with bad implants, we still need them as allies.  Maybe when we don't, if he's single, I'll set him up with her.  It'd pay her back for thinking we're lesser and lab rats," he said dryly, walking off shaking his head.  He walked into Daniel's office.  "Sheppard said he heard stories about Anise; suggested we could set her up with Xander."

Daniel looked at him, then found his bottle of aspirin to hold up.  "Maybe if they weren't allies.  She is mostly evil."

"Yeah," he sighed, taking the bottle to pour himself a good few of them.  He took them dry then walked off again.  "Anything from the idiot stalker?"

"He died of blood loss from that severed tentacle," Daniel called after him.  "He said no one else was going to get him."

"Thank you, God," Tony yelled from his desk.

Daniel came out to look at him.  "Religious revelation of the next sleazy woman you're going to date?" he joked.

"No, that he didn't have any friends to come help him take Xander.  I've got to start mining my old contacts to find him someone decent enough to date."

"Bauer's doing the same," Daniel offered.

"Good!  Even CIA agents would be better for him."  He got into his online address book, finding a few he wanted to write emails to.  If it kept being this bad, he might even pay airfare for them to come to North Dakota.  "Did anyone warn Sheppard's people or Bauer about that one demon that you kill and turn into a bad girl magnet?"

"Not yet," he admitted, going to find the picture on the bulletin board.  He walked it down to the armory.  "Sheppard!" he called, bringing him jogging in.  "If it should come up and you kill one of these demons," he said, handing over the picture.  "You get this nifty curse that will draw bad girls to you.  They said it's stress or being in heat when it does happen.  Which means you have to cure it to get rid of it.  It's why Xander got money from some bad girls last year."

"I heard that story," Jack said, studying the picture.  "Thankfully I've never seen one."

Sheppard looked then at him.  "I think I have when I was younger."

"Being its victim, getting away, or injuring it doesn't count as far as we know.  We do know that it will taint you for the rest of your life.  It's called a Buhova."

John sighed and nodded.  "I'm fairly certain I had to beat one to get away from it."  He walked off muttering.  That did explain some things in his life.  Like how he picked up so many strange women in the Pegasus galaxy.  Some very odd women and dangerous women liked him *way* too much for his team and project's piece of mind.

Daniel looked at Jack.  "My Jack wanted to make sure you had seen it."

"I have and I'll pass that on too.  I heard about the one who sent him money before killing herself because he couldn't have her while she was in jail for B&E."

"Yup, that's what this does.   Xander's always drawn bad girls, this makes it insane.  If you heard the story about the mall and suit shopping, same demon's taint."

"Good to know."  He went into his office to email that to someone who could pass it around.  The picture got scanned in and sent too.  It did explain some agents' luck with evil women.  He heard Rodney outside complaining and smirked.

"Abigail, why do you have a magazine that has naked demons?" he demanded.

"Because you were playing with the weapons all day, Rod."  The sound of a kiss.  "I was going to have some fun for my nap."  She walked past the doorway to the armory.  "Nice shooting, Jack."

"All automated but thanks," he called, smirking at Rodney.  "Xander got given some," he told him.

Rodney growled.  "She should not be getting overly warm that way from some spank magazine that features demons!"  He stomped after her.

She gave him a pointed look.  "I'm not, but I can imagine you in the same position and have a happy nap time while you played with the phallic weapons and the boys.  All boys need boy playing time."  She kissed him again.  He tossed the magazine at Wesley and walked her off, still kissing her.  "Rod," she sighed in pleasure.

"No demon had ever better get what's mine," he mumbled against her lips.

"Mm, not gonna happen," she promised.  She deepened the kiss in the elevator, making him groan and clutch her tighter.  They had to ride upstairs twice to finally get off it and make it to her apartment.  Then they got as far as the couch.

Wesley looked at the magazine and sighed, flipping it open.  "I'm not that open minded," he decided, closing it and putting it under his laptop.

Dean stomped past.  "Everyone good?"

"House said a few abrasions and a concussion.  The demon that tried to invade wanted Xander as a boyfriend."  House and Wilson came back out with something to drink.

