The Incidences of The Blippy Dohickey 2: Siblings.
Owen finished Jack's exam and let him sit up and get dressed. "Want me to cut the hole open now or later?" he joked.
"No thank you." He put on his pants. "How are we?"
"You're still as frustrating as usual," Owen quipped. "You sure? I've looked up how to cut open vaggies for it."
"Hell no." He put on his shirt with a scowl. "You can do it the normal way, thanks."
"Sure. Are you doing it here?"
"I hope not. Maybe on Ever?"
"That could work, yeah." He put things away. "So, we've got three more months of you."
"Then Dawn will be cooing non-stop," Jack quipped.
"Definitely. So, want me to run paternity?"
"It's not like there's some doubt," Jack said dryly.
"Welllllll....." Owen smirked. "Dawn's lactating again." Jack's mouth fell open. "Perhaps...."
"Ianto?" Jack called. Ianto came jogging down. "Did you... help the bonding in any way?"
Ianto smiled. "I did get a bit of messy stuff from the Doctor to insert. Xander said it only had to be present and that way you're not alone after I'm gone." He took a kiss. "Is it his?"
"Dawn's lactating but that's not conclusive," Owen said.
"We can run paternity."
"We'll probably run into Doc and the little Doc soon," Jack decided. He stared at him. "I...."
"I looked it over. If I hadn't, you'd be more miserable when I died," he said quietly. "Plus he needed it as well. He won't have more than a rudimentary link but it's still something to help you when I die after a wonderful night in bed sometime soon." His eyes pled with Jack to understand.
Jack huffed. "Stupid hormone, I almost sniffled." Ianto gave him a quick hug then went back to his desk. He looked at Owen, who pulled out the needle he'd need. Jack took off his shirt and let Owen fire back up the ultrasound machine. It was something they needed to know. Though why Dawn lactated for the Doctor's kid he wasn't sure. Maybe it was the Key or something.
Who knew sometimes with Dawn. Things were weird around the magic stuff.
***
Xander paused, looking up from what he was working on. "That's the protections I have around him," he muttered.
"What?" one of the other linguists asked.
"Some protections I have around someone just went off." The other linguist gave him an odd look. He found his cellphone on the messy desk and called. "Are you all right?" He listened to the voice he hadn't heard in years. "How in the hell, Doc?" He blinked a few times. "Yes, please. No, I'm on Nila. Come here. We might need the stabilizing effects."
He hung up and called Dawn, who was still walking botanists around. "It's me. My protections on Doc just went off. Well, he sounded like Ten," he admitted. He hung up on her complaining. She wasn't happy. "She must be lactating again so that means Ianto did slip something into their bonding, like Evan thought," he muttered.
He got back to work. It could take hours for Doc to get here. He did text Radek since he was on Atlantis. That way Rodney would be warned if they needed the medical facilities. He looked over at the whirring, magically moving things out of the Tardis' way. The Doctor leaned out. It was Ten. "How in the hell?"
"I don't know. I remember a pounding headache and then suddenly I reverted."
"No, it was an act against you. My protections went off, Doc." He walked over to do a sensing. He saw the flashes. "Looks like you're going to go back further too. So let's work to stop this." He walked him into the Tardis. Evan and Cam walked in.
"Guys, take the baby for a few?" he asked, sounding calm. He looked him over again then worked to counter the magic. Donna's spirit, who was still inside him, was helping. "Thank you, Donna Noble," he murmured as he worked. The baby squealed and grabbed Evan to hold. "Hey, precious. You stay there." He saw the flickering and worked against the spell. It snapped.
He was still Nine again. Then he was Ten, then back to Nine. Xander added more power and energy to the spell to stop it. That settled him. He read him again, letting Cam get him a bottle of water. "Well," he said, looking at Ten. "You're not quite you."
"Am I going to change again?" he asked, sounding tired.
"Yeah, you might go backward or forward at the moment. I think it's so you can access the strengths of all three."
"Who?" Evan asked.
"Not the coven's head."
"The other guardian?" the Doctor demanded.
"Yup." He concentrated. "Yeah, they so did that," he muttered. He fixed something else and it was eased. "There, now it should be when you want to change you will." He stared at him. "Think really hard about Nine for a second?"
"It does ache to do that," he complained.
"That's because he was more bulky and had more muscle mass, Doc." He looked him over. "I can't do a healing spell. It might hurt you unintentionally." The Doctor concentrated and switched then to Eleven then back to Ten, frowning. Xander grinned. "Easier?"
"Much. Why did he do this?"
"I don't know but you weren't going to have any memories of the later ones. He was going to revert you all the way back to the first one and let you live another set of lives. You might not have regenerated into the same form. It could be that he didn't want to lose you. It might be that he was hoping to do something that you wouldn't have memories of. Donna stopped that."
"Yes, I can hear her complaining about him," he said, rubbing his forehead. The baby was staring at him, not quite sure what to make of all this. He took the baby to hold. "It's all right. I'm the same father I was before." The baby grabbed his nose and glasses. "No, I rather need those." He took them off and put them into his pocket with a smile. "There." The baby cooed and put his head down, waving at Evan with a grin.
"Hi, Little Doc," he said with a grin back. "We should scan him," he told Xander.
"I called Dawn. She's on Ever with the wandering botanists."
Cam went to the house to yell for her. She came jogging and got the Doctor there to scan him for Owen and Jack's help. While she played with the baby. The botanists were stunned but oh well.
Xander looked at Evan and shrugged. "No clue but I think you won that bet."
"I know I won that bet. Ianto had a used condom," he said dryly. He took a kiss. "Tardis, we'll bring him back in a bit, okay? He's on Ever." They walked out together. "You really need to expand this office," he said dryly.
"I can't. It's cold iron."
"I know." He patted him and left him to consider what was going on.
Xander found his phone again and called someone. "Clorisma, it's Xander. Can you please ask your husband what the hell his counterpart was thinking?" He listened. "Yeah, that's why. No, I stopped it at Nine but I can't guarantee he can't get back to them too." He listened to her tell him that. He groaned and said 'good job' but that was probably just a bad plan. "We sure?" He nodded. "Okay then. I'll let him know. Thanks." He hung up and went to his house to blip to Ever. "The old guy of the coven said it might've been a bad plan but I still think feel non-malevolent feelings."
