Demon Criminal Investigative Services: Helpful People.

Xander sat up panting, looking around.  No, he was on base.  It was all right because he was on base.  He knew it was all right because he was on base.  He started to lay back down but he knew he couldn't.  He looked toward Dean and Sam's room.  They were quiet so obviously not a shared dream or vision or whatever it was.  Maybe it was a warning of another sort.  He got up and went out to his balcony, looking around.  The base looked like it should.  One of the demon dogs was on fence patrol. The girls' lights were all out except for Wesley's.  He had probably fallen asleep over a book again.  He looked at the other building.  Daniel was up.  His lights were on.  Xander went inside to grab a jacket and shoes, then trudged over there.  He tapped gently, hoping his boss had fallen asleep over a book too.  Book nerds did that a lot and his boss was a huge book nerd, bigger than Wesley was.  Daniel opened the door and gave him an odd look.  "I don't think it was a vision but it might be a warning; I have no idea."

"What did you see?"

"Us, only DCIS hadn't been formed so you realized it when you were on the other base.  Then you realized you shouldn't be there so you went looking for the others, Tony first.  Some of the others realized something was wrong and drifted to the backup spot."  He swallowed.  "You guys drifted together there.  I got there with the few girls left from the hellmouth but I had to take a piece of shrapnel from one of them when she collapsed."

Daniel walked him inside, sitting him down.  "How did you remove it?"

"During the au switches I had thanks to Willow, I was possessed by two of the docs on that world where I got the painkillers.  But if DCIS hadn't been created, how did I know that?"

"I have no idea," Daniel admitted, sitting across from him.  He looked the young person across from him.  "Tell me all of it?"

"That's the basics.  You were still at the base.  You were working on something boring but Assyrian I think.  It would've been about the end of our first year here."  Daniel nodded slowly.  "You looked up from reading and looked around the really tiny office you had that didn't have any windows but it had piles of papers and books that weren't balanced in any way.  You said 'what am I doing here' and got up, nearly running over Jack on the way out.  He asked what was wrong, you yelled you had to take some vacation time and to not bother you.  That something was wrong and had changed in a bad way."

"Pre or post invasion?"

"Pre.  There were only seven girls left."  He looked at him.  "You ran out and went home, starting an internet search for DCIS.  Then you couldn't find anything, of course, so you looked up Tony.  You went to see Tony.  That woke Tony up.  A few others were sensitive enough that they knew something was wrong.  Stella, Horatio, Don Flack.  All they needed to do was see one of you."  He swallowed again.  "Don brought Danny and Stella.  Horatio brought himself and Ryan but Speed was still dead.  The main ones met there, but not the docs.  They didn't get there until after me and the ragged, worn out slayers stumbled in.  John, Dean, and Sam weren't there."

"Okay.  Where did you come from?"

"Sunnydale.  The battle that fell in, then LA and the explosion.  The last seven were with me.  We had to get to the backup spot.  Something was driving me there and I had field treated Amber but some shrapnel had cut into her side.  I had missed some.  I had to go in and get it because she started to bleed.  I had to dig it out.  Then I had to seal it up.  About ten minutes after I got done, House got there dragging Wilson for some reason and Chase behind them.  But Chase was wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket.  I don't know why."  He shook his head quickly.  "House yelled at me for not telling him about that possession but he checked her over for me.  We all stared at each one for a minute then Tony finally laughed and yelled for Leo.  When he appeared, I woke up with a bright light and the start of a headache.  But Sam and Dean were both asleep.  Dawn was still out."

Daniel leaned forward.  "It might be a warning, Xander."  He took his hand to squeeze.  "You do get visions."

"I got bleed over from Sam for more than my just in case feelings."

Daniel shook his head.  "No, Xander.  You've had some real visions.  I've talked to others.  Even the bond you guys share wouldn't let it bleed over that way."   He gave the hand a squeeze.  "How did you know it was a warning?"

"It felt wrong.  Inside, like that waiting feeling I get."

"Okay, we'll talk with Phoebe in the morning.  See if they've heard anything."  Xander nodded quickly.  "Can you write it out for me?"

"I'd rather forget.  I don't want to resee gathering the girls again, Danny."

