Many thanks to Tazzy and Myiaka for the beta-reading since I've never written, only watched, in this fandom.
Your Land, Our Land, and Goddess, Is That Our Land Too?
On a twinkling gray plane, a burst of light appeared, fading into four
figures. One smaller one with a gold headband. One with
longish red hair and some baggy pants. One wearing a monocle and
fairly well pressed clothes, and one who was dressed like a
priest. They all stared around the plane.
"Okay, so this is our big reward?" the redhead asked. "I'm not impressed."
"Does anything impress you anymore?" the one with the gold headband asked.
"Shut up," the priest ordered. "Any idea where we are, Hakkai?"
"Looks like it's a meeting plane. Not totally in the real world
and not totally here." He looked around again, pointing at
something. "I see beer cases. I see cigarettes."
"Gee, and no pretty women?" the redhead asked.
"Shut up, Goyjo," the smaller one said. "Not everything is about
women. I don't know why any of them would want a cockroach like
"That's because none of them like you," he shot back.
"Boys," Hakkai said with a smile. "Stop it. Let's figure out what we're doing before you two start again."
The priest looked at him. "We can banish them away from here, right?"
"I have no idea why we're here."
Sanzo walked over to the beer and cigarette stashes, looking them over
before getting one of each for himself. "This is not the reward I
wanted for winning against the bitch." He opened a beer and sat
on the semi comfortable recliner that appeared. He was
scowling. No one had warned him that they were going to be going
somewhere different after the battle, just that they'd get a reward and
a time to rest. Even if he did want a rest, this wasn't the rest
"Hey, maybe I can think up some women," Goyjo said. "Before I get desperate and Goku starts to look good in a dress."
"I'd never wear a dress," he snorted. "If you're thinking about me in one, that's your sick mind."
"Boys," the priest said again, more heatedly this time. He took
another drink to keep himself from hitting them. "Yo, a little
help here before I use the banishing gun on them!" he bellowed after he
had swallowed. A sign appeared. Yeah, that seemed like the
goddess of bitches he was used to.
They all read it. Then Hakkai snickered. "Okay, so we're on
the plane of mystical weapons. That's good to know. Do we
need another one?" he asked the sign. "Or are were here to be
guiding lights this time?"
"If so they've got to be *really* screwed up," Goyjo noted. He
thought up his own recliner. He tried for a woman too but only a
blow up doll appeared. "Well, it's better than dressing up a rock
I suppose." He put it down beside him and got his own beer out of
the first case. "Hey, even cold. Someone has some sense and
class." He took a long drink. He didn't care if Sanzo was
cooling down his irritation with the beers or not. This wasn't
what he wanted either but he couldn't leave so he had to make the best
of it for now.
Hakkai looked at the sign. "How long are we here for and are
things going right after the battle?" It changed to tell him it
wouldn't take long and they needed the rest to regroup for the rest of
the problems going on. "Thank you. You did remember what
Goku's appetites are like?" Food appeared, making Goku's eyes go
wide and him start to drool before he ran over to dig in. Goyjo
followed to get his own before Goku drooled on it. Sanzo got himself
something after he had watched to make sure they weren't affected by
it. Hakkai got himself something smaller and they all sat down to
relax for now. Apparently their quest wasn't quite done yet.
"This is going to suck if we're here for a long time," Goku said finally. "There's nothing to do."
"That's why it's called a rest break," Hakkai said. "Sanzo, have you ever heard of this area before?"
"Nothing in anything I've read said anything about a mystical weapons
plane. I'm guessing it's where they're stored until they're
needed. So maybe we're going to be helping a new warrior who
needs to know how to fight or something." He finished his beer
and his cigarette. "I agree though. I'm bored with this
flat color around here."
"Well, maybe we can think up a pond to swim in," Hakkai offered.
"That way we can bathe too." A door appeared marked 'bathroom'.
It was free standing and not supported by anything. All four of
them smirked at it. "Any entertainments? Or should we let
Goku and Goyjo be bored?" A few books appeared too. "Well,
at least it's something."
Goku shook his head. "I'm not that bad." He got free of the
straps on his recliner that were keeping him from pouncing Goyjo for
fun. They seemed to keep wrapping around him whenever he wanted
to get up and move.
"Yes you are," the other three said.
"Fine. Whatever." He went to the bathroom. "Guys,
this thing is *huge*! The tub is the size of a pond and it's
They came in to look, taking their time in the nicest toilet they had
seen. It was solid gold, had a lot of magazines in there, and the
toilet paper was very soft. The tub was big enough for them and
sixty of their best friends to soak in. The showers next to them
had wonderful streams of warm water from them. Well, if they were
stuck here for a bit, at least it wasn't as bad as it could be.
