Notes: heavy NC-17, some kinky stuff, size play, Jensen/Xander/Cougar, B/R/W.  Mytryk suggested the t-shirt after hearing about them.

Hidden Things.

Don walked up to Speed a few days later.  "Do you guys have some boxes for Xander?"

"Yeah, he asked us to hold a few boxes when he needed a new bookcase and didn't have one ready," Speed said.  "Why?"

"Because the alarm system this morning had an order to get into a closet in the study that he had hidden to find the emergency escape stash and to get into the blackmail files, which you're holding a few of."  He smiled.  "Horatio's there already looking through them."

Speed grinned his most mean grin.  "I can bring them to him.  Come help me, Don."  They left together, him calling to Dispatch that they were going to file storage.  They loaded the six boxes into the back of the hummer and took them back to the house, finding Horatio in the office sorting things out.  "He didn't have it sorted by person?  That's unusual."

Horatio looked up, accepting the quick kiss with a smile.  "He did, I'm sorting what is currently useful to this situation and what is not.  What are those?"

"The ones he didn't have room for in here," Don said.  He looked around and used the little magic finding pendant they had for the warehouse around the office, finding a few more cabinets he didn't know they had.  "I'm wondering if Xander had some sort of vision or something."

Horatio looked at him.  "I believe Xander's dipped back into his dark side," he said quietly.  "The ones who are doing this to his family are going to regret it."

"They will if I ever get my hands on 'em," Don promised.  "Then I'll conveniently die if I have to so we can move to the island or something to hide."

Horatio smiled.  "I doubt it will be necessary, Don.  If so, you'll have to stand in line behind Xander himself."

"Xander couldn't," he said.

"You mean like staking is so much different?" Speed asked.  Don gaped.  Speed and Horatio stared at him.  "Xander has a deep pit in him, Don.  He doesn't like to go there."

"I never thought about that," he admitted.

"Yeah, it's there," Speed assured him, smiling a bit.  "Xander can be downright scary when he wants to be."  They got back to work sorting through the files.  "I wonder how much of this is known?"

"I don't know," Horatio admitted.  "Though I'm not sure if I'd want to be acknowledging much of this.  This one slept with a goat."

Speed looked over his arm.  "Huh, we even have pictures."  He shrugged.  "I wonder if they'll mind when we tell others."  He got back to his sorting.

Don shook his head quickly.  "This is all weird stuff."

"Yes it is," Horatio agreed.  "Which can be quite damaging."  Wade walked in with a briefcase.  "More blackmail files?"

"Yup."  He looked over his arm.  "Half of everyone knows that.  They'd just shrug it off."  He handed over one of the files.  "Sleeping with his daughter however might not be."  He put down the other folders.  "These are the major power players I could find anything on."  He smirked.  "I have also done a very bad thing and made them have to work a little harder to get their cash back.  It's not all that easy to steal it back from a charity."

Horatio smiled.  "Hopefully good ones?"

"Yeah, though I did send one's to the ultra-right wing nuts' charity of telling poor kids they're doomed to hell.  The former owner of the money got a very nice letter thanking him for supporting their cause.  He's catholic."  He smirked.  "I'm sure he'll love that."

"Probably not, but good job," Don praised with a smile.  He looked at the alarm pad in there, seeing a new message scrolling.  "Don't be complacent.  One of them is coming to Miami to watch the hell start.  Huh.  Got a name?" he asked the ceiling.

"That should be enough to figure it out," Wade said, reading over his shoulder.  "Yeah, that's the file code."  He looked that up and found the file.  "Aww, that's so sweet.  The Hitler wannabe is coming to Miami."  Horatio took the file to look over, calling someone to warn them.  "I should hire a really nasty looking rent boy for him.  He hates gay people."  Wade sat down to consider that option and others.  "Where did he find this desk?"

"He made it," Don said proudly.

"It's really nice."  He went over the other files, sorting some out.  "Minions.  Their higher ups are idiots."  He kept going, finding a few of the higher ups had files.  "Huh."  He looked them over.  Then he called Greg's little neck thing.  "Greg, Wade.  Do you have any of the folders on the idiots?"

"I'm on the beach but yeah.  It's hidden," Greg's voice said from the speaker.  "Unless Tony took them to someone.  Tony, did you hand over our files?"

"Not yet, I wasn't sure if we needed to or not."

"You guys have three of the higher ups' files since they've bothered you."

"Got it," Greg said.  "Thanks, Wade."  He hung up.

Wade smiled.  "It's a little microtransmitter," he told Horatio.  "The team all have one too."

"That is very handy."

"Can't be traced or blocked," Wade said smugly.  "All the boss's idea."

"Hmm.  Even better.  I'd like to see a set."

"I'll see what I can do.  I'm not sure if there's any open right now."  They got back to making a strategy for turning them on each other.  They wanted to anyway.  It would only help Xander's ruining them.


Greg hung up and called Gibbs on his secure phone.  "It's us.  We didn't realize we had something in the files that could help."  He listened.  "Yes, those.  I don't know."  He hung up.  "Hopefully no one's tapping on his end."

"Faust dropped it the last I knew," Tony admitted.  "When did you get the microchip phone?"

"I helped Xander and Ryan test them."  He smirked.  "It's very handy.  It can go in with the organic tracker."

"Huh."  He nodded.  "We should surf."

"We should."  They went to play in the water.  The agent guarding them just watched for now.  Fornell was being paranoid for a good reason.


Gibbs made it to Tony and Greg's place as the person was ripping it apart to find things.  He wounded him and called it in then waited for him to be removed before he grabbed the files and the emergency bag.  He took them both back to the office to integrate them with what they had.  Horatio was feeding information to the hacker bulletin board McGee and Garcia had set up for this emergency.

They could figure out what to do with all this in a few hours when it was all known.  Gibbs went to check on the person he had caught, finding he had committed suicide in his cell.  Which was why Sanders and DiNozzo were on a plane an hour later going to the Carribean.  The island was wonderful and Greg could easily use the house Xander kept down there.


Jace looked up as people started to appear.  She smiled.  "I take it whatever came after Xander branched out?" she guessed, shaking their hands.  "John.  Long time no see."  She kissed him on the cheek.

"Basically.  Plus he set up a meeting with us here."  He smiled.  "And some meat beasts?"

"That's probably what's in that horribly ugly shipping box."  She pointed.  "It says they'll wake up when you open them up."  She walked them out there.  John boosted Rodney up so he could look in the open top of the box.

"We have three of each and they're in stasis or something."  He reached down to touch  one.  "They're in stasis."  He hopped back down.  "That will be helpful to move them later."

"That's good.  I'm hoping they can adapt."

"They're from somewhere else so it might be fine," Rodney said.  He smiled at Jace.  "So you've known him for a while now?"

"Yes.  John's stopped at the other resort a few times over the years."

"Is it still in Vegas?" John asked, taking her arm to walk her off.

"It is but Xander got left this so he kindly sold it to me to make another version."  She smiled at Rodney, taking his arm as well.  "The researcher you're looking for is probably up in his room in Xander's house, boys.  His chemist?"  They both nodded.  "Wonderful.  I do have to warn you to stay away from the cliffs.  The lab out there is presently a bit damp and I don't want anyone hurt."

"What sort of lab?" Rodney asked.  She told them the stories about the robots as they walked into Xander's house.  She pointed at them.  Rodney went to talk to them and test them.  That was beyond their skills.  She smiled at John.  "Be a good boy."  She strolled off, going back to her own vacation.  She could quit suntanning to meet Greg and that cuteness magnet Tony later.  She was sure Greg could babble at McKay about a few things, plus the chemist Xander helped would know him as well.


Don looked over the information that Wade had from Steve.  "Why do we have a chemist we're paying?  He buys regular shampoos."

"He was going to be forced into the open market," Wade said.  "He got fired for a made up reason after refusing to give someone something for ethical reasons."

"I like that," he decided.  "Do we pay him a literal salary or do we just give him monthly payments like our housekeeper?"

"He gets a quarterly grant.  It's not due for another two months."

"Good I guess," Don decided.  "Steve knows, right?"

"Yeah.  Xander even rented Greg's old lab space for him."

"Do we have more of those?"

"One, an engineer.  He's the one that made half the retrieval kits.  He works with a pretty strong magic user to create neat things.  Like that organic tracker."

"Huh," Don said.  "Was he the same sort of thing?"

"He was merging magic and tech."

"So Xander got geek glee?"

"Yup."  Wade smiled.  "That's how they have the jeep."

"What jeep?" Danny asked as he walked in with Speed and Horatio.

"The special emergency jeep.  It packs down into a flat case," Wade said.  Danny shook his head quickly.

Speed smirked.  "I saw that demonstrated.  It's pretty neat.  The case can turn into the roof supports for the canvas roll it carries."

"A full jeep?" Horatio asked.  Speed nodded.  "Interesting.  I'd like to see that."  Speed found the photo of it and showed him.  Then the after picture.  "Like the bags?"

"Yup," Wade agreed.  "He changed all the bags so if they're ripped, things go to the bed.  He figured he'd have the bed for a very long time and he's got it protected so even if the house is destroyed that bed is going to still be around."  Horatio smiled.  "Have we checked the storage area at Fu's, Don?"

"Yeah, I cleared it out the other day," he admitted.  "Don Cheva was very nice to make sure they paid Xander before they died."

Horatio smirked.  "That was very nice of him.  His file was quite entertaining.  Did you know the wife we arrested was his third?"  Wade nodded.  "At the same time?"

"That I did not know," Wade admitted with a grin.  "Interesting."  They went over what had to be handled.

"When is he coming back?" Don asked.

"Few weeks.  After he's sure it's safe," Speed said.  "I heard that from Don Epps."

"It's good he's heard from him.  I'd like to talk back to my boy sometime soon instead of reading notes on the alarm pad."  He looked.  No new note right now.  Wade was snickering.  "How is he doing that?"

"It's all wired to the computer system he had someone set up."

"Can you usually do that?" Horatio asked.

"Not without it being specially set up."

"Xander's going to have to make all new emergency plans for when he dies in public," Horatio said.  They all nodded.  "Does he have more?"

"One here," Wade said.  "Most of it can be reused as long as none of the people bothering him can tell anyone."

"I'd still rather have them in jail," Horatio warned.

"Then they're likely to work through their minions.  It won't stop them."

"That is not our job."

"Xander feels it's his job," Wade countered.

Horatio nodded.  "I can see that."  He leaned on the desk.  "How many will he have left to work against?"

"If he has his way, none.  Possibly, two."

"How is he handling things?" Don asked.

"I haven't talked to him directly.  I talked to Roque, who said the kid's fine.  That Jensen's helping him a lot."  Don nodded.  "So far he's all right, though he is craving chinese food for some reason."

"He eats at Fu's each time he plays cards there," Danny said.  "He's probably missing the card games."

"There's not much for the rest of the team to do," Wade offered.  "They're probably doing an inventory of what he brought."

"I'd like to see that," Horatio said.

"I'll let them know."  Wade looked around.  "We have all the bills covered for the next two months."  They all nodded.  "Have we talked to Steve about the accounts in other areas?"

"Not yet," Danny said.  "How many are there?"

Wade activated the one for Steve's implanted phone chip.  "Steve, how many out of the area accounts are still safe?  We're worried this is going to go on too long."

"Let me check, Wade."

"We're here too," Don said into the small thing that was acting like a speaker.

"Good.  Where is Xander?"

"Nearly his old stomping grounds," Wade said.  "In the princess's former apartment.  He said something about Dennis being lonely."

Danny moaned, shaking his head.  "Her ex?"

"Spirit," Dean said as he leaned in.  "He still good, Wade?"

"Yeah.  Did you hear that the PD wanted you two to help with the bust of the demon procurer?"

"Nope.  Who?"

"Vice," Horatio said.  He found the number and handed it over.  Dean walked off talking to them.  Horatio looked around.

"All right, they have the accounts off shore monitored.  They can be accessed but they'll know where you accessed it from."  Another pause.  "The ones in New York are clear but in Don's name."

"I didn't know that," Don said.  "Is that going to cause me problems with the IRS?"

"No.  You're noted as the handler, not the owner of those."  Another short pause.  "The ones in LA have been tapped recently and that one's monitored but that could've been planned since it was so tiny.  Clearly Xander's not shopping.   The other seven aren't noted at all as far as I can tell."

"Send the list to me and I'll get a hacker to make sure," Wade said.

"I'm using that system, Wade."

Even better.  Anything we should know?"

"Not that I'm seeing.  No, I'm seeing something about the bank in Sunnydale.  That's not Roque."

"I'll send him to check.  Thanks, Steve."

"Welcome.  Even though my brother is giving me a look like I'm talking to myself again."  He hung up.  Steve smiled at his brother.  "It's a trial emergency phone."

"Where is it?" he asked.  "I can hear a buzz when you're talking."  Steve touched it, letting him run a finger over it.  "That's really strange."

"It's very handy.  And no telemarkters can call it," he quipped with a smirk.

"What are you involved in?" Jim asked quietly.  "You were the good brother."

"I still am.  One of the guys I watch the accounts of has a spook trying to use him to play games.  He's fighting back."

"Why would a spook want him?"

"Because he's a good man who's helped protect people in the past."

"So they're acting to keep him from doing it again?"

