Demon Criminal Investigative Service: Finding the Person Underneath the Agent.
"If this wasn't so screwed up, it'd be kinda pretty," Don Flack said, staring up at the stars.
"Yeah," Danny agreed from next to him. "Could be considered it. All the stars, the gentle breeze. If I was gonna pounce this would be a good time." They shared a smirk and went back to listening to the others still there snore. They were safely hidden. The bus was in front of the cave. Nothing could get in there. They were on an upper ledge to the cave, which had a hole up so they could see the stars. Mac had put them up there for some reason. They shared another look then shook their heads. Mac was strange sometimes. "We hear anything from the others?"
"The witches might've gotten home. Or they could be injured. No one came when I tried to call Paige," Don admitted quietly.
"We'll have ta see. You know damn well no one's gonna leave us here."
"True. Xander's not like that and I'm sure he's frantically searching right now."
Danny checked his watch. "It's two in the morning at home. He's getting a good joke in during the research." That got a pleased noise and a grunt. "Think Rosenburg's here?"
"Nope. Paige said the only DCIS or slayer related people were Cordette's family and us, plus Speed and Ryan."
"Pity. Rosenburg could probably get us back home."
"Maybe. This seems a bit more delicate and she seems kinda like a jackhammer instead of a ball-peen."
"Could be," Danny agreed. He gave him a nudge and pointed. "Shooting star."
"Wish demons?"
"Doubt it." So they made a wish they'd get home safely and so would everyone else left there.
"We're trying," a cranky female voice whispered over the breeze. "Give us another week. Everyone has to recharge."
"Yes, Phoebe," they whispered back. Then they cracked up.
Mac looked up at them. "What's going on?" he called quietly.
"Phoebe said they're recharging, it'll be about a week," Don said, flipping over to look down at him.
"That's good to know. Now we can plan for food and things."
"Sure, you go steal a bunny rabbit from the dragons, Mac," Danny said, looking over Don's shoulder at him. "Think we'll have a shooting review board."
"I think Xander would yell at us if we don't fire at least once," Don admitted. He looked at Mac. "We need to consolidate more."
"The ones from Miami are on their way up. Calleigh has a satellite phone and somehow it worked."
"That's good! What about the guys in LA?"
"We'd have to know them."
"Don has one," Danny offered, looking at Don.
"We can try. I don't."
"Me either. Maybe we can figure out how ta charm 'em to work?"
Don looked at him. "Magic? You?"
"No, you. Dawn said you had a latent gift."
"I do?" he asked, looking confused. Danny nodded. "Huh. I didn't know that. No wonder she had me going over the concentration exercises." He laid back down and went over them again, carefully building back up to the point where he got a headache and then he tried to charm the phone. He made it up but Dawn and Sam had both said intent was more necessary than rhyming in magic. His phone rang. "Yeah, Flack," he answered. "Dumbass." He smiled fondly.
"How'd you do yours?" He nodded. "That'll work. Cordette was in LA. We're up here. With dragons. Sure, I'll let 'em know. Kill something on the way up. Phoebe said about a week. Thanks, Wolfe." He hung up. "The Florida survivors are coming up for a visit," he called. "They figured out how to use a tire pump to get enough pressure to pump gas." That got a cheer. He tried the number he had for Don Epps, not getting him. He tried Alan's. No answer. He tried Charlie's and smiled. "Hey, Charlie, Don Flack. How's she doing?" He beamed.
"Good! That's good for her. Don't know but satellite phones might. Sure, try him. See if I managed to fix that. I tried something magical and gave myself a headache. We're in New York, the Miami people are coming and there's a good sized group that was in Chicago. Sure, let me know. Um, not right off the top of my head." He considered it. "I can try what Dawn does. Who know, ya know?" He grinned.
"Sure, man. Be safe. Guard her. Let her fuss. They all fuss. Sure, if she wants to pet a unicorn and they let her. The dark gray ones can be petted by people who aren't pure if they let you but even a scratch from a horn has to be taken out because it'll kill cells until they're all gone and you've got a huge hole, even from a scratch. Sure, I'll tell him. Later, man." He hung up. "How does Dawn do the talking thing?"
"Not a clue," Danny admitted.
"Like a telepathy spell?" Mac asked, standing up to crawl up there with them. "They work?"
"Dawn said Willow gets hers to work. Of course, Willow's freakishly powerful." He considered it then concentrated, whispering a name over and over. He finally felt a strange, questioning feeling so he put in who he was and that Charlie was with Cordette in LA. He got back an assertion feeling and it was good. He shook himself awake. "Think I got him. Charlie's the closest they have to hunters in LA's group right now. A few starlets, an agent. An insurance guy. Connor can't hunt food." He shrugged. "Charlie wanted to know if an FBI agent was over here since they've worked with him. Don has some sort of freakish sense of when he's around so he was sure he was." He rubbed his forehead. "Aspirin?"
"In the bus," Mac said.
Don slid down the small drop, going to the bus to get the first aid kit. He saw a dragon watching him and waved with a bright smile. He realized he was picking up bad habits off Xander again. "What? Sho!" It sniffed then bellowed something. A younger one came over to sniff too. Don glared and pulled out a flare, lighting it and sending it out there. They both ran from the fire. Don got out to look, shooting the three rabbits that had been hiding under the bus. "Caught dinner," he called.
Mac came out. "I'm lucky to be stuck with you two."
"What can I say? Xander's been hard at work training us and the girls." He carried one in by the ears. "Rabbits," he said, holding his up. He sipped some water to take the tylenol and went back to his sleeping spot. His phone rang a few minutes later so he handed it off.
Mac answered it. "Flack's phone." He smiled. "He's fine. Just knocked himself out, ma'am. Sure, I can tell him to quit doing that. Anything else?" He smiled. "The Florida group is going to be up here soon." He nodded. "That'll work. Thank you." He hung up. "Don, she said to stop doing that before you exhaust yourself and have a brain aneurism."
"Was gonna do that anyway. Headache's not fun."
"Good." He got to work skinning and cleaning the rabbits. The others still with them helped and it was good. "What do you guys carry for ammo?" Mac asked.
Danny dropped down and handed him his gun. "The standard is hollow-tipped holy water rounds. We have cold iron and wood ones at the base."
"Wow," an officer said, looking at them. "They don't look that hard to make."
"Xander and John do ours," Danny said with a shrug. "You know, there's an opening in the local version of DCIS. The NYPD one. Two pretty detectives."
The guy blushed. "My wife would mind. Even if she might think I slept with you guys she'd mind."
"Sure, if you're sure. If not, ya know, let Mac know. He's over that too."
"I can do that." He finished gutting his rabbit and put it on a stick. "How did we get the phones to work?"
"Magic," Danny said.
The officers all looked at him then laughed. "Trade secret?" one suggested.
Danny smirked. "How do you think we got here?" They all groaned, shaking their heads. "Yeah, it's real and it works for some. Don's apparently one of the some. The ladies that appear now and then are witches too. They're training the one we work with on base. They're nice ladies but they fight demons too." They all shook their heads. Danny settled in to help burn the rabbits over the fire. Not like he was a grill master.
"Turn it more often," Mac said when it started to smoke. Danny did that, earning a few smirks. "Who's in Miami?"
"The hummer's crew is left. Speed, Ryan, Horatio, and Calleigh."
"She can hunt I'm sure. Horatio might."
"Wolfe said they've been eating just fine," Don called down.
"Good. When will they be here?" an officer asked.
"Four hours. They had to stop to suck some gas outta a car." He shifted onto his side and sniffed. "Guys, I smell birds."
Danny sniffed. "You smell bird crap. So, harpy?"
"If so, I'm not listening to it," Don said dryly. "Go rant, Danny."
"Maybe Speed can. He's got a mouth on 'im." They went back to roasting. They'd deal with it when it attacked them.
