Fixing An Intentional Oops.

Chris Larabee got told that someone had to be at the ranch to get a delivery and scowled.  "Why is he imposing for that favor?" he demanded quietly into the phone.  "He has a manager."  He grimaced and rolled his eyes.  The guy had been recalled to his old job for a two-week issue.  He wouldn't be back for a few days.  "We can't wait?  They're what?  Can't the kid send them back to whoever thought up that demented idea?"  He huffed.  "Fine.  Does he have someone to take care of them?  Even better."  He hung up and went to post a note on their bulletin board.  "Anyone want to go watch while things from Harris' farm get moved here?  Apparently they're not really suited to Miami's climate."

"Present?" Ezra joked.

"Yes.  Then the damn idiot had the bad luck to die so he couldn't take them back.  Though I'm not sure why he sent the kid miniature buffaloes."  He went back to his office.

"We have court," JD called after looking at it.  "We're due to testify that day, all but you and Vin."

Chris sighed in displeasure.  They all heard it and smiled.  But hey, Chris could goof off for a few hours legitimately.


Chris watched the truck back up toward him and got out of the way.  They stopped and opened the back.  Chris stared, taking off his sunglasses.  "What the hell?" he demanded.

The farm hand from Miami grinned.  "They're neat little things.  They love to run at us when we bring food out.  They're very adorable."  The local farm hand came out and looked then burst out laughing.  "Here's their feed sheet," he said, handing it over.  "We let them graze most of the day then give them some fodder at night.  We shaved them down and the vet still thinks they'll suffer in our heat and humidity."

"I'd guess," he agreed.  He whistled and they trampled down the ramp, letting themselves mostly be led into a paddock.  Vin had to herd one, staring down at it.  "They're damn tiny.  Breeding experiment?"

"No clue," the Miami farm hand admitted.  "They got sent to Xander.  Better than the tiger cubs he got I guess, or the goats, but otherwise it's good."

"I heard about them," Chris said with a shudder.

"We've got to plan where to put them.  They need specialized, electrified fencing and a separate shelter area," he told the local farm hand.

"Xander sent an idea and we've already ordered the fencing and stuff to build the small shed for them.  Cannibal goats are just weird."

"Someone wanted to take them to a zoo but they got turned down since they're not in danger.  No zoo wanted to deal with them because no one would want to see cannibal goats."

"Hopefully they'll die before the kid moves out here," Chris quipped sarcastically.

"Fat chance.  The vet said they'd probably last about twenty years if we didn't decide to see how tasty they were."

"Damn," Vin muttered.  "I saw the video Epps took of them."

"We toss them each a hershey bar anytime we have to get near them," the Miami farm hand told them.  "If we're mowing or something we toss in some hay or some wood.  They'll eat it and like it.  That'll make them leave us alone.  If we have to do anything in their paddock or to them directly it's a hershey bar every two hours."  That got a nod of understanding.  "I'm damn glad someone realized that.  Even the electrified muzzles they gave us with them don't stop them from biting sometimes."  He grinned.  "Furry got free for a few hours by jumping the fence and got his tail nipped by the female.  We had to run to save them both because he wanted to kill her and she would've eaten him if he had tried.  Ray Junior's been out every day to baby his tail though.  It'll grow back thankfully."

Chris shook his head.  "I'm still hoping they stay in Miami."

"Someone offered Gibbs a set," Vin said with a grin.

"I'm sure he can use them somehow," Chris drawled, glaring at him.  Vin just smirked back.  The last of the tiny buffaloes finally got put into the paddock.  "How many did he make?"

"Seventy overall.  There's the original six."  He pointed.  "They're the lighter ones.  The rest were apparently just normal."

They looked then shook their heads.  Only in Xander's crazy world.  "Any other shocks?" Chris asked him.

"It's Winchester's job to check the present warehouse and Jensen's job to do the weapons one."

"Good to know."  He shook their hands and walked off, letting them talk about the care, feeding, and annoying properties of the new pets.

"You know, if they're really calm, they could be let out to a few petting zoos," Vin suggested.

"Hush before I have a migraine," Chris complained.  He got into his truck.  Vin got into the passenger seat and they went back to the office.

Shells the pooka came over to stare over the fence at them.  "Interesting.  Who did that?"

"Some old guy," the Miami farm hand said, scratching his neck in that special spot all horses like.  Shells lipped him and nuzzled one of the staring beasts, getting mooed/bleeted back at.  "They're usually pretty calm."