Dean took Wesley's laptop to log onto the betting board, glaring at it.  "Hmm, messages.  Someone updated that guy's bet and took him off since he died.  House, they've taken you off the betting board.  The message says it's not fair to your new mate."  Wilson choked.  Dean looked at him.  "What?"  He went back to reading.  "Sheppard's going to need a beer or cocoa.  He's second, tied with Sammy.  Then Tony, Speed, Chase, Bauer, and the rest of the usual list."  He handed it back to Wes, looking at the magazine.  He handed it to House with a smirk.  "There, so you can have happy times like Abby was going to with it."

"Rodney just walked her off growling and kissing her," Wesley said with a smile.

"He's good at that.  As long as he treats her well we'll keep the girls from killing him."  He walked off happier.  The base assault had been fixed without him having to help.  The girls were slacking off to give him an afternoon off.  Xander was happy in his apartment.  He could hear him from under his balcony.  Yeah, he could go find Faith and make her get that loud.

She spotted him coming and smirked.  "Can't.  Crissy's in my bed, boytoy."

"Pity.  Xander's getting loud in his.  You can hear him outside again."

"Hmm, maybe he's fully gay since he likes *weapons* so much," she teased.

He smirked at her.  "Some of us like weapons and still like girls."

"If he'd go gay I know a few agents who would love to have him," Bauer called.

"Ask him when he's done," Dean called back.  Faith giggled.  "We could...go for a drive.  I've got the afternoon free."

She moved closer.  "Spacer pills, Dean."

"Pity."  He kissed her.  "So, bubble bath in my place while I watch movies and make sure Sammy's still okay?"

"You checked on me before Sammy?"

"He was in the library."  She walked off with him, going to his and Sam's apartment so she could take care of the girl needs and he could lounge around and wait on her to get out so they could have some fun.  It was a good trade-off.


Xander looked up as Fargo walked up to where he was eating.  "What's up, Fargo?"

"We've had two calls from DoD personnel who wanted to talk to you about your tinkering habit."

"Danny said any classified materials that any of us make, or that Abby makes, are agency owned and they have to beg him to buy it from us."  He ate another bite then grinned when his mouth was empty again.  "What did they want?"

"That thing you used earlier on the idiot at the gate."

"Ask our beloved overlord Daniel the Mean."  He waved a hand.

Fargo snickered.  "He's not mean."

"He wouldn't let Sheppard get off base to go on a date so the betting board would lower him down the list again."

"Well, okay that might be mean," he decided with a grin of his own.  "Am I on there?"

"About fifteenth but a few have said I'm still warping you so you'd be mine.  When I'm done warping you, they'll move you higher," he offered with a wicked grin.

Fargo blushed.  "You're very like the woman I have a crush on, but I'm still straight," he pointed out.

"I know.  We like to watch the board and laugh at some of it."

"Cool."  He went to talk to his boss.  "Two calls from the DoD about the thing he used earlier."

Daniel looked at him.  "They can beg to buy it from us.  That way we have a budget surplus next year."

"I told them to talk to you in person about it.  The last call reminded you that you have to be in DC next week and asked if it would be all right then.  I said I'd check and get back with them."

"Sure, one can buy me tea and lunch."

Fargo smiled.  "I can arrange that."  He went to do that then came back to get his dinner.  He did still miss Vincent's amazing cooking skills but the cook they had on base was pretty decent.  Especially for feeding this many people all the time.

Xander's phone rang, making him pat himself until he found it.  "Harris," he answered, listening.  "No, we're fine, Cho.  Who said we're not?"  He chewed while listening.  "No, one of the guys on the betting board of beaus tried to stun the base by blowing up the guard shack so he could rush in, kidnap me, then take me off to have tentacle sex.  Oh, that thing?  A research guy from Fargo's old project wanted to study demon sexuality.  He started out by asking me questions.  Some kids on my last case gave him a lot of info too."  He grinned.  "Sure, thanks."  He hung up.  "That envelope's contents got spread around all the way to India and Cho's house."

Daniel shook his head.  "People in that field of study realize people talk about what they're doing."  He stuffed his mouth.  "He took it with him, right?"


"Good."  He looked at Xander.  "None of it went to the girls?"

