Light Battle Duties.
Xander was watching the New York battle on tv. Something seriously
needed to be done. Immediately. "Dawn, fetch me some of the
robot controllers from Andrew," he called.
"Xander," she called back from the bathroom.
"Now, Dawn!" She huffed but sent them to him. "All
right." He plugged in his headset and called the Council House's
number, which Andrew would have. "I have 6, 8, 9, and 15,
Andrew. Focus yours on the thing behind Buffy, the portal
itself." He listened. "Andrew, you can't handle fifteen
robots at once. Just do it. Let me handle the blue
thing." He focused and sure enough one of his had the laser weapon
Andrew had been bragging about. Buffy yelped when he shot past
her and got the one sneaking up on her. Then the robots were
firing at the portal. The slayers with weapons were doing the same
thing. Xander kept his fire focused on the problem areas.
Andrew was lagging with a few of his but they could be backup.
Dawn came down out of the bathroom. "Grab the extra."
She looked and did that. "Andrew, I have the extra two," she said
next to the headset. She got to work with them. She wasn't
as good as the guys but she had spent time with Andrew learning many
geek things because he was the only sane person in the house some
"Take the left side, by Klia." She nodded, hitting at the demons
trying for them. Xander focused and spun one of his robots to hit
near the reporters. There were a group of demons bothering
them. Though the slayer rule said reporters could fend for
themselves, he couldn't have his link cut off right now. He spun
it back. "Bastard," he muttered, shooting one of the higher
demons. She was holding one of the robots to give it a funny
He smirked and waved as she fell thanks to the huge hole in her
forehead. "Hi, welcome to Earth." He kept going and the
slayers got most of them down. Xander did singe Buffy when she
didn't move fast enough but the demon that was going to lunge and stab
her went down. He switched robots and Dawn took one of his since
once of hers got killed by a huge foot. Finally the portal was
closed and they were down to clean up. "Andrew, use yours to do a
crevice search nearby. Yeah, go ahead and snatch it. Dawn
has it on her knee."
Andrew took that controller back by magic and it was better. The
one with the laser was most useful for crevice searching. Xander
moved his to poke Faith and then Hannibal, moving on to check the portal
area. He found a small proto-portal and looked at Dawn, who
shrugged. "Andrew, do you have ears there?" He nodded,
hanging up on him and calling Hannibal. "Proto portal still
exists." He hung up and dialed Andrew again.
"All right, which ones are left?" He sent his to back up Andrew's
search. A few demons had been watching and they ran off.
They weren't harmful ones. Two vampires were and got shot by the
little stake shooter Andrew had put in it. The girls giggled when
they yelped but dusted. They kept moving. Buffy was
complaining about her singe.
Faith looked at her. "It got the one that was going to stab
you. Are you really that anxious to go back?" she asked bitterly.
"No! Andrew needs better control of those things!"
Hannibal picked up a remaining weapon, using it to explode the proto
portal. They flinched but it went down. "Xander and Dawn
have a few of them, Buffy," he said as he dropped it and strolled off.
She looked at Faith, who held up a hand. "I'm damn glad X knows
robots." She and the others walked off. "Show's over with,
get out of the way!" she shouted. The press people tried to babble
but Xander used a robot to shoot at one of them and Dawn tripped
another with hers. The reporters cleared an exit for the tired,
tense slayers. Most of them didn't even shout questions
again. The one that did got a near shot near from Dawn's
robot. That shut them up and they decided they could follow them
tomorrow, after they had calmed down.
Xander and Dawn shared a look. Xander texted someone in New York
to help Hannibal calm down. He was tense so clearly the girls had
been bitches to him. They saw Hannibal be pounced by someone
against his car. Dawn smirked at him. "He needs it."
"He does. So do the other people."
"There's that one massage parlor that uses incubus and succuba," Xander
offered. Dawn smirked and called them. They promised to send
people to the hotel the slayers were at to help them calm down.
And some to the military guys too if they were single. Dawn and
Xander shared a high-five then she went to get the celebration brownies
she had made last night.
The kids were staring at them in awe. Jensen was beaming because
their dad had just showed the true power of geek in a battle. It
was so cool! He looked at his boss. Who gave him an odd look
back and shook his head. Jensen pouted.
Xander smiled at him. "Andrew makes some that are very tiny and
very helpful for surveillance. When you're older, we'll talk him
into making you a kit to take wherever you end up." He
winked. Jensen beamed at him and let Dawn cuddle him. She
gave great cuddles. She was also the only girl around them outside
of Kono and Rachel. Not like Clay and Roque got any female
Xander leaned over to hug all his boys. "You're all great and a
few years will see you guys going into training so you can pick a career
too." They nodded that was fine. They watched the rerun of
the battle. Dawn was nice enough to share bites of brownie so that
Faith looked at the person knocking on her hotel room door. "What do you want?" she demanded.
"Xander called and asked us to please do simple massages, without
anything else, to help bleed off some of the tension." Faith gave
him a strange look. He smiled. "We succuba and incuba can
create the same sensation without actual sex to feed off the post-battle
"So, the results of funsies without the funsies," Faith summarized.
He smiled and nodded. "Plus we can work out all the battle cramps."
"That could help," she decided. "Ladies?" They mostly stuck
their heads out of their rooms. "These guys are massage
people. They're going to work out post battle cramps and tension,
without going any farther." A few cheered and ran over to pounce
him. Buffy stared at her. "They can do it without *doing
"That might help," she sighed, going back to her room. One of them
took her first and deal with her stress issues. She felt a lot
Hannibal looked up from his drink. "What?" he asked quietly.
"Sir, Mr. Harris has suggested that you go here," the young Asian woman
said, handing over a slip of paper. "He said it is useful and will
not turn you into the pouting one that you were after Orlando."
She smiled. "He thinks that you could use their less strenuous
services." She walked off.