"Wonderful."  He nuzzled it again and trotted off.  "Thank you for the new clover."

"Welcome and I planted some for you," the local farm hand called after him.  "Around the trees I sprinkled a bunch of clover seeds."

Shells laughed.  "That's a very welcome treat."

"I used to think goth kids and the ones with all the piercings were strange," the Miami farm hand quipped.  "Then I met Xander."

The local one snickered but nodded.  "I've only met him once and yeah, I can understand that."  He petted the furry head that butted his leg.  "You'll do just fine here.  It's almost your natural habitat."  He got them some food and it was nice.  They nibbled and got happy.  They went to set up their part of the barn.  Tomorrow they could graze.  Today they'd get acclimated.  Plus the new vet for the family would get their records from Miami's family vet.


Xander looked at his phone when it beeped then at Wade.  "The tiny buffaloes are in Denver.  They're happy.  The vet's a bit freaked out but he said they're healthy and happy."

"Good."  He shook his head quickly.  "They're still freaky."

"A bit yeah, but we'll take care of them for now."  That got a nod and they went back to looking over the various luxury items.  Wade had made Xander dress up to come so he looked like he had money.  Steve and he had talked about his shopping budget on the way here.  So he was clear on how much he could spend if he found something he absolutely had to have.  Which he hadn't yet.  There were some pretty things but...some really boring things too.  They were looking at the new luxury yacht designs.  "I almost wish I hadn't sold off the cruise ship I won on the poker boat.  I could've turned it from apartments to a luxury yacht in case we get flooded."

"I heard about that.  The horses would hate being cooped up on it if there's a biblical level flood."

"True.  They'd probably be safer in Denver."

"Maybe," Wade agreed.  He shook his head because he knew Xander would probably design a practical area if he had his way and thought it was necessary.  "You know, some people are wondering if an apocalypse closet has what it needs."

Xander grinned.  "I went over those needs and I do have some things packed.  Like seeds, all that stuff.  Just in case there is one and we do win."

Wade patted him on the back.  "Sometimes I worry that your mind has cracked more than Max's did."

Xander shrugged but grinned.  "I don't mind packing seeds into a box.  We might use them on the farm some day."

"Possibly," he agreed.  He shook his head once Xander had moved on.  Sometimes Xander worried him.

"Or I could move them all to a realm where it might be free."

"You could," he agreed.  "That'd be a huge farm world though."

"Yeah.  Probably.  I own one that used to be a farm world."


"I won it in a game of pickup sticks."

"Never mind," he moaned, shaking his head.

"I really should do something with them but everyone says I can't sell them."

"No, that's a bad thing."  He pointed.  "Gold plated weapons."

"Cool."  They went to look, Xander finding something nice.  The gold was a very thin plating though.  "Hmm.  That'll come off with use."

"Things like that are meant to be put up and looked at," Wade reminded him.  "Not used."

"I know but I don't want to set up that sort of collection.  Anything I have has to be able to be used.  Just in case we need them and they're the closest at hand.  Like Dean and Sam would."

"I know.  I do have a pretty collection though."

Xander grinned.  "Someone mentioned you had put in a vault like Heston has."

"Yup."  He smirked.  "Upstairs."  They walked on.  "The new ones we got a few weeks back are going in there."

"Cool.  I still can't believe someone gold-plated an AK."

"I have a few current military issue that are."  Xander shook his head with a sigh.  "I also have a few ancient ones that have carvings done by the owner and things."

"You should see the Colt."

"I have and it's beautiful work.  If it wasn't that particular one I'd want to collect it.  But that has a high risk of being stolen when needed so I'll leave that with someone like them."  Xander nodded.  They moved on and Xander found a few bath products he wanted to try.  Wade put one back.  Xander scowled at him.  "You're allergic to that stuff."

"Oh.  Thanks."  He paid and they moved on.  The fantasy bathrooms area was shiny and twinkly.  Xander tipped his head at one tub.  "But it'll corrode.  It'll never keep the water warm either."

"Things like this are to show off, not use," the man at the booth informed him.

Xander looked at him.  "No, anything in my house I use, not show off.  Even if it's made of marble and is fantastic and expensive."  He showed him a picture of the soaking pool with a grin.  "I got the idea at a temple.  It's very special and has blessing to Cupid and Aphrodite on it."

The man whimpered.  "That's fantastic."

"Thank you."  Xander put his phone up.  "Beyond that, who has a totally show off bathroom?  Unless they give tours and don't have guests?"