"I know, Xander.  Keep it as a journal entry if you can.  Writing it down to get it out of your head."  He nodded at that.  "Good.  Let me think about it.  If it does happen, call this number," he said, writing it down and handing it to him.  "That's my old cellphone."

Xander nodded.  "I can do that."  He stood up.  "Thanks, Danny."

"Not a problem, Xander.  Go back to bed and try to sleep."  The boy nodded, heading back to his apartment. Daniel wrote down what he knew and moved to email the witches they worked with in San Francisco.  They'd email or call back a few suggestions as soon as they knew what was going on.  He went to bed to think about that.  He hoped it wasn't Willow.  He really did.  Xander didn't need that from her.


Dean walked up to Xander the next morning, staring at him.  "Did you have strange dreams?"

"We have got to unlink us," he said quietly.  "Another au world?"

"No.  You saw what?"  Xander nodded.  "No, I got banana splits dancing in my head all night."

"That's because you ate tuna fish before bed last night," Sam said as he walked past them.  He paused and turned to look at Xander.  "Bad dream?" he asked hopefully.  Xander shrugged.  "Hmm.  Dawn, did you get funny dreams?" he called.

"I got banana splits dancing and trying to strip off their whipped cream," she called, coming out to join them.  She looked at Dean, who looked embarrassed.  "That explains that."

"He ate tuna fish before bed," Sam told her.  "It happens like that."

"Good to know."  She looked at Xander.  "I'm guessing you didn't get stripping banana splits?"

"No, I got an au where DCIS wasn't created."

She gave him a hug.  "It'll be okay, Xander.  I will beat her if she tries to do that again."  She went back to breakfast. It was a holiday from school.  She was going to eat and then go back to bed.

Sam looked at him.  "I didn't get a thing."

Xander smiled.  "Good, but we still have to break this link."

"Dean, if you *ever* give me those sort of bad dreams again I'm going to beat you!" Abby yelled as she walked into the caf.

"Sorry, Abby."  He rolled his eyes.

"Take something for your stomach afterward," Sam ordered.  He looked at Xander again.  "A vision?"  He shrugged. "No idea?"

"Could've been a warning.  I don't know."

Abby came out to look at them.  "Did we have more than the not-DCIS that happened?"

"That was mine," Xander sighed.  "Daniel knows and he's talking to Phoebe."

She punched him on the arm.  "It won't happen.  Willow's still in that big crystal."

"Anyone can make a wish.  Cordelia did once," Xander corrected.

She made him look at her.  "It won't happen.  I promise it won't.  We won't let it."  She kissed him on the tip of the nose then grinned.  "Okay?  Because John sent an email that said a few of his Marines and Ronon have major hero worship over your last case."  He groaned, hanging his head to shake it.

"He may not be the one to worship for that," Dean teased.  He punched Xander lightly on the arm, getting a pained yelp.  "What?"

"Buffy got him the other day," John said, staring at him.  "More crap from the bond?"

"No, they got Dean's, I got Xander's," Abby said with a grin.

"Dean?" John asked.

"Tuna fish," Sam said.

"Oh.  Never mind."

"Stripping banana splits," Dean told him.  His father groaned.  "Xander got what may or may not be a vision but Daniel knows and is talking to Phoebe sometime today."

"Bad?" John asked.

"Au where DCIS isn't," Xander told him.

"Crap.  I hate those.  Hold on, Willow..."

"Cordelia created one with a vamp me," Xander pointed out.

John shuddered, walking off to get something to take that thought out of his head.  Brenda gave him a worried look.  "There was an alternate universe with a vampire Xander?"

"Yeah.  Cordelia wished Buffy had never come to Sunnydale so no one stopped the Harvest," Dawn said.  She licked her spoon off before sticking it back into her yogurt with chocolate chips and granola.  "Xander ended up the Master's favorite child and sired Willow too.  She was a skanky, lesbo, anything goes as long as it's fun pain vamp in a leather cat suit."

John squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head quickly.

Brenda gave him a hug.  "It's gone, John.  You know that."

"Good!"  He sat down, looking at Dawn.  "What did you get last night?"

"Dean's tuna fish problems."

"Good."  The trio from outside came in.  "Do we need to deal with it?"  Daniel shook his head.  "Thank you."