Hannibal looked at the paper and nodded. "Could be," he admitted.
He paid for his drink and left, going there. Chinese
succuba. He blinked a few times. One touched him and he felt
the sucking but it was taking the tension. "You're good."
She smiled and led him to a room. "I don't really need fed on
tonight. I'm already exhausted."
"We know," she told him. "We have a safe room in the back for
hunters who need less tainted and less stress. Hai funded
us." Hannibal relaxed and nodded. "We will not harm you
because we know Hai would be disappointed and his heir would be as
well." She smiled and sent in three pretty young women to work on
him. Only one was a succuba. The other two were great at
massaging his sore, tired muscles. When he started to fall asleep,
they got him to the safe room and let him lock himself in with his
weapons. It was a great service.
Steve showed up that night, looking at the two with brownie marks around
their mouths. "Roque, is Xander upstairs?" He nodded and
pointed at the bathroom. "Thanks." He checked the house then
on the boys. Dawn was napping on Cougar, who looked really
unhappy. He carefully pried him out and took him upstairs to
change. Xander came in during it toweling his hair off.
"Yeah, they work wonders," Xander said with a grin. "Andrew's the
same sort of geek I am only he's got mega brains." He took Cougar
to finish changing him. "There, go play." He crawled off to
hide in his room. "Anyone else need changed?" The rest of
them came up to get their own changing in. "Why didn't you tell
me? Or was this a synchronized pooping event in prep for the poop
olympics maybe?" Roque cackled at that. Finally they were
all changed and put down for naps. Xander looked at Steve.
"We're all okay."
"I wanted to make sure and Danno said to take your phone so the slayers couldn't call and whine at you about helping."
"They needed the help." He grinned. "And my phone has a neat
'no ring' feature so they can leave a voicemail. Beyond that, I
sent a method of stress relief at the girls."
"That's good. You sure you're okay? He said he'd come over and talk if you needed to."
"Nah. Go have a man-date." He made shooing motions.
Steve shook his head. "We're not dating."
Pooch snorted and shook his head. "Dumb."
"Manners," Xander ordered. He stared at Steve. Who walked
off rolling his eyes. "Even if I do agree," he told Pooch once the
door was closed. Pooch smirked at him. "Let me put on real
clothes before someone breaks in here." He went to put on
shorts and a t-shirt. Then he could warm stuff up for
dinner. The boys had to eat soon. They could not live on
brownies like he and Dawn could. Well, maybe Jensen and
Roque, but Pooch had no taste for what good sweets were.
Xander walked the boys into the bar he liked to hang out at, getting a
few dirty looks from people he didn't know. The bartender and
others smiled and waved at the boys. "They're doing our monthly
bug spraying today." He put Frank on the bar and pointed.
Frank smiled at the pretty girl giving him an odd look. "Pretty," he cooed, grinning cutely at her.
She laughed and hugged him. "Thanks, Clay. If you were just
older I'd flirt back." He smirked. She kissed Xander on the
cheek. "Thank you, I needed that."
"I figured you did after the shitbag dumped you." He put the
others onto the bar. Jensen crawled off, over a few drinks too, to
help someone typing on their laptop. "Jensen, he's not a
hacker." Jensen cooed and petted the computer, getting an odd
look. Xander retrieved him. "You can pet Dawn's laptop
later." Jensen pouted and scowled.
The one with the computer looked over. "I saw that movie."
Xander smirked. "Jensen, I'm doing banking stuff, not hacking
stuff." Jensen petted the computer and smiled at him.
"You're adorable and some day I'll own a geek just like you, baby
Jensen cackled and gave him a hug. "Happy evil!"
Computer guy burst out cackling and gave him a hug. "You're so
great." He was still laughing as he went back to what needed to be
moved. Jensen helped by cooing at his screen and keyboard for
Xander looked at the others. "Sit there." They nodded.
"So, anyway," he told the bartender, pulling out an envelope. "I
got this from someone who was mightily pissed off that their weapons
went to the battle in New York without me."
"You retired," the bartender said, looking at it. He snorted. "At least Andrew had the robots."
"Andrew, me, and Dawn had the robots. I had her steal some of the
controllers so we could help. Andrew may be a king of geeks but
even he can't use fifteen controllers at once."
"No, probably not." He handed it back. "I'll tell my cousin
to slip e-lax into his drink." Xander grinned. "The slayers
all looked very relaxed the next morning. What did you do to
He sat down in front of Roque and Cougar. "We found out long ago that succuba and incubua...."
"No ba!" Jensen shouted. "Bad for you!"
"Not for me," Xander said patiently, earning a few laughs.
"There's a group up there that set up a massage studio because they can
create the same feelings and feed off all that nasty tension without
having to actually prompt sexual feelings. So I asked them
politely to go hit up the slayers to take care of all the battle cramps
and sore muscles. And Hannibal."
"I didn't know they could do that," the bartender said. "But a
massage is nearly as good as sex for some of us." Xander grinned
and nodded. "Which would mean all those picky girl sorts among
your slayers didn't have to put out but got the battle tension
solved." Xander grinned and nodded. "Is there one here?"
"There's one that works at the Palisades Spa."
"Huh. I'll have to try that." He patted the boys on the head. "Why else did you bring the adorable ones in?"
"I'm *so* bored." A few people paid off bets. "The new
walk-in freezer is nicely working. The grass has been mowed.
We planted a garden the other day. The cat that likes to sit in
my tree has food within easy reach. The house doesn't need
painted, cleaned, or anything. I'm so damn bored."
"Go buy the kids some toys?" one of the other thugs suggested.
"They have *tons* of toys. They're spread all over the living room
and their rooms. Everything from coloring books to soft things
they can beat each other with." Cougar smirked at him. "Yes,
like that one you beat me with this morning because I fed Jensen
first." A few others were smirking. "There's not even any
arms dealers who're pathetic I can bust. They're all broke this
"It's probably going to be a month before the pathetic ones get enough
money to cause more problems," the bartender agreed. "Or bring
anyone to date you."
