That's... Interesting News.

Xander looked at his baby cousin.  "Gracie," he said, sitting her down on the ottoman in front of his couch.  They were at his house.  He had called her mom and told her he was picking her up from school so she could play with the boys.  Which was a lie.  "We need to have a serious talk."

"Am I in trouble?"

"No, we're talking because someone told me something and I need to ask you two questions that're probably going to make you feel upset."  She nodded at that, pushing her hair back just like her mother did.  "Okay, first question, has anyone been asking you questions recently about Stan?  Anything like 'does he hug you' or anything like that?"

She considered it then shook her head.  "No, no one's asked me about Stan at all.  Why?  Is someone saying bad things about him?"

"Yup."  She scowled.  He smiled.  "Sometimes you look so like your mom and then you scowl just like your dad."  She grinned.  "Okay.  Second question and this one is way harder and nastier.  Has *anyone* touched you in *any* way that made you feel uncomfy?"

She blinked a few times.  "No," she said carefully.  She hopped up.  "They're saying Step-Stan does what?  That's a huge lie!  He's not a bad person like that, Xander!"

"I know.  I'm making sure before I find out who told that lie and I beat the crap out of them for it."

She hugged him.  "Danno will help."

"I'm sure he will."  He tweaked her pigtail.  "Okay.  I need to talk to someone official so that the lies aren't heard everywhere and no one gets arrested or even talked to by officers who aren't family.  That may mean a trip to the ER.  You've met Steve's new neighbor?"

"Spear lady," she said with a grin.  "I saw her practicing with one."

"Yeah, her.  She's a doctor.  She actually took care of me when I had malaria in Africa.  She's a really nice lady and she gave me who to talk to when I took Jensen to show him off."  She sat down again.  "You wait right there.  I'm going to the kitchen.  I'll bring back waters and then we'll go see how we can stop this stupid lying stuff."  He went into the kitchen.  He sighed, relaxing a lot.  He called the social worker he had worked with.  "It's Xander Harris.  I need a slight consult."  He leaned against the wall the phone was on. 

"Because I've heard rumors that someone was touching my cousin, Danny's daughter, and it's not true.  No, I knew it wasn't true before this, but I asked to make sure.  I need to know what my next step *has* to be and what it *should* be.  No, no one else knows.  When I went to talk to a doc I know that just moved here, she gave me which ER to hit if we have to.  Her parents do not know yet.  That's cool.  I can meet you there in about forty minutes?  That's cool.  Thanks."  He hung up and got the promised waters.  He sat down in front of her again and handed her the first bottle.  "We have to go see the doctor to get proof that it's a lie."

Grace looked at him.  "Why?"

"Because people like police officers need proof to prove guilt or innocence.  If there's no proof then they can get in trouble for not investigating on just the say-so of talking to you."  He pulled her closer to hug.  "I talked to the social worker that got sicced on me and the boys.  She knows it's a lie.  She's making notes all over that it's a lie so Stan doesn't get into any trouble.  But, I'm going to be there instead of your mommy because they won't let a parent in until the doctor's seen you.  Because they need proof to be nicer.  So what we're going to do is we're going to the ER that I got the name of earlier from my doctor friend."  Grace nodded. 

"The social worker is going to meet us there.  Then you're going to be looked at by a doctor.  Not my friend but an independent doctor.  Now, that's going to be gross.  It's probably going to be a tiny bit ouchy, but I'm going to be right there beside you and if he upsets you too much I'm going to kick his ass."  She gave him a weak grin.  "Okay?"  She nodded.  "Okay.  So we have forty minutes.  Why don't you go potty?  We'll drink our water on the way there since it's so hot today."  She went to do that.

When she came back she stared at him.  "When do we tell Mommy and my Danno?"

"While we're in with the doctor, the social worker or me is going to call them.  They'll come down, she'll tell them what I've heard, because I've got a full set of information for her.  She'll nicely ask them to make sure it's not true.  Then I'll give you back to them.  Then I'm going to go find out who this is and I'm going to kick their ass."  She giggled.  He grinned.  "I know, it's a very standard reaction."  He winked.  "Let's go get this out of the way so you can go home to dessert.  I'm pretty sure your mom is going to spoil you rotten over this."  She grinned and bounced out to the car beside him.


Xander shook the social worker's hand.  "Gracie, this is the social worker I told you about."

"Hello."  She shook her hand.  "It's a big, fat lie and they need beaten by my Danno and Cousin Xander."

"They do," the social worker agreed, taking the folder.  She grimaced.  "All right.  Let's do this nasty part then we'll talk to the parents."  She got them signed in.

Xander looked at the nurse when she asked why they were here with a social worker.  "Someone's spreading lies about her stepfather being a bad guy.  We need proof that he's not."

"All right."  She put that in verbatim so the doctor would know.  "Who's going in with her?"  Xander waved a hand.  "Are you a biological relative?"

"He's my favorite cousin," Grace said with a smile.  "He's went neat places and he used to train slayers."

"Been here for the worse reason," Xander said quietly.  "I'll be the one telling her parents about this later."  The nurse nodded and she went to tell the charge nurse.

"We can call her mother and stepfather down now," the social worker said.  "That way they're waiting when she's done and I can get the questions out of the way at the same time."

"They'll throw a fit," Xander assured her.

"Most parents would."  She walked off calling them.  "This is Social Worker Bethany Myers.  Is this Grace's mother?"  The phone got handed over.  She went outside to get some privacy so she could tell her that her daughter was not injured but was at the ER with her cousin, that she needed to come down there with her present husband, and that yes, she was there officially.


Xander looked at the nurse in the room with them.  "Let me go calm that down.  Do not touch her without me being present."  The nurse nodded.  Xander looked at Grace.  "I'll calm her down."  She gave him a hesitant smile.  "It's cool. I'll be right back.  There'll be no touching until I get back here."  He patted her on the head and walked out to where Rachel was screaming, whistling sharply.  "Hey!"  She glared at him.  Stan did too. 

"Rachel, I got told about the rumors because it's being used to discredit Danny."  She slumped.  "If he had heard, he wouldn't have turned it in, which would've been a crime he would've went to jail for.  It would've taken Stan, it would've probably taken you, and it would've taken Danny too.  So yes, I acted by asking her first to make sure, even though I knew it wasn't true but I had to ask.  Then I took the appropriate legal steps to keep *everyone*'s ass out of the fire this time."

"I should be with her," Rachel said.

"You can't," the social worker sighed.  "I wish.  I know it's not comfortable for her.  We simply have to have the proof."

"Which is why I'm there," Xander said.  "I'm a biological relative.  I can act in loco parentis until such a time as the social worker signs off on it being a false claim."

"Why did you have to tell her?" Rachel demanded.  "You're not required to."

"Think, Rachel.  If half the underworld thinks that Danno's daughter is being molested, what are they going to do?"  She went pale and sat down.  "You have some that'll try to take you both out to get on his good side so the team doesn't go after them as hard.  You have some that'll try to take her because that probably makes her hurt enough not to fight being kidnaped.  Or worse.  I'm trying to protect you, and your little girl, and your ex-husband.  But to do that, I need to help her.  You need to calm down so the social worker can get the official BS out of the way.  Then we've got to calm Danno down because Danny's going to lose his fucking mind."

"I'm about to," Stan complained.  "Why not warn us first?  We could've handled this with a private doctor."

"Because if he had warned you, it would've looked like you were prepared when I showed up," the social worker said.  "Which would look suspicious."  Stan shuddered.  "So no, this is the easiest, safest way."  She looked at Xander.  "Where is your cousin?"

"When I ran into Steve earlier at the doc I went to for this ER reference, I told him to be available but about a half-hour to an hour out of touch.  That way we have time to do all this, settle the official report, hand her back, and he gets to do the cuddling stuff since he can't go in with her either and this is going to kill him to be here for."

