The Incidences of The Blippy Dohickey 23: Dick Teases.

Xander yawned as he came in for dinner.  "I feel like shit," he told Evan.  Doctor Keller walked up behind him with her scanner.  He pouted.  "Mean, hurts."

"Does not," she countered.

"Does too.  I can feel that beam today."

"You shouldn't be able to."  She scanned deeper and nodded.  "The fishman taint is a bit stronger than it had been," she decided.  She took another scan of his hip area and glared at Evan, who stared back.  "I said none of that yet."

"Blow yourself," Xander said, turning to look at her.  "I needed it.  Thank you for making sure I still work," he said, giving her a sleepy hug.

Her scanner beeped so she had Evan use it on him.  Then Jon since he was trying to eavesdrop.  She stared at him.  "What did you eat today?"

"Breakfast, coke during the meeting.  Why?"  He yawned again.

"Sedative.  Lots and lots of sedative."  He growled.  Armand growled and quit being so sleepy too.  She scanned him.  "Him too.  Huh."  She walked around him, finding the spot.  "Evan, he has a small nodule there that's a lot like a drug capsule."

He looked.  "No scar."

Xander looked at his arm then took Evan's knife to open the spot and pop it out.  No matter how much she fussed and gasped about it.  He looked at it.  "I didn't put that in there.  I wonder which ex did it."

"Not the Genii?" Keller asked.

"No.  They wouldn't want me sedated.  Then I couldn't use my brain for them."  He yawned again.  "This sucks."

She found a few others and the city beamed them out of Xander, and another two things.  "What are those?" she asked.

He looked.  "Mayan sacrificial disk that grew into my skin.  And...."  He picked it up to look at.  "Huh.  Something Asha used to wear on a pendant."  He handed it to over to her.  He felt better.  "Thank you, AI's."  He blinked at the doctor.  "I'm still tired."

"It's still in your system, Xander.  Evan, make him eat then take him to bed.  Cuddles only," she ordered firmly.

"He needed it," he assured her.

"I don't care!"

"We were careful."

"I can tell.  Still."  She walked off after gathering the capsules.  She wanted to know what they were and if she could make that sedative for their use.  A few got put into a sample container so the main lab could try it their way too.

Xander sat down, still cuddling Armand, and looked at Evan's tray.  "Soup?"

"Soup," he agreed, letting Xander have it.  He drank it, only letting Armand lick the stuff that dribbled out.  "Go rest and I'll be right up."

"Radek thought I had a hidden space ship," he said dryly.

"Nothing you pulled out of a hidden box or area would surprise me, Xander."  He grinned.  "Go rest, we'll come up to see the sunset?"  Xander beamed and nodded, going up to his office again.  Evan finished the rest of his dinner and got some more soup, heading out to watch over him.  Radek was still in the lab trying to figure out how to make that part.  They had asked Nila about the construction facility but still nothing usable.  He'd have to ask Xander about any manufacturing areas he knew about.  Maybe he knew one.  Nothing would surprise them any more.  Even walking in and having Xander sleeping on his CO's chest.  "Sir," he said dryly.

"He pulled me down when I checked on him," he said quickly.  He tried to move but Xander bit, making him hiss and wince.  "He won't let me move."

Evan sat on the other side, patting Xander's back.  "I can cuddle since he's got to get up for a few minutes and answer a call."  Xander shifted over, cuddling him.  Armand had to quickly move his tail before it got trapped under him but it was good for them.  He smirked and settled in to watch the sunset.  "Can you bring in the plants?"

"That's a mean punishment," he complained but he did it.  No matter how often Morticia tried to grope him with her tentacles.  No matter how much Gomez smoked to entice him to offer up his fingers.  The plants grew on you sometimes.  He left, shaking his head while wiping off tentacle drool.  Well he guessed it proved he was hot after all.  Even plants wanted him.

Radek met him at the transporter.  "You missed a spot from Morticia."  He pointed at it.  Then he walked past him, seeing them cuddled up.  "Xander awake?"

"No.  They found little capsules in his body that were releasing a sedative."

"That was mean."  He nudged Xander gently.  "Do you know anyone who could make such a part?" he asked when he got blinked at.

"I'd get in trouble for going to the twenty-third century again."

"Perhaps but we do need one and there's no one on earth either.  The original group that made it has closed and they confiscated all their machines to destroy them."

"The last time I talked to him, we played poker and he cheated so I lost and had to sleep with him instead of getting a yacht."

"I will not let that happen this time," Radek assured him.  "Please?"  Xander handed over his bracelet.  "I have no idea how to work this thing."

"Concentrate really hard."

"I have no idea what it looks like."  He petted him.  "If not, Rodney will have to be on there for a month.  They will space him."  Xander groaned but took him and Armand, and accidentally Evan, with them.  They came back thirty minutes later with the main part, a new ship for Xander's pleasure, and the designs to six others because Radek could count cards.  Xander smiled at Evan.  "He's very wicked when he wants to be."  Radek hurried off.

"He seems so mild mannered most of the time," he agreed with a grin.  "Bet me how long before Sheppard's up here?"

"Nah.  It'll be tomorrow before he comes up."

"If it's earlier you lose and I get a blow?  If it's later than breakfast, I get to give you one?" he teased.

Xander purred.  "I could like that.  A whole lot of liking it."  Evan kissed him and he snuggled in.  "Thankfully the sedative wore out."

"True.  And we got your traveling work area on the ship."  He called the command center.  "Chuck, it's Evan.  If you're seeing an unmanned, unidentified ship, it's Xander's.  He won it in a poker game when Radek begged him to go fetch that part McKay needed.  Don't blow it up."  He hung up and put his comm aside.  It beeped but he ignored it because he was kissing and it was good.  He'd win this bet.

Xander nibbled on his lip then looked at him.  "You could've asked.  That was cheating."

"I'll give you one anyway?" he offered with a smirk.

"I could like that.  Mutual?"

"Gladly.  I'm only greedy making sure you get yours.  Radek keeps trying to hog you."  Xander grinned at him.

Jon walked into the office and over to them.  "Sheppard is about to blow the top of his brain off.  What did you two do?"

"Radek begged prettily to go see someone who could make the part they needed," Evan said dryly.  "It might not be exact though."

"They can figure it out then.  So you came back with a ship?"

"The guy who could get it for them wanted to play poker for Xander's butt.  We didn't like that so he made it a condition of getting the part.  He hated losing to Radek, who can be a bit evil when he wants to be.  So he got a ship."  Xander grinned at him so Evan kissed him.  "I think you were evilly teasing too."

"Only you."

"Yeah, teasing me to distraction."  He kissed him.  "That was evil playing with my leg when I'm trying to concentrate."  He took another kiss, running hands down Xander's back to pull him closer with a butt-grab.

Jon walked off shaking his head.  "Groping like teenagers," he complained.

"You are one," Xander reminded him.

"Bite my shiny ass," he called back, heading for the transporter.  He went to the command center and cleared his throat.  "Zelenka, will that part work?"

"Is a bit big and too strong but we can fix that I think."  He smirked.  "You do not look pleased."

"That's because I heard how you won him a ship."

"He wanted Xander instead.  We would not allow it."  He shrugged and smirked at them.  "Won plans as well."

John growled.  "Really?"

"They're involved," Jon warned.

