The Incidences of The Blippy Dohickey 10: Ancient Blunders.
Xander blinked a few times as someone faded in. "Huh, the shields aren't working on you because you're ascended for a different reason. AI, ascended," he called quietly. The computer system that ran Atlantis froze her. "RODNEY!" he called. He and John came in from up the hall. He pointed. "She showed up at Cheyenne to tell them I wasn't any good."
Rodney and John sat down, John putting his feet up. John ordered the city to release her. "Good morning, Miss Chase," Rodney said. "Is there a reason for this visit?"
"Who're you?" she demanded.
"These are Rodney and John," Xander said. She spotted John and stared at him. "So, how is being a glowy squid girl?"
"What are you doing *here*?" she demanded.
"I'm translating. I do it very well."
She snorted. "You?"
"Yeah, me. Know something like forty-five languages," he said sarcastically.
Rodney patted him on the arm. "Don't worry. Miss Chase, did your entrance today have a reason? Or did you just stop by to irritate an ex-boyfriend?"
"How do you know me?"
"I did a memory review of Xander's life. I saw a lot of you."
"Excuse me? You guys wasted technology on him?"
Xander snorted. "Yeah, because I can use most of it. I'm an ATA carrier too." He beamed. "Plus, was kinda here before. Almost."
She stared at him. "What are you smoking?" she demanded.
He snickered. John shook his head. "Not smoking, Miss Chase. We have proof he was with the Ancients before."
"No wonder they stopped you from ascending," she said, staring at her boyfriend.
"Yeah, but the one I slept with wasn't too bad. More of a thrust and grunt sort than really good but, well, you know you take what you get sometimes."
"Yeah, I've had a few boyfriends." He beamed. "Why?"
"You fucking pervert," she said.
"No, I was protecting myself. I did get a lot of ass though. Male and female." He grinned. "You were still the one with the most fire."
She glared. "I hate you."
He shrugged. "They love me. I can live with that and my pet. And someday I'll get a new boyfriend."
She sneered. "You'll never ascend."
"I don't want to ascend. How fucking boring is your day, Cordy? You watch, you float, you moan and bitch that you'd do it differently." He grimaced. "I'd rather *live* life. And hey, you can watch me do that for centuries to come." He grinned. "Because I'll be doing things I wanted to do, and people I want to do, and all that for a very long time."
"You're not a time lord."
"I don't have to be. I traveled more than enough when I was trying to get home."
"You did have some amazing skills at missing your time zone," Rodney agreed.
Xander looked at him. "Did they confiscate yours?" Rodney nodded. "How did you power yours?"
"Not very effective."
"I can't shrink a star," he said dryly.
"Neither can I for the next year."
"Boys," John said. "We love our super geeks, they have a lot of interesting talks," John told her with a smug look.
She sneered. "He's not as smart as you think."
"He works, he's on away teams, he makes friends and trading partners very easily. His pet too. We love Xander around here, Miss Chase. I don't know why you decided to show up to nag but get to the point. He has things to do before he sleeps again."
"I shouldn't," Xander complained. "Nothing's getting done."
"You're still doing more than three quarters of our linguists," Rodney assured him. "We can let you slack while you recover." He patted him on the knee then looked at Cordelia. "Now, you had some sort of whiny, womanly complaint that we'll laugh at?"
She stared at him then at Xander. "Are they your choice?"
"I love both projects. My real office is in Colorado but I love it up here because of the ocean. I spent a lot of time talking to the local merpeople."
She rolled her eyes. "You really are the fuckup's answer to a mistake in action."
"Maybe, but I have friends that don't discount me anymore," Xander shot back. "They appreciate the hell out of me, even when I'm sick from burning out my reserves. Not like you guys or Buffy and Willow would've spent a week with me when I was in the water rebuilding enough that I'd be able to survive and not flame up in the infirmary. You might've visited, maybe cried, but they actually stayed with me. In the water, made sure I was comfy and got an IV to feed me, watched over me, petted me when I had nightmares, put up with Armand being fussy. I like them a hell of a lot better than I do you guys. They even try to understand stuff about me. Rodney wanted to burn the school and all of you."
"I can see her having a legitimate case for an argument," Rodney admitted. "But that was way too much to create an alternate universe. Especially for just mixing up your names. I mean, his love spell was bad, but yours...could've killed a lot of people."
"And it did in that realm," Xander agreed. "I'm going to call that one even," he said, staring her down. "So why the visit?"
"You're an asshole," she assured him.
He nodded. "Yup. I have that right after seventy centuries." She groaned. "So, why the visit beyond to chew me a new one?"
"You don't know what's in your immediate area, Xander. You lost your patrol touch." She stared at him.
"No, not fully. We're scanning the local space. We can do it better if you want. Am I going to have more visions? Since I've now had two."
"That's the freaky magic shit and the hellmouth. How would I know?" She sneered. "You're still a fuckup."
"Yay. That's why I passed mastery tests in *sixteen* fields, right?" She glared. He stared back. Then he yawned. "Sorry, still healing. And? Any other messages from on high?"
"They won't be happy to see you."
"No one is if they're fucking up. Were you?"
She snorted and faded out. "Pain in my ass."
"I can shift the pain forward, I did learn a *lot* about pleasure," he called. She let out a snort before she disappeared. He looked at Rodney. Who shrugged. Then at John. "There's other ancients around?"
"We'll look," he decided. "McKay?"
"Of course." He got up. "You're right, now I want to burn her for being intentionally such a bitch." He walked out. "Radek, pull up our scanning abilities," he yelled as he walked. Radek started to swear about being interrupted. "We think there's ancients still around. Xander's ex is ascended and said so."
"The one who nearly killed you!" he complained.
"No, his from high school. She even has tentacles." He shuddered and they worked on it until someone had to get approval for their project and didn't meet up to any sort of scientific principles or math ones. Then the yelling kept Xander awake for another hour.
Xander strolled to where the ancients in stasis had been pulled onto the city. They were awake and yelling at them to get off their city. "No, they won't," he said firmly. He'd kiss Jon later for telling him about this. The ancients stared at him.
"Xander?" one asked.
He nodded. "In my right time zone." He crossed his arms over his chest. "All your brethren ascended or died. This became an archeological dig site basically."
"It's our city," the other said firmly.
