That's... Interesting News.
Xander looked at his baby cousin. "Gracie," he said, sitting her
down on the ottoman in front of his couch. They were at his
house. He had called her mom and told her he was picking her up
from school so she could play with the boys. Which was a
lie. "We need to have a serious talk."
"Am I in trouble?"
"No, we're talking because someone told me something and I need to ask
you two questions that're probably going to make you feel upset."
She nodded at that, pushing her hair back just like her mother
did. "Okay, first question, has anyone been asking you questions
recently about Stan? Anything like 'does he hug you' or anything
She considered it then shook her head. "No, no one's asked me
about Stan at all. Why? Is someone saying bad things about
"Yup." She scowled. He smiled. "Sometimes you look so
like your mom and then you scowl just like your dad." She
grinned. "Okay. Second question and this one is way harder
and nastier. Has *anyone* touched you in *any* way that made you
She blinked a few times. "No," she said carefully. She
hopped up. "They're saying Step-Stan does what? That's a
huge lie! He's not a bad person like that, Xander!"
"I know. I'm making sure before I find out who told that lie and I beat the crap out of them for it."
She hugged him. "Danno will help."
"I'm sure he will." He tweaked her pigtail. "Okay. I
need to talk to someone official so that the lies aren't heard
everywhere and no one gets arrested or even talked to by officers who
aren't family. That may mean a trip to the ER. You've met
Steve's new neighbor?"
"Spear lady," she said with a grin. "I saw her practicing with one."
"Yeah, her. She's a doctor. She actually took care of me
when I had malaria in Africa. She's a really nice lady and she
gave me who to talk to when I took Jensen to show him off." She
sat down again. "You wait right there. I'm going to the
kitchen. I'll bring back waters and then we'll go see how we can
stop this stupid lying stuff." He went into the kitchen. He
sighed, relaxing a lot. He called the social worker he had worked
with. "It's Xander Harris. I need a slight consult."
He leaned against the wall the phone was on.
"Because I've heard rumors that someone was touching my cousin, Danny's
daughter, and it's not true. No, I knew it wasn't true before
this, but I asked to make sure. I need to know what my next step
*has* to be and what it *should* be. No, no one else knows.
When I went to talk to a doc I know that just moved here, she gave me
which ER to hit if we have to. Her parents do not know yet.
That's cool. I can meet you there in about forty minutes?
That's cool. Thanks." He hung up and got the promised
waters. He sat down in front of her again and handed her the first
bottle. "We have to go see the doctor to get proof that it's a
Grace looked at him. "Why?"
"Because people like police officers need proof to prove guilt or
innocence. If there's no proof then they can get in trouble for
not investigating on just the say-so of talking to you." He pulled
her closer to hug. "I talked to the social worker that got sicced
on me and the boys. She knows it's a lie. She's making
notes all over that it's a lie so Stan doesn't get into any
trouble. But, I'm going to be there instead of your mommy because
they won't let a parent in until the doctor's seen you. Because
they need proof to be nicer. So what we're going to do is we're
going to the ER that I got the name of earlier from my doctor
friend." Grace nodded.
"The social worker is going to meet us there. Then you're going to
be looked at by a doctor. Not my friend but an independent
doctor. Now, that's going to be gross. It's probably going
to be a tiny bit ouchy, but I'm going to be right there beside you and
if he upsets you too much I'm going to kick his ass." She gave him
a weak grin. "Okay?" She nodded. "Okay. So we
have forty minutes. Why don't you go potty? We'll drink our
water on the way there since it's so hot today." She went to do
When she came back she stared at him. "When do we tell Mommy and my Danno?"
"While we're in with the doctor, the social worker or me is going to
call them. They'll come down, she'll tell them what I've heard,
because I've got a full set of information for her. She'll nicely
ask them to make sure it's not true. Then I'll give you back to
them. Then I'm going to go find out who this is and I'm going to
kick their ass." She giggled. He grinned. "I know,
it's a very standard reaction." He winked. "Let's go get
this out of the way so you can go home to dessert. I'm pretty sure
your mom is going to spoil you rotten over this." She grinned and
bounced out to the car beside him.
Xander shook the social worker's hand. "Gracie, this is the social worker I told you about."
"Hello." She shook her hand. "It's a big, fat lie and they need beaten by my Danno and Cousin Xander."
"They do," the social worker agreed, taking the folder. She
grimaced. "All right. Let's do this nasty part then we'll
talk to the parents." She got them signed in.
Xander looked at the nurse when she asked why they were here with a
social worker. "Someone's spreading lies about her stepfather
being a bad guy. We need proof that he's not."
"All right." She put that in verbatim so the doctor would
know. "Who's going in with her?" Xander waved a hand.
"Are you a biological relative?"
"He's my favorite cousin," Grace said with a smile. "He's went neat places and he used to train slayers."
"Been here for the worse reason," Xander said quietly. "I'll be
the one telling her parents about this later." The nurse nodded
and she went to tell the charge nurse.
"We can call her mother and stepfather down now," the social worker
said. "That way they're waiting when she's done and I can get the
questions out of the way at the same time."
"They'll throw a fit," Xander assured her.
"Most parents would." She walked off calling them. "This is
Social Worker Bethany Myers. Is this Grace's mother?" The
phone got handed over. She went outside to get some privacy so she
could tell her that her daughter was not injured but was at the ER with
her cousin, that she needed to come down there with her present
husband, and that yes, she was there officially.
Xander looked at the nurse in the room with them. "Let me go calm
that down. Do not touch her without me being present." The
nurse nodded. Xander looked at Grace. "I'll calm her
down." She gave him a hesitant smile. "It's cool. I'll be
right back. There'll be no touching until I get back here."
He patted her on the head and walked out to where Rachel was screaming,
whistling sharply. "Hey!" She glared at him. Stan did
"Rachel, I got told about the rumors because it's being used to
discredit Danny." She slumped. "If he had heard, he wouldn't
have turned it in, which would've been a crime he would've went to jail
for. It would've taken Stan, it would've probably taken you, and
it would've taken Danny too. So yes, I acted by asking her first
to make sure, even though I knew it wasn't true but I had to ask.
Then I took the appropriate legal steps to keep *everyone*'s ass out of
the fire this time."
"I should be with her," Rachel said.
"You can't," the social worker sighed. "I wish. I know it's
not comfortable for her. We simply have to have the proof."
"Which is why I'm there," Xander said. "I'm a biological
relative. I can act in loco parentis until such a time as the
social worker signs off on it being a false claim."
"Why did you have to tell her?" Rachel demanded. "You're not required to."
"Think, Rachel. If half the underworld thinks that Danno's
daughter is being molested, what are they going to do?" She went
pale and sat down. "You have some that'll try to take you both out
to get on his good side so the team doesn't go after them as
hard. You have some that'll try to take her because that probably
makes her hurt enough not to fight being kidnaped. Or worse.
I'm trying to protect you, and your little girl, and your
ex-husband. But to do that, I need to help her. You need to
calm down so the social worker can get the official BS out of the
way. Then we've got to calm Danno down because Danny's going to
lose his fucking mind."
"I'm about to," Stan complained. "Why not warn us first? We could've handled this with a private doctor."
"Because if he had warned you, it would've looked like you were prepared
when I showed up," the social worker said. "Which would look
suspicious." Stan shuddered. "So no, this is the easiest,
safest way." She looked at Xander. "Where is your cousin?"
"When I ran into Steve earlier at the doc I went to for this ER
reference, I told him to be available but about a half-hour to an hour
out of touch. That way we have time to do all this, settle the
official report, hand her back, and he gets to do the cuddling stuff
since he can't go in with her either and this is going to kill him to be
Rachel swallowed. "It will. He would rip down this hospital
to get to his little girl. His team would back him up."