Maybe. If the two didn't drive them all nuts.
Goku looked up when a flash went off in the distance. "Hey,
visitors. Finally!" he said, getting up to wave his arms.
"Over here! We're over here!" Sanzo smacked him on the head
with his fan. "Hey! Maybe they're the ones we're waiting
on. Then we can get free of this freaky place and go back to
"Still, it could be a danger," Hakkai said. "Or someone else who
came up to help another warrior." He looked back as the two guys
walked their way. They were about their age, maybe late twenties,
early thirties at the most. They both looked very tired.
They looked like they had just stepped out of one war and were stepping
into the next one without a rest actually. "Sit and pull up a
beer, guys. Want a smoke?"
"No thanks. Not our thing," the shorter one said. He
flopped down into the recliner that appeared, moaning when the massage
function came on. "Hey, better than a magic fingers system
anytime," he said happily.
"Wish mine had one," Goyjo admitted. He handed them both a
beer. "So, why did you guys come to the plane of mystical weapon
"Mystical weapons...." The taller one beamed. "I think I
know why we were sent." He looked at Dean. "The colt should
probably be up here?"
"Could be but we have it in the car, Sammy."
"No, Dean, there's others that can do the same thing only with less
danger," Sanzo said, holding his head. "I don't like those.
That had better be the only one I ever get," he called, looking
up. "Before I we come up there!" The sign appeared on top
of his can of beer saying he didn't need to have another.
"We'll pout at the Merciful Goddess for you," Hakkai said with a
smile. "Does this colt kill demons?" They both nodded
once. The one in the recliner took a drink.
"The problem is that their gun is basically part of the problem, not
the solution," Sanzo said. He looked at Sam. "The key will
kill and fit in the lock."
"Oh, damn it," Dean complained. "So we can't use it to kill the Yellow Eyed Demon?"
"There's others that can," Goku said, starting to bounce. "Sanzo,
you found the spare banishing gun, right? When we went to look
beyond those rocks the other day? And we found that trunk of junk
plus the few other weapons? I don't think they need a sword but
would a banishing gun work?"
"I did." He tossed it to the one standing. "It banishes demons at the molecular level."
"That could come in handy," Dean decided, taking it to look over. "Bullets?"
"You can use regular bullets but you have to know and believe that
it'll work," Sanzo said. "I carry one. It's come in very
handy recently helping take down a demon army."
"You guys aren't in our time, right?" Sam asked, looking miserable.
"No," Hakkai said.
"Beyond that, we were in India," Goyjo said. "Defeating the evil horde of busty assassins and their bad outfits."
Sanzo looked at him. "Some weren't so bad. Just stupid and
incapable of doing anything right. But pretty enough for a guy
"Bad priest," Hakkai teased with a smirk. "Shouldn't you not have those thoughts?"
"Shut up, Hakkai."
Sam and Dean looked at each other. "They're like us, only there's more of them."
"Goku eats like you too," Sanzo said dryly. He saw another
flash. "We've all got special weapons that can banish demons at
the same level. Goyjo has a shakujo, Hakkai uses his Chi.
Goku has his Nyoi-Bo, that's a staff that can lengthen itself, banish
demons, and hold a shield in some cases."
"It's like some bad sexual metaphor," Goyjo added with a smirk.
Sanzo stood up when he saw the young man stumbling toward them. "Fuck, that's not supposed to happen."
Hakkai stood up, going over to him. "Hey, why did you get sent
here?" The guy passed out at his feet. "This isn't why
we're here, guys, this is an emergency I think. He smells like
he's been magiced heavily. Goyjo, help me get him into the
pool. Guys, give us a few please?" He noticed Sanzo was
staring and looked at the boy then at him. "You know him?"
"I feel like I should." He came over to help. They got the
boy into the water, letting him float for now. Water was always a
good insulator against black magic. "What happened to him?"
Goyjo got him stripped with a knife. They found the glowing
"Seriously," Hakkai agreed. "That's not right."
Sam walked in and looked. "Some witch apparently cast at him to
kill him and he's still living," he said. He looked at the
priest. "The lady with black hair, way too much jewelry, and tits
Dean wants to nurse on said yes he should be familiar, you screwed up
once on your lack of worldly pleasures list. And that the witch
who hit him was acting out of grief. She tried to stop him from
stopping her from ending the world. She said he's why you're
here, instead of them."
"Aw, shit," he muttered, going out there. "Can I know more than
the barest of facts? That didn't really explain anything."
"No." She smirked. "But he should be very familiar to
you." She looked at Dean. "The banishing gun will help you
but there's others that may help just as much, and no, they're real."
"They'd have to be with the way they're standing up without support,"
he said dryly. "Which makes you a real goddess in my book."