***
Daniel Jackson woke up, blinking at the nurse above him. "Morning."
"Want a sit rep from your people?"
"What did Xander have to blow up this time?" he demanded tiredly.
"Lots of people disappeared, sir. Something about a shield and dragons appearing?"
"Aw, shit," he muttered, taking the note. The nice note at the top of 'got nine-tenths back, working on the rest, our people still there, am in Las Vegas handling it since this is where the keystone is' didn't make him happy. "Phone?"
"You need to rest," the head doctor complained.
Danny sat up, holding his head. "Shut up." She backed away, looking scared. "My agency is having a crisis. I need to handle it. Get me my cellphone please. Janet wouldn't complain in an emergency." A nurse handed it to him. "Who called?"
"Him. He said he'd fax it to the general's office. Wanted to know if you were back. Said he knew already knew and didn't need details."
"Yeah, there's a whole underground." He called him. "I'm awake. What happened?" Xander let Greg babble at him while he fixed something. "Sanders, what is he doing? Why is he fixing your gun?" He blinked then nodded. "Huh. Okay. And we're doing what?" He listened to the rest of the report. "You babble less than Abby, it's easier to understand you. Thank you. Give him back the phone?" It was passed back.
"How did you explain me not handling it and making statements?" Xander quipped he had been off on a special assignment and unable to be contacted. "Well, it's the truth at least. Anything else I should know?" He nodded. "I can call him. What's our next step?" He smirked. "That'll work. Thank you, Xander. Keep me updated at new things or daily. I'll be in Vegas with you within a few days." He hung up and looked at the nurses. "Jack already out?"
"The general is sulking in his office, sir."
"That's not that unusual. He hates to do the paperwork." He got out and pulled on a shirt since he didn't have one on. "Been nice, ladies. Thank you." He walked out, heading for the main office. He stopped to look at someone. "Hey, Sam."
"Daniel." She gave him a hug. "How's the head?"
"Sucks." He walked off with her. "I've got to check in. Xander had to talk to the press." She shuddered. "He's handled it so far?"
"So far. I have no idea why he's hanging out in Las Vegas."
"Because that's where the keystone is. Dawn's going to be joining him in a few days so they can cast the return spell from there." He walked into the office. "I'm using the red phone."
"Go ahead, he yelled at me," Jack told him. "Said I was too old to get banged up this way."
Danny looked ta him. "Who complains about your knees?"
"Good point. How's the head?"
"Sucks." He picked up the receiver. "It's Doctor Daniel Jackson. I'm awake now. What the hell happened?" he demanded, making them jump. "No, Xander's been in charge. I'm surprised we aren't under military law and no one's picked up artillery yet." Jack snickered. "From the top, please. I got a 'it's handled' and a short summary from Sanders." He listened. It was not a happy story but so far it had a happy ending. "Um- huh." He sighed. "Okay. Have me heading for Las Vegas within a few days. I can do that. They have a base there. Speaking of, my base?" He listened then nodded. "That'll work. Thank you." He hung up. "The Secretary of State said she'd pass it on." He looked at Sam then at him. "I need a ride to Vegas."
"Sure," Jack agreed. "Xander's been on tv twice, once a report, once showing him going out to dinner with someone."
"Who was?"
"An unidentified male," Sam told him, grinning some. "Maybe a boyfriend?"
"If so the evil women will rise up and kill us all." He went to find his bags in his borrowed suite, showering and changing. He came out to find Jack ready. "You're going?"
"In case they come back."
"They shouldn't." They walked out together. "If I know Xander, he has weapons with him." They got onto the plane and buckled up, letting the military transport plane take them to Las Vegas. It wasn't that long of a flight at least. Danny finished his nap.
***
Xander smirked at Jack and shook Danny's hand. "Dawn said she'll be ready to try again in two days and she said they should be too. Prue said magic was easier over there according to the witches."
"Good. Dinner?"
"Recruiting."
"Oh. Who?"
"Hodges. Their trace tech that's been helping Abby anyway." He smirked.
"Uh-huh."
"We got a budget raise but the president said he'd appoint someone before he let me handle it and screw things up. He doesn't think I can do that. So I pointed out I did the Council one and he went to have a headache. So if you don't come back some day, we get Sheppard and McKay full time."
"Us first," Jack said dryly.
Xander grinned at him. "He's got someone to take over for you." He waved a hand at the car. "Rented on the company card, boss."
"That's fine, Xander. Do we need the weapons you brought?" Because he knew he did.
"Only one. The small demon tried to eat someone and I stepped in." He smirked. "Pity. I needed more stress relief than that. Too bad there's press people." They got in and went back to the hotel. Danny had a room reserved. He could share with Jack or Xander could. They went up to go over all the information. Including that Dawn had figured out how to monitor the shield for more twitches. One had happened in Iowa and brought back another dragon. Xander looked at them. "I do have news." They stared at him. "McKay said the one dragon that made it onto the base headed for the small spot where a wraith had grabbed him and tried to eat that spot. It was an herbivore."
"It was eating the wraith taint?" Jack demanded. Xander smirked and nodded, handing over the report. "Sheppard would freak."
"Tough shit. We have an egg. It'll be a good guardian and Tiff claimed it." They moaned. "It's that or you guys get the unicorns."
"No," Danny said patiently. "Why do you want them gone?"
"Everyone's harped on that and asked if that was the reason. I about shot a reporter when she started on them before coffee yesterday, Danny."
"I'll handle it now, Xander." That got a nod. "Good job so far." Xander grinned. "Go take a nap. You clearly haven't been really sleeping."
"I'm too tense." Jack did something to his neck and he went out.
"Battle tenseness. My first one my CO did it to me." He sat down to look over the report again. "Sheppard is going to shit if we hand him the egg."
"Yay." A portal opened and Dawn walked through. "Shouldn't you be saving energy?"
"Yes, but I need to be here and our airport's closed due to the nice dragon that's presently humping the tower." They moaned. "They can't sedate it, it's not working. House went to sedate it so I'm getting out of the way." She pulled her bag over and closed the portal. "Give me three days and I'll be fine."
"Good," Danny agreed. "We have approximately seventy-six people left over there."
"Including Cordette and Charlie." Danny moaned. "She was the only slayer taken. Cleveland only had two small crossovers, both in the same park as the hellmouth."
"Damn," he muttered. "She okay?"
"Yeah, she's fine." She sat on the edge of the bed. "I need to feel the area anyway. Attune myself to it. The ladies over there have theirs already."
"That's fine, Dawn. We can work on it." Greg tapped then walked in. "Hey, Sanders. Dawn, this is Greg Sanders, our local liaison."
"Hey." She waved. "Your people bothering you like they are him?"
"Only that I suggested Hodges could go work in their lab. I nearly got screamed at for that." He handed Danny a cup. "Black with sugar." Danny smiled. He looked at Xander. "It was his."
"He needs a nap," Dawn said, floating him up and over. Then she took his chair. "Okay. What if some of them stay here?"
"We can try later."
"No, when I do the spell, it's snapping the shield back into place and it should not open again," Dawn told him. "We four witches agreed on that. It's not coming down for another few centuries. The only access will be the keystone."
"How did it come down this time?" Jack asked.
"The funky electrical storm that was causing hell in LA moved this way. Lightening hit the hotel's spikes and it flashed briefly on this side. A four-year-old boy petted the shiny rock." They all nodded once at that. "He had no idea. He wanted his stuffed dragon that mommy had drying back in the room."
"That's not something that can be helped," Danny told him. He took a drink and looked inside the cup then at Greg, who grinned. "Good coffee."
"I don't drink swill." He sipped his own. "Now what?"
"I can be ready in three days," Dawn told him. That got a nod. "So can they. Some of the groups got consolidated. The witches are here in Vegas with the keystone. The rest of the Las Vegas and San Fran groups got sent to LA with some of the cars that appeared over there. Miami and New York's group were going to huddle together for safety and so Ryan and Danny can smart off at Speed again. I felt Flack doing something. I'm guessing it was to help communication by what I felt. That leaves a major group in Chicago and a few up by Portland, Oregon, and Washington, DC."
