The Start of Something Big.
The Governor of Hawaii smiled as the man was let into her office. "Detective Sgt. Williams, thank you for coming."
"You don't usually talk to me, ma'am. Is there a problem with the unit?"
"No, I'm about to give you a slight head's up that will probably drive
you somewhat slightly insane for a bit." She smiled. "I was
given word today that your cousin is in residence permanently.
Apparently he's being assigned out here to handle some long term project
and retire slightly."
Danny 'Danno' Williams blinked a few times. "You got warned my cousin is coming?"
"A lot of us governors really do not like the Council and we tend to
panic a little bit when they show up so we get a head's up when they're
coming." She smiled. "Though I'm told your cousin is
charming when he wants to be and is quite a lot like a more fun version
of your boss."
Danny nodded. "Yeah, slightly the last time I saw him. Any idea where he is or when he's showing up?"
"Today and he's around here somewhere. Probably scaring others by being Council."
"Sounds like him, yeah. Thank you for the head's up and
warning." He left, going on a hunch back to his office.
Xander had ways of finding him when he wanted to. He found him
staring at the building. "We have a/c," he offered.
Xander grinned at him. "That's always good with how hot it must get in the summer."
Danny stared at him. "I know I haven't seen you in like six years,
but what the fuck happened to your eye? You never mentioned that
in any phone calls or letters you've sent."
"The usual." He shrugged. "All the wackiness that was my
life." He grinned. "So, I'm being retired here."
"We're so going to talk."
Xander hugged him. "I look forward to it. You can help make sure I'm going to stay sane."
"Assignment?" he guessed.
"Oh so important but a Willow created problem."
Danny stared at him. "The redheaded menace did something else?"
"Yeah. Lots and lots of things. But hey, now Monkey has some playmates." He grinned.
"You spawned?" His hands went to his hips. "I haven't even
heard that you were dating, just that you disappeared to Africa for a
bit. Now you show up with a kid?"
"Not quite. Slightly, kinda though."
"Inside." He walked him into the office. "People, this is my
cousin Xander. He's just been retired out here for *some*
"Willow was watching a movie and was thinking about how she wasn't going
to have kids with her girlfriend. She thought that it'd take
someone like the guys on the movie to love her for all that we do for
the world. And then her magic addiction slipped *hugely* big
Danny gaped, staring at him. "Excuse me?"
"Yeah. But hey, not ending the world this time."
Danny blinked a few times. "Did she make herself pregnant?"
"Are they real?"
"I'm picking them up later." Xander grinned at him. "So
Monkey will have a few new playmates. They're all at the crawling
Danny shuddered. "They? As in more than one?"
"They, as in five." He beamed. "Five boys. Who used to
be commandos. So I'm here to guard you guys from the demonic
problems while I raise them to be future commandos or whatever they want
to be this time."
Danny moaned and shook his head. "Did someone finally beat the shit out of Willow?"
"No. Giles cleaned his glasses, bought her a plane ticket back to
Devon. Buffy complained more about my last date than this.
Dawn cooed over them, totally disgusting them." He grinned
again. "Faith handed them baby weapons and cheered them on."
"Oh, God no," Danny complained. His teammates were all
staring. All but the boss because Steve wasn't in yet. He
looked at him. "Can I go beat her?"
"Sure. Since she's the cause of another problem, which is why they
sent me at my very nice, very talented, very uptight police officer
cousin." Danny stared at him. "Ask your boss."
"He's off at a court hearing or I would. You tell me."
"Classified." He sat down and leaned back, hands behind his
head. "Though I'm pretty sure he knows about me. Because I'm
pretty sure at one point in time that his former bosses were going to
try to kill my pretty ass."
"Why?" one of the other detectives asked.
Xander grinned, holding out a hand. "Hi, Xander Harris, retired
Watchers Council." The man moaned but shook it. Xander
grinned. "There was a few different times when people wanted to
take us out. I know two went through the SEALs to capture and
possibly kill at all costs. Once because someone decided that we
brought the problems, which was right after the invasion, and the other
because they decided we were too dangerous and they'd like to take that
duty over. Then the SEALs decided they *really* hated demon
hunters. I ran into one group of them in Africa but I kinda
drugged them and left them in the middle of the jungle so I wouldn't be
killed." The door opened. "Hey, it's Mr. So Uptight He Needs
A Hooker. Hey, I'm Danny's cousin."
Steve stopped, staring at him. Normally he would've hit someone
who just insulted him that way. Since he knew what might happen if
he did, he'd let him live for now. "What are you doing here?" he
"I got retired due to a few problems and I'm here to guard all the
pretty people and you from anything that happens." He
grinned. "All of which I can't explain and I'm sure you got
briefed at one point in time."
"I did," he admitted. "I'm fairly glad my team got waylaid on the
way to take you out, Harris." Xander grinned. "You handled
that terrorist fairly well while we were pinned down." His hand
wanted to go for his gun. That smug grin was clearly
trouble. "Why are you on my island?"
Xander stood up. "Willow oops'd again."
"Is the world ending?" Steve asked.
"No, she was thinking some commandos in a movie would be the only kid she'd ever be able to be loved by."
Steve blinked a few times. "I've seen briefing sheets of some
pretty crazy things she's done." Danny was wiping off his mouth
again, clearly agitated. "What did she do this time?"
"I'm going to be raising them." He grinned. "Five boys."
"So why are you *here*?"
"They wanted me near my overly talented cousin." He head nodded at
Danny. "For reasons I can't tell him." Steve glared.
He smirked. "What did that briefing say beyond watching out for
whoever I was dating?"
"That was a warning," Steve agreed. "They even put it into large
type." Xander grinned. "Also something about weapons?
Which had better not be on my island."
