Fucking With Xander Makes Him Mad.
Jensen looked around the area they had landed in. It was a jungle. The trees were all older growth so they were deep and not near any roads. They had the emergency bag with them at least. He patted himself down. "No phone, of course. Anyone have anything with a signal?"
Cougar looked over, checking himself and shaking his head.
Xander opened the bag he had been stuffing, pulling out three other bags. Then one locked box. "Yeah." He got into one of the bags he had pulled out and dug around, finding it. "Smart Phone?"
"Thank God for planning," Jensen said, turning it on and letting it load up. "Huh, GPS server."
"I need one now and then to figure out where in the hell I am. And it works on most demon planes," Xander offered. He repacked everything but the box. Cougar looked over. Xander looked around. "No Pooch, hey that means I can drive," he said dryly, bending to unlock the box. Once he had the lock open, the box popped up and he pulled Jensen aside. The box grew, glowed, and changed into a jeep. Cougar gave him a very strange look. He just grinned back. "I asked. Figured it was practical no matter where. It runs on solar, gas, and/or ambient energy so magic."
"We're listed as being on earth but no GPS possible?" Jensen demanded. "What the hell?"
Xander took it to look at. "We're in a protected enclave area, Jensen. It's like an area that got magically folded into the regular area. So the GPS only reads maybe an inch every mile." He tried, he couldn't log in. "Of course we're blocked from any satellite access. So no email or anything."
"Would this be how some lost cultures got lost?" Jensen asked, taking it back.
"Yes. Hit the pink button and it'll approximate." Jensen did that and they got a relative location. "We're in Central America. Yay." He looked around again. "Thank God I thought to bring money and stuff to trade out, plus weapons. I'm not real used to jungles. Cities, small towns, forests, but not jungles." He pulled his hair back. He dug for a hair band.
"Xander, we should trim that a lot," Jensen said quietly. Xander glared at him. "This isn't Miami. Guys with hair as long as Cougar's get odd looks and we need to avoid detection."
Xander huffed. "I can put it up."
"Which will make you look girlish, which puts us in danger," Cougar said. "About as long as mine."
Xander stared at him. "I look seriously dorky with shorter hair." He looked at Jensen again. "I even have protections for it being grabbed."
"Yay. It's important to our safety too."
Xander sighed but let him trim it just below his shoulders. "Now I know I look like a dork."
"You do," Cougar agreed dryly. Xander glared again.
"You could go shorter."
"Then I look even more like a dork. Which is why I let it be grown." He pulled it back and tied it off with one of the wires. Cougar looked closer. "They're very sharp," he warned. "I've seen them take off a hand." Cougar didn't touch, just looked. He liked his hands the way they were. Then Xander put on a ballcap. "Better?" They both nodded. "Good. Now what? Which way toward home, Jensen?"
Jensen looked at the attempted map, pointing. "That way. Which is through some of the worst parts of the jungle." He swatted a bug that tried to bite him. "Have you had your malaria shots?"
"Jensen, we're immortal," Xander said patiently. "It only took a day and a half for me to get rid of the mumps."
"Good point," he agreed. "What else did you bring?"
"The camping/fishing/hunting bag. The money bag. The weapons bag." He dug into that one, tossing Cougar a rifle he'd need and want. Plus a few others. He gave Jensen what he'd want. Then he loaded himself up.
"You'll clank when you walk," Jensen said dryly.
Xander looked down then at him. "It's only four guns. I carried this on patrol in New York." He hid them and added a few knives. Jensen got a few. Cougar got a few. That bag got repacked. He handed one to Cougar. "Money." He nodded, since it was so small it went under his hat. That hat never left his head so it was fine. Xander looked in the bag then pulled out a different shirt to put on. He had on jeans so that was fine. He changed into boots and socks instead of the nicer sandals too. His old clothes got packed and they were put into the jeep. Jensen separated out the bags so losing one wouldn't lose the others. "The camping one has tents, fishing gear, pots if Ryan remembered to put them back, and some limited food supplies."
"You really can pack a good emergency kit," Jensen quipped with a grin.
"Well, yeah, I need one all too often," he quipped back. He looked down then took apart the frame around the wheels, packing that as well. He made sure it wouldn't poke the bags any, even if they bounced around. The bags went into the tool chest for now. It was under the backseat so safer and more protected, plus bomb and bulletrpoof. He got in, seeing the keys in the engine. "North, right?"
"North and slightly west to hit a highway," Jensen said. "However long it takes us to get out of here."
Cougar got into the back. "How many of these are there?" Cougar asked.
"Could be thousands," Xander admitted. "The art of it is a lost one and it was Aztec or Mayan, people debate about that. Some think it's from an earlier time."
"Why didn't we run into any before?" Jensen asked.
"Well, two reasons probably," Xander said, starting the engine and taking them off. "First, it usually takes a gift to get into one. Since I have magic I can pierce the barrier. Even if I don't want to usually. Secondly because we were sent here so even if we weren't supposed to be able to, whoever knew it was here and pierced the protections for us."
"So if we run into others?" Jensen asked.
"Pray like hell they're small because it's not like I can stop it and some of them are said to pull you in if they feel magic around you." He glanced at him then back at the track they were following. He felt the weirdness and flipped the switch to make it run on solar instead of ambient power. That helped ease it. "Also, like the bags...."
"One puncture or hole in the area and we're gone too?" Jensen guessed.
"Trapped. Think of it like an open ball. Being held open by the shield." He steered around a tree and increased their speed since they were mostly on level ground at the moment. "If something holes the shield, it weakens. If it weakens, the ball parts snap back together like those old bear traps." They both shuddered. "Prying it open would take a massive amount of skills. Now, my skills, they aren't working right. I can sense, I do it unconsciously because of the hellmouth taint, and it's telling me anything I try would definitely get us snapped together."
"Then we're no magic and weapons only," Jensen said.
"Plus brains," Cougar reminded him. Jensen grinned at him for that. "Did we pack clothes?"
"Yeah," Jensen said. "I stopped there first. Put it into the money bag." Cougar nodded at that. "What happens if the natives are still here?" Jensen asked.
"Pray they're nice?" Xander suggested. "And have seen jeeps and white people before?"
"Good point." He pointed. "Let's drift a bit east to avoid anything. The probable map shows us probably on the eastern edge of the area."
"Why did someone make these?" Cougar asked.
"No one's really sure," Xander admitted. "They're mostly mythical. A couple are lost society sorts. Hiding places in case of attack. Some were just made and then left, maybe as a trap for something or someone." He felt the shield pass and stopped them. "We're free." Jensen got into the GPS and found them. Xander nudged them a bit forward. "We have about three feet around us that's not involved." He took the phone to update that. It would guess their probable location based on the hidden areas, that's why this one worked on hidden realms and other realms. It would also keep track of their position in real world areas. "Here we are. Honduras. Pointing toward the El Salvador/Guatemala border crossing."
"There's two main highways in this area of the world," Jensen said, showing him. "This one's here."
Xander shook his head. "They said the last hurricane took that out partially." Jensen looked that up and the map updated. Xander hit refresh and it went to the real time function for them. He pointed. "What about that one?"
"It'll get us into Belize but most of us don't want to visit there again. If we go straight north, we run into the Gulf of Mexico. So we'll have to go west once we get into Mexico." Cougar leaned forward and touched a spot. "That road's been owned by rebels," Jensen pointed out.
Xander looked, then pointed. "This one, then we head west? That looks safest even though they're tiny roads."
"That might work," Jensen agreed. He put the map on a larger setting and looked. "That road leads up to Mexico City and we can cross from there up into the US." He put it back on the microview since it'd be more helpful now. He looked up. "Hey, natives."
Xander leaned on the steering wheel. "We have no way not to go in there." He checked. "There's all of three bubbles around us." He got out and walked forward, nodding to the natives who could watch them and he could see. "Peaceful greetings," he said in a trade tongue. A lot of demons had traded with ancient cultures. "I am traveling and lost."
"Clearly," the oldest one said. "Are you dangerous?"
"Only if you attack us. We're trying to get home. Back north, where it gets cold." The old man nodded. "May we cross?"
"You should not. You might bring things that would destroy us."
"I understand. Are the others around here inhabited by people?"
He shook his head. "They have long died out."
Xander bowed. "Thank you, Elder." He nodded and they walked off. He got back in to drive. "They're worried about germs," Xander said, turning the jeep around without going into that bubble. He went into one of the uninhabited ones. That one had foul air so he backed out and took the one to the east. That one had better air and they could travel through quickly since it was all sand. It was a six hour drive to go basically one mile in real world acreage.
When they got out, Xander sent up a prayer to Ares for strength and to not lose his temper. Even though he had heard that he couldn't help him, he still needed to keep his daily prayers up. Though he did pray for a roadmap possibly to fall into their lap. A book hit Cougar on the head. "Praise be," he called. "Thank you, whichever of you it was." He took the book and opened it, finding the map. "Ah-ha! Someone studied these back in the seventeen hundreds."
"Pre-roads but we can compare," Jensen said, taking it to do that. "Looks like we need to hit this bubble here, but the three around it are all inhabited as of then. But if we take this one it'll move us to a demon realm if I'm translating the latin right."
Xander looked over his shoulder. "You are. This one here will move us fully off plane so I can get us home faster but it looks sealed."
"Why do we think someone sent us?" Cougar asked, rubbing his head. This was going places he didn't like and that book had hurt.
"I think it's either like the guy in St. Louis or it's a challenge from something higher who's trying to weed down the family or the strength of the family. I'm betting on the former. I'm not sure why... but most demons wouldn't challenge me this way. They would've seen the battle rings." The guys nodded at that.
"All right. So... If we can't hit that one, let's skip and hop to this one," he said with a point. "Which is also off-realm, but by a well known marketplace where we can definitely check in and find an easier way home without violating sacred spots." They nodded so he drove off, taking them into one that was supposedly uninhabited by humans. The map didn't mention the huge ass dinosaur relatives. The jeep was a lot faster than they thought when it had to be.
Don got the email and shared it around the group. He also called Wade. "Can we send them any help?"
"Because I'm forbidden to or else bad things are going to happen. This is one of the others trying to be Max, Don. They want to see exactly what Xander is capable of."
"He's capable of destroying them too," Don said.
"I know. I've been blocked from helping at all. I think there's some sort of higher up betting on how far they make it without requesting help or whatever. Though I will be listening in case Xander has to liquidate something bigger."
"Okay, so we can't help at all?"
"Ares appeared last night and said no," Anya said. "Sorry, Don. For some reason all avenues of help are blocked beyond what they have. Now, what they have with them is a whole different matter. Because of who and what Xander is. There's all sorts of hidden areas down there. Little partial realms that are hidden and not on maps. Central America used to be three times bigger than it is now."
"They're about a third of the way back to the US," Don offered. "They're in Honduras."
"The guys have helpers down there and could even call them," Wade said. "I'm not sure how though."
"Okay, so if I flew down...."
"Faust would have you stopped by Homeland or something," Wade said. "No one family can help. He's blocked access to my email, most of the time my phone won't work, all that. Can't get into the bank. By the way, you might try watching for a move that way. Someone was investigating his ownership of the house."
"The house was put in all our names," Don told him. "Since Xander was being rescued from Sunnydale and a cult at the time." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Let us know what you can?"
"Definitely. You know I like the kid, he's got spunk and he's not insane." He hung up.
Don hung up too and looked around at the staring people. He made a sign, holding it up. Frank nodded, finding a bug scanner to run around them. Tony was down and smirking at him. That's who Don felt staring at him. He held up the folder. "Good?"
"Bad. Very bad." He handed it to Frank. "There's a whole list of people who want to see what they can do."
"Because they need to know?" Frank asked.
"They're thinking Xander's a threat." Tony leaned on a half-wall around a desk cubicle. "Greg's already working on something for the society or I'd have asked him." He winked.
"You know, Xander's a pretty badass when he wants to be, but the rest of us aren't that bad," Frank said dryly. Tony pointed at the folder. Frank took it to look over. Ray took the bug scanner to run around them.
Don got into his emergency kit from Xander and found his, handing it to Ray. "That'll look at organic sources." He looked at Frank. "He had time to at least pick up some money."
Don called him personally, getting his voicemail. Steve always answered his phone so he switched phones to one that couldn't be blocked. Xander had found it at a bazaar off-world. He called the rest of the family to warn them someone was trying something. Again. That got everyone mobilized to fighting back this time. They could ruin them like Xander would.
"Remember, we're talking about Xander," Ray said. "He was barely over and survived four months playing Gladiator."
"He has destroyed everyone else who wants him," Don agreed. He called. "Clay, who's missing?" He listened. "Not Pooch? Then hey, Xander can drive for a bit I guess." He smirked. "That works. Yeah, he has the camping kit so maybe." He hung up. "Only Cougar and Jensen are missing as of this moment."
Tony stared at him. "As of this moment?"
"Huh. So we'll be watching for more people to disappear then." He smiled. Don smirked back. "Let me know if you need my help." He strolled off, going back to DC via the demon that wanted them badly's help. He even kissed him on the cheek for that. "Thank you." He got put back at his desk, looking at Gibbs. "Cougar and Jensen," he said quietly.
"Both his students," he mouthed. Tony nodded, smirking again. "Both commando trained."
"Yup, and Xander is very trained by patrols and apocalypses. If that's the right plural form."
"Looks like it is by the dictionary," McGee said from his desk. "Do you think Xander will leave us anyone to destroy for locking us in the office for the next month?"
"I so hope so," Greg said cheerfully. "If I leave him anything to destroy." He smiled. "Because I learned from him first." They all smirked at him. He, Abby, Garcia, and Jensen's sister, along with Charlie Epps and Rodney McKay since he was still on earth, were having some sort of unholy conference online to help make Xander feel unneeded this time.
Clay hung up. "Pooch?"
"I heard." He came in carrying a bag. "Think they'll stop us?"
"I have no idea," he admitted. "Think they'll destroy Central America if we don't?"
"If they can't get Xander to drop his hormones back into danger setting, they're going to suddenly have a lot of peaceful fucking down there."
"Shit, we should send him to the Middle East and make him let go after he hasn't had any for a week. Then let him sleep the whole way back on the plane."
"Don't tempt me," Pooch said dryly. "So.... coming?"
"Staggered. Meet you after I put a plan into action." Pooch gave him a pointed look. He pointed at the bug jammer. "Only the best for the teams." He gave him a smug look.
"Good luck then." He left. His fake passport got him through customs. He was on a flight down there and could jump to any town they ended up in. Because there was no way those three could be steered by Cougar. He had sense, he had skills, but he could barely keep Jensen in line. Keeping Xander *and* Jensen in line would make him lose all that hair he was so infamous for.
Clay sat down to call some old friends and contacts to let them know that the higher ups were playing 'can he or can't he' as a testing ground in Central American and two of his team were involved. He finally got done and looked up. "You couldn't warn me?" he asked Ares. "Because I could've set something in motion sooner." He got up and packed. Aisha walked in while he was packing. "You coming?"
"The higher up playing with Xander?"
She shook her head. "No, I got warned to stay out of it and if you didn't want to be dead you should too." She shot him with a dart.
Jolene walked up behind her and hit her with something hard. "Bitch, no one touches Clay. Though, thank you for proving you're like his other women." She removed the dart and checked him over. He was sleeping peacefully. She checked his flight reservations so she could change it to one tomorrow. He'd have to take time to wake up and get less pissy.
"Wade, I need four thousand dollars," Anya said, sliding into his lap.
"Why? This isn't really the time to go shopping, Anya." Sometimes he wondered about her priorities.
"I want to place a bet in the demon betting pool about who'll win in this thing. On Xander of course."
"You think he won't be killed?"
She kissed him on the tip of his nose. "I think Xander will live, even if the other two get killed." She stared into his eyes. "Then he'll destroy whoever and probably walk off feeling a bit suicidal because they died because of him. It never pays to bet against Xander. Too many bad guys have and lost."
He considered it then gave her the money. She smiled and rewarded him in the best way. Tension breaks were great things.
"I can't decide if we should leave anything for Xander to lead an army of flying monkeys against or not," Greg said out of the blue.
"Do you really think there's flying monkeys on some realm?" McGee asked.
Greg looked at him. "If not, I'm pretty sure Xander could talk someone into making him some so he could lead the army of them on the little café in Amsterdam they're using today for their meeting of evil."
"I'm not sure the Netherlands would allow flying monkeys in," Tony said. "They do have strict animal importation laws, Greg."
