It's Nice to Have Friends Who Help You.
Lavelle and Sividia Xander walked into Steve's department office
together a few days before they were going to do the hellmouth
spell. They were carrying familiar looking heavy cases. "Are
those the prototypes?"
"Yup. We have one of the artillery designing us's waiting on us to
try out." He let Steve look them over. Lavelle was proud of
those hims. They made some really great weapons. Sividia
Xander was looking around. "We need a legitimate testing target,"
Lavelle said. "They said this one came from one of their new
engineers and the output might not be high enough but we have a second
tester missile we can try to see if it'll work. The other is a
single use, high yield system that is stronger than most crew mounted
anti-aircraft systems and it has a touchier radar targeting
system. It can be set for a specific range of temperatures and be
used as a heat seeker." Steve nodded, looking them over.
Danny called to get them a good testing target. He wrote it
down. "Towards the middle of nowhere, three or four in a nest," he
said, handing it over. He texted their Xander. He said he'd
be there. Faith was still there to babysit. "Okay, let's
go." They gathered everything and everyone, heading there.
Xander met them there. Xander hugged the other hims and looked the
"That's going to be too weak," their Xander said. "The one we hit
that dragon with the first time was about that strength."
"We'll see," the weapons designing Xander said with a grin. He
pulled it out to find a likely subject that was flying around. It
knocked it out but didn't kill it. They reloaded with the stronger
missile and it was better but only damaged it, didn't kill it.
Lavelle used the other one to kill another dragon and it did
explode. "Sweet," he said with a grin. That Xander and the
local one both grinned back.
Sividia Xander stared at the mess. "It's loud, so a warning. Can we mute that part?" he asked the designing Xander.
"We can and there's two different methods of launching." He got
into his bag of holding. "It goes to our toy vault but I put this
in there so I wouldn't have to travel as much." He pulled out
something and attached it to a crossbow bolt, firing it at the
nest. It blew up. "Because they were watching."
"Eww," Steve said. "What does that?"
"The same thing we use in our robotic spiders." He grinned as he showed one off. "Very handy sometimes."
Steve shivered. "It looks realistic." He had woken up with one of those on his forehead one day while on a mission.
"Very," that Xander purred with a smile. "We have surveillance
ones too." He put it back. He got another globe and held it
up. "This is the recharge capsule." He showed them how to
reload that new system. The globe went into a capsule and was
loaded. It acted like a large breach-action shotgun. The
capsule was the size of a fist. "We're patenting it on our world
and on yours in the company's name. That'll let us sell it to the
state so they can make their own. The capsule and globe cost about
a thousand each to make."
"That's cheaper than missiles," Steve agreed. "Will it work on other flying things, like helicopters?"
That Xander smirked. "Of course it will. We do a lot of
Special Operations weapons." He winked and got back to the
specs. The portal made a sound like a cleared throat so he sent
down his phone, which he had used to tape the tests. He got back a
new capsule and looked at it. "Ice?" he called.
"Yeah. Based on Andrew's thing at the lab on the demonic spiders."
The native Xander shuddered. "I hate those spiders."
Everyone stared at him. "One single of those spiders stripped a
cow in under an hour, people. They're vicious, they're immune to
all poisons, and they tend to swarm in groups of up to a
thousand." Steve shuddered. "Pure black, bit shiny...."
"I saw one of those once, back during my first year as a SEAL. The
team leader stomped it and started to swear. He made us move camp
immediately even though it meant we had to replot our raid."
The weapons designing Xander nodded. "We had a nest of them invade
our felony lab building." Steve walked off shuddering. "We
cold bombed it." He grinned at his other selves. "Andrew's
cold bomb made the temperature in Manhattan drop twenty degrees for
"Ours would love that," native Xander said. He wrote out a message and Xander texted it to their Andrew back in Cleveland.
Steve came back talking to the president. "Xander...."
"I'm Alex. Since we were split we changed the names slightly." He gave out an insane grin.
"Twins?" he demanded.
"I got put back together," native and Sividia Xander both quipped. Lavelle just nodded and waved a hand.
"Huh," Steve said, listening to the president. "Here, the President."
Alex took the phone and walked off talking about the design. "Bad
news, guys, someone in New York hyped their spell. The east coast
has dragons down to Kentucky now." He listened and made
notes. It was easily worked out and the President was more than
willing to pay their nicely reduced rate for the emergency design.
They could start making them that night once the payment went
through. The president himself bought the plans so it was all good
Weapons designing Alex walked back into his lab with his camcorder and
the plans. "Mac," he said. "C'mon, we're going to a head's
up meeting." He got him and took him to where his twin was waiting
with a few of their company's best clients. Alex sat down and put
the plans on the table and his camcorder on top of it. "As most
of you know, I was absent for about a day and a half due to another
Xander having an issue."
"Here?" one of the generals asked.
"No. During the multi-Xander convention we met ones of us from a
lot of realms. There, a certain witch had decided to get back at
the people who stopped her apocalypse attempt, after the FBI let her go
for it. She decided to make their world a bit more magical.
As in we just had to help them by designing something that could
boom/splat a dragon." Mac shuddered. Xander showed them the
film he had taken. The generals were looking upset. Mac
looked disgusted. His twin was sipping his water.
"Can they do that here?" Mac asked.
"Yes, and she's in New York here. There, another chaos sort had
hyped her original spell, which was in Hawaii, so it was now active in
New York down to Kentucky." He laid out the materials on the
spell. "This is who did it, what she did, how it warped things
based on all the testing they've done in their Hawaii." The
generals nodded, going over it. The dossier went to Mac for his
One of the generals cleared his throat. "Not to sound greedy but is that new weapon going to be sold this upcoming time?"
