Prepping for Diversions.

Steve walked into his brother's squad room smiling and happy.  He handed Jim a bag.  "Is Simon in?"

"Yeah, swearing at paperwork," Jim said, taking the bag.  "Egg whites?" he complained.

"Blair happened to mention your cholesterol.  Can't keep crashing into buildings if you're going to have a heart attack, Jim."  A few of the other detectives snickered.  "Come on.  We have to talk."  He walked over, knocked on the door, then opened it and walked in.  "Captain Banks, it's been a long time since I've seen you."

"You're Jim's brother," he said, shaking his hand.  "Is there a problem?  The last I heard you were doing private financial work for some people."

"I still am and lucky you, they're going to be holding a convention here in about five weeks."  Simon stared.  He smiled and handed over the brochure from the GHS online site.  Simon read it slowly then stared at him.  "Usually they're very peaceful.  Every now and then they do get some nut that tries to break in.  They will have private security with some of their retrieval team members."

"That's good.  I remember the last one they had in town."  Steve grinned.  "A full one?"

"The yearly national convention, yes.  Seattle hosted the last regional."  He grinned.  "I'm also going to be borrowing Jim to play scary bodyguard for me when I talk to a friend's contacts out this way to make sure we have some peace and quiet during it."

"Who do you work for?" Jim demanded.

"Xander plays poker with the thugs in Miami."

"You told me that," he admitted.

"Some of them have contacts out here.  We're going to make sure they don't want to interrupt the convention.  That way we only have to worry about your eco terrorists and assorted other nuts."

"I'm not taking you near any of them."

"Yes you are," Banks ordered.  He looked at Steve.  "When?"  He pointed.  It was on the back.  "I'll make sure the Chief of Police knows, Mr. Ellison.  About two thousand?"

"Just about.  Each of the retrieval teams will send at least one person to help the national team for our security.  There are agents who now know."  That got a nod and a slight smile from Banks.  "Including BAU people, FBI, Homeland, ATF, and others.  Some will be in attendance to help protect people."  He handed the brochure to Jim.  "I'm told they moved it here this year because some people wanted to go out into the forest so they may arrange trips that way.  Collin is the present head of the retrieval teams and he's going to be here a week beforehand to coordinate anything that might be going on.  Most of the time, the local PD isn't really involved.  Sometimes we do get a few nosy Vice people but otherwise it's generally calm."

"So probably a few guards on the hotel, like last time.  The Chief was a detective then.  He should remember."  Jim handed the brochure back.  "You play what role?"

"I handle the monetary end for a few members."  He smiled.  "The level ten who spoils me rotten in Miami is coming but he's also coming with his two detective boyfriends and a few others."

"That's fine," he agreed.

"Xander should be one of the first in and last out.  His boys might be later.  Miami-Dade is having a lot of issues."

"I heard," Simon assured him.  "Thank you for the warning."

"It's not a problem."  He smiled.  "We don't want anyone to panic or Vice to get too huffy because they have cuddle pile room."

"I'm sure we can arrange things so it's subtle and helpful.  Do you have the head guy's number?"

Steve looked in his phone.  "I have Pieter's but he's presently suspended for shooting someone who was going to snipe an officer.  They're debating about that right now."  He found an older number.  "Soshar is still active and does a lot of the training for the new retrieval team members.  He was head until he had kids."  He let him have that number.  "He'll definitely have Collin's number or be able to liaison over the details."

"That'll work then.  Thank you for the warning."

Steve smiled.  "They're not mean.  A few are slightly weird but not mean."

"Go talk to those sources.  We could use a good slowdown too."  Steve nodded, taking Jim with him.  Simon grabbed a few things and headed to the Chief's office.  "Did you know we have a GHS convention coming up?" he asked as he walked in.

The Chief and the mayor both stared at him.  "Like the one about a decade ago?"  Simon nodded, handing over the brochure.  "Five weeks.  We can pull together security."

"They have commandos or something.  They call them retrieval teams."

"Excellent news.  Who do we talk to?"

Simon handed over that number.  "He's the former head of retrievals.  If he's not doing it, he can give us Collin's number.  Steve Ellison, Jim's younger brother, does financial work for a few."

"Even better."  He called him and they settled in to talk about what sort of support they'd need for the convention.  Soshar conferenced in Collin for them and they went over the plans they already had, including the trips into the forest.  They wouldn't need the PD for much, but to be on standby in case someone got stolen again mostly.


Jim parked, grimacing at Steve's choice of destination.  "I don't like this."

"Yay," Steve said.  He walked up to the door guard.  "A client of mine wanted me to talk to Noraba about an upcoming event."  He took out his tape player and turned it on.  The guard nodded and let them inside.  "Konichiwa," he said with a smile.  He put down the tape recorder and turned it on, letting them listen to Xander tell them why he was bothering them in Japanese.  It was a Japanese syndicate so it was only polite.

"His accent is very nice," the head person said, turning it off.

"He's learning from his masseuse and others," Steve admitted.  "He would like to make sure that no one wants to bother the convention.  There are those who have tried to steal him in the past, and other members, to Japan."

"Some of the higher ups would like one of them but they're not in town and won't be here that weekend.  You can tell him we will not bother him."

"Thank you."  He bowed.  He took the recorder.  "Is that mine or yours?" he said, spotting a second one.

The gangster looked.  "That's mine."  They switched and Steve bowed again before leaving.  "They're polite for crazy white people," he said, making the others laugh.  To be honest, he had heard of Ellison, who had been growling behind the money guy, and the crazy one in Miami.  He didn't want to go near him.

Steve smiled and nodded politely at the door guard.  "Thank you."  He saw someone across the street.  "Jim, isn't he a Mala Noche?"

"Yes," Jim growled.

Steve walked over there.


"Shut up, Jim.   I'm Steve Ellison, I work with Xander Harris."

"The one with the hair in Miami?" he asked.

"Yes."  He smiled.  "It's convention time."

"The boy will fuck us up if we tried shit," he pointed out.

"He wanted to make sure that no one would get any thoughts.  He wanted to relax this convention."

"I can agree with that.  Yeah, I'll pass that on so we all take a long hike somewhere else."

"A few are going to the national park to do some hiking but I think they're sticking to the north paths."

"Even better.  Thanks, Ellison.  How is your boy?"

"He's good."  He looked.  "What is that beeping?"

"Somehow I became magnetic."

Steve tried his phone but it didn't work.  "Jim, phone," he called.  Jim stomped over and handed it over.  He called.  "Xander, is there someone in Cascade that I can send a young gang member who is suddenly magnetic to?"  He wrote down an address.  "Thanks."  He hung up.  "2318 85th.  It's a demon healer but still good he said."

"Thank him for me."  He took the address.  "I can't get the car to work."

"Bike," Jim offered.

"Yeah, might help.  Thanks.  I'll pass that on."  He hurried off.

Jim and Steve walked back to the truck, Steve having to rescue his phone from following the magnetic man.  "I think I might need a new phone.  What would cause a person to become magnetic?"

"Very few things," Jim admitted.  "None good."  He drove them back to report that from the local precinct since now Jim's phone didn't work either.  Then he looked at Steve.  "Any others?"

"I should probably check with a few of the gang kids.  I need a new phone first though."  They went to phone shop for a few minutes.  His SIM card was still good so all his numbers got transferred over easily enough.  He and Jim went to find a Crypt.  They were bigger in town.  Steve left his jacket in the car this time.  He looked like mafia to them, he knew he would.  The gang member on the door sneered.  "I got sent from Miami with a message.  I just need to talk to one of the head guys.  Please."

"You family?" he sneered.

"No, I work for a concubine."  The gang member gave him an odd look.  "I work with Harris."