"No comment. Would you want to leave weapons by Buffy and Willow?"
he asked at the more intense glare. "Weapons are nasty," he
mimicked. "Unless you need the artillery. Guns just aren't
what slayers use, Xander."
"I can't believe humanity is being protected by a valley girl," Steve
muttered, shaking his head. "No weapons on my island.
"Suck it," Xander shot back. "I'm here to protect you guys since
you guys have a seriously nice sacrificial cult started among the
peaceful demons. They're trying to call back a few old ones.
So far they're only hitting other peaceful demons. Oh, and you
have like seven vamps on the island as of this morning." Steve
started to growl. "I will remind you I have presidential
permission to stock an apocalypse cabinet as I see fit. I will
also allow my cousin to come help me pet them with the boys."
"Not good enough."
"I'll let him have borrowing rights too," Xander said. "Other than
that, you can't override the president. Though I'm pretty sure
wherever Giles set me up isn't going to be adequate. He was
talking three bedrooms for me and the five boys. And maybe Dawn
for vacations." Xander shook his head. "If so, we'll figure
something out. I'll let you guys monitor it, otherwise I wouldn't
have mentioned it being around, and I'll let you borrow but otherwise
you're not the president." He stared him down.
"Your file mentioned other threats," Steve said.
Xander nodded. "Which was another Willow fuck-up of major
proportions and why Giles got me away from the girls. Just in case
if we're talking about the same thing." He glanced at his cousin
then back at Steve. "But that's classified."
Steve hauled him into his office, Danny making it in there before Steve
could slam the door. "He's right, it's classified as Presidential
oversight only, Danno."
"Yay." He looked at his cousin. "Classified?
Really? With all I know about you, which is usually *way* too
much, now you pull out *classified* as a reason not to tell me
"Way back when, when I was newly working construction and still hunting,
I fell into a burial chamber," he said very quietly, staring at
him. "Onto the remains." Danny shuddered. "They very
nicely infected me with things in thanks for that. On Thanksgiving
"Someone got some of his blood after Sunnydale fell, during the
post-apocalypse battle med checks," Steve said. "We found some
things that made us all *real* worried he'd be taken out by one of his
dates." He glared at him. "You're not allowed to date while
you're here either."
"Again, suck me. I got assigned to raise the boys that Willow
pulled from another universe and made really little. I'm not
spending the rest of my life alone."
"I know he dates evil bitches," Danny said.
"And arms dealers," Steve said.
"Hey, easier arresting," Danny quipped back, glaring at his boss and friend.
"I'd rather he not draw them here."
"Well, small issue since I got sick in Africa too," Xander said
quietly. "And then Willow was complaining about my blood issues,
as she calls it, in public. In a mall. While surrounded by
tons of mundanes who were staring at her in awe for being Willow fucking
Rosenburg." Steve shuddered. "When I heard, I moved to a
hidden spot. Because my last few dates hadn't heard about that but
they had some minions watching Willow to see if she could be tortured
without me caring."
"Who were you dating?" Steve demanded a bit too calmly. Xander
pulled out his wallet and handed over pictures. Steve stared then
at him. "No. Not on my island."
"It's me or you get Buffy. And then the babies and I go into
hiding here anyway. The *president* said I'm to be near my cousin
so I have a liaison I can trust to run to when and if something
happens. Also to help guard the kids because the president thinks
I'm insane." He grinned. "He decided I was to come to this
cousin due to his service. When he heard you're here too, he got
that happy evil look that he gets when he sends you guys to take out
dictators who cheated at presidential poker games. Though he did
say I could flirt with you if you wanted because it'd only make me safer
and he was sure you were dangerous enough for me."
"Not happening," Steve growled.
Xander shrugged. "Just reporting what he said." He handed
over a folded envelope from his wallet. "My orders are
yours." He let him read them while he looked at his cousin.
"I'm going to be late picking up the boys. One of the vengeance
demons is moving them out here so Willow can't find them as easily."
"We can follow you home," Danny promised. "That way we make sure you've got what you need for the day."
"I probably need groceries. I haven't found the house yet."
Steve handed over one of the sheets from the envelope. He looked
and handed it over with a grin. "If it's not adequate I'll sell it
and use that plus my retirement funds to up it."
"We can check," Steve assured him. He stared at him. "You
cause me one bit of problems and I'm arresting you and letting the kids
go to your cousin."
Xander smirked. "I'm here to guard your sour ass too.
Because in six weeks that cult's going to move to humans." Steve
shuddered. "Beyond that, if I cause you problems I'd be really
surprised. Unless I start sending you succuba to make you loosen
Steve glared. "Don't even think about it. I'm not uptight."
"Sure you're not. Really." He walked off shaking his head. "Car's this way, cousin?"
"Yeah." He walked off after shooting Steve a glare. He
talked to Xander about what plans he had and what had been moved out
here. Xander wasn't happy and he could tell that he was bordering
on really mad so he had to calm him down. Once they were both in
the car he looked at Xander. "Steve retired because his father was
killed by an arms dealer named Hess," he said quietly.
"I know them. He's very anti-gay boy Xander. I only met him
once but he sneered that I was being cheerful that day. We got
into a fist fight but his brother pulled a gun. I pulled something
I had hidden for the battle later that night and they decided to leave
my pretty ass alone."
"If you hear, we desperately want that guy," Danny said, staring at him.
"Okay. I don't want him on my planet anyway."
"Good." He took the directions back and drove them off. The
house was quiet and empty. It was a little house, tiny living
room. Three bedrooms. Almost a kitchen. "This is not a
good sign," he complained.
"No it's not." He checked. "No groceries so I need to find a
way to get some later." He saw a flash and looked out
there. "Giles bought here?"
"He said it was inexpensive."
"Great," he sighed. "There goes my retirement fund." He came
out to gather the babies. "Hi, guys. It's me again."