Rachel swallowed.  "It will.  He would rip down this hospital to get to his little girl.  His team would back him up."

"Yes they would," Xander agreed, spotting a doctor going for the room.  "I'm going back in there.  That's the doc we've been waiting on."  He jogged back that way.  Gracie was looking scared.  He hugged her.  "Everyone's a lot more calm.  Your mom's calling your Danno to tell him to get back here sooner.  I think he's on another island so it might take about an hour but by then you'll be out of here.  Okay?"  She nodded, stiffening up.  He grinned.  "Like I said, the doc's going to have to so some gross feeling stuff.  It might hurt a little bit.  If it hurts you too much I'll kick his ass."

"Must you swear?" the nurse asked, staring him down.

"Yes.  I must.  I've earned it and yes I must in this situation."

"Fine," the doctor agreed.  "I've done a lot of these over my ten years of being a doctor," he told them.  Grace nodded.  "I'm going to be as gentle as I can.  I need you to be naked from the waist down."  She glared.  "I have to look, dear."

"He does," Xander agreed.  "I'm going to be here.  There's going to be a sheet over your bottom half.  The nurse is going to be by your knee to make sure the doctor isn't doing something wrong.  Only the doctor's going to look," he told her.  She nodded.  The nurse handed her the paper sheet and Xander turned his back.  She laid down and he turned back around, helping her scoot to the end of the table.  He looked at her.  "Stare at me, Gracie.  Focus on me.  I want you to start the breathing exercise I showed you for meditation.  The one from the field. 

"We're going to do it together and you're going to focus on me."  She nodded, following along with his breathing.  One long inhale, one long exhale.  Long inhale, short exhale, when the doctor did what he had to do and she whimpered.  He tipped her chin up.  "I know.  It's not nice feeling.  Just think, if you have problems with your appendix you have to have another one.  Breathe."  She did.  From the corner of his eye he saw the doctor struggling.  "Dude, if it's that tight, isn't that an indication by itself?" he demanded quietly.

The doctor moved back.  "It is.  It's not definitive.  For that I'll have to use a finger.  Go back to your breathing, dear."  Xander led the exercise and she winced but he stopped almost immediately.  "Still there."

"That's why I told the nurse we're doing a proof check," Xander said.  He shook the doctor's hand once he had ungloved.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem.  There's a bathroom next door."  He and the nurse left, him making the official notes for the social worker.

Xander got into his 'diaper bag/man purse' that he carried.  He handed over the box of baby wipes.  "Wrap the sheet around yourself, go to the bathroom and clean up."  She glared at the box of baby wipes.  "Trust me.  You'll want it.  Clean up like you just went potty in a really nasty way." 

She grimaced but did that.  "Eww," she called a minute later.

"That's why I sent you in with the baby wipes, Gracie."

"Yucky."  She came out redressed and her hands washed.  "You're out.  There was only one.  I used the ones in there."

"As long as they're not bathroom cleaner and they didn't sting, okay," he said.  He hugged her.  "I'm sorry."

"No, this way no one can hurt Stan."  She let him carry her out to be checked out and to the waiting room.  He handed her to Rachel.  "That was yucky."

"It is," she agreed.

"Do I have an appendix?"

"No, you lost it when you were two," Rachel said with a smile.  "I wouldn't let them do that exam then.  I made them do an ultrasound."

"Unfortunately not an option this time," Xander sighed, sitting between Rachel and Stan.  "The doc couldn't even complete the exam.  Which is a pretty good indication that she's fine."  Rachel relaxed and hugged her.  "I had her clean up with a diaper wipe."  He hugged her around her mommy.  "I did not tell her that big girls have to have that sometimes too," he whispered.  Rachel smirked at him.  He looked at Stan.  "You're good?"

"I'm fine.  She cleared me and took the file that you had.  Danny and Steve are on their way in.  They had to fly back."

"I told Steve to be about an hour away."  Xander rubbed his arm.   "If it hadn't been so important I would've at least dropped a hint, guys.  But if you knew, you'd react funny and it'd cause more hell and havoc, which she doesn't need."

"You'll find out who started that rumor?" Rachel asked.

"Then I'm going to beat their asses," Xander assured her.  Danny stomped in.  "Look, it's Pele, Gracie.  We should shower the volcano god with sacrifices of candy and flowers."  She giggled and ran over to hug him, which calmed him down.  He looked at Steve, who was looking furious behind his partner, and the other two looking just as pissed off.  "Rumors reached me that stated Stan was a bad toucher," he said delicately.

"Excuse me?" Danny ordered.

Xander held up a hand.  "I made sure, we did the official stuff.  It's probably to discredit you."  Danny stiffened.  "So he's in the clear.  She's fine.  She might need a bath later but she's fine.  She's so getting spoiled by at least me."

"We're having dessert for dinner," Rachel decided.  She took her daughter back to hug then let her go over to hug Stan and then back to Danny.

"I'm really sorry that the bad people lied like a bad rug," Gracie told Stan.  "I knew it wasn't true.  Cousin Xander knew it wasn't true.  He just made sure before he talked to people so no one would hurt you guys."

Stan smiled.  "I know and understand, dear.  I know you had nothing to do with it and I'm pretty sure between us there's going to be a sorry individual."

"Yes there will be," Steve said a bit too calmly.  He looked at Xander, and realized he knew the other reason that it could've been started.  He'd talk to him in a minute.  "That's why you came to see my new neighbor?"

"Yeah.  I needed a recommendation of where to take her.  I had a *vision* last night of this and went looking."  Steve shuddered.  "I suggest we adjourn somewhere before some doctor wants to keep us all hostage to the big needles gods."

"We'll be at Steve's house," Rachel said, looking at him.

"Go ahead.  We'll meet you there in a few minutes," Steve agreed.  They walked out.  "Who?" Steve demanded.

"Not sure yet.  The social worker made a copy of the file for you."  He pointed at it.  "And the official report."  He looked at Danny.  "I had her the whole time.  I was in there helping her focus on me instead of the exam.  I warned her it was going to be nasty and the doc couldn't even finish it."  Danny relaxed slightly.

"It's possible it wasn't a rumor to discredit," Kono said.

"I know," Xander said.  Steve nodded he knew too.

"Huh?" Danny asked.

"In some places, a gang would warn you that they're going to rape and kill your children or wife and then wait a bit and do it.  That was their bit of fun and games of taking out a rival by taking out everything he had," Xander said.  "I did not mention that to Stan or Rachel."

"Some warlords have done the same thing," Steve agreed.  "I'm hoping it's not that."

"It's usually more of a discrediting thing."

"How?" Chin asked.

"If he knew and didn't turn it in, what happens?" Steve asked him, looking back at him.

"He'd go vigilante, get thrown in jail, and so would Stan," Kono said.  Xander nodded.  "Which would wreck the unit."

Xander nodded again.  "It could also lead to people taking out Stan and Rachel to get on you guys' good sides.  Or them thinking that the rumors were true so she's a good target to take and keep for however long her slavery lasts."

"I've heard that's happened," Chin admitted, rubbing a hand over his face.  "We have immunity, Xander."

"New governor, guys.  Who doesn't like you."

They all nodded they knew that.  He looked at Danny.  "I was as overprotective as I could be.  She probably won't even think back on it."

"You got her from school?" Danny asked.

"I told Rachel I was going to pick her up afterwards so she could play with the boys."  He stood up.  "They're in daycare."  He looked at Steve.

"Come over tonight," Steve offered.  Xander grinned and batted him on the arm, walking around the tight group.  He looked at his partner.  "At least he heard.  He got it stopped.  She's fine.  We'll make sure she stays fine."  Danny swallowed and nodded.  "Let's go to the house.  She's probably worried by now."  He nodded, leading the way out to the cars.  Steve and the other two followed, thinking bad thoughts about Hawaii's underground.