"Yay."  He called.  No answer.  He went up there.  They were indeed involved.  He had no idea that lounging couch was low backed enough to give mutual blow jobs.  He sighed and coughed.  Loudly.  Nothing.  He moved closer and sat down, ignoring them to stare outside.  Evan finally pulled off with a slurp to glare at him.  "I want to see it tonight, Major Lorne."

"Bite me.  We're busy and it's Xander's."

Xander pulled off, nuzzling Evan.  "Maybe tomorrow, John."

"You're doing this to taunt me, I know that," he said firmly.

Xander looked up.  "No, Evan cheated to win the bet of when you'd come demand a look over it."

John groaned.  "You two are so bad."

"I like being slightly evil," Xander said with a grin.

Evan smirked back.  "I like you being naughty.  You being slightly evil is too distracting."  Xander purred and went back to his reward.  Evan smirked before going back down on his own reward.

John stomped off, growling.   He got into his jumper so he could go up to look at it.  Jon walked in before he could take off and sat down in the copilot's seat.  John shook his head, closing the hatch door.  It was a nice ride up there.  The ship wasn't too huge.

"Is that an air leak?" Jon asked.

John scanned it.  "No. It's an exhaust vent from the nursery."  They both nodded.  Of course Xander's ship had plants on it.  They slowly toured the outside.  It had a docking area but they wouldn't be able to use it with a jumper.  It had a vacuum air lock system.  He scowled.  "I want on that ship.  He said he had plans too."

"So he told me."  They considered it.  "How would we get on there?"


"He might have security on it."

"Good point.  Annoy Xander until he gives up rewarding Evan for cheating on their latest bet?"

"That's mean," O'Neill said dryly, smirking at him.  "So very mean."

"That won't work," Radek said over the communications system.  "By the way, all of us can hear you.  Might want to turn that feature off."

Jon shrugged.  "Radek, we want a tour."

"Not my ship."

"Please?" John asked.

"Still not my ship.  Am going to send this to McKay now."  He did that so they had to go back unsatisfied.   Radek he went to baby his boys.  They had been playing without him so they must be ready for him.  They were napping cutely, naked, and Faith was petting Armand from her usual chair to watch the sunset.  "I should be jealous," he complained.

"When I came in, X had just slurped up from being throat deep on Evie," she said with a smile.  "When they napped I covered them."

"Good.  Thank you."  He patted her on the head.  The lab beeped on his earpiece, making him swear as he went back down there.  McKay didn't like that one.  It might burn out again.  "It should get him back here.  Now we know what it should look like so can make another one.  Have the Asgard core do it."  He walked in looking more disgruntled.  He wanted to play too.


John walked into the aerie, looking down at the napping duo.  He nudged them awake.  "You're dick teases.  You bring a brand new toy that you know is going to make someone wet and then won't let them play with it."

"How is that a dick tease since you'll get it sometime this week?" Evan asked.

"It is because you know how pilots crave the new machines."  He stared at them.  "I should get some of those spores and lock you three in separate rooms.  O'Neill agrees with me."  He stomped off.

"Clearly not used to delayed gratification," Evan complained, holding Xander better.

"Maybe a long term cockring spell?" he offered.

"That's evil.  Stay at the slightly evil stage so I can enjoy it without having to find a camera.  That way I can participate."

"I can magic one onto him," he offered.

"Make him wear one when he goes up there," Faith said from her seat.  They looked at her.  "I covered you two.  It was pretty hot looking though."  She smirked.  "I can see why D likes watching the dynamic duo of flirting down there."

"I wonder if Joyce knows she's watching them.  Jack might get Momma Summers up his nose if she does."

"Don't nark.  It's just how she is, Xander."  He kissed him.  Faith grinned.  He looked over at her.  "Unless you wanna see the whole show when I make Xander beg for me, I'd go cuddle Armand in the lanar, Faith."

"Gotcha.  Gay sex goin' on," she said dryly, walking off with the dragon.  Who pouted and snuffled.  "The daddy's gettin' some, Armand.  They don't need dragon assistance."

He snuggled in, helping her look over the eggs.  Ronon came in chasing Mira.  She laughed.  "They're particular."

"They can be," he agreed.  He looked her over.  "You're blushing."

"Am not."

"Are too," he assured her, smirking some.  "It makes you look cute."  He walked off.  "I'm going to bed," he announced.

"Is that an invitation?" she taunted with an evil smirk.

He stared at her.  "Many covet.  Only a few succeed."

"Tell me how to earn it.  I know some women who'd like that secret."

He smirked.  "Only those who come at me directly can earn it."  She strolled over and threw a punch, making him laugh and swat her back.  She wasn't bad but she knew he was better.  Though he seemed to be giving her an opening here and there.  She took one and tripped him, landing on top of him.  "Tripping seems to be a Sunnydale tactic."

"Let's not talk about X.  He and Evie are going at it hot and heavy if he's lucky."

He smirked.  "Gladly."  He kissed her and she responded.  "Come.  We can have fun but nothing serious unless you are going to woo me.  Xander told me a man such as I am should be wooed by the best women who could beat me in a fight."

"If you were for rent, I know whole worlds that would get together to pony up for a single hour," she told him.

He groaned.  "I hope I never come to that."

"Me either, but I might be willing to take you in if you do.  That way you have a warm spot at least on a couch."  He smirked and walked her out.  "Kids, go see Miko," she called.  They ran to see the auntie.

"They never listen to me that way."

"It's because they want to yank on the hair, Ronon."  She gave one braid a test yank.  "I can see why they're fascinated."  He growled.  She smirked.  She got carried the rest of the way.

Teyla spotted them and shook her head.  "Perhaps it is spring's rush," she decided.  "Like in that festival Xander told me about."  She ran into the pouting trio of pilots.  "You should be happier like everyone else," she told them.  "I left a present in your desk, John.  So you could ease that."

"Evan and Xander needed it more.  They're in his office."  She blushed and nodded at that, deciding not to go up there to watch the sunset tonight.  "It's not fair."

"What isn't?" she asked.

"Radek won Xander a space ship and he won't let us look at it until tomorrow."

"Was he not being scanned by Doctor Keller for little dots full of sedative?"

"Yes," John complained.  "He's fine now with the way Evan's sweaty."

"It's good for his conditioning so maybe he'll be able to spar soon," Cam said.

"If you break him too much I have to do my own paperwork," John complained.

"Not to mention Xander's pout," Jon agreed.  "He'd make us miserable."

"Maybe Ellis will talk him into it," Cam offered.

"He won't be back for three days if they get it fixed.  The end of the month if not."  They all groaned.  He pouted, brooding about the fact that Xander had a new class of ship and wouldn't even let him on it.

Radek came walking past them.  "Why are you three pouting this time?" he demanded impatiently.  "Things break when you three pout.  The city does not like it.  I have important plans that I do not want to ruin with fixing things that the city breaks because of your pouting."

"Xander won't let us go up to the new ship," John told him.

"Are you a child that you cannot wait a single day?  If so, perhaps you should be put in restraining device so you learn how to delay gratification."  John shook his head quickly.  "Are you sure?"

"Very, thanks anyway, Zelenka."

"Then wait until Xander is awake."  He walked off again, looking smug.

"I really should get some of those spores and lock those three in separate rooms," John complained.