"She's already written back.  Leo's looking into it.  Let's not worry about it, guys."  They all nodded.  Xander sat down to eat breakfast.  Abby handed over an email.  He read it and handed it to Jack.

Jack looked at the email then at Abby.  "Tell Sheppard it's not allowed.  Or else I have to go up there."

"I can do that.  Or you could write him."

"No.  I'd nag."

"Okay.  I'll write them later."  She sat down to get into the food.  "Did you get to hear some of the Marines are thinking Xander's a role model after their last case?"

Speed gave her a look then slowly leaned over to test her forehead.  "You don't seem sick."

House walked in.  "Who's sick?"

"Apparently some Marines where her honey works are because they think Xander is a role model," Speed told him.

House gave Jack an odd look.  "Do they need my services?"

"They have a head shrinker who's not too bad.  I don't know where she's failed so far."

"I'm good most of the time," Xander complained.  "It's not like I do it on purpose.  It just happens and I have to do something."

"I'm sending you on simpler cases," Daniel told him.

"That's fine.  I try to keep it down.  You know I do."

"Uh-huh," Jack said, giving him a look.

"How many times did you have things happen?" Xander shot back.

"Too many."


Jack nodded.  "It happens but try not to let it?"

"I do."

"Good."  He dug back into his breakfast.  He made the mistake of looking at Dawn's breakfast and turned green but looked the other way.  Abby's made him pause.  "Abby, did you have an announcement?"  She gave him an odd look.  "You're eating peanut butter on your eggos.  With cornflakes on top."

"No.  I like it.  I have since I was a teenager."  She ate a bite.

"Okay.  Just making sure."

She smiled.  "When I went for christmas, all I told Rod was that I had a surprise.  John wanted to make sure it wasn't an EPT surprise too."

He nodded.  "We all do.  That kid would be very scary, Abby."

She nodded. "To Rod too.  He doesn't like kids."

"Good!"  He smiled.  He smiled at Daniel too.  "Isn't that good?"

"As long as there's future geniuses."

"I'm sure there will be," Jack said.

Abby beamed.  "Some year I'll provide the next science goddess."

"When you do, maybe we'll help you two home school them," Daniel offered.  She beamed at that, digging back into breakfast.  Even though he would probably run from that kid too.  He'd have to tell Sam about that.  She was still on Atlantis.


Sam looked at the email, then across the lab at Rodney.  "Abby eats peanut butter on her waffles?"

"Usually with cornflakes on top," he said absently.

"Jack thought she might be pregnant."  Rodney stiffened.  "She said she's not but some year she'll give the world a future science goddess that Daniel said he'd help tutor."

Rodney looked at her.  "Far, far in the future."

"Of course.  Jack's scared to death of that kid."

"As am I."  She smirked.  "Any other charming, cheery news?"

"They're worried about the Marines who consider Xander a role model."

John strolled in.  "What's up?"

"They were wondering at Abigail's diet," Rodney said.

"So did I."

"Jack's scared of the kid, Daniel might help tutor it some year, and they're worried about the Marines who think Xander's a role model."

"So am I."  He leaned on the table to read the email.  He smiled.  "I'm scared of that kid too."  Ronon leaned in.  "What do you think about Abby and Rodney having a kid some year?"

"I.  Will.  Run."  He smirked at the irritated look he got sent by McKay.  "It'll either be allergic to everything or it will be too smart for normal people to stand.  Or both."  He walked off shaking his head.  He ran into their doctor.  "They're talking about McKay and his woman having children some year."

Beckett gave him an odd look.  "Far, far in the future."


He went to talk to them.  "Is it a current worry?  If so, I'll have to check on her when she's up here in case there's some sort of complication."

"We're talking in four or five years," John assured him.

Carson smiled.  "Good to know."

Rodney sent him a dirty look.  "Why such interest in the fruit of my loins?"

"Because your kid will be *scary*," John said simply.  "Her innocent looks and brain, your allergies and brain?  The kid'll create a bomb in elementary school instead of yours in middle school."

Rodney smiled.  "That would be a wonderful child.  Clearly someone needs to have one."

Carson snorted.  "If she's pregnant and up here we'll have to check to make sure she's not getting any funny radiation or viruses.  We wouldn't want the future genius to be tainted, now would we?"

"We have to figure out this split-galaxy living plan we have at the moment before any child may come into being," Rodney assured him.