Xander stopped at his usual bar on the way to the daycare, looking around at the full house.  "People."  Everyone stared at him.  "Some really ridiculous rumors have reached my ears about my cousin Grace.  It's not true.  I'd like to talk to the people who thought it was.  Does anyone know who that might be?  Because Danno's now being known by the name of Pele."

"His temper would turn volcanic if it was true," the bartender agreed.  "Why would we know?"  Xander gave him a pointed look.  "It's not something one of us would do."

"We all have contacts all over the islands outside this bar, Franklin."

"True."  He smiled.  "I think it came from a Chinese gang but I'm not sure which one."

"Was it a warning or an attempt to discredit?  Because I got a vision," Xander admitted.

"Not sure," he admitted.

"If you hear?"

"We'll let you or your cousin Pele know," he quipped with a grin.

"Thanks."  He left, calling his other contacts to mine them.  Franklin shuddered and looked around.  A few probably knew who it was and would warn Xander instead of the rumor spreader.  He hoped.


Xander walked up to the huffy man, pointing at the demon that was being yelled at.  "Shoo."  It fled.  He looked at the new governor.  "His kind are peaceful, eat flies or other flying bugs, and tend to filter water."

The governor sneered.  "I heard we had one of you here."

Xander nodded.  "Yeah, moved near my cousin."

"I don't care what the President wanted, one wrong move and I'm expelling you from the state."

"You want to argue with the President, you go right ahead," Xander quipped, waving a hand.  "Unfortunately, expelling isn't in your charter."  The man started to get huffy.  "Frankly, I'm here to protect your shiny, overly warm islands from bad things.  If there's a battle I'll let you know.  It probably won't be any worse than the one on that beach.  If there's an apocalypse battle, I'll give you fair warning so you can evacuate an area.  Trying to piss me off means I tell the PD there and let it trickle back to you instead of telling you and them at the same time.  Which would you rather have?"

The officer with him coughed.  "We're not scheduled for any apocalypse battles?"

Xander shook his head.  "There's very few things that would draw one here.  All but two are in the book that I gave McGarrett when he asked.  Those two would be higher level magic users already on the island that stepped out of line and summoned something or it could be one that comes for a shrine that's underwater and why the surfers and natives stay off the beaches for a week each year by tradition."

The officer, who was native looking, nodded.  "I know that tradition.  My first partner told me."

"There's a migration at that time to a shrine underneath one of the islands by the merpeople.  They nibble on the way out because they fasted on the swim in."

"I wondered how that got started," another officer said as he walked up to him.  "I heard a bad rumor about your cousin."  He made sure the press people coming their way didn't hear him.

Xander shook his head.  "Rumor was started by someone else.  I'm tracking down who so I can have a *talk* with them about why they put out the disgusting thing."

The officer smiled.  "Didn't figure it was since the guy was still living and had been seen at McGarrett's house with the rest of that team."

Xander waved a hand.  "I'd have him eaten by something huge that would have so much fun!" he said dryly.  Then he smirked.  "But yeah, false rumor.  Please stop it?"

"I can do that."  He patted him on the back.  "There's been a demon that likes to chew on cruiser tires?"

"He's in heat.  Use a squirt bottle.  Or holy water the tires each night.  Heat tends to last for sixteen days every few years. There's no other of his species here but the protections went up when he was little.  Since it went up, he can't leave the islands."

"Kill it," the new governor sneered.

"I don't take out harmless beings, Governor.  I'm not a serial killer.  He's harmless outside of chewing on tires.  For that matter, he's also a good reason why you haven't been hit by the worst of hurricanes since he's a wind demon."  The governor was not a happy looking man.  Xander walked off shaking his head.  "I'm off to see who started that rumor."  He paused when he heard the shout, staring at the guy.  "Guys, is that a freak with a knife running toward me?" he asked.  The officers all nodded but none came to help him so he kicked the guy and got him down onto the ground, stepping in his knife hand.  "What did you think you were doing?" he asked.

"There's a bounty," he sneered, trying to hit Xander.  He got him on the chin and split his lip.

Xander licked at the blood then stomped extra hard on the guy's arm, making it break with a pleasing sound.  "Really?"  The man was crying.  "You're such a pussy.  Really."  He looked at the officers.  "Want him or can I throw him in the ocean?"

"We have him," one of them said, coming over to arrest him.

Xander picked up the knife to look at then tossed back down.  "Cheap homemade job."  He walked off shaking his head.  He heard a gunshot and ducked.  He spotted the idiot with the rifle.  He used his pocket crossbow that was in a hip holster to hit the idiot with the rifle, making him scream.  Xander looked at the arrows he had attached.  "That's got the demon snot coated tip.  So it probably hurts like a bitch," he said, walking over to him.  "And you wanted?"

"Bounty," he whimpered.  "Make it stop!"

"I'm not going to kill you, idiot.  I don't kill weak things."  He glanced back.  "What bounty?" he growled.

"On your blood!"  He panted and tried to move.  "Please make it stop!"

"You can't get baby powder into a wound that way," Xander said dryly.  The officer came over.  Xander kicked the gun out of reach and the officer grinned.  "There had better not be any more of these today."

"Sir, why are they after you?" one of the reporters called.

He glared at her.  "Get out of my face now."

"This is breaking news!" she complained.

"And this is classified.  So get out of my face!"  She squeaked and ran.  Xander helped haul him to the cruisers pulling up, handing him over.  "The bolt was demon snot tipped."

"The same stuff you threw on that one guy?" one of the officers asked.  "We got briefed about it, Mr. Harris."

"Yeah.  And hey, no baby powder into wounds."  He grinned.

"What is going on?" the governor yelled.

"The President said that's classified," Xander said simply.  "Though I'm going to find the reason and stomp it too.  If you want to know more, ask the President."

One of the patrol guys looked at him then around to check for cameras.  "Sir, you might want to burn that shirt," he said quietly.  Xander looked at the few drops of blood that had dripped off his lip and grimaced.  "I don't know any details but my brother's a bit messed up in something and he's said that there's major talent out here so he's hiding in case they pull a favor and want backed up from his people."

"When did this start?"

"Last week."

"Great.  Any idea why?"


"Fine.  I'll be very careful as I stomp on people."  Xander heard his name mentioned over one of the officer's radios.  "What?"

"Um...  There's someone at a daycare asking for you," the lead officer said with a wince.

"Let me go talk to him," Xander said, falling back into that scary battle mode.  "I doubt my boys would enjoy having a hostage taking asshole to play with."

"Let us drive you," the officer said.

"I drove."

"I can get you there faster, sir.  Lights and sirens can get through traffic."

"I need some of the stuff in my trunk."

"You can grab it.  I'll bring you back here.  Or your cousin can get your car."

Xander walked over to get into his trunk, pulling out a few things.  He grabbed the rifle too, looking it over.  "That'll work too."  He closed his trunk and got into a cruiser.  The officer took him to the daycare.  There was a SWAT team on hand.  Xander got out with the rifle in hand and everything else placed pleasingly easily in sight.  "Okay, where's the fucking moron?"  Everyone stared at him.  "Press people can go," he offered one.  "Really."  They swallowed and moved back.  "Yo, idiot!" he called.

"Drop your weapons and come here, or else I'm keeping your boys as a prize."

Xander dropped the rifle and then shot him with the gun from his hip.  "Really?  I doubt my boys would consider you worthy of their magnificence."  He walked over, staring down at him.  "Who sent what?"  The idiot was bleeding heavily from his stomach.  It was not a good wound to have.

"McFinn.  He wanted a vial of your blood.  He's willing to pay heavily for more."  He was trying to move.  Xander put a foot on his chest and stared down.  "Three mil.  He said with the sort of classified nature your records have it must be good."  Xander kicked him under the chin.  The guy passed out.

Xander looked inside.  "They okay?" he called.