"Radek and Xander could get them all free," Jon pointed out.  "Then they'd probably go at it in an atrium."

"Not my thing to watch," Cam said, standing up.  "Let me know when we can go up."  He walked off.  Maybe he could talk Xander into letting them go sooner?  He went up to 'watch the sunset' but turned around when he heard the breathy moans.  He didn't want to know what those two or three did in their bedrooms.  He got off and noticed John stomping his way.  "Lock off the aerie for a bit?"

"Still going at it in the office?"

"Yup.  Loudly."

John ordered them locked off outside of Radek and the AI agreed so they could go do something else.  Radek had added some of those grapes to his hooch so maybe it'd taste better now.


Jack O'Neill watched as the beam dropped two people in his office.  "What are you two doing back down here?" he asked patiently.

"Zelenka's mean," Cam told him.

"Why is your science second-in-command mean?" he sighed.

"He won a ship in a poker game and said it's Xander's.  Xander said it's his, it's only Xander's if they marry.  Which made a certain Major cackle and said that they could do a prenup, but Radek is pouting and said that what will happen will and doesn't believe in prenups, and they won't let us into the new ship until they decide who owns it," John explained.

"Ship, like on the ocean?"

"Ship, like Ellis nearly had a cow," Cam corrected.  "And plans.  Which may not be of much help but Rodney got a good look and threw a fit."

"I think I know why on that part," John admitted.  "Since it's kinda from a bit from now, from where Xander went to build stuff, I think maybe Rodney had some hand in the ship's design."

"So we have a new space ship that Xander and/or Radek own?" he asked to make sure.

"And plans," John said.

"Ooookay," he sighed.  "Why won't they let you two look before then?"

"Because they don't want us to touch stuff before they know who owns it," Cam grimaced.  "They've 'worked on the discussion' a few times."


"I'm ready to spore them," John said quietly.  "Not that they need it."

Jack snickered.  "Young love is cute."

"Radek said it's Xander's because he does so much for us.  Xander said it's Radek's because they're not married so no community property and he won it in the card game."

Jack tapped his fingers a few times.  "Are they good plans?"

"I don't know.  The outside looks a bit ungainly," John said.  "Rodney said that things weren't what he expected."

"Yeah, let's go look," he decided.  Both pilots grinned at him.  "Jon?"

"Begging for us.  When we pouted they made us wait; Radek threatened to put us in cock rings."

"Figures."  They got beamed back and walked through to Midway, waiting the quarantine time so they could go to the city.  "Xander, Radek?" he called as he walked down the ramp.  They came out of the control room still bickering.  "Good, you can both show us," he ordered.  They stared at him.  "Now.  And McKay too.  C'mon."

"We don't have an appropriate docking structure," Radek told him.

"Can't the Apollo dock with it?"

"It's got an extension airlock," Xander offered.

"We can figure it out," he promised.  "One of you head over there to manipulate it from that side."  Xander sighed but did that with Radek.  They got beamed to the Apollo.  "Let's dock with them, Colonel," he said, scaring the crap out of the bridge crew.  They saluted.  He waved them down.  "We're going to the ship Zelenka won in a poker game."  Ellis moaned.  "McKay?"

"Fussing on Atlantis.  On threat of being spaced," Ellis sighed.  He got him beamed up, mid sentence.  "Good, now you can go."  They walked down to the airlocks to watch it happen.  They manipulated things until it made a tight enough seal and then walked over.

Rodney headed to the bridge, getting into something.  "I knew it."

"The Nambia.  Designed by R. McKay," John read over his shoulder.  He patted him on the back.  "Nice job."

"Not bad.  I can do better."  He smirked.  "I should beat them."

"Probably."  He walked him off.  "Nambia?"

"Couldn't think of a better N name."

"Ah."  They went to look around.  It was a compact, two or three person ship.  Two state rooms, one bathroom.  Small oxygen recycling center and garden to help that along.  A lot of plants that only Xander might know.  The bridge was small and useable by a single person.  The engineering center was decent enough.

Rodney found the boys in the mess, having a drink.  "Did you have any idea?" he asked.

"Not until that night," Radek admitted.  "It is not a bad plan.  Bit fussy on the decorating though."

"They're sound and vibration baffles," he said dryly.  "What plans?"  Xander pointed at the rolls spread across the tables.  He looked.  "Six of my older ones.  None of the new ones.  Pity."  He looked around.  "I can clearly do better."  He looked at his minions.  Because Xander was a minion even if he wouldn't agree.  "What are you bringing back down?"

"I can't bring all the plants," Xander said.  "We have nowhere to plant them safely.  They'd be exposed when we're flying back."

"Shields," Rodney said impatiently.

"And they'd be the first to go if we had a problem and had to draw them in to protect the people."

"Good point," he sighed.  He considered it.  "Can it travel?"  Xander nodded.  "Do you have somewhere set up to actually plant them?"


"You have a planting area in Cardiff or are you going to overload Dawn with plants?" he asked dryly.

"Both?" he guessed.  "She'd like Morticia and Gomez."

He groaned, shaking his head.  "Get samples for Botany of anything useful.  You can have some time off to go run Dawn ragged with plants."

"Sure."  He held up the sample containers on the tray behind him.  "These?"

"Good.  Any other personal items in case we get hit with an attack?"

"She can land," Xander said.  "'Cause she's got no weapons."

"We can land her?" Cam asked, popping out of nearly nowhere.

"Yeah, but taking off is going to heat the land."

"We can do that away from the Athosians."  He looked around.  "She can be landed," he called.

"Put her where the tent is," John called.  "It'll be safe there and we can put a cloak on her."  He hit that setting.  "It's built in."

"The Genii might find it," Jack reminded him.

"I can make sure they don't," Xander offered.  "But that's kinda far away, guys."

"True," John agreed.  "McKay probably wants to crawl over it."

"Someone did do a decent job of interpreting my genius," Rodney told him.

Xander handed him a cup of stuff.  "Try it."

Rodney did and looked at him.  He felt the caffeine kick in and nodded, drinking again.  "Not bad.  Juice?"

"Yup.  The air purifier plant's sap."

"Interesting.  Bring a sample of this as well."

"Yup, did."

"Thank you."  He walked off drinking it.  It wasn't half bad.  Tasted a bit odd.  An after taste after he finished.  A flap opened next to him and he put the cup into it.  It flashed and the cup was gone.  "Hmm."  He went to check on that system too.  He had designed it and apparently it worked.  He had to do better on his next one.  Since he had a working prototype to test from.  Because he knew Radek would let him and Xander would as long as he taught him what he was doing.  They decided to land her on the continent, well away from the Athosians.  John and Cam brought her down slowly and carefully.

"This is burning the ground the longer you take," Xander pointed out.  "And you have landing gear, people."  He flipped that switch and they landed a few minutes later.  He looked at them.  "See, I'm not making you wait any longer.  Even if I do think you guys need to learn how to wait until the morning.  You must've been pouty hell Christmas Eve."  He walked off, opening the door so they could get outside.  The air port tipped down to give them a walkway.  He got onto the ground, shaking his head.  A jumper landed nearby and he looked over.  "Hi," he said with a grin.

"Xander, did you make a spaceship appear?" the Marine asked.

"Radek won it in a poker game."

