Title: The Things Your Mind Can Make You Do
Author: Voracity
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Triad: Oz/Xander/Giles
Fandom: BTVS
Summary: Xander is programmed and his mind makes him do things.
Notes: // // is thoughts. I don't know which dark corner of my mind this came from as I've not explored all of it yet but here it is. Thanks to my betas Mary and Dine for their great work and thanks to the listmom who told me how to warn for this, even if I did add a few more just to be safe.

Warnings: n/c, pseudo-bestiality, enemas, some bondage, some food

The Things Your Mind Can Make You Do by Voracity

Xander looked around to make sure they were alone before moving over to the cage. //Why do I do this? Because I'm a sick person and it's the only way I can prove to myself that I'm wrong to want this. Why am I using Oz this month? Hmmm.// He contemplated the werewolf in front of him, walking along the edge of the cage. //Because he's the most dangerous thing around? Or could it be that I know what'll happen if he bites me? Maybe it's because I can get closer to him to prove this to myself than I can a vamp right now.// He paced along the front of the cage some more, waiting for when his body told him it was the right time to do this. To prove to himself that he didn't want a man because it was wrong. //And since I've done without it for so long, then nothing bad will happen to me and I won't want it for a few more months.// He took one last look around before standing against the cage and undoing his pants. //Now, I have to purge all those bad thoughts, so let's think of his human form. One which I admire but I can't want because it's bad.//

He brought forward all the pictures he had in his mind of the older man, him with Willow, him alone, him with Giles. Oz with him came to the forefront. The time last week when they'd taken a guy's day to just be themselves away from the women in their lives.

//Yeah, just sitting there, watching tv, no worries, no closeness that was wrong.// Xander stroked himself, closing his eyes and moving closer. //If I've been good, then nothing will happen and I'll be free of these wants for a while longer.// He brought forward the last time they'd been really close, a hug after graduation, to savor the memory, working himself to the fantasy that built up around it. //Yeah, he did hug me, in front of everyone, and I did it back, but I've paid for that mistake.// He opened his eyes to see the yellow eyes looking at him, watching him. "Hey," he whispered. "I'm sorry, but I have to do this." He kept his eyes open as the scary teeth and claws came closer, the soft fur covering them, covering the man he'd wanted for a while now. His hand sped up, the images imposing themselves on his sight, nothing more mattering. He came with a grunt and a sigh, not feeling the teeth snapping at him. //I was right, I'm safe for a while longer. He didn't bite me so I'm okay, I'm normal.//

Xander stepped back, doing up his pants and walking away. "I'm sorry, Oz, I'll make it up to you," he said quietly, watching the confusion in the glowing eyes. He headed up the stairs and out into the warm night, feeling more safe and normal again.

***

Oz woke up, looking at himself in disgust. "Who the hell," he muttered, running his finger through the stuff caking his body. He looked up as he noticed someone else in the room. "Xander?" he asked, looking really surprised.

Xander moved closer, holding out the bag of food. "Breakfast?" //He knows. It didn't disappear with the fur.// "It's a little cold, I misjudged dawn." He sat down on a crypt, waiting on his friend to come out from behind the bars. //I'm sorry, I didn't want to.// He watched as the older man got dressed, pretending to study the architecture around him. "So, what's up for the day?"

Oz undid the lock, stepping out, sipping the coffee that had been in the bag. "Besides a shower?" He looked disgusted. "Not much. Check in with Will and Giles. Make sure I have everything set for college." He took another long drink, looking toward the stairs. "Want to go now?"

Xander shook himself and nodded, getting up. //No! I can't be having these thoughts already. I'm supposed to be cured for another month.// He followed Oz up the stairs, doing his best not to watch the rear moving in front of his face.

***

Xander walked into Giles' apartment, stopping when he heard the conversation in the kitchen.

"It was the most gross thing, Giles. I was covered with it."

He cleared his throat, walking farther in. "So, do we need another research guy?"

"Just someone to take the sick people off the streets," Oz said, grimacing. "You saw how I woke up this morning. Did you *see* someone else?"

Xander shook his head. "The room was empty when I came down and I didn't look that closely at you." He shrugged. "Sorry." He sat down at the table, looking at the books spread out. "Giles, you needed research boy for something?" He gave him his desperate look. "What's going on?"

"Besides the problem Oz had last night, there's a new vampire in town and we need to find some information on him." He sat down at the table, setting his mug off to the side so it couldn't hurt the papers, same as always, and looked at the youngest man. "How was your night?"

"Uneventful," he said quickly. "Why?"

"Because none of us have seen you much recently and I've been worried that you might have gotten hurt or something," the former Watcher said. He looked over Xander, shaking his head. "How's Anya? I know you've seen her a few times."

"She's still griping about being stuck as a human, and telling me all sorts of tales about what she used to do." //What she'll do to me if she catches me thinking about that.// He banished the bad thoughts from his head again, shaking it slightly. "So, who's the new bad guy?"

"One Marcus D'Orien. He's French-Canadian, a former chess champion," Giles said. "I've started the research on his former life, all thirty-three years of it before he was turned in 1984." He looked at Oz. "I'll understand if you didn't want to help."

"Yeah, I'm shower bound again," Oz said, walking past them. "I could use another one." He patted Xander's shoulder as he walked past. "Thanks for the food." He walked out the door, closing it behind him with a small slam.

Giles gave his helper a confused look. "Food?"

"I brought him breakfast." //Amends, get it right. Never mind, I'll find another way tonight.// "Okay, so which book?" One was pushed toward him and he picked it up to start reading on this new threat.

***

Xander gave a charming smile to the female vampire that came up to him on the dance floor, pulling her closer to him. //Yeah, I can do it this way and even be helping. It's a game, just like the other one. Even if I haven't done it like this in a while. And it's more right that she's a her.// He danced closer to her, still smiling, just putting out a little scent for her to follow. "Hi," he breathed next to her ear, "are you dancing with me?" She giggled and nodded, pulling him closer.

It was a few hours later, about half an hour after the Bronze had closed, before he got her into position. "I know what you are," he whispered in her ear, pulling back some to smile at her open mouthed shock. "Make ya a deal? You kill me before I get off and you can live." She laughed, pushing him against the alley wall. "Ah, ah, ah. These are not the rules." He smiled again, rubbing himself. "I believe in fair play. You'll be fed, I'll get some, and if I die before I finish then you live."

She stepped back, looking around then back at him, game face out. "And if I decide to eat you now?" She hissed as he pulled aside his shirt to show off his cross and the stake he had taped to his chest, reversing her earlier step closer.

"Like I said, you can have some but if I go off first, you die." He wiggled his eyebrows. "You game?"

She looked around again then nodded, backing him into a shadow. "But if I kill you, I'm not telling them what you were doing."

"Feeling's mutual. I'm sure my friends would be disgusted." He watched as she undid his zipper. "You can have any blood that you get from there, giving you a better chance." He hissed as she sucked him into her mouth and bit him at the same time. "That's right." //Last meal? I hope she likes it. I know she hasn't had too many yet.// He pulled out his stake to twirl while she worked him over. //Maybe she used to be a pro, she's doing it so well. I'll hate to stake her but I can't let her live. Besides, I'm sure there are more people interested in this game.// He hissed as her teeth sunk farther but even the pain couldn't stop him from going over the edge. He staked her with ease, watching as his last few spurts flowed onto her ashes. "Nighty-night," he whispered, doing back up his pants. //Yeah, that was a good game.// He walked back down the alley, whistling now that his mind was clear.

***

Xander looked up from his bed as Oz walked down the stairs. "Hi," he said, putting down his magazine. "What's up? Need my help?"

The older man tossed a picture onto the bed as he sat down in the only chair. "Want to explain that?" He crossed his hands on his stomach, waiting.

He picked up the picture, looking at him and the clothes without a body that was doing him. //Oh, hell, busted. How do I get out of this? How, how, how? Hmm, tell the partial truth?// "I was looking for some and she offered. When I saw her go to her demon face, I staked her." He patted the stake beside his bed to prove it. "No big." //Yay, a good cover.// "Who took this?"

"Willow." He popped his knuckles. "She was upset so took it to prove to me that you needed stopped." He looked around the room, inhaling deeply. "Now let's try the truth." He turned back to stare into his eyes.

Xander coughed a little as he sat up, leaning closer. "I ... was...desperate. I needed sex." He shrugged, standing up to hand back the picture and walk toward the sink and the two sodas sitting in the cold water. He held up a can. "Want one?"

"No, I want an answer before she goes to Giles."

Xander turned, eyes and face cold. "She needs to stay out of my business." He set back down the can he'd just opened, walking closer to where his friend sat. "It's none of her business who I have do me, not that it ever was. She's yours, so get her to mind you instead." He scowled. "It's not her job to watch out for me anymore."

Oz shook his head, standing up. "Yeah, it is. That's what friends do." He moved closer to the still man, carefully. "What's really up? I've heard that Anya's a doer, all the time. Why do you need a pro?"

//Fucking reason! He thinks too much. I have to get him out of here before it comes out.// "Oz, out. I'm not discussing my sex life with you." He crossed his arms over his chest and waiting while the order was followed.