"Then next time, don't fuck up that way," he said back, staring him down. "And don't make me paddle your ass. I've already had words with Asha after he tried to kill someone while pretending to be me." He moved closer, pushing one on the chest. "I can understand why you guys ran from the wraith but it's our job now. Since these people out here are kin to us thanks to you guys. Plus, you guys made the fucking problem!" he shouted.
They both flinched back. "You will respect this city and it's present inhabitants. Or else I will crawl so far up your asses you'll wish you had ascended." He moved closer, staring at them. "Remember me as I was because I've had a few more years since then, boys." They both shrank back. "Now. All the ascended are presently banned from Atlantis after Asha pulled his shit. We have wraith and a new problem in this galaxy that we're handling while rebuilding things."
"How? We did not have the energy to fight," one said.
"The Stargate program is more stubborn, has more people, more weapons, and a shitload of experience after the gou'ald," John told him. "You can help us or we can let you gate somewhere you want to go. I'll have to tell you that half of the worlds have been culled bare though." They shuddered. "Now, are you going to be peaceful and less of an asshole to us?"
Xander snorted. "They were all arrogant because no one else could do what they did," he said dryly. "I twitted Asha on his ego many times. He called me a barbarian and I pulled out something from the future." He stared at them, noticing they were both pale. "I've had enough. I'm recovering from burn out. I'm tired. I feel like crap half the time and I need a lot of naps. This is now *my* city with them. This is the military commander in charge," he said with a point. "Colonel John Sheppard. This is Rodney McKay, he's the chief science officer. If you can be *polite*, I'll leave you with them. If not, I'll see if my dragon can eat you both."
"Your sacred egg hatched?" one asked.
"Armand!" he yelled. He came trotting in. "These are Asha's people." The dragon grew to sniff them, making them gape in awe. He smirked. "I love my baby dragon." Armand shrank and crawled up Rodney, getting glared at but petted. "That's fine. I'll take you in a minute." He looked at the two junior scientists. "Now, let's talk like civilized beings."
"You're still barbarians," one said. Xander grabbed him by his collar and walked him out, no matter how much he and his friend complained. He pointed. "Do you know what that is?" he asked.
"An ugly storage shed on our beautiful pier," he complained. Xander opened the door and he gasped. "There's no way!"
"There is a way," Xander chided. "And Doctor McKay would like to talk to you about how and why you harnessed ZPM energy." He kicked the door shut, then looked at the ancients. "Now, are you going to behave or can I feed you to our newest power source?"
"No one can end the wraith," the one not in a hold said.
"We've done a pretty damn good job of it so far," John said. "We've wiped out about a quarter of them. We've protected the city when they invaded. Now, you can stay if you're willing to be civil."
"You accept Xander as yours?" the one in Xander's hold said. Xander let him go. "He was an anomaly when he was with us."
"Yeah, he's like a little brother. We trust him to translate things," John told him. "He's helped us with a lot of things. We're his people."
"Oh. I see." They shared a look. They looked at Xander. "You fought in the last war for the city."
"And the rest of the project is dealing with the Ori, who they became," he said dryly. "This is my right time and my choice to fight with them."
The ancients nodded, looking at Doctor McKay. "We would like to see information on this power source as opposed to our ZPM's."
"Gladly. We've been looking at ZPM's for power networks on earth but couldn't make one safely."
"We will exchange then," one said. "It was a project I worked on but I was not the main one."
"That's fine. My lab is this way." He noticed Xander yawning. "Go rest."
"I'm fine." They walked back inside. He waved off the guards. "They've agreed to be civil. We're going to the labs." The guards nodded and followed.
"You are in good standing?" one asked Xander quietly.
"I'm their translator geek," he said with a smile. "On both bases. I now know about forty-five of them."
"It's good that you made it home, Xander, and that they understand you." He looked at John once they were in the transporter. "You know he is a warrior and a lover?"
"Yes. I've seen him in battles with the wraith. I've seen some pouty ex boyfriends too."
"Yes, Asha did pout when he stomped off." He sighed, looking at Xander as they beamed and landed. "He is fragile," he told John as they walked up a hallway. "He can but he needs stability. Asha could not because he was interested in other matters."
"We know he could use a good boyfriend but for now he has friends who like and respect him. We expect him to do some of the strangest things. Including going into a battle rage right after saving the world." He smiled back at Xander, who shrugged. "With a battle axe against guns."
"I was lost in the haze of the power drain. I had a migraine, and I was at the point of passing out when I got back there. I was absorbing energy and then suddenly I got grazed, and well...it slipped." Both ancients stared at him. "Yes, like that battle. My axe and I had a good, long migraine that day. Then I went purring hyena."
They both shuddered. "We could not remove that taint from him," one told Rodney.
"Us either but we accept him for it. Even when he has nightmares and sleeps in an atrium. Or in the corner of my lab or the command center." Xander shrugged at their odd looks. "We're just pleased he's now doing it clothed."
"No one put boxers on me," he pointed out. "And I wasn't in any shape to put them on myself."
"I realize that now," Rodney said dryly. He walked them into the lab. "Radek, Miko?" He waved. Radek bowed slightly and said something in his native language. Miko did the same. "These are my two competent ones. Unlike half of the rest." He stared at the board someone had messed up. "That's not human math!" he shouted up the hallway. "Leave it alone!"
"It makes no logical sense!" a female shouted back.
Xander leaned out. "I learned it long before the ancients were grunting, pointing, and going 'fire pretty'," Xander called. "Since they had space drives it apparently worked for them." That got a mass groan. "We know it doesn't match to human math. There's a multiplier." He smiled at Rodney. "Sorry to take your complaining time."
"I believe I have more important things to do today than complain. Go rest."
"Go rest? Yes, you shall," Rodney interrupted. "Colonel?"
"Xander, go nap."
"I'm fine," he nearly whined.
"Jon?" He came to get him and take him back to his room. "Thank you. Armand too if you would." Armand growled. He glared. "You can go rest with the daddy. I promise they won't be mean to the city." Armand settled himself on a bench and watched. "Fine," he sighed. "No one can reason with you but Xander."
The ancients smiled and one shrugged. "He is his sacred egg." He pointed at the board. "May I?" Rodney handed him an eraser and they got to work writing out the power formulas they knew. Rodney pulled up his research on the ZPM's, including the accidents that had happened.
"We had one such," the other ancient sighed. "We had a way to make it safer."
