What's Not To Love?

Don hung up and whimpered, looking down at himself.  "What did I do?"

"Magic is emotional," Danny reminded him through his snickers, holding his side.  "Head to my place, Don."  He nodded and apparated off, letting Danny howl in laughter, which brought the nurses.  He waved them off, swatting at one who was trying to help him.  "Don, cute," he gasped when Stella came in.  "'Splosion.  Girl!"  He burst out in another peal of laughter.

"Please tell me he didn't do what I think he did."  He nodded, snickering harder. "Oh, hell, I've got to see this."  She disappeared, heading for the stairwell since no one used them.  She apparated off, landing behind Don.  "At least you're a cute girl," she said, bursting out in her own laughs.

"Keep it up, help me bra shop, Bonasera."  He sat down and pouted, arms crossed over the very small tits he had.  "I didn't even make myself a very good girly girl either."  Tony showed up with Alex not far behind him.  "I worried and I fussed and then I realized I sounded like a girl," he said with a pout.

"Danny makes many people worry and fuss like a girl," Tony assured him.  "Stand up, let's see what you've done."  Don sighed and stood up, holding his arms out.

Alex looked him over. "Well, you're cute enough that I'd sleep with you, but I am married."  Don blushed at that, giving him a horrified look.  "I also expected you to be further along with what I assigned you, Don."

"I got stuck and then we got more bodies."

"Fine.  Unstick whatever you have to so Keelian can have his own nest at Hogwarts."

"Can we go see the school?" Tony asked, beaming at him.

"Someone's got to pick up Dawnie.  Philip won't let her wander around by herself."  Speed showed up, still laughing.  "It is cute.  He gave himself little baby titties."

Speed burst out in new laughs, leaning on Stella.  "You're cute, Don."  He and Tony pulled their wands but Alex waved a hand and walked Don into the library to work with him on his spell unraveling skills.  He came out a normal man, after checking.  "Better," he agreed.  He looked at Alex.  "You thought Horatio was a sweet and gentle boy?"

"In bed," he shot back with a smirk.  "Okay, Ron and I are heading off again in the morning.  After Dawn gets some nookie tonight at school.  Anything else I can help you two with?"

"How do they let us borrow books?"

"Greg or Philip can, or Sev."  That got some grins from both wizards. "Stella, I need you to work on your transfiguration this weekend. You're falling behind."  She nodded at that. "Don, you and Danny work with Draco on potions stuff to take his mind off the fact that he's not coming back with me.  On Sunday, work on charms and creatures."  They both nodded at that.  "Good."

"If you give us a syllabus, we'll work with them," Tony promised.

"Yeah, Horatio's nephew just broke out in skills today," Speed offered.  Tony looked at him.  "Seriously.  He had to obliviate his sister-in-law because she was screeching and threatened me to stay away from him."

"Damn," Tony said.  "If I was just starting out I'd want someone like you with me."  Speed shrugged.  "Alex, we can take over their training if we have to.  We're pretty well back to caught up fully.  That'll leave the specialist stuff for Don with you and the others."

"Sure.  However it works for you guys.  Go in together, but Danny can invite you in if you get stuck.  Don, work on that stuff, just in case.  Got me here?"  Don nodded. "Good.  Arens was injured too so expect the big, blond guy who hits on everyone to show up claiming to be bored and try to work with you.  He's very good at sensing."  That got another nod.  "Good boy."  He patted him on the cheek.  "Danny is?"

"Hospital," Speed told him.  Tony opened his mouth.  "Some little punk bastards in the park got him.  Too young for him to fight back, Tony.  He's fine.  The healer's seen him, his wrist was bruised but not broken or anything.  A slight stab and some other bruises."

"Which was why I was fussing and worrying," Don added.

"Don't worry, Speed's the worst at getting into trouble," Tony assured him.  "But you're good at looking out for our buddy for us.  That's why we'll turn you just as evil as us."  He grinned sweetly. "Plus, hey, we can hand you girls that we don't want to date."

"I haven't dated recently," Speed admitted dryly.  "You're the one with the black book like the phone book."

"Did that not come back as fully as the rest of you?" Tony teased.  "Is it limp, Speed?"

Speed punched him. "NO!  Did you want to get down and check?"

Tony smirked.  "Gibbs threatened to spank me."

"If you blew me?"

"No, if I misbehaved. I think he'd count that."

"Only if he wanted me instead," Speed shot back.

"While that's a really hot image and I can see you two writhing against each other easily, topic at hand please?" Stella ordered.

"Awww, hear that, she thinks you'd be hot under me," Tony teased.

"Actually, I can see him riding you or you begging for mercy since he's got you tied down to the bed, Tony, but still, we've got a different topic at hand.  Don, moving stuff?"

"The moving stuff can be done this Thursday," Speed assured her.

"I can get it off, maybe," Tony agreed. "How bad is his wrist?"

"Wrenched, nothing else," Don offered. "They wanted him off the team so they got his good one."

"The little thug bastards were who?" Speed asked.  Alex produced a current yearbook.  "Do you often hide books up your ass?"

"Yes, I've got to leave some room in my packs for clothes and food; besides, I top most of the time so Draco doesn't mind.  It doesn't get in the way of me making him beg for mercy or anything so he's all good with whatever I store up there."

Stella blushed at that.  "I did not need that mental picture, Alex!"  She reached over to pinch him. "Quit!"

Alex gave her an evil smirk.  "But, Stella, he's very pretty when he's begging.  I think about him begging a lot.  It's how I like to imagine him whenever I have to call over the tattoo.  Everyone wants someone like Draco to be under them: sweaty, needy, and begging for mercy.  Don't you?"

"I'd rather find a guy who wanted me that way and gave backrubs, plus fixed shit."

"You know, Harry's still free," Don offered with a grin.  "Plus a bunch of the other Banes, like Blair.  You two could share hair stuff since you're both so curly."  She pinched him, making him yelp and dance out of reach laughing.  "Sorry.  Hey, what about Nick?"