"Yes they would," Xander agreed, spotting a doctor going for the
room. "I'm going back in there. That's the doc we've been
waiting on." He jogged back that way. Gracie was looking
scared. He hugged her. "Everyone's a lot more calm.
Your mom's calling your Danno to tell him to get back here sooner.
I think he's on another island so it might take about an hour but by
then you'll be out of here. Okay?" She nodded, stiffening
up. He grinned. "Like I said, the doc's going to have to so
some gross feeling stuff. It might hurt a little bit. If it
hurts you too much I'll kick his ass."
"Must you swear?" the nurse asked, staring him down.
"Yes. I must. I've earned it and yes I must in this situation."
"Fine," the doctor agreed. "I've done a lot of these over my ten
years of being a doctor," he told them. Grace nodded. "I'm
going to be as gentle as I can. I need you to be naked from the
waist down." She glared. "I have to look, dear."
"He does," Xander agreed. "I'm going to be here. There's
going to be a sheet over your bottom half. The nurse is going to
be by your knee to make sure the doctor isn't doing something
wrong. Only the doctor's going to look," he told her. She
nodded. The nurse handed her the paper sheet and Xander turned his
back. She laid down and he turned back around, helping her scoot
to the end of the table. He looked at her. "Stare at me,
Gracie. Focus on me. I want you to start the breathing
exercise I showed you for meditation. The one from the
"We're going to do it together and you're going to focus on me."
She nodded, following along with his breathing. One long inhale,
one long exhale. Long inhale, short exhale, when the doctor did
what he had to do and she whimpered. He tipped her chin up.
"I know. It's not nice feeling. Just think, if you have
problems with your appendix you have to have another one.
Breathe." She did. From the corner of his eye he saw the
doctor struggling. "Dude, if it's that tight, isn't that an
indication by itself?" he demanded quietly.
The doctor moved back. "It is. It's not definitive.
For that I'll have to use a finger. Go back to your breathing,
dear." Xander led the exercise and she winced but he stopped
almost immediately. "Still there."
"That's why I told the nurse we're doing a proof check," Xander
said. He shook the doctor's hand once he had ungloved.
"Not a problem. There's a bathroom next door." He and the
nurse left, him making the official notes for the social worker.
Xander got into his 'diaper bag/man purse' that he carried. He
handed over the box of baby wipes. "Wrap the sheet around
yourself, go to the bathroom and clean up." She glared at the box
of baby wipes. "Trust me. You'll want it. Clean up
like you just went potty in a really nasty way."
She grimaced but did that. "Eww," she called a minute later.
"That's why I sent you in with the baby wipes, Gracie."
"Yucky." She came out redressed and her hands washed.
"You're out. There was only one. I used the ones in there."
"As long as they're not bathroom cleaner and they didn't sting, okay," he said. He hugged her. "I'm sorry."
"No, this way no one can hurt Stan." She let him carry her out to
be checked out and to the waiting room. He handed her to
Rachel. "That was yucky."
"It is," she agreed.
"Do I have an appendix?"
"No, you lost it when you were two," Rachel said with a smile. "I
wouldn't let them do that exam then. I made them do an
"Unfortunately not an option this time," Xander sighed, sitting between
Rachel and Stan. "The doc couldn't even complete the exam.
Which is a pretty good indication that she's fine." Rachel relaxed
and hugged her. "I had her clean up with a diaper wipe." He
hugged her around her mommy. "I did not tell her that big girls
have to have that sometimes too," he whispered. Rachel smirked at
him. He looked at Stan. "You're good?"
"I'm fine. She cleared me and took the file that you had.
Danny and Steve are on their way in. They had to fly back."
"I told Steve to be about an hour away." Xander rubbed his
arm. "If it hadn't been so important I would've at least
dropped a hint, guys. But if you knew, you'd react funny and it'd
cause more hell and havoc, which she doesn't need."
"You'll find out who started that rumor?" Rachel asked.
"Then I'm going to beat their asses," Xander assured her. Danny
stomped in. "Look, it's Pele, Gracie. We should shower the
volcano god with sacrifices of candy and flowers." She giggled and
ran over to hug him, which calmed him down. He looked at Steve,
who was looking furious behind his partner, and the other two looking
just as pissed off. "Rumors reached me that stated Stan was a bad
toucher," he said delicately.
"Excuse me?" Danny ordered.
Xander held up a hand. "I made sure, we did the official
stuff. It's probably to discredit you." Danny
stiffened. "So he's in the clear. She's fine. She
might need a bath later but she's fine. She's so getting spoiled
by at least me."
"We're having dessert for dinner," Rachel decided. She took her
daughter back to hug then let her go over to hug Stan and then back to
"I'm really sorry that the bad people lied like a bad rug," Gracie told
Stan. "I knew it wasn't true. Cousin Xander knew it wasn't
true. He just made sure before he talked to people so no one would
hurt you guys."
Stan smiled. "I know and understand, dear. I know you had
nothing to do with it and I'm pretty sure between us there's going to be
a sorry individual."
"Yes there will be," Steve said a bit too calmly. He looked at
Xander, and realized he knew the other reason that it could've been
started. He'd talk to him in a minute. "That's why you came
to see my new neighbor?"
"Yeah. I needed a recommendation of where to take her. I had
a *vision* last night of this and went looking." Steve
shuddered. "I suggest we adjourn somewhere before some doctor
wants to keep us all hostage to the big needles gods."
"We'll be at Steve's house," Rachel said, looking at him.
"Go ahead. We'll meet you there in a few minutes," Steve agreed. They walked out. "Who?" Steve demanded.
"Not sure yet. The social worker made a copy of the file for
you." He pointed at it. "And the official report." He
looked at Danny. "I had her the whole time. I was in there
helping her focus on me instead of the exam. I warned her it was
going to be nasty and the doc couldn't even finish it." Danny
"It's possible it wasn't a rumor to discredit," Kono said.
"I know," Xander said. Steve nodded he knew too.
"Huh?" Danny asked.
"In some places, a gang would warn you that they're going to rape and
kill your children or wife and then wait a bit and do it. That was
their bit of fun and games of taking out a rival by taking out
everything he had," Xander said. "I did not mention that to Stan
"Some warlords have done the same thing," Steve agreed. "I'm hoping it's not that."
"It's usually more of a discrediting thing."
"How?" Chin asked.
"If he knew and didn't turn it in, what happens?" Steve asked him, looking back at him.
"He'd go vigilante, get thrown in jail, and so would Stan," Kono said. Xander nodded. "Which would wreck the unit."
Xander nodded again. "It could also lead to people taking out Stan
and Rachel to get on you guys' good sides. Or them thinking that
the rumors were true so she's a good target to take and keep for however
long her slavery lasts."
"I've heard that's happened," Chin admitted, rubbing a hand over his face. "We have immunity, Xander."
"New governor, guys. Who doesn't like you."
They all nodded they knew that. He looked at Danny. "I was
as overprotective as I could be. She probably won't even think
back on it."
"You got her from school?" Danny asked.
"I told Rachel I was going to pick her up afterwards so she could play
with the boys." He stood up. "They're in daycare." He
looked at Steve.
"Come over tonight," Steve offered. Xander grinned and batted him
on the arm, walking around the tight group. He looked at his
partner. "At least he heard. He got it stopped. She's
fine. We'll make sure she stays fine." Danny swallowed and
nodded. "Let's go to the house. She's probably worried by
now." He nodded, leading the way out to the cars. Steve and
the other two followed, thinking bad thoughts about Hawaii's
Xander stopped at his usual bar on the way to the daycare, looking
around at the full house. "People." Everyone stared at
him. "Some really ridiculous rumors have reached my ears about my
cousin Grace. It's not true. I'd like to talk to the people
who thought it was. Does anyone know who that might be?
