The Incidences of The Blippy Dohickey 24: Not So Teasing Dicks.
Xander walked into Botany the next morning, finding the one of the new botanists. "Good morning," he said, smiling at hem.
"Are you one of my coworkers?"
"Unofficially. A good third of the plant samples in here are mine." She smiled at that. "Have you met Pugsly and Wednesday yet?"
"The man eaters?" she asked, grimacing. "Why do we even have those here."
"Briony!" he yelled. She came trotting in with her coffee. "New people."
"Hi, I'm Dr. Briony Walters. I'm the head of this department. You must be Rachel." She shook her hand. "Xander, what's on your agenda since I heard you're our new liaison."
"Well, she has to be set up for geek boot camp, as you well know. John and I are talking about 'reminding you' days so everyone keeps up with the skills like shooting." She grimaced but nodded. "Rachel here just wondered why we had man eating plants and I don't see Pugsley to introduce her."
"Pugsley's in my office." She went to get him and bring him out. Then Wednesday since she had migrated.
"But they're deadly," Rachel said.
"We've run into exactly seventeen plant species in this galaxy that can't kill us." Rachel gave her a horrified look. "Xander is a wonderful culturer so we let him help us in here since a good third of the samples are his." She fed both of them and they both refused to eat. She sniffed the meat, then let him sniff it.
"Lye," he said, scooping it out. "Did you doctor that?"
"I saw the other new one adding what he said was fertilizer," she offered.
"No, it's not." He put the container on the desk and looked at her. "These two are actually hybrids off things we have in this galaxy." She shuddered. "Welcome to Pegasus, everything here wants to kill us, dear. And I do mean everything. From the more violent fish in the ocean outside to the plants and animals, to the people, the Ancients put the vicious stuff here."
"Oh, good, you're here," the other new guy said as he walked in. "Doctor Walters, *what* are plants like those doing here?" he demanded. "They're dangerous."
"They're a hybrid of two types of plants that came from a world around here," Xander told him.
"I was told you weren't a botanist," he sneered. "So hush."
"You're so going to love boot camp. I can already tell." The man looked horrified. "Everyone on Atlantis goes through boot camp when you get here. Even the snotty ones I'll throw off the balcony into the ocean." He smiled sweetly. "Guess what, I can claim this lab and Briony, and throw your stupid ass out, so shut up yourself." The man backed away. "I wouldn't. That plan shoots poisoned darts. They brought back another sample the other day because this one had a different poison than the last one. You clearly didn't hear that every single plant in this galaxy wants to eat you." He huffed off to go scream at McKay, who only gave him an amused look and let Radek yell back at him because his time was more valuable.
Xander smiled at her. "Boot camp isn't that bad. It's to make sure you can save your own ass if it comes to it. Got it?" She nodded quickly. "You'll also go over more of the specific threats we have out here. I know they told you about the Genii, we'll be telling you more about them and introducing you to profiles of a few specific ones. We'll be making sure you can shoot, run when you're being shot at, duck appropriately and not hurt yourself if a wraith dart is coming your way. The Marines in charge are badass but not that hard if you're nice and you don't have an attitude. Those ones, they get special treatment."
"Got it," she agreed. "So you're in which department?"
"I'm the military to geek liaison. I'm technically a linguist but I temp in here, I sometimes temp in physics to help McKay. I temp in chemistry sometimes to brighten their lives." McKay walked the still complaining man back. "He tried to poison Puglsey and Wednesday."
"Just throw him into the ocean to be eaten. His whining is giving me a headache and he's annoying."
"Sure," Xander said, picking him up and tossing him out the window to the ocean below. "Hardy, man overboard, and he's huffy," he called, bringing the guy on watch out there to toss him down a rope. "Set him up with boot camp too." He looked at her. "The only way you're allowed to have that big of an ego around here is if you've saved a galaxy. I've only saved a planet so even I'm not allowed." He smirked at Rodney. "You know, that battle.... It did save all of humanity, including here, and he probably would've moved on."
"They'd hate your ego if it got bigger, Xander. Retain the sweet, natural boy you are so they are amazed and amused and want to spoil you the way you spoil the rest of us." He walked off shaking his head. John met him in the hallway. "I told him to."
"I heard. Is he out?"
"Hardy probably got him already." He went back to the lab. "He poisoned the pet plants." Radek growled. "I had Xander toss him out a window."
"Good! Did he save anything like pocket lint?"
"I saw him deposit it on the table underneath the window." He sat back down. "Now then... Oh, he said he saved humanity and probably the rest of the universe with that battle. I told him he still couldn't grow a bigger ego. You wouldn't like it."
"I'll help calm him down later." He got back to work.
"I'm following what they did."
"Then they did it backwards."
"It's facing that way so I can solder easier. Hush!"
"Fine. When it breaks you can stay up to fix it again."
"I do anyway. They are starting to mind how often I have to crawl out of bed when you do not."
Rodney glared at him. "I do so."
"Boys!" Xander called from the hallway. "Fix it once and for all so no one has to get out of bed, including me!" He walked past the doorway. "Doctor Chores, meeting." She followed. The other was fuming up the hallway and Rachel was with him. "Good."
"You lost my wallet."
"It's on the table under the window. Let's go introduce you to the plan for your week." He walked him off. "Major!" he called when they made it outside to military PT. He snapped a salute. "I didn't sign up that way," he teased.
"You deserve it anyway, Harris. Who're these?"
"Two new botanists and one new physics person. This is Doctor Rachel Ampres. Doctor Mikale Sorventis, and Doctor Wilhelmina Chores. She is McKay's."
"Sorry to hear that, ma'am. We all know he yells." He smiled. "Boot camp?"
"Yes please. I've already told them that it's mandatory, told Briony Walters about the updating times, which we can schedule later?"
"Agreed. It's a good idea to keep in practice for those things."
"Good. Have them, let them know the schedule, and let me know if there's any issues." He nodded. "Have a good day, Major." He looked out there. "Phillips, you're burning. Put on sun screen before Keller has a fit!" He walked over there and sprayed him with the stuff they used on base. "I don't want her mad when she looks at me later. I'll get bitched at and then won't be allowed pudding." He laughed, breaking his jumping jacks. Xander limped off happier.
"People, I am Major Kendricks, head of the PT and boot camps. As he told you, it is mandatory for all new personnel. Later this week you'll be seeing all the new military guys as well. We'll have you all morning, them all afternoon, but next week you'll be joining for range times, practical lessons in field teams and how they run, and that stuff. Got it?" They all grimaced but nodded. "Our geeks go into the field most of the time. Even the quiet, nice ones. Botanists get called all too often to release some of us military boys and girls that got stuck by a plant and nearly eaten.
"I swear, we have the bigger version of Gomez, Pugsley's father, on half the planets and they are man sized eating plants. They've tried to swallow a few of us whole. You botanists will be getting your own talk about that so you get the more technical stuff. We'll get the 'don't touch that' lessons." He smiled. "Tilla." She came over from her spot in line. "This is Major Tilla. She is on a field team, Team 25. She is second-in-command of that team. She works well with Harris because it's his team and they run into the damndest shit ever. Ladies, she'll be doing your PT for the next week. Tilla, one's a botanist and one's McKay's team."
"Good to know. C'mon, ladies. You can go with him," she said with a point. "That's Lieutenant Colonel Kissen. Leader of Team 14. He's damn good, gets on well with geeks, and likes history so you have something to talk about." She walked the ladies off, showing them where to report and going over the basics of what they would have to learn. How fast they'd need to run, how good they'd need to shoot, and what they needed to know before they passed out of boot camp. They nodded at that and she released them for the day with the order to be back there one hour after breakfast in the morning. The other new guy was still fussing. She smirked at Kissen when she walked past him. "I'm doing PT testing in the morning. Want me do his too? I know you've got a mission for trade."
"That'll work or I could leave Faith."
"You need Faith."
"I'm going to the planet with the kids. She'll be mobbed and patted again. You know she hates that." Tilla smirked because she did too. "Fine." He walked him out there. "Faith?" She looked up. "Trading mission tomorrow to the kiddy planet."
"Let me sprain my ankle today, Kissen," she quipped back. "I don't wanna play mommy."
"Yay me," she said flatly. "Can't you take X?"
"Not with him limping."
"Tough. Suck it up."
She smirked at him. "No way in hell. You're not my type." He burst out laughing and she smirked. "Nice and big though. Too cuddly but big." He patted her on the back. "Welcome to Atlantis. Faith Lehane."
The man stared at her. "Soldier?"
"Kinda in between. Training as a pilot actually. Emergencies and rescues are my usual duties."
"I see. We need that?"
Kissen laughed. "We've had to rescue two teams from plants this week and one from the Genii," Faith said. "Plus X had to totally go kick some wraith ass when Team 2 was nearly eaten. Welcome to the end of the world. It's all pretty but deadly."
"Just like you," Kissen teased.
She pinched him on the arm. "We could bring B out in her shorter skirts and heels. The plants might like her."
"She'd cry the first time a tentacle groped her," the major in charge said dryly. "Get back to it, Lehane."
"Yes, Major high pants."
He looked down then at her. "They shrank. For that, do an extra ten of each." She only smirked and did that.