"Are you keeping yourself tethered?" Danny asked.
"I have to until the final spell. The keystone needs to be linked to something to come back here for my part. We need the hotel to clear that area and cover it so I'm not shown on tv. Xander made it real clear he's not mentioning who any of the witches are since I'm underage and he didn't want a witch hunt."
"We got tapes of both conferences for you," Greg assured him.
"Good. Thank you." He smiled and finished his coffee. "Okay. Dawn, get a room. We'll work on the arrangements tonight." She nodded. "Where is Tony?"
"Over there with Gibbs. We figure the Miami group picked them up on the way. As long as we don't botch it, they'll come home." He nodded. "Can I borrow the corporate card? Or should Giles pay for it?"
"You're fixing our problem, we will," Danny said. "Greg?" He nodded, taking Xander's wallet with him. "That's why I leave Xander in charge, Jack. He handles everything, even if he does need a nap now and then." He got up and went back to his room. The tapes got sent up and he watched them. Poor Xander. He clearly wasn't comfortable with doing it but he did okay. Even made a small bad joke. Though it had been a good point about the kids who'd go out to hunt dragons to make a name for themselves.
***
Charlie looked up from his watching when someone seemingly appeared out of the daily morning fog. "Agent Edgerton," he said, giving him a hug.
"Charlie Epps. No Don?"
"They went home for some reason. Cordette?" She came jogging out. "Your hair is a mess, young lady. We'll have to wash it later. This is Ian Edgerton. He's on fugitive recovery but he's an agent like Don."
"Nice to meet you, Agent Edgerton." She shook his hand. "I'm being helpful by gutting the rabbit and keeping the unicorns out of the food." She skipped off.
"She's a strong girl. Don's? Or yours?" No other reason to introduce them.
"She's the youngest slayer called," Charlie said quietly. Ian moaned. "We all adopted her. She was six when she was called. She's nearly nine."
"That's a good job then. Your dad fuss?"
"You have *no* idea how much Dad fusses." He walked him back that way. "I know Don was going to ask you if you would help him teach her how to hunt."
"I can do that." He smiled at the young girl. "She seems sweet."
"She is but she's a hellcat when she has to be. Don got the flu and tried to hide so Dad wouldn't fuss." Ian cackled. "Exactly. She took the city bus, by herself, without telling us, after sneaking out of school, to go to his apartment and baby him. When Don complained, she tied him down and did it anyway. Dad said her knots were very good when he went to rescue him later on." Ian laughed louder.
"Don't tell him mean things about me," she complained.
"Just how you like to fuss, dear." She stuck her tongue out then went back to work. "Dad is so happy to have her. She's a great kid. Drives us insane sometimes but she's a good kid." They shared a look. "Dad has to learn how to braid hair but he's fine with that."
"Uh-huh. Megan has a girl to fuss over."
"That she does," he agreed dryly. "Amita too." That got a nod. "Megan took her school shopping. It took four days, all day for four days, and they spent six hundred on her."
"Yup, she's a girl," Ian said dryly. "What does she need help learning?"
"None of the stalking or the sneaking stuff is instinctive. Weapons are but not everything or how to aim. Don's taken her to the range. She's learned how to use a bow. We found one in a car and she brought down something threatening the unicorns. Plus dinner a few times. She needs the hunting, tracking, those lessons. Both urban and not."
"I can help with that now and then. I figured Don could do some."
"He can but not all of it. You're a better tracker."
"I am," he said with a smile. Cordette bounced over to hand him something. "Rabbit?"
"Yup." She went back to helping fix the dinner. She was the only girl there so the guys had said it was her job.
"She nearly beat up on the guy who said it was her job to cook," Charlie told him. "I got him instead. He's manning the radio station's van."
"I heard the broadcast. Good job." He nibbled on the rabbit. "Still a bit rare, Cordette."
"Sorry."
"I did it my first few times too." He came over to help her. Charlie went back to his lookout post. That showed trust. She smiled at him. "I know, you can beat me up."
"Maybe, but if I can't, Connor can." She nodded at him. "He's Angel's son."
Connor waved. "Hey."
"Hey. Agent Ian Edgerton. Friend of her uncle's."
"I figured you were if Charlie was giggling at you and you didn't say anything about the hair." He smirked at the quiet snicker from Cordette. "My girlfriend does. Cordette came in thinking that was an extra pet." Ian laughed at that. "Let me take over food duties, Codette. Take Charlie down to take a bath in the ocean." She nodded, bouncing off. "So you do what?"
"Fugitive recovery. Tracking, hunting, that stuff."
"She could use that skill. She's got a long time until she's twenty-three." He nodded. "Want to rewarm it?"
"Nah, it's fine." He dug into his rabbit leg and watched the girl and her uncle bounce off together. They were cutely babbling at each other about math. "He's clearly training her."
"Yup. She's already smarter than me or Buffy." He shook his head, turning the spit to work on the other side of the rabbit.
***
Xander looked up as someone walked up to him. He was overseeing draping the area for Dawn to work in. "Yes, can I help you?"
"Are you Alexander Harris?"
"Yup. Why?"
"May I have a minute of your time? Away from the press people?"
Xander glared at the press and they shrank back. "What?" He turned to look at him. "We're going to be working on this later."
"There's a small matter someone wanted to talk to you about."
"Regarding? I don't have the energy to verbally spar today."
"Your lucky streak."
"I'm pretty sure it's ended. I walked past a machine and it didn't go off this time."
"There are still those who want to talk to you about it, sir." Xander huffed, following him. He tapped on a hotel room door and the person inside opened it.
Xander stared then snickered. "I heard you died in Sunnydale, Uncle Rory."
"I clearly didn't."
"Yay you. What do you want?"
"A nice nestegg so no one has to hear about certain...things."
"You know what? My boss is down in 1218. Go tell him for all I care."
"The press doesn't know," he sneered to keep him from walking off.
Xander turned back to look at him. "What do you think you have one me, Rory? By now they know I hunted."
"Do they know what hunting means? Or about your graduation?"
Xander snorted. "Someone asked me about that. I told them to ask the FBI. Anything else?"
"I was there."
"Yay you. Though, no you weren't. I was helping make sure people go away. None of you were there." He turned and walked off, heading right to his boss. "Hey, boss, my Uncle Rory would like to talk to you," he said in his ear. "He said he wants to talk to you about my graduation and what hunting really meant."
Danny looked at him. "He's where?"
"Upstairs on nine. 915."
"Let me go do that. You finish this." He nodded, and Danny strolled off to talk to the miscreant. This was going to be a very stress relieving talk. He tapped on the door. "I heard you wanted to talk to me about what my third-in-command used to do in Sunnydale?" The man smirked and let him inside. The talk was informative, but it only added details to what he already knew. At the end, the FBI agent he had signaled burst in to arrest him for attempted blackmail. Danny walked off to get Xander a soda and him some coffee. He handed Xander his, turning to look at the draped area. "You're good with me." Xander relaxed. "Though, graduation sounded nasty."
"Yeah, it was."
They dragged Rory out in handcuffs, letting Xander wave at him. "You okay?"
"I thought he was dead." He opened his soda and took a drink. The lead FBI agent came back. "What?"
He turned away from the press trying to watch. "Gas leak?"
"Ascension. Same result. I led the defensive action. Built the bombs too."
"Good to know. Now that we do, call us."
Xander looked at him. "It's in Cleveland now."
"I'll alert that office. Not like we're going to charge you." He walked off calling his boss to ask for a conference in person. They had all wondered about a few things in Sunnydale now that things were getting more open. They'd have to pop into Cleveland to talk to Mr. Giles since he had been there.