Because Danno's now being known by the name of Pele."
"His temper would turn volcanic if it was true," the bartender
agreed. "Why would we know?" Xander gave him a pointed
look. "It's not something one of us would do."
"We all have contacts all over the islands outside this bar, Franklin."
"True." He smiled. "I think it came from a Chinese gang but I'm not sure which one."
"Was it a warning or an attempt to discredit? Because I got a vision," Xander admitted.
"Not sure," he admitted.
"If you hear?"
"We'll let you or your cousin Pele know," he quipped with a grin.
"Thanks." He left, calling his other contacts to mine them.
Franklin shuddered and looked around. A few probably knew who it
was and would warn Xander instead of the rumor spreader. He hoped.
Xander walked up to the huffy man, pointing at the demon that was being
yelled at. "Shoo." It fled. He looked at the new
governor. "His kind are peaceful, eat flies or other flying bugs,
and tend to filter water."
The governor sneered. "I heard we had one of you here."
Xander nodded. "Yeah, moved near my cousin."
"I don't care what the President wanted, one wrong move and I'm expelling you from the state."
"You want to argue with the President, you go right ahead," Xander
quipped, waving a hand. "Unfortunately, expelling isn't in your
charter." The man started to get huffy. "Frankly, I'm here
to protect your shiny, overly warm islands from bad things. If
there's a battle I'll let you know. It probably won't be any worse
than the one on that beach. If there's an apocalypse battle, I'll
give you fair warning so you can evacuate an area. Trying to piss
me off means I tell the PD there and let it trickle back to you instead
of telling you and them at the same time. Which would you rather
The officer with him coughed. "We're not scheduled for any apocalypse battles?"
Xander shook his head. "There's very few things that would draw
one here. All but two are in the book that I gave McGarrett when
he asked. Those two would be higher level magic users already on
the island that stepped out of line and summoned something or it could
be one that comes for a shrine that's underwater and why the surfers and
natives stay off the beaches for a week each year by tradition."
The officer, who was native looking, nodded. "I know that tradition. My first partner told me."
"There's a migration at that time to a shrine underneath one of the
islands by the merpeople. They nibble on the way out because they
fasted on the swim in."
"I wondered how that got started," another officer said as he walked up
to him. "I heard a bad rumor about your cousin." He made
sure the press people coming their way didn't hear him.
Xander shook his head. "Rumor was started by someone else.
I'm tracking down who so I can have a *talk* with them about why they
put out the disgusting thing."
The officer smiled. "Didn't figure it was since the guy was still
living and had been seen at McGarrett's house with the rest of that
Xander waved a hand. "I'd have him eaten by something huge that
would have so much fun!" he said dryly. Then he smirked.
"But yeah, false rumor. Please stop it?"
"I can do that." He patted him on the back. "There's been a demon that likes to chew on cruiser tires?"
"He's in heat. Use a squirt bottle. Or holy water the tires
each night. Heat tends to last for sixteen days every few years.
There's no other of his species here but the protections went up when he
was little. Since it went up, he can't leave the islands."
"Kill it," the new governor sneered.
"I don't take out harmless beings, Governor. I'm not a serial
killer. He's harmless outside of chewing on tires. For that
matter, he's also a good reason why you haven't been hit by the worst of
hurricanes since he's a wind demon." The governor was not a happy
looking man. Xander walked off shaking his head. "I'm off
to see who started that rumor." He paused when he heard the shout,
staring at the guy. "Guys, is that a freak with a knife running
toward me?" he asked. The officers all nodded but none came to
help him so he kicked the guy and got him down onto the ground, stepping
in his knife hand. "What did you think you were doing?" he asked.
"There's a bounty," he sneered, trying to hit Xander. He got him on the chin and split his lip.
Xander licked at the blood then stomped extra hard on the guy's arm,
making it break with a pleasing sound. "Really?" The man was
crying. "You're such a pussy. Really." He looked at
the officers. "Want him or can I throw him in the ocean?"
"We have him," one of them said, coming over to arrest him.
Xander picked up the knife to look at then tossed back down.
"Cheap homemade job." He walked off shaking his head. He
heard a gunshot and ducked. He spotted the idiot with the
rifle. He used his pocket crossbow that was in a hip holster to
hit the idiot with the rifle, making him scream. Xander looked at
the arrows he had attached. "That's got the demon snot coated
tip. So it probably hurts like a bitch," he said, walking over to
him. "And you wanted?"
"Bounty," he whimpered. "Make it stop!"
"I'm not going to kill you, idiot. I don't kill weak things." He glanced back. "What bounty?" he growled.
"On your blood!" He panted and tried to move. "Please make it stop!"
"You can't get baby powder into a wound that way," Xander said
dryly. The officer came over. Xander kicked the gun out of
reach and the officer grinned. "There had better not be any more
of these today."
"Sir, why are they after you?" one of the reporters called.
He glared at her. "Get out of my face now."
"This is breaking news!" she complained.
"And this is classified. So get out of my face!" She
squeaked and ran. Xander helped haul him to the cruisers pulling
up, handing him over. "The bolt was demon snot tipped."
"The same stuff you threw on that one guy?" one of the officers asked. "We got briefed about it, Mr. Harris."
"Yeah. And hey, no baby powder into wounds." He grinned.
"What is going on?" the governor yelled.
"The President said that's classified," Xander said simply.
"Though I'm going to find the reason and stomp it too. If you want
to know more, ask the President."
One of the patrol guys looked at him then around to check for
cameras. "Sir, you might want to burn that shirt," he said
quietly. Xander looked at the few drops of blood that had dripped
off his lip and grimaced. "I don't know any details but my
brother's a bit messed up in something and he's said that there's major
talent out here so he's hiding in case they pull a favor and want backed
up from his people."
"When did this start?"
"Great. Any idea why?"
"Fine. I'll be very careful as I stomp on people." Xander
heard his name mentioned over one of the officer's radios. "What?"
"Um... There's someone at a daycare asking for you," the lead officer said with a wince.
"Let me go talk to him," Xander said, falling back into that scary
battle mode. "I doubt my boys would enjoy having a hostage taking
asshole to play with."
"Let us drive you," the officer said.
"I can get you there faster, sir. Lights and sirens can get through traffic."
"I need some of the stuff in my trunk."
"You can grab it. I'll bring you back here. Or your cousin can get your car."
Xander walked over to get into his trunk, pulling out a few
things. He grabbed the rifle too, looking it over. "That'll
work too." He closed his trunk and got into a cruiser. The
officer took him to the daycare. There was a SWAT team on
hand. Xander got out with the rifle in hand and everything else
placed pleasingly easily in sight. "Okay, where's the fucking
moron?" Everyone stared at him. "Press people can go," he
offered one. "Really." They swallowed and moved back.
"Yo, idiot!" he called.
"Drop your weapons and come here, or else I'm keeping your boys as a prize."
Xander dropped the rifle and then shot him with the gun from his
hip. "Really? I doubt my boys would consider you worthy of
their magnificence." He walked over, staring down at him.
"Who sent what?" The idiot was bleeding heavily from his
stomach. It was not a good wound to have.
"McFinn. He wanted a vial of your blood. He's willing to pay
heavily for more." He was trying to move. Xander put a foot
on his chest and stared down. "Three mil. He said with the
sort of classified nature your records have it must be good."
Xander kicked him under the chin. The guy passed out.
Xander looked inside. "They okay?" he called.
