Fussing, Fussing, Fussing.
Speed swatted the hands trying to help him. "Quit fussing!" Horatio gave him a look. "I'm fussed out. Go get the car!" Horatio nodded, going to get the hummer for him. He smiled at the nurse. "You too." She walked off laughing. He got into real clothes with a few winces and hisses, then transferred himself to the wheelchair. His room was packed already. He was going to Xander's for the day so Horatio could check on the lab. He rolled himself out of the room, letting the nurse take over when she spotted him. "We done?"
"You can go," she said patiently, wheeling him to the elevator and down to the entryway. Horatio came over to help him. She wanted to tip him out of the chair and let his lover pick him up but that was a mean thought. Even though he hated to be fussed over and hated being in the hospital. She didn't know too many grumpier people than him. That's why she had called for the psych consult and even that doctor had agreed he was grumpy. Horatio had growled though and the man had backed off, slowly and carefully, until he could run. She waved. "Have a good life, sir. I hope you never get injured again." She fled and went to have a cupcake. She deserved it.
Horatio looked at his husband. "Don't give me that look," Speed complained. "She called for a shrink!"
"Because you're so grumpy." He got him in then walked around to drive. "Home?"
"Xander's," he said patiently. "We have to check on him. You said the herbs are keeping him from healing. I can fuss over him. Alexx will be proud of me."
"She would be. She tried and Xander hid under a quilt."
"In Miami?"
"He's been chilled." He drove them off to Xander's house, smiling and nodding at the gate guard's continued vigilance. They got passed through and drove in, nodding at the patrol officer.
"Why can't we catch him?"
"The agent is still shielding him. I've called Fornell and he's looking now too." He parked and got out, coming around to help Speed but he was already out and walking toward the kitchen. He shook his head. He had a very stubborn husband. He followed, finding Speed hugging Xander and getting cuddled back. "I know you've been worried about each other."
"Why haven't we even had that stitched?" Speed complained.
"We have to put the anti-herb poultice in it," he complained. "Stingy stuff." He looked at Horatio. "I'll watch him better this time."
"You did as good as you could last time, Xander. I'm not disappointed. I'm mad at the person who shot you both. You did everything you could." He came over to stroke over his cheek. "I trust you to watch Speed for me." Xander grinned. "That's a good boy. I've got to check in and see how bad Calleigh and Eric have destroyed the office. I'll be back in a few hours. Fuss over him for me, okay?" Xander nodded. "Thank you." He gave them both a kiss on the head then left. Now that Speed was out, he could help find this future dead person. Because he got at least one good hit before the man died for doing this to his family.
"H should have avenging angel wings," Xander said quietly.
"He keeps them in the filing cabinet in the office." Xander laughed and grabbed his stomach. "Let me see." He made him let him see, frowning at it. "I don't think the poultice is helping, Xander." He went to get a clean compress to put over it. "Maybe Alexx should stitch it."
"She'll fuss."
"Uh-huh. Me too. Gives me a break from all the fussing I got to share it with you." He got up and went to find him something to eat, bringing the phone back with him. "Adam, Speed. The poultice isn't working. Still wide open. Exactly. Now what? Stitches?" He nodded. "I can have Alexx do them." He hung up and called her. "Adam agreed since it still wasn't closed it needed stitches. Can you do those tonight?" He smiled. "Fussing over Xander. I'm sharing the fussing I got." He laughed. "Thanks, Alexx." He hung up and settled beside him, letting him have the grapes. "Here, you need to eat." Xander nibbled with him. "Good boy. She'll come stitch you tonight and not fuss that much since I've been doing it. After all, I learned from her." Xander nodded, resting against his side. "You did everything you could, Xander."
"I still failed."
"Oh, whine," he said, giving him a look. "He was going to shoot me even if I had my gun in hand. I've probably got a write-up from Stetler for not wearing it on my day off." He let the boy snuggle in better. "Finish the grapes. We'll watch some tv." He noticed the older plasma tv was now in here.
"Movie?" Xander countered.