"Okay.  So you infected him in your acceptance of doing the impossible.  Is our CO in there?"

"And Cam and O'Neill," he said dryly.  "They're all but cooing 'toys'."

"They're pilots.  Won't that guy in the box be pissed?"

"Radek won it."

"Uh-huh.  If he spanks you can we watch?"

"No.  He probably won't spank.  Me.  Radek...."  He grinned.  "Are you the ferry master?"

"Isn't that someone else's title?" he asked dryly, giving him a look.

"I'll let you ask him that after I tell him."  The Marine groaned.  "Buck up, he's not as bad as Ronon is yet."

"Thank God for small favors."  He walked inside.  "Sirs.  Doctor Jackson and Colonel Ellis would like a report too."

O'Neill looked at him.  "Later."

"They said now, sir."

"Uh-huh.  I out rank them both," O'Neill said.  "The mini me doesn't."

"I'm pretty sure they won't bitch too much, *sir*," Jon said dryly, smirking at him.  "But I remember what you did on leave in Hawaii the first time."

"That's good since I don't," he said dryly.  He walked off.  "Tell them we'll be back there by dinnertime, Marine."

"Yes, sir," he said, going to radio that back.  He got sworn at.  He went back.  "Sir, Vala Mal Doran said that it's mean to make pilots that hot without porn."  The guys all laughed.  "And said if you don't show up for lunch, she's going to have the cities ground you all for being so bad to yourselves.  Atlantis came on the line and agreed you all had to eat.  You were setting bad examples for the dragons and the eggs."

"Eggs?" Jack asked, looking at John.

"The Genii had them for a few hours and took some eggs, had them fertilized," he said. "They're in the public Lanar."

He nodded.  "I'll see that later.  Tell the cities I'm a general, they can't ground me."  A force field showed up around the ship and froze them.  So maybe the cities *could* ground them after all.  Xander was outside giggling, they could all hear it.  The force field got released and the speakers came on.

"I said all boys have to eat," Nila said.  "Even the children of ours."  The speech cut out.

Jack looked at John and Jon.  "Mother henning cities.  I thought you were joking."  They smirked and shook their heads.  "Fine, we'll have lunch," he called.  "Then we'll come back."

"Go ahead, bring me back something," Rodney said, waving a hand.  "Radek?"  He came out to look over his shoulder.  "That looks like your ass backward coding."

Radek gave him a dirty look.  "Was not operational, I had to fix your genius so it worked."  He would ignore the insult.  "You're just jealous I got it to work before you did."  He walked off happier.

Rodney glared at him.  "I'm sure it would work."  He walked back there, taking Radek into a private corner.  "How did they get my plans?" he asked quietly.

"Long after your death."

"My heirs sold them?  Jeannie's family?"

"We were told that long after your death it was decided to be owned by the country since you were so important a person.  It was put into a museum.  We saw pictures and only had this and some wormhole work.  Was after your great-nieces went."

Rodney nodded.  "There weren't more?"

"No clue.  Did not hear if someone fought them or not."  He looked around.  "This was probably a bad idea.  Creates a minor paradox.  Xander said he was going to hand me over if someone complained to the Doctor."

"That might save his ass."  He sighed, running a hand through his hair, looking around.  "Now I know what I need to fix on my next design."  He heard a much liked voice yell out 'hello'.  "We're back here," he called.  The Doctor smiled as he walked in.  "Radek won it in a poker game while they were at Xander's workshop finding out how to make something for the Apollo that broke."

"We did not realize it was his until we were on the way back," Radek sighed.  "I have hidden anything but plans he's already created."

The Doctor stared at him.  "Xander!" he bellowed.  He came bouncing in.  He stared at him.  "Your workshop?"

"The place where I made the extra screwdrivers?" he said.

"Ah, the place where you made your laptop."

"They busted me on that," he sighed, noticing Rodney staring at him.  "Well, Radek did.  I had no part and had no idea.  All I wanted was the part for the Apollo so it wasn't stranded in space limping along."

"Do I detect the hint of an ex boyfriend?" the Doctor asked smugly.

"Wanna be who tried to cheat and get him," Radek said grimly.  "He bet the ship before I could protest and the betting computer agreed to it.  He ordered it to take Xander as a counter bet so I could not lose.  I realize this is bad and will take spanking."

"I should," he sighed.

"We found out Rodney had designed it a few years ago on the way back," Xander said.

"You couldn't leave it there?" he demanded.

"No, it came with the air purifying plants and a few other things," Xander said.  "I couldn't directly bring them through the time stream."  The Doctor stared at him.  "They're your crap."  He opened the closet and pointed.  "Leather jacket from Nine.  Your suit from ten.  Trench coat too."

"Oh, bloody hell," he complained, moving to look at them.  "They still radiate time energy."

"Yeah, the same guy was trying to make a temporal engine.  Radek took it out and put it in the back storage area for you."  He walked him back that way, making the Doctor whine at the paradox engine that was sitting there.  "I decided bringing it forward was safer to the time stream than leaving it back there and possibly getting it stolen or anything else.  Since I couldn't bring them back directly...  Rodney designed it about five years ago," he said quietly.

"Forward knowledge?"

"Radek let on that about a hundred years after he died, Canada confiscated some stuff for a national treasure."  He shrugged.  "He can't get there because of the nature of the stream."

"I realize that."  He sighed, looking at the engine.  "I need to get that somewhere safer."

"Safer here than then when I couldn't directly watch over it before you could get it."

"True."  He looked at him. "Your workshop?"

"You said I can't teach Radek that stuff."

"Are you two staying together?"

"I'm leaving that up to him," he said quietly.  "We're not married.  It's not really possible at this time anyway."

The Doctor grimaced.  "I would rather have all of your little hidden areas moved somewhere safer, Xander.  You knew that before."

"And you agreed to leave them there last time because of the advanced things that might be hiding in there."

"I know and I agree with myself but someone might steal it without you checking on it as often as you used to."  He considered it and tapped his fingers a few times on his thigh.  "All right, Radek, move this to the tardis.  If she fusses, put it into the back room.  Not the control room please."  He nodded, getting help to move it.  He stared at Xander.  "It's hard not telling them."

"Radek," he said.  "Not me."

"He has to read the handbook too.  Plus your other one, Sheppard, and O'Neill just in case."

"Yes, sir."

"No more telling."

"I won't.  I didn't this time."

"Hmm.  You should have erased that mention."

"He would've realized it anyway."

"Good point."  He grimaced, looking around. "This is a bit ungainly."

"He can use it to design better things since he worked on this five years ago and his later one was the 302."

"I saw film of that battle."  He gave Xander a pointed look, getting a shrug back.  "Fine," he sighed.  "This time I won't spank.  What else did you find?"  Xander smirked and led him to one of the bedrooms, locking the door so he could open the panel in the back of the closet.  He stared at it.  "Pirates?" he guessed.

"This had been a personal cruiser that got an air leak and got fixed.  No one found it in sixty years.  The asshole told me how he had gotten it.  A young girl was running from her family's idea of marriage."

"Interesting."  He pulled out the pieces to look at, stuffing a few in his pocket.  "Not seen yet."

Xander took one back and held up the center stone from the back.  "Look familiar?"

He looked then gaped in horror.  "It's yours from your bracelet?"

"Different sun."

