Why Does No One Tell Me These Things?



Luna looked around her room.  Her roommates had left her alone all day and now she was allowed to sulk.  She was happy for her friend, but it still sucked.  Those two were special now and she was plain old Luna, the same one she had been for years.  Well, she guessed that wasn't fair since Dawn had been special since she had been made, but she knew what she meant.  Ginny had been like her before and now she was super and great and wore silver leather to work. She had her own horse and her own weapons and she didn't really need magic anymore.  Even though she was scarily better at it than she had been in the past.  So she was settled in to have a bit of a sulk and a pout about being a normal, demon consorter, in a trio relationship with a demon and a sorcerer witch.  Some day she'd find something that put her back on the level with those two.  She'd have to.  Her special charm for Wesley went off on her necklace and she held it, frowning at it.  "Fine," she complained.  "I'll calm down and call."  She pulled out the small floo pot she had bought before school and set it up, starting a fire in it and adding the powder.  A tiny Wesley head spun into it and she pouted at him.  "Ginny's a Valkyrie."

"Is she all right?" he asked calmly.  She nodded.  "She's back?"

"Yes, they said she's on the reserve list or something."

"Well, I'm not sure who 'they' are this time, but I'm sure she'll be fine.  Usually when things like this happen they're for a reason."  He frowned at her.  "You do know that if her horse is down here then she could go into heat, correct?  She does ride a mare?"  Luna nodded and leaned closer.  "If that does happen, you must tell me right away, dear.  That's the only reason that a Valkryie can break their vows of chastity.  Then again, I hear anything that's, um, broken is replaced once the heat is done with."

"But what would her mare mate with?  There's not another down here."

"Their horses are special and can mate with normal horses or with any other fully equine creature.  There's tales of seeing one mating with a zebra once," he offered with a small grin.  "You probably should warn her, Luna."

"I should but I'm sulking."

He smiled. "I can tell. You've got that pouty lip again," he teased.  She stuck her tongue out at him and settled in to hug her pillow for a bit.  "Luna, you are just as special as they are.  Well, maybe not as special as Dawn is, but still quite special.  No one else could hold our interest this long or make Ethan and I get along, especially now that he's ascended.  No one but you yourself could ever hope to do what you've done.  Bloody hell, woman, who else can use all three forms of magic at once?"

She frowned at him.  "How did you know?"

"I watched you practicing with Ethan, woman.  How do you think I knew?"  She smiled at him and he smirked back.  "Now, you have no need to sulk.  You three are the current defenders of that dratted school and you must be ready to defend it if necessary.  A good sulk is fine, love, but wait until you can have a hot bath to do so."

"They're talking about holding Ginny back if she can't catch up," she said glumly.

"Oh, no," he said, shaking his head.  "You may not get held back to be with her and Dawn, Luna.  I forbid it!  I will go insane having to stay in this quaint little cottage in the middle of nowhere!"

She smiled at him.  "I'm sure it's not all *that* bad. After all, you get Ethan all to yourself except during the holidays and when I can sneak off."

"Yes, it is.  I'm bored.  I haven't been snuggled yet today."  He yelped and his head turned.  "Ethan!"   You could hear him hitting something.  "Stop that!"

"You were begging for cuddles," his voice came over the line.  His head replaced Wesley's.  "There's our girl.  Why are you pouting?"

"Ginny's a Valkyrie."

"Well, love, soon she'll know the lust that you do," he said with a fond smirk.  "When her mare goes into heat she'll be driven to follow her or else things will not go well for her mare.  She might not come out of it until she conceives.  Then what would Ginny do?"

"Pout," Luna said with a small smirk.  "She really will?"  Ethan nodded. "Soon do you think?  So she's got time to think about the 'who' issue."

"She'll need someone who can make her pass on and keep her from harming herself, dear," Ethan said with a smile.  "The same as you did us; she'll need to pick someone like me."  Wesley apparently did something because he yelped and glared back at him.  "She did!"  He smiled at Luna again.  "Also, you might want to warn her to protect those three things she's holding better, dear.  Loki is known to steal such things."