Xander, the other twin, showed them the film from the phone. One
of the generals moaned like someone had just sank home in his
body. "We're calling it the Dragon system. It breathes fire
or ice. The ice one is based on Andrew's cure for the damn demonic
spiders." He beamed.
"You need a vacation," Mac said. He shook his head quickly.
"If I had known it was going to be this sweet I would've brought an
escort," one of the generals said. He leaned back in his chair and
sipped his wine. "Lightweight?"
"The tester model we gave them and the plans for was about as heavy as a
current shoulder-mounted launcher," Alex said with a smile. "We
knew they'd have to run with it. The other one is nice, and
pretty, but not enough to hit the dragon and kill it." He showed
them those plans.
"Damn," Mac said. "That's.... I would've begged for that when I
was in Libya, boys." They smiled at him. "And the other one I
might've given up a kidney for a few times." The generals smiled.
"I was there when the bombing happened," he said quietly.
"I remember that incident. I was halfway across the city," one of
them told him, patting him on the back. "Boys, is this a notice
that we're going to be on our knees with our wallets out this time?"
"It's more to warn you that it can happen. She might be able to do it here," Xander said.
"That one had to go to four demons to get help," Alex said. "Plus
the ones she already was owing due to her apocalypse attempt."
"It's entirely possible she can do it here so you guys had best be aware in case we suddenly crop up with dragons."
The generals all nodded. "Who bought the plans there? One of us?" one asked.
"The president there bought the plans and the original. That way
no one company could argue or anything else. It's being supplied
to all the State Police and the slayers there by his people. That
way he makes sure there's no politics involved."
"At a thousand a capsule and not too terribly high to make new
launchers, each state can start their own stockpiles," Xander agreed.
Alex beamed at him. "The one she did in Hawaii reached Vegas as
the eastern edge." Mac shuddered and so did his twin. "There
were *elves* in LA."
Xander cackled. "Connor must have shit himself," he said between laughs.
"Can we adjust the formula in one of the capsules for something like a
napalm burning agent?" one of the generals asked. He didn't want
to think about elves. He doubted they could handle military life.
The twins looked at each other and shrugged. "We can see," Alex agreed. "No promises though."
"We might be able to use that liquid thermite stuff," Xander offered.
"True, it'd probably pack well enough. We'd have to adjust the material we used to pack it."
"Or use an activator bubble somehow," Xander said.
Alex nodded. "Could be. We'll work on it." They
smiled. "We'll do official tests on these soon. But you guys
need to be aware it can happen."
"I called Ethan," Xander said. "Ethan was not pleased someone
managed to pull that spell there. Said it'd give the one here a
bad idea and he's already told all his lower Janus people to not even
think about it."
Alex grinned. "It was Pettiturn that did the one in New York."
Xander shuddered, rubbing his arms. "At least ours is dead."
"Yes he is. I killed him very hard," Alex agreed happily.
Mac looked at his twin ballistic techs. "I take it he was part of
your dating society?" he asked dryly. They nodded.
"Wonderful. I'll put a watch on the one who did the original and
see if we can talk to anyone about other chaos sorcerers."
"Pettiturn wasn't into chaos," Alex said with a grin. "He was the
son of one of the Devon Coven. A white sorcerer." Mac
slumped, shaking his head. "He's one of the guys that was teaching
the younger generation of witches how to do it properly."
"Shit," one of the generals said, staring at them. They nodded. "Was he insane?"
"Well, he tried to sacrifice my beloved evil twin," Alex quipped.
"To do a planetary healing spell. Think of him as the witchly
version of the animal activists that go to free lab rats." The
generals all nodded. "And he was in Maine working with some druids
who want to stop all mechanized vehicles that put out pollution."
"Charming," Mac muttered.
"His two sons are still in Maine," Xander said quietly, glancing
around. "And his ex-wife, who is the daughter of another member of
the coven, is heading them now." Mac nodded. "So we might
want to warn the nice people in Maine if we know anyone, Mac."
"I will, boys. I'll have the NYPD Intelligence Office look into
her. Even if I don't like them they're useful." The twins
"Our city's version of the CIA can be helpful," Xander agreed dryly.
"Call us for the testing time," one of the generals said. He started to get up.
"Ten tonight," Xander said. They smiled and got lunch, talking
about the pricing for such a nice, sweet weapon. And how to handle
it if their world suddenly got dragons and elves. They'd have to
redo how basic training was run for elves.
The first shipment of new weapons got to Hawaii and Xander taught the
officers and Hannibal how to use them. He was video conferencing
in the slayer in New York and her usual helpful hunting crew.
Everyone got some hands on time and then they went to take out some of
the most harmful dragon nests. The press caught wind and spotted
them taking down a few. That cheered up the civilians of Hawaii a
lot. It gave them some hope.
PETA, of course, set up a protest almost immediately. Dawn was
releasing information on what dragons could and could not do, and why
they kept stealing more women than anything. PETA sent her death
threats. One tried to molotov her car until Lavelle showed
up. Then they ran screaming at Steve to save them. Some
dragons trying to take Dawn decided the running women were easier prey
so a few got taken on their few block run to HQ. Lavelle debated
but Dawn rescued them.
"I am the better person, at least than they are," she muttered as she walked off.
"You are," Lavelle said, smiling at her. "We should shop for
you. Get you something kick-ass for your boyfriend to leer at."