"Hmm." He looked at himself. "It's quite odd."
Xander smirked. "Maybe next time you'll turn into Donna," he quipped.
"Don't suggest that," he moaned. Xander grinned. "So I'm still Eleven officially?"
"I don't know. Think about one of the early ones. See if you can get back to them." He gave him a horrified look and did that then came back to Ten with a groan. Xander grinned. "That may make things easier sometimes."
"It may," he agreed dryly. "But it's not making my head hurt any less."
Xander gave him a hug. "It's possible that it was meant so you couldn't get a final incarnation."
The Doctor stared at him. "It might," he sighed. He looked at his son, who was sucking up to Dawn. "Is Jack pregnant?" She nodded with a smirk. "Is that why you're...." He waved a hand.
"I'm pretty sure it is."
"Why?" the Doctor asked casually.
Evan coughed as he walked into the medical center. "Because we caught Ianto with a used condom," he said quietly. "That way Jack doesn't go batshit crazy when he finally dies."
The Doctor considered that. "That's most ...odd."
Xander smirked. "Nine would've sworn."
"I am mentally but I try not to in front of my son." He took him to hold. "Well, what shall we do about this?"
"Take a few days and think," Xander said with a shrug. "I can't find a way to undo it." The Doctor stared at him. "If I hadn't stopped it, you'd be back in Five or Six right now. Quickly moving back to One."
The Doctor shook his head. "No thank you. Though we will have to work out this whole clothing issue. My former incarnations weren't all splendid dressers like I am or Eleven is."
Xander smirked. "Why did you wear that celery stick pinned to your lapel?"
"You know, I don't remember right off," he admitted with a smirk.
Xander stared at him. "We can work on something so the size and height changes don't ruin your clothes."
"That may help, yes. What am I going to do about this?"
"I don't know. But if you have to show up somewhere that had seen you before, you can switch back."
"Will he get stuck if someone tries to do something?" Dawn asked.
"No. The spell going on completely killed the barriers between incarnations." He looked at the Doctor again. "So sometimes you can be One if you want to be or you can be Eleven and go drive Amy insane again."
"Amy will be insane about my son," he admitted. "Rose would be cackling about all this." Xander smiled. "I know, those two would clash badly."
"At least Amy doesn't have a real crush on you."
"No, thankfully." He looked at his staring son. "I don't know, it's not how things usually happen."
Xander's phone beeped. He looked at the message. "Shit, another one?" He waved and disappeared, going to Atlantis to find another former 'pet Xander' owner. This one actually a female. "Did we have a temporal breach?" he asked casually.
"Well, yes. But you predicted that one." She smiled.
Xander stared at her. "Radek, this is Helate. This is Radek, the husband."
She smiled at him and held out her hand. He shook it. "Well met, Radek. I know I couldn't keep his interest in the long term. Xander, can you help me get home?"
"Yup." He summoned his wardrobe and got her into it, taking her home. Then he came back. A few of the new people were giving him odd looks. He smirked. "Radek helped with my precision." He looked at Radek. "Doc's having a problem. The other guardian let him switch between numbers," he said quietly. "He's on Ever with Dawn."
"I will go calm him down." He took the wardrobe with him. Xander flashed back to his office to get back to work. The Doctor would show up when he wanted to talk. Right then he had looked like he wanted to cuddle his son. Xander was going over what had happened and the spell at the moment to find something new he could do to help. Though it was nice to have the old Doctors back sometimes. Eleven was a bit...odd now and then.
The other linguists were all staring at him. "Xander, is that something we're working on?" one asked finally.
"No, I'm looking up a reference for someone," he admitted. "Why?" He looked over at them.
"Is it for that same being that just showed up?"
"Yup. Someone screwed with him and is upsetting his son."
"He has a son?" that linguist asked.
"Yeah. He's a cute baby." He handed over the picture with a grin. "Likes to puke on Rodney." He went back to his research then sent the book, once he had put a sticky note in place, to Dawn. Then he got back to his real job.
"Xander, was that maybe a Tardis that appeared?" another one asked quietly.
Xander smirked. "No comment." They all groaned. "How far along are we on these new parts?"
"About sixty percent," one sighed, getting back to it. Xander wasn't a slave driver but they were suddenly getting a lot of work from another source. They weren't sure who Eterna was but she wasn't an AI they knew.
***
The Ninth Doctor showed up for dinner, sitting down next to Xander and Evan. Evan took the baby since he was reaching for him and cooing. "Hey, Little Doc." He let him grab some of his vegetables to eat.
"That's freaky, I never wanted veggies," Xander quipped.
"Not everyone can thrive on twinkies," the Doctor said with a smirk.
"True." They shared a smirk. "Did it help?"
"Quite a lot actually. I feel much more settled yet still very creeped out." He took his son back. "You can eat your own food, not his. Evan needs to eat so Xander can keep him up all night."
Evan snorted, shaking his head. "I have military drills in the morning. There's no squealing for me tonight." John, Rodney, and Radek walked in together. "We're all here," he quipped.
"I thought that bit of quietness I have now was him," the Doctor said quietly.
Xander looked at him. "You're only partially linked in to them, Doc. I promise it's not the full thing."
"I realize that."
"That's the other reason you're not back at the beginning."
"Which is a nice thought. I dress much better now." The baby fussed, staring at Rodney.
"As long as you don't vomit on me this time," he sighed, taking the baby to hold. "How did this happen?"
"The Black Guardian," Xander said quietly. "So far no one's talked to him yet. Thankfully Donna and Ianto's little helpful thing both made sure that he kept all his memories."
"Interesting," Radek said, taking the baby to hold as he sat down. The baby beamed at him and tried for his glasses. "No, must not have. I need them to see." He kissed the fingers then held them. The baby fussed but stared at Mira when she climbed up. "Yes, it is your nest and cribmate." He let the baby sit on the table with the dragons. They cooed and petted the baby, making him happy.
"Some day I'll have to see if he wants a sacred egg of his own," the Doctor quipped. They all smirked. "What are we going to do about this?"
Xander shrugged. "I couldn't see a way to undo it. Maybe if I was there, but not without causing a massive paradox."
"No, I'd rather not see another of those," he decided. He petted the two dragons, earning happy snuffles, though Armand stared. "It was one of the higher beings," he told him. The dragon seemed happy enough with that explanation and went back to playing with the baby.
