Steve McGarrett was back on the local navy base. He had a contact
who was flying in today on his way to Guam. He saluted but got a
smile and a hug back. "What did you find for me?"
"A lot. Including that there's some scary people who respect that
boy. Some that shows we need to go chew on the Council. Some
that makes me want to find someone to tie the boy to so he can't
date. I even found the demon underground's file. It mentions
a lot of things that aren't in the other ones. The Moroccan one
is horrifying. The demon one made me break my ten years of
Steve winced. "I'm working with his cousin. He said he'd have me eaten if I got him hurt again."
"Yeah, he will from what I'm seeing." He handed over the manilla
envelopes. "If he's all that he's burnt out, he's overprotective,
and he's going to growl at anyone who comes anywhere near his
in-group. He'll still protect those girls of his and he hates them
half the time."
"I've seen that part." He grimaced, looking at the thickness. "How many people has he ruined like he did in LA?"
"Seven. Unfortunately most of it went back to weapons for the
slayers that he never got reimbursed for. When I found that, I
talked to our Joint Chief. He talked to the president, who called
in Rupert Giles to chew him out. Mostly because he doesn't want to
see what happens if the boys get sick and he has to sell
something. Especially since he got sent a few bombs
recently. Including one by the guy you're looking for."
"He told my partner about that," Steve said with a grimace. Xander
had mentioned it four days after it had happened. "Did the
chewing do any good?"
"I heard he was embarrassed but felt there was nothing he could
do. The president apparently told him how much he had spent.
Giles was horrified about how he made the money but also that the
weapons were that expensive. Apparently swords and crossbows are
cheaper than missile systems."
"I'd say," Steve complained. "Hess sent him a bomb?"
"Yes, and that got a lot of people very pissed off. Everyone from
one of the vampires attached to the Council to a very high up clan of
Chinese mafia sorts. Who adopted the boys as his heirs."
"I heard. They came and talked to Danno with me about that because they knew Xander did not want it to impact his job."
"That's nice of the boy. How many blood hunters have you seen?"
"Six. I've arrested four and two left before I got them. How many did I not hear anything about?"
"Four that he beat the crap out of and put into a rowboat that he sent
out with the tide. They were rescued by the Coast Guard halfway
back to the mainland." He smirked. "They were not happy and
one had dated the boy. The president told Rosenburg if she ever
opened her mouth about that subject again he was going to throw her in
prison for life. She's going to Gitmo. She nearly got sent
during their discussion. Twice. The Secret Service wasn't sure she
didn't magic him a little bit. Giles sent her to England and they
were requested to keep her over there this time. That we didn't
want her back outside of emergency things."
Steve nodded. "She freaks me out too," he admitted. "Any good news?"
"If the boy considers you part of his pack, until you screw up by moving
against him he'll protect you with his life. He'd still protect
the girls even though they screwed him up. Also, the Secret
Service, who got all those for me, said that the Treasury was looking
for him about one of the inheritances."
"Blocked since they were a terrorist."
"I'll have him talk to the locals."
"They'll be out next week but it's one of the jackasses from behind the desks in the upper levels."
"I'll warn him then. Any other good news?"
He smiled. "He has presidential permission but the president
expected you to do an inventory for your needs and the needs of the
"I've been planning to but I haven't gotten out of the office recently." He shook his hand. "Thanks."
"Welcome. Good luck. He's an interesting young man but he's still only twenty-eight."
Steve winced. "I thought he was older."
"Because he was worn out in Africa."
"He's still being worn out because he's not recovering."
"He's got burn out."
"He's not eating. Still."
His friend winced. "Doesn't surprise me. By the way, have a
beer or six when you read the files from Africa and Russia. Don't
let his cousin read them first."
"I won't." He shook his hand again. "Safe flight."
"Safe drive and let's hope you have fewer mad people soon." He
walked off happier. He had given him enough to let him form his
own opinion but Steve had listened to the cautions he had given.
The boy was going to drive him nuts.
Steve came in the next morning looking like hadn't slept. Which he
hadn't. He looked like he had been drinking. Which he had,
though he was sober because he had thrown a good bit of it back
up. Even his swim hadn't felt right after his reading last
night. He looked at Danno. "I got his files," he said
quietly. "He scares me."
"He does himself sometimes." He held out a hand.
"Some of it's where he wasn't real steady before his best friend was
taken. Some of it's that he's scary now. He apparently has a
'screw it' switch."
"He had that when he was a little kid whenever he got picked on.
He couldn't fight but as soon as they moved off he threw rocks and shit
at them until they learned not to come near him, Jesse, and Willow."
"Who was Jesse?" Steve asked.
"The one who got taken and turned," Danny said quietly.
"Okay," Steve said. "He needs help."
"Which he won't take because he'll think it's nagging."
"Do you know someone who can understand?" Danny countered.
"There's a counselor on the base that could probably help him and the kids when they're older."
"I'll see if he wants their name."
"I'll see if they want his name. That way I can ask if he really
did spend over thirty million on weapons he never got reimbursed for and
how much he has left."
Danny winced. "Probably more. Right now his armory is pretty weak. He left them some."
"The president chewed them all and nearly sent Rosenburg to
Gitmo." Danno beamed at that tidbit. "She's in England and
not allowed to come back."
"Wonderful! Hopefully they'll teach her sense."
"I can only hope." He shook his head. "Some of it's classified."
"Yay. I might already know those parts thanks to Xander.
What he considered classified is different than the government's
"Will he want everyone to know?"
"No but I'm not everyone. I'm his cousin and part of his
family." He wiggled his fingers. Steve pulled the envelopes
out to hand to him. "Where?"
"Morocco. England. Demon underground. Ours is a piece
of crap." He went to his office. He had things in there for
Danny turned around to read them on his desk. Within ten minutes he wanted a beer. "Damn."
"Go see what they didn't get," Steve ordered.
"I can do that." He took them to his car to go wake Xander
up. Since they were all snoring he flopped down on the couch to
read until Xander got up. Then they'd talk and maybe he could help
his cousin calm down. He was still too tense. Nothing in
Hawaii was that bad.
Xander walked into the bar later that afternoon without the kids.
"Whoever narked, I want to spar with you." He walked off
again. He had to pick up stuff for dinner. The kids were
being picky eaters this week. Maybe it was too much fruit but they
hated to eat anything he cooked at the moment.
The bartender winced and looked around. "Who told his cousin where to find his real dossier?"
"Someone in the Pentagon got it," one of the guys in a shadowy corner
said. "Then I heard the president saw it and threw a hissy fit."
"That's a bad thing." The bookie looked at him. "Against Harris?"
"On the Council people." He smirked, you could see his white teeth
in the dark spot. "He sent Rosenburg to England for good."
"Good!" a few people complained.
Xander came back with a sno cone and a grimace. "Anyone got any
idea why the kids are being fussy about fresh food? I've been
cooking and giving them about whatever they wanted."
"Boy, have you not eaten in weeks?" someone demanded.
Xander gave him an odd look. "Yeah, I eat about every day."
"I'm telling your cousin to tie your ass down and feed you!" He
pulled out his phone. Xander took it and put it on the
table. "Your boys are fussing because they know you haven't been
eating. I'm pretty sure they don't want you to die this year," he
"I've been eating. I didn't eat all that much during my last few
assignments so I'm working my way back up to it." He ate a bite of
sno cone. "I'm fine. They hate food."
"Yeah," he said dryly. He saw someone sneaking behind
Xander. Xander still sensed them somehow and moved, which let him
nerve pinch him. "You need a wife," he said, cracking a few people
up. "Anyone want him tonight?" A few nodded and took him
home to cook and fuss over him, and sleep with him because he was great
in bed. They knew that already. The boys helped them fuss
and it was great. Even if little Frank was trying to flirt with
Grace frowned, hanging up the phone. "Mommy?" She looked out
from the kitchen. "Xander was carried home by three women who are
going to treat him like the babies? Some guy said to tell Danno
She called him and repeated that. He grumbled but said he'd check
on them. She hung up and smiled. "If he calls back, hand me
the phone dear."
"Xander said that the bad guys would not come near me, Mommy. He growled at the one who tried."
"That's great, dear." She took her into the kitchen to make sure
she was all right and to ask her about that incident. Clearly
someone needed spanked and she wasn't sure who it was.
Steve used his partner's log in to get into Xander's house. "I'm
here to do your inventory," he yelled. Someone yelped and came
rushing down the stairs. He pulled cuffs and smirked.
"You're on my island."
"I'm taking care of Xander. Even the kids are worried about him."
"Danno said the kids are tired of fruit." He smirked. "Get off my island."
"I live here," she complained. "Besides, you're just a *SEAL*. I don't have to listen to you."
He held up his shiny new badge with a smirk. "His cousin said so
too. We want Xander to have good girls or boys, someone who'll
watch over the boys with him."
"Hai has that all wrapped up until he has his own heirs." She gave him a smug look. "Aren't you trespassing?"
"No. I have oversight of his armory."
"Sucks to be you then," she quipped, going back up the stairs.
"Xander, there's a guy here who thinks he's as tough as you are."
"I nearly beat him the other night," Steve called.
Xander came down the stairs, giving him a dirty look. "We fed the babies."
"I'm doing your armory review and inventory. That way I know what I
can borrow when I have to blow up all the arms dealers on my island."
"It's on the clipboard," he complained. He went to get some water
and then up the stairs. "The kids are amusing themselves."
"Uh-huh." He found the clipboard and looked it over. "I thought you'd have more."
"I would if I hadn't had to leave some of it for the slayers," Xander
called back. "Whichever one of you laid that nasty smelling thing
let me know," he complained, heading for the babies' rooms. One
cackled so he got changed. The others got checked and put back
down. He went back to the fussing he was getting. It was
very nice of them to fuss over him. He was feeling a bit tired and
frustrated. They were a good cure for the frustration at least.
Steve shook his head. He knew that person and there were a lot of
people who he'd rather Xander dated. They'd be safer. Hell, a
serial killer might be safer than the one he had met. He
checked. The closets were full but the inventory was nicely
done. It was correct too. Xander seriously needed to upgrade
to more modern weapons but otherwise it was a well thought out
collection for a ground war situation, which is what the kid dealt with
for the most part. He heard a cackle and looked up. "I have
no clue how you change diapers," he said to the ceiling. The
cackling continued. He sighed and went up there, meeting Xander in
the hallway. "Should I tell Grace to come fuss?"
"No, she'll come over to fuss over the kids." He changed Jensen
and put him back down, earning a pout. "Dear, I'm having some
adult fun with three pretty, dangerous women. Pout at
Cougar?" Jensen beamed and babbled at Cougar, who huffed but let
him since it was nice noise he could sleep to. Xander went back to
Steve went back downstairs before he heard things he shouldn't. It
unfortunately didn't keep him from hearing the squeals but that was
really loud so you could probably hear it on the street. He
settled in to make some suggestions to see if Xander could get
them. He could use them during problematic situations. It
was more easily carried than the heavier, older bazookas and the
like. Though the old school way was nearly fail-proof and accurate
if you knew what you were doing. Cheaper too probably. The
ladies trooped out a few hours later. Steve looked at Xander as he
came down. "Bazookas?"
"I can get those for a few thou each and maybe a blowjob depending on
who I'm getting them from." He shrugged. "They're handy and
the slayers can use them."