"She's the Merciful Goddess and she can screw up your life," Hakkai
warned. He looked at her. "Can we remove the taint from
"Please do. Then make him talk. Before he snaps and becomes
that which he hunts." She gave him a pointed look. "That
would be your next battle if he should."
Dean raised a hand. "The witch? Is she on our roll of bad guys?"
She considered it. "It would cause a conflict later. Others
are trying to handle her. Not very well but her friends are
trying to edge her back from her grief. This one... I'm not
feeling so merciful where they're concerned about him." She
stared at Sanzo. "Am I clear?"
"Never," he assured her dryly.
She smiled. "Good. Didn't want to give too much away ahead
of time." She wiggled her fingers. "Have the bright one in
there look him up on the bulletin boards. Oh, and Dean, don't
make the deal. Dumbass." She disappeared in a shower of
sparkles. "Fix this and you can go home. The battle's done."
"Thank you," Hakkai said. "We'll make offerings or whatever
later." He looked at Sanzo, smirking. "Was she pretty?"
"It was a long time ago," he admitted, heading back in there. "Give us a few more, guys."
"If it's black magic, there's ways to drain it from him," Sam offered.
"We know. We've just dealt with someone using youkai magic and science to revive demons," Hakkai said.
"Please don't let ours do that," Sam moaned. He looked up. "Whichever god or goddess you are. Please?"
Dean walked in. "He won't be. He's never went for brains
outside of you, Sammy." He looked at the guy. "I've seen
his picture. She said to look him up."
Sam went out to the main room, finding a laptop with an ethereal
ethernet connection waiting on him in Dean's recliner. He found
the bulletin boards and went searching. "Finding the rogue witch
might be easier," he decided. That one, there was a lot
about. "Oh, shit," he said.
Dean came jogging out. "That bad?" He let him see it.
"Powerful witch, grieving over her soulmate, tries to destroy the world
after sucking up black magic," he summarized as he read. "And he
tried to stop her so she hit him with magic. Crap. What's
he listed as right now?"
"In the hospital and no one apparently realizes because no one's been
noted as coming to see him." They shared a look. "Maybe a
little later roughness would help?"
"Don't you boys worry about it," Goyjo said dryly. "If we can get
out of here, Sanzo's going to have a fit on their asses. He is
not the priest to mess with." He smiled and showed them the other
mystical weapons that had appeared. "Know how to use any of
"Many," Sam admitted.
Dean gave him an odd look. "Since when can you use a sword?" he demanded.
"A class in college with a bunch of renfaire kids. I sparred with them on and off for nearly a year."
"Geek," he muttered. Goyjo nodded that he agreed. "So, why did you get this gig?"
"Apparently it's our reward for saving the world. There's no
pretty girls so I don't know what sort of reward it is," he admitted
"Yeah, I'd consider that a punishment too," Dean agreed.
"There's more to life than girls," Sam reminded him.
"Besides we'd hate to watch you have sex. You've probably got
disgusting habits there too," Goku said. "Sam, can you maybe find
a way to bleed taint into the water? Before it finishes killing
him?" Sam looked, letting him have the laptop. "Hey, Sanzo,
use the scroll on him. Maybe it'll help." He walked the
laptop in there.
Dean and Sam both went to watch the chanting, finding the scroll that
Sanzo had been wearing around his neck and shoulders now moving on its
own. "That's freaky," Dean decided.
"That's an elemental sutra," Sam realized. "A foundation of
life." Hakkai nodded and smiled. "Wow. So he's a
Sanzo, not just named that?" Goku smirked and nodded. "You
know, I think I saw this anime. Which would make that the Maten
Sutra?" Goku nodded, looking happier that they had heard of it.
"What's an anime?" Dean asked.
"Japanese animated movie that tells a story. You've probably seen some hentai, which is animated porn, Dean."
"Oh, that stuff. That had tentacles and stuff." He
shuddered. "I could not get into that, no matter how pretty they
drew her. You watch that stuff?"
"My first roommate did at Stanford. So, you guys won in India against Kougaiji?"
"Yup," Goku said with a smirk.
"Thank you." He smirked at his brother. "Entombed and
trapped demon king with an army. Black magic and science together
to bring him back. Please don't give our bad guys any ideas?" he
"This witch probably already has them," Hakkai admitted. "But she
said it'd be harder in the future if you handled it for us."
"She's getting my foot up her ass," Sanzo complained. The scroll
wrapped around the boy, glowing slightly as it sucked the bad magic out
of him. He straightened up as the boy disappeared. "That's
it, let's go. Guys, did you need more than a banishing gun?
Any more advice we can give?"
"Did you guys have to ride horses?" Dean asked.
"No, I have a dragon friend that can change into a jeep," Hakkai said with a grin.