Rodney shook his head at Mira's antics. "Don't anticipate one of those for our own for years yet, Mira." She huffed but ignored him. He looked at the Doctor, who smirked. "We did put that quilt safely away, Xander?"
"Yeah." He grinned. "Though, Nila said if more spores happened on Atlantis, she'd put it in a nice gathering area so her daughter city could have more family."
"Keller would kill us all," John said with a smirk.
"I wasn't too thrilled myself for a day but he's worth all the heartburn, gas, and stomach cramps I had," the Doctor sighed. Cam walked in and stared. Xander waved him over. "You lot should be eating." They went to get food, and seconds for Xander, then came back with an extra tray for him and the baby. The cooks had seen the baby and chopped up some vegetables for him. "Ah, thank you," he called with a smile and a wave. He settled in to feed the baby, ignoring the begging dragons. "You have human feeding slaves," he reminded them when Mira tried to capture the spoon.
Rodney waved his fork and she shifted over to eat half his dinner for him. "Now I see why I've lost ten pounds."
"Pants fit again?" John quipped.
"Yes." He huffed.
Armand looked at his human, who grinned and gave him half the stuff on his plate and Evan's. "Hey!" Evan complained. A few of the biologists brought them food to nibble on. "Thanks for saving my dinner, guys."
"I would've fed you more," Xander said with a wink.
"I still have military drills tomorrow." He stuffed his mouth.
John snickered. "Don't remind me." He finished his and Mira leaned over to eat his plate on him. "Thanks, Mira, very helpful."
Armand scarfed the other plates once they were clean, and the trays. "Are we starved?" Xander asked dryly. "Are you two growing again?" They both purred at him. "That explains why you've been so hungry tonight." He shook his head.
"The only thing they won't try to eat is a dirty diaper," Rodney reminded him.
"Yeah, that was funny when they ran from the first one." He petted Armand.
The Doctor looked at him. "They are very fun and unique beings." He petted Armand then Mira when she pouted at him. "You're both horribly spoiled." They meeped and cuddled in better. The baby was napping so it was fine.
Cam stared at the baby, then at the Doctor. "He seems like he's a nice boy."
"He is a very nice boy. Hardly ever gets cranky with me. When he does, we watch time stream past us and it's soothing."
"Just wait until the terrible twos," John joked with a smirk.
"Would that be two's, twenties, or two hundreds?" Rodney quipped back.
"I remember spending most of my two hundreds in pleasurable pursuits," the Doctor admitted, thinking back. "If I remember right, I had a lot of fun."
Xander snickered. "No need for a fake ID?" he teased.
"No, I looked particularly old at that time," he agreed dryly. "Though I do remember being a child. I didn't have many tantrums." He shook his head quickly. "Do we have any idea why Dawn did what she did spontaneously?"
"Owen dropped her down under hypnosis," Xander said quietly. "It was the Key welcoming the new race of Time Lords. They're meant to be her foil in power levels." The Doctor stared at him. "You have control of time and space and it would have control of dimensional time and space."
"Good point. I hadn't considered that." He patted his son's stomach since he was curled up between the plates. "So she's nurturing the new race?" Xander smiled and nodded. "There's only two of us."
"Actually, she's doing the same thing for Jack's child," Evan said. "I noticed it earlier."
"So possibly three of us," the Doctor said with a grin.
Radek shook his head. "I heard what she said. 'Not all that travel through time are Time Lords but for this it is the same' to quote her."
The Doctor gaped then looked at Xander. "That's almost a quote I told your heads when they showed up in London," he said calmly.
"Well." He cleared his throat. "That's... odd."
"She was also counting Rose," Radek told him, earning a small smile. "She said something about it not being totally the same but it was better anyway."
"True, it is." He relaxed. "What about you two?" he asked Rodney.
"Apparently in the future you sent me to stop France in this time zone, a few times," Rodney said. "We've heard a hint that someone does fulfill his vision about the temporal displacement issue on Atlantis."
The Doctor blinked. "That would be a powerful engine."
"Unless someone like me intervened and created a fake border," Xander countered. "Which would still leave it but it would be shrunk some to anyone outside the city. Like the Tardis' space encompassing spells."
"I thought that was technological," Radek said. Xander shook his head quickly. "We're sure?"
"Yeah, the guy was basically using magic without realizing it. There's a book on it at the coven's library. How do you think I made mine?" They all stared at him so he smirked back. "I had a broken ankle. I couldn't even weed the garden. Armand hadn't hatched yet. I got *real* bored and Clorisma sent me a bunch of esoteric works to look through to see if anything like that interested me for a major working I'd have to prove myself with."
"I would like to look that book over," the Doctor said casually.
"I copied it. It's in my library. On the west shelf." That got a smirk. "By the way, I saw the Time Lord's version of the Ori freakish bitch again."
"The Rani?" the Doctor asked.
"Yup. River Song was around here somewhere yesterday and I kicked her off. She just smirked and left when I spotted her. I checked, she didn't get near Nila, just stared at the docked labs."
"Did we do a systems check?" Rodney asked. "I remember running into her that once and there was something odd about her."
"I'm pretty sure the Rani and the Time Lords were originally the same people," Xander said. "So they're like the Ori for the Doc."
"She was cast out, like the Master," the Doctor admitted. "The last I knew she wasn't River Song however. I have forward hints that I traveled with Doctor Song."
Xander stared at him. "That didn't make her good."
"I gave her my old screwdriver."
Xander stared at him. "What did you tell me? Always watch out for the Rani, she'd want to keep me...."
"And watch out for the Toymaker, he's a bit of a twisted being who'd definitely want to keep you," he finished. "Are you certain?"
"She was wearing a time dilation crystal." The Doctor gave him an odd look. "Which could've only come from two spots in the universe. Both of which you have hidden."
"She knew my original name."
Xander nodded. "She's about your age too," he said dryly. "Did we perhaps go to school with her?"
"Not that I remember." He thought back then shook his head. "She was before my time. I don't see how she and River Song can be the same."
"How would a mere Companion get into a place that's trapped in a time vortex?" Xander countered.
"Time vortex?" Rodney asked.
"Yes, they're all over the time stream and they make me Tardis-sick," Xander said with a grin. "I calmed a few down before I puked." He looked at the Doctor. "Not even *I* can get into those two without you knowing."