"I can understand that. How about some newer things?"
"No money to buy weapons."
Steve nodded. "Well, if you do," he said, handing over the list.
Xander starred some. "I left them in Cleveland and the others with
the triangle in Africa." He smirked. "If you want to
babysit for about two weeks I can go liberate some."
"No thanks. I'm not really ready to babysit something that young. I have no idea how to do diapers."
"Neither did I before all this." He sipped his water, staring at him. "Why are you hovering?"
"So your cousin doesn't have to." He stared at him. "I read those."
"I figured you did," he said dryly. "So?"
"I know a good post-combat review shrink that could help."
"Not really necessary. I babble at the boys."
"I'm sure they understand with what the movie showed but this way you
could get some guidance on getting back to a semi-normal life.
Because I'm told the president nearly sent a few of the senior members
of the Council to Gitmo yesterday."
"I heard he nearly sent Willow."
"No, he had another talk with your Mr. Giles and he nearly went
too. The president is pissed off that there's underage girls
hunting and things."
"We do what we can to make sure every single slayer is trained, stable,
and healthy. They do not go out on real patrol until they're at
least seventeen. That's the way it was decided on. Outside
Steve shook his head. "There's been a few younger ones."
"They're there to observe and learn the patrol rhythm."
Steve shook his head again. "Not from what I heard. He had a fifteen-year-old out hunting by herself."
"Where were the senior girls?"
"I don't want to take control. I really don't," Xander complained. "I might have to."
"Retired," Steve said when Xander found his phone.
Xander snorted. He called. "Don't make me come back there,
Faith. The boys would run you all ragged spoiling them." He
smirked at the much liked voice. "I heard Giles nearly made it to
Gitmo today." He leaned on the counter. "That sucks
ass. Well, I'd appreciate being paid for them and for my salary
for the last year and a half that I didn't really get," he said
dryly. "And then I'd really love to have the rest of my weapons
back since I heard Riley's out there touching them in that special
'blowing the gun's barrel' way."
He smirked. "That's reasonable. Tell Dawn she forgot my
comic collection and that whole set of stuff? Grand.
Thanks. No, but the FBI wants me to go pro and take down some more
arms dealers. They think I can sleep with them, make them adore
me, and then take them out of harm's way so I can have their
wallets." He smirked at Steve. "She's shuddering in
horror. Yeah, I heard Hai adopted the boys. It's really nice
of him. Keeps me from having to blow up parts of China when one
of their idiots comes over here to try me or the kids. No, I'm
okay. I'm being nagged that I'm not eating enough. I had a
few friends over earlier. They're fine. They're in their
cribs and napping hopefully. Or at least playing with their toes
"And my cousin's partner is here. No, as in PD, Faith. Not
as in domestic, no. Though I've heard there's a betting
pool. Douggie said he got asked to start one." He smirked at
Steve. "Dawn took pictures of you guys and she thinks you're hot
but gay too." He went back to it. "Well, if I get the
weapons back then maybe I can make some judicious trades to get stuff we
need, like diapers. And tell Giles I still haven't gotten the pay
he should've given me for going back there. Or, hey, I can go talk to
my ex over there." She hung up and walked off yelling at
people. He put his phone back down. "I don't want Riley to
touch my weapons. It'd be like letting him touch me and that's
creepy because he's a douchebag."
"I saw his name attached to a few things and looked at the spider web
around your group. I agree, he's a douchebag and all the SEALs I
know would kill him for not turning on them on day one." Xander
smirked. "You guys handed over someone?"
"That was Giles' call, not mine."
"I figured it was. Is he that bad?"
"The highest priest to Janus on this plane? Depends on his mood I guess."
"Janus, the Roman god of doorways?" Steve said, trying to figure that out.
"Also a chaos god."
"Oh. Oooh," he said with a wince. "He's not local, right?"
"Decent." Steve smiled. "I saw a note about Hoopda?"
"Don't ask," he muttered. "But not coming here."
"She bought up the street."
"Restraining order? I'm fairly certain your cousin would help you file for one with the way he hates who you pick up."
"I'll let the cuteness of the boys infect her too. She could cook
and bake. Jensen will enjoy flirting with her and Clay too
"Fine. If you need rescued, call."
Xander snorted. "She's more likely to stab me because the last
time I saw her I was in the airport on my way to Russia and didn't have
time to talk to her."
"You realize normal women would only be pouty or scowl about that? If that?"
"Yeah but the normal ones don't like me."
"Maybe we'll find some to introduce you to."
"You could introduce me to the pretty assassin that you live near. She's adorable and just the right sort of hot."
Steve looked at him. "What assassin? The only young woman that lives near me is Thelma Blair."
"Yeah, I know." He grinned, walking around him. "I'm
coming." He went up to check on them. Pooch needed
burped. Xander looked at him when he had thrown up all over them
both. "Are you better?" He took him to get a bath.
Xander needed a washcloth for now. He'd shower in a few.
Pooch pouted but patted the water. "The only other one up is
Roque. I can get him so you're not alone." Steve carried him
in. Pooch glared. Xander patted him on the head.
"What did I say?" Pooch let himself be fussed over and Roque
looked worried. "He's fine, guys. If I could make it through
six illnesses in Africa, three while taking care of a sick slayer, then
I can get him through this." Roque calmed down.
"They mentioned three," Steve said.
"Yeah, there's some gaps. Almost six months of gaps from what I
saw. Then again, I had a snake bite I had to treat and then got
hellishly sick from whatever lizard we ate having a slightly poisonous
flesh, and then I got sick twice in a row, once with my slayer at the
"Huh. Want me to pull some bloodwork?"
"Hell no. There's ways of people finding out what you saw, including scrying."
"I don't know too many terrorists who use magic."
"Six smaller groups. Two Chinese, one Arabic out of lower, eastern
India. There's one group in Iran but they've been quiet so they
might've went suicide cult. Two out of Africa."
"Huh. Are any of them coming after you?"
"Yes. Willow opened her mouth and there were members of the Arabic
one in the mall. They were trying to get one of the slayers back
home where she belonged so they could kill her. Hai knows there's
some and his group hates the two Chinese ones, they're his
competition." He looked over. "I'm only worried about the
African one from lower, mid Africa. They're nastier than the
Russian mob about not caring about collateral damage."
"In that case, no. The other one is. Their leader is haunted
so they all know about the supernatural. Most of them ignore
it." He looked at the kids again. Roque was staring at
him. He grinned. "They don't even want the mermaid
taint." Roque groaned and went back to fussing at Pooch since he
looked like he was about to get sick again. Xander pulled Pooch
out and pointed him toward the toilet in time to get most of it in there
instead of in the tub. "Guess who gets to go to the baby doctor
tomorrow," he said dryly.
"Have fun with that," Steve said, shaking his head. "Do you have any files on those groups?"
"That's in the stuff Dawn left. If not, talk to the bartender
where I go to hang out. He was an agent at one time and can call
to get you some."
"I can do that." He got Roque out and dried off. He looked
at the diaper. "Tabs in the back?" Xander put Pooch on the
rug in front of the toilet and took Roque to diaper him. "I can
figure that out. Let's get you dressed," he said, carrying him to
his bedroom. Clay was staring. "Pooch has the flu or
something." Clay groaned and laid back down. He got Roque
dressed and down into his bed. "It'll be another full day
tomorrow, guys." He went back to help with Pooch, who was throwing up
again. "Want to hit the ER?"
"No, we'll be fine. It's the flu and the new baby doctor has a
walk-in." Steve nodded. Xander looked at him. "I don't
need hovered over."
"Yes you do. Danny would be." He smirked. "I'm saving
his temper to yell at my bad guys tomorrow instead of you."
"Quite possibly. Then again I'm not sure if I really shouldn't
find a sitter." He looked at Pooch. "Better?" He shook
his head and started to throw up again. "Okay, we'll handle it,"
he promised. Pooch finally quit getting sick and got bathed
again then put into bed. Xander took his own shower and got
dressed. It was nearly dawn so he called his doc's answering
service to get the sick kid walk-in rules. Steve ended up napping
on the couch but Xander supposed he could put up with it. It would
keep his cousin from worrying and stressing out. Danny didn't
need that. Steve was making sure it wouldn't happen so he'd let it
go for now.
Though he did call out to Cleveland and make sure all the rest of his
things and his weapons were coming. Dawn got huffy but Xander
reminded her that he didn't want Riley fondling them. Plus Giles
was pissing him off. She agreed to those reasons and they got
there magically thanks to their uptight, bitchy witch brigade. He
grinned and hugged them. "Thanks, ladies. That's not all my
"We used six last week," one said with a french accent. "It was fairly large and mean."
"I've seen a few of those." He grinned. "Did Giles get reminded he still owes me a backpay check?"
"Yes," one snorted. "He swears up and down you got paid."
"I wish, it would've been easier while I was in Africa." They all
went up to check on the boys. "Pooch has the flu," he
warned. "We're going to the baby doc's in the morning." He
checked and moved the weapons to his armory. Steve was already
looking over the new things. "Dossiers should be in a brown
box. If it's not here, someone got into my things."
"Riley did," one of the witches said. "He said he'll be out here to hand them over once he copies them."
"He can bring them to Steve and my backpay check from Giles," Xander quipped with a smile.
"He's being harried on that point."
"The boys go through a pack of diapers a day on a good day." She
shuddered, going to the kitchen. "He still owes me for six months
worth of no money and the rest on half-pays. Or else I'm sending
the zombie monkeys to the slayer house."
"You know someone who has zombie monkeys?" Steve asked.
Xander grinned. "Yeah, I do. Little monkeys like the helper chimps."
"Can you keep those off my island?"
"I know someone locally has two as guard monkeys. Has for years. He gets a new set each year for his birthday."
"Wonderful." He went back to looking over the artillery. "Someone tried to disable them."
"Probably the idiot." He got to work fixing things. At the
horrible shape one was in he decided he'd had enough. He was tired
and cranky now. He had been in such a good mood earlier. He
"I felt that," one of the witches called.
"Riley screwed with the weapons so you wouldn't have one when you needed it."
"That's why we used the ones we did."
"Seriously, they need the zombie monkeys." He called
someone. "Giles let Riley screw with my weapons. The ones I
left the girls for emergencies. That's what I'm calling about,
yes." He smiled. "Well, one of the boys is sick....
I've got a SEAL here helping me sort things out.... Yeah, my
cousin's boss. Why?" He looked at Steve. "She thinks
you're amazing and wonderful but too uptight too." He
listened. "That'd work. Thanks, dear." He hung up and
dug into another box, coming up with something. He put the altar
up and stared at the tiny statue. Then he put some nice fruit in
front of it. The statue smiled and ate it. "They're doing it
"Probably," the statue agreed. "I like those zombie monkeys too."
Xander grinned. "He never paid me back for the weapons
either." The statue cackled and then went back to stone.
Xander beamed and packed everything back up before putting it
away. Steve was giving him a funny look. Xander
grinned. "I found half of his temple sick with something and
stayed to help them through it."
"That was nice of you." He called a friend. "Tell me if
something happens in Cleveland. Thank you." He hung up and
went back to fixing the weapons. If he saw whoever did this he'd
hit them too. You didn't have time to fix these sort of things
during an apocalypse battle. Which would mean the world would go
to hell. He told someone he knew could get a note made to someone
higher up in the Army. Finn had been Army.