"Eric wanted me to ask if Angel is real," Speed told Alex.  Who nodded. "How real was the show?"

"Buffy's idea of a joke," he complained bitterly.  "She used Giles' journals as a script device.  Angel was not a happy vampire with a soul by any means.  It freaked him out almost as much as when Lovegood claimed her stallion and her mule."

"Yeah, was meaning to ask about Luna and her thing for Rayne and Wesley," Don noted dryly. "Are we sure it's a good idea?"

"You'd rather have her pouting and corrupting others?" Alex asked.  A new body appeared and they looked at him. "Professor Armwrench.  What do I owe the pleasure of you hunting me down for this time?"

"Your little sister is the most evil bitch," he growled, moving closer.  "Apparently it's not bad enough that she tempts Ginny.  It's not bad enough that the three of them shoot me dirty images all day long, even though I don't have a current outlet for that lust, but now she's protecting the one who put Apple back into heat!"

"Damn it.  Um, I can't help Ginny anymore, Prof.  It nearly killed Draco."  Armwrench gave him a worried look. "The family curse is monogamy."

"Damn it.  All right, do we know anyone else?"

"Her horse is in heat so she is?" Tony asked.

"Ginny's a valkyrie," Professor Armwrench said dryly, glancing at him. "She is legal and very pretty.  Hopefully the potion won't last more than a few hours."

"Why is she protecting the person who dosed Apple?"

"She wants her for herself.  The young girl in question was going to dose Hagrid but someone was tracking the potion she made so she had to dump it in the horse's water trough," he said grimly, glaring at her. "Now I've got a horny valkyrie in desperate need and Dawn's rutting with Ronald again."

"We're going back tomorrow," Alex said quietly.  "Someone tried to kill Draco and Arens."   The teacher stiffened.  "Bring Ginny here, at the very least we can do something, even though I can't."

"Would the magical sex toys I got given help?" Stella asked.

"Bloody hell yes, but she's already worn one out," Armwrench complained.  "She's fully in heat.  Alex, please."

"I can't.  It nearly killed Draco.  I'm not losing him."


"How long will it last?" Don asked.

"Two, three hours tops."

"Just sex?  Contraceptive already applied and all that?"

"She's already taken it, she's already caused an orgy in my classroom, which Lovegood happily gave instructions and help to."

"Then bring her here and I'll take her home," Don agreed patiently.  "As long as she doesn't try to cling."

"Thank you!"  He hugged him and summoned Ginny, releasing her from her body bind.  "Not Alex, you nearly set off Draco's family curse."  She nodded, looking around greedily.  "Whoever here wants you, dear."

"We can do that," Tony and Speed agreed, taking her and Don with them back to his house. He did call Horatio to warn him what was going on but he simply laughed until the mare showed up in his office.

"It takes three people to wear someone in heat out?" Stella asked.

"Two sometimes," Alex offered.  "It's an intense need."  He walked closer and whispered something, touching his wand to her forehead.  She shivered and clamped down, pressing her lips together.  "That's about half of what Ginny's got going, Stella," he offered quietly.  "Because of her vows, this is the only time she can have any."

"Damn.  I'm glad it's not me."

"Me as well.  Alex, I need a new plaything."

"Arens is pouting because the pretty young things don't want him anymore. He's got an arm and upper chest injury so be nice to my former partner."  He grinned and left, going to let his priest worship him in the most primal way possible.  "Sorry, Loki teaches sex ed at Hogwarts."  She blinked at that and he smirked, winking back.  "It's a very well kept secret but that's how he finds us."  He stepped back and waved a wand, packing everything.  "All you have to do is move it wherever he's going as long as he's got the new spells set up."

"I think we'll be doing them for him.  His hiding spell sucked," she complained.  "Thank you, Alex.  Now I need those toys."

"Take Mac.  He looks like he could use some stress relief."

"Grieving spouse."

Alex nodded. "Been there, done that. One of the reasons why I whored my way around the world.  Call me if you need my help."  He disappeared.

Stella looked around, making sure the apartment was sealed before taking off for her house and her fun box of toys that moved themselves.


Don strolled in to pick up Danny, smirking at him.  "Hi."

"Please get me out of here?" he pleaded.

He held up the paperwork.  "Sign, put back on the clothes, and we can go."  Danny hugged him and signed everything, then went into the bathroom to change.  The nurse came in with a wheelchair but he could put up with it for now. This time.  Don got him down and outside, smiling at the nurse.  "I called a cab before I came in, they're a bit backed up."

"That's fine.  Leave the chair here and it'll be taken inside by the next nurse out here. Have a nice life, boys, and I hope I don't have you again on my unit."  She went back inside, smiling and happy.

Don led Danny off to the side, where they were more shaded by some trees.  It looked like he was being thoughtful and getting his buddy out of the sun, but instead he handed him the portkey.  "We've got to cue the wards on your new place to you," he offered quietly, activating it. They landed and he let Danny look around.  "Helping Ginny out last night made us want to wear out some energy and they said I needed practice anyway," he offered, leading Danny past the public front room and into the real apartment, which included the kitchen.  Sure, the other door existed too but no one would question this one.

Danny looked around in awe, then at him.  "When?"

"Last night.  Ginny's horse got dosed with something called Pixie Lust Potion?"  Danny whimpered.  "Speed, Tony, and I took her to Tony's place ta help her out with that problem.  We got all hyped up on energy and decided to do this for you.  Even though the landlord did have to correct us about where we were moving stuff into there for a minute."   He poked him.  "You gave me the wrong apartment number."

"Sorry."  He walked into his bedroom, finding the bed expanded and covered in nice sheets.  "I see Tony did the bedroom."

"Yup.   Speed did the library and I got the lounge and the spare bedroom."  He grinned at his buddy.  "So now we won't have to sleep on that couch of yours."

"I like my couch."