"He's probably already got them if she didn't realize she had them," she said with a faint smile.  "Thanks, Ethan and Wesley.  I miss you guys.  We'll talk over the holidays about the whole being held back thing."

"Being held back?  You've got excellent grades!" Ethan protested.

"They're trying to hold Ginny back and it'll be one less year for Dawn to be alone," she sighed.  "You know she's going to fall apart if she doesn't have us."

"Point, but not a great one.  We'll discuss this idea over the holidays, when we know if she will be or not."  He smiled and blew a kiss.  "I'm off to ravish Wes for a bit.  I'll be sure to save it down and send it to you."  He winked and the flame died.

Luna sighed for a moment, then got up and straightened herself out, then ran out of her room and over to Gryffindor, where Ginny was sitting on the couch.  She knew the password; no one had changed it since Ginny left.  She leaned over her shoulder.  "We gotta talk, sister."  Ginny looked back at her, looking confused.  "Two items.  Ethan said you're holding a few things and to protect them better.  Loki likes to steal crap like swords and necklaces and if I'm right about the amber necklace you're wearing, it's a bad thing if he does."

"He's seen and drooled and gotten his hand slapped," she offered with a grin.  "What's the other one?  And what was the herbology homework again?"

"Paper on extended bubertubers."  She leaned closer. "Your mare isn't fixed," she said dryly.  Ginny's eyes went wide.  "Your mare can and will breed some day soon.  You will be participating as an independent party and you'll need to consider a who.  Someone who can keep you in control and sane, because if it isn't good, she's gonna stay in heat for a while."

"Oh, bloody hell," Ginny said in awe.  "No one told me that!"

"Well, I'd go see the fount of all things like that," Luna said with a smirk.  "Maybe we'll figure out who after we talk to him."  Ginny sighed and nodded, folding up everything and stuffing it back into her bag so she could follow Luna up to Professor Armwrench's rooms.  He was lounging on the desk reading a scroll and chuckling.  "Is it good smut?" she asked as they walked in.

"Very.  That necklace always inspires someone," he said, looking at Ginny.  "You really shouldn't wear that in the open, dear.  It could get stolen by one of the trolls in Slytherin, or worse broken, and then we'd never get any ever again."

She took it off and stuffed it down her bra.  "No one's going for it down there," she said at his amused look.  "What's this I hear my mare can go into heat and probably will?"

"Most of the times the mares leave the field, they're looking to breed," he admitted, sitting up and facing them, smirking harder now.  "Then again, with you being who and what you are, it'll grow back once her heat is done.  That is the only way you're allowed to have sex by the way, or a child."  Ginny whimpered and hopped up to sit on the front desk, Luna beside her.  "What Ethan told her was true, Ginerva.  Your mare will be going into heat.  She can mate with anything that's fully equine, from a Thestral on to a unicorn, on to an actual horse."

"Wes said something about rumors of one and a zebra," Luna offered.

"I believe one did," he agreed, smiling at her.  "I'd give you points but you'd just get smug."

"I could spank you," she offered with a grin.  "By the way, Wes knows I can do all three forms."

"Wonderful," he agreed dryly.  "Simply marvelous.  Get held back a year so we can work on that, dear."   He looked at Ginny again.  "You will need someone who can anchor you, make it as brilliant as you need it to be, but realize that you're still virginal, no matter what.  Someone who won't get attached.  Someone who realizes what it's like to be in heat and why it's not always the best option to just give in."  He looked her over.  "You should also keep in mind that being in heat means that you have no control over anything, including your magical gifts.  You can't just go out to a witches' club and shag in the bathroom.   You could destroy the bathroom, the club, and half the country you're in.  So you and McGonagall, the dear girl, will have to talk about that as well."

"Or it'd have to be someone like Alex, or Harry," Ginny said quietly.