The director of Homeland Security showed up at the Council building the
next morning, staring at the smoking pile of former living room and
office areas. The rest of the house was fine but those two rooms
were destroyed. He looked at his idiot commando. "When I
assigned you here for this spring's problem I didn't expect you to take
out their weapons so they couldn't be used." Riley moaned and
flopped down. It was clear Riley's jaw was broken and so was his
arm with the way he was holding it. "How did you expect to fight
the larger-than-average problem this year without weapons?"
"We were going to get better and newer stuff, or so we were told," Buffy complained, stomping over. "Who're you?"
He smiled. "The director of Homeland Security, Miss Summers.
Technically you're all my people too." She flinched. "As
for the new weapons? No, they'd be under military control and you
don't like military helpers. So you would've had to rely on your
now retired member to do that. Since he's broke because your
people never paid him back for the ones he's gotten for you, how would
he do that again?"
"Riley said he could go date or something," she complained.
"No, he can't. He has to take care of the boys. You can't
really date while taking care of five children." She
slumped. "Also, I believe the president said to pay him for the
"Giles said he did."
"Giles is incorrect. We looked into it for him, through your own
records. One of the old timers in the legal office stopped it for
eight months." She shuddered. "Which meant he had to go even
more native than usual in Africa. As of right now, he's got one
of the boys with the flu. So they're going through more diapers
than usual." She slumped and walked off to find Giles. He
looked at Finn. "We're going to be talking." Riley
nodded. The director looked around. "What did this?"
Riley pointed at one set of beady eyes in a shadow.
"Huh. Are those the zombie monkeys Harris wanted to send?"
Riley choked and whimpered, shaking his head. "I wanted to see
what they could do." He walked over. The small lizard flew
out and breathed fire at him. "Awww. My daughter would adore
one of you." It paused to stare at him. He smiled.
"It's all right. I'm sure the girls are sorry they scared you,
little one." He petted it gently and it let him. Xander had
been compared to him many a time and always favorably. So
apparently the lizard liked him just as much as it would Xander.
Giles came out to talk to him. "Mind if I take this one for my
"That'd be fine. Do watch out, they're a bit volatile and they like to start fires."
"So does she." He smiled at the little lizard. It was adorably purple, his daughter's favorite color.
Someone knocked and walked into the squad room for Steve's unit, making him look up. "What?"
"I'm here delivering to you, Commander."
"Thank you." He took the files. "I know you're not Finn."
"No, sir, the demonic mini dragons liked him too much and one of the
slayers beat him trying to save him. He's in traction with a
broken jaw and arm." Steve looked at him oddly. "She was mad
at him anyway." He smiled and pulled an envelope out of his
briefcase. "Mr. Giles was shown how he did mis-pay Mr. Harris and
sends his apologies. He did ask that Mr. Harris calm down the Lao
that like to watch over him and the boys. Apparently they're the
ones that sent the demonic mini dragons. Also, would you like a
set for the boys?"
"Hawaii has a very fragile ecosystem. We'd have to get them
approved for importation," Steve said. He took the picture of the
creature. "It's adorable."
"Two of them decided to come attack the Council and burned half the
bottom level. Thankfully one of the male witches in the house
managed to banish one of them by summoning a hellhound to eat it."
"I'll keep that in mind." He handed the picture back but got waved
off. So it went on top of the files. "Is Finn in trouble
for screwing with the weapons stash they have?"
"Yes, quite. His whole team is going to South America to handle a
large demon warlord trying to take over." He smirked. "Riley
will be down to a useable cast by then." He saluted and left.
Steve nodded. "Sounds like a punishment to me." He looked at
the files. It did not amuse him. At all. He sent an
email to someone he worked with in intelligence. He doubted other
people knew there were terrorists who liked magic. Danny leaned
in. "Magic-using terrorists."
"Charming." Steve smirked at him. "They want my cousin?"
"For his blood."
"Even more charming." He came in to look them over. They
were good files. Had enemies and what they had done, and who they
wanted and were building a list to get one way or another. "Why
does this one want Xander whole and untouched?"
"Probably some sort of sacrificial thing?" Steve guessed. "Or one of them wants him as a spouse."
"Probably that one," Danny muttered. "My poor cousin is insane."
"He had three lesser weapons traffickers over last night to baby him." He smiled.
"Yeah, sounds like Xander." He went back to reading. The
governor walked in and they both looked at her. "Ma'am."
"Detective Williams. Commander. What is going on with zombie animals? I've heard rumors of them all morning."
"Xander said there's a person he knows locally that has two pet zombie monkeys on their guard staff," Steve said.
"No. Not allowed. They might harm the crops. Or pick on someone for their brains. Sorry."
"I'll find out who and send someone to give that order," Steve
said. He held up the picture. "Apparently two of them went
to straighten out the Council last night. The director of Homeland
took one home by the notes."
She smiled. "It's adorable."
"It breathes fire," Steve said with a grin.
"If they're not native, I'd have to get them checked over." She handed it back. "Anything else I should hear?"
"Xander finally got his backpay from the Council."
Danny took it to look at. "Giles apparently pays him below minimum
wage." He tucked the flap back in. "It'll help some.
If not, I'll let him go date one of the evil things that flew in today."
"The heiresses on tv probably aren't evil," Steve quipped.
"Yes they are. My daughter will not turn into one of them."
"They're probably not your cousin's version of dangerous," the governor said with a smile. "Or I'd hope."
"You never know," Danny quipped with a grin of his own. "Any other orders?"
"Not yet." Danny walked off texting his cousin. She smiled at Steve. "New information?"
"On who might want him."
"Why would people like that want him?" she asked. "The president
never said why he was assigning him here near his cousin."
Steve got up and closed his door and looked at her. "Mr. Harris
has a blood problem," he said quietly. "Namely that he's been
exposed to a few fatal diseases that can be used by terrorists, who
would all like that." She shuddered. "As one of his supposed
friends was talking about it in a mall....."
She shuddered again. "Got it. Did they not realize that's dangerous for him?"
"I'm not sure she cared," Steve admitted. "It was Rosenburg."
"She's not allowed in Hawaii."
"I was told the president said she's not allowed in the US." The
governor smiled at him. "Unless it's an emergency. Then
she's to go back to the UK immediately."
"Even better!" She smiled. "The others?"
"No clue, ma'am. He talks to a few of them. I know he had a contact within the Council go talk to Hess."
"Good." She opened the door. "Send someone to get those
zombies off my island one way or another, Commander. And any
others you hear of." She left, going back to her office.
Chin Ho Kelly looked over. "We have zombies on the islands?"
"They're on Kauai," Danny said. "They're guard zombie monkeys."
Steve shook his head. "We're to tell them to get off the island."
"Send someone we hate," Danny quipped with a smirk. "Then we can
find out who gave one of the boys a poison. The doc found it and
Xander's very, very calm right now."
"Go talk to that bar," Steve ordered. "Send that patrol officer
that tried to ticket you for being white to talk to the zombies."
Danny nodded, sending that order on to that boss. Steve went to
the hospital to get the results of the bloodwork. "What sort of
poison?" he asked when he found Xander.
"Something minor. I had Rachel pull Grace out to check hers
too." He looked at him. "She was sharing her lollipop with
Pooch the last time she was over and Rachel complained she's had the
"Who would do that?"
"Someone who really hated Stan retired. He was very minor and very
stupid when he was doing stupid shit but one of his buddies just got
out of jail. He admitted it and is presently hiding for his life."
"Danno's going to kill him."
"Rachel's going to kill him first and ask him to please help her hide
the body." He grinned. "I promised we could so he's turning
over what he knows to your junior officers." Steve nodded.
"He's waiting until Danny is out of the office."
"Probably a good idea. Danny has a mean punch when he wants to."
"Yeah, he does." He looked in the room. "They're giving him some extra fluids in case and we've got medicine."
Steve handed over the envelope. "From Cleveland."
"That's sweet." He looked and nodded, stuffing it into his wallet.
"The other boys?"
"Terrorizing the bar for about an hour so they don't have to see me destroying someone. They offered." He grinned.
"I'll be backing him up. People need to know that he'll destroy people over his little girl."
"Good." He patted him on the arm. "Danny said they paid you less than minimum wage?"
"No clue. It's been a long time since I did a normal job. It was adequate for where I was."
"I'm sure someone would like to yell at him some more."
"I heard about the mini dragons." Xander grinned. "There's a
huge coven of them near one of the volcanos. I was going to take
Grace to look at them this summer. By then the boys will be able
to go to daycare for a full day."
"The director of Homeland took one home."
Xander grinned. "That's sweet."
"Also, we were asked to tell you to please calm down the Lao?"
"Spirits, of all sorts, like me because I'm very reactive to them,"
Xander said quietly. "Which is how I got two diseases from dead
Steve nodded. "Okay. What can we do to help?"
"Calm Danny down?"
"Not a problem there. Let me back him up." He walked off,
going to the bar to check on his partner. Danny was cuddling a
fussing Jensen. "I just saw Pooch, he's fine," he told the
boys. Jensen calmed down and put his head down on his cousin's
shoulder with a coo. "They've got him on a short-term IV.
He'll be out in a bit. Then me, your cousin, and your dad will go
Danny snorted. "I don't need the help."
"Yay." Steve smiled. "We can arrest him afterward."
"Okay." He looked at Jensen. "Better?" Jensen patted
him with a spit-covered hand he had been chewing on. "I'll take
that as a yes. You guys are really nice to calm me down
too." He put him back into the special stroller. "I'm pretty
sure Grace is going to be over later and she'll want to cuddle and fuss
over you guys." They scowled. He grinned. "Suck it
up. Even Xander doesn't like to upset Grace any." They all
nodded. "Good boys." He patted Clay on the head.
"Pooch isn't staying?"
"No. He'll be out once the IV's done."
"Great." He walked the stroller off. "C'mon, your dad can
pick you up at the office. Jensen can chew on some computer cables
for a few minutes while the rest of you threaten with your
cuteness." Roque growled. "And your teeth, yes. I'm
pretty sure you can bite."
Steve shook his head. "We know where the idiot is?" They all
nodded. "Thanks." He followed. "We don't have a car
seat, much less four."
"I have Xander's car." He pointed. "I stole them."
That got a nod and they all got put into the borrowed, official
car. Not like the camaro would hold four baby seats. It
barely fit two adults. The boys were cooed over all the way into
the office, where they got let down to crawl. Jensen did head to
look at the computers while Clay went to suck up to their female member.
Kono looked down and smiled. "You're still adorable but too tiny
to flirt with, Frank. Try when you're older." She
winked. He pouted so she picked him up. He had good game and
pretty begging eyes. "If you were old enough," she teased.
He smirked. "Were those files our next targets?"
"No, terrorists that use magic just in case they show up here wanting
Xander," Steve said. "They'd like some of his blood too."
She looked at him. "You're joking."
"No, unfortunately not." Xander walked in with Pooch. "He better?"
"Less pukey." He looked around. "Cougar?" The baby
made a quiet noise so he looked. "Nice climbing." He hugged
him too. "Want to go home? I need to call the sitter so I
can back up Danny." They all shook their heads.
"Let us," Steve said smugly. "The governor wants a list of any other zombies on the island so they can be sent off."
"I've only heard of one." He shrugged and looked around.
"Roque?" He looked up from where he was staring at pictures.