The older man nodded and pushed past him, brushing against him in the lack of space. "Okay, I'll tell her but she's not going to quit caring." He headed up the stairs. "Just be more careful."

Xander heard the door shut and let out his breath. "Stupid," he told himself. "An alley's not the best place. And why was she watching? Why wasn't he more upset?" He grabbed the can of soda, gulping it down to clear his dry mouth. "It's still not her concern." He walked back to the bed, laying back down, looking at the stake. "But I can't do that tonight."

***

Xander walked in front of the werewolf's cage again, looking at his watch. "Two more hours, Oz, and you're free for another month." He heard a noise outside so stopped to listen. "More undead guys coming back," he muttered. "Just great. What I always wanted to hear moving at night." He turned to look at the cage and the man pacing inside of it. //Well, he shot my plan to hell. Putting up a camera? Does he think I'd do it to him again?// He stopped, looking at the animal in the cage. //Why else am I here then?// He sat down on the crypt's stairs, trying to figure it out. //I need help, that's why I'm here. I need help to get the bad pictures from my head.// He shook his head, leaning it down to rest on his crossed arms that were resting on his legs. //Why don't they go away? I mean, I've been good, I've tried not to think about them. No men in my head for a while now so why do I keep getting punished by the pictures popping up? Or is it a punishment? Maybe something I did made me earn this sort of torture. 'Cause I'm not giving in to them.// He looked up at the grunt and rattle of the bars. "Sleep safe, Oz, I'll be back in the morning. Just checking on you." He stood up, walking up the stairs with one last look at the furry body. //And maybe I'll figure out what I did so wrong. Maybe one of those pamphlets Mom's been sticking under my door for the last few months has an answer.//

***

Xander and Giles both looked up as the resident couple walked into the apartment and temporary meeting place of the Slayerettes. "Hey," he said, shifting his chair out of their way. "What's up? Someone looks happy." He looked at Oz. "And pissed." Xander was tapped on the shoulder then pulled up when he didn't respond by Oz. "And you wanted?" He ducked his head a little at the question, trying to act normal. He grunted as he was pushed down the hall and into the bathroom. "What?" He turned to face his friend. "What did she say I did this time?"

"You visited me while I was changed, why?" The older man crossed his arms as he leaned against the door.

"Because I wanted to check on you. You know, make sure that you were still safely behind bars, still living, that sort of thing." //Damn camera.// He looked around the room. "Why? Did it bother you?"

"No, but you were the only one and after what happened the other night, I needed to know." He stepped closer, frowning now. "Now, want to tell me why you did that?"

//Oh, *shit*! Not really, but I have to tell him something.// "Wasn't me." He stepped back when he could see the angry flush come over the older man. "Oz! I didn't do whatever you think I did. That would be sick." He held up his hands, backing away. "Don't hit me, I didn't do it."

Oz turned at the last second, hitting the wall. He had to have seen the flinch, that's why he turned back toward his friend. "Tell me why you did it," he said calmly, almost gently. "I don't want to be this pissed at you again."

//Hell, have to now or he'll beat me. Not that it's not an attractive option to being outcast and made fun of again.// "It wasn't planned. I was watching you and it happened." He stepped back when he saw the eyes go cold. "I didn't even get close to you, that part wasn't me. I swear." He held up a hand, crossing his heart with a finger. "Oz, that wasn't me." //Okay, so part of the truth is better than nothing.//

"Xander," Oz said in the same soft tone, "I can tell it was you. It smelled like you." He grabbed the front of the younger man's t-shirt, pulling him closer. "Now, tell me the truth before I bite you then kill you so I don't have you on my conscience."

"I was trying to purge bad thoughts and you were a safer means," he whispered. "I won't do it again."

"Then why come down last night?" He saw the shrug so shook him just once. "The truth please."

"I don't know," he whispered, softer, adding more of the fear to it. "I just found myself down there." Oz let him go, let him step back. "I'm sorry, I won't do it again."

"Yeah," the older man said, running a hand through his hair, "you won't." He turned around. "Leave for tonight. I'm not going to tell them, mostly because I don't want to think about it, but I don't want to see you for a while."

Xander left, making up a flimsy excuse to the Watcher and his friend as he walked out the door. //Stupid! I shouldn't have told him. He'll find out about the other stuff.// He stopped, looking around the deserted street. "Nice scene for a horror movie," he muttered, looking around for the undead that he'd heard following him. "Here dead guys or girls," he called. "I'm not a snack but I'll put you out of your eternal misery." He turned around to look some more, missing the body walking up behind him.

"Having fun?" Anya said, right behind him.

Xander turned, stake out, barely not hitting her with it. "Don't do that!" he yelled. "Do you know how dangerous that was?" He grabbed her arm, walking her back toward her house. "Here," he said, stopping in front of it. "Go home!" He walked up the street, crossing over to get to his own house. //And I was calling myself stupid? How death-wishy is she?// He walked in the back door of his house, heading down to his room. //At least he said he wouldn't tell. That's something.//

He took off his jacket, throwing it on the chair, then laid down on the bed, looking at the ceiling. //I'm bad. Even getting rid of the pictures that way was bad. Worse because I betrayed a friend. I need to find a safer, less-toxic-to-my-friendships way before they find out why I have to do that.// He picked up the stake he kept beside his bed, rolling it between his hands, watching them work it. //Okay, Willow caught me at the game. I refuse to use my friends anymore. What now?// He watched the wood darken with his blood from the splinters that had scraped him. //Hmm, the game's not out completely. I just need to pick a better way, and place, but I could still do that. And get the bad things out of my head at the same time.// He put down the wood, licking the scrapes to clean them out.

He closed his eyes, hoping that the pictures didn't come back that night. Again.

***

Xander looked warily at the man that had sat down across from him on the steps to the park's playing field. "What?"

"I want the truth. Why do that at all?" He leaned back, crossing his feet, resting on his bent arms.

"Because I had to."

"Bull."

"I'm not sharing this." He stood up, looking down at the older man. "It's not a sharing thing." He started to walk away.

"You owe me an explanation, at least. I'd like it now."

Xander turned around, walking back to his friend. "Oz, I *can't* tell you. Just drop it." He frowned, pulling his sunglasses down as the sun came out from behind the clouds. "I didn't want to do it then and I won't do it again. I'm sorry, but I can't tell you." He turned but the older man was very quick. He found himself held tightly against the firm chest and words coming from beside his ear.

"I want the truth," Oz said slowly. "You *owe* me that much." He turned the younger man around, looking into his eyes. "Why did you have to do it?"

"Because the bad things come for me when I don't purge the thoughts," he said, looking around. "Okay? Satisfied?" He stepped away, breaking the hold. "It's nothing that I can control but it has to be purged." He turned, jogging away. //I should leave now. I won't be able to stay much longer. He'll tell them. They'll think I'm bad. I've got to go away for a while. Maybe I'll finish my aborted road trip.// He rounded the corner of his street, seeing the van parked in his driveway. //Sneaky guy, huh? Well, I didn't write it down so he won't know anything else.// He faked the calm he didn't feel, walking toward his house. He smiled sweetly at the neighbor, not wanting her to suspect anything. //I'll just leave tonight and go somewhere safe. Someplace where there are lots of women. Then the pictures won't ever come back and I'll be normal.// He slammed the back door, giving Oz a way to hide what he'd probably been searching through. He walked down the stairs, seeing the older man still looking through his bedside drawer. "Having fun?" he asked from the stairs.

"Just wanting a real answer." He held up a pamphlet from the people his mother invited over. "Want to explain to me yet?" He turned to face his friend.

Xander finished walking down the stairs, going over to his chair and sitting down. He got as comfortable as he could under the piercing gaze. "I was given those."

Oz looked down at the paper he held in his hands. "Bad things?" he asked.

Xander shrugged a shoulder, turning his head to the side to cough a little. "Why?"

"Because you're doing dangerous things and I'm worried."

"You don't have to be." He crossed his feet, putting his arms behind his head. "I'm not doing those things."

Oz tossed them down on the bed. "What sort of programming did they put you through? Going after vamps to avoid the issue?" He tossed the thin pieces of paper at him. "That's not even close to normal."

Xander flinched. "Yay. And?" He picked up the papers, putting them on the floor. "Anything else you want to share?" He watched his friend run up the stairs and out of the house, watching as his shoes passed by the windows. "That's nice. I'll be gone before you can tattle." He stood up, getting his bags out of the closet and filling them with the few things he'd unpacked in the last three weeks. "Have a nice life," he said, heading up the stairs.

He was on the interstate when he calmed down and started to feel safe again. //And I can't go back again,// he thought. //No more Slayguy for me. Nope, have to do this the hard way from now on. Just have to tough the bad pictures out. For whatever I did.// He turned onto an exit, taking him to another interstate. //Oops, forgot to leave a note.// Mental snort. //Like my parents will notice or they would care. They know I'm road tripping. I just had to come back and get the car fixed.// He sped up, merging with the existing traffic. //Let's see, this is North, so I can reach the one going East in an hour.// He switched lanes, hitting a good cruising speed. //I can be a state away by tonight if I go long enough. Not even Willow's computer can track me then.//

***

Oz ran into Giles' apartment, panting. "He's gone." When he got a confused look, he elaborated. "Xander's run away and he's the one that did it to me." He caught his breath and sat down next to the older man. "I confronted him and then went to search his house. He's been programmed to believe he's wrong about his desires for men so he's been a violent sexual killer of them." He pulled the picture Willow had taken out of his pocket. "That's a vamp, he led her on and killed her."

