Danny strolled in, nodding at the receptionist, smirking at her as he headed back to the locker room. On the way he stopped to get a Mountain Dew and a candy bar, something he hadn't indulged in for quite a while. He nodded at Stella and grunted, walking off eating.
"Was that Danny?" she asked, looking at him. His jeans weren't exactly tight, but they were well fitted. His shirt was less than professional being a t-shirt with the sleeves pushed up, and his manner was...off. Somehow. She got her own snack and went to find Mac. "Did something happen to Danny last night?"
"No, why?" She motioned him out, letting him watch Danny as he came out of the locker room. "Danny?" He looked over at them, eating another bite of the candy bar. "Have a fight with Speed and them?"
"No, why?" He finished his candybar and tossed it in the trash, he had never liked littering. He popped the soda and strolled over, taking a few slower drinks to get used to it again. "Where am I today?" He looked Mac in the eye, just a hint of a sneer coming off as arrogance. "Field, Sheldon, Scotty?" he asked when he didn't get an answer.
"My office," he said, watching how he moved. That was not how Danny usually walked. That over-confident swagger was not his Danny. He mentally slapped himself for that thought, but it was true. He walked in and sat down, looking at him. "Are you sure you're all right? Usually you dress...better. You don't usually go for the cold caffeine hype either."
"I'm good. Why?" He took a larger gulp then tossed the bottle since it was empty. "Two points and not even my sport of choice," he said smugly, smirking at him. "Who you want me with today, Mac?" he asked, that touch of over-confidence coming out again.
"Stella. I want you to work with Stella. I'll let Sheldon help Scotty and I later." He shrugged and went to tell her that. He watched him walk off, knowing something was off, but not what. He called Gibbs and Horatio, putting them together in a conference. "Why does Danny make me want to slap the smug little smirk off his face?" he asked quietly. He listened to Gibbs' complaint about 'Princess Tony' and his breast staring issues today. Then Horatio with his suddenly uber-hip, sulky, pouting Speedle. "Hold on. Stella!" She came in and shut the door. "Pouting Speed, Princess Tony, and Danny acting like you should smack him. Why is that familiar?"
"Them before they met each other? The bond, um, well, showed some of that." She shrugged. "I'm guessing he had a really good night. He's allowed to be cocky and badass now and then, Mac. Even you pull it now and then. It's a guy thing. Besides, Tony is a princess some days. Speed does pout. You guys are worried about nothing." She walked off shaking her head. Danny was working on his wrists. "Sore?"
He shrugged it off and looked up at her. "Nothing I can't handle," he said, his accent a bit thicker at the moment. He gave her that same smirk. "He still fussing with the other bosses?" She nodded. "Pity." He stood up. "We gotta call yet?"
"Not yet." She went to make sure they were listed to be called together, then they went to work on some tests that could be run around the labs for other cases.
Don stopped in the lab doorway, watching Danny as he worked. His stance was wrong, his feet were more spread out than normal. Usually Danny had a pretty firm, feet closer together but casually tense stance. Now he was more 'come get me punk' standing and it was bothering him for some reason. Danny looked back at him and smirked, then got back to work. "We having another dirty case? You don't usually wear jeans, Messer." Or pocket t-shirts, and was that a pack of cigarettes in his front pocket when he turned to look at him? "You took back up the habit?"
"Stress. Happens now and then that I want one."
"I'd let you bum off mine. It's a horrible thing to waste most of pack."
"Maybe I'll let you bum," he said cockily, then turned around to get back to work. He heard Speed and Eric's bantering in the lab about girls again and the music in the background. "That's not what I need ta hear, Speed," he muttered, shutting him out. He shook himself free of his buddies and got back to work, preparing the slide. His phone went off. "Fuck." He answered it. "Messer. Nope, I just got a slide prepped, Stella. Give me ten? Sure." He hung up and pushed up his glasses so he could examine it. He smirked and made a note, then slid the slide and the sample back into the envelope, resealing and signing it. He pulled off his coat and hung it up. "Duty and that shit," he told Flack as he slid past him, smirking hotly at him as he strolled off, all asshole swagger and hype.
Don watched him go, sending him a thought. Tony answered him but something felt off in his answer. He licked his lips and went out to have a smoke while he thought. He had heard all of their memories and this was sparking something off badly.
"What was this? Night of the Living Dead? He dies there, gets up, walks thirty feet, dies again, gets up, goes another thirty feet, then dies again?" Danny demanded, taking pictures.
"Maybe he had a friend who was trying to help him," Stella suggested, glaring at him. "Could've been trying to get him out of the way and get him to help?"
Danny took a whiff of the body and made a face, backing off. "Smells like a brewery." He took more pictures of the body, capturing the very large hole in his chest. "Drunk bein' walked home but he got shot?" he countered. "Maybe he passed out. Someone moved 'im, dropped him outta their way. Another one did it?"
"Could be," she agreed. "You can get some pretty annoying people doing things like that." She got to work doing an impression of the new cement footprint someone had left. The body haulers got there. "You done?"
"Almost." He took a few more pictures, then got down to pluck something off his vic's shirt, putting it into a small envelope. He found another few and bagged them too. Then he sealed it and laid a ruler down beside the mark that looked like a bike tire tread on his shirt, taking pictures of it. He waved them over. "Mark him as we'll gather trace there for Hammerback." They nodded and got to work sliding the bag around the victim's body.
They got him bagged by wiggling him but they moaned when they tried to lift him. "We could use some help," one pleaded.
"Yeah, he's a bit heavy looking," Danny agreed, coming over to heft the top half while they got the feet and middle. Even he had to wince at the weight. "Lardass," he muttered under his breath. The haulers smiled at him and he shrugged. "Personal opinion and all that."
"We see more and more like this," one agreed. They rolled the body off while Danny got to work where the body had been.
"Found grass," he reported, taking a picture of it. "Lawn grass, not sidewalk grass." He picked it up with some tweezers and it went into a separate bag. She got done and came over to help. "You hear about that guy who weighed about half a ton they had ta lift out the other day?"
"I did. He's still in the hospital getting help. The only thing I wonder is if it was a disease, like his thyroid, or if he ate himself that big." She took a picture of something, then looked at him. "That yours?" He looked at the shoeprint, then checked the bottom of his sneaker, shaking his head. "Thank you." She took another picture, just in case, and they got to work cleaning up this scene.
Danny got in to drive, smirking at her. "S'only fair. You drove on the way up." She grimaced but put the samples in the back, gathering the last few things to stow, then she got in to ride back. He drove quickly, more Gibbs-like than not, which made her grab the 'oh shit' bar a few times. He only smirked and kept going. Once they got back he helped her carry stuff inside. Of course, they were stopped by the guy with the gun in the entryway, but that was just his luck. "Yo, fishie, you mind? We gotta put this down so we can process a dead guy." The guy glared at him. "What? You think that gun's gonna make your rep?" He handed the stuff to Stella and moved closer. "Poor little fishie, swimming upstream into shark country." The man started to sweat. "What's wrong, fishie? You nervous? Could be all those guns pointed at you weren't what you expected? But then again, you're not too bright anyway, walking into a police station ta pull a hostage thing." He moved closer. "Put it down, fishie. Before you die," he sneered.
"You can't make me!"
"Yeah, I can." He punched him in the nose, making the guy howl and fall down cradling it. "Put it down!" he ordered. "Now, fishie, or else I'm takin' out your nuts next!" The gun was dropped. "On yer knees, free hand behind your head. The other can keep pinchin' the nose shut so I don't have ta clean up blood." He waved a hand and someone came over to handcuff him. "Get the little goldfish outta my sight. I'm sure someone on the cellblock'll love his tail." He gathered up his half of the packages and walked off with Stella. "DB was Night of the Living Dead, got up and walked, Mac."
Mac stared at him as he slowly put up his weapon. "Danny!" he yelled finally. It took him a moment or two, or possibly four or five, to process that Danny had punched a suspect in the nose while taunting him.
"He's in autopsy searching for trace," someone called back.
Mac stormed down there. "What were you thinking!" he demanded.
"Distract, confine, and get my rocks off while making his life a living hell. Why?" he asked with that same cocky smirk. He saw Mac's hand twitch. "You okay, Mac? You look like you're gonna have a stroke or somethin'. Best place for it really, but you're still pretty red in the face. Maybe you should sit down and do paperwork for a bit." Mac growled and stomped off. He smirked at the ME. "Little fishie was holding them hostage. I walked up, made fun'a him, popped him one in the nose, then they arrested him."
"Please don't taunt the boss into dying today, Danny. I don't need Stella taking over today." Danny shrugged and got back to work. "What did the scene look like?"
"Like he got up, moved thirty feet, died again, did it twice more. Night of the Living Dead." He grinned and got back to work. He was having a lot of fun with this. He sent that story to the others, making Tony burst out swearing at him for being so stupid, sending back yells like 'don't you carry a gun' and things. He told 'em all to shut up and kept going. This was really fun. He could keep going until someone clued Mac in since he was totally clueless. Showed he didn't pay any attention to him anymore, but he could take that blow.
"Messer, I swear ta God!" Flack yelled as he walked in. "What the fuck were you thinking!"
"Distract, confine, and get my rocks off while making his life a living hell." He smirked at him. "It was fun, he didn't get ta shoot anyone, and I don't have ta fill out the forms for drawing my gun! Ease off, Flack. I had it."
"I don't care! You carry a gun for a reason! Cops do not do that shit!"
"Detective," the ME complained mildly. "Please modulate your tone and language."
"No! He popped a perp holding some techs hostage in the nose! I should yell! He was dumb!"
"The little fishie was scared stupid. He got what he deserved and he's alive to be humiliated for the rest'a his life for it," Danny shot back, giving him a faint sneer. "His own fault for walkin' in here with a damn revolver anyway!"
Don looked at him. "I don't like this you," he hissed. "Whatever you're fucking well doing, fucking stop it." He stomped off.
"He's not a happy person. I'll send him a hotdog and a candy bar later." He shrugged and got back to work, making the ME give him a very worried look. "It's Flack, he'll blow off and come back later when he's more reasonable ta try ta chew me a new one again."