"Yes, Mr. Harris. We kept him away from the children.
They're all in our safe room you helped us put in." The head of
the daycare came out. "What is going on?"
"The reason I got moved out here is classified," he said quietly. "They want that reason."
"Oh. Are you taking the boys?"
"Yup, but I need my car." He looked back at the screech of brakes. "Thanks for picking it up, Chin."
"Knew you'd need it," he quipped back. "This one?"
"Classified reasons got a three mil bounty." Chin stared at
him. "Sealed by Presidential order. Steve knows. Danny
"Okay, I'll ask them. How many more of these are there going to be?"
"None. I'm going to go blow the fucker up who wants it." He
got his boys out to the car and strapped in one by one. Then he
smiled. "We'll see you in a few days, Mrs. Oma." He got in
and drove off. "Guys, I have to destroy a whole lot of people over
my blood," he said once they were on the road. "Want to spend
some time with Rachel?" Jensen babbled happily. "I know,
Gracie likes your hair to play with. We'll figure it out.
I've got to raid the armory first though. And up your diaper
bags." He got home and found Steve waiting on him. "Here to
arrest me?" he quipped.
"Here to protect you. We're handling it."
Xander stared at him. "I can do that."
"So? It's my job." He scowled. "Take the boys inside, set up a good, safe area."
"We have a safe room."
"Good!" He smiled. "Who set the bounty?"
"I have him on my list to deal with anyway." He patted Pooch on
the head. "If we have to, we'll let you fall back to handing the
boys off and playing bait. For now, relax, let us do it.
Danno's still got a huge temper."
"I'm still tracing down who started the rumors."
"That's fine. We can do both at the same time. Kono is that
talented." Xander snickered, shaking his head. "So stay
inside. Let us handle it. You have two officers on the
street." He pointed. "Okay?"
"Sure. How bad did the press react to me stomping the ones in the park?"
"They were cooing over how strong you were. The Governor's already
called to bitch." He walked off. "Have fun playing inside
"Not a problem." He smirked. "Who else knows?"
"Chin got told it was classified and you knew."
"Even better." He went back to the office. "Chin, Kono, it
is beyond classified. The President said that if it gets out, he's
going to kill someone himself." Kono winced at that. Steve
got some paper and a pen, writing out a quick note, which then got
shredded once they had seen it.
"So they're seriously in lust," Chin said. Steve nodded. "Xander said they wanted a vial."
"Pretty much all it'll take to test and see what's there."
"Does anyone know what's in there?" Kono asked. Steve nodded. "You?"
"Me, one doctor. One technician. The President and the head of the CIA."
"So who leaked?" she demanded.
"His file now lists as 'multiple blood diseases due to strange means'
and leaves it there," Steve said. "And this is why he was told to
move near Danno, yeah."
"Crap," Kono complained.
Steve smiled. "I would've been louder."
"I'll go beat someone later for trying to take his boys hostage.
They're almost decent enough to make me want to have some some decade."
Chin grinned. "They are sweet sometimes."
Steve nodded. "If he ever has to split up the boys, I'm getting
Jensen and Cougar." They grinned at him for it. "Okay, let's
start a plan. We know McFinn paid the bounty. Xander asked
politely." They laughed. Danny came in with a file.
"The guy who took a shot at the Governor. The one from the
daycare." He put them both down. "Both with long arrest and
"McFinn set the bounty," Chin said.
"Even better." They got his information and went over it. "Neither of these have any training to take blood."
"Which would probably piss the idiot McFinn off since his source would be gone," Kono quipped.
"Good!" Steve said happily. "Though I'd hate to see what precautions Xander's funeral will have to have."
"Burning Viking style on a boat," Danny said. "I asked just in case."
"Good to know."
"Anya always called him a viking in the sack."
"I'm sure he is with the way his past dates keep slinking back for more," Chin said sarcastically.
"Xander said that's all oral sex," Kono said.
"Yeah, he said the same thing about Anya," Danny complained. Steve
was laughing but he hadn't heard the stories Danny had. They got
ready and went out to raid the idiot's house. The faster he was
down, the faster the bounty got canceled.
Xander was safely out in a park with the boys when the Governor stomped over. "Yup? Did you need something?"
"Should you be out?" he sneered.
Xander looked at him. "Yeah, even the ones that have marks to
demons they're sucking the cocks of aren't going to try me today.
The bounty's gone. The boys were bored. Bored toddler boys
destroy the house so they're out here to destroy the park instead," he
"I am not," the Governor snarled.
Xander looked at the guy's neck then at him. "Really?" The
man took a step back. "I don't care who you sucked off to get your
job, Governor. It's not my business. I'm still absentee
voting in Ohio this year. I didn't get things switched over in
time." He looked at the boys then at the higher official.
"For that matter, it's not my fault they tried that. I just had to
"You're a danger to us all."
"People want you bad enough to take daycare's hostage. Yes you are."
"The kids were in the safe room I helped put in. Secondly, he was
an idiot and that wasn't the first time he's tried that move.
According to his arrest record, he had tried that three other times and
gotten arrested for it." The Governor snorted. "Second guy,
the guy in the park? Amateur. Rank amateur. Had only
robbed convenience stores before. If he had been doing it the
right way he wouldn't have fired off a warning shot. He would've
tried to snipe me so he could divert me on the way to the ER." The
"As for me being dangerous because of my contacts? There's a whole
lot of military people around here who have a few themselves and
they're just as bad as mine are." He stopped Jensen. "No,
stay in the boat swing." He pushed it again. The kids
relaxed again. He looked at the Governor again. "I'd never
let anyone be hurt because of me. I've stopped it in Ohio.
I've stopped it in LA, I stopped it in fucking Africa. I stop
anything going on about me unless it's a plan to get me laid. Do
you have any other concerns about me?"
"The files say you're dangerous."
"Only if you fuck with me," Xander said sarcastically. "Otherwise
I'm a mostly retired demon hunter with a family responsibility
now. They come before everything but the end of the world.
Which is why I never get to date. Just hit on my ex's."
Steve strolled over. "Hey, kids." They all smiled and waved. "What's wrong?"
Xander looked at him. "Convenient timing?" he asked in Swahili.
Steve nodded. "Slightly," he answered back in Arabic. Xander
said something in that language and he nodded. "Figures. It
leads back to the major trauma for my team."
"Hey, I'm there to help if you need help with Wo Fat. He's pissed me off for the last damn time."
"I may ask," Steve admitted. "Just to get his contacts diverted."
Xander grinned. "I can do a great diversion. Just like I'm
excellent bait." He got Jensen back in the swing and pushed it
again. Then he grabbed Cougar and put him back in there.
"Stay." Cougar pointed. Xander and Steve looked.
"Huh. Why are you here, Gracie?"
"I made the driver stop because I saw you." She hugged them with a grin. "We get out early today."
"That's cool. You can play with the boys," Steve promised.
She beamed so he called Rachel. "Gracie saw Xander and I in the
park and had her driver stop. That's what I was thinking.
Sure." He hung up. "Your mom said that's fine. She'll
come pick you up for dinner." Gracie smiled and bounded over to
push the swing for the boys. They were happy with that.
Xander smiled at the Governor. "I'll do anything I have to so my
family is protected, and so the people on these islands are,
Governor. Including taking out the demon they said someone is
trying to summon later this weekend. My brilliant little cousin
was going to get some babysitting time in anyway. I have a real
clear line of 'just leave me alone' and everything's happiness.
But do tell the one from the mark I said hi. He should probably be
calmed down from the ranting since I've turned him down a number of
times. It'll give you good quality time together." He
smiled. The Governor stomped off.