The botanist went to talk to his bosses. He carefully stayed away from the tentacle plants Harris was reading Latin to while he worked on their pots. "Are they going to eat us?" he asked finally.
"Only if you stand still for Wednesday to nibble on and suck to death or offer your fingers to Pugsley. They're still little." Xander looked up. "The real ones are on that picture behind you. That was taken from the one that tried to eat a jumper. It was a medium sized sample on that planet."
He looked and whimpered. "Why would anyone plant that!"
"They're good protection," Briony said, pushing her curly black hair back behind her ears. "I need a trim."
"You need a scrunchie," Xander retorted.
"Women of my bearing don't use scrunchies, Xander. Even the black ones."
He looked at her. "Scarf?"
"Maybe but still tacky."
He shrugged. "I don't think I have more than a hair comb up stairs. Want me to find it?"
"No thanks. No telling which of your ex's it belonged to. I might go evil too."
He smirked. "Nah. You're not the right sort of evil for me." She pinched him but went back to work helping on Wednesday. She came alive for some new food and it was better. The other plants got fixed too. He stared at one when he got to it. "Ah, Walters?" She came over and looked then moaned. "That's what I think it is, right?"
"Yes, and it's looking pregnant. People, out of this lab now!" she ordered. They ran. "McKay to Botany with the containment system you worked up. Now please!" she ordered. He came jogging in and she pointed. "Spore flower."
"Who sent that back?" he demanded.
"I don't know but it looks like it's going to vomit soon," Xander said. Rodney worked to get it set up. "Atlantis, please isolate this wing of the city from the rest before the spore flower vomits more spores onto everyone. Turn on my office's security system as well."
"Done, Xander, but I do read some spores already in the city." Rodney whined, slumping down. "It is coming from the cafeteria I believe." Xander thumped his head against a wall. "That is not good for you, stop it."
"Who put the flowers there, Atlantis?" he asked, sounding tired.
"I do not know yet. Let me check." She paused then came back. "It appears that the new male botanist brought them with him and the new cafeteria workers decided they were pretty so put them out."
"McKay to Sheppard, go find the spore flowers and confiscate them," he ordered. "Then the new male botanist and scream at him like I would please."
"Shit, O'Neill's still here," Xander realized. Rodney gave him a horrified look. "Aw, crap."
"People, we are on spore lockdown because a botanist brought some back," John's voice announced over the general comm. "They have been sighted in botany and in the cafeteria. If you are feeling that urge, go to the infirmary first to gather supplies, then had to the designated spots we have set up for your ease of not moving. That is the public lanar, though do not touch the eggs, and the infirmary. The cafeteria will have sandwiches out if this becomes a mass event so try to remember to eat and drink this time. We'll see if we can find a room for a pool again. Would that botanist please report to my office ASAP so I can find out who sent them back? The general would like to know as well." He hung up.
"So far the spore rating is only half as bad as it was last time," Atlantis told them all. "I do not know why."
"If we can't get containment up around this one, it's going to get worse," Xander told her. "If he's not in John's office, make him go there, Atlantis, please?" She made an agreeing sound and quit broadcasting. He sighed and they got it into a box a bit too late. It was spewing. "Shower," he ordered. They went to take one in the group showers, with curtains between them and Briony. He could already feel it working and moaned, leaning against the wall. "Ow."
"You'll be okay, Harris," McKay said.
"No I'm not. It's killing my hip."
"You've been standing all day. Go run yourself a tub of bubbles and pull someone into it." Xander trudged that way in a towel. Walters went to the infirmary to get a shot for birth control then went to hide in her room. McKay went to his room. But he was miserable alone. Even Mira was hiding. "Why me!" he demanded.
"Evan and Radek are not available right now," Atlantis offered. "Xander is in pain."
"He stretched it a bit too far I think. His body has been in pain since he threw that botanist out the window earlier. I should tell the doctor?"
"Very well. Should I ask him to give you some of the things he has stored for fun?"
"No thank you." He grit his teeth because his erection was worse than before. "The undiluted stuff is worse," he decided.
John's breathier voice came back on over the comms. "People, it is now a full lock down for contamination. We have had six plants go off, last time there was only one." He gulped and moaned. "If you don't have to be somewhere, find somewhere friendly. Same rules as last time apply. What happens while spored stays while spored." He hung up and soon was banging on Rodney's door. "Do you mind?"
"I'm going to die. It spit right on me," he moaned back. "It clearly hates me."
"They clearly love Xander. Two were put into his office and got Evan right in the face."
"Me too," he said weakly. "I'm going to die."
"No you won't. I'm excellent." He took off his shirt, getting to work on their mutual needs.
Later that night, Jack and Daniel hadn't made it off his desk yet when the data burst came through. "Go kill whoever sent those spore flowers," he told the horrified looking generals on the other side. "We had six vomit today on purpose thanks to the new botanist we got sent." He hung up and Daniel moaned weakly when he touched him. "Let me get us food, Danny."
"Please," he agreed, laying there. He was tired. He was sweaty. He had more than enough cum on him to make a sperm bank. He wasn't sure how Jack could walk, but damn he wanted his stamina right about now, and when he was his age too.
Jack ran into Cam Mitchell in the hallway, trying to eat and not touch himself. "Lanar?"
"Overcrowded. People tried to screw in the smaller tank that held the biting fish." Jack winced and leaned against a wall. A petite little captain came over to work his magic on them but they shook their heads and pointed at another one. He went to play with him instead. "We need to set up another designated play area before the Marines pounce on the younger guys, sir."
"I know." He shifted and winced. "Danny's too strong for his own good." He considered it while Cam had a little fantasy. They felt the venting going on and smiled. "Thank you, Atlantis. Hey, is Nila open in a way that would let people go play on her?"
"Yes in some areas but we would have to enforce a force shield so no one went swimming," Atlantis said.
Nila appeared near them. "That man was mean. You should spank him." Jack grinned. "I have three rooms that are bare of all but a torch or two that I can move and flood, child Jack. We can make sure no one drowns again."
"Thank you. Scan for any more of those flowers. I want them in quarantine or dead."
"Yes, child Jack," she agreed. She smiled. "Will you be coming?"
"Later. Much later. A guy my age only gets it up a few times a day," he said, sounding his age now. Cam handed over the rest of his sandwich. "Thanks, Mitchell."
"Want me to move Jackson?"
"That's up to him but I'm not up for kinky shit."
"Half the universe decided you had dumped him," he teased. "So I got him instead."
"Daniel now has a plug from the special closet so he can decide that," Nila soothed. Cam laughed all the way to the command center. Chuck was hiding under his desk again. Nila appeared. "Come, Chuck, well take you somewhere safe so they can't do what they did last time."
"You sure?" he asked.
"Not unless you want them to." She led him down a back way to his rooms and let him inside. He ran inside and went to his bathroom for a bit. She went to prepare the new pool area. It was very nice. Just exposed beams mostly. A soft enough floor. She picked up everything and used the air venting system to pick up any little bolts or anything. Then she flooded it with clean water. Not the stuff that had the spores in it. She let people onto her and guided them that way by closing off all the other options. A few decided they only made it to her control room. A few sat in her control chair and had fun with each other. One even made a bad joke about feeling like Kirk or Sheppard. The rest went to soak and play, and then play some more. Humans were fascinating when they coupled or tripled. Even more so if they added others in. She didn't know human bodies could do that.
Xander moaned when someone pounded on his door. "Sore!" he shouted. John wobbled in and stuck something in his arm. "Antidote?" he begged.
"Painkiller for your hip." He took a kiss. Radek gave him a shove. "Try to be gentle, guys."
"We are," Evan complained. "Get your own."
"I have my own. He's nearly having a heart attack. Xander, are you feeling chest pains?" He only moaned so he scanned him. "Damn it. I think they modified that plant to be stronger." He stroked over his hair and called one of the nurses up. The Apollo was still in orbit and had donated medical staff once theirs had went down. One in decontam gear walked in and took the scanner to read, nodding. "He's going to be all right?"
"The painkiller I gave you for him should help that as well, Sheppard."
"Briony was with us," Xander whined. He shifted and winced.
She let John scan that area for her then hand it back. "People, let him top or keep his legs mostly together for now."
John went down to the infirmary and came back with the healing wand and another machine. Plus Rodney. He used it on Xander's hip, undoing all the recent problems and the rest too. It was smooth, flawless skin within minutes. His chest got it next and Xander moaned and shifted, almost whimpering as he worked on the damage. Then he moved to Rodney's chest. Radek was teasing Xander's cock for him so he was still wiggling and begging for it. He handed it back with a grin once Rodney was reading as fully healthy. "Thank you."
"I'll check on Doctor Walters." She left before she had to see more things that would disturb her. She had no idea how a man like Harris, a tough, strong man, took cock that way. It was clear he was open. She could see it by the way he was laying.
Rodney whined as John stroked over his chest. "All better?" he asked.
"All better." Rodney smiled and kissed him. "We should go back to our room."
"Fuck it. Xander, mind if we take up this half?"
"No," he moaned, spreading out. "Hey, it doesn't pull or hurt," he said, liking this.
"Good because I want to do unspeakably kinky things to you," Evan said, biting him on the chest. Xander hissed and held him down. "Would you like to do something kinky, Xander?"
