Fighting Back.

Xander walked up to where Wade was sunning himself on the beach.  "I need all of Max's files concerning the guys," he said quietly.

"That's not a lot.  He wasn't really a planner that way."

Xander stared at him.  "We are also going to DC."

"Shit, someone found out."

"Someone vacationing recognized Roque actually."

"Shit," Wade muttered.  "We can't really do much.  It'd be better if they did it."

"They do that and they're arrested.  So said a little birdie up that way."  He stared at him.  "Well?"

"I...."  He stared back.  "This is seriously going to crimp my downtime."

Xander nodded.  "Possibly but they also sent someone to raid the house and the station."  He walked off.  "I'm leaving in two hours."

"I'll be there."  He sighed but got up and went to gather everything that could help.  He wondered if the guys knew but probably not.  Xander worked in secret most of the time unless he wanted to be open as a diversion for others or he was pissed off.  In this case he was pissed off so who knew what was going to happen.


Xander walked into the meeting, sitting down.  "Hi."

"Who're you, sir, and how did you get past our security," the man said.

"I'm a witness at this farce of a trial you're trying to hold, and I have information for you," he said bluntly.  "As for security, they're presently babbling at each other."


Xander smirked and pointed.  "My companions."  The two hellhounds appeared beside him, one on each side, and sat, staring at the generals.  "We were going to talk about a group called The Losers?"

"We were," one said.  "What do you know about that?"

"Wade?" he called.  He brought in the files he had.  Xander looked then handed down all but two.  "Those two may be pertinent later."

The generals looked them over.  "So you expect us to believe...."

Wade held up a hand.  "Generals, I worked for Max until I died."

"Then how are you here?" one asked.  "Are you an illusion?"

"No, Sunnydale things happened and that's all I'm allowed to say on that matter."

"What's Sunnydale?"

Xander snickered.  "Boys, eat the demons," he ordered. The dogs growled and moved closer.

"You can't!" one shouted, hopping up.  "I've served honorably for decades!"

Xander stared at him.  "And I've saved the world a few times during apocalypses.  Sit."  The dogs sat.   He held up the other two folders.  "Here's my proof of what I've done.  All I've seen out of yours was some lower level combat, some training skills, and political skills at ass kissing."

"How dare you," he sneered, taking those.  He looked and blanched.  "You're...."

"Xander Harris, yes.  Back then I had less hair," he said dryly.  "And why are you worried since there's four of you in here?  They didn't react."  The other three shifted.  He smirked.  "Yes, I'm *that* Xander Harris."  He clasped his hands on the table.  "So, let's talk.  Wade, sit, it's going to be a while because I'm not real pleased that someone tried to invade my house and the crime lab."

Wade sat.  "I kinda work for him now."

The generals looked over the information again.  "Where is this...Max person?"  Xander pointed at the dogs.   "They're holding him hostage?"

"No, they ripped him apart because he decided he wanted me."

"What are you?" one demanded.  "These files...."

"Colonel Pergren Scott," he said bluntly.  They all gaped in horror.  Xander nodded.  "Also, I'm the reason you guys have sensitivity lectures about hormones."

"That was DiNozzo at NCIS," one said.  "And some level ten...."  He trailed off.  "Oh, shit, that's you?"

"Yes, and I was still the white knight hunter on Buffy's team," he said dryly.  "And you five still had my house invaded."  He smirked.  "Which pissed me the hell off.  Not even Gibbs could talk me out of coming here today if I had told him."

"I think Gibbs would've had a stroke if he had heard about this," Wade admitted.

"Where is this team now?" the human one asked.

"Safe.  Because the first thing you guys would've done is cover up your failure as commanders to protect your people.  You probably would've tried to charge them with desertion, and they didn't.  Or dereliction of duty, and they didn't.  I didn't want this to turn A-Team because I like the guys.  They're nice to me.  They've helped rescue me and the family in the past.  They've actually restored some of my faith in my country's military because after one of those files happened, I considered ninety percent of you scumbags.  Especially if you came after us again."

The human looked over those two files and glared at one of the others.  "You let them do that?"

"That incident is why I got promoted," he defended.

"That incident is why I took another road trip," Xander said dryly.  "And found my hormones."

"Where is that team so we can talk to them about what happened?"

"In that file is a secure, untraceable email address.  Jensen's monitoring it.  He made sure it's untraceable."

"He was their computer hacker," the human general agreed.  "He should be able to."

"He can.  I also made sure you can't get a GPS signal where they are even if you did track it."  He stared at them.  "What did you expect them to do, guys?  Just show up and go 'no, we lived' after you tried to kill them?"

"That was not part of the mission," the human general huffed.

"Yes it was," Wade said.  "That's how Max planned it and got his other minions to handle it.  He was highly amused that they actually went in to save the kids that were supposed to die in the bombing of that compound.  Him being amused was a very bad thing usually.  When I reported that they weren't dead four months later, he said he had done a lot since then and I had to jog his memory.  That's why he had me hire an 18 man team to kill them, and then kill the team because he changed his mind."