He looked and grinned. "I nearly got married off to him because
he thought I was a good wife." Roque groaned and shook his
head. "From what I saw when he had me captive, he disproved the
stereotype of you guys being bigger by about seven inches. He was
really pitiful." Roque cackled. So did Pooch.
"Xander?" Steve asked. "Do you maybe need that name?"
"No. I killed his priests and guards then got myself free.
Told him he wasn't worthy of me if he was that pitiful." He
smirked. "And noted I'd seen bigger turtles when I caught them for
"Okay, let me know." He stared at the boy. Who smirked back.
"Do we do nothing the easy way?" Danny asked him. "Because I remember you used to try to be lazy and just read comics."
"Sometimes I still do. I should've looted but then I would've had
to taken out the rest of them. If they come over here, I'm
destroying and then going to loot." He got the kids back into the
stroller and walked them off. "C'mon, guys. Let's go make
plans to destroy the stupid magical terrorist society." They
cheered. "Then we'll plan a raid on the grocery store since Giles
"If that was your usual paycheck, I need ta kick his ass," Danny
called. Xander grinned at him. "I'm all for him looting if
he wants to," he decided. "We don't need those sort here anyway."
"Me too, as long as we get to arrest them or get their files if they're dead," Steve said. "Where is this guy?"
"Hiding on a beach." They got things and left again. They
had someone to....talk to and then arrest. When the idiot called
Steve 'the SEAL version of Xander' Steve got to hit him too.
Danny flopped down on Steve's beach chair, looking at his partner.
"Grace is going to be fine and Rachel is chewing on Stan. A lot."
"Good. I hope she kicks him out."
"Me too in some ways but he does love Grace and protect her." He
cleared his throat. "Xander's off teasing a contact."
Steve nodded. "I heard. Are they going to give him more artillery?"
"Hope not. His armory room's pretty full."
"A few things still need repaired." Steve sipped his beer.
"I figured some did." He relaxed and sipped his own beer. "What do I do to help Xander calm down?"
"Get him thinking about a career outside hunting?"
"Not too many things he could do that would let him off for battles if we need him to handle something."
"True," Steve said. "But we're pretty quiet."
"Here. If he was going to handle everything, he should go rent on
the other islands for six months each to handle theirs." He sipped
his beer. "The boys are happy with the weapons."
"I'm happy with the weapons but he has a fairly old school style about them."
Someone walked up the beach and bowed. "Did you not tell Xander that he is an heir?" he asked from a safe distance.
"Xander's not used to anyone taking care of him," Danny said, staring him down.
"Fine. We will make sure the boys have food and diapers." He
smirked. "And better weapons since there will be a large battle
in New York this spring."
"He's not going. The boys are too young and Summers said she wants him safely here," Danny said.
"Pity. I know many who watch such battles just to see the pretty
ones fight." He smiled. "We'll be subtle." He left,
walking off again.
"I think it's a bit strange that a Chinese arms dealer adopted my
cousin's kids," Danny said quietly. "And probably dangerous."
"I agree and I'm still putting out feelers to find out more about
them." Danny grinned. "I don't want the boys hurt and I'm
starting to appreciate Xander. If he was a bit younger and had
both eyes, I'd nominate him for special forces training in any branch of
the military I could get him into."
"The boys might like that."
"They'd never take him as a single father. He'd have to sign over custody whenever he was out of the area."
"He could use a wife."
"I don't want to know what a wife of his would be like," Steve said. "How many wifely arms dealers do you know?"
"Point but maybe she'd be a retired assassin sort? Someone who could help protect him and the boys."
Anya faded in. "No, he won't. He'd rather have someone he
can fuss over than someone who will fuss over him." She
smirked. "Though the kids could use a mom."
"Are there more coming?" Danny demanded.
"She tried to right after she miscarried due to the magical domestic dispute with her new ex. Didn't work."
"The only reason she pulled those ones instead of someone nicer is
because Xander once made a wish to a deity that was granting boons to
never have daughters. He didn't want to face having a daughter who
turned into a slayer."
"Me either," Danny said. "Who was she going to pull?"
"Some daughter, she wasn't sure."
"Good to know," Steve said, taking a sip. "How's he doing on his date?"
She snorted. "I'm not watching him that way. That would be
stalking and a bad thing. I was watching the boys run Dawn ragged
and enjoying tormenting her. Those are boys I could've appreciated
as mine." She sighed and faded a bit then refirmed. "For
right now, make sure he can't keep Xander if he takes him hostage.
He's a pussbag and Xander's going to go pro and steal his wallet
probably. And maybe the stuff in the container full of weapons he
brought here." She faded out.
"Can't say as I like that hobby either," Danny quipped.
"If there's a shipping container full of weapons, we get it first,"
Steve said. Danny smirked at him. "His room is full.
He's not allowed to sell them. It makes sense."
"It does, yeah." He settled in to watch the sunset and wait on
Xander to call a 'I got home' message to him. He had insisted with
how evil some of his cousin's former dates turned out being.
Xander smiled from his warehouse area when the governor came in. "I'm sorting."
"I was going to say the president didn't think you'd need this many weapons."
He smirked. "I'm sending some to Cleveland. A few I'm
changing some of mine out with, and then I'll hand the rest to my
"That's fine." She stared at him. "There are rumors about what you did to get those."
"I had dinner?" He shrugged. "I heard and corrected the idea
that the FBI sent me after him. I enjoy bankrupting people like
this. It's a great, fun game and it means that less people screw
with me or come here."
"I can see that. No inappropriate relationship?"
"No, I didn't screw him. He wanted to talk business about some of
the supply lines going to Cleveland. I'd never sleep with him,
he's boring. I dated him a few years back."
"Oh. So just an ex then." She smiled and relaxed. "The
local FBI head said that he had a few names for you if you were willing
to do it in that inappropriate way."
"I know their list and they're all pathetic." He smirked.
"I'd never date pathetic. Male or female. Now, if they come
here, I'm going to work against all but the ones I like and who I know
won't hit innocents. To them, I am an entrance tax. Usually
by taking most of their shipments. Any drug dealers I tend to wear
out and drive off too."
"Good." She finished relaxing. "Where are the boys?"
"Wonderful. I'm glad you're finally settling in. What about the other things?"
"If I turn them into the ATF, I get nice rewards," he chirped with a happy grin. "Which pays for baby food and diapers."
"That would be handy, yes. All right, let me know if the FBI does
talk you into handling things like they want. That way I can calm
down your cousin?"
"I'd tell him first and have him help me pick out something to wear that wasn't leather pants."
She blushed and cleared her throat. "That might be handy." She left, going to talk to Steve about that.
Xander looked at the ATF officer who was in a corner working on the
inventory with him. "If you want to sleep with them before you
destroy them, we're all for it. It'd keep you from bouncing," the
agent quipped with an evil smirk for his former boyfriend.
"It is good sometimes but apocalypse sex is still hotter." He
winked and got back to checking the condition on the stuff he wanted to
trade out. Some of his babies were still too damaged and prone to
locking up due to it.
The agent shook his head. "Dinner later?"
"If you want to help me feed the boys."
"I can do that. They're adorable when they scowl." Xander
grinned. He marked off another case and opened one. "Oh,
damn," he muttered.
Xander looked. "Huh. Unique way to smuggle people. Is he paralyzed or dead?"
The agent checked. "Paralyzed." He called that in.
They checked the other cases while they waited. They found a few
more and sent them as well. Steve stomped in so they went over
what the plan for the weapons were. ATF decided that new unit
could have a small apocalypse closet of their own when Steve petted
something very pretty.
Xander strolled into a hotel later that afternoon, over to his ex.
He stared at him. "Shipping paralyzed people in weapons cases was
brilliant," he said dryly. His ex blanched. Xander
smirked. "Even the boys thought it was a great idea." He
winked and strolled off. "I have a dinner date."
"Are you going to ruin them too?" he called.
Xander turned to stare at him. "I didn't ruin you but I only want
the peaceful here where my sons are." The man shuddered.
"Remember, I'll destroy people that hurt my boys or my niece. I
had to let her daddy handle that one because he insisted. Next
time.... we'll let him have them once I've had a shot."
"I understand," he said, looking down.
Xander walked back to kiss him on the temple. "Good." He
smirked. "Hawaii is supposed to be paradise so only the best
should be here and they should all be peaceful toward the
normals." He strolled off again. "Gotta pick up the leather
pants at the dry cleaners." His ex moaned and shivered.
Xander gave someone staring a smug look. "What?"
"Nothing," she squeaked "You're gay?"
"No. I'm bi. I've had many girlfriends. Nearly married
a woman." He shrugged. "Sometimes I want someone I can't break or
dent though." He smirked at her blush. It was cute that he
got hunter groupies sometimes.
"Are you going to New York's battle?" she asked.
He smiled. "Buffy wants me to stay home and guard the boys since
they're only eight-months-old. But if something happens in LA or
somewhere around here, I'd jump into that because I know they couldn't
"I guess that makes sense." He pulled out a picture of the boys
and she cooed. "They're adorable! Slayer babies?"
"Willow pulled them from another realm so I adopted." He put the
picture back and grinned at her. "They are adorable though.
One of them flirts with the same sort of women I do. Jake, the
blond one, flirts with everyone who might be able to make him
cookies." She cooed and patted him on the arm. He
winked. "I've got to go pick up my leather pants and then pick up a
shirt so I'll have the boys help me pick out something pretty."
He strolled off. "Have a great day, dear."
"You too, Xander." She sighed, giving his back a sappy look.
Then she turned and shot the arms dealer once he had driven off.
"You're not good enough for Xander. He needs someone better than
you." She skipped off, happier now that some of her competition
was gone. His minions could find new jobs, maybe even for Xander
so those adorable babies were protected. The world needed more
like Xander. Maybe she'd look into having a baby for him too.
Chin stomped up to Xander's door that night, interrupting his
date. "I don't care what you do, but can you please keep your
stalkers more satisfied? She shot your last date so he couldn't
have you and was found talking to a local doc about getting pregnant by
Xander blinked a few times. "Who?"
"You were talking to her earlier."
"She was a hunter groupie."
"She's a stalker. She took out six of your last dates." His
current one cackled. "We don't care if you're an evil sort," he
assured him, looking at Xander again. "Just keep them better
"Sure, the next time I have a stalker, I'll sex her up and make her happier."
"Fine, however that works for you." He stomped off again.
Xander closed the door, looking at his friendly ex. "What?"
"She was a groupie for Hannibal but he waxed poetic about you to make
her like you more," he said through his snickers. "We could never
figure out who she was."
"Thankfully I'm still infertile." He sat down and they got back to
dinner with the boys. They were all staring at Clay, who was
shaking his head. "Don't worry, we'll make sure yours are more
sane than a few of mine," Xander promised. "I won't let you date
the pagan priest who wanted to use me to get his spirits some
help." They all groaned. He smirked. "Or his sister."
Clay patted him on the wrist. "Dada," he said.
"Your first word! I'm so proud." He hugged him. Jensen
babbled and got his own hug. "I know you've been talking,
Jake. We babble together a lot." Jake grinned at him.
The ATF agent shook his head. "You're such a cute daddy, Xander."
Xander winked and smirked. "We'll celebrate when they go down."
"Sure." He dug in and let Roque have some more shredded
chicken. "I was thinking. The boys are each like a part of
you. Clay's your dating side. Jensen your babbling and geek
sides. Cougar your serious time during battles and Roque your
battle side. What side is Pooch?"