The older man frowned. "Where did he go?"

"I don't know. When I got back there, he was already gone." He took a deep breath, pulling out the papers he'd found earlier. "I found these while I was searching." He fanned them out as he laid them on the table. "I think he's working his way up to men, living ones."

He flipped one pamphlet over to look at the sponsoring group's name. "Oh, dear God, not them." Giles stood up. "He's been programmed like a cult member. We have to find him before he gets hurt." He looked at the younger man, who had a non-concerned look on his face. "What else did you do?" he asked suspiciously.

"I set a tracer on his car but I'm not sure it'll work if it's moving." He stood up, walking around the edge of the couch. "My friend, the one who made it, didn't think it'd work without a stationary target." He looked at the older man. "We have some time. Let's work smarter this time."

Giles smiled. "A brilliant idea, Oz. I'll go set up a containment area and you try to find him. We'll leave tonight after we have a direction." He walked toward the bedroom, almost smiling now.

"And we'll get him back to cure him," Oz muttered, pulling out a device from his back pocket. "Soon, Xand, you'll be well again. Even if I have to kick your ass to do it."

***

When Xander woke up from his third night on the road, he was tied to the bed. //Um, okay.// He tested the ropes, feeling the nylon twists. //Not a good, not at all.// He opened his eyes, looking around at the familiar surroundings. //Not even three days on the road and they found me. I suck at hiding too.// He looked toward the door, hearing someone moving outside it. //Hell, I should go back to sleep.// He closed his eyes, but the pictures started to come back, flooding his brain, not letting him reach the oblivious stage. //Stupid things. I still don't know what I did to deserve them.// He kept his eyes closed as someone walked in.

"Good morning," Giles said. "How are you feeling?"

Xander felt the mattress sink next to his hips and something move across them. He didn't answer, not wanting to give himself away or not have a chance to escape.

"I know you're up, you might as well give it up now."

Xander sighed, opening his eyes. "What?" His head rocked with the hard slap. "Thanks, but that's not my thing first thing in the morning." He looked at his legs, seeing the tray. "Are you feeding me too?"

"I shouldn't let you go," Giles said, undoing a knot he hadn't seen.

Xander waited until his upper body was free before handing back the tray. "I'm not hungry. Thanks, though." He started to pull his legs out of the remaining ropes but he found a chain around one of his ankles. "Was I wandering in my sleep again?"

Giles sighed, putting the tray on the bedside table. "Yes, you were, but that's not the reason for the chain. I can't let you go until we've deprogrammed you." He stood up. "Are you sure you wouldn't like to eat?" He got a head shake for an answer so he took the tray back out of the room, closing and locking the door behind him.

"Damn," Xander muttered, scooting up the bed to look at the chain, trying to figure out how to get out of it. He moved back up to his original position when he heard a key in the lock again, faking innocence. "What?" he asked, grumpy.

Oz walked in, shutting and locking the door behind him, pocketing the key. "You made good time," he said quietly, moving closer but not sitting down. "Want to tell me why you ran? I told you I wouldn't tell."

Xander shook his head. "I couldn't stay." He looked around the room. "How long am I going to be kept here?"

"Until you're better." He sat down on the bed, looking at his friend. "What's wrong?" He cleared his throat. "And who did this to you?"

"Nobody did anything." //It's right, I can't have those pictures.// "I'm not in the wrong, expect for that thing between us."

Oz leaned closer, shutting the mouth up with a hand over it. "I doubt those statements. We just want the old Xander back again." He stood up, looking at the chain. "You can't break it, it's one of mine so don't try. You're here until we figure out how to cure you." He walked to the door, pulling the key out of his pocket. "I'm not letting you go. You mean too much to all of us." He unlocked the door, walking out and relocking it behind himself.

"I'm fine!" Xander yelled, picking up something to toss across the room.

Giles came back a few hours later, bringing a book and some more food, including a soda with him. "Hungry yet?"

Xander growled at him, lunging for him, trying to grab him. But the older man moved out of his way, not even spilling the things on the tray. "Why are you doing this to me?"

The older man sat down beside him on the bed again, placing the tray where he could get to the contents. "Because you need it. Even if you don't realize it, you've been programmed to hurt yourself and others over this issue." He handed over the book. "This is most informative. Both Oz and I have been reading it. I think you should also and he thinks it'll help you escape us again." He stood up, looking down at the younger man. "Xander, you're safe here. Nobody will hurt you, none of the others will know. We just won't let you go until you're better." He turned, walking back out of the room, letting Oz in.

"Hey," he said, taking up the position at the end of the bed. "How're you feeling?"

Xander glared. "I'm trapped like an animal, am I supposed to feel good?" He turned to scowl at Giles, who was still standing in the doorway. "I don't need this sort of help. I'm *fine*." He crossed his arms, letting the book fall to his lap.

"Then why are you having to do dangerous things to get rid of those urges, Xand," Oz reasoned. "If you were fine, you'd never have to hide them because they're normal."

"I'm not gay!" He tried to lunge for his friend but the former Watcher was faster. "No! I'm not! It's bad!"

Giles shook his head, letting Xander sit back against the pile of pillows. "It's not bad or wrong. It's as natural as being straight is." He took a step back, watching both of the younger men. "Now, Oz would like to talk to you and I'll be outside. Be safe, Oz," he said, backing out and closing but not locking the door.

"Who told you that?"

"Everybody." //Why is he torturing me? He's got to know I'm right about this.//

"Xander, whoever told you that being gay was a bad enough thing to go become a serial vampire killer isn't right in the head." Oz shifted, pulling his feet up under him and kneeling. "Do I look bad to you?" He held out his arms.

Xander swallowed, looking at his friend. "No," he whispered, "but I am. That's why I have those pictures in my head." //This is supposed to make me feel better?// "Um, Oz, could you please not do that?"

The older man put his arms back down. "Getting to you?" He nodded so the older man moved just a little closer. "Were they about me?"

He shook his head, laying back down and closing his eyes. //Nope, not going to pollute his mind too. That would be even worse and I'll never get rid of them.// He didn't listen to the words, trying to figure out how to get out. //Has to be some way to escape. Even if I can't get out of town, I could hide from them for a long time, maybe even enough to work to get some money to get away from them for good. They don't need me to be like this.// He felt the bed undent, signaling that he was soon to be alone again. He heard his friend's last quiet words, even if he didn't want to.

"We just want you to be better and to accept who you are so you're happy," Oz said, leaning down beside Xander's ear. Then he backed toward the door, turning and leaving the room.

Xander opened his eyes, looking around. "Yeah, and I'm Yanni." He snorted, then rolled to look at the tray's contents. //Have to keep my strength up. Running is hard work.// He picked up a grape and bit into it, not tasting the chemicals that quickly put him back out.

***

Xander woke back up, still chained to the bed, but he was cleaner now and his hair was damp. "Taking advantage of me?" he yelled.

Giles walked into the bedroom, shaking his head. "No, you needed a bath. It was a simple matter to transfer you over and let you do it yourself once you were drugged." He wiped his hands on his shirt. "Now, what would you like for dinner?"

"To be let go." Xander growled as the older man walked closer. "Aren't you afraid of what I'll do to you?"

"No, Xander, there's nothing you can do to me. It's not catching." He sat down on the bed again, looking at the food still sitting on the tray. "We only drugged the grapes. The rest is safe to eat."

"I don't want to be here, you can't keep me."

"You need to be here. The only other alternative was an institution and both of us doubted that you'd want this made public." He saw the head shake but wasn't fast enough this time to get away from the lunging body.

Xander knocked his former friend and mentor out, laying him across the end of the bed while he checked his pockets. He came up with an unusual key ring that held three keys, putting them down beside him on the bed so he could search for more useful stuff. He came back up smiling after finding some cash and resisting the urge to cop a feel, then rolled the unresisting body off the end of the bed. He scooted down the bed, trying the keys until he found one that opened the chain around his ankle.

He stood up, walking around a little to get his balance and full feeling back, then he headed for the door, moving as quietly as he could in case Oz was around. When he didn't hear any noise, he walked out to the living room and out the front door. He was safe now.

***

Giles woke to someone shaking him. He sat up holding his jaw, grunting in pain. "Where is he," he muttered, looking around. Oz helped him to his feet, shaking his head. "Oh, bloody hell, he got out?"

"It looks that way." He leaned closer to check the bruise, touching it gently. "You gonna live?"

The older man nodded, walking out toward the living room. He looked around, trying to see if there was anything missing but he couldn't find anything. He looked at the clock and winced. "He's not gotten too far. It's only been twenty minutes." He started for the door but Oz stopped him.