"Shit," he said in awe.  "The one with the hair?"

"Yeah, Xander."  He grinned.  "He's coming this way for a convention."  He got one of the head guys, who came out.  "Hi, Steve Ellison."

"Pick," he said, nodding at him and Jim.  "Convention?"

"National convention of guys just like him."

"There's more?"

"Less strong ones."

"Poor people.  When?"

"Five weeks.  Imperial.  He wanted to make sure no one wanted to interrupt the convention.  He said the retrieval team down there's coming with him."

"We heard from LA's about how crazy their white boy Jensen was with Harris," he said dryly.  Steve smiled.  "No problem.  We don't want them anyway.  We don't like gay guys."

"I know.  He just wanted to make sure because every year someone tries."

"I heard about the one in LA when half a realm tried," he said dryly.

"Yeah, Xander was there with artillery.  And then when the geek with the giant robot showed up."

"I was there, man.  Seriously, headache."  He held up a hand.  "We're cool.  When, exactly."  Steve showed him the dates.  "Fine.  We can hide.  Before they turn us all gay or something."

"Can you make sure the others do?" Steve asked.  "Please?  I've already talked with a Mala Noche member we ran into and one of the Japanese syndicate people."

"Definitely.   I know Harris threatened a gang while he was in New York because they tried to jack him and his pretty purple SUV."

"One of his former friends blew that up on him in Miami.  Now he has a stretch Range Rover."

The gang member moaned.  "That's a sweet ride."  Steve nodded and smiled.  "Tell him we'll be cool.  You needed a bodyguard?"

"He's my older brother."

"He growls like he needs flea medicine, man."  He walked back inside, taking the guard with him.

"Thank you," Steve said.  He walked Jim back to the truck.  "There, now I can go help you figure out what sort of lunch your partner won't yell about."

"How do you know them?" Jim asked once they were in the truck and had driven off.

"Xander plays poker with some."

"The Mala Noche are more dangerous than most mobs, Steve."

"Yeah, I know.  Xander and one were friends before he died."

Jim stopped the truck to stare at him.  "How did a kid get that sort of contacts?"


Jim moaned, driving them off again.  "You need to explain that to Simon."

"He's actually a lot like Blair."  They got out at the station and head up there.  "All told," he told Simon with a smile.  "They agreed they didn't want to cause any problems."

"Good.  Who did you go talk to?"

"The Crypts, the Mala Noche, and one of the Yakuza boys," Jim said.  Simon stared at Steve oddly.  "He said Xander is a lot like Blair."


"He plays poker with them," Steve said.

"Ah.  That explains a few things."  He went back to his office.  "That magnetized one, no one thinks it's a problem, Ellison."

Steve called Horatio.  "It's Steve.  I can check on that in a few moments," he agreed, taking out his laptop to turn it on.  "What would magnetize a Mala Noche?  Fairly young.  No, my phone tried to follow him and it totally messed with it, Horatio.  Huh.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "Horatio said that the last time they saw a gang member with that sort of radiation it was from dealing with uranium samples in a specific class."  Simon came to his door.  "He said it's fairly rare and dangerous to have."

Simon stared.  "How would that one know?"

"Horatio Caine?"

"I've heard of him.  Find him, Ellison."  Jim nodded, heading to that healer to find him.  "He already knows?"

"I got him an address of an underground healer," Steve said with a smile.  He got into his programs to check on Xander's bank accounts.  "It's very nice they put it all back when they arrested that bastard."  He made a few moves and adjusted Xander's stock portfolio then checked the others he dealt with daily.

Simon came out.  "People, listen up."  The detectives all looked over.  "We're having a special, quiet convention in about five weeks."

"Spooks?" one of the guys joked.

"No, theirs are very silent I'm told," Steve said with a grin.  Simon gave him an odd look.  "Some retired to Miami and the poker circuit as well."

"I don't want to know.  I'll let Miami handle itself."  He looked around.  "Who here knows about a group called GHS?"  One raised her hand slowly.

"Two things," Steve said.  "We do not talk about any members we may know or they get kidnaped.  Often."  Everyone nodded at that.  "Honestly.  We've had to get the national head back from Saudi Arabia's backwoods this week."  Simon shuddered.  He got up and got onto the site like the PD would, showing them the page for officers.  They read it from the larger monitor for briefings.

"Holy shit," Blair said as he walked in.  "Convention?"

"Five weeks.  Registration's still open, Blair."  Steve smiled.  "I do financial monitoring for a few of them."

"I'll have to do that tonight," Blair decided.  Everyone stared at him.  "College.  I found out in college."

"Does Jim know?" Simon asked.

"No.  Danger does hold it down," Blair said dryly.  Simon moaned.

Steve smiled.  "I work with a nice level ten."

"You poor man."

"No, he's a spoiling goofball until people make him quit doing that.  He even cooks his boyfriends' whole departments lunch at times."

"Sounds like some I know.  How's Adam?"

"Back.  They got him back yesterday."

"Wonderful.  When?"  Steve handed over the brochure.  "Cool."  He smiled.  He looked at the others.  "Don't ask.  We do not talk about other members."  He turned off the monitor since others were coming up the hall.  "It'll be peaceful and all that.  Most get interrupted by some sort of fanatic or something."

"Xander had me going around to a few gangs he had ties to in Miami to request some peace and quiet," Steve said.  Simon shook his head quickly.  "So it should be relatively peaceful unless someone steals us.  We will have the usual complement of agents and retrieval members."

"We have more than one?" Blair asked.

"Yes.  Some cities hired their own."  Steve smiled.  "That was after some agents got read into the society so they could protect us some.  Two of us are agents in DC."

"Those poor men.  All those embassies."

"His team leader is very possessive."  Steve smirked.  "Sanders, our society chemist, is one of them."

"Even better."  Blair sat down.  "So, now we know.  They'll probably take some chaperoned shopping trips.  Maybe a few hiking trips.  Anything like a really good candy or ice cream shop, let us know so we can pass on the recommendations."

"Did you get the one in Las Vegas?" Steve asked.

"I heard the chocolates are moan worthy."

"They are, even for normals."  They shared a smirk then looked at the detectives.  "I work a few.   For most it is a slightly inconvenient hormone problem."

"For others, it's the reason people hunt them to own them," Blair added.  Jim stomped back in.  "You okay?"

"Better.  We're right, SWAT already has it," he reported.  "They were tracking it and picking him up to put him into radiation isolation worked."  Simon nodded.  "Why do we all look freaked out?"

"The convention," Steve said with a small smile.

"Will we need any special precautions, Simon?"

"No.  The Chief, Mayor, and I all talked to the top retrieval team person.  They'll have security on the hotel.  Some slightly more paranoid than others.  As long as nothing happens to break into the convention, we should be fine.  We need to patrol the area a bit better.  Be on standby in case someone gets stolen, that sort of thing."

"So no having to put someone on the inside then," Jim said.

"No, the agents and retrieval team members can handle that," Steve assured him.  He glanced at Blair, who rolled his eyes.  "We do have some amazing retrieval teams going.  They're each sending at least one person to the convention, Jim."

"That's fine.  Former agents?" he guessed.

"Some are commandos.  Actually a lot were Special Forces.  Miami's are all Delta trained."  Jim shuddered.  "Heard of Frank Clay?"

"Yeah, I have," he admitted.  "He's messed up in this?"

"He leads Miami's team."

"So his whole team, the Losers, are a retrieval team?" Jim asked dryly.

"Yeah.  They're just back from South America with one of the guys down there.  The National team went after another in Saudi."

Jim blinked then nodded.  "You're insane," he told his brother.