"Maybe," Wade admitted.  They walked on and Xander moaned at a tub, moving closer to look it over.  "You can make that into the special one in Denver."

"I could since Miami has the really special one."  He grinned. "I'd have to add to it though."  Wade nodded that was true.  "But you can build basements in Denver where you can't in Miami."

"Also true."  He looked at the guy who walked up next to him.  "Cupid," he said quietly with a nod.

Xander beamed at him.  "That way you wouldn't have to help me move the pool?"

"True."  He hugged the boy, getting a grin back.  "What did you do to it?"  Xander showed him the picture.  "Wow.  You expanded it and added in more things."

"And that one vibrates," Xander said with a grin.  "It's heated.  It's shaped specially to conform to your body."

Cupid shivered.  "That's a great addition."

Xander showed him the other picture.  "I added this too."  It was a reclining marble figure on one end.  Cupid moaned and nodded he liked that.  "I didn't think you'd mind."

"No, dude.  I like that."  He kissed Xander on the temple.  "Nice cover story," he said in his ear.  Xander gave him a sheepish look.  "Really."  Xander grinned.  "Don't forget, you're flying back for the birthday party of doom tonight and then coming back the next day.  Strife's bouncing about the kids."

"I know.  I'm so happy that the terror tots are turning a year old."  He beamed.  "And I'm putting in a normal pool."

"I saw.  It's very nice."  He tweaked him on the shoulder.  "Be a good boy."

"I'm a good boy?" Xander asked, looking a bit confused then grinned.

Cupid shivered again.  "Okay, or not.  You can be a naughty boy if you want."  He kissed him on the temple again. "You forgot...."

"He was unable to," Wade corrected.  "He was drugged up from the earlier thing.  I made prayers to Ares that he wouldn't have to deal with that growing problem again."

Cupid nodded.  "Dad told me about that."  Xander sent his usual prayers and Cupid grinned.  "Good boy.  By the way, no dog walkers at the hotel?"

"There are," Wade said dryly.  "Or there's supposed to be."

"If not, I can clean," Xander admitted.  Cupid nodded.  "It's only fair."  That got another nod.  "Um... is your dad mad about that...thing?"

"No, he's very pissed off at that other dude.  Especially since they promoted him.  So he's already had a car crash and is miserable with every bone broken in his body."  He grinned.  "Then Mom got him."  He faded out.

Xander grinned.  "That's good to know."  They walked on.  Xander pointed at one tub.  "That's pretty."

"For which house?"

"Mexico or Canada?"

"Won't fit the decor in either."

"Good point."  He nodded and they walked off.  Xander was taking mental notes to tell Patrick.  Wade was keeping track of their surroundings.  Xander found a few more things he wanted, though he didn't want to try the gold dusted, godiva chocolate covered strawberries someone had.  He did buy some new wine and some other things.  They went to a more private weapons showing and it was nicer.  Xander found a few things he liked a lot.  Wade found something he coveted that was too expensive right now.  They might make him a better deal later though.  They knew him and knew what he liked.  Xander was cooing over something.  "Kid, they hate it when you pet the weapons," he said dryly.

Xander grinned at the scowling person.  "I have two of the other guy's.  These work as well?"

"We've got a bigger destruction radius."  He let Xander see the comparison test video.

Xander pointed at one thing.  "That has a bigger one than that and it's more quiet in the explosion.  I need things for possible urban situations or hunting.  That's too noisy."

The salesman showed him something else but Wade shook his head.  "He does commando type things."  That got shown a better one.  "That's decent."

Xander frowned.  "I have three of the maxi systems.  How does that rate?" he asked him.  The man whimpered.  He grinned.  "Hi, Xander Harris."

"Oh, I heard about you, sir.  Um..."  He looked around.  "I have more blunt action things but you should see Stephen," he said with a point.  "He does a lot of quieter, softer things."

"Cool.  Thank you."  He shook his hand and they moved on.

That one had heard and was pulling out things to look at.  Xander looked over them, asking questions.  He had better but Stephen had an idea and walked him over to one guy at an empty booth, introducing him.  The man was staring at Wade.

Xander looked then grinned.  "He's my new assistant."

The guy nodded.  "Are you like Max?"

Xander beamed.  "Xander Harris."  He held out a hand.  The man swatted it and glared.  Xander smirked.  "He does better with me."

"Clearly.  Are you expanding your collection?"

"I'm told there's another big thing next year."

"Where?" he asked casually.

"I'm told Europe but there's a good chance that LA is going to help.  Which means I'd probably be on-call."