He considered that. "The Sontarans were supposed to have four somewhere in a museum but they were lost to time supposedly when someone realized how much problems they could bring. The Daleks supposedly had one on their home world as well." He frowned. "How would she get back that far to get one? I'd never visit either of those places."
"Neither would the Tardis, or mine," Xander said. "I made sure I blocked out the Sontaran homeworld as a 'no-go' place. By the way, caught a Weeping Angel the other day and blew it to hell. Someone shipped it to the Mountain as a diplomatic present."
The Doctor smiled. "Excellent. Any others?"
"Not yet but I am hearing rumors or a single Sontaran down here somewhere. I haven't been able to track it and neither has Ianto."
"Do let me know."
Xander pointed at the baby. "Hell no. A single one we can handle." He stared at him. "I will be able to if Jack can't because his stomach gets in the way."
"True. You did handle most of a battle troupe that once." He gave him a dirty look.
"You had the flu," Xander reminded him with a grin. "Not like I was going to take Rose to the ambush."
"How accurate was the show?" one of the chemists said as he sat down with his tray next to Radek.
Xander smirked. "It was Jack's idea so some people realized when they showed up. That way anytime a floating art deco trashcan with weapons shows up you can go 'Dalek' and blow it to hell."
"Why?" the chemist asked. "I realize why we needed to know but why do that over so long?"
"So it wouldn't be forgotten when the next big bad thing comes," Xander said simply. The Doctor glared at him. "We've had two this century."
"True. I'm hoping I never have to run into another Dalek again."
"I've built him a safety pod," Radek said quietly. The Doctor beamed at him for that. "It will take him from anywhere to Dawn or one of us."
"Thank you, Radek."
"It is no problem but we know you, like Xander, cannot stay out of trouble." Dawn strolled in wearing leather pants and a halter top. "Going home to tempt your boyfriend?" he teased with a smile.
"Yuppers." She kissed Xander on the cheek. "They're behaving and Eterna will call. I need nookie."
"Sure, I'll pop around tonight," he promised. She beamed and kissed the Doctor on the cheek before strolling off. "I think her sister taught her that move," he sighed.
"That was almost exactly like Jack's swagger," Rodney countered with an evil smirk. "Especially when he wanted Ianto's attention on his ass."
"True. So maybe she does get it naturally." The Doctor snickered. "She's going to be a wonderful sister."
"She will, yes." He relaxed. "Do we think this was meant to drive me insane?"
"No, I think he wanted you without memories of your past interactions so he could have you do something for him," Xander admitted. "Though it would extend your life a lot if you can't get into a twelfth incarnation." The Doctor gave him a dirty look. "Most likely you'd just go to another one."
"Oh." He nodded. "Hmm." He looked at his son, who was now snoring. "You must get that from your father, son. I've never snored."
"Amy said that was a lie," Xander said dryly. The Doctor pinched him on the arm. "She did!"
"He mate did too." He smiled at them. "It'll be fine." They all smirked. "Though I have no idea how to babyproof the Tardis."
"She won't let him get into anything he shouldn't. She's already kept him out of the garden I put in."
"True, which is nice. Though we do go in and play among the plants. All your little protective vines adore him. They pat him on the diaper and even tried to change him once." Xander smirked. "It was quite odd to walk in with his bottle and find your vines stripping my poor son down. Though they did appreciate being peed on."
"Probably needed watered," Xander said dryly.
"Probably, yes." He grinned. Xander grinned back. "What am I going to do if Jack's is mine?"
"Take him and Ianto with you until they're mouthy teenagers? Then let them decide to either build their own Tardis or go rescue one of the lost ones, or even steal the one from the Rani?" Xander suggested.
"And that damnable quilt before Atlantis decides she wants children on the city," Rodney said quickly.
"It's safely stored," Xander assured him.
"Can she get to it? She's promised to put it out if we ever get spored again," John told him.
"Nila promised to help," Radek said, shaking his head. "As long as it does not end up on our bed."
"Never," Xander said. "I'd feel it." He smiled. They all smirked back.
"There's lost Tardis?" the Doctor demanded.
"Doc, before the war started, they banished a few people that didn't agree with the Council's methodology," Xander said. He summoned that book to hand him. "Plus any that the Paradox Faction had. I'm guessing there's probably about twenty out there somewhere."
"I've never run into another one, Xander." Xander flipped in the book to that section, pointing at something. "Oh, dear, they set them adrift after making sure they could not counteract the will of the Council."
"Now, having seen one, which was being destroyed by gamma radiation," Xander said dryly. The Doctor gaped at him. "I couldn't save it. I did do the merciful thing. Her master was dead. She was dying." The Doctor slumped but nodded. "I let mine interface with hers and she sent out a lot of information. They were poisoned before being sent off through the void portal."
The Doctor swallowed. "So they are out there, alone."
"I think a few dying are what caused some of the time vortex's," Xander said.
"I hadn't thought about why some formed." He tapped his fingers a few times. "How would we recall them?"
"Dawn."
The Doctor stared at him then smirked. "I'll do what I can." Xander smiled and nodded. "Though, I agree, that quilt had better be safely stored where no one else can get to it. That way I don't have to do that again. Not that I minded but I probably would not have chosen that manner of having a child."
"I'm not the one who put the quilt down," Xander reminded him dryly. "Eterna did."
The Doctor and Rodney moaned, shaking their heads. "It figures," John decided. "The AI's all mother hen us when we need them to. She probably decided you needed him to be happy."
"Perhaps," the Doctor sighed. He looked at the book. "When did you get this one?"
"During the trial I confiscated a few helpful things." He smirked. "They weren't going to need them. Better not to have them wasted."
The Doctor stared at him. "You looted the main library?"
"Yeah, especially the forbidden section." He pointed with a smirk. "That was something they didn't want to get out."
"I can see why." He went back to reading. He hadn't known some of this about his own people's history.
"I'm guessing they gave you the edited version, like the pilgrims story all American children learn," John said.
"Probably," the Doctor agreed.
The new general appeared. "Xander, I think we need you...." He stared at the Doctor. "We have a strange alien that's burbling at us? Big head, looks like a Japanese cartoon?"
"Slitheen," the Doctor and Xander said together. "Shoot them."
