Uh-Huh. That's Not My Sort of Xander.
Xander looked up, then relit his two prayer candles, sending a silent, hopeful, desperate plea to the Gods who watched over him. Tomorrow, an immortal and a demon were both coming for him. He wasn't sure why. He still only read as a pre-immie most of the time, and the demon only said it wanted him. Not if it wanted him for sex or to kill. He was panicking and he knew that. He knew Oz would help him but he couldn't take the challenge and Xander was good, but this immortal was an ancient one. He knew Methos didn't even know who he was, he had asked already, and there was probably no way he could beat him. He was good, but he wasn't the God of War.
"Nah, but you'd look cute in his outfit," Strife said as he appeared behind him, giving him a hug. "Tell me. What's gonna happen?"
Xander turned to look at him, looking miserable he knew. "Tomorrow, there's a demon coming for me. I don't know why. I've never heard of him," he said, slumping a bit. "There's also an immie coming who's challenged *me* for some reason. An ancient one, like Methos. I don't know what the hell to do, Strife. If they get together, I'm fucking doomed and I'm not sure I can fight either one of them. I can't reach anyone. I told Oz and he just said it'd be fine, that we didn't have to go. They're coming here though, I can't just hide inside the house. He's promised to blow it and the animals up."
Strife pulled him into his lap, cuddling him. "Okay, so we've got two problems, both of them fights. They're coming on the same day. Why?"
"I don't know," he said desperately. "I have no idea why they're coming at all! Methos doesn't know more than this immortal is really old. The demon is one I've *never* heard of. I don't even know what sort he is." He looked at him, just staring. "I don't know what to do. I'm about to run around screaming and take poison." Strife gave him a squeeze. "I'm sorry I'm being a bother but I have not a clue."
Strife nodded, cuddling him. "Let me think for a few hours, Xander. You've got time. I'll wake you up when we've got an idea. Maybe Ares can help for a bit." He kissed him on the back of the head. "You go up to get some sleep. It's nearly midnight and you being tired won't help matters any." Xander nodded, kissing him on the chin before heading up to his bed and the lover waiting on him. Strife looked up, then disappeared, heading up to Ares' temple. "So, what's with the immie and the demon coming toward the anchor tomorrow?" he asked bluntly. Ares looked confused. "He's in a blind panic, Unc. He's got an ancient one and a higher level, unknown, demon coming for him. He has no clue what or how he's gonna handle this. I went to try to make him rest for a bit, but he's seriously thinking about running instead and giving up *everything* that'll be destroyed."
Ares looked thoughtful, pulling a special map over. "Sunnydale," he ordered it. It reformed as a map of Sunnydale with major powers listed. "Name?"
"Of the immie? He never said but I got it out of his head. He said Scorn?"
"Scon?" he suggested, tapping on that dot. A dossier came up but it wasn't exactly helpful. "About three thousand," he noted. "That's all I've got on him. Used to be a Viking." He tapped on the higher level demons. "Demon? Which one?"
"Not a clue. All he knows is that it was a demonic messenger who sent the challenge letter. No reason given." He came over to look. "It's that one I think," he said, tapping on a dot outside the city. "It feels like the letter felt to Xander." He watched Ares study the dossier. "Any ideas?"
"Scon won't kill the demon and the demon won't kill him," Ares decided. "They're working together. They're a bait and switch team. If one gets him, Scon'll get his head. If the demon wins, he'll still get the quickening." He looked at him. "We can't let this happen. The others would jump in."
"So what's the solution?" Strife asked bitterly. "We go distract them? We go drive 'em off? We do something unusual and step in?"
Ares shook his head. "We can't step in directly. I have no idea how they even heard of Xander." He moved back, going to stare out his window at the stars. "There's two good choices. Can we drive them off?"
"I don't know, want me ta do a personality check?" he asked.
"No, I'll send Eris," he promised, sending her off with a thought on the situation. They waited and she appeared a few minutes later, shaking her head. "No what?"
"No. I don't know how they heard about Xander but someone turned them onto him. They think he's this powerful, strong guy who takes heads with a whim and a grin. They won't be turned. Even if they see he's not that powerful, it's a new working team and they're working out the bugs on him. Also, the demon's got helpers. He's got a small army." Ares and Strife both moaned. "Any other ideas?"
"We need to play to the crowd," Strife said, looking at Ares. "Remember those rips you felt around him?" Ares looked at him and nodded. "Can we reopen them? A few of them were better fighters of evil. This Xander can fight but shouldn't, not at these odds. With even just two more Xanders he could probably win and live."
"They're shut," Ares told him. "There's only a tiny mailslot and we can't reopen them without unbalancing something again. It was bad enough those kids did." He looked at him, then shook his head. "There can't be another Xander that could help in those worlds anyway. Even the one who fights evil that way doesn't fight on these playing fields."
"No, but there's one who does," Cupid said as he appeared, big book in hand. "When that happened, I traced all the possible Xander's, just in case we got more so we could figure out how to rebalance things. There is that near-vampire Xander," he offered. Ares moaned and shook his head. "He could."
"He can't, Cupid. He's not that strong. Magically yes, but not in this world. In his own world."
"Then we need a Xander who can control at least one half of it," Cupid decided, flipping open the book to the page he had been staring at. "Come see." They all bent over the book.
"Demon Lord," Strife said in awe.
"Fighter," Ares said appreciatively.
"Bad guy," Eris said, sounding iffy.
"He still slays now and then," Cupid admitted. "I did a more thorough check of him because I wasn't so sure he wouldn't come through. He's pretty close and he's done some time and place travel before." He looked at them. "It'd take a major break to bring him, he's too far away for anything but a switch."
"Yeah, but that'll mean that Xan'll be safe," Strife told him. "This one sounds like he can take it all and then some." He leaned on the table again. "Besides, if our Xander takes his head, then he'll be overloaded and it'll unbalance them again. It'll drive Oz nuts." He looked at the book. "Does that one have an Oz?"
"No, he's got two thieves," Cupid told him, smirking a bit. "He's also a female Xander at the moment."
"Why?" Strife asked.
"Demere choker," he said with a smug look. "Switches back and forth a lot. Janus over there likes him so we could get him to help switch them out. It'd be his sort of chaos to put someone like our Xander over there. His men are players." He looked at Ares. "Seeing a flaw?"
"Yeah, what makes you think he'll help?" Eris asked.
Cupid looked at her and then he winked. "He's a thief, Discord. What did our Xander have all over his house recently?"
"Gems. A reward," Ares said lightly, smirking at his son. "We should ask."
"Fuck askin'," Strife said dryly. "We're running out of time here. He was trying to put off being this desperate for a bit. It's tomorrow, late morning."
Discord nodded. "Then I can get behind this plan. We don't have much of a choice if we want to keep the present anchor and his mate sane."
Ares nodded. "Janus!" he yelled. "Come here!" Janus appeared, looking confused. He pointed at the book. "We've got a problem with our anchor."
"I saw them. He'll never beat them," he agreed, coming over to look at the book. He blinked and touched the name, reading the aura since he was one of his. "He can," he agreed smugly. "He'll fight you though."
"So?" Ares demanded. "Let him. He'll need to be in our good graces to get back."
"Can you help us move 'im?" Strife asked quietly.
"If you're sure," Janus offered. The gods around him nodded. "Fine. Where?"
"His lawn. It's safest," Eris told him.
"The bedroom should be fine," Strife offered. "It's warded. Oz'll have a great shock but I'm sure it'll be fine. We can explain it later."
"Sure," Discord said with a wicked grin. This would boost her energy levels for weeks. If not longer. "Now?"
"Now," Ares agreed. "Strife, go there to anchor it."
Strife nodded, disappearing. He landed beside the bed and knocked out Oz as deeply as he could, then gently woke Xander, making him blink at him. "We can do somethin'," he offered quietly, "but there's a cost."
"Whatever it is," he vowed.
"You've got to go to another Xander's world for a bit. He can beat 'em both, but his world's different. He's a thief in his."
"I can't steal."
"Just be entertaining," he said with a smirk. "Got it?" He nodded. "Good boy." He felt the magic starting. "Close your eyes. It's a nasty trip." He put a kiss on Xander's forehead, then he disappeared. A few seconds later another Xander appeared and he felt along his necklace. Janus came down and tapped it, making it inactive for now. He and Strife shared a look before disappearing. Strife did leave a note beside him, but that was all he could do this time. Then he went to get drunk. It was a bad thing but necessary.
Oz woke up, sniffling the person beside him. He sat up, staring at the Xander. Not his Xander but *a* Xander. "What the hell?" he muttered, shaking him. That Xander moaned and swatted but he continued. "Hey!" Xander sat up, staring at him, looking very confused. "You and me both," he admitted. "Where's my Xander?"
"Yeah. Where's my Xander?"
"Aaaaahhhhhhhh....." he said, just staring at him. "Hold on, my Oz is older."
"No shit?" he asked dryly. He spotted the letter and snatched it, even though it was addressed to that Xander. He read it three times before moaning and handing it over. "Methos! Ray!" They came running in and stopped when they saw the Xander he was in bed with. "There's an immortal and a demon coming and they wanted Xander. Did you hear anything about this?"
"He said one tried to challenge him and wanted information on him," Methos said. "We knew nothing about him, not even the Watcher's database."
The Xander who couldn't be theirs touched the choker, then looked up. "Only a week? Not at home?" He heard a light laugh on the wind, and instructions. "I understand. Why me, Lord Janus?" He listened to the rest of the story, then moaned and nodded, hanging his head. "Once more into the Knighthood," he agreed. He felt the two necklaces around his neck loosen and he was himself. He looked at the others, staring in awe at them. "Uh- huh," he decided finally. "Okay. From what I'm told, there's a demon military unit and a major immortal? Coming this way. I can handle the demon easily, but what's an immortal and how do I handle them? Guns, swords, any particular spells?"