"That's bad news," Wade said, typing out a message to a few people.  "When did you hear that?"

"Last year.  I've heard updated rumors since then.  I sent what I heard to Gunn."

"So we need some planning after figuring out what's going to actually happen," Wade decided.  "So preplanning and the vault could use new pretty things."

Xander got shown a picture, grimacing and shaking his head.  "I have seven of those."  He looked at Wade.

"No sharing the inventory list, kid.  It's a security risk."  Xander nodded he understood that.  "He's usually into the quiet team sort of gear."

He got shown three more pictures.  Xander looked.  "Is that the thing in the blue box, Wade?"

"The updated one."

"Hmm."  He pushed them back.  "I have those."

The guy blinked.  "Yeah, you're well stocked."  Wade shook his head.  "Where does he need to look?"

"Probably in the same class but a wider range."  That got another nod and another picture pulled out.  "That's nice.  I saw the trial and it was quiet, powerful, and suitable."

"Sure," Xander agreed.  "How much?"  The picture was flipped over.  Xander considered it.  "Two."  He put down cash and the man gave him a slip.  They went to pick it up, putting it into a bag.  Then they headed off.  Halfway back to the hotel, someone shot at the car.  Xander instinctively blocked it from getting in the window.  They stared at the new broken glass pattern.  The driver was freaking out.  "Keep going," Xander ordered.  "It's not safe to stop here."  The driver nodded and took the back streets to the hotel.  Wade was looking at it.  "Sniper?"

"Yeah.  So they wanted one of us."

"Yeah but the question is which one of us?"  Wade looked at him.  "Could've wanted to hit me."

"It was on my side."

"We'll listen and see," Xander said.  Wade nodded, calming back down the battle reflexes.  "You want to handle the questioning period by the cops?"

"Yes.  In case they're after you.  You're more vulnerable."  Xander gave him a pointed look.  "It'd be too noticeable if you got shot."

"Okay."  He patted him on the knee.  "We'll handle it and destroy them."

"Yes I will."

"We, Wade, we.  No one touches someone in my family grouping.  Which you're part of."

"Good point."  They pulled into the underground parking structure and Xander got out. 

"You certain?" he asked.

"Go deal with the dogs."  Xander nodded, heading up there with hotel security.  Two more were there looking at the car.  The car was hired through the hotel so they were worried.  Wade took a calming breath.  He called someone.  "Was it against me or Xander?"  He listened, nodding.  "You sure?  How's the count?"  He grimaced and nodded once.  "Thank you.  Let me know."  He hung up.  "It's against Xander," he said quietly.

The head of security looked at him.  "We'll pay more attention to your room."

"We're leaving later to fly home for a day.  His niece and nephew have their first birthday party tomorrow."  That got a nod.  They walked up there together.  He knocked before walking in.  Xander looked up.  "They okay?"

"They're good.  I opened a portal to the house so they're on the lawn until we get back."  That got a nod.  "Hubert too."  He looked at the security guy.  "Didn't we have a dog walker booked?"

"Yes, sir.  Didn't they?" he asked with a wince.

Xander waved a hand.  "I cleaned it up.  The bathroom is all clean."  He sat on the bed.  "So?"

"You," Wade said, staring at him.  "Council."

"Fuck them," Xander said dryly.  "Any other news?"

"Not yet."

Xander nodded.  "Okay."  He smirked.  "Want to cancel the plane and just do like the dogs?"

"No.  Too noticeable when they don't stamp you out of the country."

"Okay.  Then we're due to leave in two hours?"  Wade nodded.  "Is it safe to do lunch?"

"We'll pick something up at the airport.  They can't plan ahead that far.  Too many variables."  Xander nodded and relaxed.  "Want to warn Miami?"

Xander called someone, putting them on speaker.  "It's Xander.  I'm leaving in a few hours to come home for the birthdays.  Anything I should hear?"

"The buffaloes were moved," Dean said.  "The dogs are begging mooches still.  Toby's over and Mellie's on her way.  Want us to watch them?"

"Please.  We had a bit of a problem with one of the customs guys who can tell magic in the bags.  He wanted me to empty one until Hubert popped up his head.  Then he kinda freaked out."

Dean snickered.  "Good to know.  Anything we should worry about you being arrested for?"

"Hubert had it."

"We saw that," Sam called faintly.  "They're going to the warehouse."

"Thank you," Xander said.  "Reason I'm calling is that someone took a shot at us."

"Excuse me?" Dean asked.