"Oh, you didn't get Jensen's text message." One in the back corner
burst out laughing. "Hannibal was teasing me about dating a
"Bad ba!" Jensen reminded him.
"So that one somehow manages to send a text message asking everyone in
my contact list to please marry me so I don't have to go with a
succuba." A few more started to laugh and one choked. Xander
looked at them. "Which one did you hear was stopped coming this
"Paul," he choked, waving a hand. Xander patted him hard on the
back. "Customs caught him." He wiped his face off and looked
at him. "We wondered why he had shown up." Xander pointed
at Jensen. "How many threats have the local FBI office given you
for him encouraging them to move here?"
"Three. One this morning. Which is why the house is being
sprayed." He sat down in front of the kids again. "Jensen,
let him work. Or no candy later." He came crawling back and
pounced Cougar, who swatted him with his baby cowboy hat. "Thank
you." He cuddled Jensen to keep him out of trouble. He
looked around. "Roque?"
"He's over here cooing at my boot knife." He was scowling at the
baby. "Do you really like knives?" Roque smirked and nodded,
petting it. It was a pretty blade. He looked at the
father. "What is with your kids?"
Xander grinned. "Willow."
"I don't know you. I'm Xander Harris, retired from the Council." The man shuddered. "They got Willow'd."
"That figures," he sighed. He felt the knife being moved.
"You can't have that." Roque pulled it out anyway and scowled
because it wasn't sharp. "He's real fierce." One of the
other guys whispered in his ear and he gave the baby a look. "I'll
sharpen and clean it later. I haven't had a chance since the last
time I had to use it." Roque nodded, checking it over. "Can
I have that back?"
"Roque, we have to do sword maintenance later," Xander called.
"Including the new one that I got from Stephen." Roque handed the
knife back and crawled back over to be picked up. Jensen batted at
him but Xander swatted Jensen. "What did I say?" Jensen
settled down. He checked the others. Frank was still
flirting with the dangerous woman who liked to kill people. Pooch
and Cougar were admiring someone's necklace. The bartender pushed
them back over. "Thanks. It is pretty, Hilmond."
She smiled. "Thanks."
"Berlin's museum?" She nodded, stroking it. "Nice
haul." He looked at the boys. Then at the bartender.
"Dawn wished I had daughters the other day. Thankfully no wish
demon popped up."
"You'd be hell with daughters."
"Yes I will be. Oh, Dawn is starting U of Manoa next semester," he
announced. A few grimaced. "She'll be going part time and
is finding an apartment. Please don't piss off Dawn, guys.
You know she'll kill and then cry on you."
"She is kind of like a spawn between you and Buffy," the girl that had Frank said with a shudder.
"You know, we never did figure out who the monks used," he said
dryly. It was now fairly common knowledge thanks to a hacker that
had gotten the Council a few years back. "But yeah, I did some of
her caretaking way back when. I taught her weapons too because
otherwise she'd be taken more often."
"Do you let her date?" the woman asked.
"Yes, but with one caveat. If Dawn has sex, she has to put up
anti-magic markings to make sure hers doesn't flash or hurt
someone. That tends to freak out some people. Until she's
stronger again, she's mostly in the 'going for coffee' range of dating."
"What did happen to her?" the bookie asked.
"Willow. She tried to kill her the same night she got Loki and a few others."
"We heard," the bartender said with a grimace.
"For that, she got hunted down."
"We heard they're keeping her in a medical coma," the bartender said.
"Yeah, just in case they need her strength for a really huge apocalypse battle. The president said so."
"That figures. He's a backup plan sort of guy," the bookie said. "Is Buffy dating?"
Xander snorted, looking at him. "Someone stakeable again.
Same as usual. Then she complains about *my* dates." The
bookie and a few others laughed. "At least mine I can't stake,
because I don't date the undead, and now and then I've went to a few of
mine for help during things. I pointed that out and she got huffy
and pissed off but yay!"
Jensen patted him. "No ba her."
"No, Buffy would never date a succuba. She's not with the woman lovin', Jensen."
The woman holding Frank snickered. "Maybe she should try."
Xander looked at her. "I think there may have been a bit of a
drunken incident back in college when she was rooming with Willow.
After the cave beer incident but before that next battle and
problem." She blushed. "Not totally sure, but they spent a
week not looking at each other and Willow was blushing a lot."
"So maybe Willow was pathetic at it and she needs a better version of a girlfriend," that one quipped.
"Maybe," Xander agreed. "Can't convince her she doesn't like to
drive stick though. Especially if it snarls, hunts, and is
"Spike still around?" the bookie asked.
"Yeah. He's in LA helping Connor. Who doesn't really want him but he's helpful."
"Figures," the bartender said. Pooch suddenly started to pout. "Xander, diapers might be needed."
Xander checked. "Just gas so far. Did the eggs with peppers
Dawn fed you not agree with your tummy?" Pooch shook his head.
"Is Dawn still eating strange things? The last time I saw her eat I asked if she was pregnant."
"She is. She fed them nutella and hot pepper eggs this
morning." One of the guys shuddered. "It tasted okay enough
but I didn't want to look at what I was eating. Then again, that's
the first time Dawn's had the energy to cook."
"Who was the guy that was visiting?"
"Hannibal. He's a hunter." He grinned. "Dawn teases him a lot."
"How did he meet Dawn?" the bookie asked. "There's been a few theories."
"He walked into a gear shop in New York. Giles had sent her up
there to translate a few artifacts they had and Hannibal had found a
book in a strange language with a cult of apocalypse demons he had been
taking out. Dawn said she looked up from reading something, looked
at the book, told him it was their version of a Batman comic, then went
back to the artifact. He laughed and asked how she knew so she
took it and read it to him. During it the shop got attacked and
she calmly raised a hand and fried the being. Hannibal got a bit
impressed. She smiled and flirted. They figured out they
could tease each other a lot because Hannibal found out she was underage
at that time."