"Yes, Mr. Harris.  We kept him away from the children.  They're all in our safe room you helped us put in."  The head of the daycare came out.  "What is going on?"

"The reason I got moved out here is classified," he said quietly.  "They want that reason."

"Oh.  Are you taking the boys?"

"Yup, but I need my car."  He looked back at the screech of brakes.  "Thanks for picking it up, Chin."

"Knew you'd need it," he quipped back.  "This one?"

"Classified reasons got a three mil bounty."  Chin stared at him.  "Sealed by Presidential order.  Steve knows.  Danny knows."

"Okay, I'll ask them.  How many more of these are there going to be?"

"None.  I'm going to go blow the fucker up who wants it."  He got his boys out to the car and strapped in one by one.  Then he smiled.  "We'll see you in a few days, Mrs. Oma."  He got in and drove off.  "Guys, I have to destroy a whole lot of people over my blood," he said once they were on the road.  "Want to spend some time with Rachel?"  Jensen babbled happily.  "I know, Gracie likes your hair to play with.  We'll figure it out.  I've got to raid the armory first though.  And up your diaper bags."  He got home and found Steve waiting on him.  "Here to arrest me?" he quipped.

"Here to protect you.  We're handling it."

Xander stared at him.  "I can do that."

"So?  It's my job."  He scowled.  "Take the boys inside, set up a good, safe area."

"We have a safe room."

"Good!"  He smiled.  "Who set the bounty?"


"I have him on my list to deal with anyway."  He patted Pooch on the head.  "If we have to, we'll let you fall back to handing the boys off and playing bait.  For now, relax, let us do it.  Danno's still got a huge temper."

"I'm still tracing down who started the rumors."

"That's fine.  We can do both at the same time.  Kono is that talented."  Xander snickered, shaking his head.  "So stay inside.  Let us handle it.  You have two officers on the street."  He pointed.  "Okay?"

"Sure.  How bad did the press react to me stomping the ones in the park?"

"They were cooing over how strong you were.  The Governor's already called to bitch."  He walked off.  "Have fun playing inside today, boys."

"Thank you."

"Not a problem."  He smirked.  "Who else knows?"

"Chin got told it was classified and you knew."

"Even better."  He went back to the office.  "Chin, Kono, it is beyond classified.  The President said that if it gets out, he's going to kill someone himself."  Kono winced at that.  Steve got some paper and a pen, writing out a quick note, which then got shredded once they had seen it.

"So they're seriously in lust," Chin said.  Steve nodded.  "Xander said they wanted a vial."

"Pretty much all it'll take to test and see what's there."

"Does anyone know what's in there?" Kono asked.  Steve nodded.  "You?"

"Me, one doctor.  One technician.  The President and the head of the CIA."

"So who leaked?" she demanded.

"His file now lists as 'multiple blood diseases due to strange means' and leaves it there," Steve said.  "And this is why he was told to move near Danno, yeah."

"Crap," Kono complained.

Steve smiled.  "I would've been louder."

"I'll go beat someone later for trying to take his boys hostage.  They're almost decent enough to make me want to have some some decade."

Chin grinned.  "They are sweet sometimes."

Steve nodded.  "If he ever has to split up the boys, I'm getting Jensen and Cougar."  They grinned at him for it.  "Okay, let's start a plan.  We know McFinn paid the bounty.  Xander asked politely."  They laughed.  Danny came in with a file.  "On?"

"The guy who took a shot at the Governor.  The one from the daycare."  He put them both down.  "Both with long arrest and suspicion records."

"McFinn set the bounty," Chin said.

"Even better."  They got his information and went over it.  "Neither of these have any training to take blood."

"Which would probably piss the idiot McFinn off since his source would be gone," Kono quipped.

"Good!" Steve said happily.  "Though I'd hate to see what precautions Xander's funeral will have to have."

"Burning Viking style on a boat," Danny said.  "I asked just in case."

"Good to know."

"Anya always called him a viking in the sack."

"I'm sure he is with the way his past dates keep slinking back for more," Chin said sarcastically.

"Xander said that's all oral sex," Kono said.

"Yeah, he said the same thing about Anya," Danny complained.  Steve was laughing but he hadn't heard the stories Danny had.  They got ready and went out to raid the idiot's house.  The faster he was down, the faster the bounty got canceled.


Xander was safely out in a park with the boys when the Governor stomped over.  "Yup?  Did you need something?"

"Should you be out?" he sneered.

Xander looked at him.  "Yeah, even the ones that have marks to demons they're sucking the cocks of aren't going to try me today.  The bounty's gone.  The boys were bored.  Bored toddler boys destroy the house so they're out here to destroy the park instead," he quipped.

"I am not," the Governor snarled.

Xander looked at the guy's neck then at him.  "Really?"  The man took a step back.  "I don't care who you sucked off to get your job, Governor.  It's not my business.  I'm still absentee voting in Ohio this year.  I didn't get things switched over in time."  He looked at the boys then at the higher official.  "For that matter, it's not my fault they tried that.  I just had to stop it."

"You're a danger to us all."


"People want you bad enough to take daycare's hostage.  Yes you are."

"The kids were in the safe room I helped put in.  Secondly, he was an idiot and that wasn't the first time he's tried that move.  According to his arrest record, he had tried that three other times and gotten arrested for it."  The Governor snorted.  "Second guy, the guy in the park?  Amateur.  Rank amateur.  Had only robbed convenience stores before.  If he had been doing it the right way he wouldn't have fired off a warning shot.  He would've tried to snipe me so he could divert me on the way to the ER."  The Governor shuddered. 

"As for me being dangerous because of my contacts?  There's a whole lot of military people around here who have a few themselves and they're just as bad as mine are."  He stopped Jensen.  "No, stay in the boat swing."  He pushed it again.  The kids relaxed again.  He looked at the Governor again.  "I'd never let anyone be hurt because of me.  I've stopped it in Ohio.  I've stopped it in LA, I stopped it in fucking Africa.  I stop anything going on about me unless it's a plan to get me laid.  Do you have any other concerns about me?"

"The files say you're dangerous."

"Only if you fuck with me," Xander said sarcastically.  "Otherwise I'm a mostly retired demon hunter with a family responsibility now.  They come before everything but the end of the world.  Which is why I never get to date.  Just hit on my ex's."

Steve strolled over.  "Hey, kids."  They all smiled and waved.  "What's wrong?"

Xander looked at him.  "Convenient timing?" he asked in Swahili.

Steve nodded.  "Slightly," he answered back in Arabic.  Xander said something in that language and he nodded.  "Figures.  It leads back to the major trauma for my team."

"Hey, I'm there to help if you need help with Wo Fat.  He's pissed me off for the last damn time."

"I may ask," Steve admitted.  "Just to get his contacts diverted."

Xander grinned.  "I can do a great diversion.  Just like I'm excellent bait."  He got Jensen back in the swing and pushed it again.  Then he grabbed Cougar and put him back in there.  "Stay."  Cougar pointed.  Xander and Steve looked.  "Huh.  Why are you here, Gracie?"

"I made the driver stop because I saw you."  She hugged them with a grin.  "We get out early today."

"That's cool.  You can play with the boys," Steve promised.  She beamed so he called Rachel.  "Gracie saw Xander and I in the park and had her driver stop.  That's what I was thinking.  Sure."  He hung up.  "Your mom said that's fine.  She'll come pick you up for dinner."  Gracie smiled and bounded over to push the swing for the boys.  They were happy with that.

Xander smiled at the Governor.  "I'll do anything I have to so my family is protected, and so the people on these islands are, Governor.  Including taking out the demon they said someone is trying to summon later this weekend.  My brilliant little cousin was going to get some babysitting time in anyway.  I have a real clear line of 'just leave me alone' and everything's happiness.  But do tell the one from the mark I said hi.  He should probably be calmed down from the ranting since I've turned him down a number of times.  It'll give you good quality time together."  He smiled.  The Governor stomped off.