"I made sure none of it entered the slayer dorms," John Winchester said firmly.

"Any of what?" Mary asked.

"Demon porn," Xander told her.

"Eww!  Who wants to watch *that*!"

Connor looked at her.  "Some cases, you end up interrupting things," he told her.

"Double ick.  Disgusting," Anna complained, kicking him under the table.  Connor patted her on the head.  "Thanks.  You've really mellowed."

"It's lack of sleep thanks to the twins.  Thank you two for watching them with the unicorns.  We all needed the nap."

"My boys did the same to me many times," John assured him.  "Especially when Sammy had the flu.  Speaking of, Dean.  Where is your brother?"

"Buttcheek deep in a new book that got delivered," he reported.  "He mumbled at me when I said it was dinner time.  I'll bring him food and make him eat it later, Dad."

"Thank you.  Is this a new prophecy?"

"No idea.  It's in a language our beloved and evil overlord taught him."

Xander looked at him.  "I thought Daniel was our overlord."

"We're ISC, Wesley's ours," Dean pointed out.  "You serve two mean masters."

"Oh, yeah."  He finished up and belched, then said a quiet excuse me and wiped his mouth before getting up and taking the twins from Crissy.  "C'mon, you two.  Let's go watch Excel Saga.  It's mental crack but it's fun and brightly colored, so you'll like it."  He walked them off.

Crissy smiled at Dean.  "That's not a bad anime, right?"

"How would I know?  Not like I'm that geeky, Crissy."

"It's funny but mental crack," Anna called.  "I watch it all the time."

"Then that's fine then."  She finished eating more slowly.  It was nice when they had babysitters.  "Wes?"  He looked over from his reading.  "When are we testing her?"

"A few more months.  Six months is the last time the slayer spirit can enter the body.  Though, I don't believe she has the proper mole.  She has a birthmark but not a mole."  She relaxed and nodded, smiling at that.  "If so we'll support her like we have all the other girls."

"I know you will.  Thank you, Wesley."  He smiled and nodded, going back to his book.  She looked down at her sister slayer.  "Since I've got a sitter and we're basically off tonight, want to hit a club?" she mouthed.

"Yup.  Connor, night off stuff?"

He leered.  "I could like that.  Did you bring anything cute?"

"I can borrow if I didn't."

"Not like I can wear mine," Brenda said dryly, stuffing her mouth again.  "That black dress I have in the closet, for some reason since I don't remember buying it, should fit you."

"Thanks, Brenda."  They got up and went to find clubbing clothes.  That black dress was a sleeveless halter dress that was slinky and tight all the way down.  She definitely had shoes for that.  Crissy had something cute on as well.  Connor had changed shirts because he was a guy and said he didn't do cute.  He escorted them out and let her drive them down to the local club.  The bouncer gave them a long look.  "In from LA to the base," Morgan quipped.

"I remember you two," he said, letting them pay the cover and head out to the floor.  They'd behave with the military guys destressing there.  Slayers never caused them any problems.


Daniel knocked on Xander's door, getting him and one of the twins.  "You're still babysitting?"

"Yeah.  Crissy desperately needed a night free."  He sat down, looking at the other one.  "Want held?"  The baby cooed, kicked her feet, and wiggled some.  "We can hold you."  She didn't like that when he tried so that was fine he guessed.  He looked at Daniel.  "Problems?"

"Who was that guidance system originally from?"

"Someone Bauer got it from."

"I got that from him then.  What did you do to tweak it so it worked?"  Xander pointed at his laptop.  He got into the design files and found which toy it was.  It was nice he labeled each toy by toy #.  He copied down the notes onto his USB key then grinned.  "Jack and a few others wanted to look at it."

"That's fine.   As long as it doesn't go to the guys like the one who gave me away as a present."

"No, it won't go to them.  They have no need of something like that, Xander."  He patted him on the knee.  "Are you feeling all right?"

"It's not the Buhova taint, just my normal bad girl magnet ability," he quipped.

"If you're sure.  Jack's been talking you up to a few of his former fellow covert agents.  He said there's two fairly nice ones who wanted to meet you."

"That might be nice."

"Good."  He stood up.  "You okay with them tonight?"