"I went looking for him when I saw you were out. That was about ten minutes ago. He's gone." He pulled the older man to the couch, sitting him down. "Face it, he's good at blending in so no one sees him." He walked into the kitchen, grabbing an ice pack and the phone to hit the memory button. "Buffy," he said, nodding at the words she was spilling out. "No, business stuff now. Xander's gone missing. No, no reason to worry, he just up and left his house a few days ago. We found him and brought him back but he's loose in town and you need to look out for him while you're on patrol." Pause. "No, he's sane, just a little on the food poisoned side. Giles was putting him up until he got over his own cooking. Thanks." He hung up then walked out to the injured man. "She'll watch." He sat down beside him, handing over the ice pack. "I'll go look again in a minute. He's got to be in town still."

Giles nodded, holding the pack to his jaw. "I would hope so." He touched Oz's hand lightly. "Bring him back here, we have to set him to right. I'll work with Willow, trying to find out when he was fixed in this manner." The younger man got up, walking out and shutting the door.

***

Xander looked around the flea-trap of a motel room with a grimace. //It's not as bad as the streets, some protection at least.// He set the bag he'd managed to go back and get while both of the men were out looking for him on the bed, opening it to pull out the stakes and his money belt. //Okay, I've got enough for a month here after I send Giles back his cash. I can be working by then so it's not as big a bad as it looks. I paid for the week in advance so I have enough to eat on. That takes care of the necessities.// He sat down beside the bag, rubbing his forehead. "Why couldn't they leave me alone?" he asked himself. "I was right." He lay back, trying to come up with a plan. //Have to do something, can't stay here.// He sat straight up, shaking his head. "The game?" he asked himself. "But I'll get caught."

He looked at the stakes, the images flooding at the sight of the wood. "Maybe, but by then I'll be better." He picked one up, rolling it between his hands. "Now all I need is a plan."

***

Willow and Oz walked into Giles' apartment, frowning, but for different reasons. She handed over the transcript of a chat session. "I found a vamp chat room," she told him, sitting down beside him. "As far as they're concerned, I'm one and Oz is my mate. He begged to be taken too after I was turned." She turned her head to grin at him. "Anyway, it seems that this person is issuing a challenge, here, once a week." She pointed out the highlighted section. "I think it's something to investigate. Oz even started to swear."

Giles looked at the mentioned passage, seeing the words and hearing the deep male voice that had to have said them. "Oh, dear," he said, looking at Oz. "You don't think...."

"No, I'm pretty sure." He sat down, stopping his pacing. "It sounds like his writing style. This was the second one there." He took the papers, pointing something out. "That's from someone that knew last week's victim." He looked at Willow. "Will, I left that disk in the van, would you go get it? I'll explain this to him." She nodded, hopping up to go outside for a few minutes. "It can't be anybody else but Xander." He looked at the calendar on the wall. "And I've got a day before I change." He moved a little closer. "How do we play this?"

"We bring him back without letting them know and you're coming here this month." Giles got his scary, hard, bitter look on his face. "If he can only face it that way then we'll have to play by his rules." He set down the papers, getting up to go to the kitchen to make some tea.

***

Xander walked around the small space. He grinned as the lone vampire walked in and opened his jacket. "You know the rules and agree?" he asked the young looking man, who nodded but didn't say anything. "Then come and get it."

The male vampire moved carefully closer, but he could see the single stake. "I can only feed from that one part?" Xander nodded. "And I get to live if I can kill you before you cum?" He got another nod so fell to his knees. "No points off for performance?"

"It doesn't really matter," Xander whispered, moving his head closer. "You're the sixth so far and none have won." He smiled as the test began, feeling the twin pierces to his cock. "Yeah, you do that well." //A little too well.// He closed his eyes, listening for any outside interference as he enjoyed the sex.

He was walking out when he felt the dart hit his arm. He pulled it out, but fell over anyway, not even seeing Oz walking toward him.

***

Giles looked at the things he had pulled out of storage, things he had thought he'd never use again. He tested each binding he'd made, finding them all still in good condition, them moved on to each of the chains. He had just finished the last one when Oz walked in carrying their friend. "In here, Oz," he called. He watched as the younger teen was chained to the bed again, the older teen stepping back to survey the man he'd saved.

"It was him." He turned to face their friend. "He had three tonight before he came out. I darted him after." He shuddered. "I don't even want to think about what he'd been doing." He walked over to close the door. "Do we have a plan for tomorrow night?"

"We give him what he craves until he admits it. That's the only way according to the book." Giles smiled very nastily. "And he'll have to admit by the time we're done with him."

Oz took a step back, seeing the feral look on the older man's face. "I don't want to know, do I?" When he got a head shake, he turned and walked out, waving over his shoulder. "Just tell me my part. This is your show."

Giles looked at the young man on the bed. "And what a show it'll be." He walked over to close the door, locking it. "Xander," he called, loudly, as he walked back to the bed. "Get up." He waited until he got a flutter of eyelids. "Now, young man. I'm most displeased with you."

Xander sat straight up, turning his head to look at the older man. "I suck at hiding from you," he said, rubbing his arm. He noticed he was still mostly naked so pulled his jacket tighter around him. "Why am I back here?"

"We're going to cure you your way." He sat down on the bed, rubbing his fingers over a section of chain. "If you want danger to purge it, then you'll get danger until you admit your urges and give it up." He smiled, his nasty one again. "Are we clear?"

"And if I don't play along?"

"Oh, I think you will." He tossed over the notebook containing his plan for the next night. "I think you'll agree or have to do this the hard way." He stood up, walking back to his equipment. "You have an hour to decide," he said softly.

Xander read over the list, swallowing when he saw what was on it. //Suicidal? Me? Not really but it would make the pictures go away.// "So, what's the idea behind this plan of yours?" He looked up at the older man. "This is way beyond my danger range."

Giles laughed softly. "Oh, is it? What's the difference between what you did earlier and that?" He sat back down on the bed between the teen's feet. "Just where your participation ends." He patted a naked leg. "I have some plans made. I don't think you'll make it all the way to the end but it will end when you admit that you want a man." He started to rub the leg, feeling the coolness of the flesh. "It's not overly dangerous, until the last few steps. A little danger that works up to a major one." He pulled his hand away, smiling at the little gasp. "As you can see, it's all quite normal. You know the inherent risk with Oz so it's a known danger." He moved a little closer to the teen's torso, making him move a foot off to the side to give him the space. "All you have to do is admit that you want one. Not if it's right or not, not anything else. Just that you have lustful thoughts about a man. If you do so, then all your programming will start to break down." He touched the side of the pale face. "You took a large risk to do what you did tonight. Don't do that to us again."

Xander nodded, looking into his eyes. "I agree. But I won't break."

"Then you'll be Oz's for as long as you both live." Giles stood up, still smiling gently. "This will pain me to do but I must. It's the only way to cure you it seems." He stepped back a little. "Do you understand all the steps?"

Xander looked back at the list, rereading it. "Not the purpose of some of this." He held it out. "Are you sure about that last stuff?"

"It's meant to drive Oz batty and make him deal with you. That's the real danger through all of it, that he'll attack you." He moved closer again, holding the hand that held the notebook. "Xander, if you'd just admit this one thing, then we wouldn't have to do this."

"I don't think about men, Giles. I'm not gay," he said quietly. "I don't care if you do think it's normal."

The older man nodded sadly. "Then we'll have to do it this way." He let the hand go. "Study that. Oz will be informed of his part of it and I'll start tomorrow on preparing you for the ordeal."

"Test."

"If that's what you want to call it." Giles brushed some of his hair back. "Oz went to get those things that you managed to get back." He bent down, putting a soft kiss on the part in Xander's hair. "Just know that you can say no at anytime." He stepped back and walked out, leaving the stuff up.

Xander looked down at the list and shuddered. "One way or another I'll be free of them. There's no way I can get past this test." He tossed it down on the bed and laid back. "Then we'll see."

***

Giles looked at the man standing before him, seeing the determination on his face. "Are you ready?" He got a nod so he walked around the man. "Still not ready to admit it?"

"No. Why should I when I don't." He tried to turn his head but it was pushed back around. "What happens if I do?"

"Then I show you all that you've been missing," Giles said next to his ear, whispering it. "There are three complications that have arisen." He moved back around to stand in front of him. "One, we have something we need to research tonight so I'll be in and out of the room." He held up a hand. "I'd suggest that you not make enough noise to warrant the girls' attention. The second is that I've discovered something so if he takes you I can cleanse you of the virus for five minutes." He saw the nod. "That's *five* minutes from when he splatters inside of you." He noted the grimace. "He'll either bite you or chose you as a mate. One way, you're his until you die. The other, you have five minutes to become human again. His sperm is infected while he's under the change and during these three days." He stepped closer. "The other thing is that Oz mentioned that a blindfold might be appropriate." He saw the shudder. "That will be at my discretion if you need more help." He moved closer, running a finger down the firm but naked chest. "Why can't you admit it and not make me harm you? Why do you have to be so stubborn this time?"

"Because I'm not. I don't think about you and Oz."

"Ah, but I can see the look in your eyes, the look you gave him as he walked past without any clothes." He took a soft and gentle kiss, trying to persuade him. "Please, Xander, just admit it and this all ends here." He saw the head shake so he leaned his head on the younger man's shoulder. "I'm sorry then. I don't know another way to break the programming."

"I'm not a robot."

"No, you're not but your mind has still been programmed. If you'd tell me when it started, I'd be able to fix it, to alter the things so we could work on it the normal way."

"I don't need fixing. I'm not a machine."