"He's got a *marking*?" Steve asked quietly.

"To one that's offered me power enough to become President some year.  Apparently he saw into the realm where I'm one and thought I did a great job."

Steve blinked a few times.  "There's one of those?"

"Yeah, and he's pretty badass.  I met him at the multi-Xander convention.  One of the others of us wanted to hold one.  All three hundred and three of us got to talk, share tips, baby pictures for those of us who had some."  He grinned.  "It's in May this year so they'll come get me and the boys during it."

"Huh," he said, rubbing his forehead.  "Ow."  Xander grinned.  "Take them home?"

"Sure.  Let's go home, Gracie.  You can play with the boys there."  She nodded, helping him pack everything back into the car.

Steve went back to the office, looking at his partner.  "There was a multi-Xander convention?"

"Yeah, don't remind me.  I saw him when he got back from it.  They're a bit cranked and weird in some cases.  Including the twin Xanders from where they couldn't put him back together again."  He gave him a look and held up the advil bottle.  "How did you get on that topic?"

"Apparently the demon that the Governor has marks to wanted Xander to be president because he saw one where he was and he did a good job."  He took a few and handed the bottle back.

"I heard about him.  And the one that writes fantasy novels."  Steve shuddered, walking off shaking his head.

Kono looked over from her desk.  "Seriously?"


She shuddered.  "More than one has to be a crazy world."

"Probably.  They had over three hundred at the convention."

She whimpered.  "Did they blow up that realm?"

"Nah.  Just had some fun."  She walked off rubbing her arms.  Chin spotted her since he was up the hall and got her calmed down.  Danny grinned at Steve's office, watching him shake like a dog getting out of the ocean.  "The twin Xanders were artillery designers," he called.

"Please stop."

Danny laughed, getting back to the paperwork.  That made his day.  Steve had a Xander headache just like Danny himself got sometimes.


Chin walked up to Xander that night.  "There's twins of you, brah?" he asked.

"Yeah, they came back from Africa, went to CSI school, and have an artillery design company on the side."  He grinned.  "They're working in the NYPD ballistics lab in their realm."

"Huh," he said weakly.

"They're not the only CSI mes across the realms.  Though the neatest one is the one that's teaching at Hogwarts.  He's teaching demonology but he's married to a Weasley."

"Let me get the boys to Rachel so you can call one of your dangerous ex's and wear that funny mood out."

"They're already there.  I have to track down a sorcerer trying shit.  Unfortunately he's native so the protections aren't working on him."

"Sure," he agreed, nodding.  "Let us know if you need help."  He walked off rubbing his head.

"You should see the Sividia me, Chin.  He's really patient and his skills are even better than mine."

Chin went to look up what a Sividia was.  When he saw the picture of the beautiful male demon with gray fluffy wings, he nearly shuddered.  Xander with wings was a bad thought.  He went to get drunk before that image stuck.  He didn't want to see Xander with wings, even if he was dangerous enough to attract the boy.


Gracie smiled at her teacher Monday morning when she asked what she had done last weekend.  "A lot of pooping."  The teacher gasped.  "My baby cousins were over and they poop a lot.  They eat a lot too but babies poop a whole lot.  I'm wondering why Mom has baby envy with how much they poop but she said it'd be okay and I'm going to have a baby brother or sister sometime soon.  That's why I learned how to change diapers.  Roque's is the nastiest but he'll eat nearly anything.  He just poops it back out really fast."

Her teacher cleared her throat.  "So you helped babysit?"  Gracie smiled and nodded.  "That's a good experience.  A lot of older girls babysit formally for pocket money."

"I might when I'm older.  Mom said it'd be okay.  By then they'll be potty trained too because diapers are gross.  They could even eat real food instead of mushy stuff too.  So we could have pizza."

The teacher nodded.  "That's very true, they could.  I'm sure you'll be brilliant at it.  James, what did you do this last weekend?"  He babbled about going to a museum.  "That's wonderful."  She smiled and moved on.  One of the other girls agreed with Gracie about diapers being nasty but she got them off the topic of poop.  She'd have to share that with Grace's mother.


Danny looked at the note Grace had given him with a pout.  "That's not bad."  Gracie smiled at him.  "Diapers are gross."  He drove her back to Steve's house.  Rachel was over there talking to Steve about something.  He handed over the note.

Rachel read it and laughed.  "They are gross."  She hugged her girl.  "Some day you'll have babies too."

"No thanks.  Not if they poop like Roque does."  Steve burst out laughing and walked off.  "He does!"

"He does," Rachel agreed, smiling at her.

"He does," Steve agreed.  "I've never seen such an efficient delivery system on anyone else."

Danny looked at him.  "You've been watching that?" he teased with an evil smirk.

"No, but no other kid I've ever seen filled as many diapers as he does."

Xander complained that they're still going through a pack of diapers a day," Danny said.

"With the way Roque poops, probably more," Grace said.  She smiled at Steve.  "Did you hear I'm going to have a baby brother or sister?"

"I didn't.  Congratulations, Rachel."

"Thank you."  She glanced at Danny but she had let him know before she had told Grace.  "Has anyone seen Xander today?"

"I dropped the boys off on him," Danny said.  "But he was suspiciously in the bathroom."

Grace scowled and found her mother's phone to call him.  "Xander, are you okay?  No one's seen you and if you have booboos I can ask the nice doctor that lives near Steve to come see you.  You said she had taken care of you when you had malaria.  I'm sure she's seen other booboos too."  She listened and grinned at her 'uncle' Steve.  "Okay, I'll let him know."  She hung up.  "He does have booboos.  He's gotten most of them cleaned up.  He let Hannibal and Dawn come do the other one since it was on his lower back.  He said Jensen's been scowling all day because one of the bad things that Jensen hates was over to help him since the sorcerer was mean to him again but he's fine and he needs to go grocery shopping."

"I can help him go shopping," Danny said smugly.  He hugged his girl.

She gave him an evil grin.  "We should tell the nice doctor since she liked him."

"She said she's dangerous because she hung out with warriors but not the sort that Xander can date," Steve told her.  Rachel gasped, looking horrified.  "She did some of her residency and later years in Africa and lower Asia," he said with a smile.  "She's a nice lady.  Every morning she's out practicing her spear martial arts moves on her back lawn.  Jensen would not get out of her rose bushes but he had found a hellhound puppy.  She seems very nice though.  She's taking over old Doctor Handrahan's clinic."

"Huh," Danny said.  "Even I've heard about him.  Kono was saying he smacked her on the head for a stupid injury the other day."

"Yeah, he will," Steve said dryly.  "He did me a few times too.  Surfing ones too.  He used to surf until his knees went out on him.  I barely remember her when she was out here doing some of her hours with him.  He made her go surf to relax.  She was a young doctor.  Graduated early."

"Wow," Grace said.  "How do you do that?"

"You study real hard," Danny said, staring down at her.  "And you skip grades."

"Never mind.  That's really hard."  She bounded off.  "Uncle Steve, can I get some water?"

"Go ahead," he called.

"We're leaving in ten minutes," Rachel said.  She came back out and her daughter got hugs before they left.

Danny looked at Steve.  "Let me go check on him and take him grocery shopping."

"Let me know if I need to sic someone on him."

"You'll probably hear all the yelling."  He left, driving over to Xander's house.  Xander opened the door to stare at him.  Black eye.  Messy hair.  Jensen babbling 'bad' over and over in the house at the top of his lungs.  Bruises around his throat.  "Did you go alone?" he demanded calmly.

"Kinda but I called for backup when I saw she had summoned ten warrior class demons to guard her dumb ass."

"Good!"  He looked him over.  "Hannibal just as bad?"

"Worse.  Dawn's babying him and his new four-hundred-sixty-one stitches."  Danny winced.  "I only have about two hundred."