"I can't believe some outsider had pull over the US military like that."

"He wasn't an outsider," Wade said.  "He was CIA.  He had massive control in NSA operations as well."  The generals all gaped.  He handed over another file.  "The NSA profile on Max."

"I just found the guy creepy before I knew what he had done," Xander said.  "Then I got mad and made sure he wasn't going to hurt anyone else."  Someone else came in.  "Ah, Graham Miller.  Which minion of Satan sent you?"

"General Hollysworth called for me.  Why are you here, Harris?"

"Because these unknowing puppets decided to attack my house and Miami's crime lab to cover up the fact that someone was pulling strings and someone survived.  I'm a bit pissed off."

"Oh."  He sat down.  "Sir, is this the same matter?"

"We were going to have your team retrieve this other team."  Xander burst out laughing.  Wade snickered, shaking his head.  "You think they couldn't."

"Hell no," Xander said dryly.  "The first time I saw Miller in Miami I'd have to shoot his ass.  There's no way in hell I'd let him touch people who're near me.  Especially since one has a kid and half of Graham's team should've went to jail with the other torturers but they were repurposed."  Graham glared at him.  "You can't tell me most of them wouldn't shoot a kid."

"No, I can't," he admitted.  "They might."

"Which means I'd have to take them out," Xander assured him.  "In the most messy way possible."

"How many other people like this Max have influenced the military?" one asked Wade.

"Fifteen in the last decade.  There's only one left right now and he's scared to death of Xander."  Xander beamed at him for that.  "Xander has a bad habit of protecting himself even if it means a huge mess."

"He's right to consider Miami like our own country.  We protect ourselves down there.  You're damn lucky you don't have the crime lab staff in your face right now.  I'm really the nicer one."

"He is," Wade agreed.

"Are you happy being his minion?" one of the demons sneered.

"He's a lot nicer than Max and I only have to handle his poker debts now and then so they don't try things.  Some mild intel gathering for bad things coming our way.  People who want to steal him, that sort of thing."

"I've heard you have an apocalypse closet in Miami," Graham told Xander.

"Yeah, it keeps me stolen less often.  The last time Horatio weeded it down too far, the mess in LA's slave market happened when I berserked three times."

Graham gaped.  "I saw that mess."

Xander stared at him.  "I made that mess.  ATF has oversight over Horatio's shoulder for me.  That way we make sure I have useful things instead of like the poker buddy who wanted to woo me who gave me a few dirty bombs and a nuclear warhead.  Which I nicely handed to Gibbs."

"Gibbs is the ultimate hardass," one muttered.

"Yes he is.  I like Gibbs.  He's honest."  Xander stared at him with a small smirk.  "Actually, Greggy is like family."

"Oh, you're the one he was with," he sighed.  "No wonder that's so tangled."

Xander shrugged.  "I have those I consider family.  I spoil them horribly.  I cook dinners for the lab and a few stations, all that."  His phone beeped and he handed it to Wade.  "Horatio or my boys?"

He looked.  "Horatio and he's livid."  He answered that they were in DC talking to some generals about the invasion.  He looked up.  "Lieutenant Caine has your so-called assault force in custody, sir, and they are going to be going to civilian jail since all of them appear to be dead."

Xander grinned.  "Figures.  The house?"

"The pets are fine.  The farm is fine.  The boys are fine," he said.  "Calm down, please?"

Xander nodded.  "Sometime today."  He looked at the generals then at Graham again.  "So, how are you liking Homeland?"

"Not bad.  Better pay, more paperwork.  It balances out.  What are you?"

Xander smirked.  "GHS."

"Shit," he muttered.  "That so figures.  I had a bet with Riley."

"You can cap him up the ass if you want."

"His wife would mind."

"I don't care what the vagina of doom minds."  He stared him down.  "Especially since she was sent to sex up Greg for GHS community information so you guys could try to use us to your own ends.  You're damn lucky she's alive."

Graham shuddered.  "I did not know she tried that."

"Yes, she did.  She failed.  She got Gibbs' foot up her ass and out her nose and then others got in on it."

"That makes them a legal target, right?" Wade asked.

"I hate to waste them.  We can use them for apocalypse fodder during the next one."

Wade nodded.  "That might help, yeah.  Honorable deaths and all that."  He shrugged.  "Pity."

Xander grinned.  "You can threaten the Columbians when we get home if you want."

"Cool."  He grinned.  "I need some good threatening time."

"We have to look at the new sniper rifles too."

"Even better."  He smirked at Graham, who blanched.  "Yes, I'm commando and quiet team trained too.  The CIA thought I'd make a wonderful minion and gave me to Max as a present.  Xander's much nicer and saner."

"If you're sure he's sane."  Xander pointed and the dogs growled at him.  "Shit!" he said, hopping up onto the table.  "Harris!  Kill them!"