"Can you see them together?"
"Don't know. Maybe. He'd do her good and make her live some
life. She'd make him quit taking some stupid moves that nearly got
him killed a few times. She'd definitely rescue him the next time
vampires took him hostage, which was how I met Hannibal. I don't
think either one's really looking for the permanent thing right now
though. If they do, yeah I might see it."
"If someone kidnaps Dawn again?" one of the guys in the back asked.
Xander looked at him. "Did they?" He nodded. "Who?"
"No damn clue, but someone sent a text wanting to know where you were."
"Sure. Tell them to meet me in the park by the station. Let
me go drop the boys on my cousin." He gathered them, even though
Clay didn't want to give up his future girlfriend. He strolled
out, taking them to the station. No one was there. Which
sucked. He took them to the park then. The person who wanted
to meet him sneered. "So, you have Dawn?" he asked politely.
"She's with those strange things people."
"Yeah, so was I until I retired to raise the boys." He leaned on
the handles of the stroller. "Why did you take Dawn?"
"Hawaii doesn't need her kind here."
Xander smirked. "You know that Hawaii has ancient protections
thanks to her kind?" The man blanched and stepped back. "You
have one choice. The choice is: I get Dawn back one way or
another. If you're nice and give her back I won't ruin you.
If you're not nice or Dawn is hurt you're all going to be very
sorry." He smiled sweetly. "Which way do you prefer?"
He laughed. "You can't do anything, Harris."
Xander shot him with a tranq dart. "Really?" He checked and
hauled him up, carrying him over his shoulder while pushing the stroller
with one hand. The guy went into the trunk. The kids went
into their car seats. Xander drove them off to somewhere they
Danny walked into the office, slumping into his seat. He saw a
note on his desk and groaned. "Xander nearly dropped the boys on
us while he went to handle something," he announced when the others came
"Handled what?" Steve demanded.
"Didn't say." He called. "Xander, handled what? And
why is a guy crying in the background?" He blinked a few
times. "Why did you bring.... Daycare not open?" he
demanded. "Whatever. No, we can come help."
"Sit. Your ankle got turned and it's swollen," Steve ordered,
taking the phone. "Where are you, what happened, and how many am I
arresting?" He listened to the begging of the 'hostage
taker'. "I'll be right there. Where are you?" He
growled and hung up, tossing the phone back on his way out to the
car. Kono spotted him stomping toward her and turned around to
follow. "Xander said someone stole Dawn."
"I called someone at the Council, they said that happens a lot to Dawn," she quipped. "Then Xander makes them sorry."
"Daycare was shut down today."
"So he brought the boys with him?" she demanded. "Is he stupid?"
"The guys he's made sorry said the boys are cheering him on."
Steve got in to drive. She slid into the passenger's
seat. He drove them off very quickly. He was a bit
pissed off that Xander had brought the boys with him. Even if they
had been safe until he had solved everything like he had said he had
done. They got there about an hour later. Jensen met them at
the gate, grinning happily. His t-shirt had a bloody handprint on
it but he was a happy little boy. Kono picked him up and checked
him over. Steve growled, heading inside the compound. "What
Xander waved a hand. "I had to move him while trying to bandage my
arm." He looked at the men cowering away from him. Then at
Dawn, who was napping in a chair. "She's fine. Just worn out
from the kidnaping. The boys sat on the front porch for a few
minutes while I made my displeasure known. Then we came in to
watch over her."
Steve glared at him. "You brought the kids?" he demanded.
"Not a lot of choice!" he shot back.
Dawn yawned and blinked at them. "Shut up, I'm trying to sleep off
the kidnaping." She curled up on her side and went back to her
Kono blinked at her then at Xander. "It's kinda normal," he
said. "Usually she'd be perkying them to death but she's still
tired and sick."
Kono put Jensen down into the stroller, earning a pout. "Why did you bring the boys?" she demanded.
"Because I couldn't leave them at the bar?" he guessed. "They sat
outside. Only one of them saw the kids and he ran screaming when
Pooch nearly shot him with the gun that Jensen pickpocketed from
him. He kinda almost tripped over them. If you guys had been
there or the daycare had been open, I wouldn't have brought them."
Steve smacked him across the back of the head. "If you had *called* I would've come and freed her, Xander."
"They're not scared of you and would've killed her," Xander pointed
out. The bad guys nodded. "See? They are scared of
me." They all nodded again and went back to their huddle.
"It will not happen again out here, will it?" he asked them.
"No," one squeaked. "We'll never touch her again."
Dawn got poked by Kono, yawning up at her. "Oh, hey."
"What did you do to them?"
She looked then at the older woman. "Not a damn thing. Unless I magicked someone in my sleep."
Xander smiled and shook his head. "Not in the least."
She hugged him. "You're a great big brother."
"I'm so sewing Hannibal to your side." She cackled and took the
babies out to the car. Xander stood up and smirked at them.
"This is a really nice compound. Giles might be able to use it for
the mini slayers." The hostage takers all shuddered and shrank
away from him. He looked at them. "Remember, I might be
retired but there's things that will draw me out of it to come
visit." He smiled sweetly. Then he walked off. "Have
"We're going to be talking later," Steve called after him. They
pulled the group apart and handcuffed them. "What did he
do?" One started to babble but they heard one of the boys scream
and rushed outside.
Xander was kicking the ass of the person who had his son. "Let my
son go before I kill your stupid ass!" he growled. The baby got
put onto the trunk and the guy was trying to defend himself. "It
wasn't enough that I said no back in Africa? You had to show up
here, where I'm retired, to get kicked around again? Did you at
least bring me something I can loot from you again?" He finally
got the guy down and stood on his throat. "What are you doing
here?" he growled. "Dawn, check Cougar."