She blushed. "I'm not ready for that yet."
He cackled, walking off with her to show her what he meant. He
knew what his Dawn looked great in. This one was a bit thinner
thanks to being so sick recently but the leather catsuit look would
still look good on her. Or even a long unitard and a cute skirt
Steve looked up as the hippie wannabes rushed into the office. "What the hell are you doing?" he demanded.
"That strange Xander is going to kill us!" one shouted.
Danny stared at them. "What did you do to piss Lavelle off?" he
asked, glaring at them. One burst out crying. "Uh-huh.
That's what I thought you'd say." He got up. A few cowered
away from him. "Good idea, ladies!" He hauled them into
interrogation to talk to them. And when he found out why, he got
in a good rant about reality biting them to make them wake up from their
funny dreams. Which he decided were probably induced by drugs.
"Could be," Steve agreed from his corner. "Sounds like drug
fantasies to me." Booknerd Xander appeared and most of the PETA
members screamed and a few ducked under the desk.
Xander looked at them. "Pissed off Lavelle?" he asked dryly.
"That's always a bad idea. We can go evil if we want." He
smiled sweetly. "Just ask my husband Draco." He looked at
Steve. "We have weapons?"
"Against the dragons."
"Cool. I'm here to see if any of your fine officers have the
skills to learn basic banishings." He looked at Danny.
"Beyond you." Danny shook his head. "Oh, yeah, just a tiny
bit. Nothing more than lighting a candle sort but enough to do a
banishing." He strolled out, handing out little slips of paper to
the ones he spotted. "I'm teaching banishings that day at that
time to anyone with the papers. That means that there's a chance
they can use the magic based one instead of the latin demon banishing
ones anyone can use," he said at a few curious looks. They decided
it was a good idea. Another weapon in the arsenal and all that. A
few got upset but yay! He spotted one that clearly had a
clue. "Do I need to teach you how to banish things?" he asked
"I'll check your method against mine," he said. "What are you?"
Xander grinned. "One of the best cursebreakers ever." The
guy shivered. "My mate Draco wanted some time to sleep off the
exhaustive, explosive, massive sex I laid on him for breakfast."
He strolled off. "There, then."
"Sure," he said, looking at the paper.
Xander went to the federal building as well, tagging some agents to get
taught. They needed to know and could pass it on to other
agents. A few supervisors scowled. "You want the local PD to
handle everything?" he quipped. That one nodded. "Tough
shit. You're living here too and I doubt your people are going to
wait for someone to show up and save them." The supervisor stomped
off. He smiled and waved at his back. "I've seen worse
managers than you but mine were inbred." He walked off to a few
chuckles. He tagged another magic user. He could feel the
"I know your methods, Xander Dumass."
Xander looked at him. He was clearly from Magical England by his
clothes and style. "Did you escape?" he asked dryly.
"Misplaced due to a take-down going wrong." He smiled. "I'm a former auror."
"Cool!" He handed over some of the cards. "You can help me
teach it then." The agent nodded, going to talk to a few others he
knew could do the job.
Magical Xander caught up with his other magical self that night, looking around. "Draco is in high sneer mode," he warned.
"Maybe he can teach mine something." He grinned back.
"Draco?" His looked over from reading something even Xander
thought was boring. The other one looked over, spotted his younger
self, then glared at the two Xander's. Dumass smiled and
waved. "His daddy gave him to me so I'd quit kicking his
ass." His Draco rolled his eyes and put his book up. "He's a
great helper in the curse breaking business."
"I'm sure I would be," the older Draco said blandly. "Let's
talk. That way I can warp you back into my exceptional version of a
Malfoy, who is also well rid of his father." They walked off
Both Xander's looked over at the very loud 'oh my lord Merlin! You had children with *WHO*?'.
"That's about what her brothers said," Xander Harris-Weasley said
dryly. "Though Simone is one of the biggest bitches and smartasses
when she wants to be. She clearly got her daddy's attitude."
Xander Dumass grinned. "The us here has five sixteen month old
boys thanks to Willow and he was granted custody of a tiny baby
slayer. Only two months old."
"Awww! Babies are great at that age," he cooed. He limped
off, spotting the local Xander with his kids in the park. "Awww!"
he cooed, taking her to cuddle. "Such a little princess.
We'll make sure you never look like or act like a Buffy or a Willow,
sweetheart. Draco, look. A baby slayer."
Both Draco's strolled over. The younger one waved at her.
"The ones the Aunts had made for us like to sleep in a house elf
bed. You should try that, they consider it very comfortable."
The elder Draco looked at him. "Seriously?" The younger one nodded. "Why do you have one?"
"His aunts insisted." He smiled. "His goes around chewing on
possessed artifacts. Especially this one vase that has an incubus
trapped. You can hear him complaining about baby drool."
Xander Dumass nodded. "The aunts had them made." He waved
and cooed. "I have no idea what to do with one of you.
That's why the aunts are raising ours." Xander Harris-Weasley
snickered and shook his head. "They wanted our kids to be sane."
"It's probably a lost cause," his Draco agreed. "Especially yours." Xander nodded.
Xander Harris-Weasley smiled at the boys. "Hi, guys." They
all waved and one grinned at him. "Too bad you guys aren't in my
realm. I'd love to have you guys in my demonology classes at
"Can I get a set of notes?" the local Xander asked. "For the baby
slayers? I figure you've worked the lessons out so they're faster,
easier to understand, and all that since you've been doing it so long."