"Dawn?" he asked quietly.

"From Jack's family so probably."  He held up something else that he had already put into a drawer.  "Look familiar?"  The Doctor's shoulders slumped.  "According to the journal I found in there, she stole it from him, thinking it was a good luck charm, when she ran."

"So, we're thinking it was Dawn's great-grandchild?"


"He'll shit."

"He'll shit anyway since I traced the line and Madra is of the same line."

The Doctor snickered.  "He will kick his own bum for that."  He took the band to look at.  "It's still disabled at least."

"Jack's isn't."  He stared.  "So I think maybe that paradox engine worked at one time and then blew.  I can't be sure.  I have no idea about those things.  I didn't ask Radek."

"Thank you for that."  He put that into his pocket and the journal page with the charm.  "All right," he decided.  "Are you giving those to Dawn?"

"I was going to let her pick among four things when she comes of age."

"That's sensible."  He stroked his cheek.  "You rode the line well this time.  How far off ours do you think?"

"I think at least two realities over since that's locked up.  I know Jack's will work probably for good now."

"Hmm.  There's a way to tell."  He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and ran it over the page of the journal.  He nodded.  "Three over actually.  And you're right, that's Dawn's energy signature.  It passed down through her children."

"We're not sure if Dawn's going to be able to have kids here."

"I can check," he offered.  "But I'll tell Jack."

"I was going to bring him up and tell him, but if you want...."

"No, I'll bring him here and tell him."  He stroked his cheek again.  "Spank Radek?"

Xander smiled.  "He won't let me."

"I'll swat him myself then.  Good job riding the line.  Keep him from finding out."  He considered it, staring at him.  "Bring it back but hide it on Nila in a doorway, Xander."  He nodded at that, looking down.  "I'm not mad.  You did good."  He gave him a hug and a kiss on the temple, getting hugged back.  "I'll talk to him, make sure he knows where the line is drawn.  It's not good for you to keep secrets from him."  He kissed him again, giving him a squeeze.  "You're better?"

"A lot.  Still sore but I'm rebuilding."

"Excellent."  He smiled, getting a grin back.  "I do adore the challenges you give me."

"I found more of those slugs."

"Don't you dare," he said with a smirk.  "Feed them to Jack and Dawn."  He kissed him on the forehead, flipping the lock with a finger twitch.  "Radek."  He came in.  "Come, we will talk on the way to picking up Jack to talk to him about that stash."

"Stash?" he asked.

Xander nodded.  "Yeah, what I found in the closet."

"Oh.  He would not tell me."

"Excellent.  Come on, and bring Sheppard, and all the others who might end up traveling with him by accident."  He nodded, going to get them.  He walked them out to the tardis, talking to them about future laws and where the line was drawn about sharing things with the present.

They agreed so he landed at Torchwood and left them looking at the paradox engine for now.  "Owen, a pretty princess like always," he said dryly.  "Where's Jack?  It's important."

"How important?  He's with Dawn making her sorry for going out on a date with someone."

"Very.  Bring her too.  I need to scan her for a possible future event that might have warped back here."

"Sure."  He called him.  "The Doctor's here asking to scan Dawn for a future event warping back and needs to see you too.  Yes, in the office."

Rodney leaned out.   He looked up and tossed the handful of slugs at the pterodactyl.  She caught them and screamed in pleasure, munching them.  "Before he makes us eat coffee flavored slugs too."  He went back inside.

"He's your new companion?  Not as hot as the last few," Owen said.

"No, I'm reminding him of the future tech problem."  Jack walked in with Dawn.  He scanned her then looked at her.  "You won't be able to have children until your form finishes settling in.  That's why you're still having those charming flare ups, young lady."  He put the screwdriver away and stared at her.  "Probably about another five years."

"Did my mother ask you to check?" she asked.  "Or Xander."

"No, Xander managed to run into a ship off this time stream that related back to you."  He pinched her cheek.  "You look adorable today."  She beamed at Jack, sticking her tongue out.

"You still dated the loser bastard last night," Owen told her.  "So you're still grounded."

"She can help Xander plant if she wants."

"No thanks.  Taking him for long?"

"Just to look over this one.  We think it's off another reality."  He pulled Jack with him.  He waved before shutting the door behind himself.  He came out and scanned Gwen then looked at her.  "Those aren't fake pains."  She groaned.  He went back in there.  "Don't make me deliver it please.  I'm not that sort of Doctor."  He shut the door.

"Get her somewhere," Owen ordered.  "I'm not delivering her here!  There's no telling what might attack."

Ianto, calm as ever, got the keys while pouring his current cup of coffee into a travel mug.  "Shall we, Gwen?  We can get Rhys at the same time."  She nodded so they walked her out to the SUV.

Dawn looked at Tosh.  "I can rift watch if you want to go."

"I'll go later, when it's closer.  Labor can last for days."

"Okay."  They sat down to work together.  "He's really overreacting to a single date."

"He was a bit slimy."

"He's the only one who hasn't been scared off by Owen.  I don't know why since I'm not dating *him*."

Tosh smiled.  "I wanted him at one time but then I realized he's a snot."

"He can be.  Then again, he and Buffy, a lot alike.  Maybe that's why he and Xander had those few weekends."

"Could be.  I wonder how Xander is in bed."

"No clue.  He's like my big brother.  He cuddles really nice though."  She gave her a nudge and a grin.  "Right now, Xander's got two guys so he's not drawing evil girls.  We should all be thankful."

Tosh laughed.  "Quite possibly."  The monitor beeped but it was nothing.


The Doctor let the rest go after one last lecture.  Radek agreed with his points and apologized for spilling that future information.  He'd let Xander spank him for it too.  Might help them have some fun anyway.  The Doctor walked Jack onto the ship and to the room, finding Xander looking over the other stuff for energy signatures.  "The rest?" he asked, pulling it out.  He pointed.  Then he pulled out the journal page and crest, plus bracelet.

Jack saw it and looked at his then groaned.  He took the journal page, sitting on the end of the bed.  Xander moved something from under him but he didn't notice it.  "Here?" he asked finally, looking up at them.

"Three over.  Which is why I checked Dawn."  He stared at him.  "You have some spunky offspring."

"I do but none have been quite as bouncy and eat like a pregnant woman like she does."  He looked at Xander.  "You had no idea?"

"Found it on the way back."  He shrugged.  "No idea if there's others around the ship."

"We can scan it," the Doctor decided.  He walked out to do that, bringing in a few other things from that reality.

Jack looked at the rest of the journal and then the crest.  "She...."

Xander pointed.  "I bought that one to give me a good nursery area," he said quietly.  "I'd leave it to Dawn if she outlasted me."

Jack gave him a hug.  "She'll squeal and eat peanut butter on her ice cream again."  He let him go.  "Can I?"

"It's future to that line," the Doctor told him.

"I was going to let Dawn pick out a few of mine when she hits eighteen," Xander told him.

"That'd be nice.  She'd like that."  He looked at them again.  "Want me to hide them?"

"I'm fairly certain we're leaving that up to you," Xander said.

Jack nodded, sorting out the ones he liked.  Xander held up one.  He touched it.  "That's like your bracelet?"

"Different sun."

"Oh, damn.  Only Dawn..."

"Or you had another mage child.  The other things show taints of Dawn's energy weakened down."


