The Incidences of The Blippy Dohickey 3: Atlantis And Beyond.

General Landry groaned, paging the geek in question.  Xander came in with Armand riding on his shoulder.  "He's that bored?"

"Yup.  The cafeteria ladies won't let him steal any more plates to nibble on.  Even though I paid for the others.  What's up?"

"This is IOA representative Childers."

Xander looked at him.  "Oh, hey, I shot at you on the Initiative base."  He smiled.

"What are you doing here, Harris?  You're not a giant brain."

Xander said something in Ancient, making him gasp and back up.  "Yeah, I kinda am.  Actually, I knew some of that language before I got given the blippy dohickey that the demon stole off someone in Torchwood."

"Torchwood?" he gasped.


"Jack Harkness' special wristband!" he demanded.

"Yeah, a demon mugged him.  The demon claimed it had a death ray when he threatened a few normals.  I took it from him when I scared the crap out of him in payment for letting him flee the city.  He was a minor pickpocket and we warned Angel.  Then it activated."  The idiot groaned.  "So yes, now I'm here.  It was here or UNIT.  They sent Graham to try to get me to UNIT."  He beamed.  "It's great.  Armand and I have already run into an ex.  I've managed to get people to accept me for who I am, and none of them ignore me.  By the way, you should've fired that profiler for fucking up so badly.  Now, anything else?  I was in the middle of a Summerian translation for Doctor Jackson."

"You can?" he demanded.

"I could before this.  Some of the Watchers books are in that, Latin, and Ancient Greek."  The man whimpered.  "Do you maybe need the doctor?"  Armand purred at him.  "No, you can't suck up to the doctor, Armand.  She'll want to stab me with the needles again."  He petted him.  "Anything else, General?"

"He wasn't sure you should be working here."

Xander smiled.  "Have I mentioned recently that if former Initiative people don't leave me alone I'm going to the press?  That would take care of the Watchers Council sending me threats by email and regular mail this week and them being putzes both."  He stared at the former solider.  "Get out of my way.  I'm happy here and I can go back up Buffy for apocalypses since apparently half of you were too weak and scared to do the job four teenagers did."  The man gaped.  "Didn't see *you* at graduation.  Or fighting against the torture you guys did, even to your own people, or against the Judge, or any of them."


"I don't care," Xander said when he stuttered.  "At least I put my life on the line for what I believed.  That gives me the right to look down on all you former Initiative assholes who went along willingly like sheep.  Now, you're bothering the General and I'm sure he's having a headache finding me a team to sit on."  He smiled sweetly at the shuddering going on.  "You can tell the glory hole whore Travers who sits on both that leaving me alone is a very good idea since the blippy thing allowed me to train my magic *very* well.  Plus I can now build advanced weapons that can be magiced from here into his lap.  Gondra did tell me how to use qualinick to make compact, powerful bombs."  He nodded quickly.  "Leave me, this program, and Sunnydale the hell alone."

"Sure, I can do that," he promised, nodding quickly.  "Please don't out anything."

"I wouldn't out anything around here.  Buffy wouldn't mind though because it'd mean she'd get more dates.  Plus more backup probably."  He whimpered.  "Shoo."  Armand blew some smoke at him, making him start to whimper and curl up again.  "Like him?  I got him on my blippy trip.  His name's Armand."  He smiled. "He's my baby dragon."

"Sure," he said weakly.  "Of course you have a baby dragon."  He nodded.  Xander walked off looking happy.  He looked at the general.  "I'm so sorry.  Would you like us to confine him?"

"No, we want him.  He fits in real well around here," he said dryly.  "Let me escort you out to the elevators."  He walked him that way since he was still a baby step from going into a full blown panic attack or nervous breakdown.  He wasn't sure which one it would be.  On the way back he stopped in Harris' office, looking around.  "No wonder someone claimed favoritism."

"I expanded it by magic."  He looked up.  "He safely somewhere he can crash his car?"

"Probably.  Death threats?"  Xander pointed at the pile of papers on his desk.  "Reports as well?"

"Including a few for Daniel from translations."  He got back to work.  Armand belched.  He looked under the table at him.  "Next time, don't eat the pillow."  His dragon went to curl up on one of the chairs.

"That's a nice couch, son."

"Thank you, General.  I got it back in Athens, before I met Si.  It was just polished wood then with a hide cover and a few throw pillows.  I had the padding made specially to not mar the wood."  He smiled.  "It's very comfortable and I've offered it to people I like for napping during emergencies.  Plus the recliner and other chair."

"That's fine.  I don't mind that.  What's qualinick?"

Xander looked up and smiled.  "Not that rare or hard to make actually.  It's like space plutonium."  He looked around and pointed.  "Green glass jar."  He went to look at it, taking it.  "I'd unseal it under a fume hood.  It's been sealed for a few thousand years."

"I can do that.  Will it radiate?"

"Nope.  No radiation."  He grinned.  "It's very handy.  I can use that lump there to take out about the same area as a nuclear device taking out six city blocks."

"Interesting.  How hard is it to make or find?"

"Fairly easy.  It's found naturally in a lot of asteroid dust."

"Good to know.  Anything else Colonel Carter might like to look at?"

"She knows she can come in and ask what things are."

"That's good enough then.  I'll handle the IOA.  Try to lay a bit lower."

Xander smiled.  "I hate Initiative people."

"I don't much blame you after I got into their files."  He left, going to hand that to the science department.  "Harris called it qualinick.  He said it's like space plutonium but doesn't radiate.  That amount there would make the same radius explosion as a nuke that took out six blocks.  He said it's probably got some fumes with how long it's been sealed."

"Sure," the chemist said with a smile.  "Thank you, sir."

"Welcome."  He went back to his office to call the president.  "Sir, I have death threats to my newest linguist from the IOA and some group called the Watchers Council who are known to kidnap young girls, turn them into guerilla fighters, and then not care that they're used as tools," he said.

"A lot of them are signed by the same person.  Quentin Travers."  He listened to what the president said on him.  "Exactly, sir, and my new linguist can make explosives.  Harris, yes.  Him.  Yes, he's from Sunnydale.  We just had words with an IOA rep that was from the Initiative.  He also said that their profiler got things wrong."  He leaned back, listening to him.

"Sir, we ran into a gou'ald he had slept with before he realized he was a gou'ald.  To be frank, sir, I've never seen one that whipped and begging to have someone back," he said dryly.  "Yes, we're trying to find him an effective team right now, sir.  Exactly.  That's fine.  He made them leave a site alone.  I'm very thankful the boy happened onto some sort of temporal technology."  He smirked at the muttered swearing about that.

"Can I leave this in your hands, sir?  Because he has threatened to turn all those skills of his onto them and he's looking forward to destroying them if they keep threatening him.  Of course I can.  I'll have it to you by tonight, sir.  Thank you."  He hung up and bundled up the kid's file, the new, more accurate profile, test scores - both physical and psychological, and the threats.  His liaison with the Pentagon was leaving later on.  He had no idea why the guy liked Harris but apparently they got along very well after their long talk so Xander could calm him down about possible future destruction.


"All right, Captain Stick-up-your-ass, let's try that move again," Xander said blandly, twirling his staff idly.  "C'mon.  You let a twenty-one-year-old civilian beat you.  C'mon.  Get up and wear the uniform, Captain.  They're looking at you to be on my team."