"We've done good so far.  They can't roll off the couch."  Anya appeared.  "I'm hellion sitting for Crissy."

She stared at them then at him.  "Why did that one want you?  Many of the demons on our side said he'd be good with you."

"He blew in the gate, Anya."

"Oh."  She shrugged, sitting behind the baby to look at it.  "You're very small and you don't babble yet so I know you're not Xander's."

"No, she had him with some dirtbag that played with her before he ran off to get married."

"I heard about that.  I should've had the one who took my job go after him for her."  He kissed her.  "We can't do that in front of them, Xander.  They might remember."

"I'm not.  Just a kiss."  He took another one.  "Did they want anything else, Daniel?"

"No, not that they've said but I don't think they know more than what went into the patent office that time."  He left them alone.

Xander looked over as Cordelia phased in.  "Morning to you too.  Is it ex-girlfriend day on that side?"

"Don't you wish," she snorted with an evil looking smirk.

"Well, no.  The twins might get warped."

Cordelia looked at them.  "They're adorable little future hunters."  She looked at him.  "You good?"

He shrugged.  "A few bad nights but I'm usually okay."

"You sure?"

"Not if you're not."

She snorted, coming closer.  "Not what I was asking, Xander."

"I'm fine so far, Cordy.  Why?  The Powers want to talk?"

"Nope.  They still hate you."  He smirked at her.  She smacked him on the top of the head, making him yelp.  "There's other Powers."

"I know that.  We've been plagued by one already."

She stared at him then at Anya.

"The Fallen One Varcher wanted him as a general.  He made a wish to screw up his plans."

"Oh, good."  She nodded, looking at him.  "Vision from the wise: if it happens, and things will happen that will piss you off, you cannot lose it fully and turn into super retribution man."

Xander stared at her.  "Then I probably won't."

"Good!"  She smiled.  "Think you can hand off the tots?  It's a night when we can play on this side."

He stared at her.  "Huh?" he asked.

She faded out, going to find another slayer.  "Tiff, good.  Come take the twins so I can make Xander have a happier night," she ordered.

Tiff looked at her.  "I don't deal with babies!"

"So?"  She stared her down.  "Let Abby help.  It'll make her scientist hunney go gooey."

"Yeah, can't do that either.  They're busy alllll night long."  John walked in.  "She wants me to babysit the twins."

"Who is this?" he asked, staring at her.  "Beside being an ascended."

"Cordelia Chase, Messenger for the Powers That Be," she said smugly.  "Who rule over the slayers."

Tiff looked at him.  "She wanted to make Dean complain about the noise again."

"Well, I can't say as I know a lot about babies but I think maybe we can team up to do it."  Tiff sighed but went to get them.  He looked at her again.  "Don't hurt him."

"I have no intention of hurting him," she said with a catty smirk.

"Uh-huh.  Let me wake Abby up so we can tag-team babysit at her place."  He called over there.  "Xander's ex Cordelia showed up to make him noisy so we're getting the twins for a while.  You two done?  I know McKay hates kids but they all seem to like him.  What do I know about kids?"  He snickered.  "Sure, we can do that."  He hung up and went to meet Tiff outside, taking one of the kids for her since her arms were full.  "I'm glad they're not triplets."

"Me too.  Morgan too probably since she said the kids keep waking up during nookie."

John shook his head, walking off with her.  "I don't need those details about the other slayers."

"Do you think I can date?  You growled at my last one, John."

"He was a dirtbag who didn't like to bathe."

"I could've scrubbed him down.  Faith said that's fun when she and Dean get to scrub demon goo off each other."

He shot her a dirty look.  "If you find someone nice I won't growl at them."  He'd let Ronon do it.  They were excellent protective big brothers over her.

"It's not fair that even Brenda's had a guy and I haven't."

"She has?"

"After she got knocked up by the witches she wanted to see what it was all about."

"I guess that happens."

"After the prom.  Anna told me Digger pouted for days that so few of the girls could play with him now."

He gave her a dirty look.  "No casual sex, young lady.  Xander would have my ass in a sling."

"Dean's spank magazines say that can be fun."  She had to catch the baby before he dropped him.  "Hey!"