"Sure, we can do that." He got up and helped Xander up, letting him take his afghan with him to the in-home theater. They settled in the front row while Xander flipped through the DVD changer. Something goofy and funny got chosen, which was good for both of them. Speed got up to get the phone again, just in case. Xander snuggled back against his side, sharing his afghan with him so they could watch _Spaceballs_ and it was good.
***
Ryan pulled into the driveway, noticing the patrol car was gone. Not a good sign. He pulled up to the house and parked, getting out to head in through the kitchen. "Guys?" he called. No answer. He checked the bedroom. No bodies. He went over the rest of the house, ending up in the movie theater. He found them together, looking like they were napping. He came down to pause the movie, finding one of the gate guards there. He coughed, making him jump. "Problems?"
"We, um, didn't get an answer so I came up to check," he said, standing up.
Ryan looked at them then at him. "Why is there a big blood spot?" He took off running. Ryan pounced and got him down, handcuffing him to a seat. He came over to check. Speed was asleep. He woke up when he checked his pulse. Xander was the one bleeding. He had a shallow cut on his chest. He looked at the kid. "You'd better have a *damn* good explanation," he ordered, arms crossed over his chest.
"I wanted to make sure it was true!" he defended. "He's like Lazarus!"
"No, he's not," Speed said, looking back at him. "Who is he?"
"One of the gate guards who unfortunately spotted Xander coming back."
"Call H," Speed said, checking the cut. "Still not healing right."
"The poultice?"
"Hasn't helped yet. Alexx said to stitch it tonight."
"Sure. I tried."
"You do," Speed agreed. "Call H."
He called him from the house phone. "Never guess who I found in the house. Patrol guy is gone. One of the gate guards. The new one. They were sleeping in the theater watching Mel Brooks. No clue, H. I'm here." He hung up, looking at them. "Want helped back to the bedroom?"
"Sure. We can do that." They helped get Xander up and they both went to lay down. Ryan took the afghan to wash and Speed got him another one. Ryan pushed him down and covered him up too then went to let the hummer into the house's gates. Speed snorted, letting Xander curl up against his side. "Sure, we'll nap." Xander nodded. "You okay?"
"Itches."
"Your chest?"
"Stomach." He looked at him. "Why would my chest?" Speed pointed. He looked then grimaced. "How did I do that?"
"The new gate guard did. He wanted to make sure you were like Lazarus."
"The store?"
"The biblical person."
"Oh." He shrugged. "Not my faith." He put his head back down. "Can I cuddle?"
"Sure, you cuddle." Xander shifted closer to cuddle his side and fell back asleep. Speed petted his shoulders until he fell asleep too. He hated healing, it always left him needing naps.
Ryan glanced in then grinned at H. "I made them both lay down since they were sleeping in the theater," he said, closing the door most of the way.
"The patrol unit got called off for an accident. Steve?"
"Meeting with the banks and their insurance people. Fornell? I know he's down here now."
"He got down here this morning. He has a name but he won't tell us. He wants to bring them both to us."
"It'll keep me from killing them," Ryan said dryly. Horatio nodded he felt the same. "Did you hear he tried to call in to the first conference with the banks and Steve? Said he had federal authority from the agent overseeing him to do that because he said Xander had skipped some of his taxes."
"Interesting. Not realistic but interesting." Horatio looked over as the senior gate guard walked in. "We should talk."
"Oh, no." He walked with him to the theater. His underling was sitting there holding his head. "What did you do?"
"I wanted to see if what I saw was real!" he defended, trying to stand up. He got to his knees before the handcuffs pulled. "I only scratched him!"
"You can't do that," Horatio told him. "That's called assault."
"He heals!"
"Did he today?" Ryan asked. He sulked but shook his head. "Then you thought wrong."
"I'll fire him, guys. We'll make sure he can't get back in here," the senior gate guard said. Horatio nodded at that. "I'm very sorry."
"It's not your fault. This is something that does tend to stick in one's mind," he offered quietly. "Which is why this must remain a secret." He glared at the young man, who nodded, hanging his head. Ryan let him go.