"He's got a *marking*?" Steve asked quietly.
"To one that's offered me power enough to become President some
year. Apparently he saw into the realm where I'm one and thought I
did a great job."
Steve blinked a few times. "There's one of those?"
"Yeah, and he's pretty badass. I met him at the multi-Xander
convention. One of the others of us wanted to hold one. All
three hundred and three of us got to talk, share tips, baby pictures for
those of us who had some." He grinned. "It's in May this
year so they'll come get me and the boys during it."
"Huh," he said, rubbing his forehead. "Ow." Xander grinned. "Take them home?"
"Sure. Let's go home, Gracie. You can play with the boys
there." She nodded, helping him pack everything back into the car.
Steve went back to the office, looking at his partner. "There was a multi-Xander convention?"
"Yeah, don't remind me. I saw him when he got back from it.
They're a bit cranked and weird in some cases. Including the twin
Xanders from where they couldn't put him back together again." He
gave him a look and held up the advil bottle. "How did you get on
"Apparently the demon that the Governor has marks to wanted Xander to be
president because he saw one where he was and he did a good job."
He took a few and handed the bottle back.
"I heard about him. And the one that writes fantasy novels." Steve shuddered, walking off shaking his head.
Kono looked over from her desk. "Seriously?"
She shuddered. "More than one has to be a crazy world."
"Probably. They had over three hundred at the convention."
She whimpered. "Did they blow up that realm?"
"Nah. Just had some fun." She walked off rubbing her
arms. Chin spotted her since he was up the hall and got her calmed
down. Danny grinned at Steve's office, watching him shake like a
dog getting out of the ocean. "The twin Xanders were artillery
designers," he called.
Danny laughed, getting back to the paperwork. That made his
day. Steve had a Xander headache just like Danny himself got
Chin walked up to Xander that night. "There's twins of you, brah?" he asked.
"Yeah, they came back from Africa, went to CSI school, and have an
artillery design company on the side." He grinned. "They're
working in the NYPD ballistics lab in their realm."
"Huh," he said weakly.
"They're not the only CSI mes across the realms. Though the
neatest one is the one that's teaching at Hogwarts. He's teaching
demonology but he's married to a Weasley."
"Let me get the boys to Rachel so you can call one of your dangerous ex's and wear that funny mood out."
"They're already there. I have to track down a sorcerer trying
shit. Unfortunately he's native so the protections aren't working
"Sure," he agreed, nodding. "Let us know if you need help." He walked off rubbing his head.
"You should see the Sividia me, Chin. He's really patient and his skills are even better than mine."
Chin went to look up what a Sividia was. When he saw the picture
of the beautiful male demon with gray fluffy wings, he nearly
shuddered. Xander with wings was a bad thought. He went to
get drunk before that image stuck. He didn't want to see Xander
with wings, even if he was dangerous enough to attract the boy.
Gracie smiled at her teacher Monday morning when she asked what she had
done last weekend. "A lot of pooping." The teacher
gasped. "My baby cousins were over and they poop a lot. They
eat a lot too but babies poop a whole lot. I'm wondering why Mom
has baby envy with how much they poop but she said it'd be okay and I'm
going to have a baby brother or sister sometime soon. That's why I
learned how to change diapers. Roque's is the nastiest but he'll
eat nearly anything. He just poops it back out really fast."
Her teacher cleared her throat. "So you helped babysit?"
Gracie smiled and nodded. "That's a good experience. A lot
of older girls babysit formally for pocket money."
"I might when I'm older. Mom said it'd be okay. By then
they'll be potty trained too because diapers are gross. They could
even eat real food instead of mushy stuff too. So we could have
The teacher nodded. "That's very true, they could. I'm sure
you'll be brilliant at it. James, what did you do this last
weekend?" He babbled about going to a museum. "That's
wonderful." She smiled and moved on. One of the other girls
agreed with Gracie about diapers being nasty but she got them off the
topic of poop. She'd have to share that with Grace's mother.
Danny looked at the note Grace had given him with a pout. "That's
not bad." Gracie smiled at him. "Diapers are gross."
He drove her back to Steve's house. Rachel was over there talking
to Steve about something. He handed over the note.
Rachel read it and laughed. "They are gross." She hugged her girl. "Some day you'll have babies too."
"No thanks. Not if they poop like Roque does." Steve burst out laughing and walked off. "He does!"
"He does," Rachel agreed, smiling at her.
"He does," Steve agreed. "I've never seen such an efficient delivery system on anyone else."
Danny looked at him. "You've been watching that?" he teased with an evil smirk.
"No, but no other kid I've ever seen filled as many diapers as he does."
Xander complained that they're still going through a pack of diapers a day," Danny said.
"With the way Roque poops, probably more," Grace said. She smiled
at Steve. "Did you hear I'm going to have a baby brother or
"I didn't. Congratulations, Rachel."
"Thank you." She glanced at Danny but she had let him know before
she had told Grace. "Has anyone seen Xander today?"
"I dropped the boys off on him," Danny said. "But he was suspiciously in the bathroom."
Grace scowled and found her mother's phone to call him. "Xander,
are you okay? No one's seen you and if you have booboos I can ask
the nice doctor that lives near Steve to come see you. You said
she had taken care of you when you had malaria. I'm sure she's
seen other booboos too." She listened and grinned at her 'uncle'
Steve. "Okay, I'll let him know." She hung up. "He
does have booboos. He's gotten most of them cleaned up. He
let Hannibal and Dawn come do the other one since it was on his lower
back. He said Jensen's been scowling all day because one of the
bad things that Jensen hates was over to help him since the sorcerer was
mean to him again but he's fine and he needs to go grocery shopping."
"I can help him go shopping," Danny said smugly. He hugged his girl.
She gave him an evil grin. "We should tell the nice doctor since she liked him."
"She said she's dangerous because she hung out with warriors but not the
sort that Xander can date," Steve told her. Rachel gasped,
looking horrified. "She did some of her residency and later years
in Africa and lower Asia," he said with a smile. "She's a nice
lady. Every morning she's out practicing her spear martial arts
moves on her back lawn. Jensen would not get out of her rose
bushes but he had found a hellhound puppy. She seems very nice
though. She's taking over old Doctor Handrahan's clinic."
"Huh," Danny said. "Even I've heard about him. Kono was
saying he smacked her on the head for a stupid injury the other day."
"Yeah, he will," Steve said dryly. "He did me a few times
too. Surfing ones too. He used to surf until his knees went
out on him. I barely remember her when she was out here doing some
of her hours with him. He made her go surf to relax. She
was a young doctor. Graduated early."
"Wow," Grace said. "How do you do that?"
"You study real hard," Danny said, staring down at her. "And you skip grades."
"Never mind. That's really hard." She bounded off. "Uncle Steve, can I get some water?"
"Go ahead," he called.
"We're leaving in ten minutes," Rachel said. She came back out and her daughter got hugs before they left.
Danny looked at Steve. "Let me go check on him and take him grocery shopping."
"Let me know if I need to sic someone on him."
"You'll probably hear all the yelling." He left, driving over to
Xander's house. Xander opened the door to stare at him.
Black eye. Messy hair. Jensen babbling 'bad' over and over
in the house at the top of his lungs. Bruises around his
throat. "Did you go alone?" he demanded calmly.
"Kinda but I called for backup when I saw she had summoned ten warrior class demons to guard her dumb ass."
"Good!" He looked him over. "Hannibal just as bad?"
"Worse. Dawn's babying him and his new four-hundred-sixty-one
stitches." Danny winced. "I only have about two hundred."
"Grace suggested we sic that doc by Steve on you."