"Have you been feeling all right, Danny?" Hammerback asked gently. "Headaches, dizziness? Nausea perhaps? Signs of a concussion?"
Danny grinned but shook his head. "Nope, not been hit in the head in a while. That's Tony. Hard things like his head. A lot. Though I did hear Ducky asked him the same questions earlier." He smirked and bagged another grass sample. "This guy was either in the park or on a lawn before he wandered off. He's covered in grass. What's his back like?"
"I haven't rolled him yet," he admitted, watching him work. "If you want, you can help with that."
"Sure, had ta help lift him," he agreed dryly.
"Are you sure you haven't been hit in the head recently? Did the perp upstairs perhaps try to hit you back?" Danny gave him a cocky smirk and shook his head. "Stella hasn't hit you or anything?"
"No blows ta the head in quite a while, Doc. Last one who hit me was Sheldon and it was a few weeks ago." The doors slammed open and he turned, glaring at the older man standing there. "Chief Hillborne," he sneered. "Can't find anything worthwhile ta do?" He looked at the ME again. "Anytime now, Doc?"
"Let's roll him now. I'll strip him once he's rolled." He moved another table over so they could flip him onto it then shift him back. "Ready, one, two, three, lift," he ordered quietly, taking the top half. Danny grunted but it was accomplished, then they moved him back onto the table. "I'd say you were right about the grass," he offered, getting a comb. "You do the lift off his shirt and I'll do his hair?"
"S'fine," Danny agreed. He glanced at the silent officer that was the pain in his hemorrhoid creme. "You enjoying the dead body smell?" He went to the drawer they kept the spare tape lifts and pulled out a few to lift it off the clothes. Open, press, pat, lift, move to get more.
"You struck a suspect," he said as he came over. "That is a violation, Messer."
"Ya know what? I hurt him less than tacklin' him would've," he noted dryly. "He wasn't in custody at that time so striking him was fine since he was creating a public hazard to everyone's health. Plus I saved five pages of paperwork." He sneered at him again, closing that tape lift by feel. "So blow it out your ass and get outta my face." He took a step back, shocked. "Now. I'm busy. You wanna crucify me, go get Mac on your side." He stomped off, huffing hard. "Puke sucking bastard."
"Not very politically smart," Hammberback warned quietly.
"Not like I'll get any higher anyway," he shot back, staring at him. "You can't tell me they'll let me run the lab some day."
"No maybe about it, Doc. The shooting was enough ta hold me back, so's my name. Never was an option in this city." He opened the next one and got to work.
"Then why did you stay?"
"I love this city," he said quietly. "I grew up here, I went ta school here, I did way too much shit in this city to leave it for a petty thing like my name." They shared a look. "I considered it," he admitted honestly. "Still do on the bad days. Probably won't happen. The only places I'd work don't have an opening." He got back to work, concentrating on what he was doing. He saw a bulge in his pocket and pulled it out, looking at the papers. "Huh. Menus. Sports bars." He put that into a bag as well. One more tape lift got the rest of the grass and the combings from his hair were sealed as well. "You wanna cut it off or strip him?"
"Stripping is the preferred method." He got to work stripping him with Danny's help holding body parts. Even he had to flinch away from the very nasty underwear. "I believe he had bowel problems."
"Either that or he shit himself while drunk," Danny said in disgust. "Eww. I've seen nasty shit, but that's foul. Is that a worm?" The ME nodded so he walked off shaking his head, taking the samples with him. "Have fun, Doc, let me or Stella know please." He went to see if he could figure out what sort of grass it was. It could lead to a primary crime scene, or at least where he had been. He heard it when Horatio got it. By the time he was done seeing if they had all the same sort of grass, Gibbs had it. Mac was still ignoring it.
Don, however, had come back and was glaring at him. "You could've died," he said at the mental shove from Danny to go away. "He could've shot you for makin' fun of him. You could've died."
Danny turned to look at him. "His safety was still on."
"You sure? You're not that good with guns, Danny. Mac said it wasn't."
"Looked like it to me. Besides, less paperwork, no need ta see IAB about drawing my gun or havin' ta shoot him. It was gentler than he'd have gotten if someone had tackled him, he wasn't in custody." The printer spit out a report so he walked over to get it. "He's not permanently injured. Feel lucky I only got him that hard that once. I could've done something harder."
Don walked further in, then walked back and closed the door before coming back, standing directly in front of him. "I don't like this you," he said quietly. "I get the point of the exercise. Stella figured it out earlier. I liked the semi-happy guy you were before and the really happy guy you've been since you got 'em back in your life. I want my Danny back, not this thug, little punk bitch you've become suddenly. Should I get you a baseball too, Danny?" he asked at the amused look.
"Could get me a broom. I did play both sports."
"Fine." He stepped just an inch closer, basically shifting his weight. "I know it sucks. I know Mac chewed you a new one. I was there and got my ass chewed too, but fuck if this isn't going too far and screwing with my head too." Danny stared into his eyes. "I want the normal Danny back. The nice guy I can shoot hoops with."
"We can shoot hoops tonight. Dinner's not until nine since Speed's got swing today."
"Should I ask if I can come?"
Danny smirked at him. "Ya know what? I'd answer that but I wasn't quite at that point at this age. The others were but was just starting out." Don smirked back. "But yeah, you can come. Anytime you want." Don snorted and shook his head, looking down. "I know what you mean but I've gotta prove the point, Don."
"He'll never get it, Danny. Never. Stella *told* him and he didn't get it." He clapped him on the arm. "Act out there. Not in here." He walked out, going to check on his last case's test results.
Danny smirked as he got back to comparing the reference samples to the map of what was planted where in the city. He came up with three possible areas and frowned. One was pretty big, a whole neighborhood had planted the same grass as part of their homeowner's association rules. "Damn," he muttered, trying to narrow it down by length. He mentally crossed off the association but checked where the menus had come from. It was out that way. The grass was too long for most lawns. So maybe someone was breaking the rules by not cutting often enough? He heard someone come in and sneered at Hillborne again. "What?"
"What are you doing?"
"Trying to figure out where my vic was before he died. That way we can figure out what happened," he said, clearly talking down to him. "See, he had *grass* on him. Lawn grass, not sidewalk grass. That means he was near a lawn or a few select gardens in the city." He got back to work, seeing if he could search by length. He stared at the computer for a minute. "The reason I punched him was so I wouldn't have ta talk to you ever again, Hillborne, get the clue and scram." He hit himself on the head, looking up the number for City Maintenance. "Hey, this is Detective Messer, CSI. Need ta know when a few gardens had last been cut, and about how long their grass would be. Yeah, I know but I've narrowed it down. Um, Centennial? Yeah that one." He made a note of that on the report from the printer. "Okay, Sheba?" He nodded and wrote that note. "Every week? Thanks." He looked at the screen. "Any idea about the Homeowners Associations out toward Astoria? Yeah, that one." He smirked and wrote that note down as well. "Thanks, man. Means a lot ta me." He hung up. "Ha!" He took his report and his notes with him, along with a tapelift sheet. "Stella!" he bellowed. She came out of her lab, meeting him in the hallway. "Lardass there was probably by this area," he said, showing her the report. "With as long as this grass is, and their last cutting dates, those two parks couldn't have grass this long and that's the only places noted in the city that used it."
"You called him what?" she asked.
"Danny, not very respectful," she said firmly, glaring at him, lips pressed tightly together.
"Sorry! He was, but okay. Our obese victim that Hammerback had ta ask for help ta move was probably in this estate area somewhere. The menus came from nearby, on this street," he said, pointing at the note. "The Maintenance guys said they're always behind on cutting their grass and there's a few empty lots out that way. Lots of higher grass. Therefore our portly gentleman body was probably out there. We should go look."
"So I take it you don't have an ID yet?" Mac asked as he walked up to them. "Let's try to use a better phrase than rotund, Danny."
"Mac, the guy weighs at least twice what I do," he said dryly. "Hammerback couldn't even roll him. It took three of us ta lift him onto the gurney at the scene. Besides, I didn't use rotund."
"Then the proper term is obese or overweight," he said calmly. "Not rotund or anything else."
"I still didn't use rotund but fine, our obese victim, which I used earlier," he said, shooting him a look, "had five menus in his back pocket, all for sports bars in the same area. Since he smelled like a brewery and had a major accident long before death occurred, it's fairly safe ta assume he was at one of them earlier in the evening until he left since Hammerback said time of death was probably about five this morning. How people walked over him for four hours I'm not sure, but they did."
"That would explain the 'getting up and moving' marks," Stella pointed out. "Like we said earlier, drunk friend. The blood at each drop point was less. Dropping the body down would make more blood come out."
Danny nodded. "Also, saw marks on his arm. Got pictures of it. Looked like a dog bite."
"So maybe one of our feral strays decided he was dinner for a week," Stella agreed. Mac gave her a dirty look. "The victim weighed at least one-eighty over me, Mac. When they had trouble earlier, I couldn't even risk trying without throwing my back out."
Danny called down to the morgue. "How much did he weigh?" He smirked at her. "Industrial scale said he weighed 398, 394 the second time to make sure it was correct."
"Yeah, then well over double me," she agreed. Mac gave her a look. "He was."
"Mac, he's gonna have ta sit in cold storage. He won't fit in the drawers," Danny assured him. He walked into fingerprints. "Got an ID on our vic this morning?"
"Which one?" the tech asked.
"Oh, yeah, the fatass." She found it and handed it over. "Immigration." He looked a bit stunned. "He was a Brit. Maybe he's the source of the Dursleys in that book."
"Maybe," he agreed, looking at the name. "Huh. Thanks." He walked out, going to hand it to Stella while he pulled out his cell. "Yo, Alex, me," he said walking off for privacy. "Need you to come ID a body. Big, fat guy. No, younger fat guy I think. Yeah, by that name by the records. Thanks. Please. Here at work, man. Need a location? That's fine." He hung up and walked back to where Stella was. "I called Alex to ID him."
"Thanks. He was still shot."
"He was probably going off on someone." He shrugged. "If he is who I think he is, he was probably going off on someone. We should ask around that neighborhood and see if we can get their records from INS to get an address."