"Okay, we can do that. Will a zat or a staff weapon work?"
Xander stood up. "I'll be right back." He took the general with him, letting him catch his breath. "Sorry, it can make you dizzy traveling by blippy." He walked into the heavily guarded area. All the soldiers pointed. Xander stared at them. "The Doctor's too busy to deal with you today. What did you want?" It babbled at him. "Hell no." He snorted. "I'd leave before I call Jack Harkness at Torchwood." The aliens babbled faster. Xander stared at them. They squeaked and left. "And stay off Earth!" he called. "I'm in a damn good mood today!" He left, shaking his head. "They wanted us to send all of them to a new homeworld."
"Fat chance of that happening," John muttered.
"How likely is it that we'll have a major problem this year from something alien?" Cam asked Rodney. "Without pushing for forward knowledge or anything?"
Rodney, the Doctor, and Xander all shared a look. "A few years on the wraith," Xander said quietly. "They'd stop at intervening solar systems for rest breaks and food stops."
"I'd say they'd get here about when the doomsday cults would start to get hyper," Rodney agreed. "We theorized about three years so 2012."
"Don't you dare," the Doctor ordered, staring at Rodney.
Rodney shook his head. "We'll be ready in time," he told Cam. "But it won't be this year for anything but a semi-bad demon apocalypse attempt again. At least that's what Xander's biography said."
"When did you get that?" the Doctor demanded.
"The same time." Xander smirked and summoned it, looking at that section. "They got the time code wrong on that. That'll be a few years. We'll have to warn Buffy when the thing start to stir." He let him see it.
"I beat that a few years back," the Doctor complained.
"The rest of this decade, we'll have two major alien incursions," he told them. "Neither this year." They all nodded. "But..." He held up a finger. "Only one for UNIT or the SG to be involved in."
"So, you guys will have one and we'll have one?" Cam asked.
"Something like that," the Doctor agreed, giving Xander a dirty look.
"Rodney, Radek, and I need to build some bigger weapons," Xander pointed out.
"True. What did you do with that star destroyer?"
"I used it on a wraith hive."
"Huh. Good. Yes, the others won't be involved because someone will want to do a last ditch 'we won't be taken' move," the Doctor said.
"Which I might end up in jail for after I kick his ass," Xander said. "Jack already knows."
"He should, it was a history lesson to him."
"But... we can possibly avert that one before it gets here to make it easier," Xander said.
The Doctor nodded. "That might help some, yes. Usually I don't get to stop problems before they start." Xander drew out the probabilities for him, showing him the curve. He figured out the other options that Xander didn't usually take into account, nodding finally. "Yes, we can do that. It might change the timeline but in a very tiny way."
"Which won't really impact much," Xander said. "Though we will have to unmask a politician."
"Who?" Rodney asked.
Xander smirked. "One of ours."
"Oooh. Alien?"
"Yup. Shape changer." That got a mass nod. "So we'll do what we can to stop that one cold. Which means we'll need some ship time," he told John and Cam, getting dual nods back. "The other one they're going to cause a problem and UNIT will throw a fit. An absolutely hissy, it's not your job it's ours, fit."
"The normal UNIT people will do what they have to do while the higher ups fight," John said. "Same as the SG does."
"Yeah but they're going to be in England," Xander said dryly. "So we'd have to be tapped to step in by UNIT or Torchwood. I was going to remind Jack of that tomorrow actually when I had a few free hours." He closed the book, letting the Doctor take it. He shrank them to put in his pocket.
"Thank you. How many have read yours?" Evan and Radek raised their hands.
"I read a few sections," Cam admitted. "It appeared on his desk when he was in the bed after surgery on his hip."
"It's how we busted him with some of the stuff he didn't want to admit to doing," Evan said.
"Cam thought I belonged to an Ancient Book of the Month club," Xander quipped with a hand wave.
The Doctor snickered. "It wouldn't surprise me any, Xander. Nothing you pull out would."
"Really?" he asked with a grin. "Including .... say.... that semi-bridal present?"
The Doctor stared at him. "Why did he give you a present when he wanted to kidnap and own me?"
"Because he thought I was your family or concubine."
"Oh. Well that's just wrong."
Xander grinned. "It's still in its storage area. Along with the others and that would help that one situation."
The Doctor stared at him. "That would be much too future of tech and they should not see it."
"You know, I'm privy to much future tech that I shouldn't see," Rodney said dryly. Radek nodded. "Even without his storage areas. Especially since, with the hints the future me has given, Atlantis will be a Tardis someday soon."
The Doctor stared at him. "Can't we stop that?"
"No, it'll be too future changing," Xander sighed. "I can make sure they get back. I've given them both clues in how to drive mine."
"Good!" He smirked. "Do try to hurry back."
"We'd try," John agreed.
"You'd overshoot too," Xander assured him. "I looked ahead at what that one was saying and it's bad. We have *got* to stop the French."
"You are not Special Forces," Radek reminded him. Xander stared at him. "We can stop them and you will not have to act like you did with the Trust's board." Xander beamed at him.
"We can't use the same sort of explosive anyway, it would react poorly with the one they're trying to build," Rodney said. He sighed. "We know who's going to do it." He pointed subtly up the table. "He's working on his own theories."
Xander got up and walked up there, sitting next to him, but facing him. "We have an issue we're foreseeing."
"How?" he asked.
"I've been known to do some temporal traveling."
The man nodded slowly. "What sort of issue?"
"The sort where some of your research ends the earth for good." The man blanched. "You're working on a ZPM formula. The French dearly want it. The French aren't going to do any better at it than Rodney did when he had a problem with his initial calculations. That destroyed most of a solar system." The man shook his head slowly. "Yeah. They're wanting ZPM weapons."
"Oh, shit," he murmured. "When?"
"Within fifteen years. By the way, some of them are kinda off in the math department. Ancient math isn't the same as ours." He stared at him.
"I will not let that get out, Harris. Not by any means!"
"Good!" He smiled. "I'm warning you now so we can fight it then."
"Definitely! I don't want to be responsible for it!"
"Good." Xander smiled. "Just make sure of it."
"I will. When did they get it?"
"When someone discredited part of your work here, you went there to work with them. Basically you pulled a Daniel Jackson in the scientific community."
"Shit!" He got up. "I'll fix them both at the same time. Thank you for the warning, Harris."