"So, good tunes, nice ride, weapons, demon killing, we're on the right track then."
"No radio in Hakkuryuu," Goku admitted. "Wish there was
sometimes. Instead he hums when he's bored and he can't carry a
tune. Other than that, he chirps. It's *real* annoying at
sunrise when he tries to wake you up."
Sam patted his pocket, handing him something. "Copy of a Metallica tape Dean likes a lot in payment for the gun?"
Goku snatched it with a grin. "Thanks, guys. Have a good battle. Don't do what we'd do and screw it up."
"Oh, this thing's going down," Dean assured him. "One way or another."
"Don't end up living up here," Hakkai warned.
"No, not in my plans." He and Sam faded out. They woke up
in their car with a state cop tapping on their window. He rolled
down the window. "Sorry, had to nap," he said with a yawn.
"Long drive, Officer."
"That's good of you, boys. You worried a few people when you didn't wake up."
"We're heavy sleepers thanks to some nightmares," Sam said through his yawn. "Sorry to have worried them."
"That's fine, boys. You go wherever." They nodded and Dean
started the car, driving off in a blare of loud music. The
officer shook his head at the strangeness of today's youth.
Dean looked at Sam. "Gun?" Sam pulled it out from under his shirt, letting him see it. "Cool."
"We need a test case."
"We can do that." They sped up, changing lanes to take an exit
and head for Bobby's to show it to him. A mystical weapon like
that needed some research done before they used it. And boy would Bobby
never believe how they had gotten it. They'd be drinking holy
water for weeks. "That witch?"
"If they don't, we will," Sam promised. "Even if she was acting out of grief, she should've known better."
"Good deal, dude." He sped up and changed the song. He liked the next one better.
Sanzo walked into the hospital, followed by the others. "Alexander Harris," he said.
"Are you family? It's not visiting hours, sir."
"I'm his spiritual advisor and uncle," he said dryly. "These are some of his cousins."
"He's up on three east." He nodded his thanks and went up there.
Sanzo came off the elevator and felt magic. "Shit," he muttered,
heading for where he could feel Xander's taint. He walked in and
found a young girl staring at him. "Are you here to help or hurt
him?" he asked in a deadly cold voice. The others hung back in
the doorway for a minute. There wasn't any room to fight if they
had to, and if she was a threat, Sanzo could take her easily enough.
She glared at him. "Who the hell are you?"
"Apparently his great-great-great-great grandfather. You?"
"Dawn. Xander's like my big brother." She stared at this
new guy then looked down at him. "I told my sister he was
here. She said I was stupid and wrong. I even took a
picture of his bracelet but she said he's at work right now.
Instead he's unconscious and they're not really sure what's wrong with
"I know exactly what's wrong with him. That witch's magic when she tried to stop him is infecting him."
Dawn stared at him, rubbing her arm. "Really?" He nodded. "Can I help fix it? I have some powers."
"No. I helped weed a bit out already. I need you out of the way."
"Sure." She moved to the other side of the bed then leaned out to
look at the nurse. The other three strange guys got out of the
way and moved into the room. "He's a family priest. They're
going to try to fix him that way," she told the nurse giving her an odd
look. "See, a young priest, an older priest," she offered with a
grin. The three guys all snorted at that.
"If he was just possessed we'd expect floating. So we know it's
more than needing a priest. Aren't you young enough to need to be
in school, young lady? We don't want the hospital in trouble for
letting you up here. My supervisor wouldn't be happy with that."
"My sister says he didn't leave two days ago to come here. I even
took a picture of his bracelet and she said I was making it up."
She smirked. "I'm going to kick her ass."
"Just don't send her here," she said dryly. "She sound
shallow." She let the door be closed and the curtains close but
she did keep an eye on his monitors. It was looking a bit
stronger so she wouldn't worry too much.
Sanzo looked at her. "You could go."
"Fat chance, buddy. I don't know you but I can damn sure try to destroy you if you hurt Xander."
He smirked. "I like you. You have spirit. Want to become a Buddhist nun?"
"Hell no! Some day I want the sex with a boy, or maybe a few boys
if the first one isn't any good at it, and then maybe even to make my
sister whine by making her an aunt. Though I'd never let her
"Good idea," he agreed. He took off the sutra he had hidden,
putting it over the boy's chest. He laid a hand on it, chanting
quietly. The scroll grew, twitched, wrapping itself around him.
"Whoa, that's handy magic," Dawn said. "Can I learn that sort?"
"Become a nun," Goyjo offered with a smirk. "When you finish
growing up, you might be too cute to waste on that though." She
kicked him on the leg. "Ow!"
"I'm already pretty. You're blind and ignorant. And
probably gay anyway." Hakkai giggled, turning to lean against a
"I need some quiet," Sanzo snapped.