He finished choking, shaking his head.  He took the baby back.  "For that you can't date for at least an extra week."

"Fine.  Even if one of the boys in town hits on me?"

"We get to meet him."

"Yes, John."  They walked into Abby's building, finding House in the gym area.  "We won't keep you up."

He looked at her.  "If you're going to be that loud by having a team orgy, I'll put up a white noise generator," he said dryly, making Wilson choke from his treadmill.  "Especially if you all start to chant about physics and sex being the same thing like she does."  She held up the twin she was carrying.  "That's fine then.  I've heard worse than kids crying in frustration.  Cameron doing it comes to mind."

"She's gotten better since you left," Wilson told him.

"She'd have to.  Did she find a new victim to latch onto?"

"Is she the sort of bad girl Xander would like?" Tiff asked.

"No, she likes damaged ones.  She's got a saint complex."

"Pity.  Xander could use a girlfriend.  Even if his last two did show up tonight."  They took the elevator up to Abby's, finding the door cracked open.  She walked in and kissed Abby on the cheek, handing her the little girl.  "John said I could finally date!" she said happily.

"We'll make sure the next one who's interested bathes regularly," Rodney said dryly, looking at the twins.  "You're both very tiny."

"And a bit loud.  They keep breaking up Morgan and Connor during nookie according to her," Tiff said, sitting down next to Abby.  She was wearing a flimsy nightgown but they didn't mind.  It wasn't going to make Rodney growl possessively.  And if it did, well maybe Sam could do an exorcism of whatever animal spirit had possessed him.  Rodney did growl when Abby had to stop one of the twins from nursing.  Tiff looked at him.  "Xander makes that sound now and then after he got possessed by a hyena.  Did you get that problem?" she asked with a grin.

"No.  That might make me go insane like he is."

"I think some of that is from the hyena fighting with the mermaid taint," Abby said with a happy grin.  She cooed at the baby again, getting one back.  "You two are so adorable!" she said.  Someone knocked.  "We're up and dressed."  Gibbs walked in and paused.  "Crissy's twins."

He came to look at them.  "They're adorable.  Where's Mommy?"

"Club," John told him.

"As long as she didn't impose."

"Xander had them but two of his ex's showed up for some fun," Tiff said.  "Cordelia ordered me to watch them.  Which is so unfair.  It's not like they're mine and I know what to do with kids.  I don't even know how kids come to be beyond the clinical talk Carson gave me."

John stared at her.  "We can let Xander give you the same talk he gave to the other girls."

"No thanks.  I don't belong in Cleveland that way, John."

Ronon knocked then walked in, staring oddly at the children.  "Did you already spawn?  I thought that took months."

"We're watching them for the mother, Ronon.  It does take months, even with some of the stuff you guys get mixed up in on base."

"Good.  Otherwise I'd have to run."  He sat down, staring at the one in Tiff's arms.  "You're too young for one of those."

"I haven't even gotten to date yet!" she complained, glaring at him.

He smirked.  "Nor will you."

"John said I could," she shot back, sticking her tongue out at him.

"Then I'll challenge whoever wants you.  Unless they can beat us both, they cannot have you."

She sighed, rolling her eyes.  "Why me?  Gibbs, do the other girls have this problem?"

"Now and then," he said dryly, looking at Ronon.  "You're Buffy's new friend.  Jethro Gibbs, one of the watchers."

Ronon nodded.  "I have heard about you and how you managed to make the younger ones with her quit squealing at pink shirts.  It was very heroic."

"Some days, yeah it is," Tiff said dryly.  Gibbs swatted her.  "Hey!"

"That's where he learned it from," Ronon said, scowling at John.

"I learned it off Abby," he shot back with a smirk.

"I learned it off Gibbs," she agreed.  "We used to work together at NCIS doing the same thing for the Navy and Marines.  Of course, if the president hadn't poached Tony and then him poached me, I'd never have met my Rod.  I might be with some goth boy who likes heavy metal."

He growled lightly then shook it off at Tiff's amused look.  "I don't think you'd stay with them.  You said you were looking for beauty, brains to match yours, and something special that you hadn't found yet.  I seem to have at least two of those."