They all scowled. He grinned. "I know but damned if she can
undo it. So therefore you get to be toddlers and all that
again. But as a great thing, my cousin's boss is a SEAL and you
guys can nag him about your conditioning when you're older. All
right?" That made some of them happier. One was still
scowling. "Let's put you guys in your rooms for now." He
took the first two and Danny took another one. "Let's let them
room together." He nodded and switched out.
"Okay, Jensen, Cougar, Pooch, this is your room," Xander said, putting
his two down in their cribs. Cougar was still scowling.
Xander leaned on the rail of the crib. "I'll buy you a baby cowboy
hat if you want," he offered. He handed him the stuffed rifle he
had found. "That's yours too." Cougar was still
scowling. Xander got into the boxes in there, putting a familiar
hat on the top of the crib. "When you're older, you can wear it
then." Cougar grinned at him. "Okay?" Cougar
nodded. "Good boy."
He patted his stomach and moved to look at Jensen, who was looking at
everything. Xander gave him the stuffed cougar and Jensen cackled,
patting it. He grinned. "We'll figure it out and maybe
you'll teach me how to use a computer when you're older, Jensen."
He tucked him in. "Pooch, you good?" He kissed him on the
forehead, earning a fierce scowl. Xander smirked at him.
"Until you're big enough to whip my ass, you're going to get cuddles,
forehead kisses, baths, diaper changes, and all that. You might as
well get used to it, dude." He tucked him in. "We'll let
you find a car to tinker with but until then I got you a stuffed
truck." He pointed at it. Pooch patted it.
They went to get the other two, him picking up Clay. "When you're
old enough to talk, you guys can work stuff out with Roque. Until
then, he's your brother. You have to put up with it. It does
not matter until you're old enough to thump him around. And maybe
by then he'll be able to apologize and explain himself. Even if
it will still be a problem, you have to deal with it for now. So I
will have peace and quiet, even with Jensen babbling. If you two
want to fight, do it when you're older. Because I'm not real used
to this fatherhood stuff so we're going to figure it out
Clay was scowling at him. He stared at him. "Its me or
Dawn." Clay shook his head. Xander grinned. "Didn't
think you'd like the cute outfits she'd put you in." He carried
him to his bed and came back for Roque. "We'll deal with your shit
later too, Roque. It's not time for that yet." He kissed
him on the forehead. Roque scowled. "Like I told the other
one, you have to put up with it until you can kick my ass." Danny
was laughing. He tucked him in and handed him the stuffed
knife. "Yours?" He left them alone, going to call
Giles. He pointed the camera around the house, getting a
scowl. "Do I have a storage area too? My books won't fit
Giles winced. "No. We can figure things out."
Xander nodded. "If I have to, I'll move up to a bigger house."
"Real estate out there is horrendously expensive."
"That's because it's an island and they can't add more houses," Xander quipped with a grin.
Giles nodded. "Which is why all I found was around a million dollars."
Danny moved into view, shaking his head. "There's cheaper things
that're going to be bigger and safer. Because the roof looks sad."
Xander looked up. "I can fix that." Danny smirked at
him. "Even with only one eye." He looked at the
monitor. "Speaking of, some of my stuff isn't here?"
"Dawn was handling that. She put it on a ship last night.
You should have about sixty percent of your things and most of the boys'
"Maybe," Xander admitted. "Jensen's box isn't here." Giles sighed
and nodded, making a note. "Or my stuff from my trips?"
"That should be."
"The axe and those things?"
"I have no idea. She couldn't have meant you to be without weapons. Speaking of, the apocalypse closet?"
"I'm not leaving that there for Buffy to have PMS on the bra shop that won't fit her anymore."
"That's more than reasonable. I know you left us some things and
we only need to call. I'll talk to Dawn. Jerry has moved
your accounts out that way."
"It'd be nice if I knew where," Xander said dryly.
"I'll call him in a few hours." He hung up and went to check on those things.
Xander shook his head quickly, closing down the program. Dawn appeared scowling. "Three of my past ex's are here."
"Fuck," she said, disappearing and coming back with a bunch of
stuff. "The books are on the ship with your clothes. This is
your stuff from Africa and some of the weapons. Jensen's box is
on the ship." She disappeared again.
"Thank you." He and his cousin moved things where they needed to
go. He called the Council's financial person. "Jerry,
Xander. Where are you sticking things? Well, I'm out here,"
he said dryly. "So are the boys. Yes, them. They're in
their cribs." He rolled his eye. "Yeah, like today would be
good since we have no groceries and my wallet with more than my ID and
ten bucks for traveling snacks is apparently on the ship with my
books." He got into a box. "Please do. Yes, same phone
number. I'll change it sometime next week. Thanks,
man." He hung up and called his other one. "It's Xander
Harris, is Bill in?" He got transferred. "I'm in
Hawaii. The house is *tiny* and needs fixed.
"Jerry hasn't moved my bank account yet. We have no groceries and
my wallet is apparently on a ship." He listened to what he could
do but it'd take a day or so. "That's fine. We can handle
that tonight somehow. Maybe I'll go fish or something.
Create a fire pit." He rubbed his forehead. "Thank you,
Bill. Yeah, all of it. Apparently we have to really do some
house work. Thanks, man." He hung up and got into another
box with a sigh. His cousin was staring. "Sorry you
had to see that. We had things planned."
"I remember how that went when I moved." He leaned against a wall. "There's places you can't fish."
"I figured there were." He grinned. "I'll go hit on an ex
for pizza tonight." He found that phone and the number in the
contacts list. He walked off out back calling him. "Tom,
Xander." He listened to the complaining. "No, actually I
just retired to raise the boys that Willow summoned." He
grinned. "Yeah, me, kids. It was me or Buffy, Tom." He
heard the shudder. "I know you're in Hawaii. Can you spot
me fifty until they finally get my bank account out here? There's
no food. I can go without but they can't. No, the financial
guy is going to have it here tomorrow."