"Sure." He smiled. "I can get you a copy of the demonic CSI
books I got off that one Xander too." He cooed at the baby since
she was awake. "Hi, sweetness." His husband strolled over
and looked. "A baby slayer."
"Lolita Jolene," the local Xander said. "Her momma named her," he said at the strange looks.
"Jo," Pooch said with a point.
Xander looked then at the baby. Then back at him. "Is it
just the name?" Pooch shook his head. "Huh. I wonder
how that happened."
Xander Harris-Weasley let his Draco test her. "Rosenburg.
And another witch. Almost feels like Tara only more
powerful." He walked off shaking his head with his younger self to
go over what he had learned and where.
Xander Dumass looked at that Draco then at his Xander buddy. "I
thought I was a book nerd at that age," he joked with a grin.
"Draco's very good and he taught all the kids how to research.
Which is why mine is in college so damn young." He carefully
handed her back. "There, go back to the stepdaddy,
sweetness." He looked at George, who kissed him and grinned.
"We'll have grandkids some year soon."
"Which means less having to get up for diapers," he quipped with a smirk. "Remember, they drove Fred absolutely nuts."
"True. So did colic."
The local Xander nodded. "She doesn't yet but I'm expecting
it." They settled in to go over the plan and help the kids.
When Jo needed changed, the elder Draco swished, flicked, and fixed it
before anyone had to move. "I need that spell," he said.
Draco smirked. "You'd have to have a wand and more magic."
He saw some girls go rollerblading past in bikini tops and shorts.
The younger one shook his head. "Thankfully the veela family curse
is gone," he muttered. His older self looked at him oddly.
"You don't have one?"
"Not in our realm." He grinned. "They removed all the family line curses about a hundred years ago."
"I removed his," Xander Dumass called.
"Excellent." They went back to talking about the upcoming
spell. They had both done their research. Harry strolled
over and flopped down with the kids, picking up one of them to
cuddle. The baby complained but Harry hummed and rocked it a bit,
making him calm down. The elder Draco smiled at that.
"Potter is missing having babies but he too shall have grandchildren
soon. Ones that won't require a whole family yelling match about
him hiding them."
"That was Hermione," Harry complained, glaring over at them. "Did
you clone yourself already, Draco? I thought you were going to
wait a few years so you could amass more knowledge to transfer over."
"Funny but no. This is Draco Dumass."
"Ah!" He looked at that Xander, grinning. "How's the curse breaking?"
"Very profitable and a lot of work. Which Ron and Dawn keep sneaking off from to shag."
"Here, my Dawn is dating Hannibal. He's a hunter," Xander said with a grin.
"I met him," Xander Dumass said. "He got us confused." He smirked. The local Xander smirked evilly back.
Jensen looked at them. "No ba! Bad ba!" he reminded him.
Xander Harris-Weasley looked at him. "He doesn't need a succuba,
little guy." He pulled him over to cuddle. And Pooch
too. "He can find plenty of people to take that evil thought out
of his mind."
"They've mostly run away from my cousin," Xander complained. That got a nod. The others of the group showed up.
"We are not bringing the children," Dawn ordered.
"I know that." He grinned. "Rachel's coming to pick them and
the van up. She wants to get Gracie used to little, tiny babies
so she asked to babysit tonight."
"That's not a bad thing," Dawn decided. She smiled and waved at
Pooch. "Hey, Poochy butt." He scowled. She
smirked. Xander Dumass casually threw holy water on her, making
her shriek. "Hey!"
"Not possessed so just PMS," he decided dryly.
"Hey, if she's having PMS then I'm not an uncle," the local Xander quipped.
She kicked him on the shin. "I do know what birth control is,
thank you. I made Spike take me to my appointments." She let
out an evil cackle.
"Don't look at me. I tried to relieve that evil mood," Hannibal
quipped as he walked over. He paused and stared at the baby.
"Huh. Did we spawn, Xander?"
"No. Dragon took her mama."
"Faith and he have custody," Dawn said with a grin.
"Well, I'll help her train when she's older then. Abby would love a
picture of you." He took one with his phone and sent it.
She sent back a question mark so he explained. She sent a groan
and said that someone in England was trying to help the dragon
problem. "Abby said someone in England is trying to help the
"Help how?" all the Xander's asked.
"Huh, a chorus," Dawn quipped. She called. "Abby, all the
Xander's gathered for the hellmouth spell wanted to know how it would
help." She listened. "Excuse me? Hell no! And by
the way, Willow tried to pull him when he went to hell on the
show. So his hell was diapers and a babbling mommy." She
hung up. "The witch there wanted to pull another hunter and use
him to start a line of super hunters to match the slayers."
The local Xander waved a hand at him and Hannibal. "We're not good enough anymore? The bitch can save herself then."
Dawn gaped. "Wow. And you think *I* have PMS?"
"Yeah," Hannibal said. "I agree with that." He called
her. "Xander and I agree. If we aren't good enough for her,
fuck her," he said in greeting. "And she can damn well save her
own ass from now on. She can also jump into any of the upcoming
apocalypse battles. You can tell her I said that." He
listened. "Oh, it's to *augment* us, Xander."
"Yay," he said blandly. "I hear there's a place on one of the
demon realms that'll craft a clone of you or me with specific skills if
you pay them. We can send her there."
Xander Dumass looked at him. "What?" he asked.
Sividia Xander cackled. "I heard about that! His slogan of
'a Xander of your own, however you like him' is cute! He can put
in any characteristics you want. The few I've heard of were made
into bottom slut toys but he can do anything up to weak magic and
Hannibal repeated that and Abby burst out cackling. He hung up on
it. "She'll tell the demented one." He looked at Dawn.