"I'll pull up driver's licences under that name," she offered, going to do that.
Danny walked outside, going to light up and have one. He leaned against the side of the building, taking long, slow drags off his cigarette. Harry appeared and looked up at him, grimacing. "You okay, kid?"
"No. They left the country because of the books. Alex had someone at the bank watch them for him." He moved closer. "That's a nasty habit."
"Yeah, well, it's calming." He shrugged. He put it out and blew out his last one, coughing just a bit. "C'mon, we'll head inside." Harry nodded, following him in. "Were we cleaning the caverns? You're all dirty."
"Actually, he caught me rolling around beating the shit outta Ron again," he said dryly, smiling at Stella, pausing to give her a hug. "From the redheaded blight."
"What did Ron do this time?" she teased, stroking a spot of dirt off his cheek.
"Being Ron when he hasn't had sex in weeks." He shrugged. "He turned into Draco without the pureblood insults again."
"Ah. Sneak Dawn out."
"Can't. She's on full suspension at the moment. One of the girls teasingly sent an imp at her and she went off on her. She went screaming for her life to her mother, who's in Mysteries, who went to Philip, who ended up suspending both girls for two weeks. Fortunately Dawn's ahead." He shrugged and headed off with Danny. "The rest of them alive?"
"We're not sure yet."
"Thanks." He followed Danny down there. "Think I could pop in on Abby?"
"Yeah, but don't go smelling like cigarettes unless you can explain it was me." He opened the door and the ME looked up. "Relative of the big one."
"Ah. Welcome to my morgue. I'm sorry."
"I'm not," Harry told him. "If it's him, he made my life a living hell until I got rescued from his house." He shrugged and walked over, looking at the face. "Yup, that Dudley. Pity. How'd he die?"
"It took three bullets but he died by gunshot wound to the chest." Harry looked at him. "The first two didn't hit vital areas."
"Couldn't sink in past all the fat?" The ME nodded. "Figures. Oh, well. Yup, that's him, Danny."
"Anyone else who'd want ta kill him?" Danny asked.
"Anyone who talked with him probably. He might've found a girl but I doubt it." He shrugged. "With my uncle's penchant for pissing off everyone not him, it could've been anyone. He hated everyone. The only good people in his book were middle class or better traditional white families." He shrugged slowly. "Have fun with that."
"Thanks. Got an address on them?" Harry pulled out the file folder and handed it over. "Alex?"
"The bank was still watching them. Probably still is."
"Hmm. Thanks, Harry."
"That was updated as of when Alex called. They sent it over." He waved a hand. "Lead me back out so I can pop around to see Abby?"
"Of course." He grinned as he walked him out. "So what did Ron do?"
"Used that ice charm on my balls while I was flying. Anything that makes Draco cackle that way is a bad thing in my book. So I had him down and was rearranging his intestines when Alex came out and took my heavy arse off him." He held open the door. "You doing okay? You look a bit...different today." Danny just smirked. "Ah, it's a day like that. Gotcha." He felt his tattoo go off and sighed. "Alex is calling me home. Damn it."
"Call her later tonight, Harry. See if you can pop around for coffee and a date this weekend if you're not busy." Harry beamed. "Think walk in the park or something sweet." Harry blushed a bit but nodded. "Then figure out how to get a computer to work so you can email her." He clapped him on the back and pointed at the door. "Go have fun with Alex. Tell him I said hi."
"Sure." He headed off, going to find a dark corner to apparate from. He found Don out there. "What is it with you guys and vile habits?" he teased. "First Danny and now you."
"Dudley. Pity but he probably pissed off half the world." He shrugged and grabbed his arm. "Alex is not a happy camper. The girl who was tormenting Dawn just pulled a major demon into the school and it's trying to eat Philip. Gotta go." He looked around and started the camp moving spell since it'd get him past Hogwart's wards.
Don shook his head, looking at Danny as he came out with the file. "What's that?"
"The bank was watching them for Alex." He found the entry for last night, then called Stella. "I'm outside, the bank was watchin' 'em for Alex. It was Dudley." He hung up and went back to reading. "Last reported sighting was eleven, he went into one of the sports bars he had the menu for. They said there was a big soccer match on late last night."
"Makes sense. That's their sport over there."
"True." Danny looked at him. "Gives us a place ta start anyway." Stella came over. "He went to one of the bars last night, they think it was the soccer match." He handed it over, his thumb marking the spot until she could take it. He pulled out one of his own and lit it. Don took his pack and slid it into his pocket. "Hey!"
"Not like you' ll use it, Messer. It's only fair, you owe me ten bucks for lunch anyway." He grinned. "Wish I had caught this one with you. Instead I got stripper with painted on naughty words that made Monroe frown at their crudity."
"She refused someone's special job?"
"Appears so." He finished his cigarette and put it out. "Have fun with that."
"Wonderful fun," Danny agreed dryly. "You too. Gonna have ta do after hours research?"
"If I do, I'll call," he promised with a smirk, heading inside. "Monroe!" She came out of the labs. "We were gonna go interview her boss? It's nearly time."
"Let me finish this last test." She went back into her lab shaking her head. She'd kill to change cases with Danny at the moment.
Danny looked at Stella. "Remember, they shouldn't remember their nephew."
"Gives us a point to start," she agreed, finishing the file. "You nearly done polluting the air more?" He finished his cigarette and stamped it out, then headed inside for his jacket and soda. She looked at it, then at him. "Having heard Speed and Tony earlier," she started dryly. He smirked at her and sipped it. "You having fun?" He nodded. "Fine. It had better not keep going." He jingled the keys. "I'm driving."
"We're heading uptown."
"Never mind, you drive." She walked after him, taking both files with her.
Danny called Alex on the way back. "Memory charm on 'em broke with the book," he reported to his voicemail. "Petunia's sobbing heavily that her Dudders was killed by a horrible immigrant of some sort. New York's dirty and filled with filthy people who don't bathe and eat their own shit for dinner. Pointed out to her she was one of them, she stomped off. Her husband's not much better. Call me later tonight." He hung up. "Voicemail. Must still be dealing with the demon."
"Joy." She finished making her notes. "I'd almost like to switch cases with Monroe at the moment."
"She probably feels the same." He looked at her. "You think he's still confused?"
"Yeah, I know he's still confused." Danny smirked. "Please don't amp it up?"
"Tough." He parked and got out, heading to get another candybar.
"Oh, no!" Flack yelled. "No more chocolate, you little bastard!" He walked over and took the candybar from Danny's hand. "No! I'm not letting you be that distracting!" He walked off eating it.
Danny waited until he was gone and got another one. He ate it on the way back to his lab, finding Mac in there. "Hey." He finished it and tossed the wrapper, then cleaned off his hands before coming over. "Looks like our morbidly obese person was the sort ta piss off everyone. He went out for a soccer match last night. That started at midnight, would've ended around two or three. Could've been anyone in the bar with him. They're not exactly a tolerant family."
"Was the son the same way?"
"Stopped in at the bar, he was talking about the 'wop' on one team being the reason they couldn't score."
"Good. The bartender say anything else?"
"Yeah, he kicked him out for shittin' himself. So probably one of the other guys at the bar." Mac nodded at that. "Doc told Harry that it took three shots, two didn't get far enough into his lard. And yes, I'm talking lard in this case. His tit's are bigger'n Stella's, Mac."
"It's still not respectful."
"Not like I'd have respected him in life. Told the family someone already ID'd him. Charm came off thanks to the books." Mac grimaced. "Harry was down until something tried to eat Philip." He shrugged and laid out the evidence. "Not much ta go on, most of the clients were immigrants who came for the soccer match. He made a list for Stella and we'll be gathering them tomorrow once all the other stuff is done. She went ta check on Monroe's case with her since she'd probably end up in the strip club for a bit."
"Lindsey can handle that."
"She'd be handing out cards for the place that helps hookers, Mac. We both know that. Probably pissed most of 'em off by now. She has some problems with women cases like that."
"She can handle it."
"No, he's right, I'd hand out the cards," Lindsey agreed from the doorway. "They refused to talk to me, Mac. Can I do a case change with Stella? Give me a bigot being shot any day over strippers. Please."
"We don't pick the victims," Mac said firmly.
"Yeah, well, all I can see is a lot of strippers are also hookers."
"Stereotyping," Danny said firmly. "Not all. Some. A good minority. More of 'em are druggies than pros."
"Yeah, I saw a few of those. This wasn't the most high class spot." She walked in. "The girl on the stage was glassy eyed and even Flack didn't look for more than a second. I'm sorry, Mac, but I'm having real trouble with this one. I can handle rape cases. I can handle kid cases. I can't handle stripper and hooker cases. I just can't."
Danny shrugged a bit. "Welcome to New York, Monroe. We've got the world's biggest legal and illegal sex trade. Some places it's legal and nearly anything goes, here it's about what you find in the darker alleys." He smirked just a bit. "Hell, I had a case with a necrophile a few years back." She turned green. "Had the guys who ate the shit ta get hard. Had the guys who wouldn't give up their fisting while I was interviewing them about the OD in the next room." She ran out, hand over her mouth. "She'll get tougher."
"She'll have to. No case switching." He walked off, going to check on her. He found Stella coming out of the bathroom. "Danny got a bit graphic about some of the cases he's worked on."
"Yeah, I remember that fisting case," she admitted. "They wouldn't let me in to work the body. Said they'd let any male officer in but a female wasn't allowed. Did you have fun with that?"
"No." He walked off shaking his head.
She smirked and went in to talk to Lindsey. "Trade ya?"
"Mac said no," Danny called as he walked past the door. "She need a sprite?"
"Please!" Stella called back. "The fisting case was at a hardcore club. They wouldn't even let me in to work the body. Said any male could go, but not me. Mac and Danny got it since they were trying to be helpful and reasonable, just not allow me in. It was pretty gross. Sheldon was the ME then and he said he'd never seen someone that wide." Lindsey got sick again. "Or with that sort of marking on his back." Another retch. Danny tapped then handed in a soda. "Thanks." She took it and he walked off, drinking another soda.
"Messer!" Flack yelled. "Enough with the Mountain Dew!"