"He'd just pop them in for the destruction."
"Yeah but a few would probably get loose, start an international incident..... That would look bad on the society and the family in Miami."
Gibbs looked at them. "You're all insane."
Greg blew a kiss. "Thanks, boss. I guess I'll do it for him this time. That way we don't have to worry about the army of flying monkeys or animal rights activists who will complain that the army conquered the bad guys."
"Think they look like regular monkeys?" McGee asked Tony. Gibbs groaned and shook his head.
Tony shrugged, getting onto a database of demon species Xander had given them. "No, they're pink flying monkeys with orange fluffy wings like parrots. The ends of their tails are bright blue spikes and they share the red butted baboon thing when in heat. They have about ten kids a year, they actually lay eggs, and they're mean little carnivorous things." He sent the picture up onto the main viewscreen with a grin.
Greg leaned over to look. "Aww, they're cute."
"They eat people," Gibbs pointed out.
"Abby and I could make one love veggie burgers."
"DiNozzo, his mental state is out of whack again, cure it," Gibbs ordered, shaking his head to clear that mental image before it stuck.
"C'mon, Greg. Let's leave the others some destruction for a few minutes."
"Sure," he agreed. "We can go get coffee." They walked off together. "Think those guys are fleeing their current convention of idiocy?"
"At least you don't 'go get coffee' the same way, boss," McGee said.
Gibbs glared. "Get back to work, McGee, or help them destroy the idiots." McGee got up and went to Greg's desk to help him.
"Hey, I didn't know Greg could minorly hack." He mentioned it was him and pointed at a place he had found information. The lovely ladies of destruction, sans Xander, pointed at what they already had and the two geniuses on the west coast helped but said they were busy with Amsterdam. McGee typed in about the flying monkeys comment. McKay's post-it over it of 'classified' was amusing. "I didn't know the military knew about the flying monkeys. Where is he serving?" Gibbs moaned, walking off holding his head. "Boss, can you get me an extra large coffee, two sugars and a shot of chocolate please?" he called.
"Whatever." He got onto the elevator and headed off before the migraine stayed. Or he had to see one of those monkeys in person.
Jensen and Cougar decided where to stop for the night after the last bubble they had went through took four days. They had only spent hours in 'real world time' between bubbles but months in them. It was even a nice, human town back in the real world. They stopped and walked in together. Jensen let Cougar arrange for the room while he got the bags. Xander made the jeep disappear back into the case. So they looked like they had gotten lost on a trip. Jensen followed Cougar up the stairs to the nice looking room, for a small town inn.
Xander flopped down in the only chair, looking at them. "Food?"
"We can buy some from the kitchen probably," Jensen said. Cougar nodded, letting Xander come with him. Jensen hid things with a bit of help from Xander's magic. Somehow he had gotten charged with it about two bubble realms ago so Xander had taught him how to hide things and grow plants while they drove.
Well, while Xander drove because Xander was missing driving apparently. No one in Miami outside of Danny and Don let him drive anymore. They came back up with a small basket, earning a smile. "Thanks." He took his cup of coffee and helped lay the rest out on a table. He got into the phone, texting a secret number he had. They would pass it onto someone else.
Xander found the bags and pulled out his laptop. "Let's do the email thingy. Tell everyone we're alive."
"They could be watching it," Jensen corrected.
Xander smiled. "Really?" He got into a site. "Hiding your path online? Wade showed it to me."
"That's not a bad one but there's better," Jensen offered, taking it to log onto it. "This one's for hackers." He found a familiar name. "Hmm, Garcia's on." He typed a message at her, telling her in code who to call and warn they were fine. And what was going on. She sent back an immediate status note. He read it over, letting the other two read it.
"Aww, they're not saving me any," Xander complained.
Cougar gave him a dirty look. "I saw the flying monkeys comment."
"I think it's cute the military decided to classify that. I have no idea how some got down here." He sent a subtle message to Anya and Greg. Then he handed it back to Jensen. "There, they'll warn others."
Pooch walked in and shut the door. "Damn, boys. Can't we stay out of trouble?"
"Not our fault," Xander sighed, looking at him. "It's my jeep, you can't drive."
"I always drive. Deal with it and grow up."
"Fuck off. My jeep, I drive."
"Boys," Cougar warned. He shook his head because he was sounding like Clay.
Jensen snickered. "Greg suggested sending those classified flying monkeys at them when they were convening in Amsterdam. Where are they right now?" he muttered as he looked.
"Eat," Pooch ordered. "Now." Xander doled out the food, handing Pooch the smallest part. "Thanks, kid. You eat too."
"I am." He dug in, then took off his hat and shook out his hair.
"What's the silver thing?" Pooch asked.
"Wire sharp enough to sever limbs." He smirked. "I have a whole set to braid into my hair so no one grabs it during battles."
Jensen looked up. "Greg wondered if you had those."
"Yup." He dug in, eating slowly and calmly. He had to keep himself in control. Not losing his temper and destroying things. Not hormoning the locals to turn them into willing helpers. Not beating the shit out of Pooch when he wanted his jeep keys. It was going to be a really long week.
"Clay?" Jensen asked.
"Nope. Not yet. Apparently Aisha decided to protect him by darting him because they said they might kill him."
"Aww, that's almost sweet with some of his ex-girlfriends," Jensen quipped with a grin.
Xander looked at him. "Worse than some of my ex's?"
"About as bad as your first two," Jensen admitted. He got back to it. "Cougar, did you hide the money?" He nodded. "Xander, make sure I didn't goof on the bags? Please? I'm having a bad feeling."
Xander got up to unhide them and then put them into his pocket. He had that same bad feeling. He looked at Pooch, the only normal one then at Cougar, who shook his head. It wasn't a present danger, probably just someone checking in.
Jensen looked up. "If you're scrying or something, we can feel you," he said quietly. "Stop it. We're already edgy and I will let him come up there." The feeling stopped. He went back to surfing for stuff. "Hmm. They're making a new Hawaii 5-0. Huh." He kept going. He had given Garcia a nice thing he had created. Plus Xander's virus if she wanted it. It could help. Xander nudged him and dug into his pocket to pull out something, handing it over. "Huh?"
Xander smiled. "Oz confiscated your niece's newest attempt at looking at things she shouldn't."
Jensen got into that while Xander put the bag back. "I have got to teach her better coding."
"Wait until she's old enough to get caught, like you were," Pooch quipped. Jensen hit him on the arm. "Hey!"
"Boys," Xander sighed. "Now I sound like Clay." Cougar snickered, nodding. "Fuck it." He finished up and went to the bathroom. He needed a shower desperately. He was sweaty, hot, it had been days of driving. He felt like he was sandpaper. He let Cougar hold the bags for now. That made him feel better for some reason. He got into the shower and let it relax him while he worked on his hair. He would have to fix the chop job they had done on it. It looked like a rat's nest. So when he was done he came out and trimmed it a bit better. That helped and he felt better at least. He came out to find smoke coming in under the door and them unconscious. Xander pulled his gun out and opened the door, firing on the three people there. "Fuck the hell off, people. You know he has a kid, right?" He stared them down. They were already whimpering. "Who do you work for?"
"Aletra!" one said quickly. "Please! We were only to capture."
Xander stared at him. "No, you can't. Because I'm not the nice fairy." He shot them all fatally then went to talk to the bar maid, who was tied up. The patrons were all knocked out. He went to the door and looked out, seeing hurrying police officers. "Someone just tried to gas the whole inn. I was in the shower so I'm only a bit dizzy. They were coming into our room to steal from us so I shot them," he said in Portugese. He let them in. "They're in the hallway." He went up to check on Pooch. He was alive, it was knockout gas. Xander yawned. He put his gun back and looked at the staring officer. "We were traveling in the jungle, talking to native plants." He smiled. "I study plants."
"That is good to know. Why do you have guns?" one of them asked.
"Because I have seen first hand how bad some areas are with civil wars," he said bluntly.
"True. You are American?" Xander nodded. "From?"
"I'm studying at University of Miami this term for a special project." He grinned. "The professors are very smart and doing work with a lot of native schools."
"Wonderful. It's good to study instead of destroy the rainforest."
"It is. There's many unknown species and creatures out there who could be vitally important to the health of the rainforest itself and others that could be helpful to the people."
The officer smiled. "They are your fellow students?"
He pointed. "Our guide. Our guard because my spouse was worried about the civil wars as well. He is studying with me. He's working on his thesis." They nodded and took the people out. "It was knockout gas. They're all asleep."
"They will be fine. We will post an officer in the main area, sir."
"Thank you. I can handle these three. They snore." He laughed and nodded, letting him handle it. Xander shut and locked the door, then wedged the chair up under it. He looked, timing it until first Jensen, then Cougar woke up. Jensen looked. "Knockout gas."
"Fuck me," Jensen complained.
"He's fine. I already checked." He nodded at the laptop. "The police picked up the corpses. They said something about an Aletra?"
Jensen looked that over. "They're so going to pick on him for that." Xander whispered their cover in his ear. "True, other grad students can be very jealous and try to steal your work." He changed the password on the computer, getting a grimace from Xander. "Tough. Is this your coded one?" Xander nodded. He made the password harder to break. Then he turned it back on, logged out of everything so any remote watching program wasn't and fixed it then repassworded it. He put it into his own bag for now. "Thanks."
"Welcome." He nudged Pooch. "You're going to start farting and she'll complain all the way from the apartment."
"Probably," he said, sounding grumpy. He licked his lips. "Sleeping gas?" Jensen nodded. Cougar yawned. "Shouldn't you guys be out of it sooner?"
"We were, we just woke you up," Xander said. He sat on the floor, looking at them. "Okay, what's going on with the map?"
Jensen pulled the book out, making Pooch moan at the map's little splotches of bubbles. "We need to start going this way unless we want to hit the Gulf." He showed him. "Which has a really high concentration of bubbles here and here. If we go between them we only hit this one but it says it's inhabited."
Xander took it to look at. "What if we move?" he asked. Jensen stared. Xander shrugged. "We could."
"Clay has help coming against those other grad students probably," Jensen said, staring at him. "Though it might amuse them."
Xander smirked. "Quite a lot." He looked then around.
"You're acting like you're going to spin around and become Wonder Woman," Pooch complained. "Stop it."
"I hate being in danger. I seriously hate it. I'm always edgy and I'm about to do something very bad to prove it." He handed the book back. "Major roads?"
"Go through the section on the left," Jensen said. "Almost all supposedly inhabited. No roads through the center area. Smaller regional roads on the right."
"If we get to the Gulf, can we get across?" Pooch asked.
Xander looked at him. "If I can get hold of Jace, maybe."
"Why them?" Pooch asked.
"Jace runs a very nice holy ground refuge," Jensen said quietly. "Including the island."
Xander nodded. He looked around again. "We need to go."
"We're safe," Jensen said. "Now."
"No, we're not. They know we're here. We were predictable." Jensen stared. He stared back. "I doubt they had a portal or teleported."
"True," he agreed cautiously. "What are you thinking?"
Xander considered it. "They want to see what I'm capable of, right, Pooch?"
"That's the current thought and they gave you enough backup to protect you if you needed to lean on someone. So?"
Xander smiled. "What was the first thing you learned about GHS?"
"You all bounce, a lot. Which made me start thinking about testing Jensen's blood."
"We do think there might be a mental version." He smirked. Pooch and Cougar both groaned. Jensen just grinned. "That's what that one guy and the little brother in LA are working on." He licked his lips. "Tell Clay to meet us in Mexico." He gathered things, looking at his jeep. That would be over weight limits. So they'd have to do something cute. He couldn't bring the bags the way they were, too much risk of being damaged. But he had a way around that.
He put the jeep into a bag and then the other bags into a special bag he had on a necklace. Then he grabbed them and took them to a blank plane he had inherited. He concentrated. "Someone think about Mexico. It'll show in the bubble." Cougar did, thinking really hard. The picture wobbled a bit.
"I know that place," Jensen said quietly, adding to it. The picture came alive and the bubble floated into the necklace. They stared at him. Xander winked and took them with him somewhere else. Which led to a portal to somewhere else. "Holy shit!" Jensen said in awe, looking around. "What is this place?"
Xander smirked. "One of three off-world bazaars I know about." He walked over to the person who still owed him money.
"I can pay you next night time, Xander," he sighed.
"I need a favor. People are screwing with me majorly."
The man stared at him. "Why?"
"They want to see what I'm capable of."
The man gave a nervous laugh. "You wanted what sort of favor?"
"To get to Baldera. Then back. I only need to visit the temple. Shouldn't take more than a week."
"A week?" Pooch asked.
"We'll be in Mexico by the morning our time," Xander told him. "Different times in different places, all based on the solar rotation for time determination." He looked at him. "Please?"
"I can arrange that and I know someone who owes me. That would cancel out that debt?"
"Yes. As long as they get us back here." He nodded, hurrying off to check. "I'll be in the bar," he called.
"I can find you there."
Xander walked them that way, and the barmaid squealed and came over to hug him. "Xander!"
He smiled. "Hi, Dala. This is Jensen and Cougar, two of my students, and Pooch, their friend."
She hugged them all. "Welcome to my bar. Come, we will talk. Why did you come back? The market's overseer will be mad."
"Because I needed to collect on that poker debt. He can get mad." He gave her a pointed look, earning a laugh and another hug. "We need to replenish supplies and I know not to go into the market."
"I can send someone. How long?"
"To Baldera, then there for a week, then back."
She nodded, taking the stone from his bag. She looked at it in the light. "Very pretty, Xander." She went to talk to someone. They could keep the rest of the worth. They were frugal so it was good money for them. She came back to snuggle up to him. "Why Baldera?"
He smiled. "I have to visit a friend. You see, someone wants to see what I have under all my hair." She cackled, kissing him. He kissed her on the forehead. "Still taken."
"It's a pity." She got up. "I will cover for you if he comes."
"This wasn't my first choice but it was one to break my path."
She nodded. "Not many of your kind can get up here."
"Some of us are?"
"He has them."
"They came in a round portal?" She nodded. "They do like to mess up the other sort with theirs sometimes. It's miscalibrated. If he'll send them back, they might not do it again."
"I will tell him. He pays me visits now and then," she said with a wink. She got them drinks and strolled off again.
"It's lime green," Pooch said.
"It's liquor but light liquor. They have some stuff that a thimble-full nearly killed Greg." He took a drink. "Hmm." He took Pooch's. "Yeah, yours is safe." Pooch took an experimental drink and nodded. Cougar and Jensen drank it easier. Xander popped his neck. "We'll talk once we're there." They all nodded at that. It seemed logical since they weren't sure how safe they were here. A big, huge demon looking being stomped in.
"We did not want you back, Xander."
Xander looked around Cougar at him. "I came to collect on that debt for a favor. I need to visit somewhere then go home."
Xander switched languages to tell him. His eyes bulged. Literally. Xander smiled. "So we'll be back after about a week on Baldera."
"That is fine. Those other humans?"
"Their portal system is miscalibrated. Is there a smart one among them?"
"Yes, a pretty blonde woman."
"Teach her better and she'll fix it. She's been learning about the other type but hasn't been able to fully integrate it."
"I can do so." He took his own drink, and the barkeeper, to the back room.
Xander grinned. "This is known as the Market of Lost Souls for future reference. It's basically a lot like our Bazaar but less weapons oriented."
They all nodded. With a name like that, they expected some of the lower classes of whatever sort of beings these were. Probably some disgraced or retired soldiers too. The patrons around them all looked upset and depressed. Xander looked then in the back room. "Should I help?" he called. "Since there's no squealing?"
"I can do just fine on my own, Xander. Do not think about letting things go."
"I could belly dance."
"No, do not!" he shouted. She suddenly squealed and kept squealing.
Xander smiled. "Every woman should squeal in pleasure." Jensen snickered, shaking his head. "They should. Just ask Anya."
"Mine feels the same way," Pooch admitted. He took another drink. "Addictive?"
"No. It's like mineral water to them."
"Huh." He finished his off. It had been okay, like a lite beer. Jensen was still nursing his when the food getter came back and the person arranging their trip did as well. Xander tipped them both, earning smiles and they got escorted to a ship.
"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," Pooch said, staring in awe.
Xander smirked. "Jace has my smaller one hidden for me." He nodded at the pilot, switching languages. He nodded he was going to bring them back as well. Xander promised him a tip if he didn't tell anyone later on. He promised and they got onboard. There were two rooms.
Pooch looked at the two king sized beds then at Xander. "Jensen, stay with him?"