"No, you're not. You're a wonderful young man for whom I might be signing a death warrant." He stepped back, seeing the dark marks where he'd been bitten just the day before. "Did you like what they did to you?"

"That's normal for a guy my age." //Very, even for what they were. Feeling good isn't a product of life or unlife, it's a natural reaction,// he reminded himself.

"They were men," he reminded him.

"Not really." He could feel himself get hard, so tried to will it to go down. "When do we start? I'm not going to give into your ideas."

"Then I'm sorry," Giles said, running a finger along the marks. He smiled slightly at the jump from the flesh. "Was that nice?"

"It's normal to react, not to have the thoughts." He closed his eyes. //Please stop that! You know I can't give in.// Then he took a step back. "Don't."

"Just say the words, Xander, please," Giles begged. "Don't let this happen. I could help you if you'd just give me this one thing."

"I don't need fixing." He opened his eyes to look at the older man. "I'm sorry too, for what it's worth." He took a deep breath. "For everything." He got a small smile.

"It's all been forgiven long before now." He turned the younger man around, pushing him toward the bedroom. "Go talk to Oz, it's his turn." He watched the stiff body walk away from him, sighing in frustration. "Why can't you be less stubborn just this once?" he asked quietly.

Xander walked into the bedroom and stopped. "Oz," he said, nodding. He was pulled inside, the door closing behind him. //He's already primal. Not a very good sign to start out with.//

"Why are you making us do this to you?" He sat the younger man on the bed, standing in front of him. "Just say the words, even if you don't really mean them."

"I can't tell that lie," Xander said softly. He looked up into the deep gray eyes. "I'm sorry," he said, leaning forward to hug the older man's stomach. "For making you do this."

"Then don't." He moved closer, releasing the cuffs that kept the younger man's hands behind his back. "Please don't. Even if you don't mean it." He sat down beside him, holding out a hand then taking Xander's when one wasn't offered him. "You know what'll happen if I bite you. Are you really ready to risk your life to not say that?" He saw the slow nod. "Xander, look at me." He waited until the eyes were focused on him. "I couldn't stand it if I turned you. Just say the words. Just tell me that you've thought of someone, anyone. Just a mental picture, a curiosity. Hell, even if it's not the full truth." He rubbed over the tense face. "I don't want to have to hurt you but I will. And if I do, I could kill you. I don't want you cursed. I want you whole and healthy and ours." He leaned in for a kiss of his own. "Please."

"I can't, Oz. You know that."

"Are you being blocked? 'Cause if it is, then I can deal." He felt the head shake. "Please, Xand, don't make me hurt you, I'll hurt myself more. Forever." He looked into the dark eyes, seeing the pain there. "All you have to do is admit part of it. Did you like it more when you were doing... that when it was a guy?" No answer. "Did I give you this?" He touched the growing hardness. "If I or Giles did then you can say so and I'll be able to look at myself for the rest of my life."

"He did but it's a normal reaction." //Don't, please don't make me do this.//

"What about now?" he asked, running a finger along the edge of the head. "Is this nice?" He leaned closer, taking another kiss. "Or this?"

"I'm not," Xander started but ended up against his shoulder. "Oz, I... I can't. Even if I wanted to I can't. It's not right."

"Hey, not asking about right or wrong. Just want a semi-honest admission. Anything." He added another finger to his teasing/stroking. "Please?"

"I ... " He closed his eyes, shaking his head. "Stop?"

"Anytime," Oz said, removing his hand. "All you have to do is say it."

"I can't!" He got up, walking around the room. "I can't say those words. Even if they might be true, I can't say it." He looked at his friend. "If I do, then I'm lost. Everything I know is wrong."

"No, you've not always been like this. You used to be comfortable around people who were themselves. When did it change?"

"Three months ago," he admitted, flashing mentally to it. "Right after graduation." //They found a stake and a magazine. A non-'manly' magazine with couples in it. That's when those people started to show up.// "But even before that, I wasn't."

"What did they do to you, Xand?" He stood up, hugging his friend. "Last chance before it starts. If you give in, then it'll all be over and you can float on a cloud of pleasure, real pleasure." He shuddered. "I don't want to think about both of us changing." He made big, pouty eyes at him. "Please, just admit something and it's all over with. Forever."

"I..." He closed his mouth and laid his head on his friend's shoulder. "I want to, I don't want to do this."

"Then say it," Giles said, walking into the room. "Just a few words and you can be free of it." He walked around them, hugging him from the other side. "Please."

"Then no more torturing yourself with vamps, no more this, no more of anything you don't want," Oz reassured. "Please, babe. For us, for you."

Xander stayed silent, crying now. He shook his head and pulled back, kissing the middle of Oz's forehead before turning to face Giles, holding his hands behind his back again. He was reshackled and led into the bathroom. There, two tubes were shown to him. He was laid down on the floor and the first one was inserted, the water coming gently.

"Just relax. Remember you can stop this at any time." Giles stepped away, watching the younger man shift in discomfort. "Relax, Xander, it's normal for it to feel like that." He checked his watch then clamped off the tubing and turned off the water before pulling it out and lifting the man up to let him release it. He watched as the blush flourished but didn't move. "Are you ready for the next step? It's a tad more dangerous at higher water pressures." When he got a silent nod and a vacant stare, he attached the second hose, the smaller one, to the faucet and helped the younger man back to his stomach on the floor. "Just relax, there'll be more pressure this time." He inserted the tubing and turned on the faucet, giving the water pressure time to build up. He could see the shudders by the time it was at half up. "Relax and this will all be over soon." He turned it up a bit more then sighed when the first word was spoken.

"Giles?"

"Yes, Xander?"

"Why does it feel funny?"

"It's hitting your prostate." He turned it off all at once and again helped him up, watching as he eliminated the water. "Are you ready to move on or do you want to stop this?"

"No, you know I can't say that." //But it did feel good.//

Giles sighed. "If that's the way you want it, then I'll have to firm my control and watch it happen." He helped the younger man into the shower, taking off the restraints. "Wash yourself. You need to be as clean as possible." He pulled the curtain but stayed to watch.

Xander stood under the warm stream of water, thinking about what had just happened. //I liked that. Not the pressure stuff but the water was kinda nice. But why can't I tell him that?// He picked up the shampoo and started on his hair. //If I could say it then I wouldn't be turned. Oz wouldn't have to live in guilt forever because of me. Giles wouldn't have to live in guilt because I made him do this.// He turned around, rinsing out the shampoo. He didn't bother with the conditioner, not seeing the point, instead he picked up the soap and started in on his arms. //Why do they have to do this to me? Why not do it the other way? But then I could escape and still be messed up. Let's face it, that *game* with the vamps was just an expression of what I wanted.// "I..." He cleared his throat. "I liked part of that," he said quietly.

Giles got in behind him, taking the soap to help him. "Did you just make an admission?" He stroked over the firm back, washing every inch with little circles. "I could call the girls and tell them not to come if it was." He turned the younger man around, letting the water destroy all his work.

"It..." He coughed, then put his head on the shoulder. "I can't tell you. I can say something out loud but not if you're here." He felt the sigh. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It took me a long time to admit that I even liked it." He tipped the head up, showing him how good a kiss could be between them. "Just let me teach you to admit it and we could forget all of this."

Xander shook his head, taking back the soap. "Even if I could say it, I wouldn't want it." He looked into the pained eyes. "Admission and practice are two different things, Giles, and I wouldn't be ready for it."

"I'd be happy with an admission for now." He took the soap back. "I'd like to do this part. You should always be bathed for the first time. It's a tradition." He smiled slightly. "Even if you do go to Oz."

"I don't get that."

"If he turns you, you become his pack member, his. You know how he treats Willow," he paused when he saw the nod, "then you know what you would be."

"His toy?"

Giles slapped his chest. "No, his beta mate." He rubbed over the suds he'd been creating, smoothing over the tender skin. "I don't want that. I'm willing to share with him if that's what you'd like but I can stop this." He stroked, making it feel nice, watching the effect of his words on the younger man. "Just say so. Even if it takes you a minute, just choke it out."

"I... This is nice."

"But do you like it?" He rubbed over a nipple, earning him a grunt. "Just say 'I like it'."

Xander opened his mouth but nothing came out. //I'm sorry, Giles, I really am.// He turned to rinse off his front, closing his eyes as the hands came around him to help. He refused to feel what he wanted to, taking his mind to somewhere else, somewhere he didn't know he had until they had come for him. //They did that to me too.// "How?"

"What?"

"How did they do this to me?"

Giles pulled him back against his chest. "Their method of programming you included some drugs that were too harsh for your mind. When they worked on your mind, it went too deep. That's why all those dangerous urges came up, why you had to do that to Oz."

"It short circuited?"

The older man smiled, placing a soft kiss against the warm neck. "That would be a nice way of putting it. When they... did what they did, it added a new priority to your mind. It's what made you go for the danger and violence." He turned him around, looking him over. "Basically, whenever you have an unwanted thought about men, your mind makes a quick substitution with either violence or violent sex. It can be broken, but only by overriding the control. That's why you have to admit it. It's the only thing that can begin to break it down." He saw the light coating of tears in the expressive eyes so pulled him closer. "I know. I know you want to say it but you can't. That's why your limits have to be pushed, it'll stretch that barrier too thin and you'll be able to break through it."