"Go to the shack, kid." He looked at Horatio. "Why isn't he healing? I've seen him healing scratches before," he said honestly. "I figured it was something funky he came in contact with or one of the strange things that keep popping up around here. Like the day the house disappeared for a while and landed on top of the housekeeper candidate but it ended up being a tree that hadn't been there before."
"The herbs on the bullet," Ryan told him.
"Ah. Okay. Well, I hope the boys get better soon, guys. I'll lock him out." They nodded. "The other usual one won't say anything. I've known him for years. He probably got drunk and make the same decision. He was here the day the house disappeared too." He walked off, heading back to deal with this situation. You didn't piss off the good residents, like Xander. You pissed off the bad ones, like the judge who liked to drive around way too fast in the community. Especially not with some of the boy's poker contacts.
Ryan looked at Horatio. "Have we seen any of the poker buddies? His look at me said 'fear of the poker buddies' so it's a thought."
"No. We haven't."
"I'm going to talk to one. See if he knows. You staying for a while?"
"Let me," Horatio said, leaving with a glance in at the boys. He headed out, going to Fu's. Fu nominally liked him, at least more than Don. He walked in and took off his sunglasses.
"One for lunch?" Paul asked dryly.
"Here to see if anyone would know where the accountant is hiding. Xander's still injured and in bed so it falls to us to be the fist of karma this time."
"The Fed buddy has him hiding," Fu said, coming out of the kitchen. "How is the boy?"
"The hole still hasn't closed. Speed's with him right now. Xander's still healing. Which is why we get to do it this time. The system will get its own. They have people for that. Where is he?"
"The curly haired goddess knows," Paul said with a smirk. "She spotted him and his lighter hair. He decided to try to be you. Snatched your style and all, Red."
"Same shade?"
"Lighter. Ron Weasley hair."
"Thank you, Paul." He tipped him. "Make sure the others know Xander's going to be fine. He feels miserable right now but we've been making sure he takes care of it." He walked out, heading to talk to Stella. He found her in the office with Mac going over a case. "You have seen the most wanted man in Miami."
Mac jumped. "Don't sneak up on us, Horatio. Even we're on edge."
"I have?" Stella asked.
Horatio nodded, coming in further, taking off his sunglasses to look at her. "I'm told he tried to snatch my style but he only managed Weasley red hair. Specifically Ron Weasley hair."
That image sparked in her mind. "Oh, damn, he's up the street." She grabbed him and headed out with him, Mac and a few officers behind them. "I wasn't sure when I saw him. Wrong description. Wearing a copy of your blue suit. I thought at first he was a relative but then the face made me stop that. I didn't know. God, Horatio, I'm sorry."
"You're human, Stella. It's easy enough to fool us all." They found the building and he unlatched his gun. "Where?" he asked quietly.
"Second floor. Above the old magic shop." He nodded, heading up there. That was in the back of the building but he knew. Horatio checked. Two were occupied. She shrugged.
Mac nodded he'd take left, getting a nod while they covered him. He knocked. "Miami- Dade PD. Open up please?" he called. An older woman opened the door. "Ma'am, we were told a suspect resides in this building." He pulled out the picture. "He currently has red hair we think."
She pointed across the hall. "That's him. He's a loud man too." She looked at him. "You know that boy." He nodded. "You should tell him to talk to his other patrons." She shut the door.
"I can do that later," Horatio agreed. He turned and kicked in the other door. "Miami- Dade PD!" he shouted, leading the way inside. The man tried to get up and run but an officer pounced him. "Learned that from Xander?" he asked dryly.
"Flack was right. Pouncing creates less paperwork than gunshots." Stella snickered at that. "Sir, permission to take the long way to book him?" he asked Mac.
"I should permit it."
The man cowered. "I had permission!"
Stella moved closer. "If the IRS wants you, they send paperwork to you. They send people to your house. They don't go to their accountants." He swallowed. "They don't send FBI agents either." She pointed. "Right to my desk, boys. I want the pleasure and I won't hurt him. Much." They drug him out. "Mac, want this room to toss?"