"I didn't hear about it when it would've done me any good," she
quipped. Xander kicked her back and Jensen bit her.
"Ow!" She rubbed the sore spot, glaring at the smirking
baby. "Are you evil today too?" He smiled and nodded.
"Why?" He wiggled.
The local Xander shook his head. "I have no idea why his dancing is evil. He's not even stripping."
"Vines!" Jensen crowed with a grin.
The Xanders all stared at him. "Do you have wiggly vines?" Xander
Dumass asked. Jensen grinned and nodded. "Huh."
The local Xander snapped his fingers. "Morticia. Wardrobe
Xander's pet plants. I didn't realize he had planted one."
He looked at Jensen. "It'd eat you if you were smaller." He
grinned and patted his belly. "I know, you're really big so we
won't have to worry about it until the plant's big enough to eat
planes." Jensen laughed and crawled off to bother the two
Dracos. They were blond and smart like him. The elder one
picked him up and sat him on his knee. The younger one was giving
him funny looks so he gave them back, making him smile. "Behave,
Jensen," he called.
"It must be insane with them having their old memories," Xander Dumass said.
"Actually it helps a lot. That means that as soon as they can do
something they're doing it. Which means faster potty training."
Lavelle grinned. "I'm so glad that mine got it fairly
quickly. Even if Arsene had a bad habit of peeing on cop car tires
in her youth."
"Shouldn't there only be one of you per realm?" a passing officer complained.
"No, most of us got turned into twins at least once and in one realm
they're still twins," Lavelle quipped with an evil smirk. "The
more of us here means the better your world is." The officer
huffed off. The local Xander smiled and waved at his back.
Lavelle snickered. "I think I see your cousin-in-law and cousin."
Xander looked back with a grin and a wave. "Hi, Rachel. Hi, Gracie!"
She pounced him. "Hi, Xander!" She cooed. "Awww, a baby!"
"And she's going with you," Xander quipped. He grinned at Rachel. "Jensen's snuggling up to the other smart blonds."
She looked and smiled then at the baby. "She is adorable but
making that face." The elder Draco swished, flicked, and changed
all the kids for her. "Thank you."
Grace looked and then at her mother. "He looks like that guy on the movie, Mom."
"That's because he is in his realm," Lavelle said. "Multi-realm
realities is a really hard subject but I'll give you a book to read when
you're older if you're still curious. You have to have calculus
Grace frowned. "What's calculus? Is that like chicken pox?"
"No, it's a high level math class."
"Oh, then I might have that. I like math. I hated chicken pox."
"Me too," most of the Xander's and Hannibal agreed.
"I skipped that," Dawn said happily.
"Which means you can get it now," Xander shot back.
Grace looked at the Draco group again. "When you swish and flick the diapers away, where do they go?"
"The nearest trash can." She grinned at him for that. He
looked over. "Oh, dear Merlin," he sighed. "Why is someone
carrying a sign saying killing dragons is evil?"
"You don't have PETA on your world?" Rachel asked. She called
Danny, who showed up with Steve to drive them off. She got the
kids to go with her while everyone else took a rented boat out to the
little rocky island of the future hellmouth.
In the van, Grace looked at Roque. "Don't try to out-poop her,
Roque. That's mean to Mom." Roque gave her a look.
"Littler babies poop more because they eat more often. You just
poop a lot because you eat like a slayer." Roque shook his
head. She hugged him. "We love you anyway. Even if I
did hear that you pooped so much you created a mud puddle." He
laughed and nodded. "One of the boys at school didn't think that
was possible so he asked the teacher, who gave him detention."
Rachel shook her head. "She said for you to quit talking about it too."
"I will." She smoothed down Jo's hair. "There you go.
All pretty. We'll find you some pretty hair bows or something so
everyone knows you're a girl. Because I know Xander won't dress
you in dresses and stuff." She smiled at Pooch, who was staring at
the baby. "Wanna help, Pooch?" He smiled and nodded.
"We're taking Xander and the babies shopping next week," she said patiently.
"Okay!" She looked at the boys then at her mother. "Why did the one Xander have wings?"
"I don't know."
"Can ours do that?"
"I think it'd take a spell for him to do that," she admitted.
"Do you think he will? That's kind of neat."
"I don't know." She changed roads. Danny was driving her car
back to the house, followed by Steve who'd take him home after a family
style dinner with everyone.
"Do you think if he does I can try it?"
"Not until you're eighteen, young lady."
"Yes, Mommy." She looked at the babies and winked at Jensen, who grinned and nodded back. They'd try it together.
Rachel ignored the conspiracy since her daughter didn't have any magic
to try that wing spell. Jensen might but he was too young to do
it. She'd tell Danny so he could talk her out of it. She
listened to Danno more than her most of the time.
Xander Harris-Weasley limped over the uneven ground. "Any of the
demons with hooves will never make it over this." His husband
helped him. "Thanks," he said quietly.
"Never a problem," he quipped with a grin. "How far up are we going?"
"To that flat area," Dawn said with a point. They nodded, hiking
up to it. The short incline was hard for the limping Xander but he
made it. They settled themselves in their spots. Sividia
Xander had mapped out the spell earlier. One was on the edge of
the rocks so he had to move an inch closer. Which meant everyone
had to move an inch closer. They drew out the marks with white
sand and then tiny white rocks. The rocks worked better than the
sand since there was a breeze.