"Basically."  He stared.  "If and when, I'll be there to hold her magic in."

"Please."  He ran a hand over it.  "Box?"  Xander pulled one from his office, taking the stuff out of it.  He looked at the miniature.  "Who was she?"



"Not a problem."  He grinned.  "Go ahead and use it."

Jack got the letter in the bottom out, glancing at it before handing it over.  "Future events for me."  Xander nodded.  "The twenty-ninth century?"

"You're the reason I have Morticia and Gomez," he said quietly.  "You knew I was going to get home and you snuck them in on me."  He gave him a hug.

Jack hugged him back.  "Thanks, Xander."  He got everything together and sniffled.  "I don't want to tell Dawn about this."

"So don't," the Doctor agreed.  "It wasn't in this reality."

"Did she look closer to immortal this time?"

"Still even between that and ascended.  The same as Xander usually reads."

"I nearly ascended while holding that shield over the building, but they blocked me.  The Powers That Be still hate me."

"Then they're frightfully dumb," the Doctor said.  "Clearly they didn't appreciate what they had when they had it."  He kissed him on the head, getting a grin.  "Come in, Evan."  He walked in.  "Good."  He smiled.  "We found out this was from an alternate reality."

"McKay told us that."

"It was one of Jack's great-great grandkids," Xander told him.

"Wow.  No wonder you had to get him."  He punched Jack on the shoulder.  "You good?"

"I'm fine.  Dawn dated a slimebag last night so I was reminding her that the family had standards, even if her mother had slummed to date her former husband."

"Yeah, truly with the way the douche cheated on her," Xander agreed.

"Then we'll handle it," Jack decided, closing the box.  "Thanks, guys.  This ship?"

"Is from a design Rodney made five years ago," Xander said.

"Ah.  So he's in geek love?"

"He's spotting things he could have done differently."

"Wonderful."  He hugged them both and patted Evan on the head.  "Quit being so jealous.  I'd never take him until after he had moped and grieved for your loss."  He walked out with the Doctor.  "Thanks, Doctor."

"Not a problem.  I wouldn't hide something like this from you unless it was from this time."  He grinned at that.  "He has to go pack up all his little hidden spots too," he called back into the ship.  "Before someone breaks into them."  He walked into the tardis.  "Giving you a ride back?" he teased with a grin.

"If you could.  I'm still a bit shaken and might land somewhen else."

"Of course.  Tardis Cab Service and all that," he teased.

Jack smirked.  "She likes me."

"Yes she does," he said, hearing the tardis purring in his mind.  "You and Xander."

"We do make a good team."  He stroked his arm.  "Thanks, Doc."

"You're welcome, Jack.  It was right to do."  He kissed him and turned on the engines, taking him home.  It was a nice homecoming.  Jack had to rush off to join them at the hospital.  The Doctor sat down to talk to Dawn for a bit.  She was almost a time traveler, with the way she was formed from an ancient set of energy.   It was going to be okay though.


Evan looked at Xander.  "How many little work areas do you have throughout time?"

"Three, four, something like that."

"Uh-huh.  Bring them home, Xander.  We'll help you hide them."  Xander beamed and took him with him.  One had been gotten into but they hadn't gotten anything important that Xander couldn't summon back.  One thing was still warm from use but it was a cutting head so no idea what it was for.  They left and it was back to the office.  He put the doors up and Evan asked the AI to cloak them.  Radek was in there eating lunch so he saw where they were.  "All his future stuff."

"I was given the rules," he promised, taking a kiss from each of them.  He patted Xander on the butt.  "I'm told you should spank me."  Evan moaned, sitting down to stare at them.  "I told Rodney some future events from around his great-niece's time."

"You notice he didn't ask about his kids," Xander said.  Radek smirked.  "So we'll see."  He looked at Radek.  "I can spank you now or later."

"Do it now so we can play later."  Xander sat down and he assumed the correct position.  Xander paddled him hard, making it a lesson he would remember, even through his pants.  He yelped at the last one.  Then Xander stroked over the soreness.  "Mean teasing me now."

Xander kissed him.  "He'll take one of us out if he has to, Radek," he said quietly.  "Even me or Jack, or one of his companions."

"I understand."  He took a kiss.  "Thank you for protecting me."  He took another kiss then sat down with a wince.  "We're decent," he called, knowing someone was listening.

Faith leaned in.  "You sure?  I can wait."

"He opened up some cans of worms and the Doctor ordered," Xander told her.  "That wasn't play."

"If you're sure."  She walked in and handed them food.  "Nila ordered."

"Thank you.  And thank you, Nila."

"You're welcome," his computer's speakers said.

Faith sat down next to Evan, looking at the hidden spot and scratching her arm.  "That feels like magic."

"That's because it is," Xander admitted.  "It's cloaked."

"Good deal."

He beamed.  "I could make another room up here I guess.  Store them in there."

"It wouldn't have the balcony or the view," Faith told him.


"You could move it out to me," Nila offered.

"Before we leave I will," Xander said.  He ate a bite before she nagged.  "I won't be unpacking everything in case we have to narrow the shields back down to a limited area."

"That's fine.  I look forward to it, Xander."  She went silent again.

Xander took another longer kiss, only looking up when Jack made a moaning noise.  "What?"

"Not in the office!" he complained.  "Anyone could walk in."

"They're of the opinion that they calm me down more than Armand does."  He looked around.  "Nila, where's Armand?"

"Looking at the eggs with Mira, cheeping at them."

"Thank you."  He ate another bite.  "They think Evan will keep me from grabbing another axe.  They consider Radek a god for making me hand over more information."

Jack smirked.  "Cute, kid."  He sat down and looked at him.  "You're out of contract."

"I know that."  He ate another bite.

"We should sign one or the IOA will say you're not supposed to be here.  Right now I know you're pissed at us."

"How did you like your interview?" he asked dryly.

"She made it pretty easy and realized I was a lot like you.  I hate attention.  I heard yours before I went on and she asked some really strong questions I wish like hell I had been free to answer honestly instead of giving hints."  He looked at them then at him.  "Major Lorne's time is up in another two weeks as well.  He has to reup if he's staying in the military.  Doctor Zelenka's is due in another six months."

"I can do an eighteen month reup like the specialists do," Evan said.  "That'll get us through the time back on earth and will let us make some choices then."

"That would," he agreed.  "You'd still have some lag with Doctor Zelenka's but I can rewrite his standard one for a year so you're all done at the same time.  Would that suit you, Xander?"

"I want Radek and Xander on me," Nila called.  "Not that dreaded woman."

"I know, Nila.  When you're on earth, Zelenka will be your chief and Miko will choose between the two cities."  Radek beamed at him.  "That means you'd be under Mitchell, Zelenka."

"I know.  Though, it may be that they might want to switch sometime and SG-1 will get Atlantis while SGA-1 gets Nila."

"It could be that we'll build another city and we'll all end up there," Evan quipped.

"Not yet we're not.  Her docking area is expensive and people are wondering," Jack noted.  "Her dock will be done in seven months.  We're moving you guys about then.  If we have to do it earlier, so be it."  They all nodded.  "For right now that's how things are going to stay."  He looked at Evan.  "That would leave you open to military head on Nila."

"That might be a conflict of interest though," Evan said.  "If we fight, it'll affect the city."