"You have all three," she said, taking a hard kiss.  "I don't like your self esteem drops, mister.  I will spank for that."  Rodney's eyes narrowed and he started to growl again.  Gibbs took the baby before she could pounce him.

Ronon took the smart path and picked them both up to drop them into her room then shut them in there.  They might not have noticed with how tangled together they were.  "So we don't have to watch."

"At least it'd be educational," Tiff quipped.  "Like watching priestesses and various women hit on John is."

"You have better taste than that," Ronon told her.

"Hey, I could have went and borrowed some of the demon porn Xander got given."

"Eww," John told her.  "Really!"

"Sorry."  She smiled at Gibbs.  "So, how's Cleveland doing?"

"Decent enough.  Wes wanted to talk to you about if you're going back or not.  If not, he's got to place you somewhere."

"If they go I'm going."

"I'll let him know."  He handed Ronon the other baby.  "Buffy would coo at that.  Sometimes her mind goes into girly places."  He left them alone.  He didn't want to blush at the noises Abby and Rodney were making but....

"Rod!" Abby squealed.

"Way to make us want an astrophysicist of our own," Tiff called.  The baby fussed so she paid more attention to him.  "What?  I can tease Rodney.  He needs it or he gets too serious and grumpy."

Rodney opened the door to look at her.  "If you want one that much, Radek's free and his mother wants grandchildren.  Otherwise, I'm subtly warping her toward the more hard sciences, thank you."  He shut the door again.

"Was he wearing a handcuff?" Ronon asked.  John nodded.  "Hmm, perhaps we should leave them to play science games then."  They packed up the babies and went to John's room in the temporary quarters.  It didn't have much but he and Tiff could sit on the bed with the twins.

Buffy saw Ronon out and came to check on him, smiling at the baby he was carrying.  "Aww, there's our favorite nephew," she cooed, tickling his stomach.  "I have no idea what you guys are for.  I hope I never will."

"Me either," Ronon said.  "I'm simply carrying him for Tiff."

She smiled.  "I can see that.  Why are you twin sitting?"

"They're destressing," John called.  He came to get the twin and let Ronon have his girlfriend back.  He came in and sat the baby near his sister on the bed.  Tiff was on his couch with the dvd already queued up.  "Buffy spotted Ronon being manly carrying the baby."

"Awww.  Let's hope they don't have an accident either."

"Abby having one would drive us all nuts," he agreed.

She pinched him on the arm.  "We'd have to have some so our kids could make his kids more normal."

"Xander said the same thing."

"His kids will be that geeky and will destroy the universe," she said dryly.  "Thankfully his sperm are still warped from the spell Rosenburg did to destroy them.  It'll be *years* before we have to deal with that problem in the making."

John pinched her back.  "He might work now."

"Nope.  He and House were talking about that.  He's still putting out swim team swimmers."

"Swim team swimmers?" he asked.

"You didn't hear about his swim team?"  She started the movie and told him that story during the opening montage.  John just shuddered and shook his head quickly to clear it.  "Exactly."

"Did that one demon that tainted him do that to him?  If so, I need some better life insurance."


"Because I remember running into one and beating the crap out of it to get away."

"That would explain why some of those evil chicks hit on you," she said dryly.

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking too."  He got comfortable.

"Well, there's no evidence that things like the swim team happen because of that.  That was just being a demon magnet on the hellmouth we think since Sammy gets into the same sort of weird shit and he's a demon magnet too."

"Good!"  He got up to make some microwave popcorn, handing her the first bag.  Otherwise she'd steal all of his.


Dean gave up on sleeping thanks to the noise, getting up and wandering toward the armory, muttering the whole way about Anya's noise levels.  He ran into one of the MP's and shrugged.  "Xander and Anya are too noisy."

"I saw your brother heading for your father's room, sir."

"That's fine.  Dad can spank him tomorrow.  Going to nap in the vault."  He went in there, curling up on top of the crates of spare bullets.

The MP watched as a few others evacuated to sleep in the squad room.  He was highly amused.  One guy could make that many people go sleep somewhere else?  He walked that way, hearing them from the ground.  He had his balcony door shut but he could still hear him.  "No wonder."  He went back to his patrol route, shaking his head.  He ran into Doctor Jackson.  "Sir, we've had some migrating personnel for naps."