"It appears it was related to the Council's price on his head," Wade said.

"Fuck them," Dean said.

"Yup," Wade agreed.  "No one's moved on the three that're on my life.  The only one that has any known action is his."

"I'll tell Horatio once we hang up.  Sammy, let Adam know that someone tried to take the price on Xander's hair from the Council."

"They raised it," Wade said.  "It went from half a mil to a full mil."

"Fuck them," Dean repeated.

"Yes, I'm going to," Xander said dryly.  "They screwed with the family group."

"Sure.  We'll watch out for things down here.  See you late tonight," he said, hanging up.  Xander and Wade shared a look then Xander changed into a better traveling outfit.  They checked out and went to ship the bags to Paul.  Xander made sure he had his wallet and passport.  Wade had his.  They went to the airport for lunch.  Fast food worked and it was safe because no one would think to get every single place bribed to drug them or anything.  Even if, Xander could fight off most things within a short amount of time.  The person probably expected them to go somewhere high class.  They went to KFC and McDonald's.  That way they had stuff to eat on the long flight back to Miami.


Dean called Horatio.  He was actually out of court for once this week.  "It's us.  Xander just sent back the dogs because someone took a shot at their car in Singapore."

"Who?" he asked calmly.

"Council raised his price.  Wade said none of the ones on his life showed any interest."

"Interesting.  Let me conference in some others.  Thank you, Dean.  The children?"  Dean poked Ramses, who barked, making Toby giggle.  "That's good."

"Mellie's on her way over," Sam said, leaning on the back of the couch to get closer to the phone.  "I called Fu so they can take bets about how Xander destroys them for nearly shooting Wade."

"Thank you.  That's one less step for me to yell at."  He hung up and walked into his office calling a few people.  "It is Horatio," he said calmly.

"What happened?" Gibbs demanded.

"Tell me he's not having to run to Denver because he died," Chris Larabee complained.

"Someone shot at Wade thanks to the price the Council put on Xander's head going up.  They're on their way back to Miami for the babies' birthdays."

"What did he buy at the arms show?" Chris asked.

"No clue.  He sent the pets back to the house by portal."

"Let me know," Chris ordered.  "That way I can be warned."

"I know that he's hearing a problem with an upcoming issue that may hit both Europe and LA next year," Horatio offered.

"Damn it!" Gibbs complained.  "Like the invasion?"

"No clue yet," Horatio said.  "Xander is going to destroy them.  Are there any prior claims?"

"Probably," Gibbs admitted.  "I'll ask around."

"See if you can find out what's going on too," Chris said.  "That way we can help the asshole plan for the kid."

"Xander actually is a very competent battle planner," Clay said from the doorway.  "Jensen started to swear in a geek language I don't know and even Cougar can't get him calmed down.  What did they do and can we kill Wade for letting Xander die?"

"Someone shot at Xander and Wade thanks to the Council raising the contract on their lives," Horatio said.  "Neither one died."

Clay called him.  "Was it because they got shot at?"  He listened.  He put him on speaker.  "Try English, Corporal."

"Two groups in Thailand tried to blame things on Xander while they were there.  Wade corrected both of them," Jensen said, sounding tense.  "One other tried to say that Xander was like Max, but that's been countered because during one of those defending Wade moments, Xander admitted he was GHS.  Then there's the new price on his head from the Council, only for firmly dead.  And they said that they want to check Mellie for a mole.  That has been stopped since their witches pointed out that they would've handed her over if she had it."  He clearly swallowed a drink of something.  "And then there's two new suitors who are more than willing to fake the contract to keep Xander.  One of which broke in here ten minutes ago.  By the way, Cougar's pissed now too."

"Good," Clay said.  "Anything else I need to know?"

"Not yet."

"Price is how high?" Gibbs demanded.

"A mil.  They do know he has a seat on the High Council but they think he took out tyrants for money.  Their files are pathetic on Xander.  They don't know a thing about his hormones or anything.  They're willing to use him to do things, like that village where the Council's idiot killed the demon Xander was trying to get to release hostages.  Which Xander's still pissed about by the way."

"Shit," Larabee muttered.  "How many villagers?"

"317 according to Xander, 314 according to them.  Their official judgement was 'they're villagers, it doesn't matter' and 'the children will be taken in by someone'.  Xander donated money to make sure they were taken care of."

"Fuck," Gibbs complained.  "They didn't take responsibility?"

"No, they tried to blame Xander but one of the survivors told them.  The agents there cleared Xander and started a complaint against the Council, again."