He considered it and nodded. "Or Severus, or Gregory, or the twins and their wife," he agreed.  He winked at her.  "You can also get pregnant during it.  If so, once the baby's born, any tissues will grow back yet again."   He leaned over to kiss her on the forehead.  "Thankfully you'll be going through this twice a year at most for the rest of your life."

"The rest of her life?" Luna demanded.

"Unless her mare picks a mate and stays that way," he said cheerfully.  "So if her mare is picked as herd queen, she'll be just fine," he offered.  "If not, maybe she'll pick a nice horse or something and stay with him."

"Where is she going to mate around here?" Ginny demanded.

"There's three stallion unicorns outside, there's a whole herd of thestrals," Loki noted dryly.  "Within twenty miles from here there's some ponies and some horses owned by families.  Expect it to last at least a month, and for yourself to be walking funny by the end," he finished with a wicked smirk.  "Don't worry, you'll like it and have to ignore it the rest of the time."

"Oh, wonderful!  Another thing for my mother to complain about!" she complained.  "How's she gonna deal with that and the thought of possible babies?"

"Your mother loves babies or else she'd have stopped after the first," Loki said dryly.  "Ron was the only accident among you lot."  Ginny blushed at that.  "She's looking forward to grandchildren, just not this month, and yes, your horse will be going into heat by the holidays."  She blanched and stared, just stared.  He smiled and wiggled his fingers.  "Let me know how it was, dear.  We'll lead an interactive discussion on sex in class when you get back."  She groaned and collapsed forward, her head going into her hands.

Luna stroked her back.  "It's not all bad, Ginny.  I enjoy having sex quite a lot.  I do it every chance I can and I'm sure you'll be the same way when she's in heat.  Trust me, you'll adore it.  Great feeling being buggered every which way by something soft, yet very hard and strong."

"Luna, don't help," Ginny groaned, looking over at her.  "Please don't help."

"Fine.  Can I tell Dawn?"

"Sure, you go tell Dawn.  I'm going to talk to McGonagall and then Madam Pomfrey about birth control."  She got up and glared at the professor.  "You couldn't warn me sooner?"

"No," he said smugly.  "Brunhilde should have."

"She's not up there!"

"Oh, sorry, forgot.  You know, Thor could….."

She hit him on the arm.  "That muscled bound freak and his goats for his chariot are to stay the hell away from me.  Odin said so since he pinched me and I about beat his ass."  She walked off, stomping really, and headed down to the teacher's lounge.  This close to dinner, no one was going to be in their offices.  She tapped and looked up as Snape opened the door with a glare.  "I need to see you, McGonagall, and Madam Pomfrey if she's in.  There's been a slight oddness that's just come up."

"You have to leave again?" he asked dryly.

"No, my mare's probably looking to breed and she can go into heat by the holidays."

Snape just stared for a moment.  "Excuse me?"

"My mare's got lust in her heart, it's gonna transfer to me soon, and Professor Armwrench just suggested you to help me with that, sir. I'm having a bit of a conflict and we've got to deal with this situation.  Oh, and I'm to give you one of the things I'm hiding down here."  She pulled the necklace out of her bra and handed it over.  "It's Freya's," she said at his odd stare.  "You know, the thing that makes sure the whole world shags pleasantly?  If it's broken or destroyed, no one's getting any ever again."

He took it and put it around his wrist.  "I'll make sure it's well hidden so Professor Armwrench can't get it.  Go to my classroom, wait there," he ordered, then slammed the door in her face.

Ginny sighed and headed down there, frowning at the Slytherins walking up the hall to catch an early dinner.  A few of them gave her dirty looks and she growled.  "What?" she demanded.  "It's not like I'm in trouble!"   They ran off, getting away from the scary redhead.  She said the student's password they had learned over many detentions and walked in to sit in the first desk's seat, putting her head down with a moan.  This was so bad.  So very, very bad.  Why her?

McGonagall walked in and patted her on the head.  "Dear?"  Ginny looked up.  "Are you sure?"