"Sure." They settled in. "How long is the trip?"
"Three days each way."
Jensen stared at him. "You need to drop out of danger mode?"
"Yeah, I do. I need to be back in cuddly mode on Baldera. There might be a few people who want me back, but not mostly."
"Is this the only way there?"
"Ummm. Well, there's another but it's really dangerous, a lot of painful, and Pooch wouldn't survive."
"This is good then," Jensen decided. He checked the door then him. "Don said to help you if you needed it."
"He made the same deal with Dean," he sighed.
Jensen grinned. "You let us know so our hosts don't have to get upset?"
"They'd consider it a compliment." He ran a hand through his hair. "I look like a dork."
"Yeah, slightly." He took a kiss. "Lay down, rest. I'll stand watch." Xander nodded, taking out that wire and putting it aside so he could rest. Jensen went to check on the other two. "He's resting. He said it's a three day trip."
"Better than the six months in a bunch of nothingness and sand," Cougar muttered. Pooch looked at him.
"Those bubbles are protected spots that aren't really in our timezone or something. So some are really big, a few are really small. There's a few places that there's only an inch or two between them. We've been on the road now for over a few months."
"It's only been two days for us."
"We know," Jensen said with a grin. "Let me get back to Xander." He looked at Cougar, who waved a hand. "Cool." He went back there and laid down next to Xander. He slept better being cuddled. He quit squirming and sank into Jensen's warmer body to cuddle.
Pooch looked at Cougar. "That's going to suck for you two."
"Only when necessary. Don said so."
"I heard. Still hard."
Cougar shrugged. "Not totally." He smirked. "We made him cut the hair."
"I saw. He looks more like a guy now."
Cougar shrugged. He liked it longer on Xander.
Pooch shook his head. "Three days each way, a week going to wherever. Then we're in Mexico tomorrow. Are we on a demon plane?" he asked quietly. Cougar shook his head. "We're on another planet then?" Cougar nodded. "You're sure?"
"He said off-world."
"I didn't hear that part. Jolene's going to freak out." Cougar smirked and nodded. He leaned back, tipping his hat lower so he could rest. "Fine, I'll stand guard and maybe write her a letter." He got out his new journal and started one to her. He loved his wife. A lot. She'd still freak out at him being on another planet.
Clay got the message from someone who he was stalking. They complained that they were getting help. So Clay killed him. Then his buddies. Then he went to shower off the evidence and get comfortable in his room for the night. He had plans to be in Mexico once they got there. He had no idea where in Mexico they'd be though. That might be the hard part. He was starting to see why Xander was such a sexy opponent. If he was a girl.... But he wasn't and taken. Clay was an honorable man about women, most of the time. Until they tried to kill him.
Xander walked out onto the bridge the next morning. "Morning, Pooch. Morning, Captain."
"Good morning, Guardian." He bowed and smiled. "I didn't recognize you at first."
"They made me cut my hair." He gaped. Xander smiled. "It was a dangerous thing and the men there wouldn't had trouble with me for it." He kissed him on the cheek. "All is well?"
"All is perfect." He took a deep sniff and moaned. "You are perfect."
Xander smiled. "No one's perfect, I just smell perfect." He winked. "Can I make breakfast for you in repayment? I'm a very good cook."
"No thank you, Guardian. I've already eaten." Xander smiled and petted him once then walked off. He looked at Pooch. "You are so lucky."
"He's a good friend to have and he spoils my son rotten." Pooch smiled. "He's a good man."
"He's a great man. He defeated three Kalinaz by himself!"
"I'll have to ask him about that." He smiled and followed Xander. Since he was cooking and all. Xander handed him a plate. "You already cooked?" Xander pointed at the machine with a smirk. "That thing from Star Trek?" he asked quietly.
"Not really. Just really good at meat stuff. That's a bird like meat and a pig like ham." Pooch nodded, taking a bite and moaning. He could live on this stuff. Xander got his own and wandered off again.
"Xander." Xander looked back at him. "Do we need to be backed up?"
"Can you maybe... handle it? Somehow?"
"That takes forever." He shrugged. "I'm working on it, Pooch."
"Thank you. I'd hate to pounce. Jolene would beat us both."
"True, she would. So would Don." He went back to his room, handing Jensen half his sandwich. "Morning."
"Morning, Xander." He pulled him down to kiss him. Xander gave him a strange look. "I can, right?"
"Yeah, but I'm not really used to it. My guys are kinda...not into kissing most of the time and Danny refuses to cuddle unless he feels bad or he's too tired after sex to complain." He sat down. "Eat. It's good."
Jensen ate the half sandwich, moaning. "Can we raise these?"
"Not likely but I can send some Rodney's way so they can. We'd lack a few of the minerals they need." He finished his own and got up to brush his teeth. Then he came back. "All right, when we get there, we'll have rides probably waiting. If not, I can handle that."
"They know you there?"
"Yup." He smirked. "I kinda got dropped there by someone while sick and kinda kicked their asses for dropping me off. Then I heard there was something hurting a local village and me, being fevered and delusional, went to take them on. Fairly vicious things but handy to kill. I'm going to the temple because there's a gift waiting there on me. If I use it back at home, it will totally destroy someone's luck. Not quite literally but it's mean, let's just put it that way." He looked at the door then at him. "There's a few other things I could really use. Including my special katana since it got sent there by Strife. I think that was his version of a hint. Since I was sick, I was super emoting man at the time."
"So they'll expect you to be broadcasting."
"Yup, a lot. It's a three day trip from the landing area to the temple, mostly on a jungle track. We can get a ride most likely. Unless something's happened and all the riding creatures are dead. I should've brought the unicorn. They would've loved him up here."
Jensen tapped him on the forehead. "You're making plans and not sharing."
"I'm running probabilities. I'm not sure how many there are and why they decided to test me. Especially not why to test me and give me backup. I don't know if they think I want to play with them or if they're worried I'm going to deal with the evil stink they carry or what."
"So how many do you think?"
"See, I only know about the one. He knows about my past. He'd never give me a combat challenge. He knows I'd lose it on purpose and then kill him. Since I know who he is, that's not that hard. The others... I'm assuming there's others."
"According to Garcia there's six others playing in this round, two abstained. They're all wannabes. Faust is playing but he's betting on you taking them out."
"So he's letting them craft their own destruction by pissing me off?"
"Apparently. From what little we found. Oh, and Greg thought you might show up with an army of flying monkeys."
"Those damn things are vicious and they'd try to eat my hair. Hell no. Now, the flying elephant species are really nice beings. They're intelligent, they're warriors...." Jensen was gaping. He smiled. "What?"
"For real? Like really for real?"
"Yeah. They're an Indian demon species."
"Yeah." He smirked. "They're pretty things too. I'll introduce you to the one in Miami when we get back. If we get back."
"We'll get back. If we have to, we'll send Pooch out of harm's way. To Jace or something."
"I'm about to send the LA group researching mental GHS to her for protection."
"Warn her first?"
"I have. She agreed it might be helpful to know and that was my call when I was on that three feet of space during that last transfer." He shrugged. "She said it'd be fine. The island isn't heavily used right now because it's the hot season down there."
"We can go visit?"
"Yeah. I still keep a house down there." He smirked. "Complete with two robotic housekeepers."
"The guy who left it to me made them. Made a whole bunch of them actually. Replaced some people with them. When I mentioned them, Wade cackled and said he had stolen one to make into him so he could have a vacation because Max was driving him insane." Jensen gaped. Xander grinned.
"Apparently Max got very frustrated when the Wadebot told him no because something wasn't logical. He shot it and it went up in flames. He found Wade the next day and glared at him, one foot tapping in the sand as he said. Demanded to know where he had gotten it and why hadn't he told him. Wade just smirked and said there were a few in the Pentagon. Someone was working on things to make money with them.
"He said Max smiled, actually grinned, and told him that was a very interesting birthday present and to shoot the woman who was naked beside him so he could get back to work. Wade said he'd rejoin him that night, he needed some last minute stress relief and the rest of his tan. Max sighed but said fine, he'd buy him someone better than that one since he called her lumpy." Xander shifted, crossing his feet. "He said that was the only time he thought Max could approach the state of cool evil genius."
"I would too. I want to see one."
"Charlie knows where one is. He and Larry, his coworker, went all over it and the programming. It was so real no one knew until we told them. There were a few generals, a few office workers. Some soldiers on the front lines. He even put in GHS help and taught them how to sex us up to reduce a surge."
"All sex toys. They didn't have working parts. Which makes me wonder since one fathered a child. I guess they carried a little vial of sperm somehow and used it with a toy." Jensen gaped in awe. Xander nodded. "And he left it to me. I went down there to look it over. The robots tried to keep me. They were going to clone me. Tried to get rid of the family when Horatio and a few others came down to save me. It was insane. I think coming back from that was the last time I was in Central America."
Jensen pulled him down to hug him. "It's neat when you out-geek me." Xander laughed, poking him. He poked back. It became a poking contest. Which Jensen won because Xander is ticklish. He ended up on top of him, grinning down at him. "You make a very good slightly naughty genius." Xander grinned at that. "But, you're still about to make the pilot steal you."
"I can handle it but it'll take forever." He wiggled from underneath Jensen, heading for the bathroom with a slight blush. "Um... privacy?"
"I'll be reading. I have some stuff saved down to read." He waved his PDA, which he had on him when they were taken. He got into a story while Xander shut himself in the tiny bathroom. After about ten minutes, Xander's scent markings went up enough that it was noticeable. He was reading a dark, sinister murder scene in a mystery novel and getting hard. Which wasn't really his thing. He gave it another two. Cougar opened the door and glared at him. "Give him five, Cougs."
"Fine." He left again.
Jensen read for the next five minutes then snuck up to help him. Like Don had ordered. He snuck into the bathroom and behind Xander, who had his eyes closed. He gently slid his hands around the tight waistline and down, taking over. Xander moaned, tipping his head back. He kissed his neck, Don apparently needed to be more touchy-feely with Xander sometimes because that was enough to make him get off. He teased him for a bit, smiling at him.
Xander looked so young like this. The guy was his age and looked like he was twenty-two. In the middle of sex, he looked eighteen, maybe. He teased him some more, making Xander shiver. "Let it go," he whispered. "We can handle this and we're still friends." Xander kissed him so apparently he didn't want him to talk. That was fine, he got that. For him this was a necessary thing, not a passionate thing.
He turned him back around to tease him some more. He was about Don's height. About his build too. He found a sensitive spot and nibbled on it, making Xander hiss and arch back against him. Jensen gently rubbed against Xander's back, just lightly thrusting against him. Xander shivered even more and shifted. "Not yet. Later I'll do that."
He ran a hand down to tease and touch him. "Naughty, a plug? Already?" he whispered. He played with it. Xander whined. He played harder and went back to teasing him and it was better. Xander finally got off again and he was less scented. Jensen kissed him on the back of the neck. "It's cool, Xander. Shower off the sweat and come take a nap. I'll read for a while." He left him alone to finish up.
Xander looked out there then cleaned up his mess, stripping down to take a shower. That had been pretty decent. He came out and laid down next to him. "You didn't have to."
"I did have to." He looked at him. "Because you needed it. And with that much scent in the air I needed to help you before I lost my mind and tied you to the bed or something."
Xander blushed. "They never play with straps anymore. Not since the night I played virginal bride. Don died at his desk though." He shrugged.
"Things are way too vanilla in your family right now. Maybe you should teach them better."
"They never have a day off. The last time they had to call off because the early christmas present."
"I heard." He grinned. "That was one of the hottest tapes I have ever seen." The boy blushed. He grinned back. "Seriously. What gave you that idea?"
"They seem to like me dancing."
"I love to watch you dance. I've gotten a lot more stamina from that." Xander poked him. Jensen poked him back with a grin. "I have."
"They still only get two orgasms, maybe three, on a good night. They work too hard."
"They do." He laid down. Xander laid down next to him. "Why are you naked?"
"I didn't bring in clothes and Cougar has the bags."
"We can fix that in a while."
"There's a whole planet that worship Rivena, the Goddess of Good Hair and Pleasure. They have long hair, wear barely there clothes, some feathers or flowers for some outfits. I think I was born on the wrong place."
"Probably, yeah. Though we'd miss you if we didn't get to meet you. Who knows how bad things would've gotten." Xander nodded, snuggling in a bit closer. "You can cuddle. I don't mind."
"Don lets me cuddle. Danny won't."
"Some guys are like that. I always thought it was a lack of being a good boyfriend. Though, not that I get so much of it since Cougar usually cockblocks me."
Xander snickered. "I don't."
"No, you don't." He petted him. "Your hair is softer."
"Those same people have wonderful stuff for hair upkeep."
"Huh. We should get Cougar some for his birthday." Xander grinned at that. "When Greg was down, did you guys play?"
"Sometimes. Sometimes it was nice to have someone there almost all the time. If I wanted to go out, he was usually up for it. We went surfing and swimming and riding. We shopped, we spoiled, he helped me get knots out of my hair a few times." Jensen smiled. "I should regrow it but it's thin magic up here."
"It'll be fine. You needed to trim some split ends anyway." Xander grimaced. "It's pretty now. Shiny, healthy, and it'll grow back soon enough I'm sure."
"I hope so." He ran a hand over it. "There's just days, you know."
"No, not really. It's been a long time since I had a real relationship." Jensen shifted. "You really should get dressed."
"They wouldn't care if I walked out there naked. Others do."
"Uh-huh. Pooch would shit bricks of platinum."
"Hmm, I could use new jewelry." He got poked and poked back with a smirk. "I could."
"Yes you could. Cougar, can he have some of his clothes?" he called. Pooch walked in with that bag, letting Xander dig out some. "Thanks."
"Welcome." He didn't want to stare at Xander but he was very nicely shown off. "What're you two doing?"
"He was telling me there's a people around here that worship a Goddess of Good Hair and Pleasure. They tend to wear little clothes outside their hair."
"Thankfully his is now too short for that," Pooch said, taking the bag back to their room. Before his mind went bad places. Because it inevitably would.
"When we get back home, we need to do some decorating for you," Jensen decided. "Maybe hang a few hooks in the bedroom so you can tie them up easier. Maybe a sling or some other suspension device."
Xander grinned at him. "Thank you for having a kinky mind. It's been forever since I could let mine out to play. I mention size queen stuff and they all blush."
"I know. It's hard being adorable yet slightly kinky," Jensen said with a grin. "Get dressed." Xander did and they wandered out together to look out the viewports or whatever the windows were called. The pilot was in the kitchen but he just smiled at Xander showing him some things.
In LA, McKay and Epps had finished looking over the various scans. Charlie's computer was running a diagnostic against normal patterns for people at work that the UCLA medical school had done a few years back. "Here, serotonin up-sweep," McKay said with a point. "Same as on mine." They looked over others'. "That has to be our version of high on the hormones."
Charile nodded. "Or maybe it's our wearing it out." He pointed at another section. "We both had this in common and this is not on any of the supposedly normal people charts except one. That one was also a professor and his is much less than ours." McKay shifted to look at that section, nodding. "So if this is our backed up, how do we tell and do we have different levels?"
"It's possible that we do," he admitted. "You and I don't get that high but this one rates much higher than ours. That's Gregory's correct?" Charlie nodded, pushing back some of his hair. "Hmm. Here's Larry's. His is like Greg's but he's not going into purging it."
"Larry often gets lost in esoteric thoughts. Megan often brings him out easiest."
"Yes, a girlfriend can do that to you."
"What are you two doing?" a familiar male voice asked. "Rodney, you're a day late."
"I called," he said with a wave. "Because we're under a potential threat and the general did not want it led back there since it's already gotten some others into trouble." He looked back. "I need some blood, John."
John gave him a dirty look. "When did you switch fields?"
"I haven't. I'm running a test."
"A few different things actually. Then we're doing an EEG while you're doing some math and some flight simulations."
"For...." he repeated.
"We're figuring out if there's a mental state of being backed up," Charlie said with a smile. "Hi, Doctor Charles Epps.
"Colonel John Sheppard. I'm taxed by working with Rodney every day," he said, shaking his hand with a smile of his own.
"Well, we geniuses can be trying for those of smaller minds," Rodney said dryly.
"I'm not that far below yours, McKay."
"Good. Let's start with the blood then." He pulled over the testing kit. Charlie watched as he administered the test. "Well, you read as down," he said dryly.
John stared, then at him. "Where did you get that?"