Security snuck Dawn down into the covered area. Xander went in with her, getting a short smile. "I'm your backup and guard, Dawn. Relax."
"I'm trying." She settled herself on the nest of pillows Xander had put down for her. She centered herself, calling up Prue to merge more with her. She felt Xander beside her and felt the warm glow of his aura brushing over hers. She took his hand and they reached out to the others through the keystone. They reached back and met, and they cast the spell. The shield dropped. Animals appeared everywhere but then it blinked back into place, as strong as when it was first cast. The keystone faded from the local plane and into the other one. She looked up to see three familiar faces. "Hi." Then she passed out. Xander caught her.
He waved his free hand. "Welcome home. Do you think we got everyone?"
"We couldn't find everyone. A group of seven or eight are missing," Piper admitted. She came over to help him with Dawn. "She's fine, just exhausted."
"House is going to love us." Xander handed her over. "Where were they?"
"Chicago."
Xander nodded, going out to grab the bag he had brought down. "All but eight, boss." He walked back in there and found the spot where the keystone sat, stepping onto it and willing himself across, to wherever the people were. He dropped the bag and lit a flare first, tossing it around so he could see. Then he pulled out his battle axe and went after everyone. This was the reward for being the calm one during the crisis. Hunting down the last few. When he was done, he was tired, but he linked back into the keystone and Dawn, Sam, and Dean in his mind, grabbing his gear bag to take with him and the rescued people. Pity about the goblins who had them, but oh well. They reappeared in the middle of the now open area. "They need medics," he called. Paramedics rushed over to help them. Xander got free of one. "Them, not me." He walked off, handing the boss his gear bag. "Let me go clean off the baby."
"Sure," he said, watching him go. He looked at the guys then at Jack. "Are you sure he's not your son?"
"Yeah. Doesn't look a thing like me, Danny." He patted him on the shoulder. "Go help. Be a Fed." Danny snorted but went to help the agents. Jack tracked down the boy to watch over him for now. Someone would try to bother him and he looked hot from the battle.
***
Tony looked up from roasting a ...something he didn't want to think about being small and furry, as the world changed. "Huh," he said, going back to roasting it.
Gibbs looked around then stomped back to where Tony was. "DiNozzo!"
"What? I'm hungry." He split it with him and nibbled while someone went to get an agent and a fire extinguisher. Having a fire in the middle of Congress' building was not a good idea. Secret Service came running. "Hi, thanks for the retrieving. Gibbs and DiNozzo. NCIS and DCIS."
The agent in front looked at the fire then at him. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Well, we were over there and now we're not so I'm guessing we're home." He ate a bite and chewed then swallowed. "Before that, I was cooking. A man's gotta eat, even us." He looked at the huffing agent coming their way. "Hey, Fornell. We're back."
"I heard." He stopped to look at them. "You good?"
"Small claw mark. You guys? Everyone else?"
"Your agency is still standing considering Harris was in charge."
"Xander can do the work." He finished his meal. "Sorry about the fire but it came with us."
"That's nothing. Come on, let's get you two debriefed and real showers."
"Please," Gibbs agreed, finishing his dinner on the way. At least he had finished peeing before the transport started. The agents escorting them picked up the rest of their camp for them. "They couldn't warn us?"
"It'd take more energy." They got let into a car and taken off. "Why are we going to the White House?"
"The president said so," Fornell said with a grimace. "He said before we debriefed or got you showers."
"That's fine," Tony said dryly. He pushed his greasy hair back. "We managed somehow." He looked at Gibbs. "So."
"So," he agreed. "You didn't look too bad with that sword, DiNozzo."
"Thanks, boss. Xander made us all learn. Every single Sunday afternoon we have at least an hour of sword practice if we're on base. We all complain but it's come in handy a few times." Fornell gave him an odd look. "Some things you have to behead. Like some things take artillery." They pulled in and parked, so he got out first, stretching. Gibbs did the same. "Oh, nice to be out of the cave." They walked inside, nodding at the Marine who saluted Gibbs. "Office, Staff Sergeant?"
"Yes, sir."
"Thank you." He walked that way, nodding at a few people. One gave him a horrified look. "Sorry, not like I had soap on me when I got displaced." He knocked on the door then walked in. "Sir, your secretary is missing if this is a bad time."
"She's getting you two something to nibble on while we debrief you," the Vice President said from his chair. "We covered them so even if you're nasty it's all good." They came in and sat down. "What happened?"
"I was testifying and then I wasn't," Tony said. "What did happen?"
"Harris found out the keystone came over here thanks to a strange electrical storm in Las Vegas. A young child touched the pretty, appearing rock."
"That makes sense." Tony stood when the secretary came in, Gibbs too. "Thank you."
"Welcome, DiNozzo. Your boss and Harris are both in Las Vegas. Doctor Jackson ordered all agents to call and check in with him by tonight."
"As soon as I'm done here." She nodded and left. He sat down, handing Gibbs his plate. "There you go, boss. Beats the small, furry thing you captured." He dug into the roast beef, moaning at the taste. "That's good. Excuse me if I eat like a slayer, sirs." He dug in, eating fast.
"Do either of you need medical?" the president asked.
"He has a small swipe from a dragon's claw but otherwise he should be fine," Gibbs told him. He dug into his own meal. It was good. They finished up and reached for the coffee. Tony gave him first cup and then they looked at their ultimate bosses. "What do you want to know, sir?"
***
Danny looked up as their cave changed to an old, abandoned building. "Hey, looks like we're home. Don!" he bellowed. He came in from the back of the building. "We're home."
"I recognized the concrete." He went to check. Ryan was outside, inches from the stone. Speed wasn't around. "Speed?" he yelled.
"Up here," Speed called back, coming down the rickety stairs. "H? Wolfe? Calleigh?" They all waved or made noises. "Taylor?"
Danny pointed. "Transporting seems to knock him out." They gathered things and Don's phone rang. "Xander?"
"No. Danny." He answered it. "Hey, boss. We're fine. Wolfe, Speedle, and Messer are all here with us. All the ones that were with us too. New York, smells like Long Island." He smiled. "That'll work. Thanks, boss." He hung up. "We've got ten days to figure out if we're staying or not," he told the other agents, getting nods. "Or we're to report. Tonight, just do a report." They all nodded and went to get a ride back to their homes or motels. The Miami crew came with them. Calleigh called their boss to tell him they were fine and in New York.
***
Cordette appeared and squealed, pouncing. "DON!"
"You and Charlie are okay." He nodded at Ian. "Thanks."
"I only got there a few days back." He patted her on the back. "She's good." That got a smile. "I can make her better though."
"I was going to ask the next time we ran into you." He saw his dad and handed her over.
"Daddy Alan." She cuddled him too. "How's my kitty? I was good and didn't bring home a unicorn."
"I can see that. I'm very proud of you and how good you did, Cordette." She smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek, wiggling down. "What?"
"I need a shower, I'm gross and sticky. Plus Uncle Charlie's hair needs help too. It's all wild and needs petted again."
"We'll go do that once we get you guys debriefed by the agents." She grabbed her belt. "Not that way."
"Fine. Though I need to change."
"We can do that in a few minutes," Don promised, patting her on the head.
"Go wash your hands, my hair's nasty," she complained, making shooing motions. Ian laughed. "It is," she huffed, stamping a foot.
"Just laughing at the very girlish statement, dear," he told her. He looked around. "Connor?"
She considered it. "No strange feeling so he's off somewhere. Wasn't he going to fish?" Ian nodded. "So call him." She called his cellphone, getting a grunt for an answer. "We're home." She smiled at his 'of course we are, there's boats' answer. "We're at the FBI building. Do you need Connor too, Don?"
"No, sweetie, let Connor fish if he wants to."
"Okay. Connor, Don said you could fish or go find your girlfriend and do disgusting things to her mouth again." She hung up to laughter on both sides. "He does. Kissing is gross."