"Oh, bite me!" he yelled back. "Right here!"
Stella could only imagine that had come with a butt slap and it made her grin. Danny was getting a bit too hyped on chocolate and caffeine today. He'd be horrible later. She sent that message to Speed, who moaned, but said to endure. She pointed out Mac would never realize it. He said he'd work to have him clued in.
Mac came out of his office at that undignified bit of shouting, glaring at both of them. "Flack, Messer, my office!" They walked that way, Danny having his soda stolen and thrown out. He followed, glaring at their backs. He slammed his door, walking around to face them. "This is not a playground! You do not say things like that! You don't yell like that, Flack. That's the second time today!"
"I noticed." He glared at Danny. "I don't know what the hell is going on...."
"You wanted what?" he asked calmly. Mac gave him a horrified look. "Wish granted, Mac. Very granted." He smirked and strolled off. "Flack, Monroe wants ta trade. She's getting sick."
"Eww." He shook his head. "I'd accept it being changed around." He looked at Mac. "You said you wanted the Danny from before, how do you like what you got?" He walked out.
Mac stared at the walls, then went to find Danny. "Danny." He closed the lab door.
"Don't you dare."
"Fine." Mac left it cracked open a bit so no new rumors about Danny being fired would start. "Better?" Danny nodded. "I didn't want this you. I wanted the you who was steady and dependable. The one from before you three got so heavily back together. The one I could call at three in the morning and you'd be there."
Danny looked at him. "What crack were you smoking when you thought that?" Mac looked stunned. "Ya know, for the most part, I've got the most stable, changeless *outward* personality of any of us. Tony was always a princess and a prankster but he toned it down a lot. Speed was always broody and hip, on the tip of all the new stuff, but he changed a lot in college. I really didn't. Yeah, I was more playful, but I didn't really change that way." Now his personality core, the base of who he was really, that had changed but not the outward stuff he showed to the rest of the world.
"You have, Danny, and today's been a strain." He moved closer. "You took off without warning."
"Sorry. We were underground. I wasn't even aware of what time it was when we got finished in the old shopping area. And hey, no crazed people trying to make things take over the world today."
"Fine. I can see that point. Fortunately Horatio is very good at communication charms."
"He's pretty good in all charms actually," Danny noted. "Tops in his class." He smirked at him. "It was necessary. Besides, not like I've had a day off."
"Aren't exactly time off, Mac. For any of us." His face fell and he nodded. "Now, you can either accept me as I am, which means happy and finally supported by people who like me, or don't. They are the support I need if you want me ta stay here. If not, I'll pack up and move to Horatio's country."
"No, I want you to stay. I need you here."
"Could've fooled me."
"No. You wanted me to be the same guy and I'm not. Congratulate me, I'm not miserable." Mac stared at him. "It's good ta have someone who's got my back. Flack had it but even he's got his boundaries. Tony took on Sonny for me more than a few times. Had fun doin' it too. We'd go through hell for each other, Mac, and I'm happy I finally got 'em back full time in my life. I needed that. They were right, I needed them to be closer. Now, you can either accept a happy me or not."
"I'd rather have you happy instead of miserable, but some of the issues recently have got to stop, Danny. Your temper's picked up."
"No it hasn't."
"You hit that suspect today. You nearly hit one the other day."
"You nearly hit him the other day," he shot back.
"I did," he agreed, thinking about it. "Today it was letting it out, and it was a better plan than really hurting him or shooting him. You've shown a lot more willingness to have a life outside the lab as well."
"I consider that a good thing. I've finally got a reason ta go home that's not some transitory girlfriend who I won't remember in a month."
"Which is also good for you." He looked at him. "You're right. Your work has been excellent but you haven't had a day off to just enjoy things and relax. Alex's is relaxing but not that much for you. You're basically working two jobs every weekend. We all are." He nodded. "You still should've told me before you went down there."
"It was two or three in the morning."
"Leave a voicemail."
"You keep your phone on. No way was I gonna wake you up for that."
"Call the office voicemail, Danny. I do check it every morning when I come in." Danny nodded that he could do that. "Now, are you calm enough to work a case? You've had four Mountain Dews and three candy bars. I don't want you bouncing."
"I'm good and it's nearly time for me ta split anyway."
Stella leaned in. "Are we making you tired of life?"
"No. Just needed a day off now and then."
"I understand. So do I. By the way, Mac, it's tomorrow, I'm going to the spa. Call me and die." He smiled at that. "Seriously."
"Yes, Stella. I'll remember that. Lindsey all right?"
"No, still puking. Flack got a call saying the girl was part of the twenty percent who sell it after work and sometimes during, and that she had been working in a sex club. She didn't get to hear what sort before she ran off again." She walked in. "I'll gladly let her deal with the Dursleys. They pissed the hell outta me." He nodded at that. "I can handle strippers."
"Fine, you two switch with her. Danny, no scaring the strippers."
"Why would I? I appreciate strippers very much. I'm hopin' some day Stella's gotta dress like one so I can get a peek."
"Fat chance," she shot back. She smirked at him. "Pervert."
"Like I'm the only one," he snorted.
"No, not hardly." Flack tapped and walked in, taking Danny's newest soda to drink. "Problems?"
"Dursleys are here. Hammberback said the vic was already ID'd by family. He went off on Harry. I calmly put them into a room and said that yes, some of us were in real jobs, and that yes, one of them in the station had called him since they knew him. He pegged you and demanded you get taken off the case. Mac, he's down in interrogation three with the sound turned off and jammed."
"Thank you." He headed that way, mentally sighing. Sometimes he did create the worst problems with himself. This thing with Danny was all his fault. He wasn't sure why he was causing them either. He never had staff problems like this in the Marines. He opened the door and walked in. "I'm Detective Mac Taylor, I run this lab," he announced, closing the door. "You have a problem with the investigator assigned to your son's case?"
"I want him removed!" the mother said shrilly.
"Him? Detective Messer?"
"Yes! I've heard of him! That other one is clearly not our sort! I will not have someone like *them*," she sneered, "anywhere near my son's case. They'd cover up for their sort. One's like that mutant brat we were forced to put up with and the other's clearly of *immigrant* stock."
He looked at them. "No, he won't, and what makes you so sure it wasn't in retaliation for your family's violent viewpoints toward your nephew?" They both backed away from him. "I was briefed. It's a supervisor's job to know these things about their people." Which he realized he didn't know about Danny. He didn't know him half as well as he did Lindsey or Stella, or even Sheldon. "He's been assigned because he was free for a new case when your son was discovered, and upon finding out who he was, he did make sure nothing of that sort had happened to him. He has, however, discussed handing it to another CSI since your viewpoints are so violent and it's not the department's policy to force someone to work on a case where their lives would be in danger from the witnesses. Like I wouldn't send an African-American officer into a Klan meeting, I won't send him directly to a case like this."
They both looked horrified. "As your viewpoints do count on that level, I do have another open CSI since this does appear to be a case where your son was shot for his viewpoint on other races." He called up there. "Sheldon, bring Lindsey to three. I'm doing a case switch." He hung up. "They'll be right here. Give me a minute to brief them." He walked out, closing the door behind himself. Sheldon and Lindsey came down. "Danny's case has a very ...opinionated family's son, Sheldon, and it may make you uncomfortable." They shared a look. "Extremely uncomfortable. They demanded Danny and Stella be removed for not being their sort."
"I've had worse." He took the folder and looked it over, then nodded. "I saw him. I had to help Hammerback move him." He walked in, looking at them. "I'm Detective Hawkes, CSI and ME." They looked stunned at that. He stared them down. "Your son's case is now my case. Now, let's talk about what he would've said at the bar last night." He sat down and pointed. "If you would."
"You're...." the father started.
He looked at him. "A Harvard graduate, yes. A doctor. I chose to go into the field. I've got one of the best solve rates in this borough. Do you want to find your son's killer? I can do that. Monroe?" She came in. "This is Detective Monroe. She's my partner on this case."
The mother looked at her. "You have children I'm sure."
She shook her head. "No I don't. I don't need children while I'm working in the field. It's dangerous to them." She picked up the folder. "The detectives from earlier said your son was at a sports bar, watching a soccer game. Which teams would've been playing, do you know?" They both shook their heads. "Hmm." She flipped a page. "The bartender didn't say either. When questioned the bartender did say that the game's discussion had gotten heated a few times when your son made some indelicate comments about some players' nationalities." She looked at them. "Do we know which ones? Or even which nationalities?" They both looked stunned. "It works faster and easier if you cooperate with us," she pointed out.
"You're qualified?" Mrs. Dursley said.
Monroe nodded. "I'm fully qualified and have solved quite a few murders in my time. I'm up to about thirty this year alone." They sat down and she looked at Sheldon. Then at them. "Now, let's get down to this. Was your son dating?" They shook their heads. "All right." She sat down to make notes.
"Was he routinely found at any other sports bars?" Sheldon asked. The father sneered at him. "You get me or you don't get anyone," he told him honestly. "You've already pissed off Taylor. That's your quota for life." He snorted. "Your choice. We can dig into yours and your son's past to find everything we need. We can find every single person he'd ever slept with, had a beer with, had a civil and uncivil conversation with, about his three arrests for being a bigoted Klan member, all that. Not a problem on our end. It's usually less biased and friendly than the parent's view."
"He had his eye on a little girl who lived on our block," the father said stiffly. "From a good family."
"Name?" he asked, tapping his pen a few times.
"Sissy," Petunia told him calmly. She looked at her husband. "He said he went to Harvard. That's the American equivalent of Oxford or Cambridge, dear." He unstiffened some. "He must have some intelligence." He looked at her. She shivered and wrung her handkerchief some more. "I'm not so sure it wasn't those violent little fairies up the street. One of them was always laughing at my son."
Sheldon pulled out the other folder he had been given by Danny. "Someone was watching your family for your nephew." He flipped to it. "Yes, I see he pissed them off a few times by sneering at them and they shot back about his weight. I'll ask but this report says they were out of town for the last week." He closed it and put it under his pad, looking at them. "No, I'm not one of them." They quit sneering half as much. "It doesn't list any contact with any neighbors recently, only that he went out for the soccer match last night. He doesn't support a particular team that would keep him out that late?"