"If I could have found it, I would have. That's why I let Xander show me other energy sources when I found out he knew some."
They smiled. "He is very likeable, even if you can't agree with him."
"Yes he is. I consider him like a mischievous little brother."
"I wish he had attached himself to me instead of Asha. I might've been happier," the one not doing the math admitted. "Asha was nearly ill with his possessive nature."
"I saw that," Rodney said. "He wouldn't have minded if Asha had liked him for himself, not seen him as some sort of gifted toy that fell from the sky into his garden."
The other one nodded. "Xander needs someone who is there for him and only him." He wrote another formula. "Have you seen this one?"
"I have and it's when we had the accidents."
"Hmm." He corrected a few things and let him know where the manufacturing process was.
Xander wandered in three hours later and took the laptops away from everyone. "The city says that someone was trying to undermine the shield." He yawned. "Don't fuck with the shield. I don't want to have to destroy an ascended being today." He stared at the one who probably had done it. The man gaped. Xander stared harder. He shrank back. "Thank you." He handed them to Rodney. Then he wandered off. "Armand, dinner." The dragon hopped down and followed him.
"Shoes and shirts are mandatory in the caf," Jon shouted after him.
"Good!" He walked into the lab. "Sheppard wanted to make sure you didn't need an ATA carrier, McKay."
He smirked. "Probably later."
"Yay," he said flatly. He walked off, going to make sure Xander ate this time. He hadn't eaten in days as far as he knew. He walked Xander into the caf, filling a tray but getting a grimace. "You have to eat. If you don't eat, I'm going to sit your ass in the infirmary."
"Thank you." He put him out on the balcony since there was a breeze. Armand liked that too. The moons were up. Xander was eating slowly but eating. Eventually he put the whole contents of the tray down and sighed in displeasure. Jon stared at him. "It's been too long since you did that and you need to so you finish healing. I can't take you on missions until you're a hundred percent."
"How's your rebuilding going?"
"It'll be a year before I have serious magic again."
"Okay, good to know. The shrinking spells?"
"Independent, same as my office is."
"Excellent." He pushed over an extra glass of soda, getting a grin and the boy drinking. Then suddenly he heaved and moaned, holding his head. "What?"
"The wraith." He got up and ran to the labs. "Rodney!" He came out to stop him. "Wraith are nearby."
"How can you tell?"
"I have no clue."
"Okay, we'll scan." He did that from the labs. "There's no signs."
"They can cloak," Xander reminded him.
"This should pick that up."
Xander shook his head. "No, it won't. Jon?" Since he knew he was following him. "Puddle jumper?"
"We can do that." He went to get one checked out. Sheppard gave him a dirty look. "Xander somehow thinks he sensed wraith."
"No clue. Nearly made him puke dinner."
"Go for it. Let me know."
"He said they can cloak?"
"Barely. We should be able to pick that up."
"Maybe space will help him settle down." He filed the plan and got the jumper ready while Xander got some things. Including the little crystal box. "I want that inside something airtight, Xander. Just in case." Xander put it in one inside the puddle jumper. Jon took them out and low flying across the ocean to the mainland, then up. That way no one could find the city from space. They made it and he scanned. "No strange energy signatures." Xander pointed. He scanned that area. "No."
"Yeah." He stared then activated something on the flight controls.
"Jumper 3, what are you doing?" Sheppard asked. "It looked like you just cut life support."
"I did not," Xander retorted. He restarted something and then activated something else. "There," he said, pointing at the energy spot.
"That's a wormhole," he announced. "We do have an incoming wormhole, Colonel." He scanned it again. "Looks bigger than the Daedalus's version." It opened and a smaller ship came out. "That's not right. They have more than one."
"We have a mega hive if that's any indication," Xander said. Another one came out and then a third, huge one. "Yup, we have spotted a huge ass hive, Colonel. And even I'm ready to piss myself."
"We can't lead them back to the city," Jon complained.
"Beam the life vine to the big mutha," Xander ordered calmly. "Then we ... probably have no weapons?"
"Very few," Jon admitted.
"Fuck me," Xander muttered, staring at it. Jon did beam the life vine into their ship. The power dropped considerably. "That won't work," he said in a quiet sing-song voice.
"No, that vine's still really potent," Jon promised. They tried to beam it off the ship but oh well! Soon that ship was shaking and a few pods came out. "Damn it, we could use the space ships."
"We can't. The shield has to be up on the city." He considered it. "What do we have for weapons? Anything the size of a tactical nuke?"
"No. Those are special ammo, not regular ammo," Jon said dryly. "Are you carrying anything spectacular?"
"I didn't stop to put anything on." They watched as that ship disintegrated. "That didn't take long."
"It's probably really old." They watched as one half got power restored. They shared a look but the scanners said the plant was on that side too. Pretty soon, no more power there either. "I might be able to beam a sample of the plant onto the other ships," Jon said, trying that. It worked partially. The smaller ship went down. The pods were still a problem but they could shoot at them. They ran out of ammo fairly quickly but Xander reconfigured something and an energy beam came out to cut the pods open. That left one bitty ship. Xander thumped his head against the head rest. "We don't have power to do it again."
"We're out of real ammo." Xander checked himself, coming up with something. It glowed. "Xander, what's that?"
"Practical, stored energy. I won't have to do more than rest later." He went into the back and fed it into the tube that would fire it. It powered it nicely when he reconfigured it. "Now."
Jon took the shot when it was in range and perfectly centered. It blew up too. "Atlantis control, this is Puddle Jumper 3, we're good. Any other signs of wormholes coming up out here?"
"Negative that we can see. Do another scan," John Sheppard ordered. Jon did that and fed it back. "Good work. Get back here. Does he need a doctor?"
"No, I need a nap and some ice cream," Xander said as he sat down in the copilot's seat again. "And more flying lessons."
"When you can stay awake for a whole day," John said patiently. "Since you can use the chair too." A few people around him apparently choked. "Get back here."
"Coming in," Jon agreed, setting that course. They landed inside the city a few minutes later and he walked out with Xander. "Here you are," he said, handing him to Doctor Keller.
She scanned him then handed him back. "Just tired. Make his dragon fuss."
"Sure, I can do that. Ronon, take him to your petting buddy?" Ronon snorted but took him with him. Armand still loved his hair. He handed the expanded dragon his human, getting a hair nuzzle. "He's fine. Just needs a nap." The dragon cooed and pulled Xander onto the bed, shrinking down to cuddle him. "Good." He left, going to the control room. "Any hope they were alone?"