"No, they're playing with him to decide who's going to fill in the power vacuum that was caused by my client taking out a person who was plotting future terrorist moves."  Jim groaned, shaking his head.  "There's apparently about eight vying to be power brokers.  He's dealing with them.  We're expecting them all to be gone one way or another by the time he's done."

"He'd kill them?"

"If he has to.  They kidnaped him from Miami to Central America."

"That sucks," Jim decided.  "Are you safe?"

"Enough.  They tried to set down rules and block the group around him from helping him any more than they wanted.  Most of that has been solved.  A few of his close friends have decided to handle things for him."  He grinned.  "There's some agents involved who are more than happy to be evil for him."

"That's supposed to be their job."

"No, these ones aren't working together, Jim."  He smiled.  "A few hackers, a few in a few different agencies.  Some officers."

"How did he gather that diverse of a group?"

"You'd have to meet him to understand.  He's a lot like Blair though."

"That makes more sense."  Jim went back to watching for people to sneak up and take his poor brother.  Steve was back in financial land.  Jim wasn't sure why but he guessed it made his brother happy.


Ian Edgerton stomped up to Epps, walking him off by his arm.  "We have dirty higher ups."

"I figured there was at least one," Don agreed.  "Why?"

"Because I got sent to take a hit on the kid."  He stared at him.  "With supposedly legal paperwork for a dead capture.  I went looking when I found out who he was.  There's false warrants and all that good shit."

Don nodded slowly.  "Ours isn't.  I've already told him that there's a situation like Max was playing with someone I know in case it infects my team.  Is the kid all right?"

"Yeah, I didn't tell him."  Don went to get his boss while Ian pulled out the forms he had.  He handed them over.

The local Assistant Director looked through everything then nodded.  "Thank you for bringing this to me, Edgerton.  Are you all right?"

"For right now.  Does the kid know, Don?"

"Yeah, they kidnaped him to Honduras and made him trek back."

"Xander?" he asked.  "He can do that?"

"Something got pointed out to me when I checked on him the last time," Don said.  "Xander was part of the Sunnydale team."

"I forgot all about that," he agreed.

"Xander is also destroying the people who did this.  He's not a happy camper and he's back in evil mode as he put it."  He grinned.  "All that angst and anger from there is now piled right on these people."

"Sucks to be them," Ian decided.

"Really sucks since one committed suicide earlier before he was lynched and burned," Don said with a mean smirk.  "They were at his door to do it."

"Aww, that's so sweet of him," their boss said dryly.  "As long as he doesn't bring any of those damn flying monkeys.  Edgerton, I'll talk with Fornell personally about this so he can clean house."

"Thank you, sir."

"Welcome.  Do you have a waiting retrieval?"

"Not at the moment."

"That's fine, help Epps then.  His brother's in hiding for some reason."

"They tried to make Charlie part of this sick game.  That's one reason why the even bigger geek was protecting him.  That's why his coworker showed up suddenly."

"Even better.  What does that one scientist do?" his boss asked.

"Classified beyond everyone's ranking, sir.  It's presidential oversight only."

"Damn," he muttered.  "Figures.  Are we losing your brother to it?"

"No.  They don't need a math genius most of the time.  They need engineers and things."  He looked at Ian, grinning.  "Did you hear a special projects design team in the Pentagon made a flying robot off a sci-fi show to scare the crap out of people?"

"Huh?" he asked.  Don went to his desk and came back with his laptop, running the film he had gotten from Speed.  "They sent that to Miami."

Ian watched.  "What's it saying?"

"Exterminate all not military."

"For some reason I can see sending that into the hills in Afghanistan and cackling at the response."  He shook his head, handing it back.

"Show him those monkeys so he knows how to destroy them if they show up again," his boss ordered, walking off to call DC.

Don got into that tape, showing him.  "Speed sicced one on a gang poker game."

Ian cackled.  "That's....  flying monkeys take out gang members," he snickered.  "That's evil."

"Sanders suggested it," Don said smugly.

"Poor Gibbs."  They went to find a way to talk to the kid.  Clay's team was guarding him very heavily but Roque was more in the open so they could set up a meeting.


Xander looked up from his lunch when someone sat down.  "Hey, Roque."  He glanced around then at him.  "What's going on?"

"Epps needed to talk."

"He could have come over."

"He had another agent with him."  He showed him the picture.

"Edgerton, he's a world class sniper in Fugitive Retrieval."  He smiled.  "He knows about us too.  Gibbs made him follow me around DC and on the way to the New York convention."  He sipped his milkshake.  "He's been in Miami a few times."

"Good to know.  Where is he on Cougar's scale?"

"Little bit less patient, talks more, ranked third in the FBI."

"So probably as good," he decided.  "There's rumors he got a fake warrant to bring you in."

Xander nodded.  "I heard that from Garcia.  By the way she said hi."  He took another sip of his shake.  "So, not going back soon?"

"Maybe this weekend if things are tame.  Thanks for sending me."

"Welcome.  You deserve to be happy."

Buffy sat down, Willow beside her.  "You sent him up to us?"

Xander looked at her.  "Yeah, that's why I set you two up to spar too," he said dryly.  He waved off Clay since he could see him stomping their way.  "This last time I suggested he take some time to defrag with you.  Because you had forgotten what it was like to be a woman and he was uptight."  She sneered.  "I'll take your damn head off, Buffy.  You lost every ounce of loyalty and liking I ever had for you," he said dryly.  "Don't think I won't hesitate."  He ate a fry.

"You made a deal," she sneered.

"No demon can up your hormones.  Anya and patrol was keeping it down before."  He smirked.  "If you talked to her, she'd remember sex marathons that wore us both our plenty of times."  Willow blushed.  "Most of us have our hormones pop out in our late teens and early twenties.  Beyond that, I didn't have to make a deal.  I was born this way."

"You've got *gifts*," she hissed, glancing around.

"Yeah, I have the small gift of littler magics so I'm not as dangerous as Willow is and I have that nifty self-healing gift that comes with how I was born."  She gaped.  He stared back.  "It's one reason why I trained at the temple of Ares, Summers.  All that came from birth specialness, that the hellmouth probably prompted higher.  Without that I might've been a lesser level.  Less wanted, more clear headed outside of dangerous times."  He took another drink of his shake.  "If you're that ungrateful that I set you up with a man who could handle your life and all that it entails, sorry."  She slumped, shaking her head.  "Roque is kinda a friend and I want him to be happy."

"We're friends," Willow pouted.

He stared at her.  "After how you two fucked up my life?  No, we're not."  She slumped too.  "Friends don't try to get you killed."  She went pale.  "Yeah, I heard about that contract.  Pity they tried to act on it and I wiped out over half their plane with Wade."  He gave her a pointed look.  She shuddered.  He looked at Buffy again.

"I suggest you go back to Sunnydale today, Buffy.  LA is big, but not that big.  You can even take Roque.  He can watch my back from up there easy enough.  Because I have to destroy some people who're fucking with me at the moment."  She whined.  "Shoo.  Now."  She got up and stomped off, Willow following.  He looked at Roque.  "Go, soothe it before she does something tremendously stupid," he said quietly.  "You got halfway there."  He smirked, going to deal with his bitches.  Clay sat down, glaring at him.  "Roque said I needed to be out and about because Epps wanted a talk and he had Edgerton with him.  No one would let Ian near me."

"I didn't know he had Ian with him.  Roque reported Epps and a strange agent but he wasn't looking pleased.  He was giving off body language like someone was forcing him into something."

"That may be the new assignment his team just got handed."  Ian and Don sat down in the spare seats.  Xander grinned.  "How is the new assignment."

"Fuck off," Ian muttered.  Xander gave him a hug.  "Thanks.  Get off?"  Xander smirked at him.  "You heard?"

"I so heard from Garcia."  He grinned at Don.  "Did you remember to warn Larry?" he asked quietly.

"Not yet," he admitted.  "That could get around."  He sighed.  "The higher up....."

"I heard," Xander said, grinning at Ian.  "He's presently begging for mercy as they tow his car, take his daughter back to jail because the bond was his house and her trial got moved up, which she missed, and his wife is screaming at him about having to fall back on her second job as a hooker for the agency to fix that."  Ian smirked at that.  He smirked back.  "Other than that, he'll probably try to team up and lose his temper.  Faust was cackling earlier until I sent him a nice little container of single use lube ampules with a note that he might need it soon for starting this."  He ate a fry.  "What else is going on in my former nearly adopted city?"

Don shook his head.  "That auction?"

Clay got into his phone to text that to Jensen, who sent him the location and time.  "Here, what we know about it."

Don looked it over, writing it down.  "We can handle that."  He handed it back to Clay.  "Are you guys safe?"  Xander nodded.  "How did you get that place?"

"It was Cordy's. I didn't want to make Dennis deal with mundanes so he's more comfy."

"Who is Dennis?" Clay asked.

"You saw the floating glass of tea?" Ian asked dryly.  Clay nodded slowly.  "Chase always said that she was very soothed by Dennis floating things to help her."

"He's a ghost?" Clay asked quietly.  Xander grinned and nodded.  "Why?"

"His mother killed him.  They had to banish his mom when Cordy moved in, way back when.  I know she was kinda feeling a lot for Dennis and I didn't want him to suffer through some bimbo like the last one before her.  So I took over the rent and all that.  That way he's protected."

"That's nice I guess," Clay decided.  Xander smiled.  "They could help him move on."

"He knows if he wants to, he can ask and we can dig him out of the walls."

"That's fine."  He looked at the others.  "We have timid plans at the moment."

Don nodded.  "There's someone trying to butt in."

"I heard," Xander admitted.  "Jensen woke me up swearing about them this morning.  Him, I might just send one of those monkeys to."  Don shuddered.  Xander grinned.  "Or send him to a shopping area."  He winked.  "He's a bit freaked out."

Don snickered.  "Good.  Maybe it'll keep him out of everyone's hair."

"I did send a note warning him to leave me the fuck alone before I dealt with him permanently.  Mentioned some cannibal species I know about."  He smirked.  "Anyway...  I take it you saw Roque's new bitches?"

"I did," Ian said smugly.  "Why is he with them?"

"Buffy prefers dangerous guys."

"Which he is," Clay agreed.  "And slightly crazy too."

"Which fits in well.  Plus, hey, he's keeping Willow off magic."  He smirked at them.  "It's good for a guy and maybe some day they'll turn back into their old selves."

"Could be," Don agreed.  "What other plans do you have?"

"Not many at the moment.  I'm waiting for the plans that have been going on to finish up.  That should be by tomorrow.  Then I can see who cleared the dust and plan accordingly."

Clay nodded.  "That's sound planning."

Xander smiled at him.  "That one possession by a soldier did teach me more about the tactics I learned geeking my way through D&D."

"Clearly," he said dryly.  He looked at Ian.  "If he had told us it was you, we would've let you up."

"It's cool.  I had to search down who sent me."

"They're not happy," Xander assured him.  "Fornell was cackling though."  He smiled sweetly.  "I really don't like it when people try to screw with me."  He looked around then at Don.  "Your female teammate is glaring at me.  I'm thinking she heard Buffy's lie."

"She did.  I corrected it and showed her the amended file.  Wolfram and Hart is putting that around though."

"Yeah, they're a whole other problem.  They're against Angel mostly.  But...."  He sipped his shake.  "I'll see what I can do."  He winked and got up, putting down money and eating one last fry.  "Let me go scare the shit out of someone."  He strolled off.

"Guards," Clay ordered.

"No, not this time."  He smirked.  "I can do a lot without them."  He walked past her.  "She did lie."

"They said it's been reopened."

"That's nice but she still lied.  I was in New York."  He stared at her.  "Megan, there's no way I wouldn't have protected her in those days, even though I wouldn't have been in a frat party."  She gasped.  "So no, she's a bitch.  Fortunately I have a friend who can put up with her and she likes them dangerous so they're a good match."  He walked around her.  "I'm going to destroy some people.  Laters."  He got into a cab and went there, pulling down his hair to redo it.  He walked into the law firm's lobby, smiling.  "Hi, I need to speak to one of the partners please."

"Sir, they're not taking walk-in clients," she said, sneering at him.

Xander smirked.  "Pity."  He walked past her, hormone bombing her.  She moaned and fell over, already fondling herself.  "I was polite."  He got into the elevator, letting the feeling guide him to which floor he needed to be on.  "Not the basement," he muttered.  "I'll save his stupid ass later."  He got another feeling and hit that floor.  He rode up, humming with the music.  He walked off and found guards.  They all dropped at his hormones.  "Hi, guys.  Which way to the senior partner's office?"  One weakly pointed so he walked that way, getting most of them on the way.  He walked into the meeting room, smirking.  "I find it very amusing that you came after me."

"Who are you to walk in here!" one shouted.  "Guards!"

"They're a bit busy."  He pushed back his hair.  "Recognize me now?"  He let the hair go with a smirk when the man whined.  "We do realize that I officially, by rights of conquest and inheritance, own enough realms to sit on the High Council myself?  To finish the work Vesvold started?"  The other two gaped in horror.  He smirked.  "Yes, I am that Xander."