"He's doing computer work," his mother told him. "Plus going to school. He's got very odd hours at the moment."
"What sort of computer work? Was he a hacker?" Lindsey asked.
"No son of mine would ever do anything like that," Vernon said firmly.
"Just asking, sir. It could become relevant." She looked at Sheldon then at them. "All right, so he went to the pub down on Thirtieth." They looked stunned. "Not his usual hangout? It had a well-used menu in his back pocket."
"No," his mother said weakly. "The wrong sort went there all the time. Our poor son was ill," she told him. "He'd recently lost a lot of weight. Nearly eighty pounds."
"During the autopsy, we did find out that he had a rather pernicious case of intestinal parasites," Sheldon admitted. "The ME who performed it thought it had been going on for a few months." She burst out crying. He looked at the father. "That wasn't his usual hangout?"
"No, the wrong sort go there. We'd never have agreed to let him go if we had known. Sully's isn't our sort of place."
"I see. He also had menus for three other places," Lindsey said putting the list in front of him. "That's a list of your son's pocket contents. Does anything look out of place?"
He looked then slowly shook his head. "He shouldn't have been at any of those places." He looked at her. "They were well worn?"
"Folded and refolded by the wear on the edges," she agreed.
"Oh." He looked at his wife. "Maybe he was defying us?"
"He must have been," she agreed, wiping off her cheeks. "He wasn't a bad boy. He never was. No matter how those horrible books lied!"
"Books?" Lindsey asked.
"We're the family they based those horrible Potter books on," he sneered.
"Oh, I see." She nodded once and let it drop. Sheldon made another note and she looked in her folder again. "All right. He was wearing this outfit," she said, showing the front view picture of him. "He had also had a large quantity to drink by the blood work."
"Our son didn't drink."
"His blood alcohol was .28," Lindsey told them. "Legal limit is .05 for driving. He was fairly well drunk. That's bordering on ill sort of drunk, sir. The blood work doesn't lie."
"Before you ask, his weight wouldn't have done anything but raised his tolerance before being drunk," Sheldon told them. "At his death weight of 394, he could have roughly consumed double what Monroe or I could have to get to that point. You said your son wasn't a heavy drinker?" They shook their heads. "How often did he go out for soccer matches?"
"Now and then, when he got homesick," Petunia said quietly. She looked at the outfit. "He went out wearing a windbreaker."
Lindsey frowned and looked at her report. "It was left at the bar. We picked it up as evidence from there so it'll be with his personal effects once we've solved the case," she assured them. That got a nod.
"Our son will have high priority?" Vernon ordered coolly.
"All victims are high priority, no matter where they came from," Lindsey told him. "Everyone's case gets treated the same way. The evidence is looked at and a killer is found if at all possible. No one gets special or diminished treatment in this lab, no matter who they are." He opened his mouth. "No one. Not the mayor's daughter, not the President's daughter if she died. In death, we're all equal." He closed his mouth with an audible snap of his teeth meeting. Someone tapped on the door. "Occupied!" Mac stepped in. "It looks like it would've happened after the bar. Probably someone he got into an argument with."
"Good. The bartender said a few more patrons from last night have shown up and this result just came back," he said, handing over the sheet. "Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, would you like to be driven home? I can have an officer take you when they're done with their questions."
"Our son will have a higher priority than some junkie on the street, correct?" Petunia demanded.
"Everyone is equal in our eyes, Mrs. Dursley. They've got families as well, and they usually want answers too. We'll work your son's case with as much compassion and dignity as we can, and as fast as we can, but we don't prioritize cases except by length of time." She slumped. "We're all equal in death." He looked at Sheldon. "Danny said he needed that one back." That file was handed over. "Thank you." He looked at them. "Should I contact any further members of your family for questioning? Was he close to any of them?"
"No, we don't associate with the other members of her family," Vernon said firmly. "When can we have his body?"
"Usually we release bodies about four days after autopsy, that way we have time to get back all the test results and to make sure there's no additional tests we need to perform," Sheldon told him. That got a stiff nod. "I do have the number for the local grief counseling center if you want it," he said more gently. "They can help you make arrangements."
"No, thank you." He stood up. "Are we done? I'd like to take my wife home."
"Of course. Can we reach you at home or were you going to take your son home for burial? In case we have any other questions about his usual habits?" Lindsey asked quietly.
"We'll be taking him home, but it'll only be a short trip. I would hope it didn't take that long to find whoever did it," Petunia said, shaking her hand. Then hesitantly shaking Sheldon's. "Thank you." She walked out, her husband right behind her. She waited until she was out of sight before wiping her hand off.
Mac looked at Sheldon. "Sorry."
"Not a problem. I've seen worse at school." He stood up and closed his notes, looking at Lindsey. "Want to hit the bar?"
"Please. Then can we hit a real bar?" He nodded, walking out with them. "I can see how they got the portrayals for that book. I've heard others saying things about it."
"You didn't read them? They're fairly interesting, even for someone my age."
She shook her head. "Not my thing. I don't read fantasy. I'm a bit too realistic."
He looked at her. "So you couldn't work the stripper case?"
She shook her head. "I can't get my mind around it. Then Danny had to give me the horrible mental image of a fisting case."
"Yeah, I did ME duties on that one. It was the widest I'd ever seen anyone opened up." She turned green. "Sorry."
"Just don't, and drive slowly?"
"Of course." He smiled at her. "Get a soda and some crackers. Doctor's orders." She nodded, diverging to do that. He ran into Flack outside. "Harry grew up a lot better than those people," he said quietly. Flack nodded, he had heard who it was. "Should you warn Alex about the funeral? They're going to bury him over there."
"Already called and left a message since I was listening. They're still dealing with the thing trying to eat the school." He looked at Monroe. "Sorry we made you sick."
"Not your fault. I've got a sensitive mind about some things. Strippers are one of them." She swallowed her soda. "What're you doing tonight?"
"Going with Danny to question some of the other dancers before dinner."
"You can eat after that?"
"Yeah, his buddy Speed cooks really well." He grinned. "I don't ever miss it when Speed cooks." She smiled at that. "Have fun, really."
"Thanks. Violent bigots are just my thing." She walked off, following Sheldon. "Are you sure you're all right?"
"I've seen worse people. One of the guys I went to medical school with was a true Klan member. He switched to the Aryan Nation movement since the Klan was going soft, his words. He ended up being expelled for trying to get some of the non-white people in the class expelled by lying about us cheating and things. We were getting ready to lynch him, we thought it appropriate." She grimaced. "I've seen worse than them. Anything they can dish out, I can point at my Harvard degree and then point out that their son is doing secretarial typing from home." He smirked as he opened the door. "Danny found out."
"Who was having them watched?" she asked as she got in.
"They've got a relative who's in the artifact recovery business. Some of his associates are looking them over for him to make sure they don't cause him any trouble. It's going through the bank he usually works with."
"Any chance it was him?"
"Nope. Alex isn't violent like that."
"Danny, Stella, and Flack's friend Alex?" He nodded. "Oh. Interesting. Small world."
"Like Mac says, everything is connected." He started the car and took off, heading for the sports bar.
Danny landed in Speed's living room, looking toward the kitchen. "I told Don he could come, that all right?" he called.
"Sure, how much longer is he going to be?" Tony called.
"Ten minutes. He had to change clothes." He walked that way, watching the two cooking- capable members of his crew work. "Who tipped Mac off?" he asked.
"Horatio." Tony smirked at him. "I'm suing my agency unless someone applies a muzzle to my director."
"Congratulations. The jealous bitch deserves it," Speed assured him happily. Tony smirked at him. Don landed and came in to give them all hugs. "Good day?"
"Strippers. Bad strippers, but still strippers."
"Yeah, get this, Stella and I caught Dudley Dursley's body." They gave him stereo stares of disbelief. He grinned and nodded. "Somehow they twigged Stella and demanded it be reassigned. Sheldon and Monroe got it so we got the dead stripper case instead."
Danny smirked and shook his head. "Pissed off the wrong sort at the bar after a soccer match on tv." Speed groaned and rolled his eyes, getting back to his stir frying noodles. "Harry identified him and they went off on that, that's when they demanded to have it reassigned. Mac was not a happy camper. Sheldon told them they had already used up their quota of pissing off Mac for their lifetimes."
"How big was he?" Tony asked. "I know the books hinted at them being enormous."
"394," Flack told him.
"Nearly killed my back helping the ME move him," Danny agreed.
"Man, and I thought the Marine we had with the suddenly crappy thyroid who died while trying to control his weight was bad," Tony complained. Danny nodded at that, grinning. "Is Sheldon okay with that assignment?"
"Yeah," Flack agreed with a grin. "They gave him odd looks so he said he was a CSI and an ME. Said he graduated from Harvard. His wife pointed out that was like Oxford where they came from. She even deigned to shake his hand."
"Plus I got to make Monroe puke with some of the sex-related cases we had," Danny said proudly.
Tony's phone rang and he groaned. "DiNozzo," he answered. "It'll take me a few, Boss, I'm with Speed, but what's up?" He listened. "Sure. Be right there." He hung up. "What is it with stripper cases? They had one when shift was about to end, I've got a dead cadet doing an open pole night who died from a gunshot wound, then you guys got yours."
"Naked, painted on, and working in a sex club," Flack agreed.
Speed handed him a bowl. "Have fun. I want that back." Tony nodded, taking it back to the office with him. He grinned at them. "Food?" They came over to get their own bowls of dinner, taking them out to eat at the table. "I heard what you said to Mac. You get through to him?" Danny nodded. "Good. You look really tough in that t-shirt, Danny."
Flack looked him over, then nodded. "He does, he punched a suspect in the nose." Speed snorted, choking for a moment. "He had a gun on some of the techs. Danny walked up to him calling him a fishie and punched him in the nose."
"I remember hearing about it," Speed agreed dryly. "Eric gave me a look when I moaned and Ryan just smirked. By the way, somehow he can tap into the bond when he's within ten feet of me. Did I tell you he figured everything out and that he's a natural chaos person?"