"So do I, but this way I won't roll off it again."  He gave his head a shove with a smirk.  "Then Speed and Stella went food shopping so you have some again."  Danny snickered at that.  "Speed's at work, Tony's on a case, and Stella's got today on. I took the day off."

"You didn't have to."

"Yes I did.  I'm the one who put the wards up so I've got to introduce you to them."  He pulled him back into his bedroom.  "I centered them back here so there was less chance of someone outside the apartment undoing them.  Also, I soundproofed in here but not the other rooms.  That way the neighbors could tell when you were in here."  He sat down with him on the floor, taking his hand to hold.  "You've done this before?"

"Not in a while.  I haven't needed protection wards on my apartment before now."

"You should've had 'em anyway," Don said firmly. "You see way too much trouble and had it coming for you too."   He took his hand and focused his magic, just like Tony had told him to, letting Danny do the same.  Their magics touched and he shivered, but let it into him and focused on the wards.  It hummed around him, tasting and testing them both.  "This is his home," he whispered.  "You're to protect him for me."  The wards wrapped around them, then gently moved back into the walls, content with this new person they knew was theirs.

"Wow," Danny breathed, looking at him.  "That was intense."

"It was," Don agreed, grinning at him.  "Tony made me get naked to do them too."

"Not usually necessary."

"I know that now."  He grinned at his buddy.  "How's your wrist feel?"

"Still a bit stiff.  I'm back ta doing the stretches and stuff carefully."

"Good.  Don't hurt it again."  He gave him another head nudge.  "So, what's for lunch?"

"You think I can cook?" he snorted.

"Stella got you already-prepared stuff."

"Good!"  He got up and helped Don up.  "Thanks."

"You're welcome.  You worry us when shit like this happens."  He smirked at him.  "Plus, no one can see the door into the extra rooms, Messer.  We made sure of it.  Speed did put on an EMS exemption because he thought it might be needed.  You worry him a lot."

"He gets into more trouble than I do," he said with a slight frown.

"Yeah, but he gets into work related trouble. You get into living related trouble.  Work related trouble can get you dead, living related trouble will get you dead."  He opened the freezer, pointing at the already prepared meats and vegetables he could do in the microwave, plus some microwave meals.  "Your cabinets are full of those too.  Apparently she knows what you like to eat."  He smirked at him.  "So, pick out something so I can."

"Sure."  He pulled out a meal with chicken and corn, putting it in the oven like the directions stated.  Don's went next to his and they went back to exploring the rooms.  "You guys unpacked?"

"We did the spell in reverse.  You'll have to go back to the old place to make sure we didn't leave anything and to unseal it.  We kept it sealed against the landlord and left the rooms up so you'll have to end that spell too."

"Sure, I can do that tonight," he agreed happily.  He looked around then at his watch.  "Make that now.  Be right back.  Watch dinner."  He apparated the ten blocks back to his old place, going to find his hidden spots, some of which had little notes saying Stella had found them for him.  He did find some things he had managed to keep hidden, but that was good since some of that was the stuff from his fiance.  He boxed all that up, doing a turn through the bathroom and the kitchen, then the spare rooms.  Everything but a chair was gone in there.  He pulled the chair out and put the boxes on top of it.  The front room was bare but he found a CD case he had been missing.  It had apparently been under the entertainment center.  That went on top of the boxes and he did another turn, finding Alex staring at a spot in his bedroom.  "Did I miss one?"

"Three," he offered, opening them for him.  He looked at him.  "You okay?"  Danny nodded.  "Good."  He held up something.  "You took it off?"

"No, they took it off me.  Hospitals.  I had forgotten I was wearing it."  He put it back on his neck and let Alex rebless it with a few quiet words.  "Sorry."

"No, we've got exemptions for that and we're being held up going back at the moment.  Someone's hiding in our library."  He shrugged. "I'm going to fix that in a few minutes really."  He looked Danny over then into his eyes. "Danny, you do know that your clones want to let Don join your special group, right?"  That got a nod.  "And that the Banes would love to have you all?"

"I wouldn't mind both," he admitted.

"Tipsy does the same thing.  She's got ours and the one for her boys."  He shrugged.  "We wouldn't care according to the Prof.  Also, expect him this weekend.  He's threatened to throw a pop quiz on Don and Stella."  He grimaced a bit.  "Did you tell the Vinese I had adopted you?"

"No."  He shook his head.  "I didn't mention it to anyone, Alex.  She heard you adopted me?"

"Well, by giving you that pendant and dagger I did mark you as being adopted into the clan," he admitted.  "That woman has a network like you wouldn't believe.  She wrote me and asked if I had formally adopted you or if this was to aid in the training so I thought I'd make sure how you wanted me to answer.  You'll be asked for your decision on the Bane initiation this weekend so we'll talk then.  Think about it, Danny.  I won't even make you take my name but you can't date any of the aunts."

"Your aunts are scary," Danny said firmly, making Alex beam and nod.  "Especially your sister Katya."

"Just think, she's the nice one in the family. Mel's stuffy and proper, plus demonic."  Danny grinned at that.  "Oh," he said, holding up a small bronze key.  "That was also sent to me.  Your local vault?"

"Thank you.  I've already got that key," he said, looking at the number.  "What's this one?"  He looked up but Alex was gone.  "I wanna know how he does that."  He stuck it into his pocket and got back to work robbing his hidden areas.  His lunch was probably cold by the time he got done but that was fine, that's what microwaves were for.  Everything was gathered in a small pile and he looked around, then gathered the magic in his hands, undoing the knot holding it together.  The extra rooms faded out at his tugging, flowing back into him.  Then he unsealed the doors.  Don appeared and marked a circle on the floor with sugar and then pulled his wand and cast something onto it.  Everything in the circle, including them, the boxes, and the chair, went with them.  Danny went back to check, just in case, finding the new key laying there.  He picked it up and apparated back, sticking it his pocket when he landed.  It clinked against the other one.  He pulled them both out to look at the numbers. A new one tinkled onto the floor beside him.  "What the fuck?" he called, looking up.  A note came with the last one.