"Want us to quit sharing and passing you off?" Radek looked at him and he winked. "It's possible."
"In those dirty films."
"I read how to do it in the _Joy of Sex_."
"Hmm. Then perhaps." He went back to his teasing Xander's cock, finding Rodney watching. "We don't care what you two do."
"That is incredibly kinky," Rodney said with a smile.
"John, distract him?" Evan begged.
"Gladly. I need my own cock pleased."
Rodney pulled him down and flipped him over, pushing his way back inside the moist hole. "Really? Did you?" He pounded into him, making them both feel better.
Evan looked at Radek, taking a kiss. "Hmm, Xander flavored." He took his own lick of the hard cock then of Radek's since he was so close. "Want him with one of us on our backs or him in our laps?" he asked, looking up at him.
"Laps. It sounds more intimate." They arranged themselves and pulled Xander over. Evan pushed back in, making him a bit looser and happier again, making him relax and beg. Then he pulled out, making Xander whine and claw up Radek's chest since he was facing him. Evan wiggled closer and grabbed both of them in his hand, guiding them into Xander's body at the same time.
"Full," he moaned, tipping his head back. Evan teased his neck and they pushed up a bit farther. Finally they both popped in and he whimpered. "God, this is nirvana."
Radek kissed him and they both held him. "We are with you on that." He shifted. Evan shifted against him. It felt wonderful. Like they were all connected. They shifted together next time and Xander wiggled down. They pulled him down and held him there, as deep as they could get. Xander was rocking on them and it was good. It was wonderful. Radek could feel Evan's cock leaking onto his. His was slicking up Evan's. Xander's body was flexing and tensing but couldn't fully get a grip on either of them. They pushed up together and then started to ride him separately again. Oh, the friction against each other! And inside of Xander was so warm, so willing.
John looked over then nudged Rodney and nodded. "That is hot."
"That is very hot." He took a kiss and leaned over to kiss Evan's shoulder, making him flinch and look at him. "Appreciating the move. It's beautiful."
"It is," he agreed. "Absolutely wonderful." He went back to it, kissing Radek, teasing, biting, and sucking on Xander's neck. Xander came but Radek had his balls in hand so he couldn't shoot off. Evan moaned at that move. "That is good, Radek."
"Is very good. Want to stay here." He moved harder.
Xander whimpered and let them do whatever they wanted, he was mostly limp but his lower half was on fire from wanting to come again and the stretching going on inside him. He had never felt anything like this before. He was begging in multiple languages but Radek soothed him and they sped up even more, making the burn better and yet it was going to make him come again. He wanted to come again but Radek still had him in hand. Evan reached around to take control this time. "Evan!" he begged.
"When we do," he whispered in his ear. "Turn around." Xander got to his knees carefully and turned around, letting them plant themselves in him again. Now he got to kiss while Radek got to play and tease him. It let him tease Xander's cock more. "This is what we needed. This connected spot." He kissed him again. "This is as kinky as we get," he said when he caught the couple watching.
"I know but it's still beautiful," John told him.
"Hmm, feels it too," Radek agreed. He reached around to tease the head of Xander's cock, making him shout and wiggle. They felt him tighten like he was going to come and nothing happened again.
"Oh, god, guys! Please!" Xander begged.
"Soon," Radek said, whispering to him in Czech, calling him all sorts of pet names that would normally get him teased back. Xander babbled back at him in Ancient. Even kissed him to stop it. He switched to Greek and they both kissed him to stop it. He started in Russian and Rodney laughed.
"He called you a nesting doll set," he said at their curious looks.
"Well, we are nesting inside him," Evan teased. "English, Xander. Beg us in English so we know what you want," he said in his ear. "Or else I'm going to ruin our special moment and have someone's cock gag you. You do look so pretty when you suck us off." Xander whipped his head around, shaking it. "Then tell us what you want." Xander babbled nonsense and they stopped, making him calm down, no matter how much he tried to get it back and wiggled or writhed on them.
"Please!" he begged in English.
"Please what?" Evan asked.
"Let me come? Please? I'll get it up again by the time you two are done."
"Seeing you go over always brings us over, Xander," Radek assured him. He thrust up hard and Evan moaned doing the same. Xander was back to rocking on their thrusts. He looked at Evan and nodded, they synched up again and Xander let out a keening wail. This time Evan let him come and they followed. They had to. Xander's lower half was sucking better than his throat did. They panted, coming down still joined. Arms around Xander, resting their heads on his shoulders. Evan rubbing gently on his hip where he had been injured. Xander let out a quiet moan and they shifted, still inside him and slightly hard. "Xander," Radek moaned.
"Radek, Evan." He kissed them both, leaning back to get one from his other lover. "That was amazing." He flexed and they gave little thrusts to stay inside. He whimpered. "I'm so full."
"You are," Evan agreed, grinning at him. "Beautiful like this too." Xander leaned forward, resting on Evan's shoulder. Radek sucked on his shoulder blade and bit delicately around the marks he had made earlier. They both continued with little thrusts. Gentle little thrusts. Not to turn him back on but so they didn't lose this yet. They looked over when John finally got off with a moan and Rodney flopped down, nearly asleep. Evan smiled. "Maybe some day someone will do this to you," he teased. He pushed up some.
"This is only the third time I've had a cock in my ass, Evan. I'd need a lot of babying before that."
Evan shrugged. "Xander's always tight." He took a deeper kiss when Xander sat up. "Don't move. Not yet."
Xander smiled. "I'm not. This is almost better than a cuddle."
Radek gave him a squeeze and pulled him back against his chest, which tipped Evan in deeper. "It is a cuddle during sex." He kissed him again. "You are still so very tight around us."
"I'm going to be sore. We're going to have to use the plug on me."
Radek took another kiss while Evan got his front throat to lick, bite, and tease. Xander arched into one of them and they both pushed up. "We want to see you enjoy this."
"I'm so enjoying this, Radek. It's wonderful. I can feel you both and you can both feel each other. No more having to swap off or Evan pouting because he always gets me second." He took another kiss.
"I don't mind that, Xander. You're a good merged taste like that. I get to taste both of you." He blew across the wet spot he had just made, getting shivers. "Relax, let us do this. We'll go over like this again. If you want to."
"I so want." Evan worked him harder and a bit faster. Radek was panting in need now. Xander was getting back toward hard. Xander whined and leaned toward Evan, letting Radek play more deeply. They were having a great time doing this. It felt wonderful together. Xander was feeling connected again and it was magnificent. They wouldn't let him touch his own cock but he could live with that. He panted, bouncing some at their encouragement. "Guys, play with me? Please touch me?" They stroked over his chest, his back, his cock only got a few light brushes of fingertips from Radek. "Guys!"
"Later, Xander," Radek soothed. "We are enjoying this. Yes?"
"Yes," he panted, relaxing and letting them be evil teases. They finally, after another few hours, worked their way back up to frantic and coming. He panted, going limp between them. They cuddled. It was nice. He had needed that. John helped them lay down and cuddle that way. They were asleep within minutes.
Rodney smiled. "That was special to see."
"Yeah, it was." He smiled at Rodney and they settled in to watch something dirty for now. The damn spores were evil.
Jack woke up from his last bout of 'being the general' and moaned in pain. "Ow."
"Tell me about it," Daniel complained. "Cam, get off me. Please?" Cam snored at them.
"He's clearly out of shape if I could go longer." Jack shifted with a wince and smacked Cam on the head. "Wimp."
"Shut up! I'm in perfect shape." He stood up and stretched. "Want me to get you guys some tylenol?"
"Please," Daniel agreed. "And some water?"
"Of course." He strolled off to do that and check over the people. Some were wandering around. A few were in bad shape. Chuck looked happier this time so apparently the Marines hadn't done anything he hadn't wanted. Though he had missed a few spots up near his hairline. He walked into the infirmary, not finding anyone. He grabbed a few packets of tylenol that were laying out and three bottles of water, going to find anyone since he was one of the ranking members and had been with the other two. He found them in Botany with a few points from Nila. He walked in. "Whatever you guys didn't hurt the plants? Harris will be pissed."
"No, not these," one of the decontam suited nurses said. "I was examining the original plant."
"It spews every six months. After the last time, all the ones got moved back to the mountain, including the babies."
"This one appears to have been genetically modified. Though the anti-spore we have worked well." She looked him over. "Hid?" she asked.
He smirked. "Youth and in good shape. Are we all coming down?" She nodded. "Cool. Walters?"
"She's fine. McKay decided to quarantine themselves up with Harris since they both got directly sprayed."
"That's cool. They're friends. Anything the General should know? I can tell him on the way back."
"Not yet. Have him check in tomorrow morning."
"That's cool. The local rules say 'whatever happens while spored stays while spored," he told her.
"We're not going to report, Colonel. We like our asses unbeaten by Harris." He smirked at that. "Go rest."
"Going to. Thank you." He went back to the room, ringing the bell before walking in, even though they were in his room. "They put out an anti-spore. The spore plant was modified this time according to the nurse, and we should all be back to normal by in the morning. I reminded them of the 'don't spread it' rules." He handed over the medicine and water, keeping the last water for himself. "People are starting to wander around."