"I'm hoping that really ancient, huge hive wasn't an indication," John admitted.
The ancient watching looked at him. "What did they beam over?"
"It's something called a life vine. Xander found it during his travels. If you put it on a space ship, it sucks all the air out of it." He stared in horror. John shrugged. "It's very useful."
"I can see why. It is very cruel."
"They feed on people. They were going to attack us and cull us as food. I'm not going to let that happen." The stargate opened and the computers all beeped. Then it closed. "Must be new email day. Chuck, what came in?"
"A lot of emails, sir, and two for you. Official from General O'Neill."
"Thanks." He went into his office to open them.
Rodney smiled at the ancient. "I created a compression formula so we could send information back to earth without using a lot of energy." He walked him off. "I'll check mine in a bit."
The ancients shared a look. This was not their ways. It was almost obscene.
John came into the lab a bit later with Kissen and Jon Tyler-O'Neill. "I have news and I have orders." Faith peeked in. "C'mon. It involves you." She walked in and stared at him. "First, Kiseen, you're being moved from team 25 to SGA-14. You have half a team already, and you're adding this one," he said with a point at Faith. She gasped. "They are mostly diplomatic but you know how things are." He looked at Faith. "As you get better and pass boot camp, you can start going through the gate but you have to keep up your classes. Agreed?"
"Yeah," she breathed. "Thank you."
"Not a problem," he assured her with a smile. "You're a huge help up here, Faith. We like you for who you are, not what you can do." He looked at Jon, then at Kissen. "As for your old team, SG-25 is on temporary assignment up here for the next five months. Lieutenant Colonel Tyler, you're now in command and there is news from the Pentagon."
"Beyond my rank raise?" He took the email to read, then burst out laughing. "He might run."
"I figure he might," he agreed. "We're doing it there in a week." He looked at Kissen. "Due to the plague shield, Xander was awarded a commendation and a Medal of Honor." Kissen beamed. "For that little battle afterward, he received a purple heart and another commendation. If he was enlisted, he'd be jumped a few by now. You, Tilla, Kissen, and Fischer were all also awarded medals, which is why you jumped rank." He handed that one over too, smirking now. "You're to show up in a week for it."
"Yes, sir, I can do that," he said dryly. "I hate medals."
John smirked. "I should tell them about earlier."
"You do and they'll make Xander go back to Colorado."
"Good point. By the way, Miss Summers will still be around then. Apparently this apocalypse isn't a one-shot one."
"I can go help," Faith offered quietly.
"She has two SEAL units and a unit of Army Rangers, Faith." She beamed at that. "Yeah, the private email I got said she's hitting on all of them." He saluted and Jon and Kissen saluted back. "Tell the others." They went to do that. He smirked at Rodney and Radek. "How is her school stuff going?"
"Excellent," Radek promised. "She has made good progress."
"Good. Keep me in the loop." He walked off. Xander could swear when he woke up. Though he'd probably have a clothing fit since he didn't have a dress uniform.
Xander looked at the mini-general the next morning after he quit swearing about the medals. "What do I wear?"
"I was ordered to continue doing that anyway," he said dryly. "To get the medals?"
"Civilian Specialist," he pointed out, then sipped his soda.
"Fuck no and fuck no? Well, I own a few but no."
"Leather pants are always appropriate," Ronon said as he sat down. "Why are we arguing about clothes?"
"I have to accept medals, Ronon. They're going to *reward* me." The bigger warrior laughed, clapping him on the back. "Since I don't have a uniform to wear because I'm not enlisted, I have to figure out what to wear. And who is going to take care of my nursery in that time?"
"You don't have the energy to undo and then redo your office," Jon pointed out.
"I know, and that sucks. I miss my nursery and my books and my lounging couch. And if I find that one bitch on it again I'm going to beat her ass."
"Daniel said he was feeding your plants, even the ones in the tiny nursery. Dawn's been helping him," Jon assured him. "So has Fischer's crush." Xander shuddered. "What did she do to your lounging couch?"
"She had dirty, nasty dreams on it. I'm the only one allowed to do that. It stunk too. She sweated and got female fluids on it and all that."
"Eww, TMI over breakfast," Jon complained.
"I'll quit if you will." Xander smirked at that. "They should give you enough time to change, hug Dawn, and check on your office."
Xander sighed. "If the spells are warped because of something I might have to take them down and redo them. I think Willow was trying to help," he said at Jon's look at him.
"Perhaps," he admitted. "We'll see." Xander nodded, getting back into his food. That was good to see him doing on his own without nagging. "What sort of suits do you have?"
"The Doctor said I needed suits so he sicced Donna on me to buy some." He stuffed his mouth. "That's strange. The telltale I have on my office just went off." He checked his wrist, then sighed and went to find it. It'd make him ache but oh well. "Going to see who just fucked up in my space," he called into the lab as he walked past it. He got outside because he couldn't mute the flash this time. He landed in the general's office. "Who's in my office?"
"I don't know," he admitted, staring at him. "Are you better?"
"Slightly." He walked down there, grabbing someone by the back of their neck. "What the hell are you doing?" She screamed. He slammed her forehead into a wall. "Bitch." He walked in there and sighed, sending everything to a new doorway. Then he sucked in the spells and redid them, giving himself a bit more room this time. His chairs had been cramped.
"You can't!" she shouted.
He took off his shirt and pointed at a mark on his shoulder. "Really? You think?" She gasped, backing away from him. "My training master didn't see a problem with it. So shut your hole, bitch." He pulled everything back from that temporary doorway and it all settled nicely into place. He checked, his nursery was fine. He checked his library. Dawn and Daniel were fine. Dawn gave him a rib crushing hug. "Hey, munchkin."
"I miss you."
"I miss you too." He kissed her on the head. "But I'm not supposed to be here." She pouted. "One week and then there's a medal thingy." He shrugged. "Take good care of my plants. I can't replace most of them outside of the ones in Botany."
"I will." She beamed. "You have latin porn?"
"Yeah, and got in trouble for moaning in here to drive someone off." He went to stop her before she did it again, taking the small instrument and tossing it to the floor so he could stomp on it. Then he smiled sweetly and pulled out down a single headed axe. "Why are you in this facility? You're not wearing military clothes. Are you supposed to be here?"