"He's good," she called, waving from the safe distance with the baby in
her arms. "Aren't you?" He nodded. "Not even a
bruise?" He shook his head. "We're good, Xander. Can
Steve and them have him?"
"No." He stared down at him, getting whimpered back at. "Do
you really think you're good enough to be mine?" The man slumped
and shook his head.
"Kid," Steve said calmly. "Let me have him too?" Xander got
off his throat and walked over to check Cougar. He had a small
bruise from being snatched out of the stroller. Xander kissed it
and cuddled him to calm him down. "What happened?" Steve asked
"He grabbed Cougar, said he'd make a fine son for him," she said, waving
a hand. "I think he wanted to date Xander back in Africa.
Clearly not worthy of him though." She stared at him. "I
will destroy you and give everything you own to Xander and the
boys. Unless you wanna commit suicide and do the same
thing?" He nodded, moving away from her since she had let some
glowiness out. "Because I am the Goddess you don't piss off.
Especially about Xander's sons." The man was trying to pull
something out of his pocket. "Oh, no! No dying until your
will is set." She smirked. "You know boys take a lot of
money to raise. They need weapons and self-defense classes.
Plus cute clothes." Cougar was shaking his head. "Yes you
do, dear." She patted him on the head. "Jensen needs a lot
of geek t-shirts and you need jeans."
"I'll give myself up," he swore, looking at Steve.
"I'm out of handcuffs. Stand up." He did slowly and
carefully, letting Steve walk him inside. The others sneered and
he glared. "Shut up." They did that. Even if they
would taunt him later for being gay. By the time their transport
got there with extra handcuffs, Xander, Dawn, and the boys were
gone. That got a worse growl from Steve. And from Kono, who
was going to smack Xander around for bringing the boys with him.
Danny walked into the house that night, looking at Xander. "You couldn't call Rachel?" he asked.
"No. She wasn't home."
"She would've picked up the boys."
"No answer on either phone. Stan had her out at a romantic
thingy." He sipped his cocoa. "I put them in a safe spot
that wasn't the car."
Xander shrugged. "I tried the office first."
"If you had called, we would've backed you up. Or done it for you while you watched the boys."
"They could've killed her in that amount of time." He finished his
cocoa. "I didn't have too many options at that time."
"If you had called, we would've helped," he pointed out again.
Xander gave him a dirty look. "Even if we did have to travel from
the other side of the island, Xander."
"I had it. I only needed a babysitter." Danny smacked him on the head. "Ow!"
"Shuddup." He stared at him. "You need more than a
babysitter. You're seriously getting into that creepy, battle
stage again." Xander grimaced but slightly shrugged one
shoulder. "No, not whatever. Calm the fuck down.
Dawn came out to hug him. "He made sure the boys were safe and
once I was free I watched them while he showed them he was better."
He patted her, kissing her on the temple like he would a female
cousin. "Yay. He still should've called us. Or even
the regular PD. We do have a SWAT team. That's really their
"We're used to doing it on our own," she reminded him. "Even for
the normal things, the guys in Cleveland's PD won't come help us.
Most of the ones in New York either if they know it's us. Even for
"Yay!" he said more firmly. "We're not like that here. We
would've shown up and helped. I would've let Steve break in a door
and everything. Even though we were tired from the last one, *we*
*will* *help*." She slumped but nodded. "Good!
Because now I have an ulcer! A huge ulcer that's baby's shaped
because they could've gotten killed."
"I had them out of harm's way," Xander said. "It wasn't smart but I didn't really see any options."
"Yay!" Danny shot back, glaring at him. "You could've set up
surveillance and called us. We would've been there in like an
"I couldn't see her from outside the house."
"If you had called 911 I'm pretty sure they would've rushed out to help."
"I did, they said there's no proof since I didn't have a letter or any ransom demands."
"That'll change," he said bitterly. He stared at his cousin.
"I'm so close to going volcanic but I don't wanna wake the boys up."
"I tried," Xander defended.
"Not enough! Even Steve went off on that!"
Xander slumped. "I'm sorry."
Danny swatted him again. "You're gonna be!" He looked at Dawn, who was half-asleep. "You, go back to bed."
"You can't yell at Xander for rescuing me. You're not my sister."
"Yay!" He walked her back in there and put her down. Then he
came back to have a talk with his cousin some more. Even if he
did keep the boys from sleeping for a bit. Xander was
looking like a miserable slouch by the time he was done so they had a
talk about how to do that correctly. Also, how to find friends
that would watch the kids. Because clearly sometimes Xander needed
some help with that.
Buffy looked around the mess she and Hannibal had been forced to create, grimacing. "This sucks."
"Yes it does," Hannibal said, rubbing the back of his neck. "There
for a minute I almost turned into Xander." She cackled, patting
him on the arm. He shook his head. "Think there's more?"
"There's always more," she complained. He groaned and they picked
up their weapons to go find them. The city of Columbus had
specifically called them to help with this problem. When the house
was clear of the steroid concoction using vampires, they went to hunt
the ones that weren't there. "Did we get a sample for someone official
to look at?"
"Yeah, got their remaining bottles in my bag," Hannibal said.
"That's why I ducked into the kitchen. Half of those you have to
keep cold. Thankfully they had ice packs." She grinned at
him. "We don't have another apocalypse for a while, right?"
"Not that I know of. After this, I'm heading to England for six weeks."
"I might take my own vacation." He winced as he moved one shoulder.
"Going to let Dawn baby you?" she guessed with a smirk.
"Maybe I'll let Xander's boys baby me. Dawn's a dick tease.
So far only Jensen seems to be growing into that bad habit."
"Yeah, we taught her well since she can't put out, ever."
"She could," he said patiently.
"No she can't. We can't be sure the blood won't call something."
"I'm pretty sure that's why she dick teases hunters," he shot
back. "Since they could handle something if it did happen."