She nodded.  "Ethan told Luna she could and would be going into heat.  Armwrench said it'd be by the hols."  She shrugged.  "Ethan said I'd enjoy it at least but I had to find someone who could keep me sane, keep me from blowing up the country, and keep me from needing it every day for the rest of my life and them wanting me in return."

"You can't hire someone?" Snape asked as he walked in.

"He said no.  Go ask the annoying one.  See what he tells you."

"I did," he said grimly.  "He was nearly cackling in joy at the mischief and chaos this will bring and help power him for another millennium."   He sat down behind his desk. "Why did you need Madam Pomfrey?"

Ginny looked at him.  "I may be under a perpetual and permanent vow of chastity, sir, but I can and will be driven to have sex when she's in the mood for it.  I can and probably will some day get pregnant by it.  Fortunately this is an excused absence and breaking of my vows and it'll grow back.  I want some bloody birth control since she can go into heat twice a year until she gets knocked up."

"Now I'm starting to see the problem," McGonagall sighed.  "Will you have any control?"

"No," Ginny snorted.  "He said if I went to have a fling in the bathroom I might destroy everyone there and half the country."  She put her head down again.  "Oh, I added something to the sword collection too, sir.  It's faintly glowing at the moment."

"That's fine, I saw that one," he admitted.  "What else were you instructed to hide?"

"I already planted one of Freyr's rocks in the greenhouse.  I was instructed to by Frigg."

"That's fine," McGonagall agreed.  "What else is going on at this moment?"

"I'm having a breakdown," Ginny told her.  "I got told that it had to be someone like Professor Snape, Gregory Sanders, Alex and Draco, or my own bloody twin brothers and their wife, and that yes, I could get pregnant and that anything that ripped as it came out would regrow."

McGonagall clucked her tongue and gave her a hug.  "I'll talk with Molly personally, dear.  You can't be held accountable for your mare going into heat."

Ginny gave her an incredulous look.  "On what planet did you think my mum wouldn't explode?" she demanded.  "She'll throw a fit so bad it'll destroy all of the world instead of just the school, and then she'll come after you lot for letting me be taken!"

"Calm down," Snape sighed.   He did not like having to deal with such strangeness among the students.  He wasn't sure why he was nominated for these things, but those three girls always brought these odd things to him.  "Hysterics are not a needed occurrence.  It will work out in the end.  We can make sure that nothing happens and that you're protected."

Ginny looked at him.  "He said if I'm not getting satisfaction, hers may not stop."

"Oh, dear," Snape said, blinking a bit.  That was a bit more graphic than he had wanted to know.  "All right then.  Should I talk with the rest of the group?"

"Can you tell the twins not to tell mum?" she suggested with a small smirk at him.  "Because I want time to hide first."

"You and me both," he noted dryly.  He looked at McGonagall.  "If she goes into heat during a class that would most assuredly cause a disruption."

"I'd say me moaning and groaning like Luna the last time she had mental sex would cause that, yes," Ginny agreed.  "Oh, and Armwrench wants her to stay for an extra year too, that way he can work on her and her three types of magic."  She looked at the stunned McGonagall.  "Got any ideas here, ma'am?"

"Not a one," she admitted.  "My former husband was not that ardent.  I do know that a hot bath works wonders when you're sore from such things," she admitted with a small blush and then she coughed and looked quite embarrassed.  "Can…can the good professor not give you any tips?"

"I don't need that sort.  I got enough of those watching Ron make his moves on my best friend.  I'm thinking more along the lines of how to control it if it happens during the middle of a class."

"Or worse, lunch," Snape said dryly.  He shook his head.  "At that time, you'll have to follow it.  I will talk to the other Banes, see if there's anything we can do to help it."  He sat up.  "Do you have a preference?"

"I don't even like boys!" she complained.  "Not that I like girls, but I don't think about boys that way.  I don't usually get past the cuddling and the mental snogging before they start to piss me off and I send them away before I kill 'em."  She frowned at him.  "Think what a boy'd have to put up with to be with me."