"She'll nag. She likes to nag. She nagged me *so* much when I
had malaria." He slumped. "Coming for dinner?"
"Helping you grocery shop? Sure I can do that." Xander
beamed and nodded. "Let's get them together." He walked
in. "Jensen, I'm sure he has the point," he called. Jensen
scowled at him. "You'd rather he get sick from magic
poisoning? He nearly died when Willow shot dark magic at him and
it hit his liver." Jensen curled up in a ball, looking
pathetic. "So let the nice succuba or whatever do it's job so he's
better. Yell about it when it's just for fun." Jensen
grinned and nodded. "Good boy." He patted them on the
head. "We're going shopping. Let's get things
together." Frank sneezed. "Cold or allergies?"
"Sniffles. Roque has flower allergies. So far he's the only one."
"That's actually a good thing." They got the kids into more than
diapers and t-shirts. No matter how much Pooch fussed.
"Diaper rash?" he asked the baby, who nodded. "That sucks but
sorry. Going to the store means clothes."
Xander looked over. "Be thankful since Willow's journal said she
was going to turn you into girls if she had gotten a chance."
Pooch nodded and clutched at Danny. "That was my feeling
too. We'll bathe the diaper rash a lot later."
"How?" Danny asked.
"He was sitting in a wet diaper and refused to tell me so when I
asked. Repeatedly. I finally figured out he was lying after
two hours in it."
"Ah." Danny looked at him. "Not like he likes your tiny butt
that way, Pooch." Pooch nodded he knew that. They got them
into the station wagon hybrid car that Xander drove and went to the
store. Danny got one cart of two kids. Xander got the other
three. Danny had been nice and taken Jensen and Cougar since
Jensen liked to steal. "What's on our list?"
"The usual," Xander said with a slight shrug. Then he
winced. "I have to remember to quit doing that." Danny
nodded. They went through the vegetables and fruits then the
meats. Then the pasta and rices. Then the frozen section.
"Eww," Cougar complained.
"He hates milk," Xander agreed. "Jensen only likes chocolate milk. That's why they get a lot of cheese."
"Gracie told her whole class that they pooped a lot so apparently not enough," Danny quipped.
Xander looked at him. "Seriously?"
"Yeah." He grinned. "The teacher asked what she had done over the weekend and she said a lot of poop."
Xander looked at the boys, who all looked innocent. "Yeah."
They grinned. He went to get more diapers and wipes as well.
He was probably nearly out again. He usually was. They
checked out, went home, put stuff up, and Xander ordered mexican food
Danny was amused but the boys liked it. So it was fine. Also something Danny hadn't had in a while.
Later that week Xander walked up to where Danny was complaining about
his 'rathole' apartment. "Then you've got three
choices." Danny flinched and looked at him. "Find one where
they didn't just catch your neighbor making meth, so they're going to
have to do the HAZMAT thing for the whole building to make sure all the
contamination is gone. You can have one of my couches. Or
you can beg one from Steve or someone."
"I didn't think we had a huge meth culture out here," Steve said, considering it. "HAZMAT?"
"They say that making meth contaminates the area and when you're making
larger batches it's actually dangerous. It can be explosive."
Steve nodded. "That's bad." He looked at Danny. "You know you can have my couch, Danno."
"Or I have two smooshy couches," Xander reminded him. "Or you can
bum a kid's bed and make them shack up together for a while." He
grinned. "I'd let you bum mine but since you don't work night
shift, you'd end up being cuddled a lot when we slept together."
Kono started to choke. She had been walking toward the group. "When did this start?" she gasped.
Steve patted her hard on the back. "Danny has to move.
Xander just offered him use of his bed but since they're on the same
sleeping schedule he warned of cuddling."
"Cuddling is nice," Xander complained. "I miss cuddling.
Anya would let me be a damn octopus and just huff and demand more
sex." He grinned.
Danny shook his head. "Some day you'll have another person to
cuddle and I'll be making sure they're sane." He patted Xander on
the shoulder. "Can I have the couch?"
"Yeah. You can have the couch." He grinned at Steve.
"Question. I know you glanced over those wills more than I
did. Did someone mention a farm by any chance? Because I got
a very confused person who woke me up at ten, and the boys, and told me
I was a slacker basically because I was still in bed and then delivered
my monthly goods from my farm."
Steve shook his head slowly. "I don't remember anything about a farm. Did you check with that guy from the 'clan'?"
"No. He's out of town at his sister's wedding. And the head
guy is presently in Thailand chewing someone a new one. Though
that one I might go offer to help him kick around."
"Are we talking like produce farm?" Kono asked. Wait until her cousin Chin heard about this.
"No, we're talking moo cow and sheep and pigs and veggies and makes
their own cheese and butter farm. Like Amish country farm."
"I didn't know we had any of those out here," Steve admitted. "Is it on this island?"
"I have no fucking clue!" Xander said. "That's what I'm trying to
figure out. Though, if we're having a cookout, I have half a pig
in my chest freezer."
"I might take you up on that offer," Steve said. Danny was calling someone. "Calling his lawyer?"
"Yup. He should've seen all that." He walked off.
"Maui? Danny Williams. Someone woke Xander up this morning
to deliver his cut of a farm's output? He said it's a full working
farm? Does he have a farm?" He listened to him look at
that. "Really. Huh. Then any idea....
Sure. Thanks." He hung up. "It's not from either of the
wills he handled, Xander, but he said that he looked you up for prior
court records and found a few on the mainland. Mostly in LA."
Xander scrunched his face up and called someone. "Gunn, Xander."
"How're the boys?"
"They're good. At daycare being annoying as crap but good.
Roque's learned how to poop on command to piss me off. We've been
hearing rumors of other wills naming me? Especially something
about a farm?"
"Ummmm." Gunn clearly had to turn something on. "Give me a
few minutes. Let me look you up in the database we still have
access to thanks to our stint as Wolfram and Hart's LA office." He
typed and then burst out laughing. "You need to quit dating."
"Which one?" he groaned.
"There's three that are now filed as settled and through probate.
There's another one listed but that's in New York. And one in
London of all places. Want me to call Giles so he can send someone
to whine on your behalf, white boy?"
"Well, I doubt he would. He still thinks all that is cute."
Xander scratched his neck then started to look around. "Can you
email me that stuff? I've got a bad feeling." Steve started
to look around too. "Later, Gunn. Sniper." He hung up
and pointed, moving Kono out of the way toward Danny. Steve could
handle himself. He was a SEAL. Xander was a combat veteran
by his own choice. Kono and Danny were just officers. So
when someone opened fire, they were ready. Kono and Danny took the
alley to the back of the building. He and Steve rushed off to the
front. And that's when things went horribly wrong.
Because the wash of magic over the islands was probably not a good thing.
Though it was nice that the dragon that suddenly appeared ate the sniper.
"God fucking damn it!" Xander shouted. He looked around. He
called. "Who?" he demanded. "Yeah, I felt. I'm staring
at a dragon, Dawn. Who?" He listened. "I took her out
and down. I handed her to the FBI to be arrested. Oh,
really? Thanks." He hung up and looked at the glaring
SEAL. "Apparently trying to start an apocalypse battle by
summoning a really high demon doesn't count as enough of a threat to the
US. So they let her go."
He grinned. "She just turned Hawaii into a magical universe
according to Dawn. I'm *so* going to kill her." He walked
off calling the daycare. "Are all my sons and the little
half-demon there all right? I know. I know who. The
FBI let her go after an apocalypse attempt. Sure. It'll be a
few hours though. Tell Jensen to calm down. The succuba
won't be coming for him thanks to this." He hung up with a sigh
and called someone. "Giles, my man!" He smirked as he walked
to his car to get a sword.