It was finally ready and they each said their parts. A small void
rip started but Xander Dumass controlled it and the others created the
tiny hellmouth in the center. Then Sividia Xander's Sam created a
shelter around it. That way nothing bigger than an insect could
get in and anything that small would be sucked into the void portal
before it could touch the hellmouth. They backed up, checking it
over. Dawn checked the ambient magic and nodded. "It's went
down about twenty percent here."
"It'll spread out," native Xander said.
"Today," Sam agreed with a smile for them. "So are we done? That wind is chilly."
Sividia Xander looked up at the being above them. "Don't chill my
mate." The wind demon moved on. "Thank you for your
cooperation." He smiled and waved.
Native Xander laughed. "You're very protective. I thought I
was protective." Sividia Xander grinned at him. "Now what?"
"Now we go home, we do our things," Xander Dumass said, looking at his
spouse. Who was leering at him. "Let's go home. Most
of us have hot boyfriends to get home to."
"Sure, rub it in that I don't have one," native Xander teased with a grin.
"Take the loud, blond man," the elder Draco suggested.
"Eww, cousin," Xander quipped.
Lavelle smiled and moved closer. "I'm staying because Lupin's still pissing me off." Xander beamed and nodded.
"I don't wanna know if you guys make like twins or not," Dawn said, walking off. "Am I driving the boat back?"
"Um, no," Sam quipped. "I've seen how you drive a car, Dawn."
Lavelle laughed. "I helped by changing her engine to run on
imps. Totally environmentally friendly and they don't have to be
fed, charged, or fueled." Xander hugged him. "I did your
other van, the newer one, too." They walked back, Xander
Harris-Weasley leaning on his husband's arm. Lavelle grinned at
him. "We considered not asking you."
"I know. I can do this. It's fairly even for being a piece
of volcanic rock." He picked some up and put it into his
pocket. "Iggy and Sev might need some for something."
"We'll go to our Hawaii on our next vacation," George said with a
smile. Xander gave him a little squeal and a hug. "Fluffy
Xander's right. I have some hot sex to get back to. Let's
get back to where we can be sent home."
Sividia Xander and Xander Dumass got them sent home. Everyone but
native Xander, Lavelle, and Dawn went home to have sex. Lavelle
drove the boat, which made Dawn pout but yay. Lavelle looked at
the pier and sighed. "Protesters."
Xander called someone. "Chin, it's Xander. No, the native
one. We have protestors at the dock where we need to park the boat
we're borrowing. Lavelle is. I'm pretty sure he took
lessons since he owns a converted small cruise ship for family
trips." He listened to the wondering. "Specialized suites
for the family groups and training areas, yeah. That's us.
Thank you." He hung up. "HPD has already been asked to
please remove them." He looked at Dawn, who shook her head.
She was about tapped out on magic. Lavelle nodded he was
Native Xander frowned and considered something then called
someone. "Can you please create some fog on the dock where the
protesters are so we can dock safely? Thanks." He hung
up. A thick, heavy, New England fog started. The protesters
complained loudly but the officers drove them off. They docked,
handing the boat keys back to the owner - an ex of the native Xander -
and Lavelle decided he'd be good to play with that night between him and
native Xander. Hannibal snuck Dawn off. They went home to
relieve Faith and have some fun.
Danny walked in the next morning, hearing the fussing. He went to
check on the kids, smiling at Frank, the fussy one. "What?"
"Bad as ba," Jensen complained, scowling at the bedroom.
Lavelle strolled over in just some boxers, looking at the kids.
"He's not going to stay single forever, guys. And that one was
kind of nice." The boys all shook their heads. Lavelle
grinned. "Nicer than me then, how about that?" They all
Danny patted him on the arm. "I'm sure they'll like you like they do their dad pretty fast."
Jensen pointed at the closet. "Bad bad bad."
Lavelle opened it and looked. "Hey, Lupin." He shut the door
again and locked it, hugging the boys. "Thank you for locking my
boyfriend in the closet, boys." He kissed each one on the
head. "Want breakfast? I'll change Jo and start some if your
dad hasn't." They crawled or walked out that way, however they
still moved. Lavelle picked up the little girl. "Did we
ignore you?" he asked. Whichever kid had been playing with her had
gotten her shirt all messed up. He changed her and redressed her,
taking her out to make a bottle too. Xander was making
breakfast. Their willing love slave was still passed out, you
could hear him snoring on the baby monitor.
Danny walked out with Lupin. "How did he get here?"
"I asked a friend of his to send me," Lupin said, glaring at his Xander, then at the other one. "You needed help?"
"A lot of help," Danny said. "We had someone turn this world into a D&D world. We have dragons and things."
Lupin shuddered. "That's a good reason." He stared at his boyfriend.
Lavelle looked over with a smirk. "What was it you decided was
more important than us again? Oh, yeah, it was going to taunt
Gramps and getting arrested again."
"Our kids have kicked my ass over that repeatedly for the last few days," Lupin complained.
"Well, I did raise them to respect their future mates," Lavelle quipped. Xander took the baby. "Hey."
"Kiss him stupid," Xander said. "If he can't be addicted like one
of our usual ones then he's clearly not worthy." He glared at
Lupin. "I heard, dude. A lot. Remember, we do the
pen-pal thing too." Lupin shuddered. "Good idea." He
handed over bowls. "Here, food." The boys drug in and ate
like little boys, which they were. Jo was slurping hard at her
bottle. Xander looked down. "Did we ignore you? I
didn't hear you fuss, Jo." She shifted and kept sucking, staring
at him. He grinned. "We'll figure it out." She relaxed
again and finished her breakfast. Xander and Lavelle made the
adults some and let the boys go play. "Once we're done eating,
it's time for a bath," Xander called after Jensen.