"I'll do it with Horatio. You go book him and tell Fornell we have him." She nodded, going to do that. Mac waited until they were alone. "You think he'll survive prison?"
"Depends on where they stick him, Mac. It's entirely possible some of the former poker buddies will take offense at him shooting Xander." They got down to searching for information on the money he had taken. Don had kept him informed on what Steve and Morrel had found out together. "Did Don talk to you?"
"Danny ranted at me once or twice."
"Don ranted at me," he agreed with a small smile. "It kept them from killing a lot of people."
"It did. It's always better to let Danny rant then try to reason with him. How did you get the tip?"
"I went to Fu's and asked Paul."
"He has a crush on Stella."
"Called her the curly haired Goddess."
He laughed. "Only when she's pissed." That got a laugh back and they found what they needed. Where the money was. He called Morrel. "We have him and his money trail. At his apartment. Above the old Blue Moon Herb store." He smirked. "The store was on Xander's list of targets."
"They didn't check above it," Horatio finished. Mac nodded. "Interesting."
"How did he find out?"
"Back when Buffy escaped he did a check to see if he could find her and did a count of how many harmful things are in the city. He marked all the places he couldn't see into. That's what that map was."
"Interesting. Wonder if he can do that to locate felons?"
"I don't know, we'll have to ask." Morrel stomped up the stairs and he waved him over. "We have bank account information."
"Oh, good," he said with a smirk. "Who has the slug?"
"Stella."
"Even better." He smirked evilly. "I'm sure she can cause pain without having to lift a finger or break a nail." He came over to look, nodding. "That's where most of the money is."
"We know he went on a shopping trip because he was trying to cop Horatio's style," Mac told him. He opened up the closet. "He even got most of the same suits, Horatio."
Horatio looked then snorted. "His weren't tailored correctly and I have a much better body."
Morrel smirked at him. "A bit vain, Lieutenant?"
"I won my heart's desire. All I have to do is be good enough to keep him." That got a smile from him. "I can tell you if he shopped off the clearance rack that is about six thousand dollars in suits. Triple that for custom work."
"Why would he have went to the Princess Salon and Spa?" Morrel asked.
"Bad dye job."
"Pity when you spend a hundred bucks on your hair and it still looks like crap," Horatio agreed.
Mac laughed. "Go tell your lab the good news, Horatio. We'll bring the information there for everyone to see." He nodded, heading back to his lab. "A hundred dollars for that bad of a dye job?"
"I'm wondering how he knew."
"Xander owns partial stock. He goes for the spa side."
"Oh. Interesting." He frowned. "Does he maybe go to guard Harris at those conventions for a *reason*?"
"No comment."
"Okay." He nodded and they gathered up everything they could. Fornell met them back at Horatio's lab. "No letter correspondence so we need computers to look his over."
"I know who it is," he promised. They handed it over anyway. Cooper took it to look through, finding the information they needed. He had made a folder just for those emails. "I knew it." He walked off. "Caine?" he called. Horatio came out of Trace. "We have them."
"Do you need help apprehending the agent?"
"Oh, no. I think he's going to beg. The guy owed it to his bookie." He walked off smiling and happily evil for the day. He hated dirty Feds. Really, really hated dirty Feds. This one was going to be sweet on whole other levels. He walked into his office and paused, looking around. He looked at one. "Heartstone." He looked up and blanched. "Let's talk again."
"Can I shoot myself?" Fornell shook his head. He backed away from him. "You know, I could've sold certain lists and paid them off instantly! Not like the kid can't make more! He's only twenty-five!"
"I don't care," he sneered. "One more step, kid." He backed up. "I want him in front of me on his knees. He was taking money from someone." A few other agents pounced him and handed him over. "Thank you." He walked him off to talk with him. He didn't care if the kid did beg. Or that he didn't hand over the GHS membership lists. That was nice of him to do part of his job. He had him on enough charges he'd better hope for mercy or else he'd be spending the rest of his life behind bars. His very long life because he'd be seeing him in a special place for cops and agents who screwed up.
***
Horatio led Steve back into the house. "Boys?"