"It's nothing we want to see, Dr. Imaran." The man walked off shaking his head. Xander went back to his seat, looking at them. "He'll make sure the French don't and that whatever reason got him discredited won't."
"That may solve the most of it. They have some bits and pieces the IOA handed over," Rodney said.
"Ancient math and human math, different species," Xander reminded him.
"Shit. We never told them that part." He went to call Ferretti so he could pas that on.
Xander smiled at the Doctor. "That might help a lot."
"That probably will help a great deal. You did something similar in Hyath."
"Yeah, I did. I went right to him and played soothsayer. He decided he could not let that happen and made sure of it." He stared at him. "He did the honorable thing," he finished quietly.
"That did solve it and caused another problem but it was solved with his letter," the Doctor agreed with a small smile. "Thank you."
"Not a problem, Doc. Really." He looked at the baby. "You're awake again?" he teased with a smile, taking him to cuddle. "Were we too loud?" The baby played with his hair, sucking his first two fingers for now. "Such a good baby Doctor." The baby smiled at him. "I'm glad you're a happy baby. A fussy one would drive Doc nuts."
"So would a daughter," the Doctor admitted dryly. "Want to sit with me?"
"I'm his favorite godparent," Xander pointed out dryly. "He knows who spoils him."
"Yes you do. Terribly so."
"I'm not giving him a temporal toy yet," Xander quipped.
"Thank your Goddess." He took his son back, earning a babbling, happy baby. "We'll pick you up a few new toys soon, son. Martha will help us tons."
"Yes she will. Are you going to tell Amy?"
"Quite." He smiled. "She'll dote on the little one. The same as Sarah Jane will."
"She's got a son," Xander said with a smug look. "We can call a Companion's conference at Torchwood if you want."
"Please. I'd like to introduce him to them." Xander got into his cellphone to text everyone. The rest of them followed. They were Xander's companions and Xander had been his so they wanted to talk. Rodney did show up with his own band, which got snatched by Ianto.
***
Xander landed in Scotland, looking at the modest little house. "That's sweet," he said, walking up to the door to knock. "Amy."
"Do I know you?" she asked dryly.
"I'm Xander. Doc sent me to pick you up. The other Companions are meeting tonight." He grinned. "C'mon." She grabbed her jacket and followed him to his wardrobe.
"Why isn't yours a phone box?"
"Mine fits in better even back in ancient times," he said dryly. "They gave phone boxes a really odd look back in Ancient Rome and things." He opened the door.
She walked in and looked around. "Purple sparkles?"
"I was recovering after something and I decorated then." He shut the door and took off with her.
***
Jack looked at his phone, smiling. "Doc's showing off the little one to everyone in a bit," he told Ianto, taking a kiss. "They're all coming here."
"That's fine." He got things ready for the invasion of people. A few got beamed in by Martha and one got gathered by Xander himself.
They landed at Torchwood and he let her out. "Here we are." He smirked at the others.
"You built your own?" Martha demanded.
"Yeah, a while back, Martha." He smirked. "Thought I only had my blippy bands?"
"Yes! You're dangerous, Xander!"
"Only if you piss me off," he shot back with an evil smirk. "Just for that, I won't show you the gift someone gave me because they wanted to kidnap and marry Doc."
"Oh, please, no stories like that," Sarah Jane Smith complained.
Xander grinned. "Probably not." He pointed. "Amy Pond, this is Sarah Jane, this is Martha Jones. That is Mickey, I can't remember his last name. He's hitched to Martha. That is Jack Harkness and his helpful mate Ianto Jones."
"Pleasure," she said, smiling and shaking hands. "Did you all travel with him?" They all smirked and nodded. "With the same one I have?"
"No, I did mostly Nine and Ten," Jack said.
"I did get to meet a few of them," Sarah Jane admitted.
"Yes, I seemed to see a lot of Ten," Martha said with a grin.
"I got Nine and Ten," Mickey said. "How is Eleven?"
"A bit odd. Always going odd in the head and off on tangents. When he showed up he didn't know what he wanted to eat but I cooked him a ton of things and then he kept spitting them out. It was like he wasn't used to normal food."
"He's not," they all agreed.
"Xander made him eat coffee flavored slugs," Jack said with a grin at Xander.
"They were good slugs," Xander said with a shrug. The others showed up with the Doctor. "These are part-time companions who have also traveled with me. This is Colonel John Sheppard, Dr. Rodney McKay, Colonel Evan Lorne and Dr. Radek Zelenka, who are mine, and that is Dr. Kusangi. Hi, Miko. I didn't expect you."
"I needed to talk to Owen about something," she said with a blush.
"He should be wobbling back to complain that Dawn jumped him soon," Jack said with a grin. "You were on Ever with us, you can wait, Miko."
"Thank you." She smiled at the baby. "May I?"
"Of course." He handed him over. "He does adore you, Miko." He smiled at the shocked looks on everyone but the new one's faces. "Xander has a quilt that can get anyone who has relations on it pregnant."
"Yes he does," Jack said dryly.
Martha stared at him. "You're clearly showing now."
"Yes I am," he sighed. He sat down. "She weighs a ton too."
"She?" the Doctor asked with a smile. Jack nodded. "Hmm. Dawn will be pleased to have someone to shop with."
"Yes she will," Xander agreed. "Guys, this is the Little Doc." They all crowded around to coo at him, even Martha and Mickey.
Amy looked at him. "You changed already?"
"No, someone kindly sent me back to a prior incarnation. I can change a bit now and then when I want to." He went back to Nine, getting a punch on the arm from Martha. "Xander had to stop the Black Guardian's idea."
Martha looked at Xander. "Can't we help him stick in one?" He shook his head. "So he can change?"
"Yup, and thanks to Donna being sucked into him when he regenerated from Ten to Eleven, he has all his memories still. So it's like Doctor MPD."
"Well, at least they're not lost," she decided, giving him a hug. "The baby's still quite adorable."
"I'm thinking about how to baby proof the Tardis," he admitted. He sat down and let them fuss over the baby and him. It was a companion's right to fuss.
Amy looked at him. "Does that mean you'll be settling down for a bit?"
"No, but I'll be handling less dangerous things until he's older. Can't get into a situation where we could all die with him around."