He grinned at his railing. "That's all the favors I need.
I'm going to have to fix up the house. Giles went with
cheap. I'm going to do that tomorrow even if it's not," he
admitted. "Where is that?" He made mental notes.
"That's cool. I'll bring the boys. Thank you." He read
off the address. "That's us. I know but it's safe enough
and I've at least got a knife at the moment. The rest is
coming." He grinned. "Thanks, Tom." He hung up and
sighed, looking over the tiny back yard. There was a tree.
There was a black and white cat up the tree staring at him.
"Kitty, are you all right?" It continued to stare so he let it
stay there. He went back inside. "One of my ex's will give
me pizza and formula money for tonight. Tomorrow I'll handle the
Danny stared at him. "Are you sane?"
"No. The girls drove me nuts for way too long. That's why I
can talk about bra shopping when your daughter's old enough."
Danny swatted him, scowling. Xander stared back. "What!"
"You called an ex?"
"Yeah. He's local. He thought I was a smartass but great in bed. He won't hurt me or the boys."
Danny looked up. "Why me?" He looked at his cousin. "With what you've dated, how dangerous is this one?"
"Former LAPD SWAT turned assassin that only does bad people?"
"Excuse me?" Danny demanded.
"Yeah. Can't prove it. The NYPD has tried a few times but they can't do it either."
Danny squeezed his eyes shut then walked off shaking his head to check
on the boys. They'd talk about this later. The boys were
quietly napping. He called his daughter. "Hey, Monkey, I got
news for you. Your cousin Xander is out here. He just moved
with his sons." Jensen snuffled so he petted the blond hair and
he fell asleep again. "Yeah, so you have five little cousins to
play with. Sure, tell your mom." He walked back out there,
smiling at his insane, frustrating cousin. "Rachel, Xander's
"Hi, Rachel," Xander said next to the phone. "Willow oops'd and gave me five sons."
Danny smirked at him. "She's praying for your sanity."
"I appreciate that. Tell her Monkey can come play once I fix the
roof." He went to answer the door. "Hi. Who're you?"
"I was mostly in a corner when you were in the office." He walked in. "Danny, we good? Need stuff?"
"He called an ex to get some cash until his bank account gets out
here." He went back to talking to his ex-wife, who had adored
Xander. She promised to be over that night, even if the roof was a
bit leaky. With the baby of course. By then, the messenger
was there with the money for Xander. Xander hugged him and came
back inside. "Want me to pick up some formula or baby food? I
doubt you know what babies eat."
"I've seen what some native babies eat," Xander said.
"Yeah, not quite the same," Danny said. "Yeah, doing that now,
Rachel. Thanks." He hung up and went to check. "Size
two diapers." He took the money and walked off. He'd ignore
the dirty minded note included. He did not want to what the insane
ex of his insane cousin wanted to do to him to keep up the
babies. It might give him nightmares.
Steve showed up that night, once everyone else had left Xander with the
kids. He found Xander tempting one of them to eat. "Do I
know that movie?" he asked.
"Maybe. It came out a few months ago." He held up the
spoon. "If you don't eat, I'm dropping an NG tube." The baby
suddenly really liked oatmeal. He grinned. "Thank
you." He looked over. "New problems?"
"You talked to an ex already?"
"My bank account isn't here yet. No food in the house."
"I can understand that." He sat down, staring back at the kids. "What were they?"
"Huh. When they're older we can make sure they make it back to
that shape." He looked at the younger soldier. "I want you
to cause us absolutely no problem. No dragging Danno into
things. No insane battles that get notice. Nothing like it."
"That last one isn't usually my call. It happens where they want and you have to plan it however it lays."
"I get that. If so, I want warned first. I might be able to get you some backup."
Xander stared him down. "Were you sent on both attempts to kill me or just the one?"
"Just the one. That other team got retired and put on mental watch because you made them a bit too sorry."
Xander shrugged. "I'm not going to lay down and die."
"Good. Don't cause us any hell."
"I'm making contact tomorrow with a few so I can brag on the boys. That way they know who they are."
"I can understand that urge but I really wish you wouldn't."
Xander shrugged. "Sorry but it'll make them safer." The baby
grunted. "Sorry, Clay. Don't worry, I can introduce you to
all sorts of really neat people who'll be horrified that I'm raising you
guys." He grinned. "But they'd never hurt you because
they're sure I'd end them and then possibly the world. Because
let's face it, if I ruined six blocks in Russia for them taking one of
my slayers to medically experiment on, I'm going to end the world about
you guys." Clay made a happy sound. Xander smiled and fed
him more oatmeal.
"I heard about that," Steve said. He wouldn't say that he heard
about it while some higher ups were thinking about declaring him too
dangerous again. Most of the people who had panicked had
agreed he was doing the right thing and they'd do the same but he was
considered fairly scary by most of them to this day.
"I didn't realize they had built that underground lab so shittily," Xander admitted. "It fell in."
Steve nodded. "I'd do that same thing over Danno's
daughter." He looked at the kids then back at the older kid.
"Do not cause me any problems. I've got enough problems as is."
Xander stared at him. "You do realize that I'm actually a decent
resource if they pissed me off?" Steve nodded, smirking
some. "We'll see. Some things I can't stop."
"On a ship apparently. If not, I'll have someone go steal it."
"They might put it back onto the market."
"No they won't. They were my pets for a very long time." He grinned. "And the girls would get it back for me."
"I don't want to know." He stood up. "Call him if you need
fatherhood advice. He's a pretty decent one." He left, going
home to think on his beach. The kid was unsettling his orderly
world. Harris brought chaos, it was a well known fact. Could
Hawaii really handle the chaos?
Xander looked at Clay, shrugging a bit. "I told him earlier he
needed a hooker to fix that uptightness." Clay laughed.