"A lovely level ten in Miami, who is why we're both under potential death threat. Some of the wanna-be world movers are picking on him right now. If we should help, they'll try for us and one has already told me if I go back to Colorado before they're done I'm going to be involving O'Neill."
"Does he know?"
"Yes, he does, and he's trying to find them and end them."
"Good!" He licked his finger.
"Ah! I saw that." John blushed, looking sheepish. "You should talk to Xander. Apparently he has a sword style that only bastards like you can use."
"I've heard, thanks." He glared at him. "Why are we doing this right now?"
"We're figuring out if there's a mental version of GHS," Charlie said quietly.
"Yes, it's when you're in science geek mode over something," John told Rodney.
"Yes, but that's when it's being cured apparently." John moaned. "Those days when I'm staring at the board are when I'm backed up. Two, three?"
"Four," he muttered, glancing around.
"How old are you?" Charlie asked. "I ask because we found out the oddest way by witnessing Xander in a challenge."
"Family?" Rodney asked.
"Yeah, it's not that uncommon for the family to keep protecting us as long as we're protecting them back."
"Interesting. Come along. Let's do the EEG. That way we can compare you to others and possibly find a level."
John grumbled but followed. "Are you sure you didn't switch fields? You're acting like Carson."
"I am not. Take that back or I'm feeding you tofu for dinner instead of the excellent steak I have planned." Rodney glared. John just gave him a boyish grin. Rodney glared harder.
"Fine, you're acting like Lam."
"Did you hear, they found out Landry has Alzheimers," he said quietly.
"I hadn't but I wondered why O'Neill was in charge of the mountain again."
"I told Keller to do the tests so Carolyn didn't have to." He took him to the room they had set up and wrote out a suitably happy making math problem for him, since he like math. It was even in aerial dynamics. Charlie chuckled a bit when he saw it, adding another two in the same area. John sighed but let them tape the little probes down to him before getting started. It was nice. Rodney whispered something filthy about using it for jumper flight maneuver testing and yeah, that was happy making thoughts.
"Huh, he did change," Charlie said, reading the EEG screen. "How would we know if he's backed up?"
"He's always backed up. The man hits on every single female we run into."
"Have not," John said absently. "I haven't had sex in over a year, McKay."
"There is that spike," he said, pointing at it. "I would love to get a true physical GHS in on this to compare to."
"We can ask Xander when and if he shows up," McKay said. "Your probabilities say he might be heading for the California crossings instead of the Texan ones, even though he does like to warp probabilities."
"True, but he has more ties here than he does in Texas. From what Don could tell, that team doesn't have many ties there either. A lot in Central America because they've done a lot of work down there over the years."
"What sort of team are they?" John asked, looking over.
"Retrieval. Formerly Army Delta," McKay said. "Plus Xander also has an assistant who used to be an evil minion. I really need to get myself one of those." He considered it. "Though, less evil and more minion would be a better mix for me."
"I just need someone who'll grade things while I work on problems," Charlie sighed. "I keep forgetting to give back tests in a timely manner."
"I could never teach. The imbeciles would drive me nuts."
"The students do learn."
"I meant the administration and the other teachers," he said.
Charlie cackled, nodding. "Sometimes, yeah. There's that touch of politics and things."
John shook his head. "You're both insane."
"I got mine honestly, from watching you hit on priestesses and things," Rodney quipped back. "Then I met the ever delightfully brain warping Xander and the sonic bombs he was keeping out of evil hands." John stared at him. Charlie watched the EEG change. "We have six total going back with us. The other two I destroyed fully since they were in FBI custody. Major Davis nicely thought of me when Xander and Lieutenant Caine asked him for someone to finish dismantling them."
"Sonic weapons," he said.
Rodney gave him an evil smirk. "Snukes and lesser ones. Radek went into fits of geek glee."
John moaned. "Thank you."
"You're quite welcome. Slave some more for my pleasure." John got back to the math. Now, the readings were changed. John was clearly thinking battle plans while doing the math. "No, think of flight math, not battle math."
"I'm low enough that I can keep it down with my hand," John complained.
"Must be very low then. That has never done more than ease the craving for me," Rodney taunted. John glared. "You could have."
"Yes but I don't sleep with those under my command."
"Pity. I know a few who would sell their souls to have you."
"Don't say that near Xander or here in LA, or in Cleveland as I was warned," Charlie told him. "There are beings that will hear and might take you up on that offer."
McKay stared at him. "You're kidding, correct?"
"No. Not after that invasion we had a while back from a demon plane." He sat down. "Xander knows more about that. That's half of who steals and gifts him." Rodney gaped. "Two of his students too from what I've heard. We even have a resouled vampire leading the protection patrol for this city helped by his improbably made son since it came from him and another vampire."
"Excuse me?" Rodney asked. "Are you fevered?"
"He's right, they do exist," John sighed. "My family used to be demon hunters." He looked at Charlie. "Xander?"
"Sunnydale's team and worked with a slayer."
"He's got two students who are present hunters."
John grinned. "Maybe I should visit Miami and meet him then."
Rodney shook his head. "You'd get lost on the beach."
"I do have some control, McKay. Really. I'm not that horny. I'm only a level four."
"Fine. Whatever. Go back to the math."
"I can't. You're cutting into my thoughts." Rodney rolled his eyes and stomped off. "Drama queen," John muttered. "One of these days I'm going to dress him in drag or something."
"Xander knows magic too."
John smirked. "No comment." He got back to it while Charlie gaped.
"Do you know how to make those neverending bags?"
"Seen one but never seen the work for it."
"He has a book."
"I'd like to see that then. It'd come in real handy on our base." He finished and handed it over. "Am I free to go, Professor?"
Charlie smiled. "We still need to see if you have a backed up state."
"No. Because I deal with it as soon as I feel it starting. Also, we're in enough danger on our base that it hardly ever gives me any downtime for them to gather." Charlie unstuck him and saved down the results, adding them to the comparison with those notes. "Thanks, it's been fun."
"He's probably in the physics library."
"I know." Charlie pointed so he went that way. "McKay, you promised me a steak dinner," he called into it.
"Of course. Reservations are in an hour. Go change."
"C'mon. It'll take that long to get to the hotel." Rodney nodded, following him. He left the new textbooks there. He had been looking so he could figure out which ones he wanted to buy a copy of.
The guys were teaching Xander how to play their card drawing game. He wasn't winning it, for once. Which made Pooch happy. He won back some of what he lost playing go-fish with Xander. Though clearly Pooch was ready to help Xander fix things. He and Jensen shared a look, getting a grin back. Pooch cleared his throat. "So, how does your play list at home work?"
"It's got the other name of 'when they're too exhausted'," Xander said dryly. "Right now only Ryan's on it. Greg used to be but he's with Tony. Eric was on it until he and Aiden actually got serious and he quit playing with Ryan."
"Ray Junior?" Pooch asked.
"Sorry. I know you two were friends."
"Yeah, we were trouble buddies. So were Greg and I but not like that. Ray was a kid when I met him, Pooch."
"Sorry." He smiled. "So they've slowly dwindled the numbers down."
"Yup, unless I'm on a long trip, usually not of my planning, with Dean. They agreed on him and Sam blushed much too much when Don tried to talk to him about it. Or when Dean did. Or really when Ryan did. We thought he was going to pass out from blood loss." He sighed. "So we're down to emergency trips and my boys working way too much overtime." He looked at him. "But we don't break into couples."
"That's at least honorable and reasonable."
"A lot of guys like me have a whole staff and guards for their locked estates. They don't come out. Their guards all know they could have to fill in. One of the level tens that died in New York a few years back had two lovers, two guards who filled in, and she occasionally took interesting out call sessions when she was backed up." Pooch gaped. So did Cougar. Pooch actually whimpered a bit. "Most of the guys like me don't have working husbands. Or girlfriends or whatever they have."
"Why are most of the guys in GHS bi?" Cougar asked.
Xander grinned. "There's a chemical in jism that helps weed out the hormones." Cougar shook his head quickly. "Adam actually had to have Danny figure out which one it was. Way back when he was trying to explain that giving helped as much as getting because I was talking Don into letting me blow him every day before or after work. Sometimes both if it was a bad day or I was really sneaky."
"When does that level of need start?"
"Nines usually have to rely on two keepers. Sixes get housekeepers. Sevens get to stay at home. Eights start getting a bit paranoid about not being worn out. Nines get to be the creamy filling and tens get to be the slutty creamy filling."
"So you're actually trying to make due with lower levels than everyone else like you," Jensen realized.
Xander nodded. "They used to try to make me pay bills and handle the checkbook, all that. Which is why the electric company used to just call instead of sending another bill. That's when we got Steve, thanks to Adam. I have absolutely no head for money, and being backed up makes even simpler things kinda fuzzy minded. Steve keeps trying to teach me that strange financial language he uses. It got so bad when we moved stuff from the banks in New York to the banks in Miami that I went to the station and whimpered pitifully for a lunch and then Danny finally took over. Got them in to appraise the emergency fund box. Got the bank to handle all the accounting transfers. That was right after we got Steve and he thought we only needed some investment help."
"Damn," Pooch said, staring at him. "What about before they came out?"
Xander scratched his arm. "I used to date Anya, work construction, and patrol every day."
"No wonder you have such stamina," Jensen quipped. "You barely slept when we were in Sunnydale for that battle."
"I barely slept anytime in Sunnydale. Half the buildings were built with invitation marks on the keystone so the vamps could walk right in. When I was younger, my parents used to have drinking buddies too. You don't invite people home with you in Sunnydale."
"I wouldn't even invite in the delivery boy," Pooch agreed. Cougar nodded he agreed.
"No, that was a great job for vamps," Xander said with a grin. "I always kept a stake by the door in case I ran into one. Anya invited in one once because he was cute. I staked him when she was teasing him."
"She cheated on you?" Jensen asked.
"Yeah but I accepted that because it spared my body. After I proposed I made sure she knew that was done with. I'm still not sure why she slept with Spike but she claimed he was nicely tied up and pretty." He shrugged at the funny looks he was getting. "Giles had made me keep Spike a few times when his girlfriend came up or over from wherever and I wasn't about to leave him loose to try something so I ended up duct taping him in a chair." Cougar stared at him. "Anya likes bondage. It was all that time in her former job I think. But hey, Wade seems to enjoy that about her."
"I don't want to think about Wade and Anya. I'll never get it up again," Pooch complained. "That is not something the Pooch needs to hear. Ever."
Xander snickered. "Hell, I gave him pointers. She called the next morning sounding very hoarse and said thank you weakly then dropped the phone. I had to teach her a lot of stuff since her last husband had been pretty pathetic. And she never did tell me why his playing with rabbits gave her a phobia that they were evil." He shrugged again with a grin.
"She has a bunny phobia?" Cougar asked. Xander nodded.
"That's just wrong on so many levels, but now I know what to get her for Christmas," Jensen quipped.
"She agreed with Willow that the muppets were subversive liberal teaching aids to keep the children complacent and teach them the values the puppet masters held. Fortunately we finally managed to knock Willow out that day. She had been up for over three days. Should've heard it during Thanksgiving when the Native spirits showed up," he said at the funny looks returning.
"What are Willow's parents?" Pooch asked.
"Shrinks. Lecturing shrinks."
"That explains so much."
"Who took a lot of trips, leaving little genius Willow there by herself."
"That explains the rest I was wondering about," Pooch decided. "My son will never be like her."
"I'll teach him hacking if he has any sort of wanting to learn," Jensen offered. "Cougar can teach him how to use a rifle." Cougar nodded he could.
"Thanks, guys. You're good uncles. Xander, no more using that braid. Jolene threw an absolute fit last time and shaved his head completely. He kept petting himself then my head and grinning."
"Aww, just like daddy."
"Yup. I'm hoping this new one isn't a daughter. That would drive us nuts."
"If so, we can definitely help her learn how to shop."
"Uh-huh. We want her to be a sensible woman, not overly fashionable. Turn her into the genius instead of my boy. Who may follow my footsteps."
"She might follow in your footsteps," Jensen said. The pilot knocked. "Yup, we're dressed."
He opened the door. "Xander would usually fit in on Riven so it does not bother me. We're landing in a few moments."
Xander nodded. "Thanks."
"Welcome. I will be visiting friends in the main city when you're done." He left them alone.
Xander grinned. "Well, guys, I have to change. And think smutty thoughts because I need to be broadcasting when I get there or they won't recognize me." Pooch moaned, shaking his head. "Sorry."
"I heard you when you told us that," he admitted. "I want out of the wind direction."
"That's fine." Jensen shrugged. "We'll figure it out when we get down there." They all nodded and packed the cards, letting Xander change. Jensen watched. "You need to think terribly smutty thoughts don't you." Xander nodded, pulling on a pair of pants. "Put on a ring. That'll help." Xander moaned, sitting down to put on a cock ring. Jensen leaned over to get next to him. "What you really need is a kinky night, Xander." Xander nodded. "We'll put up some restraints to hold up your knees so you don't have to. Letting you lay there all spread out and pretty for them to take. Let them feed your slutty hole all the cock it can handle." Xander shivered. "Or maybe they'll come home and find you prettily confined to a sling?" He stroked a hand gently up his back. "Plugged and ready, hands and feet strapped in. Swaying lightly in the breeze maybe."
"They might not like that."
"I think the staging would be most important. If you did it right, it'd be wonderful and make them moan too. We'll get you all horny and needy that day by teasing you and not letting you do anything about it. Maybe I'll even get Cougar to mutter sexy things in Spanish."
"He's very good at that."
"He is. That's why he takes all the women I hit on." He stroked his back again. "You can even run around naked that day. Tanning a bit to get nice and warm. Maybe pulling out the porn tapes to watch. We'd have to warn Sam to stay out of the house before he blushed himself to death but Dean would only smirk and offer you ice cream. You'd shower, do pretty things with your hair so it was soft and looked like a dark waterfall over your chest if we left it down.
"Oiled slightly so you gleamed and you're a bit slippery but not too much so they can get a good handhold on your hips or arms. Or even your thighs." Xander was panting, stroking himself. "We'd leave just before they were due home and make sure no one else came over that night.
"Maybe Ryan to spare them a new death but he'd probably want to watch it first. Maybe they'd tie him to the bed for a bit to have you all to themselves. Your pretty ass, newly shaven. All shaved down for them and already aching and needy." He sniffed. "You'd have a husky voice from moaning all day because the cock ring wouldn't let you get off for anything. That way they had a good bit of work to do for your pleasure." Xander leaned back against him. Jensen stroked his side and stomach instead. He had found a few hot spots in that area. "Which one walks in first, Xander?"
"Danny. He's slightly more kinky." He was busy stroking himself now. "Damn, I need...."
"Shh, let me finish. Would Danny just stare at you or would he come over to touch?"
"Then Don walks in, undoing his suit like usual. He sees you and he walks over, running a hand over your leg. Asks you what you had planned."
"I'd be too far gone to do more than moan at him," Xander admitted.
"He'd take advantage of it, wouldn't he?" Xander nodded quickly, his hand speeding up. Jensen leaned over to lap one nipple for him, biting it gently. "He might even not care if someone showed up unexpectedly. Who would probably blush and wander off."
"He didn't when Clay and Roque watched after that night showed off," Xander panted. "They drove us home and I teased them to death in the back of the SUV."
"Yeah, we'd pretty all well strip if Clay asked us to, asking him how pretty to make ourselves." He smiled. "He's very commanding at times." He bit the nipple harder and saw Xander lack of reaction. "Hmm, not even a touch of nipple clamps?" Xander shook his head quickly. So he lapped it instead. "Then I guess we'll have to substitute a set of jeweled rings instead. Maybe just for the night. Done that morning so they're nicely healed down now. A gentle tug can give such a good rush," he said in his ear. Xander whimpered, shaking his head. "No?"
"Had one, didn't like it."
"Hmm, any others? We could pierce that pretty cock for the day." Xander shuddered and started to fall out his head space. "Then we'd just find a pretty, jeweled, sparkly cock ring. Maybe a cage instead. A pretty one with a soft inside, maybe some velvet...." That got a moan. Jensen grinned, having figured out where his kink line was. "That way Don has to enjoy taking you out. They make ones that aren't cages, just covers. I've seen those with velvet or plush interiors. It covers the head and attaches to the cockring itself.
"Such a pretty little present waiting for them. You, all damp, wanting it very much. We'd use a tiny plug to keep you open. That way you're nicely tight but ready for it." He nibbled on his throat. Xander shifted, leaning toward his mouth. "Then they'd tease you for a few minutes maybe. Checking over you with their hands. Don teasing the plug a little bit. Danny pointing out that they had options with this. Including lowering you so you could suck the other one while one rode you into a pretty little gasping orgasm but you couldn't come through the cock ring. So it'd be a good, long, hard ride for them.