"I like the fast and pretty cars too. I don't understand them but I
do like them." Pooch grinned. "And I do tinker like he did
in the movie."
His date grinned. "That's good to know. Eat. You'll
need energy for celebrating." Xander dug in after making sure the
boys all had enough to eat.
Grace's birthday party for the family took place on Steve's beach and
Xander brought the boys to play too. Grace squealed and carefully
put the boys into the sand to play with her. They enjoyed that.
Steve smiled. The kids were noisy but happy. "Grace, there's
some little plastic shovels and buckets in the garage. Have your
mom get them." She ran over to tell her that. Rachel went
inside. He smiled at the boys then at Xander. "You gained
"All my dates have had me eat for extra energy and then tied me down to
make me purr." He grinned. "It's very nice of them to fuss
over me that way."
"Very nice of them," Danny said with a smirk. "Go swim."
"I don't usually anymore. Not since the mermaid stuff. I had to wade a few rivers and I itched for hours."
"Try it now. If you turn black and tarry we'll call someone,"
Steve said quietly. Xander nodded and got a pair of shorts from
his trunk so he could change. He came out and dove into the
water. Steve watched. "He can swim pretty good."
"He can, yeah." Danny smiled at the kids. "He's in the
water, guys." They pouted but played with their cousin. She
was all sorts of neat and was calling them all future GI Joes. She
was building a fort around them and they liked that. Even if
Cougar did try to crawl off toward the water. "Oh, no," Danny
ordered, picking him up to look at him. "You have to be able to
walk and all that before we let you in the water by yourself." He
put him back inside the fort, getting down to help her build it.
The boys were happy enough with that. They had fun throwing sand
at each other.
Rachel came out and shook her head. "What are you two doing?" she asked with a smile.
"We're building them a GI Joe base, Mommy," Grace said with a grin.
"I'm sure they'd appreciate that." She settled in on the other
side of the fort to build that side. And corral the boys
too. "Where's their daddy?"
"In the water. Steve said he'd make sure he didn't turn into a fish monster."
"I'm sure he'd love that." She smiled and they went back to
building. The boys threw some sand at her so she smiled and tossed
some back. They got happy again. Xander came out of the
water and Steve checked him over. Rachel looked and blushed.
"Xander, aren't those a bit...see through?"
"I'm changing back to street clothes," he promised, taking the towel to
do his hair and not track water all over Steve's house. "Thanks."
"Welcome. I swim almost every day." Steve settled in to help
on the free side of the fort. Stan was watching. Xander
came out redressed and only slightly damp. He helped by getting
the area between Steve and Grace. Steve shifted to join his with
Rachel's. The boys were loving it. Especially when
Xander handed out bubble blowing guns. Grace squealed and 'shot'
some at her daddy, who hugged her and got her back. They ran
around and the boys were shooting them at Steve and Rachel. Who
wasn't all that tolerant. Steve looked at her. "Teaching her
gun safety will keep her safer than telling her not to touch them,"
Steve said quietly.
"I can teach her, so can Danno. Or Xander."
She smiled. "I'll let you do that this summer. I'd rather
she didn't have to know but apparently that's a weak wish."
Xander looked at her. "I'll teach her how to use a crossbow if you want."
She swatted him. "She's not allowed to hunt."
"I know." He smirked. "We can go do targets."
"When she's older." He nodded. "The boys?"
"They're getting it sooner."
"That's fine." She watched father and daughter chase each other.
Steve smiled. Danno was a good father. Grace loved him and
she was the most important thing in his life. That's how it was
supposed to be. Xander sighed. "Some day soon they'll be
chasing you all over too," Steve said.
"I know. I can't wait. That'll mean they can be potty trained again."
"I was happy when Grace got it very quickly," Rachel said, smiling at
the boys. "Since they remember it should be done easily."
"I hope so." He patted Jensen since he was being pouty. He
gave him some more sand to play with and helped him mold it into a big
snake. "Is that a dragon?" he teased with a grin.
Jensen beamed and nodded.
"I saw a picture of the ones that attacked the living room at the
Council building," Steve told him. Jensen stared at him in
awe. "It was about as big as my arm and purple, plus it blew
"Wow, someone really brought out a breeding pair? Huh." He went back to helping make the dragon.
"It would eat Grace's pet rabbit," Rachel said.
Xander grinned. "They live in a group by one of the
volcanos. I was going to take her up to look at them, not to bring
"That would be fine." She smiled at her daughter when she came running over. "Did you have fun?"
"Congrats," Xander said with a grin. She hugged him too. She
even got Steve with a few bubbles. Then Pooch had to be changed
so the building party got broken up with the kids crawling after
Grace. Xander grabbed Cougar before he made it into the
water. Then he got Roque too. He held them so they could pat
the water and it was good enough for now. "When you're older,
guys." He carried them back so they could chase after Grace.
It made her happy and all the boys liked her to be happy. Though
it was nice she didn't try to dress them up or play tea party or
anything girly like that with them.
If she tried, they'd have to sacrifice Roque. That should pay him back amply for turning on the group.
Xander smiled and shook the teacher's hand. "Good morning."
"Good morning, Mr. Harris." She took the photo albums to look
through for pictures her students probably shouldn't see. A few
got put aside. He smiled. "I know it's natural over there
but some parents will complain if they see a mother breastfeeding."
"And then nag the mothers that don't." He smiled. "Did you find a map?"
"I did." She showed him. "One of Asia as well." He beamed and bounced a bit. "They're not that scary."
"I don't often teach this way." He looked over as students piled
in, smiling at his cousin. The teacher took roll and made the
morning announcements then announced him. "Hi, guys. I'm
Xander, and I just retired from the Watchers Council. One of you
is my cousin and she thought you guys might like to hear where I
traveled over the last few years." He smiled. "If I babble,
I'm sorry. I don't usually teach this way."
One of the boys raised his hand. "The Council, like the ones that handle slayers?"
"Yes. I'm one of the people that they sent out to train slayers
that wanted to stay home. Because of that I've visited a lot of
Africa, upper China and Mongolia, and a few other places in Asia and
South America." They all stared at him. "So I brought
pictures." That got a few smiles. "She got a huge map so we
can mark on it and that way you guys learn a bit more about the native
One student raised her hand. "My mother hates your people. Said they're evil."
"Well," Xander sighed. "Watchers, like police officers and
military people, are still people. We do have some that aren't all
that nice. We have some that're very good people. But a lot
of people don't like us because they don't like thinking about the fact
that there's demons, both good and bad, on this world. It messes
with how they see the world. Before the apocalypse battle in LA
you could walk past a demon and not even see it. Or think it was
just a funny looking human, and how tragic it was that they had birth
defects like that." They all nodded. "Since then....
It's a lot harder to ignore." He shrugged. "But I won't be
the one to tell you we're all nice people and good people. Most of
us are, but there's a few I wanted to drop in the middle of the
ocean." He shrugged. "We're people just like you guys are."
"That creepy looking one is back," one of the girls announced with a point.
Xander looked and glared. The demon ran off. "Those are
technically peaceful but annoying. They sniff out things like
chemicals. Hair dye, too much perfume. One of the French
slayers nearly got taken by a pack of them to worship since she had just
dyed her hair and had some sort of chemical skin peel." He looked
and walked over to open the window, growling quietly at it. It
"Tough. These are children. My cousin is in here." The
demon bowed and ran off. He shut the window. "It thinks
your bunny rabbit had hair dye." The teacher went to look at
them. "It can be stuff like the sun-in spray that you use with a
hair dryer. Or fingernail polish. One nearly pounced Buffy
because she was doing her nails waiting on patrol." Grace
snickered and shook her head. "Anyway, enough about that.
We're here to look at pictures and talk about stuff. Do you guys
want to start on Africa or Mongolia?" He clapped and grinned.
"We get to pick?" one of the students asked.
Xander smiled and nodded. "Yeah. You'll get the other one in a few days." She smiled back.
"Africa," one of the bigger boys in the class said.
"Okay." He looked around. "Do you want to overhead projector it or sit in a circle to look at the pictures?"
"We can do that," the teacher said, helping the kids rearrange the
desks. They settled in and Xander showed where he had been on the
map and then the pictures of the area and the people, explaining a few
things like what they ate, what they wore, and why a few had pepsi
"Did you meet any missionaries over there?" the teacher asked.
"I did. I got really sick a few times and I ran into one of the
clinics." He grinned. "They were very nice but slightly
confused and one hated the job."
"What did you get?" Grace asked, smiling at him. "Is it like that dengue stuff they talk about on the news?"
"I did get that, and malaria," he admitted, grinning at her. "The
last time I ran into the missionary clinic, I had just nearly gotten
eaten by a lion because my slayer was helping protect her village from
it." The teacher gaped. He nodded. "Non-working
gun." He grinned. "She didn't have one. She was off
hunting for the village for dinner."
"You hunted dinner?" one of the boys asked.
"There's two types of living situations, basically, in Africa.
There's cities, like what you find here. Though most of them are
smaller cities, no skyscrapers or anything like that." He found
that picture. "That's in Morocco. It's one of the prettier
cities I've been in but there's no fifty story buildings. A lot of
it's very old stone buildings. Not a whole lot of wood there on
the edge of the desert." That got a nod and that picture got
"Cities have bazaars and supermarkets, though their supermarkets are
more like our convenience stores. You don't really buy in
bulk. You usually shop once a week from local vendors and local
stores." They all nodded. "If you're living in a village,
you're usually at least a few hours from a city. You only go there
for huge things, like selling part of your cattle herd or buying new
"Now, there's two types of village. There's permanent villages and
there's still a few nomadic villages. Those ones, they follow
their herds as they graze usually or travel during the dry season to
look for water sources. Either of those, you don't usually have a
grocery story of any type around so you have to grow your own veggies
and fruits. You hunt for meat or you have to grow your own.
So if you want hamburger, you'd better have a cow handy." A few
"They have to eat too. The cycle of life is very respected.
They treat their animals as necessary, special things. Those of us
who treat our pets like our families get close but they're more
practical animals. One of my slayers had her pet goat get bitten
by a snake and she sobbed more than when she lost her grandmother,
because she knew her grandmother would be fine." The teacher
nodded at that.
"There's all sorts of jokes you hear about wives being bought or traded
for livestock in some of the herding types of cultures. That's
actually true. A cow is worth more than a whole family to some of
them because they're what keeps you living. Milking them, selling
or trading them for goods. To them, a few cows belonging to the
family is worth more than a mansion or a really fast car. Cows are
like their diamonds and goats are like their platinum bling."
One girl raised her hand. "Do they raise the hybrid goats like some people?"
"They've been breeding and settling in their breeds for centuries.
It's not the same hippie, new age breeds you see advertised as 'newly
special' goats. They pick the strongest of the goat babies to
breed with the strongest of the other goats. Selective breeding is
a higher topic and I barely know enough." He looked at the
"It'd be a different breed," the teacher told her. "Our speciality
goats, like what was at the 4H fair we went to, wouldn't last in the
heat. They picked their own breeds that do good in their
environments and breed them so they're stronger."
"Oh, okay. My mother raises goats."