Xander nodded, relaxing into the strong body. He wrapped his arms around the firm waist, rubbing his nose on the strong shoulder while he took a deep smell. "I'm sorry."

"You did nothing to deserve this." He pulled him back some, looking into his eyes. "Nothing you did was wrong or bad. The people who did this were wrong and should be punished." He let the body fall back into his, savoring this few free moments.

//What if he's right? Then I can't do this. If he's right, then it's not me that's been doing it, it's who ever those people were.// "I don't know who they are."

"I know. It's not uncommon for people practicing this method to insert a command to eliminate them from your head." He started to rub over the firm back, taking his time. "I wish we could do this the other way."

"Then I'd have to admit it, right?"

"If you could, then yes, this way would work to break down the remaining barriers." He heard an alarm clock go off and sighed. "It's time."

Xander stepped back, looking down. "I know." He turned, letting the water finish rinsing him. When he was done, he turned around to look at the older man. "Ready?"

"If I must." Giles stepped out, leading his friend out and standing him on the mat. "Let me dry you off."

"I can do it."

"This is all part of it." He smiled slightly. "Also the only chance I might have to do this." He grabbed the towel and Xander watched as he carefully taken care of. When it was done, he was led out of the bathroom and back to the bedroom, the door closing and locking behind them. Xander was laid down on the bed, where Oz was meditating, and the restraints were gotten for him.

Giles frowned at the man they'd have to torment forever. "Oz, I need you to move."

"Let him stay," Xander said, "he's calm at least." He rolled onto his stomach, going limp so he could be put into whatever position was warranted. "He's calming to me like this," he whispered, then covered his mouth.

"That's good to know," Oz said, coming around and rolling to face him. "Are you sure you can't say it? I know it's hard, it takes a lot of strength but you can do it." He made puppy eyes, pouting slightly. "Please?"

"I've tried, I can't." //I want to, so much. No! Those images and thoughts are bad.// He shook his head, closing his eyes. "I'm insane now, right?"

"No, just a little not yourself." Oz moved so Giles could get down and strap him into the harness. "I can't watch this part." He got up, walking out.

Giles nodded, then waiting until they were alone. "If things had been different, he might have done this the usual way." He laid the harness on the bed, showing it to him. "I want you to spread your legs as far as you can and then pull them up under you."

Xander moved slowly, not liking this part. //No, vulnerable this way.// "I ... I...." He closed his eyes and moved more, straining his joints as far as he could.

"That's much too far. Remember you're going to have to lie like this for hours possibly." He picked up the hand-stitched leather, sliding it over a leg. He adjusted the other leg to match it, putting him in the position he wanted. "There," he muttered, starting to buckle him in. "I made this myself, many years ago."

"Feels okay so far," he said. //I want to say it, but I can't.// He groaned, feeling one strap his ankle to his thigh. "Can we not do that one? I can't do that, it hurts."

"Of course." He undid the offending strap quickly. "Sorry."

"S'okay." He took a deep breath. "Giles, why did you have all this stuff?"

"It's the remnants of my prior life. Long before I was confirmed as a Watcher." He buckled the last strap, a fuzzy cloth covered one across the younger man's chest. "There, done." He lay down beside him, stroking over the stretched body. "Are you comfortable?" He got a nod. "Are you sure? I can adjust it some more."

"I'm fine," he whispered. //no, i'm not. i'm not fine. if this was normal, i'd be having fun, not worried about living longer.// "I..." He shook his head, turning it in the other direction.

"Xander, look at me please." He did so, not wanting to. "If you could just say anything, it would stop. If you want it to stop, we'll try another means of breaking it. All you have to do is admit it and the cycle can be broken." He moved his hand from the taut back to the held opened buttocks, rubbing over them. "Just one little sentence and we can all go on with our lives."

"I..." He started to choke, not because of any reason, just because. He was rolled onto his back and his stomach was rubbed. "Thanks," he groaned.

"That's just one of the things I wanted to do. I would like to take care of you, both of us would, but this leaves us no choice."

"I know." He closed his eyes. "Just try not to hurt me."

"I'd never hurt you," Giles whispered, leaning down for a last kiss. "Never." He pulled back and rolled the metal frames over, attaching the harness to it. He got the last chain in place and started to hoist the younger man into position, stomach down, rear angled down at about forty-five degrees, chained in tightly.

Xander closed his eyes as he was rolled backwards, over the chains on the floor waiting for Oz. He felt the brakes being pushed down, the chains rechecked, the older man taking the best care of him. "Thanks," he said softly.

"You know I'd never do this to you under normal circumstances, Xander." He walked around to look at the man he was trying to save. "If I had my way, this would have never come out of storage and all three of us wouldn't be tearing ourselves apart over it." He stroked down the stubbled face. "Try it again?"

"I... I li...." He took a deep breath, opening his mouth again and coughing.

"Apparently they've added something new to their repertoire. That coughing only happens when you try to say it out loud." He sat down on the floor, looking over the exposed body. "Try it again, we have a few minutes before he has to chain himself."

"I like..." Some coughing and a shaking head. "I liked," a deep breath and some more coughing.

"You liked what?" Giles prompted.

"Y.... Y...." Xander closed his eyes. "I can't say it."

"Just say which part."

He opened his mouth but nothing came out this time.

Both men turned their heads as Oz walked back in, grimacing at the twitchy feelings that signaled the start of the change. They watched him pick up the chains and snap them on tightly, turning around so he didn't have to see his best friend like that.

Giles got up and walked out, coming back with a tray of things and a bowl. He placed the bowl under the framework, directly underneath the exposed penis. "If you need it, it's there," he said quietly. He set the tray down, uncovering it to pull out a bowl filled with ice and something purple. "This might be too cold, we'll see." He took the purple thing out and walked around the back.

Xander felt the cold fingers entering him, then something colder. "Oooooh," he muttered, trying to move away from it.

"I know, but it's not cold enough to harm you."

He felt the cold thing, the purple thing, enter him and stop so he flexed against it, trying to figure out what it was.

Giles walked back around with a smile. "It's one of the horrid popsicles you so enjoy."

"The Kool-Aid kind?" He got a nod so shook his head. "I might never look at them again as just a yummy treat." He looked up, grinning slightly. "Not so bad. Little cold."

"Ah, but they melt. And werewolves love sugar it seems." His smile fell and he sat back down on the floor, out of the range of the man just now starting to change. "I wish you could say it, just once."

"I'll miss you too," Xander said, then grunted when he felt a claw rubbing over his leg. "I take it he likes it."

"Either he sees you as a staked offering or as a treat." He stood up, putting the bowl of ice on the floor and shoving it closer to where Oz was. "It'll melt and give him water." He walked to the door. "Don't yell, I've got a monitor set up." He picked up the ear piece, putting it on. "I'll be listening so just speak normally." He gave him one last look and walked out.

Xander's stomach started to hurt when the lock was thrown. //Not a good. I'm trussed up like some yummy snack for Oz and those pictures aren't even here.// He moaned as the furry hand came back, rubbing over his legs again. //Is that all he can reach? If it is then I'm safe.// His eyes opened really widely when he felt the cold nose on his stomach, the face coming over to where he could see it. "Hey, Oz, I'm not a threat, I promise." He looked into the eyes, seeing just the spark of the man in them still. "I'm sorry," he said. //I love you and I'm sorry to be putting you through this.// He grinned at the lick to his neck. "Thanks."

He waited, wondering what Oz would do next. It's obvious that he was trying to explore this new thing in his territory, assessing it as a threat or not, but he didn't know what would happen. He gasped as he felt the tongue reach his back, the heat of the body behind him bringing the pictures back to him. //Oh, hell, already?// He took a deep breath, relaxing. //Oz can smell fear. If he thinks I'm afraid, he'll attack me. If I try to ignore it though, it goes up to the next level.// He shivered as the tongue explored him, tasting him. //That feels *so* good.// He sighed when it was removed, relaxing fully as the warmth that had been against his rear moved away.

The werewolf walked to the side, poking at the straps and chains and grunting. He looked at his own, then at the ones holding the younger man and howled.

"Yeah, I know, we're both chained. I'm not your mate though." He grinned at the broad lap of the tongue down his exposed side, giggling slightly. "Hey, that tickles," he muttered. //Feels good though.//

Xander tipped his head. That was his voice, not the other one. It sounded like him, even talked like him. How had he not noticed that the other voice wasn't his? //So, if it feels nice, why can't I say it?// He started to cough again, turning his head away from the worried snout. "I'm okay, sorry." He kissed the cold nose, tipping his head when he got a lick for it. "Thanks."

//He kisses nice, even in this form. Can I think it though?// He thought for a second. //I like this, the man part, just not the chained up as an offering to the furry one. So, why can't I say it out loud.// "I like... liked....." He sighed in frustration when the words wouldn't come. "Yeah, I'm hurtin' here."

Giles walked back in, pushing aside the curtain in front of the door. "I could move you some," he offered, holding a cup with a straw up so he could drink, batting away the snout that tried to get it. "Not for you Oz, back off."