Don picked them up and glanced at the note.  "Family assets."  He handed over the note as well.  "Lunch is on the table, Danny."

"Sure."  He walked over to grab it and then back to his favorite couch to sit and eat, staring at the tv.  Don followed. "You already ate?"

"Of course.  You remember to unseal the door?"  Danny nodded since he was chewing.  "Good."  He sat down beside him.  "We can hit the bank if you want.  I have no idea where the bank is."

"Same place the shopping area is.  It's that marble building at the end.  Goblins like marble, it's imposing."  He smirked at him.  "You just want to go back to the quidditch shop."

"Well, yeah," he offered.  "Coach called, wanted you to call him."

"Sure."  He picked up his cell and dialed, putting it between his chin and his shoulder so he could continue eating.  "You wanted a call?" he asked before taking another bite.  "Yup," he mumbled.  He chewed, listening to him yell.  "They were underage," he said once he swallowed. "If I had hurt 'em, I'd be in more trouble.  Plus probably more injured since there were five of them.  Give 'em two years and next time I'll kick their asses."  He ate another bite while he huffed and complained.  "At least it's only bruised," he offered through his current mouthful of food.  "Better me eating than in the toilet, right?" he joked, then he ate another bite.  "Sure.  I'll be there if possible."  He hung up and tossed it down again.  "I'm still going to be at the game."

"Of course you are.  You can be our cheerleader this time."  Danny glared at him.  "I won't make you carry a sign with my name," he offered with a goofy grin.  Danny held up his fork in a menacing way.  "Fine, you can yell and stomp without the short skirt too."

"Thanks, really."  He went back to his dinner.  Someone pounded on the door so he got up to get it.  It was his place after all.  He found the landlord on the other side, giving him a clueless look.  "What's wrong?"

"Is that music yours?"

Danny shook his head. "I've got the tv on, s'not me."  He listened and pointed up the hall.  "That way.  Probably the place on the corner."

"Thanks."  He stomped that way.  "You all moved in?"

"Yup.  My friends did it while I was in the hospital."  His landlord gave him an odd look.  "Some thugs tried ta get me back."

"I guess it happens.  Call me if you've got problems, Danny."  He pounded on that door and the music that came out when it was opened nearly blew him across the hall.  "Turn that shit down!"

Danny closed his door, heading back in there.  "Thank you to whoever did the directional soundproofing."

"Not a problem," Don said happily.  "Speed taught Stella when she started to have a headache in rhythm with the rap music."  Danny grinned at that.  "Then he threatened to take her out dancing."  He shrugged and handed Danny his lunch.  "You forgot the totally dry brownie."

"S'okay, you can have it."  He flopped down and went back to flipping stations. "Why isn't there anything on during the day?"

"Because most people work during it so they don't have to put on good crap."  He looked at him. "Alex brought a yearbook with him.  I identified the kids in the park for him and he's went to see the Headmistress with Tony, who got a bit pissed with her.  One of the boys cracked under his Gibbs-like glare of death so they know who did it and they're in heavy detention but she said she couldn't expel them for that.  Tony pointed out you kids could've had your wands broken for it but she said times have changed and they couldn't do that anymore.  Wizards were too valuable to do that."

"That sounds like the military issue that hit Chicago has ours," Danny said thoughtfully.

"That's what Alex said.  He *assured* her that if they came here like they did Chicago he was going to be on that assault team too."   He grinned at him.  "Apparently she got briefed so she left it there and said the kids are given offers when they graduate."

"So if they're total fuckups they're allowed to go out and breed more but the rest are recruited?"

"Tony was assured that they're not forced, just suggested at heavily.  That many of their students went onto college instead.  Tony called Mac in to talk to those kids who've gotten offers about what they'd be doing.  He's doing that this afternoon and then he'll be coming over with Stella for a drink to christen this new place."  Someone tapped on the door, much more gently this time.  "It's Grand Central in here today," he complained.

Danny smirked and got up, smiling at the young woman standing there.  "Hi."

"Hi.  My mom said I should introduce myself to you. I'm Hannah.  I live above you to the left of your place," she said, pointing.  "Mom's the building's official welcome wagon but she's at the doctor's."

"Thank you.  I'm Danny.  We're working on getting everything set up today."  She beamed at that.  "Also, let your Ma know I'm with the PD as a criminalist, okay?"  She nodded.  "So if I see the druggie in the hallway again, I might have ta bring him in."

"Sure," she agreed with a giggle. "Thank you, Danny.  I'll tell my mother you're very nice and sweet and see if she'll invite you up some day soon for a good meal."  She smiled so brightly she got dimples then headed off for the stairs.

Danny looked around the hallway, spotting an older, cranky looking woman staring at him.  "Hi.  Just moved in."

"Her mother's going to hit on you," she said bitterly.

"I'm taken," he offered with a grin.  "I'm also good if you need small stuff done, ma'am.  My last place had a mother next door with a kid who kept locking himself in rooms."  She smirked at that.  "If you need me, I'm here."  He smiled and closed his door, looking at Don, then at Stella since she had just appeared. "Bad day at work?"  He looked at the lock.  "You're early."

"We got a bomb threat.  We need you guys back there."

"Coming," Don agreed, coming out of the back area.  "Danny, you going in that?"  He shook his head, going to change into work clothes.  Well, jeans and a nice shirt since it was his day off. He came out clipping on his badge and gun, making her smile. "Might as well just in case."  He found his shoes where they should be, his buddies knew him very well, and slid into them then followed her down to Don's car.  Don locked the door behind him, then handed him his keys. "Yours."

"Thanks."  They went into his pocket and his wand and dagger were checked to make sure they were still in their hidden spot. Don walked around to drive and Stella took the backseat.  Which means Danny got to turn down the radio.  "Any random bomb threat?"