"McGee said that there's about fifty of them against the Council in the system," Gibbs said.  "So the kid's all right?"

"Upset with himself for not handling it sooner," Jensen admitted.

"Then we'll make sure he's all right," Horatio said.  "What are we doing about Xander's plans against them?  Beyond Sam telling the local poker circuit so they can start taking bets."

"Sanders found ours here," Gibbs said.  "There's some scary agents and former agents here."

"We have many of those down here," Horatio agreed.

"Okay," Chris said.  "Ours has mob members mostly so I'll worry about them later.  Is the kid going to trail anyone who wants him?"

"No," Horatio said.  "He might ask a favor but he won't play with them that way.  He wouldn't even when Miss Rosenburg wrote a virus that took his passport out of the US's systems.  And his social security number."

"Thankfully we got that fixed," Gibbs said.

"Mostly," Horatio admitted.  "Otherwise, he tends to make them miserable and then destroy them.  This time he'll have to worry about the potentials."

"So he might leave some living?" Gibbs asked.

"Perhaps," Horatio admitted.

"I'll get with the locals here I trust to see if they can fix some of that."  He hung up.

"I'll spread it around so they know the kid's in a bad mood."

"If you do that, he'll get more weapons," Clay warned.

"After seeing the miniature buffaloes, weapons are normal."  Chris hung up.

Horatio hung up and smiled at Clay.  "I think the goats are worse than the buffaloes personally."

"Just a bit," he said dryly.  He hung up on Jensen cackling.  "What're we doing?"

"Watching to make sure nothing happens.  Adam said he met one in town the other day."

"I'll look into that.  Or have Jensen find them."  He walked off shaking his head.  Calleigh and Ryan stared at him.  "Council tried something."

Ryan said something in another language.  "Mr. Wolfe, such language is not welcome in the lab," Horatio called from his office.  "Even in another language."

Calleigh laughed.  "So we'll get to see Xander destroying someone?"

"Probably," Clay agreed.  He went back to the apartments to tell Jensen to find the local ones that had retired.

Horatio was calling some other contacts, including Roque, who admitted they had tried to come after him and Buffy.  He had stopped it.  LAPD was not happy that they had tried but he'd get that file for Jensen.  Horatio sat down to calm himself down once his calling around was done.

Mac leaned in.  "Xander only sent two weapons boxes back with the dragon and dogs."

"No ferrets?"

"Their cage was put onto the lawn and Sam put them up."  He grinned.  "Dean told me."

"How's the betting looking?"

"They're still horrified."

"They're due to fly out in a few hours," Horatio said.

"Xander probably sent the bags ahead to the next tour stop.  He told Sam he was."

"That's reasonable."  Horatio smiled weakly.  "He'll be fine."

"I hope so," Mac agreed.  "I dropped Mellie off.  She saw the dogs and took off like Toby does.  She's already yelling for Xander."

Horatio smiled.  "I like how he's always loved my daughter.  He's a great uncle, even if he does spoil too much."

"That's the sort of boy Xander was raised by Willow to be."

"Good point."  He smiled.  "It is nearly the end of the shift."


They heard screaming and sighed, going to stop the idiot from screaming at Speed for daring to be a smartass.  Again.  They found Speed holding the door closed so the tech couldn't get into the lab. "Speed?" Horatio asked.

Speed held up a sample, getting a slow nod.  "That's not regulation," Mac said.  Speed held up a test result.  "That's also wrong," Mac said, walking the tech off.  Speed let Horatio into the lab so he could look over things.

Horatio walked in a minute later with a few papers.  "He's fired.  He's been misrunning reports all day."  He handed them over then walked off.

Mac looked at them then nodded.  "You have been."  The tech huffed off.  "Clean out your locker and turn in your ID badge."  He waved one of the officers to follow him.

Ryan looked out from his lab.  "Did you fire the drama diva because only Speed's allowed to be a diva?" he joked.

Mac smirked.  "I'm telling him you called him that."

"Speed, was he fired for being a bigger diva than you?" Ryan called.

"Hell yes, and you're next, Wolfe, since you have no sense of humor," Speed called back.

"Fine, I'll get your kid a noisy toy for her birthday instead of cuddly ones."

"Please don't, Mr. Wolfe," Horatio said as he walked past them.  "Or else she can come play with it at your current house."

Ryan smirked at Mac.  "Speed does diva better."

Mac snickered, walking off shaking his head.  "Wolfe's worked too much overtime," he told Horatio.