He pulled out his katana.  "I'm also the Lost Chaos Child.  And you're fucking with me.  I could consider you guys stress relief from the other problems, since you're so much weaker, but I don't want to make Epps have to work.  It's such a pretty day and he should be enjoying it instead of cleaning up a Sunnydale-style battle site."  He looked around.  "Leave me alone, people.  I'm not the nice one."

"Buffy Summers...."

Xander snickered.  "Buffy believes I made a dark deal.  She's also pathetically stupid.  I'm glad her new boyfriend can put up with that and Willow's issues as well."  He let the sword rest against his leg.  "I don't care what Buffy wants.  I don't care who Buffy wants.  She's already stepped way over the line, too many times to ignore.  I may help with apocalypse battles but nothing else.  Sunnydale can be sunk for all I care."  He shrugged.  "Now, anything else?"

"You stopped one of our plans," one sneered.

Xander let his hormones go fully this time.  Before had been little leakings.  This time it was the full out level ten experience of his hormones.  "Why yes, I did."  They all moaned.  "Leave me and my harem alone.  Permanently.  And yes, I do mean that in the demonic sense since you're all clearly hellborn spawn."

He smirked.  "Before I have to lose my temper like I did on that slave market that had me."  Two of the three looked horrified and backed up.  Xander undid the button on his pants, letting some of the tattoos show.  The other shook his head, backing up slowly, looking scared.  "I'm not the nice fairy, guys.  If you had done any sort of background check, you would've been more worried that I could've easily went serial killer.

"Aren't you so glad the Master turned the one that kept me whole?"  They all whimpered, pressing against the walls.  "Leave me and mine alone.  Permanently.  Don't come to Miami.  Stay out of the current thing.  Fuss at Angel if you want to, because I don't care what he wants most of the time.  I can respect Wes, and Gunn, and Fred, but I tolerate Angel.  Are we clear?"

"You're like Jace," one said, swallowing hard.

"In more ways than one.  I even trained at a temple off realm."  He smirked.  "Ryan was so nice when we were training together."

"Yes, Master Harris," one said, looking down.  "Are you claiming a seat?"

"Why do I want that sort of stress?  I'm concubine material.  I'd have to set up one of my boyfriends and since they're detectives it might not go like they want."

"You could give much status to a Higher," the other offered.

Xander shook his head.  "No thanks.  If I want a Higher, I can talk to D'Hoffryn since I knew him through Anya.  Or hey, we can talk Sam into taking his birthright job you guys wanted him to have.  I'm missing my sparring time with Sam.  He's a great student."  He smirked.  "Any other questions?"  They shook their heads, looking down.

"Good.  Then I'm going to go back to destroying people who are fucking with me, after I take Angel home because he's a pathetic excuse for a Champion, and you guys can call an office-wide orgy."  Xander walked out, walking over the bodies in the hall writhing with each other.  He went to the basement, freeing Angel from his cell by cutting the lock off.  "Seriously, they consider you a champion?"  He walked off.  "Find a way home, Angel.  I made my point and I'm going sex toy shopping."

Angel gaped.  "What the hell, Xander?" he demanded, following him.  Xander turned, putting the sword against his throat, staring at him.  He swallowed, backing up.  "Sure, you're not in a good mood," he said, taking another step back.

"That's because people are screwing with me, including Buffy and Willow.  Don't join them.  Go home, chalk up the good rescue to my faith in my Gods, and get happy."  He hit the button for the elevator.  "I'm cabbing so I can't give you a ride.  You're halfway across town."  He got onto the elevator and hit the button for the lobby.  Angel was standing there, mouth open, staring like it was so unusual.  "Really, clearly another case of 'didn't see the real me in Sunnydale'," he told himself, walking out.  Pooch was waiting.  "I was going sex toy shopping," he said as he got in.

"That's fine.  Why do you stink?"

"Because they're hell's lawyers and they've been pissing me off for weeks.  I made myself plain on that point.  So they're having a special office orgy treat now instead of for the Christmas party that usually ends up with a sacrificial victim."

"Uh-huh.  Do you maybe wanna calm down?"

"Yeah, I will soon."  He put his sword back in the hidden holder.  "You might warn Clay that Angel is stunned stupid since I just rescued him.  Again."

"I can do that."  He stopped at a very large porn shop.  "Call?"

"Chill.  I can take a cab."  He got out with a smirk.  "This one even has a room where you can try various models."  He strolled inside.  Jensen was in there browsing.  "Hi, big fella," he teased with a smirk.  "Fancy meeting you here."

"Someone called Don to tell him you were in revenge mode and needed to finish calming down," he said smugly.  He picked up something.  "What do you think?"

"I think that's pretty but I'm allergic to latex, dear."

"I didn't know that.  I'll have to make sure the others do."  He walked him off to the silicone models.  Xander found a few he liked and they bought them and a kinky tape then they left to go somewhere more exclusive.  It was a GHS catering shop.  Xander smiled at the bouncer, holding up his card.  The man moaned, opening the gated doorway for him.  Xander smiled at the shopkeeper.  "Hi.  I'm on a trip, this is my guard."  He held up his card.  She nodded, smiling at him.  "Of course, I'm a bit backed up."  He grinned and pulled out something.  "Use this.  It should be full."

She ran the balance on the prefilled card, moaning at it.  "That's a very pretty balance, sir, and we can find all sorts of nice things to help your guard."  She led them off to the toy room.

"He's allergic to latex," Jensen said.

"We don't use latex.  It's so common," she assured him.  "There's a few things that have latex tubing though so I'll keep that in mind.  Do you have a kink line?  I know none of you like pain but a few have liked piercing and a few have liked bondage."

"I don't mind light bondage if I'm in the mood for it.  I've played with size queen ideals more than once.  I need a new retightening charm but I'm working on making one."

"Do you usually live near here?" she asked casually.

He smirked.  "Miami."

"Oh, you're him," she moaned.  He smirked and nodded.  She called up their file on his likes and past purchases.  "You haven't visited our shop many times."

"Don doesn't want me to do it alone and he's always working.   They threw an absolute fit the last time I went."

"Pity."  She let them see what they had to offer him.  He fingered a very nice triangle-shaped sling.  "That is very sturdy," she promised.  "It can hold up to five hundred pounds.  The chains are very heavy gauge so no matter what you're doing in them you'll be safe.  We also carry the optional stirrups and cuffs."  She showed him.   He picked out that and a few straps.  Jensen got a light pair of cuffs with a smirk and a pair of hanging cuffs that were meant to hold up his thighs.  She smiled at him.  "Those are very nicely padded inside.  They absorb sweat and you can unsnap the covering to wash them."

"I like that feature," Xander agreed.  They went to look at other things.  She kept him out of the 'gear' room since he probably didn't need whips, chains, or leashes.  She did find a very sweet looking set of toys for him, which made his guard moan.

"With that balance on your card, you can afford three new ones in addition to that."

Xander looked at her.  "They're that expensive?  I'm used to about seventy a toy."

"These are very special material.  It mimics the drag of natural skin almost exactly."

Xander ran a finger over one, shaking his head.  "No, if I want toy play I want toys."  She nodded, pushing back in that drawer and pulling out the better quality toys.  "I broke one of those once," he said, pointing at it with a grin for her.  "In the shower thankfully."  She gaped in awe.  He smirked.  "I have very well trained muscles."

"I can tell, sir."  She got him the realistic feeling jelly ones since he seemed to prefer those over more rigid models.  "That one is latex based," she warned when he reached for one.  "The blue dots mean that it's latex."  Jensen put back one and picked out something the same size and girth that didn't have the blue dot.  Xander got a few he liked, making Jensen give him a strange look.  He grinned back.  "Plugs?"

"I have two with me," Xander admitted.  He looked those over.  "That's pretty.  Easily cleaned too probably."

"It's meant for heated or cold play," she agreed, handing it over.  "We also have some glass ones."

He shook his head.  "I have a full line of those at home.  My students are always amused when they find them in the dishwasher."  She snickered, nodding she understood.  He smiled at her.  "What else do you have to show me?  I know in Miami we have some wonderful special areas."

She led them that way, finding the three special rooms.  They had two more.  He glanced in them and she smiled.  "That's really for more S&M play, sir."

"That's fine.  Though benches can be used by us."

"I know."  She led them into the one room.  "This is our Precious collection."

Jensen moaned.  "I can see why."  Everything was twinkling metal and jewels.  He pointed at something.  "I was thinking about putting you in one of those the night we get back."  She let them see it.  "It's very soft inside.  Hitches to your ring."

Xander nodded.  "It's very pretty but I think I have one of those somewhere.  I have a bunch of stuff we need to sort through.  The drawers are a mess again."  Jensen nodded.  They looked at other things.  Xander found a slim chain head ring.  "Hmm.  I wore one of those once for someone.  Had a tiny set of bells.  Very tight and harder to get off than the cockring was."

Jensen looked it over.  "It'd probably give you the same sort of friction you'd get from a piercing."

"It should," she agreed.  "That's what they're made for.  They go right behind the head and tuck in nicely.  It gives a delicious bit of friction as it moves across him and your partner's anal tract."

He felt it.  "That one's a bit sharp.  Do we have a smoother one?" Xander asked her.

"Of course."  She led them to another room, turning off the lights in the first one once they were out.  "This one is more for sensual play."  She let them see that chain.

"I like this one," Xander agreed.  "Is it adjustable or does it have to be measured?"

"That one you can hitch the clip anywhere on the chain," she said, showing him.  "With where it sits, it'll be loose when you're flaccid but when you're hard it should fit snugly.  I'd suggest putting it on the first time while hard."  He nodded, adding that to their basket.  It dropped through a hole so he picked it up and handed it to Jensen, who smiled.  They picked out some massage stuff and a vibrator that was meant for deep tissue massages.  They went to the third room.  It was all fur covered.  "This is our fantasy fur room."  She smiled.  "For when you have to have a furry something next to you."

Xander ran a hand over something.  "I have something like this at home but it was from New York."  He touched a few other things.  "A furry cock ring."

Jensen smiled.  "Might not be great for blowjobs but pretty shocking when you're presenting yourself."  They got that one in a black and gray leopard print then checked out.  Xander had to pay the tax on it but that was fine.  They took it home.  Jensen smiled at him.  "Where are all yours stored?"

"Under the bed and in that small dresser on my side of the bed," Xander sighed.  "It's not sorted at all."

"We should set you up a small drawer for them.  Like they had."

"I thought about that but I couldn't find one that fit in with the bedroom's colors.  Speed finally found one so it's on order."  They walked in together.  "Hi, guys.  We're back."

Pooch looked at the bags.  "You could've called.  I would've picked you up."

"We went to the exclusive place," Xander said with a grin. "I love shopping there."  Clay shook his head quickly.  "They have some really neat stuff."  He held up the furry band cockring.  "See?"

"That's.... interesting," Clay said, making his mind quit thinking about that.  "Feel better?"

"Much."  They went into the bedroom.

Jensen leaned out.  "Guys, he's got a latex allergy in case it ever comes up for first aid stuff."

"That's why he put the plastic and rubber gloves in the first aid kit," Pooch sighed.  Jensen smirked and nodded.  "Anything else we should know?"

"We're grabbing the small stuff to sort out what he has in the toy chest.  Want him to grab dinner?"  They all nodded.  Jensen looked at Xander.  "Can you grab dinner too, Xander?"

"If they left anything in the freezer."  He opened up a portal onto his back lawn and jogged inside to get things.  He noticed things.  The ferret cages were filthy.  Hubert was grumbling and unhappy.  The house was a wreck.  "We have a housekeeper," he muttered, cleaning the litterboxes and feeding the poor things.  He put down food for Hubert too.  His poor dragon attacked it like he was starving.

He sent a nasty text message at his boys and one to Speed to please watch over his babies better.  Then he got the other things he needed.  Including the handguns that had been repacked.  He carried them back and went back for dinner.  "Is no one living here?" he muttered.

He handed a few to Pooch and got others, handing them over too.  They walked back through with his new armful too and the portal closed behind them.  "It's like they abandoned the house."  He called Speed, who was complaining.  "Why did I have to come back to clean the litterboxes and feed my pets?  Yes, it is me, Speed.  Yeah, I needed something to do so I'm sorting the sex toy collection actually.  I also grabbed dinner from the freezer.

"No, it looked like a frat party was there and Hubert attacked his food like he was starved."  He listened.  "You know what, you have my permission to beat the fuck out of my boyfriends.  If they can't take good care of what's important to me, then they can fucking move.  Wade can move in for a few weeks to handle the pets if he has to."  He hung up.  "Mother fuckers."

"Calm down," Jensen soothed, giving him a hug.  "I'm sure Dean and Sam have been helping the pets."

"Why can't my boyfriends?"

"I don't know," he admitted.  "We'll figure it out and kick their asses if we have to."  Xander nodded, handing him the bag of guns.  He took them out to let the others pick out what they needed.  Jensen went back to helping him sort out sex toys.  "Maybe we can give some to Jolene so she can tease Pooch," he said quietly, making Xander grin.  "Put on the chain thingy?"

Xander nodded, putting it on.  He knew how it should fit and it was very nice.  Soft metal edges.  Just slightly warmed by his body heat.  And it did roll around some to stimulate him.


Speed hung up, looking at the people in the meeting, reaching over to slap both Danny and Don.  "He said you two haven't taken care of anything that's important to him recently and I was to kick your asses.  Because if you hated the things he loved that much, move."