She came over to the other side of the bed and added some power by touching his hand. "Will that help?"
He stared at her. "What are you?" he asked calmly.
She smirked. "Dawn Summers, now."
He took the energy. He knew what felt that way, and nodded at
that information. "Okay. That can help. Then we'll be
talking to the witch and your sister."
"Sure, I can watch the slayer smackdown all you want," she assured him.
Goku grinned evilly. "If she's a slayer and doing this, then
she's ignoring her calling. I remember hearing about them at the
temples a few years back. Cool, a legal target for some fighting."
Hakkai patted him on the shoulder. "We'll see what's going on
first." Goyjo gave him a dirty look. "She could be blinded
by the witch."
"Doubt it. She sounds selfish and bitchy."
"Possibly true," Hakkai agreed.
"Shut up," Sanzo ordered. He went back to work. The scroll
apparently liked the boy a lot. "Maybe you'll be a priest
instead," he decided.
"It might help since only bad and evil girls like him," Dawn told him with a grin. "And former demons now."
Sanzo stared at her. "Excuse me?"
"He's dating Anyanka, now Anya since she lost her powers."
"I can fix that," he assured her dryly. "Not in my family.
A full demon, a half demon, not one that liked to torture for shits and
"You swear a lot for a priest," she told him.
He smirked. "I'm a special version. That's why I wear the red chakra dot."
"Cool." She smacked him on it, making him look very surprised
that she had managed to touch him. Then she grinned.
"Needed a V-8. His heart rate's dropping." He went back to
it, shaking his head. She looked down then up. "Yo, I know
you're an evil bitch who likes to screw with lives, but if you screw
with his, we're all gonna die the next time Buffy has to plan
anything," she hissed. She felt peace come over her and a female
presence land beside her as it turned into a woman.
The Merciful Goddess looked at the girl. "She's strong and
mouthy. I like this one. Train her well, boys. She
needs the experience to keep herself safe." She laid a hand on
Xander's head. "The most important one of all humans is one who
knowingly gives his life to save a friend's soul." She pulled
some of the taint out. "I can't pull more out."
Sanzo finished up and looked at him. He'd ignore the irritating
presence before he lost his temper at her for letting it get this
far. "He's less injured." The boy moaned. He looked
up and the Goddess was gone. He looked down as the brown eyes
"Ohmygod, you're alive again," Dawn squealed, hugging him around the shoulders and neck. "Thanks, strange priest man."
"Dawn, tired," Xander mumbled. She pulled back and beamed at
him. He blinked at her then at the guy next to him. "Do I
"We're relatives," he said dryly.
"No, I know you from somewhere else."
"Sam said something about an anime," Goyjo admitted, sitting in the visitor's chair.
"Hmm. Saiyuki," he mumbled then blinked a few times. He
stared at Sanzo. "We're related? Am I an anime too?"
"Just lucky," he said, shooting him a dirty look. "Do you know what happened?"
"I figured something Willow shot at me caused a broken something."
"Try black magic tainting so bad you were starting to shut down." He stared down at him. "She hasn't shown up."
Xander nodded. "Fuck 'em at the moment." He let Dawn cuddle
him again. "I'll be okay. I survived all the other freaky
Sunnydale stuff." He looked at the guys again. "Thank you."
"Welcome," Goku said happily.
"We'd rather not have Sanzo pout," Hakkai agreed happily.
"I'm just glad that there's finally chicks around," Goyjo admitted with a smirk.
Xander smirked back. "This one's too young." He looked at Dawn's head. "You should be in school."
"Fine." He kissed her on the head. "Go nag the brats for me?"
"Nope. I even took a picture of your bracelet and they decided I made it up."
"Yay them." He raised the head of the bed, looking at his relative. "How am I related to an anime?"
"Every myth has a bit of truth in it," Hakkai noted.
"Hmm. Okay. That's cool enough I guess. Anything else
I should realize and will the banishing gun work on vampires?"
"Yes," the four guys said together.
"You can't banish Spike, Xander. He drives my sister nuts for you."
"Whatever." He looked at the guys again, swallowing. "Are we having a redo of your battles?"
"Not that I know of," Hakkai said. "Not that we've been told either."
"We were on the mystical weapon handout realm when you showed up," Goyjo said.
"I don't remember that."
"You passed out at the feet of a few hunters," Goku said with a
grin. "The Merciful Goddess said to let us handle it instead of
"She's supposed to be going to a coven to help her heal the grief."
"She still knew it was wrong, even if she was reacting to the grief,"
Sanzo told him. He leaned down. "She showed me too,
Xander." He flinched at that. "So yeah, she's getting
it. Possibly up the ass, we're not really sure yet."
Dawn bounced some, clapping. "Can we watch? And can you kick Buffy's ass too to show her up?"
"Sure," Goyjo said with a grin. "There hasn't been a girl yet I
couldn't kick the ass of. Even a slayer." He stood up.
"Think you need to stay?"
"Maybe overnight," he admitted. "I feel really tired."
"That's normal. Let the girl fuss," Sanzo said.
"You'll see us tomorrow when you get home. Miss Summers, can you handle that?" Hakkai asked.
"Of course I can. The vo-tech bus doesn't leave for another
hour. I can fuss for a good forty minutes before catching it back
to the school." She beamed at Xander.
He patted her. "Go home, catch up on your homework. Wait for me."
"Yeah, right," she snorted. He stared her down until she huffed
but nodded. She opened the door. "He's awake, can he have
chicken noodle soup?"
"Of course, Miss Summers."
"Killer, thanks." She looked at Xander again. "You will
behave until I see you tomorrow?" He nodded slowly. She
smirked. "Good. I want ringside seats." She walked
off, still rubbing her arm.
"Willow hurt her too," Xander admitted quietly.
"It happens when you go over the edge to the dark side," Hakkai admitted. "I did it once."
Xander smiled at the nurse. "Did I snore too much?"
"No, Mr. Harris. You were very quiet and nice while you were
sleeping. We hope you'll stay that way." She handed him the
broth and left again. Whatever that priest had done, it had
worked very well.
Xander looked at him. "Hellmouth."
"Many demons and vamps."
"I still have my gun. They still have their weapons."
"Energy weapons won't work against vamps," he told Hakkai.
"Sure, I'll keep that in mind and bring a stake like Dean was muttering
about." Xander grinned. "We'll see you tomorrow, young man."
"Please." He looked at Sanzo. "Are you freaked out?"
"Incredibly freaked out," he agreed with a smirk.
"Me too. But hey, it's better that I'm related to you than my
biological donor. Thank you," he finished more quietly.
"Not a problem." He walked out once he had the Maten Sutra over
his shoulders. The group followed him out. Hakuryuu
appeared and changed in the parking lot. "That's nice to have
"Thank you, Hakuryuu. We were worried we'd have to walk," Hakkai
said, patting his hood. They got in and headed off. "The
kid was right, we need music." The dragon/jeep started to
hum. The others all groaned but he grinned. "Driver picks
the music as Dean said," he quipped.
Sanzo glared at him. "Be less annoying than the girl was?"
"She seemed like she cared about him."
"Hmm. She did," Sanzo agreed. "A good thing from someone
who he considered his little sister." He pointed. "To the
east yet again."
"Sure, and hey, no demon king this time, right?"
"Damn I hope not," Goyjo said, relaxing again. "I can handle some but man, I don't need another battle."
"Yeah, me either," Goku admitted. "I'm kinda tired." He yawned and fell asleep there.
The others ignored the snoring and farting their friend was doing. Otherwise they'd have to kill him for that.
Sanzo walked Xander into the Magic Box, which was apparently an
apothecary for the scary witch types. He nodded at the older man
behind the counter.
"Giles, look who I met. My relative who healed my ass since I was
nearly dead in the hospital from the magic you said wouldn't hurt
me." Xander put down his bracelet then walked off. "I'm
going to take Dawn for ice cream. Before she becomes a
"Excuse me?" Giles called. "What did you say?"
"Just what he said," Sanzo said. He stared at him, hands up his
sleeves. "I am Toua Genjo Sanzo Houshi." The man stiffened,
staring at him. He stared back. "Apparently Xander is my
great -great-great-great grandson. Do you think you could try not
to kill him this year since it was seen that he was needed in the
"I..." he started then his mouth shut as the other three came in. "You're a myth," he complained.
"And apparently an anime," Goku said with a grin. "The spoiled
bitches who said he wasn't sick? Dawn promised to let me have
some of her ice cream."
"Willow's packing for her trip to the Devon Coven. Buffy's with
her I suppose." He reached for the phone but the girls in
question walked in. "Please," he begged quietly, staring at Sanzo.
He just got an evil looking smirk back and turned to look at the young
women. "Hmm, shallow, uncaring, needing corrected for attitude
problems." They stopped to stare at him. "Clearly falling down on
the job, Watcher. The temple lists your calling and it never said
anything about letting them turn into bitches like these two."
"Who're you?" Willow demanded. "Get away from Giles."
"Shut up," Goyjo told her. "Such a spoiled little bitch who
didn't even care that she nearly killed her best friend too." He
walked off. "I'm going to tail the kids. Something tells me
Xander's too pure for around here since you removed all her spells and
the taint, Sanzo."
"Please do." Hakkai and Goku got out of the way. They knew
that tone of voice. They had heard it right before Sanzo had
killed a lot of demons for screwing with them. "For your
information, Miss Summers, I am in your kind's books. Mostly as a
myth. You see, we four fought off a demon king." She
shuddered. "You, however, are pissing off even the Merciful
"Giving her PMS is not cool," Goku said. "She takes it out on everyone else."
"Who?" she demanded.
Sanzo smirked and found the book had been pulled down by the
watcher. He let her see the entry, then stared at her as he held
up the bracelet. "Look familiar?" She went paler than she
had been. "He had to drive himself there because his friends
didn't seem to care that he was nearly dead when he crashed in the
hospital parking lot." She slowly shook her head. "Your
watcher told him it was nothing. You didn't check on him, as a
friend should have. He lived for over a day with the pain of his
intestines and organs eating themselves from the black magic she threw
at him. It took divine intervention to heal him this time. Do you
think maybe you might quit tossing aside your greatest asset?" he asked
coldly. "Before he turns into that which you hunt?" She
shuddered, backing away.
"As for you," Hakkai said, looking at the witch. "You were
playing with black magic long before you snapped. Long before
that handy magic addiction."
"I did not!" she shouted.
"Will. Spell," Sanzo said simply, staring her down. She
shrank back at that. "I got a rundown from a local priest who
lives here. He was very knowledgeable and helpful."
"A few of your supposed mistakes are classified the same way. If
you had actually researched, as a good witch would, you would have seen
that variation in the black magic books. That's another six of
your supposed mistakes," Hakkai told her. She shook her
head. "The Goddess gave you a helper, and you did the most vile
thing you could by ripping her memories from her mind. Not even
the higher demons like to go there. They'd talk you to their
side." He moved to look her over. "I think she's failed her
"I know she has." He looked her over, then the slayer. "You
have already messed up enough. Don't you think it's time you grew
up?" She opened her mouth so he attacked. And he kicked her
ass. He stared down at her. "I could end you but the higher
authorities said not to. That there's more important ways for you
to die coming up." He looked at Willow. "By the way,
resurrections never go as planned. You can never call the full
soul back, Rosenburg. Something always comes with the hole."
Sanzo pulled his pistol. "This is a banishing gun. It's
meant to destroy demons. It will not kill a human." He shot
Willow on the arm, making her scream and hold the injury. "Have I
made my point yet?" She pulled up magic. He backhanded
her. "Don't even think about it. Real power means that you
don't have to shove it in people's faces. It means you don't have
to hurt hose you supposedly care about for shits and giggles. It
definitely means that you have enough room to care for those who care
about you. Even demons can find love." He walked over
Buffy's crying body, looking at the watcher. "You can do better."
"I've tried. I'm still trying to help them. We've lost so much recently."
Sanzo nodded. "We all lose those that we love. You nearly
lost another one because you were all selfish asses. Try to do
better before I have to come back." He walked off, Hakkai and
"Goyjo said he wanted to see how good she was," Goku complained. "You didn't leave him any ass to kick, Sanzo."
"I have a more important reason for being here." He walked into
the ice cream shop, ignoring the boys who had stared at him in
awe. "Where's the putrid hole of ick?"
"Under the school." He grinned. "Think it can be closed for good?"
"I think it needs glued shut," he admitted. Dawn held up her ice
cream. "I don't need to share your mouth germs. I doubt
it's been anywhere I need to know about," he said dryly.
She smirked back. "You badass, swearing priests are scared of
girl germs? I'll have to remember that. Xander, are you up
to the walk?"
"Sure, I can walk slowly." He got up and led the way to the
school. He pointed. "There, under the blue tiled floor at
the moment." He looked at his relative. "We've been
rebuilding it. I'm the crew lead."
"Congratulations. How do you do a full time job, hunt, and have a girlfriend?"
Xander shrugged. "I don't sleep much anymore. My girlfriend likes money so I have to work."
"Can we talk to her too?" Goyjo asked.
"If you want to, we'd like to watch," Dawn snorted. "That way he doesn't have to work overtime."
"She's not that bad anymore," Xander told her.
"Bet me." She took another lick of her ice cream then gave the
rest to the drooling Goku. "There you go." She patted him on the
head. "It's nice someone's nearly my size." She called
someone. "Hey, we're at the school with Xander. No, he
wasn't out screwing around on you, Anya. He was in the hospital
dying from the magic Willow shot at him. By the way, one of Xan's
relatives are in and wanted to meet you." She hung up.
"She's making sure she can't get her powers back."
"Yeah, not for that," Xander said. He walked them in there. "This is about over our pit of evil."
Hakkai shuddered. "I can feel it radiating. It's open slightly."
"Willow keeps closing it," Xander told him. "Dawn, out."