"Mac's evil because he hired women to do the work so therefore he must purge and cleanse the building of the taint of women," Stella reported.  "That way our evidence and officers aren't tainted and can understand God while doing His work."

Danny snorted. "Okay, so religious nut," he agreed. "We had any in on a case?"

"Two.  Someone's went to retrieve them.  One's in Rikers.  The other was just as suspect.  I questioned the one in custody but we can't be sure it was him or not.  The other could've seen me when I was working."

"Why you?"

"He mentioned curly-haired she-demons who tempted men to impure thoughts and actions.  His letter was ten pages long."

"Well, we knew you were demonic at times, Stella," Danny teased, shooting her a grin.

She smirked back.  "Thank you.  That's the nicest compliment I've gotten in days, Danny."

"Welcome."  Don pulled up in front of the station and they got out, going to check in.  "You called in all off-duty personnel?" he asked Mac.

"I had to."  He looked at him.  "Are you fit for duty?"

"I'm a bit sore.  I probably won't be carrying shit of the next day or so."

"Fine.  Don, read the letter please.  Both cases had you as part of it and you were mentioned."

"Wonderful."  He glanced through the letter, skipping over the flowery phrases about God's love for men until he came to his part.  "So, what, I inspired him to lust and he thought lust with Stella was wrong?"

"He probably saw you smiling at her and decided she had taken you from your role as his object of fixation," Mac offered.  "He hates that she's keeping you het, Don."

"Not my fault I'm this way," he complained, going back to his reading.  "Ahh.  He hates Danny for taking his rightful spot.  Hey, he compared me to a saint."

"You cleaned my old bathroom, I'd call that saintly," Danny teased.

"No that was Speed.  He said he's picking up on Ryan's OCD."  He went back to reading, shaking his head.  "Wonderful.  So where'm I meeting him?"

"The park, an hour."  Mac looked at him.  "He may still be in custody but we're not sure yet.  We're waiting on them to arrive."

"That's easy, have Don standing there and watch their reactions," Stella offered.

"Both were pretty closed off," Danny said, taking the letter to glance over.  He giggled.  "Man, did Sheldon read this yet?"

"Yes.  He took a deep breath and said it wasn't unreasonable for psychotic and delusional people to have fantasies like that, even about him.  Then he walked off to help the SWAT team with whatever they needed."  Danny snickered as he kept reading.  "It's not funny."

"It is.  That's Tony," he said, pointing at a line.  Mac groaned.   "So it had ta be the one day Tony was up here about that case."

"Which means it's the guy not in custody," Stella decided.  Mac nodded at that.  "The other was on Riker's by then."

"True, he was," Mac agreed.  "Well, that narrows it down but we'll talk to him just in case.  Tony has popped up a few times."

"Yeah, but into my place," Danny pointed out.

"No, that one time he popped up to talk to you about something," Don reminded him.  "We were in the labs though."

"Still, the other guy was only in here once," Stella pointed out.  "It should be a quick talk with him."  A van pulled up.  "Looks like the Riker's Express."  She walked out there to meet the guy, getting sneered at but he stared at Don when he walked up. Maybe she was wrong?  The other guy got drug in and he gave Don a longing look as well.  "Find them a seat and park them," she ordered.  They were drug off by uniformed officers and handcuffed to metal stools in the command center.  She gave Don a look.  "They both like you."

"What's not to like really?" he taunted back with a smirk.  He was turned just enough so they could see his expression.

"No!  The heathen she-demon may not have him!" the guy from Rikers screamed, trying to get up.  "Get away from him, you foul bitch of hell!"

"Oh, shuddup!" Danny yelled back.  He looked at the other guy.  "You got input?"

"She hath tainted him," he said weakly.  "We could hope to fix him but it may not be enough."

"Shut up!" the first guy yelled at him, trying to get to him.  "We will succeed, he will be saved!"

"Uh-huh," Danny said, nodding once and looking at Mac.  "When's your talk with those kids?"

"An hour."

"Go, we've got this," he assured him with an evil smirk.  Mac nodded and left them in command, with Stella in charge.  He looked at them, then around at the officers, getting mostly understanding looks and a grin from Don.  He moved closer.  "Guys, what makes you think he needs saved from her?  That he hasn't already been saved and she's not just our toy?  After all, strong men can have both toys and real mates," he said.  They glared at him so he smirked. It was a very Speed-like smirk.  "Really.  Only the weakest of the weak have to lock themselves away from the women."  The second guy started to cry so he focused on the first.  "Now, someone wrote us a very nice, long letter about how fine Flack's ass is.  Was it you or him?  Or maybe you've got some friends who want to put him in the center of the circle and worship him since that's what he deserves?"  He swallowed and nodded. "If you tell me, I'll give you thirty seconds ta say your peace ta him.  Your choice."

"We of our Church of Holiness have seen him for who he truly is, the reincarnation of our Patron Saint.  We would do anything to protect him, even shed our mortal lives to join his righteous group of followers so that he may lead us to the higher levels of understanding."

"Okay.  Is the bomb there or here?"

"Here," the second man whimpered, trying back away from Stella.  "Please, call off the demon."

"Stella," Danny ordered.  "Please."  She backed off, weight canted off to one side, arms crossed over her chest, sneering at him.  "Thank you."  He looked at him.  "Where is it?"

"Where women do congregate to consult in their unholy plans to taint and ruin men," he whispered.

"The ladies room?" Danny offered. He nodded, hanging his head.  "Wrong time of the month for them to be congregating very much, dear.  Stella, please."  She went to pass on that information.  "Now, where can we find these others who wanna worship Flack's tight ass and really tight abs?"  He swallowed, giving him a helpless look.  "All I want is the bomber.  Flack might wanna know more though.  I'll tell him where the rest are."  Then he smirked.  "Of course, I'm gonna have ta make sure they know who's got his back."

"Brother Florence," he said quietly.  "She had given up the ways of the woman to be holy, like us," he whispered.  "Please treat him well."