"Good point," he admitted.  "Having to put up with Miss Summers alone would probably wreck that relationship permanently."  He pursed his lips together.  "Fine.  We will deal with this as the faculty.  I'll talk with the other Banes. You will advise Miss Summers and Miss Lovegood that we are handling it and if it happens and you realize it, try to warn us a bit as well."

"Yes, professor.  Thank you, professor."  She got up and walked over to give him a quick hug.  "Thank you, sir.  I may survive this sanely after all."  She walked off, going to eat dinner and then talk with Dawn and Luna.  Maybe they'd have a suggestion on who she could approach.

The two professors stared at each other, then shook their heads.

"Albus, call a staff meeting," McGonagall yelled.  "We're coming, it's important."  She walked off shaking her head, Snape only stopping to hide the necklace before following.  He did make sure Armwrench would be there.  He could explain everything to the group so they wouldn't be embarrassed.  It'd make his unlife anyway.


Greg sat up and stared at the wall across from him, concentrating hard on what was being sent across the link.  Snape was projecting the current staff meeting to them all for some reason.  It had to be important.  He burst out giggling, then groaned and held his head.  "No, not me," he said firmly.  "I'm married and she wouldn't want me anyway."

"Problems, Greggo?" Warrick asked from the doorway.  "Some hot chick coming after you?"

Greg looked at him, then held up a finger, then shook his head.  "Ginny's linked to her mare, which's going to go into heat.  I was suggested to help her with that since I could help keep her under control so she didn't blow up everyone."  He winced; he heard his precious Emilia snapping back at Severus and groaned.  "Sev's telling everyone what's going on and Emilia just shot back at him."  He looked at him.  "This is so bad."

"What's her mare got to do with anything?" Warrick asked.

"She's a valkyrie on the reserve list."

"Oh."  He whistled.  "So it's for the good of the world if her mare does breed, but it'll cause her problems since she's in school?"

"That's the most minor of problems," he agreed.  "Then there's the whole 'virgin for life' thing she had to do when she took on her mare.  There's the fact that she's going to go uncontrolled in there and she'll need someone powerful to keep her in control, but someone who won't get too attached since she can't.  Things like that."

"I pity that poor girl, never knowing what it's like," he said sadly.  "Everyone should have one really good fling in their lives."

Greg smirked at him.  "Good was it?"

"Very," he agreed smugly, walking off sipping his coffee.  "Very, very good."

Greg chuckled and listened as the twins started to holler back at Severus when Armwrench had said that they'd be good candidates too.  He butted in, pointing out that it was their power levels, not them personally, that he was suggesting, and that they could hopefully find her someone before her mare went into heat.  It could be any day now after all.  That shut everyone up and a running discussion was started on who knew what wizards and how they were in bed.


In a desert on the other side of the world, Ron was sounding off.  "I can't bloody well believe it!  My sister!  My fucking sister!  She's gonna have to become some whore to the needs of a horse!" he shouted.

"Shut up!" Bill yelled.  He ended up knocking Ron out and looking at Harry, who was just groaning and holding his head.  "What's going on with Ginny this time?"

Harry looked at him.  "Her mare's going to go into heat soon.  They're linked.  So Ginny's going to go into heat soon.  Fortunately her vows of chastity will make everything regrow."

"Sooooo," he said, drawing it out while he thought.  "She's suddenly going to go into heat?  Like a cat?"  Harry nodded once.  "Why is this a problem?"

"Um, she's in school, she's not dating, and can't date," Harry pointed out.  "Her magic's going to start going out of control while she's in heat.  If her mare doesn't conceive, it can happen up to twice a year.   If Ginny conceives it's okay and planned for within the regrowing part.  She's going to turn into a mindless sex hound on the prowl with need and lack of personal control, Bill.  Why do you think this is a problem?"

Bill grimaced.  "I didn't know."

"Neither did she until Ethan told Luna," Harry said dryly.  Bill shuddered at even the thought of Ethan and Luna.  "The other Banes are presently going over who they can sic her on.  The list is being narrowed down to a few people, none of which will be happy."