Buffy gaped at him. He nodded. "Xander thought so too.
It's not like we'd flinch at the protections. Hell, half of us
would probably add to them."
"Good point." She shook her head quickly to banish that image. "Still safer if she doesn't."
"It's probably safer if she wasn't a virgin witch," he said dryly. "How many things come for them?"
"Oooh, forgot about that."
"Yeah," he said dryly. "Worry more if she decides to have kids,
Buffy." They were attacked and he beheaded one and let her get the
other two since they were on her side of the sidewalk. One tried
to flee and Hannibal shot them with the thermal round, making them go up
in a fast gout of flame. "Thanks for heating up the chilly air,"
he said dryly. "Maybe I'll go to Miami and soak up the beach there
for a bit. They've had some interesting cases."
"Have fun," she sighed. "I want peace and quiet or I'd join
you. The last time I was in Orlando, we had a fanboy incident."
He snickered. "I heard. Dawn told me." She swatted him on the arm. "I think it's cute you get fanboys."
"I don't. One tried to grope." She pouted. "Why can't I find someone nice to grope?"
"Find a human hunter, Buffy," he said dryly. "But not me."
She swatted him again. "You're too much like Xander."
"Uh-huh." He rolled his eyes as they kept moving.
"You are. Everyone considers you like Xander light. We
figured that's why Dawn crushed on you and all that." He glared at
her. "You like weapons but not artillery like he does. You
can handle a sword and other weapons like he does, including his axe
since only you two can use the thing. Dawn crushed on you
both. You tell bad jokes to relieve tension." He walked off
shaking his head. "We consider your buddy Abby like Faith light so
don't feel bad."
"Uh-huh. I've killed more than my fair share and don't date arms
dealers," he pointed out. He wasn't going to be bitter about being
compared to Xander.
"That just means you're sane."
He glared at her. "I've hunted more years than Xander has."
"Probably since you're a bit older." She smiled. "It's not
meant to piss you off, Hanni." He growled at the pet name.
"Want ear scratches?"
"No, I gave them up for lent," he snapped back.
"We categorize most of the hunters we've found into that sort of
category and how far down the scale they are. If they don't fit on
that scale or one of the other 'light' scales we don't like working
with them because we don't understand them. That's also how we
know who to send out with them. Because some girls work well with
Xander's style and your style but some don't. Some work well with
Faith and Abby's style and some don't."
"Point," he admitted, backing down from being pissed off. "There's hunters that don't remind you of Xander."
"We don't like to work with them unless they remind us of me, Faith,
Xander, or Kendra. We don't understand how they work."
"I get that," he admitted. "Though that does cover most of the hunters I know."
"And the others, we have one of the others come help." She smiled. "Before we asked Xander to handle them."
"I know a few got pissed off at that. One figured you were trying to keep them from flirting with the slayers."
"The girls could use good boys flirting with them. So could I actually."
"Go hit on that guy Kenny."
"I tried, he was a douche and bad in bed. Even worse than Angel."
She shrugged. "First love, ya know?"
"No! Mine was sane and in sixth grade." She gave him an odd
look. He nodded. "I'm pretty sure you dated before him."
"Yeah, I was dating a basketball player." She shrugged. "We never got beyond groping and he was way handsy."
"Yeah, that sounds like most teenage guys." He considered
it. "I'll introduce you to Powell. He's a decent
hunter. He's human, which is a nice change for you, but I'm sure
you'll be able to handle any little spats without staking him?"
"Probably. It is easier than huffing off into the night." He gave her a look. "Sometimes it's easier."
"I realize that," he assured her sarcastically. "I've had a few that way."
"Succuba?" she teased with a grin.
"Once or twice to take the mojo someone threw at me. Xander does
now and then to deal with the hellmouth taint issue. Jensen did
*not* like that idea at all. He scowled at me *so* hard."
She cackled. "The babies are great."
"They are great fun. Dawn texted earlier."
"I heard your phone beep. Anything good?"
"She got taken by some people who hated the supernatural
community. Xander couldn't find anyone to sit so the boys got to
sit on the porch in their stroller while he kicked ass. She was
pouting that Xander's cousin chewed on him about that."
"Yeah, I would too!" she complained, getting a vamp rushing their
way. Hannibal let the victim pass between them then punched the
next vampire. It turned out to be human so he walked over them and
got the real vampire while Buffy got that human help.
"Sorry," he said. "Usually they're chasing single victims."
He beheaded the other ones while Buffy babied the guy. Hannibal
cleared the rest of the infestation coming their way, mostly normal
suckheads. A few more of the enhanced ones were around and one was
sniffing at them from the bushes. Buffy used her crossbow on him
so he came staggering out. These ones you had to behead.
Which Hannibal did. The other roared and came out so he casually
got that one too. "There. All the bad things are down for
their dirt naps for eternity." He wiped off his blade and put it
back in the holder on his back. Paramedics rushed over. "I
got him by accident thinking he was one of the vampire problems."
One of the paramedics vamped out.
Buffy smiled. "Hi, I'm the slayer Buffy." The vamp paramedic
gave a nervous laugh as he ran off. "Okay then." The human
one got help loading the victims into the ambulance and then she and
Hannibal went back to their walk through the park. "That was a
"This is better than golf." She gave him an odd look. "People have described golf as a walk with violence."
"Oh!" She nodded. "Yeah, that's about patrol," she admitted
with a smile for him. If only he wasn't so goofy she'd have hit on
He smirked back. "You do need a vacation."
"Yeah, I do. I'd go check on Xander and the boys but Dawn would complain I would be checking on her."
"Probably. You are a bit overprotective of her."
"That's why they made her my sister," she quipped.
"You're less protective of the baby slayers."
"They can handle themselves better."
"Uh-huh. Dawn's been taking self-defense since she was fifteen,
Buffy. Even if she does get taken now and then," he said at her
pointed look. "So did Xander and he can take care of himself."