"No way in hell.  You're mean," he complained.

"I'm mean?"  He snorted.  "Please!  You could be training with Teal'c.  The last time I got knocked down, due to someone sparring with another person and getting shoved at us, he poked me hard until I got up.  I still have a few bruises from it.  You want him instead?"

The captain stared at him.  "Can I try him?  I'm not used to my opponents *bouncing* on me, sir."

"I've had caffeine.  I'm not that bouncy today.  Sure.  Cam, want to switch?  He thinks I'm mean."

"Sure, kid," he called.  He ducked Teal'c's blow with a grin.  "C'mon, Captain.  Do the uniform proud.  You just got knocked down and whined at a super geek linguist."

"I'm not a super geek," Xander complained.  "I just happened into the blippy."

"Super geeks get into trouble the same way you do.  They do incomprehensible things that most military guys just stare at in confusion the way you do.  They think odd thoughts the way you do.  They get into trouble like you do too.  Yes you are," Cam told him.

"If that's the criteria, I was a super geek with a D average in high school," he said dryly.  "After all, who else could get mermaid DNA and not change?"

"I should tell Doctor Lam that.  She thinks you're a cute kid," he teased.

"She's a sadist who likes poking me way too much," he said back sarcastically.  "If she liked me, she'd want to do other things than poke me with *needles*."  Cam burst out laughing.  "Though it's nice the nurses only giggle and blush when I flirt."  He twirled his staff.  "Ready?"  He attacked before Cam could agree.

The captain looked at Teal'c.  "Sir, we heard rumors that you had to beat the kid, survive a mission with him and bring him back intact, and then get his pet to like you to advance to colonel," he said quietly.  Xander cackled at that, nearly tripping over Cam, who was laughing too.  "Not true?"

"Xander is a warrior," Teal'c said, trying hard not to laugh himself.  "It is admirable for those who can beat him, but it is not mandatory to advance in rank.  Bringing him back intact is highly encouraged and his pet likes most everyone who is not mean to him, unless they're female and mean; then he tries to get her to flirt with him."

The captain looked at him.  "You're sure?"

"Very," Mitchell said, getting down to snickers.  "I got promoted before this but it's not mandatory.  The dragon likes you if you feed it or pet it, or sit for a long time so it can nap on you as long as you're not a xenobiologist or botanist.  Yeah, anyone going with him is expected to bring him back intact and hopefully not let him create spawn in another culture."

"I'm infertile!" Xander said proudly.

"Doesn't mean we're going to let those natives that flirt with you have you, kid."  He walked off shaking his head.  He had to share that rumor.  He told the general and Daniel when he ran into them in the hall, making the General cackle and Daniel laugh so hard he slid down a wall.

"I have to tell Jack that," Daniel said, going to email him.  The one he got back made him cackle again.

The Initiative weenie on my staff said that surviving Harris should come with a MoH commendation and a purple heart for all the mental disease he causes.  Good luck with that and finding him a team.  Jack.

Daniel shared that with everyone at dinner.  They all cackled at it.

"I'm not that bad," Xander pouted at them.  "I wouldn't mind having my own team so I'm not borrowing Daniel's leash holder."

"I don't need a leash on him.  General O'Neill trained him to follow vocal commands," Cam said sarcastically.  "Most of the time he gets the heel command very well as well as the return one.  Now and then we need a muzzle to stop the baiting problem he has or an invisible fence to keep him from getting lost in a library, but most of the time he's a well trained doggy."

"I'll bite you on the next trip," Daniel assured him.

"With our luck, the Ori will decide you're sleeping with him and start to shout at us again," Sam quipped, stuffing her mouth.

Xander looked at her.  "Am I ever going to get my own team to pick on?" he asked Cam.

"We're working on it, kid.  Give it a few more weeks.  You're still training for field work."

"I know."  He sighed, digging in again.  "Oh, Morticia and Gomez are coming along just fine."  They all stared at him.  "I got nursery clippings from a very pretty botanical gardens when I was blipped."

"Is Morticia a man-eating tentacle plant?" Cam guessed.  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Then what's Gomez?"

"He's like a venus flytrap but he puts out this really sweet smelling smoke that'll attract nearly everything.  It's very carnivorous and likes fingers a lot.  Well, he likes wood too.  Now and then I let him sharpen pencils because he doesn't like the graphite but he loves the wood."  He ate another bite.

Sam stared at him.  "Has botany seen them yet?"

"No.  Why?"

"They'd probably water them when you're on missions."

"If I left Armand, they'd probably try to take him and use him in experiments too," he said dryly.

"Well, they have discovered that the plants he likes to eliminate on are growing at a fantastic rate."

He shrugged.  "It's his diet."  She snickered at that.  The little thing ate nearly anything that wasn't metal.  "He's a growing baby."

Sam shook her head.  "I want to see them later, Xander."

"You know where my office is."

"Good point."  She finished dinner and went to check on them.  Armand woke up to meep at her.  "I'm looking at the plants, Armand, go back to your nap."  He put his head back down.  She looked at the man eating vine and watched as it came up to stroke her cheek.  "Hi to you too, friendly."  A sucker attached and she had to get it off because it was trying to eat her.  "Xander's bringing you meatballs."  She dodged another tentacle, going over to the other plant.  It let out a small puff of smoke so she smelled it.  It was wonderful smelling.  It enticed her to pet it, which let it have her fingers.  It bit, hard, making her yelp.  She stared at it.  "Oh, you're so dangerous," she said dryly, waving her hand.  She walked up to the infirmary.  "Doc, I need a few bandaids."

"What happened?" she asked, looking her over.  She wiped at the wet stuff on her cheek.  "What is this?"

"Xander's plants Morticia and Gomez are growing very well."  She held up her bitten fingers.

Doctor Lam sighed, sitting her down to clean off her cheek.  "He named them?"

"Yes."  She let her hand be bandaged.  It didn't really hurt.  "The plant must have a numbing feature.  It doesn't hurt.  The smoke is almost hypnotic.  That's how it got my fingers."

"The spot on your cheek?"

"Morticia wanted to pet me before eating me."

"Ah."  She got some alcohol and a few cotton balls to clean off that spot in case it was going to continue to eat her.  She went to get the head of botany to bring to Xander's office.  She liked the kid.  "Hi, Armand.  We want to see the plants," she told it, petting him.  The head of botany was staring at Morticia in awe.  At least until the tentacles tried to pull her in.  "Oh, no, you can't eat her.  We'd end up getting the one from Atlantis and McKay would put lye in your roots, Morticia.  Why am I talking to a plant?" she muttered as she got her coworker free.  They found Gomez on a table and sniffed.  Doctor Lam then had to bandage both their hands.  Xander came in while they were trying to get free.  He tapped the top of Gomez's bulb and he let them go.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Hi, Morticia.  I got chicken tonight."  He tossed her a few pieces.   One tentacle didn't come up so he checked it over.  "Oh, shoot, you did get bruised.  I'm sorry, baby.  But you'll grow a new one soon enough."  He snipped it off before it could infect other parts.  The head of botany snatched it.  He picked up that piece of chicken to put around the pot with a few more.  The rest he tossed at Gomez, who caught them all with more puffs of smoke.

"Do you have any other plant samples, Harris?" the head of botany asked.

"Yeah, why?  Mostly things like meditation herbs."

"Can I take a cutting of anything unusual?"

"Take the dry leaves at the back or he'll wither," he told her.  She did that and used a glass swab to get some of the 'spit' the plant was putting out.

"No poisons, right?" Doctor Lam asked him.

"Not out here.  It might bite me, Doc."  He pointed at a small cupboard door.  "A few in there."  They moved to look, seeing the large conservatory full of plants.  The head of botany climbed in and went to take all the cuttings she could.  "Try for dead leaves.  I can't replace most of those," Xander called.

"I am.  Are the orange flowers pickable?"

"No!  They'll wilt and kill the plant.  Use the silver sheers."

"I see them.  Thank you."  She noticed they all had cards with care instructions.  That helped her a lot.  She took pictures of each one and the card.  When she climbed out, Xander presented her with a little glassed in box with a tiny vine.  "What's that?"

"An air vine.  If it's released from here and put onto something like a ship, it'll suck all the air out of it."

She blinked a few times.  "Interesting."  She took it too.  She could safely scan that one before they had to kill it.  It clearly needed the warning sticker on the back not to release it outside of an emergency.  She started with the spare vine, finding the infected spot.  She opened it and puss came out.  As it did, the vine started to move.  She planted it and it was nice.  If she had to, she could hand train it to love her like the original had liked Xander.

Doctor Lam looked at Xander, shaking her head.  "Any other shocks?"

"I don't know," he said, grinning at her.  "What do you consider shocking, Doc?"  She groaned, walking off shaking her head and cradling her poor fingers.  He finished feeding his plants and closed the cupboard door, getting back to work.   Some days he really loved being on base, even if he did need laid so very badly that he was about to explode and let the plants do it for him.  There was that one in the cupboard.....  He had found a real, live function bush.  It was so cool.


Xander got beamed down, box, dragon, and bags.  "So I brought a hosting gift and a letter from Mitchell for you, Colonel."  He had to be Sheppard.  Cam had described him pretty well.  "I also have samples here for McKay and botany."

"Sure.  Harris, right?"  Xander beamed and nodded.  "That's fine.  Come this way, kid.  What's that?"

He looked.  "What?"

"The lizard," he said, staring at it.

"Armand.  He's my baby dragon."  He beamed.

"I heard about him, kid.  Come on."  He grabbed the box and let the kid get his bags and his pet.  One floated behind him.  "That's neat.  When did we get that?"

Xander looked then at him.  "It's not that hard.  Takes a lot of concentration.  Besides, that's samples; it's heavy."

"Good to know.  We can start in my office."

"Sure."  They walked up there.  "Armand, leave the nice Marines alone.  These ones don't know you yet.  You can meet them later."  The dragon hopped up the stairs after him, running past Woolsey.

"What is that?" he shouted.

"My baby dragon.  General Landry loves him, he purrs at him when he has a migraine," he called back.

John darkened the windows and shut the doors.  "Let's let him recover for now."

"Sure."  He sat down, putting down the bags beside him.  "I have those samples for botany, and one for him.  I have sixteen other books Sam Carter and Daniel wanted him to look at, plus the translation guide, and one other thing that I thought he might swear at me for giving him.  Plus I know you guys need chocolate so I made you brownies."

John smiled.  "They're always welcome."  He looked in the box.  A lot of brownies.  All right!  "McKay to my office," he called over the comm.  "You have samples."

Xander let the dragon hop up into his lap, staring at John.  "That's Colonel Sheppard.  Cam told you about him."  The dragon hopped up onto the desk and walked over to sniff him then belched in his face.  "Armand!"  The dragon nuzzled him, curling up around his neck.  "Sorry, he's a baby."

"It's okay.  Is he deadly?"

"Only to some of my ex's."

Rodney walked in and paused.  "I heard about that beast."

"He's very friendly but beaming upset his stomach," Xander said.  "You can pet Armand if you want, Doctor McKay."

He let it sniff him and got in a few good pets, getting purred back at.  "You are very friendly."  He looked at him.  "I heard you had books."

"From a pre-Furling society."  He dug them out, handing them over, a notebook on top.  "Inside the top one is a letter from her.  They're in the order to be read because they're school books.  Sam did say to warn you they use a math that is presently driving her nuts because it makes no sense in relation to human math."

"How bad?" John asked.

"They actually have a number for the square root of negative one."  John whimpered.  "Also, those are priceless and I can't get new copies."

"Have we authenticated them?"

"I got them from one of them."

"Oh."  He nodded.  "I suppose that's good enough then.  The samples?"  Xander pointed at the heavy case he had been floating.  "Radek!"  He came in.  "Samples."  They walked out together, Radek glancing back at the dragon.

"Armand, don't show off," he moaned.  "Please?"  The dragon meeped at John, getting a laugh and a pet.  "Fine.  So, I'm yours for the next three weeks and I made sure the botanists would take care of my plants, Daniel would not steal all my books, and no one would touch my weapons.  I'm told you guys have a database and a few other things I might help with.  Do I have a room and where do you want me to start?"

"First, did Cam send your file up?"

"No.  But he did say he wanted me to spar with someone named Teyla and Ronon to see if I could beat them since I'm consistently tying or just barely being beaten by Teal'c now."

"Good to know," he decided.  "We can arrange that.  She uses bantos sticks."

"Cool.  Are those like kendo sticks?"

"Something like it."

"Decent.  I'm not great in that form but I'm willing to learn."

"Good.  Don't date while you're up here."

"Damn.  It's three weeks!  What if I find a willing marine or someone?"

"Then you can go for it.  Don't date any natives while you're here."

"I'm infertile."

"I don't care.  Please don't."

"Fine.  I can agree to that.  Can I have my baby dragon back?"  He handed him back.  "Thanks.  It's not nice for you to suck up to others," he told him.  Armand belched and got comfortable on his lap.  "Fine.  Beaming upset your stomach."

"We can get him some pepto."

"I do not want to clean up the pink foam puke of doom.  Please?" he begged.


"He'll eat anything that's not metal.  I'll feed him in a while."

"Okay.  I can accept that.  Let's get you into your quarters and then I'll let Rodney show you the database problems we're having."

"That'll work.  I can leave him on my bed for now."  John nodded and helped him carry things down to his room.  Xander got three things and left Armand there, following him back to the labs.  "Wow, you guys have windows."  Rodney snickered at that, shaking his head.  "I'm on level three thousand and something of hell," he said dryly.  "I'd have to get permission to make windows.  Since one of the possible members of my team just decided he wanted to a priest after two gou'ald tried to hit on me the general probably won't grant it right now."

"No, probably not," John agreed.  "One linguist.  Doctor Radek Zalenka, Doctor Midori Ishi, and a few others you'll probably hear Rodney yell at soon.  This is Civilian Specialist Harris, our linguist."

"Not a doctor?" Radek asked, shaking his hand.

"I hate classrooms."  He smiled and shook the other person's hand.  "Hi."

"Welcome to Atlantis."

"Thank you.  It's pretty up here.  I miss the ocean sometimes."  He looked at Rodney.  "Did I include notes on the ones that came from my office?"

"I did see notecards, yes."  He looked at him.  "How fluent are you in Ancient?"

"I speak it but I learned the Greek Pantheon's version.  Some of it's slightly different based on regional words."

Rodney blinked.  "Interesting.  Sit there and log him in, John."  John got the boy logged in.  "We need this section translated."

Xander glanced it over.  "It's in math babble.  I'll have to do it straight word-for-word."

"That's fine.  I don't expect you to understand it."

Xander looked at him.  "It took me a while to get math but I did learn ours and that one," he said with a nod at the books.  "I may not understand physics all that well but I can use it practically.  Especially when it comes to tactics and weapons."

"That would be on energy flows," he said smugly.

"Ehh.  Fine."  He got to work.  "How far down do you want me to go?"

"Anything you can on that subject," he ordered.

"Want me to print it and work on it in my rooms?"

"We're not short of paper."

"There's over six thousand pages based on the search criteria on power flows."  He stuck in a USB key drive he had modified to his specification.  It downloaded them all.  "Let me go work.  Check on me around dinner."  He left, going back to his room.

Rodney gaped in horror at the kid's back.  "He's pushy."

"You pushed first," John told him, giving him a look.

"Clearly he shouldn't be in the same category I am."  He turned back.

"I don't know why not since he brought six gou'ald to drooling and begging on their knees," he said bluntly.  Rodney gave him a horrified look.  "He chatted back at a Prior teaching the Book of Origin to ask him technical questions under the guise of wanting to convert.  The prior got very frustrated and nearly converted to paganism I'm told."  Rodney let out a small whimper.  "I think he's tired from the trip.  His dragon too since it was napping on my neck.  Now, anything we can use?"

"I think so.  I'm hoping so."  He got into it.  "What was in the box on your desk?"

"He brought me a hosting gift," he said dryly.

"Of?" Radek asked.  "More samples?"

"Brownies."  He walked off looking smug.

"We'll raid that box later," Rodney assured him.  "Since we're actually doing the hosting."  His second-in-command smiled at that.  They all needed chocolate on Atlantis.


Xander looked up when someone coughed from behind him.  "I didn't know dragons answered the door.  Usually he bites anyone who comes in."

"He loves me," Sheppard said dryly.  "How's it coming?"

"I've got the first six of the searched pages done.  Including the original he gave me."  He showed him the laptop.  "Some of the later search terms looked more promising by what Sam Carter told me he needed."

"It might be.  How long will it take you to do the rest?"

"Probably by the end of the week.  There's over six thousand pages and about half of it I already know what it'll say.  There's a lot of restating.  Also, this place," he said with a point.  "Do we know what it is?"

John looked then shrugged.  "We've found a few but they're all stripped."

"Okay.  So it's something to think about.  I'll see if I can get a list of it out of there."

"Cool.  C'mon, dinner.  You can even bring the dragon."

"He's probably already off making friends since I didn't let him out earlier," he said dryly.  "If his stomach makes a mess, I'll clean it up."

"Thanks, kid."  He walked him and his laptop to the dining hall.  They got food and went to sit with the rest of the team.

"Did you get anything done?" Rodney demanded.

"Your original that said basically jack shit, and a few other things.  It'll take me to the end of the week to finish all the searched pages under power and energy."  Rodney gaped.  "There's a few that look more promising by what Sam said you were looking for.  The original says nothing."  He let him see it.

Rodney read it over, grimacing.  "You're right.  I was hoping for better.  What's this part that you didn't do?"

"The diagram and math equation."

"That's fine."  He handed it back after going through the other windows.  "Only a week?"

"I read Ancient fairly well," he admitted.  "Plus I'm leaving it in word order.  If you want to rearrange it, that's up to you.  Sometimes, depending on which area it was, the word order was more important than others."

"We've run into that before," Rodney admitted.

"It mentions some sites that might be helpful.  I'll see if I can pull up a list of places with them to make sure you've gotten all of them."

"That's fine," he agreed.  His lap was invaded by a huffy little thing.  "What?"

"His stomach's still upset," Xander admitted.  He took his dragon back.  "Here, cuddle me to feel better.  Tomorrow you can go make new friends."  He settled in to stare at someone and growl.  Xander looked.  "Huh.  How in the hell did you guys get a gou'ald up here?"

"We did?" John demanded.  "Point him out."

"Armand, find John the snake belly."  He put him down.  "Go pounce the snake belly like SiSi."  The dragon looked at him.  "Well, go."  He pointed.  The dragon sniffed and growled at two people but pounced another one, purring at him.  "No, not pick out someone for me to flirt with.  The other reason you growled at him."  The dragon steamed and got down, going to nip someone until they yelped and then nuzzled another's butt hanging over the edge of the seat until it shifted and he could bite the other side.

John smiled.  "Doc?" he called.

"I saw.  What am I looking for?"

Armand crawled up on and stared at him then sniffed his stomach, pawing at it.  The airman yelped and tried to get away but Armand threw up on him.  Then he belched a few times and looked at the other one before going to curl up on daddy's lap again.

"That's ruined my appetite," one Marine said, dropping his fork.  "Doc, need help carting him off to clean him up?"

"Yes, and to check for gou'ald," she said dryly.  "You too," she told the other one.  He nodded, following to help her.  She came back to look at the dragon then at him.  "Pepto?"

"Pink foam of doom puke?  No thanks."


"Maybe.  Beaming's bad for his tummy.  I was going to try some grains later.  He likes bread."  She got him some and handed it over.  He smiled.  "Thank you.  You're nicer than Doctor Lam.  She keeps trying to poke me."  She blushed but walked off giggling.  He held up a piece of bread.  "Hungry again?"  It took it to nibble on, humming in displeasure, but ate it.  "If your stomach wasn't upset I'd feed you something else.  Until then, eat."  It finished the bread and decided to sleep on the railing of the balcony.  It was sunny there.  Xander dug back into his own food.

Ronon walked past the dragon without wondering and sat down to inhale his food.  He grunted at the new person.  "New soldier?"

"Linguist.  I was sent to help by translating some of the database."

Ronon nodded.  "Boot camp then."

"No, I'm only here temporarily and I've had Colonel Mitchell snickering over me many times," he said dryly.  "But he did say he wanted you to spar with me if you're Ronon."  He nodded, staring at him.  He smiled.  "I've had some training."  He frowned when he saw the snout over his shoulder.  "What are you doing, Armand?"  The dragon huffed and batted at a dreadlock.  "No, you leave his hair alone.  Sorry, he's a very inquisitive dragon with an upset tummy."  He handed him some bread.  "Can you feed him that before he pukes again?"  Ronon handed back the piece of bread.  The dragon snatched it from his shoulder and went back to examining his hair.  He nosed under a few pieces, patting a few.  Steamed one.  He pawed at them but they didn't come off.  He finally decided to curl up underneath them around Ronon's neck.  "Armand!  If you can't behave I'll have to leave you in the room," he complained.

"He's comfortable," Ronon said.  "Pets are a sanity saver most of the time."  He stuffed his mouth.

"Sometimes.  Not always."  He heard the growl when someone came near them.  "No."