Steve smirked.  "Yes, but it's Xander fussing who does it to me."  Blair snickered.  "So, anyway, I'll be there because I offer money advice in a seminar during the convention.  Plus so I can talk to a few of my clients.  They only seem to come out of the house for this."  He looked at Simon.  "How much of the team in Texas is coming?"

"About a third.  Some are staying home.  A few are out on retrieval."  Steve nodded they were used to that.  "The restaurants in the hotel?"

"That should be fine, Simon.  I know we rent out all the rooms in the hotel for security reasons but usually any shops and restaurants are fine.  They don't tend to run around naked and the convention... thing of it like a comic con sort of convention only for a different reason."

"Costumes and all?" Jim snorted.

"No, though now and then Xander will run around in dance clothes.  He's learned how to belly dance."  Jim walked off shaking his head with a sigh.  Steve shook his own.  "I have no idea where the diva tendencies in the family came from," he said at the odd looks he was getting.  Blair cackled, shaking his head.  "Any other questions?"

"How likely is it that something will happen?" Simon asked.

"The last one in Miami, I missed the last convention overall due to being sick, had three religious nuts that tried to break in at different times.  They stopped all three and handed them over.  We're more worried about some of your militia sort up here trying something.  At which point in time, the retrieval teams will beat their asses if Xander doesn't.  He tends to be very proactive about things."

"Would that be why he has poker contacts?" Simon guessed.

"That and he's really bored.  Though it is nice that he routinely wins a lot of the money in the underground in Miami.  There for a while, he was reducing the drug pipeline with it and the weapons pipeline now."  Simon whimpered.  Steve smiled.  "When they want to leave Miami, they're planning on Denver."

"Thank you, God," he muttered, walking back into his office.  "This is a no gossip event, people."

"Sure," most of the guys said, nodding some.

Blair smiled.  "Yes, I'm going.  I haven't been in years.  Too poor and always busy."  Jim came back, staring at him.  "What?"

"You are?"

"I have been since college, big guy."  He stared at him.  "Why?  Does it suddenly matter?"


Blair shrugged.  "Yay.  Not like I can change that about myself."

"They've been working on the if there is or isn't a mental version," Steve said more quietly.

"There probably is," Blair said.  "I've seen a few who went into the backed up like state."  Steve smirked and nodded.  "We're sure?"

"Yup.  Some geeks who knew but weren't part of the group figured it out.  They're still working on levels, a quick test, all that."

"Even better.  The research panel's going to be killer this year."  He walked off.  "I'm getting some tea.  Be right back, Jim."

Jim glared at his back.  They'd be talking later.


Xander bounced around the house, humming.  He was so backed up.  He pounced Dean when he showed up.  "Hi!"

Dean stared at him.  "You're so backed up, dude," he complained but he was smiling.

"I am.  Someone mailed me some pretty herbs.  Wade groaned and left to go pounce Anya."

"Put that kinky plan into motion since you said you had one coming."

"Where's Sam?"

"Sam's sleeping in the back of the car.  Want us to head for a day?"

"Nope."  He grinned and called Jensen.  "I got mailed herbs," he said happily.  He listened.  "Everyone okay?  I can be bouncy over there."  He nodded.  "That's fine.  Yup."  He hung up.  "We can't do it the way we planned.  They're getting ready to go after Marian again.  Can you go check on Philip?"

"I can do that.  Why don't you go take a bubble bath with some toys."  Xander nodded, bouncing that way.  Dean went to check on the guy with the tumor.  He knew Philip thought he was hot, so it'd give him a little thrill.  He found his house easily enough and knocked.  "Philip, it's Dean Winchester," he called.  He heard something and moved to the window to look.  Someone was laying on the floor.  He picked the lock and walked in, checking on him.  "Philip, man, what happened?"

"I surged and rutted," he moaned, blinking at him.  "Dean?"

"Yeah.  Xander's backed up today so he sent me to check on you."  He helped him up.  "Bed?"

"Please."  Dean helped him in there and even tucked him in.  Philip smiled.  "You're really nice."

"Yeah, I can be unless you're an evil bitch," he said with a grin.  Philip laughed but he sounded weak.  "Want me to call someone?  You don't sound good."  He checked his forehead.  "You have a fever too."  He stared at him.  "I can see if Adam can come check."

"I'll be fine.  The fever is a problem but it's getting better."

"Adam needs stuff to do today anyway."

Philip shook his head, shifting so he could cough.  "No, I'm good."

"You don't sound good.  Don't make nag like Xander does when we get a cold."

"Please don't.  That man nags worse than my mother."  He gave him a timid smile.  "I'll be okay."

"Okay."  Dean handed him the phone on the bedside table.  "Right next to you, Philip.  Just in case.  We don't want to lose you.  You'd miss the convention."

"Yeah, I want to go."  He smiled.  "Thanks."

"Not a problem."  He smirked.  "Call if you need us.  Xander got mailed herbs."  Philip laughed so he left him alone.  He even nicely picked the locks to lock it on his way out.  He turned and found a cruiser watching.  "I put him to bed.  He was sick.  Not like I have a key."

"So nothing strange?" the officer asked.  "Because I know the car means you're a Winchester."

Dean smirked.  "Sure am.  I'm Dean actually."  The officer gave him a smug look.  "He's sick.  A friend of Xander's."

"That's fine.  Be less obvious, sir."  Dean nodded and left.  The officer drove on, noting that on his sheet.  He wasn't sure if that one was a thug or not but it might be handy to watch in case.

Dean got home after running a few errands to give Xander time to unhormone himself.  He walked in and heard a buzzing noise.  He also smelled cooking meat.  He checked, the ovens were off.  He groaned, going to check on Xander.  Yup, something had fallen into the tub and electrocuted him.  Dean unplugged it and pulled it out by the cord, looking at the radio.  "I wonder if that was an accident," he muttered.  Since that wasn't something they had in the house....  Probably not.

It got tossed in the sink.  Xander, nicely burned and still a bit twitchy, was going to come back soon enough.  Dean opened a window to remove the stink.  Then he went to see why Sam was still asleep in the back of the car.  It turned out Sam wasn't in the back of the car.
"The spell should've brought me and the car to him," he muttered.  He went to find Xander's stone to the DPP, using it to search the board.  The detectives looked at him.

"Sammy's missing and the car didn't follow."  He found him.  "Still in Miami."  He went back and went to search his dorky little brother out.  He scared the crap out of Andrea when he busted in to take him back too.  Maybe him dating the assassin was a bad thing after all.  He growled at Andrea, who only smirked and rubbed Sam's chest.  "Warn a guy," Dean ordered.  He hauled Sam out with him.

Sam blinked at Dean.  "She took me, Dean."

"I figured she did.  Apparently the spell didn't read that as dangerous."  Sam groaned, shaking his head.  He drove him back to the house, hearing Xander moaning.

"What's that smell?"

"Someone dropped a clock radio into his tub.  Since we don't have one, I'm wondering who."  He went to check on Xander.  He was dead again and this time didn't look as pretty. "Uh-huh."  He called Don.  "Someone keeps getting Xander.  No, like radio in the tub, Don."  Don muttered something.  "Okay, we can do that.  When will you be home?"  He hung up and they hauled Xander out of the tub, dropping him onto the lounger in the bedroom since they hadn't taken the time to dry him off.  They both ducked as a huge blade appeared out of nowhere and aimed itself at Xander's stomach.   "You're going to kill him permanently," Dean shouted.

"He's more fun with the tumor."

Sam got the colt and shot the demon, killing it.  "Yay for you," he said dryly.  Dean grinned.  Sam got the stuff that could dissolve it while Dean took care of Xander.  Sam would fuss and it would mean Xander would get to fuss back at him the next time he got hurt.  There were days he felt like Xander's kid so he didn't allow that anymore.  Sam grinned and waved at Cougar.  "It wanted Xander with the tumor.  Said he was more fun."