"I will.  Where can I find 'im?"

"Brother Florence and the others should be in lunchtime prayers," the first said, hanging his head.  "At our temple."

"Which would be where?" Don asked, moving forward.  "I definitely wanna meet the guys who want me that much and think I'm a saint."

He looked at him and swallowed, noticing how small and helpless he felt next to him. "You are not just a Saint, you are our Father," he said, realizing it.

"Then tell me where the bad ones are so I can spank 'em on the ass for planting bombs.  That ain't right and you know it."

They both nodded, hanging their heads and divulging where the temple was.

"Thank you.  We'll go there now."  Danny looked at Flack.  "C'mon, Dad."

"Bite me, Messer."  He went to get them some backup from the SWAT guys, and only the guys since he explained what was going on, making a few smirk.  He and Danny hitched a ride with them, putting on their vests.  "Danny, you're waiting, you can do the evidence stuff once we've got them."

"Yeah, sure.  Not a problem."  He looked at him.  "You sure you don't wanna go in first, make sure they don't bow down to you or nothin'?" he teased.

"That might work best," the team leader offered.

Don glared at him. "I'm not using their delusions against 'em."

"It'd be easier and everyone would gather around you.  That way you could tell 'em they're wrong," Danny offered.  "Before you get more fans like that."  They shared a look and Don shuddered.  "Come on, you'll enjoy being worshiped, Flack."

"Bite me, Messer."  When they got there, he did walk in first, gun in his hand just in case.  "Yo!" he called, and everyone stared at him.  "I need ta see Brother Florence right now."  They stared in awe, looking up at him since they were on their knees.  "I mean right tha  hell now.  As in this very second."

"I..I am he, Great One," a higher-pitched voice offered quietly, and a figure in a robe moved forward, kneeling in front of him.  "What can I do for you?"

"You can put your hands behind your back for making a bomb and planting it.  The rest of you too."  They wailed.  "Shuddup!"  They stopped.  "Thank you!"  He glared around.  "Any kids or pets around here we should worry about?"

"The nursery keeper was not involved," an older man said firmly, standing up.  "He is not involved in any of this."

"S'fine.  We just need ta know where they are," Danny said from behind him.  The old man whimpered.  "Got me here?"  He nodded and pointed, bowing at him.  "Thanks.  Guys?  Clear."  They came rushing in and got everyone in handcuffs.  "We've got a nursery keeper with kids and they're insistent he didn't have a thing ta do with it," he ordered calmly.

"That's fine," one of the SWAT guys agreed.  "We have to clear the building.  Which way are they so we can be careful?"  Danny pointed.  "Thanks."  They headed to clear the rest of the building.

The old man stopped beside Danny, ignoring the pulling on his bound arm.  "You are his Protector," he said quietly.  "He is our Father and our Saint.  Protect him well."

"I always do."  He stared into his eyes.  "You still did wrong planting that bomb."

"She is demonic."

"No, she's a good lady who takes scum off the streets.  Don appreciates that she's got his back now and then."

He sighed and nodded. "Then she is one who is switching over and we should have realized that."  He let himself be led off, leading a prayer for their souls to be guarded while their lives were tested.

Danny called Stella.  "We've got a nursery keeper and kids here, but I could use some help. It's an old church."  He hung up and looked at Don.  "So, dad."

"Messer," he warned, looking stressed.

Danny walked over and clapped him on the back.  "Could be worse.  They could've found a way to make some of the kids really yours."  He patted him again and got to work looking for evidence.  He found a pamphlet on Don and burst out laughing as he read it, bringing a few of the guys over.  "Um, Don, man, I didn't know you had a birthmark."  Don stormed over and took the pamphlet, groaning when he saw that. "Got any psycho exes, Don?"

"Not that badly!"  He walked off with it.  There was a whole stack, he could complain to the others with that one.  He looked it over.  On the back was a hymn to his eyes and lips.  He was never going to live this down once it got around the station.

"Hey, Flack, what's this about your wand being eleven inches?" one of the guys teased.

Don flinched, then turned to look at him.  "Someone mismeasured, it's much bigger. You wanna find out like they do?" he retaliated.  The guys all laughed at that and headed out carrying stuff Danny had already bagged up.  "Um, Danny...."

"Hints of it but hiding it," he offered.  "Maybe it's whoever gave you the picture, Flack.  Which means it'd have to be a cop in the precinct as well."  He looked around then at him.  "Find the office."  Don nodded and went to do that.  Sheldon came in and looked around, then up at the velvet painting of Don, bursting out giggling.  "Nah, you should see the pamphlet and hymnal," he offered, holding up the thin book.  "The pamphlet is to recruit.  The hymnal is for the real ones, even those who were demonic and switched over to be more male, like they now think Stella is."

Sheldon burst out in giggles, leaning on a pew to hold himself up.

"Not funny!" Don yelled from the back room.

"Oh, it so is.  Just wait until Tony and Speed hear," Danny yelled back.  "And Horatio!"

"I'll kill you, Messer.  I know enough to know how to hide your body."

"I'm sure you think you do," Sheldon taunted, smirking as he came out.  He noticed the pamphlet and took it to look over, then burst out giggling again.  "Oh, man, they've got holy relics from the last incarnation of their saint."

"Oh, shit," Danny said, going to hunt those down.  You had to treat holy relics in a certain way or the psychos who believed they were holy got upset and started a riot.  He did call to update Mac that it was safer now and what was going on, telling him about the pamphlet and that stuff, which made him chuckle just a bit, then clamp down on it.  He hung up when he found the inner sanctum, moaning at the relics floating in jars of formaldehyde.   Well, someone in DNA was going to have fun getting samples from the preserved balls.  "Don't come in," he ordered when he heard the door creak open.

"Why not?" Don asked.

"You'll have nightmares."