"Shut up. It's safer to be with you guys than outside being vamp
bait." Anya stomped in. "We're in here." The older woman
walked in. "Way too much perfume, Anya."
"I'm trying to mask my scent from the vampires," she complained.
Dawn coughed. "You more smell like a whorehouse, I think. From what I've read in some of Buffy's trashy novels."
"She can read?" Goyjo asked. "Wow."
"Everyone has to be literate these days," Xander told her. "Mandatory schooling."
"Oh. Figures." He looked Anya over, nudging Sanzo. "She's pretty."
Sanzo looked over. "I've seen some of your handiwork." He
smirked. "Genjo Sanzo, Xander's great-great-great-great
grandfather." She fell to her knees whimpering.
"Hey!" Xander complained. "It may not be ideal but we're dating and living together."
Sanzo shrugged. "I've had my moments of questionable taste too."
"No, she's the best yet," Dawn told him. "He has no idea what
undeadly women are like." Xander swatted her. "Hey, watch the
hair!" He gave her a dirty look and so did Anya. "They kicked
Willow around for nearly killing him."
"The magic she shot at him shouldn't have hurt him," she complained, looking at Sanzo.
"Then he wasn't about halfway to crossing over thanks to organ
failure?" he asked dryly. "And what did you think he was doing for the
last few days?"
"I thought he was out screwing around so I could finally get my powers back."
"I'm not like that," Xander said patiently. "I told you
that. You want them back that badly, go find a player,
Anya." She pouted. "She's my choice at the moment."
Sanzo pulled his gun. "Need it?"
"She's a former demon. You said it won't hurt humans," Hakkai reminded him.
Sanzo stared her down. "Pity if she plays with him. I'm
sure the two we helped could let me borrow something less
mystical." She shuddered but nodded. "Good." He
smirked at the boy. "If you two break up, try for something
nicer? Or if you two have kids, let me know so we can come bless
them from the moment of birth?"
"How would I call?" Xander asked.
"You'll have your ways," Goyjo said with a wink and a smirk at Dawn.
She looked at her phone. "I thought someone had changed my
background to a picture of that Goddess chick." She got into her
phone book. "Yup, Sanzo is right below Sandy." She let Xander
see. He grinned and relaxed. "Thank you for healing my
Xander friend." She suddenly pounced him to give him a hug.
"Get off," he complained, pushing at her. "I don't like people! Get off!"
"No! You need a hug. You did great and important things to
save the world. You deserve a hug for that and for saving
Xander." She squeezed no matter how much he struggled or
pushed. She was a force of nature after all, all teenage girls
Goyjo pulled her off. "He's too old for you, sweetheart. You need a guy your own age."
She patted him on the cheek. "You're way too old and our hairs
would clash. Plus you wear ugly, baggy pants. Clearly
you're trying to hide something tiny." He burst out laughing,
shaking his head. She hugged Xander. "I'm glad you're
"Me too. Thanks, Gramps." Sanzo groaned. "What? The other way is too long."
"Fine, kid." He let Hakkai work on sealing the stupid portal then
looked at Anya before looking at Xander again. "We will call if
we have another battle like we've just gotten done with?"
"If I can." That got a nod. "Make the general thanks for me to whoever helped you?"
"I already have when I swore at them. The Merciful Goddess thinks
you're important. Remember that even if the girls don't."
Xander beamed. "That's good to know." Sanzo and the others
disappeared. Including the jeep/dragon. He looked at
Anya. "So, that was my great-great-great-great grandfather."
"They were going to kick Buffy and Willow's butts," Dawn told her.
"Yeah, they probably did," Xander agreed. They walked out
together, letting him relock the gate to the construction site.
He waved at the guard. "I'll be back tomorrow." That got a
nod and a note being made. He walked them back to the shop,
finding Willow still crying in a corner. Buffy was sitting numbly
staring at her glass of milk. He picked up his bracelet.
"I've got to report to work tomorrow. Can I switch off for patrol
this weekend?" he asked Giles.
"Are you going to be well enough?"
"Probably. I'm tired now, but not in pain."
"Then we'd welcome the help."
"You know, he didn't teach me any mystical secrets," he said
dryly. "But he did say we could call if we have a battle like
they've had." Giles relaxed and nodded. "We're going to
bake a pizza. Buffy, I'll let Dawn sleep on our couch."
"Thanks," she said automatically.
They left together, going to Xander and Anya's place. Where they
found a nice present. Someone had left them anime. A complete
set. "Aww. The geeks love me," he said happily. He
settled in to watch them while Anya tossed a pizza into the oven and
Dawn curled up next to him. It was a good way to come home.
And hey, his ancestors kicked ass so maybe some day he could.
Right? Especially if that goddess chick said so?