Xander sipped slowly, savoring the cold soda. //He likes me, otherwise he wouldn't be doing this to... I mean for me. He'd never allow me to do this normally.// "Giles?" he choked. He took a deep breath. "Thank you for caring."

"I do care," he said, pulling the head up to look into the dark eyes. "I always have. I just couldn't tell you earlier because of our positions." He brushed the remaining wetness off the trembling lips. "Try it again?"

"I liked.... the...." He took a deep breath. "Sho...." He started to cough again, earning him a grunt and a nudge from the nose. "Yeah, I'm fine, Oz. Don't worry so much." He looked up into the older man's eyes. "You know that water thing, the first one? That." He looked really hopeful.

"Now if you could put it together, you'd feel the other voice go." He sat down on the bed and waited.

"I liked the..." His mouth stayed open but nothing more would come out.

"It's not time yet then, the barrier's not thin enough." He stood up, listening to the noise in the living room. "I'll be back in a minute. How melted is that popsicle?"

Xander flexed his muscles, groaning when it encountered the cold mass. "A lot," he panted. Then his eyes got really large when Oz's tongue went for the purple liquid he could feel coming back out. "Um, Giles?"

"That's part of it," he muttered, walking out. "Let me get them started, Xander, and I'll be back." He closed the door again and the lock was redone.

//Oh, hell,// Xander thought, trying to wiggle away from the nose and tongue trying to get the liquid. He felt the grunt and really felt the smack with claws across his rear, flinching at it. //I'm in deep shit now. He'll bite me to get the Kool-Aid.// He flexed again, trying to get more of the liquid to run out before the teeth could come in to get it. //Nice Oz, good boy, just no biting.// He closed his eyes at the claw that scratched around his entrance, shuddering as the tongue came back to lick at it. //No, nonononono, not a good.// His eyes stayed closed, even after Giles was back in the room and the door was relocked. //Help?// "Oz, is, um, trying to get it."

The older man nodded, sitting back down on the bed. "I know." He looked at the floor. "Push it out and he'll go lay down."

Xander did as he was told, trying to get it out of him before he could be bitten. He sighed when it slid out, relieving the cold and the teeth problems. "Thanks." He looked up at the older man. "Now what?"

"Now we move onto the next step." He picked up a piece of meat, holding it up. "It's cooked, but still rare inside." He got up slowly. "You know what I have to do."

"I know," he said, closing his eyes and clearing his mind so he could ignore it happening. He felt the finger come back, warming him, feeling very nice, then the warmer piece of meat just sliding in, hanging down his crack. "I..." He started to pant when he felt the furry heat come back, the other one having moved to his side. He was starting to hyperventilate as the nose sniffed, then started to make noise when the claws came back to get it. "No, no, don't let him, please," he whispered. He tried to move but the straps held him firmly in place. "No, please don't let it break or let him bite me." He started to cry when the meat was taken, wholly, and he'd only been scratched by the teeth. //I'll get bitten the next piece, I know it.// "Please make it stop," he whispered.

"Just say the words and you know it will," Giles said, coming back to his head. "I'll move you and let him have the whole bowl of the meat if you'd just say it."

"I want you to..." He took a deep breath and started to cough again, choking now.

Giles picked up another piece, walking around him. "Do you want to try again?"

"No?"

"An answer, not a question please."

When he couldn't say anything he felt the finger come back, pushing in another piece, this one a little less warm and a little less out of him. //It's more blood, it'll drive him into a frenzy, I'll get eaten. I almost said it, I said the first part, just have to add the last part.// "I want you to do..." He took a deep breath and started to shake when the teeth came back, this time grazing him harder trying to get the scrap. Then the claws trying to get it out. "Stop him. I want you." He looked up into the older man's eyes. "I do want you." He tried to grab his head as the pain in it started but couldn't because of the straps. "Oh, god, make it stop." He didn't notice the meat being taken from him or the straps being let go. He didn't even feel the bed as he was laid on it, all he could feel was the pain in his head. //Hurts, so much hurts. Want them to go away, want Giles, want Oz. Want them!// He closed his eyes and rolled toward the warmth laying next to him. "Make it not hurt?" he whispered.

Giles pulled out the needle from the bedside table, injecting a sedative and pain killer slowly. "For good, my love. It'll never come back." He held the younger man as he cried, letting out all the pain and the hurt he'd been through.

When Xander was aware of the world around him again, it was still dark, Oz was still fuzzy and snarling at him. He sat up, rubbing his eyes. "What time is it?" He looked around the room, then wrinkled his face up. "And I'm here why?"

Giles laughed softly from beside him. "I'll tell you in the morning, lie back down." He put down his book. "How's your head, love?"

Xander looked at him and grinned. "Giles? Love?" He gave Oz one last look before rolling onto his side and looking at the older man. "Me?"

"You." He leaned over, brushing a kiss along the wrinkled brow. "Xander, I have to tell you what happened."

The younger man closed his eyes, savoring the small piece of affection. Then the pictures assaulted him. "What's that?" he whispered.

"That is probably part of the reason that you're here." He rubbed over the tense shoulder and arm, pulling him closer. "Vampires? A game with a stake?" He felt the nod as the body snuggled against his. "Your parents had you programmed to resist same-sex feelings, but the method used turned you into that violent person for a while." He pulled back some. "That's why you're here, we had to break it."

"You wanted *me* back?"

"Yes, silly boy, we both wanted you back." He smiled gently, pulling the covers up over them both. "Never doubt that we both wanted you."

"Both?"

"Oz."

"Ah, that would explain the other pictures then." He frowned at the older man. "I was that sick?"

"It was the only way from what I'd read." He ran his hands through the dark hair. "I've wanted to do this for so long."

"I'm not stopping you, but I'd like an explanation." He looked at the clock over his shoulder. "But it's late and I'm tired and you're snugly so let's nap now and you can tell me over breakfast."

"Or I could show you what you were missing," Giles suggested, pressing his body closer. "I'm afraid I was aroused watching you sleep."

"Hey, sounds like a great way to cuddle to me." He flipped over, wiggling back against the hard body. "You saved me so I'm yours."

"I don't want you like that," Giles whispered into the neck he was kissing. "I want you to come freely, because you want it." He ran his hand over the firm chest, stroking all the nice spots. "Just because you want me to. No other reason."

Xander moved the hand down, letting it feel him. "I want, now please?" When the kisses and nibbled stopped he rolled back over, landing on top of the older man and pushing him back onto the mattress. "I remember it all," he said, "and I'm not mad and this isn't gratitude." He brushed over the strong face with his fingertips, stroking it softly. "This is never gratitude. This is lust."

"I love you too," Giles said, smiling now. "But I still think we should wait. Oz would be most pissed if I took your virginity and he couldn't watch." He brought his hand up, rubbing over the firm rear and back, teasing the top of the slit. "Just relax. This isn't about lust or a one-time thing. I'm not letting you go again."

"Does that mean I can come crawl in with you when the mean guys come back to get me?"

"They're not coming," Giles said firmly. "And if they do, I'll let Oz eat them." He brought his hand up, pulling the younger man's head down for a kiss. "Now shut up for a while or I'll gag you."

Xander grinned as he pulled back. "Nope, can't do that. I'm not into that stuff." He looked over his shoulder at the man starting to change. "Dawn?" he asked, watching.

Giles looked at the clock. "Yes, for about ten minutes now." He turned his head as the chains fell to the floor and the other man walked over. He scooted both of them over so he could crawl in, holding up the blankets.

"Xander," Oz whispered. "I'm sorry."

"For what? Loving me?" He snorted. "As if." He leaned over, kissing him. "You saved me, again, and I'm not complaining." He grinned, wiggling on top of Giles to make him moan. "But I'd like to give you both a reward."

Oz grinned, hugging them both. "Sure, in the morning." He laid his head on the free shoulder, pulling the younger man down to rest on both of them. "Hi," he whispered.

"Hi." The younger man grinned, taking a long, slow kiss. "And thanks. For all of it."

"I'm your man," he whispered, rubbing over the firm back. "I'll save you anytime you need me to."

"Really?" He kissed the firm chest. "Does that mean that if Giles sucks my brains out that you'll go get them for me and put them back?"

Oz and Giles laughed. "Of course," they said together.

Oz looked at his soon to be lover. "I wanted to do the next part but I can't. I'll infect you for the next four days."

"Hey, my first time with you will be just as special to me as my first with him." He nipped Giles' shoulder. "Just not my actual first 'cause virginity is overrated."

"No, it's not." Giles shifted him over. "Oz, I didn't tell you but I found something to clean him out that works to prevent infection for the first five minutes." He smiled gently. "Or me."

"Huh. Way to go, bookman," Xander said, licking his lips. He looked at Oz then at the older man. "Decisions, decisions." He stole a kiss from Oz then one from Giles. "Tell ya what," he said when he came back up for air. "I'll let him take that part of me but I want you to be the first one that I take, how's that for fair?" He grinned as Oz poked him in the stomach. "Hey, not made of dough, don't giggle."

"Sure you do," Oz said, moving closer. "And it sounds fair to me." He pulled Xander's head down, kissing him the way he had wanted to for a while now. "But we'll divide up your other firsts later." He dove back into the warm mouth, relieved that it had worked out and showing it.