"Vines," Jensen said with a point and a grin.
"Be very careful and take Danny or Lupin with you," Lavelle quipped. Lupin sighed but followed him.
Lupin came back a minute later. "You have a moving vine plant?"
"Yeah. She's kin to another Xander's Morticia." Xander grinned. "He planted her to protect the kids."
"We have three in Goemon's garden," Lavelle quipped with a grin.
"It likes to pet him when he meditates there." Lupin walked off
shaking his head to watch Jensen so he wouldn't get eaten by the
"We both deserve the best there is," Xander said quietly.
"I know. I still love the asshole but he does stupid shit that
pisses me off all too often. That's another reason why I built the
island, so they could do their thing without pissing me off by cheating
"I haven't cheated since I slept with Fourth's mother," Lupin said from the doorway, handing over Jensen. "There's bees."
Xander looked at Jensen. "Did you draw the bees by being so sweet?"
Jensen cackled and blew a kiss, wiggling to get down. "Cook?"
"Sure, have your Uncle Lupin put in one of your DVD's, Jensen."
Lupin took the boy to do that. "One of the Good Eats ones."
Lupin found them and put one in, making Jensen clap and dance
around. Lupin watched, looking confused. "I've seen his show
in our realm. He does the Iron Chef stuff."
"He's an announcer here," Xander quipped.
"There too." He looked back at his spouse. "I got bored."
Xander looked at him. "Interpol pushed out a few new baby cops
that're better than anyone on Gramp's team," he said. "Mostly
trained by them. They have a kill you on sight order, dear," he
said dryly. "They nearly got your daughter the other day."
Lupin's eyes narrowed. "Since when?" he demanded.
"Since one of your old marks became the commissioner?" he guessed.
"Huh. I'll have to look into that."
"I've already got it handled." Lavelle gave him a look.
"That's what Bastion was doing last month." He ate a bite.
"You just have to be a bit patient until it's solved."
"Fine. Whatever. Are you coming home?"
"Depends," Xander said. "Is shit still going to be bad?"
Lupin glared at him. Xander stared back. "I can go call some
of my other ex's to talk to you about how to treat a Xander. It's
not a huge problem." Lupin walked off shuddering. He
grinned at his other self, who snorted and shook his head. "I
"Half of them don't you treat you good enough or you'd be with them."
"They know that." They shared a grin and went back to eating and
feeding the kids. Jensen belched. "I take it yeast is on
again?" he called, getting a giggle back. "It's good you like
"Maybe you should try to date that one guy that gives you kitty cat begging looks," Lavelle said quietly.
"You haven't seen the aggressively blond guy giving you looks?"
"No. What aggressively blond guy?" Lavelle pulled out his
phone to show him the picture he had taken to look the guy up.
"That's the brother of my ex in the ATF. That ex and I play now
and then, and I turn excess weapons over to him."
Lavelle shook his head. "All I know is that he gives you looks like you're a feast and he's starving."
"I'll talk to him. I have no idea what's wrong with him. I still draw evil ones," he told Lavelle.
"Then what's his brother's issue?" he asked dryly.
"Undercover too long."
"Oh, one of those. Stanley had that problem for a long time
too." Someone strolled in. "Get Max to send you?" he
guessed, hugging his baby girl.
"I did." She grinned and waved at the kids. "Hi, guys. I'm Melissa. I'm his oldest baby."
Frank looked at Lavelle and grunted, pointing at his stomach.
Lavelle nodded. "I did give birth to this one, yes. Her and
her twin, another set of twins - one of each, and then baby Alex."
"Wow," Pooch said, then shuddered, holding his stomach. "No," he said, looking at Xander and shaking his head.
"No, you can't. The chaos gods were giving him a bonus for how
badly they let him be hurt once he got hold of a chaos artifact.
Which is going to Cougar and Jensen when I pass on." He
grinned. They all nodded. Jensen looked back. "That
pretty choker, Jensen."
"Oooh!" he said, looking at his 'uncle'. He had seen that anime in his last life.
Lupin nodded. "I love that choker."
"That's because you like me with tits," Lavelle said then stuffed his
mouth. He gave his daughter an inquisitive look while he chewed.
"Arsene's being an ass," she said, sitting in a free chair. "Lotus
is on the rag. Ishi's on the rag." Lavelle snickered,
swallowing with some water before he choked. "I needed out of
there before I stuck an IV with a heavy dose of midol on all of
them. And possibly Uncle G too."
"Lotus and her father are both freaking a bit about her upcoming wedding," Lavelle said patiently.
"So? She's still being a bitch. I know she's not
pregnant. Homer can barely hold her hand and not blush. She
even nagged the pros."
"You sure she's not pregnant?" Lavelle asked.
"Homer Peackeeper isn't the pre-marital sex sort, Mom."
"True." He found his phone, which had been enhanced
recently. He called. "Ishi, what's wrong with your
sister?" He got hung up on. "Hmm. There's a run on
tampons in the Goemon household." He called someone else.
"Fred, what's going on?" He listened to the report as he ate,
having to stop and drink some more water when he choked. "Really?"
he wheezed. "Huh. No, I'll be home soon." He hung up
and looked at her. "Our other daughters showed up."
"Great," Lupin sighed. "Why?"
"Pissed off at us and trying to take people out. Ishi and Lotus
found them and had to have a reality talk." Lupin shuddered.
"Without their swords. The girls broke into their rooms."