"Just you and them and your body granting them what they need and what you need so much." Cougar leaned in, glaring at them again. "Hmm, maybe one of us should sneak in to check on you later. Finding you on the bed, legs up, held up. Maybe arms hitched to the headboard?" He winked at Cougar. "Or would you rather be on your knees?"
"I never get any on my back anymore."
"Pity. We should make them fix that. You deserve to be spread out for their pleasure. All warm, sweaty, wanting and needing the longest, hardest ride they can give and then a good long pampering session afterward."
Cougar walked over, letting the door close. "He doesn't have to do this."
"Yes I do," Xander moaned, staring at him. "Hi," he said weakly.
"Maybe he'll do that the night we arrange that for you, Xander," Jensen whispered in his ear. "Trying to come in and save you." Xander gasped, back arching as he tried to come. "That's my good boy." He kissed him gently. "You're so good at that." He took another one. "Get dressed. It'll be better on the planet." Xander nodded, getting up on shaky legs. Jensen got up to finish his packing as well. He changed shirts since his was full of his and Xander's shared sweat. Cougar was giving him a dirty look. "We agreed, that day you can say filthy things in Spanish to him. It'll help him get ready." Cougar walked out shaking his head.
Xander stared at him. "You shouldn't be distracted," he said quietly.
Jensen grinned. "Later. We can fix that later."
"I'm fairly quick...."
Jensen gave him a kiss. "Later." Xander nodded, pulling on softer clothes. They walked out together, letting Jensen hold the bag with the bags. They walked off the ship and Xander gave the pilot a kiss, earning a moan. "We'll see you in a week."
"I'll be here." He watched them walk into the marketplace. "It's nice he's less strong this time," he decided.
Pooch looked back at him. "He is?" The pilot nodded. "Thanks for letting us know." He caught up. "He said it's nice you're less backed up this time."
"Slightly," Xander agreed, shooting Jensen a grin, getting one back. He saw the beasts of burden dealer and cleared his throat.
"Guardian!" he said, jumping up. "You cut your hair."
"Someone put me into a situation where I'd be in danger if I had it that long. We're going to the temple for a very fast visit."
"They will be disappointed."
"I know. At least my last trip I was up here for over a month."
"True. Just these ones with you? New converts?"
"Friends. They're helping me defeat the person who wants to harm me."
"It's good to have such strong friends. The paths have been clear recently." He walked them over to the beast stall. They looked like a cross between elephants, camel, and giraffes. They had the short camel coat and color, but were long necked and had a body style like an elephant. One was spitting like a camel did. He pulled out four. "These four are older, fully trained, but not yet slow."
Xander checked them over, pointing at a spot. "That one has a sore."
The herder looked and groaned. "My assistant is an idiot."
"Did he hurt them on purpose?" Pooch asked.
"No. He probably had to defend himself against that one. It likes to bite." He put it back and got a younger one. "This one is fully trained but still a bit peckish."
"I'll ride him since I've had the most experience riding. Put this one on the gentlest. I've barely taught him how to ride. The others are doing well in their lessons."
"I can do so." Xander took the bag from Cougar. "No, I will not accept payment."
Xander stared at him. "I don't need free things. I'm not a God." He smiled and paid him. "Thank you. We'll be back after I get what I need and my special sword that got put out there somehow." He nodded and watched them ride off. He bit the gem. It was good quality and one of the eternity stones. Worth more than the lives of those four beasts.
Xander watched them ride. Pooch was in front. Cougar behind, Jensen beside him. "These guys will go about forty miles, then stop for a half hour," he said. "Pooch, you can slump. You can nap on them too. They're very protective and there's nothing on this path that will hurt us."
Pooch looked back at him. "Why do we need your sword too?"
"Because I've used it enough that I can channel things through it easier than anything else if I have to. I figure I'll have to. I really need the vial I have waiting. A few of the herbs from the garden would be nice as well. There's a nice place I can make a stand if they come for us. To do that I need to be as ready as I can because I know one of them is a demon. I figure he'll be the one leading an attack since we made it out of Central America. Another will probably try to keep us from getting into the US. Do something to our passports. Mine's not in the system though. A curse by Willow meant that my passport and SSN aren't in the system anymore. I had to cite dual citizenship." Pooch shuddered.
"What about ours?" Jensen asked.
"You guys have proof you're US citizens. They don't allow you guys in the military if you're not and you're all wearing your dog tags." They all smiled at that. They never took the replacement ones off. "I have Dean's dads as a last resort but he's going to be pissed off if I have to use them."
"Do we need a smaller crossing or a larger one?" Jensen asked.
"Larger. If I decide to present my passport, the file linked to it will pop up in the newer systems but not the older, slower ones."
"So, Texas," Pooch said. "Laredo?"
"No, Cali. I redid my Cali driver's license so it's in the system if they look. That one is protected by Epps to make sure. Also, half the demons that work at the Texas crossing stations would be hostile. That clan hates me because I saved a rival clan of the same species once. That rival clan works out of the San Diego crossing station usually."
"There's also a higher percentage of any possible demons working there knowing you," Jensen said.
"The other, smaller one, in Cali off the Baja peninsula is staffed mostly by demons the last time I knew, but I'm not sure what type. Though I have used it a few times over the years. Especially when I was younger for a trip to Tijuana and things. If we want to avoid detection, we need to hit the tiny little one at Sala. It's not a well known one, so almost no traffic. The demon there has been there for years and he always remembered me. The last time I had to go through there, he remembered me and it was only a year and a half ago for a quick trip to fix something for someone."
"So this Sala crossing," Jensen said. "Or San Diego." Xander nodded. "Which one would be better?"
"Depends, do we want to hit LA before or after that possible attack?"
"Before," Pooch said, looking at the others. They nodded that was most reasonable. "That way we can check on things and get people out of the way."
"Roque's back in Sunnydale," Jensen said.
"Yeah, I kinda asked him to go fuck the evil out of the slayer and her witch." Pooch gaped at him, looking horrified. "Did you know they called the ATF office in DC to tell them I had weapons?"
"No, I didn't," Pooch said.
Jensen nodded. "I heard about that. Willow called them. Buffy called a Miami officer."
"Which is why I spent a delightful weekday afternoon in the ATF office explaining things to that agent, their boss, and we worked out new security arrangements for the weapons. It was even on their last day off."
"That sucks," Jensen said. "What if you gave them a grant to hire a new CSI and homicide detective?"
"Don toyed with the idea of taking some unpaid time off too so we could do some traveling but that would get us all killed by Horatio and Frank because they're already pulling too much overtime. They can't get City Council to remove the hiring freeze even though they know they need new officers. They're allowed to replace any that leave or die but not hire extra. They have started getting help from the homicide unit that helps Mac's lab. They're overloaded too but not as much. There's been all sorts of rumors of a strike since the PD union contracts are coming up."
"That would suck for Miami," Pooch said. Cougar nodded. "The poker circle?"
"They're kinda torn. The gang members want it, it'll get them a chance to rearrange some power structure and take over some new territories or wipe out enemies easier. The higher ones don't want them to do that because it'll cause problems and put pressure on the circle. I've already pointed out I'd hate it and if I had to become a gang, I'd do them all in. That got laughed at but they all agreed I'd make them miserable at the very least. Even if I had to hire someone to privately come in and help for a while. Or go hormone the governor to let the National Guard show up to help contain things."
"They should've learned by now," Cougar said.
"Yeah, they should have." He shrugged. "Cougar, pass me something to nibble on?" He dug into the bag, handing him some roll-like things. "Thanks." He handed some to Jensen, who needed a meal too he was sure. Pooch took some and so did Cougar. They kept riding. At the first rest break, everyone was a bit tired. Jensen was teasing Xander again, making him hot and wanton. It was sweet of him to do.
"How do we break for the night?" Pooch asked.
"You nap onboard." Xander looked at him. "They're safe and slow enough that you won't fall off. They're trained to only go to the temple."
Pooch nodded. "It seems like the sun hasn't moved at all."
"Local days are 73 earth hours," Xander admitted. "So nap." Pooch sighed but nodded. "If I could portal us I would, but I can't. I'm sorry."
"No, don't be. I should've expected that."
"One of the bubbles was like the lighter side of the Sahara," Jensen told him. "The sun never set. At all. No night. Just sand, sun, and a lot of wind sometimes. We were in there for four months."
"That had to be a spell damage issue," Xander said. "It felt like there had been a huge ass battle there." The animals groaned and stood up. "C'mon." They remounted and were off again. "Pooch, we'll make stops about every eight hours," he told him.
"What if we have to pee between times?" Jensen asked.
"Pee off the side," Xander suggested with a smirk. "Just don't hit them. They hate getting wet."
"Does it rain here?"
"Yeah but I can put up a shield. It's a low magic area but that won't drain me too much," Xander assured him.
"That's good to know." They all napped as they could. One of the guys always kept awake and woke one of the others when the camphantaffe's rhythm put them to sleep. Xander meditated a bit.
After the second rest break, Cougar was giving Jensen pointed looks. Jensen shrugged. Not much he could do on the back of the beast. "Xander?" Jensen asked. He got a blink and a stare. "Want to come over here?"
"They'd never be able to hold both of us, Jensen." He smiled. "I'm good. Really."
"Wind is shifting," Pooch noted, falling back to behind them. He did not want to be smarmed with hormones when his wife was on another planet and he had to handle it on his own. The one time he had gotten hit during a practice session he was watching, she had nearly ripped his clothes off him and rode him into being bruised. That was something he only wanted to do with his wife, not his hand.
He was giving Jensen dirty looks too for working Xander up that far. Apparently Xander was trying to control them some with the meditation because he was making them less twitchy. Not enough but he was doing something. Their next rest stop, Pooch felt like he should be bowlegged. He was having trouble standing up. Cougar got into the medical kit he had packed and handed him something for it. "Thanks," he said quietly. He gave Jensen a silent order, getting waved back at as he walked Xander into the trees.
Jensen kissed him. "Let's fix that."
"I'm working it down."
"Hmm, doing that afterward will be nicer." He smirked. "I wanna see you sweaty and limp. You need a rest. Who knows what's up there waiting on us."
"They like me here." He let Jensen talk him into it anyway. "We only have twenty more minutes."
"I know. We can make it quick." He leaned Xander against a tree, nibbling on his throat, going down to unsnap the cock ring and remove it from his pants. Xander moaned once it was released. Jensen didn't have to do too much work. Then Xander did the sweet thing and helped him out. The blow job was quick, fast, felt dirty, but it was sweet. He moaned into it, letting Xander do whatever he wanted. None of the girls who had done this for him had a mouth like this. "I think you were made to do that, Xander," he whimpered after he came.
Xander came up to kiss him. Jensen didn't mind and was eagerly participating.
"Guys, five minutes," Pooch called.
Jensen pulled back to pant. "You're so getting it again once we're stable and not having to time things," he hissed in his ear. Xander smirked and strolled off straightening himself out. Jensen barely had the energy to get back up on the camphantafe thingy. He was definitely going to sleep now. He so did not mind stepping in to help Xander out. Not in the least.
Pooch took a delicate sniff. "Thanks, kid."
"Welcome, Pooch. Though I'm giving your wife something full of my pheromones for the holidays." He smirked at him.
Pooch moaned and nodded. "She'll wear me out but it'll be worth it."
Cougar shook his head, tipping his hat down. It was his turn to nap and Xander's scent had went back down to less than lethal levels again. They wouldn't be attacked probably. It was a good time for a rest. He seriously needed a puzzle book for this trip.
Willow walked into hers and Buffy's dorm room at the college, pausing mid-step and blushing. "Tie a scarf around the door or something," she complained, backing out.
Roque smirked. "Why? She's going to want you to save her later anyway when I finish screwing her into a good, long nap."
Willow went brighter red. "I'm not that sort of girl and neither is she."
He stood up, making her stare at him. "Yeah, real men are bigger than boys." He pulled her inside and sat her next to Buffy.
Buffy woke up enough to blink at Willow. "Save me? He's going to kill me with his dick. I'm starting to feel like Anya."
"I can do a cockring spell."
"He can do things that even lesbians can't, Willow. That stuff in the magazine you were reading? Nothing compared to him." She cuddled her best friend. Willow was giggling nervously. Roque slid back into the joined beds and was teasing her. It was definitely good and she could feel her naughty girl side coming back out. He went down on her and she moaned, clutching at Willow.
Willow was trying hard not to look. Her girlfriend didn't do that. She didn't even notice when Buffy stripped her. Then the fingers and evil tongue were on her and she forgot her name. Or that she was supposedly dating. There was only the tongue, the fingers, and the worry that he'd ruin her for anything lesser. Buffy apparently wasn't going to be able to sit. Willow quickly found out why.
"Too quiet, we'll have to fix that," he said in her ear, panting a bit now. She was a harder subject to get off. Willow gave in and gave him what he wanted.
Xander slid off his beast's back the next rest stop and stretched, then down to touch the ground. "I should've thought about getting some pillows."
"They're big enough you could probably lay down on them," Jensen agreed. "Poor Pooch, since he hasn't been riding so often he's going to look like he took them up the ass." He walked Xander off. There were a lot of trees. He picked a soft barked looking one, leaning Xander facing it. He nibbled on his throat, reaching down to tease the plug he was wearing. "Keep track of the time for me," he whispered. "I need to repay that wonderful blow job." Xander shivered. Jensen grinned. He was good! He gently slid the plug out and teased him with it. "Lube?"
"In," he panted. "Still slick. That stuff stays for days."
"Wonderful." He slid in slowly and calmly, keeping his head this time. Or else Xander would be drilling a hole into the tree. Xander was teasing him by clenching around him. "Oh, God, Xander," he moaned in his ear. Xander whimpered, pushing back. "It's been much too long. I know it has." He braced himself against the tree and rode him gently but firmly to a quick finish. He nibbled on the new spot he had found on the back of Xander's neck. That got him there faster and it was nice. Even if Xander did have a nice hickey. It'd fade within a few hours. Jensen thrust in a few times after Xander finally came and let himself go. He panted, leaning his head against the back of Xander's hair. "Thank you," he whispered.
Xander got free and turned, hugging him. "No, thank you." They shared a kiss. "Five minutes. I have tree burn though."
Jensen smirked. "It'll be beard burn sometime later." He winked and got them cleaned up with some of the baby wipes Xander had packed. Then they walked back there. The plug was back in place. Xander had slid it in himself. He helped Xander up and let him get settled on the creature's back. Jensen climbed up and decided to try side saddle sitting. That wasn't very comfortable so he crossed his feet in front of him. The thing gave him a dirty look. "Want me to move again?" he asked. He shifted forward. That made it happier and they were off again. Cougar was still in the lead. It was starting to get dark. Xander was curled up on the thing's back. He was already asleep.
Pooch looked at Xander, then at Jensen. "Nice work," he said quietly.
Jensen grinned. "He makes it fun."
"Good." He moved his beast closer. "You're not getting attached, right?" he asked quietly.
"Not that way. We're friends."
"Thank God. I don't want to see Don kill you."
"Won't happen." That got a nod and Pooch fell back to guard their asses. Jensen yawned and let himself nap for a while. His balance was good enough not to fall off. He was still a bit wobbly so he laid down instead. His beast paused while he shifted then went back to plodding on. They were kind of comfortable. Three days of this he could stand he guessed. Though he would need a massive shower once they got there; he hoped they had one.
Anya looked over as a thump interrupted her afternoon sex binge from Wade's lap. "What do you want? You're interrupting," she complained.
"It is not right! He went outside the limits of the rules they set down!"
She stared at him. "With how much he used to warp prophecies, does this surprise you?" she asked dryly. She went back to riding him. He was still nicely hard. "Beyond that, no one told him the rules. They told us, not him." She kissed Wade. "He's breaking my mood, Wade."
"Mine too," he assured her. "He's ugly."
She kissed him again. "Can you torture him a little bit to get us both back in the mood?" she asked with a grin. "I haven't seen any in a while."
He put her aside and got up, cracking his knuckles. "Me either." The demon tried to flee but Anya had things up to prevent him from doing anything except running out the door screaming in pain. Which he loved about her.
Anya answered the ringing phone. "We're busy, no matter what you're selling. My baby is torturing someone for my pleasure." She hung up.