"You'll like it some day," Alan assured her. "Debriefing?"
"Medical check. Making sure they don't need shrinks."
"I'm sure we're all fine. Charlie, do you have more than bruises?"
"No. The one time I almost did she knocked me down and beat the thing on me."
"Good. Then we're going home and I'll fix dinner." Her eyes lit up. "Yes, real food like on base." He led her out to the car and the others followed. Ian found his jeep there. "Blessed?" he joked.
"A shaman said it'd follow me like a spirit guide." He gave him a look then pointed. "The radio station van."
"Charming." They went over to turn it off and then went to the house with Ian following. He could use a shower too probably. He definitely needed some food. He was too thin again.
***
Danny tapped on Xander's room door, smiling when he opened it. "Goblins?"
"What?"
"You went and took on goblins to save them." He walked in and let him shut the door. "Usually we give medals for those sort of things."
"I was helping by blowing off stress. I hate dealing with the press and public speaking. The coroner's inquest was bad enough." He flopped down. "Am I in trouble?"
"Why would you be?"
"Did something wrong?"
"Only if you stay longer than we are. We're leaving in the morning." Xander grinned at that. "You handled it like Jack would've and it was good work, Xander. You're not in trouble but if I ever run into the reason you have low self esteem I'm going to beat them then give them to Dawn." He patted his leg, getting a grin back. "Go have fun tonight. Don't come back with anything that'll make House snicker."
"Dawn said that when Anya had her anti-disease spell put on Willow put one on me too."
"Even better. Go have fun. Relax, it's done with and Dawn's resting with her teachers. They're all back at their house." He left, going to relax in his own room. The hotel was shifting things around and putting a nice, hollow statue in the keystone's place so it would appear inside it if it came back. That way they'd never have to do it again. Everyone had pulled through. They were all good. It was time to relax and nap because he had a headache from the last head injury.
***
Mac and Horatio sat outside at Mac's apartment later that night. "You okay?"
"No. They seem so happy to be doing that." He sipped his beer. "Alexx is going to kill us if they don't come home with us."
"You might like North Dakota."
"I might." He looked at his friend. "You?"
"I had no idea Danny was that sort of competent. It never came out in the lab. Even with the new skills, he and Don seem to be happy together out there." He shrugged. "I don't know. Stella's already pouting."
"The girls who came down for our last problem said I'd make a good watcher. You probably would too. That would get you on the base." He took another drink. "Or we could apply out there."
"We could," he sighed. He looked up. "I've been here for a long time."
"She'd want you to move on and be happy, Mac." Mac nodded at that wisdom. He smiled at the car pulling up. "Looks like Don's taunting this time."
"Ryan probably deserved it," he teased.
"It's possible. We didn't give him a very fair shake when he was with us but we do miss them." He finished his beer. "Boys, is there some reason we're disturbing the peace?"
"We deserve it after our vacation," Don said happily. "Plus, my ma sniffled and said I'd better be finding her a daughter-in-law soon. Didn't even nag."
"You introduce her to Danny?" Mac asked. Both men shook their heads and giggled. "It's clear to some of us."
"Close friends, Mac, not that." Stella swatted him. "Hey!"
"Dumbass. You want him. He left his good job, family, all that to come be with you in the middle of nowhere, where he probably can't get a decent hotdog. Of course he wants you." Don spluttered. "Even if he is trying to say he's straight." She sat down between the two bosses. "So, guys. We good?"
"We're good," Horatio said with a smile.
"Good. Then I call for a massive moving party to North Dakota. That way we make sure those two don't get into more trouble."
"Hey!" all the DCIS agents complained. Horatio laughed.
"Calleigh will be over in a while, after she calls Eric to make him quit pacing," Ryan said, leaning against the stair's railing. "It's a pretty night out tonight. No humidity like there is in Miami."
"A night like tonight down there and you'd be sopping wet from it," Speed agreed. "There's probably snow at the base."
"Brenda said it tried but it melted."
"Uh-huh." He shook his head, sitting on the bottom step. "Now what?"
"Now," Horatio said. "You've set up the office for us. The Commissioner is very worried this might happen again so he's upped it to two more people. Stetler applied for some reason but he got turned down. Then we'll see I guess."
"I guess," Ryan agreed. He and Speed shared a look. "We're still thinking, H."
"As are we all, Ryan. As are we all."
Calleigh got out of a cab and came over to sit with them. "We should go make pigs of ourselves at some buffet."
"Eat like a slayer?" Don teased. "Us?"
"Sounds good to me," Calleigh said. "Stella?"
"I had a snack but I'm all for it. Chinese, or whatever?"
"Chinese," everyone decided, heading for the favorite place for the lab to have a dinner together. Sheldon got called in but that was fine. They liked Sheldon.
***
Danny Messer looked around the lab then back at Don. "Last day," he said quietly.
"Yeah." He swallowed. "I have no idea."
"Me either. Last time, I was pretty pissed. This time Stella's not mad and pouting. I don't know. It's not normal." He started to pace.
"Speed said the same thing. Horatio's been acting all weird too. Calleigh, Eric, and Alexx too." He stopped Danny. "I like it here, but I kinda like it there."
"Me too. It's like it's comfy."
Don smiled. "Very. Especially with all the little sisters we seem to have." That got a grin back. "So?"
"I..." He looked out in the hall, catching Mac watching them. "He thinks we're together."
"I can see a point to that thought. Took me a bit to see it though." He smirked. "Well?"
"I'm... I've gotta pack," he said. He relaxed. It felt right. He loved the people at DCIS. They were family. They didn't care if he had screwed up in his past. "When do we tell 'em?"
"Later." He patted him on the arm. "Figure out that case so we can go pack." That got a nod and they did that then walked out together. They ran into Stella, who gave them a hug. "You know, huh?"
"We'll be working together all the time," she promised. "Even if I have to open a demon gate." She stared at them, then smiled. "And congrats for finally figuring it out, guys. It took three years for what the rest of us knew ages ago." She winked. "We'll be visiting more regularly too." She walked off. "Go before Mac gets mushy." They nodded, heading off. She went to Mac's office. "They're packing."
"I know." He looked at her. "Stella...."
"Mac, the letter you wrote last week is still in your top desk drawer. So is mine." He gaped. "Sheldon's considering." She walked off. She had to clear up some paperwork before she left in three days.
Mac checked the letter and nodded, pulling out his own to sign. He dropped them on his desk and gathered up what he needed to take with him. His pictures, his awards. His flag. It fit very neatly in an evidence box and no one said anything. He left, going home to pack. He looked around then frowned. "I wonder if they still have that moving company." He found a message on his machine and hit the button.
"Mac, sublet. Quit stressing about the things," Stella ordered. "That's why there's storage places in both areas. And moving companies to put it into storage." She hung up.
He laughed. "Maybe she is psychic," he decided. He got to work packing what he needed to go with him. Then the rest could be put into storage and moved out sometime. He was sure there were houses out in North Dakota. Plus Don's apartment had been nice.
***
Horatio looked at Alexx, who was crying in his office. "What?"
"They're going to leave."
"I know." He stood up to give her a hug. "We'll miss them but we can visit."
She looked at him. "It's dangerous. They need us at their backs. We're family."
"That would mean moving you, the kids, and Peter to North Dakota."
"He's a lawyer and they probably need them out there too." She sniffled, taking a tissue to blow her nose. "I don't know, Horatio."
"I'm having the same dilemma, Alexx. I don't want them to go." He rubbed her arms. "We'll figure it out."
Eric leaned in. "H, can't we handcuff them?" Alexx burst out laughing. "Momma would not be happy if I left. She said so."
"There's not a lot of women on the base, Eric. But a whole town full that hasn't met you yet. The closest they've come to you is Tony DiNozzo."
Eric snorted. "He has nothing on a real playboy, H, and he knows it." He looked back then at her. "I like Miami."
