Date: November 18, 1998Notes: Thanks to my beta, Ailish, who suffered mightly in her battle with my tense shifts and punctuation addiction. (BTW: the title is a direct quote from a fellow student when I told him about this theory).
Huh?
Jim walked into the loft. It had been a long day, filled with paperwork and no Guide. He just wanted to sit on the couch, drink a beer, and lose himself in some mindless t.v. program. What he got instead was strange smelling food, tribal music and Blair running around in what was essentially a big scarf.
"Un-huh. And what are we doing?" Jim asked the rhythmically moving man.
"Man, hi! How was your day?" Blair leaned over the edge of the counter to give Jim a kiss. "I'm taping your shows for you tonight."
"Boring. Thanks. Why are you wearing that?"
"I'm destroying the outer illusion I show others. Yours is on the bed." Blair wiggled back into the kitchen. "Jim, man, go change," he called over his shoulder, knowing that Jim hadn't moved yet.
Jim just stood there, mouth open, staring at his lover. //Un- huh...okay...what now?// Jim decided he wasn't up to a fight; it would be easier to just give in. He shrugged his shoulders, dropped his coat onto its usual spot, and headed up the stairs to find whatever it was that Blair wanted to see him in. He looked at the tan loincloth sitting on the bed and shook his head. "Blair, why am I going to put this on?"
"Because clothing is the fundamental illusion of life."
"Uh-huh. Huh?" he called back.
"Jim, clothing is something that we use to hide who we really are from others. We need to periodically strip that away so we can admit who we are to ourselves and each other. We need to do this."
"All right, whatever." Jim stepped out of his clothes and put on the two flaps of cloth, tying the sides together. He walked back down the stairs to stare at Blair, who was still dancing around the kitchen. "What's for dinner, Chief?"
"Thai food. Spicy and filling."
"So tell me again why we're dressed like this? To free ourselves?"
"Do you want it in simple terms, Big Guy?" Jim knew Blair just loved to tease him; it as always made him blush, but it was *sooo* arousing.
"Please." Jim sat at the table while Blair set the food out. Jim took his first bite, and blindly reached for his iced tea. "What is this, fire?"
"It's hot so you can cleanse your palate of the unnatural ingredients that you ingest all day." Blair gave Jim a bright smile. "Dial it down, Jim; it's not that hot."
Jim frowned at the younger man, but did as he was told before taking another bite. "Okay, lover, you were right, it's not that hot." Blair just smiled again and bent back to his own food. "You were saying? About the clothes?"
"Yeah, clothes are really just a way to project an image to others, but it's usually not an accurate one. In truth, the clothes you wear are a lie you use to hide who and what you truly are. This is about stripping away the barriers that we show each other. This is about letting the other see deep into ourselves. This is so there are no walls between us." Blair smiled at Jim, "This is how our commune, the one I lived on when I was younger, kept together as a family. It was always a special day to us, bringing us closer. It was one of the few places that we kept coming back to." Blair looked at him with such a happy expression on his face, not something regularly seen when he was talking about his childhood. "Matter of fact, Naomi used to make a special effort to be there for at least one of these days a year." Blair smiled, lost in his happy thoughts of peaceful days.
"Okay." //Sounds reasonable. And he lookes so happy remembering those days. This is a no-brainer; a happy Blair is the wellspring of life in my soul.// Jim finished his food and brought his dishes into the kitchen. Blair followed behind with his, and they cleared the remains of dinner away together. After the dishes were done, Blair pulled Jim to the floor and put in another cd - nature and animal sounds overlaying classical music - then moved himself onto the floor and into a lotus position facing Jim.
"All right, now time for some breathing exercises." He waited until Blair knew he was in the right position. Jim almost smiled at the sound of Blair rolling his eyes at his sigh, but thought better of antagonizing his guide. //He probably thinks that I'm being so typical about this.// Then Blair moved his voice into his 'Guide' tone to start the exercise.
"Relax. Take a deep breath. Focus your senses on your own body. Feel your heart beating. Feel the air tickle as it flows in and out of your body. Hear your body moving around you. Make your senses know your body as life flows around you like water."
Jim sighed, //Not another test, babe.// He sat in the position that Blair had taught him, then closed his eyes. //I would do anything to keep that expression on his face. Deep cleansing breaths, in one two three four, out one two three four.// Jim continued to breathe until Blair gave him the instructions for the exercise.
When Jim was relaxed and into the exercise fully, Blair changed the words. "Feel the music and sounds flow over you and into you. Attune yourself to the natural sounds underlying the music. Feel the bird calls tingle against your skin. Hear the frogs and crickets call you to come join them." Blair reached over and placed a lit candle under the oil heater. "Smell the woods surrounding you, coming to you because you couldn't get to them." The air began to flow with evergreen and flower scents around them, growing stronger as the heater got warmer.
Jim felt the air currents shift around him, caressing his skin. He shivered slightly, not cold, but pleasure was making the hairs stand up. He followed the sounds until he could almost see the forest in his mind. It wasn't the jungle from his times with his spirit guide, but a simple clearing in a forest, like where they had gone camping. He heard Blair move, then smells were added to the picture, making it fuller, more rich. He could almost be there now, waiting on his guide to join him in the sunny spot where he sat.