Speed carefully hung up. "Horatio?" he called. "You might see if Wade had to hide the body this time."
Horatio walked into Speed's lab with a curious look. "Did someone attack them?"
"Anya just said she's watching him torture someone for her pleasure."
He nodded. "I'll try to talk to them in a few moments then." He walked off shaking his head, texting Anya's phone. She was more likely to answer that. The question of 'human or demon' got back a 'interfering demon who is mad that Xander went outside the rules, he screams very pretty for us' made him decide to talk to someone about perhaps sending Wade on vacation outside of Miami. He did remind her that if he found them, they'd have to do something to Wade. She promised they'd destroy his body. He went to show Speed, who shuddered. "They seem to be a compatible match at least," he said dryly.
"Go take a nap, H. Please?" Speed begged. "You're going back into dark and creepy territory. I'm going to start humming the Addam's family theme soon." Horatio snickered, but did go take a nap. He hadn't been getting good rest because he was worried about Xander. Now he knew that Xander was turning the game in his direction, he could take a long nap. Speed called Frank. "I put Horatio down for a nap because he decided Wade and Anya are perfectly suited since they like to torture demons together," he said dryly.
"No, right now. Thanks, Frank." He hung up. Frank would go save the rest of the being if he was still alive. Speed was on his way to his stash of herbal tea and headache powder when he got two texts. One was Frank saying he had handed the being over to the DPP, who said he deserved it and was praising Wade for keeping him alive so well. The other from Greg about flying monkeys. It had a link that he followed into the demon database. What he saw made him cackle long and hard. The next time some gang kid bothered Horatio, he was sending one of them.
As a matter of fact... he read up on where he could find one. Some of them were already trying to cause problems with the way things were going. He found a procurer locally and took Danny with him. Danny gave him an odd look when he heard why, but he just shrugged it off. They took the thing into the gang's poker circle game and let it free.
"Greg said that since Xander was being bothered by Wannabe Maxes he thought you guys might like these to talk to instead." Speed smirked evilly. They walked out together. A minute later someone screamed 'it bit me!' and the poker game quickly dissolved as they tried to shoot the poor thing. Apparently the monkey knew how to fire a gun as well because they came running from the building.
Danny looked back. The flying monkey was eating someone's ear that it had ripped off. "You know, I don't think we're going to have a gang problem for very long."
"Yeah, me either. Greg does have some really neat ideas." They got into the crime lab hummer and drove off. By the time he got back, someone had told Horatio, who physically walked him to their hummer and took him home to make them both sleep for a while.
Gibbs answered his phone, eyebrows going up when they said who they were. "Why are you calling me?" He listened. "I see. Yes, I'll cure that. We're expecting him back in about a week or so actually. Thank you." He hung up. "Sanders, you're grounded. DiNozzo, your mate told Speed how to find a flying monkey since some gang kids down there were getting antsy about a territorial fight."
"Yeah, they're about to have a police union strike," Tony said dryly. "Greg?" he called.
"What?" He walked over with the coffee pot, refilling his, Gibbs, and Tony's cup. "Sorry, McGee, bottom of the pot."
"I'll make some more." He and Ziva both fled to the break room.
Gibbs stared at him. "Speedle sent a flying monkey at the gang kids."
"Aww, no problems during the upcoming strike then." He grinned. "I'm always happy to help Miami."
"You're grounded. Go home, take a nap, fix that mental defect of yours once and for all, Sanders. That was evil."
"Speed got it, I only told him what they were. I did not suggest it as a way of ending some problems in Miami."
"I don't care. Do it now or you're suspended for a week."
"That's mean to me, boss. He'll go surfing and I can't."
"Fine, you're both suspended, keep your GPS monitors on at all times." They packed and left, grinning at each other. The director came down to look at him so he showed him the site on the monkeys. "Greg told someone in Miami's lab about them. He used them to cure an upcoming gang problem."
"Is he sane?"
"The one in Miami? Usually."
"I mean Sanders, Gibbs."
"DiNozzo is fixing that. They're suspended for a week."
"Good. I like that idea. Maybe a short vacation will help calm them down. Though I have heard Miami's about to have a union strike." He walked off shaking his head. He did not want to know about flying monkeys. That was not how the Navy or Marines worked.
Don Epps got a warning from Danny, staring at the video someone had sent them to complain about the flying monkey. "Flying monkey?" he muttered.
"Tell me Harris doesn't have an army of flying monkey's," David begged. He was surprisingly pale for how dark his skin was. He was sweating too.
"No, he's still not back in Miami yet." He let them see the film. He and Colby shuddered at the thing. "Think we can get it banned from the city?" Don asked.
"Please do," Colby begged. "Before we have to deal with one."
Don got up and took the film to his boss's office. "We want to have this creature banned from LA."
"Is it really that bad?"
"Yes, in many ways." He let him see the video. His boss stared then burst out cackling. "As you can see, it's cannibalistic."
"Oh, damn. Is that a mock up?" Don shook his head. "We're sure?"
"Demonic. I got a link to it's page in my email." He got into it and let him read about it.
"Yes, we can ban this one from LA. Let me talk to the City Council and all that. Good job, Epps."
"I didn't want to see one on a case, sir. Though it is nice that Miami's gangs are afraid of going to the zoo." He walked out with the video.
"I need that." He handed it over and his boss left to talk to the Council. Including the demon council since it was one of theirs. Them, the head of the local ASPCA and a few others all saw the video and decided, yes, it could be banned. Poor Miami would have to catch up. Though they did send the information to friends in other cities so they could work on their own banning plans. Before the US got taken over by an army of flying monkeys. Though there was a question if they'd leave Kansas alone....
Dean got the call to come help the poker circle. "Don Cheva, what can we do for you?" He listened. He rubbed his forehead. "Sure, I can come shoot the damn monkey. Where is it? Should I watch out for zookeepers?" He nodded and hung up. "Sammy, look up how to stop flying monkeys?"
"Beyond water like their mistress?" he called. He looked them up in the book he was in, then another book it referred him to. "Sodium flare rounds should do it as long as they're blessed."
"Thankfully we have some of those," Dean decided. He packed the gear and they drove the Impala to the area. They walked in and found the monkey had a gun. It shot at Dean but not Sam. "This is more of your freaky shit, isn't it?" he demanded.
"Maybe but I didn't send a flying monkey." He shot at it. It dove out of the way. "C'mon, sit still." Dean shut the doors so they wouldn't be interrupted. They finally managed to get it when it flew toward Dean to bite him. They gathered the corpse and opened the warehouse's door, finding two uniformed officers standing there glaring. Dean held up the monkey. "Someone sicced it on a gang member," Sam said with a grin.
"Figured it was freaky shit," one said.
"Does Harris have more of those?" the other asked. His partner gave him a horrified look.
"Nope. These are demonic and they do eat people," Dean said. "We got told Danny sicced it on the gang poker game to make sure they knew not to try stuff while Xander's being bothered out of town."
The officers nodded and walked off shuddering. "Destroy it, Winchester. Please. We'll call you if we see any more of those."
"Please. Watch out, they do eat people," Sam called after them with a smile and a wave. Dean swatted him. They drove the carcass to Don Cheva's house, letting him see it.
He poked it. "I'll have someone do an autopsy to see if there's a biological way of destroying them. "
"They're demonic; they need their hearts or brains burned with blessed rounds. We used the new sodium flare rounds Xander found," Dean said.
"Why did Messer and Speedle put them in a poker game?"
"The upcoming strike?" Sam guessed. "There's been rumors of problems coming."
"Hmmm." Don Cheva nodded. "That may make sense."
"They're not sleeping well. Some wannabe world rulers are trying to get Xander. They sent him and two of the retrieval team to Central America."
"Interesting. Thank you for that warning, boys. We'll make sure that the nice Lieutenant does not have to lose any more sleep." He smiled and carried the carcass in to hand it to his favorite researcher. "Find out if it's poisonous. Find me a better way of killing them than a blessed flare round." He nodded, taking it off to do an autopsy. Don Cheva went to take a shower then went to church for the first time in years.
He prayed for Miami's safety. Apparently the Lieutenant was slowly being driven insane by worry. They could definitely ease that. He asked God's forgiveness for slowing down crime the easy way then went to put his plan into motion. He did make sure that they paid Xander before they died. He didn't want Xander to come home and be any more upset than he had to be. That would upset the nice Lieutenant.
Fu walked up to Horatio that night on his back lawn. "If I asked would you please make Don Cheva quit slowing things down? The poker circle is nearly gone now."
Horatio looked at him. "Why is he doing that?"
"It seems he's worried about what will happen if problems start and Xander's not here to help calm them down. Especially after earlier's incident." He glared at Speedle.
Speed grinned. "I thought they'd like a new pet in the circle to talk to. Plus, hey, no more upcoming gang war."
"True, but that level of the circle is begging for their lives. The upper ones are very busy, too busy to play."
"If we have evidence, I'll gladly arrest whoever is responsible," Horatio assured him. "If I can find some, I will do that. Tell them to stop it. Xander will be back soon. Once he defeats all the people who wanted him to destroy them."
Fu nodded. "We heard. The retired agents are taking bets about how he destroys them. Does he have more of those?"
"We got them from the nice demon shop by the club San Sibel."
"I'll tell them that. Make sure no more are in Miami."
Speed smirked. "Greg actually found them. He was hoping Xander was going to use them to go after the idiots taxing him this time."
Fu shuddered. "We'll offer DiNozzo suggestions on how to help him as well. I'll warn the people in DC so they're not surprised when he unleashes some on the next person who wants his mate." He bowed and left, going to spread that information. It was so much easier if they were arrested instead of killed. Then they had hopes of coming back to play and lose some year.
Horatio went to talk to Don Cheva, finding him at his restaurant. He stared at him. "I would rather arrest them than find bodies," he said bluntly. "I will if you give me information. You know I'm always happy to arrest people who cause Miami problems."
The Don nodded. "You're getting some. I'm just scratching some pernicious problems." He handed over a note. "That was passed to me earlier by Andrea, that delightful assassin who still has a crush on Sam." He smiled. "She didn't want that in Miami. Said it's too dangerous and Xander's not here to confiscate it."
Horatio looked then nodded. "I can handle that. Thank you. Tell me. You can call me." He left, going to check on that area. Andrea had done a nice, neat job of killing the owners of the devices. He called Gibbs. "Do you want to come confiscate the nuclear devices an assassin found in my town or would you rather I call Major Davis?" He smirked. "That is more than acceptable, Gibbs. Thank you. Yes, have him call me and I'll gladly hand them over while we clean up the bodies." He hung up and called Dispatch to get things moving. Bomb Squad showed up. "I have someone military coming to disarm it." They nodded, making sure there weren't any others.
"Lieutenant, I found shitloads of things worse than Harris's arsenal," one new guy called, sounding panicking.
Horatio went to look. "That's very interesting. I've never seen some of those." He looked them over until Major Davis, another military person by the way he walked and his uniform, and that nice huffy Doctor McKay got there. He waved them back. "There's also this stash, Major. You can share this with Gibbs so they can track it back? Since a few are stamped as Navy projects?"
"I can definitely do that, Lieutenant. Thank you for telling us." He shook his hand, looking at the ME's working. "It was a mess for a reason?"
"Long story that includes flying monkeys," Horatio said dryly.
"Those are really classified."
Major Davis grimaced. "Damn."
"Someone nicely stopped some of our gang members from plotting problems with one."
"So the local head Don took matters into his own hand to make sure there weren't many more problems."
"Holy fuck," Davis muttered, getting a shoulder pat from Horatio. "Is it still alive?"
"No. Dean and Sam killed it. They sent a message saying in the future to use blessed low sodium flare rounds or something else that was blessed that could burn either the heart or brain."
"I'll make note in that file. Thank them for me." He walked back there. "McKay, you have a whole stack of things to look at and make sure they're safe. They're going to Gibbs."
"Of course," he muttered, waving a hand. "I need a screwdriver. Philips, 3/4 of an inch." John handed it over. "Ah, there we are. Nicely compact source of radiation." He took out that container and let Horatio put it into the sealed tube he had to safely store it. "This is beautiful. Homemade but not from any plans I know of. Very compact. Nearly as nice as the one I made in ninth grade." He stood up.
John looked at him. "Sometimes you scare me."
McKay looked at him. "Don't ask, don't tell works for flirting too," he quipped back with an evil smirk.
"You don't scare me that way, McKay. I promise." He looked at the staring redhead. "Colonel John Sheppard," he said, holding out a hand. "I hold McKay's leash on our base."
Horatio shook it. "Lieutenant Horatio Caine, head of the felony crime lab," he said with a smile. "Where?"
"You're... shit, how many of us are down here? I heard about one."
"He's being plagued by people who think they want to be emperors of the new world. I'm one of the family's mentors." Eric walked in and he noticed John tried not to stiffen, smiling at him. "Yes, we know. You should meet Mr. Harris' boyfriends, Detectives Flack and Messser."
"I'm peaceful," John said quietly.
"I expected nothing less. The family group has a number of you. And us." He smirked.
Rodney looked over. "He's got both."
"You did figure it out?"
"Yes. Charles and I are nearly ready to submit reports to the national head."
"He is also in town. His boyfriend is in our homicide department." He smiled. "We can have dinner together after this is taken care of if you want. I was barbequing at home." He called Speed. "Add extra meat to the grill, call Adam, we're having guests. Major? Did you want to join us?"
"I have no need to know society things," he said bluntly. "I'll talk with Gibbs about the weapons." He pointed. "In there, McKay." He went to look, then Davis shuddered at his moan of pleasure. "That's a bad sign."
"Don't you dare get us taken by someone," John called. "I'm not in the mood for a kidnaping tonight."
Rodney leaned out. "They usually take us as a way to flirt with you," he reminded him, going back to fondling the weapons.
"No they don't!" He stomped after him. "We'll follow you over, Lieutenant. Thank you." He smiled. "Apparently Rodney's blood sugar is a bit low and it's affecting his giant brain."
"God, he's like a more military version of Xander," Eric said.
John looked back at him. "Not really. I have a math degree, I'm a pilot, and I'm in a lot more control." He smirked. "We got told alllll about Mr. Harris by Doctor Epps."
"Charlie would remember from the convention and invasion," Eric said dryly. "Welcome to Miami."
"Vacation," John assured him.
"There's one redheaded guy who's antsy and pissy. Watch out for him."
"Thanks for the warning." Eric grinned and got to work on the bodies. He moved closer to Rodney. "Maybe Miami is earth's version of Pegasus?" he muttered.
Rodney snickered. "For now." They got things safely contained and called Gibbs to come get them. Major Davis stayed to talk to him while someone took the bomb back to the mountain. Then they went to have a delightful dinner. Adam was very nice about the sketchy details he could give so far. He called Epps to add him to the discussion since it was their joint research project. He sounded a bit pouty but when he found out why they were there he clearly had to pay off a bet to his brother.
Clay got the intel he needed, hearing that the team would be landing in the morning somewhere in Mexico. He put out feelers and waited. He could fly wherever he needed to be. He had no idea why Xander had to go off-realm to protect them but it was an interesting idea that he'd have to beat Jensen about. He was not allowed to do more than play with Xander. Not get attached. It was shitty form to break up a couple of friends so you could have one of them.
The quad finally got to the temple, getting off the beasts and walking inside following Xander. Xander bowed to the people seated on the three thrones. "Lord, Ladies."
"Xander," one of the women purred. She got up to kiss him on the cheek. "We did not expect you. Are you in for a long visit?"
"No, unfortunately not. I'm having some problems that I need to solve and my special sword was sent up here as well."
"It is in the safe room," the male said. He smiled and nodded politely, getting nods back from the rest of them. "New husbands?"
"Friends that got involved. I'm protecting them." He looked at her. "Which means I need my vial."
"I know." She patted his face. "Go get cleaned up. You can get it tonight. Would you perhaps dance for us?"
"I need to get back. We have a pilot waiting," he admitted with a sheepish grin. "Otherwise I would. I've even learned other sorts of dances."
She smiled. "It would be highly amusing. We can go with you, let you have some rest. Then we can show the town as well. They would enjoy that." Xander nodded, bowing his head. "Good boy. Go clean up. You're sweaty." He grinned, leading them off to the guest quarters. She sat down. "I suppose it is time for a bad threat to him."
"Perhaps. Though he is a bit high strung. They're not his spouses either."
"No, that's now he described any of them. Interesting. We'll have to see if they've broken up or not." They all smiled. Xander did bring such life to their lives.