"No, she's not," Landry said from the hallway. "Guards." The MP's stepped forward to take her. "Xander, she's Area 51."
"Ah." Xander smiled sweetly at her again. "I'll destroy your petty project and then cackle. I can buy your whole base and then fire every last one of you that doesn't have ethics."
"You can't do this to your office!"
"I can so. They gave me a closet for an office. It wasn't very comfortable." She sneered. He smacked her on the cheek with the axe, knocking her unconscious and to the floor. "That's better. Now let's see who you really are." He unhid her spells, making the MP's give him horrified looks. He waited until she woke up and smiled, wiggling his fingers. "Did you not hear I was Buffy's backup?"
"You'll fail," she sneered, standing up again. "We won't let you succeed."
"You've already failed, demon. Really." He swung and took her head off. It was still trying to talk. He smirked and punted it up the hallway. Then he got the spot on the body that killed it. The head was still alive through and trying to swear at him. "Dawnie?" She came out. "Burn it."
"Sure. Head and all?"
"No, let it swear for a bit. She might regenerate her body in a few months' time." He cleaned the axe off on his t-shirt and looked at the stunned MP's. "Demon," he said with a point. "I used to hunt the bad of their kind. They *really* hate to see me succeed." They nodded and took a step back. "Chill, guys. I'm peaceful if you are. She was trying to ruin my office." He put the axe back and looked at the general. "I hate suits and ties and medals."
"Decent clothes," he said with a sigh. "How many more are on base, Harris?"
"Twenty-three and they're all peaceful sorts. Most of them are Marines." That got a grimace but a nod. "She's a bitch. Her whole species are bitches. They're going to get me up their asses in a few weeks." He smiled sweetly at him. "I hate bitches."
"No wonder you let someone else deal with Willow then," Dawn said dryly. "Should I burn her here, General?"
"No. We have an incinerator. What about her head?" He looked at it. It was still swearing. "Should we take any precautions?"
"It might grow a new body," Xander offered. "No idea otherwise. If she wants to she can toss it in with the rest."
"I'd rather she didn't." He looked inside. "Nice job, Harris."
"Xander, you have a suit," Dawn pointed out. "I did your laundry for you."
"From the twenty-ninth century."
"Leather." He nodded with a grin. "I need a new pair. I lost weight." He sighed. "And I need to bring stuff up there. I don't even have my brand of soap." He gave the general puppy eyes.
"Take her with you. She wanted to hug you some more probably. Jackson too if he's not busy."
"I'm looking for a reference," Daniel called. "I don't go into leather shops since Vala dragged me, General."
"Take Vala," he decided. "Do not let her shoplift." He nodded ad they went to gather her once the pieces were in the incinerator. Landry went to have a few tums. The MP's asked for the day off to get drunk, which he approved of, and it might go okay.
John Sheppard looked at the boy as he reappeared in the control room. "That was a long trip to save your office," he said dryly.
"The Doc didn't even bring me shampoo. I'm clearly borrowing since it smells like flowers." He grinned. "Dawn helped. We even picked out something for the medal ceremony. Without war paint." He carried his six bags off. The last one he had to come back and get.
John shook his head. "It's good he's feeling better," he decided. Doctor Keller got sent to check him over about twenty minutes later when Rodney found him sprawled, still dressed, on his bed. So maybe he was still in the napping phase of recovery. Though, shopping with a teenage girl could do that to a body.
Xander came down the ramp at Stargate Command, nodding at those gathered. "Sirs," he said, doing a perfect salute.
The general blinked. He was in dark brown leather pants that were nearly too tight to look at comfortably. A black t-shirt. And an earring. "Body jewelry?"
"It marks my status as an adult. One of the places I went made me take a manhood test. Talk about pain."
"Would you like to change, son?" Landry asked.
Xander looked at himself then at him. "No. Why? It's a hunting outfit. Suitable for off-world missions because the leather will act as light body armor and the packs fit easier on it. I was advised not to wear my weapons today, General."
The general nodded. "That's a good idea. You sure? The boots comfortable? All that?"
"I broke them in earlier."
"Fine." He looked at the rest of the team. They were in dress uniforms. "Meeting room." They went up there. He walked off shaking his head.
"Good, you put back on those five pounds," Dawn said with a grin. "Ooooh," she said, staring at the rest of the team. "Wow." Xander pinched her. "Hey! I can appreciate!"
"Do it without the drool," he said dryly.
"Nope, won't happen." She wiped it off though. Jon just smirked at her. Yeah, she had her first real swooning crush. "Are you single?"
"Very at this point in time but I'm not looking."
"Sorry. There's things you don't know."
Xander nudged him. "Remember when I told you about that thing that you might have to guard for me some day if I'm on Atlantis?" He nodded slowly. "That's Dawn."
"Oh!" He shook her hand. "Then I'm still single and not looking at this time but you're too young for me being jailbait." She beamed at that. "When you've joined, then see me if I'm single."
"I can do that."
Jack cleared his throat. "Do I get to know?"
"No," Xander said.
"Fine. Do you want to change?"
"It's a good hunting outfit. Even Ronon and Teyla liked it."
"That doesn't really surprise me," he sighed. "Fine." Everyone else came in and he preformed the medal ceremony. The kid's went on his Atlantis leather jacket. It went well with the outfit. The brown was just dark enough to go well with the black leather. He saluted, they saluted, Dawn squealed and pounced Xander. It was a good day. They went to the mess to eat.
Cam Mitchell and Sam Carter walked in together, chatting. "Wow, dress clothes," he said. "And Xander in leather."
"Medals," Xander said. "You can join us. I'm not biting today."
"Protect me from the young one there?" Cam teased.
She looked him over. "You are fine but so much too old for me," she said with a smile. "Even if you're like God's gift to virgins, not happening."
Cam laughed. "Not hardly though I am a pilot."
She shrugged. "Top Gun was gay." He nodded at that, letting Sam get them food. "He's had a lot of gay movies. Interview with the Vampire, which totally sucked on the illogical side."
"There's no such thing as vampires," one of the linguists said.
"Don't make me take you to Sunnydale," Xander said bluntly. He knew the crew that had been helping Buffy had reported for briefing and begging for help. He huffed. "So, have you actually done your own work? Or do I have to find my very special panther skin whip?" The linguists all shrank down. He beamed. "Because I'm not going to be back for months. Someone's got to do the work."
"Why do you have something made in panther skin?" Cam asked. He took his tray from Sam, who sat a bit up the table on Jon's other side.
"It was a gift at my manhood ceremony. The tribe that made me do one decided I was more than good enough for it and marking."
"I saw the earring," Dawn teased.
"Same people. I nearly got a huge tattoo too."
"Spike got one recently," Dawn told him. "It's a small stake with blood."
He rolled his eyes. "How is his thing with Buffy?"
"People told me it was gross so I couldn't talk about it."
"Good point." He dug in. She looked and moved things before eating. "It's really good food, Dawn."
"I got into the dried snacks," she said. "Eww, Xander."
"They're kinda tasty," he admitted with a grin.
"I noticed that but still...ewww."
"Eating," Cam and Jon complained.
"Fine, I'll share that later."
"If it's that bad, don't," Cam ordered.
She stuck her tongue out at him. "Spike told me I'm an evil, torturing wench."
"Is that why you had the crush on him?" Sam asked.
She glared. "No! It's because he's nice, sweet, very good to his girlfriends that I've seen, and he's a nice guy. Every woman should have a man like Xander in their lives. That way they could balance out the work stuff with the pleasure stuff and the life stuff to make them happier. Like Anya was when she wanted to be."
"We drove Anya away once," Cam told her.
"We heard. You took away her orgasms. She was not a happy former demon." She looked at Xander. "I saw Cordelia."
"Yeah, we did too. Apparently her bosses aren't happy."
"Yay them," she said sarcastically. "They need to be on Anya's orgasm plan too."
"Eww, no one would have them."
"Probably true," she admitted. Then she added ketchup and pepper to her eggs before eating them. "So, going back?"
"I can get emails. Quit swearing too."
"That's good! We miss your tired, oversexed butt."
"Yeah, I need a new boyfriend or girlfriend," he admitted, digging in again.
She looked at Cam. "Well, you said you're a pilot so therefore you do gay things with joysticks, right?"
"Not, not really."
"Crap." Jon was choking. Sam was trying to help him. "If not, can you find him someone decent?"
"We've been looking," Sam assured her.
Xander looked down at her. "Teyla introduced me to a nice young woman but she decided that since I couldn't have kids she didn't want me."
"I don't blame her. Their society is too small to have non-breeders."
"I think her thing was more that she wasn't feeling the bad girl vibe," Xander admitted.
Cam shook his head. "We need to find you a good, steady, someone," he agreed.
"Speaking of, is she giving you problems again?" Xander asked.
"Who?" Sam asked.
"We haven't seen or heard about her in weeks," Cam admitted.
"Good. Hopefully by the time I get back I can handle her again."
"We all hope so," Daniel promised.
Jon finally calmed down. "Dawn, most pilots aren't gay. No matter how bad that movie was."
She shrugged. "All I know is you guys play with joysticks a lot. Flying, video games." She stuffed her mouth at Xander's look. "Buffy's new tape said they are."
"When did your sister loosen up enough to buy smut?" he countered.
"I don't know but Mom giggled her butt off about it." She stuffed her mouth again.
"Really, pilots are often the most wanted of all military guys," Jon told her.
She shrugged. "How would I know? Buffy doesn't even want me to date. Plus I had to hear Anya tell me *six times* what boys are good for."
"I think we can correct that," Sam said firmly. "Clearly she gave you the wrong talk, young lady."
Dawn looked down at her. "I did get a lot of opinions on who's more fun. Plus not to get pregnant because it'd suck and screw up my life majorly."
Xander nodded. "Yes it will when I lead you both to the altar at gunpoint." She sighed, shaking her head. "Not kidding," he assured her. She pouted. He stared back. "Not even Joyce will stop me if you get knocked up. I'll let her sob about how pretty we make you but you'll go with a nine mil in your scalp. He'll go the same way."
"You make such a good big brother," she teased.
"Yes I do." He smirked. "The same as if Daniel or Sam will introduce you to nice guys I'll make sure those boys know not to touch you yet."
"I'm sure they won't," Sam assured him. "There's a few younger sons of the soldiers around here. We can see where they let their kids go for clean fun. Because I'm not going to let you date. Your mom would be pissed."
Dawn shrugged. "Not really. Buffy would be pissed but she was going on dates at my age. She had a boyfriend she didn't sleep with."
"You're fifteen. You're a few months younger than when she met Angel," Xander said quietly.
"No thanks. Love like that maybe. Angel dating, no. I'm not into Angel's angsty type. Broody does not do it for me."
"Back then he was dark, mysterious, popped up to give cryptic advice then disappeared. He wore a leather jacket. He was the broody bad boy figure."
She snorted. "Give me a cleaner boy who doesn't use that much gel any day."
Xander nodded at Cam. "Talk to him about any friends' sons." She pouted at him.
He smirked. "If you behave, maybe." She gave him a hug. "Thanks, sprout."
"I'm not that short. Buffy's shorter than I am now," she said proudly.
"Yes she is," Xander agreed. "Is that my shirt?"
She looked then nodded. "Yup." She beamed. "Your cologne smells good and you are just like my nagging big brother."
"Good point. As long as I get it back sometime." He ate another bite. "Daniel, I got to teach Teyla's people how to make pemican."
Daniel looked down at him. "Ancient power bars?"
"The modern ones are gross."
"Yeah, but pemican isn't much better," Cam pointed out. "We had some on that one trip when we got trapped in that cave."
"Next time, bring more food then," Xander said dryly.
"I will next time." He ate another bite. "I know there's a teen club downtown."
"We have an all-ages club in town," Xander told him, looking at Dawn. "But when I clubbed in town, they thought I was too intense."
"I learned how to dance like Buffy."
"So you dick tease?" Xander asked dryly.
"Yes." She looked at him. "I'm sensing a Scoobie story?"
"She did it to make Angel jealous."
"My sister is not always the nicest creature on the earth," she pointed out dryly. Then she ate a bite of meat. "I'm nicer and yet a bigger protective bitch of what's mine."
He smiled. "Good. A woman should be protective of what's hers."
"Any girl steps up on what's mine, I'm going to beat her," she agreed. She smiled at Sam. "I'm sure you're like that."
"I haven't dated in a while but yeah, I am." She smiled at her team. "I've had to beat up on a few things to protect the team."
"Good. That's a smart woman trait. Now all I need to do is find someone to be mine."
"You're fifteen," Xander reminded her. "You've got years."
"Fine." She dug in again, concentrating on her plate.
Cam patted her on the back. "There's a lot of men out there and most of them will grow up to be decent."
She looked at him. "Yeah but at our ages, they suck. They're more concerned about panty points and bases than a real woman-to-be."
"Yeah, you'll get that through college," Cam assured her with a grin. "Men start realizing panty points are boring and pathetic sometime in their undergrads."
"Damn, I guess I'll have to play until then."
Xander snorted, shaking his head. "Hell no."
"Sam, did you have that problem?"
"My dad was career military, Dawn. I only dated military boys and he met them with his sidearm and they knew he could kill them. I was in college before a boy was anything but respectful to me."
"There's respectful groping?" Daniel asked.
"They asked permission and took no for an answer," she said dryly. "Mostly because they knew my father would beat them to death."
"We have the shovel method in the Scoobies," Xander assured her, smiling at Dawn.
"I know," she assured him. "You'll beat whoever doesn't treat me well with a shovel."
"Yup." He ate another bite then looked at his tray. "What is that?"
"Citrus," Cam said dryly. "I know Atlantis has to not serve any."
"They do, they just keep things separate for Rodney's sake." He looked at Dawn. "You'd like him and John. John's like a big brother and Rodney's like a fun, mean uncle."
"Cool. I hope I meet them some day." She smirked. "And anyone cute up there."
"Plenty of cuteness who'd see you as jailbait," Jon assured her.
"I'm not *that* young," she complained.
"Yeah," he snorted. "I'm sure. You're fifteen."
"I could be a mother twice over in some countries and married too."
"Don't make me go defend those women's rights," Xander said dryly. She smirked back. "Thou shalt not marry yet. Or have kids."
"I'm not ready for them yet," she assured him.
"Good! Because I'm not ready to be an uncle."
She smiled. "Of course you are since you're like my big brother." She noticed a few people watching them and tapped, then nodded. He rolled his eyes. "You sure?"
"Very." He stood up. "Guys, this is my near-little-sister, Dawn," he announced, pointing at her. "She is fifteen but may flirt. Assholes who treat her badly will be sparring with me. Those who she likes and flirts with, as long as they're nice and decent to her, I don't care. She could use more people to be around who're decent. Her sister's a warrior, her mom's wonderful, and she's not used to a lot of people." She smiled and waved. "Let me know if there's a problem." He sat down. "There, that takes care of any problems."
"So we can flirt with her?" one guy called.
"As long as you don't plan to follow through for at least a year," Xander called back. "You're decent, not pushy, and don't upset her."
"Thanks, Harris. I knew you liked us," another guy called.
Cam looked over. "She thinks all pilots are gay like Top Gun."
A few guys moaned at that. "So let's teach her better."
"She's been in the simulator and might have some skills there," Sam offered. They cheered. "But she's Daniel's protégé." That got a few boos.
"Oh, please! She'll be the next me," Xander said dryly. "Multi-skilled and will learn self-defense along with other skills that'll come in handy." He looked around. "There he is." He got up and nodded. She followed. He walked her over. "Teal'c, this is Dawn. She's like my little sister. As you can tell, she's pretty and needs to learn how to beat the boys off her hip hugger jeans now. Before she's legal."
He looked her over. "I have seen her working on a punching bag. She could use some pointers."
"I'd consider it a favor if you could help her while I'm gone."
Teal'c nodded, smiling at her. "I will treat her like my own daughter."
"Thanks, big guy." He hugged him then walked her back. "Starting tomorrow, you start working with him at least an hour," he told her. "That way I don't have to worry when you go home too."
"Yes, big brother." She smiled. "You really are overprotective."
"I will go back to Sunnydale and blow the hell out of all the harmful things," he assured her quietly. "I can build something that will take out vampires. Every last one."
She hugged him. "I love you too." She sat down again, smiling at Daniel. "Would that be okay?"
"I think it'd be a good idea," he assured her. "Teal'c is very good and helps a lot of the Marines on base."
"Good. I hope we can make me good enough to come up here and push all the space bimbos off Xander's butt."
Xander smirked. "Mostly it's been ex's."
"Pity. You need cuddles."
"If we can find someone, we will," Jon assured her. She beamed at him. "Eat before you shrink." She snorted but did dig in again. He saw Carter and Daniel share a look but it'd be fine. The kid had just kept a lot of the more morally loose people on the base from touching Dawn.
Xander came back and took off his jacket, holding it up. John Sheppard smirked at that. "Boxing is appropriate?"
"Yeah. They make medal boxes for showing them off. Anything else happen?"
"I warned the whole base Dawn is 15 and they'd better be respectful or we'd be sparring." Faith cackled at that. "Seriously. Though she does think all pilots are gay after Top Gun and Buffy's pilot porn." He walked off. John was groaning. The others were coming behind him. He held up his jacket when he ran into Rodney, earning a smirk. "Way too many."
"Probably. You need a way to display those."
"Box in a drawer?"
"That might work but it would be respectful."
Xander nodded. "I hate being rewarded for things that had to be done." He went to drop his jacket in his room. The medals were all carefully stored in a fabric pouch inside his bag. Then he realized it had spell supplies so he took it out, wiping off one before it finished corroding. They went into his underwear and sock drawer once he was sure they were cleaned off. He pulled them back out to make sure of it. Then he looked around and blipped back so he wouldn't insult anyone by leaving it in there. That was better and no paradox. Even if that would be considered selfish. He laid down and let Armand nuzzle him. "Okay, let's nap then we'll see if we can visit."
Someone pounded on his door. "Harris!" they called.
"It's open," he called back. They stomped in. He stared. "What?"
"You got *medals*?" he demanded.
Xander nodded. "Yeah, for that shield thingy and then for losing my temper with my battle axe on a few units of Ori."
"Excuse me? You're not enlisted!"
"I still kept a biological attack from spreading." The soldier stomped out. He shrugged, then shook his head, mentally ordering the door to lock. He and Armand got comfy again. He didn't care if the soldier told everyone he used Armand as a teddybear or not.
John Sheppard came out of his office to stop the screaming. "What the hell is your problem!" he shouted over them.
"Harris got *medals*!" one of the people yelling complained. "He's not even military!"