Cougar stared, watching Xander come back.  "He's healing slower."

"That's the tumor and he probably has debris from something again," Dean quipped.  "Can you go pray that someone comes to take the tumor again?  Before he does stupid stuff?"  Cougar nodded, going to do that.  Dean finished helping Xander when he woke up.  "We got the demon who wanted you with the tumor."

Xander blinked at him.  "Why would they?"

"Said you were more fun."  Dean pointed at the remains.

Xander looked.  "Huh, it's a higher."  He got up and went to lay on the couch instead.

"Clothes, please, Xander?" Cougar begged.  Xander wobbled back in to grab some then went back to napping on the couch.  Cougar prayed harder for that tumor to be removed.  He didn't want to know how Xander could be *worse*.  He looked at Dean.  "We're leaving in two hours."

"I heard.  Where is she this time?"

"Mexico."  Cougar smirked.

"Have fun, man.  Get some sun while you're there.  You're pale and that's not right in Miami."  He clapped him on the shoulder.  "We have him.  Go grab a few swords though.  It's vacation season down there."  Cougar nodded that's why he was there and went up to grab two for each of them.  Dean plucked one and changed it out.  "Jensen can't use that.  He tried the other day and nearly killed his foot."  Cougar nodded, heading back to the apartment to finish the packing.  Dean looked at Sam, who shrugged.  Xander was snoring.  They both sent up prayers that someone would come remove the tumor.  Before Xander got into a lot of trouble as only a Xander could.


Xander walked up to Wade later that afternoon, handing him a t-shirt.  "Here, put it on so we can go play poker."

Wade looked at it then at him.  "No way."

"Please?"  He batted his big brown puppy eyes at him.

"That doesn't even work when Anya does it, kid."  Xander magicked it onto him with a grin.  "Damn!"  Xander walked off cackling.  "Where's my other shirt?"

"Laying on Anya while she uses the extender handle I found for her toys."  He winked.  "C'mon.  I need to get into a game."

"You're so backed up," he complained.  "Do I have to tie you down and give Anya a present?"

Xander smirked at him.  "I've broken men, Wade.  You probably wouldn't last that long.  It can take *hours*."  Wade shivered.  "C'mon, you can even drive since you think I'm so backed up."

Wade took the keys to the corvette and took him to the poker game they had planned on going to today.   Something was going on and he wasn't sure what.  He'd have to watch the kid more closely.  The tight jeans he was wearing were tight enough he could tell the kid was circumcised.  The shoes weren't that tough looking.  The t-shirt was tight.  The hair was pulled back.  He looked like he was for rent again.  Someone really needed to clean out his wardrobe.  "Hunting clothes?" he asked.

"Comfy.  Why?  You think they're bad looking?  I know my weight's shifted again."

"I think you look like you're for rent," he admitted.  He glanced at him, seeing the evil smirk.  "Don't do anything that would make Don or Danny kill my ass."

"I'm not."

"Thank you."

"So, are you looking forward to the multi-hour torture that is childbirth?"

Wade shivered.  "I didn't need the dirty thought, kid."

"Yes you do.  You need many of them since Anya's already out of batteries and she just bought a thirty pack yesterday."

Wade moaned.  "This ends soon, right?"

"Yup, then she'll want ankle and back rubs."

"Yay," Wade said flatly.

"Some women can still have sex later on.  Though you have to be careful, her orgasms can set off labor from what Jolene said."

"So I get to leave her hanging for the next two months," Wade said, sounding happy with that fact.  "She'll try to kill me for that."

"Possibly, yeah."  They parked and Xander got out, strolling inside.  "Hi, Fu."

"Xander."  He stared at him.  Then at Wade.  "Is he backed up?"

"Little bit but he's not emoting.  I have no idea what's going on, Fu."

"I do.  Take him to the one on Seleneta, Wade.  It's open air."  Wade nodded, grabbing Xander to tell him that and one of the poker bags.   It was partially empty.  Fu sent up his own prayer to Xander's gods to please remove that tumor soon.

Xander looked at Wade once they had driven to the other game and gotten out.  "Someone asked me recently if Steve was a minion too."

Wade considered it.  "I don't think so.  He's more an employee."

"That's what I thought.  But a nice one and a friend.  He makes a nice commission off my accounts' baby money."

"That's a good way of doing it," he agreed.  He was still wary of whatever was wrong with Xander.  When he saw who they were playing he was less amused a the t-shirt but oh well.  Too late now.  Xander grinned.  "What?"

"Ice cream cones after this game?"

"If we must," he sighed.

"That way you get something you can tease Anya with."

"That might be nice.  There's one two blocks from the house.  It should last that long."

"I can drive then."

"Uh-huh.  We'll see."  He dropped the bag behind Xander's seat and went to play with the other second-in-commands.  He saw the look at his t-shirt and one grin.  "Xander made me wear it today."

"It's cute."  Xander grinned at him.  "Consider it your fluffy quotient for the month since Anya said you missed it."

"Damn it," he muttered.  "I hate it when you two conspire."  Xander cackled.

One of the dealers looked at Xander then at Wade.  "It could be much worse.  The last time he was like this, we all had to have headache medicine.  Bracelet, Harris."

"On, dear."  He blew a kiss and held up his arm.  "See, sucking bracelet is on."  They all groaned and got down into the game.  It was rare their group played with Xander.  They had all but banished him after the whole General incidents.  Though it was nice he lost the first hand.  Then he won. And again.  And again, but he lost the next three so they weren't too worried.

They all noticed Wade was watching his boss looking a bit confused and worried.  So no one had told him what the tumor looked like.  They'd send up prayers to Xander's gods later to help cure him.


Xander walked up to the mayor just before he left.  "Here," he said, handing over the bag.

"What's that?"

"Today's poker winnings.  It's enough to help ease that whole 'we need to hire officers' thing."  He smiled.  "There should be enough there for the ones you need."

The mayor gaped.  "You're donating to it?"

"Do I really want my boys on strike?  Do I really need to be in that bad of a mood as I help keep things calm?"

The mayor shivered.  "Let me look this over.  Thank you, Mr. Harris."

"You're endangering my boys' and all the other officers' lives because they're exhausted.  It's not good for Miami."  He walked off.

Wade nodded and followed.  "That was very nice."

"I'm hoping we can avert the strike."

"Me too.  That will suck."  Xander grinned at him.  "Ice cream then home?"

"I forgot about the ice cream and I ... did I leave my wallet in the car?"

"I won enough to get you ice cream, Xander."

"Thanks, Daddy," he said, giving him a grin and a quick hug then bouncing off.

Wade growled.  "You need paddled instead?"

"That's never fun."  He smirked.  An officer came wobbling his way so he looked at him.  "You drunk or injured, kid?"  The man stopped to stare at him.  Xander stared back.  "Well?"

"I'm thinking, sir."

"Uh-huh. That's why you're bleeding.  Sergeant!" he bellowed.  Two officers came running.  "He's bleeding.  He's wobbling too."

They got the officer down onto the stairs to look him over.  "Good catch, sir," one said.  He smiled.  "Thanks, Harris."

"Welcome.  I don't want any of you guys hurt."  He got into the car, letting Wade drive.

Wade got him ice cream and dropped him off at home then took a cab back to his place with a stop for something that would make Anya beg for it instead of the ice cream tease Xander had planned.  She sniffed and came out, looking over his arm then at him.  "What?" he asked innocently.

"Banana nut muffins?"  He made a happy noise, sitting down to nibble on one.  She moaned and slid into his lap, making begging noises until he fed her a bite.  She ate it and nuzzled him, letting him tease her all he wanted.  She needed a good, long tease.  She'd even stoop to an unreciprocated blowjob for that.