Xander grinned and got him a bottle. "Just think, six more months
and you're on solid food only." When he was done he got changed
and put back into bed. Because his water was still off.
Giles hadn't arranged anything for him beyond the electric. So he
had some work to do tomorrow.
Xander walked the stroller into the bar, shrugging at the horrified looks. "Willow."
"I heard," one of the guys said, backing up. "Five?"
"She was watching a movie." They all groaned. "Is Fredrick here yet?"
"No," they all said. One texted him.
"Thanks." Xander sat down next to one of his ex's, plucking Roque
up because Clay and Pooch were trying to beat him. "I said work it
out when you're older, guys." He adjusted Roque's shirt.
"Keep scowling, they'll think it's adorable." Roque slunk against
his chest and tried to hide his face. Xander patted him on the
back. "We'll figure it out. I'll be a great dad and you will
all be less insane and more creative." Roque snorted but let it
go. He grinned at the others. "This is Roque." A few
muttered and one kicked a wall. "Speaking of, anyone know where
Home Depot is? Because I have to fix the roof."
"It's got a leaky roof?" one of the guys that knew him asked.
"Yeah. And a shaky back porch. Giles said everything was
really expensive." That got a groan. "So I'll fix it to my
standards slowly." They all nodded. "By the way, I got told
about a sacrificial cult."
"The one on Lanai or another one?" the bartender asked.
"Demonic hitting on the peaceful demons but is moving to humans.
Is that one human?" The bartender nodded. "Tell me and I'll
fix it, guys." They all smiled. "Damned if I want them near
the kids. They might want them for being adorable at this age."
"Sure," the bartender said, making a call. Someone huffed in. "Him, Fredrick."
Xander grinned. "My accounts are late and I owe Tom fifty for last night's dinner."
"Why come to me?"
"Stuff I found in Africa?"
Fredrick sat down, staring at the boys. "I heard from one of the
slayers." Xander grinned, waving Roque's hand. Roque growled
and got cuddled. "You're going to be insane."
"Yeah, probably." He used his free hand to dig into his
pocket. "I brought you six so you can pick three." He put
the six gems on the table.
"You *found* them?" Fredrick demanded.
Xander smirked. "Technically I found three of them on the guy that
had me hostage. The other three I mined when he supposedly had me
as a slave in his mine before I killed him for trying to take me
"I heard about that. Thank you, he was an asshole."
"Yeah, he decided I was too gay to be tough enough to take him out and
he was working with a demonic arms dealer." He shrugged. "No
great loss to humanity."
"No, not really. Though his daughter was cute."
"That's why he decided I was gay. I didn't want her clap. No matter how virginal he proclaimed her to be."
"We heard," another guy complained. "And it was syphilis."
"Eww. Even worse. That's a lot harder to treat." A few of the guys laughed. "So anyway, Fredrick?"
"Twelve thousand, tops."
"I can use that to stock the kitchen and fix the roof. Though I'm
thinking about adding a second level to solve some of my problems."
"I know where you live. It's a dump," Fredrick said, pulling out his wallet. "Check?"
"My wallet's on the ship with the books. That's how Dawn sent
them." They all groaned. "Yeah, exactly. Though my
cousin is worried that I'll warp all of you guys." He
grinned. A few shook their heads and moaned at that.
Fredrick looked at him. "Your cousin has a dangerous job."
"I suggested a succuba or a pro to help his boss with that broomstick up
the ass problem he has." Jensen laughed. Xander grinned and
petted down his hair. "He needs it, yeah." He grinned.
"Let me get it cashed." He got up and left, leaving the stones
there. He came back a few minutes later and changed it out.
Xander got up to hand his ex the fifty bucks he owed him then took the
boys out. Fredrick sat down with a huff. "Is it going to
make Hawaii more dangerous to work on?"
"Probably not," Tom said with a smile. "Though if there's huge problems, he's going to be helping."
The others saluted Xander's lack of sanity. Those kids were going to be more insane than they were on the movie.
Xander looked at his cousin's daughter as she stormed into the
house. "Hi, Monkey." She squealed and hugged him. He
cuddled her back, carrying her into the bedroom. "Grace, this is
Jake, Carlos, and Linwood." He carried her to the other
room. "This is Frank and that's Roque. His mommy didn't give
me a first name that I've heard."
She looked at him. "You had babies with a lot of wives."
He grinned. "Willow made sure I had kids." She wiggled
down. He put her on the step stool he had gotten for her.
"They're still pretty little but they can hold their heads up and eat
"That's cool. I can help feed them."
"Yes you can." She ran out to tell her father while he grabbed
Pooch. "C'mon, let's let Monkey there feed you a bottle."
Linwood belched but he accepted that. He was still one of the
calmest of the kids. Cougar hated to be cuddled. She settled
on the couch with the baby and a bottle. Pooch decided it was
good and ate for her. She cooed and told him a story.
Danny grinned at his girl. "You're so good at that." He looked at Xander. "Roof?"
"Someone's coming tomorrow. They said it'll take two days. It'll eat most of my safety cushion."
"How did you get that?"
"Stuff I found in Africa." Xander grinned.
"You went to Africa?" Danny's daughter asked.
"I did." He found one of his photo albums and sat down on her free
side to show her. "This is one of the villages I trained someone
"Wow. Real natives in real native clothes." They went over
the pictures and she got very happy, asking if she could bring them to
show and tell. He agreed. She beamed at her father and they
burped Pooch together. Xander brought out the others so she could
tell them a story about some of her school friends.
Danny went to be nosy in the kitchen. "Xander, what are you eating tonight?" he called. "All I see is kid food."
"I got some eggs."
Danny stepped back to look at him. "You should probably eat more than eggs. Can you even cook?"
"Yeah, I'm a pretty decent cook. Why?"