"She'll need lab help," Sam pointed out.  "Even though Area 51 and NID were nearly gutted they have twenty open projects."

"I saw.  Two are not that good."

"No but they're considered safe enough and are under watch," she told him.

"Good.  Is she looking for someone?"  Rodney turned to look at her.  "Are they actively hiring her a head of R&D to spare her?"

"No.  Right now it's a lab assistant who'll look over their shoulders for ethics violations," Sam told him.

"They'll have a lot of work," Rodney complained.

"Yes but she'll need someone to help now and then," John said.  "Do you know anyone?"

"Not that isn't a total dolt and imbecile."  He paused then nodded. "I do know a few who teach that may be suitable.  If not, Charles Epps might.  I know he has some very good contacts.  He might be able to find her a Graduate Assistant."  He wrote her that email.  Plus that they were speculating about their future spawn.  They really would have to do something about that.  He got back one that made him grimace.  "She reminded me that some year Xander's children could come up here to take our places."

"I'll be dead by then," John and Sam said together.  Carson chuckled quietly.

John paused.  "Is Xander an ATA carrier?"  McKay smirked and nodded.  "No way in hell."

"O'Neill doesn't know."

"Good!  Keep it that way!"

"The wraith would run from him," Rodney taunted.  "Unlike us."

"So will I," John assured him.

"They wanted to know if you'd change agencies and be on his team," Sam reminded him with a grin.

"No.  I'll die here, thanks."

Carson laughed louder.  "Surely the boy can't be that bad."  Rodney motioned him over to watch the video.

"Why do you have a copy on your laptop?" John asked.

"So I can remind you not to be that bad," he shot back.

Carson gaped.  "The boy....  Is incredibly suicidal or something."

"He was saving a teammate."

"Still!  He faced down two warring clans with only a gun!"

"Which is why Ronon wants to have a poster of him for his wall," John said.

"If I see any like him, I'll let the right people know."  He went to think in his office.  Maybe the doctors down there needed to hold a conference about some subjects?  Before Xander warped others?


Daniel looked at the people in his office.  "Requests have come in for conferences."

"I'm going to the Chicago conference again," Abby told him.  "I've already put in my registration."  She shifted.  "Did they want me to run a conference?"

"I don't know.  That may be up to you.  Are there enough things discovered to need one?"

"Um... only if I include the first stuff again."

"You'll have enough time?"

"I will.  They made sure of it."

"Good.  House, there's a lot who want to talk to you too."

"I'm not against running a conference but I have no idea how and as soon as I leave the base something will happen.  We all know it.  It did last time."

Abby nodded.  "It did."  She patted him on the arm.  "You can run one locally.  Or in LA.  That's not that far."

House considered it.  "It takes a long time to arrange those things.  I have no idea how to even start organizing one either."

"I hate to say it but we do have a politics loving director in the jail," she offered.

He looked at her.  "I might be able to ask her."  Daniel nodded that was fine with him.  "What would I go over?"

"All the stuff you've discovered since you started to work here," Daniel said.

"That slayers want to be kinky but think that candles are?" he joked.

"Only if they ask," Daniel said dryly.  "I was thinking more of the medical things you've discovered."

"I'd have to organize it and I could probably do a book faster then go to a regular conference to give a talk."

"That is an option," she told him.   "I did that at first."

"I remember, it drove you insane for months."

"But there's now a framework in place if you wanted help making your own charts and stuff."

"I'll think about it," he decided, looking at Daniel.  "I'd still need at least eight months unless I get new ducklings?"

"Not going to abuse Chase?"

"He's grown a backbone.  It's not nearly as fun as it used to be," he quipped.

"If you can find a new duckling I don't mind," Daniel offered.  "But I'll have to look at your budget."

"Mine's under what I expected."

"Excellent.  Even with the upgrade?"

"Even with the upgrade," House agreed.

"So am I," Abby said cheerfully.  "Rod suggested I ask Charlie Epps to help me find a GA for a lab assistant."

"Can we afford one?" Daniel asked.

"Yes, especially with the slack in their budgets."

"Good point but we were ordered to cut some of it."

"We can up the lab and the infirmary budget, plus the agent budget by nearly fifteen percent and still cut thirty," Abby said, digging out a disc.  "Here you go.  I looked it over.  I was waiting on information and none was coming."