"You do magic?" Ray asked, looking really confused.
Xander nodded. "Yeah, I do. Unfortunately I was gifted against my will to a major prince of hell and tortured in hell for about nine months." He looked at the Oz beside him. "I have no idea where your Xander is, but if he's at my house, Lupin's got a rude awakening when he tries to roll over and get some."
"My Xander can fight," Oz promised. "He's pretty good."
"Yeah, but these are extreme odds and those call for extreme measures," Xander said as he got out. He looked at the pants he was wearing, then groaned, shaking his head. "I look like a concubine."
"Ours is," Oz told him. "He's a member of GHS."
"Greedy hedonistic sluts society," Ray told him.
"Ah." He nodded once. "I'm not. I'm a gunman."
"You're a what?" Methos demanded, and Ray echoed it.
Xander bowed, smirking at him. "I'm Lavelle. Second gunman to Lupin the Third and rightful tenth in command of Hell via consort." They all stared at him. "I'm a martial arts master in two forms, and with a sword, and parent to a couple of kids. Oh, shit, Arsene's gonna have a field day with this," he moaned, slapping himself on the head.
"You're an assassin?" Ray asked weakly, sitting on the foot of the bed. "Why?"
"I was found and healed by one, who took me in as his apprentice. It's complicated, babe." He smirked at him. "Though, you look a bit different in my world. The hair dye thing your idea?"
"I'm about sixty here," he offered. "It's to hide who I am."
"Decent. In my world, you and Vecchio are chasing the hell out of me most of the time. You and your mountie." He raised an eyebrow, then looked at the other guy. "I have no idea who you are." He stared at him. "No, hold on. You're an *immortal*, like Highlander? The tv show? Whacking off heads with swords, dealing with the uber-angst demon Duncan? That immortal?"
"Well, yes, but he's actually a bit gone 'round the bend," Methos said dryly. "Duncan's been trying to kill me and our Xander now for a few years."
"Wonderful. He's not the immie coming, right? 'Cause I could enjoy taking his head. He made the kids cry when he took on what's his name the demon." He shook his head and looked around, then up. "My sword? Goemon's sword? Any good sword?" he called.
"We have a few downstairs," Oz offered. "Goemon, like the anime?"
Xander nodded, smirking at him. "Does it have us across realms?"
"No, it's Jigen, Lupin, and Goemon."
"Ah. Yeah, I'm kinda married to Lupin and Jigen," he admitted dryly. "I have kids with both of them and helped Goemon raise his family. He was the one who trained me. Jigen was my first mentor, the one who turned me into the special touch assassin you see in front of you now." Oz blinked a few times, looking really confused now. "Alternate realities, Oz. They can be like that sometimes." He opened the closet. "I'm poaching clothes."
"Sure. They should fit," Oz admitted. "My Xander's a bit skinnier."
"I'm pregnant, Oz. It happens to us." He found a few things and stared at them, then shuddered and put them back. "I'm sure Lupin will enjoy your Xander to no end. He's probably expecting me to wake up and bat at him for being out so late and coming home smelling like cognac and perfume." He found a pair of jeans and looked at the size. "You weren't kidding. I haven't worn that size since my swim team days." He put them back and kept searching. "Fuck." He looked around, then up. "Can't I just have one bag?" he called. A bag plopped in front of him. "Thanks." He undid it, looking at the clothes inside. "Hey, leather," he said fondly, pulling them out to check sizes. He went into the bathroom with the bag. "Be right back."
They waited until they heard the shower pop on before staring at each other.
"Okay, I'm confused," Ray admitted, turning to look at them. "He's a Xander but he's a bad guy?" The immortals both nodded. "How?"
"He was given against his will," Methos said, thinking about it. "I'm sure the twats we had problems with here had something to do with it."
"Wesley did it," he called out. "Angel watched. Buffy decided I was evil and Willow tried to kill me. She's dead now."
"Well, that answers that," Strife said as he appeared. He got three angry glares pointed at him and shrugged. "Best we could do. Someone pointed these two, who're a bag and tag team, at your boy. He's safe. Lupin won't take advantage of him and your Xander's known to be a stubborn guy. This one'll cure the problem and then we'll switch 'em back as soon as we can."
"He's pregnant," Ray said bitterly. "How?"
"From what we found, in payment for being given," Strife admitted. "The same as the choker is. He's a bad guy but he still has those same fighting tendencies. I can promise he won't hurt you three. He'll love the animals. Keep the hell hound away from him."
Xander came out in the leather pants, drying off his hair. "They won't mind me. The consort who had me had a great number and they all love me now," he offered, looking up as he dried his hair. "Lord Strife."
"Lavelle." He nodded courteously. "If there were any other way...."
"Yeah, well, shit happens. I get that. I get to keep my form for a week?" He nodded. "Cool beans. Swords?"
"A katana that Angel and them got him as a wedding present."
"Which means I can't use it without tainting it for him," Xander said dryly. "Is there a Goemon here?"
"Use ta be," he admitted.
"Their family sword?"
Strife considered it. "It'd have to be put back. It's also broken."
"We have a forge," Ray said immediately.
"Not that one," Strife told him. "Only the family can fix it." He looked at Xander and brought it to him, showing him it was broken.
Xander moved closer. "That's not Zatsuigen. That's the secondary sword. May I?" Strife nodded so he laid a hand on his arm and thought about that one. "That's the family main sword."
"That's in a museum," Strife said grimly.
"Do I have time to go liberate it?"
"Not really." He considered it and sent that one where it belonged, then at him. "You won't taint it."
"I will. If Angel gave it to him, it's got to be special to him and my hate for Angel will taint the blade, making it unworthy of him here. I don't want to taint this Xander any more than I have to."
"That's fine. Let me talk to Unc."
"Sure. Thank you." He stepped back and bowed. "Thanks for the clothes too."
"Welcome, Lavelle." He winked and left, after giving Oz a quick glance.
Xander looked at them. "Yeah, I'm the badass of the Xanders," he said dryly, smirking at them. "Accept me as a I am."
"Sure," Oz decided. "I'm still not sleepin' with ya."
"Not an issue. I can sleep alone. Besides, my Oz is helping Interpol now and then and the Ethan vampire a lot of other times." He grabbed a t-shirt and put it on, tucking it in. He found socks and his boots from home, putting those on as well. He stood up, tugging at the pants. "These things are not fitting right," he complained, muttering under his breath. They shrunk in some places and expanded in others, and he smiled. "Good enough." He grabbed the jacket out of the bag and headed down the stairs. "Coffeepot?"
"Kitchen's on the other side of the entry," Methos called after him.
"Thanks, man." He skipped down the stairs, smiling at the dog staring at him. "Awww, you're a cute half hellhound," he cooed, getting down to pet him and scratch his ears. "Who's a good hunting puppy?" The dog barked and licked his face, following him to the kitchen. He smirked at the older woman in there. "Hey."
"Who are you?"
"Not my Xander you're not," she said firmly, glaring at him.
"Well, no, I'm not *your* Xander, that's about half the problem," Xander admitted. He ran his finger around his neck and found an extra necklace, taking it off, shaking out his silver, mid-back length hair. He ran his fingers through it then smiled at her. "I'm usually known by Lavelle. I'm an assassin, thief, and badass warrior. I got called here since there's a sitch your Xander can't handle. He's with my men."
"Oh." She stared at him, looking hurt. "You went bad?"
"I was given away to a bad thing," he told her. "The bad guys healed me. Now I'm a black knight. I take out the stupid of the dark side and thin the pack over there so the guys like Ray was, and is in my world, don't have to do so much work. Coffee?" She nodded and poured him a cup, hesitating over the sugar. "All of us have sweet tooths," he said with a grin. "It's a universal Xander constant. Milk?"
"Cream," she offered, handing it over. He smiled and finished fixing his coffee, handing back the cream. "Need breakfast?"
"Not yet. I need to wake up more first and think. I'm going to be fighting later and it's not going to be pretty. I need to make some plans before I do anything like eat. I don't like to fight on an full stomach, it slows me down."
"We've got bagels."
"That's one thing I miss in Europe, good Jewish deli bagels," he said, accepting one with some cream cheese. "Thank you, ma'am."
"Henri. I'm the housekeeper."
"Henri then," he said with a small smile. "The others are having a panic and desperation confab in the big bedroom."
"I'd say so! I doubt Oz thought he'd wake up next to a Xander that wasn't his." She got the coffeepot and the bed tray, bringing breakfast up to them. Her poor boys.
Xander stared out the back, watching the sun glisten off the pool as he nibbled. He knew what he needed and he didn't have it yet. That or a sword.
Ares appeared next to the boy, watching him. He coughed and the Xander looked at him, inclining his head slightly. "You're a cocky bastard."
"I've earned that right," he noted dryly. "Do we know which area the battlegrounds are?"
"Yeah. There's a picnicking glade and it'll be there or near there." He pulled a sword and held it out. "It's a loan."
"No, really?" he asked with a small smirk. "Never guessed I'd get presents for doing this." He took the sword, testing it. "It's horribly off balance, my lord. Who used this thing?"
Xander got up to take a careful swing and frowned. "Was he six-two and left handed?" Ares nodded. "Let me guess, he leaned to the right a lot? This thing does." He tried it again. "Got a neutral leaning blade?"
Ares snorted. "Not really. Most of mine are from fallen warriors, none of which thought you worthy."
Xander raised an eyebrow, then took off his jacket and shirt, showing the marks. "I earned mine, along with the training in two forms of martial arts. I'm better trained than some of them were I'm sure."