"True, but I doubt you guys won't keep it professional with the way you have up here."

"I'd have to think about that, sir," Evan admitted.  "I wouldn't mind but sometimes geeks drive me insane.  And wouldn't Mitchell be in charge?"

"He'd be governor, you'd be military head.  Like Weir and Sheppard had when they started.  The only problem is one you've seen.  The geeks may not like that and demand to have McKay, which would push you guys back to this city or secondary on Nila."

"Or we could build our own Atlantis 2 for spatial combat," Xander said.  "And then they'd want SG-1 there with geeks overtop of Nila."

"Which is a future option," he agreed.  "That may suit everyone.  Because the geeks are starting to gather, scenting the new tech."

"They're years behind," Radek pointed out.  "Thanks to the IOA not letting us publish."

"Please, God, yes, publish soon," he agreed.  "I've heard every geek whine about that."

"I write sucky papers," Xander admitted.  "But I was going to submit something for someone to help me."

"Get it," Jack ordered.  Xander got his copy over and handed it to him before sitting down nearly in Radek's lap again.  Evan grinned, rubbing Xander's leg since it was shaking.  "Post injury?"

"It shakes when it gets tired," Evan admitted.  "It's totally therapeutic, sir."

"I don't care," he told them.  "Just keep it at less touchy-feely and gropy around me.  I'm not used to anyone suddenly starting to make out, boys."  He read it over.  "It's understandable by everyone, so it needs put into academic language."  He kept going.  "Yeah, that's not a bad thing to put out.  Radek, help him with that?"

"Of course."

"Thanks."  He handed it back.   "Radek, do you have anything you can write up?"

"Ten or twelve dozen.  What topics should I start at?"

"The beginning, Radek.  You have to let them build up their own ideas instead of starting at the top," Rodney said as he walked in with food.  "See, I'm eating," he told the computer.

"Not yet you're not."

"Fine."  He sat down and stuffed his mouth, looking at the paper.  Radek handed it over at his stare.  He swallowed.  "Have Jackson polish that.  It's his field almost."  He handed it back.  "The people who called him a crackpot are going to shit when they realize he was right."  He ate another bite.

"Do you have any?" Jack asked.  Rodney held up three fingers.  "Fully done?"

He swallowed.  "All theoretical and ready to be printed."  He smirked.  "Based on work I was doing before we found Antarctica."

"That's fine," Jack agreed. "That's not too far ahead."

"Less science, more eating," Nila ordered.

"Why are you being so strict today?" Faith asked.

"Because long range sensors show another ship coming this way.  You'll need that food and might have to push dinner back."

Rodney gulped his lunch and headed down, Jack behind him.

"It won't be like the attack during the spores," Xander quipped.

Evan took a hard, fast kiss.  "Had better not be."  He left.  Radek followed with the remains of their trays.

Xander took Faith into his magic area to show her the garden area for magic herbs and the fountain.  She sighed in pleasure, walking around the area until the alarms went off.  Xander came out and closed off his office and bedroom formally and magically then went to help.  He was backup for the chair.  Him and Evan since John and Jon both flew.

Evan looked at the display.  "Shields up," he said.  "Drones ready."

Xander opened what was available to him.  "Cannon charging.  ZPM backup unit switched out.  First and third are still at around eighty percent."  Evan nodded at that.  He called down there.  "Radek, that one reads as less than twenty percent.  Yes, that one."  It got switched.  "There we go, that's at seventy-five.  It's perfect."  He signed off and let him do whatever he had to do.  "Shut all exterior access on the lower seven levels," he ordered the AI.

"The labs are overridden.   Botany and biology are wide open.  As is chemistry and the jumper bay," Atlantis told him.

"Override those."

"I cannot.  They are physically blocked."

"Botany, biology, chemistry, and the jumper bay, you are in danger if we have to sink down a bit due to physically blocked open doors.  Shut them now," Evan ordered.  "This is not a drill."  Two of them shut.  The jumper bay closed once the last one had launched.  "Botany and chemistry are still open."  He tapped his earpiece again.  "McKay, make Botany and chemistry close.  They're physically blocked open if we have to sink a bit."  He heard him snap orders and people run to make sure of it.  "AI, which opening is open in Chemistry?" he asked when he heard the report.

Xander complained but pulled up the internal display and magically moved the offending things.  He realized his plants were still outside and moved them into his magical area.  Then he panted and caught his breath for a minute.  "Closed?"

"Closed," Evan agreed.  "Thank you."  McKay reported they were going to be written up and the three things that had needed it were turned off.  "Shut down anything non critical or that could explode, McKay.  The display still isn't reading what the ship is."  He turned off his comm.  "Xander?"

"Undoing the internal display."  He finally got it banished and concentrated.  His mental shield went back up and it blocked more of the merman taint.  "Hey, it works better with my anti-possession shield up," he said dryly.

"Good to know," Sheppard said.  "Where is the ship, people?"

Xander looked.  "One pie slice to the right of you," he said.

Evan gave more precise directions.  "I've got to work on that with you, Xander."

"It's what the display shows," he complained.

"Focus," Evan said quietly, taking his hand.  He was sweating.  "What's wrong?"

"I feel light headed.  It's nothing."  He cleared his mind and everything came back into sharper focus.  "I have the drone repair and making facility back online."

Evan looked at him.  He was glowing.  "AI, raise the ascended shield in this room," he ordered.  She did so and Xander went limp and got back to normal.  "Keep it up if you can during the battle."

"Yes, Evan."

"Any ID on the ascended?"

"It appears to be one of the strange ones with tentacles."

"I'll beat his ex later," he decided.  She laughed.  "Colonels, ship ID is coming through, it says it is the US Pegasus?"

"Can't be, won't be made for another ten years," Xander said, scowling at it.  "Scan for the temporal energy signature," he ordered.  The AI found it for him and ran that subroutine.  "Aw, shit, we have a full time rip.  Mitchell, two slices ahead of you, scan for energy, but do not fire any weapon into it or it could close."

"Gotcha," he said.  "Found it," he called.   He sent that to the other jumpers.

"US Pegasus, this is the City Atlantis," Evan broadcast.  "In the year 2008.  It appears you are in the wrong time zone.  Halt engines immediately."  They halted.  "City Commander Sheppard is in one of the jumpers, the rip is behind you.  Let us know if you need support, Colonel."

"I will, Major, thank you."  He took over the talking.  The captain was one he knew now as a major on the base.  He was horrified and told him how the new weapon against the last few gou'ald had done this.

Xander got them turned around and made sure it was safe.  The guy greeted him by name and thanked him for the kick in the ass he needed to prove geeks could be warriors.  Xander said a quiet 'you're welcome' and let them go.  Once they were back through it wasn't shutting.  Xander scanned it again and figured out how to do it.  McKay had to calibrate the weapons by hand so John came down to get him while the other Jumpers guarded the hole.  They got it closed and it was better.  Xander relaxed.  Evan relaxed and brought down the shields.  They both winced at the incoming wormhole for the data burst.  It was still nearly blinding.  They sat there until John stomped in.

"AI, remove the ascended shield and zap her if she tries to possess him again," Evan ordered.

She huffed.  "Like I want in his head."  She smirked at him.  "You're being tapped," she said in a sing-song voice.