"I've noticed.  He can have tomorrow off to help set up for the party."  He grinned.

"That would be a good thing.  Saves us work."

Horatio went to tell him that then they went to sign out for the day.


Wade came out of the gate first, nodding at Clay.  Xander came off pulling his headphones off.  "We have problems?"

"There's two in town."  Xander held up three fingers.  "You sure?"

"Three retired ones unless one recently died.  Heins, Murdoch, and Perpel."

"She died last month."

"Cool."  He followed the two commandos out.  "Anything I should know?"

"Not yet," Clay told him.  "Jensen helped the kids spoil the dogs by petting them into naps."  He opened the door and they walked out together.  Someone took a shot and they moved.  Wade got Xander into the car.  Clay guarded them.  Transit cops showed up.  Clay nodded at one.  "We have him in the car."

"Where did the shot land?"  Clay pointed at the hole.  They looked and let them go after hearing about the contract price. 

Clay took him home.  Anya came over for safety reasons.  With the monkey.  Which Xander made her take home when it tried to get into the ferret cage. Xander settled in between Dean and Sam on the couch.  The dogs came over to cuddle the trio.

"I missed having things beg me for things," Dean teased Ramses, who barked and wagged his tail.  "You're so spoiled," he told the dog.

"Yes, he is," Wade agreed.  He stretched out.  "Anything else happen here?"

Mac walked in.  "Someone shot at you at our airport?"

"Yup," Xander said.  He looked at Wade.

"When they missed earlier, they decided Xander was now an enemy and going to destroy them," Wade said dryly.  "It went up to five."

"So I'm going to destroy them for good," Xander said with a grin.  He petted the dogs.  "Then I'm going to cackle grandly."  He said something and got a box sent to him.  He sent it to the Council.  Then he turned on the news.  CNN reported a bomb threat in England a few minutes later, at a 'private research foundation'.  "It wasn't a bomb."

A few minutes later, the police that appeared ran from the building being chased by a lot of little things.  Military people showed up.  Nothing was going to kill those things.

Sam looked at Xander.  "Are they like the monkeys?"

"No.  They're demonic African ants.  Found here on this plane naturally."  He smiled sweetly.  "It's something they'd have to fix anyway.  So anyone could've sent them.  The inner box however...."  Sirens started to go off.  Even the ants were running away from the fog.  "They really should have dealt with that instead of deciding it was in a small fishing village so therefore harmless.  Thankfully I trapped it."  He smiled.  "And the note on the box noted that they left them alone to kill mundanes because they decided they weren't that important." 

He pointed.  "For future reference, that is Mr. Travers.  He's in charge.  That is Wesley's father trying to hide behind him.  He's a dickhead.  That female with the tragic red dye job is the bitch over the potentials and their postings.  She's supposed to track where each one is, make sure that their watchers aren't hurting them, all that.  She's fails miserably most days.  By the way, Wade, that officer you wanted to know why I was talking with him?  The second potential in the country is being left alone all day long and her watcher is drinking heavily.  I asked if they had CPS.  He said they did.  They'll protect her."

"Good reason then."  They watched the fog roll out and one of them shoved Travers into the fog to get away from it.  "Pity.  He's the one that set the price on Xander's head."

"He's the one that said that fog monster wasn't a real problem," Xander said.  He spotted a familiar face and looked.  "I don't have his number," he muttered.  He called someone who would.  "It's Xander," he said dryly.  "I'm sitting here looking at your buddy on CNN.  Tell him to read the notes on the box."  He hung up.  A minute later his phone rang and he started to call for the box.  He read them out loud.  The cops and military members all glared at the Council people.  "There is more than one form of destruction," he said dryly.

"Buffy's boyfriend said a team tried to get them," Mac said.

Xander grinned.  "They loathe that Buffy's still alive since she did things the opposite of what they consider the right way.  They think she's a bad influence and a warp in the line.  They've been trying to take her out since Kendra was called.  I got the price on my head from them about the same time."

"That long?" Mac asked.

"It was only a half-mil.  Not enough for anyone to take," Xander said dryly.

"I know plenty that would have," Mac said.

"From paranormal cranks?" Wade asked.  "No one professional.  Maybe some gangs, who all like Xander."

"Good point."

Xander's phone rang.  "Hi, Ezra."  He grinned.  "No, they decided that it wasn't a problem they needed to handle.  So therefore they're handling it now."  He listened.  "Exactly.  Even if they didn't have a price on my head, after that village, they need to start handling things the right way."  He smiled at the tv.  "Yup."  He petted the dog on his lap.  "Oh, yes.  And I did tell others.  They complained too.  Yup, that one.  I did because I felt guilty.  If I had gotten it down sooner it might have saved more people.  I now that intellectually but ...."  Ezra said something. 