"Yes, but their blades can only be released by them," he noted.
Xander groaned and put back on his shirt, sitting down to stare at the sword. "Any other means of decapitation?"
"Ripping it off. You that strong?"
"I was thinking magic," Xander offered.
"Not a chance. He's immune, kid."
Xander frowned at the blade, then at him. "It's got a crack."
"That's from the blow that killed him."
"I'm pregnant. I'm not risking my child." Ares stared at him and he stood up, taking his hand to put on his stomach. The God flinched back. "Now, I need a real sword, one that won't break on me. I know I creep out other Xanders. I've met a few in the past, some who were so good guy that they almost gave up their lives for it. I'm not of the caring about that. I thin the pack from the shadows so the others don't have to do the real work. Can you pull my sword?" Ares shook his head. "Nothing of mine?"
"No. Sorry, kid."
"What about Goemon's sword here? Lord Strife said it was in a museum."
"The broken one?"
"Wasn't the family sword. It was the family's second sword, for the backup heir." Ares looked stunned. "It was made for me to pass on to the second son." He considered it. "What about Ishi or Melissa's swords? Can I have one of theirs?"
"Your daughter's is in crap condition. She hasn't polished or sharpened in a bit. His is in good condition but I can't take it."
Xander shook his head. "If I've got to take heads off, I need a really good sword, one that won't be risking my life as well. Even with leather on, it's weak armor." He went toward where he could feel a lot of metal, finding the weapons room. He flipped on the lights and looked around, then moaned. "He uses a heavy ass blade."
"There's a battle axe," Oz offered from behind him. "The rest is mostly mine and Methos'."
Xander looked back at him. "I haven't used an axe in years, Oz. I switched to a katana or a short sword years ago. It's more handy in my life and more easily hidden." He looked around, opening a few cases. "Fucking hell." He looked around again, then sighed and shook his head. There was nothing here that wasn't too heavy for him. He needed something lighter for his faster movements. He'd get worn out with a heavier blade. He found an old footlocker and opened it, looking inside. "Hell!" he snapped, heading outside, stomping really. He stood on the back lawn and touched a mark on his arm, opening a portal into hell. The demon guarding it looked stunned. "I need a katana or a short sword," he demanded.
"Who are you to demand!"
Xander took off his shirt and the demon shrieked in pain, bringing others. Xander looked at them, one especially. "I was given to you in my world against my will." The demon smirked at him and he sneered. "And I killed you." The demon lost his smirk. "I've been called here to deal with a Rethesnor demon. I need a katana or a short sword from the duty closet. I'll also need at least two nine mils, autos preferably, and bullets. Now." The demons scrambled going to get him what he needed. He took the guns, checking them and the bullets, handing back the box that didn't fit and the revolver. "I won't have time for that," he decided. "No speed loaders and I'm not Jigen."
"Those could jam," one demon snorted.
Xander looked at him, then enchanted the guns. "Not likely." He looked at the armful of swords, stepping closer to look at them. He relaxed and took the handle of one, looking at it. Then he yelped and dropped it, waving his hand. "Holy water and blessed. Cute. Whose?"
"Knight Krestin," one said timidly.
Xander nodded, looking it over again. He looked at the others, pulling out a few to try. "That one'll have to do," he decided. Someone brought forward another katana and this one was fully blessed. The holiness was inscribed and ensorcelled on the blade. He shook his head and picked up the other one with the hem of his jacket. "I thank you. Stay out of this." They all nodded and backed away so he let the portal close, heading into the house. "Do we have leather gloves? Or dragon or anything?"
"Leather," Oz offered, finding them and handing them over. "How's that?"
Xander put them on, testing it against the handle of the sword. "I'll be able to hold it for at least twenty minutes," he decided, putting it down on the table and putting the gloves on top of it. "All right, Lord Ares said a picnicking glade. Do you know where that is?"
"I do," he admitted. "We've had a few out there." He walked Xander off, taking him to show him. "Do you often get to plan battles?"
"Now and then. Buffy took all the extra slayers with her so Europe doesn't have any. Sometimes Dawn and I have to fill in."
"Um, Buffy's sister?"
"Not one here," Oz noted. "Long story?"
"Oh, you could say that. Let's just say that due to a hell god, Buffy got a little sister magically. Her name is Dawn. She's a witch and pretty powerful. In my world she's married to Ray's boss, Zenigata."
"I saw that anime a few times, he's the cop right?" Oz asked. Xander nodded. "Pity. He's older than her?"
"About twice her age but she doesn't care and she keeps jumping him. Totally her thing, not his. She tried to follow me but couldn't do what was necessary sometimes in the life. She's happier now, a mommy a few times over and raising both of Buffy's sons." He looked around the woods, then looked back at the house, bringing the gloves and the sword to him. "Okay, at least the demon's here." He patted the guns he was wearing, then untucked his shirt, shrugging a bit. "It helps now and then." He undid the necklace cover his scars and burned-on magical markings, then handed it to Oz. "Hold that for me please. I'll need it back later." He took a deep breath and put on the gloves, then took the sword out from under his arm, heading that way. "I'd go hide, Oz."
"Um, sure," he agreed, backing away and running off. He ran into the house and closed the door, locking it. He realized he didn't have the necklace but he was sure Xander could find it out there. There was a path and he had stayed on it.
Xander woke up and yawned, stretching a bit. He blinked up at the two men leaning over him, smiling at them. "Hi."
"Not to be obvious or anything, but where's our Xander?" Jigen asked, sounding patient to his own ears.
Xander sat up, flipping his braided hair back over his shoulder. "He's presently taking on a demon and an immortal who wanted to kill me," he said honestly. "We had to switch, otherwise all the Gods I anchor for would be dead."
"Oh." He looked at Lupin, who just looked really confused. He hadn't even had coffee yet. Jigen looked at the younger looking Xander again. "So, um, you're not a thief, right?"
"Nope." He beamed at them. "I'm a dancer and I can fight some, but I'm not the best. That's why I couldn't handle that assault today. Which is why Strife...."
"Ah, that explains it," Lupin said, shaking his head. "Another chaos god."
"Technically, Strife is over mischief and naughtiness," Xander patiently instructed. "And I'm bound to him, Ares, and Cupid. That's just my nature. Then again, to my world, you two are anime characters."
"We are here sometimes too," Lupin said dryly, looking at him. He looked at Jigen. "How are we handling this? The kids are unobservant at the moment, but not that much."
"Wow, you have kids?" Xander asked, sounding awed. "That's really neat. You didn't in our anime version but I guess that's one of those things that they didn't feel like including." He bounced up and turned to face them, grinning at them. "I have pets. I have cats, and dogs, and ferrets, and one half hellhound puppy who's also part great dane."
Jigen blinked a few times. "We told Xander he couldn't have cats, but Lotus managed to sneak and keep one or two," he promised. "You can help her take care of them."
Lupin groaned and nodded. "Before we do anything else, we have to make sure of a few things. You're not psychotic, right? Not too terribly a good guy? Won't try to call the cops on us?"
"Not while I'm here and being the guest," Xander offered with a grin. "I am a good guy but I mostly keep to myself. We do have a friend who's a thief, Amanda. We don't turn her in unless she's just stolen from us or pissed us off, but I'd never do that while I was the guest. I am a good guy, that's why I'm the anchor and why my Oz loves me."
"You're with Oz?" Jigen asked, frowning a bit. "I can't really imagine you two together."
"Maybe my Oz is a bit different since he's an immie."
"An innie?" Lupin asked.
"Immie, an immortal," Xander told him.
"Like Highlander, chopping off heads immortal?" Goemon said from the doorway.
Xander squealed and bounced over to hug him. "You were always my fav character off the anime series." He beamed and shook his hand. "I'm a Xander."
"I can see that," he agreed, looking him over. "Obviously not the one I trained. He moves a bit differently."
"I'm a dancer and the dances trained me to fight," Xander admitted happily. "I had to cross a realmal mirror and gateway to learn 'em," he offered sheepishly, "but it was mostly an accident. But you're right, we do chop off heads. Did this...Highlander have someone named Methos?" Goemon nodded firmly. "I know him, we're kinda a quad with him and his Ray and me and my Oz."
"Ray....." Jigen asked. "Vecchio?"
"Kowalski. He's the cutest little GHS you've ever seen," he said happily. "Next to me. I win awards for how much of a GHS I am."
"What's GHS?" Goemon asked.
"It's a special organization we belong to. The Greedy Hedonistic Sluts society. Ray, Methos, and I all belong and Methos used to be one of their top guys. He trained me personally."
"I see," Goemon said, nodding once. "Breakfast is ready and the children are restless. Should I tell them that you're eating up here?"
Jigen sighed. "They'll figure it out. You know they won't leave Xander unpounced, Goemon." He got out of bed. "Give us twenty to dress and stuff." He looked at Xander's hair. "Or maybe a half hour. He can borrow some of our's clothes."
"I think he's a bit skinnier than our Xander," Lupin said tiredly. He had a headache. "Goemon, can you get me my headache pills?"
"They're in your bedside drawer, dumbass," Jigen snorted, getting up and heading into the shower. "Give me five, kid, and I'll show you around a bit."
"Thank you, Mr. Jigen." He beamed at Goemon again. "Is there a place where I can stretch out and practice? I need to practice but I don't want to infect anyone and make them drool."
"We have a gym, it locks," he said simply. "I'll see you down there." He headed down the stairs, going to find all the children. They were mostly eating but his son was outside already. He went to drag him inside, sitting him down. "We've had a small problem during the night," he announced. "The Xander currently here is not ours."
"Where is ours?" Arsene asked.
"I'm hoping his home realm."
"Is this like traveling to see the Ancients?" Lotus asked.