"You did. That's the one thing the bond cuts, is casual daytime conversation," Danny pointed out, slurping up a bite.
"Please let that counteract the candy and soda," Flack prayed. Speed smirked at him. "Five Mountain Dews and three candybars." Speed shuddered. "Yeah, exactly. I ended up taking one of the candy bars away from him and eating it myself."
Speed snickered at that, dropping his fork. "He used to do that before finals. Tony and I used to go and take them from him and then confiscate his stash. Every time we'd see him eating the second one, we went to raid his dresser and bed. Then we gave them all back at the end of the year, right before he went home." Danny gave him a manic grin. "After the second time, his mother called to tell us to keep them next time." Danny cackled at that. "That year, Tony's dad sent him ten pounds of Swiss chocolate for Christmas."
Don cackled at that, shivering at the horror of Danny on real, good chocolate. "Even my father called me an evil bastard," Danny remembered fondly. "I don't think he meant it in a good way either." His phone rang. "Messer." He listened, the nodded. "Thank you for telling me. Is the next one going to uphold her decision about my family? No, let me tell DiNozzo. I know, but let me tell him. We're buddies. Thank you." He hung up. "The Vinese died."
"They coming back?" Don asked. He shook his head. "You sure?"
"Yeah, she said that the ruling stands." He ate another bite, then called Tony. "Sit." He listened to him quip. "The Vinese just died. They appointed your Great Aunt Arteste." He ate another bite. "Yeah, I can do that." He hung up and called Mac. "Bit of protocol. Where are you?" He nodded at that. "Since you're in the wizarding bar, hand over the phone." He waited. "It's Messer. Please announce there's a new Vinese. Yeah, thanks. Hand him back his phone. Unfortunately I've gotta go to her funeral. It's protocol since she decided something for me within the last five years. Thanks, Mac. Few days probably. It'll be Tony and me. Sure, thanks." He hung up. "Gotta hate the protocol shit."
"Yeah, me too," Speed sighed. "Thankfully I'm only a half a pureblood." Don frowned at him. "My father's side of the family. My mother was a lot like your sister, including her mouth." He ate another bite. "More in the kitchen, guys, since Tony isn't here to suck it down." They got up to get seconds. "When's the funeral?"
"Two days." Don looked at him. "We don't traditionally embalm."
"Oh. Okay." He shrugged and left some in the bottom. "We left you some, Speed."
"Thanks." He came in to get it then they went back to the table with beers. "She must've been about Dumbledore's age," he said thoughtfully.
"Hundred and thirty," Danny told him.
"Close enough. He still going?"
"Teaching at the wizard's college at Oxford," Danny offered. He pulled out his cell and called Draco's this time, getting a cranky spouse. "Tell your mate there to listen to his and that the Vinese died. Thanks, Draco. Yeah, it got handed to Sheldon and Lindsey. No, she came back last week on a crossover and hasn't left yet. We're not sure why. Yeah, Tony and I have to go over. He was her godmother. Yeah, that protocol shit. Thanks. Have him tell us what time and all that. Thanks, man." He hung up. "They killed the demon trying to eat Philip." Speed's fork paused midway to his mouth, giving him a long stare. "Some girl decided to pick on Dawnie by sending an imp at her. Dawn beat her ass. Philip had to suspend both girls to their towers, Ravenclaw for the other twat of course, and she got pissed and summoned one ta eat him. Alex and Harry had ta go help him survive it since he's not Super Priestman anymore."
Speed's fork dropped back into his bowl and he wiped off his mouth, taking a sip of beer. "Someone summoned a demon inside Hogwarts?" Danny nodded and Don smirked and nodded. "How? We couldn't do that."
"Not the first time," Danny pointed out with a smirk. "They didn't put that shield on."
"Luna gets Ethan in all the time," Don added. "Not that Snape doesn't complain about her Ethan snuggly, but she calls him to come to her a lot. Was it a Philip sorta demon and a Higher Court or an Alex and Sunnydale sort of demon?"
"Draco said Sunnydale sort of demon. Big and bad but not able to warp magic or anything." His phone rang and he answered it. "Yeah?" He smiled at the voice on the other end. "Sure, Stella, we'll come help you drink later. No, we're both having dinner with Speed. Tim, she says hi and it's a bad night. Someone broke into her place and wrote disgusting shit all over it."
"Team. Bad losers." He shrugged. "Sure, Stella, give us a half hour?" He grinned. "Be there and I'll buy you a round." He hung up. "Mac said her place is a crime scene so he sent her out to have a beer and fume in public." He finished up and hugged Speed. "Wanna come?"
"No thanks. I've got to dig out my books for Ray. His mother knows again. She's at the swearing level." He grinned. "Have fun pouring Stella into bed later," he teased.
"Always. She's a good drinkin' buddy," Flack agreed, taking his and Danny's bowl into the kitchen to rinse out and put in the dishwasher. He came back and hugged him. "You sure?"
"I'm sure. Go see if you can get her to dance and tape it. I could use seeing something pretty like that." He smirked and winked, then took Danny back to his place, then to the alley beside the bar. He got less lost that way.
Mac felt something tugging on his little bit of the bond and let the shield between them drop, feeling what was going on. Danny, Don, and Stella were really drunk, but they were also...groping. He moaned and shifted on his bed. They were hot, surrounding her, making her nearly pass out from the pleasure before they did more than touch her. She was very sensitive and it had been too long according to her mind. He tried to put the shield back up but it was stuck down. He felt like a peeping tom pervert but he couldn't get it to go back up. He felt his body tense, trying very hard to put it back up. He felt Don smack him in the head for it too. That's when he groaned and pulled the covers over his head.
Don looked over from his pleasing Stella with his fingers for now. "We let him come in?"
"Speed and Tony," she panted, arching up and muttering a very loud swear into Danny's mouth on her nipple. "Implanted."
"Oh, okay. Can we shut him out?"
Danny smirked at him. "Not like Speed and Tony aren't whacking off too," he teased. Don shivered and kissed her.
"I need more, guys!" she demanded, flipping Don onto his back and taking what she wanted.
"Have whatever you want," he teased, sitting up to play with her breasts himself. Danny slid up behind her and she moaned as one hand came around to tease her clit. "I can do this part."
"Toss me the lube?" She looked at him and he kissed her gently. "It'll be fantastic." He got the lube and a condom from Don, then got to work preparing her. She moaned into Don's chest, leaning down to bury her face in it while he worked her over. Then he slid in and she came, making him chuckle. "Told you so." They synched up, then Danny winked at Don and changed, hesitating just a second too long inside. She was writhing between them, panting and muttering, moaning into Don's chest. "Next time, he gets back here," he assured her. "It'll be tight and hot." She clutched his arm and his finger came back to help her get off one last time while they did. Don swore when she tightened around him and Danny could feel his cock jerking through the thin wall between them. He kept going, making her whimper and moan, just holding on for now. "Let it go, Stell. Just let it go for me." She came and he went with her, letting himself rest against her back for a minute. Then he gently pulled out, tossing the condom into the trash. He laid down beside Don and pulled her between them, letting Don cuddle her since she liked to cuddle.
She looked back at him. "You don't cuddle after great sex?"
"No, but he'll use you as a body pillow," Don assured her, letting Danny have her back for that while he held her. He grinned at her. "He didn't even hold me after he popped me."
"That was mean."
"I'm not the cuddlesome sort."
She flipped over and put him between them, holding him. "I am. Deal with it."
Don laughed, holding him as well. "I could get to like this, Stella." Danny looked at him. "Now and then, when we agreed?" Danny shrugged and so did she. "Good. Now, about the peeping Mac that needs ta get off?"
Stella sent Mac some very dirty thoughts, feeling him finally give in and pleasure himself. She felt him go over and drifted off to the feeling of his afterglow. It was nice.
Don waited until she was asleep to whisper in Danny's ear. "You think he wanted what you had?" he teased. Danny shivered. "I know he wants what I'm holding, but you think he wanted it all?" Danny nodded. "You thinkin' what I am?"
"Hard not to," he admitted. "Speed is too." Don chuckled, making him shiver. "It's probably not a good idea."
"Yeah, well, it'll be the hardest chase ever," he agreed. He moved closer, resting his cock in the crack of Danny's ass. "For in the morning."
"In the morning, you're howling and riding my cock, not the other way around," he assured him.
"We'll see, Messser. Maybe I'll hand Stella a toy and we'll both have you for breakfast."
"Some of us don't have tomorrow off, like you and me," Danny reminded him blandly. Stella had tomorrow off so she could clean up her place if Mac let her have it back. Don rubbed against his backside. "I thought I was the incorrigible one."
"Not hardly. Holding you like this is getting me more than ready to have you now." He nipped him on the back of the neck. "I'll accept you licking me clean." Danny groaned and turned over to kiss him, letting him rub against his front. "No, either I get your mouth or your ass, Danny. Nothing else'll do tonight." Danny moaned, kissing him again. "Choose now." He shot him a dirty thought, a picture from the other night. Stella moaned at that and moved over to kiss them both. "Didn't mean ta wake ya, Stella."
"Not an issue." She licked up Danny's back, then bit him hard. "Let him have you, Danny? Let me watch? I'll tease you all you want." Danny tightened up and she smiled, teasing his neck. "Just like you had me. It's only fair. You've had Don plenty of times I bet." He nodded, moaning at the wicked spots her fingers were creating. "Then let him have you and me." He let out a deeper moan. "Please?"
"Please," Don agreed. Danny let him shift him back over and grab the lube and condoms, then got to work on him. "He barely lets anyone touch him there," he told her. She kissed him and one hand teased his cock. "You two look so hot," he assured them, sliding inside once he could. Danny moaned and tightened down. "Relax, just me, Danny." He nibbled on his ear, a known weak spot he liked to exploit. He liked to talk dirty during sex. "Look at you, taking it up the ass," he teased. "Letting her have your hard, leaking cock." Danny moaned and shifted his hips, meeting his next thrust. "Good boy. Take it all, Danny, let us wring you out and dry you up. Let it all go." He nipped his earlobe again, then licked up the side of his neck. "Think you wanna aim it for her breasts?" he whispered. "Or ask for her mouth? Think she'd do it for you?" Danny whimpered and tensed up again. "I've got you."