"Why do I want to kill a friend's dogs?  They're very good dogs."  He smiled.  Graham glared at him.  "They are.  They ate Max for me.  They've protected the baby a few times.  They've protected me a few times.  One even brought me my special sword when I was being held captive, even though it hurt him to do it.  I treated him to a full dead cow for that.  They don't even bother my ferrets or my dragon."

Graham slumped, staring at him.  "You're working with the demons?"

"Not all of them.  None of the ones who want to own me.  As you saw in Sunnydale, Miller, not all of them are evil.  Some are very nice people.  Some are very sweet.  They don't bother me half as much as humans do.  Only one percent of them want to steal me, unlike a quarter of the human population in some countries who think they deserve me."

"Get off the table, Miller," the human general ordered.  "Harris, call them off."

"Sit, boys.  Good boys."  He petted them both, getting happy barks and tail wags.  Miller slowly climbed down and sat down farther down the table from them.

He sighed.  "Mr. Harris, we like calm things."

Xander let loose with his hormones. "Sure, I can make things calm."  He smiled.  The generals all moaned.  "What more calm did you need?"

"We need to talk to them to clear this up."

"You have the email address."

"We would like to settle this in person," the human general said, getting up to turn on the fan and open all the windows.  "That was mean, sir.  That could be counted as trying to hurt this panel, which would be counted as a terroristic threat."

"That might be, but two of you by proxy owe me shitloads of money as well."  He smiled at the human one.  "Your daughter's friend, who is on her deed now, owes me a good fifty G's.  I'm not taking her house.  I don't want the thing."

"Fuck," he muttered.  "I told her he was no good."

Xander nodded, looking at the other one.  "Your son is in even deeper.  Again, I'm not being pushy but it is something to be noted.  I'm not the nice people person.   Not when you fuck with me like when you had my house invaded."

"I can see that point," the human general agreed, clearing his throat.  "We would like to talk to them."

Wade dialed the phone on the table after sticking something on it.  Xander had said it would get to the realm where the guys were stashed.  "What?" Clay demanded.

"Colonel," the human general said.  "I want your side on what happened."

"Why, sir?  So you can kill us for real this time or so you can try to court marshal us?"

"I've got information in front of me that shows that you were not in that crash and why."

"Yes, that's true."

"Why were your dogtags there then?" he asked.

"Because the owners of those tags were dead when you tried to kill us," Clay said simply.  "I'm not a Colonel any longer because you had us shot down."

The general huffed.  "If you had told the investigative team," he said.

"What investigative team?" Wade asked.  "Max kept anything from going on other than picking up things.  There was no investigation."  A file was slid down to him.  Wade snickered.  "Generals, I wrote this while I was drunk afterward.  I could barely see the screen from the tequila I had drank off some girl's twat."  He slid it back.  "That's my signature, not an investigative team's signature."

"Did you resign your commission?" the human general asked him.

"You guys talked Canada into givng me an honorable discharge after Max killed the people who gave me to him."  He stood up.  "I think I want some air while you two talk."

"Sit," Xander ordered quietly.  "Please."  He stared at Wade.  This was the first time they had clashed and he silently asked him to please back him up here.  Wade sat with a shrug.  "Thank you."

"Do I get a good minion pet?" Wade joked.  Xander reached over to scratch him behind the ear, getting swatted and glared at for it.  Xander smirked.  "Bastard."

"With my parents, yeah," he said dryly.  "Duh."

"Good point."  He shook his head.  "As you can see, Max considered them an expendable team, even though their exemplary service records and combat records showed they weren't.  That's why he picked them actually.  It gave him the warm fuzzies to take out such good teams."  Graham shuddered.  "Why don't you go calm down, let the real soldiers talk," Wade suggested, making him stomp off.  Xander grinned at him for that.  "Welcome."


"Xander?" Clay asked.

"Yes.  I brought up the files Max had on you guys."

"Thank you."

"I'll be damned if I want this to go A-Team."

"True, not on my list of favorite ideas either," Clay admitted.  "Wade, Roque?"

"Hiding in plain sight.  Last I heard Horatio had him in protective custody."

"Meaning the drunk tank," Clay decided.

"Yeah, he got into a bar brawl last night with the wrong trannie hooker."

"That's not nice of him," Xander said dryly.  He leaned on the table, staring at the generals.  "If that had been you, would you have popped up to go 'I'm not dead' without the information to show why?"

"No," the human general agreed.  "I would not.  I would have probably moved to come back to the US, talked to a commander I trusted to let them know that what happened was not what happened, and gotten help to work to clear myself."

"After your own supposed commander tried to kill you?" Xander asked.

"There's others I trust."

"Not alive," Clay admitted.  "They wouldn't help us anyway.  We got our team name for a reason, Generals.  They didn't like us in Basic and they hated us afterward."

"I saw your files.  It did have a lot of exemplary service," he admitted.  He looked at the others.  Xander sent the dogs home.  "Thank you for banishing them."

"I sent them home to snack.  They'll follow us later so Wade doesn't have to rescue me from the Middle East again."