He ran it, nodding at the figures.  "They have a lot bigger budget than we do."

"Evil always does," House said.  "Look at Cuddy's budget."  She bopped him on the arm.  "She does.  I make more now so I'm happy."  He smirked.

"Does that mean you're moving up on the evil scale?" Xander asked as he walked past the door.  "If so, don't make the girls slay you.  A few were asking Faith about bondage."  Daniel and House both choked.  He grinned on his trek for soda.

"If they try, tell me so I can let John spank them," Daniel told him.  House nodded at that.  "It looks like we can.  Does the infirmary need anything but a resident to give you guys more time off?"

"We can handle it with that and a new tv.  One of the nurses got mad at the football game and broke the set in the office."

"We can do that," he agreed.  "Let me go over the budget to see where we've already got slack."  That got a nod.  "I have to do it next week anyway for Congress."

"That'll work," House agreed.  He stood up.  "Let me get together with Chase for the ideas on the idea sharing."  That got a nod.  "Nice chat, Daniel."

"Welcome."  House got some coffee then went back to the infirmary.  "Others want to pick our brains."

Chase looked at him.  "I've been compiling notes."

"They wanted to talk about a conference."

"Are we throwing one?"

"Or doing something like a book and then attending once it's published."

"My notes can be made into one but it'll be textbook looking."

House nodded.  "That's not a bad idea.  There's the research group in LA."

Chase nodded, turning to the computer to email them as well.  They would be the prime attenders of any talk they gave.  It was polite to ask them about the form they wanted to use.  House sipped his coffee while he looked at all the notes he'd made.  He had a whole folder of notes on the computer plus his ones at home.  Not to mention the ones he had written down in the early days.  This was going to be a chore.


Abby bounced down the runway of the airport, heading to the rental desk.  She got her car and headed off to CalSci.  She found a good parking spot and got out, heading for the building she wanted.  She ran into some people she had seen pictures of.  She waved at one and found the right office a few minutes later.  She knocked.  No answer.  She frowned. She looked around then went to find someone else who might know something.  She ran into someone she did know.  "Larry?"  He looked startled but stared at her.  "Hi, Abby Sciuto."

"Oh, with DCIS."  He shook her hand.  "Case related?"

"Looking for a lab assistant/overseer of reports coming in."

"Hmm.  That's interesting."  He smiled.  "Do you have time for a longer than average run through visit?"

"I'm in for the next three days if I need to."

"Excellent.  Let's get together this afternoon around four-thirty?"

"Sure.  I can go hang out in the library.  I miss being in college some days."  She bounced off.

Larry smiled at her back.  "She is a breath of fresh air."  He walked off, running into Amita in the halls.  "Tell Charlie he has a consult coming in about four-thirty but it's not a time sensitive issue please?"

"Sure.  Why?"

"Someone we consult for is looking for assistants."

"Oh.  That's good."  She smiled, going to tell Charlie that.  She smiled when she found him surrounded by a gaggle of cute girls who took him instead of the other teachers so they could stare at him.  "You have an appointment at four-thirty."

"No, we have dinner with the chair at six," he said.

"You have a consult coming in at four-thirty.  Someone looking for help finding lab assistants."


"No idea.  Larry told me."

"Thanks."  He smiled at the students.  "I have to get to my next class.  Come up during office hours and I'll help you then."  They walked off smiling.  He looked at her.  "Lab assistants?"

"That's what he said."

"Okay."  He walked off texting Larry.  He smiled at the answer he got back.  He had liked talking with Abby over a few of the problems she'd had recently.  He was barely settled in his office when she walked in slurping a soda.  "Our caf finally got the machine fixed?"

"No but the 7-11 was across the street."  She smiled, sitting down in his student chair.  "I now have two other labs under my heading."  He nodded slowly.  "Area 51 and NID," she said quietly, glancing at the door then at him.  He looked stunned.  "They decided to put all the freakish agencies together under us."

"That's good."

"We've already went through to fix all the ethical issues."

"Excellent work from what I've heard.  What sort of lab assistant do you think you need?"

"I either need someone to read over their reports and coordinate or someone to help me when I'm being the goddess of forensics I am."

"Are you thinking about splitting off the duties you have?"