"I might miss tits, but not that much," Draco complained suddenly.

"I do not want to know about that," Bill said quickly, getting up and leaving them there, taking Harry with him so the couple could fight.

Xander looked at his mate, then sighed and shrugged.  "We can turn her down.  It's not like I need it. You wear me out better than anyone and it'll only be a distraction in your training."  He gave him a gentle kiss then smiled.  "Then again, it'd give you whole new reasons to get jealous too."

"I don't get jealous," Draco defended.

"You do.  You even got jealous of Philip," he taunted, grinning at him.

"I'm not jealous," he said firmly.  "Besides, it can't be that good and I'd rather stick to only great sex."

Xander kissed the pouty lips, smiling at him.  "Me too, babe.  We can turn her down."

"If we do, she could be blown to bits."

"Well, more like she could blow us all to hell and back," he admitted. "She'll have to have some way to control the surges her lust is going to create in the magic.  Just like most normal first times."

"That's a myth," Draco snorted.

"Only for Veela," Xander said smugly.  "The rest of us get it."  Draco gaped.  Xander nodded.  "I nearly destroyed a damn island during mine and that was with a vela."  Draco just continued to gape.  "So she'll be under an emotionally controlling and binding spell, which will be forcing magnitudes of lust that most people don't ever get, she'll be having her first time each and every time, and she'll need someone that it's just a casual thing with.  Know anyone?  They're running out of options."

"I don't need or want to hear this," Ron moaned as he sat up, holding his head.  "Where's that blighter brother of mine?"

"Out with Harry," Xander told him.  "Remember, do not toss him into the fertility well, it could work on him.  Then he'd have little clones since he won't sleep with anyone in the field."  Ron blushed and forced himself to get up and go outside.  Xander looked at Draco again, watching him shake his head free of that thought.  "It us or Sev or her and Luna and Ginny."

"Not bloody likely!" Ron yelled.  "My woman!"

"Ron, quit swearing before I tell mam!" Bill yelled at him.  "You need a good soaping."

"Oh, bite me."

Xander chuckled and shook his head, leaning in to get a kiss.  "Up to you, dear."

"Fine, but it had better not be twice a year."

"Then make sure her mare conceives," Xander teased.  "Besides, she's going to have to do something so *she* doesn't conceive.  Otherwise we're all in trouble with her mother."

Draco shuddered.  "Eww.  Don't say shit like that."  He stole a hard and fast kiss.  "Tell them we can offer if she wants."

Xander touched the tattoo on his arm, sending that thought around the network.  They all paused and mentally gaped at him so he added in a 'Draco said so, that way she doesn't destroy the world and make him have to do his own housework'.  That got some laughs and many understanding mental nods.  The plan was set, they'd feel Ginny when she started to go off and Sev would be getting a portkey from them to bring her wherever they were.  Not the best plan but it'd have to do.  Even if the Headmaster did look appalled, but really pleased by the thought.


Grissom walked into Greg's lab holding a small stone tablet.  "I know it's not your field," he offered, handing it over. "But it looked like something I caught sight of in one of your older books.  Do you have any ideas?"

Greg looked at the stone, then turned it sideways, frowning a bit.  "Not yet.  Give me a few hours.  There's got to be something.  Was this at a crime scene?"  Grissom nodded.  "What sort?  It could help."

"Homicide.  Looked like they were bashed in pretty badly.  Broken ribs, fractured skull, David said a possible broken spine as well."

"Hmm."  Greg nodded. "Sure.  Give me an hour."  Grissom patted him on the back and left, going to his office.  Greg looked over the tablet, frowning a bit.  He knew he had seen this before.  Somewhere.  No, it couldn't be….  He called his wife.  "Honey, can you send me that small, black book we got for Cassie the other day?"  He grinned.  "Within the hour. I think someone was using the code at a crime scene.  No, I'm sitting here looking at it and it looks just like that page we decoded together."  He grinned.  "Sure.  I'll catch.  Thanks, babe.  No, Alex and Draco ended up volunteering.  Are you all right? You should tired."  He gave a silly grin to the phone.  "I love you too.  Take a nap if you can.  I'll be home on time tonight.  Love you."  He hung up and sat down to wait.  She banished the book to him and he caught it, dragging it into his office.  Then he sat down to work on it.