"I built a pod to take him to one of us in case of emergency," Radek told them. They all smiled at him for that. He and Evan were fluttering over Xander.
"Xander, why did you make such a quilt?" Sarah Jane asked. "Were you going to use it?"
"No, someone else who wanted me in that special way made it. I just stole it when I escaped her plans for a little Xander." She and Amy gaped. "Yeah. When I was traveling on my own, a lot of people thought I'd look wonderfully cute as slave girl Xander. Just like Princess Leia."
"We burned all those outfits that reminded us of her slavegirl outfit," Evan assured him. Xander smiled and kissed him.
"So, how did he get knocked up then?" Mickey asked. Jack gave him a pointed look. Mickey blushed and ducked his head. "I didn't know he did that!"
"Not very often at my age," the Doctor quipped sarcastically. "When you get older you'll realize that happens less and less."
"That's why humans created viagra," Amy quipped with a grin.
"And why Owen took that spore plant and put it into a sexual lubricant," Radek assured them.
Martha gaped. "*The* spore plant?" They all smirked and nodded. "Well, hell, I know people who'd pay a mint for that."
"The SGC needs funding," Evan quipped.
"Clearly," she decided. She shook her head quickly.
"Spore?" Mickey asked.
"It's a pretty silver flower that vomits a spore every six months. The spore's whole purpose is to make people screw and have babies," Xander said. "It'll encourage you to find the most fertile person you can and do that. That's how the spores get onto the ground with enough biological contributions to plant itself." Mickey shivered. "For many days after you get hit."
"Four of them," the Doctor said with a nod.
"It sounds dangerous," Sarah Jane said.
"It's found all over the universe," Jack told her. "A lot of people like it because it encourages population growth. It's also started a few wars about whose baby it was. I've seen whole marketplaces fall down to screw because of that plant."
"I saw a whole city do it," John said dryly. "Twice."
Amy gaped. "Why would you need something like that?"
"It's an alternative to viagra and will make their project a lot of money," Mickey told her with a shrug. "Being their project is expensive, just like being in UNIT is."
"Especially with the new ship building," Rodney said smugly.
Martha pouted. "You're building more than the new ones?" He smirked and nodded. "Are we getting one?"
"We'll see. Talk to O'Neill."
"I'll do that tomorrow." She cooed at the baby. "You're so adorable!"
"We are not ready for one of those," Mickey complained. She hit him on the arm. "Ow!"
Sarah Jane snickered. "He's sweet enough to make me want another one and mine's a teenager." She took the baby to hold. "Hello there, young man." She got cuddled and cooed at. "You're very friendly."
"Dawn fed him," Jack told her with a grin.
"She's had one?" she demanded. "At her age? I know Owen knows what birth control is!"
"She spontaneously started to produce milk," Ianto told her.
"Awww. That's sweet of her." She cooed at the baby, making him babble back at her. The others cooed at that.
The Doctor sat down next to Jack. "So, should we be talking perhaps?" he asked.
Jack looked at him. "Who's his father?" he asked quietly.
"Ianto as it turns out." Ianto blushed but smiled. "He'll definitely dress very well." He winked at him then looked at Jack, who sighed and nodded. "Xander suggested we travel together for the safety of the children until they're teenagers and ready to learn to build their own."
"It would be much safer." He rubbed his stomach. The Doctor rubbed it as well. Martha smiled at them. Amy gave them an odd look. "The quilt," Jack told her.
"It can really do that to human males?" Xander smirked and nodded. "Oh, dear."
"It's safely stored," Xander assured her.
"Thank God!" The others laughed. "How did you build your own, Xander?"
"It's not that hard but it's very technical."
"Are you from this time zone?" she asked.
"Yeah. I graduated in 1999 from a school in California."
"He's the only American companion outside of Jack," Ianto said with a smile for him.
"I'm only part American so he can have that honor." Xander walked into his wardrobe and came back with a bag, handing it over. "Oh, I adore you," he moaned, eating one of the candies. He let Ianto have one with a smile. "I crave these things now and then."
He tasted it. "Made with those figs you like?" he asked.
"And some special seaweed," Xander said with a grin. "Another pet-keeping Xander ex made them and I got him hooked." He smirked. "I did plant some of that seaweed on Ever in the pond. The greenhouse has a tree of those figs too."
"Don't tempt me," Jack ordered, eating another one. "I'll get too fat to waddle." He handed the bag to Ianto to put up for him. "That way I'm not too fat to walk later either."
Ianto smirked at him but put the bag in his pocket. "Do you think ours will be that sweet?""No, she'll be an unearthly tease," Xander told him dryly, giving him a look. "The same as the other one is."
"True, Dawn does live up to my standards there." Dawn and Owen walked in and she cooed. The baby squealed and reached for her so she cuddled him.
"As long as we don't bring one of those home," Owen complained, shaking his head. He looked at Ianto and Jack. "Tired?" he taunted with a smirk.
"A little bit. You?" Jack shot back with an evil smirk of his own.
"Very. Your daughter is still barmy."
"Dear, for that, you don't get blown tonight," Dawn quipped with a look at him.
"I doubt I could be after earlier," he shot back, making Martha cackle. "She's clearly her father's daughter."
"I don't know, she looks more like her mother," Martha teased.
"Well, Mom did teach me how to dress," Dawn quipped. The baby patted her so she smiled at him. "Yes, Little Doc?" He beamed and babbled some more. "I think Xander infected you with wanting to be the center of attention," she teased.
Sarah Jane took him to hold. "Most boys do." He cooed at her, getting a kiss on the forehead. "There's days I almost wished my son was still your age. He was fun then. Not like now as a teenager."
"Just don't make a real wish," Jack cautioned. Owen snickered. Gwen and Tosh came in from a problem call. "Ladies."
Gwen stared. "Who's that then?" she asked. "My baby's about your size." She smiled. The baby howled and screamed. "Sorry!" She backed off.
Xander looked at her then shrugged. "That's the baby Doctor."
"Oh!" She looked at the Doctor, who smiled and nodded. The ladies got him calmed down and cooing again. "He's gorgeous."
"Yes he is," he said proudly. "Much like his other father is." He smirked at Ianto, who could only blush at that. "Ladies, it was suggested we travel lightly until he's a teenager and able to decide for himself if he wants to build his own tardis."