He glared at the married building then at him.  "Xander and Anya too loud?"

"Agent Harris and someone, sir.  Winchester said something about Anya."

He sighed, going that way to protest.  He pounded on the door, blinking when a mostly corporeal Cordelia opened the door.  "Buy him a gag before others have to sleep on their desks."  He walked off shaking his head.  He didn't want to know about ascended beings and sex.  He didn't remember having any when he was one, but he still didn't have his full memories.  If so, he might have to freak out.  He didn't want to remember it if he had used Oma Dessala as a mental masturbation helper.

Cordelia shut the door and went back to having some fun.  She was allowed tonight.  "He said he's too loud, Anya.  Make him be more quiet."

"I can do that," she said happily.


Xander wandered into the infirmary the next morning, crawling onto his usual bed with a wince and a hiss.  House came over to stare at him.  "My exes are mean," he whispered hoarsely.

"I heard you got noisy," he teased.  "Anya?"

"And Cordelia."

"Isn't she a ghost?"

"Not last night," he said weakly.  "Can I die?"

"You go right ahead," he offered.  Xander passed out and his pulse rate did drop.  House put him on a monitor, started an IV, and left him there to sleep it off.  He went to find Daniel.  "We have proof those women are evil.  Xander can't talk, can't walk right, just passed out in front of me after complaining that they were mean, and his pulse had a sudden drop."

Daniel looked at him.  "Why?"

"I didn't ask that question.  Want me to have him write a report like the one after Vegas that was very informative?"

"If he wants to but I don't need one," he sighed, shaking his head.  "Will he be fit for duty later today?"

"Nope."  He gave him a smug look.  "I've got him on an IV drip."

"Wonderful.  Let me know when he can come back and if he caught something off them."

"I don't think he did.  I'll have Chase do a swab since the board likes them together so much."  He walked off humming.  Chase was down there checking him over.  "Make sure Anya and Cordelia didn't be too mean and give him something."

Chase gave him an odd look.  "I didn't know ghosts could have sex."

"Me either but apparently she's special."  Sam Winchester wandered in helped by Brenda.  "What happened to him?"

"Cordelia said Jess told her to pounce him.  It drove John out of his room and down to the couch in the common area."  She put him in the bed next to Xander's.  "What happened to him?"

"Anya and Cordelia.  Who has the twins?"

She gave him a hug.  "John and Tiff.  They're so adorable."  She went to help them with the twins of destruction.  She had to learn baby care somehow.

House checked Sam over.  "Let's start him on an IV drip too."  John Winchester stomped in, pouring salt around their beds.  "Will that work since she was strong enough to pounce them and wear them out?"

"Hopefully.  Then I'm going to start with paint and do some protection circles around the beds."

"Not like we'll mind," Chase told him.  "Just don't let us smudge them."  John smiled and nodded.  "Any idea why Sam was pounced?"

"Cordelia said that Jess was pissed he hadn't moved on so she hooked them up for a night, her words."  He finished the salt and walked off to find some paint and a brush.  The armory usually had those things.  "Jack, do you have any paint and a brush so I can do protections around the beds in the infirmary?"

"Did someone get possessed?  I noticed Xander wasn't at breakfast."

"Two of his exes jumped him and one jumped Sammy too."  Jack gave him the oddest look.  "Speaking of, have you seen Dean?  He hasn't appeared yet either."  Jack pointed in the vault.  John went to look, clearing his throat loudly.  Dean jumped up, looking around before looking at him.  "Xander's exes are very sharing.  Cordelia was mean to Sammy."

Dean blinked a few times.  "She's a ghost, Dad.  They can't do that.  You said so when Sammy nearly ended up with one as a girlfriend."

"Apparently she's special.  Your brother and Xander are both in the infirmary on IV drips thanks to her.  Get coffee and help me paint protections."  Dean nodded, going to find some coffee and smooth down his hair again.

Jack shook his head quickly once he was alone.  Yes, they were all insane, that's how they managed all the things they did weekly around here.  Every damn last one of them was insane.  Hopefully it wasn't going to spread to him too quickly.

The End.

To part 47

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