Greg walked his special clear chalkboard into the meeting room.  "Like the days of old, so are we going to play 'what's this symbol," he announced.  Grissom stared at him in horror.  "Tough, boss.  Yes, I did figure it out.  I am brilliant after all."  He smiled at him. He drew the first one.  "Anyone?"  They all looked mystified.  He put up the next one.

Hodges sat up.  "I've seen that.  Where?"

Greg smirked at him.  "So did I.  Oh, they're bad artists."   He drew the next one.  "Anyone this time?"

"I've seen that too," Catherine said, looking confused.  "But it wasn't something I was reading for work."

"Nor would it be since it's from a fantasy novel," Greg announced, putting up the third one.  "It's also an alphabetical code."

"It's Fairy code!" Hodges said, smirking at him.

"Right you are," Greg agreed, tossing the book at him, then handing the paper to Grissom.  "Straight from book one, page one.  And they're still bad artists."

"What's that book about?" Grissom asked.

"It's a fairly popular young adult series about a criminal prodigy genius and the fairies trying to stop him."

"One of yours?"

"Nope, all muggle," Greg said fondly, smirking at Nick.  "You'd like it. You can borrow our set since you're supposed to be in bed."  Nick moaned.  "Tough, you know better.  You had a treatment today.  Go home."

"I'm going insane!" he complained.

Greg got down next to his ear.  "Does anyone realize you went dumpster diving right after a treatment, macho guy?"  Nick shuddered. "You've got ten seconds to hightail it to your car before I tell the boss."  He stood up again.  "Time's ticking."  Nick moaned and shook his head, putting it down.  "Gris, the last time Nick went dumpster diving was when?"

"Um, the Branson case."

"The Michals case," Greg corrected.

"But that was after he started doing the laser treatments," Warrick said.

"Nick!" Catherine yelled, slapping him hard on the shoulder.  "You…you stubborn dumbass!  How dare you macho your way into getting worse!"

"I didn't even think about it," he complained, rubbing the sore spot.  "Easy on me.  I'm still tender."

"You were trying to prove you were okay and a big, macho stud by doing the normal amount of work and nearly killing yourself in the process," Grissom said, frowning at him. "I'm disappointed in you, Nick."

"I can't sit and do nothing all day, Grissom.  I'll worry and I'll start to do odd stuff and I'll end up going insane."

Greg checked his skin.  "Totally dry and non-oily too."  He swatted Nick as well.  "Do not make me put a compulsion on you to put on sunscreen, Nick.  I will add something embarrassing to it as well."  Nick blushed.  "Got me here?"  Nick nodded, looking guilty.  "Good.  Who do you want to drive you home?"

"I'm fine."

"Shut up."

"I'm fine!"

"You're not!" Greg yelled back.

"I am fine!   It's nothing!  The treatments are going fine!  I'm fine!  They said I'm doing fine!  That I can come back!"

Greg pulled his wand.  "Petrificus totalus."   Nick went totally stiff and Catherine had to make him lean against the table.  Greg glared at him.  "You're not fine.   Not yet anyway.  When you are fine, we'll let you come back.  Until you're totally fine and have been cleared and are no longer going through laser peeling treatments that do expose your skin to many more germs than usual while slowly weakening your immune system, I'm afraid we're going to have to take some extreme measures."  Nick's eyes widened and he tried to turn his head.  "Oh, yes, we will," he said with an evil smirk.  "I'll be right back," he announced, summoning his portkey and taking Nick with him.  He floated him into their new house and up to an empty room, sticking him in the bed.  "Somulus," he hissed, flicking at him again.  Nick fell asleep and he shook his head, removing the binding while adding another dose of the sleeping spell in case.  He went to find his wife, who was curled up on the couch watching an old movie on TCM.  "I put Nick in bed."