"No, he's a completely different Xander," he assured her. "Spoke of people off Highlander actually." Ishi raised an eyebrow at that. "Try not to pounce him. He's stated he does not have children, he has pets. Ours is apparently doing something to help him and had little warning."
Ishi nodded. "Okay. Sure. Anything else?"
"Apparently he dances. It's a dancing form of martial arts. You may watch him as long as you do not drool on him, and you may learn some of his moves if he wishes to teach you," he told his son. "Though he is a good deal lighter than you are, son."
"Sure, dad." He looked over as Lupin wandered in, wearing pajamas. "Did the not- Xander scare you?" he taunted.
"Hell yes. This one's bouncy, happy, and a morning person." He sat down with his coffee cup and held it out, letting Melissa fill it so he could take something for his headache. "We will not pounce this Xander. He might like it and want to stay." He took the pills. "He's bathing right now, it'll probably be about a half-hour with his hair."
"He has long hair?" Lotus asked.
"He has much hair," Goemon assured his little girl. "It's down to his waist." She smiled at that. "Quite impressive. Terrible to maintain probably." He sat down at his usual spot, taking his own food. "I'm going to allow Ishi to monitor his dancing, see if he can learn anything off him if he agrees."
"Sure, Goemon. He can help keep Arsene off him." He took another sip. "Man, Pops would love this one."
"We should call Dawn anyway," Lotus told him. "That way she can note the temporal and realmal disturbances in case something else comes of it."
"Go for it," Lupin said, waving a hand. "Wait until you've met this Xander though." He looked at Melissa, then at Ishi. "Remember that museum job in Brussel's?" They both nodded. "He's a lot like that as far as I can tell."
"Oh dear," Goemon said quietly, shaking his head. "He was rather...swishy then, wasn't he?"
"That's one way of putting it," Lupin agreed patiently. He heard a whistling noise and looked out as the not-Xander came down the stairs. "We're in here."
"Cool." He walked in and grinned. "Hi. It shouldn't be too long before you have your me back," he said cheerfully. He pointed at a chair and one of the kids nodded. "Thank you for hosting me. I know it doesn't give you much choice, but I'm sorry about this all the same." He sat down and looked at the children, smiling happily. "Wow, he really does have kids. I've got pets. I've got some dogs, some cats, a few ferrets, and a half hellhound, half great dane." They all stared at him so he grinned. "No, I'm not at all like your Xander. I'm a bit of a fighter but I'm not as excellent as I needed to be. Most of my skills come from a dance that I learned across the realms. It's a great thing and I can fight, just not as much as I needed to, so I appealed to the Gods I anchor for. Strife and Cupid are *very* helpful to me."
"We've got the same feeling about Janus here," Arsene said weakly, staring at him. "What else do you do?" There had to be some common ground with their Xander. After all, they were all Xander's, right?
"Um, well, I can work on a forge. I'm very good at forging stuff, especially jewelry. I do some limited jewelry design work now and then. I raise my pets. I take care of and tempt my Oz, along with my Methos and Ray. Oh, and I write a bit now and then. I've recently done a best selling sex manual set. One for gay couples and one for het couples and trios and whatenot." He waved a hand around and giggled a bit, beaming at them. "What about you guys?"
"We're all pretty muchly thieves here or thieves in training," Ishi said, staring at him. "You are...so very different from our Xander." He wanted to say 'wrong' but he knew his father wold scowl and swat him for it. This Xander was just wrong though! He was swishy and so *very* gay. "Anything else you wanted to share?"
"He belongs to an organization that's based on the pleasures in life," Jigen told them.
"GHS is much more than that. It's also a system of fellowship and training so we can help each other when the outer world doesn't understand the sort of people we are," Xander told him happily, beaming. "Methos taught me directly while I was subbing in at a demon brothel to find myself, but I've helped others find a true calling that includes a life's work as well as the pursuit and capturing of multiple pleasures each and every day." He wiggled a bit. "I'm on the West Coast committee for our next convention too. We're holding it in San Francisco and I'm planning some of the entertainment events. Do you think having a mud wrestling and a pudding wrestling competition is too much?" he asked Lupin. Who could only shrug. "Sorry, I thought you might be one of us."
"I might be but I don't really wrestle on more than sheets," he offered.
"Um, not to be rude or anything," Melissa offered, blinking hard to try to control her outburst of tears at this very strange mother-shaped person. "But I kinda need Mom's help with some research I'm doing. How long do you think this is going to take?"
"Probably not *too* long," Xander offered, shrugging a bit. "I was facing an immortal and a demon who had gotten together to warp the game and who were trying to kill me. As far as I know it shouldn't take more than a few days at the most. Can I help?"
"Have you ever been to Carrington castle in Malaysia?" she asked.
"I said no," Jigen told her.
"Actually, I have," Xander admitted cheerfully. "We held a reception there last year for the newest president of the Asian GHS society. He had just bought it and done some renovations for his new harem and students." Melissa and Arsene both blinked at that. "We're a multi-national organization with nearly sixteen hundred members worldwide. Of course, most of us have to prove that we are real and true GHS members, but I got a direct invitation from Methos when he finished training me on my last night at the brothel."
"You seriously worked in a brothel?" Jigen asked.
Xander nodded. "I went on a second road trip to finish finding myself since my first one was rather aborted due to the car breaking down in Oxnard. I only worked there for six weeks but I learned a lot. I met some sorcerers and some demons and some of the demon royalty and things. I learned a lot about myself and the world by doing that for six weeks. Then again, I also made a hell of a lot of money. I had someone offer me the equivalent of eighteen million in uncut gems to sleep with them for an hour. I learned how to foil being kidnaped and plots to do so. I learned how to get along with people who are crankier than Buffy ever was. I learned how many demons there are in New York City because they all tried to snatch me at least once." Someone pounded on the door and he flinched. "Is that trouble?"
"I'm hoping it's not someone who'll expect you to be our Xander," Lupin said, getting up to answer it. He saw it was Dawn and sighed as he opened it, looking at her. "We were going to call you after breakfast."
"I figured as much," she sighed, walking inside and back toward the dining room. "Hey," she said, kissing Xander on the cheek. "I'm Dawn. In this world I'm Buffy's little sister, only I'm a decent human being. Would you like to come stay with us while we work on getting you home again?"
"I'm not sure my Gods would like that," he said honestly, shifting to look at her. "See, they had to switch this Xander with me to help me since I anchor for them and I was going to die in a duel with a demon and an immortal."
"Hold on, immortal, like Highlander?" Ishi asked.
"Well, he did say Methos," Arsene quipped, sipping her coffee.
"Imagine what he could teach you," Melissa said in awe.
Xander winked at her. "Quite a lot but he says he hates it when people come up and act like groupies because he's so old. He says wisdom and experience aren't the same and what he's done he can't really teach, you've just kinda gotta do it for yourself sometimes."
"Yeah but he could teach so much about the ancient cultures and civilizations," Lotus told him.
"He does now and then when he goes to school and becomes a GA," Xander admitted with a small grin. "Other than that, he won't even help me when I'm a having a grammar qualm."
"That beer cap thing he does to Duncan," Ishi started.
Xander shuddered. "Psycho mimbo? Oh, let's not get us started on how Duncie poo wanted to kill my Oz and me because I was with Oz, and to then reform Methos in his own image of insanity. Please, I'll have nightmares and then need to cuddle." He grinned at the adults. "They might not like that," he told Ishi with a bright grin.
Arsene got up and went to get them both some coffee, handing over the cup for him. "Creamer and sugar are in the middle of the table. That way you don't have to babble." She looked at Dawn. "And you thought Iggy's Xander was different?"
Dawn snorted. "Oh, there's many different Xander's in the worlds of the universes," she said dryly. She looked at him. "So you're with Oz?" He nodded, beaming at her as he fixed his coffee. "Did I come into being in your world?" He looked up and shook his head, looking a bit confused around his eyes, even though the grin never left his face. "It's a long magical story so don't worry about it if I didn't." She patted him on the shoulder. "You can come stay with me. That way we can work on getting you home."
"But if you mess with it, then it could weaken Strife or Cupid, or even Ares, and then your Xander could get hurt in the battles."
"Oooooooookkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy," Dawn said slowly, shaking her head afterward. "They still exist in your world?" He nodded. "Are you, like, their anchor?"
"I am. Being the GHS I am, I anchor for Cupid and Strife, with a bit of Ares thrown in now that I can kinda fight. I'm just not the best at it yet."
"And they sent you here because they needed a better warrior Xander?" she checked. He nodded, beaming again. She considered it but she now had a headache. "Okay. Lupin, I'm going to order you to not endanger this one's life. Our two lines are pretty far apart, there shouldn't be hardly any crossover at all between them."
"They're an anime in our world I think," Xander told her.
"They do that here too now and then," she admitted. Ishi got up and helped her into his seat. "Thank you, Ishi, you're quite the gentleman now and then." She patted him on the cheek. "Maybe you should stay here. It could be easier for your Gods to retrieve you and they can check with Janus for you now and then. Either that or we should send you to Ethan. Oz, the one here, is at my house and he'd probably have nightmares about sleeping with the Xander here if you showed up and told him all this," she said weakly.
Arsene reached over and nerve pinched her, then shook her head as she took another sip of her coffee. "Excuse her, we overloaded her circuits again."
"I'll bring her home later," Lupin assured her. "Good work, empress."
"Thanks, daddy." She looked at their visiting Xander and smiled. "So, can we show you around the grounds?"
"Sure!" he agreed happily. "I'm presently living in the great big manor house above Sunnydale."
"Here it's a big hole," Melissa told him. "The hellmouth ate it."
"Ooooh. Did I do that?"