Giles moved up behind them, rubbing both of their bodies, watching as they kissed. "My," he said softly, "I'll just have to slip in somewhere."

"Yeah," Xander panted. "Now?" He dove back for Oz's mouth, moving his body to press tightly against the others. He felt the finger from earlier come back but with it came a warmth that he liked. Then it brought a cool feeling he kinda enjoyed and a few of its friends. Then it brought something much warmer and larger. He felt Oz steady him, pulling back to watch his face as he was popped. When he could feel the head just nudging into him he pushed back but was held firmly. It slowly worked its way inside, spreading him open so well, so much, that he had to moan and pant. He looked at the two of them when it stopped, grinning. "That's not all, right?"

Oz leaned forward, sucking on the strong bottom lip. "Nope, not all." He held the hips firmly, watching as Giles finished sinking in. "That's all," he whispered, then grinning at the amazed look. "What? Too much?"

"No, just right." He looked over his shoulder, not able to see anything.

"You can watch later," Giles whispered to him. "Just not this time." He pulled out, stroking back in. "You're so tight," he groaned, pushing in farther. He looked at Oz. "I believe you were looser than he is." The other man shook his head. "Yes, I think you were." He pulled back out, sliding back in slowly. "Never expect anything harder than this from me," Giles said.

"Hey, not needed or wanted, you're doing fine," Xander said, closing his eyes and attacking Oz's mouth again as he let himself feel. He rode each thrust, matching it with his own, working his friend's body over with his hands and mouth as he felt it all for the first time.

When Giles came, he called both their names, sighing in satisfaction afterwards. Oz grinned at Xander and leaned closer to his ear. "He likes the soft stuff but I want to work you harder soon." He nipped the ear then kissed their older lover before going back to the ear. "But only if you want to do the same."

"Oh, yeah," Xander panted, still not through. "Please?"

"I can't, you know that."

"Don't care, Oz," Xander said, pulling him closer. "Just please?" He was panting, needing just a little more to move him over the edge. He felt the fingers come around to scratch at him, the tongue bathing his chest, the warmth of both of them, then the mouth that defied descriptions that took him into it, sucking him very well. He came with a yell, waking Giles back up and flooding Oz's mouth. He floated back down, seeing both pairs of eyes looking at him, very worried. "What? I'm not a quiet guy," he whispered, putting an arm around both of them and pulling them to his chest. "But I'm willing to learn."

Oz looked at Giles and shook his head. "You created a sex monster. We're gonna have to housebreak him now." He looked at Xander and shook his head some more. "Poor puppy. You're just going to have to be done again and again, until you've learned not to howl like that. The neighbors are most not nice when we wake them up."

Xander grinned, his eyes twinkling. "Hey, I'm game. Just not whips, chains, or gags." He looked at Giles. "But I didn't mind some of it so much. That water thing was kinda nice, the first part."

"Ah, the enema," the oldest man said. "That's a necessity most of the time. You'll be getting it again." He looked at Oz. "And you'll have someone to roll around and play with I think."

"Sure," Oz said, "just no fuzzy balls." He looked at Xander and raised a brow. "Want to play with me?" He barely got to make a sound as he was pounced and forced to his back, his new lover learning his body with his mouth. All of it.

Epilogue (three months later):

Oz looked at Willow as she walked into the apartment. He patted the couch beside him and Xander, letting her know where he wanted her. "Will, I've got to tell you something," he said, very seriously.

"You want them and not me?" she asked, looking kinda sad still, even though she was smiling. He nodded so she went on. "I know, have known, for a while now, and if that's what you really want I'll live." She touched his face then looked at Xander. "Hurt him and die," she said, very seriously. "I love him enough to not want him to ever be hurt." She stood up, looking at them. "Will we keep up the act?"

He shrugged. "Would it make you feel better?"

"You should," Xander said. "I don't want you hurt because of us." He looked at Willow as he said the next part but he meant it for the man beside him. "I'll even understand fully acting the part as long as you come back, but I won't have you hurt by outsiders." Oz turned his head back to him. "Hey, I'm becoming sensitive guy here, don't knock it, but I don't want you hurt because you're with me and G."

"Then I'll act and you won't be pissed?"

"You're not coming home smelling like her?" He saw the head shakes. "Then I can't be mad. I won't know and we'll be safe." He stood up, hugging Willow. "Hurt him again and deal with me," he said, pulling back. "And I'll go back to the bad guy to do it."

She blanched but nodded, then looked at Oz, who was looking at Xander. "I can understand that. I'm not going to take him, just pretend to act with him." She stepped back, then turned and walked out.

Oz poked his lover's side with a foot. "Hey," he said when he didn't get an answer. "Why so protective?"

"Because I think you deserve it." He sat down in the firm lap, grinning. "And I don't want her to even think that she can have you back." He leaned in for a kiss, nipping at the lips before taking control of them. They ended up on the floor, knocking the coffee table out of the way as they rolled around.

Giles looked up from his book and smiled. "Don't break anything this time you two." He watched them thrust against the other in desperation, the kissing having gotten too much too fast. "And I'm not doing the laundry either."

Xander pulled his head back, grinning at Oz. "Then I guess we'll just have to suck it down instead."

"Puppy," Oz warned. "I'm in that part of my cycle."

"Hmmm, but we have flavored condoms around here somewhere." He looked on top of the coffee table, snagging a box. "See?" He waved them in the air. "Or I could do something else."

"Yeah, me," Oz said, pulling himself up and taking off his shirt. "Now." He untied his sweat pants, pushing them down, showing off his nudity. "Right now." He knelt on the couch, facing their lover. "I love him," he said quietly.

"I know," Xander said, standing up and stripping quickly. "We love you too." He slid into the already prepared hole and paused. "Otherwise, I'd not do this three times a day and then go make love to our love pet." He pulled out and started a hard rhythm. "And if she gets any part of this, then I'm going to eat her myself." He pounded into his lover, riding him hard, holding his body still with a hard bear hug. "You're ours," he whispered, shooting off.

"Condom?" Oz asked.

"After what I did in you earlier? Not a chance." He nipped the back of the neck. "I'm not going to turn, you didn't do me like this." He pushed in again. "Oh, Giles, would you like to come help me? I can't seem to reach him all the way and he can't get off." He grinned, pulling them both onto their backs, Oz's hard cock pointing up.

Giles put down his book, took off his glasses, and picked up the box of flavored condoms that had been tossed at him. He knelt between their spread legs, rolling one down carefully before sucking on the hard cock.

"Oh, nice," Xander whispered, tugging on a nipple as he started to get hard where he still rested in his lover. "Take him all, bookman, make me hot too." He pushed up, earning him a groan. "Why, Oz, you'd think we'd not done this before." He pushed up again and pinched a nipple. "That's right, we haven't done this before." He rubbed over the firm chest, nipping at the shoulder his mouth was near, and pounded into him some more, giving him what he craved.

Giles smiled at Oz. "I don't believe he's housebroken yet," he said. "I think we should teach him not to play so rough."

"Hmm, not the straps again," Xander moaned. "But Oz might lick me again."

"Hey, you liked me last month like that," the older man pointed out. "But I can not lick you tonight if you want."

"Hey, I'm game if you are." He nipped really hard on the neck then groaned as he pushed up. "Just so you know it's not every werewolf I'd let drink Kool-Aid from me."

"I started a monster," Giles moaned, bending to take the hard cock back into his mouth.

"Hey, at least he loves all of me," Oz said, whimpering like a cub as he came.

Giles sat up and smiled. "Who would have thought that shy Xander Harris would be such a slut."

"Hey, that's not fair. You like me too."

"And we know you love us," Giles said, still smiling. He leaned over the man between them, stealing a kiss. "But I never thought you'd like the wolf too."

"He's fuzzy," Xander said. Then he smiled. "And you've got to try that tongue, Giles. So talented."

"It's the same one I have now."

"Yeah, but you don't lick me like that when you're not changed." He pulled out, smiling at the wetness that followed him. "Maybe he should tape us tonight, show you what you do."

"No thanks. Too dangerous." He wiggled under Giles' weight. "Hey, smooshing me here." The older man got up, helping him up. "Thanks." He looked down at his younger lover. "Are you coming?"

"In your mouth later," he said, yawning. Giles chuckled softly. "Hey, I'm not the only one. Bet you thought that was me last month, huh." He grinned evilly. "Not even close. That broad tongue that licked you clean was his."

"I know," Giles said. "That's been happening regularly since we found out that we were attracted to each other." He held out a hand, helping his youngest lover up. "But I'm glad you've figured out that he's not bad as a wolf either." He wrapped him in a hug, not caring that his clothes were getting smeared. "Now, let's go get ready, shall we? There's a few things I think you still need to learn."

"What?" Xander said, happily walking beside them.

"Female condoms," Oz said. "Very safe." He turned to look at them. "Or is that just ours?" he asked Giles.

"No, I'm willing to share that part of you." He looked over Oz. "Now, do you wish to be filthy tonight when you change or not?"

"If I am then I'm gonna be licking myself." He looked at Xander. "Or not."

The younger man just grinned, whistling as he walked into the bathroom and taking down the small hose that was attached to the faucet and inserting it in himself. He braced against sink and looked over his shoulder. "Well?"

The end.