"Great," Lupin repeated just as sarcastically. "Let me go yell at
them." He got sent home once he had alerted the being helping
Xander hugged Melissa. "If you need refuge you can come here but
you can't work on the islands since our cousin is in the PD."
"No thanks. I'd miss having sex with my Ray." She got
up. "Anything you need from us?" she asked. "Beyond help
Xander grinned. "I'm almost an expert at it now. Though I could probably use some sword training against dragons."
"Dragons?" she demanded, looking at her mother, who pointed. She
went outside and had to scramble back inside to not be sniffed.
"I'll be damned there are dragons. Just like during that nexus
"Yup," Lavelle agreed. "Someone cast a spell to bring them here."
She whimpered. "I need more sword practice before I handle those." She escaped, being sent back home too.
Lavelle looked at him. "If it was as easy as sending over memories I'd do that."
"I know. So how long are you here for?"
"Probably another day. If I go yell at the girls I'll beat their
asses like I should have when they were younger." He stuffed his
mouth again. "Have we seen any like the Imperial dragon?"
"I haven't seen too many Chinese style dragons. Most of them aren't that low to the ground."
"Huh." Lavelle considered it and sent Danny a message to tell him
if they found any. He wanted to bring a few home for their
Imperial dragon to have some friends. "You need a phoenix too."
"I saw Draco's and that Xander's phoenix," Xander admitted. "I was
almost jealous but I'm not sure if they'd be good around the kids."
"Simone's cut her cord when she was born," Lavelle said with a
grin. "She cooed at her mom's stomach until her new human came out
to play with her."
"Aww." He looked at Jo. "You could use one of those."
She squished her fist a few times. "I do need more sword work to
train you better."
"We can bring them to the meeting realm to do some training," Lavelle
promised. Xander pointed at the bedroom. "We'll be back
before he's awake." They packed a picnic and took off. They
were back an hour later and Xander was more relaxed and better at some
sword work, even if he did have a few shallow injuries from the
Pooch patted Lavelle on the leg. "Ishi us?"
Lavelle grinned. "I'll see if Ishi can come train you guys with
your dad when you're older." Pooch grinned and pointed at
Jo. "Her too." Pooch hugged his leg and stole Jo to cuddle
with on the couch in front of the tv. He liked the Good Eats
DVD's. It meant he could cook when he was older.
Xander hugged him and hissed a dirty thought in his ear. Lavelle
moaned and twitched. "That's nearly evil." He winked and
finished getting dressed, going home. He stood in the entryway to
the house. He could hear the screaming. "I'm in a relaxed
mood," he said in a normal tone of voice. "Whoever breaks that I
get to kill." A few of the kids went running past him
outside. He caught one by the hair. "We will be talking,
daughter." He walked her off to gather the one Lupin was screaming
at. She saw him and screamed, trying to hide behind her
father. He grabbed her as well so they could 'talk'. After
he beat them like he should have when they were first going evil.
Lupin swallowed. "What did you two get up to?" he asked. "Or should I ask for a tape?"
Lavelle smirked at him. "You'd be impressed. But I also
worked on some of his sword training." He strolled off with the
Jigen looked over from his seat in the corner with a crossword
puzzle. He had been waiting on his turn to yell.
"Yeah, we need tape."
"It was him and another Xander."
"Twins," Jigen quipped with an evil smirk. "Is that one a fighter or a lover?"
"A father. He has five sons and a baby girl."
Jigen shuddered. "I remember those days in our house." Lupin nodded he did too.
Xander walked up to his ATF agent ex and looked at him. "Your
brother's been giving me kitty cat begging looks according to one of the
other me's. Why?"
"I don't know. I warned him off. He's very much anti-playing, Xander."
"I don't mind getting serious if someone would want it," he said dryly.
"I know." He patted him on the arm. "I'm still in too deep
of a pocket to do that. Other than that, my brother's a
"Like abusive possessive?"
"No. He's a nice guy."
"Then why is he stuck on me?"
"He's a bit ... well, let's just say that he's a bit broken after his
divorce and you'd be his rebound person. His wife always
complained he was possessive. That's why they got divorced."
Xander nodded. "Okay."
"If you take him out, be gentle?"
Xander hit him on the arm. "I'm not mean to anyone who's mine."
"I know, but he's looking at you as proof that the divorce wasn't his fault, Xander. You're his fantasy rebound."
Xander shrugged. "I don't mind dating but I do not want things to get weird between us either."
"It won't." He grinned. "I know very well you two aren't a
permanent thing. One of their major arguments was her wanting to
go on really expensive fertility treatments to have kids. Not that
he minds but he didn't want it done that way."
"Then we might see?"
"I can introduce you." He grinned. "You two would make scary
friends at the least." He walked him over to where his brother
was stalking Xander. "Xander, this is my brother William."
"Hi," Xander said, holding out a hand.
"Hi," William said quietly. He shook it and pulled Xander closer to kiss him. "You need more quiet time."
Xander snorted. "I have six kids at home. There's not that much quiet time."
"I can understand that." He walked him off. "Hungry?
We should have a lunch date before I get introduced to your kids."
Xander looked at him. "It's going to take more than lunch for that."
"I understand. It's good to be wary." He held open the door
for him with a smile. Xander grinned back and walked in.
Xander's ex rolled his eyes and walked off, going to talk to Xander's
cousin so he could help him keep track of things. Before things
got out of hand. His brother was very chivalrous. Xander
wasn't exactly a damsel. Other knights didn't expect to be treated
like a damsel.
to next story
back to index