"Only kinda," Lotus said, smirking a bit. She decided she was going to have fun watching this Xander fluster everyone and make them go a bit insane until he left. It'd be her summer project, learning how to capitalize on it. Her father caught her eye and shook his head subtly. She sighed and put down her juice. "You said you needed to practice your dance. Ishi and I are samurai in training. May we watch?"
"Sure," he agreed happily. "I don't get to perform much anymore for anyone but my Oz, and occasionally my Methos and Ray." He considered it. "The occasional convention. A kidnaper or two. Strife and Cupid every now and then because he likes to use it to jump Jace and Cupid."
"Jace, from Hercules?" Ishi asked, blinking hard now. He cleared his throat. "Lotus, why don't you show him around this morning and we'll watch him this afternoon. That way he can find a good spot in case the gym's too stuffy. The a/c in there is off again."
"Sure," she agreed with a happy smile. She looked at Xander again. "So, what's going to happen when you get home?"
"I'll be tied down to the bed by my thinnest platinum ankle chain and pampered horribly by my Oz while he listens to what I saw and learned here. He's like that," he shared with a goofy grin.
"Ah, there's a similarity," Arsene said happily. "You both like some light bondage."
"And yet again, your mouth has gotten you into trouble," Goemon told her simply.
She spit at him. "I knew there had to be some similarities. They're both Xanders."
"True," Xander agreed. He patted himself down then took off the locket he was wearing. "Know any of these people?"
She looked at it, then gaped. "Uncle Ray," she said in awe. Then she burst out giggling. "Oh, Gods, just wait until I tell him!" she howled, getting up to go get sick. She didn't want to know that much about him and his sex life. He was nice, but she didn't like him that way.
"So I take it Ray's here too," he said fondly, stroking the locket. "That's pretty cool. Is he around so I can meet him?"
"Sure," Lupin and Jigen agreed. "When we bring Dawn home." Because he would freak out better than Dawn had and they wanted to see that.
"Hurry up and eat and I'll give you the tour so you can share juicy stories from home," Lotus said merrily. Xander beamed and dug in, a bit picky but nothing too horrible.
Lupin got out and went to knock on the door, finding Vecchio and Ray both standing there, scowling. "We kinda had to knock her out so she'd quit babbling. Then again, the reason made Arsene run and get sick. Come on." He walked them back to the car, nodding at Zenigata, who was just staring at the weird Xander. "That's not Lavelle."
"I can see that," Zenigata said dryly, staring that one down. "So, Xander, what do you do?"
"Oh, I'm a member of GHS with my Methos and Ray snugglies, I'm a lover, I occasionally fight the demons and things, but I'm also a royal of a line by adoption so that can get kinda messy. I just finished writing a best selling sex manual series." Ray Vecchio choked at that. So he beamed at him. "I remember meeting the you in my world," he cooed, bouncing over to hug him. "You were such a great guy. You were so understanding of our Ray when he had to go." He pulled back to grin at him. "I was so sorry when I heard you had died by an immie's hand." He kissed him on the cheek, then squealed and pounced the other Ray to hug him. "They said you existed here!" he squealed, dancing around with him. He pulled back to look him over. "Well, someone's been feeding you. My Ray's a bit less packed, more wiry muscles than comfy muscles like you've got. Can you dance? My Ray's learning my dances from me." He hugged him again. "Ooooh, I wish there was a Methos here. You'd like him I'm sure."
"Hold on, Methos?" he asked, looking really confused at Lupin over Xander's shoulder.
"Open his locket," Jigen suggested, lighting his next cigarette. "Yo, Pops, you wanna get your little woman outta the car?"
Lupin opened the door and put the seat forward then got out of the way. "There ya go." He looked at Vecchio. "He's apparently the pampered pet of his Oz."
Xander winked back at him. "Only when I've been really good." He beamed at Ray again. "I should show you how to dance."
"Um," he said. "Immie, like Highlander?" Xander looked confused but Lupin and Jigen both nodded. "Wow, am I?"
"No, you're a mate. We're bound to our mates. Well, you're kinda bound to me and Oz and your Methos too," he admitted sheepishly. "We didn't realize that the spell would reach out and touch us in the living room. I was bound to Connor too but he died."
Ray patted him on the back, shaking his head. "Well, you're definitely not our Xander," Vecchio admitted, going to help with Dawn. "What happened to her?"
"We overloaded her freak circuits and Ar knocked her out," Lupin said fondly. "Then again, she did find a spot of similarity in the fact that they both like some bondage." The Xander let out a satisfied sounding growl. "You should show us all how you dance, Xander," he offered. "It'll be pretty interesting. I know Lotus came in and said it was really cool and Ishi had to hide for a few hours."
"Well, it is kinda arousing," he admitted sheepishly, grinning a bit. "But I did learn to fight from it. Which is really important with how often I get snatched." He looked around. "Where's the demon around here?"
"It's probably the vampire Ripper," Jigen offered, pointing at the man coming out of the house. "Hey, howyadoin'," he offered.
Giles snorted. "About the same as always, dead and loving." He looked at Xander, then raised an eyebrow. "Dear."
"Ewww. My Giles turned on me. Shoo!" He gave a very limp-wristed physical shoo and Giles went flying. "OOOOOH! Magic's stronger here!" he said happily. He bounced over, running on the balls of his feet, and pulled Giles up. "Our Giles fucked around on me and I'm working on hurting him greatly. Are you like him?"
"No," he said, shaking his head. "I'm with Ethan."
"We always knew you were," Xander agreed dryly. He sniffed him. "Spike! I haven't seen him in *ages*! How is he?"
"Annoying, the same really," Giles said, blinking hard. "You're marked."
"I was adopted by the Metharn lineage. I'm a secondary son."
"All right then," Giles agreed, turning and walking off, heading home. He couldn't deal with this very swishy and gay Xander. The usual gay Xander was a bit much for him. "They switched him for the nancy poof of the universe," he called as he shut the portal.
Xander giggled and bounced/ran back to Ray, hugging him again. "Come on, I should show you how to dance. It'll make me happy and you can do good things with it. It's your favorite way of working out at home that doesn't mean sex automatically." He walked him off. "We'd best not do it out here or else we'll get in trouble and someone will try to kidnap me again."
"We're cops," Ray assured him, following behind the couple shaking his head a bit.
"I suppose you're staying to take him home?" Zenigata said bitterly.
"We probably should," Lupin agreed dryly, smirking at him. "Dawn said his Gods might have a problem retrieving him if we didn't."
"He apparently anchors for a few of them," Lupin told him. "Strife and Cupid mostly." He walked Zenigata inside, following the Xander. From what he'd seen, this Xander couldn't really take care of himself all that well and only God would know what would happen if he died here. They might never get their Xander back. He was sure the rule was one Xander to a universe, otherwise things would go horribly wrong. He found a seat on a park bench beside Vecchio and looked at him. "Ishi and Lotus saw this earlier. They said it was pretty neat."
"I'm sure it is," he said dryly, glancing at him. "So, made a move on him yet?"
"No, not with the way he talks about 'his' Oz and 'his' Ray."
"This is gonna fuck with Stan's head for weeks," Vecchio complained.
"That's okay, Arsene got the image of him having sex with Methos stuck in her head and didn't quite make it through breakfast. She had to get sick." They watched as Xander led Ray aside and talked to him, doing a few things. Ray shook his head and sat down so Xander just shrugged and moved into the center of the grassy spot, stretching a bit. Lupin looked at him when he looked around. "Need music?"
"No, I've got the traditional music running through my head. I'm checking for clearance and sharp, pointy things that could hurt me." He closed his eyes and relaxed, then started to move.
Jigen's cigarette fell out of his mouth.
Zenigata's mouth fell open but his cigarette held on for a moment, and unfortunately landed on his pants, which knocked him out of the trance while he slapped the fire out.
Lupin started to drool.
Vecchio just stared, wondering how the human body moved like *that*. Normal humans couldn't do that he was sure.
Stanley blinked a few times, then shook his head. "I could never do that," he moaned, but he settled in to watch it because it was good. It was better than porn and he could grasp the story easily. At the end, he was the only one who could clap. Lupin and Jigen were clutching their thighs so they weren't playing with themselves. Vecchio was just staring in open mouthed shock and awe. Zenigata had handcuffed himself to the bench he was sitting on so he couldn't do more than drool. Stan looked at Xander, beaming happily. "You're one hell of a dancer, Xander. I'm damn impressed."
Xander beamed but wiped off his forehead, glancing around. "And no one came to kidnap me, it's a noteworthy event," he said happily, going to sit beside his friend and chat with him. "My you can do some of that but you're still learning."
"I don't think I ever could," Stan admitted. He gave him a gentle hug. "Don't worry, you'll get home to your me in the next week or so. I'm sure of it." Xander beamed at him and kissed him, then went to get a drink from the fountain nearby.
"Don't drink that, there's fish in there," Zenigata said, struggling to get free of the cuffs. "Son, get him a glass of water or juice," he called finally. "Where's my key?" he muttered, patting himself down one-handed.
Lupin got up and wandered over, undoing him, then heading into the bathroom for a moment of privacy. "I want to tape all those," he moaned as he worked himself off. "Either that or keep him as a cherished pet. I'm sure our Xander wouldn't mind. Much."
Jigen pounded on the door. "Let me in!" he demanded. Lupin reached back with his free hand, undoing the lock. Jigen walked in and shut the door, locking it again. "Fuck my issues," he said, kissing Lupin stupid. "A mutual handjob?"
"Please," Lupin moaned, moving his hands so he could get Jigen exposed for him. He might even be nice enough to blow him without thought of getting one back.
Vecchio knocked on the door. "If you make a mess, clean it up or we're using it as DNA samples," he called, heading up to the guest room he usually used. The door up there locked and none of the kids would have to see him this hard and needy. If Stan could still talk intelligently after that, he was the better man.