"Xander's taking a shower," Speed called, coming out. "He's still sore. What's up? We get the bastard?"
"We got both bastards," Steve said happily. Xander peeked out of the bedroom. "Get dressed." He nodded, moving slowly to do that. "He hadn't even spent it all."
"The agent only wanted him to get a hundred and fifty. It was his decision to do the rest," Horatio agreed.
Xander came out in a pair of lounging pajama bottoms, pushed down so his stomach wasn't being pressed on. "We got him?"
Horatio gave him a hug. "We do have him and some of the money back."
"Am I getting the rest back?"
"Most of it," Steve admitted. He led him into the office, running a hand over the desk. "I love this, Xander. Good job." Xander preened. He sat him down and pulled out the forms. "This is where the money went." Xander looked and nodded slowly. "This is what the insurance company agreed it was their duty to pay."
"Why not all of it?" Speed asked.
"Because he did it as part of a crime," Horatio said grimly. "Basically he's getting back everything except what the guy spent to turn himself into me."
Speed gave him a look. "You're kidding." Horatio shook his head. "Please tell me you're kidding, Horatio?" he asked flatly.
"Red hair, armani suits," Steve told him. "Had prepaid for plastic surgery to alter his face into his."
"Why?" Speed demanded.
"Because Horatio is happy, content, and respected. Everything he wanted to be," Xander told him. Speed shuddered. "I've seen some guy at one of the spas slowly growing his hair out into mine too. I'm not sure if I should be creeped out or flattered." He let out a snort. "Of course, with his luck recently he'll end up kidnaped." He looked at Horatio. "His name and stuff is inside your desk drawer in a white envelope."
"Thank you." He stroked over his hair. "So you're getting everything back but a hundred-sixty thousand, Xander."
"I can claim that on the taxes to make the IRS leave me more alone?" he asked Steve. Who nodded. "Can you do that so I don't have another idiot this year?"
"I can find you someone. I don't know all the pertinent tax codes for Florida, Xander." Xander grimaced but shrugged. "Though we are shifting things around so they're easier to deal with and so we find out about this stuff sooner. The fact it took five weeks this time did not amuse me."
"Or us," Speed agreed. "What about the credit card thing he had going earlier than that?"
"He decided Xander wasn't using them. If he didn't use them for more than a month he canceled them since he didn't need them and the fees were getting annoying to deal with."
Xander gave him a look. "But...."
Steve held up a hand. "I got that mostly straightened out." He opened his briefcase and handed something over. "Your new ones." Xander hugged him then winced and grabbed his stomach. "Easy on that, kid."
"Can you move to Miami?" he asked hopefully.
"Sure, I'm moving to Miami. Miss Gold seems nice. I was going to see if she'd like to go to dinner with me." Xander grinned at him. "Any other questions?"
"How long is the change going to take? Don couldn't get gas the other day."
"I'm fixing all that. I'm going to confiscate everything and redo it on you. It'll take me two weeks to get everything back together again. All right?" Xander pouted. "Maybe sooner. We'll have to see." Xander nodded. "I've already set up one account to hold you guys while we trade things over. They have cards for that now. Don told me about the gas card situation." He patted him again. "Anything else you need to ask about?"
"How bad would it be if I bought out the other houses and planted more trees?"
"I'm not sure the community would let you do that. I know your land taxes would double. For some reason they're charging you for the trees this year. I'm talking to her tomorrow." He smiled. "Oh, they found drugs in your neighbor's system."
"They had to. She was complaining Hubert grumbled too loudly. There's no way even Blair's research would apply to that."
"How did you know?"
He grinned at him. "I've met Blair. He and Reed babbled at each other during the convention."
"Sandburg.... He is?" he demanded. Horatio nodded. "No wonder!" He slapped himself on the head. "I said I had to do stuff for a Xander so I'd be late to dinner with him and Jim. He said your name and gave me an odd look."
Xander grinned. "He's not an immie."
"I noticed." He gave him another hug. "All right. How long before you heal?"