Xander grinned. "I nearly bought a few too but I don't have a huge
yard. I learned a lot living with them, including how to handle
chickens. I had no idea chickens were so fast." They all
giggled. "They are. They're real hard to catch and they peck if
they find you gathering eggs." That got another giggle and he
moved onto the next set of pictures. "This is in Zimbabwe."
They went over those pictures. The teacher marked that country on
the map. Xander spotted a picture she missed and handed it
over. "Sorry, post-wedding dancing around the fires." The
teacher blushed. He grinned. "It was a great celebration and
everyone was very happy about the wedding, except the groom. He
was told he was getting married."
"Was it arranged?" the teacher asked.
"Yes." He spotted the demon and looked back. "Why are you
back?" he called in the common demon language he had used earlier.
It babbled. He got up and opened the window. "What?"
He listened. "That's a good reason. Thank you." It
fled. "He just spotted someone slicing someone's tire in the
parking lot." The teacher called that in. Xander sat back
down. "The groom was nineteen and his father's only son so he had
to have more sons to carry on the family."
"Do they not like girls like they do in China and India?" Grace asked.
"Some don't. Some do. Because you need both sons and
daughters to carry on the family name, but a lot of them considered
girls to be like cows. You had them, you raised them for their
benefits for the family when they got married, because you tended to
trade and make alliances for marriages, and alliances give you trade
partners to trade your herd or your milk or meat with." They all
nodded. "Sons gave you more family members to protect your
herd. Like farms here are passed down from parents to kids,
there's the same way from father to son.
"That one, he wasn't really wanting a wife. He and his friends
were off playing in the bush and helping build up a few trading
houses. His father called him home and told him he was getting
married, which his friends couldn't get to so he was pouty." They
all grinned. The teacher came back. "Their weddings, I saw
three different ones, are really fantastic. There's a lot of food,
some of it ancient ritual and custom to have.
"The people get dressed up in their best clothes. Not silk or
lace, nothing like that, but still their best clothes. Whole
families or villages come together for the weddings. One of them I
was pretty new to the village where I was training that slayer and they
insisted I come along, that it would dishonor the village to not treat
me as one of them." He found those pictures. "That's the
bride and groom during that one. Her clothes she spun
herself. Her aunts and mother helped her. Women do a lot of
the spinning, harvesting, and finding firewood. His were made by
"They had a processional out to one of the sacred trees that they
believed their ancestors sat in to watch over them. The local holy
man did the ceremony and joined them while everyone watched and called
encouragement to them. Then we went back, had a huge feast, and
later some dancing around the celebration fires by the unmarried
people. That was one of the few times you got strangers into the
village so you could find a spouse outside your family."
"So it's hugely important that they look nice and draw a good husband," one of the girls said.
Xander smiled and nodded. "Yes. And if she finds someone
worthy of her, she talks to her father, who'd either talk to the future
groom's parents or tell her to find someone better for their family's
needs. The ones that took the best care of the herds were always
in demand and some girls had to settle for lesser husbands because
there's only so many good ones to go around." She giggled and
nodded. "You met people from other villages and clans during
trading, during weddings and other things that brought groups
together. I saw one funeral while I was there, a holy man's
funeral. He served only his village but it brought elders from
other villages to pay their respects."
"Like if our mayor died, we'd get some?" one of the boys asked.
Xander smiled and nodded. "Exactly. And if they had
unmarried relatives, they came too." He grinned and so did the
teacher. The bell rang for lunch. "Have happy food,
kids. I'll see you guys on Wednesday?" The teacher
nodded. They ran out and he got a hug from Grace. "Later,
Gracie." She grinned. The teacher smiled at him.
"I think it's important that they get used to other peoples and their
ways. That's how you stop a lot of problems in the world."
"I agree." He shook her hand and took the sorted out pictures
back. Then he went to grab the boys from daycare. He walked
in and the boys pouted. "What? I can go grocery shopping and
then come back if you want." The daycare head laughed.
"Some kids are." She helped him gather them and put them into
their car seats. Xander got them hooked in and it was quieter in
the daycare. She cleaned up some of the toy mess. Jake had
been throwing blocks at William most of the morning and cackling as he
a few weeks later Danny stomped into Steve's house. "I don't know what's wrong with Xander."
"What happened this time?" he asked.
"I don't know. He won't talk to me. I made a joke about one
of his ex's showing up to kidnap him and he slammed the door in my
"It could be that he was," Steve said, calling him.
"Xander?" He got hung up on. "He's not happy by any means."
"Do we think that happened?"
"Could be." He called someone. "What happened to Harris this
time? Because he shoved his cousin out of the house and shut his
door on him." He listened. "That's bad. Why didn't we
hear about that? No, that's not his job, it's our job to save him
when that stuff happens." He hung up and grabbed a few
things. "One of his ex-girlfriends did take him and the boys, and
the local PD in that town decided he could get himself free."
"I was only joking!"
"Well apparently we're not now." He took Danny over there.
Xander could be...prickly at the best of times. He walked in
first. "Are you all right?" He stared him down.
"I'm fine," he growled. "Take my cousin, who apparently doesn't respect me after all, and get the hell out."
"Xander, I didn't know," Danny said.
"Gee, I called your phone," he said dryly.
"I got one voicemail saying that you were going to miss dinner with
us." He stared at him. "You never mentioned a *thing* about
"Not like you can do that when they're in the room with you," Steve and
Xander said. Steve looked at him. "Did you get medical
afterward?" he asked quietly.
"Yes. It wasn't like that." He stomped off. "Go the fuck away."
"No, I think we gotta talk. At least so I know what the codes you're using for when you're in trouble."
"I'm not like that!" he shouted. "I do not randomly go get into trouble!"
"I didn't say you did!" Danny shouted back, following him out back.
Steve looked around, spotting Jake. "You guys okay?" Jake
nodded, grinning at him. "Is he injured? I can make sure he
gets to the ER." Jake shook his head. "Okay. Need
anything?" He pointed at Clay, who was looking less than
pleased. "Let's change that," he said, recognizing that look
now. He carefully picked him up and held him at arms'
length. "We'll figure this out together." Clay smirked at
him. "Not like I'm a champion at it yet." He carried him up
to change him and brought him back down. "That was disgusting but
we made it through." He smiled. "Like eating during
SERE." They all cackled at that. Xander stomped back
in. "I changed Frank."
"Thank you. Now take my cousin and go away," he growled.
Steve stared at him. "Next time, call me. I'll come
help." Xander stared at him. "If I had known, we would've
busted in there to rescue you. The first I heard of it was when
Danny showed up complaining that you sent him away."
"I called your office too."
"I did not get that call. We'll set up a protocol for that and
whoever told you it was your fault is wrong. No one asks to be
kidnaped unless it's part of a plot to get into a building."
Xander swallowed. "Sit." He looked in the backyard.
Danny was complaining to the cat that lived in the tree out there.
"Who did you talk to?"
"I don't know." He sat down.
Steve stared down at him. "I don't blame you for it happening or
for you being upset. Everyone should expect the PD to rescue them
when they've been taken. Even if they're more used to rescuing
themselves. I will be finding out who did that and chewing on them
until they beg for mercy." Xander shrugged. "Fine.
It's still wrong of them and neither of us blame you, Xander."
"Then you'd be the only one," he snorted.
"You need better than the bitches around you." Xander looked at
him oddly. "Really. Normal people don't consider being
kidnaped the victim's fault." He saw the slight flinch at
'victim'. "I still have that name," he offered quietly.
"Not necessary but I don't really want to deal with shit today so can you take him and go?"
"Yeah. I can do that. Call me if you want to talk." He
went to get Danny and stop his ranting at the cat. "Does that
really do you any good?"
"Yes, it does. It's calming down my temper so I can go in and talk to him about which bitch said what this time."
"He's not ready to talk about it yet," Steve said quietly. "We
have to find out who he called to get help and chew on them."
Danny looked at him. "Ya think?" he asked dryly. He started
to go back inside but Steve shook his head. "What?"
"He wants some alone time."
"It don't work like that." He went back inside and hauled Xander
up, taking him to the kitchen to talk to him away from the boys.
"Which one said what?"
"Apparently I'm supposed to be able to handle all that myself," he said bitterly. "Go home."
"No. You're family, Xander. If I had realized you were
calling in an SOS or whatever I would've been there. I had *no*
idea that's what that meant." He stared at him. "I never got
trained in how you called for help, mostly because you've never called
for help before." Xander glared at him. "Can we?" he asked
Steve, waving a hand.
"Sure." He went to check on the boys. They were being
awfully quiet, which probably wasn't a good thing unless they were
asleep. Most of them were and Roque was watching over them.
He squatted down to look at him. "What happened?" he asked
quietly. Roque pointed at Clay and grimaced. Steve smiled.
"She was crazy or she wanted him?" Roque nodded. Clay kicked
him. "Hey." He patted him on the head. "You'll find
better women this time." He looked at them. "Any idea who it
was so I can arrest them?" They shook their heads. He
winced at the yelling Danny was doing. "Calm down. Before
you wake the kids," he called quietly. That calmed his partner
down. Xander stomped out to get the kids. "Can I arrest this
"Why? She's begging for mercy and the PD in Haleiwa said it wasn't
their job to disrupt the domestic dispute we were apparently having,"
he said dryly.
"That'll stop." He stood up. "Let me handle her? It'll make him feel better."
"Can't you just take him and fuck him into a better mood?"
"Not our thing. Sorry."
"Pity. Try it, you might like it." He walked off. "Let
me get Cougar a new shirt since his looks like hellhounds drooled on
Danny tried to follow but Steve shook his head. "You'll work this
out," he said quietly. "Let him calm down and come back later to
"We might be heading to LA to handle something," Xander called.
"No you're not. You're talking to Grace's class tomorrow," Danny called.
Danny shook his head, looking at his partner. "We can go arrest
this one," Steve said smugly. "And help him ruin her."
"Sounds good to me. We'll be back later for a family dinner," he
called. He let Steve put something on Cougar's foot, earning a
smirk for the tiny GPS unit. Then they went to call up the records
in the system to see what had happened. When nothing showed up,
Steve decided a short trip was in order. They could take one of
the PD choppers and be there in under an hour, then a few hours for
chewing on whatever idiot didn't help his cousin, finding the bimbo,
releasing her from whatever torture Xander stuck her in, and then home
again. A nicely full day.
Xander came back down to change Cougar's shirt. "Where did he drop
whatever?" The boys didn't even hint so he had to check them
all. The little tracker went out into the tree for the cat to play
with. Then they went to play in the park and out to dinner.
Steve looked at the very nicely simple form of torture. The woman
in the tiny cage was half submerged. Tide was out right now though
so when it was high tide she probably had to try to tread water in the
tiny cage that barely fit her. The cage was down a hole, which
made it hard to get to so they could get her out. It had no winch
Danny looked. "How did he do this?"
"Hole looks natural. Cage looks like one of those decorative bird
cages you see sometimes." She nodded quickly. "How did he
toss you down there?"
"Artillery muscles," she complained. "Can I come up now? I
promise I'll never kidnap Xander again so I can be the stepmom for the
"I don't have artillery muscles. Let me get some help," Steve
said, having to go back upstairs and outside to get any sort of
cellphone signal. The captain he had talked to earlier before
chewing on his person - a step Danny demanded - answered on the
first ring. Steve explained what he had found and they promised to
send him a few strong, young guys. He hung up and waited, looking
around the house. There was a large envelope marked 'for whom it
may concern' so he opened it. Inside were all her financial
transactions for the last six months. Including buying guns
illegally and some poisons. The stronger people showed up with a
State PD crime scene unit. Steve smirked as he handed over the
papers. "She kidnaped someone who got vindictive."