"So stay," Horatio told him.
"Then Speed would get into trouble and die again."
"Perhaps but they do have teams."
"Which need more CSI." Calleigh walked around him and handed over a letter. "The armory job?"
"No! An investigative one. Jackson is accepting applications again." She walked off happier. She'd be one of maybe six women on base who weren't slayers but that was fine with her. She had worked her way up here, she could there. Besides, she'd be with Stella. They could pal around.
Horatio looked at the letter then pulled out his own. Alexx sniffled and pulled one out of her bag, handing it to him. Eric sighed and wrote his own out. "I'll follow this time," he complained. Alexx petted his hair. "You tell Momma."
"I can do that," Horatio told him. Eric signed his name and folded it up, leaving it there. They left together, going to clean out lockers and desks. Horatio had already done his. Eric was right, someone had to watch over the boys. They got into serious trouble. Like Ryan taking on a water dragon with a sword.
***
Everyone reappeared for their first morning back. Danny Jackson smiled. "Guys." They all looked at him. "Welcome home." They smiled and nodded. "We're getting applications again." He looked at McGee and his Gibbs shadow who had walked onto base like he already worked there. Wesley had already taken him in as a watcher trainee so it was good. John and Gibbs growled for a few minutes then started naming tours of duty. Gibbs had won but Brenda had knocked him down and stared at him while sitting on him until he gave in. So it was fine. McGee was doing their computer things. "Hey, Xander?" He looked over from his seat with the girls. "We need more desks. Where did we get the last ones from?"
"Ikea."
Danny grinned. "That'll work."
"We've got that spare room," Xander reminded him. "Am I knocking down another wall?" Danny nodded. "I can do that. You order things."
"I'll help," Dean told him. That got a grin and a nod. "Less to do until we get them trained anyway." Danny Jackson smirked at him. "There is."
"I was going to ask for some more time for sword lessons," Don Flack said hesitantly.
"Sure," John agreed, earning a grin. "Tony? Danny, any of the rest of you?" They all nodded. "That's fine. We can start running better drills." The girls all stared at him. "It won't hurt you ladies either."
"We do homework and laundry on sundays," one pouted.
"So? You still have sword practice." They pouted but nodded and went back to breakfast. It was Saturday so it was fine. "What about apartments, Jackson?"
"We can move some of the new ones into married quarters until the new building is built."
"Boss, if I'm doing it on my own, it's going to take a while," Xander joked.
Jackson looked at him. "I'd never expect you to do it on your own, Xander. It'd take way too long." Xander grinned back. "You can help if you want but you still only get the one paycheck."
Wesley coughed. "No, he should be receiving two."
"Giles is still fussy," John reminded him.
"We'll see about that," Tony said dryly. "Hey, Dawn?" She blinked at him. "Teacher time?"
"Yeah, she wants to go visit and thinks I can do without her for a while. We're going to sneeze her out of me later."
"That's fine. Need help?"
"I was going to have Flack help me since he broke into his latent gift." Don blushed. "But you can if you want. Or were you going to ask me to send Digger to horn Giles up the backside?"
"I was thinking about asking," Tony admitted.
She smirked. "I'm mean and evil today. I told Willow." The girls all cackled. The oldest girl walked in sniffling. "Oh, hey, what's wrong?"
"I fear we have to move."
Xander looked at her. "Even if they left, you don't have to and there's still the sisterhood of slayers with you. Plus there's college." She gaped. "If Giles doesn't agree, I'm not signing over all the new probate stuff." He smirked. "Got it?" She gave him a hug. "Good girl. Are they?"
"I felt weak and I can barely bend a spoon."
"We can do the bloodwork test and see," Wesley assured her. "Though I am rather glad. You have those children to look out for." She blushed but nodded. "Good girl. We'll do so after breakfast. Eat, dear." She settled in to eat, still eating a lot but not as much as normal. He and Xander shared a smile. This was excellent news. "I'll talk with Rupert later, Xander." He smirked. "That way he doesn't ask you irritating questions."
"I'm almost used to them from him. Though, Dawn, when you've sneezed her out think you can send me to see someone for a few minutes?"
"Sure. Why?"
"Because we still have the egg."
She nodded. "I can do that if I can get him from there."
"Cool." He finished up, looking around. "Where are Chase and House?"
"Chase is sleeping on the floor of the infirmary the last I knew," Danny Messer told him. "Don't know why. House was asleep in the office."
"The hospitals were running them ragged asking questions," Xander told him. "I would've thought that's done with."
"Apparently not," Gibbs said. He didn't like the senior doctor or his pill habit but it was said he was a good doctor. Chase was nicer and still a little shit but he was okay he guessed. "Just the two?"
"We usually don't need more," Jackson told him. "If we do, it's Xander's fault." Xander cackled. "The last time we did it was."
"Well, yeah," Xander agreed. "I talked to Cordette. She got to learn how to hunt and gut things. One of the agents Don works with is going to help her. He's a tracker and does fugitive recovery. So we're looking good on her end too."
"Excellent," Wesley said happily. "I look forward to doing her next progress evaluation." Xander smirked at him. "I should get to know her strengths."
"She'll be nine in another few weeks," Tony called over.
"She's still growing into them and I realize that. It would be nice if she did learn how to track. Barely any of the girls can."
"I tried," John and Dean said in unison.
"Many times," Sam agreed, stuffing his mouth before he could say something about whiny girls in the woods.
Xander smirked. "I haven't." The girls all gave him uneasy looks. "We'll work on it today, girls." They all groaned. "I'll do the wall tomorrow, Daniel." He smirked at them. "Finish eating and get me a van, John?" He nodded. "I had to teach Willow how to be quiet in the woods, I can do them too."
"How did you do that?" Sam asked. "Dad would pop out mysteriously and get us with a shot of ice cold water."
"Paintball." The three Winchesters snickered at that. "We won't have any problems. By the time I'm done with them they'll be able to be dropped and find their way back to civilization." All the girls whimpered at that.
"Don't be too mean their first time," John said.
Xander just smirked. He let out a quiet cackle and then looked at them. "Finish up. Get changed." They groaned but Xander's word was law, even above Wesley's about training things. They went to put on heavy outdoor clothes because they were going to be out there all day. Xander got them the van and drove them off. Each vanload took about thirty minutes. On the way he muttered sleep spells and left them with a note, a map, and a compass. Then he went back to get the other ones and place them a mile apart. Fortunately they were surrounded by woods. After the last drop he drove to the point he marked on the map and waited in the nice, warm van. He could hear the girls complaining already. They needed a good lesson in teamwork too according to Dean.
***
Six hours later all but one of the girls had been found. Annabelle had lost her temper and had gone stomping off. Xander looked around then whistled. "Annabelle!" he shouted. Then he let Binky go find her. Binky found her walking and led her back. "Good job, Binky." He petted her. He swatted Annabelle. "Teamwork, Anna, even when they are being goobers and need paddled."
"I was watching."
"Yay." He pointed. "Into the van." She and Binky got into the back row and he drove them back to base. He even let Binky come in to eat dinner with them since she wasn't letting the unicorn go. "She was watching."
"Who was first?" John asked.
"Brenda and Meredith got to me first but they were alone and I did expect some teamwork, girls. That's why I left the compass and map." They all hung their heads. "John, it took them an hour to get their bearings and find me. They both said they found the road and followed it to where I was waiting."
"That's not a bad time," he decided. "Those who managed to make it under two, we'll work on for a bit then consider them passing as long as they can do the basics. The rest of you, practice. A lot. Some of you can get lost in the mall." Gibbs snickered. "They can. For hours on end."
"In a lingerie shop," Dean added. Sam choked but nodded. "Yes, she was trying to impress you." That slayer blushed and slunk down just a bit. "Are we training the future watchers with the girls?"