"Someone we talked to earlier above the old Blue Moon herb store suggested we take Xander to see those kind of people to see if they can weed it out of his system."
Xander sat up straight and winced. "I didn't even think about that! We can go! Let me find a shirt and shoes!" He got up and went to find something nicer to put on.
"Put on a t-shirt, Xander. Not like anyone will care," Speed called after him. "You might ask if Hubert can go up to DC too."
"It might be a bit difficult but I'll see what we can work out." He came back in one of Ryan's t-shirts and his sneakers. "Okay. Can we go ask?" Horatio nodded, leading him out to the hummer. "Speed?"
"I'll go over this stuff with Speed, Xander. That way he can explain it to Don and Danny. I'm meeting with a realtor tonight."
"There's a nice place next door," Xander said with a grin.
"Too fancy for me and too big for a bachelor. Shoo." He smiled at the hummer as it pulled out. "Did he fuss you to death?"
"He's been so pitiful he could barely complain about the fussing I've been doing over him." He smirked. "That's not a bad return."
"No, it's not." He pulled out the details he had charted. "This is where everything is going. That way others in the family know in case something drastic happens." Speed nodded, going over it. "I've been meaning to do that anyway since it has higher yields but it's safer." That got a smirk. "He'll need it. He'll have centuries like this, Speed."
"Can you manage our retirement fund too?"
"Depends on what you have." That got a nod.
***
Xander walked very gently into the herb shop he loved, looking at the witches in there. "I have an ouchie that won't heal."
"Why not?" one demanded.
"The anti-GHS herbs he coated the iron bullet with." He flopped down with a sigh of relief. "Had to park by the corner." He lifted his shirt, making them all look away. "Yeah. It hurts. It won't heal. We tried a poultice to take the bad herbs out but they're still here." He put it back down. "Can we weed the bad herbs out of me?"
"Sweat lodge?" one suggested. Horatio shook his head. "Non-sweating?"
"Not really. They commonly cause a fever in us. They tend to stick around for about two weeks." He took off his sunglasses. "We're very worried since he's not healing at all now. The scratch on his chest was done earlier and it hasn't even had the hint of healing."
"Well, there are ways to detox drugs from a system," the one behind the counter offered. "We can try that. It'll make you pee, Xander."
"I don't care as long as it quits hurting. It's been over a week since I got shot."
They nodded, one making him some tea while they sat him down to see if they could help him in other ways.
Xander leaned over to one. "Do you think we could get Hubert to DC magically?" he asked quietly. "He's missing his girlfriends up there."
She smiled. "We'll see. Female dragons?"
"No, two female computer and lab techs."
She laughed. "We'll see what we can do, Xander. You could ask Vesvold."
"I figured he's been really busy since he didn't show up when we got shot." He finished his tea and sure enough he had to pee. Still no new healing but he wasn't expecting an instant miracle. Though the spell one found on him was interesting and when she ended it the scratch on his chest started to heal. They all looked at each other and went back to helping the poor boy. He clearly needed it with friends like those.
"Oh, there's going to be a problem in LA near my next birthday," Xander announced. "We've been warned."
"We'll let our brethren out there know," one of the witches said, going to email them. "July or September, Xander?"
"September."
Horatio looked at him. "That's closer than we've known so far."
"I don't celebrate mine."
"You will be this upcoming year."
"I'll probably be in LA with a sword," Xander told him. Horatio gave him a look. "What?"
"We can celebrate before then." He watched as the healing started on his stomach wound. Slowly but it was restarting. They got him more tea and helped him detox more of the nastiness from his body. One even fussed about the meat he had for breakfast.
***
Xander looked at Hubert that night. "Okay. I can't do it magically like the books this time, little guy, but we can do something." He concentrated. A small portal opened. He looked down. "Sniff, that the place?" He sniffed then waddled through it. Xander smiled. "Call when you're ready to come back or if you need food." He closed it once his tail was all the way through. Then he went back to making cookies. Speed needed cookies to feel better. And fudge but that was in the fridge.