"I heard. Is the victim fine?"
"Pissed off majorly that no one helped him." He led the way down
to the hole, where Danny was chewing her a new one for daring to hurt
his cousins. "Hey." Danny looked over and got out of the
way. There was really only room for two people to stand there.
The crime scene guy looked and nodded. "I heard Harris could get
vindictive and they say hunters are all cold, hard people when they need
to be." He walked off. "We have a warrant for her
things. I made sure of it earlier."
"I'll give it all to Xander," she called. "Please? I know he'll take care of my sister."
"We'll see," the crime scene guy quipped as he walked off. He was smirking evilly and now having a great day.
The two officers attached a rope to the cage with the idiot's help and
hauled the cage up. Tide was coming in and she was starting to get
frantic. Steve had to pick the lock open and they got to arrest
her. She was shaking, could barely stand, and looked like she had
been through hell.
Danny smirked and waved as she was walked past him. "Talk to my
cousin again and I'll take evil ideas from my little girl to finish you
off." She shuddered. She was nicely meek at the
moment. Danny smiled at Steve.
"Take them from your ex. I'm sure she has more evil thoughts than your daughter does," he quipped.
One of the officers looked at them as they came out. "Sir, what
are we booking her on?" His partner gave him a dirty look.
"Last night she kidnaped a new resident to Oahu and his five kids so she
could have the daddy for herself," Danny said dryly, smirking at
her. She shuddered and shrank down. "When he got hold of
people, they decided he could save himself." The officer
grimaced. "So you have fun and be creative."
"I can do that, sir." He got in to drive. His partner was
not happy but yay. Even guys got kidnaped. "What do you do,
ma'am? Are you a drug dealer or anything?"
"Assassin." She pouted. "I'd be a great stepmommy to his
boys. They'd be good boys with me and Xander likes weapons so we
could clean them together and spar together. It'd be a great
match. We're very compatible."
The partner looked back. "Is he an assassin too?" he asked dryly.
"Council," she sneered. "The heathen bitches don't deserve him."
"I heard rumors about him." He turned back around and shook his head quickly. "Did he put you down there?"
"I'm not pressing charges," she said firmly. "Xander will finish
ruining me and my sister won't be protected if he does that. He
won't hurt her but my enemies would."
"Fine," he agreed. He and his partner shared a look. They
were glad the guy was on another island. They really were.
Danny walked up to where Xander and the boys were watching a beach show
later that night, sitting next to him in the sand. The boys were
curled around him watching the fire spinning dancers. "That cage
Xander looked at him. "I'm still mad."
"I know." He patted him on the knee. "We'll figure out how
to know when you're calling for help later." Someone glared so he
pulled his badge and glared back. "He's my cousin."
She turned back around. He looked at Xander. The boys were
entranced. It was a nice show and Xander was nicely calming back
down. He got a bit stiff when Danny had sat down. By the end
of the show the boys were nearly asleep. He helped get them back
to the car and into their car seats.
An officer strolled over. "Sir, someone questioned why you have these children," he said.
Xander looked at him over the top of the hood. "They're mine."
"Are you the biological father?" the officer asked.
"Oh, I see." He nodded. "Why are they mixed?"
Xander stared at him, fighting the urge to make a smartass remark about
not caring what the mother looked like, and pulled out his ID
card. "I retired to raise them."
The officer winced and nodded. "I heard a rumor that a few of you were local."
"No, I'm the only one." He put it back. "Let me guess, she
saw a guy with five boys and decided I'm a sick bastard like the one I
shot in Africa?"
"Yes," the officer said, smiling some. "Is this your spouse?"
"Cousin," Danny said, coming out after buckling the last one in.
He pulled his badge. The officer winced. "You can tell her
they're just fine, Xander's not a sick bastard that way, and she's a bit
nosy. There are single fathers out there who are real men and
take care of the ones they created."
"She noted that they didn't look alike."
"Which still leaves adoption or foster parenting," Xander said
dryly. "I don't mind that you asked, but you can tell her thank
you for being so nosy." He nodded, making a note and walking
off. He looked at Danny. "First time that's happened."
"The locals won't do that, it had to be a tourist." Xander
smirked. "Beyond that," he said, moving and shutting the
door. "Let's get them into bed so we can talk like adults?"
"I'm fine," he said firmly.
"I'm not so get your ass in the car before I take the keys," Danny shot
back, staring at him. Xander growled. He stared back.
"The hyena gets pulled back in or you can go home in a muzzle
too." He walked around and took the keys, then shoved
Xander. "C'mon. We'll go talk." Someone came stomping
over. "Yes?" he asked dryly.
"It's disgusting the men like *you* have children," she sneered.
"Lady, they're his kids and I'm his cousin. I don't fuck my
cousin." She flinched back. "Beyond that, plenty of gay
people have natural children. Some of those probably changed
because of women like you." She glared and took a swing. He
pulled his badge. "You want arrested tonight?" She ran
off. "Good! And have a nice stay on Hawaii!" he called with a
smirk and a wave after her. He got into the car, looking at
Xander. "Women like her would turn me off women forever."
"Me too." Xander pointed.
Danny saw the officer huffing his way and got out with the keys so
Xander couldn't drive off. "I see the panicking bitch who decided
I'm fucking my cousin told you I'm mean?" he asked dryly.
"What?" the officer demanded. Danny pulled his badge and he winced. "She did what, Detective?"
"Tried to take a swing at me after accusing me of fucking my cousin and raising his sons with him."
The officer looked in the back then at her. Then at Danny. "His?"
"That's good for humanity," the officer said.
"He probably molests them," the woman sneered.
"You can go to jail in handcuffs," he offered. "And with a black
eye." She hid behind the other officer. "She should probably
go back to her hotel and sleep it off."
"She probably should," he agreed, handing him the form he had been
filling out. Danny read then signed, handing it back. "Thank
"Welcome. I swear it's women like her that make me wanna go
gay. Even my ex-wife couldn't do that." She shrieked
and tried to hit him again so he moved and let her hit the car. He
smiled at the officer, who groaned but arrested her. "Have a good
dinner break with the forms, Officer."
"Thanks, sir. It'll be nice to eat at my desk for a bit." He
walked her off once the cuffs were on her. His boss was not going
to be amused and they'd be yelled at about not being nice to the
tourists again but yay.
Danny called Steve. "Some wacky tourist female decided I'm
screwing Xander and the kids. Under arrest when she tried to hit
me. No, I'm taking him home." He hung up and got back into
the car. "Okay, now that the drama's over with." He saw
Xander listening to his phone. "That the bitches?" Xander
nodded. He took the phone. "Which one is this?" he
demanded. "Xander's cousin. That's why, yes. Which one
He snorted and smirked at the steering wheel. "Sure, we can talk
about how that isn't his fault. Not like he *dated* her or
anything. She decided to side-step dating all together. She
just heard his rep and wanted to be the mother for the boys. She'd
take Xander with them." He listened. "That's not his
fault. Is it your fault when someone does it to you?" She
hung up. Danny put the phone into his pocket. "We'll talk to
them later." He grinned. Xander was giving him a funny
look. "Yay." He drove them home. They got the kids out
and into bed. Then he pinned Xander in the armory to talk to him
like reasonable adults and undo some of the damage the slayers had done
to him yet again.
Apparently someone needed a huge paddle in Cleveland.
The governor called Steve's phone, making him put it on speaker since
the team was eating lunch while doing reports. "I'm told that your
partner had a tourist arrested?" she asked.
"Yeah, she accused me of sleeping with Xander and his boys." Danny
swallowed and took a sip of water to clear his mouth out.
"Tried ta hit me too. Twice. I was very nice not to hit her back."
"You were. Thank you for that, Detective. Is he all
right? I heard rumors that he had to get himself unkidnaped?"
"Yup, and then the bitches in Cleveland promptly told him to quit
dating, it was his own fault, and that if he went gay at least the boys
would have some sort of motherly role model somewhere. So I kindly
talked to them for him too. We had a few talks with them,
ma'am." He ate another bite.
She laughed. "I would as well. I have a report that officers didn't help him?"
"Not from what we heard," Steve said. "That should be part of the report."
"It is." She was flipping pages, you could hear her doing it. "Is he all right?"
"Pretty good and talking to my daughter's class today about Mongolia."
"Wonderful. I'm sure it's good for the students." She cleared her throat. "Is he dating?"
"Not today but she did say to give her worldly assets to him so he could
protect her sister while she was in jail," Danny said, cracking his
other teammates up. "Seriously! Her sister's in a boarding
school in France. I know Xander called over there to talk to her
about what had happened so she could make emergency plans in case
someone came after her. He's already handed over most everything
to her. He's waiting on the deed to be found so he can send it to
"Even better and that's very nice of him," the governor said. "Anything else of note I need to hear?"
"Not yet," Steve said.
"Thank you, boys, and Kono." She hung up.
Steve put his phone back in his pocket. "It is nice that he's taking care of her sister."
"I liked it too. The ones in Cleveland decided it would encourage
more of them." They shared a look. "I so want to be on a
plane to Cleveland today."
"He might like film if you spanked them all," Chin quipped back.
"Definitely," Steve and Danny agreed together.
"I'd be so happy to do that." His phone rang. "Hey,
Xander. What's up?" He listened. "Seriously?
Why?" He nodded once. "Huh. Yeah, I can be there in a
few. Everyone good? Even better." He hung up.
"Grace's school's science lab had a minor explosion that ruined part of
the ceiling, thankfully upstairs. They're evacuating the
kids. Xander made sure his classroom was outside before the others
and offered to go look for anyone missing."
"Go," Steve said. Danny finished his burger on the way to the
car. "I remember some minor explosions but nothing that raised the
Chin smirked. "Ours too, and the sulphur week." Steve nodded he remembered that too. "Is Xander all right?"
"So far." He looked over. "He's a bit mad at everyone for
ignoring that he did call in for help. I'm thinking there's some
prior history there. Not sure though because it wasn't in the
"Yeah. A few different sources." They nodded and got back to
eating. They'd have to finish the paperwork today.
Danny looked at the phone he still had control of. Xander didn't
need to hear from Cleveland for a few days and he had the house
phone. He answered it. "Xander's phone. No, I'm his
cousin Danny. The one he moved near. Yes, him." He
leaned back, listening to the complaining. "I won't be giving it
back for a few days, Dawn. Because you have bitches infesting your
house. They called to tell Xander it was his fault he had been
kidnaped by someone he hadn't even dated." He smirked at the
wall. "Yeah, well, he doesn't need it. The kids don't need
"So we'll all be happy for a bit while I hold his phone for him.
Yeah, he has the house phone still. No, don't you dare let the
bitches call. Because that's the nicest word I can use for them,"
he said bluntly. "Did *you* call up to nag him about being
kidnaped by someone he hadn't dated?" he asked sarcastically.
"Exactly! Too bad your mother didn't beat some sense into your
sister. No, he's fine. A bit upset so I'm keeping his phone
until things settle down. Yeah, if it's a problem let him
know." He hung up.
Chin looked over. "What happened?"