He pushed in harder this time, letting himself go just a bit stronger with him. Danny could take it and would love it. He was sure of it. Stella smirked at him and went down to tease him with a good blowjob. Don moaned. "Now that's hot." He got back to work driving Danny insane, which wasn't hard to do. "Come for me," he ordered, getting close himself. "I wanna see you come, Danny." His answer was a balls-tightening surge of lust from him and then he came. Don let himself go over. Then Danny pulled her up and buried his face between her thighs, making her shriek in pleasure. "Reciprocation is good," he agreed, kissing Stella. "Let him have it, Stella. He wants to taste it." She wiggled for a few more minutes but Danny had it well in...tongue so she came on it. She panted and let them surround her again.
"Damn, I love you guys. Kinky sex is wonderful," she said finally.
Danny chuckled. "This wasn't kinky, Stella. We'll tie him down next time, then we'll have kinky sex." She smiled at that.
"I should worry about the thoughts you two are having about me being helpless and tied down with a cock ring on," Don teased. "But I'm too tired." Of course, someone pounded on his door. "What?" he called, getting up to answer it. He found his father on the other side, looking at the clock on his VCR. "Dad, It's two. Is someone dead?" He let him inside.
"No, son. I needed to see you. Someone told me some stuff earlier today." He looked at him. "Clothes?"
"Dad, I had a lot of beer earlier. Can't this wait?"
"I heard, son. I heard a lot about the beer and you coworkers. Are you sleeping with them?"
"Presently we'll all collapsed on the bed together since we're all pretty drunk," Don admitted. "Stella had her place broken into earlier. Why? What's it matter?"
"Son, they said you're gay."
"Well, technically I guess I'm bi, but so?" His father looked stunned. "Not like you care who I sleep with anyway, dad. Now, like I said, I'm still pretty well lit."
"You smell and look like sex, son."
"Dad, it's two in the morning and I never said a word when you came home smelling like Margaret."
"People are noticing," he said, pushing his son a bit. "That you're so tight you're able to read his mind."
"No, that's magical."
His father gave him a horrified look. "You did what?"
"I got my ass some backup who understands me. No mater what, they're at my back, dad, just because I'm me."
Stella came out, handing Don his robe, she was in her nightgown they had picked up for her. "What's going on?"
"Someone told Dad we're really close and that I'm now gay."
"You weren't when you were in me earlier." She looked at him. "It's really late and we're all just drunk enough to pass out. Can't this wait? He's got to work tomorrow."
"He'll be in for hell tomorrow."
"I doubt it considering everyone knows we're buddies at work."
"Son, you nagged your very male coworker and took his food from him, only getting a smirk for it."
"Yeah? Not the first time." He looked at her. "He smirked at me for it?" She nodded. "Had another one?" She smirked and nodded, hugging him. "I was trying to spare you guys the agony of too-hyper Danny."
"Admit it, you needed the sugar rush before you went back to the strip club," she teased.
"Well, yeah, low blood sugar would be terrible during that," he agreed happily.
"Son!" his father snapped.
"What!" He glared at him. "Dad, it's *two* in the morning. Go home! Go cuddle Ma and all that. Tell anyone who asks you saw me playfully groping a woman." He kissed Stella and grabbed her ass, earning a slap for it. "See?" He walked her back to the bedroom and slammed the door. "Lock it behind you, dad." He got them unclothed then back in bed, cuddling up to Danny's free side. He heard his father leave with a door slam and sighed, gong to lock the door then come back.
Down in Washington an hour earlier, Stan walked onto the scene. "Kelly, dear," Ducky called, beaming at her. "It's nice to have you back. How was your trip?"
"Very strange but my ex liked me like this more for some reason. Guess I know why she wasn't always happy with me." Tony gave him a look so she grinned at him. "Hey, Tony. Where's Gibbs?"
"Talking with the manager in the office." He motioned her closer. "Ziva answered but she's stuck in traffic."
"Traffic's not heavy," she noted, looking at the dead cadet. "Pity, she was cute. What happened?"
"Came off the pole with her top off and someone shot her." He grinned at her. "Start the sketch since McGee isn't here yet?" She nodded, moving to do that. "Thanks. Boss, Standa's here," he called.
"Thank you." He came to the doorway. "How was traffic?"
"Fairly light. It's good enough." He smiled at him. "McGee?"
"Helping with the tech issue. I didn't call him in," Gibbs admitted. Tony gave him an odd look. "He called back and said he was leaving, told me what was going on when I asked. I told him to fix that, it's more important." He came out. "Manager said she registered for the prize under the name 'silky' and left it at that. She didn't mention she was dating. No ring on her hand."
"ID says she's a senior at a Marine-affiliated academy," Tony offered, handing it over. "Local cops handed it over readily," Tony told Kelly. "Too many tonight." She nodded, understanding that. She'd have fallen by the wayside in their caseload. "ID says she's eighteen."
"Which means she's just old enough to do this stuff," Stan pointed out dryly. She stood up and looked at the body. "I need more practice with this stuff, Gibbs." He handed it over. "Close?"
Gibbs looked and nodded. "Close enough this time. DiNozzo, get some wider angled shots." He nodded, stepping back to do that. "I'm going to route Ziva to the office to get started on a background for her. Ducky, time of death?"
"Oh, not even an hour," he promised. "It does look like the gunshot wound did kill her. To the right lung so it wasn't too slowly done." He stood up. "I'll take her back to the office, Jethro, and tell you exactly how long it took her to die." That got a nod. "Anthony?"
"One more, Ducky, move?" He nodded, stepping over the pool of blood. He took another picture, then a second one, moving forward. "What's that?" he asked, pointing at something in the blood.
"It looks like a silver stud of some sort," Ducky admitted, picking it up with a q-tip swab. "Liquid not solid." He capped it. "I'm sure Abigail can find out readily enough." He smiled at him. "Do you see any more?"
"I'll wait until you get the body out of here to look." He nodded, accepting that. He and his assistant bagged the body and took it out to the coroner's van, then they left.
Gibbs hung up and came over to look. "Body paint?"
"Maybe," Tony admitted. "Danny had one of those earlier." Kelly looked at him. "Dead stripper, naked, painted, in an alleyway. Monroe and Sheldon caught it but ended up switching due to parental pressure on Danny's case." He looked at his boss. "Harry's cousin."
"Pity. Was he as big a bastard as the books said?"
"394 when he died, and he had worms." He shrugged. "As for the bullying, not sure yet." He moaned and tensed up, blocking them back out, but it was hard. "Damn it."
"You okay?" Gibbs asked quietly.
"Don, Stella, Danny, and Mac's just now joining in," he ground out. "Taking five, boss." He headed to ease that pain. It was the only way to get his shield to go back up. He came back a few minutes later, clean and presentable again. "I'll work on that tonight. I had been about to ask him about their case to compare it." Gibbs nodded at that. "Won't happen again, boss."
"See that it doesn't," he agreed, looking at him. "Not like I wouldn't have done the same," he said quietly. He walked over to look at the pool of blood. "Find any other silver stuff?"
"A bit," she offered, pointing at some. "I need some gloves and a few swabs to pick it up." Gibbs got her some from the gear box Tony had with him. "Thanks. Sorry I wasn't fully prepared, boss."
"Don't apologize, it shows a weakness," he ordered patiently. She nodded, smiling at him and scooping up some of the silver liquid. "DiNozzo, go do the tape."
"Yes, boss." He went to get the tape and watch it on the home system, pulling up a picture of the person who had shot her. "Boss, had a uniform! Marine!" he called. He came in to watch so Tony rewound it by a few seconds. "Watch." He let it play at half-speed.
"I know him from somewhere."
"It's the idiot with the sword, boss."
"The one who owned it?" Tony nodded. "Good. Get him, bring him in. Keep going." He started the tape again at normal speed, watching as the shot went off, then people ran off, while a few went to help her. "Hmm, doctors?"
"One was a male nurse, one was a paramedic, one was a cop. Who called it in." He pointed at him. "Him. I took his statement and have his card if we need him." He kept it going. "Our Marine has mysteriously vanished." He looked at him. "Isn't he probably on report?" Gibbs nodded firmly at that. "Then how did he get off base?" He stood up. "Want me to hunt and gather?"
"Now. Want Standa?"
"Sure." He walked out there. "Let the boss do that, we've got a suspect that I had to deal with earlier." She looked at him. "Idiot with a sword who cut his friend on purpose."
"Possibly. Seemed like a confused egghead to me. We'll see though." She got up and bagged her gloves, then looked at herself. "I came in with Gibbs, you drive?" She nodded so he let her lead the way out to her car. Once inside he looked at her. "You get the message about the director?"
"I did. I'm keeping low on this one." She started the car. "Stella really liked me like this."
"Maybe she's bi." The bond kicked in again and he moaned. "Damn it! I need to block them better."
She smirked at him. "The trio?"
"Don just slid home into Danny's body and Stella's giving him the blow of his life." He shifted his hips out some. "I can ignore this."
She looked around then pulled onto the highway, which was pretty deserted. "How long before we get to the base?"
"Twenty minutes." He closed his eyes. "I'm not going to take care of it, Stan." She reached over a hand to tease him. "Stan!"
"Shut up, Tony. You've given me a few helping hands since we met and you made me think dirty quidditch thoughts about brooms." He laughed at that. "Don't tell me you joked about that."
"All the time. Danny used to sleep with his broom right under his bed so no one could touch it. We joked about him riding his broom many days." He moaned and shifted his hips out. "If we get narked on, Gibbs will have my ass."
"You'd like that though," she teased. He moaned and came at that. "Thankfully I keep condoms in here and put one on you," she said, smiling at him. He pulled it off and dropped into a crumpled paper bag on the floor. "Good boy." She smiled and kept going. "Better?"
"Much. I've got to get better shields." She nodded, giving him a smug look. "Next exit. There's construction on the other side and you're down to one lane for both ways and a stoplight."
"Good, you navigate." She pulled off that exit and headed where he pointed. "Think Speed got hit as hard?"