"That's better than last time," Jack said, taking his own drink. "Did I talk to the main base?"
"I think so," Daniel whined. He sat up with help from Cam. "If we ever do this again, you two are going to play and I'll hide."
"Hey, we took it too," Cam said with a smirk.
"Shut up, Mitchell," Jack ordered.
"Yes, sir. I can't tease my geek?"
"Tease him after coffee. He'll bite."
"Oh, yeah, forgot about that." He poured the rest of his water and Daniel's water into his coffee maker, starting a new pot. Daniel came out from running himself a bath to get the pot and a mug. Cam grinned at his back.
"Stop smirking, Mitchell, before I kick your ass and then tie you down for the rest of the Marines," Daniel told him.
"Sure, Jackson." Daniel slid into his bath with a sigh of pleasure and a hiss of pain.
Jack looked at the bathroom doorway then at Cam. "Thanks."
"Welcome. Not a problem, sir."
"Don't be smug."
He smirked a little bit. "Want helped in there?"
"No. I'm fine." He stood and stretched. "Daniel needs more time working out," he said quietly.
"I heard that," Daniel called. "You guys didn't get half as much as I did."
"True," Cam admitted. "Or we just hide it better."
"That's also a possibility," Jack agreed. "The kid?"
"I got told McKay had quarantined himself up with him. So it's probably the full quint up there like last time."
"That's fine. Let's go check on his office. He'll kill someone if it hurt his plants."
Cam held up a hand, grabbing his comm. "Lehane." She came on after a few seconds. "Go check Xander's office, make sure the spores didn't hurt anything. No, he's in his room. Thank you. The anti-spores are working, yeah." He hung up. "They like her. She feeds them too."
"Good idea." He stretched and winced, Cam doing the same. They'd never let Daniel see it though. "We're probably going to have to drain and clean the lanar's pools."
"I feel sorry for the people I saw trying to soak in the biting fish's pool."
"Ow," Jack agreed. "Girls?"
"Not all of them."
"Very ow." They went to shower in their own rooms then look things over. Jack was the ranking member, even with Sheppard in charge. They found him in the caf looking after some of his people and making sure they ate. "You good?" Jack asked.
"I'm fine," John promised. He grinned. "Can we kill him, sir?"
"If he's not dead yet, he will be," he promised. "Daniel would like to have a word with him too."
"He won't save us any." He walked out with them. He spotted Ellis stumbling out of somewhere and ignored it. "Chuck," he said when he spotted him, wiping at his own hairline. Chuck did that and blushed, going to shower. "Report for duty tomorrow," he called.
"Can we kill him, sirs?"
"Later, us first," Jack ordered. "If we can get him from Daniel."
"Damn, you guys won't save us any." He went to take a shower. He clearly didn't clean up well enough.
John walked into the infirmary, finding Doctor Keller in there giving someone a shot. "Anything too bad I have to hear about?"
"Some fish bites from those overcome. One's a pretty bad bite, I had him evacuated to earth." She looked him over. "You good?"
"Bit sore, nothing else. You?"
"Decent enough. The ship's nurses are all in decontam gear."
"I remember. We finished healing Xander's hip, and both of their's chests. Check on Walters?"
"She's fine. They left me a note." John nodded at that, crossing his arms over his chest. "Tylenol behind you, sir."
"I should scan Xander's injury."
"Give him until tomorrow, Keller," he said more quietly. "They had a...profound moment."
"With a ring?"
"No, something special." She stared at him. He stared back. "I'm not sharing."
"Fine. I'll wait until tomorrow for him and McKay unless they come in."
"I'll bring them some pills." He got them and brought them up to the group. He smiled at the sleeping, cuddled pile, with Rodney underneath Evan's head. He put down pain killers and bottles of water where they'd spot them then left, locking the door behind himself. He checked in the office. "Faith, they good?"
"They're fine. Bit limp but just hungry I think."
"Okay. We're going to try to get dinner together. Duties start tomorrow."
"Gotcha." She looked at him. "You okay?"
"Better than some probably." He left, going back down to the caf again. He and Cam could make dinner again. Cam was already working on something so he joined in. Jack helped. "Atlantis, how many people are in the lanar?"
"Sixteen. One of the eggs was accidentally knocked out but they put it back and patted it. One may need medical intervention. He was soaking in the biting fish pool and doesn't seem to realize he's been bitten multiple times."
"Keller to the lanar for fish bites," Cam called. He heard her groan back. He hung up. "How many people are on Nila?"
"Maybe thirty. I keep losing track of one."
John walked out there, going to the command center first. It was the first open, big enough space. "People, dinner time," he called. "Clean up and go eat." They groaned but slowly got up and limped that way. "Infirmary has tylenol."
"Harris left some out for us," one complained.
"He was busy too." He went to the pool room. "People, dinner. Time to clean up and eat," he ordered. "Mitchell and I are making dinner."
"Why can't you bring some out?" one begged, trying hard not to move. "Harris did."
"Harris was busy and he's napping. You're a military woman, you can get up," he assured her, helping her out. "Go bathe and eat tonight. Tylenol in the infirmary but I'll ask some to be put in the caf too." She nodded, trudging that way. He helped a few more out and the rest were sleeping so he had Nila write a virtual note on the wall. He went back to helping cook. "They all wanted to be babied like Xander did."
"So did I," Cam admitted. "I had them move some drugs in here." He pointed at the box. "Um, you might wanna change."
John looked at himself and went to change. That pool had apparently been infected by sperm.
Xander got up and stretched, wincing some. Radek was staring at him, smiling some. "It's more than worth the soreness," he promised, kissing him. Evan moaned from behind him. "Morning, Ev."
"Xander." He purred, pulling him back to kiss his neck. "Why don't you sleep on me?"
"Because you wiggle like I do," he teased.
"Good point I guess." He let Xander flip over and kiss him properly. "Are you sore?"
"Just a bit. I'm okay and it was amazing." He took another kiss then leaned back to kiss Radek, earning a smirk. He looked at the snoring one then at them. "Should we?"
Xander leaned over to hug Rodney. He woke with a start and hugged back, giving him a sleepy hum of noise. "Morning."
"Morning." He yawned, covering his mouth. "What time is it?" He checked the clock. "Dinner."
"Someone left us water and tylenol," Radek noticed. They all sat up and took some. Radek gave Rodney a pointed look.
"Let me go shower and change. You three...reconnect. It was amazing to see that," he offered. "Absolutely amazing. It even broke through the haze for us." He left.
Radek pulled Xander to his knees to look him over. Evan was checking his hip while Radek checked his backside. "You're very open." He touched it, earning a small hiss. So he kissed it. Xander whimpered. He tongued it and it was good. Xander was wiggling and making pleading noises. Evan sucked him down and it was good. Xander came and went limp again. Radek kissed them both. "Behave. I will go get us food."
"We should all appear," Evan said.
Xander made a protesting noise. "No brains."
"Sure, we can wait," he promised. Radek cuddled again, running a finger over his hip. "It's all healed."
"Excellent news." He kissed the area. "Remember to work your way back up to sparring." Xander nodded, thumping his head on the pillows. He smiled. "You without brains is just as cute as you being cuddly."
Xander pulled him down to cuddle, yawning some. "It's no fair. I just woke up."
"Hmm, that's still fine," Radek promised.
Evan laughed, smirking at him. "Sometime we should all do that. That way we all feel it."
Radek moaned and shifted. "I did not need that lack of blood or thinking."
Xander kissed him. "It was incredible feeling. I felt joined."
"We were." Evan pulled him back against him.
"I should make you guys happy again so you're just as tired."
"I'm already exhausted and can't even think about getting it up," Radek admitted.
Evan looked down at himself then at Xander. "Later tonight, when we're back in bed." Xander nodded, stroking him until he got off. "Thank you, Xander."
"Welcome. Should be limp and sated like I am." Evan took kisses and held him. Radek got Xander's back to guard them for now. No one interrupted them. They finally managed to make it into a shower and got cleaned then dressed. Though Xander did look at the plugs he had. Radek selected one and slid it in for him so he wouldn't have to unstretch all the way down without help. Xander put on something loose and comfortable. They put back on jeans and shirts. Then they went to dinner.
"Wow, I can see why someone wanted him to be theirs to own with the way he moves sometimes," one Marine hissed to his friend.
Evan smacked him on the head. "They were all wrong. You can't own a person."
"Yes, sir, sorry, sir, just saying he moves differently around you two." He ducked his head.
"Yeah, so you get to go see Ronon too," he said dryly.
"Yes, sir," he said, slumping down.
"Someone clearly sat on something," one of the women said, staring at that table. John got her and she whined. He glared. She ducked her head down and finished dinner quickly. The others at her table snickered.
"Remember the rules, people. What happens while spored stays while spored. No gossiping, no suggesting, and if you want to continue that with someone you ask them on your own time," John announced. They all nodded and a few groaned. He sat down at Xander's table, across from him. "That was the most incredibly touching thing I've ever seen. It was more special than even some weddings that I've been to," he said quietly. Xander smiled but blushed. He patted him on the hand. "I'm sorry I slightly broke the mood."
"It was okay. We needed a breather," Radek promised. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah, I'm good. McKay?"