Xander walked into the safe room and to his safe, sighing before opening it. He hadn't wanted this potion. He had won it though and it was now the right time to use it. He took out the small, cold vial and put it into the special bag around his neck then closed his safe. He turned and found himself in another room. He grinned at the blonde on the dias. "Lady Aphrodite. A pleasure as always." He kissed her hand, making her snicker.
"You're still adorable, Xander." She stared at him. "What are you doing up here?"
"I needed the vial. And my sword since Strife put it up here."
"Huh." She held it up. "He's put it in hot water too."
Xander delicately took the shrunken sword and it enlarged in his hand. "He was making sure you weren't mad enough at him to use it on him."
"Maybe. He did annoy me to no end last week." The others walked in since she had summoned them. "Aww, they're cute. And.... Huh," she said, staring at Jensen. "I've never seen that marking."
Xander looked then at her. "The mental GHS one?"
"Yeah. That's kinda neat." She smiled and waved. "Hi, pookies." Cougar tipped his hat. The other two nodded politely. She looked at Xander. "Some people are pissed on your behalf."
"I love them for it but I'm hoping they save me some."
"They have. Plenty in fact. Though it was nice they heard Greg's plans for you appearing with your army off flying monkeys and left Amsterdam." He cackled, shaking his head. She kissed him on the cheek. "That one's very nice. One of my true matches as well. Interesting." She smiled at Pooch. "I'm glad you're happy."
"I'm incredibly happy. Took me a while to realize I was an idiot about her."
"You're a man, you're automatically forgiven for that part, sweetie." She smiled. Then at Cougar. She shivered. "You're a walking bundle of wet panties with a penis knocker, baby." She looked at Xander. "You could do that."
"Ow. And it's used a lot of times as an ownership symbol. No more holes."
"Fine. I get that." She stroked over his hair. "It's shorter."
"They would've tried to attack us more if he had longer hair or tried to attack him thinking he was female," Jensen said. Cougar nodded.
"That's a good reason."
"I'll do a great conditioning treatment when I finally get out of all this. If I survive that long," he said quietly.
"You will. Everyone who knows you is betting on you being one of the last." He grinned at that assurance. "Now, what's the plan, baby boy?" He whispered in her ear. "Hmm. Well, I'm not sure if I can handle that or not. I'll see what I can do to help."
Strife appeared, shaking his head. "Zeus wants us to stay out of it." He looked at Xander. "You'd better grow it again."
"I will. Once I'm home and all that."
"Good. Oh, they banned the flying monkeys in LA, New York, and now Miami after Speed and Danny gave some to a gang kid."
Xander considered that. "Why would they give a carnivorous flying monkey to a gang kid?"
"To stop the upcoming problems," Strife said with a smug look. "Greg helped."
"Tony's probably been working overtime again too." Aphrodite gave him a cuddle. He sighed in pleasure, cuddling back. "Is my altar still going?"
"Yes. It's neat that it does that even when you're not home." She tweaked his ear.
"I sent up prayers every time we made it back to the real world."
"We heard," Strife promised. "And the swearing over that nettle bush."
Xander smirked. "I took a clipping."
"Good! There's uses for that thing." He took his own hug. "It'll be fine."
"Everyone's all right?" Pooch asked.
"Yeah, they're fine. It's just now dark in Miami." He looked at Xander. "Good plans, be less hyper," he said quietly, staring him down. "Plan less precisely." Xander nodded. "Let the military guys help."
She smiled. "Yeah, that's really happy making. Talk about a penis parade." She gave them all hot looks. Even Pooch started to sweat.
Xander smiled. "All of us level tens are a pale shadow of her son Cupid. It was a blessing someone asked for."
"You come really close when you dance," she teased. He grinned at that compliment. "Are we happy?" she asked, staring him down. He shrugged, looking down. "I know I didn't see a great loveline for you, Xanny, but it's still something."
"Recently it hasn't been. Overtime."
She snorted. "Again?" He nodded. "What if you hired them some?"
"We can't. They're in a hiring freeze. They can't hire new people. I did donate to get both labs back in shape."
"That's a thing I like too," Strife assured him, petting him. "It'll work itself out. You're not taking outcall things to clear your backlog. The dancing is helping you a lot. Your stamina's up." He smirked. "Even though Danny prayed I took some of it back."
"Yeah, he kinda... died again because of it the other night. He was exhausted from work, I was playing with myself, and he joined in."
"Hmm. Sounds like it was his fault then." He grinned. "Now, go be a good boy. Jensen, yes you're on the list." Xander nodded, blushing a lot. "Thought you couldn't do that anymore," he taunted with an evil smirk.
"Only for you," he said dryly. "Because you have naughtier ideas than I do." He thought up one and sent it over with a prayer. Strife moaned and shivered, glowing brightly for a minute. "Send that to my boys?"
"Gladly. And Anya." He smirked at Aphrodite. "I love him."
"More than my baby boy?"
"Nah. That's one of those married things. He's our perfect offspring though." He grinned, getting a grin back. "Behave. Let them help."
"The vial may shatter."
"I thought it has a shatterproofing spell.
"It might," he admitted. "Weak magic area."
"I'll pad it better."
"Good boy. Tell Clay what that's for before you use it?" Xander smirked. "And the others you brought with you. Why are you paying someone to make new explosives?"
"Greg wouldn't let me in the lab and I barely passed chemistry because of the frog thing."
"Oh, yeah." He nodded. "You could learn."
"That would require me to do good in classes. In college."
"Even better point. You can find someone to teach you the right way."
"He explains things when I ask."
"Good!" He smirked. "By the way, that plan to keep that guy out of trouble by making you explosives? Ares really liked that. Him being off the open market kept him from going to the highest bidder and destroying a lot of things." Xander beamed. That had been his own plan. "Good boy." Xander barked with a smirk. Strife laughed, giving him a hug. "You two are very hot," he said in his ear. He got purred back at. "The other one, if he's not mute, he might be fun too."
"I heard what he said," he whispered back.
"Good." He winked and they disappeared.
Xander looked at the guys. "I'm an anchor," he said at the confused looks. "My areas cover the areas of at least three Gods so I can pray to them and keep them strong. That's why I have the tattoos."
"How did they do those since I thought they'd fade with the healing," Pooch said.
"They put me on the altar naked, shot power into my body, and they showed up." He shrugged. "It's a god thing."
"Did you ever wear clothes?" Pooch asked dryly.
"Yeah, all the time. Otherwise I was too much of a distraction for the training classes Ryan was taking." He gave him a mean smirk. "Okay, let's get dinner and then we can head back?"
"Give me a few hours first?" Pooch begged.
"Yup. Dinner can take that long." They went to the main temple, Xander taking them to eat with the other priests. They were happy to talk to them about things. They even taught them about the various meat beasts while Xander translated what they were compared to human ones. The goat got a long look by Jensen but he ate it, nodding it was good.
They left with the Three. They gated them back. The animals had already been sent back. Xander smiled at their pilot. "They've requested that I dance a bit." The crowd gathered cheered. He handed Jensen the pouch and Cougar the rest and then moved to dance a deadly dance with his daggers and knives. The crowd moaned. Xander let some of his hormones go and it was very pretty. When he was sweaty and tired, the dancing stopped.
The crowd sighed in displeasure, the few who weren't off screwing. "I'm sorry, I'm tired. Next time I'm up I'll do more." That got a cheer and they let the pilot take them after the Three blessed the group to safe travels and to remember the temple's code. Xander hissed at one, getting a nod and that it was appropriate. They were guards and friends. Xander smiled and let the pilot lead them back. "Did we interrupt?"
"No, I was only going to find the girls a the inn later, Xander." He smiled. "That was probably very welcome. Births have been lower than usual and you know it's already in the negative numbers."
"I know." He smiled. "Same rooms?"
"That's all we have," he agreed with a grin back. They went to lay down. He went to the bridge to fly them back to the marketplace. Xander's tip was heavy in his pocket. He did adore the scattered one. He made life very profitable and interesting.
Xander laid down on the bed, snuggling up against Jensen. "She made sure I wasn't cheating without my husband's knowledge."
"Is that a problem for them?"
"No, they have polygamous marriages. Most of them female headed. She just needed to make sure I wasn't breaking a temple code. That would be bad."
Jensen nodded, yawning. "I can understand that."
"Rest, it's a trip home."
"I know." He let Xander snuggle and keep watch for now. He let his mind stew over what the two Gods had said. Including that Cougar had a dick piercing. Interesting mental image there. Xander was still in warrior mode but he was cuddly and needy. Someone had done him a lot of disservice turning him into the man he was. He didn't seem to understand comfort. It had taken the team to teach him to trust others outside his sister. They could teach him. Clay was a good stepfather figure and Horatio was an excellent father figure for him. Jensen drifted off on that thought of the family and it was nice. Comfortable.
Xander played with Jensen's hair, reading from Jensen's PDA. He was bored and it was a long trip.
Cougar sniffed as he walked past Xander's room on his way to the bathroom. He sighed, going to fix himself up and then went to wake Jensen up. Jensen was already teasing him and making Xander sweaty. Cougar was drawn in by the scent. Jensen gave him a pointed look then shrugged. He was on the approved list as well. Cougar took off his hat and came over to help. Xander whimpered but a kiss stopped that and he helped Jensen tease him until he finally let go and came. Too much stamina for normal methods but Xander loved a good tease apparently. Jensen and Cougar went to clean up while Xander napped it off. Cougar grabbed his hat on his way back to his own room for a nap. He could use a rest after that.
Pooch gave him a dirty look but went back to his letter to Jolene. They could do whatever they wanted as long as no one had to shoot Don or Danny to get them off his teammates.
Clay got the information where they were going to reappear from a demon. He could head to Cabo. That's where his team was and he wanted to know where they had went. It wasn't a bad flight, but it was pretty loud with a bunch of college kids going to celebrate the holiday of Saturday that way.
They landed back in real time the morning after they had left, looking around. "Cabo," Pooch said.
Xander grinned. "I always wanted to get here and never made it before." He went to pull back his hair and sighed. "This sucks."
"It's necessary," Jensen said.
"It was necessary. Now it's not. Right?" he asked Cougar.
"What is it with you and the hair?" Pooch asked.
"Do you have any idea how many weapons I can put in my hair?" he asked dryly. Pooch moaned, shaking his head. "Plus, a lot of guys like to stare at it, which takes their attention." He pulled his gun and put it in the person walking toward them's chest. "What?"
He stared at him. "That's a hell of a thank you." He stared.
Xander relaxed. "I don't know what the hell is going on." The gun went back into his holster.
"Well, for right now they have the accounts in Miami locked," Clay said dryly. "They're already playing passport roulette."
"Mine's not in the system anyway," Xander said. "Thanks to Willow."
"Huh. Maybe I should've sent Roque to save the world sooner then."
"He might be having fun," Xander said with a small shrug. He concentrated, bringing something to his hand so he could run it through his hair.
"Stinks," Cougar complained. He watched as it was sucked in and then the hair grew. "How...."
Xander smirked. "Physical magic. It's pretty neat sometimes." He looked at Clay as he wound his hair back up with a bunch of sharp things. "So, where are we tonight?"
"Okay," Xander said. "Lead the way, Clay."
"You're turning things over to me?" he made sure, staring at him.
"No, not totally but I don't have a map." He grinned. "I can tell you what I'm doing and I have every plan of it, even before Strife reminded me."
"That'll work. We can help."
"I know you can. I'm hoping they left me something to destroy."
"Not much. The hackers you know are dangerous shits." They went to the sleazy motel and Xander got his own room for a bit. He needed to defrag while they looked over what they had. Clay came to get Xander after an hour, finding him stretching. "You need to have one out to the side and crouch on the other to get your hip."
"I know." He switched to that. "I was trying to get my interior thigh muscles." He stood up a wince. "What's up?"
"What's that cold vial?"
Xander walked back with him, taking the vial to check it over. "Good, it didn't break." He put it down carefully. "That really should have a padded case." He looked at Clay. "To most people it's not real dangerous. To some people, like ATA carriers and others, it's deadly."
"It's a genomic virus?" Clay asked to make sure.
"Something like that but not quite a virus. It's more to disorient and switch on things that you hadn't had before. Three of the people, as of the last I heard, were all former ATA carriers, identified by Major Davis's people. Who I had someone hack when I heard they were trying to make some moves a few months back to make sure they weren't coming to Miami."
He sat down. "We also have a few other treats in the bags. You guys didn't know but I have hired a chemist to work on stuff for me so he wasn't on the open market or desperate. Wade found him after he was fired for refusing to hand over the formula for something he did to people he didn't trust. The guy's got a family, he'd get desperate."
"So you're keeping him off the open market," Clay said. "That's actually a pretty decent thing. What's he making you?"
"Liquid explosives. We talked about things and he knows who I used to be. He's half demon. That's the reason they supposedly fired him." He grinned. "Horatio does know, but he's ignoring it. It's not something he likes to think about."
"Okay," Clay agreed. "So we have some of that?"
Xander nodded, taking the bags back to unpack the various bags within them. "His research. Put the cold vial into one of them please? If I don't need it, I'll hand it to McKay," he said when Jensen opened his mouth. "We really do have to get them out of LA sometime soon in case they want him."
"I can get him a message to hit the island," Jensen said, opening his laptop. "That's not a problem."
"You own an island?" Clay asked.
"Well, I inherited an island from someone who really wanted me but I gave it to Jace for her holy ground resort's secondary location. I do have a house down there though."
"Who gave you an island?"
Clay moaned, shaking his head. "I heard about those."
"I know someone who has them as their guards." He shrugged. "We also have part of the storehouse." He handed that to Pooch to check. "We have a gear bag.... which is where the shielded, non GPS capable phones came from. There's no chip so they can't be traced." He pulled those out and something else. "We're running low on documents so I need to get some more."
"We can see if Wade can get you some," Pooch said with a smile. Jensen took the system to hook up and check over. He loved that thing. "Who makes those?"
"My friend Jesse from the Miami poker circle. He's in LA right now too. He's making toys, regular toys." He looked at Clay. "I know one's a demon."
"One is," he agreed.
"If we can get through Sala's crossing, the guys there know me. I've been through there a few times. It's near enough to a place to make a stand. It was the team's old backup spot in case we had to fall back from Sunnydale. We took a battle near there during the whole Glory thing but went back to defeat her."
"That's pretty sound planning," Clay agreed. "You know that area?"
"Short of any rockfalls, yeah. We do need to warn the friends in LA to be on their toes because there's a new auction next week."
"Shit," Clay said, staring at him. "They wanted you out of the way?"
"Yeah. I think that's why a few of them pulled this. The rest, I think Faust put around that I was a good testing ground and he'd accept the others who could beat me. He didn't tell them I was going to be evil about things." He smiled. "Which I will be. Fully and absolutely evil about things." He looked. "The money bag has a rip." Cougar moaned, shaking his head. He looked at the others. "So does the lighter weapons one. Thankfully the new bags all got set to dump things on my bed." He straightened up and looked at them. "It's not lost."
"Someone's trying to put pressure on the family with the locked accounts," Jensen said. "Trying to force them to move."
Xander shook his head. "Only a quarter of my money is in Miami." They all stared at him. "Steve arranged it."
"No one's heard from Steve in days," Jensen said, shrugging a bit. "They think his brother has him in protective custody."
"Probably. Jim's a badass detective up there. His partner's a shaman at the local university." He smirked. "But..." He found something and called it. "Steve, my man," he said dryly. "Yup me. Yes that's how I'm doing this, it's not a hallucination. I'll tell you later. No, they're trying things with the family's money too. Thanks. Safe. No, I'm going to destroy them. Thanks, man." He hung up.
Xander held up the little device. Then he pushed a button and Cougar's neck rang, making him grab it and give him a horrified look. "Runs right by your ear canal so you can hear and answer. Totally organic. The chemist thought it up." He handed it to Clay. "Can't be traced, can't be intercepted. It got put in with the organic tracker you guys had put in." He grinned at Clay. "I thought that was neat. Ryan, Greg, and I tested it for months on end."
"That's actually one of the best toys I've ever heard of," he admitted, smiling at the boy. "I know people who'd kill to have it."
"So do we so we don't tell them," Xander admitted. "I was going to see if he wanted to talk to McKay about things, or even Davis." He sat down. "So we have things we need. We need to deal with the money situation but I can handle that since I do have an account in Sunnydale still as a backup and two in LA as bigger backups, plus there's a branch of the demon bank in LA. I have a few hidden accounts out of the one in New York still. I'm told I get fantastic baby money interest from them."