"With Ray Jr. over there," he agreed dryly. "He had to excuse himself with a mumbled 'fucking bond' and went to hide in the bathroom. Horatio came over just now. Speed's excuse was 'Stella's really hot when she's playing with Danny and Don'. Ray Jr. wanted to know when he gets to be part of that. Horatio told him never, Speed said to tell you."
She grinned at him as they pulled up to the front gate. "Tell him I'm looking forward to the next time you guys take me out." She pulled out her credentials. "We're here looking for a witness to a shooting."
"Who, Agent Standa?" the Marine asked politely.
Tony leaned forward. "The idiot with the sword earlier," Tony said dryly. The Marine groaned. "Shot another one too we think. So if you know where he would be, you can call and have someone watch the entrance for us."
"Already done, sir. He was caught sneaking back onto Base," he reported. "The brig, Agent DiNozzo."
"Thank you kindly. Back three blocks and to the right?" The Marine nodded and signed them in, then waved the gate to be opened by the guard still in the shack. "Have a better night." That got a smile and a salute. They headed off and Stan silently counted. "That's a one way, Stan." She nodded and went up another block, then went right. She parked and he got out, checking his appearance. He didn't look like he had blown off in the car or in the strip club. He walked inside, smiling sweetly at the MP's in there. "Stupid bastard is?"
"Cell, sir. What did he do?"
"We think he shot a cadet doing an open pole night," Stan said from behind him. "Hi, Agent Standa." She shook his hand. "I'm new to the team."
The MP smiled at the pretty young woman. "I understand, ma'am. Cadet as in Academy?"
"Senior at an associated military school," Tony told him. "By the name of Melissa Marhuff?"
"His call was to someone named Mrs. Marhuff," the MP noted, finding that sheet and pulling it over. "Lasted two minutes. I'll see if it was taped or not, Agent DiNozzo. This way please." He walked them back there, pointing in the cell. He looked at the other people. "Leave the pretty woman alone or you're plucking the grass with your fingers tomorrow to mow!" he ordered at the first leer. "She's one of Gibbs' people."
Tony looked at one person. "You remember Kate? She makes her look sweet and nice," he sneered. The guy backed off. He had tangled with their team in the past. "Why is he back here?"
"Trial at JAG and they're full," the MP admitted bitterly. "Pity. I'd have chained him to the flagpole." He opened the cell they needed. "You taking him?"
"Oh, yeah. Well, let me call Gibbs first." He called him. "Boss, he was arrested sneaking back onto the base. You want him there or here? He's already in the brig so read his Article 31 rights." He smirked then nodded, hanging up. "Boss is on his way," he reported. "Bring him to an interrogation room?" The MP nodded, taking their suspect out and to one of them. Then he went to get the tape of that call, coming back a minute later and motioning them out of the room. "Stan?" She nodded, following him out.
"The tape of that call isn't pretty, Agent Standa. It's very unpretty. He bragged."
"I'm there, let me listen. I've heard worse. I worked in Chicago." He moaned and nodded, leading her to a desk so she could listen to it. She waved the boss over when he came in, letting him listen to it. Then she stood up and walked in there, looking at their idiot. "You bragged to her family that you killed the girl because she was trying out her body. That she was a godless whore. Now, what was the thought behind that?" The Marine sneered and she leaned down to get next to his ear. "You can tell me, princess, or you can tell Tony there, and he's from the Old Ways, aren't you, Agent DiNozzo?"
"I am," he agreed smugly, nodding at their boss as he walked in. "Of course, he doesn't *have* to tell us since the tape will say everything for him. He won't even have to justify himself. Not like there's a reason anyway. He's a worthless waste of his mother's time."
"My mother was a saint! None of those women I killed could live up to her!" he shouted, standing up, his chest heaving. "They can't! She judged them and found them wanting!" He glared at Stan. "You're no better than the other whores."
She pinched him on the cheek. "Aren't you so cute," she cooed, sneering at him. "I'm gay, I'm ten thousand times better than any woman you've ever met." He backed away from her and she followed. "What's wrong, princess? Are you scared of the women? Scared of how they make you feel? Did mommy tell you it was dirty and naughty?" she sneered. He whimpered. "Now, you think your mother would approve?"
"I'm following in her good works," he whimpered. "Get her away from me, please!" he begged. "She's the devil! My mother said so!"
"Out," Gibbs ordered quietly. She backed off and strolled out. The MP followed.
Stan smiled at him. "Knew he's break." He grinned back. "Sometimes you gotta prompt a bit and push others." He blushed a bit. "Good boy. You have fun with him tonight." She called Ziva. "It's me. I'm here at the base with Gibbs. The idiot with the sword from earlier is what Tony called him. Yeah, that guy. Find out his past, his mother's name, how many people she and he would've killed. He said he was following in her good footpath and she found them all wanting. Also said I was the devil. Thanks." She hung up and winked, walking back in there. "Boss, Ziva's having the body exhumed so we can all sneer at her too. Said his mother's dead. Died three years ago. He's from my neck of the woods. They flagged his file when she died, she was suspected in killing at least three women." The son sneered at her. She strolled back over. "How many was it, princess? Ten, twenty? Because you know they're gonna make you a girl in prison, you might wanna tell us where they're gonna bury you with them. Or maybe we'll bury you with mommy when they make you the bitch of the block." she sneered at him. "You not gonna say anything?"
"You'll never find them."
"Actually, we will. See, the other agent who works with us, she's Mossad. They can find *anything* on someone's background. She can find out the disease your momma got playing with her girlfriends. She can find your momma's inadequate cup size since you don't go for the busty ones."
"I'm wondering if the sword this morning was him branching out to guys as well as girls, as in he's bi, or if that was his male lover and he's trying to get rid of him."
"We did find lube on his hands," Gibbs agreed dryly. He was enjoying this show. Stan had a very smooth, threatening style.
"I'd never touch another man that way! It's evil! Only the One Father can do that to us! His current incarnation is still alive and he only touches us after we join him and the worthy are shown the portal!"
"Oh, don't tell me you're part of that cult to Don Flack's image," Tony sneered. The man gaped at him. "Honey, I was having dinner earlier with Don and Danny Messer. I was teasing Don all to hell about getting hard at the strip club he had to question girls at." He burst out crying. "Then again, Danny took him home after getting him drunk," he admitted.
"We knew he would protect him," he said, kneeling down and starting to chant a prayer to Don's esteemed image.
"Eww," Stan said, walking off working her fingers in her ears. "Ewwwwwww!" She called Don's phone, getting him. "We found another cult member. Eww!" She hung up.
The MP handed her a cup of coffee. "Cult?"
She nodded, leading him back to the computer to pull up the site Tony had told her about through google. She pointed. "We know him, he's a detective in New York. Great guy, very fun ta hang with, but God, he's got pretty eyes." The MP blushed at that. "They have a hymn book to him." He smirked at that. "Let's see if we can pull some of it up." She found that section and pulled a few things up, including the latest news on the court cases. Then she brought those to Gibbs. "From the Cult of Don-ness."
"Thanks." He looked at the recent news, handing it to Tony. Then he laughed at the song. "What do you sing this song to his eyes and hips to?"
"Onward Christian Soldiers," Tony said with a smirk. "Danny kept a copy of their recruiting pamphlet when they busted the main cult for trying to bomb the police station."
The suspect whimpered. "It's a test, only a test," he whispered over and over. Someone knocked and Don stomped in. He burst out crying. "Thank you for saving me!" He crawled over and hugged his leg.
Don glared down at him. "You had me woken up. You tortured women. I like women sometimes. Women are nice, they're squishy in the right spots. They have babies." He drew back and Don continued to glare. "You disappoint me horribly by taking out the pretty, horny girls." He burst out crying again. "That guy this morning, he one'a mine too? I'm weeding out the stupidity among the flock," he ordered at Tony's prompting. He nodded, sniffling. "Thank you. Anyone else?" Tony handed over a pen and paper. "Write it out so I can check on them, girl." He nodded, hanging his head and writing on the floor. "Good girl. Now, confess and I might let you reincarnate and try again when you're killed in prison for killing the pretty girls." He walked over to kneel in front of Gibbs, confessing into his knees. Fortunately the MP had a tape recorder handy. Don smiled at Stan, kissing her on the cheek. "You're my best recruit yet, dear." He smirked at Tony and winked. "Saturday, game?"
"I'm there if I'm not on Gibbs' six for a case."
"Good." He strolled off, heading back home.
The suspect looked up at her. "You're one who's given it up and come to us," he said in awe. "I should have realized. Very few are worthy to surround themselves with his mantle of maleness."
"Yeah, well, that's because you're doing stupid stuff in the name of the Father. So get over it, you're not worthy yet." He nodded, going back to his confession. She shared a look with Tony, then the MP. "I'm hoping that doesn't count against him."
"Shouldn't. JAG will let him cut a deal."
"Good. The girl there could use it." She tapped a foot. "Keep going. Everything, back as far as you can go on your mother too!" He nodded, going on with that as well. It was good.
Don stomped in the next morning, giving Mac a long stare. "Not have a good night?"
Mac gave him his version of the Glare of Death. "No, I didn't. Did you?"
"Yeah, up until that cult showed up on a military base and Tony and Stan needed my help ta make someone confess to hurting women." Mac groaned walking off shaking his head. "Have fun, Mac. Have more coffee and chocolate. It'll be okay." He went to his locker, going to put up his jacket in case he needed it later. He found Danny in there. "Tony found more of my cult. Gibbs laughed at the hymns too."
"Oh, I don't know, I'm starting to see why they'd sing 'em to you," he teased. "Which one did he get?"
"The one about my hips and eyes that makes me sound like Shakira." He shuddered. "Eww."
"You're definitely not her," he agreed, closing his locker and walking off laughing evilly.
Don groaned and rested his head against his locker. "Why did I have to be as bad as Alex is?" He called Alex. "Do you have a cult to you too? Really?" he asked hopefully. "Can we compare sometime soon? I've got a game Saturday. Thanks, man." He hung up and walked out, reassured that not only Harry and Alex, but Arens had one to them as well. It was a nice, comforting thought. Even if Arens was full of girls who wanted him to change back to them.
To next part: