Xander stumbled into Spike's crypt, clutching the walls as he walked. The vampire looked up at him, frowning at his odd entrance. "I have to learn everything you know," he slurred.
Spike snorted. "Why would you want to?"
"Because the Big Guy said so," Xander said as he fumbled in his pocket and eventually pulled out a note. He grinned at the vampire as he read the simple message. "It was there when I woke up this morning and I was straight last night so I know it wasn't a drunken thing, ergo," he burped, "it must have been sent by the Big Guy."
"What Big Guy?" Spike asked, giving the boy a once over suspiciously. This was either a horrible practical joke or something odd was really going on. Xander pointed an index finger at the ceiling. "You think God sent this to you?"
"Do you have any other explanation?" Xander asked. "Those were in my drawer, folded neatly after I did wash the day before. I hadn't worn them yet. I didn't drink last night, I was in all night too." He belched again and wove a bit, then caught himself quickly. "So therefore the Big Guy must have sent it. So, what's it gonna be? Possession? Mind transfer? Or the old fashioned way that sucks and takes a long time? ‘Cause I'm thinking that we may not have the time." He blinked a few times, one of them being very long. "Anyway I'm in a good state for you to possess me and take over my mind for a bit to transfer all that stuff over."
Spike sat back down, staring at the boy in shock. "Possession?"
"Been there, done that, I'm nearly an old hat at it," Xander said happily. "Come on, it'll be fun!" he said with the happiness that only a drunk could exude. "It won't take as much time either and I'm not a quick learner the old fashioned way so let's get on with this so I can wake up tomorrow and have it all in there." He stumbled over, sitting at Spike's feet, giving him a happy smile. "How do you wanna do this?"
"I don't," Spike told him.
"But the Big Guy said so," Xander reminded him.
Spike handed back the note. "You don't know what you're saying, boy."
"I do so! I've been possessed before! They weren't that bad once they were done with. At least I didn't eat the human." He nodded a few times for good measure. "So I can handle a little vampire possession for a while. As long as it eventually goes away again."
Spike stared at him. "What possessed you that made you think it was fun?" he asked, looking stunned.
"A hyena and a soldier guy." He frowned at his hands. "They weren't that bad, I guess. The hyena really hated Buffy, thought she was a threat that should be put down so my pack wouldn't be harmed." He looked up again. "You mean Willow never told you? She likes to remind me of it sometimes to taunt me and tell me that I'm useless these days."
"No, I hadn't heard that," Spike said slowly, thinking about this. He decided to get a bit more in-depth about this situation. "What makes you think this wasn't the witches doing?"
"'Cause Willow wouldn't do that to me," Xander said firmly. "Nope, not me." He gave him a sad smile. "She doesn't care, but the note appeared and I have to follow the Big Guy's orders." He yawned. "Spike, what do you think the Big Guy looks like?"
"I never stopped to consider it," Spike admitted. "I guess sparkly and radiant, that's what my old Vicar told us." He shrugged. "Why?"
"Because I always envisioned him as a guy wearing bike shorts and a tutu," Xander told him. "Maybe a tank-top that coordinated very well. After all, we have fashion so he must have created it, right? So I'd guess he'd know how to coordinate, but the tutu shows his sense of humor, sort of like Buffy does." Spike chuckled and patted him on the head. "So can we get this over with? I always end up with a headache the next day and this way I won't know if it's the alcohol or if it's the new possession."
Spike patted him on the head again. "I can't do that, Xander."
"Ah! I can! I figured out that the soldier can talk to demons when I'm like this." He climbed up into Spike's lap and put their foreheads together, his knees carefully on top of Spike's arms so he couldn't move and throw him off. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the little voices in his head. "Go for it," he told the one speaking English, not the one growling or the one he wasn't quite sure where it came from but it wasn't speaking human languages at all. He felt the little voice step forward and then everything went blank.
Spike tried to get away, but Xander was in just the right position and he was trapped. He could feel the demon pushing forward, but he couldn't stop that either. He blacked out as well as the two voices decided to chat.
Xander woke up curled on Spike's lap, being cradled against his cool chest. He blinked a few times then his headache started. "Ow," he whispered. Spike opened an eye and looked down at him. "How's your head?" he asked quietly, careful, not to move yet.
"Hurts," Spike admitted. "I haven't felt this bad in years." He moved the boy off his lap, watching as the boy grabbed a bag to get sick into. "What was that?"
"What was what?" Xander asked once he quit heaving. He looked at the vampire, then the new knowledge clicked and he held out his hand. "Drink?"
"I can't," Spike pointed out dryly.
"You can so, I'm offering, it's an out according to the new voice in my head." He yawned. "I think I want a nap." He stood up. "So," he said, glancing around, "what do you want in payment for me merging with your demon for a bit?"
"Nothing. Just go," Spike said angrily, watching as the boy shambled out of the crypt. He heard his demon protesting but ignored it. He did curse at it a few times but it just laughed, telling him this wasn't over. "It bloody well is!" he retorted. The demon purred and shifted inside him, getting comfortable for a long wait. Spike stood up and went to get a meal; he was hungry for not having done anything last night.
Xander woke up that night and blinked. The room was really bright but the lights weren't on. "Shit!" he sighed, forcing himself to get up. He rubbed his eyes and the brightness cleared up a bit, becoming more like night vision goggles. "I guess it worked." He looked up. "You happy now?" he asked. "And what color is your tutu?" He heard the new voice in his head laugh and shrugged it off. "Shower, then food," he decided, getting out of bed to do so. "At least I didn't have to work today," he muttered as he waited for the water to warm up. He stepped in and sighed in pleasure. "I like this new stuff," he told himself. "Everything's more subtle." He smiled as he rinsed his hair. "No, I won't grow it longer," he told the new voice. "Pipe down in there for a bit, until I'm used to your or we'll get
thrown in the loony bin." The new voice quieted, telling him about some of the great things they could go do tonight. He shook his head.
"Not gonna happen. We only hunt demons." The voice told him that was fine, it liked hunting the hunters. He shrugged. "Fine, we'll go on patrol with Buffy." It and one of the older voices complained about taking her, she'd only bother them. "Tough, it'd look odd otherwise," he told them. He stopped his washing and considered it. "Does this mean I can read demon languages?" The new voice spoke to him in a different one and he recognized it. "Cool." He finished his shower, then went to get dressed. He was nice enough to allow the new voice to pick out his clothes for him, unsurprised that it chose dark blue and dark grey clothes. He looked in his refrigerator for food and it told him to eat a steak, that his body could use the protein anyway. He decided not to fight it for now and did as it asked, even allowing it to tell him to not cook it until it was well done, only to medium rare. It was a compromise but it understood his revulsion. He sat down to eat and read, smirking at the demon's preference for graphic novels with half-dressed people in it. "Whatever," he told it, picking out the one he liked best, it had a good plotline.
When he was done, he called Buffy's house. "When and where is patrol?" he asked when it was answered by Dawn. He smiled at her happy noises of greeting. "Sure, I'll come over afterwards. When and where should I meet the uber-blonde?" Dawn shouted and he had to pull the phone from his ear. He realized he could still hear her when she went back to a normal tone of voice. "Thanks. And of course I'll pick you up some chocolate milk on the way back." He grinned as he hung up, getting his gear from the closet so he could leave. He and the voices decided against driving, deciding to walk in the twilight instead. He ran into a starving fledge on the way to Buffy's and staked it effortlessly. "Wow, I am good," he announced, grinning happily. "This is going to be so awesome," he decided. "Tell me more, new little voice." The older voices started babbling at him about all the things they had brought. "Really? How come I never noticed that before?" he told it. They replied that they were trying to be subtle. "Then bring it on," he whispered as he continued across the park. "I'm all for help." They surged forward, making him stop and shake his head as they gifted him with their knowledge and linked themselves to him. "Wow. I thought that'd be harder."
"Not with your mind," Spike said from behind him. He had witnessed the whole talk and knew what was going on. The boy had merged with the voices in his head. "Liking it?" he asked snidely.
Xander turned to look at him. "Of course. This is amazing! Why didn't you tell us your demon was the reason you knew all the demonic languages?" Spike shrugged. "Or that it's a literary beast?" He put his hands on his hips and glared at the vampire. "There's a lot you could have bragged about," he pointed out. "You didn't and I'm wondering why."
"Because no one wanted to hear about it," Spike said dryly. "You think I wanted staked for bragging about some of that?" Xander lightened up and shook his head. "Good. Now what?"
"I volunteered for patrol. I'm on my way to Buffy's." One of the voices told him to look in his pocket and he pulled out another note. "Wow. Two of them." He walked over to Spike, letting him see it as well. "That wasn't in there earlier," he told him. "I checked my pockets when I put them on." He read the short note about going into a more academic field, even though the voices said they wanted to hunt. The last line made Xander laugh and Spike gape. "Pink, I knew he had a sense of humor!" Xander said as he walked off. "Coming, Spike?"
"I'd bloody well better, before you get killed. My demon seems to like you for some reason," he grumbled as he walked. His demon piped up and told him all about teaching the boy *many* things and he ruthlessly shoved it out of his head for now. He didn't want to hear that.