"No.  If I need to I'll use it to entice my boyfriend down.  He's on Jack's old project."

He nodded at that.  "What about your present researchers?"

"I asked, they said they won't be jealous and they don't want it because it'll cut into their time working on new things."

"So you need someone who can do some oversight?"

"Only of the other people.  I trust mine.  Jack and a few others weeded down the bad people in the other labs.  I don't know if I trust them to act ethically.  So I need someone who can go over their reports.  Also someone to help me when I'm doing three things in different labs.  Usually with forensics."

"So at least chemistry and/or physics skills," Charlie said.  She nodded.  "Ethical and sensible enough not to flinch at the subject matter."

"Or the fact that we're over a prison."

"I can ask around.  Larry and I may be able to come up with someone good, Abby."  She beamed.  "How long are you in for?"

"Up to three days.  If I have to I can come back or video conference for interviews."

"Do you have a problem working with other women or men?"

"No.  Not as far as I know.  Competent.  Especially whenever Rod's around.  He's a bit...loud about incompetent people but he's really nice otherwise."

"I've met him at a few conferences," he said with a small smirk.  "I remember."  She grinned back.  "How often is he down?"

"A few times a year."  She squeaked.  "Oooh, you weren't in on the patent showing off episode."

"No, I wasn't."  She dug into her purse and handed something over.  "What's this?"

"Patents and schematics.  Larry might like those since we got possessed by the geek trio and they had us build a whole lot of stuff for them so they could rest better in the afterlife."

He ran the cd, looking at the ideas that had been certified.  "Is that...."  He beamed at her.  "A working proton accelerator?"

"It is.  It's in the lab."

Larry walked in.  "Did I hear proton accelerator?"

Abby grinned at him.  "Last Halloween, Xander, Dean, and I were all possessed by the two of the three geek kings from Sunnydale.  They wanted us to build the rest of their ideas so they could rest easier in the afterlife."

Larry blinked, coming over to read over Charlie's shoulder.  "Can we examine them?"

"They're in the lab.  We took them to DC for the patent office.  I'd have to ask permission to bring them out again.  We're kinda worried about someone stealing them."

"I can understand that.  Think we can arrange it if Don's team watches over it?"

"I'll ask," she said, dialing the base.  "Danny, it's Abby.  Charlie and Larry wanted to look at the geek toys.  Is there a way we can get them to LA?  I know, but his brother is our liaison.  Could we work it out that way?  I can track him down if you have a way to do that.  Thanks, dear."  She hung up.  "He'll have to arrange it through Don and I've got to find one other agent to let him know because it's a theft risk."

They nodded.  "Please," Larry agreed.  "Let us talk to some people around the department?"

"I can do that.  Xander wanted me to check on the girls for him and give Cordette a hug."

"We can let her come look at the toys too," Charlie promised.  She beamed and gave them both hugs before she and her soda disappeared to find that other agent.  He let Larry read better.  There were some ideas that could help in their areas of personal study.


Abby found the office she wanted.  It was hidden but not *that* hidden.  She presented herself at the guards, smiling as she pulled out her ID.  "I wanted to get a message to a certain agent we've worked with before.  We're going to be showing off a few highly powerful geek toys that are a theft risk in LA in the next few days.  We didn't want anyone to worry but with a portable proton accelerator that works, we have to be a bit cautious.  That and a few laser applications.  Some other geek toys.  We're going to go through Agent Epps with the FBI, but just in case you guys hear something, we wanted you guys to know too."

The guard nodded. "I can pass that on, ma'am.  Do you have a file?"

"No.  I let Charlie Epps at CalSci, Agent Epps brother and another consultant of ours, have the cd with it."

"Okay, I'll let them know.  Thank you for giving us a head's up, ma'am."

"Welcome.  Better to be safe than to have Xander having to save people in something that'll get press attention this time.  He hates that when it happens."

"I'm sure we all do, ma'am."

She pinched his cheek.  "So very nice."  She bounced off to her rental car.  He could pass that on.

The guard called up.  "Can you pull the tape from my post for the last few minutes?  I just had a very goth, strange young woman with DCIS credentials saying they were bringing in a few powerful toys that could be stolen and one was a laser application.  One was a proton accelerator.  Something about Agent Epps with the FBI and his brother Charlie having the list of what was coming in?  Thank you."  He hung up and shook his head to clear it.  She babbled very well.