"Yeah, he held a shield over a building where an alien plague had just been released for nearly an hour until someone could get containment shields up." John crossed his arms over his chest. "Then he came back from that, went back to his off-world mission, where they ran into Ori troops, where he went into a battle rage and wiped out *two* troops with a battle axe." The soldiers shuddered. "He didn't want it. They made him take it."
"He's still not military," the soldier huffed. "He uses his pet as a teddybear!" He pointed toward that tower. "He's a geek!"
"Geeks get medals too," John assured him. "He got a Medal of Honor. That's *congressional* not military." The soldier slumped. "Get over it. If you want one, go do something like that." The soldier stomped off. He looked at the other one. "I expect better."
"I was trying to get him calmed down, sir."
"I don't care."
"Yes, sir." He walked off too.
John went to check on the kid, getting him something from the lab. He knew the kid wouldn't take care of the medals. He tapped on his door when the 'doorbell' didn't get answered. "Xander?" The door opened. He walked in. "Hey." Xander blinked sleepily at him. "Medal polish. If you let them rust, it's an insult."
"I made sure I didn't put them in the spell herb bag."
"Let me see them." Xander pointed. He dug them out of the boy's socks, looking them over. "You can put this stuff on them and put them in a show case or a covered box and only look at them once a year." Xander came over to look. "Was that rusted?"
"Spell bag bad." He got a spare toothbrush and helped him. They put them on a pair of socks and that would work. He got patted and grinned. "Thanks."
"Welcome. Find a nice box. Like a velvet lined box."
"I have one but it's had spell stuff and might keep eating through it."
"Didn't you get any others?"
"Damn." He smiled. "I've got a few if you want to see how to hide them in a sock drawer without sacrificing socks." Xander grinned. "You okay?"
"Good. Nap." He clapped him on the back, leaving the polish there. "Put more on that spot of rust later so you don't have to later on." He went to send a message back to the main base that the kid needed a box to store them because one already had a little bit of rust. He got back a suggestion and said he had done that. He got one from O'Neill saying he'd send him a box. John settled down to deal with other jealous people. He did not want to deal with the anti-geek sentiments.
Xander turned while sparring with Teyla when he felt someone coming up behind him in the gym. He blocked the attack and kicked them back, attacking now. Teyla was calling for help. A few more marines came in and helped that first one attack him. John rushed in as Xander took down the next-to-last but that one tried to get in a lucky blow from the side. Xander ducked it and got him in the side with the stick he had been sparring with. He panted, looking at them. "Why were we this fucking stupid!" he demanded. "I could've killed your asses!" Teyla moved up behind him. "Don't," he said quietly. She backed off. He stared at them. "What the fucking hell were you thinking, Marine?" he demanded.
"I don't answer to you," he said with a wince and a hiss as he tried to move.
"You do answer to me," John said coldly. "I'd like that answer too."
"He's a geek!" one of them panted loudly. "Not a soldier!"
"I've been in more wars than you have." Xander turned and threw the sticks then took off his t-shirt. "Do you think people earn scars like this some other way?" He unhid them and they all winced and looked away. "When I was traveling, I got into more than a few wars. Including one to save this city from the Ori. Even if I wasn't here then." He kicked one of them over, staring at him. "Do you think I'm still *just* a geek?" he asked dryly.
The guy tried to do a foot sweep but Xander managed to keep his balance and stomped on his chest, making him gasp and then keen in pain. "Xander!" John ordered. "Stand down. Let me handle this."
Xander backed up. "Please."
John looked at him. "What happened to your right ribs by your armpit?"
He looked then at him. "Claw." He rehid them and put back on his t-shirt. "Teyla, I'm sorry, I'm a bit pissed and I don't want to hurt you in sparring." He bowed to her and gathered the sticks, handing them to her. He walked out.
John got the doctor down there. "Doctor Keller, these idiots just attacked CS Harris, who kicked their asses. That one got stomped very hard." She checked him first. "They're going to be talking to a general as soon as you're done."
"That's fine. It'll be days for this one." She called her staff to come get him. The others could walk. That one had a broken breastbone and it could kill him if one of the ribs punctured the lungs or the heart. She followed.
John stared at their backs then looked at Teyla. "You okay?"
"The one he stomped on snuck up behind him and he felt it somehow. He turned to defend himself and beat them badly." She wiped down the sticks and put them back, looking at him again. "Xander is very upset."
"He's in the lab. Rodney called to let me know. If we need you to, can you testify?" She nodded. "Thank you." He walked off. He went to the labs. "Xander, write me a report for their charges," he said from the doorway. Xander looked at him. "Please."
"I think they learned," he said quietly. "We can't lose five Marines for this."
"I can get them replaced. Write me a report." He walked off.
Rodney handed him a pen and a notebook from Radek's stack. "Sit in your usual spot and write it. He was serious."
"He didn't look like a renegade wizard," he said dryly.
"If anyone's a wizard, it's probably him," Radek joked back. "What happened?"
"Some of the Marines thought I was too much of a geek." He sat down to write it out for John. Though he did state that he didn't want to press charges because they couldn't replace the Marines immediately so they might need them. Rodney took it and corrected a few words then handed it back with an evil smirk. "Yes, Mean Uncle Rodney," he sighed, redoing it so it was more grammatically correct. Then he tore it off and took it up to the office. John took it, glancing over it. "I don't think we should press charges."
"One tried to say you attacked him unfairly. He was only there to help break up the fight."
"Well, they were rushing at us, so yeah I attacked. If they were there to break us up, it didn't look like it to me."
"Or Teyla." He put it down. "Are you all right?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"You just advertised that you've spent more time than humanly possible."
Xander shrugged. "Most of the guys know that." He heard stomping and looked back at Jon. "We're okay."
"What happened?" Jon asked John. "Is Xander in trouble?"
"No. He was defending himself. He was just brutal in it." He looked at them. "Go do team training. It's been a while so make sure he's ready for off-world things. We're going to a world where Genii might be."
Jon nodded. "We can do that." He pulled on Xander's arm, taking him with him. He paged Fischer and Tilla to work with them. Xander pointed at a balcony. "Sure, we can do that." He got them routed there. "Let's start with hand code," he said once they were there. "We're going to a place Genii trade too." They all nodded. Xander kept getting one mixed up but Jon associated it better and it was better.
To Part 11
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