"The girls wanted to nag him to get them weapons for the thing coming up
in New York after they trashed his last ones and even though they won't
pay him for them."
"Then how is he supposed to do that?" Chin asked.
"They've never cared in the past." He smirked. "Which is why
my cousin is nearly broke." That got a nod. The phone rang again
and he looked. "Yeah, Xander? I have no idea what they're
fighting. No, I'd tell them to go to the government sources
actually. That way no one can say anything to you, you don't
bankrupt yourself or out yourself, and there's no problems. I know
you sorted some out for them. How are you going to get it there
without the FBI saying you transported weapons across state lines
illegally?" He nodded. "That might help but that means they
have to come out here to get it and then get it back. I'm sure
they'd track anything you sent through your contacts."
He nodded again. "Makes sense, yeah. No, I told her I had
your phone to protect you from the roach infestation of bitches they
have up there," he said honestly. "Because you need it
sometimes. They're mean and they're hurting you. If I was
closer I'd go kick their asses and then arrest them on something
specious so they learned after a night in jail." Xander said
something and he smirked. "No can do. Ask Steve if he has
any buddies heading that way for the battle in New York?
Otherwise, no clue. Ask an agency person who deals with
them?" He smirked. "That'll work. What?" He
blinked a few times. "Why here?" He nodded slowly.
"Makes sense. Does that mean that you're moving?" He
shuddered. "No, I wouldn't either. Have fun with that,
Xander. Let me know." He hung up and put the phone into his
"When is the battle in New York?"
"Two months. He said it's amazing that they're planning it
already. Of course, they let Riley Finn trash some of the weapons
he had left there for the bitches and the other slayers. Speaking
of." He called Steve. "The Council is buying a small
compound-like area for the mini slayers that aren't old enough to
hunt. It's not going to be under Xander's control but he's more
than welcome to come teach them since no one else seems to want
to. Somewhere up this island, he's not sure where yet.
"Yeah, that's what he said. No, he's not. He said it was the
deal Giles made with the president so they wouldn't be arrested for
doing stupid shit again." He grinned at Chin. "You can
recommend. They'd need areas for training, a decent library, and
housing stuff. Xander said they'd probably have about fifteen or
twenty mini slayers. Sure, you can tell her." He hung up and
that phone went into his other pocket.
"Wonderful," Chin said. "Will we see them on the beach?"
"I don't know where they're all from. I know Xander said one of
the ones he trained in Africa is over here now due to political BS where
she lives." That got a nod. "She's the one bringing them
out according to him so maybe it'll be peaceful."
"That'd be nice. Would that draw more problems here?"
"Xander handed Steve a book on all the demon threats on the
islands." Chin went to find it in the office. Danny got back
to his researching their current problem criminal. Things really
had to be done to keep the weapons dealers out of Hawaii. Before
Xander made more friends he'd try to protect.
Xander walked into a bar where the gangs were, without the kids.
They were safely out of the way of this discussion. He looked
around and cleared his throat. Everyone stared at him. He
grinned. "I'm Xander, retired from the Council," he said in
Mandarin. "I'm putting out a notice that we're moving a slayer
house here." A few shuddered. "Full compound slayer house
when they find it." He stared at one. "Try not to kidnap my
slayers again, all right?" The guy got up to hit him and Xander
knocked him out and down then stared at him. "You're nothing
compared to vampy vamp. Really. Didn't we have this talk in
Hong Kong?" He walked over him to the bartender, handing over
something. "Also, can you please sent that to Hai's people? I
do not need a trust fund for the boys. It can get my cousin fired
with prejudice from his job."
The bartender looked scared. "You're that Xander?"
"Yeah, I am." He grinned and pulled out a picture. "My
sons." The bartender shuddered. "Thanks." He walked
"I hear you like weapons," one called.
Xander paused to look at him. "I'm holding a higher standard for
those who're working here in paradise." He smirked. "Your's
are already gone to Cleveland. The girls would say thank you if
they knew where it came from. Only the best should be working
here." Two more guys tried to pounce along with the bosses.
Xander did pretty good. He got a minor stab wound on his arm and a
large scratch on his stomach but all of the ones jumping him went
Xander looked at his arm then at his stomach. "Damn, I hate having
to spend money on new clothes." He walked off shaking his
head. "Leave my new home unless you're excellent, people. We
have standards and you're below them on everything, including
style." He ran into someone outside that gave a battle yell and
tried to attack. Xander threw something at him as he ducked.
The man screamed instead. Xander stared at him. "That's
demon snot. I know it hurts." He grinned. "Why were
you trying to attack me?"
"Master Hai should not adopt Americans!" he shouted.
"I didn't ask him to. He decided my sons would make good
heirs. We're presently negotiating what he's not going to do for
them. Now, is there anything else?" He saw two officers
running and stared at him. "Last chance."
"Get it off," he moaned.
"Baby. Powder." The man went limp. He looked at the
officer. "He decided the person who wants to adopt my sons and me
shouldn't." He shrugged. "Coat him in baby powder and the
demon snot crystals will quit burning." He stared at him
again. "Are you ever going to attack me again?"
The man shook his head. "No! I will not! Yi can not make me!"
"Tell Yi to loosen his sphincter. I'm not after his job or his
spot. Yi can deal with all the political bullshit and all that
because I'm not. I'd send half of them to Cleveland to train with
the girls, because most of the guards aren't up to slayer standards, and
then the rest I'd have doing charity work most of the time to bring
honor to the clan and better notice than weapons dealing." He
smirked. "Anything else?" The man shook his head.
"Then you have fun with the baby powder."
"Will it transfer?" one of the officers asked.
"Yes. That glittery stuff is a dried demon snot. It makes
you feel like you have a lot of little energy sources zapping you at all
at the same time." He grinned. "It's harmless and it won't
cause permanent harm like a tazer, but it's damn handy and tends to stop
most attacks. Once you neutralize it with baby powder it's
totally safe and won't hurt." That got a nod and they called in an
ambulance. Xander looked at him. Then inside. They
were nursing their injuries. He looked down at the man
again. "I have enough shit on my plate," he said in
Mandarin. "I do not need this. I have four kids with the
runs and one puking again. Plus Giles just announced he's moving a
slayer compound here and I'm more than welcome to come train the
girls. He doesn't want to pay me for it, but he thinks I'll do it
anyway." The guy shuddered. "So I do not need Yi's input
right now. Or output."
"I will inform them," he panted. The ambulance got there.
"Baby powder?" he begged. They sprinkled him and he relaxed with a
moan. "Our clan would like to test that."
"They did when I got Hai for breaking into my motel room," Xander quipped.
"Sir, are you pressing charges?" one of the officers asked the guy on the ground.
He shook his head frantically. "Hai would skin me for boots! I would not upset Master Hai!"
"I'm not either. That way he can give the message that I don't care about the petty politicking going on."
"Sir, it's clear you were in a fight."
"Yeah, I pointed out that I had to send some weapons to Cleveland and thanked some people in the bar for donating."
The officers glanced inside then at him. "Why?" one asked.
Xander pulled out his ID card and showed it to him. "Oh," he said
flatly. "You're one of *them*."
He grinned. "I'm retired here to paradise to raise my boys and be
happy near my cousins." That got a happier look. "They're
below my expectations for weapons dealers though so they donated to the
upcoming battle in New York." He beamed.
"Did the PD get the rest of theirs?" the other officer asked.
"I have no idea if someone's found the little tracker I put in
there. My cousin has my cellphone so I can't call and ask
him." He grinned. "His boss knew I was looking for weapons soon
for the slayers. He agreed to handle anything else that I
leave." That got a much happier look. "Go ask
McGarrett." That got one shuddering. Xander snickered.
"I'm Detective William's cousin." He smirked at the man walking
toward him. "Hi."
"Xander. Hai wants those boys protected."
"And I don't want anything that will affect my cousin's job."
"I understand. It should not."
"I had HPD's Internal Affair's paranoid people waking me up this morning," he said dryly.
The man winced. "I will talk to them?"
"I did. And pulled out my files on Hai to show them. They
thought the boys were adorable too. They warned me to not get any
monetary or noticeable support from you guys outside of anything I'm
getting for the slayers."
"I will talk to Hai personally." He looked at the man on the
ground. "Go." He got up and fled. He looked at Xander
again. "Yi will be stopped."
"Do the girls need things?"
"No, I found some substandard wannabe arms dealers." He nodded at the bar. "They donated." He grinned.
"Excellent. I know you cannot afford weapons for the battles and Mr. Giles will not pay for them."
"I kinda really want him to pay me back for the stuff I had to get for them before."
"I would as well." He patted him on the arm. "Are the boys
all suffering from the flu?" Xander shuddered but nodded.
"Then I wish you much luck getting them better by the weekend.
Xander grinned. "We'll be watching even if they are sick."
He looked at the officers, who shooed him off. "Thanks,
guys." He jogged back to his car. His local babysitter was
getting pouted at.
The other man smiled. "Let me make contact."
"Who is this Master Hai?" one of the officers asked. "Is he a local?"
"No, he is unfortunately in a jail in Macau. If things were
different and Xander did not have a calling he would have wanted him as a
mate." He walked off humming as he dialed. "His cousin's
job is being affected in negative ways that got Xander woken up by
Internal Affairs people," he said in greeting. "Xander gave the
money back." He went in to get it and walked off again.
Thank you. We must be more subtle so it does not get people into
trouble." He hung up.
The officers made a full report to their boss, who was not happy to have
someone Council in their state. Even a retired one. They
went to talk to his cousin to see if he could leave. When they
heard the *president* had asked him to move here to keep things calm
they realized they'd have to put up with it. Like they did the
hippie witch coven that ran around naked in the forest every few days.
Giles looked at the crates that were being delivered to the Council
house, blinking a few times. "What are these?" He knew the
man was one of Xander's contacts. He was heavily armed, had dark
sunglasses on underneath his hat, and he'd barely seen him before when
he had picked Xander up for a date.
"Xander found a substandard arms dealing gang." He handed over the
clipboard. "He said this time to not let Agent Finn touch
anything because he can't get you any more for a while." He gave
him a look. Giles grimaced. "He also suggested Agent Finn go see
if he can calm down the warlord demon in Antigua this week."
"Is it horribly hard to kill?" Giles asked.
"Yes. But it might like Agent Finn."
"I'll see if he will. I know nothing about any of this."
"We know. It all works. We made sure before we packed
it." He smirked. "The two non-working things we handed over
for him. You should have enough for a few apocalypse battles
now." He tipped his hat. "Also, Xander said he's got to
concentrate on the boys, that's why you had him adopt them, and if you
ever blame him for something Willow does again he will be the next
apocalypse." Giles went pale.
"He's not sure why you're possessed but he said he is not Willow's
shoulder angel. It's not fair to blame him for her doing bad
things. He reminds you that you know what personal responsibility
is and so do the coven of witches in England. That if they *ever*
cause the boys to be sick again, they can be destroyed." He walked
"I have no idea I did that," Giles admitted, going inside. He
called someone neutral to check him over for possessions or anything
like that. "Riley, Xander said he heard you need to handle a demon
warlord in Antigua, that you might be able to handle it alone."
Riley nodded. "Do not touch the weapons this time. They all
work and we'll need them." Riley stomped off. Giles sent a
slayer off to watch the weapons. She liked to beat Riley in
sparring so she could get him now too.
::More Cute Evil coming.::
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