"I'll have 'em anyway."  He walked in and stopped, then shuddered and turned around to walk out.  "Never mind. Don't make me look at those again please."  He walked back into the main room. "Sheldon, Danny found the relics.  You'll need something to transport jars."

"Jars?"  He followed the pointed finger, finding Danny.  "Oh, jars," he said, wincing a bit.  "Wonder where the bodies are."

"Buried appropriately so the spirit could pass on," Danny said, pointing at a small plaque.  "We need to do a real estate search on them."  They shared a look and got the ME down there to gather the relics for them.  They didn't wanna touch the jars.


Tony appeared behind Don the next night, hugging him.  "Do you still have yours?" he teased.

"I can hurt you."

"I'm sure you can, Daddy."

Speed appeared, shaking his head.  "Lay off the poor guy.  At least they liked him enough to admit transexual females."  Tony pouted at him.  "Really.  He's gotta be creeped out, Tony."

"That's why I'm making him laugh about it. Less nightmares that way."  He grinned at Danny.  "Didn't they find a use for you too, Danny?" he cooed.  "Are you upset?"

"Hell yes, they thought I was his protector and servant," he pouted.  "Not even a good one, I was his concubine and bodyslave sort."

"I'd offer you a position as mine but I know how you are about ball licking and taking it," Tony teased.  "Speed?"

"Been years since I played that way," he admitted.

"Did something damage you before you died?" Tony demanded.  "You used to have more women than I did.  Suddenly I find out you're no longer dating?  Were you having little blue pill troubles or just stress making it not work troubles?"

"I got plenty, Tony, I just didn't have the energy to date.  We had a few tough months before I died."

"Fine, if you say so.  Maybe Danny and I should call for a bonding moment?"

"Only if you want to be able to lick your own balls," Speed countered, smirking at him. "I doubt we can find three clean prostitutes at the same time and take them to a hotel."

"I was talking the other sort but if you insist, I can and have," Tony offered dryly.  Don gaped at him.  He shrugged.  "Sometimes it comes in handy when my women are busy or on the rag."  He looked at Speed again. "You're starting to scare me, you know that, right?"

"I don't know why.  You're the over-sexed brat of the group.  You always had more sex than me, I just dated more women."

"You're more celibate than Marvelina was, Speed.  That worries us," Danny offered.  "You're not exactly acting like yourself.  You weren't for the six months before then either."  Speed glared at him.  "Just saying," he offered, backing up a few steps.  "If there was somethin' going on, you could've come to us and we would've helped you work through whatever trauma it was."

"Sometimes guys just gotta take a break," Don reminded them.  Tony gave him a look like he had just spouted heresy.  "We do.  Even I've had dry spells.  And you, no laughing about the gay cult who wanted to cut off my balls."

Speed looked at him.  "Huh? All I got was a group of people interested in your ass who didn't like women."

"I left you a message about that," Danny offered dryly.

Speed pulled out his phone and dialed into his voicemail, listening to it. Then he looked at Tony, putting his phone back in his pocket.  "He's worse than you."  He shook his head.  "He's right, guys, we all have dry spells.  I got sucked into every single magic case down there for a bit.  I didn't have to sleep right either."

"No wonder you're so skinny!" Danny complained.

"Pot, kettle," Tony said firmly, glaring at him, then at Don.  "Do you not make him eat?"

"He eats, he bounces it off.  It's Sheldon who forgets ta eat."

"Fine.  Then I guess I'm making dinner," Tony said, glaring at his buddies.  "You two talk to Don about his gay cult of people who wanted to use his seed as food."  He headed into the kitchen to look around.  "Why is everything already prepared?" he called pitifully.

"Stella thinks I don't eat right," Danny called.  He shrugged. "I live on takeout."

"Me too," Speed agreed, leading them to the couch.  "So, gay cult, Don?"

"With hymns to his magnificence," Danny agreed dryly. "They had the prior incarnations of their saints buried and kept their balls in jars in the back altar area.  There was a seventy page book of prayers and hymns to him, plus pamphlets.  One of their members spotted him on a scene and transferred in to learn from his wonderfulness, and that's how they got a picture of him on a broom and how they knew about his wand being eleven inches, and all that stuff."

Speed snickered.  "Oh, man.  Is he going to expose that stuff?"

"No, his lawyer called for a psych consult already.  Said he was including the Harry Potter books into his delusion."  Don smirked at him.  "Does anyone else get these?"

"You'd have to ask Alex.  I know I haven't," Speed offered.  "Just some people who wanted me *really* badly."  Danny hugged him.  "It was exhaustion."

"I'm sure it was."  He let him go.  "I worry about you too, Speed.  You're not the same guy you were.  You're more cranky and stuff."  He stroked his cheek.  "I'll let you have the spare room if you need it.  Just something quick to get it outta your system?" he offered when Speed shook his head.  "I'm sure it works."

"I'm not."  He looked down at himself then at him.  "It's not quite as friendly as it was before."

"That's mental state.  It worked plenty well when we had Ginny.  You nudged me with it a few times," Don assured him.  Danny grinned at him.  "It took all three of us to wear her out.  Then I came back here to wear out some energy while they cleaned up."

"Shower quicky," Tony said as he joined them.  He handed over plates and went back to get the other two, coming in to sit behind Speed.  "You really should get over that already."  He ate a bite.  "I did the same thing after I crashed during the Y Pestis thing.  They brought me back twice before I signed the DNR order."  Danny glared at him. "Nothing you could do about it and I was damned if I was going to be stuck on a machine, Danny."  He ate another bite and looked at Speed again.  "It's time to start putting it in a little box marked 'kinda death' and leave it there except for the bad times when you nearly go back."  He gave him a shoulder nudge.  "We love you enough to keep you here."

"How did you come back and stay?" Speed asked.  "I tried to get up but no one was letting anyone not on your team or family in."