Hubert found himself in a bathroom. He looked around, then followed a guy out of it. He had to move a bit quickly since the inconsiderate person didn't hold it for his tail but that was some humans for you. He sniffed the women's bathroom, finding her scent trail. The doors to his friend's section were closed and wouldn't open so he had to lurk and wait. No one noticed him, even the person looking down and reading. Who was a nice guy. The doors opened for the card on his belt. He followed the scent trail inside and to the right, following the hallway. He found his friend at a desk. It had a lot of the blinky screens he didn't understand.
"Okay, I'm pulling up a few different addressees," she was saying to someone invisible.
He looked around then climbed up into her lap, making her squeal.
"Garcia?" the voice out of the air said. "Are you okay? Did you get shocked?"
"Hubert!" she cooed, hugging him. "How did you get up here, baby?" She cuddled him. "Let me find the guys these addresses then I'll cuddle and pet, baby." She went back to typing. "Sorry, Hubert snuck into my lap."
"How did a baby dragon get into the BAU?" Hotchner asked. "He's huge, someone should've seen him." Hubert grumbled. "Was that speech?"
"No, he can't talk I don't think," Garcia said, petting him with one hand while she typed with the other. "Here we go. I have six different addresses on the same street with that name on them. Each one lasting a few months then lapsed. Looks like the last one was 919. They're all odd numbers."
"That street only has six houses," Reed's voice said. Hubert grumbled at him. "Hi, Hubert. Behave for a minute okay? We're trying to find a bad guy."
Hubert looked up at her then around her back. "No, I don't have a braid like the daddy. We find bad guys in different ways," she told him. He shrugged and settled down again. "He was looking at my back for a braid, guys. Um, what's around the corner? He's going up the street by number." She did another search. "The next one of his type looks to be 808 Morgan street but that's an even number." She adjusted the search parameter. "Hmm. 613 Morgan street? Is that close? Or 111 eleventh street?"
"We can check those," Reed said. "Any others?"
"All even numbers. You know, he did skip one that was a prime number square. So I'm thinking the 613 is the more likely." That got some noises of agreement. "Anything else I can search for you lovely men today?"
"No, we'll call back if we don't find him there," Hotchner said. "Find out how he got into Quantico. We clearly have security holes." He hung up.
"Oooh, you precious thing. Where did you come from?" He waved his tail. She looked. "The bathroom?" He nodded. "How?" He made a spitting noise. "A Tardis?" He shook his head. "How did you know what those are?" He nosed a picture. "Oh, Abby watched Doctor Who with you. Okay." She ran the tape back for the nearest bathrooms, finding the portal opening. "Did Daddy send you?" He nodded, cuddling in better. "Awww. We love you. Abby will squeal for days." She opened up a chat window and sent her an IM that 'he's back' and closed it again. Then she went back to petting him. Someone came in to see why she was cooing. "This is Hubert."
"No pets at work, Garcia!" she complained.
"He's not. He's a friend. He's a friend of a friend's pet actually. He likes smart women so he adores me." She smirked and went back to petting him. The female agent stomped off. She waved. "Bye-bye." She went back to her usual duties. Plus seeing how he had gotten into the sealed unit. Interesting. Someone reading and looking down hadn't seen him either. "You are very sneaky." Someone tapped then opened the door. "Sir," she said, standing up since it was the Director. "Agent Hotchner is in the field right now, sir."
"You have a pet in here?"
"No, sir. He's not my pet. He's my friend. If I'm honest, he's the pet of a friend of a friend."
"How did he get here?" She reran the security camera with the portal on it. He groaned. "Where does he belong?"
"Miami. His father is Mr. Harris." He went pale. She picked Hubert up. "Hubert, this is the Director of the FBI. The guy who pays my paycheck."
Hubert sniffed then nosed-up a nod at him.
"He's intelligent?"
"He's very intelligent for being such a young dragon." Hubert smiled at her. "You are. Most babies aren't as intelligent as you are. It's all those smart, pretty men you hang out with." Hubert steamed and snuggled into his shoulder. "See, he's a friend."
He walked off shaking his head. "Do not let him come to work again, Agent Garcia."