The Mayor looked at the City Council the next day.  "We had a very generous donation given to us to help with the hiring situation."  They all sighed in pleasure.  "It's enough to afford those three hundred officers for three years.  By then the budget should be better, correct?"  They all nodded they hoped it was.  "Then we can agree to it?"  That got a nod and they passed the resolution.  Now that funding wasn't an issue.  The health insurance issue for the union would still have to be looked over.  Maybe they could go looking for a different bit of coverage for them instead of what the rest of the city workers used.  As long as it didn't cost more.

The commissioner was told and he did a happy dance with his secretary, who was cackling at him for it.  She knew he didn't mean anything by it, he was just happy and slightly tipsy.


Horatio stayed behind after the meeting of department heads, looking at the commissioner.  "Xander?" he asked quietly.  The commissioner smiled and nodded.  "I didn't think he had that much recently."  He put on his sunglasses.  "Do we think he dipped into his own accounts?"

"No, it was the black poker winning bags we've seen Flack counting."

"I see.  I'll have to see who he bankrupted to make sure that will help us capture them."  He left, going to talk to Wyatt.  "Whose money did he use for the donation?" he asked when he found him smoking out back.

"Don't ask," he said dryly, taking another puff.  "By the way he's inside if you wanted to take his backed up butt home, Lieutenant."  He smiled.  "Fu wouldn't mind at all."

"Backed up?"

"Bouncy and backed up.  With evil plans.  He even got Wade a minion t-shirt."

"Oh, damn it," he muttered.  "How did that happen?"

"No clue, Lieutenant.  Xander's a mystery to many, including his boys.  I think half the circle prayed to Xander's gods yesterday and today though."  He finished his cigarette and stomped on the butt.  "Including Fu and me and Don Cheva."

"I'll talk him into going home."  He walked inside, going to watch Xander play a hand.  Yes, that was the tumor.  Wade walked over to him and nodded, so Horatio went to talk to him.  "Problems?"

"What is wrong with him?"

"That is the tumor, Wade."

"You told me he had one, not that it caused that slinky, evil thing."

"Oh, yes, and worse.  It's probably still fairly small."  Wade moaned, shaking his head.  "Let's see if we can get him home."

"No.  He's already resisted my best efforts, including offering Anya for shopping."

"He doesn't much like to shop in this mood," Horatio admitted.  Wade slumped, shaking his head.  "Or cook actually."  He went to talk to Xander, petting over his hair.  Xander looked up at him, grinning.  "Finish up.  I need your monthly inventory."  Xander moaned and nodded.  He finished out his hand, cashing out and putting it into his pants pocket.  Again, tighter than tight jeans and a tight t-shirt.  "I thought Danny threw those out on you."

"He did but I found more."  He grinned.  "Just the weapons inventory?"

"Please.  Take Wade so no one tries to jump you because you're a bit backed up, Xander."  Xander nodded, bouncing out.  Wade cashed out and followed.  Horatio looked at them.  "I'll tell his boys."

"Thank you!  He bankrupted half the dealers in town yesterday, Lieutenant."

"Good."  He smirked.  "That is good for Miami."  He walked off.  He found Speed and Danny talking.  "Somehow he found more jeans that are tighter than the ones you tossed out last time on him."

"That tumor," Danny said, looking scared.  Horatio nodded.  "Damn it!"

Speed snickered.  "How far along, H?"

"Still small.  He's at the slinky evil stage."  Danny whimpered, shaking his head.  "Wyatt has said that everyone prayed to the Gods yesterday about that issue."

"Ryan said they're occluded and not getting anything for the next few days unless it's from Xander or Jace," Speed said.  Horatio nodded.  "So maybe it's in holding."

"I'd hope so.  I sent him to do a weapons inventory.  Wade's watching him fondle things."

"Good.  At least Wade won't let him get stolen, probably."  He sighed and went to talk to Don.  He found him scowling at his computer.  "Tight pants, slinky evil, bouncy Xander."

Don looked at him.  "How did the tumor grow?  He hasn't died recently!"

"I don't know.  You tell me."  They shared a look.  "He's with Wade."

"Wade's evil enough to use Xander in this state to go ruin someone and Xander would agree it was fun," he muttered.  "Where?"

"Gun inventory."

Don texted Wade's phone, giving him clear, concise orders.  "Any hope of intervention?"

"Occluded for a few days according to Ryan."

"Shit," Don muttered.  "We might have a whole week of evil Xander."  Frank and Ray both shuddered from their desks.  "Yeah, it came back."

"You know, there's all sorts of surgeons, even Adam," Ray offered.  "He'll heal afterward."

"It might screw with more things, make him worse," Danny said.  "That's why they remove it that way.  Cupid warned us about that.  Plus it would grow back because the healing would see it as something normal being taken out."  Ray whimpered.  Danny smirked and nodded.  "Which may suck for Philip.  Speaking of, has anyone seen him in the last few?"

"Dean said he stopped by yesterday."  Don texted him, getting an answer back from Sam.  "Yup, something liked him better this way, said he was more fun."

"Dead and gone, right?" Frank asked.

"Sam got it."  Frank relaxed.  Don and Danny shared another look.  "Wade can take him to Universal and Disney for the next three days.  Convention's in three weeks so that's a good thing."  Danny nodded.  That might torture Wade but yay.  It would keep Xander at the slinky evil stage.  "The team's due back in two days probably.  Jensen can go help with that."

"We hope," Ray pointed out.  "I heard rumors of a donation to the PD?"

"Yup," Frank agreed dryly. "To pay for some new officers for the next few years."  Ray moaned.  "Now we know where that came from."  He looked at them.  "Tell Wade he's being tortured?"

"Hell no," Danny said.  "He'll try to kill us."  He walked off.  He could make plans and have them delivered to the house.  With orders to take Wade.  And maybe Anya.  She would see how wonderful a park full of happy, sugar high kids squealing would be and really want to adopt the baby out because of it.


Anya knelt in front of Xander's altar, sending up proper prayers to Athena and then to Aphrodite.  Then to Strife to apologize for Xander's problems.  Then to Ares to keep Wade's temper.  Xander had cooed and told them they were invited with him.  She had seen where they were going and she needed the patience too.  She hoped she could keep it.  She got helped up by Xander, who kissed her on the cheek.  He said his own and they left.  They took the Range Rover since it was a few hour trip.  Wade was not going to let Xander drive and Anya would need a nap on the trip up to be able to withstand the park for a few hours.  They had four days up there, with hotel rooms even.

Wade knew this was a disaster in the making.  The last time he had taken Xander to an amusement park, he had bounded around like a big kid on a sugar high.  This time.... He sent his own prayer to Ares to keep his temper and to be able to gut Danny and Don a few times before they stopped him.


Strife felt Xander's prayer hit and looked around frantically.  He found Cupid and started to rub off on him.  Cupid looked then at Ares and Athena since they were playing gin rummy.  "I think the tumor grew again."

"Clearly," Ares said.  He shot Strife with some power.  "Get hold of yourself."

"They sent him and Wade to Disney," Strife moaned, looking at him.

Ares groaned, knowing that meant that Strife was going to be high soon.  "How long before the occlusion ends?"

"Two weeks," Athena said dryly.  "We should check to see if there's prayers hanging in the nothingness."  They reached out and connected, getting a lot of prayers.  Which made Strife and Cupid both high.  So the game turned into pinochle while the boys went to screw in a corner.

Ares connected with his chosen warrior to warn him of that fact, making him moan on his current crime scene.


Ryan moaned and looked up, saying a long prayer for his temper, sanity, and back to last.  "Two weeks, Don."