"Showering," they all said.
"That's fine." He smiled at them. "Duties start tomorrow if you can. Xander, you can check over Nila."
"I'll need to clean that room," he agreed.
"Just hose it down." He grinned. "There's the General and Cam, and Daniel too." He got up and put Daniel into his seat, getting a grin for the warmed seat. "Soup?"
"Please," Daniel agreed. He got them food and came back with it, then sat down with his own. Rodney came in and got his own, coming over to join them. Ronon and Faith came in too, with the pets. Who jumped the daddies and cuddled. "Hi, kids," Daniel said. Mira leaned over to lick his ear. He petted her. "Thank you, dear." She roared and snuggled in again.
Rodney smiled at her. "Hungry or just lonely?" He fed her a sandwich and ate the rest himself. She ate the paper bowl though. Armand didn't want food, he just wanted cuddled so it was good for them.
"Aww, he looks like a little kid who's cuddling a stuffed toy," one guy said quietly. Faith threw something at him, making him duck, yelp, and run. "Sorry!" he shouted as he ran.
Xander shook his head, looking at the sleepy dragon. "They don't have pets, do they?" Armand snuffled and went limp again. Xander smiled. "It's good you're cuddly. I couldn't stand an uncuddly pet like Mira."
Armand sniffed at Mira then at him, grumbling some but he did love to cuddle the daddy. Xander finished dinner and they went up to the bedroom. Armand sniffed the bed and refused to lay down. Evan came in to help so that was fine. He tried to romp under the new sheets, but it still smelled like daddy mating scents and uncle mating scents. He made a pouty face at them and nosed the bed.
"I think we need to febreeze the mattress," Evan said.
"Maybe. We have had a lot of sex on it." He found the febreeze while Xander saved the dragon. He sprayed the mattress, then they flipped it over. That was better and the dragon was happier to romp while they remade the bed. "Spoiled," Xander teased, laying down to cuddle him. Evan put in a movie and they snuggled together. Radek came in with something to nibble on. "I thought we had snacks."
Radek checked the hidden drawer of food. "We do, pity." He sat down and handed out food. "Evan, Faith moved your easel into the magic room. She said it was going to rain."
"That's fine. I wanted to draw the room in there anyway." They settled in to watch the movie. Until someone rang the bell. "What?" he called.
Teyla walked in. "Can we watch as well?"
"Sure," Xander said through a yawn. "Guys?"
"Good for me," Radek admitted. "I am too tired to do more than cuddle."
"Amen," Evan agreed, poking Xander when he yawned. "Quit that." Xander kissed him during it. "Still. Quit yawning." Xander grinned and snuggled between his boys again. Ronon and Teyla got the footboard. John and Rodney came in a few minutes later with their own snacks and took up the other half of the bed. Faith came in and got the floor by the footboard and it was better when she got tossed a pillow. They watched two movies, Teyla being the last up, but even she slowly fell asleep in there.
Jack got up in the morning and went to the command center before breakfast. "Anything else happen that'll give me more gray hair?"
"Sir, we can't exactly find Colonel Sheppard and he has a meeting in an hour," Chuck said quietly.
"You can't *exactly* find him?"
"I'm pretty sure I know where he is, but if I break into it, that's going to get my butt in trouble, sir." Jack gave him a 'get on with it' look. "I think they went to have team movie night in the aerie."
"The office?" he sighed.
"His tv is in his room, sir."
"Ah. Why do you think this?"
"There's been no sign of Ronon being up at dawn like always. No Teyla being up at dawn like normal. No sign of Faith watching the sunrise like usual. No sign of McKay grumbling without coffee or Sheppard, or Lorne or Radek."
"Can we subtly check?"
"If I want to invade their privacy and turn on the video camera that the colonels agreed would stay shut off until it was an emergency. It would mean others could get into it."
He sighed. "Let me go check."
"Thank you, sir."
He went up there, ringing the bell. No answer. He winced and asked the door to open. He wasn't going to say anything. His team had ended up napping on the same couch a few times. Teal'c made a decent enough pillow who never moved. He walked in and stared. Faith was sleeping on Ronon's hanging arm, cuddling it almost. Teyla had taken up a spot on Ronon's hip. The quint was on the bed. John was being a pillow for Radek. Rodney was underneath John's head, and Mira was patting down his hair. Armand cheeped at him. "Hey," he said quietly. Evan was all but laying on top of Xander's head and chest. Xander was snoring and now and then he'd suck on Evan's chest. Evan's mouth was sucking on McKay's arm. Yeah, this was cute. He took a picture it was so cute. Mira growled. He stared at her and she settled down with a meep of discontent. He coughed. "People?" he asked. "We don't mind but it's breakfast."
"Movie night, sir," John moaned, trying to move. He glared at the dragon. "I like my hair." She purred at him and patted it some more. "He needs to train you better," he complained, sitting up. He looked at Jack. "Team movie night, sir."
"My team did the same thing many times, Colonel. Teal'c doesn't move so he and Daniel became the favorite pillows." He smirked as he walked out.
"Is he gone?" Ronon asked.
"Yeah," John said.
Ronon carefully extracted himself from the women, no matter how much Faith tried to keep him. He picked her up and put her on the bed. She cuddled up against Radek's back, taking John's warm spot. Xander snuffled her and shifted closer to hug her. And suck on her shoulder.
John shook his head, helping Teyla up since she was groaning at her former position. "C'mon, we'll let them wake up on their own." She nodded and they left. Mira bounced after them, going with John back to his room. He took a shower and she patted down his hair when he came out. "Leave my hair alone today," he complained. "It's fine." He fluffed hers up, getting a pouty face. He smirked. "Then go get daddy to fix it." She ran off to get him to fix it. He got dressed and made it to breakfast quickly enough for food instead of the 'late riser' line. "Thank you," he said, taking his tray out to sit down and eat at their normal table.
Evan woke up and blinked. "No wonder it tastes different this morning." He gave Radek a gentle nudge and nodded. Radek blinked at the two cuddling together. He sighed and woke up Xander, who nearly flinched. " Shh," Evan whispered. He pointed. Xander grinned at the sight of Faith cuddling Rodney and trying to hide from them under his shoulder. They got out of bed carefully so they wouldn't wake her. Xander got the huge, fluffy quilt and put it over them. Rodney moaned in pleasure and shifted. Faith was by herself now so they could wake Rodney. Xander stroked over his hair, nodding when he blinked at him.
Rodney glanced back and nodded, though he scowled when he saw his shoulder. "Must you two suck so often in your sleep?" he demanded in the transporter.
"Yes, you eat as much sugar as Xander so you taste good," Evan shot back with an evil look.
"I suck as much as you do," Xander said, coming off and heading for the caf. "Sorry, Rodney."
"I'll wear a turtleneck next time." He went to clean up, finding Mira dashing around his room so she could rub against his brush. "Who messed up your fur?" he asked her. She patted her head. "I'll beat him later." He brushed her down and she was happier and calmer. He got to take a shower. He was sweaty from trying to fight off the mouths all night apparently.
Xander walked out to Nila, looking around. "Morning, Nila. I'm here to clean up after the spores."
"There are still two people sleeping in the pool," she told him.
He went to look, staring at them. "Were they like that when they went in?" he asked, backing out.
"Let me review, Xander." She paused. "No, they were not."
"Hey, the weird and impossible didn't happen to me this time!" he said happily. He went rushing off. "Doc! The weird and impossible didn't happen to me this time!" he said when he ran into her. "I managed to not be the statistical improbability!"
She calmed him down. "I need to scan you."
"Sure, make sure I didn't get knocked up too."
She gave him an odd look. "What?"
Jack walked up to them. "Kid, you look too happy. Calm down before you bounce us to death," he ordered, looking fond of the boy.
"I managed not to be the statistical improbability this time!"
"Wonderful. Did Danny manage to miss it?"
"I'll scan him for the funny mental disease too," Keller sighed. She scanned Xander. "No, you're not pregnant and your hip is looking good. Slowly work the stretching and all that back up and you can spar in a few weeks probably." He kissed her on the forehead. "Thank you. Now, who was pregnant?"
"Two guys on Nila from Faith's team."
Jack moaned. "Doc, go check Danny please? He manages to do the same sort of improbable things as the kid does." She went to do that. "Show me, kid."
"I outrank him so I get the pleasure of dealing with strange stuff." He walked him out to Nila. "Morning, Nila."
"Good morning, child Jack."
"Nila, why don't you call Xander that?" Jack asked.
"Because he is not our child, he was with us."
"That makes sense." Xander led him back to the pool area. He walked carefully around the used condoms and wrappers, the spots of cum, and a splashed out water. "Someone had a lot of fun," he decided. Both men woke up. "Gentlemen."
"Oh, shit," they muttered and sank down.
"At ease, guys. I think we have a problem. I'm not talking about you guys being in that water, which I wouldn't want to touch right now, but I think if you look down you'll see it."
They both stared down, then one started to laugh hysterically. "Fucking ancients!" he cackled.
"Exactly," Xander agreed. "C'mon. Out of the spermy water, guys. Before it hits you a second time."
"Why couldn't you get hit!" the other one wailed. "You always get the strange stuff!"