"Well, you need to chew on someone because the FBI let go of the witch I
wrote that report about. Yes, that one. Well, Hawaii's fine
officers now need wands instead of guns. All of them. Dawn
said it extended nearly all the way to the mainland. Might've hit a
few uninhabited islands out here as well. Sure! You have
fun with that report. I've got to slay a dragon that just appeared
and ate a sniper that was shooting at me." He hung up and grabbed
his sword, walking off humming. "And I thought being a geek was
fun," he said sarcastically as he walked past Steve. "Let me go
kill the dragon like the white knight I am."
"Can't we use guns for that?" Steve asked. "It could probably be shot."
"I'm guessing they're probably bulletproof scales since the native
demonic kind are but if you can go grab some of my artillery,
sure." Xander beamed and nodded. "We can do that. And
someone should probably call the Governor."
"Kono, call the governor," Steve called. "Let me get something to take out the dragon."
Xander spotted a reporter and stepped out into the road in front of
their car. They stopped very suddenly and he grinned.
"Cool! You're here! You're useful this time!" He
hauled the camera guy out and pointed. "Dragon."
"Shit!" the camera guy said, trying to get back into the car. "Can't you kill it?"
"I need to make a statement," Xander said slowly and clearly. "Before others get eaten. You're a news guy, right?"
"You Council people hate us."
"Yes, but right now you're useful so people around here don't die."
"Okay," he decided. He got his camera and set it up. He
waved at another reporter that was speeding their way. They paused
and got out too. They had a regular reporter and a camera guy so
Xander could talk to her.
Xander smiled and shook her hand. "I'm retired Watcher Xander
Harris," he told her. She forced a smile and nodded. "Just a
few minutes ago, a lot of you probably felt a strange, warm
sensation. That was because a witch named Melindia Moravares was
let free by the FBI. I turned her in for trying to start an
apocalypse by summoning some really high demons. I've still got
the stitches from that battle. Apparently the FBI decided it was
not a bad enough crime and let her go. So now she has changed the
nature of Hawaii into a magical universe."
He pointed at the dragon. "We're basically a D&D world
now. I'm asking for the elected officials and other responsible
people to please call for a sudden 'shelter in place' until we can a,
defeat this dragon, b, see if there's more dragons or other harmful
creatures, and c, see if we can find said witch and beat her until she
cancels whatever she did. I'm asking very nicely before I go help
kill this dragon."
"So..." the reporter said. "Will it save lives to shelter in place?"
Xander looked at her then up at the dragon watching them then back at
her. She and the cameras looked up too. "Do you want to be
"No," she admitted, backing away slowly to the cars. "I can have
this broadcast in about two minutes once we're in the company cars, Mr.
"Thanks." He grinned and waved. "HPD is already
notified. 5-0 is here and they're getting some higher weapons to
help me kill the dragon." The dragon blew some steam down at
them. Xander looked up. "Eat me and I'm having my other self
from another realm show up. I'm pretty damn sure the sividia
version of me in that realm can beat you to death, dragon." It
flinched back at the word 'sividia'. "Huh, it knows demons."
The reporter let out a nervous laugh and lunged for the car. Both
camera men followed into the one car and sent their film in from
there. The dragon landed on it and tried to get in. Xander
shooed it off with his sword. "No, leave the reporters
alone. They're important this time. Really."
Steve came jogging back. "We had something in the evidence vault."
Xander looked at it. "And it's broken. Because you've lived a
blessed life, Steve McGarret," he quipped. "Stall. Let me
"Stall?" Steve demanded. "How do I stall?" This situation
was not covered in the SEAL handbook, any other special forces handbooks
he had read through, through no military protocol manual he'd ever read
in, or on any mission he'd ever went on. He had no idea how to
deal with dragons!
Xander looked up. "Tempt it with virgins?" He shrugged. "Can you fix this?"
"I can. So stall!" He waved a hand. Then he pulled out
his mini toolkit to fix things. By the time it was done, Steve
was sweaty with his spare swords. Danny was sweaty with a smaller
axe. Kono was hiding because the dragon though she was pretty and
tried to capture her. Xander stood up and put the launcher on his
shoulder. "Move." Everyone scattered. The dragon
looked over at the whine and took off, which dented the poor news
station station-wagon even further. Xander tracked it and fired
off the rocket, knocking the dragon down and out at the very
least. "Okay." He handed it off to Kono. "It is
apparently a sword or axe job." He strolled off, grabbing his
sword from Steve.
"Hell no!" Danny shouted. "Get a chain saw or something!"
"Well, then, get me explosives and I'll blow it's head off!" Xander shouted back.
"You can do that?" Kono asked.
"Probably. High yield down the throat should do that."
He grinned. "It'll be nearly as messy as graduation was."
She shuddered. Apparently she had seen that film. More
officers came screaming up and he waved. "Anyone else want to help
behead the dragon?" he called. "Since the artillery was too weak
to do it?"
"No," the officers shouted.
One pulled out a bullhorn. "This is the Hawaii State Police.
There is now a shelter in place order until the dangerous creatures can
be found and at least contained. Everyone in this area needs to
find a better shelter somewhere safe *NOW*." People started to
Xander nodded. "That's why I used the reporter." He found
the dragon in a car dealership. "Great. Really." He
looked. There was no easy way to get to the neck. He was
draped over a few SUV's and the head was resting on a sedan's
trunk. The salesmen were freaking out. "Guys, I've got to
behead it," he called.
"Don't damage them any more than you have to!" one shouted from the safety of the office.
Xander looked at him. "I'm going to try. It's this or
blowing him up." He adjusted his stance and looked at his
sword. "I really need my axe." He took a swing. Who
knew that dragons had magical healing abilities that kicked in whenever a
sword came near them? The dragon taking off killed three SUV's
and nearly Xander when the SUV slammed him into the minivan behind
him. "Ow," he moaned. "Damn it." He fell down because
"Xander!" Danny shouted. He ran over to check on him. Steve
had something bigger now. The dragon went boom and showered the
block with chunks. "Xander?"
"That's good ta know. We've got an ambulance coming, Xander. Just stay with me."
"I'm not dying. Jensen would run Gracie ragged for *years* and she'd never be able to date."
"You say that like it's a bad thing," he quipped back. "McGarrett,
use your special powers and get an ambulance here faster!" he shouted.
"Ow, hearing," Xander complained. He pulled Danny down when
something flying came at them. "Those take silver!" he
yelled. He handed Danny his gun. "That's a mixed bullet
Hannibal adapted." Danny stood up and fired on the freaky,
spectral looking beings. They also nicely went sploosh on
everyone. "I am not responsible for this mess," Xander
complained. One of the salesmen let out a hysterical sounding
laugh. He looked over. "You know someone's going to
complain. They always do. This is why I don't follow up on
rescues." More people showed up. Including Hannibal and
"Aw, fuck!" Dawn shouted.
Steve looked at her. "Is that really necessary?"
"Yes! God damn bitch opened us up to a whole magical
empire! There's thousands of creatures on the islands." He
shuddered. "Mostly not harmful, I think."
"Yay," Kono said, sounding a bit shell shocked. "How many more are here?"
"I raided Xander's closet," Hannibal offered. Steve got into them
and they handled everything else that came while Xander got sent to the
ER. Kono went with him because she needed a sedative.
Hannibal got to follow when something gouged his side because he
couldn't duck properly with his injuries. Dawn went to fuss over
Steve got the pleasure of talking to the governor and the FBI, who were a
bit pissed off. Steve looked at the huffy agents. "Then
next time, don't release the witch that just tried to start an
apocalypse!" he shouted to stop their bitching and whining. "It's
not *our* fault you let her go. It's yours."