"She's not mean enough for him," Rodney told the dragon.  "She's much too nice and sweet."  The dragon huffed and went back to hiding.

"What is that?" she asked.

"He's Armand and he's my baby dragon," Xander said with a smile.

"They let you have a pet?"

"And swords."  She stared at him strangely.  "Yes, they're pampering me because I can tell some members of the IOA to fuck off since they sent me a death threat again."

"Oh.  I see."  She backed off.  "Has it been cleared to be around people?"

"He's been around people since he hatched, lady.  Get away from my dragon before *I* bite you."  She huffed off.  He shook his head, looking at Rodney.  "Did you find her in the TSA?"

"Probably," he admitted.  "Or Customs."  He dug into his dessert, shaking his head.

Woolsey stomped in.  "Who told you you could bring that creature up here?" he demanded.

"Generals O'Neill and Landry."  The man gaped.  "By the way, you have absolutely no authority over anything I do, Mr. Woolsey.  The IOA does *not* own me and I'm only a subcontractor for the SG base.  For that matter, certain members of your board are in deep shit for sending me death threats again.   Touch my dragon, watch me bite."  He backed up at that.  "Yes, he's been around people his whole life.  Which is a lot longer than you think."

"He's clearly sick," she sneered.

"Yeah, beaming did it to him.  It gave him acid reflux."  She sneered.  He stood up and moved closer.  "Beyond that, lady, he's smarter than you are.  They actually found an IQ on him and he rated very intelligent, including in people sense.  Now, back the hell down."

"Now see here," Woolsey started.

Xander stared at him.  "What part of the IOA doesn't own me didn't you hear?" he asked.  "The only one who has a right to say jack shit to me is Colonel Sheppard.  Or Doctor McKay.  I'm a *civilian specialist*.  Not military, not a hired PhD.  Not yours.  He travels with me because he helps protect me from those things that want to date me."  He sneered at the idiot scientist.

"Enough," Rodney said.  "I say the dragon stays as long as he's on good behavior.  The base's biology department has done extensive scans of him.  He's very good usually.  He's gone on missions even.  A lot of beings like him as an emissary.  Harris has travel lag and so does his pet.  Leave them alone."  He looked at Xander.  "Who on the IOA keeps threatening you?"

"Travers and his lackeys.  I had the misfortune to run into their people in high school by helping save her life a few dozen times."  Rodney gaped, staring at him.  He smiled sweetly.  "So, yeah, I kinda don't need the boot camp."

"I heard about them," he said bluntly.

"I lived there."

"Oh, dear."

"Yeah, basically."  He shrugged.  "Travers actually has a small contract out on my life.  Since the blippy thing incident it was the SG or UNIT."  He shrugged.  "I like you guys better."  He stared at Woolsey.  "You could have been more calm and I wouldn't be so reactive.  I'm very nice if you are to me.  If you're going to bitch me out, I can turn into the biggest diva there is."

"Your sort isn't allowed in the military."

"I'm not military."  He shrugged.  "And O'Neill knew I was bi when I signed on."  He stomped off.  "Bye now," he said with a wave.  He growled at her, making her run after him.  "Oh, god, she's probably sleeping with him.  They might have socially retarded babies."  He sat back down.  "I'm sorry," he told John.  "But I'm no one's bitch and I've been surrounded by girls most of my life.  I'm not putting up with ManMS either."

"No, I wouldn't have either.  Travers is which one?"

"The idiot Brit," Rodney said with a sneer.

"Yup, him.  I had no idea doing CPR was going to cause him so much heartburn."  He ate a bite of dinner while Rodney choked.  He finally looked at him.  "So I take it you *heard*?"

"My sister used to do some freelance work for them," he gasped and wheezed.  The dragon pounced, cooing at him.  He patted him then handed him back to his father, taking his water to gulp.  He looked at him.  "You're that Xander?" he asked once he could breathe.

Xander beamed and nodded.  "Yup."


"Basically.  Travers will shit in public before he gets me."  He gave him a dry look, making Rodney burst out laughing.  "By the way, I did put that note not to put the electrical current to the small silver thing in the green jar?"

"Yes, I did see that warning.   How...."  He waved a hand.

"Blippy dohickey."


"Um.... a good few eons away."

"Oh, dear."

Xander beamed.  "Exactly.  And I set it off by accident.  So anyway, here I am."  He looked at the MP's walking in.  "Touch him and die."  He finished his dinner.  "I'm going back to my room."  He took his computer, putting his dragon under his arm.  One got in his way.  He stomped on his foot, making him yelp and hop off.  "You never expect the simple attacks.  What did you expect me to do, turn into Bruce Lee with my hands full?"  He walked off shaking his head.  "Hi, Caldwell."

"Harris.  Armand."  The dragon belched.  "Still?"

"Yeah.  We just fed him some bread.  He only needs to rest some.  Someone got huffy though."  He gave him a dirty look.  "I think it came as a shock that I'm not under IOA review."

He smirked.  "I know why.  I've already told Woolsey why."

"You know, with the way she's got her nose up his ass, someday she'll have socially retarded babies from him."  Caldwell laughed at that.  "Let me go back to my room unless they're kicking me off the base."

"No, they're not.  Landry said to stay here until they can send Anya away again."

"Oooh, I'm sorry for them."

"Mitchell's on a mission.  Teal'c got her."  Xander snickered all the way back to his rooms.  "Stand down," he told the MP's.  "Don't touch the kid either."  He walked back to the control room and to Woolsey's office.

"You're taking him back with you."

"No I'm not.  General Landry said he's to stay here until my next run."  Woolsey glared at him.  "For that matter, you don't have a say in anything that the boy does.  He's exempt from the IOA rules because he's not covered.  He's not a doctor.  He's not a soldier.  He's a conscripted volunteer we pay."  Woolsey slumped at that, shaking his head.  "Secondly, the kid's decent.  If you don't put his back up, he's a joking, goofy little kid who flirts.  His dragon loves everyone but the beaming is not good for his system.  He was starting to get settled down halfway here.  It basically gives him regurge."

"I saw that on the airman he threw up on."

"Yeah, the gou'ald?  He's already in my brig."  Woolsey stared at him.  He stared back.  "The dragon can tell them.  The Asgard love him too.  I've never seen one of them play with anything but Armand had them playing fetch."  Woolsey cracked a smile.  "He'll be decent if you are.  If you put his back up, he's used to combat.  A little too used to combat, and he will bite.  He bit one of the women on the ship that tried to get him to bed her and she ended up confessing to how she tortured someone a few years back."

"Oh, dear."

"Yup."  He smirked.  "The main base loves the dragon.  He drove off a few gou'alds from some sites.  He scared the crap out of a prior.  He likes to pick up people for the kid to flirt with."

"He was fascinated by Ronon's dreadlocks," John said from behind him.  "Why the hiatus order?"

"They wanted him off base.  He doesn't go off base outside of some minor shopping," Caldwell said.  "That and his ex girlfriend Anya showed up to demand they give him back, very loudly, because she was missing sex."

"I noticed he was happy there was light."

"He's usually in his office.  He's picked up bad habits off Jackson.  Landry said to keep him until my next run.  It'll take that long to make his ex go away and leave the whole base and city alone.   This is his vacation."