Danny came out to stare at him. "Adults eat more than kids do."
"I know. I'm not really hungry right now."
"Uh-huh." He went back to make some notes. He came back out,
staring at him. "Where were you serving last?" he asked quietly.
"Sudan." Danny winced. "I'm working my way back up," he muttered.
"Good!" He swatted him on the head, making his daughter scowl. "He didn't eat breakfast."
"Breakfast is important, Uncle Xander," she complained.
"I know. I forgot but I won't forget tomorrow." She grinned
at him. "If you look in my bedroom, I have a whole great lot of
bags of toys and clothes for them that I have to sort out, wash, and put
away." She ran in to get them and dragged them out, letting him
sort things out by kid and what needed to be washed. She even
helped him start the laundry. Then they went back to help the kids
explore their new stuffed animals and blocks. Xander had bought
himself some building block kits so they settled in to put together a
house. It let him make some decisions about what he wanted for the
"How are you affording that?" Danny asked casually.
"Retirement fund got raided. We can stay for all but the first few days. Then we'll be in a motel."
"I'd offer but I'm in a tiny place."
"I know." Xander grinned. "It's cool. Give it a month
total." Danny nodded and let it drop for now. He'd ask more
detailed questions when his daughter couldn't hear.
Xander looked up from his time in the park with the kids when his cousin stomped over. "What's happened?"
"There's no way your retirement fund is worth that much," he said.
He had swung by the house and found the new level and the other things
being done. He had wanted to check the progress since it had been
going on for two weeks and he hadn't heard xnder complaining yet.
He crossed his arms over his chest. "So how did you fund it?
Did you sell some of the apocalypse closet? Because I'd hate to
arrest you and raise the boys myself."
Xander snorted. "Danny, what do you think I did in Africa and all the other places I visited?"
"Dated?" he snorted.
Xander scratched his head then grimaced. "What happens if one of my dates gets too evil?"
"You .... shit!" he said, glaring at him.
"If it protected myself, not for cash. But if they had stuff, it
became mine. Considering I had two different drug warlords who
wanted me more than they wanted their dicks....."
Danny gaped. "No f-ing way!" he shouted, glaring at him. "You did what?"
"Saved my ass before I got raped and passed around?"
Danny's mouth shut with a snap. "Okay," he decided. "And that led to a retirement fund?"
"I didn't figure I'd do this forever. I'd either die in a fight or
have to retire due to injuries from one. And if not, my will has
everything going to your daughter so she can hit college."
"Her mom has that handled."
"Yay. You're both still my only heirs until I put the boys in it, and you're getting custody."
"Good!" He huffed. "Rachel will hate that."
"I told her. She threw a fit and I shrugged and told her to suck
it." Danny gave him an odd look. "I don't care about girlish
fits, cousin. I've seen plenty." Jensen cackled.
"That's right, the girls threw one when we got you guys. I have no
idea why they threw one at me because Willow screwed the not-kiddy
pooch." Pooch flipped onto his stomach and tried to crawl
off. "Nice job, Pooch." He looked at his cousin again.
"I'm not rich. A lot of it went into things for the
battles. Not like Giles reimbursed me for weapons buying."
He stopped Jensen from crawling off. "Great job, Jensen.
Pretty soon it'll be walking and running." He cuddled him and put
him next to Cougar, who patted him a few times and let Jensen climb over
him and try to escape. Xander leaned back and grabbed him,
pulling him back. "Stay with us please."
Danny looked at him. "You really are insane."
Xander shrugged. "They shouldn't have come after me."
"No, they shouldn't but that's about all you date."
Xander shrugged. "You nearly got invited to a wedding but the town
was too dangerous." Danny gaped. Xander smirked. "I
nearly married Anya."
Danny whimpered. "No, that's wrong!" he muttered, stomping off. "I'm having someone set you up."
"Okay. Make sure they like kids." He got to his knees,
crawling over to help Roque sit up. He was coughing some.
"We'll find you a doc for that sinus problem." Roque
scowled. He patted him on the head. "You have to be
healthy. Jensen, get back here," he called without having to
look. Jensen crawled back and gummed on his wrist. "Thank
you." He hugged him. He looked at the others.
"Two more days and we can go back home." He gathered their things
and called the Council's doc to send him some baby antibiotics for the
sniffles. Before everyone else got them. They went back to
the motel for the night. Two more days and they'd be in the house.
Xander grinned as he opened the door for his neighbor. "Good morning."
"Aloha, Xander." She looked around. "This turned out very nice."
"It did. I need to do some painting stuff but I'd want to do that
on my own anyway." He heard a thump and a cry, jogging off to see
what happened. "What did you do? Did you fall out of your
crib, Jensen? You can't climb yet. Your arms aren't strong
She followed. "There's an ER about a mile away."
He grinned. "He's not more than pissed at himself." He let
her see him. "Not even bruised. Just upset that he
fell." He looked at him. "We'll work on that climbing stuff
once you can run." He put him onto the playroom rug. Then he
got the other four because they were all fussing. Pooch swatted
at Roque. "I said no beating up on your brothers." His
neighbor snickered and shook her head. "So, why the visit? I
know you're a social worker."
"I am." She smiled. "I haven't heard a single report from anyone on them."
"That's good. I know I'm going to do better than mine." He
moved Clay away from Roque before he swatted him again, staring at
him. "Until you're old enough to kick each others' asses, you're
brothers so treat him like it." He stared him down. Clay had
to back down at that. "Thank you."
"How did you get them?" she asked.
He smirked. "I was with the Watchers Council." She
shuddered. "One of our witches found them on another realm and
pulled them here. Since we had to retire due to a few reasons, the
head of the Council thought I'd do the best with them. They'd be
safe with me and learn a lot about how to protect others."
"That's sweet of them. What about that witch?"
"There's a hugely uptight coven in England that she got sent to so all the old biddies could nag her to death. Again."