Don gaped.  "What?"

"He said the house looks like a frat party happened.  The pets were starving and dirty?"  They both slunk down and groaned, Danny shaking his head.  "He's royally pissed at you two for that."

Horatio nodded.  "I would be as well."  He glared.  "I know you weren't home last night, boys."

"Dean and Sam were handling the pets," Don said.

"They're your pets too," Speed said impatiently.  "Even the fussy dragon."  They nodded.  "He was sounding very upset.  He also stole some dinner."

"Fine," Danny agreed quietly.  "I didn't realize we had let things go.  Xander usually handles it so we don't realize that stuff."

"Well, he won't be back for weeks," Speed said sarcastically.  "Sounds like you're going to have to be big boys and figure out how to handle things when Mommy's not home."  They nodded, getting up and going to check on things.  "Also, Dean and Sam left Miami yesterday!"  He looked at Horatio.  "Did I ever turn that stupid?"

"No.  Not that I'm aware of."

"You mope when he's out of town," Eric told him.  "Not that bad."

"I swear, sometimes I don't know why they stay together.  They treat Xander like he's the table.  Food magically appears, things get done mystically.  They hump his leg now and then."

Horatio smiled.  "He's said much the same thing."

"I think it's the final warning," Speed said, staring at him.  "He said if they couldn't handle it, Wade could move in for a few days."

"I think it startled them," Calleigh sighed.  "When you're used to things being one way it's hard to get into another rhythm.  The same as I'm sure it's odd when Horatio has to cook more than once a week."

"No, we both cook together most nights," Horatio told her.  "He doesn't let them in the kitchen when he's cooking."

"That's because they don't help," Speed said.  "He sends the 'husbands' out to the living room while we good cooks do."

"That is a good point."  Horatio considered it.  "I'm hoping this means things are moving quickly and he'll be back soon."

"Maybe.  He said he was bored enough to sort the sex toys."

"That's a bad sign," Horatio said with a wince.

"Probably, yeah."  He smirked.  "I did finally find the perfect cabinet for them."

"Wonderful.  Did you tell him?"

"It's in his email."  Horatio smiled, getting back to the meeting.  Danny and Don could catch up later.


Xander looked at all the various toys he had, starting by sizing them.  The floor was full of them.  The odder things were on the bed.  "Should I separate out the vibrators?"

"Probably," Jensen decided, moving them to a separate area to sort them by size.  "That can be one drawer."

Xander nodded, going back to sorting the others.

Clay leaned in, staring.  "Are you that bored?"

"Waiting on the dust to settle," Xander said, looking at him.  "Speed found the sort of case I've been wanting for them.  So I can store them in a somewhat sane order."  Clay nodded, lounging in the doorway to watch them.  "Why did I buy three of that size?" he asked, looking at the identical ones.

"You probably couldn't find one," Jensen said with a small shrug.  "It got lost and you wanted it?"

"Maybe."  He got back to it.  He checked the dimensions of the new case, sorting them into drawers.  "I need two," he decided, ordering a second one.  He took some bubble wrap to wrap each drawer's worth together and then put back in the bag.  That left the stranger things.  The few play cuffs, the rings.  "I have three drawers left."

"The new sling will fold up," Jensen pointed out.  "It should fit in one or you can use that drawer for whatever doesn't fit."  Xander nodded, sorting things out.  "You got an alien dong?  Dude, that's so geek," he said with a grin.

Xander grinned.  "The ridges feel pretty nice."  He let him touch it.  "Like combining it with anal beads."

"Huh."  That went into the special drawer with the other small things.  The cockrings got a special holder for them so they could be lined up.  Including the new furry ones.  "Found your old chain," Jensen said, holding it up.

"What does that do?" Clay asked.

"It goes right behind the head."  Xander grinned at him.  "It acts like a friction source for your partner, like a piercing would, and it rubs and rolls over you too."  He showed him his present one.  He was mostly hard so it fight right.  "See, it rolls a bit."

"Okay.  Didn't need the practical demonstration though."  Xander snickered, putting himself back inside his pants.  "Does that have bells?"

"Yup," Xander agreed, holding it up.  Little bells jingled.  "It can also delay you some."

Clay just nodded.  "I've never heard of those."  Xander grinned and sorted those as well.  The rest was planned out.  They still needed a drawer but that was fine.  "How did you fit all that in your nightstand?"

"Some was under the bed," he admitted.  "Some was in the closet."  Clay nodded, leaving them to it.  "What am I cooking tonight?"

"We put one of the casseroles in the oven," Pooch called.

"Thank you."  He went back to things.  Jensen was smirking at him.  "What?" he asked with a slight grin back.

"I thought you were going to try some."

"I might have but she would've blushed when I let myself try the size queen stuff."  He took a kiss.  "Help me make a new tightening charm?"

"I can do that."  Xander pulled that book out and what he needed.  They didn't have a pendant ready so he used his head chain instead.  They could add it to a pendant later.  Xander shivered as the spell took, flexing a few times to make sure.  "Very tight?" Jensen teased.

"Yes, very tight again."  He smirked.  "Not quite virgin tight but close."  He got up and hauled Jensen up.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem.  It's fun seeing all the stuff you have."  He took a real kiss.  "We still need to get you more kinky stuff."

"Yeah, I could use some good kinky stuff."  They cleaned their hands in case some had dust and went to help with dinner.  They could get an update later.

Pooch looked at them.  "How many did he have?"

"Dozens," Clay said from his seat watching tv.

Xander smirked.  "About a-hundred-thirty?" he asked Jensen, who nodded.  "I might slip some to Jolene for a special holiday present."

"The wife of Pooch has her own.  She doesn't need more," Pooch told him.  "He takes good care of her."

Xander hugged him around the head.  "Of course you do but you're not always home."  He went to help cook something to go with the casserole.  He also turned up the oven.  Pretty soon dinner was out and he fixed plates, handing them over.

"Better than a mess any day," Clay praised with a smile.

"Of course; I don't have to cook for a thousand or more picky bastards," Xander quipped back.  He and Jensen sat down to work on the update.  Garcia was pouting at them for having taken out two she was playing with.  They assured her she still could.  They weren't fully gone yet so they were all hers.  She smirked and gave them a good update of everyone on the island's plans.  Apparently the geek conference was quite heavy and getting kinky in that geeky, hacker way.  Jensen moaned at that.  She giggled back when he typed in he had moaned, saying she did too.  They were some pretty geeks.

Xander moved to work on someone else who was trying to snoop.  Fornell would be able to block them easiest so he sent that info at him about what he was doing wrong.  Then he got into the other ones.  They were pouty and hurt that he was fighting back so meanly.  He looked at Clay.  "We want to take that one soon?"

"This weekend?"

"Probably have some hikers," Xander offered.

"Friday then," Clay decided.  Xander nodded, setting up a subtle hint that he'd be at that one place on Friday afternoon for a meeting with his people.  That would help a lot. He shifted again, wincing some.  He went to loosen the chain a bit then came back to get back to work.  "Plans?" Clay asked finally.

Xander found the spot on Google maps, letting him see it.  "Here and here," he said with a point.

Clay looked it over, nodding slightly.  "That's not a bad plan.  We can be a bit defended there.  We can collapse things."  He handed the laptop back.  "Can they check what you're doing?"

"On that one, yes," Jensen said with a grin.  "They keep underestimating him."  He got back to what he was doing.  Xander finally shut things down.  Whoever had them spiked would know what he was planning, or what they wanted them to know.  The rest... it was all in Xander's head and the other laptop didn't have a built-in microphone or video camera for them to link into.

Xander went to the bathroom to call Steve, who sighed but told him things were set up so they could handle things.  Xander told him about his shopping earlier, which Steve said he probably needed and did he need to know where the GHS safe brothel was in LA.  He assured him he had it covered and the danger was keeping it down a lot.

They had a good talk and Xander also told him that his boyfriends were being assholes again.  Steve understood why they were having this talk suddenly and he promised if things went south between them they could handle it easily enough.  Xander thanked him and hung up, going to rest for a while.  Jensen watched him go back to the bedroom then went back to his status updates.  The tendrils of Xander's plant of plans was starting to be seen as it grew.  Pretty soon, they were all going to be trapped by the death vine.


Xander watched Pooch try to lay explosives and huffed.  "Let me," he ordered, taking over that job.  He got them laid and checked the trigger to make sure it was working and everything was set up properly.  Then he went to lay the others.  Including a remote detonation land mine for the road.  Don and Ian were nearby in case something went really wrong, or they got to arrest someone, but otherwise it was him and the team.  He nodded at Clay to scatter when he saw the car.  It was obvious but the demon would be expecting something like that from him.  The demon got out and sneered.  "Morning."

"You are pathetic.  I do not know why anyone would bother with you."

Xander smirked and blew up the guy's car.  "Really?"  The demon glared and attacked.  Xander took him on, and out.  When the guards he had hidden showed up, Pooch blew the other explosives and the rest of the team took down the others.  Xander stared down at his slightly better than average opponent.  "Do you understand why now?" he asked, sneering down at him.

"How....  You can't...."

"Sunnydale," he said dryly.  "Trained as well."

"No!" he shouted, wiggling back.  "You're not him."  Xander pulled back his hair.  "No!  It can't be!  You can't be the Hellmouth Child!"

"I saw that prophecy and destroyed it *ages* ago," Xander said dryly.  He waved a hand.  "What do I care if Sunnydale falls most of the time?"  The demon whimpered.  "You attacked me and my harem," he said in the demon's own language.  "You know there's going to be a death."

"I will not submit!" he shouted.  Xander took off his head.  The demon fell dead.

Xander looked at the downed ones.  "Yeah, we did learn," he said dryly.  "Finish it."  They all died by their own hands since they had lost honor by being beaten by humans.  Xander looked around.  "Where's the other one?" he muttered, scanning the area.  "Cougar," he said over the radio.  "Where is he?"  Cougar shot a single shot and it stopped the person trying to get Don down.  "Thank you, dear."  He looked around again.  "Two down, four more to finish destroying."  He handed the radio to Clay.  "Let me check on Don and Ian."  He climbed up the rocks to walk over to their perch to check on them.  Cougar was coming down from his.  "You guys good?" he asked.

"Fine," Ian said.  "Did you have to kill them?"

"Yup.  They're a demon clan.  If I hadn't they'd have declared me without honor and tried to kill me harder in protest."  He shrugged.  "Then again he thought I was still going to uphold an old prophecy that said I'd keep the hellmouth steady too."  He checked Don over.  "You all right?  Your father will kill me if you're injured."

"I'm fine, Xander.  Stop it."  Cougar took Xander off, walking him back down there.  He looked at Ian.  "I think he's still pissed off."

"I'm pretty certain he's still pissed off and I almost feel sorry for those who think they want to rule the world."  They went to their own jeep to head back to the office and make a report.  Xander started a fire, burning all the remains there so no one had to deal with them.  "That's handy," Ian decided.

"Very handy.  Less paperwork too."

"He was CIA.  No one was going to claim him anyway," Ian assured him.

"I know."  They called that in and left.  Their boss was expecting that incident so they weren't in trouble for it.

Xander banished the burning remains to Faust's house with an evil smirk at Jensen, who smirked back.  "He can give them back the bones."  He walked over to the jeep.  "I'm driving."

"Fat chance," Pooch ordered, following him.  He glared at Jensen.


Clay walked beside him.  "Try to calm him down later, Jensen," he ordered quietly.

"You guys complained the last time."  He followed.  He and Cougar got in last.  Somehow Xander had won the right to drive.  For now.  They'd unstun Pooch later so he was back to normal.


That night, everyone was a bit uptight.  Xander and Jensen shared a look then shrugged at each other.  "Guys, I picked him up some dirty games, including a drinking game," Jensen offered.  "If you want, I can pull them out."

"Not the dirty cards," Pooch complained.

"No, though there's a lot of versions of them and love dice out there," Xander said dryly.  "There's a be the funniest sentence finishing game, a drinking game of dirty thoughts, truth and dare poker, and a book on 101 dirty games, and a biggest pervert game."

"If we play the last, you can't play," Clay complained.  "You'd probably win."

"You might be surprised.  Anya always won before.  I only scored a sixty percent on the online purity test."  Clay gaped.  Cougar snickered, shaking his head.

"That thing had things like sleeping with an animal," Jensen complained.  "I don't think the pervert game has that."

"Truth and dare poker?" Pooch asked.  Jensen got that bag and brought it out.  "Oh, each card has a truth and a dare section."

"Whoever wins the hand can hand them out," Xander said with a shrug.  "Played that one before with the other working people at the brothel in New York."  They all moaned, shaking their heads.  "So that leaves the drinking game and the funniest sentence finishing one or the book of dirty games."

"Drinking game," Clay and Pooch decided together.  They got them some.  "Xander, are you abstaining?"

Xander considered it.  "No.  I may not get that plastered but no."  They got him a beer too.

"We need more beer," Clay said.  "That only leaves us one."

"Roque, go get us something to drink," Xander yelled.  The door opened because Dennis opened it.  "Thank you, Dennis."  Roque leaned in a minute later.  "Drinking game.  We're about out of beer."

"You need shots for most of those, kid."