"I can understand that.  Anything on how he does on missions if we need him to woo some nice folks?"

"Yeah, he'll flirt."  John smiled at that, shaking his head slightly.  "They mostly like the kid.  He's sweet, goofy, nice.  They like the fact he travels with his pet.  It makes him look less dangerous, even if he is carrying an arsenal.  By the way, one of his bags has soda.  Let him have it.  He's very bouncy when he doesn't have caffeine.  He's fairly heavily ADD too."

"I heard that from Mitchell."

"That was the other reason they had to evacuate him.  The Ori prophetess Adria decided she wanted to meet him.  Considering he made a few gou'ald walk off pouting, including the ex he had that he hadn't realized was snaked when he took up with him, we're not sure if that's a good idea or not."

"When did he take up with one of those?"

"As he put it, when he was blipped.  During the *first* war."

"Oh, shit," John said, straightening up.  Caldwell nodded.  "Soooooo...."

"Apparently he didn't know for a bit.  When he found out apparently there was the mother of all domestic disputes.  Which he won again when the idiot showed up on the base to try to take over after taking down a research site.  He made him huff off in a sulk.  He said even if he took him back, he'd take over and make his own empire.  Also, if you can and you want and he finds someone, go for it.  The kid has the libido of a fourteen-year-old in a Hustler outlet."

John snickered.  "I've heard from Mitchell on that one too."

"They all adore him and want him back," he said dryly.  "Let him make more friends and see if McKay can figure out a way to calm Armand's stomach down for the trip back.  Do *not* give him pepto.  We tried that.  It took us seven hours to clean up the pink foam that was eating through deck plates."

John walked off laughing.  "Sure, I'll get him and Keller on that."

"Thank you."  He looked at Woolsey again.  "The kid actually speaks Ancient.  He's also a fairly strong ATA carrier but we have it slightly blocked right now with an inhibitor.   Apparently they had something on base activate when he was four floors away and muttering about his computer malfunctioning."

"Thank you for that small mercy."

"Leave the kid alone and get to know him.  Have her go jump in the ocean.  He's right, if she gets further up your ass, she'll get knocked up."  He walked off to finish the unloading process.

Woolsey deleted his former emails back to the IOA about the boy.  Why didn't they have authority over him?  They had authority over all SG personnel.  Though, if he was conscripted, he wasn't personnel.  Which meant that he had happened onto something that was too big to hide.  "Probably that thing he calls blipped," he decided.  He stopped the xenobiologist when she came back to complain.  "I have checked, he has full authority to have the dragon.  Apparently the regurge problem is from the beaming.   Colonel Caldwell said it was slowly dissipating on the way here."

"We have no idea how it'll react to the local fauna."

"I doubt he'll let you give him samples," he said dryly.  "Also, according to what I've heard about it, it can eat nearly anything but metal."  She slumped.  "They have scans on the main base I'm sure.  You can write and ask them about it.  Leave Harris alone."

"He shouldn't be here!  He's not a scientist."

"No, he's a linguist.  He knows Ancient as well as he does English."  She slumped again.  "Leave the kid alone!  He's one of their top diplomats and all the people there love the little beast too from what Caldwell shared."

"Fine."  She stomped off.  She'd be watching it.  There was no way that creature was natural.  When she spotted the kid without his *pet* she moved to his room to get the little thing for some testing.  She touched the door and fell down asleep.

Xander walked the glass box carefully into the dining hall.  He got a soda and sat down, carefully putting it in front of John.  "This is best served up here."

"What is it?  It's very tiny."

"It is an air vine.  As in you open that on a ship and within a few hours there's no air on it."   John looked horrified.  Xander stared.  "That's why it's kept in there and Caldwell had it locked in a very secure, airtight vault on the trip up."  He sipped his soda.

"Where did you get it?" he asked.

"I found a few in different places," he admitted.  "It cannot go through a stargate but it can be beamed.  A stargate will crack the casing unless you can find something that's warp-proof to put around it."

"That two hour estimate is on a ship of what size?" Rodney asked, taking it to look at.  "Crystal?"

"Yes.  It was the only practical thing I could think of when I took the sample.  Unfortunately the gate's destroying you to send you part destroys the crystal a bit too much.  The people on base cracked it and it took over a full lab within two and a half minutes.  That two hours was on something the size of the Enterprise."  Rodney moaned.  "It can be killed with fire.  That's a cutting off the one they opened.  There's nineteen others on the main base."

John nodded.  "I might be able to use that."

"It's damn handy as a last resort to wiping them all out.  It also has small spines that like to stick to things like people."

"Where would you put it on a ship?" John asked.

"Air vents.  That way it'll grow all over the ship but be contained.  Unseen most usually and that's where it'll get more oxygen."

"How long after it's freed does it die?" Rodney asked.

"It doesn't.  It can live without air.  It'll get it instead from rusting the metal around it or any bodies it runs into."

"So theoretically there may be a few of these floating in space somewhere?" Rodney asked.

"I think it's possible but it does breed like ivy on a planet I've been to.  There they use it on wedding wreathes to promote protection of the family.  There it's nearly holy, which was why I was only allowed a cutting."

"Does it have a maximum growth?" Rodney asked.

"No.  As long as there's oxygen in the air, it'll grow.  It'll stop when it's eaten it all."

"Does it return CO2?" he asked.

"No.  No exhalation that the botanists on base could find."

"I'll write them for what they found," he said.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  I'd write Doctor Blair.  She's still on bedrest from the broken leg it gave her.  She's likely bored and willing to complain about it.  Doctor Kondara is presently feeding Morticia and Gomez for me, plus the other samples I have and my herb garden."

"Morticia and Gomez?" John asked.

"I heard about them," Rodney said with a smirk.  "One's a man eating tentacle vine and the other's a strange version of a flytrap like plant.  It likes to eat fingers but it gives off hypnotic smoke that makes you want to feed it."  Xander smiled and nodded.

"What do they eat?" John asked.

"Whatever I bring back from the mess."

"Good to know."

"Sam's probably still working on one finger to get rid of all the numbing venom Gomez gave her when it bit her about a month ago.  She has no feeling in the pad of that finger.  Doctor Lam got all of hers back and so did the other.  They think they know why so they're working on hers."

"Definitely offensive herbology," Rodney said dryly.

"Yup, makes people swear all the time," he quipped back with a smile.  "I consider it like my personal herbal pokemon collection.  I choose you to grow and defeat my enemies."  They all cracked at that.  He smiled.  "Anyway.  You might be able to plant that.  Generally if it's planted immediately upon release, or before release and then released into the ground, it's a lot more tame.  It grows like ivy on a hillside.  For the crowns, they kept the roots on."

"We know a few uninhabited planets we might put a small one on," he admitted.  "Fire will kill it?"

"Yes.  They tried staff weapon fire and zat fire and it only soaked it up and glowed for a minute."  He stood up.  "Let me go back to babying his regurge.  I'll see you guys tomorrow."  He left.  When he got back to his room and found her on the floor he stepped over her and went in, locking the door behind himself.  It released the spell and let her wake up.  He curled up around his poor baby.  Armand belched but snuggled against his stomach.  It was nice of him.


Xander watched the sparring.  "Just pounce already," he complained to one Marine.

"Pounce?" he asked.