"You know, they did end up issuing a fatwa against stealing you guys," Wade told him.  Xander grinned at him for that information.  "It said that kidnaping you guys should be treated like any other kidnaping and they should be killed for it, even if they took a female.  They made sure to add that part."

"I'm so happy."

"It's non binding."

"Are they going to work to release all the ones presently in custody?"

"Saudi is.  Iraq isn't."

"Iraq's still in a hellhole of decay and trying to rebuild.  It could be decades before they're stable again," Clay noted.  "Though we have a pretty good idea who has them."

"All but I think ten," Xander admitted.  "Plus any new ones that get stolen as of the last checking in."

"I can slip someone over there the list," Wade offered.

"Only if they give back the stolen scientists at the same time.  Most of us wouldn't want anyone taken for any reason.  We're all very sensitive to that issue."

"You're the one who got those people free from the bazaar," the human general said calmly.

Xander nodded.  "Yes, I was.  Both GHS members and scientists."

"Good work."

"I try to do what I can until things attack my family.  Then I have to react."  He stared at him.  "This is attacking my family as, like I said, you had my house invaded.  If I had been home, or my boyfriends had been home, they would've been shot.  My boyfriends are both officers.  I'm no slouch at it either because I believe in protecting myself and people coming into my house with guns would make sure I solved that shit.  No matter how I did it."

"I agree, there would've been problems but that might've meant your boyfriends being shot by them," the human general said.

"Then you would've paid," Xander said dryly.  "Because I'd have started with the press and moved to all my poker contacts.  I don't want to use them that way, but I'd be damned and I know some people who retired who could easily step into Max's areas."  The human general blanched.  "For that matter, if I wanted to, I could be devious and do it myself.  I don't want to.  Why do I want to foster that sort of problem in the world?  I'd like more peace and quiet instead of less.  Aren't you glad Sunnydale didn't ruin me?"

"I am," the human general agreed.  "You could've made a hell of a soldier."

"I'm in a different war.  Not like I don't help handle all the other apocalypses going on."

"Oh," he said flatly.  "That one I understand slightly."

"Less pay, no bennies, sucky coworkers, no team spirit, but it's a duty just like yours," Xander said bluntly.

"I can agree with that.  Colonel... Clay, we need to get this mess straightened out.  Why did you not come to us when he was dead?"

"I tried through a contact I almost trusted.  Nothing came of it."

"I suppose I can understand them not wanting to be involved in a huge mess."  He looked over the information again then looked at his compatriots.  They had a quiet talk and nodded.  "Colonel, we're going to give your whole team honorable discharges and fix your paperwork.  I can understand you not wanting to come back after this."

"Thank you, General."

"In return, I want you to confiscate all of Mr. Harris's artillery."

"No can do," Clay said dryly.  "Because we don't want them to steal him again because they think he's weak.  Like the last time.  Also, he's allowed by the Miami PD as long as they keep track of it and have a full monthly inventory."  Xander nodded.  "Which we are usually doing for him.  If not, he does it and Lieutenant Caine looks over his shoulder."

"I think he's dangerous."

"I think I'm a sweet pussy cat until you fuck with me," Xander countered.  "Because I am.  If you ask anyone in Miami, they'll tell you the same thing.  Miller's people will all tell you they thought I was a goofy asshole until I shot some of them during the takedown of the Initiative.  They thought I just tagged along and put up with the girls."  The general gaped.  "I actually do have a mostly correct file somewhere," Xander said, looking at Wade.  "Did you pull it?"

"No.  It's still in the CIA."  He found it on his PDA and handed it down.  "That's mostly correct."

They read it and one glared at Xander.  "Devi?"

"Found myself.  Figured out the hormone thing.  Figured out I was bi.  It was worth the six weeks and the later stress.  It got me my boys after I left."

One swallowed.  "The invasion in LA?"

"Yes, I was there.  They even captured me on film.  The same as they did in St. Louis after a former one of you decided I needed to be retrained into a better soldier."  He leaned on his arms on the table.

The human general coughed, looking at him.  "Are you a danger to us?"

"Not unless you fuck with me," Xander said honestly.  "I don't want to manipulate things.  I don't want to hurt people unless they try the family first.  I'm a white knight, guys.  A bored one sometimes.  One with a clouding hormone condition that occasionally draws problems.  I have a long time to be pretty, wanted, and bored.  Why do I need the stress of turning into Max?"

"So Miami is safe?"

"Horatio's like a dad to me.  He makes sure Miami is safe and I make sure he has what he needs to do that.  By the way, don't try to steal my money either.  I saw that earlier."  He smirked.  "The people who want me often protest.  The last one who wanted me, saw me getting this pissed and went to eat the cause.  Not a threat but a statement of fact.  Someone had taken a friend of the family's mother hostage.  It wasn't pretty I'm told."

"That's in here," the human general admitted.

"I didn't ask."

"I didn't figure you did."  He stared at him.  "We're worried you could use that to harm someone."