Don looked at him.  "Two weeks?"

"Two weeks."

"Tattoo gram?" he asked more quietly.  Ryan nodded.  "Yeah, that's evil."  He warned the others.  He also reminded Wade if he killed Xander it grew when he came back.  Wade promised Xander wasn't going to die at all with him forever and ever.  Never again if he had his way.  Don snickered, sending back a thank you.  He put his phone up.  "Wade said nothing would hurt Xander ever again."

"Did we find out how?"

"Sam got it."


"Yup," Don said with a smirk.  "That might also explain the lunch we got."  Ryan nodded, getting back to work.  Something new wanted Xander since he was in slinky evil mode.  They'd have to defeat it later.  Suddenly the body with them gasped and they both looked.  "I'm not feeling anything," he muttered, moving to check her.

"Me either."  Ryan called it in. "Maybe she was under a paralytic?"

"I hope so."  They got her stable until the paramedics got there.  They were happy to have a live victim so it was good.  He and Ryan shared a look then Don looked up.  "Thanks."  They packed up after Ryan finished the area where she had been laying.  Whoever had hurt her could go away for attempted murder instead of actual murder.  It suited them.  Don went to tell Horatio so he was warned.  Then he sent another prayer up to Ares for his temper to last.  He did it while touching Ryan's tattoo.  That way it would hit them.


Anya looked around the park.  "I need to take film of this to show my lamaze class the reason we should all remember birth control."

"Have you decided on if you're going on the pill again?" Xander asked with a grin.

"No, I'm getting my tubes clipped."  She shuddered then clung to Wade's arm.  "Save us?" she hissed.

"That would mean leaving him alone," Wade sighed.  "At least it's not Saturday.  There'd be more kids then."  They followed Xander to the rides he wanted to go on.  After the second ride, which was spinning teacups, Wade was making a silent promise to Ares to *never* let Xander die ever again if he could help it.  Now he understood why Don had warned him not to sell or give Xander to someone so he could ruin them.  He assured him by text that he was evil but not that evil.  No one deserved Xander in this state.  Even if it would save the universe, no one deserved Xander in this state.

"Xander, can we go eat?" Anya asked.  "The baby's hungry."  He beamed and walked her off to a good café.   "You're excellent to your pack," she praised, smiling at him.  He hugged her.  "Ooh, biegnets, Wade."  He got her one and Xander one since he had the wallet.  It was more expensive than airport food but Xander was paying so he guessed it was fine.  They walked off to ride another ride.

Anya sniffled at the ride with the dolls because the song was now stuck in her head.  She refused to go on it.  She even withstood the pouty, puppy eyes and pointed at Space Mountain.  She couldn't ride it but Wade and Xander could.  That let her sit down and rest so she could vow to never get pregnant again.  She would be using birth control on top of her tubes being clipped because you heard stories.


The second day was just as bad.  Wade called about noon.  He had withstood it a whole day and an hour.  He couldn't take any more torture.  Or else he'd grab one of those squealing, screaming little kids and rip them apart.  Just to have the screams change pitch.  "I may never say this again," he said quietly and calmly.  "But please come save me from Xander."  He sighed.  "Orlando."

Anya took the phone, looking at who it was then putting it against her ear.  "Clay, if someone does not come save us from this vile torture I'm going to mystically make you adopt the baby.  I can do compulsion spells, mister, and I'm not above it."  She was starting to sound hysterical.

Wade gently took the phone back.  "Please?" he asked politely.  "Thank you.  Yes, there.  Epcot.  Then animal kingdom but tomorrow he has tickets for Universal."  He hung up and gave her a hug.  "I'll find the nice, expensive S&M club tonight so we can go watch people be tortured," he soothed.

She sniffled and nodded.  "It's horrible!  And if this is a girl, she might want to be a *princess*, Wade."

"We'll let someone sane adopt her and warn them off Disney, Anya.  I promise we will."  She nodded, pulling back to wipe off the tears and snot.  "Mood swing done?"  She nodded, giving him a pouty look.  "Make Xander feed the baby.  We have about 2 hours to wait.  He promised to send Jensen."  She perked up at that.  Jensen would like this sort of torture.

She went to talk Xander into eating at the international restaurants.  He liked to travel, he'd like their food.  She did.  Wade said a prayer to Ares.  "I know you're stuck for a few more days.  I'm sorry I failed."  He followed.   Xander was even more bouncy.  "Did you slip and fall in the shower or something?" he demanded quietly.

"Well, yeah," he admitted.  "When someone put in some eels."

Wade whimpered.  "You're never being left alone again, Xander."  Xander pouted and it was worse than usual.  "Jensen's coming."  He perked up at that and took Anya to pick out more food.  Wade sighed, shaking his head.  "Great, he has mood swings too."  He shuddered but let them handle it.  Anya was manipulative enough to get Xander to do things she wanted to do.  She had for years.


Jensen got to Disney and texted Wade with a grin.  Wade got him at the gate.  "He gets a pass like mine," Wade said, putting down his credit card.  Clearly he was desperate if he was paying for it.  Jensen got let in with his shiny new pass.  "You may not let him get hurt, at all.  If he's hurt, the damn thing grows," he growled.  "As proven by him falling in the shower last night."

Jensen grinned.  "It'll be okay."

"No it won't!"  Great, now he was sounding hysterical.  "He's not to get so much as nudged, Jensen.  I mean it.  My sanity is riding on this."  He stomped off.  "He's at Epcot having Chinese."  Jensen got on the tram to go that way; Wade went to pick up Anya from the room so they could go find something to torture.  He needed some good, messy, wholesome torture.  Before he had a panic attack at all the cuteness like she had when Cinderella tried to hug her.  Orlando had a few murderers who needed taken out so that was even helpful.  Horatio would appreciate that.

Jensen sat down once he had some food, smiling at the pouty look.  "Why so sad?"

Xander jumped.  "When did you get here?"

"Wade tagged out with me before he went psycho."  He grinned.  "Where do we get to visit?"

"Animals?  Then the coasters again?" he asked, sounding hopeful.  "Maybe the nighttime lights show?  Did he give you my wallet?"

"Nope, but I can get it from him."  He smiled.  He texted that and they ate then met Anya at the gates before going to the animal park.  She looked much happier being away from all the kids.  Jensen tucked it into his front pocket and they went to see the animal kingdom.  Which was actually pretty cool.

He and Xander both liked animals.  Then they went on all the rides, especially the coasters.  By then it was time for dinner and they picked out something neither one had tried.  Then cake when they decided they didn't like it.  That got them back to the room to play trivial pursuit and other games.  They heard Anya and Wade come in because she was moaning loudly about his dick.  They shared a look and snickered.  Jensen checked in.

Then the demon showed up to take them.  That wasn't all that fun.  Jensen and Xander both got free, and ruined the ones that wanted them.  They got sent back and cuddled up to watch movies on pay per view.  Xander curled up next to him, falling asleep that way.  Jensen smirked and let the movie finish then carried Xander to bed, letting him cuddle up against his chest.  He did one last check-in with Cougar and it was good for the night.  He wasn't sure why everyone else was so frustrated.  He seemed like a normal guy to him.


Ares smirked.  "Even the demons are praying to us now," he quipped.  Strife was one vibrating mass of twitching.  Cupid couldn't get him calmed down at all but they had to before he exploded and things went weird again.  Last time they had sent him to Australia.  There wasn't anywhere they could send him this time.  "What're they doing?" he called.

"Rave," Strife whimpered.  "He and Jensen are at a rave and they just got sprayed with stuff.  I don't know what but it's getting worse."  He was chewing on his fist trying not to cackle.  If he started that he wouldn't be able to stop the rest.  He *so* needed relief.  It wasn't just Xander but he was enough to push him over the edge of sanity.