"Yeah, pounce.  Like tigger or tackle.  If you do it right, you have your weapons, you're on top after knocking the wind out of them, and they dropped their weapons.  It'll let you smirk, sneer, or whatever you want to do or gives your teammates time to tie them up for you."  He moved him and pounced, showing him.  The other Marine made a nice oof as he dropped his weapons.  Xander stood up to look at him.  "See?"

"I do but it's not usually called for."

"It can be handy.  A lot of you guys miss the obvious and weaker attacks because you don't think they'll work.  Like last night, stomping on a foot has some effect.  Especially if you can break bones."

"He's right," Ronon agreed.  "It's not one I often use, but it can be of good use when you're that close together and need to back up to take a strike."  He looked at the boy.  "What else could you have used that would not leave you as open to a counter move?"

"Foot sweep.  In that fight's case I would've went for a throat blow because he wasn't guarding it or his thigh.  Striking against the right shoulder that was left open all too often would've provided a minor pain but no injury to let you win."

"I would have done those," he agreed.  "It is your turn."

"Yay," he said with a smirk.  He took the Marine's sticks.  "Guys, I'm an all over fighter."  They gave them more room.  He weighted the sticks.  "Not much different than kendo sticks.  Bit shorter."  He swung them.  "I can improvise."  Ronon attacked and he blocked, taking a blow to the side of his arm as he turned but managed to get Ronon's lower stomach.  They moved back and forth.  Ronon nearly pinned him to a wall.   Xander pulled out a dagger and realized it, tossing it aside.

"That would have given you an edge," Ronon said.

"I'm learning this form.  I'll incorporate other styles later."  He ducked a blow, got Ronon on the ear as he turned aside another fake out move.   He smiled at the grunt of pain, moving in to go like he would against Teal'c.  Who said fighting vampires wasn't applicable to other fights?

"Hold it," John ordered.   He mentally commanded the city to start taping this fight.

Xander ducked a blow and blocked one, looking at him.  "What?"

"Disarm, both of you.  I want to see him beat you with just the sticks and hand-to-hand."  Xander nodded, walking over to put things down beside his baby dragon.  He also left his t-shirt.  Just his BDU pants riding a bit low since he had left his belt there.  John stared.  "Barefoot too.  I know Ronon has at least one dagger in his boot."

"I usually forget it's there," Ronon admitted.  They stripped those off.  A few Marines got away from their boots but oh well.  "Clear the area again," he ordered.  Xander grinned.   "You're a good challenge.  It's a nice change."

"I love helping Teal'c whip the new kids.  It's satisfying to watch Marines go 'he's mean' to Teal'c about me."

John laughed.  "I heard about that one who asked about advancement."

"He's on the ship after taking telemetry courses."  He looked at Ronon, gauging how tired he was.  Then he attacked with a small shrug.  Ronon grunted.

"Go for real," John ordered from his safer spot.  "Speed or slowness and all.  TKO or pinned, no killing moves."  They both nodded to accept those terms.  They went all out, getting sweaty and tired.  Xander was panting when he lost a stick but he did a perfect heel strike to Ronon's ribs and back flipped to his fallen stick, wiping his hands off on his pants before grabbing it again.  Ronon had followed but he was just as sweaty and panting.

Xander felt himself slipping.  "Crap.  Um, really don't mean to hurt you, big guy."  Ronon looked at him oddly, taking a blow and blocking another.  "Battle nerves."  Ronon backed off, bowing to him.  Xander bowed back then fell down.  He was breathing hard, trying to control the urges.

John came over, squatting down.  "What happened?" he asked quietly.

Xander looked up at him.  "Battle training 202.  When you've reached the end of your energy, where do you go?" he asked quietly.

"Into a battle rage," he sighed.  "Good to know, kid.  Good job too."  He helped him up.  "Stretch to cool down."

"Permission to swim?"

"I have no idea how you'd get back up onto a pier."

"I'll keep a tether line."

"Granted then."  John watched him walk out.  He was really shaky so he wouldn't be in there too long.  He looked at Ronon.  "Good job."

"He's well trained.  I was trying not to reach for that last reserve as well."  He handed over the sticks.   "Let me shower."

John nodded.  "Go for it."  He let him go, telling the tape to stop running.  He looked at the horrified marines.  "Harris has some training from multiple sources.  He's right, at the end of your stamina you give up or you reach for that touch of rage everyone has and use it instead."

"But he's a geek," one said.  "One of the science patrol."

"Yeah, but he was in combat before then," John told him.  "Light, protecting other kids, combat.  It's why he took lessons and probably why now and then he went into helpless mode and earned his keep in other ways so no one would suspect he was dangerous.  Beyond that, he's not a doctor, not a PhD.  He's a linguist but not a scientist."

"That's probably why he joined the program," one said.  "To use his skills and to protect him from the things like his exs that we heard he had."

"It's possible," John admitted.  "I think he showed he was too smart and they didn't give him much choice but I'm not sure if exposing his brains was intentional."  He shrugged.   That was an interesting thought.  Why expose himself knowing that they'd come for him?  He'd have to ask the kid that.  "Class dismissed, go to team practices."  The did that.  He gathered the discarded things, including the dragon, putting them in the right rooms.  He saw the sleeping botanist on the floor, touching his comm.  "Doctor Keller to hallway B-7."  He put things on Xander's bed and closed the door behind him.  She came up, looking confused.  He pointed.

"Is she unconscious?"

"I hope not since it looks like she's dreaming."  He shrugged.  "That's why I called."  He went outside to check on where the kid was.  He was still doing laps.  He stared at him.  He was pretty slow.  "Just float for a bit," he called.  "Before we have to haul you up."  He sat down to watch over him.  Cam had made him take responsibility for the kid.  He'd be dead and a pile of dust from a zat if he let the kid drown.  The kid finally gave up and climbed up the line, letting John help the last few feet.  "Feel better?"

"Calmer definitely.  Thanks, man, I needed that."

"Not a problem.  There's plenty of us who have done the same thing off one of the lower piers."

"This is a better dive."

"True."  He smiled, walking him back to his room.  "So, the unconscious annoying scientist that I found?"

"Sleep spell if someone takes Armand or tries to.  It saves me from beating someone who takes the only kid I'll probably ever have."

"Why are you sterile?  Radiation?"

"No, a few years back I was exposed to some chemical DNA cocktails thanks to a coach at school.  I'm not really compatible anymore from what someone told me."

"I'd have that checked out before a lot of allies have little brown eyed, bouncy kids."

"I don't think it'd happen.  I'm always condom boy because you never know what sort of funky VD they might have."

"Which is wise of you," he agreed.  He let him into his room.  "There, go rest.  Finish more of the translation when you get up."  Xander nodded, going in to nap beside his pet.  John locked the door for him and walked off.  He went to the lab.  "Rodney."  He glanced up then went back to whatever he was doing.  "Did you or Keller get anything from Doctor Lam about him being exposed to a DNA cocktail a few years back?" he asked quietly.

"No, I haven't.  He was?" he asked, stopping work to look at him.  "When?"

"High school."

"An illegal experiment?"

"Apparently by a coach in his high school."

"I'll check with Doctor Keller.  If not, we do have the geneticists here."