"Generals, I can harm someone with a sharp, pointy stick.  That's how I was trained to fight," he said dryly.  "Horatio makes sure no one else gets into my storage areas if I don't allow it.  Which I don't because they're like my kids."  He grinned.  "I'm a nice guy until you guys force me not to be.  I mean, I could've just went to the press and started there.  I could've started with the three senators who've tried to kidnap me, any of the foreign royalty, or business people, any of them to start and then come to you.  I'm being a good boy by bringing this to you calmly to state that you really don't know what you're doing."

"You earned that money by illegal means, young man," one of the demons said.

"Yes, the IRS knows I gamble."

"Not that way."

"No, most of it wasn't from that six weeks.  I only made eleven mil then."  They gaped.  "I got the rest from kidnaping reparations, suitors, all that stuff.  The eleven mil was down to about two when I left New York and I've since spent that much shopping and feeding the lab and station where my boys work."  They groaned.

"Sorry but no.  And even then you'd have to have a warrant, which you don't have.  You'd have to have evidence, which you don't have.  You'd have to have probable cause, which you haven't had.  You guys came at me.  Of course I'm going to fight back.  I'm not the sort to sit there and mope, guys.

"What did you expect, me to go whining to Daddy?  I'm not that sort of boy.  I learned early on that the only one I could count on is me, or is now dead.  We weren't really a *team* in Sunnydale.  I never learned loyalty beyond protecting myself and those I chose to protect.  I'm rabid about protecting those I choose to protect."  His phone beeped and he looked at it.  "Huh.  We have bugs, Wade."

"We do?"

"Yeah."  He let him see it.  "Isn't that the guy?"

"Yup."  He looked at the generals then held up the phone to show them the message. //They will leave you alone and hand everything back, Xander.  I promise.  Please leave the nice generals able to work.//  "Apparently he thinks Xander's a bit upset too."

"Not now.  When I came in here I was livid."

"I noticed," Wade said.  He sent one back.  The one he got back amused him.  "The money is back, the house is cleared.  Danny and Don are fine.  Roque got bail.  Horatio was calmed down and the lab was given a grant in apology.  Their honorable discharge will be processed today, complete with back pay, pensions, and benefits for the kid, and can we please take DiNozzo shopping so we can be admired together."  He looked at him.

Xander shrugged.  "He'd have to ask Gibbs and Greg."

Wade started to text that in when one came back.  "Done.  Gibbs is growling but Vance said that's fine.  Be good on the agency.  No one ever gets any cooperation in Miami."

"Horatio likes to work with people who work *with* him.  Most agents are case stealing assholes."

"Yes they are," Wade agreed.  He got one back.  "Awww.  He wants you to wear some diamonds later."

"Why?  Is he going to kidnap me?"

"No.  He's using you to bait one of the people who wants to take you because they have one of his minions hostage."

"Sure.  I can play bait.  Buffy got me to do it often enough."  Wade texted that back and got a list of places to visit.  Xander looked.  "If we're here tomorrow can we go to the amusement park?"

"Sure," he decided when that came up with a 'sure'.  He looked at the generals, who all looked pissed.  "This one is a guy named Faulkner Faust.  Or that's what he's going by now."  They all slumped and nodded.  They had heard that name.

"Wade, if he's in DC, Gibbs is to know," Clay ordered.

"I already texted McGee I was in town eariler," Xander promised.  "That I was handling some testimony over something and no the boys didn't know thanks to the shit going on in Miami."

"Thank you," Clay sighed.

Xander grinned at the phone.  "You know I try to be a good boy most of the time, Clay."

"I know.  We're proud of you when you manage it."

The human general looked at him.  "You're strange, Mr. Harris."

"It comes from being raised and learning how to hunt in Sunnydale, General."

"Obviously."  He handed back those files.  "I will correct those if they're not already corrected for us.  I'll also talk to Lieutenant Caine about our unfortunate team that wasn't as quiet as they should be."

Xander smiled.  "Thank you.  Have fun beating them for one being scared of my ferrets."  He stood up.  "Thank you for your time and for listening to me."  He walked out.

Wade shrugged.  "He really is a goofy, sweet kid who has no idea how power players do things," he said, hanging up the phone.  "As for Faust, there's nothing we can do to stop him.  He's scared of Xander because Xander made him have a feeling for the first time in thirty years."  He stood up.  "If you want us to bring anything to Miami, we can do that."

"No, I'll head down myself tonight," the human general said.  "Thank you, Wade."

"Not a problem, sir.  That part of the job did suck.  I knew Pooch before and he was always one of the good guys.  Plus he has a kid that Xander dotes on."

"I'm sure he does."  Wade left.  He slumped bac in his chair, looking at the others.  "Go pack your desks before I tell the Secretary of the Navy."  They stomped out.  The SecNav would have them killed for being demons.  He called his boss.  "You sure you want them pardoned, sir?"  He listened.  "I'm fairly scared of him."  He heard why he shouldn't be scared of Xander.  It did soothe some worries.  "What happens if one of them captures him?  Oh, he won't give it over.  Did you know about his immortality?" he asked quietly.  "Yes, sir.  If I must, sir," he sighed, hanging up.  He went to tell the others they had gotten a reprieve and were keeping their jobs.  The Secretary of the Navy would get a new mistress to soothe his nerves if he heard.