"Don't take him yet," Amy said, taking the baby back. "Such a little darling! My husband would crap houses if I wanted one of you already." Sarah Jane snickered. "We've only been married a year."
"Then yes, it's much too early," she assured her with a smile. "They're fun at that age. All the cute clothes, the playing, the teaching them things. Then they turn into teenagers who sulk and pout because the girl they want to stalk isn't into them."
Xander snickered. "He'll grow into dating instead of following her around with the mop and drool bucket, Sarah Jane."
"I hope so. It's almost distressing. I had to consider what he might do with one."
"Do we need help giving him the sex talk?" Jack asked her.
"Oh, dear lord no. We've had a good one with him that included a chastity belt discussion. Too bad I can't find one." Xander went into his wardrobe, horrifying her. He handed her one when he came back. "You have one?"
"It was a gift from a past boyfriend," Evan assured her with a smug look. "Please take it."
She smiled. "Thank you, boys. I like you two more than I do anything I've heard about the past ones." She pinched Xander on the cheek. "Though you're still a naughty boy."
"Yes he is," Martha said dryly.
"If I make your husband jealous, then he'll pounce you more," Xander quipped.
Mickey nodded. "Yes I did." Martha swatted him but he smiled. "I know I can compete against him even if I can't compete against any other fantasy men." She smiled at him. "We're still not having one of those. The Generals would throw a bloody fit."
"Let 'em, it's good for their blood pressure," John said with a shrug. "Ours do and feel better for it."
"Is that usually Xander's fault?" Martha teased with a smirk for Xander. Xander shook his head.
"A few of his former lovers but not present ones," Rodney assured her dryly. She cackled at that. "Two have shown up recently." She shook her head. He looked at the baby, who was staring at him. "If I take you, would you not vomit on me this time?" The baby cooed. "I see." He patted him and the baby was happy, wanting Xander again. Xander set him in his lap. That let him see all the human cooing slaves he had. "We need to get you some new clothes and things."
Xander stood up with a moan, dragging Doc, the baby, and Jack, plus Ianto following, into his wardrobe. "Be right back. I have toys for him at home." The door was shut and they took off.
John shook his head. "Which storage area this time?" he asked Rodney.
"I doubt he's going to give up any of his slinky or lego sets," Evan said.
"No, I doubt it too," Rodney said dryly. He sighed, shaking his head. "They'll be right back." They all smirked and nodded. "Radek made Xander's more precise."
Radek nodded. "It now has minute accuracy." They all beamed at him for that.
"Can you do that to the Doctor's Tardis?" Amy asked. "He said he'd be back in five minutes and it was twelve years. The next time it was two years."
Radek laughed. "I have fiddled a bit with that broken panel."
"Me too," Rodney agreed. "He, of course, complained, so we let Xander feed him into another nap." They all laughed at that. Xander was known to fuss. The wardrobe landed and Xander walked out looking happier. "What happened?"
"Well, I kinda hit a pocket of temporal disturbance back around London," he said dryly, flopping down. "Then my Tardis decided to adopt Ianto for a few minutes when I got some toys."
"All your aunts are waiting," the Doctor called. "Come along."
"Coming," a male voice called. Then a female squeal.
"So that's where I get it from," Dawn quipped. Owen pinched her hard on the butt. "Ow!" She swatted him. "Mean shit!"
The Doctor leaned out. "We're having clothing trauma."
"I can help," Dawn offered with a smile.
"She didn't want to wear yours, Dawn." He leaned back in then came back out. "There." The two teenagers, plus an eleven-year-old boy came out, he was pouting. Jack and Ianto followed.
"Did we pick up more?" Amy teased.
"No," the pouty one said. "I'm growing."
"Into your uncle's smooth style of attracting attention," Jack said dryly, fussing with his hair. "What did you do this time?"
"Braids," Xander said with a grin. "And that is why I'm the favorite godparent." He smirked at Ianto, who laughed and nodded. "I told you that marketplace was a bad idea for them to visit for clothes."
"Well, yes, but my sister's clothes are a bit short on me," the female said with a grimace at her sister. "You're short."
"I'm fashionable but cute." She stared at her. "So you're my sister." The others all gasped, looking at Jack, who nodded quickly. "Huh. Well, hey, I don't have to feed you." She gave her a hug. "Welcome to the family. We can shop for you tomorrow."
"Sure." She smiled. "Then can you go over my Ancient?"
"Not a problem," she assured her with a hand-wave. "We can do that all you need to." They smirked at each other.
"I'm having visions of pulling them both out of the clubs with the bad boys," Owen said, pinching his nose closed for a second. "Ladies?"
Dawn smirked at him. "Mine," she said with a head nod at Owen.
"I heard. Hi, brother-in-law." She smiled and waved. Then she bounced over to talk to the other women.
"Did you bounce when you were that young?" Xander teased.
"Ianto cures that for me," he shot back with a smug grin.
"That's why he doesn't get chocolate coffee any longer," Ianto said smugly.
The other two were staring around. Dawn pulled the older one over to hug. "If you're scared of us I get to beat you to death sparring, Little Doc."
He grinned. "I wouldn't say that would happen. Xander did teach me some."
"Good! Maybe it'll keep you out of trouble." She gave him a hug. "There, go fuss at the women you made want to have a baby." He got pulled over by Sarah Jane for a hug. She looked at the other one. "It's all right, I can help you shop too."
He smirked. "I need leather pants when I'm older."
"You sure do and thankfully you can't steal mine." He laughed and punched her on the arm. She walked them both over to talk to Amy since she was looking a bit left out.
The Doctor looked at Ianto and Jack. Then at Xander. "We made sure that quilt is still locked up, right?"
"Yup. It's still very locked up." He gave him a smug look. "Even from Nila and Atlantis, who wanted it so they had kids on board them again."
"Thank God so I don't have any," John said, looking up. "Thanks!" Fortunately the ceiling didn't answer. The others relaxed and got comfortable with the older Little Doc and Destiny. Ianto had won the coin toss about her name. Alex, who was a little troublesome snot who wanted to prank, got along just fine with the big sister and the others.
Xander winked at Evan and Radek, who smiled back. They all relaxed because it was good for them to see normal families. Though they would be making sure that quilt was put away safely in case Nila or Atlantis, or the other AI's, decided that Xander needed one too. Because that might be a disaster in the making.
The End. End of this arc.