"I'd like to keep the big sister thing going with that," Xander told him. "One older, one younger, one who's underage. That way they all get support and it'll be good."
John nodded. "I can see that point. Wesley?"
"That would work for me. Of course, we might have to call some back from Cleveland or send someone."
"Let's work on it with the ones here since we've got one trainee and four spare research watchers once they get the library decoded." That got a nod. "So, let's see. Brenda, you're like a female Winchester. You're staying with them for the extra training with John. Halley, you, Ramona, and Annabelle are all Gibbs' girls." They nodded. "Work with him, gently, Annabelle, and we'll see if that works out. If you don't, we'll let him have Becky or Sian."
"Sure," she agreed, feeding Binky some of her dinner. Sam swatted her. "She's hungry too." The cook came out to give Binky her own plate of greens, getting a neigh of happiness and a nuzzle before she dug in. "Thank you, Cook," Anna said happily, digging into her own dinner. She was starved. She had missed lunch. She had to sneak over to steal food from the agents before they were done. Cook walked her back to her seat and gave her more food, earning a hug. "Thank you!" She dug in, eating as much as her huge stomach could hold. Then she belched. "'Scuse me. Sorry." She added more food now that the air was out.
John stared at her. "You've eaten more than three of the other girls combined," he said when she reached for more, stopping her hand. "Do you really need it?"
"I'm hungry," she pouted.
"You're being checked for worms later."
"I missed lunch," she said with a sniffle.
"I don't care. You're being checked for worms. Wait twenty and then you can have some more." She pouted but petted Binky instead. "Also, pets don't belong in the caf. Binky is intelligent but still a pet."
"Yes, John. I won't make her come eat with us again." Her friend nuzzled her and she played with her. Fifteen minutes later she dug into the new food on the table. She cleaned all the leftovers herself. Xander walked her down to the infirmary. She belched. "Sorry, 'scuse me."
"It happens to the best of us and in some cultures it's considered a compliment to the chef," House said dryly. "What's wrong?"
"She put away six times what she usually does tonight."
"John wanted me checked for worms."
"We'll see," House said, pointing at a stool. "Sit there." She went to do that. For some reason that stool always made the girls have to go to the bathroom. When she needed to he handed her a cup. "Into that."
"Pee?"
"No."
"Eww."
"Tough." She pouted but went to do it. Xander was snickering and petting the egg in the sterilizer. "It's fine."
"It's being gifted to the future mommy later on." He looked at him. "How is she really? Dawn I mean."
"She's fine. Her exhaustion is cured and she's back to normal. She hoovered down lunch too."
"If Anna has worms, check her too." He took out the egg, wrapping it in his shirt so it was against his stomach. "Let me deliver this." He walked off and Dawn spotted him. "Let me get the bag from my apartment." She nodded, letting him do that. She could send him from in there and watch his tv. Xander walked out of the portal, seeing all the horrified looks. "What?" He handed over the bag. "You said you were missing it." He pulled out the egg. McKay backed away. "Quit." He handed it to Sheppard. "It needs at least body heat to keep warm." He tucked it down his shirt. "Give it two years and it'll eat wraiths."
"What?" Sheppard demanded.
Xander grinned. "McKay didn't tell you that some herbivore dragons eat wraiths?" He smirked. "It tried to eat where one had touched him on the arm. We did an x-ray; it's that sort of dragon. It's an herbivore, it'll eat any sort of tree as far as we know. It'll grow up in about two years and it'll eat wraith. It's also very protective of who it owns. Worse than a cat from what we found out. We figured you guys could use that ability more than us because if they make it into my solar system the girls and I are going after it and blowing them to hell and back. So keep it warm. At least body temperature." He smiled and tried to go back through the portal but Sheppard stopped him.
"You do realize this is a highly classified site?"
"Yeah, but I already knew and the place where I'm thought of as a god is around here somewhere. Abby said so when I was nibbling on some leftover jerky. It turned out to be that meat beast McKay was complaining about. Besides, the chaos demons love you more than me. Who better to raise the pet the slayers can't have?" He beamed and walked through the portal, letting it close behind him. "They'll take good care of it."
"I'm sure they'll take good care of Eggy." She gave him a hug. "Why do you have porn?"
"Because I'm a guy and not dating."
"Good point." She shrugged and left him alone to watch it in peace. They had answered most of her questions. "Xander's watching porn," she told Faith.
"If I tapped that ass, I'd go bad again," she sighed, shaking her head. "Pity." She went back to her reading. "Good porn?"
"Gangbang porn."
"Why were you watching gangbang porn?" Sam asked loudly, glaring at her.
"I was browsing Xander's DVD player while I waited on him to hand over Eggy. Not like I wanted to be in the center, but it looked like fun." She smirked. "Fortunately I'm not a bad girl. I'll never do that." She skipped off to do her homework. Xander would need help with that wall tomorrow and he had been teaching her construction stuff too.
Faith reached over to pet Sam on the arm. "It's all right. X needs laid and he's not getting it here. He needs to go back to wherever that temple is." He walked off blushing, shaking his head and moaning about that suggestion.
John came in a minute later. "We're doing an inspection," he called. "Porn is not on the allowed list, ladies."
"It was Dawn watching X's," Faith defended. He glared at her. "Hey, I'm old enough. Thank you."
"I don't care. We don't need to hear it and the younger girls don't need to get into it because they're curious. They can go torment Chase and House, like you did."
"No, when I was curious, I tried it."
"They can't." He went to do a room check. He found Brenda had a magazine and was horrified. "Brenda!"
"Dean gave it to me," she said, sniffling and looking pitiful. "He said I needed to know what one looked like."
He walked off moaning, going to beat his eldest son. "Brenda does not need to know that, Dean." He pulled him over to spank him. "I told you not to do that when you tried it with Sammy! Porn is not acceptable!"
"You'd rather she date some scuzzy guy!" he asked, getting free, rubbing his ass. "That's mean, Dad. She's old enough!" He ran away before he got grabbed again.
"Dad found out that you gave Brenda the spank magazine?" Sam asked when Dean went running past him.
"Yup."
"Better her than you giving it to me, Dean." John growled. "He asked but I didn't need it." He shrugged and went to watch naked women with Xander. He had good naked women things. They could even geek out and watch animated naked women things.
John snarled and went to clean out the rest of the porn stash. Except for the lesbian couple. They probably needed theirs because he didn't understand girls who didn't like boys or understand what they did and didn't need so he'd let them slide until it got too bad or too dirty. Besides, they were having fun and he wasn't going to break into that. Not something he wanted or needed to see.
***
Daniel looked at his new teams. Then around the room. "This is going to be interesting. Breakfast is in twenty minutes. Most of the guys get there in about thirty." They nodded, heading that way. Daniel smirked. It was going to make a lot of people happy. His desk phone rang so he trotted in to get it. "Daniel Jackson." He listened to Jack rant. "I agreed, Jack. Eggy was best suited to being up there. He eats and likes wraiths if the ones we found of his species were any indication. It'll be good for them and hopefully adopt McKay and Sheppard as its humans so they can be better protected. Those two get into worse stuff than we did." He listened to the continued complaint. "How else did you expect Xander to get up there? Though Abby did say that wherever his temple was as a god of lust was somewhere in that galaxy. The food samples matched on some key indicators." He saw the fax that had come through last night and smirked at the threat. "Gotta go, Jack. Someone faxed a threat to everyone here." He hung up and looked it over. It had a signature, he was pleased. He found his new video conferencing software up and working. "Thank you, McGee," he called loudly. He dialed his boss and held up the threat. "You want her or can we put her into the demon part of the prison?"
He spluttered then read it. "Send that to me please. I'll deal with her."
"Good. Because Gibbs is now a watcher." He hung up and faxed it to the new head of Homeland security. He was not going to have a happy Sunday. Oh well! He went to watch the interesting events at breakfast. "Gibbs, McGee, Tony, your former director is cranked to use a Faith-ism. She faxed a threat she signed." They burst out laughing. "Exactly. I sent it to the head of Homeland. Sorry but oh well."