"We aren't going to get that plastered," Clay told him.  "Make a beer run."

"Fine."  Xander tossed over his wallet, letting him take some money to get them something.  There was a store on the corner.  When he got back, Xander handed him a few sex toys.  "Why do I need those?"

"So you can make your bitches play for you?" he guessed.

"I can," he decided, going to put them in his room.  They didn't know Buffy and Willow were here.  They didn't need to.  Apparently they had all decided it was a non-retaliation night.

"Xander said there's an off-world liquor that a single thimble-full nearly killed Sanders," Pooch told Clay.

"That has to be really strong stuff."

"I have some at home," Xander said with a grin.  "And yes, it is."  He set things up and the dirty thought drinking game began.  Cougar started.  His was mildly naughty.  They agreed anything over a five got a drink.  A seven or better got two.  A perfect ten got a full can.  Cougar got a five.  So they all drank.  Clay thought up one.  "Strip and bend over, baby, daddy's coming home."

"Weak," Jensen teased with a smirk.

Pooch nodded.  "I tried that once, got the hell swatted out of me."  He took a drink anyway.

Jensen considered his.  "Just dirty thoughts or sweettalking them into bed?"

"Dirty thoughts are fine," the others decided after sharing a look.

"Hmm, dirty thought.  Xander, a trapeze way above out of reach, and a feather boa."

Pooch looked at him.  "It's some sort of mental disease with you, isn't it?"

"Hmm, swinging back and forth," Xander said.  "A very delicate tease.  I'll give it a six."  He took a drink.

"Let's stick to het ones," Clay ordered.  "Though yeah, I'll give that a six."  They all drank to that.  "Pooch?"

"Jolene riding a bicycle naked in the sun."

"With the bell or without?" Xander asked.  Jensen snickered, shaking his head.  "It's always better with the bell."

"They both share that mental disease," Clay told Pooch.  "Seven."  The others nodded, taking two drinks.  "Xander?"

"Those Puerto Rican twins offering to dance if they lost a poker hand and having to do it on top of the table, together, naked.  Just club dancing."

Clay gaped.  "Aren't you gay?" he asked bluntly.

"Before my road trip, no, so I'm kinda bi," he said with a shrug.  "Outside of that six weeks, I've had three boyfriends and four females I've slept with."  He took a drink.  "Besides, they're beautiful little naughty things that would probably do that."

"Yes, they would," Cougar agreed, killing his can and half of another one.  "Ten."

"Damn right," Pooch said, killing his own can.

Clay nodded.  "I can second that too."  He finished his and got another can.

Cougar's turn and he was thinking about it.  "Those two and the redheaded little bitch who likes to bite jumping up to help."

Jensen moaned.  "God, she's like plastically perfect."  He killed his can and got a second one.

Clay nodded.  "She is.  But she'd look pretty between them."  He killed that can and got another one.

Xander smirked at Cougar.  "I like that.  I should write it down for a story."  Cougar handed him some paper and a pen off the table, letting him make notes so he knew who to blame the muses on.  He finished his can too and got a second.  Clay's was wicked with frosting.  Pooch groaned and muttered something, killing his can.  Jensen's was wicked with sprinkles added onto Clay's.  Pooch's was clearly his last anniversary by the way he almost blushed.  Xander considered his next one.  "That group of booty short wearing rollerblade girls who only wear sports bras chasing Clay down like maenads."

Clay looked at Jensen.  "The Greek wild women who used to chase men down to fuck them until they died," he interpreted.  "Sometimes myths called them cannibals too."

"Nah, not that mean," Xander said.  "Just the chasing him down to fuck him stupid."

Clay smirked.  "If you can talk them into it, kid, I wouldn't mind at all."  He killed his can.  So did the others.  "It's no fair you three have more tolerance now."

Jensen grinned.  "But we're good boys, Clay."

"Uh-huh.  Cougar?"

"An army of redheaded strippers in the slutty Army uniform showing up for the next birthday party," Cougar said.  "With Jolene's permission."

Pooch gave him a look.  "She'd never agree."

Clay looked at him.  "How many is an army?"

"Ten, twelve.  A good sized unit," Jensen said.  "You know, that might not be so hard to do....."  He took two long drinks.

Clay shivered.  "That's almost a bad idea."  He took two long drinks too.

Pooch looked at them.  "A beautiful stripper in those fantasy cavegirl fur bikini outfits with a huge dildo as a club?  Wearing heels, hair a bit messy and looking like she had already dragged someone off."

Clay gave it one drink.  So did the others.

Xander considered it, chewing on his lip.  "A girl dressed up in the old fashioned pinafore dress and her hair loose, thigh high stockings, garter, and really high heels that don't need a platform, eating an ice cream cone while doing a lap dance?"

"Been there and it was good," Clay said.  That got two drinks.  Jensen shivered and killed his can.  "You missed that one?"

"So did I," Pooch said, looking at him.  "When was this?"

"Last month."  He smirked.  "It was pink gellato on a stick cone."

"Apparently I was missing something," Pooch complained.  He and Cougar both took two drinks.

Cougar shook his head, switching to Spanish again.  "Una mujer de pecho hermosa, leggy, media en un catsuit de cuero apretado de la piel que juega con o que limpia un arma mientras que baila para nosotros. (A beautiful, leggy, medium chested woman in a skin tight leather catsuit playing with or cleaning a gun while dancing for us.)"

Xander killed the can.  "That I'd love to see."

Clay looked at him.  "Going to volunteer your rifle?" he taunted with a smirk.

"No, you'd like her more," Pooch told him, shivering.  He killed his can and got another.  Clay too.  "Pass, I can't top that this round."  Cougar smirked at him.

Clay groaned.  "I don't think I can either.  Jensen?"

He considered it.  "A pretty girl on her knees checking the club boys before they went out to make sure they're nice trimmed, clean, and giving them all a quick spit shine so they're hard when they get there."

"I wrote something like that with a lube shop," Xander said, taking a long drink.

"I saw," Jensen admitted, smirking at him.  Xander smirked back.  Cougar and Pooch both shook their heads.  Clay shivered but shook his head.  "Xander?  Redeem us here?"

Xander considered it.  "Strife playing Bacchus, walking among the pretty young women and men, telling them that they had to prove they were worthy and the ones who were the prettiest during the orgy got to have him and be brought across.  All the naked orgy, the trying to get off the best, loudest, and most noticeably?  The occasional fondling of him as he walked around and touched them to see how wet they were?"

Strife appeared, hugging him.  "I love your filthy mind, Xander.  Damn!"  He disappeared again.

Clay swallowed.  "Yeah, I can see doing that."  The others all killed a can, leaving just one round's worth left.  "Cougar?  Can you top that?"

Cougar shook his head.  Pooch moaned.  "Me either.  Clay?"

Clay shook his head.  "Mine's not that smutty."  Xander was making notes for a future story.  "Jensen?"

Jensen shook his head.  "That's a fantasy for later."  He killed his last can.  Xander grinned at him.  "Got one last one?"

"Hmm."  He moved some cans around.  "You four, tied to pillars in some ancient temple, the warrior women walking around you asking you to prove you're worthy of them?  A few fight, a few seduce, a few outright fuck.  The best ones go free to join them, the others stay at the mercy of the women for the rest of their lives being used as common sex toys and pussy lickers."

Clay stood up.  "On that note, I'm going to take a cold shower."

"Thank God there's two bathrooms," Pooch said, going to the other one.

Cougar looked at Xander.  "You're evil," he said with a smug look.

Xander winked.  "Yes, I am when I want to be.  You guys let me be more evil than I usually get to be."  He made that note too.

Jensen stood up, helping him up.  "C'mon.  You've given me ideas and that's never a good thing."  He winked at Cougar, who climbed up onto a couch to sleep.  Jensen shut them in and looked at Xander.  "Jesus, Xander.  Your dirty mind is special."  He kissed him.  "That was so filthy and yet really exciting."  He took another kiss.  Xander moaned back.  "On the bed."  Xander stripped off and helped Jensen out of his shirt.  Jensen smirked.

"On the bed," he ordered again.  "Let me handle this."  Xander laid down, spreading himself out prettily for him.  Jensen leaned down to lick over a nipple then stood up to take off his pants, letting them drop.  He stepped out of his sneakers at the same time.  He leaned down to kiss him again.  "Want toys or no toys?"

"Toys are nice," Xander said casually.  "Then a good cuddle?"

"Definitely."  He got what he wanted.  Plus the pump container of lube.  Xander grinned at that.  He loosened him up with a finger, finding him very tight.  "Oh, that's pretty," Jensen praised.  "You are as tight as any virgin."  He leaned down to lick over the head of his cock, making Xander moan and press down on his fingers.  "Good boy."  He switched up to two.

He got an idea and got something else than came back.  The chain came off for now.  It could go back on later.  Jensen moved the mirror too so Xander could see what he was doing.  Jensen laid down beside him, taking a kiss before wiggling down to tease the waiting hole some more.  Xander was watching it in the mirror, which was turning him on.  He picked up the first toy, licking over it before slowly sliding it in.  It was thin, but a bit longer.  Xander moaned, shifting against it.  Jensen worked it in and out of his ass, noticing the brightly colored thing was pretty in the mirror.

He switched to a larger one, winking when Xander clamped down around it.  "That's beautiful.  Suck on it, Xander.  Like you would if you were swallowing it."  Xander shifted his muscles.  Jensen let him see how the thing moved on its own when he did that.  The next one was another brightly colored jelly one.  This time in lurid blue.  It was wider and longer.  Jensen fingered him a bit before slowly pushing it in.  Xander whimpered, arching up against it.

"Shh, I have you."  He let the new weight settle in and it was very pretty.  Xander was working against it and Jensen fucked him harder with it this time.  Xander was beautiful like this.  Jensen even tipped it to hit his prostate a few times, liking the quiet yelp of pleasure he got.  A few more minutes of harder, stronger thrusting and he pulled it out abruptly.  He picked up one that was bigger.  All the bigger ones were either flesh colored or black.  Not faux African-American but black.  This was one of those.  It was wider and a bit longer.  Xander purred when it slid in.

"That's about a good size to stick with for a few minutes," Jenesn said, leaning over to tease the hard cock again.  He held the toy still, letting Xander ride it all he wanted.  Xander was clearly getting happy with it.  "Should I find a cockring?  You do look pretty when you get off but can't come.  It's like a mini torture that you like."  He found a soft one and put it on, making Xander whimper but ride the toy harder.

"Good boy.  Such a good boy."  He switched it out gently, then licked over the hard cock.  "Want another one?"  Xander nodded, grabbing at him.  Jensen gave him another kiss.  "We can go up to as many as you want, Xander."  He switched to a larger one and slid it in.  He got a bit of resistance.  Then Xander loosened up and the head popped in.  Xander yelped again.  "That's so pretty.  Look at all that cock you're taking," he said, nodding at the mirror.  Jensen was watching it as his hand moved it.

"Jensen!" Xander squealed.

"Shh, pretty.  I'm having a lot of fun here.  You look so beautiful taking it like this, Xander."  He kissed him harder.  "Let me play?"  Xander nodded, starting to pant.  He smirked and went back to using the thick, porn star model of a dildo.  Xander was liking this one a lot.  It was a good width.  Jensen gave the taut balls a gentle lick as he pulled that one out, picking up one of the bigger ones in the set.  Xander moaned when he saw it.  "You'll be so full," he said into the damp flesh, watching as it slid in.  Xander shifted, opening his hips up further.

 "That's so pretty."  Xander whined so he moved it.  "Ride it, baby.  I want to see you ride it for me.  Then we'll ride me later."  Xander panted, flipping onto his knees.  "No, on your back."  He helped him back over, keeping the toy in place.  "I like you on your back.  If I wanted to rut with you, I'd have you on your knees.  Right now I want to see your face and the looks on it as you get closer and closer," he said in his ear.  Xander nodded, panting harder now.

"Ride it, Xander.  Let me see how good you are."  Xander squeezed down, riding it for him.  "That's a good boy."  He played with it, shifting the angle now and then.  He finally let it pop out, hearing the whimper.  He kissed him.  "I have two left.  Want them?"  Xander nodded quickly.  "Then we'll see what you want afterward."  He took another kiss, smiling because Xander was getting desperate.

He picked up the next to last, letting him see it.  Xander's eyes went wide.  "I think you can take it."  He slowly slid it in and Xander shifted up and down to get used to it.  "That's beautiful.  Squeeze down, Xander.  Stop it cold."  He moved it faster and harder, teasing Xander trying to clamp down on it.  "So pretty.  God, if I could open you that way I would."  He pulled it out, smiling at the popping/slurping noise it made.  "You're so wet for me.  I love that about you."  He teased the edges of his hole with a finger.   "Want me to get the other one?"  Xander nodded.  "When I slide it up you, can you suck on me while it's in there for a bit?  Or do you want to just watch it for now?"

"I can," he panted.

"Good boy."  He slid it in and moved it a few times.  Xander was making whining noises so he slid up.  "Do me and I'll let you blow off so hard," he promised.  Xander gave him the blow of his life.  Jensen was enjoying the hell out of it.  He was getting close.  He pulled Xander off to kiss him.  "Let me please you and then I'll ride you into a good rest."  Xander nodded, turning to face his feet.  Jensen smiled.  "Don't want to watch it in you?"


"We can work on that."  He played with the enormous toy, letting Xander shiver, shake, and beg his way through a dry orgasm.  He eased off for a few minutes of teasing touches to the still-hard cock.  "Want more?"  Xander nodded.  "That's my good boy."  He went back to fucking him with it.  "Ride it, Xander.  I love to watch you do it to me."  Xander pushed back and it was great.  Jensen laid down, letting Xander get closer to his cock.  Xander moaned, trying to reach it.  "You can have that in a few minutes.  I want to see you get off again.  You're so hot like this."  Xander clamped down and was fucking himself hard on the toy Jensen was holding still.  "That's good, Xander.  Like that."  The door got kicked.  "Fuck off.  We're busy."

Cougar walked in and kicked the door shut, growling at them.  "Too much," he complained.  He dropped his pants, letting Xander have him since he was trying to get to it.  Xander was happier and it was getting hotter watching it.  Cougar watched.  "That's big," he said in awe.  Jensen winked and found the chain, putting it back on before licking over the head of Xander's cock.  Xander wailed and came again.  Cougar watched.  Jensen pulled out the toy.  The hole wasn't as large as it looked like it should be.

"Retightening charm," Jensen said with a grin.  "He's nearly virgin tight again."  He worked on loosening it with his fingers.  Xander was losing his mind.  He blew across the damp hole, earning a shiver and Xander's cock jerking.  "That's my boy.  Keep going.  I want you on me.  Still tight but just loose enough for good friction."  Xander worked Cougar harder, making him groan and finally come.  Then Jensen flipped them onto their sides.

"Watch," he said, pointing at the mirror as he slid in oh so slowly.  It was torture how tight he still was.  Xander was moaning, arching back against him, scratching at his arms.   "So tight, baby," he whispered.  "I love you being this tight.  This is so hot.  You look so beautiful like this."   Cougar sat down to hiss dirty things to Xander.  Jensen rode Xander into a good state, finally letting the cockring go.  He finished off and Xander finally shot, making them all better.   Jensen panted, kissing him.  Xander kissed him back harder, pulling him closer.  "Shh, I'm here.  We can play again tomorrow.  Rest."

"Sticky."  Jensen found the box of baby wipes and cleaned them both up.  "Thank you."  He kissed both of them.  Xander yawned, curling up against Jensen's chest.  Cougar stared at him.  Jensen grinned back, nodding at the free spot on the bed.  Cougar moved all the toys off and laid down.  Xander was used to being surrounded and cuddling.  It was good for him.  They were both exhausted and Cougar could watch over them.


Roque looked up as the hormones started to spike, looking at his girls.  Willow was showing Buffy how to use toys.  Buffy was enjoying it and teasing Willow back.  He leaned down to help, getting swatted for it but that was fine.  He spanked back and teased them better.  They were both so hot and needy.  The pheromones kept going up higher and higher, until Willow was keening for his cock.

He let her do whatever she wanted.  However she wanted.  She was on his lap, eating Buffy out, proving she had taken riding lessons earlier in her life.  He rode them both hard, harder than usual, and let them sleep it off once he had shot off on their stomachs to mark them.  When he recovered, he'd do it even better so they realized he was what they needed to be good girls again.  They got a whole hour before Buffy woke him up by sucking him.  He smiled and pulled her ass up to tease it in return.

"Take her hiney," Willow said in his ear.  "She's never had a guy there."

He smirked.  "If I do it to her, you know you get it too."  She blushed, leaning over to lick at Buffy with him.  Buffy was enjoying behind his bitch a lot tonight.  Willow was quickly coming to like that state too.  By morning, their fantasies...fulfilled.  Since Willow got hers, Buffy got to share one to have done to them too.  It was very good for them.


Angel sniffed as Buffy and Willow wobbled up to their meeting that afternoon, staring at them.  "Are you two all right?"

"Roque is *so* the man," Buffy sighed with a sappy grin.  She grinned at Gunn.  "Hi."

"Hi, ladies."  He got out of there.  Roque was possessive and a big mother fucker even on Gunn's scale.  He didn't want them to try to compare and find him lacking.  He didn't carry nearly as many knives as Roque did.

Willow sat down with a wince and a hiss.  Then sighed in pleasure.  Buffy looked at the chair and decided to stay standing.

"Are you two sure you're all right?  I'll kill him if he hurt you."

Buffy smiled.  "It's appreciated but we asked for it."

"And boy did we get it," Willow sighed.

"When am I going to meet this Roque?" Angel asked.

"He was at the battle.  He patched up my foot," Buffy said with a smile.

Angel gaped.  "That tall, bald, black guy?"  They both sighed and smiled, nodding some.  Angel gave them both odd looks.  "Does he have some sort of magical charm or something?"

"No, he's got a huge cock," Willow sighed.  "I promise, it's not coercion."

"Yeah, we found someone who could appreciate us for what we do," Buffy complained.  "Why the fussing?"

"Because he's not your usual type," Angel said dryly.

She scowled.  "He's not you but he's damn good."  She helped Willow up.  "You pout and brood for a bit.  We'll be back after dinner to talk when you're out of your sulk."  She walked off.

"Maybe Spike was right and he's jealous?" Willow asked quietly.

"Maybe.  Look at how much Xander likes taking cock.  Angel might too.  I don't know."  They went back to his place to recover.  He got them into a hot bath and even changed the sheets for them.  It was sweet and they could make it sweatier later.  Plus them more sore from more really good, slightly rough, very enthusiastic sex.  They liked to pounce him and he never minded.

Angel seethed.  He wasn't gay!  He didn't know what Buffy saw in that man either.  She definitely wasn't his type.


Greg leaned back with a satisfied look.  "That's another two down.   Homeland raided one and Interpol got the other for various problems they've caused."  The group smirked at him.  He grinned back.  "That leaves two and Faust."

"Xander's been handing over his remains to him," Tony said.  "So I'm guessing he's either in a 'fuck with me and I'll show you why it's a bad idea' mood or he's going to finish things off."

"Possibly," Greg agreed.  Sheppard stretched.  "Have you guys looked over the lab down here?"

"It had a leak so we haven't been able to," Rodney said.  "I did want to look at one of the robots closer."

"I can show you," Greg promised, getting up and taking him down there.  Jace gave him a worried look.  "Taking them to see the forming lab."

"That's fine.  Be careful, boys.  Don't make any clones of yourself."  They all smirked as they walked off.  She sighed, tipping her head to watch McKay walk.  He was very pretty and smart.  She did adore smart men.  Most of the ones she hung out with tried to hide how smart they were.  Then again, John reminded her a lot of a nicer version of Ares.

Ares appeared behind her, leaning down next to her ear.  "He could never make you squeal like I can," he promised.  She smiled and took a kiss.  "Xander's been silent all day."

"Xander's in a pouty mood.  He's only got Jensen out there with the team."

"No, he's solving that one.  Jensen's a bit kinky."  He smirked.  She moaned and pulled him down to kiss him better.  "Needy?"

"Very needy."

"Hmm.  That's better than Buffy's doing with Roque."

"Eww.  I don't want to hear about Buffy sex, or Anya sex either."

"Wade's being a bit pouty about her," he admitted.  "I need help relaxing before the next round."

"Of course.  Whatever my God wants."  He laughed and played with her there, in the sun, where everyone was going to be able to watch.  She was kinky that way.

John glanced back.  "Isn't that the guy from the show?"

Greg looked.  "No, that's Ares."  He grinned at John.  "Jace and Xander are both anchors."

"I would've thought a chaos god for level tens," Charlie joked.

"Technically, they found out Cupid and Strife are over level tens," Greg said with a grin.  "Xander covers multiple areas because he's a Xander so he's got marks to those two and Ares."

"How did mythical Gods come into this?" Rodney huffed.

"Ryan, Xander, and Horatio got stolen to a realm where they're resting because redheads were considered so rare only the best were worthy."

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me," John sighed, shaking his head quickly.  Greg snickered, opening the door down to the lab. "Is that water?"

"It should've dried out by now," Greg said, walking down to look.  "Oh, the doorway from the cliff, which turns into a pretty waterfall during rainstorms, is open."  He shut that and the lights came on, showing the lab.  The others came down to look.

Rodney pushed the illogical thought of Gods of War to the back of his head.  He believed in science, not faith, but apparently some things weren't as he had suspected.  He'd think about that some dark night when the city was about to be attacked.


Wade was sitting on his couch, staring off out the back doors, thinking.  He wasn't used to doing this and it was bothering him that he was now.  He heard Anya come in but that was half the problem.  She sat herself in his lap, making him look at her.  "Usually, I'd just kill a girlfriend after I'm done with her."

She kissed him on the cheek.  "I realize that."

"Xander will kill me."

"Yup."  She smiled.  "He'd make it epic too as the kids say."

He sighed.  "It's.... I haven't gotten attached to anyone in years, Anya."

"I know."  She ran a hand through his hair.

"You're nice and all but it's a liability.  I can't go out and freeform torture and things."

"Dear, that's why there's succuba.  They'd suck it up and scream prettily.  Plus there's always more."  He stared at her.  "What?  We can bring one in so we can both torture all we want."  She smiled.  "You're nearly as good as I used to be at it.  I'm actually out of practice thanks to Xander."

"Attachments are still dangerous."

"Yes, dear, but you're retired."  He shrugged at that.  "Xander won't let you go at it like you used to.  I don't mind if you wanted to bring in little evil things like incubuses and succuba to torture.  I'd find it very happy making really."  He smirked at her.  "I was so afraid when I lost my powers.  Xander helped settle me down and helped me see what I really needed was my very own warrior psycho who likes to play like I do.  Xander was too nice.  He ignored my stories and things."

"He is kinda nice, yeah."

"Whereas you're only nice when I tempt you into it," she said with a small smirk and wink.  He smirked back.  "We're both older and slowing down now."

"I have plenty of life left in me."  He gave her a squeeze.  "It'd hurt a lot to have to kill you."

"I know it would.  Which is why you won't.  Because Xander would make you regret it for decades before you were finally allowed to die."  He nodded that was true.  "And then he'd find a demon who wanted to suck his dick and have them torture you in the afterlife."

"He probably would, yeah."  He gave her a squeeze.  "It's still awkward."

She kissed him on the cheek.  "It is for me too.  You don't give nearly as many presents as I talked Xander into."

He smirked at her.  "That's because I'm made of stronger stuff and I know what a manipulative bitch some women are."

"True, we can be."  She took a proper kiss.  "Do you feel better?  I know it's strange you're having feelings but it's all right.  Everyone has a true mate.  I just happen to have found mine."  She smiled.  "Because you like to torture people for my pleasure."

He nodded.  "I do.  It's fun watching you get hot."  He took a real kiss and relaxed.  "Fine.  We'll extend the contract for another year."  She squealed and bounced some, making him hiss and move her knee from his dick.  "Watch it or I'm spanking."

She pouted.  "That wouldn't get either of us hot but maybe a nice dinner out and then sex in the nice, hot clubs would?  We could use the diversion."

"We could," he agreed, spanking her lightly.  "Go get dressed.  Not slutty."  She got up and strolled off with the bags she had.  He watched.  "Did you steal my credit card again?"

"No, I took some of Faust's money shopping, dear."

"That's fine then."  He got cleaned up and sent Xander an email.  Xander said that was good they could work on that so he didn't have to repeatedly use Wade as a target for artillery and bomb practice.  Wade snickered.  The boy was still in evil shit mode.  It was thrilling to see the depths of that pit Xander carried.  It was only mildly naughty compared to Max's, but that was probably better for humanity.  Anya came out dressed in something showy and rippable, his favorite sort of outfit.  They went to dinner.


Xander read the text message.  "Anya talked her way into another year with Wade."  He texted back and went back with the plans.  "Those two, they're seriously too squeaky," he said, considering it.  "So....  Clay, what's my evil limit again?"

"Nothing that would make Horatio do more than moan about?" he guessed.

"So if I sold them to someone, would that be above that?"

"Probably.  I thought that was always considered bad to you guys."

"It is but I'm tired of dancing with two of them."

"That's an idea to distract them," Jensen said.  "And us."

Xander smirked, shaking his head.  "No."  He considered it and then called in a marker he had waiting.  That demon, very unhappy when it was summoned.  Pooch too.  Xander stared at him.  "These two are pissing me off and I'm trying to keep my temper," he said dryly.  "Because it's bad if I let everything go."

The demon nodded slowly.  "We've been taking bets.  Your odds are much better now that you've removed three of them."

Xander smiled.  "Thank you.  Hold on, three?"

"Wolfram and Hart."

"They were incidental."  He shrugged.  "Anyway, I'm trying very hard not to be totally evil to them."

"That might be a bad thing, yes, Hellmouth Child."

"I defeated that prophecy ages ago."  The demon nodded quickly.  "So, can I use you to be totally evil for me?"

"They have children."

Xander looked at Jensen.  "Their profiles don't say that."

"No, they don't."  He got into their home systems.  "No, they don't have kids.  They have child hostages."  He and Xander shared a look.  Xander nodded once then said something to the demon, who snickered and went to cancel his poker debt that way.  Jensen turned on the tv.  HNN suddenly started to show a problem in DC.

In a suburb there was suddenly a demon uprising and they were all shouting to give the children back.  Police showed up and the demons shouted at them that they had children hostage, that their parents had called on them to get them free.  The police raided the house.  The police were very unhappy at what they found because within two minutes SWAT was there, so was the FBI, and so was Homeland.  Jensen smiled at Xander.  "Thank you," he said quietly.

"People who hurt kids suck ass and deserve to be the bitch block in prison," Xander said bluntly.  "Especially in a demon prison."  They watched and it was so very bad.  SWAT was thorough looking for more weapons, finding all sorts of underground tunnels to the other houses in the neighborhood that they owned and used as storage depots.  A few had people living there and some might not know but the majority were probably minions.


One of the agents said something to the demons and they left.   The screen showed more agents showing up.  They looked even less happy than the earlier ones.  Then, for some reason, a car flying Vietnamese flags showed up, meaning a diplomatic vehicle.  One of the agents tried to wave him off but another two pulled weapons and got the driver and passenger out so they could search the car.   What they found amused those agents even less but a few were smirking meanly as they arrested them on tv.

Jensen got an email.  "We were right, that was the wrong house.  He thanked us for getting rid of his neighbors."

Xander looked.  "There he is," he said with a point.  "He's texting from his phone."  Jensen looked and Xander set the plan he had just set up into motion.  A huge demon showed up and grabbed that person, eating him as it disappeared.

Jensen waited.  No reply from the person.  "I think that was him."

"Her," Clay said.  "It was a female, guys.  You both need your eyes checked."  He gave them odd looks, getting grins back.  "Shit, you're both in that mode.  Why don't you go out, boys."  They smirked and left after changing to better outfits.  Clay shuddered.  Pooch was whimpering.  Cougar was saying a prayer after crossing himself.  "Jensen in that mood is bad enough but Xander having his own version is clearly evil."  He texted that to Horatio, who agreed.  He had seen it before somehow.

Pooch got up to find the email program and write to Garcia.  She was clearly ready to piss herself laughing over this by what he got back.  "Faust isn't happy."

"Yay," Clay decided.  They all settled in to watch the fallout of the boys being that evil.  "Isn't that some of Xander's artillery?"

"No.  His is still in the bags," Cougar said, shaking his head quickly.  "We should track them before they're stolen."

"Let Epps.  I'm not getting between those two and anyone until they calm the fuck down," Clay said firmly.  "I remember the last time he was in this mood and sold Roque to a brothel."

Pooch snickered.  "Roque was so horrified, man."

"Yeah, and he made a pretty girl too," Clay said, shooting him a dirty look.  "I dare you to remind him of it."

"Roque's supposed to be watching Xander."  He got up and went down there.  "Hey, Roque."  He opened his door.  "Jensen's in the same mood that got you sent to that brothel."

"Epps can track him," he said, shutting the door firmly and putting on every lock they had.  Including him setting up a trap to shoot whoever broke in.  Buffy gave him an odd look.  "Jensen has this evil mood where if you're in his way he'll embarrass you and make your life hell until you move, or he'll solve it quickly by getting you out of his way."

"Xander had that too," Willow said with a sad smile.  "Jesse always told him it was wrong.  He tried to hide it so hard when he went into it because it upset Jesse horribly."

Buffy gave her a hug.  "If we could have the original Xander back, I'd do it, Willow, but apparently we can't."  She nodded, snuggling her.

Roque looked at them.  The way they saw Xander and what he saw of the boy were clearly different.  And Willow was supposed to have known him since kindergarten?  Were they blind as well as being vanilla in bed?


Wade put his feet up, watching the raid on tv.  "Huh, someone pissed off Xander."

Anya came in with popcorn, sitting beside him to watch with him.  "Aww, he found a pedophile ring.  I used to love to capture and torture them."  She ate a bite, letting him have some.  He nibbled and it was fun to watch.

Wade smirked.  "I sold that guy some of that.  Huh."  He texted that to Horatio, who sent it to an agent he knew.  Because someone in the cadre of agents shouted that they had ties to Max.  That was enough to get them taken down even harder.  Wade smirked, taking a kiss.  She fed him a bite of popcorn and nibbled one of her own, head going on his shoulder.  Wade was a bit creeped out by the homey feeling he suddenly had.  He almost felt domesticated.  She kissed him and bit his neck, making him hiss.  Yeah, that stopped that bad thought totally.  Started whole new ones though.

She might be his perfect mate.

It was a scary thought but maybe he'd have some kids to warp some year.


Garcia came out and turned on the tv in the agent desk area, letting them see it.  "It's big stuff that's going down."  Her boys all watched, Hotchner nearly whimpering.  "Someone is very upset."  They saw the demon gulp the one idiot and she moaned.  "That's so evil of Xander."  She went to tell them that.  She found one from Pooch and wrote back.  Then she went back to watching, making some microwave popcorn to nibble.  Spenser let her sit next to him and shared the bag with her.


Mac watched the teleplay, staring.  "Jesus," he whispered.  "Xander's really pissed off with them."  Stella nodded quickly.  The demon had just eaten whoever.  "Vietnam?" he muttered.  The agents had fun arresting them too.  "Huh.  I wonder if they have a link down here."

"If so I'm sure we'll stop it.  Xander would hate them."

"He's not the only one."  He let her snuggle into his side to get some comfort.  They missed Xander's insanity around Miami.  He sent a message to Horatio.  Speed said he was watching it.  Horatio was having a moment of happy vindication since he had driven one of them out of Miami when he hadn't been able to arrest them.  Mac showed her, getting a quiet snicker.


Dean watched as three of the guys at the poker table he and Sam were at went up in sudden gouts of flame that smelled suspiciously like sulphur.  "Dude, I told you to pay Xander off," he said dryly.  "He may be in LA right now but he's still not a happy Xander."  He looked at the dealer, who was whimpering.

Sam looked around.  "Please wait until the others are outside, thank you," he called.  A demon appeared, a messenger in livery of one of the High Council.  He took the message.  He read it and looked at it.  "No, they have to wait until they're outside.  Please."  He handed it back.  "Xander would be upset if it upset his friends."

"He's already pissed off enough," Dean pointed out.  "We'd like some people to live, like us."  The messenger nodded and disappeared.  The brothers shared a look and anted in.  "Aren't we playing?" he asked when they all stared at them.

"You're cold, Winchester," the dealer complained.

Dean shrugged.  "They aren't going to hit us.  They'll take out any other bad motherfuckers outside.  So it's safe again."  Don Cheva stomped in.

"Don Cheva," Sam said respectfully.  "Xander's probably sorry they got taken in here."

"Is he insane?" Don Cheva asked.

"Just pissed off," Dean said.  "Don and Danny didn't take care of the pets for a few days.  The house was a wreck.  This situation is rubbing on his last few nerves.  So Xander went back to Sunnydale Xander and his expedience switch."

"I'm sure if you looked, you'd find the ones that just got taken out were into things that Xander would morally be forced to deal with."

"What?" he demanded.

"You aren't here about the three that just went up?" the dealer asked.

"No, I'm here about DC."

Dean and Sam shared a look then shrugged.  "No clue, probably one of the bastards trying things against him?" Dean guessed.

"What will calm Xander down?"

"No clue," Sam admitted.  "They totally pissed him off this time, Don Cheva.  This whole 'testing' thing has ripped his temper to shreds.   You know Xander's usually very easy going and half of everyone keeps forgetting that Xander grew up fighting and very lower class."  The dealer gave him a confused look.  "His parents were alchies."

"His father's a shitbag," Dean said bluntly.  "His mom's a drunken bitch.  She started a cult to Xander and had him kidnaped and tortured."

"Xander grew up pretty well on his own with a few friends.  Their parents didn't really get much into it either from what we heard.  That's why Rosenburg was a hacker in her teen years."

Don Cheva stared at them.  "He was?"  They both nodded.  "But he's very assured and doesn't act like them."

"Yeah, he learned better in New York, thanks to Adam and the others in the group," Dean said.  "Whenever he has a question about manners or etiquette he asks Adam."  Don Cheva and the others all gaped.  "Xander didn't grow up this way.  That guy Mark Haslet?  He grew up a lot like him.  His hormones and the fighting in Sunnydale changed him.  If it hadn't been for finding the fight, there'd be some agents preparing a Hannibal mask for him probably."

Don Cheva shuddered.  "Instead, he became a soldier and now he's retired mostly."  The brothers nodded.  "This just pissed him off and took him back to combat mode."

"It pissed him off beyond combat mode," Sam warned.  He smiled.  "That thing tonight, whatever happened, that was beyond his 'whatever works' approach he learned in Sunnydale.  Out there, it was nightly patrols, staking the vampires who used to be people you knew, slaying demons with swords and his axe.  They never used guns outside of one artillery incident."  Don Cheva shuddered.  "Xander sublimates very well because even we forget Xander was a hunter for years."

"He had almost five years of nightly patrols and yearly apocalypses," Dean agreed.  "It's something we understand and respect.  Frankly, even we've calmed down a lot since meeting him.  Before we were a lot more paranoid.  Xander's hormones are keeping him in a fuzzy headed stupor some days but underneath is still the soldier.  That's why he understands the gang kids so well, Don Cheva."

"Why he and Jorge got along so well from what we heard," Sam agreed.

The Don of Miami considered that then nodded.  "I'd rather have Xander back in fluffy husband mode."

"So would we but those idiots decided to make beating him a test to gain Max's old power base," Dean said dryly.  "Tragically stupid of them really."

"Clearly.  How many more?"  They both shrugged.  "They haven't come near you?"

"They're blocking us from helping," Dean admitted.  "Not that we have the skills to do that.  So we've been helping around town by filling in some of Xander's spots.  Though I did hear that he told Speed to knock the fuck out of his boyfriends for not taking care of the pets while we were out on a hunt in lower Georgia."

Don Cheva nodded at that.  "Can you find out?"

Dean called Wade.  "Don Cheva wanted to know how many more.  Oh, and we had a few people here locally who disappeared."  He listened.  "Thanks."  He hung up.  "Just Faust at the moment.  With whatever happened in DC he got the last two outside of the one they already knew."

"Good to know.  What about these ones?"  He looked at the nearest pile of ash.  Both brothers shrugged.   "What would have gotten his attention?"

"People trafficking, especially kids," Dean said.

"People who pay him in drugs," Sam offered.  "But I don't think they were drug dealers.  I thought they had pissed him off by not paying them actually."

Dean shrugged.  "Could be."

"I'll look into that.  If they were trafficking people, Caine can get their remains."  He walked off considering things.  He had never seen that side of Xander before.  Even when he was angry.  He had heard the berserker rumors but that didn't go along with this level of plotting to ruin people.  So perhaps the retrieval team wasn't working well enough to calm him down?  Or he was backed up and his temper was feeding on that to give him *ideas*?  He went to look in on those suddenly dead people.  The news was all over the network so he knew who they were by the time he got home.


Horatio found the carrier he had been texted to come to.  He opened it and found people.  He found people with guns coming his way.  Thankfully he was just as badass as Xander in his own way.  So was Frank.  So was Hagen, who was helping.  Then they called in agents and others to handle the situation.  "Score one for Miami," Horatio said blandly when he could hear sirens.

Hagen smirked.  "Nice to see you haven't gotten soft with all the feeding up the kid gives you," he teased.

"No, not in the least," Horatio agreed with a smile.  "We will have to make him drop back into boyfriend mode though.  He'll stay in warrior mode if we don't and there's no telling how many people that will scare."  He looked at the ICE agent stomping his way.  "Thanks to the bust in DC last night, someone was worried that Mr. Harris would find out about their people smuggling operation and stop them the same way.  This one at least has people.  They said there's six others here in this docking center."

The immigration agent moaned.  "I saw that on tv.  That was Harris?  Long haired, goofy bastard who spoils your lab rotten Harris?"  Horatio smirked and nodded.  "Damn."

"Quite," Frank agreed dryly.  "The poker circle is all being very nice today."

"Danny and Don are already at the station accepting payments of poker debts," Horatio said with a smile.

One of the officers looked over.  "Sir, they arrested one for paying with money stolen from a bank robbery," he said.  Horatio smirked.  "When will he be back in spoiled boyfriend mode?"

"Probably within weeks."

"Good!  Think he'd make the other stations dinner?"

"If you ask him he would," Frank assured him with a smile.  "He's bored half the time."  The officer smiled and called his boss to tell him that.  "He's not back from that thing yet."

"That's fine, sir.  When we hear he is, we'll ask."  They finished picking up the bodies and helping the agents search for more imported people.  The paper trail led Horatio to another poker buddy who had just switched fields from drugs to people.  That didn't go over well when they busted in to stop his auction of teenagers.   The others arrested were all horrified as well.  So was the FBI since they had them listed and hadn't done anything.  They'd have to find that problem and root it out.  Thankfully Horatio could recommend some very good agents who also hacked.  Garcia, Abby, and McGee were going to be busy for a few days.


Jensen walked past Gibbs wearing his 'don't make me pull out my army of flying monkeys' t-shirt.  Gibbs shuddered, shaking his head.  "We're in town."

"DiNozzo and Sanders are still on the island."

"Wonderful."  He grinned.  "Xander wanted to go somewhere expensive and elite.  He's sure there's less problems and then we'll go back to Miami."

"Thanks for the warning," he said dryly.  "There's a bunch of ambassadors in right now.  I would've had a 24/7 guard on DiNozzo."

"Half of them don't want Xander.  He's too diva."  Jensen smirked and snapped his fingers in that diva way.  "But I'll warn Clay."  He strolled off, calling that in on his way to pick up bagels.  Xander was craving bagels for some reason.  So was Pooch.  So maybe Xander was picking up on Jolene's food cravings the same way Pooch used to when she was pregnant the last time.  Or Xander was pregnant but since he was an immie that was highly improbable.  Well, without Rosenburg-ian assistance anyway.  He picked up a pregnancy test just in case.  Xander looked at it then at him.  "Rosenburg."  Xander went to the bathroom to pee on the little stick.

Pooch shuddered.  "I'm hoping Roque takes her out or calms her down," he said.  He took his bagels to toast.  He put in one for Xander too.  "He likes a light toast?"  Jensen nodded with a smile.

Xander came out, shaking his head.  "Nope."

"Thank God," Clay muttered.  "We'd have to put her out of our misery for that and hide you better."

"No poker," Cougar joked.

"They'd love to pet my belly," Xander teased back.  He took his bagel from Pooch.  "Thanks.  Jensen, cream cheese?"  He tossed him the packet.  "Thanks."  He gave him a hug and a kiss.  "There's a contest tonight if you want to go with me.  It's a gay club."

"I can do that.  It's a good place to hold a meeting in public."  Clay nodded that was true.  "What sort of contest?"

"Dance."  He smirked.  "Salsa dancing."  Jensen moaned.  He had been working on it because it did help his sword work.

Pooch stared at him.  "You do what?"

"Xander had us taught because it helped with the footwork and using our whole bodies," Jensen said.  "We were too stiff and it was getting us in trouble.  So he got us our first salsa dancing lesson.  Then he brought us to a club to learn better.  That cute little mouthy thing that I brought home that night?  She was from there."  He smirked.  "Cougar got called a too polite boy."  Cougar nodded.  "Wade and Anya having sex in the alleyway after him seeing her dance with Xander got the club raided too."

Xander nodded.  "It definitely did."  He nibbled on his bagel, adding a touch of salt and sugar to it.  "Whoever's pregnant, I'm going to spank for making me have cravings.  There's no way I should be getting them from Jolene."

Pooch watched him eat.  "I'm getting sweet, jelly cravings," he said as he spread some.  "So that may not be hers."  Xander's bagel paused on the way to his mouth.  Then he moaned, shaking his head.  "What?"

"I'll be a godfather."  He ate a bite.  Clay stiffened, staring at him.  "Unless it's Willow broadcasting for one of them."  He ate another bite and started on the second half.

Clay called Dean.  "Dean, me.  Take Anya to a doctor to see if she's knocked up.  I know it's not yours, smartass.  Xander's having food cravings."  He hung up.  He looked at him.  "We'll figure it out."

"Thanks, Clay."  He grinned.  "I'll make a kickass godparent."  He finished that bagel and went to make another.  It did explain so much since Anya was still considered a pack member.


Dean drove up to Wade's, getting out and walking up to the door.  Wade opened it, giving him a dirty look.  "Got an order to get Anya checked over.  Clay thought someone might've come near her."

"What?" Wade demanded.  "There's no way.  I'd know.  She'd tell me and I'd know anyway."

Dean shrugged.  "Orders, dude.  Anya?"  She came bouncing out, smiling and glowing.  "Let's go.  Clay wanted you checked out."


"He said so.  He's Clay.  It's like arguing with our dad.  It's futile because he's a hardheaded bastard."

"Yes, he is," Wade said dryly.  "Fine.  You buy her lunch."

Dean nodded, taking Anya to his car.  He drove them off to see the family doctor, Adam.  Who was not ready for them but oh well.  He could get up, it was nearly ten.  Dean leaned closer to hiss in his ear, getting a single discontent nod.  He had Anya pee on the stick 'just in case' and then checked her over otherwise.  Dean saw the stick turn pink.  "Anya?"  She looked over.  He held up the stick.  She blanched, shaking her head quickly.  "That type of immie isn't infertile apparently."

"He'll kill someone and not in a way that I can watch," she pouted.  "It'll take all our fun foreplay."

"Maybe Xander can adopt it," he sighed.  She beamed at that.  "Don't ask yet though.  He's already having your food cravings, that's why he sent me."

"Wade is going to pout."

"Probably, yeah."  He called Sam for backup, and Aisha since she was in town.  She could probably kick Wade's ass if they couldn't.  "Let me tell him.  You and Adam talk about pregnant woman things."

"It's not like I've been one," Adam said dryly.

Dean smirked.  "You married a few.  And Jensen made Xander take a test in case it was Rosenburg."  He walked off, going to pick up Sam and Aisha.  They went back to Wade's.  Wade opened the door, staring at them.  Dean stared back.  "Want the bad news out here?"

"Someone poisoned her?"

"Nope," Sam said with a grin.

"Why did you bring Clay's bitch?" Wade asked.

"Because if you try to kick our asses when you lose your temper at yourself, she can help."  Wade gave him an odd look.  Dean held up the stick, getting a glare back.  "Not like I took it, dude.  Xander got her food cravings."

"He probably still considers her pack," Sam said.  "The hyena would."  Dean nodded that was true.  Wade snatched the stick.  He was muttering.  Sam and Dean both backed up, letting Aisha handle him if he lost his cool.  Wade stomped off pouting.  She gave him a strange look.  Sam looked.  "She's with Adam at the moment," he called after him.

"She's going to someone more official than him," Wade called back.  He came out with his jacket.  "Let's go."

"She was pouty that it was going to take all your sex and evil torturing time away," Dean told him.  "She's thinking maybe adoption by Xander."

"Maybe," Wade said.  "But I might hate that."  He got into his car and sped off.  He had to yell at someone.  Anya was on the pill!

"So I was supposed to kick his ass if he attacked you two?" she demanded.

"Yup," Dean said with a grin.  "Because you've been inactive for so long and needed the sparring time."  They walked off.  She huffed but followed, swearing at them.  They were used to it.  Dean handed her the test.  "You need one of your own?"  She blanched and shook her head quickly.  "You sure?"

"Quite, thank you."  She got into the back.  They could drop her off downtown on their way back to Xander's.  She went to shudder in horror at the thought of her getting knocked up.  She wasn't that sort of woman!


Anya looked up when her man stomped into the room, pouting at him.  "The night you tortured that demon for me apparently the antibiotics were wrecking my pills.  I'm sorry I'm ruining our sex time."

He huffed.  "I forgot you were on antibiotics for that bite mark."  She hugged him hesitantly.  "We'll handle it."

"Xander might adopt it," she offered, looking at him.  "That way it'd be dangerous and deadly but nicer."

"It would."  He shrugged.  "We'll figure that out.  Adam, we're going to use a licensed OB."

"That's fine," he assured them with a smirk.  "She should be taking prenatal vitamins.  So far she looks fine."  Wade nodded, walking her off.  Adam got himself some coffee and spread that information to the rest of the group.


Speed looked at his phone, and felt his stomach clench.  "H?"  He came over to look at the message.  "We can't let them have the baby.  It'll turn into a torturing serial killer."

Horatio considered it.  "We'll talk about that when we figure out what she wants."  Speed smiled.  "I was hoping some day to have a family."  He stroked Speed's cheek.  Someone ruined the mushy moment to shoot at them.  Then they screamed.

"Quit pissing Xander off more!  We need him calmed down, not enraged further!" that one shouted.  "You don't shoot at his family!  He'll fuck you up like he did that asshole in DC!"

Frank and Don walked that way to get them both.  "Thanks, Pieter," Don said with a grin.  Their retrieval head shrugged.  "Why are you in Miami?"

"Because your boy is causing waves and ripples in DC, Don.  He has that one left I know but it's still being evil.  He and Jensen were salsa dancing last night.  It got so bad, the PD had to bring a hose."  Frank snickered.  "He didn't even leak any hormones.  Clearly he's backed up somehow."

"Nah, he said Jensen's slightly kinky and handling it well enough for him with the danger pushing down most of it," Speed said as he joined them.  "He's not backed up at all."  Don was getting pouty.  "They have plans for the night they come back."

"I saw the new sex toy," Don complained.  "The accounts are locked, that's not a good idea."

Speed stared at him.  "He's probably ranting in DC if you told him that.  You'd think you'd want your boyfriend home."

"I do!  I want things back to normal!"

Strife appeared, snapping his fingers to take the rifle from someone and handing it to Horatio then pointing up.  "He's mad that Xander got his buddies killed for selling kids."  He looked at Don.  "There's no putting that genie in the bottle, Don.  You've kept Xander in the house for a long time.  Jensen's a lot more like Greg was.  You got jealous of him and you're jealous of them now."

"I can't handle him on my own!" he complained.

"Jensen's a higher level mental GHS," Cupid said as he appeared, smiling.  "But yeah, they're a lot like brothers in many ways."  He nudged Strife.  "That one's eviler.  He's going to mess up my feathers."

Strife summoned him, putting an arm around his shoulders while he took the gun.  "You don't wanna mess up his feathers.  I get mad and then he'll lose his temper like Xander would."  He smirked.  "Wouldn't you rather have a nice cell instead?"  He nodded quickly, kneeling beside Speed, hands behind his head.

"Thanks," Speed said, cuffing him.  "Any other snipers?"  That one shook his head.  Horatio had patrol officers get the other one off the building.  He looked at Don.  "You seem to have this fifties expectation of your spouse.  That's why Xander does things like bellydance for the poker circle."

"I'm trying," he said firmly.

"Your mind's stuck," Cupid assured him.  He ran a hand over it.  "You used to be more relaxed, Don.  You seriously need a vacation."  He stared at him then fixed the mental stuck place.  Don relaxed and smiled.  "Whoever did that to you, kill them.  They're ruining my mood."  Strife shivered, moving closer.  "He's gonna have to work really hard to get it back.  Bye-bye now."  He and Strife disappeared.

Horatio looked at Don.  "Well?"

"I don't know," he admitted.  "If I did, I might hit 'em.  Then have someone check Danny."  He was suddenly so much more clear headed.

"I have the feeling it might show up in a blood drug test," Speed offered to Horatio.

Horatio called Calleigh to have her do one on Danny.  They'd get the results later.  They went back to their crime scene once the two sniper wannabes were in custody.  They clearly didn't want to pay Xander all that they owed since Wyatt sent a message about them owing a lot.


Back in DC, Xander was meeting with his temporary minions, which had made Garcia and Abby cackle but McGee moan and shake his head when he had said that.

"Have some caffeine, Xander," Clay ordered, getting him some.  "So you can calm down again."

Xander smirked.  "So, my last evil segment?"

"Going very well," Abby promised.  "Is it a diversion?" she asked more quietly.  Xander smirked and nodded.  "Why?"

"Because he'd expect it."  He kissed her on the cheek, hissing in her ear at the same time.  She shivered and nodded.  "Screw the flying monkeys, I have better."  He beamed.  Clay moaned from his seat a few tables off. "Hey, I could've sent veela.  There's a analogous species."  Clay shook his head more quickly.  So did McGee, so apparently it was a guy thing that he usually missed.  "Anyway."  He outlined his plans.  They all grinned at that.  It was goofy but mean.  Just like Xander.  They could help with a lot of it.  So could the geeks on the island.  They were getting antsy to come home soon.  So it'd happen.

Abby leaned on Xander's shoulder.  "I should take dance lessons from you."

He smirked.  "Well, I do know belly dancing now."  She cackled.  He kissed her on the tip of her nose.  "Hubert would send that if he knew I was up here."  The meeting broke up and Xander strolled off, Clay following.  He got to go shopping.  All sorts of shopping.  Since Faust was paying for it.  Even sex stuff shopping, which made Clay wait outside as inconspicuously as he could.  Then he went to the belly dancing store to get more bells.  Then he picked up lunch and brought it with them back to the apartment they were renting.  It was much appreciated by the others.  Xander was still having food cravings and he wasn't sure why.


"We are *not* adopting," Danny said firmly when he spotted Anya.  "Not for the next decade."

She pouted.  "Xander could use something to care for and love.  Besides, I doubt he'd ask you since you've been so mean to him recently."  She stomped off, nose in the air.

Calleigh punched Danny, knocking him down.  "They must have drugged you again.  He's sorry, Anya.  Someone's been drugging him to turn him into a bastard like they have Don."  Anya smiled at her.  "Congratulations."

"Tell me that in a few months when I can start having fun torturing foreplay again."  She slid into the car and drove off.

Calleigh got officers to take Danny to the morgue so Alexx could help weed it out of his system or she could kill him, one way or another.  She really had to find out who had drugged him.  It was worse than Xander's brain tumor problem.


Buffy frowned, watching as Willow ran to the bathroom.  "Did you eat the fish in the caf again?" she called.  She followed.  Maybe Willow had been poisoned by a demon?  Or one of the remaining Initiative people had done something to her?  She'd have to find out and stomp the cause.  She remembered to take her pill for some reason and took it with a handful of water from the faucet in there.  Willow was still puking.  They'd have to have Giles do a mystical poison sensing or something.

The End.

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