Charlie looked over as someone knocked on the door, going to open it.  "Yes?"

"Sir, we're NSA.  Abby Sciuto is moving some sort of nuclear application locally?"

"Not quite.  Long story short, she and a few others got possessed by some former geeks who wanted them to build their life's work.  Including a proton accelerator like on _Ghostbusters_.  It works very well from what I've heard and seen.  They sent us testing data too."

"Are they using it in the field?" he asked, looking disgusted.

"No, these are toys.   Powerful, deadly toys."  He went to copy the cd, handing it over.  "That's what she gave me.  She said she had to contact another agent.  Someone Agent Harris had worked with on a case earlier.  He was one of the builders."

"That explains a lot," he said dryly.  "Should we worry?"

"Only if they get stolen from Don's people."

"Good to know."  He walked off, going to hand over the cd.  The contact looked at him.  "You guys know Harris and survived working with him?"

"He helped me with a bomb that nearly went off.  He turned in a nuclear bomb in LA."

"You're better than I am if you're still sane."  He walked off, going home for the night.  Like many people who ran into Xander or his minions, he wanted a drink.

The agent ran the cd, bringing his tech people running with a whistle and a hand wave.  "If these get stolen, we're in trouble."  He let them look things over.  He could definitely see Xander's hand in these.  They were super geek toys.  Some other geek could turn them into something stronger or more dangerous.


Abby cooed as she petted the boxes that had been delivered to Don's office.  "My babies."

Don gave her an odd look.  "They're not going to wail for diapers or food, right?"

"No.  The Tara robot is still in Cleveland."  She beamed.  "That was a good job of ours."

"Okay," he decided.  He let her check things, wincing at her pout.  "Something missing?"

"There should be another case.  I know Spenser has the light saber but there should still be another case."  A portal opened and Dean came out, handing it to her. "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Don't hug me."  He smirked at her.  "We built another one and another ten things that weren't on the patent list."  He handed something over from his pocket.  "Cards for Cordette's birthday."  He walked back through and the portal closed.

Abby opened them, squealing at a few things.  Including petting the new thing she hadn't seen yet.  "What do we do?"

"Do not let it fire inside the building," Don ordered.

She pouted.  "Spoilsport."

He nodded.  "I don't want to deal with a lock down today."

"Fine."  She finished unpacking and noting what was what.  "There we go."  Don looked, then at her.  "Andrew and his buddy possessed us."

"I can tell."  He called Charlie.  "They're in."  He hung up and looked at the stuff.  He pointed at the light saber.  "It works?"  She lit it up.  He swallowed his drool.  "That's very cool."

Megan walked in.  "What are these?"

"Geek toys," Don told her.  "Abby, Xander, and Dean created them."  He put the cards into his pocket.  "Can we turn that off, Abby?"  She turned it off.  "Thanks."  He waved off the guards.  "It's all right, guys.  She's showing off geek toys for Charlie and Larry."  They walked off grumbling.

Charlie rushed in and put his bag down in a chair.  "Oh, man.  This is better in person."

"And some things that weren't on the list that we've been working on, plus the new light saber."  She sat down to let him fondle things.  Larry came in with Amita, coming over to get hin their own fondling time in.  Megan looked too.  Colby gave them an odd look from the door.  "Geek toys."

"Obviously."  He came in to look.  Then he walked out shaking his head.  Too geeky for him.  He might respect math but it was too geeky for him.  David gave him a look.  "Geek toys.  Abby brought them."

He went to look.  It might be interesting.  Some of it he nearly drooled on.  The light saber especially.  What boy hadn't wanted to be a jedi when they saw the movies?


Abby answered the door when it was knocked on.  "You worked with Xander and inspected our armory."

"I did."

"Couldn't sneak someone into the FBI office?"

"No.  Not today.  May I?"  He got let in.  "Thank you."  She pointed so he went to look inside the cases.  He nearly moaned at some.  "Do we think someone can take these and make weapons?"

"Maybe.  I know Rod can but he's out of touch."  He looked at her.  "He works on Jack's old project."

"I looked that up.  Is he safe?"

"He's my guy.  He's busy saving the universe."

"That's fine."  He got back to looking them over.  A few of them did worry him.  "The security here?"