Xander looked up when the spray stuff came down.  "Eww."  Jensen nodded.  They left.  Xander felt something in him easing and sniffed.  "What is this?"

Jensen sniffed his shirt.  "Acid I think.  Why?"

"It's doing something to my hormones but they're going down."

"Huh.  We'll have to let Greg have the shirt and you write a report so he can see why."  Xander nodded.  He also called a local officer.  They pulled up and Jensen took off his shirt.  He had another of those.  "The rave inside sprayed us with this.  It smells like blotter."

The officer sniffed.  "That's clearly not healthy things.  Are you two hallucinating?"

Xander shook his head.  "I'm pretty resistant to drugs.  So is Jensen."  Inside people started to scream.  Xander and Jensen hurried back.  "No wonder they used acid!"  He unhid his sword, Jensen got his spare, and they attacked the demon.  It didn't take long.  Xander spit on it.  "Idiot."  He and Jensen slipped out the back.  The officer could handle this just fine.  He took both swords back to hide them while Jensen called them a cab.  Once back at the hotel, Xander did dutifully write a report and bundled his shirt with it for Greg.  That way he could figure it out.  Though he did feel...calmer maybe.  So who knew.


Back at the rave, the officer was calling in reinforcements.  Whoever those two had been had taken care of the thing trying to eat people.  Now the people had to be taken care of.  Vice and SWAT showed up to surround and gently maneuver people into an area so they could check them over.  "The ones who I responded to said they got sprayed with stuff.  The shirt's on my front seat," he told one of the paramedics.  "Then screaming started and they ran in here to deal with that before disappearing I guess."

He nodded, going to get that shirt to test.  He came back.  "It's an acid trip," he announced.  The others all nodded and did what they could.  More paramedics came to transport them to a place where doctors could oversee them for a few hours.  The local CSI unit got called to figure out what had happened and clean up the being's body.  One of them noticed the cut marks and knew the local immortals in town so he'd go ask.  The officer who had responded gave him a description.  That helped a lot.  Then he called the Watchers in Miami to tell them.  Alexx Woods was not happy.  He was sorry but yay.


Greg got the package the next afternoon, looking at the notes inside.  "Huh.  Something in whatever they sprayed him with shrank the tumor."  He went down to the lab to run the chemical analysis of whatever was on the shirt.  If so, it might help Philip's tumor as well.  If he had to, he'd drill a hole into Xander's skull and insert it directly into the tumor himself.  He had heard about the rave and the Disney trip.  Poor Wade, being tortured with fluffy things.   That was evil of Danny.


Cougar got sent to track down the twins, as Clay called them.  They had heard about the rave from Alexx, who had yelled about them letting Xander out alone.  Pointing out he had Wade meant she found out that Wade had begged for help.   So Cougar got to help.  They were due back the next day anyway.  Cougar checked in with Wade, who told him the boys were in some sort of giant haunted house, military recruiting/psycho taunting place to prove they were better than the Marines.  Cougar shook his head most of the way there.  He paid the small cover to get in.

"Sir, you should leave your hat," the recruiter said with a smile.  Cougar stared at him then held up his dogtags.  "I'm sure you can show the kids something then.  Marines?"

"Sniper," he said smugly.  He walked in.  He could hear people screaming and headed toward it.  It clearly wasn't Jensen or Xander.  Someone in camo jumped out and he kicked him then looked down.  "Oops."  He shrugged and walked on while he groaned.

The screaming girls were scared to death by cardboard Taliban insurgents popping out at them.  Cougar had seen worse.  Though them suddenly appearing meant he really needed a gun.  Even a paintball gun. They got to the fun house portion.  All the mirrors and the funny lighting.  The girls were mostly standing around looking confused.  He tapped and pointed for one.  "No reflection."

She smiled.  "Thanks, mister."  They went that way.  He was making his way between the mirrors easily enough.  Another few were too.

Cougar spotted a few sniper wannabes.  They were perched with small water balloons and slingshots.  Fortunately he had his own and some small shot in his pocket, plus some pennies.  He got them, making one yelp and fall off.  The others might make better snipers.  This was actually starting to be a bit fun.  He got through that and came out in what was probably supposed to be like a canyon and gully maze setup.  It was stone colored, the walls were higher than his head.  He looked around.

"Not a good idea," he told one girl who looked very determined.  "Traps you."  She gave him a look then nodded and climbed up to walk along the top.  He smiled and did the same.  That's where Xander and Jensen were playing tag.  On the other side was the exit.  There were also people watching the whole thing.  He could see them and one was giving him a horrified look.  He smirked and tipped his hat, then jumped down to capture Xander, who attacked automatically.  Then he realized it was him and stopped, giving him a hug instead.

"Hi, Cougar."  He gave him a hug.  "What're you doing here?"  He walked him off.  "Jensen's in the Egypt looking side somewhere."  Cougar helped him climb up then climbed up himself.  "I need more climbing work."  They found Jensen telling some girls how to really badass in the army and Xander leaned down to yank on his hair, nodding.  "We got a chaperone."

"Hi, Cougs."  He grinned at the girls.  "He's one of the best snipers ever."  They smiled and waved.  "Just remember, you have to appear to be obedient, even if you're mentally swearing.  Or else they kick you down again.  It's always better to go up than down, but sometimes there's idiots in charge you have to shout at."  He climbed up and they exited the maze.  Someone had nicely put a ladder there for them.  "Thanks, guys.  This was a nice playground."  He grinned.

"Sir, how old are you?"

"Honorably discharged, dude."

"Pity, sir."

"Spec Ops," Jensen said with a smirk, getting a moan back.  He walked off with Xander.  "We need to take more time at the training center.  You need more climbing and focusing work."

"I knew you were on that side," Xander pouted.  "I just couldn't find my way over."

"I know.  You're actually really good at tracking."  He gave him a hug.  "We'll work on it."  Xander grinned back.  He looked at Cougar.  "Are you going to Disney with us?"  Cougar moaned, looking stunned.  "Roller coasters, Cougs."

"Please?" Xander wheedled.  "You can pretend to be Anya and make us sit down and eat all the time if you want.  You can even help me figure out how to get the gifts onto people."

"I still say they should just appear there," Jensen quipped.  Xander beamed.  "C'mon.  Let's get a milkshake and then hit the park again."  Cougar pointed at the cars.  Jensen pointed at the Range Rover.  "We drove too."

Cougar stared, then told Wade to come pick up his car.  Jensen or Xander was going to try to drive.  Wade promised he'd do that.  As long as he didn't ever have to go back to Disney.  Jensen took the phone to tell him about the neat recruiting center play area.  Then he handed it back.  Cougar took the keys and drove them back to the hotel, then took Anya's pass to get into the park.

He got a lot of tracking practice in that afternoon.  He did send a note to Greg asking how Jensen had sucked up so much of Xander's bounciness, getting back a note from Tony that he needed to be worn out.  He was backed up.  Cougar nodded, making plans on how to do that.  Maybe Xander could help since he was in slightly kinky, evil mode for some reason.

They stayed in the park long enough to watch the night parade and the fireworks.  Then he made the boys go back to the room.  With a stop for cookies and things.  Which Cougar put in the car for the next day's trip.  The could bound around the backyard when they got home once Cougar was safely back in his own place.


Anya kissed Wade across the blood pool.  "If I ever get to mystically torture people again, I'm going to make the first one that hates children be that guy in the character suit forever."

Wade snickered.  "That would be bad.  Just don't do it to me."