Jim felt himself go deeper, entering the dream clearing and sitting down. He sat in the same position, but he felt the warmth of the sun on his arms and shoulders; felt the moist earth under him. This was the deepest he had ever been. It was frightening, but also calming, knowing that this place was just for him. //Maybe Blair'll come soon.// Jim continued his breathing patterns and lost himself in the sensations from the woods around him. //Want to stay here. Bring Blair here. He'd love it.// He heard Blair's voice calling to him, from far away, and got up to walk towards it; going on until he was back in his body in the loft, sitting on the floor next to Blair. //I'll tell him about it later.//
Blair guided Jim through the meditation for a while longer. "All right, Big Guy, time to come up slowly. Turn your senses to normal. Start with your tactile sense; turn it down until it's normal and you stop feeling the music." A pause and Jim started to fidget.
"Now your hearing; turn it down until I'm whispering." The fidgeting stopped and Jim's breathing gained speed. "Now your smell, turn it down. You aren't really in the forest, it's just scented oil." Jim's eyes opened and focused on his Guide. "How are you feeling?"
"Much better, thank you." They smiled at each other. Blair blew out the candle and helped Jim up to sit on the couch. They sat there quietly, close but not touching, for a long time, in silence looking out across the balcony. Jim came out of his introspection and just looked at Blair for a while. When he moved, at last, it was to kiss Blair lightly on the lips.
Jim stared across the balcony toward the water. //How does he know that I needed to get out of the city?// Jim focused on the calm and patient heartbeat beside him. //I don't know why or how he does it, but he knows that I needed this. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing he learned from his mother. Maybe he would agree to do this again for me, us?// He turned towards Blair, looking at the love of his life, clothed only in a scarf. //What did I do that was so right to deserve you?// He leaned over and kissed Blair when he couldn't find an answer to that very important question. "Thank you. You're right, I do feel freer." //Why can't I tell him what I really feel and want? But I bet he knows anyway.//
Blair gave him a mega-smile, "I'm glad." He got up and brought back a tray with iced tea and glasses. "Here, you'll want this."
Jim grunted and poured himself a glass. Blair watched him drink before getting his own. The VCR clicked off, neither paying it any attention. Jim put his glass back on the tray and took Blair's from him. He leaned over Blair, gathering him up in his arms. "I love you. You always know what I need."
"Of course I do. My love lets me tune in on your needs better." He smiled slyly. "So we can do this again next month?"
"Yes. Definitely." Jim sighed and smiled. "Next month?"
Blair nodded. "The more often you do it, the easier it becomes. I only do it monthly, but we can do this more often if you want. Say weekly?" Jim tipped his head to meet Blair's lips again. The kiss, reverent and gentle, brought them closer on the couch. Blair sighed as the kiss ended and stood up, holding a hand out to Jim. He got up, took the hand offered to him, and let himself be led into the bathroom. Blair started the shower, then stripped them both. They climbed in, Jim under the water, so Blair could wash him with the unscented body gel that he liked.
Jim stepped into the water, letting all the accumulated worries of the world follow the water's path. Blair was using the bathing to soothe him, yet it inflamed his senses more. Finally he couldn't take it anymore. Blair was working some new shower-oil into his back, starting softly and gradually working the muscles harder, until all his tension was fully gone, finishing with a hug. He turned in Blair's embrace.
"Feels good. Thank you."
Blair gave him a smile that added light to the room. "Welcome. Want more?" Blair's eyes started to sparkle when Jim moaned at the suggestion. He turned off the shower and pulled Jim with him. He grabbed a towel, and used it to inflame Jim's passion further, rubbing in small circles and pats across his beloved's skin. By the time every inch was dried thoroughly, Jim was moving with the feelings coming across his skin.
Jim couldn't stand it any more; the sensations from the towel were like torture to his soul. He grabbed Blair's hands to stop them. "No more," was all he could get out before picking Blair up and carrying him upstairs.
He laid Blair in the center of the bed, positioning him as if a sacrifice on an altar of love. He raised Blair's arms above his head, then moved to stand. He stood there and watched his lover for a while, memorizing the body before him, memorizing this for other times.
"Love...Jim...are you all right?" Blair asked him.
He hated to break the silence to answer, didn't want the moment to end, but Jim knew Blair could stay still for only so long. "Just memorizing you as you are now." Jim moved one of Blair's legs, then went back to watching
When he hadn't moved for a long time, Blair started to get up. "No...don't move." He ran his hands up Blair's chest to push him back down into position. "Just let me look a little longer." He smiled at Blair, "Please?" Blair gave him another light- generating smile and laid still until Jim moved back to him.
Jim laid down on the bed beside Blair, but on his side. He slowly ran a hand down the chest beside him, moving the hair and playing with the semi-defined muscles that lay underneath. Blair was writhing with the worship paid to his body, moaning in direction.
"More, moremoremore...yesssss, over there. Yes! Touch me there!"
Jim laughed softly and moved his hand back to the pierced nipple. He ran the small ring through his fingers, but without any pressure. Then he gradually moved his fingers to pull with more and more strength until Blair was sobbing his name in pleasure.
"Jim. Jim, oh, yes Jim. More, please," was all Blair could put together. All of Blair's higher speech centers were frozen with the pleasure coming off his nipple, and Jim loved it. It was an epiphany for him to reduce Blair, his talkative love, to non- words or silence. It showed him just how much pleasure he was giving. This is was what he loved about being with Blair, the depth that they affected each other was amazing, and so special.
Jim complied happily with the orders from his guide, wanting to give Blair the most happiness and pleasure that he could, just like he always got from Blair. Jim used his tongue to suck and pull the ring into his mouth. Blair arched off the bed with a yell, and came across Jim's arm and shoulder, splattering him with the evidence of his love.
As he lay there coming down, Jim knew he was held tight by the person that loved and cherished him the most in the world, and he felt that all the barriers between them were gone for good. "Love you Blair. Lots." Blair just hummed and slipped off into a peaceful sleep on his shoulder.