Xander, Lavelle Xander, looked at the demon across from him. "You should know who you're facing, spawn."
"You're a nothing," he sneered. "A secondary son of the Metharn lines? Totally an asskisser and only suitable for a political marriage as a concubine."
Xander snorted and shook his head. "Not likely. Actually, the me from here is a favored son by the markings and he's already married." He undid the buttons on his shirt, making the demon's minions shriek and hold their eyes. "I, on the other hand, got asked to come teach you some manners. The name is *Consort*." The demons all shivered. "As in unwillingly given to a section prince." They backed off and he glared at the demon again. "You try this family of my alter-ego over your dead body."
"Who are you?" the demon hissed. "I challenged the one of you from here."
"Yay. Ares said it's not gonna happen. If you must know, in my world, I'm known as Lavelle. Assassin and master thief." He did a courtly bow, sneering the whole time. "I'm also the Holder of the Name and a prince in my own right since I've taken out six others." The minions turned tail and ran. "It won't save them. Remember, by making them yours, you linked them to your energy." He waved him forward. "You were going to attack now? Or should I just destroy you?" he sneered.
"Try that with me, human," a new voice said in a deeper baritone, walking out of the woods. "You're not the immortal."
"No, I'm the one Ares said you get though. You go through me to get to this Xander. See, he's a bit...nice." He looked him over and snorted. "Seriously, have you even fought in the past?"
"I'm over two millennia old," the immortal sneered. "I have taken many heads."
"Yay." Xander lunged and the immortal brought up his axe, but Xander was faster and better trained. Plus he had the strength of Ares and Strife behind him. He saw a light flash off to the side and a female appear, bowing cordially at her before going back after this idiot. He got him down and injured, leaning on the sword. "Still think you've got what it takes to beat me, puny imbecile? Oooh, did you take viagra and have it stiffen the wrong muscle?" He swung and took his head, watching as the energy flowed out and headed for the house. Then he glared at the demon and lunged, splitting it in the chest. It fell with a shriek and a moan, trying to hold the blood inside. It wasn't going to succeed.
The woman who had teleported in clapped a few times, looking him over. "Nice job. Efficient. Not too much witty repartee up front," she said, her voice a light sneer. "You're not the anchor though. Who are you?" she asked, moving closer. "You look like him."
"Go ask Ares," he said dryly. "It's not like I answer to you."
She looked him over and snorted. "I would never have one such as you in *my* service, mortal." She raised a hand, manifesting a ball of fire. "Now, answer the question."
"Or what, you'll fry me?" Xander asked snidely, facing off with her. "Lady, I don't care which Goddess you are, you're playing a very dangerous game. I'm not the nicest of people on my best days." He took off his shirt and she gasped, backing away from him. "Now then, which bitch of the universe are you and why are you bothering me? Unless these two pitiful attempts were *your* doing?" He stepped closer. "Were you trying to screw up the others to make them look bad? Even though it would obviously mean *your* death?"
"How dare you accuse me of that!" she yelled, sending the fireball at him. It dissipated against his shield and she let out a shriek of outrage. "How dare you thwart me!"
He yawned. "Go blow yourself, wench. You're a nothing and a nobody in my book. And you're boring me." He turned around and walked off, taking the sword with him. He found his necklace on the path and put it back on while he walked, whistling. He saw Strife on the steps and shrugged. "So, who needed the stick shoved up the *other* hole instead?"
"She's a virgin Goddess," he said dryly. "Not even toys."
Xander looked disgusted at that. "How can she know or control anything like the human emotions and spirit if she doesn't partake of it? That makes her weak and unstable in my book." He handed off the sword. "So, is she going to try it again?"
He nodded. "Yeah, probably. We're working on finding out how. It'll probably be a week."
"I wasn't doing much, my empire has someone who can run it in my absence." He smirked. "Besides, it's nice to have my penis again for a little while." Strife beamed at that. "We should talk," he suggested, walking closer, putting an arm around the Gods' shoulders. "What do I get out of this little trip anyway? Besides a really *good* me not dying."
"We were gonna give you a go at some loose jewels no one would miss," he offered, walking off with him. He wasn't scared of the guy but he could see how he got his scary reputation. "You remind me of Jacie's brother Jett."
"I remember seeing him on the show," Xander admitted. "Thank you. I consider that a compliment in many ways." Strife chuckled at that. "So, what're we talking?"
"Are you sure you're not the love kid of Autolycus and Jett?"
"Be kinda hard to do since they're only a show in my world."
"Hmm, point," he admitted dryly. He stopped, turning to look at the young man. "Did ya need somethin' else?"
Xander leaned over and whispered in his ear. "That. Ours was destroyed. I did it myself."
Strife considered it. "I'll ask Hades if he can get it for ya," he admitted, then he winked and disappeared.
Ares appeared, nodding at him. "Nice work. I agree, you remind me a lot of Jett." Xander beamed and bowed. "It was still stupid to take on Athena that way though."
"Yay. Cunt needs it shoved up the other hole," Xander said dryly. "I'm not hers. I've never been hers. I'll never be hers. Maybe yours now and then, but I'm not involved in the major battles anymore. The only God I acknowledge is Janus."
"What happens if we're real in your world too?"
Xander snorted. "Yay me. If so, the Hermes there can come down anytime and give me some jobs to do for him." He flicked a hand up to smooth back some moving hair. "I've been bored with the kids in school. My empire's flourishing. Lupin doesn't appreciate more than my tits since I'm female there again thanks to playing dress-up for him and getting stuck. Besides, I've only ever met Janus and Loki when they were fighting over me. Loki was pretty nice. He only wanted me to be whatever I wanted to be. Janus...well he likes to have some plans now and then. And I'm still bored."
Ares snickered, nodding. "You'll do, mortal. You'll definitely do. If I exist there, I'll send myself down to watch over you now and then. You've got balls of steel."
"No, they're flesh and cartilage, but I haven't had them around for a few months so I'm giving them some exercise."
Ares roared out in laughter, nodding. "Good one. I'll remember that. Go rest. If there's another sortie in this battle, it'll be later tonight or tomorrow. Go read the you here's works. He's a very ...interesting writer." He disappeared.
"Sure," Xander agreed. "He's have to be with the tapestries in that one room. I wonder if I can find that one of the orgy at home." He headed back into the house. "Honey, I'm back. They're gone now. There could be another one later."
Oz looked at him, his eyes wide and wild. "Thanks for the power boost."
"You and Strife both probably." He leaned down to look at him. "I'm not breaking your vows to him. He'd kill you. Go play with the others, Oz. I can sit and read by myself and not get into trouble." He nodded, going to do that. Methos yelped and Ray moaned a few minutes later so apparently it was good for them all. He went into the library, whistling. "Hey, Watcher central," he said dryly. "I could use a copy of these too. I wonder if I can summon an imp to do that."
Lavelle came back from his 'shopping' and pulled up in front of the house, finding a man floating there getting a tan. He got out, looking at the figure. "Uh-huh." The floating guy straightened up and he gave him a small smirk. "So, do you exist in my world too, Lord Hermes?"
"As far as we can tell, he's still sleeping," he admitted, grinning back at him. "So, you're Lavelle." He floated closer, looking him over. "You are much tougher than our anchor."
"Yeah, but if I stay, I'd have to bring the kids." Hermes shivered at that, looking blissed out. "Hey, open a portal. After all, they stole from Harry Potter's realm, they can do it here too." Hermes chuckled at that and gave him a gentle hug. "Thanks. So, what's going on?"
"Just a messenger," he admitted, handing over the scroll. "Apparently putting you back is going to be a bit harder than bringing you here." He moved closer. "Could I ask you to go do some of my deeds for a bit and pray to me while you're here?"
Xander looked at him, then leaned over and kissed him, making him moan. "Sure, babe. Where and when?" he cooed. Hermes blushed and handed over another scroll. "Done. What about what I asked for?"
"We're still arguing with Hades," he admitted. "Sorry."
"No, that's okay." He winked and headed inside. "Come on, Hermes. We'll go look at your list." He opened the door. "I'm back!" The half hellhound ran out to cuddle him. "Oooh, there's a good boy," he cooed, bending to pet him. "You're such a good and mighty hunter, yes you are." The puppy lapped him then responded to the whistle. "Good boy!" He walked into the nearest sitting room, then went back to Xander's writing room; he liked the tapestries and they seemed to give him good ideas for expanding his empire at home and doing new jobs. He flopped down and put his feet up. "Okay," he said, grinning at Hermes. "Let's look at your list." He unrolled it and drooled. "Well, I've done one of these at home," he admitted, reading down the list. "I wouldn't mind the sword. Are you absolutely certain that there's no more Goemons here?"
"The line died out two generations ago," Hermes told him. "They disinherited the last son for mating with an outsider."
"Hmm. Yeah, the ancestors weren't always that tolerant of outsiders," he admitted. He went back to reading, then pulled something out of his shirt and tossed it to him. "There's one of them." He got to the end of the list and smirked at him. "Sure. Am I working alone?"
"You'd work with Auto?" he asked hopefully. He moved closer. "He'd love to work with you, but his ego would make him lead."
Xander snorted. "Babe, remember, I have to deal with Lupin. Egos are nothing to me." Hermes giggled at that and they both had to look away as a pink flash went off. Xander looked at the woman. Hair. Breasts barely contained. Nice body. "Aphrodite?" he guessed.
She smirked and nodded. "Most of them also say 'teeth' mentally."
"You weren't smiling, you were being predatory and smirking," he offered, smirking back. He looked at Hermes. "I'll do it for you but I've got to stay in my actual form. That way we don't get this Xander in trouble."