"Yes, sir." She waved and smiled at him. "You'll just have to go to work with Abby and I'll have to get you after hours, snookum." She sat down to call her. "The director thought Hubert was very smart too."
Abby squealed loud enough to carry out to the main office area. "Awww, my precious one is back!"
"And he's grown! He's not really lap size anymore. Now he's lap and chest sized plus tail." Hubert nodded. "Since I can't bring him to work want to split custody with me?"
"Sure! I'll come get him tonight." She squealed again. "Abby will be over very soon, Hubert. You be a good boy and suck up the Garcia cuddles." She hung up, bouncing upstairs. "Gibbs, I need a ride over to Quantico."
"Why?" he asked, looking up from his current form.
"Hubert's back and Garcia's not allowed to have him at work."
He shook his head quickly. "How did a dragon get into Quantico?"
"I don't know." She beamed. "We can find out though. Give me a ride? He likes how you drive."
"I will," Tony said, getting up and grabbing his jacket. "Come on, Abby." He waved at Gibbs, tossing him the bottle of advil he had grabbed without her seeing. He led her down to the SUV and took her over there.
Gibbs took two and put the bottle on the edge of his desk. Kate came back from the bathroom, giving the empty desk an odd look. She looked at him. "Tony hiding?"
"He's driving Abby to Quantico to pick up Hubert," Greg said happily.
She groaned, walked off again shaking her head to bang it against a wall.
***
Spenser Reed walked into Abby's lab that night, handing her a bag. "It appeared in the same bathroom he did right after we got back. I'm assuming it's food but Garcia had paperwork to do tonight." He bent down to pet the dragon. "Hi, Hubert. How are you today? You've grown." He nodded, looking smug. "Such a good boy. You didn't get into anything. You didn't bite Prentis when she came in. We're very proud of you." He straightened up. "Anything else happen?"
"Xander's slowly healing from where he got shot. Speed too."
"Why were they shot?"
"His accountant was skimming a lot of money. That's how they found a bad Fed, who went to the convention too, down in Miami's office."
He considered that. "Is he going to name names?"
"No, he said he wouldn't do that. It'd be unfair. He was only going to skim a hundred and a half million off Xander to pay his gambling debts and to have some ahead of that." He groaned, shaking his head. "His accountant decided to take more since the Fed had given him phony paperwork to skim legally according to him. He wanted to be Horatio. Dyed his hair, prepaid for plastic surgery, bought armani out." Reed squeezed the bridge of his nose below his glasses. "The accountant guy shot Speed and Xander."
"He should've wanted Speed."
"No, he didn't want him to be gay."
"Oh." He nodded. "They're okay?"
"Now but Xander said Hubert's been pouting without us."
"Aww." He smiled and patted the dragon again. "Well, when you're ready to go home, you let us know, Hubert. We'll make sure you get back to the daddy." He nodded, waving his tail. "Good boy. You guard the Abby for us, okay? And the Garcia when she has you. They need protected."
"I do not! I have Gibbs for that. He's a big, huge dragon about protecting me." Hubert gave her an amazed look. "He can be." Hubert got down and went waddling to look at Gibbs.
Gibbs looked down at the sound of sniffing near his seat. "What are you doing, dragon?"
Reed came jogging up. "Abby told him you were a dragon about protecting her. Does he smell like one?" Hubert shook his head. "Then maybe he's another species of dragon." He walked him off again, scratching his chest, getting groans of pleasure. "Come on, you can pet the Abby since she's so nice and she's got dinner for you. It was kinda neat. Hotch nearly peed on himself when the bag of food came flying out of the small portal next to him. He doesn't understand that at all and he looks so confused. Garcia wanted to tuck him into his couch so he could take a nap."
Gibbs got up, heading out for coffee. That way he wouldn't complain. Or rant. Or even yell.
Tony waited the five minutes for him to get out of the building then burst out in peals of laughter, joined by Greg and McGee. Kate snickered quietly. "Yes, he's definitely a different species of dragon." Greg fell out of his chair cackling.
The End. For Now.