"In other words, man up, bend over, and get ready to take it," Danny
said coolly. "Because the people that protect us are both in the
ER. So welcome to demon and beast hunting, guys. Anyone read
Harry Potter's animal care guide to see how to kill 'em yet?"
"One of my staff asked someone who has," the governor said. "She
was a bit hysterical since she had leprechauns in her office." He
looked at the mess. "How long will this last?"
Steve texted that to Dawn. "Dawn, who is a very powerful witch,
said it's permanent and she can't undo it. Apparently the bitch
they let go made a few powerful deals that just warped reality."
He put his phone back and looked at the staring people. "Not even
she's that strong and she's stronger than Rosenburg if she taps into
everything she can."
"I'm guessing the bitch has to undo it?" Danny asked.
"Dawn thinks she's dead."
"Greaat," Danny drawled. He looked around. "Chin, we sent
Kono with Xander because she was freaked out about the dragon thinking
she was virginal and tasty."
"Thanks. We have other sightings."
"I'm sure we do," Steve sighed. "Xander's probably going to be
kept at least overnight. Being smashed between two cars tends to leave
you in the hospital for a few days," he said at the governor's
glare. That got him piped down. "The other hunter was still
suffering from over four hundred stitches and he didn't duck so now he's
getting at least fifty more to push him up over five hundred."
"We have slayers," the governor remembered.
"Who're all under the age of eight," Danny said, glaring back.
"You are *not* going to ask a baby to handle this shit. Or else I
will lead the damn city's against you like we were in a village in
Transylvania! There's no way in *hell* you're going to even ask
the baby slayers to even *think* about helping!"
"No, we can get more agents in," one of the FBI people said. "And
some of the senior slayers!" He nodded, walking off to make that
call. "Sir, we need more slayers. Our two hunters are both
severely injured. They're babies, all under eight. Thank
you, sir. Oh, shit, that dragon's bigger," he said, diving for
cover. His phone dropped. He got carried off. "Help
Steve fired off at the dragon. It dropped the agent. "He
probably needs the ER too." The governor gave him a dirty
look. "You want him eaten?"
"Then next time, help him get out of the way!" Chin said. "Where's the witch?"
"Dawn thinks dead," Danny said. "She sent the report to me about
what happened. It's in my inbox." Chin got into it and found
the address, bringing a lot of HPD people with him. If she was
alive, they wanted her. Danny looked at his phone shortly after
they would've gotten there. "Chin's whole message was 'I've never
seen a mess this big' so I'm guessing Dawn was right."
"Probably," Steve said. He was scanning around. "I can feel something watching us."
"Yeah, there's a will-o-wisp in the alley," Danny said with a point.
Steve looked and went to shoo it off.
The governor stomped off to be the media whore he was. That way no one got too upset or worried.
Danny walked over at his 'this isn't really a huge problem'
speech. He cleared his throat. "I am Detective Danny
Williams. HPD." He flashed his badge. "The Hawaii
State Police have announced that there is an immediate shelter in place
order. You are to go somewhere you can be safe for a long period
of time. No work unless you're in a critical industry like health
care or the PD. No schools, they've been canceled at least for the
next two days. No church, even if you want to, because there's a
really good chance you'll be a target when you come out. Dragons
have been seen chasing cars and carrying them off, people." The
reporters nodded. "My cousin, who is Council, is getting us more
help since he's injured. Both of our local hunters are injured."
"The witch that did this?" a reporter asked.
"She's dead. In doing this, she called on a few higher demons and
they got her from what I was told." They nodded. "Also,
people who carry weapons. Be aware that dragons are bulletproof
and they will ricochet. We found that out earlier." One of
the reporters was whimpering and shaking her head. "So let us act
like this is a really huge hurricane. Let's stay inside, shelter
in place safely so no one gets attacked. If you see anything
supernatural, call the main PD number.
"I'm sure you guys can flash it on the screen here in a minute. Do
not call 911 unless you are actively being attacked because the lines
are overloaded by panicking people. We have desk sergeants who can
take reports about sightings if it's not an imminent attack." The
reporters all nodded. "Use some sense. Unicorns may be
pretty but I'm not sure if they bite. That first dragon tried to
take a female coworker because he thought she was pretty. So just
go home. Stay home. Stay safe. Thank you."
"Is the Council sending people?" the governor asked.
"Dawn's called. Xander's probably called if he's not
sedated." He called the main house number. "Good, Faith,
Danno, Xander's cousin. Who's coming our way? No, she's
dead. We checked. She's dead." He listened.
"Thanks." He hung up. "We are getting a front-line hunting
team from South America here immediately. They'll be here by
tonight. They'll start hunting in the morning after getting
reports of sightings from the desk sergeants. If more are needed
or this runs long, they'll send out more."
"There's a slayer house on one of the other islands," one reporter said.
"They're baby slayers. All under eight-years-old. Anyone who
thinks we're going to let a baby slayer that young fight is out of
their fucking minds," Danny told her. "Anything else?" They
all shook their heads. "Then go back to wherever you usually wait
on the PD spokesman, people. Out here you're a tasty
target." They fled. He looked at the governor. "Do you
really want more people to die?" He walked off shaking his head,
calling Faith back. "Do we need to make any arrangements for you
guys? Like hotels?" He grinned. "That'll work but he's
in the ER. Dragon slammed a car into him. Yeah,
dragon. Real dragon. Thanks, Faith." He hung up and
looked up, letting out a long list of swears. Everyone else let
him vent for now. They wanted to do the same thing.
Buffy walked into Hannibal and Xander's hospital room. "Dragons?"
she demanded. They nodded. "Can't you have normal
problems? I mean, what's wrong with higher demons?"
"Yell at the FBI," Hannibal quipped, waving a hand. "They let her
go after we stopped her last apocalypse attempt with higher
demons. She apparently had to top that."
"Giles asked the president to go kick their asses for him so he didn't
go back to chaos magic." She looked at them. "When are we
"Later," Xander said. "Dawn's been babysitting but she's needed for research. Cordy showed up to talk to her."
"That'll work," she decided. She looked at them. "Can you rest at home?" They nodded. "Hannibal?"
"I'm barely moving, Buffy. It'll be at least a few days on either of us. Xander got smashed."
"I heard. And I saw. The reporters that were slightly
smooshed were taping from their car." She looked at Xander.
"They should be okay. Though Jensen's been cooing at a tiny dragon that decided it lived on our porch."
She shook her head. "Yeah, he's your kid now." She walked
off. "We're at the pretty hotel by the beach with the dolphins."
"Okay," Hannibal said. He waited until she was gone. "That narrows it down to three."
Xander nodded. "The one on Waikiki. Faith would've booked it."
"Okay then." He shifted and winced. "Why can't I have pain killers?"
"No clue," Xander admitted. "I'm enjoying mine this time."
"Yay," Hannibal complained, pushing the button for the nurse. "Can't I ate least have *something*?"
"The doctor hasn't ordered it yet, Mr. King. It's going to be
after four before he comes in on rounds. I'm sorry. All we
can give is aleeve."
"Have someone call my place and have Dawn steep him some painkiller tea?" he asked. "It's herbal so it shouldn't matter."
The nurse smiled. "You'd have to do that. We can't." She left.
Hannibal called and whined at his not-a-girlfriend buddy Dawn.
"Ow," he said in greeting. "No, they won't. Please?
Even that nasty tasting tea?" He grinned. "Thanks,
Dawn. Buffy's in. Xander said tonight." He hung
up. "She'll bring you home in a bit."
"Cool." Xander rested and drifted. It was going to be a long week.
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