She grimaced. "That's not really good enough. Don't they worry in that realm?"
"Not that we can tell. She can't send them back."
"Can't you ask that Willow girl? She's scary and powerful."
"She's the one who pulled them," he said quietly. She flinched and
shook her head. "At the same time she spilled some secrets in an
open mall area about me that made sure I had to retire. So we're
all safer out here."
"Who are the ones who visit?"
"My cousin's moved out here to join the local PD and be near his daughter." He grinned.
"Excellent. What are you going to do with their training?"
Xander smirked. "I trained slayers for five years all over the
world. They'll be kick ass if they want to do my old job and if
not they'll be ready for anything."
"That's good to know." She patted the one nearest to her on the
head. "If you need help, ask. I've heard you talking to the
He grinned. "There they were fighting with this one," he said with
a point at Roque. "So when Willow pulled them they deaged a bit
and that fighting is still on-going. They all know that until
they're old enough to actually thump each other, they're brothers."
She shook her head. "Your life is insane."
"It's all fun and games without a demon invasion," he quipped. She
laughed and nodded. "But I'm also out here to protect everyone."
"That's fine." She patted the baby again and then left, going to
make a preliminary report. It was weird and her boss had wanted to
make sure of what had happened after getting notes from Cleveland.
Xander looked at them. "I'm pretty sure Miss Jenner has said
something to the local supe over the CPS people." Clay
nodded. "Other than that, what's going on today, guys? Want
to come wander around the living room area while I finish putting up
weapons?" They cheered up at that and he brought them down two at a
time to settle them near the new weapons locker that used to be a
baby's room. What Dawn had sent was nice but barely a quarter of
what he had. The rest he had removed by an ex who loved him having
weapons, and who was pretty good in bed. She had dropped them off
the night before with a happy baby present for the kids and some sex
for him. She had been pretty decent at it too. So it had
been a happy night for everyone.
Someone knocked then walked in. "Xander?" Danny called.
Danny paused and stared. "What are those?"
Xander looked at what he was working on. Then at him.
"Swords?" He hung them up properly. "The security system is
going in tomorrow."
"Does this mean you're broke?" he asked dryly.
"Yeah. Pretty muchly. Thankfully Giles is paying me a
retirement check so we can continue to eat." That reminded him, he
had to nag because it hadn't shown up yet.
"We caught someone at the airport who said she was here to celebrate you
having the boys." He leaned against the door frame, arms crossed
over his chest.
"Dawn didn't send everything so I had Lisa get it for me. She was really nice to the boys, bought them a huge teddybear."
Danny blinked. "Not Lisa. Though I'd love to hear more about her too. Cava-deLune?"
"I didn't know she was local." He grinned.
"She was caught coming in. You dated her?"
"Two months of dating her when I was in Italy working with one of the
girls there on a huge problem." He grinned. "She has
excellent taste in restaurants. She taught me a lot about food
"Sure," Danny said dryly. He smirked. "Steve's said you can't date people like her."
Xander shrugged. "I'm not against sharing my dating pool if he
wanted to hit on her but that's up to her, not my call." He hung
up another sword and moved to hang up the crossbows.
"Should I ask if you can use any modern weapons?"
"I'm fairly good with a handgun and rifle." He shrugged and opened
the closet that was now a gun safe. "Those are mine." He
grinned. "Can you drop the forms for gun ownership and
registration on me?"
"Yeah, I can do that." He straightened up and looked then at him. "What else did you bring?"
"It's still packed." He grinned. Danny gave him the hairy eyeball look. "It is."
"Uh-huh. Your new security system?"
"That's nice." He went to look at the panel next to the front
door. It didn't have anything on the display, even when he tapped a
key. "Is it not working?" he called.
"It's from a demonic company and it'll only show itself if you're
supposed to know it's there. It'll only give you information if
you're coded in." Xander leaned out. "Jensen, quit hugging
the fridge. It'll feed you in a minute. Let me finish with
the crossbows." He looked the other way at his cousin, grinning at
him. "I'll code you and stick-up-his-ass-man later." He
ducked back inside. Pooch whimpered. Xander came out to grab
them stuff to eat. "Fruit mushy stuff?" he asked happily.
"That's a great choice, boys." He set them into their high chairs
and sat down to feed them.
Danny came back in. "How much artillery do we have to ignore?"
Xander beamed at him. "I still have presidential permission."
"Not what I asked."
Xander shrugged. "It's all packed." He fed them again.
Then back up the line of kids. "Though I was asked if I could
handle an issue next week."
"How long will that take?"
"Going to LA for a week and then coming back. I asked Dawn to come babysit for a few days."
"Uh-huh. And you'll be doing what?"
Not a lot," Xander admitted. "But it'll make sure that someone can't
come after me." He shrugged and got back to the feeding
lines. One last set of bites and he got up to get something
else. They cheered up at the cheerios and gummed on them for now.
"Too small for them," Danny said quietly. "They can choke."
Xander looked at him. "They know that."
"I forgot." He patted Xander on the shoulder, seeing the hiss and
wince. "What? Your evil girl of the night bruise you?" he quipped
with an evil smirk. Xander took off his shirt. Danny stared,
losing his happy mood. "There's more scars than Steve has," he
Xander looked then at him. "We had a few problems in Sudan."
"And the rest of the scars?"
Xander looked then pointed at a few. "I had those from before hunting?"
"If they're alive I'm kicking their asses." He looked over his shoulder. "New claw marks."
"She got happy." He grinned. Danny shook his head
quickly. "I'm just glad she didn't bite so I didn't have to have a
"You dated one?"
"No. I've been attacked by a few on patrols though. I'd
never date a dead person. I have taste. Though a lot of them
do like to think I'd make a great creamy filling."
Danny shuddered. "I would've gotten you out of there," he said quietly, staring him down.