"I know and it was mean. We'll figure it out," Jack promised. "C'mon. Let's take you guys to shower in the infirmary so Keller can check you over." They got out and Jack handed them towels that had been teleported in. "Thank you, Nila." He walked them to the infirmary while Xander got the pool area drained and cleaned up. Daniel met them in there. "You weren't caught, right?"
"No. No I wasn't."
"Why not!" the hysterical one shouted. "You and Harris *always* get hit with the strangest shit! This should be you!"
"I know," Daniel said calmly. "I know it should be. We'll figure out how it happened after you two take a shower." They pouted but did that. "Atlantis?" he called. She appeared, looking attentive. "What did Team 14 get into right before the spores hit?"
"They were digging around in an unopened lab."
"What did they touch?"
"I do not know." She stared at him.
"Was there anything in that lab that could've made two men pregnant?" Jack asked.
She scanned it and beamed. "Yes." She disappeared.
"Fucking ancients!" Keller shouted.
"Yup," Jack decided. "Thank god it wasn't you or Harris," he muttered. Daniel hit him on the arm. "Just sayin'!" he complained.
"Shut up, Jack. Go arrange for them to take the ship back."
"Yeah, sure, I can do that." He hurried off. "Colonels, join me in the office," he called on his jog that way. This was weird even for Atlantis. They all stood when he walked in. "Sheppard, find that lab Team 14 was in, and keep it away from everyone else since you're losing two people due to male pregnancy."
Ellis gave him a horrified look. "Sir, are you mentally incapacitated?" he asked.
"No." Doctor Keller came in. "Well?"
"The same father. Though I'm not sure how with as much sperm was in that water out there." She scanned them all. "Thank God the rest of you didn't touch that machine." She looked up. "No gating so they'll have to beam back. We know beaming is okay for pregnant women when we didn't have a choice one time. Gating we can't be sure of." Jack nodded at that. Ellis whimpered and sat down. "Apparently they were in a lab in the tower under Xander's office. In a storage area that hadn't been explored. One of the machines in there was for asexual reproduction." She looked at John. "I'm damn glad McKay delegated them to go look at it for him."
"Yeah, me too," he agreed. He sighed. "Two people?" She handed it over. "You've looked at the other two on that team?"
"I can't find Faith."
"She's sleeping in Xander's bed. We put her in it after we all fell asleep watching movies," John said.
"That's fine. I'll check on her. Kissen isn't."
"Good," John agreed. "Just to make sure, the ones who get into trouble aren't? Xander, Daniel?"
"No and no. Xander was so happy he was bouncing that he missed the statistical improbability."
"Thank you!" he called up to the ceiling. He smiled at her. "Okay. Let me break the news to the father." She handed over who it was. "You guys arrange how to get them back, and Cam, find me two people to take their place please since you do so good making teams." He nodded, going to do that with Kissen.
"I'll bring them back with me, sir," Ellis agreed. "Let me get my head doctor down so he can be briefed."
"Please do. It's advanced it to five months," Keller said. "Past the point most pregnancies have problems."
"Even better," Jack decided. "Not as many months of angsting and decorating." She walked off snickering with Ellis calling his head doctor down. Jack looked at John. "I asked her to scan Jackson too."
"I don't let him through the gate without at least Mitchell, sir. Even if they're friendly."
"Thanks, Colonel." He left, going to make his own plans so he could go home soon.
Faith woke up with a moan, pushing back her hair. She stretched, realizing she wasn't in her bed because she didn't have a fluffy blanket. She looked around. Plants. "Must be boytoy's room," she decided, sitting up and stretching. She looked around. No one. "I was on the floor," she muttered. Someone rang the bell again. She checked. "Yeah, I'm dressed," she called. John and Keller walked in together. "I was on the floor," she complained, still half-asleep.
"We moved you when Ronon wanted his arm back," he said, smiling at her. "Let the doc scan you, Faith."
"She just gave me a shot. Why?" she whined. She let the doctor scan her and something apparently worked because she was happy. "Am I gonna live?"
"For a good, long time," she promised. She left them alone.
John helped her out and gave her one of Xander's soda stash. She gulped it and looked at him. "More awake?"
"Well, when we got up, the trio was still asleep and so was Rodney," he offered. "You kept trying to hide from the two who give hickies underneath him." She growled. "Nothing happened," he said, pointing at her arm. "We knew they wouldn't touch you."
"Yeah, they all think of me like a sister. Even spored I didn't get a second look from them. But I get to get them for the hickey," she decided. She looked at him again. "What else and what was with the doc visit?"
"Two of your team tripped the asexual reproduction unit in that lab." She stared at him, confused as hell. "You and Kissen aren't pregnant." She nodded slowly. "The other two aren't that lucky." She burst out laughing. "They're all but crying, Faith."
"I'm so glad I wasn't in that lab!"
He patted her on the back. "Us too. Your mood swings would be horrible." She smirked and nodded. "Anyway, your team's on stand down until we can give you two more people. They're in the infirmary and Kissen was there nagging them too. They knew not to touch ancient technology."
"Yup." She walked out with him, going down there. She saw Evan and punched him on the arm, hard. "That's for the damn sucking."
He grinned at her, rubbing the sore spot. "You looked cute under the quilt." She hit him again. "Ow! Be nicer or go on a team mission with Jackson."
"Mean shit," she said, glaring at him.
He smirked. "You're still like my sister, no matter how much I do that in my sleep, Faith."
"Clearly. Even spored I didn't get any looks from you guys. Don't do it again."
"It could've been Xander."
"I know. I'll beat him later."
"He'll make you clean the pool on Nila," John said dryly. "He did two other guys who asked about his hickey."
"Poor schmucks," she said. She walked into the infirmary, looking at her teammates. "Didn't they tell us all not to touch the strange machines without a geek telling us what it was?"
"Yes and apparently we were dumb," one sighed.
"Clearly," she agreed. "But hey, maybe we can give that one to the Genii." They smirked evilly at her. She patted the bellies, getting kicked. "Damn you two are unlucky. Worse than X and Jackson since I heard they didn't get hit."
"Don't remind us," one said. "We apparently were incredibly evil in our past lives." He looked down. "My parents are going to kill me. I must've done something like torture for Caesar in my last life."
"You'll be fine and you can tell your parents that an ex left you the baby and died," Keller said. "Or take up with the father. Your choice."
"No thanks," the other one said. "Who is the father?" She showed them and they groaned.
Faith glanced. "At least he's not ugly. He's big. Strong. The kids will make kick ass Marines." They both glared at her so she smirked. "Damn glad I took the shot a few days ago, guys. Even if I wasn't there."
"You're a godmother," they said in unison.
"That comes with babysitting duties," one quipped with an evil smirk.
"You guys want *me* to babysit?" They smirked and nodded. She wouldn't sniffle. She wouldn't. Even if she was, they understood and hugged her because they had mood swings now too.
Keller left them alone. They needed privacy. She dragged Kissen with her to make sure.
John found his target in the gym and grabbed his arm, nodding. "We have to talk." He led him to a quiet atrium up the hallway. "I know the rules about sporing apply but this time something strange happened and you have to know," he said quietly.
"This is looking like a bad talk," he said quietly, glancing around. "I wasn't with one of the girls, Colonel."
"I know that but Team 14 was in an Ancient lab right before then."
"Lehane?" he asked with a wince.
"No. The two junior members."
He sat down. "So why come talk to me with this bad looking talk?" He showed him the scans. "Um.... Ancients could do that?"
"Yup." He sat down beside him. "It's up to you guys what you do about it. Claiming it, all that stuff is between you three. They're leaving for the mountain on the ship tomorrow so you guys need to talk today. Keller has them in the infirmary," he said quietly. "Because this isn't exactly normal."
"How do I read this thing?"
He pointed. "How far along in days, healthy both of them, both girls." He looked at him. "Before you ask, Xander found them and thanked God it wasn't him for once. Jackson too," he offered with a grin.
"Gee, thanks." He sighed, leaning back. "I don't know what I want."
"Then talk to them. You guys need to talk about this soon." He nodded and went to talk to them. John handed a nurse back the display unit. "Hand that only to Keller." He cleared it for her and walked off.
She went to the infirmary, seeing why they were having a private discussion in the atrium now. This wasn't normal even for the SGC. Keller took the display from her limp hand. "Ma'am."
"Go rest," she ordered quietly. She walked over to the other doctor, who had just made his unhappiness known. "I don't care what you think they should do. That is their choice, Doctor Horace. On Atlantis, we do not force such decisions." He flinched. "I can make sure Doctor Lam feels the same way." He nodded, shaking his head as he walked off. "Gating isn't safe or we'd do it that way," she told them quietly.
"Can Harris move us?"
"It's just as dangerous I think. I can ask." They nodded and pulled the curtains around them so they could talk to the father of their daughters. She walked off, hearing him yelling at Ellis. "Shut up before you spread confidential information," she ordered. Both of them stiffened and quit arguing. "We do not spread patient info around needlessly," she reminded them. She looked at Ellis. "I don't see a danger to their health at this time. The scanners don't either. Yes it's strange, but the machine made accommodations for them apparently."
Ellis sighed and nodded. "So they're perfectly healthy and able to keep going?"