"Grace suggested we sic that doc by Steve on you."

"She'll nag.  She likes to nag.  She nagged me *so* much when I had malaria."  He slumped.  "Coming for dinner?"

"Helping you grocery shop?  Sure I can do that."  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Let's get them together."  He walked in.  "Jensen, I'm sure he has the point," he called.  Jensen scowled at him.  "You'd rather he get sick from magic poisoning?  He nearly died when Willow shot dark magic at him and it hit his liver."  Jensen curled up in a ball, looking pathetic.  "So let the nice succuba or whatever do it's job so he's better.  Yell about it when it's just for fun."  Jensen grinned and nodded.  "Good boy."  He patted them on the head.  "We're going shopping.  Let's get things together."  Frank sneezed.  "Cold or allergies?"

"Sniffles.  Roque has flower allergies.  So far he's the only one."

"That's actually a good thing."  They got the kids into more than diapers and t-shirts.  No matter how much Pooch fussed.  "Diaper rash?" he asked the baby, who nodded.  "That sucks but sorry.  Going to the store means clothes."

Xander looked over.  "Be thankful since Willow's journal said she was going to turn you into girls if she had gotten a chance."  Pooch nodded and clutched at Danny.  "That was my feeling too.  We'll bathe the diaper rash a lot later."

"How?" Danny asked.

"He was sitting in a wet diaper and refused to tell me so when I asked.  Repeatedly.  I finally figured out he was lying after two hours in it."

"Ah."  Danny looked at him.  "Not like he likes your tiny butt that way, Pooch."  Pooch nodded he knew that.  They got them into the station wagon hybrid car that Xander drove and went to the store.  Danny got one cart of two kids.  Xander got the other three.  Danny had been nice and taken Jensen and Cougar since Jensen liked to steal.  "What's on our list?"

"The usual," Xander said with a slight shrug.  Then he winced.  "I have to remember to quit doing that."  Danny nodded.  They went through the vegetables and fruits then the meats.  Then the pasta and rices.  Then the frozen section.


"Eww," Cougar complained.

"He hates milk," Xander agreed.  "Jensen only likes chocolate milk.  That's why they get a lot of cheese."

"Gracie told her whole class that they pooped a lot so apparently not enough," Danny quipped.

Xander looked at him.  "Seriously?"

"Yeah."  He grinned.  "The teacher asked what she had done over the weekend and she said a lot of poop."

Xander looked at the boys, who all looked innocent.  "Yeah."  They grinned.  He went to get more diapers and wipes as well.  He was probably nearly out again.  He usually was.  They checked out, went home, put stuff up, and Xander ordered mexican food for everyone.

Danny was amused but the boys liked it.  So it was fine.  Also something Danny hadn't had in a while.


Later that week Xander walked up to where Danny was complaining about his 'rathole' apartment.   "Then you've got three choices."  Danny flinched and looked at him.  "Find one where they didn't just catch your neighbor making meth, so they're going to have to do the HAZMAT thing for the whole building to make sure all the contamination is gone.  You can have one of my couches.  Or you can beg one from Steve or someone."

"I didn't think we had a huge meth culture out here," Steve said, considering it.  "HAZMAT?"

"They say that making meth contaminates the area and when you're making larger batches it's actually dangerous.  It can be explosive."

Steve nodded.  "That's bad."  He looked at Danny.  "You know you can have my couch, Danno."

"Or I have two smooshy couches," Xander reminded him.  "Or you can bum a kid's bed and make them shack up together for a while."  He grinned.  "I'd let you bum mine but since you don't work night shift, you'd end up being cuddled a lot when we slept together."

Kono started to choke.  She had been walking toward the group.  "When did this start?" she gasped.

Steve patted her hard on the back.  "Danny has to move.  Xander just offered him use of his bed but since they're on the same sleeping schedule he warned of cuddling."

"Cuddling is nice," Xander complained.  "I miss cuddling.  Anya would let me be a damn octopus and just huff and demand more sex."  He grinned.

Danny shook his head.  "Some day you'll have another person to cuddle and I'll be making sure they're sane."  He patted Xander on the shoulder.  "Can I have the couch?"

"Yeah.  You can have the couch."  He grinned at Steve.  "Question.  I know you glanced over those wills more than I did.  Did someone mention a farm by any chance?  Because I got a very confused person who woke me up at ten, and the boys, and told me I was a slacker basically because I was still in bed and then delivered my monthly goods from my farm."

Steve shook his head slowly.  "I don't remember anything about a farm.  Did you check with that guy from the 'clan'?"

"No.  He's out of town at his sister's wedding.  And the head guy is presently in Thailand chewing someone a new one.  Though that one I might go offer to help him kick around."

"Are we talking like produce farm?" Kono asked.  Wait until her cousin Chin heard about this.

"No, we're talking moo cow and sheep and pigs and veggies and makes their own cheese and butter farm.  Like Amish country farm."

"I didn't know we had any of those out here," Steve admitted.  "Is it on this island?"

"I have no fucking clue!" Xander said.  "That's what I'm trying to figure out.  Though, if we're having a cookout, I have half a pig in my chest freezer."

"I might take you up on that offer," Steve said.  Danny was calling someone.  "Calling his lawyer?"

"Yup.  He should've seen all that."  He walked off.  "Maui?  Danny Williams.  Someone woke Xander up this morning to deliver his cut of a farm's output?  He said it's a full working farm?  Does he have a farm?"  He listened to him look at that.  "Really.  Huh.  Then any idea....  Sure.  Thanks."  He hung up. "It's not from either of the wills he handled, Xander, but he said that he looked you up for prior court records and found a few on the mainland.  Mostly in LA."

Xander scrunched his face up and called someone.  "Gunn, Xander."

"How're the boys?"

"They're good.  At daycare being annoying as crap but good.  Roque's learned how to poop on command to piss me off.  We've been hearing rumors of other wills naming me?  Especially something about a farm?"

"Ummmm."  Gunn clearly had to turn something on.  "Give me a few minutes.  Let me look you up in the database we still have access to thanks to our stint as Wolfram and Hart's LA office."  He typed and then burst out laughing.  "You need to quit dating."

"Which one?" he groaned.

"There's three that are now filed as settled and through probate.  There's another one listed but that's in New York.  And one in London of all places.  Want me to call Giles so he can send someone to whine on your behalf, white boy?"

"Well, I doubt he would.  He still thinks all that is cute."  Xander scratched his neck then started to look around.  "Can you email me that stuff?  I've got a bad feeling."  Steve started to look around too.  "Later, Gunn.  Sniper."  He hung up and pointed, moving Kono out of the way toward Danny.  Steve could handle himself.  He was a SEAL.  Xander was a combat veteran by his own choice.  Kono and Danny were just officers.  So when someone opened fire, they were ready.  Kono and Danny took the alley to the back of the building.  He and Steve rushed off to the front.  And that's when things went horribly wrong.

Because the wash of magic over the islands was probably not a good thing.

Though it was nice that the dragon that suddenly appeared ate the sniper.

"God fucking damn it!" Xander shouted.  He looked around.  He called.  "Who?" he demanded.  "Yeah, I felt.  I'm staring at a dragon, Dawn.  Who?"  He listened.  "I took her out and down.  I handed her to the FBI to be arrested.  Oh, really?  Thanks."  He hung up and looked at the glaring SEAL.  "Apparently trying to start an apocalypse battle by summoning a really high demon doesn't count as enough of a threat to the US.  So they let her go." 

He grinned.  "She just turned Hawaii into a magical universe according to Dawn.  I'm *so* going to kill her."  He walked off calling the daycare.  "Are all my sons and the little half-demon there all right?  I know.  I know who.  The FBI let her go after an apocalypse attempt.  Sure.  It'll be a few hours though.  Tell Jensen to calm down.  The succuba won't be coming for him thanks to this."  He hung up with a sigh and called someone.  "Giles, my man!"  He smirked as he walked to his car to get a sword. 