"Exactly, I don't want to see one victim.  I wanted to save them all.  I could have saved them all."  He listened.  "Which I did.  But I can't let them go on, especially when they decided I was a bigger threat and raised the price on my head."  He smiled when the fog rolled over someone.  "Hey, Wes's father was slow, like he said his son is.  No, watching it.  Fine.  Have a better night, Ezra."  He hung up.  "He told me to quit watching because he thinks I'll feel guilty tomorrow."

"Maybe," Wade said.  "But you're leaving most of them alone."  He shrugged.  "I'd have been more mean."

"Not a good example," Mac told him.  He looked then at the kid.  "You're right, it's not as bad as you could have done."  Xander grinned.  "Go to bed anyway.  You have a long day tomorrow, Xander.  The kids will run you ragged and then you have to fly to Japan."  Xander nodded, yawning a bit.  "Sleep.  Get up tomorrow, make breakfast...."

"I haven't cooked since that cooking lesson."

"You have some in Japan.  Both with native cooking but not sushi."

Xander grinned.  "Thanks, Wade."

"Welcome.  Hit the bed, kids."  The dogs ran that way and Xander got up with a moan to follow.

Sam looked at Mac.  "He was subtle."

"He was.  I'm impressed he was so subtle.  Usually he'd have hormoned them or something like he does here when people piss him off."  Xander padded out to hug him then went back to bed.  Mac smiled, going home to Stella.

Dean and Sam stared at each other then Sam went in to nap next to Xander and the dogs.  He slept better when he wasn't alone.  Ryan had been called out to a multiple body scene an hour before they had gotten home.  "Night, Wade," Dean said, getting up and heading upstairs.

Wade got up and turned off the tv, making sure the house was locked up, the alarm was on, and then went to his usual sleeping spot when he had to stay over.  Anya snuck back in and cuddled, which meant he got bedtime and wakeup sex, which was nice.  He was ready to have sex again.  Then he'd go back to not having sex for weeks, which suited him just fine.


Xander got woken up by two wiggling bodies pouncing him.  "Hi, guys."  He cuddled them.

"Xander!" they squealed, which woke up the dogs.  The dogs tackled the babies.  Who laughed and petted them. 

Xander grinned.  "Outside, dogs."  They hopped up and headed out to go pee.  "Let me take a shower and I'll make breakfast?"  They ran for the kitchen.  Xander went to take a quick shower.  The kids were going up the stairs by the noise so they were going to make Dean get up or going to their room.  Xander came out and made breakfast.  By then Dean had gotten them back downstairs, the dogs were back in and waiting to be played with, and the ferrets were getting fed by Sam.  

The kids settled in to let their uncle spoil them.  Even though Uncle Ryan wandered in looking like a zombie.  He gave them hugs then went to shower and get some sleep.  The kids helped tuck him in then came running back out to help their uncle play some more.  They loved playing with him.  The dogs loved to play with their blocks too.


Xander walked into the hotel suite that he and Paul had, with Wade in the other bedroom.  He fell into bed.  He snuggled into Paul's side and snored.

Wade snickered.  "The kids wore him out then the flight had turbulence."  He let the dogs out.  "The ferrets are back at home but the dogs and Hubert are with us.  The price on his head got canceled by order of the British government."

"I saw that."

"They were things they should've taken care of but didn't."  Wade went to his bed.   Hubert and the dogs went to hide with Xander to make sure the kids didn't pounce them again.


Dean and Sam paused the next morning to look in the pantry.  "He didn't bring any of it back yet," Sam said.

"Wade promised him new cooking lessons," Dean said.

Sam nodded and they got boxes to clean out all of it.  Whatever they couldn't give to Jolene they'd donate somewhere.  "How big is the pantry in Denver?" Sam asked.

"Walk-in closet sized."

"That's a good idea."  They took the boxes to the Impala to bring to Jolene's house.  She gave them odd looks.  "Xander's already got a lot of new stuff for the pantry," Sam said with a grin.

She looked through the boxes, handing back a few things.  "Those belong in every pantry."  They took them home. She went to look up what you did with some of those things.  She had no idea.  Some things looked interesting so Pooch could be her loyal taste tester.  He never minded.  Or Jensen.  That boy would eat nearly anything.


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