"Yes. They should deliver within weeks of you getting back to base if you're fully operational."
"Good." She smiled. "I can ask if Xander can move them instead."
"Please do. That might get them to a more supportive medical environment sooner," Ellis agreed. "Ship travel can upset your body."
"Still safer than gate travel, Colonel." She stared at him. "Do you trust your people?"
"I have some restless first tour people, ma'am."
"I'm sorry to hear that. It'll be fine." He nodded at that. She went to talk to Xander. "Xander, would beaming them to the base via your bracelet hurt them?"
"No. No more than beaming would. It might give them some temporal radiation but it'd leak off in days."
"Good. Ellis isn't sure some of his people won't have a problem."
He nodded. "I can do that. I can usually only take three at a time so give me stuff for Doctor Lam and I'll take them singly." She nodded, going to get that ready for him. He looked at Daniel. "Higher purpose and all that," he quipped, getting a grin back. He made sure his bracelet was charged and ready to go again. He had tested his new one but this one he was sure wouldn't strand them halfway there. He hadn't tested that one in that sort of range. He got his bracelet and walked down to the infirmary. "Okay, guys." He grinned. "This means I get to get some more cheetos too." He made sure he had his wallet and winked. "C'mon. Files?" She handed them over to the first one going. "Okay, hold on." He stepped closer and held on around his waist, one hand over his stomach to make sure the child came too. He sent them down to the infirmary on base, which was a madhouse. He sat the guy on a free bed out of the way and pulled a nurse over. "Is it bad, can I help? He needs to see Lam once she's free."
"Incoming team," she said. She got free. "Carolyn, you have Xander waiting on you."
She looked over and Xander waved files so she went back to what she was doing. Finally she got done so she came over. She noticed the guy trying to hide behind him. "Internal tumor?" she guessed. "Parasite?"
"That kicks," Xander said, handing over the files. "I've got to get the other one. I figured I'd wait."
"Thank you. Go get him while I read this over." Xander left and came back with the other one, who puked in the trash can. She read it over, then stared at them. "Ancient machine?" They nodded. "Okay."
"We were just spored thanks to that idiot botanist who did it on purpose," Xander said. "John said he told the father." She nodded at that. "Ellis's doctor was still complaining they should terminate and Doctor Keller looked meaner than usual about it."
"Good to know. Go get treats, Xander." He walked off. She looked at them. "What do you two want to do?"
"We just got told this morning, ma'am, and Doctor Keller said both girls are growing at an advanced rate," the pukey one admitted.
She stared at them. "Okay, we can talk about that. Let me scan you again so you can rest." She pulled over the scanner and it told her what the machine had done, which machine had done it, how well they were, and that the daughters both looked fine. She saved it down for Landry's FYI meeting later. "There we go. Lay down for now. I'll leave you two over here. Yell if you need anything." They took off their boots and laid down for her. "Good boys." She walked off, taking that printout to Landry, who was arguing with Xander. "Of course he can go get snacks," she said. "It's not like he won't be back there within an hour or so."
"We don't have a new contract with him, Doctor."
She looked at him. "General, with all due respect, he could've just blipped off base and not told us. If he's willing to stay even though you guys pissed him off, he's more tolerant than I am."
"I like Nila and Atlantis," Xander said quietly.
"Good! Now go get snacks, Doctor's orders." He grinned and skipped off to do that. She handed him the forms. "He brought them down on orders of Doctor Keller because Ellis's head doc wanted them to terminate without asking their opinion. The father has been told according to Xander."
He sighed. "What now?" He read it over and stared at her. "They're what?"
"About six months along. I have them resting. With the rate they're growing they're due in about eight days."
He groaned. "Wonderful."
"We'll do what we can but you need to tell them their enlistment status so they can make plans. The father may be coming back as well."
"That's fine," he agreed. "I'll look at their files." She smiled at him. "He's being spoiled."
"Before he left and blipped back." She shrugged. "He could've done that but he decided to be respectful and ask."
"Good point. Thank you. I was still trying to get him to sign on again."
"O'Neill is up there, he can do that." He smirked at that. "I'm sure he's talked to them about it since more than one contract would be involved."
"I forgot he was dating."
"I'm told they're very tight, sir. Got him calmed down after all that and everything." She left. She had patients to make sure they were healing.
Xander reappeared. "Okay, and I got the three texted requests as well," he said firmly. He handed the bags to Chuck. "Since you sent them."
"Thank you, Xander." He smiled. "You're real nice to us." Xander smiled back. "The general was wanting to know when you got back."
"I'm heading for the lab to give Rodney his stuff." He walked that way. "Rodney." He handed over the bag of desired chocolates. He handed Radek his bag of spoiling. Evan walked in with the general so he got his with a grin. "General, why is the fucking idiot botanist who spored us on purpose walking around the main base like he owns it?" he asked.
"I don't know. Did you point that out?"
"Landry said he wasn't under arrest."
"Bet me," he said dryly. He put down three contracts. "Major Lorne, that one is yours for reupping. Doctor Zelenka, that one is yours. Yours and Harris's both have generous out clauses if you get that pissed at us again. Major, you'd have to make due and visit for a bit."
"That's fine, sir, I understand." He signed him.
Radek read and signed his. "Thank you, General." He handed it back.
Rodney glanced. "Eighteen months?"
"That'll get us back to earth and we can all make decisions then," Jack told him. "Yours is up about a month before we plan to get you back there." Rodney waved a hand and shrugged. "Fine. Harris." He handed over his. "I changed three terms." He pointed at them. "Including where your pay was supposed to go. Some of it did get to your account but Dawn apparently shoe shopped. The rest that did not get given to you by our records will be going into your account, not hers. I have changed your listed power of attorney up here and your benefits have the three of them listed equally," he said quietly. Xander nodded at that. He looked at the last clause. "That is a non-disclosure on both sides. We can't talk about you, you can't talk about us."
Xander smiled. "Do I get to keep my plants and things?"
"Yes you do." He made sure that was in there, pointing at it. "Any herbology, mineral, or other samples you collect are yours as long as you give us some of them to test for dangers, which you'd do anyway. Also, anytime you find anything on your travels, they are yours as well. That was also in Zelenka's about the ship. He looked at the boy. "Or if you loot somewhere. It says we can't confiscate anything of yours at all without a trial and we'd give it to Dawn as long as it wasn't a harmful weapon." Xander nodded and smiled. "That should head off any more problems and I will be reminding the IOA board of what you did to the Trust's board. They're annoying the hell out of us right now and need that reminder." He ruffled the boy's hair. "Good enough? It'll give you one day past Radek's so you have time to pack the room and the office."
"That'll work," he decided, signing it. He handed it back. "Thank you."
"Welcome, kid. You know I like you." He walked off happier. "Going home now," he shouted as he walked into the command center. Daniel came down to give him a hug and ask him for a few things. Mitchell shook his hand and asked for a few things. He made notes so he wouldn't forget then headed home with the staff that was changing out, including the baby's daddy.
"Eighteen months?" Rodney asked.
"Depending on how things go," Xander agreed quietly. "Because I'm not liking the prior trend of screwing up my life on purpose."
"I can agree with that then." He got back to work on his newest design. "How many jewels have you looted?"
"None." He smirked.
"This week?" he taunted.
"Yeah. I have to test the new bracelet too." He walked off happier. At least it was settled for now.
Jack walked out of the stargate from Midway, looking around. "MP's." They snapped to attention. "I believe I sent back a botanist in disgrace and under arrest. Is he not?"
"No, sir," one reported. "General Landry said he was not until he had the paperwork. He did advise him to stay in his quarters."
"Apparently he doesn't take advice. Go arrest the bastard for intentionally causing harm to the hundred and eighty-seven people on Atlantis. Including intent to cause rape of all of them." They winced. "And making military officers act in a manner that's unbecoming." They rushed off to find him. He walked up to the office. "He was under arrest."
"The president said he wasn't," Landry said quietly.
"I'll tell him to kiss my ass myself. He is." He walked off. "I have new contracts on Harris, Lorne, and Zelenka since they were all running out, plus seven others."
Jack went to file them with the liaison to the Pentagon. "There," he said once he was back in DC.
"Thank you, General." He looked. "He wanted Harris stateside, sir."
"Harris said no. It's his decision. And I'm going to make sure that the president knows he's in deep shit for sending those spore plants back." Colonel Davis shuddered. "Exactly." He took a ride over there, getting out and heading inside. "He busy?" he asked the secretary. She nodded. "Important busy or blowing his aide busy?" She gasped. He smirked. "Truly busy?"
"Paperwork busy, General. I can make you an appointment."
"I can beam him to my office," he offered. She moaned. He knocked then walked in there. "Sir, I'm going to press charges against a certain botanist you sent to Atlantis that do including intent to cause rape of a hundred-seventy-eight people. Do you realize that?" He gasped and his wife did too. "You knew what those spores did the last time."
"He modified them so they're weaker."
"So it only lasted two days," he sneered. "Ask Generals Landry or Philips since they called in the middle of it while *I* was overcome. I'm sure they didn't like what I was doing at that time," he said dryly. "Also, Harris' contract states that we have him working on Atlantis and Nila, not on the main base. That's where he wanted to be and where he will be."