"It's still safer if they're there."
"Maybe. When Jensen texted he hit Xander's whole contact
list." She groaned and turned to lean her head against a tree and
kick it a few times. "I'm told only one of his ex's or wanters
"Yay," she said flatly, looking at him. "The police in Hawaii must be nuts by now."
"One's his cousin."
"Does he have that same sort of problem?"
"Not that I've seen. Then again, he has an overprotective
SEAL as a boss. You could use one of those." He
grinned. She huffed. They walked off once she was done being
a girl. She was definitely the most girly of all the slayers and
hunters. It was fun twitting her sometimes. Though he would
have to see if McGarrett had any SEAL buddies that were single.
It'd be nice to see Buffy with someone decent and human.
Six weeks later, Hannibal was in Miami getting stitches for the sixth
time in a week. The ER people hated him. They were poking
way too hard tonight. He was unhappy. He was nearly
pouting. Abby had laughed when he had complained to her last
night. So maybe he needed to slow down. He called Abby
back. "Got anything not here in Miami?" He listened.
"Giles has it set up? Sure, I can escort them to Hawaii.
I've been there recently," he said dryly. "Help the girls pack
sensible things? I can fly up tomorrow. Thanks, Abby."
He hung up and looked at the nurse helping with the stitches.
"Will I get out by tomorrow?"
"Only if you quit going out and getting injured," she snapped.
"Sometimes hunting is like that but the club they had taken over is
free." She glared. He stared back. "You wanted more
dead college kids?"
The doctor cleared her throat. "Perhaps you should take a break,
heal fully, take some time to sleep and all that," she said calmly and
quietly. "That way you aren't so exhausted and don't get hurt so
He nodded. "Giles needs me or someone with sense to take the miniest slayers to their new house."
"That sounds ideal and Hawaii is a great vacation spot."
"I was there before the last battle," he admitted. "I spent two weeks on the beach." He grinned.
"Then it sounds like you should go back," the nurse said. They got
finished and let him check himself out. He still had the
antibiotics from the last three days' worth of stitches so he'd be fine.
Hannibal walked the mini slayers into McGarrett's office. "Guys,
this is Xander's cousin," he said with a point. The mini slayers
stared in awe at him. "If something happens you *always* trust
this team." They nodded. Steve was standing in his office
doorway. "This is McGarrett. He's a former SEAL so he's like
Xander Light. A bit more serious but can handle the weapons the
same way." They smiled and one shyly waved at him. "That is
Detective Chin Ho Kelly and his cousin, Officer Kono
I-can't-pronounce-her-name. Kono can kick just as much ass as I
"Can we ask her big girl questions?" one asked, looking at her.
"If I'm not busy but I have no sisters so I'm not sure how to answer some without giving way too much information."
They shrugged. "Better you than Buffy or Faith."
"Could be," she agreed, smiling at them. "Riding herd, Hannibal?"
"The senior slayer that's coming out to be house mother is delayed by
getting her casts put on today. She ran into one of Buffy's living
ex's and they got into it." He looked at McGarrett. "Can
you talk to the SEALs there and have one of them date her?"
"I can mention she's single and likes them tough and dangerous," he quipped. "Aren't they on another island?"
"Yes, but we're breaking tonight to have a cookout in Xander's
backyard." One cooed. "And so she can play with the kids."
"That's cool." Steve looked at them. "None of you date arms
dealers like Xander does, do you?" They giggled and shook their
heads with smiles. "Good. Because he drives us nuts."
Danny smiled and handed over his card. "If you ladies have
problems, you call us. We handle major things and Steve's been
told it's his duty to jump into anything too huge in the demonic sense
too." They nodded, putting the number in their phones. "I
know that Xander's home today and Dawn is at her apartment."
"That's cool. They can call her over to talk tonight." The
girls smiled at him. "Let's get you to Xander and the boys.
He's got to have food." They perked up and followed him out to the
rental van. The seven mini slayers were cute but very young and
"I couldn't even imagine having the sort of power the slayers have at six," Kono said quietly.
"Me either," Danny said, grimacing. "But we'll handle it and it'll
be good for those girls to grow up mostly normal. Xander said
they can't hunt until they're at least sixteen." They nodded that
was good and got back to work. It was cute that they had all given
Steve adoring looks like they could crush on him.
Xander looked up as the door opened and Hannibal walked in. "Couldn't stay away from the diapers?" he teased with a grin.
"Not hardly. Klia is getting casts."
"I heard. Buffy called to complain." He looked at the girls. "Hi, kids." They pounced him to cuddle.
Roque was in there and giving the mini slayers dirty looks.
Hannibal patted him on the head. "All the minis love Xander.
He got most of them out of harms way." One looked over and pulled
Roque over to cuddle with the group hug. "We're going to Lihue
"Okay." He got the girls situated, letting them grab the rest of
the boys from their naps to play with in the back yard. "Go dig me
a pit, Hannibal." He went out to do that in the area Xander had
set up a spit. Xander got the half a cow he had bought from the
freezer and brought it in to pour warm water over it then season
it. It went onto the spit, the pit underneath got wood and then
wrapped potatoes and root veggies. Hannibal started the automatic
spit and it was good. The neighbors might complain about the smell
but it was good and he'd share if they wanted. The girls watched
in awe and cuddled the boys, and the few that had to share a baby were
happy to. Once it was all set up and the girls had snacks and
drinks with the babies, they got down to playing in the yard and
swapping kids to cuddle.
Dawn strolled in and gave Hannibal a hug then Xander. She looked
in the back yard. "Are they playing Slayer Rummy for the kids?"
"Yeah. Right now the little redhead out there is betting two cuddle rounds of Cougar and one of Jensen."