"They took Jesse."
Danny gave him a quick hug. "I'm sorry. I know he was
important to you." He patted him on the head. "You're still
insane and have bad taste in women."
"I like my women, Danny. They're good to me."
"They're not usually good for other people."
"Guys like me don't hook up with saints," Xander said dryly.
"Though Willow nearly did it again with that movie." Danny
shuddered. "Dawn felt it and snapped on her ass."
"She's back already?"
"Yup. Back in Cleveland."
"No, she needs to find a leash holder. Today if possible."
He stared at his cousin. "Steve's going to order you to never date
"I'm not spending however long I have left lonely. He can suck me
and you can quote me on it if you want. Before I call one of my
stalkers instead of one of my ex's."
Danny shuddered. That had to be a horrible thing for Hawaii.
"I'll tell him but lay lower? And let me know if you do go so I
can check on Dawn. You described her as a bit of a flaky girl
sort." He patted the babies and left.
Xander shrugged. "Some people are uptight and he's missing being
married too." Jensen cackled and ate some of his cheerios.
Xander carried the high chairs back into the weapons room. Then he
got to work putting up the artillery. The boys all moaned at most
of it. He grinned. "These were my pets before I got you
guys." Clay scowled but he patted him on the head. "When
you're older I'll let you pet them with me. We can call them kitty
cats or puppy dogs if you want." He finished putting things up
and locked everything down. The shipping crates got broken apart
to be recycled. The boys got put into the living room and Xander
settled in to watch some news. "Ah! They arrested
Paul! That sucks. He was a good ex boyfriend." The
boys all stared at him oddly since they were saying that Paul had killed
a whole bunch of people. He grinned. "They're not mean to
me or what I care about."
Clay shook his head. So it wasn't just him that liked them volatile.
Danny walked in and slammed the office door. Steve looked at him. "Rosenburg's already back from England."
"I can see if any of my former coworkers are in Cleveland. I know a
few have retired there to handle anything that might happen. That
way they can take her out at the first hint of problems."
"He has *swords*."
"He probably has more than that."
"Yeah, probably but he has swords and crossbows in the open."
"That's an interesting decorating scheme."
"One of the old bedrooms is now an armory. By the way, he can code
us into his demonically created security system and someone's asked him
to handle something that could come back to bite him if he doesn't in
LA next week." Steve shuddered. "He also said if you needed
him to he'd share his dating pool."
"No, I have taste and sense," Steve complained. "Any other cheerful news?"
"The reno's nearly killed his retirement fund?"
"That's probably a bad thing."
"He said Giles is supposed to give him a retirement fund."
"That's good. That way they can eat." He put down his
pen. "You're not complaining or ranting. Are you that
"Yeah. When I patted him on the shoulder he hissed so he took off
his shirt for me. I know guys who went through plate glass porch
doors who have less scars than him and apparently I missed a few from
before he was hunting. He's got some that're barely healed.
He said Sudan was a bitch."
"According to his dossier, he started hunting as a teenager," Steve said.
"Yeah, tenth grade. They took his best friend. I remember
him talking about him, and they were tighter than siblings."
"I'd guess that would be a good reason to start hunting." He stared at him. "Are his parents alive?"
"No clue. He said he didn't even check after Sunnydale fell
in." He ran a hand through his hair. "I didn't even hear
that he lost his eye. That was the first thing that I noticed when
he showed up."
"I've seen SEALs that have gotten injured in the line of duty. He looks about like they did."
"I'm worried he's going to snap."
"No he won't. If he does he'll call for a sitter and then head off
to do it in private." He looked at him. "I called in a
minor favor to get his full dossier. The general that sent it
wished me a lot of aspirin for having him local." He pulled it out
of his drawer and let him have it. "Some of that is pretty blank
because we don't have resources where he was in Africa to see what he
Danny sat down to look it through, wincing at some things. "He stole from a Reserve base?"
"Yes. Necessary but yes." He watched Danny's expression
slowly get more and more pissed off. So maybe he'd go yell at his
cousin. Someone needed to impart sense into the boy's brain.
Maybe his cousin screaming and ranting for a bit would help with that
project. "I have nothing on that woman."
"I know a bit about her and whoever did this is wrong. He said he
nearly married her." He glanced up. "We talked about her a
bit. She was a former vengeance demon." He went back to
reading, grimacing. "Bitches," he muttered, flipping the
page. He stiffened. "So that's when he lost his eye."
He kept going. It was looking more and more like his cousin became
one of those vengeful hunter sorts. Or the Punisher, one of the
two. He finally had to close it and looked at his partner.
"So how do we make sure he calms down?"
"I have no idea," Steve admitted. "I don't have that level of burn
out. I never had to live native like he did. I had more
support when I needed it. The SEALs wouldn't let us get to that
point and still go on missions."
"So what do we do?"
"We make sure he's fine and that none of that comes out on the
kids. Though I watched that movie last night. Xander scarily
reminds me of their team."
"I saw." He put the file on the desk. "So how do I help him?"
"You do what you're doing now. You make sure he's fine, he's doing okay with the boys, and that he's not dating."
"Yeah, his quote was to suck him about that because he's not spending
his life alone." Steve scowled. Danny shrugged. "Boy
has a right to date, even if they are evil bitches. And hey,
easier knowing who needs taken down." He ran a hand through his
hair again. "Anything else I can do?"
"Introduce him to nice, calm, settled people. Ones he can learn to lean on. Build his own ohana."
Danny nodded. "He could probably use that. Even with the
boys remembering their past lives, he'll still have to retrain them and
get them through school."
"He might not mind finding a job."
"The PD would never hire him," Steve said.
"There's probably other ones." He shrugged. "Thanks for
getting that for me." He left to go think at his desk. He
needed to help his cousin to be a normal guy before he warped the kids.