"Sure," he agreed. "I'll get you plans." He hopped up. "Read the other one." He winked. "I love you, man." He zipped off out the open back door.
Aphrodite looked at him, hands moving up to her hips. "You know, you give me one hell of a headache each time you think about your men."
"Sorry. They only like the tits when I put on the choker."
"You *know* that's not true," she said firmly, tapping a foot now.
He grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her into his lap to look at her, weathering her squeal. "I might know it's true, but realistically, at the moment, they are being like that. It's not making me a happy Xander. They've done this before and I walked off. They didn't like that either. Therefore I have to put up with it, leave and piss off the kids, or teach them a lesson. So I'm probably going to be finding me a new man once I get back and get my real form back." He kissed her on the cheek. "Did you fuck with our younger lives? I've always wondered why I dated Anya."
She hugged him, giggling a bit. "She was to teach you tolerance and no, sweetie, I didn't do her to you. Strife did." She kissed him on the cheek. "I wish I could cure that for you."
"I wish you could too, but I'll stop thinking about them except in a gloating way," he promised, patting her on the butt. She squeaked and slapped him so he grinned. "Sorry, couldn't resist. How often do I get women who could hold up to me in bed in my lap? And ones who have a clue and are as good as I am in their own right."
"I think there was a compliment there," she teased, pinching him on the nose. "I should get up. Hephie will get jealous."
"Not really. I'm not going to follow through. I'm winding you up so he gets one massive blow and then jumped and pounced on for the next week."
She beamed. "Thanks, kiddo. We'll do what we can to get you home."
"Get me to that crossover bar place, Aphrodite. I can get home from there. I have in the past." She nodded, smiling at him. "Oh, got an idea for you and Strife." He leaned closer and whispered in her ear, making her shiver and squeal. He patted her on the butt again. "There ya go. You and Strife go share that." She beamed and disappeared. He heard a serious case of the giggles and looked up. "You're welcome."
Strife appeared and hugged him. "I wish we could keep you for a bit longer. I need more inspiration."
Xander touched his choker. "Find this here. Put it on the most manly man you can find. Let him get pregnant when he's finally figured it out and calms down." Strife's mouth opened and he vibrated. Xander winked and pulled him down into his lap, stroking his thigh. "Then again, put it on a supposedly 'real' warrior of the old school. The sort that think that women are weak and morally lacking. Watch him beg and plead for his penis back." Strife vibrated more. "Oh, here's an idea. Start a new trend. If the Harry Potter books aren't here, bring them. Or start a new line dance, like the macarena."
Strife came and moaned, going limp in his arms. "Wow. It hasn't been that good in a while," he groaned. Cupid appeared, giving him a tolerant look. "He was giving me *ideas*."
"That's always a dangerous thing," he told Xander. "Thank you for getting my baby off."
"Sure, not a problem, and I didn't have to do more than stroke his thigh." He handed over Strife, then beamed. "Need some ideas too?"
"No, I'm good on ideas. I've got the easy job, all I have to do is inspire lust." He smirked at him. "I was thinking bringing back daisy dukes again for the club scene."
Xander shuddered. "Eww. No, too many wrong people wearing them. Really." Cupid nodded at that. "But, I saw this really nice, see-through stuff on your mom's back. Use that to make the newest hottest fashions."
"I like that idea. Functional nudity but not really unclothed." He faded out with his Strife clinging to his side. By the time they got home, Strife's clothes were missing and Cupid was more than ready to make him beg for mercy.
Xander leaned back, putting his feet back up. It was a good day all around. He read the scroll from Ares, smirking a bit. It'd still give him plenty of time to do Hermes' jobs for him. "Godly babe, I need those plans," he whispered. They appeared on the couch. "Thanks, babe. I look forward to making you that cuddly too soon." He grabbed the first one, mapping out his strategy. He could still teleport here up to three times a day.... He would have to make sure that the Xander here never got associated with him.
Xander, GHS Xander, looked around as he wandered around the house. He hadn't found the library yet. He did see Fred, who was adorable. "Fred, love, where's the library? I need something to read."
Fred looked up at her and beamed. "This way." He led her to the library and pointed at a book. "Sissy Lotus reading that to me. You read?"
"Sure," he agreed, pulling down the first book. "This one?" He nodded and curled up against his side. "Sorry I'm not so cuddly as your daddy Xander."
"Mommy's nice but you're okay," he assured him. He snuggled in. "No pictures, but it's a good story."
"Good." Xander opened up the first page. "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone."
Xander padded back up to the main bedroom later that night, holding up the books with a rapt look on his face. "Can I get a copy of these for myself?" he pleaded. "Please?"
Lupin smirked at him. "They are good books. Sure. Can we get a copy of the dances?"
"Wellllllllll," he offered, considering it. "As long as it's only shown here. Not for public profit, not for bachelor parties, nothing like that," he offered. "I can pray that my Strife and Cupid have them copied and sent. We've got them all on DVD." Lupin smirked at that. "You're sure you won't show them to anyone?"
"No, strictly for personal use," Lupin said seriously. Xander grinned at him. "Do you want to come sleep with us?"
"No, I shouldn't. My Oz would get really upset and then my Methos would have to yell and punish me." He shrugged. "I'll go crash in one of the spare rooms."
"You can have our Xander's old room," Jigen offered from behind him, making the Xander spin to look at him. "Come on. I'll show you." He walked him down the hall and opened the door, letting him into there. "Just don't rearrange anything. Otherwise he'll be fussing for days."
"Sure," he agreed with a grin. "Thank you, Jigen." He kissed him on the cheek and headed in there, going to read some more.
Jigen listened, noticing that Xander locked the door. "That won't help," he muttered, heading back to their room. He found the handcuffs they had stolen off Vecchio a few months earlier, hitching Lupin to the bed. "That way he can sleep alone and you won't make him cheat." He laid down next to him, one arm over his stomach. "How much longer you think?"
"Hopefully not more than a week. How long could this battle last?" Lupin looked up at the handcuffs, then at his partner. "Those won't stop me."
Jigen looked up at him. "At least they'll slow you down. Remember, he's happily married." Lupin sighed and nodded, getting the handcuffs off and settling in to cuddle Jigen for the night. It would have to do for the night. His Xander would be pissed with him if he cheated on him with himself. He heard that thought and moaned, shaking his head to clear it. That was bordering on things that he didn't want to think about or else he'd get another headache.
Jigen looked up at him. "Don't think about it," he offered.
"You know me so well." He shook his head again. Jigen kissed him and his mind went in a whole 'nother direction. "Thanks, I needed that."
"Just think about Kowalski's mental issues right now. Not only is he gay, he's bound as a pampered pet to a smartass immortal with an ego problem and he's sleeping with another couple as their pampered pet now and then." Lupin shivered. "Think about how much his head's got to be hurting."
"I heard earlier, he was drinking to forget it. The Don in Paris said he'd make sure he got home tonight. He heard what was going on and decided that Stan needed some mental help."
"Sure, but it's not his fault," Jigen pointed out.
"True." He snuggled in, stroking the hard stomach. "Why are you still dressed?"
"So you can't invade my ass."
"I wouldn't without permission," he promised.
Jigen snorted. "And I believe that too, Lupin. I trust you not to do it in the middle of the night the same way I trust your daughter around a lot of chocolates." Lupin cackled at that. "So I'll be sleeping in clothes." He stroked through Lupin's hair, making him a happy thief. "Sleep, there's another day to get through tomorrow."
Xander looked over as Ares and Strife came back, standing up and grabbing his new backpack. "Any luck?"
"No, not totally," Strife admitted. He held up a piece of ceramic. "But I can get you the piece you're missing." Xander grinned and put it into his pocket, then kissed him, dipping him backward. "Whoa," he said when he came back up for air. "Thanks. Cupid'll punish my ass for weeks for that."
"You'll enjoy it," Lavelle said with a smirk. He looked at Ares. "Want one too?"
Ares smirked. "No thanks. I prefer my lovers to be under me." He handed him something. "Here. To the crossroads place. It may call a few other Xander's up there but you should be able to get home from there. They've seen a few of you before."
Hermes appeared, looking pitiful. "Are you *sure* you can't stay?" he pleaded miserably. "Auto said he'd let you do him again. Jett said he'd enjoy having you around too. He enjoyed getting free to talk to you."
Xander walked over and hugged him. "Tell the you in my world to come visit and I'll give him the same fun." He winked then kissed him. "Be a good boy, now and then," he qualified with a small smirk. Hermes blushed and chuckled. Xander winked and took the paper from Ares' hand. "Hey, a portkey," he said as he zipped off.
"How does he know about that?" Strife asked.
"They're books there," Ares offered, looking at Hermes. "Do you need a cuddle?" he mock-cooed.
"Yes!" he sneered, manifesting Jace. "And I'm taking her." He disappeared with her.
"Hey! That's mine!" Ares yelled.
"Ours," Strife corrected once Ares had disappeared. Cupid appeared, frowning, arms crossed over his chest. "He kissed me," he defended.
"Yeah, I felt it. I felt you get hard too." He grabbed Strife by the front of his shirt and disappeared with him. They appeared with Strife in a gag, blindfold, short latex shorts, and his hands and ankles cuffed together behind his back. "There, that's better," he said smugly, settling in to tease his lover forever because of that kiss.
Xander walked into the saloon, smirking at the bartender. "I got sent to help with a swishy Xander's problems."
"I heard," he offered, waving a drink for him. "Here, it'll be a few minutes. Oh, he was right, it did pull a few other Xander's. They're waiting on you over there. Their Rays are in the corner. He's coming to get you and doesn't know it yet. They're apparently very flexible across the realms."