"I can't be tapped, Cordy.  I'm not under their authority by their very own admission.  The first time I blipped I was no longer theirs.  Atlantis, block off all communication from this room.  We can still hear it but not broadcast out please.  I'm about to yell at an ex."

"Of course, Xander."

Cordelia looked around.  "Another psycho girlfriend?" she asked.

"No, the highly intelligent, advanced, empathic AI for the city."  He smirked.  "She's smarter than Willow and a better friend."  She growled and narrowed her eyes.  He shrugged, still smirking.  "So, you came to lie some more?"

"They said you're being tapped."

"They have no ability to tap a time traveler, Cordelia, even one born on the hellmouth."

"You can't have," she said firmly.

He held up his blippy.  "Really?  You so sure about that?"  Whistler faded in.  "You know very well you can't."

"They need you, kid."

"I'll be damned."

"The world may end."

"If you're talking about the invasion in LA, we already know and have plans to support the teams there," John told him, leaning on the back of the chair behind Xander's head.  "It's shown in one of the later biographies of this time that he'd be finding a weapon to help since we'll be nearly home then."

"You looked at a book from the future?" Whistler asked.  "How?"

Xander held up his blippy to him.  He tested it and then groaned.  "As I said, they have no right to do or ask anything of or to me.  It's bad enough they keep sending her to annoy me and lie about me.  I've really had enough of the Powers, Whistler.  Recently the government made me pissed enough to want to say I'd never help in another apocalypse.  You guys, you're following the dance nicely."  Whistler blinked and sighed.  "So, the Powers, Ascended Lanteans or Ori?"  They both stared at him.  He waved a hand around.  "Welcome to Atlantis," he said sarcastically.  "Which one are they?"

"Ori," she said quietly, staring at him.  "You knew?"

"Yeah, I know.  You're a crap liar, Cordy.  You always were.  You apparently always will be."  He stared at her.  "So, yeah, not going with that plan and if I have to, I'll do to them what I did to Adria."  He beamed.  "And then drive them fucking over the edge until they decide to move on."

"Ummmmmm....." Whistler said, apparently his brain shut down.  "You can't do that."

"I can so."

"You're not one of them."

"No, they kept me from ascending," Xander said dryly.  "Pity."

"Oh, shit."

"We have a former ascended here.  Another one who nearly ascended for more than a few minutes, and then you have Xander," John told him.  "I think, between them, that things aren't going to be happy to keep fucking with him."

Xander kissed Evan, making him moan.  Then he smiled at Cordelia.  "See, that's what you missed."

"I moaned plenty."

"Xander, baby, I'm sore," Evan whispered.  She whimpered.  "Bubble bath?"

"I like bubble baths."

"You can tell me about that run down estate garden you bought."

"Sure."  He beamed at him.  Evan smiled back.  John had to cough to bring them out of it.

Cordelia sighed.  "Fine.  So we've lost you."

"Depends on what I think is necessary," he admitted.

She nodded.  "Good to see the backbone."

"You didn't see it earlier when I saved their asses against their wills?"  She moaned.  He smirked.  "So, anything else?  Because I'll be letting Faith and Buffy know."

"Damn it," she muttered and they left to tell the higher ups their plans were banished to the depths of the sewer system of the universe.

Xander looked at Evan.  "It's actually not run down.  It wasn't when I bought it."  He beamed and got up.  "We got a data burst."

"Cool."  He checked him over.  "Go rest."

"I'm fine."

"Go rest anyway."

"Bite me."  He went to grab the paper and talk to Daniel.  "As a matter of point, who is the chief linguist?" he asked him.  "Peter said he was and I said I am.  He got pissed when he heard me say I was."

"I don't know," he admitted.  "He has more time in.  You have more skills and do more work.  Still.   He does all the staff meetings."

"No one ever tells me."

"Good point.  Is this a matter of I'll have to yell at one of you?"

"No.  Just settling the point."

"Well you weren't second-in-command on the base, but we fired her twice for mistranslating on purpose and slacking.  We have six linguists left on base and only two are above you for time in.  Peter has more time in, most of the people up here do, but you're better and do more work, and have better skills."  He considered it.  "I'll ask Jack."

Xander nodded.  "Okay, that way we can settle it."  He tossed over a paper.  "Jack said to publish."

"Ah."  He looked it over.  "Needs language help.  Formatting some too since you wrote it like a high school paper.  We can work on that tonight?"  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Good.  Go rest."

"I'm fine."

"So?"  Xander walked off rolling his eyes, going to check on his plants then back down to the lab.  Daniel picked up a pen and got to work on the notes they'd need to tighten this paper up.  It was a good paper.


Daniel looked over the linguistics department before dinner.  "Xander asked a pertinent question about things.  Peter, do you really want to be in charge?"

"I do all the paperwork.  He never does."

"You never tell me," Xander said.

"That's because I thought I was the head guy."

"Enough," Daniel said.  "I can see how this is a problem.  Xander, you're basically the liaison between a lot of offices and the cities.  You work in physics with McKay, you work in botany,  you work on Nila's reconstruction, you work on the areas of this city that need it.  You translate more than the guys up here seem to.  For some reason they see you working and like the main base quit."  He glared at them for that.  They all gave him sheepish looks.  "You're more than a linguist.  You're really your own department so I'm going to move it that way.  Technically you're a linguist but you're so much more to the cities and projects.  So I'm going to name you the liaison officer between the military and the science corps."  Xander beamed at him.  "That means you have to listen to the whining when they feel the military is picking on them."

"And I'll teach them how to stop it."

"Even better.  You'll have to attend meetings."

"I've been bored.  They can't be worse."

"Yes they can," Peter said dryly.  "So he's still a linguist?"

"Yes, and do more of your own work," Daniel ordered.  "He and I are busy out making enemies."

"Or 5K runs," Xander quipped.

"That's how we did it at the mountain when they decided to slack.

"Or boot camp if they want," Xander offered.

"Get with Sheppard to make sure they're meeting demands and needs on both sides."  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Good.  Explain the city to the newbies too.  Some are very confused when a voice comes out of nowhere."  He closed his notebook.  "Also, we're in the pre-move phase.  We're being encouraged to publish.  Xander has submitted one for review and tightening.  Anyone else close to anything?"

"What is his on?" Peter asked.

Xander handed him a copy.  "A hypothetical linking language that we'll call Ancient for right now."  He grinned.

He looked it over.  "You even noted when it came from a discussion among us and who said it.  Nicely done."  He nodded, handing it back.  "I'll work on something to support that."

"Work on something linking other languages to it," Daniel ordered.  "He's got Greek and Latin.  He adds in some Egyptian and Summerian.  Add more to those or go with others that link in somehow."

Peter nodded.  "I can work on that tonight, boss."

"Thank you.  Now, any other problems?"  They all shook their heads.  "Xander, wield your new power gently please."

"Yes, Daniel."

"Thank you."  They all left for dinner.  Xander bounced around, wincing the whole time, to tell Evan and Radek that news.  Radek got him sitting down so his injury would quit hurting.  John came over to join them and talk about the boot camp situation.  They planned a refresher course for a day each month unless it was critical.  That way they would keep up on skills since none of them did range time.  Peter went to tell the other science heads about Xander's new job title so they were warned.  They had heard he was mean when Daniel wasn't there to lead the languages department on base.

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