"Well, you need to chew on someone because the FBI let go of the witch I wrote that report about.  Yes, that one.  Well, Hawaii's fine officers now need wands instead of guns.  All of them.  Dawn said it extended nearly all the way to the mainland.  Might've hit a few uninhabited islands out here as well.  Sure!  You have fun with that report.  I've got to slay a dragon that just appeared and ate a sniper that was shooting at me."  He hung up and grabbed his sword, walking off humming.  "And I thought being a geek was fun," he said sarcastically as he walked past Steve.  "Let me go kill the dragon like the white knight I am."

"Can't we use guns for that?" Steve asked.  "It could probably be shot."

"I'm guessing they're probably bulletproof scales since the native demonic kind are but if you can go grab some of my artillery, sure."  Xander beamed and nodded.  "We can do that.  And someone should probably call the Governor."

"Kono, call the governor," Steve called.  "Let me get something to take out the dragon."

Xander spotted a reporter and stepped out into the road in front of their car.  They stopped very suddenly and he grinned.  "Cool!  You're here!  You're useful this time!"  He hauled the camera guy out and pointed.  "Dragon."

"Shit!" the camera guy said, trying to get back into the car.  "Can't you kill it?"

"I need to make a statement," Xander said slowly and clearly.  "Before others get eaten. You're a news guy, right?"

"You Council people hate us."

"Yes, but right now you're useful so people around here don't die."

"Okay," he decided.  He got his camera and set it up.  He waved at another reporter that was speeding their way.  They paused and got out too.  They had a regular reporter and a camera guy so Xander could talk to her.

Xander smiled and shook her hand.  "I'm retired Watcher Xander Harris," he told her.  She forced a smile and nodded.  "Just a few minutes ago, a lot of you probably felt a strange, warm sensation.  That was because a witch named Melindia Moravares was let free by the FBI.  I turned her in for trying to start an apocalypse by summoning some really high demons.  I've still got the stitches from that battle.  Apparently the FBI decided it was not a bad enough crime and let her go.  So now she has changed the nature of Hawaii into a magical universe." 

He pointed at the dragon.  "We're basically a D&D world now.  I'm asking for the elected officials and other responsible people to please call for a sudden 'shelter in place' until we can a, defeat this dragon, b, see if there's more dragons or other harmful creatures, and c, see if we can find said witch and beat her until she cancels whatever she did.  I'm asking very nicely before I go help kill this dragon."

"So..." the reporter said.  "Will it save lives to shelter in place?"

Xander looked at her then up at the dragon watching them then back at her.  She and the cameras looked up too.  "Do you want to be eaten?"

"No," she admitted, backing away slowly to the cars.  "I can have this broadcast in about two minutes once we're in the company cars, Mr. Harris."

"Thanks."  He grinned and waved.  "HPD is already notified.  5-0 is here and they're getting some higher weapons to help me kill the dragon."  The dragon blew some steam down at them.  Xander looked up.  "Eat me and I'm having my other self from another realm show up.  I'm pretty damn sure the sividia version of me in that realm can beat you to death, dragon."  It flinched back at the word 'sividia'.  "Huh, it knows demons."  The reporter let out a nervous laugh and lunged for the car.  Both camera men followed into the one car and sent their film in from there.  The dragon landed on it and tried to get in.  Xander shooed it off with his sword.  "No, leave the reporters alone.  They're important this time.  Really."

Steve came jogging back.  "We had something in the evidence vault."

Xander looked at it.  "And it's broken.  Because you've lived a blessed life, Steve McGarret," he quipped.  "Stall.  Let me fix it."

"Stall?" Steve demanded.  "How do I stall?"  This situation was not covered in the SEAL handbook, any other special forces handbooks he had read through, through no military protocol manual he'd ever read in, or on any mission he'd ever went on.  He had no idea how to deal with dragons!

Xander looked up.  "Tempt it with virgins?"  He shrugged.  "Can you fix this?"


"I can.  So stall!"  He waved a hand.  Then he pulled out his mini toolkit to fix things.  By the time it was done, Steve was sweaty with his spare swords.  Danny was sweaty with a smaller axe.  Kono was hiding because the dragon though she was pretty and tried to capture her.  Xander stood up and put the launcher on his shoulder.  "Move."  Everyone scattered.  The dragon looked over at the whine and took off, which dented the poor news station station-wagon even further.  Xander tracked it and fired off the rocket, knocking the dragon down and out at the very least.  "Okay."  He handed it off to Kono.  "It is apparently a sword or axe job."  He strolled off, grabbing his sword from Steve.

"Hell no!" Danny shouted.  "Get a chain saw or something!"

"Well, then, get me explosives and I'll blow it's head off!" Xander shouted back.

"You can do that?" Kono asked.

"Probably.  High yield down the throat should do that."   He grinned.  "It'll be nearly as messy as graduation was."  She shuddered.  Apparently she had seen that film.  More officers came screaming up and he waved.  "Anyone else want to help behead the dragon?" he called.  "Since the artillery was too weak to do it?"

"No," the officers shouted. 

One pulled out a bullhorn.  "This is the Hawaii State Police.  There is now a shelter in place order until the dangerous creatures can be found and at least contained.  Everyone in this area needs to find a better shelter somewhere safe *NOW*."  People started to run.

Xander nodded.  "That's why I used the reporter."  He found the dragon in a car dealership.  "Great.  Really."  He looked.  There was no easy way to get to the neck.  He was draped over a few SUV's and the head was resting on a sedan's trunk.  The salesmen were freaking out.  "Guys, I've got to behead it," he called.

"Don't damage them any more than you have to!" one shouted from the safety of the office.

Xander looked at him.  "I'm going to try.  It's this or blowing him up."  He adjusted his stance and looked at his sword.  "I really need my axe."  He took a swing.  Who knew that dragons had magical healing abilities that kicked in whenever a sword came near them?  The dragon taking off killed three SUV's and nearly Xander when the SUV slammed him into the minivan behind him.  "Ow," he moaned.  "Damn it."  He fell down because that hurt.

"Xander!" Danny shouted.  He ran over to check on him.  Steve had something bigger now.  The dragon went boom and showered the block with chunks.  "Xander?"


"That's good ta know.  We've got an ambulance coming, Xander.  Just stay with me."

"I'm not dying.  Jensen would run Gracie ragged for *years* and she'd never be able to date."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," he quipped back.  "McGarrett, use your special powers and get an ambulance here faster!" he shouted.

"Ow, hearing," Xander complained.  He pulled Danny down when something flying came at them.  "Those take silver!" he yelled.  He handed Danny his gun.  "That's a mixed bullet Hannibal adapted."  Danny stood up and fired on the freaky, spectral looking beings.  They also nicely went sploosh on everyone.  "I am not responsible for this mess," Xander complained.  One of the salesmen let out a hysterical sounding laugh.  He looked over.  "You know someone's going to complain.  They always do.  This is why I don't follow up on rescues."  More people showed up.  Including Hannibal and Dawn.

"Aw, fuck!" Dawn shouted.

Steve looked at her.  "Is that really necessary?"

"Yes!   God damn bitch opened us up to a whole magical empire!  There's thousands of creatures on the islands."  He shuddered.  "Mostly not harmful, I think."

"Yay," Kono said, sounding a bit shell shocked.  "How many more are here?"

"I raided Xander's closet," Hannibal offered.  Steve got into them and they handled everything else that came while Xander got sent to the ER.  Kono went with him because she needed a sedative.  Hannibal got to follow when something gouged his side because he couldn't duck properly with his injuries.  Dawn went to fuss over them. 

Steve got the pleasure of talking to the governor and the FBI, who were a bit pissed off.  Steve looked at the huffy agents.  "Then next time, don't release the witch that just tried to start an apocalypse!" he shouted to stop their bitching and whining.  "It's not *our* fault you let her go.  It's yours."