Dawn smiled as she walked out, getting her own hugs. "They are
excellent cuddles. When I was so sick, they spent a lot of time
helping by cuddling me." The girls beamed and let her hug each of
them then they went back to their card game. The boys were making
unhappy noises so she got the girls to help her change them. Then
they went back to their cuddle rounds. No matter how much the boys
fussed until they got bottles shoved on them.
Hannibal looked at Xander. "They're just a few islands over."
"I know." He grinned. "Why the long layover?"
"Had to. Giles misjudged the flight time. I changed it since
they would've flown overnight last night and had all day today to
recover. This way they'll sleep until dinner, eat, play with the
boys, go back to bed for the short flight tomorrow."
"That's more reasonable." They watched Dawn play with them. "She's good."
"She is." Hannibal looked at him. "I had them stop in on
your cousin so they'd know who to call if something huge happened."
"Welcome. He still nagging you?"
"Yup." Hannibal picked up an apple to clean off and eat. "I didn't have an option."
"I get that. I'm not going to nag. You had that one in
Cleveland where you had to do the same thing and they were
smaller." He smiled at Cougar since he was crawling inside.
"If you make them cry they're going to cuddle harder." The baby
huffed. Xander picked him up to cuddle him.
"Did he need daddy time?" one of the girls asked, pouting at him.
"Give me a minute and I'll bring out more snacks." She grinned and
took Cougar out to tell the others. Xander made more treats and
brought them out, smiling at the officers coming to check on the
complaint about their 'barbeque'. "Hi, guys."
"Mr. Harris," one said, looking at the girls. "More kids for you to handle?"
"No, these are the mini slayers that Giles is setting up in Lihue.
They're too young to be on the hellmouth so he set up a house with a
senior, injured slayer watching over them."
The officer smiled. "That's great and I'm sure they'll be really
safe there. We had reports of a huge pit cookout? You know
you're not supposed to do that in the city, right?" Xander
pointed. "Oh. A spit?"
Xander smiled. "I spent a lot of time in Africa, Officer Mike."
"That makes more sense." He smiled at the girls. "You'll like Lihue. It's very pretty."
"It has a mall," one quipped.
Xander looked at her. "Are you Buffy's clone?" She giggled
and swatted him on the leg but went back to cuddling Frank.
The officer grinned. "All girls like to shop." He looked at Xander. "Can you keep down the smoke?"
"It's not all that smokey but next time I'll have a better cover over it."
"That'll work. Thank you, Mr. Harris, and I hope they have an
uneventful time here." He left, going to tell the whining neighbor
that he had friends over to greet them to the islands. She huffed
but it was fine with her since he said it was all little kids.
Xander looked at the neighbor who usually talked to him over the fence,
who pointed to his other side. He grinned. "Guys, this is my
neighbor. She's a nice lady. She's a social worker."
They smiled and waved.
"They're adorable, Xander. And very cuddly looking too." She
smiled. "Have a good cookout." She went back inside.
Hannibal looked at the girls then at the pit. "Put a palm frond cover?"
"Yeah, probably." They got up to get some from the garage and put
it up. Xander could put up a more permanent smoke cover
later. The girls were playing trucks with the boys and they liked
that even though they were still being cuddled. It was the price
you paid for being tiny and cute. Or even big and cute with the
way Dawn was trying hard not to cuddle Hannibal. Xander rolled his
eyes and pushed Hannibal at her, earning a smirk. He went back
Hannibal looked down at her. "You know your sister wants you to stay a virgin witch forever?"
"Yeah but that's a sucky fate since I'm not a nun."
"True." He smirked.
She smirked back. "I even have an apartment that has beach access."
"That's cool. Lots of pretty college girls?"
"Hell no. Why do I want the competition?" He laughed
and hugged her. She pinched him on the arm and strolled over to
help with the fussing Cougar and Frank were doing. "They're being
boys," she explained. The girls let them go hide for a bit.
It meant they could hunt them down later. They were slayers, they
were good hunters.
Xander watched the boys crawl inside and head to their various hiding
places. "Jensen, don't hide under the couch so we don't squish you
when we sit down." He changed direction and went to hide in
Xander's closet with his geek t-shirts. Cougar found a spot to
crawl up into a cabinet and shut it as much as he could behind
himself. Roque found a place in the armory in the gun
closet. Clay found one in the living room behind the tv.
Pooch was upstairs in the bathroom, behind the tub. Xander shook
his head. His boys were something else but the girls needed to
know what good boys were so they didn't date like Buffy. They
could put up with being cuddled for a day or so. He saw Pooch
leave the bathroom and head for the spot under Xander's bed that no one
could see into. It was a nice napping spot.
Hannibal walked in and looked around then at him. "Jensen has
pulled most of your shirts down to nap under. He's already
snoring. Cougar's got the best spot," he said quietly.
"He does," Xander agreed with a grin. "Maybe with exposure to the
boys we don't have to have the 'don't date something stakeable' talk
"Hopefully. I suggested the scowly SEAL ask his buddies there to date her."
"Might help, yeah." He looked Hannibal over. "Neosporin is in the medicine cabinet."
"Thanks. Miami was sucky." He went up to take care of his
stitches. Dawn came up to help, making him moan and hang his
"I heard, Hanni."
He looked at her. "I hate pet names."
She kissed him on the cheek and blushed. "Sorry." He
grinned. She smirked back and got back to the injury care.
One of the mini slayers walked in. "Did you have a bad hunt, Mr. Hannibal?"
"Miami had a lot of vampires, Bethie. I had six really bad nights of hunting."
"Oooh." He nodded. "Can I have the potty?"
"Sure," he promised, letting Dawn lead him back down to the kitchen so she could finish all the wound care.
Xander handed over bottles of soda and then water to Bethie for all of
the girls. They came in to nap for a while, spreading out around
the living room and the armory. The mini Buffy liked the weapons
in there so she curled around a crossbow. Xander smiled and took
pictures. It was adorable but he was still happy he had sons
instead of daughters.
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