Clay smirked. "You've been planning for something like this?"
"No, but what happens if I die suddenly in the open?"
"Good point." He considered it. "Roque can hit the one in Sunnydale. Since he's up there. I won't let him screw you over."
"I don't think he would in this situation. There's no benefit. Wade?"
"Neutralized. Anything he does gets him noticed and warned. Anya did place a bet in the demon betting pool."
"Cool," Xander said with a grin.
"Where did that vial come from?"
He nodded slowly because that was stranger than anything Jensen had pulled. "How did we get there?"
"Demon bazaar." He grinned. "It was perfectly safe, Clay."
"I trust you to watch over my people, Xander. Now, what else do you have planned? That'll take out that one."
"I need to see who they left." Jensen handed over the laptop, letting him scan the status report. "Interesting." He typed a note at Garcia, getting a horrified cackle back. He told her who to talk to and where. Then he handed it back. "That leaves three after that one attacks us. He will once we're back in the US. He can't work down here. He might try but he's going to have problems.
"He's actually going to have a lot of problems when I take out his whole clan for that." He considered it. "The other three.... Well, I'm going to be evil. Don's going to be pissed but I'm going to remind myself of how evil I can be." He smiled sweetly. "I'll let you guys go hide back in Miami by then. I'll be at the backup house, which Jensen can identify." Jensen nodded at that. "So, dinner?" he suggested.
"We can help when you're evil," Clay offered.
Xander smirked. "That would get you involved further and would make people worry, Clay. It's going to make people hellishly worried about me. Even though I can point out I don't usually care unless I'm attacked. Then, well, I did take my first life at sixteen. People keep thinking I'm nice, sweet, goofy, happy, husbandly. Not many like to remember that I grew up with alchie parents and I wasn't all that sweet and nice until Willow made Jesse and me change." He stared at Clay. "Even Willow managed to forget things."
"You bury it well."
"Anya saw it once, after Glory. She decided to stay in the hospital for an extra three days instead of coming home early to be babied." He shrugged. "A lot of people saw it during the battle at graduation. Some of those used to remember that Jesse and I wandered all over Sunnydale for *years* on our own. I think I still owe someone a life debt for saving us from some perverts who wanted to sacrifice us."
"Was it really that bad?" Pooch asked quietly.
"Jesse was the sort that even seeing it didn't taint him any. He had a pretty pure soul. A bad sense of humor and loved to prank too. He was pretty well the light that kept me from dealing with my parents for years on end, Pooch." He looked at him. "I saw my first satanic rite at seven. Full blown victim on the altar orgy and killing her later. Jesse and I had been exploring and had ended up in an old building. We heard people coming in before we could escape so we hid." Pooch gaped.
"I don't let it consume me, but there's a good pit of darkness in me that scares the crap out of most people who see it. Angel saw it once when he was coming after Buffy because she was weakened from the flu. The hyena hates it, she considers it tainted. The soldier's memories helped me shove it down a lot further over the years. Every now and then he'd bitch about how teamwork wasn't like ours. Wanted me to walk more than once. He thought they were going to offer to sacrifice me."
"Would they?" Jensen asked quietly.
Xander nodded. "Yeah, probably still would. Being the outcast one for first being male and then later being *normal* wasn't that good for me or them. It fractured a lot of the trust I had. Then again, staking Jesse, even though that wasn't my intention, kinda broke me in a lot of ways."
"That's why Aphrodite said you didn't have a strong love line," Jensen said. Xander nodded. "You can learn how to trust."
"I do, most of the time. I've learned a lot. I'm fairly cautious about things but I do trust and love them. Jesse was one of those that was supposed to be a mate. I'm sure you've seen people that their spouse was their anchor?" Pooch nodded quickly. "He was mine."
"I can't even imagine what I'd do if I lost Jolene," Pooch said quietly. Then he shuddered.
"We'd take you out if we had to," Clay promised, patting him on the shoulder. "The same as we will Xander if we have to."
Xander grinned. "Thanks, Clay. I press down on mine really hard but I have lost it a few times. So now I'm going to tap into a bit of that and I'm going to ruin some people. Actually, I'm going to ruin some networks. The last time I did, I ruined a whole drug pipeline for someone paying a poker debt in cocaine. Horatio was not amused."
"We heard about that," Pooch said. "We thought it was brilliant." Xander grinned at him. "Is it like multiple personalities?"
"No, the past possessions only really are like shoulder angels at times. Unless we switch and I'm more likely to revert to hyena before anything else thanks to the berserking thing. Ares set it so it's harder to do. He lectured me once when I nearly tapped into it while we were on that realm. He said nothing needed that level of destruction. I pointed out some things did. He gave me firm rules of when to use it and when not to use it, and promised if I dropped that far into it he'd take me out if he had to."
"So we're all good and you're going to make it back to Miami and be a bit evil," Clay said.
Xander nodded. "I'm safer almost everywhere else but I believe I can work that in my favor. Or I can stay in LA for a few days." He grinned. "Which will definitely give me time to taunt the engineering genius with stuff he might like. It'd let me take out a few other problems too. And, well, Angel might just have to deal with it."
"Epps wouldn't like that," Pooch said.
Xander shrugged. "Yay." He shrugged again. "That's nice and all. Yay. I'll stay within the law mostly."
"You're not being left to do it alone, Xander," Clay ordered. Xander gave him a confused look. "You'll still need help."
"Yeah but that would make you guys have to put up with it. I'm not exactly the nice fairy sometimes, Clay."
"Neither are we, kid." He stared at him. "What do we need to set up in LA?"
Xander smiled. "We need to get keys from Wade. That's my other fallback position."
Clay nodded, looking at Jensen. "Epps has them," Jensen said. "He said to show up in LA tomorrow with whatever you're going to taunt the geniuses with. They're heading to the island tomorrow night after an important meeting." Jensen looked over. "He said do not destroy his city."
"Not a thought of it. Though a lot of the underbelly is going to hide." He smirked. "What's this I heard that Speed put a flying monkey in with a gang. How did it work?"
"The gang kids have all gone underground. Don Cheva tried to have some of them killed to keep things quiet," Clay said. "Horatio told him to just turn them in, he was tired of getting the bodies. Andrea killed a few idiots in a very nice storage area and turned it over to them through Don Cheva since you weren't there to handle it. That brought McKay back to Miami with his friend and the Major. They've been talking about mental GHS for a bit."
"Cool!" He grinned. "So it'll stay quiet?"
"Apparently it'll be mostly quiet." He looked at Pooch. "Your wife is visiting her sister with the baby so she can complain about the upcoming one. Jensen's sister is a DMZ area and they know not to touch her."
"Yes they do," Xander agreed dryly. Jensen beamed at him for that, getting one and a hug back. "If we're going to LA tomorrow I need to pop in and get something once we're there."
"Fine," Clay agreed. "Can we hit the emergency spot first or should it go last?"
"Very few people realize that's my place. Jesse does, my friend that made the system and now makes toys. He helped me set it up and did the computer work for me. I'm not sure if Epps knows. I introduced him to Charlie and Don since he left Miami to get out of the old life. He's taking some classes at Charlie's college."
"Will anyone be watching?" Clay asked.
Xander nodded. "Probably anyone with connections in Miami." He shrugged. "I don't know. Underground parking garage though."
"That could help. We'll hit the meeting and then there. How long before you think he'll attack us?"
"Probably days. Which would give us all time to relax a little bit. He's not dumb. His clan is a warrior clan. He's pretty hard to kill too."
"All right, we'll go this way," Clay decided, looking at the map they had. "I don't have a ride picked out, Pooch."
"He has a jeep," Jensen said. "It's packed."
"How did you get a jeep into a bag?" Clay asked.
Xander smiled. "It's special and has its own. Plus, mine, so I drive."
"Pooch drives," Clay ordered. Xander pouted. "Tough, kid. In this team Pooch does almost all the driving."
"Thank you. I want to see that later."
"It's packed. It's not in one of the bags that got ripped."
"Even better." They got to work on the plan for the next day. Jensen updated the evil logbook of plots with a reason to go after one of the idiots. Garcia cackled and shared it with the others who could help her take them down.
Don looked in the bedroom then at Ryan. "I think a bag ripped."
"Apparently." They got what they needed and paid off that suspiciously overdue tax debt that they needed to have paid by midnight. Which wasn't actually due for another six months. Someone was seriously screwing with things. Don dropped some on Patrick to make sure he had paychecks taken care of, and then went to tell the others that the problem was solved. Horatio showed him who the problem was. They went to stop him. Don hated to be screwed with as much as Xander did, he was just slightly nicer about it.
Less bloodshed, more crying in misery afterward.
It let them bust a lot of dirty officials all the way to City Council.
That might help keep Miami safer so Xander could come back home soon.
Anya watched the news that night, staring at the report of the busts. "Xander's sith side is showing again. I think it's contagious."
Wade gave her an odd look. "I don't think Xander has a sith side, Anya." She had made him watch the movies, even though he complained Anakin was a whiny bitch a lot.
She stared at him. "You so read him wrong."
"I read his profile. I talk with the guy most every day."
She cuddled up to get some comfort while she explained that to him. Wade was clearly thinking bad things but she reminded him that Xander didn't like to dwell. Only when he had to. She stroked a hand over his chest. He gave her some more money to increase her bet on Xander destroying those people. She squealed and promised she'd buy him a nice present when they won. She headed to the realm to do that then came back to pounce him.
It was a good thing to know for future reference and she was very good to him.
Roque got the message and kissed his bitches goodbye, heading for the bank. Steve had gotten him permission already. They glared so he glared at the teller. She scurried to do things. He took it to LA to meet with them on Cal Sci's campus. It was probably safer because no one would expect Xander to need to check in with the geeks. Roque wasn't even sure why they were going there. Buffy and Willow would remember him for a good, long time and he'd get to come back to play sometime soon. So yeah, that was a really good favor Xander had asked him to handle.
Xander walked into the meeting he had set up, putting the covered plate in front of them. He grinned at Charlie. "Hi."
"Hi. Are you all right?"
"I'm fine. I'm not happy but I'm fine. I'm going to go evil to solve this later on." He grinned. "I'm sure a lot of people are going to be asking Don to calm me down again." He looked at McKay and Sheppard. "The bazaar where your people ended up was very complimentary about you, Colonel."
"Thanks. What bazaar?"
"There's a lot of off-realm and off-world bazaars," Xander said smugly. "Where I found a few things that could probably help you." He uncovered the plate. "Open," he told McKay. "No lemon, no peanuts, I have never heard fo anyone being allergic. You're the pickier eater though." He grinned and picked up one of the samples on the skewer. "They're fully cooked."
"Give," John ordered. "I'll do it." Xander fed him the first one and he moaned. "What is that?" he demanded.
Xander grinned. "It's pig-like. Grows up to be about six feet at the shoulder. Very nice, some people keep the pygmy version as pets." He held up the next one. "This is bird like." He let him have it, watching him get happy. "They're not huge, but they're very nice. Hard to overcook too. Handy in stews so you can feed a lot of people. They're not damaging to the environment in the least, neither of them.
"They're both herbivores and are foraging and wild in a lot of places. Even if they've been in captivity and farm raised they can handle it." He held put the last one. "This one is different. It's a goat." He let him eat it, getting a nod but no moan. "It's a good protein source. It can protect itself. The damn thing will eat people if it can. It'll eat *anything* and will bite." He smirked. "They have special tools to corral these things. They're meaner than the velociraptors in _Jurassic Park_ were."
Rodney looked at him. "Where can we find them?"
"There's a breeding trio of each on the island waiting on you. I did warn them about the goats."
"I saw those," Pooch complained. He rubbed his arm. One had bitten him on the way from the ship to the portal. "Damn things are tougher than Marines to kill. I shot one in the head and it didn't die. It's one of the ones waiting."
Xander nodded. "They're also a bit fast. So I'd suggest a laser weapon, which I know you guys have. There's a few places where a test of manhood is to go into a corral with one of the goats with only a knife and come out living after killing it."
John nodded. "Think we could use them offensively?"
"Yeah, probably. I can think of a few people I'd let them eat." He smiled.
"Hand him the vial too, kid," Clay ordered. Xander looked at him. He stared back. "You promised."
"We might need it."
"If we didn't need it."
"Yay." He stared him down. "That's too high of a fight back for this."
"Less satisfying too," Jensen reminded him.
"Point." He took the padded case box, finding which one it was.
"What are all those?" Rodney asked casually.
"He's keeping a chemist researching instead of on the open market," Clay said with a smirk. "Plus one he picked up off-world."
Xander held it up. Then he looked at John. "If you're an ATA carrier, it will activate genes."
"We have things that can activate ATA genes," Rodney said.
"No, I meant other genes," Xander said, smirking at him. "I won it in a contest."
Rodney stared at him. "So it can turn someone's other encoded genes on?"
"I don't know which ones it'll turn on. I know it works on those with an ATA sequence. That was actually on the plaque that was holding it when I rescued it. It was said to be used for war situations to disorient the enemy as their genes were activated."
The three geeks shared a look. "I need a lab," Rodney said.
"You have your own blood," John said firmly.
"I'm taking more of yours as well," Rodney assured him.
"Oh, one point. Since I looked up what an ATA gene was when I won that, did you know that a lot of *us*," he told Sheppard. "Have it?"
"Which version of us?" he asked casually. Xander smirked. "Oh, shit, it's where the GHS gene is."
Xander nodded. "I asked Greg about that. It's about half of it from what he could tell."
"Blood, now," Rodney ordered. "We can figure that out quickly enough." He looked in the padded case. "What's the rest of this?"
"Chemical explosives. He's meeting you on the island tomorrow." Xander grinned. "Wade had him evacuated in case."
"Even better." He closed it put it into his own bag. "That's much too dangerous to leave in civilian hands," he said smugly.
Xander kissed him on the forehead. "I have more." He let Cougar draw blood for him. Then they left. Xander found Roque waiting and nudged him on the arm. "You good?"
"I'm actually pretty relaxed. Thanks for sending me back out there." He handed Clay the envelope. Then looked at the kid again. "They're pretty nice."
Xander grinned. "I thought you might be dangerous enough for her." He winked and strolled off. "Okay, let's go find the house. Did we pick up the keys?" he asked Clay.
"Yup, and the address. Epps said it's a nice little place."
"Hmm, three bedrooms," he admitted.
Clay looked at Jensen. They had a long talk last night between watching shift changes. "You can room with Cougar and Jensen." He looked at Roque. "Where were you?"
"Helping Buffy and Willow back to the path of good by making them very satisfied," he said smugly.
Clay shook his head. "Never mind."
"You get in a lot of hunting?" Pooch said weakly.
"Yeah, we did." He looked at Xander. "You staked?"
"Yeah. Buffy hates guns."
"I noticed. Pity. I did show her how much easier it was but she insisted on staking." Xander nodded he knew all about that. "Why didn't you not stake?"
"Because she wouldn't let us."
"Yeah, it was," he sighed. He shrugged. "It was stress relieving at times though."
"Definitely." They walked off together. Clay gave Roque a dirty look. "No, I'm to guard the kid's back. Wade ordered it and paid me really well." He smirked.
"You can find somewhere nearby then. The place is tiny." He nodded he had arranged that already. "Shoo." Roque strolled off. He looked at Xander. "You did what?" he asked quietly.
"Pointed out they were going evil and suggested he could help them find the light again," Xander said with a grin.
"I've never been able to fuck the evil out of someone," Clay admitted. "I've tried really hard a few times though."
"I've managed to fuck evil into someone," Xander offered.
"Yeah, that's why they want to own you, kid," Clay quipped back. They got into the jeep, which had amused him to no end when they had unpacked it. He needed that on the job too.
Anya smiled as Wade walked in. "Something good?" she guessed by the smirk on his face.
"Xander brought out the retrieval kit."
"Wonderful. Are they all right?"
"They should be. Clay looked pissed when he left for Mexico." He smirked as he sat down. She crawled into his lap to nibble on his ear. "Not now, Anya. I have to make some evil plans."
She looked at him. "As long as they aren't against Xander. I'd hate to miss you when he destroyed you."
"I'd never cross the kid unless it was totally necessary. Xander earned my respect." She helped him make evil plans. He talked with the hackers he had on standby to help with whatever. The evil shits trying the family wouldn't have as much fun without a lot of things they held dear, like money. Anya purred at that suggestion. Even though he did send a good chunk of it to charities in their name. It still left her plenty of shopping money.
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