"In other words, man up, bend over, and get ready to take it," Danny said coolly.  "Because the people that protect us are both in the ER.  So welcome to demon and beast hunting, guys.  Anyone read Harry Potter's animal care guide to see how to kill 'em yet?"

"One of my staff asked someone who has," the governor said.  "She was a bit hysterical since she had leprechauns in her office."  He looked at the mess.  "How long will this last?"

Steve texted that to Dawn.  "Dawn, who is a very powerful witch, said it's permanent and she can't undo it.  Apparently the bitch they let go made a few powerful deals that just warped reality."  He put his phone back and looked at the staring people.  "Not even she's that strong and she's stronger than Rosenburg if she taps into everything she can."

"I'm guessing the bitch has to undo it?" Danny asked.

"Dawn thinks she's dead."

"Greaat," Danny drawled.  He looked around.  "Chin, we sent Kono with Xander because she was freaked out about the dragon thinking she was virginal and tasty."

"Thanks.  We have other sightings."

"I'm sure we do," Steve sighed.  "Xander's probably going to be kept at least overnight. Being smashed between two cars tends to leave you in the hospital for a few days," he said at the governor's glare.  That got him piped down.  "The other hunter was still suffering from over four hundred stitches and he didn't duck so now he's getting at least fifty more to push him up over five hundred."

"We have slayers," the governor remembered.

"Who're all under the age of eight," Danny said, glaring back.  "You are *not* going to ask a baby to handle this shit.  Or else I will lead the damn city's against you like we were in a village in Transylvania!  There's no way in *hell* you're going to even ask the baby slayers to even *think* about helping!"

"No, we can get more agents in," one of the FBI people said.  "And some of the senior slayers!"  He nodded, walking off to make that call.  "Sir, we need more slayers.  Our two hunters are both severely injured.  They're babies, all under eight.  Thank you, sir.  Oh, shit, that dragon's bigger," he said, diving for cover.  His phone dropped.  He got carried off.  "Help me!"

Steve fired off at the dragon.  It dropped the agent.  "He probably needs the ER too."  The governor gave him a dirty look.  "You want him eaten?"


"Then next time, help him get out of the way!" Chin said.  "Where's the witch?"

"Dawn thinks dead," Danny said.  "She sent the report to me about what happened.  It's in my inbox."  Chin got into it and found the address, bringing a lot of HPD people with him.  If she was alive, they wanted her.  Danny looked at his phone shortly after they would've gotten there.  "Chin's whole message was 'I've never seen a mess this big' so I'm guessing Dawn was right."

"Probably," Steve said.  He was scanning around.  "I can feel something watching us."

"Yeah, there's a will-o-wisp in the alley," Danny said with a point.

Steve looked and went to shoo it off.

The governor stomped off to be the media whore he was.  That way no one got too upset or worried.

Danny walked over at his 'this isn't really a huge problem' speech.  He cleared his throat.  "I am Detective Danny Williams.  HPD."  He flashed his badge.  "The Hawaii State Police have announced that there is an immediate shelter in place order.  You are to go somewhere you can be safe for a long period of time.  No work unless you're in a critical industry like health care or the PD.  No schools, they've been canceled at least for the next two days.  No church, even if you want to, because there's a really good chance you'll be a target when you come out.  Dragons have been seen chasing cars and carrying them off, people."  The reporters nodded.  "My cousin, who is Council, is getting us more help since he's injured.  Both of our local hunters are injured."

"The witch that did this?" a reporter asked.

"She's dead.  In doing this, she called on a few higher demons and they got her from what I was told."  They nodded.  "Also, people who carry weapons.  Be aware that dragons are bulletproof and they will ricochet.  We found that out earlier."  One of the reporters was whimpering and shaking her head.  "So let us act like this is a really huge hurricane.  Let's stay inside, shelter in place safely so no one gets attacked. If you see anything supernatural, call the main PD number. 

"I'm sure you guys can flash it on the screen here in a minute.  Do not call 911 unless you are actively being attacked because the lines are overloaded by panicking people.  We have desk sergeants who can take reports about sightings if it's not an imminent attack."  The reporters all nodded.  "Use some sense.  Unicorns may be pretty but I'm not sure if they bite.  That first dragon tried to take a female coworker because he thought she was pretty.  So just go home.  Stay home.  Stay safe.  Thank you."

"Is the Council sending people?" the governor asked.

"Dawn's called.  Xander's probably called if he's not sedated."  He called the main house number.  "Good, Faith, Danno, Xander's cousin.  Who's coming our way?  No, she's dead.  We checked.  She's dead."  He listened.  "Thanks."  He hung up.  "We are getting a front-line hunting team from South America here immediately.  They'll be here by tonight.  They'll start hunting in the morning after getting reports of sightings from the desk sergeants.  If more are needed or this runs long, they'll send out more."

"There's a slayer house on one of the other islands," one reporter said.

"They're baby slayers.  All under eight-years-old.  Anyone who thinks we're going to let a baby slayer that young fight is out of their fucking minds," Danny told her.  "Anything else?"  They all shook their heads.  "Then go back to wherever you usually wait on the PD spokesman, people.  Out here you're a tasty target."  They fled.  He looked at the governor.  "Do you really want more people to die?"  He walked off shaking his head, calling Faith back.  "Do we need to make any arrangements for you guys?  Like hotels?"  He grinned.  "That'll work but he's in the ER.  Dragon slammed a car into him.  Yeah, dragon.  Real dragon.  Thanks, Faith."  He hung up and looked up, letting out a long list of swears.  Everyone else let him vent for now.  They wanted to do the same thing.


Buffy walked into Hannibal and Xander's hospital room.  "Dragons?" she demanded.  They nodded.  "Can't you have normal problems?  I mean, what's wrong with higher demons?"

"Yell at the FBI," Hannibal quipped, waving a hand.  "They let her go after we stopped her last apocalypse attempt with higher demons.  She apparently had to top that."

"Giles asked the president to go kick their asses for him so he didn't go back to chaos magic."  She looked at them.  "When are we getting out?"

"Later," Xander said.  "Dawn's been babysitting but she's needed for research.  Cordy showed up to talk to her."

"That'll work," she decided.  She looked at them.  "Can you rest at home?"  They nodded.  "Hannibal?"

"I'm barely moving, Buffy.  It'll be at least a few days on either of us.  Xander got smashed."

"I heard.  And I saw.  The reporters that were slightly smooshed were taping from their car."  She looked at Xander.  "The boys?"

"They should be okay.  Though Jensen's been cooing at a tiny dragon that decided it lived on our porch."

She shook her head.  "Yeah, he's your kid now."  She walked off.  "We're at the pretty hotel by the beach with the dolphins."

"Okay," Hannibal said.  He waited until she was gone.  "That narrows it down to three."

Xander nodded.  "The one on Waikiki.  Faith would've booked it."

"Okay then."  He shifted and winced.  "Why can't I have pain killers?"

"No clue," Xander admitted.  "I'm enjoying mine this time."

"Yay," Hannibal complained, pushing the button for the nurse.  "Can't I ate least have *something*?"

"The doctor hasn't ordered it yet, Mr. King.  It's going to be after four before he comes in on rounds.  I'm sorry.  All we can give is aleeve."

"Have someone call my place and have Dawn steep him some painkiller tea?" he asked.  "It's herbal so it shouldn't matter."

The nurse smiled.  "You'd have to do that.  We can't."  She left.

Hannibal called and whined at his not-a-girlfriend buddy Dawn.  "Ow," he said in greeting.  "No, they won't.  Please?  Even that nasty tasting tea?"  He grinned.  "Thanks, Dawn.  Buffy's in.  Xander said tonight."  He hung up.  "She'll bring you home in a bit."

"Cool."  Xander rested and drifted.  It was going to be a long week.


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