"Thanks, man. Is magical me here?" He nodded. "Good deal." He took his beer that way, nodding at the Xander he knew. "Yeah, it's me again. The phoenix is doing okay. He likes to go exploring and talk to the Japanese dragon." He looked at the other Xanders at the table. "Huh." He looked at the one in the glasses and lab coat. "I went into science?" he asked as he sat down.
"Ballistics. I'm a CSI." He looked at him. "Silver hair?"
"Demonic radiation. I was gifted to hell for a bit." He took a drink and looked at the other one. "You're furry."
"I'm a mouse," he admitted. "Vinnie is gonna laugh his tail off about this," he said miserably.
"It's just a dream," the others told him in unison. The mouse Xander nodded, putting his head down.
Lavelle looked at the ballistics Xander. "So, most of us I guess are still good guys. I'm assuming the same about you."
Xander nodded. "A very good guy. You're, um, not?" Lavelle shook his head and so did the other Xander. "Why not?" he asked weakly.
"After I got free, Jigen found me and took me in." He took another drink of his beer, looking at the magical Xander. "So, how's tricks in your world? Your husband still okay with you and everything?"
"Just fine," he agreed happily. "George is wonderful and things are going spiffing at the shop," he bragged. He handed over a straw to the ballistics Xander. "Here, try that. It's like a pixy stick."
"Cool." He opened it and sucked on the crystals inside. Then he looked up at his hair as it stood up and twisted into interesting shapes. He giggled. "That's so cool!" He beamed at him. "You work in a joke shop?"
"My husband is a Weasley," he offered dryly. "I married George."
"But they're books," Xander said, looking confused.
That Xander smirked. "I heard." Lavelle chuckled. "How are your kids?"
"Better. We still haven't figured out everything that they stole from you guys."
"You steal?" ballistics Xander demanded.
Xander looked at him. "That too. I'm an assassin and thief. I work with Lupin the Third. And occasionally our kids," he admitted dryly, finishing that beer. "Yo, can I have another?" he called.
"Sure, Lavelle. Your Ray is nearly here."
"Thanks." He looked over as the new beer appeared. "Thanks, man." He looked at that Xander. "It could be a lot worse. I'm also a prince of hell among other things, and the name holder."
"Wow." The two good Xanders looked at each other, then groaned and shook their heads. "I'll have to read that book when I get home. If David will let me buy them." He sipped his beer. "So, what do you do?" he asked the older looking limping Xander.
"I teach demonology and self-defense at Hogwarts."
Xander blinked and nodded once. "Okay then. This is too strange for me." He grinned. "I think I'll consider this a really odd dream."
"Not a problem," Lavelle offered, patting him on the back, then he knocked him out. "I was just in the world of a swishy, dancing Xander."
"I met him!" he said excitedly. "He's a really nice guy, just a bit high strung." Lavelle nodded. "What were you doing there?"
"He had a battle he couldn't win so they pulled me to kill the demon and the immortal."
"Ah. So, I know his Gods are active."
"And Hermes is very cute," he said smugly. The other Xander chuckled. "So's Strife. I got him into all sorts of trouble with Cupid by kissing him. He'll be on his knees and begging for months." He looked over at the two Rays already arguing. "Just wait until mine gets here," he called. He took another drink of his beer. "So, why the meeting?"
"Not a clue," the other Xander admitted. "I was napping and woke up here."
"Cool. I'm trying to think up a good punishment for my lovers if they cheated on me." He finished that beer and got up when he heard the doors bang open, one hand moving to his gun. "Oh, hey Ray. How's Stan? I met the him there and he was pretty nice, but a very good slutty little pet."
"You are such an asshole!" he shouted. "How dare you do this to me!"
"I didn't! Whine, bastard! I got pulled!" Ray glared at him. "I can shoot your ass again if you want. Then I'll tell Ray he's got to bandage it for you!"
Vecchio snorted. "Fine. It wasn't your fault *this* time." He looked at the other two Rays. "Doesn't this breach some rules of the world or something?"
"Not in this place," Lavelle told him. "This is a nexus point, where a lot of worlds touch." He waved his glass. "Want one?"
"Please, God." He went up to the bar, getting his glass of wine, and got the money waved off. "I don't let him buy me drinks."
"They're free here, it helps," the bartender said with a small wink. "We've seen a lot of that other Xander that danced for you."
"I've got copies of his DVD's," Xander admitted, walking over to his Ray. "If you want, you can compare the horror stories with yourself. I'm good for now. I can take a nap."
"Sure, you go take a nap." He caught sight of the fuzzy person. "Who's that?"
"Apparently another me. I have no idea I was really a biker mouse. I'll have to take pictures for the conventions." He smirked and went to do that, then headed up to one of the spare rooms for a nap.
Vecchio sat down with the other two of him. "Please tell me your Xanders are sane."
Ballistics Ray looked at his Xander, then at the other one. "Only sometimes. There are days when it's not readily apparent." He looked at the other one. "What about you?"
"I have to deal with a Martian Xander. One who rides a male, intelligent motorcycle, is in an odd relationship a tan Martian mouse, and who is one of the Angels in the city." He sipped his wine. "You tell me."
Vecchio from Lavelle's world stared at them. "Mine's a thief and an assassin who uses magic to help him now and then. He's got a whole underground empire that we can't touch." He took a drink. "Can I switch with one of you? I'd rather have furry Xander. I get him now and then at the fandom conventions. I've got a goofy, geeky Xander who likes to steal stuff and shoot stuff."
"Well, I've got geeky Xander who likes to shoot stuff," Ballistics Ray admitted.
The other Ray snorted, shaking his head. "No, that's okay. I've got a helpful, tough, furry Xander. It could be worse."
"You win," the other two told him.
Vecchio snorted and shook his head. "Not the prize I wanted, but thanks. How do we get home?"
"Not a clue," they agreed in unison.
"You basically wake up," the bartender called. "Just think, that other Xander's married to George Weasley and he works at Hogwarts."
"Yeah, but there's not one of us there," all three called back.
"We don't have to deal with him," Lavelle's Vecchio offered. He looked at him. "Didn't the kids end up over there? Someone was babbling that Lupin the Fourth had said something about that."
Xander smirked. "Yup. They managed to get away with the first theft at Gringotts in six centuries. Nearly half a million in galleons and some limited artifacts. Percy and his new wife Arabelle got most of those backs though."
"Wonderful," Lavelle's Vecchio admitted. "Should I even try to look for them?"
"Lavelle said he hasn't seen them so it might be pointless. Fortunately he came after them to drag them home and yell at them. They hooked up with the Lupin in our world. It drove Draco and Percy insane for weeks," he offered smugly.
"I deal with those kids enough already. They do that to everyone they meet," Vecchio offered, saluting him with his glass of wine. "Why are you up here?"
"Mediating and helping with the magic stuff."
"Cool. Can I go home now?" the furry Xander's Ray offered. "I was sleeping."
"Sure," he agreed, pulling his wand. He sent them together. He looked at the other one. "You, dear?"
"Please. My Xander and I both work tomorrow and his mate will not be a happy camper. David might try to storm this place if Xander isn't back soon. He likes to rescue his Xander. At least when SWAT doesn't." That Xander grinned and nodded, sending them home. "Later, me."
"You too," Vecchio agreed, waving as he disappeared. He looked at him. "Should I go get him up?"
"If he's still up there. He could be back in another world getting something. Is Lavelle still here?"
"Yeah. They got him enough stuff in that other Xander's realm. Hermes got really happy to have a guy like him around." Vecchio groaned and finished his wine, then the other two glasses as well. "Need something stronger, Inspector?"
"No, I'm good now. Lavelle!" He came down the stairs a few minutes later. "Let's go."
"Sure." He gave the other Xander a hug and a wink, whispering in his ear. That got some giggles and they were gone. Lavelle came back a moment later, going up the stairs to grab his bag, then went home again. "Laters." He disappeared, landing back in his bedroom. Lupin and Jigen both stared at him. "I do not move like that, bend like that, or dance like that, nor will I ever do so. So get over it now, before I leave you for someone more nice to me." He felt the choker take hold again and groaned. "Fine. Thank you, Janus. So, is Hermes up there?" he called. He took his bag down to his room, only coming back to toss the DVD's at them. "Here, Strife said you wanted a copy. We did send the other me home with the Harry Potter books, right?" They both nodded, just staring at him. "Good. Since they're real in his world." He smirked and went to hide the new things he had gotten there. He liked these new leather pants. They were very comfy.
Xander squealed as he landed, grinning at his house. "It's still standing. I'm very impressed with me." He looked over as a redhead appeared next to him. Then he squealed and hugged him. "You're Ron!" he said happily, pulling back to grin at him. "I saw the books!"
"Books?" he asked. Xander handed him the first book of the set. "Uh-huh." He flipped through it, then groaned and shook his head. He looked at the Xander. "We're going to have to do something about this, Mr. Harris."
Xander manifested a ball of light. "Why? I'm a nature wizard." He pouted. "Please!"
"Let me talk to my boss. It'll take me a minute." He flinched as Ares appeared, then gaped. "You're...."
"Ares," Xander said happily, hugging him. "Thank you for helping me!" He gave him a cuddle. "They were so confused but they said they expected some strangeness from any Xander. Ooooh, and I saw the Ray there and he was a tough little guy. Not a pleasure beast like my Ray at all, but he was kinda cute by being so tough." He kissed him on the cheek and headed inside. "I'm home! You'd better be naked and waiting for me!" He slammed the door.
Ron looked at Ares, waving the book. "Would you like to come back with me, Lord Ares? That way you can explain to my boss what happened?"
"Sure, kid. Any Xander is a confusing Xander. You just gotta learn to hang on for the ride." They disappeared together, heading to the Ministry to get Xander exempted so he could read the books.
To Thieves' Index