"No, I probably won't do it to you.  I'd miss your talents."  She winked and they picked up what they wanted to bring with them, setting the rest of the place on fire.  Hey, it wasn't Miami, he wasn't going to get in trouble for it.  Horatio might scowl but he could never prove it.


Speed looked up when he felt something hit his head.  "What the hell?" he complained, trying to get it off.  There were cameras around.  Eric reached over to grab it for him, handing it over with a grin.  "Xander," he muttered.  Eric smirked and nodded.  "I'm guessing that's why you're wearing Minnie Mouse on your t-shirt too."  Eric looked and moaned, shrugging his overshirt closed.  They got back to work and hoped that the cameras ignored those little pranks.  He so had to spank Xander when he got back.  Since Xander was like his son he could do that.


Horatio looked up in the meeting, spotting an ear hovering over his head.  He took off the hat and put it down in front of him.  Another one hit him.  He texted at Xander once he had that one off.  "They're for Madison and Ray Junior," he told the curious people.

"Harris?" one asked.  "Things like that seem to happen around him."  Horatio nodded.  "It was cute.  You look good in mouse ears, Caine."

He looked at her.  "It's not the time for them now."  They got back to the meeting.  He had to peel off the Mickey gloves too but that was fine.  He'd spank Xander later.


"Why does your magic get stronger when you're backed up?" Jensen asked, readying the next group.

"I don't know.  I guess because that's energy that I'm storing."  He shrugged and sent them to his boys.  He had no idea Danny was in court.  The judge called a recess because he was cackling at the suddenly appearing wizard hat and wand on Danny's head and lap.  Then the robe appeared.  Danny handed them off to Ryan, who was waiting to testify so he could put them in the hummer for now.

Then he went back to the stand to finish his testimony.  When the defense attorney asked how that had happened as his first question Danny shot him a dirty look and said that his boyfriend was in a strange mood.  Did he want to have him instead?  The guy shuddered and left him alone.  Danny walked out and looked at Ryan, who handed off his Aladdin lamp and sword, plus turban.  "You look like Greg."

"I know.  I'm not that free and sweet."  He went in when he was called.  Danny took them to the car and called his boy, getting Cougar - he could tell by the grunt in greeting.  "Put it on speaker please, Cougar.  Because I was in court."  Cougar did that and he got to yell at his boy for that.  Xander or someone sent him something else.   He didn't think they sold twinkling snakes of gems at Disney these days.  Especially not ones that moved.  He swatted them off and went back to complaining.  Xander hung up on him.  He'd be getting it when he got home.


Jensen hugged Xander.  "I think it's neat.  We have to send Jolene and the baby's stuff."  They sent the stuff for the team and family.  Jensen did have him send his niece's to her mom instead, it was class time.


Clay looked up, swatting at the floating hat.  He growled but it kept floating.  Pooch was staring at it.  Roque was at the door and staring at it.  Then Pooch's appeared and he was suddenly a wizard, complete with turban.  Clay snickered, pinning the floating hat with a knife. "Looks like they're packing up."

Pooch stared at him.  "I'm going to gut Xander."

"It might make the tumor grow more."

"Uh-huh.  I don't care."

"Then you'd have to follow him around to keep him out of trouble."

"Never mind."  He called his wife.  "What did the sprout get from the trouble twins?"  He got out of the robe and listened to her complaining.  "That was Xander gifting from Disney, Jolene.  I'm sure it's cute he's in a little Aladdin outfit.  Hey, he could've put him in a princess outfit.  This is Xander and Jensen we're talking about."  She hung up on him.  He rolled his eyes.  "Including plastic sword he was chewing on."

"Doesn't really surprise me but he's not Prince Charming at least."

Pooch nodded.  "Definitely not yet.  When he's older I'll teach him to be smoother."  He got up and took the presents down to his apartment to put them up.  Maybe for Halloween or something.

Clay made sure the hat was still pinned then looked at Roque.  "Back again?"

"Can we talk?"


Roque stared at him.  "I...."

"You turned on us," Clay said bluntly.  "There's no talking."  Roque nodded and left.  "Go back to LA.  You seem to fit in pretty well out there."  He got up and closed his door so he could have a headache in peace.  Henrietta was off proving she had mad skills for some spook.  Aisha was hiding since she had tried to poison them.  Because Jolene nearly did rip her head off with her bare hands when she found her.  Which Clay wanted popcorn for.  He'd pay to see Jolene beat the crap out of Aisha.  He looked at the graphic novels that alternate, scary Xander had gotten them.  It hadn't happened and it wouldn't.  There was no way they were going to go out that way.  "Jensen will warp Junior if no one stops him," he muttered.


Jolene glared at the outfit that suddenly hit her son.  It fit, which was nice.  She huffed, taking the shiny gold vest off him.  "You look like a Vegas showboy, son.  That's not allowed.  That's not your son's father."  The nurse peeked in.  "Not my doing."  She smiled and left her to redress the baby.  The baby didn't want to give up the sword he was chewing on but she had a plastic wrench that his father had given him.

He liked that better.  "I'm so going to brain your Uncle Jensen and Xander," she assured him, getting a grin back.  It went into the diaper bag.  "Maybe for a Halloween costume."  The doctor came in and the baby waved the wrench at him then stuck it back in his mouth.  Jolene smoothed down his hair again.

"Teething?" he guessed.  Jolene nodded.  "It happens to all of us."

"He's already chipped one chewing on his daddy's actual wrenches.  That's why we got him his own plastic ones."

"Good idea."  He pulled out the chart to look over then started the normal check-up.


"What is she going as for Halloween next year?" Xander asked Jensen.

"My niece?  I don't know what Jess is going as.   Why?"

"Because we should get her to go as a Chinese assassin."  He grinned.  "We can use some of my hairpins.  Get her a little dress and nice shoes."

"She might like that."  He considered it.  "Or a ninja.  It's not hard to find the plastic weapons."

Xander nudged him.  "She should learn."

"She should.  Her mom said she has to wait until puberty."

"So tumbling now?"

"Maybe.  That's not a bad idea.  As long as she doesn't become a cheerleader."

"I agree.  Buffy was one.  So was Cordy.  Cheerleaders are not good role models."  They shared a grin and plotted out what they'd need to find for whichever one she wanted.

Cougar looked over.  "She might want to go as something else."

"Possibly," Jensen admitted.  "We'll ask her."  He and Xander shared a grin.  They'd make a terrific costume for her.

"And I'll kick the ass of any chaos sorcerer sort who wants to turn her into her costume," Xander added with a huge grin.

"Tell us, we'll shoot him," Jensen promised.  Xander cackled, giving him a hug.

Wade knocked then walked in.  "We leave in an hour."

"Yup yup," Xander said, getting up and packing.  Jensen and Cougar helped.  "I'm driving."

"Fat chance," Wade ordered.  "You and Jensen can play video games in the back.  Cougar can tail us.  Anya and I will drive."

"Don't mess up the front seat," Jensen teased with a smirk.

"Unlike him, I'm not ordered not to sell you to someone," Wade pointed out dryly.

"Yeah but I'd rip them up and make them beg."  Wade shrugged.  "Whatever."

Wade left, going to check their room.  Anya always forgot something.  This time it was panties.  He handed them over.  "Not in the front seat while I'm driving?" he pleaded. She smirked and put them on.  Everything else was packed.  Xander's bags were gotten.  Cougar got in his car.  Jensen and Xander got into the back of the Range Rover.  Wade checked them out, signing off on the pay-per-view movie charge.  Then he got in to drive.  Finally!  They were escaping the fluffy, mind-training, torture!  He agreed with Anya and a few generals.  Disney was a subversive organization meant to teach girls bad things.

If theirs was a girl, the adoptive parents were going to have to agree to not let them near Disney.

The End.

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