"We'll do a bomb search later," Horatio assured him.
"She's back in a mental hospital. She had a problem believing demons were real," Daniel said with a smirk. "Like those cults." He went to take his usual spot. "We need more tables in here." That got a nod. "Well, the girls won't be up for hours yet." He sat down to read the paper and eat his breakfast. Ryan came in looking over his email on his blackberry device and sat down.
"Put that down and eat," Alexx ordered, taking it from him. He gaped, just blinking at her. "Since you wouldn't stay, we had to follow. Now, eat. You're too skinny and you need a haircut."
"Yes, Alexx," he said weakly. "Does Speed know?"
"Not yet," Horatio said, making him jump. "Don't tell him either."
"Um, yeah." He dug in because Alexx was going to swat him. Don Flack walked in rubbing his eyes and looking sleep tousled. "Bad case?"
"Xander's noisy," he complained. He sat down and had coffee poured for him. He frowned at the person doing it. "Damn it, I'm sleepwalking again."
Stella pinched him on the cheek, smirking at him. "I'm good enough to be a dream, Don, but you should be dreaming about blond CSI, not me."
Mac coughed. "We don't know how they feel about inter-agency dating, Stella," he warned.
"I don't care," Daniel called. "It's all good as long as it's not a kid and it's not a case." He turned the page on his paper. Xander stumbled in. "Xander, you got me yelled at by Jack."
"I'll write him later," he mumbled, sitting down and nearly falling asleep on his plate.
"If I had to stay up because you were noisy, you can be awake," Don called.
Xander frowned at him. "Was not noisy! I went to bed at ten!" he whined. "After porn."
"Uh-huh. Your apartment was noisy." Sam strolled in with Dean behind him. "Why was he so noisy last night?"
"Six of the girls snuck in to watch his porn. Xander's got the flu so he slept through it but Dean went to beat the giggling girls around two for keeping us up. Especially the two who kept fantasizing about you and Danny together." He felt Xander's forehead and got swatted. "Stop it."
"Meany. Not sick."
"Bullshit." He hauled him up. "Taking him down to the infirmary." He walked him down there, handing him to House.
"What do you want me to do with him? He's not my type and while I could use a good pro Xander doesn't charge."
"He's so got the flu he slept through six of the girls breaking into his place to watch his porn and giggle loud enough to keep us and Don Flack up."
"That's sick," House decided. "You need porn?"
Xander blinked at him. "Not getting any. I'm fine."
"Shut up." He put him onto a bed. Xander opened his mouth. "Try it again and I'm putting in the huge IV." Xander whimpered, curling up in a ball. "Uh-huh." He started the IV and let the nurse handle it. "Flu." He went up to breakfast. He found Messer whimpering in the door and shoved him. "Some of the rest of us need to eat too." Danny turned and fled. "Girls, get Messer. He has to eat." They went to find him and drag him back. "Was it at least good porn they broke in to watch?" he asked Dean. Sam was too innocent to watch the good stuff.
"Not really. Cheesy. Some gay, some not. They all decided Danny and Don were cute together. That's why I went to beat asses at two."
"Good." He went to his usual seat and found it filled with an African-American woman. "New staff?"
She smirked. "Doctor Alexx Woods, ME. You must be Doctor House." She held up a hand. "Move down, sugar, so we can talk."
Chase looked at her. "I'm his student." She gave him a look and he smirked. House poked him. "Fine, I'll eat with the girls. Foreman and Cameron are coming next week with Wilson." He sat down at their table and got soothed by the older girls petting his back for him. "If I asked would you hit on Foreman to freak him out?" They all gave him evil smirks. "Thank you." He dug in and Anna tried to lift his toast so he smacked her hand. "Quit."
"I'm growing."
"I can tell. You can make your own toast." She went to make more toast for everyone. John smirked at him for that move. "No worms but I figure it's a growth spurt."
"They happen to all kids. Dean about closed down a buffet once."
"Hey!" Dean complained. "Sammy got us kicked out the steak buffet place."
"He did," he agreed. "Three hours after we sat down."
"I remember those days unfondly. I tripped over thin air." Annabelle gave him a hug. "We'll help you through yours."
"Yes, Doctor Chase." She smirked at the older girl. "I got a cuddle."
"You're going to be spanked," Faith told her. She sat down and dug in again. "Sorry. She's having an evil week."
"Did you crush on Xander too?" Dawn asked the younger slayer.
She blinked at her. "He's not the sort of man I want to marry someday. I'd like someone smart who would read with me and give good backrubs." Chase moaned, shaking his head. "You're much too old for me. So if you find a young prodigy doctor...."
"I'll introduce you," he promised. "Eat. You're going silly."
"It was being out in the woods all day yesterday. That's why I was starving too."
"You were hungry. Starving is a medical condition," John said firmly. "It's when you don't get any food for a long period of time, like months."
"Sorry. I'll make sure to state the difference," she sighed. "Why are you in a bad mood?"
"Because you girls did bad things last night."
"Not me," she defended. "I didn't break into anyone's apartment to steal panties or anything like that." John stared at her. So did the other girls. "What? You did." She smirked. "Next time, don't make me do all the sweeping when it's not my turn."
"They'll be doing some today," John promised. "And PT." They groaned. "Sons, room inspection. It's probably mostly yours anyway."
"Let me finish first," Dean said. Sam nodded since his mouth was full. They headed out once they were done, taking their coffees with them. Doing room inspection was very surreal but he found a few of his missing pairs of boxer-briefs. Sam's too. He tossed him at his head.
"I washed those yesterday."
"They snuck in last night, genius. Are you sick too? Kissed flu boy maybe?"
"I wasn't kissing him, Dean."
"Ah. So got it from sucking on him then."
"No! Unlike you, who buy boy on boy spank magazines, I'm straight."
"And we bless God every day for that fact," Faith said, taking Dean's boxers back. "Comfy to sleep in, thanks, D."
"Give those back," he said, taking them to ball up and put into his front pocket. She pushed him against the wall to grope him and get them back. "Hey! Buy your own."
She smirked. "Why? Yours are broken in better." She strolled off to Sammy's giggling. "Thanks for the grope, needed the thrill."
Dean stared after her. "Not like it was good enough for you to claim clothing rights, Faith. Only girls who make me scream and squeal earn clothing stealing rights."
She came back to stare him down. "Sure. Your place later?" She'd have to hurt him if he was teasing her. She hadn't had any in months.
"We'll see if you can keep up." He took them back. "Then maybe you can borrow them." She sashayed off.
"I'll be hiding," Sam said. He walked into the lesbian couple's room and sighed. "Dean?" He came in. Then he groaned and they cleaned it up on them. Dean went to talk to the girls and John about what gay girls needed and didn't need. Half of that probably belonged to the other girls anyway. Why would two lesbians need multiple issues of BUTTSEX MONTHLY? Though John had Dawn take them from Dean later on while he was busy with Faith so they could burn them with the rest of the porn.
***
Speed wandered in late, yawning and scratching his stomach under his t-shirt. It was Sunday, he could sleep in. He sat down and blinked at the food that got put onto his plate. Then the coffee was poured and a different hand added milk. He frowned at the people sitting around him. "Am I still in Miami or did Dawn goof and move us?"
"No, we were waiting on your lazy behind," Alexx assured him.
"It's Sunday, I can sleep in," he complained. He frowned. "Visiting already?"
She pinched his cheek. "Don't you wish."
"Did I get hit on the head and you're hallucinations?"
"No."
"Then it's not a wish."
"We're here to work," Horatio told him.
Speed nodded once then sipped his coffee. "Watch out for the girls. They giggle, pounce, and steal underwear." He took another drink. He wanted to be more awake to see how interesting this would get.
The End.