"Please.   He's got 'my pet is my baby syndrome' too."

"That might explain someone's sudden nap," he said dryly.  "Did he gas her?"

"No.  He said it was a sleep spell."

"Magic isn't real," he said dryly.

"I'll let you two argue that out," he said, walking off.  He wrote Mitchell an email about the sparring match and attached the film to it.  It had been impressive.


Rodney walked up to where the boy was working on a public balcony.  "Magic isn't real," he said bluntly.  Xander held out a hand and created a light.  "Excuse me, how did you do that?"  He snatched the laptop.

"Hey, specially fixed!" he complained, taking it back and putting it aside carefully.  He decreated it and then recreated it.  "Imagination and concentration plus an access to power flows."  The wall behind him sprouted a long tube that he let get near the light.  It blinked then disappeared.  He smiled at Rodney.  "I'm not sure if that was good or not."  He made it disappear again.  "It also helps that I was born and raised on a peculiar spot of energy radiation."

"All radiation is energy," he said, starting to squint.

"Ah, but there's *power* and there's energy.  I'm not talking half-life radiation.  There's a spatial rip in my town," he said quietly.

"Oh, dear lord.  That hole those cranks talked about."

"Yeah, I was born very near it, raised near it, went to school overtop of it, researched right on top of it, fought it's pretty toys, all that."  He shrugged.  "Which is why the council hates me for jumping into what they considered their battle, and why not a whole lot makes me do more than go 'huh' and shrug."


"Mermaid," he mouthed.

"Why?" he moaned.

"Unwinning swim coach.  They detoxed me as best they knew how.  Otherwise I'd be black, slimy, and swimming around trying to eat people and fish."

"I think you've given me a migraine," he complained, rubbing his forehead.  Xander held up the dragon, letting him pet him.  "Thank you, that's very helpful."  The dragon purred and climbed over onto his shoulder to purr in his ear, making him relax.  "Okay, maybe you are helpful."  He petted him gently then looked at the boy.  "Doctor Keller got told."

"This is why Doctor Lam likes to poke me so much," he said dryly.

"Ours is just as much a vampire."

"No, if she was, I'd dust her," he said dryly, making Rodney look so confused.  "Bad habits of my high school years."

"Quit before my head hurts worse," he said.  Xander nodded.  "Also, I want to know, personally, about this...blipped thing."

Xander quirked an eyebrow up.  "It was a temporal displacement machine," he said quietly.

"That explains how you have a gou'ald as a former lover," he said dryly.

"And a Caesar."

"What?" he demanded.

"Octi was very good to me.  He even had to steal me back a few times from a few Councilors and the Germans once."

"How do you do such things?  Do you set out to screw up the current world order?" he asked blandly.

"No, but someone did tell me I'm the butterfly in the chaos theory.  It took me *years* to have that explained so I understood it.  I still don't get philosophy."

"Are you insane?" he asked.

"No.  I'm more a probability negator or generator according to what I've been told.  In the phrase 'that could only happen to one person, ever, and it'd be a long shot' I'm that one person."

"Clearly."  He stared at the boy, who only stared back.  "We have a way of downloading memories," he said finally.

"Which'll suck if you pick up any from the guy that wore the bracelet before I did like I did."

"I can censor those out," he said.  "I want to know exactly what you did."  He stared at him. "Then I'm going to administer tests so we know what you can do in the sciences in case they post you up here permanently."

"If I do that will you tell the General I was good so he'll let me try the flight simulator?"

"You'll need it to understand how the chair works since you're strong enough to operate it," Rodney said.  "Definitely.  I'll have Sheppard nag him since so far they're the only two strong enough to call up the weapons and things."  The boy got up and did a dance.  "Oh, dear lord, you Snoopy Dance," he said.  Xander beamed at him.  "Fine.  Come."

"On command without foreplay?  I'll at least need a minute to psych myself up, Doctor McKay."

McKay smirked at him.  "You're much too hyper for me.  I'd end up tying you down to correct that."

"Bondage can be fun now and then."  He grabbed his laptop and shut it down, taking it to the infirmary with him.  "Hi, Doctor Keller.  Mean Uncle Rodney said that you're going to do the pokey things with me.  Should I start telling him if you bad touch?"  He hopped up onto a bed.  She stared at him in open-mouthed horror.  He grinned.

"You complete asshole," she said, shaking her head.  "No, if I touch you that way it'll be an act of God."

"Well, there is that one place that considers me one because I told them how to plant better," he offered with a smirk.  Rodney smirked and smacked him on the head.  "Ow!"

"Shut up, Xander."  Xander snickered.  "Behave or I'll wait a few days before I tell the good colonel that you need tutoring in the chair."

"Yes, Colonel Klink," he said in a bad German accent.  Rodney walked off shaking his head the whole way to the office.  He looked at the doctor, giving her a little boy look and a shy grin.  "Must we do the bad pokey game?  Really?"

"Yes, we must.  Blood DNA is done faster."


"Only for some of those jokes," she shot back.

"No, if I'm damned I have more sins than that one," he said dryly.  "He said you were going to download my memories of my blippy time too."

She called him to confirm that.  He told her why.  She groaned but did pull out that machine for Rodney.  "We can do that," she assured him.  "You can work during it."

"Cool.  You know, when I sent back the blippy thing I had been given I erased most of the memories in it, leaving a few select ones."  She stared at him.  He smiled.   "He didn't need to know how much sex I got."

"I don't either but apparently McKay does."  She pulled out a needle and some test tubes.  "Anything I should know?"

"They gave me a gene inhibitor so I couldn't turn on anything because something in the lab a few floors away got turned on when I was muttering at the SG crap desktop computer they gave me."

"Did they say when it'd wear off?"

"Sometime when I was up here."

"I can check on that.  There's only a few things that will inhibit it."  She called up the medical file she had been sent in case he got injured up here.  "Interesting.  This DNA taint?"


She looked at him.  "Excuse me?"  He shrugged.  "How since they're mythical?"

"They're not.  You guys have some in the waters here too.  I saw a few when I was swimming.  They came up to sniff me."

She stared at him.  "I'll let you tell Sheppard about that."  She got the tubing to help her draw the blood and he let her.  "Thank you, Mr. Harris."  She drew out four good sized test tubes to run various tests that weren't listed plus a DNA comparison.  She looked at a machine that came down.  "What are you?" she asked.

"It came out to see the little fairy glow I created on the balcony."  He created it again and the thing attached to his hand.   "Oh, hey."  He dropped his shield, realizing what it was for.  It was testing him.  He dropped all his shields and closed his eyes.  It beeped a few times.  "I know, I was born on one," he muttered.  "Not my fault."  A suction cup hit his forehead.  "Nice shot."  He felt something tingling in his brain and then it retreated and he rebuilt his shields.  It was much easier now.  He sighed in pleasure.  "That's cool.  I need that at home."  Something popped off.  "Aww, are you an energy filter?  Good boy."  He petted it.  She got another set of test tubes to compare to the last set.  He sighed but let her.  Then she attached the electrodes to his head and let him get back to work.  The machine kept reading an error so he shrugged and lowered the shield that kept out possessions.  That made it work, though it'd probably pick up more of his surface thoughts from what he was translating.

To Part 4

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