"I thought I saw you floating him.  Why?"  She smiled up at him.  "Did that book really help?"

"Someone was leaving fairy coded messages at a crime scene."  He kissed her gently.  "He went dumpster diving after his second treatment."

"Oh, really?" she asked, grinning at him.  "Wonderful news.  I take it we're taking care of him?"

"Yup, and let 'San fuss over him all she wants this time.  Remind him she gets to fuss because he was being macho and dumb."  He kissed her again. "Gotta get back.  I'll be back tonight."

"Love you too, go work."  She gave him a playful shove and he grinned before heading off.  She got up and went to check on Nick, closing the door and locking it magically since he had a bathroom in there.  She'd let the kids play with him later.   She heard a noise outside and looked out, then snorted and grabbed her wand from the coffee table, pointing it at them.  "Dominor mens. Deleo quod abiego."  She watched as the wannabe potions masters scurried off, smirking at their complaints about not being able to find her supposedly bad ass husband.  She had done this to them nineteen times in the last year; someday she'd have to tell them she was the bad ass, not Greg.

Then again, some day she's have to tell Greg she was the bad ass.  She really didn't want to disappoint her pookie, he might pout and she'd never get anything done until he quit.


Greg looked up as Sarah walked in, looking confused.  "What's wrong?  And how's Yun?  I haven't heard about him recently."

"Oh, he's off having fun with some of his college buddies," she said, waving a hand around.  "At least I managed to get him past some of the worst habits, like inviting half the town over and having sex in the living room."  She looked at him.  "What did you do to Nick earlier?"

"I basically turned him into a living statue who could still hear, thinking, and breathe.  Then I portkeyed him home and put him into bed, where I forced him to sleep.  'Mil's letting the kids torture him later for being that bad to himself."

"Oh, okay."   She still looked confused.  "Couldn't you do that to those guys who came in to attack you?  That curse looked really painful."

"Curses at that level can be blocked or ducked.  Nick couldn't do that so I managed to get him."  He grinned weakly.  "I'm not the best dueler we've ever put out.  McGonagall, now she kicks butt," he assured her.  "Alex, Philip, Blair used to, and a few others, but I'm one of the tragic smart ones who needs to be protected.  Which is why it's so great that Emilia can hex the pants off any worm who tries to show up at the house."  He leaned closer.  "She doesn't think I know she can, but I caught her."   He went back to his latest sample.  "Last I heard you were thinking about a call to Mistress Heather.  Have to resort to it?"

"No.  Well, not really.  I did find her webpage and the hints on it and I did write her an email and she had some good tips.  She decided positive reinforcement works best for him."

"So, how many days on the calendar in your locker?" he teased.

"One-hundred-ninety-one," she sighed.  "Then I'll be a free woman.  He's driving me insane."

"He's a young guy, we can be like that at times," Greg reminded her.  "So, anything else on that homicide?"

"Not really.  Well, there was another one and it was in the same language, but it wasn't from the books.  We're decoding the message now.  It's a fairly simplistic code."

"The author gave it out in book one and in the little accessory book I handed over earlier," he promised.  "It's a pretty good series.  Someone might want to read it to see if anything else jives."

"Grissom already told Hodges to and gave him the particulars.  He's busy rereading the first book at the moment."  She shook her head.  "I never understood the allure of fantasy like that."

"It's escapism, Sarah.  Plain and simple.  You get to go somewhere else for a while.  Even if you can't believe in fairies and things, it's well written and enjoyable."

"Oh.  I guess."  She shrugged. "I left some samples last night…."  He presented the results to her.  "Thanks Greg."  She headed back to her work area, going back to work.  She still didn't understand.  Did guys like Greg, who used magic, still have to read about those things?"

Greg chuckled as he shrunk down into his animagus form and went to lay under his heat lamp.  She'd never understand.  Sarah was too rigid of a thinker for fantasy or sci-fi.  He'd have been surprised if she had done more than heard of Star Trek.

The End.

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