Xander walked off the elevator at NCIS, smiling at the growling going on.  He stepped in front of Gibbs, staring him in the eyes.  "One of the people we're baiting today has another agent hostage," he said quietly.  "We'll be distracting him."

Gibbs nodded.  "That makes more sense than some mythical higher up pulling strings."  Xander held up the file.  Gibbs smirked and took it.  He opened his mouth but Xander shook his head.  "Fine.  Thank you.  DiNozzo, take a long lunch with the kid."

"We have a list of places we have to go.  Wade's being impatient in the car.  He's not even letting me drive today, Gibbs."

"I don't let you drive at all," Gibbs reminded him.  "Ever."  Xander pouted.  "Don't start.  Do you want Sanders?"

"Tony has to shop for an anniversary present."

"Fine.  Go."  They left together, Tony chatting happily.  "This is insane," he muttered.  He looked over the file and note that Xander had been bugged earlier at the Pentagon.  He held that up to McGee and Ziva, who ran a bug checker around their desks.  He let them read the files.  Ziva knew of him but not much since he was pretty new to the whole world manipulation thing.  Though she did think it was funny he was scared of Xander.


Xander looked at Tony as they looked over jewelry selections.  "I need a wonderful set of things," he said quietly.  "Because Don and Danny are pissed at me."

"I heard," Tony assured him, patting him on the back.  "They called at five this morning."


"No, don't be.  It was important."  He looked things over again.  "Earrings?"

"I've thought about one in the past but with my hair it'll get tangled."  He looked at the patient salesman.  "I usually go with subtle bling.  A nice bracelet, a subtle necklace, not rapper's bling."

"Hmm."  He looked and pulled out something, which Xander smiled at.  "That is very subtle but flashy."

"It's very flashy.   The poker circuit would be jealous of that."  He draped it over his wrist, turning it in the light.  "What do you think, Wade?"

He looked.  "Looks nice, Xander."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I think they'll kill over it."  He looked at the kid.  They'd have to have a fight later but for right now, Xander was happy playing the bait.  He wasn't going to get stolen, because Wade would get to shoot someone, but it was like a game to him.  Xander grinned at him and he relaxed.  He had to remember the kid wasn't a non-knowing sort and he did think, plan, plot, and turn things upside down in everyone's lives.  You had to like the kid, even if you did want to spank him.

"Okay, I'll take this and those two," Xander said with a point.  "Tony?"

He pointed.  "I like that one for the anniversary present I need but I'm not sure Greg would get to wear it at work."

Xander pointed.  "That for his turban?"

Tony grinned.  "He does like his turban, yeah.  Bracelets are nice and subtle."  Xander handed him one.  "That's nice.  Won't catch.  Subtle but pretty.  I like this one," he decided.  The salesman smiled and boxed things up for them.  Xander paid out of the wad of cash in his wallet.  "Did you stop to raid some of the poker funds?"

"Yeah.  It's why I leave some there."  Tony snickered at that.  "It is.  It makes good sense to me."

"It does," Wade agreed.  He took the bag and they walked out.  "Car?"

"What's the next shop on the list?" Xander asked, looking over his arm at the list he had.  "Hmm.  What's that one?"

"I'm not real sure," Wade admitted.  "The address is included though.  It's up the street."  It turned out to be a belly dancer's shop.  Wade gave Xander a look.  "You can't belly dance, right?"

"Yes I can.  I can do that and the other one."  He walked in and the woman smiled at him.  He grinned shyly.  "I'm dancing for exercise."

"That's a wonderful thing.  You're in great shape.  How far along are you in your studies?"

"Years but I only know about three dances total."  She nodded, showing him what they had.  He didn't need finger bells, he had a set somewhere.  "Oh, wow.  Look, Tony.  Tiny little ankle bells."

"That would mean less sneaking up on someone," Tony said dryly.  The saleswoman laughed.  "He can now and then."  He looked.  "Get the really tiny ones."

"But if one falls off, the baby could get it."  He looked up.  "A friend has a baby who's just starting to crawl."

"They're adorable at that age."  She looked at his ankle then at the selection.  "I only have three in the bigger size."  She let them see that set.  "This is the biggest one and has the bells that're tuned."

Xander jingled them, nodding.  "Not bad.  Can we put two of these sets into one?" he asked, pointing at some he had liked.  They were tiny double strands of bells.  She nodded, showing him how to do that.  "Then I'll take those and the bigger set."  He looked around.  "Hmm, tea.  Speed loves tea.  Speed's birthday isn't soon though."  He walked over to sniff.  One almost made him sneeze but another one smelled great.  He let Wade sniff.

"Speed would like that I think."

"And a few pounds of this one?" he said, carrying the canister over.

"Of course, sir."  She weighed it out and let him pay, watching as he put on the double strand set.  "Those do look nice."  Xander grinned and nodded, carrying his bags out.  She sighed in pleasure.  He was a nice looking young man.


Wade walked Xander into the hotel room, staring at him.  "I'm not that sort of minion."

"Sorry.  I needed to look like it was."

"I realized that."  He frowned.  "That was still sucky.  I almost expected you to go 'sit, minion, good minion' on me."

"I'm sorry."

"I know.  I almost spanked you but it would've looked bad."

"Probably, yeah."  He sat down, looking at him.  "I try very hard not to even think of you as a minion, no matter how much you joke about it.  You're an assistant definitely."  He grinned.  "Because you do a lot of things before I have to."

"Well, yeah.  That's kinda the job," he agreed.  He sat down across from him.  "Fine.  Don't let it happen again."

"I'll warn you first if I have to?"

"True.  Plans might need it."  He shrugged.  "You can actually belly dance?"

"Yeah.  I learned just after I learned how to GHS dance."  He got up to show him.  Wade gaped, staring at him.  Xander stopped and grinned.  "I'm not great at it, but I'm not bad."

"Very not bad."  He pointed.  "Go sleep so I can do disgusting things to myself in the shower."

"I don't care if you whack off or not, Wade.  I'm realistic.  I inspire lust with my hair."  He shot him a grin but went to the bedroom anyway.  "Night."

"Night.  Call your boys."

"I tried that earlier and got a growl instead.  I'll sneak back into Miami, thanks."  He closed the door.  "Don't yell my name."

"I won't.  You're not my type.  You're too sweet."  He went to his own room in the suite to make himself feel better.  He had gotten to kill someone again so he was happy.  The asshole had tried to grab DiNozzo instead of Xander so that was justified.  Gibbs had thanked him, which was strange.  The hardass in the FBI had thanked him and told him to take Xander out of his city as soon as humanly possible.  Fornell hadn't like the plan for the amusement park but the kid deserved it.

Though, those bells were going to drive him nuts!

They jingled all the time.  He had to learn how to walk smother and more silently.  Maybe the bells would help with that.


Xander and Wade did indeed sneak back into Miami.  Xander went to check on Jensen, who was scowling at his computer when he snuck in.  Xander sat down.

Jensen looked up at the sound of bells, frowning at him.  "Don wants to kick your ass."

"Which is why I'm not at home making dinner," Xander admitted.  "How are you guys doing?"

"All the paperwork came through.  Even Roque's."  He shrugged.  "It's kinda nice that it's all settled and we're free and able to be ourselves again."  Xander grinned.  "Wade pissed?"

"No, he realized I was acting.  I don't see him as a minion.  Though he hates the new jewelry."

"What is that bell?" Jensen asked.  Xander held up a foot.  "You need to learn to move so you don't jingle as much."

"I know.  I am.  Cordelia used to say I walked like a girl."

"Not hardly.  You stomp too much," Jensen said, getting back to what he was doing.  "Clay's still sulking."

"Did he want me to not fight back?"

"No.  He didn't quite get that we probably weren't going to go back to active service when he thought things through."  He looked up again.  "You guys weren't a team out in Sunnydale?"

"Not really.  Not like you guys are a team.  Half the time Buffy and Willow thought being a normal guy was a lesser state than being a special girl.  They tried to marginalize me a lot.  Tried to keep me as bait and donut boy."

"But... you helped."

"Yeah and the next day Buffy still treated me like I was a stupid idiot for doing it and bad for helping.  She used to chat on patrol and then complain that I talked at all."

"Ah.  No wonder."  He smiled.  "You know, you could learn that."

"I did with the family stuff."

"You're doing good on that.  Clay is worried that you'll turn into a Max-like person some decade."

"Too much damn paperwork."

"Good point."  He grinned.  "Are you sleeping on the couch?"

"I'm supposed to be going to Wade and Anya's for dinner.  He's down telling her we're kinda back.  I just stopped in to make sure everyone was all right."  He stood up.  "We are, right?"

"We're good.  Aisha and Clay even had one of those pre-sex brawls they used to have."  Xander grinned and left.  "We can work on that so he moves more silently," he decided, sending everyone a message that Xander was back and to watch out for the bells.


Anya put away the last of the leftovers with Xander's help.  "Xander, I need something new to thrill him with."

"Hmm.  Well, you could take pole dancing lessons, that's the hot new exercise program.  Or you can learn to belly dance for the same reason.  Both would probably serve double duty."

"I've seen belly dancers.  They're very good."  Xander nodded.  "Who around here teaches that?"

"There's classes at the Y and a couple of other places but I can teach you what I know."  She hugged him.  "I want Wade to be super happy.  He deserves it after Max."  She nodded.  He walked her outside to show her how to do what he knew how to do.  He wasn't a perfect expert but he was all right at it.  He needed more lessons but the people in town scoffed at a guy learning a female art.  She slowly moved and he showed her how.