"I tried but Kate said we couldn't come down," Danny offered.  "That's why we got together and called.  He looked at Speed.  "Tell me you dated after that."  Speed stuffed his mouth full.  He took his plate, looking at him.  "The reality hit you, didn't it?"  He nodded, taking his plate back so he could eat. "Damn it. I knew something was up and you wouldn't share."

"The non-gun cleaning thing has been fixed, right?" Tony pressed.  Speed moaned and nodded, eating another bite.  "Let me see it."

"It's in my locker."

Tony put down his plate and headed down there, landing in Horatio's office.  "Do you know what caused his radical change of behavior?"

"I do.  It was when you got sick.  I noticed it then but he refused to talk about it, Tony.  Why?"

"He didn't clean his gun, Horatio.  Right after the reality sunk in about the mortality of the job."  Horatio moaned.  "Can I get into his locker?  I'll be making sure he cleans it tonight one way or another."

"Go ahead.  I'm sure you know his combination?"

"If not, I can break it."  He headed for the locker area, going to find his gun.  Someone gave him an odd look. "Speed sent me so we could clean his gun together."

"Oh."  The person nodded once and frowned, going to talk to Horatio.  "Who was that guy?"

"Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo.  One of Speed's best friends," he said, looking at her.  "He's going to make sure he cleans his gun."

"Good."  She nodded.  "Hasn't he since he's been back?"

"I'm not sure but I'm sure I'll be told in the morning."  He heard someone shout and moaned, getting up to look.  "Frank, leave Tony alone."

"He's got Speed's weapon."

"He's going to be helping him clean it, Frank.  Speed's off visiting him."

"Oh.  Is that where he's going this weekend?"  Horatio nodded. "That's fine then.  How did he get down here?"

"I'm special."  He gave him a dirty look and took the weapon back.  "Didn't you know all feds were special people, Detective Tripp?"  He grinned at him.  "Just looking out for Speed."  He walked off, disappearing once he got inside the elevator and was alone.  He landed back at Danny's and sat down, unloading the gun.  He checked it and then glared at Speed.  "It's been two weeks."

"My gun stuff's in the closet somewhere," Danny admitted.

Don swatted him.  "You haven't been cleaning yours either probably.  Where is it?"

"Locker."  Don growled and got up, going to solve that problem.  He came out of the men's bathroom on the third floor and headed down there to grab it from Danny's locker, he had gotten into it for him before.  He found Mac in there.  "We're cleaning guns tonight with Tony."

"Please tell me his was clean," he said quietly.  Don looked then shook his head.  Mac held out a hand so he let him see it.  "Damn it!"

"I'll talk to him tonight, Mac.  Anytime you do, you yell at the guy for not being a thug."  He took the clip and holster with him, glancing around before disappearing.  He handed it to Tony when he got back.  "Just as bad and Mac's about to yell, Danny."  He sat down and went back to his dinner.  "You did good fixing this, Tony."

"Thanks, Don.  Should I check yours?"

"I cleaned mine last week."  He ate another bite before pulling his off and handing it over.  Tony checked, then smiled and reloaded it, handing it back.  "Did you see the gun cleaning stuff?"

"No, I didn't when I packed his closet.  I saw some ugly clothes but no gun cleaning kit."  He got up to summon it, not getting one.  "Daniel?" he called patiently.

"I thought I had one."

"You thought wrong."  He headed for home, finding Gibbs and Abby in there. "Um....."

She smirked at him.  "Your wand sticks out in the outfit you were wearing yesterday."

"I got called because she forgot to divert the alarm," Gibbs offered.

"Good, where's my gun cleaning kit?"  It was found by Abby and handed over.  "Thanks."  He disappeared, heading back there.  He'd decide what to do about her later in the week.  He put it down on the table, watching the two CSI's reactions.  "It will be empty by the time I go home.  Then we will all clean our guns every single weekend.  Are we understood?  If I have to answer another desperate 'I've been shot' call I'm going to be hellishly pissed."  They both shrank away from him.  "Good.  Now, eat!  You're both too skinny."

"Yes, Tony," Speed complained, eating again.

"You're better than my mother at that," Don praised, grinning at him.  "Good job."

"Good. You get to make sure Danny's proficient this year. I'll do Speed's."  That got a nod of agreement and Tony got back to eating, thinking about the associated traumas he knew caused this problem.  "It'll be fine, guys.  We'll work it out this weekend, but you're still cops and you've still got to be able to use them and use them well to protect yourselves.  I don't think I could handle you two dying again."  He stuffed his mouth and looked at them.  Danny nodded and went back to eating, Speed staring at his plate.

"Again?" Don asked. "I knew about Speed, but Danny almost or did die?"

"Twice.  Sonny's fault," Tony said firmly.  "Too bad he's dead."

"We gave him pain, misfortune, and misery before he died," Danny offered.

"Doesn't mean I don't regret not getting to torture him over you."

"Point."  He ducked his head and finished his dinner.  This was the nice part about having old friends like Tony and Speed.  They knew about this stuff and only held it over his head when necessary.  "So, Don, thinking about joining some of your new friends in faith?"

"Messer, remember, they can bring you back," Don shot back, glaring at him. "No one's touched me that way yet, won't be starting today."

"Pity, you are well built, Don," Tony offered with a lecherous grin.  "Anytime you're ready, just ask."

"Yeah, sure.  Maybe after a bad game or something."  That got a grin from Speed.  "You too?"

"Once or twice.  Unfortunately I'm the only bottom of the three of us."  He ate a bite.  "Danny won't, he's got trust issues, and Tony's too alpha to bend over and take it."

"I have since then."

"Was blackmail involved?" Danny asked dryly.  "Or your job?"

"My job the first few times, but I have besides then."

"Then you're a stronger guy than I am," Danny assured him happily. "Don't share that."

"I won't, but it's not too bad.  Kinda nice at times."  He finished his dinner.  "Abby just caught me popping in and out.  She was breaking into my place."

"Happy happy joy joy," Speed said sarcastically.

The others laughed.  That was more like Speed's usual self.