"General O'Neill," the first lady started.
"Ma'am, with all due respect, shut up. You're not in charge of the military and not many of us respected him before we knew about his college days because we all knew he had a drug sniffing dog put down for finding his weed." She moaned and he looked at his boss again. "It may be insubordination, sir, but perhaps you should look at the Trust's board's file. Harris isn't like everyone else. I find the kid's a lot like me actually. In his contract it does state that if we try to force him to do a job he does not feel comfortable with again, such as the time we made him go be a pleasure slave to get information from the Ori, he can quit at any time. That would include pulling him back down here against his will. For that matter, he doesn't want to work for the CIA, he told me about their attempt, he won't work with the former Initiative idiots since he helped bring them down and considers them pig fuckers too, and he won't trust Landry ever again because of that incident. Now, are there any other questions about *my* linguist?"
"He is a national asset," he said firmly, standing up. "How dare you talk to me that way!"
"Sir, he's no longer American. He's given up citizenship." He handed over a copy of that letter. "He's applying to be a citizen of either Canada or Wales." He smirked. "As for firing me? Yay. I can go fish. We'll have another invasion in about six weeks. Have fun with that." He walked off again. He went to the Pentagon and handed Davis the copy of that paper. "Harris."
He looked it over. "I'll talk to the liaison to England and Canada for the program, General. Are you all right?"
"It felt really good to yell back for a change." He walked off. "Philips, did you need something important since the president sent that botanist up there with the spores that did it to us on purpose?"
He gave him a dirty look. "He did?"
"Yup, and pressured Landry."
"I got asked to file conduct unbecoming charges and declined, Jack."
"Thank you. I don't care right now but thank you. I have a good defense." He leaned on the doorway. "So what did you need?"
"Some of my guys in Iraq found a few artifacts we think are in your area but almost all your good linguists are there."
"I can send it on. Jackson's up there."
"Please." He handed him the file. "Landry was horrified."
"Hank was ordered to let the Botanist go free."
"Fucker," he muttered.
"Yelling back felt *real* good." His shooting range buddy smirked at that. "Let me see if we can help with this." He saw Colonel Davis coming his way. "Problems?"
"The president wanted me to tear up his contract. I said I could not tear up a signed and filed contract, General. Especially not from that program."
"He's going to hate this but he's had some personality changes recently," Philips said. "Stick one of your doctors on his medical team and call him in for a medical check with his wife."
"I've already got that started, sir. I thought it might be necessary. General Landry as well." He saluted and left. "I'll meet with them later."
"I can call Xander down to translate something," Jack promised. He texted Xander's phone, getting the boy ten minutes later. "This is General Philips."
"Sir," Xander said with a nod.
"Some of my people in Iraq found some things that they think lead back to your project. The translators were given key words that they were to hand on if they found."
Xander took the file. "Can I work in your office, Jack?" he asked quietly, glancing around.
"Sure, kid. Thanks, Philips." He walked him off. "Davis is talking to people today." He walked him past his assistant, who gaped. "Shut it," he warned.
"Yes, sir." He got back to work.
"Let me know when Davis comes back." He closed them in and let the kid have his computer.
Xander looked it over. "Children of Io. She was Zeus's girlfriend that got turned into a cow if I remember right." He got deeper into the translation, finding the mythology reference in the other screen. He finally looked up. "Canopic jars I think but they were buried by Hera for her spouse cheating again. The cow thing, they apparently fed on her." He let him see it. "She wasn't a happy scorned woman. Someone Anya would've loved helping."
"I'm sure she was." He went to find out where the seals were found. That was his people's job.
Colonel Davis brought in the people who would need to talk to Xander. He had his reasons for talking to those two and they were most happy to have him, even with him stating he was tired of being in battles, did not want any attention on him whatsoever, and he was going to be working on Nila for a few years probably. They worked it out based on what problems they had with the program and other issues. Xander decided to join his Mean Uncle as a Canadian and they agreed that Dawn could be a dual citizen thanks to her father being over there. That rep knew Torchwood very well.
Jack Harkness looked up a few days later when someone was let into his office. "Ianto, why did you let a government person in without warning?"
"I'm here about your daughter's citizenship, Captain." He set down his briefcase. "Mr. Harris was interested in shifting countries and thought of us due to his involvement and his property over here. Both the apartment and the estate." He sat down. "He did mention that his charge was interning with you, her father, which would give her dual citizenship but those papers had not been filed. This way we can make sure she's all legal and won't have a problem when she wants to attend one of our fine universities."
"Did Joyce agree?"
"She did agree she could take up her dual citizenship and agreed it would protect her more since their next issue is going to be bad. By the way, I'm the liaison between our people and the special program Mr. Harris works on."
"Ah. That's wonderful then." He smiled. "Dawn's in school."
"Yes, but she is a minor child. Therefore I need to go over the paperwork with you first." Ianto left and came back with some coffee. He moaned. "Some of the best I've had, sir. Thank you for not making me suffer through military coffee again." He smiled. "Is Dawn interning?"
"She's on a paid internship so she can afford her own shopping habits." Ianto left them alone.
Jack smiled. "She's a fashionable sort."
"That's fine. Those girls can often hide their brains to appear less vulnerable to the thugs that don't like smart people. It gives them a hidden advantage. I suppose she learned that from Harris since he looked like a comic book geek."
"And her sister," Jack agreed. "So we're filing full dual citizenship with her?"
"Yes." He pulled out the papers to hand to him. "That is the US State Department's copy, that is her amended passport, and that is her papers for us."
Jack looked them over. It wasn't obligating her to anything. It was simply amending an oversight. He signed where needed and called the school to tell her to come in as soon as she got done with her last test for the day and her science class that she hated. He left and came back two hours later when she got there, going over the papers with her. She sniffled but signed it as well. Jack smiled at her. "Did Xander join us here?"
"Canada actually. We'd have to make him sign a new agreement and might have a problem with his security rating due to the issue of his former job and that military project. Someone had tipped off the Canadian liaison so they had pre-cleared him. Though I suppose he'll be more happy there with some made family that can support him. He and Doctor McKay are apparently a lot alike sometimes. Though he seems to have less temper."
"Unless you're a major screw up near him," Dawn agreed.
"Good to know." He smiled at her. "Now, you're all legal, you can pay local rates for tuition if it's applicable, and you can pick a doctor, young lady. Are you in a suitable housing situation?"
"Xander setup an apartment for me. I'm two blocks from Ianto. It's *huge* and has a lot of his plants in it." He smiled and nodded. "They're over most of the time to nag me about clothes and things though."
"Excellent. Then I'll leave it in your father's sensible hands since he told us you're not like most young ladies. You're the sort that moves ahead by grades and goes to college early. Which is always looked upon kindly by us." He stood up after stowing the paperwork. "Your passport as well." She smiled at that. "I know it'll come up sometime. No matter how you got over here." He left with a wink and got to have tea with his coworkers in the main office while filing those papers.
Jack looked at her. "That'll probably help his taxes on the places since they're part of the empire."
"Probably. Have you seen his estate?"
"We'll see it soon then." She beamed and nodded. "Good. How did science class go?"
"Can't I zat her?"
"No. Even if she is teaching things that don't make sense, no you cannot fire an energy weapon into her."
"She told me today that wormholes were only science fiction, no matter what some demented physicists said."
"You know better though."
"Yes, but in a few years, I have people in my class that could work with them."
"So get them the journals."
"I did. That's why she went off on it. Called him a crackpot too."
"She's wrong," he sighed. "We all know she's wrong."
"The languages teacher called me a smartass again too."
"You are beyond her range," he admitted. "Have you talked to them?"
"Daniel's on Atlantis."
"Carter's down here."
"I wrote her and haven't heard back yet."
"No recent databurst. Soon hopefully." She smiled when Tosh came in. "Did I get a new email?"
"From Doctor McKay this morning. Two from Xander, one from John Sheppard, two from Faith." She squealed and went to check it. "Her school really does need some work."
"The only other option is college and she has to pass the tests."
"Which she can do outside of science."
"I'm looking it over."
She smiled. "You're doing good as a father, Jack. We all worried you'd take her to clubs and let her party but you've done very good." She left, going back to bugging Owen about something to make him growl.
Dawn looked up at the growl. "You sound like a vampire with insomnia when I pounced him."
"Did you at least bathe?" he asked her.
"Why? Spike used to babysit me, Owen."
"Your sister is nutters."
She gave him a hug. "There, feel better?" She went back to her email. "I'm officially half American now."
"Congrats. Maybe it'll make you less insane like them." He grimaced, going back to his work area to fuss at something. Ianto smiled when he brought him coffee. "Why are you so happy?"
He turned on the tv. The president had been admitted to a hospital for various tests and they caught sight of Doctor Lam on the replayed film. "I do believe they found out why he was tasking Xander."
"Xander's already Canadian," Dawn called. "Too late." She bounced in. "But he did have someone send that spore plant back there on purpose." She went back to her emails. Faith needed a hug. Rodney had ordered her to change schools. Daniel had sent one as well that had agreed that it wasn't fitting as well as it should and he'd put her on home schooling instead. She could do everything but science so he'd talk to Sam about that or Rodney and Radek since Radek liked to teach so much.
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