Wade finished his email and walked out, lounging in the doorway with his arms crossed while he watched his girlfriend learn how to dance from Xander.  At least it wasn't the GHS dances but it was definitely making him wish they were alone.  He clapped, making Xander jump.  "Nice."

Xander grinned.  "I try.  I'll teach her how to pole dance too if she wants."

Wade growled with a smirk.  "That might be nice too.  Go home, Xander."

"Going to the hotel."

"They'll track you down."

"They'll be calmer tomorrow."

"I doubt it."

"They will be."  Xander blew a kiss.  "Night, guys.  Happy whatever you guys do.  I'll be hiding all day tomorrow too."  He fled.  Wade had that scary, pounce you look that he had seen on some of his captors' faces.  Anya was showing what she had learned.  Yeah, she'd get pounced tonight.  Xander found a nice, semi-decent place and checked in, warding the room and making sure he was safe before he flopped down on the bed.


Speed looked at the computer that beeped, finding the message from Clay.  "Xander's hiding from his boys tonight and we're to watch out for bells."


"Bells.  Clay said Jensen said to watch for bells."  He looked at his spouse.  "And that he's at the place where we got that groupie death during the last mega concert."

"That is a fairly safe hotel I suppose.  Bells?"  Speed showed him the message.  "Hmm.  I have no idea."

Speed sent an email to Greg and Tony.  Greg sent one back almost immediately.  "Ankle bells.  Xander found some in a belly dancing store."

"That makes slightly more sense.  Can Xander belly dance?"

"Probably.  I've seen him doing it."

"Hmm."  He laid down and turned off his light.  "At least they're safe and the other two can calm down tomorrow."

"Do they have tomorrow off?"


"Should we tell them?  Never mind, it was CC'd to them," Speed said.  He sent a text message to Sam to check Don's email since Don never checked his own.  Sam said they were out in the clubs but he'd tell Don to check his own.  "Aww, Sam's finally out getting some."  Horatio snickered.  Speed turned off his light once the bed was clear, snuggling into Horatio's side.  Horatio wrapped himself around him and it was nice.  Quiet was good after the last few days.


Danny got the message from Sam and went to check their email in the office.  What he saw amused him.  "Bells?" he muttered.  "Don, they're back."

"About damn time," he complained, walking in.  He looked.  "Bells.  Ankle bells?"

"Maybe.  Knowing Xander, quite possibly."  They shared a look.  "Should we go yell?"

"I saw we go fuck him stupid and then yell," Don complained.  "That way he's too tired to escape while we yell."

"Maybe, yeah."  They looked at the clock then at the hotel.  It was safe.  Xander would be back tomorrow.  "Want to ambush him tomorrow night since we gotta work tomorrow?"

"That might give us time to pick up some soft handcuffs."  They decided they'd let Xander do that tonight and then they'd correct their boy once he thought he had gotten away with things.


Wade looked at Xander and Anya the next day.  "Two rules of you two shopping together.  Xander, she has a very tiny budget."  Xander nodded.  "Plus a tiny closet.  You cannot spoil her too much."

"Yes, Wade."

"Second, you two still have to check in with someone.  That way we're sure you're safe."

"Yes, dear," Anya agreed, kissing him.  "Is that all?"  He nodded.  "Then can I have my allowance?"

"Fine."  He handed it over and they ran off together.  Wade shook his head, not sure this was a good idea or not.  He knew Anya wasn't going to try to get Xander back.  She told him he was better in bed.


A few hours later, Xander walked her into the building, looking in the gym.  One of them was usually in the gym.  "I need ideas," he told Cougar.  Cougar gave him an odd look.  "We're taking ... oh, this is Anya."  Cougar nodded cordially at her.  "We're trying to take belly dancing lessons but no one will teach me because I'm a guy.  Or maybe pole dancing lessons."

Aisha walked in.  "Hi."

"This is Anya," he told her.

"Your ex?"

"And Wade's present," she agreed happily.  "We need to figure out how to find a teacher who will teach Xander because he's a guy."

"Won't that bother the other dancing he does?" she asked.

"I think I can keep them separate.  It'll mean more practice with both to make sure the one stays pure."

"Escombros uno para enseñarle (Spoil one to teach you)," Cougar offered.

Xander hugged him.  "Thank you!"  He bounced off, Anya following.

"Did you eat chocolate for breakfast again, Xander?  I'm sure your boys would hate it as much as I used to when you did that to me.  The last time you did that when we were together, you sprained my back from the oral sex."

"I wonder if they compare her," Aisha asked.  Cougar gave her a dirty look.  "I don't know Wade that well, he might."  He shook his head, going back up to his apartment.   He did not want that thought.  From what he had heard, she'd be comparing them, not the guys.  Aisha turned on the treadmill so she could jog.  It was a beautiful day outside but too bright and sunny for her tastes.  Didn't it ever rain in Miami?

The End.

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