"The hotel knows.  Don told them."

"Good."  He went back to looking it over.  He nearly turned something on but if he was right and it worked it might trash the room.  She bounced over to pull out a cd from the case.  "Testing?"

"Yup.  We blew out parts of the lab wall because it was too cold to hike out to the testing building."

"I can see why.  It's probably very strong."  He tucked that into his shirt pocket and went back to looking.  He held something up.  "Grenade?"


He gave her a look.  "We have how many?"

"Four.  Don took one for testing.  I brought an extra one for you."

"Thank you."  He tucked that into his pants pocket then went back to looking.  He held up something.

"Um, chlorine.  Xander made it.  He dabbles now and then too."  It went into the same pocket.  "Don't mix them up."

"I won't."  He found something else and held it up.  "It's warm?"

"It should be.  It's for Rodney.  It's a smaller, single use proton expeller.  I was going to send it to him in the next shipment."

"Do we only have the one?"

"Yeah but I've never tested it.  I figured he would."

"Can we?"

"It might be too strong.  He can test it somewhere it can't do any harm at all and do it remotely."

"Can we get it to him tonight?"

"Don't know."  She called Dawn.  "It's me.  Can we hand something off to Rod tonight?  Paranoid agents.  Please.  Thanks."  A portal opened, she had sent a picture earlier.  She took that one and stepped through, smiling as the one opened to Atlantis.  "Hi, all."  Rodney came jogging down from the command center. "Like the packs only it's single use and I've never tested it.  I'm not sure how strong the beam would be."  She took a kiss and handed it over.  "I'd test it remotely just in case."

He smiled. "Like the proton pack?"

She beamed and nodded.  "Only a single use expeller.  It'll shoot off."

"I'll have to try that."  He took another kiss.  Dawn coughed.  "Sorry."

"She's in LA."

She smiled.  "Come down soon.  I'm picking a lab assistant through Charlie and Larry at CalSci.  Plus I'm getting ready for the conference."  She stole another kiss then backed through the portal.  It closed and Dawn sent her back to LA.  "It's with him."  She beamed.  "He's been eating meatloaf."

The agent smiled at that, shaking his head slightly.  "It's good you love him."  He stood up.  "The rest should be safe.  I talked with hotel security myself and they said there's an agent sitting outside.  If you need us, have Epps call.  He has the phone number.  Keeps you from having to find the base again."

She beamed.  "Thank you."  She gave him a hug.  "Have fun testing."

"I can do that."  He walked off, going back to the base to let their geeks test them.  He had taped everything in the cases so they could see.  It was as good as he could do without confiscating them for geek petting time.

Abby settled in to have smutty thoughts about her guy.  He was very good to her and very good with her.  She missed him.  She hoped he came down soon.  She could use a shot of confidence before the conference.


Rodney walked back upstairs to the meeting with a goofy grin.  He put the egg on the desk.  "It's like the proton pack only it's a single use, expelling beam.  She's never tested it, we should test it in isolation with remote monitoring, and do it somewhere we can't harm anyone."  He sat down and put his feet up with a smirk.  "She's getting a lab assistant through the math specialist they consult with at CalSci.  I've met him at a few conferences.  He's not bad.  Young genius.  College at fourteen."  He looked at Sam.  "She's getting ready to do a conference and wanted my help if we have the time."

"If we do you can have a weekend down there if you can get Dawn to move you."

"Thank you."

"Where do you want to test that?"

"Somewhere remote without a native species.  Or find a ship and bomb them."

Sam nodded. "I can see those options.  Find one?"  He nodded.  "Good.  Do we have remote sensors that wouldn't be destroyed?"

"Yes.  I can rig some up so that even if we lose them it's all right."

"Good."  She smiled.  "Get to work on that.  Let me know when you want the time off, make sure you have your phone set to check your email if we need you."  He nodded at that.  "Take Ronon with you so he can crush on Xander if you want.  Come back relaxed with that same goofy grin."  She clapped her hands.  "Go back to work."  They left.  Rodney took the grenade with him.  She shook her head.  Rodney in love was so strange.


Abby walked her new lab assistant in, looking around.  "Newbie in the lab!" she yelled.  Her people came out to look.  "This is the new lab assistant, Megan.  She's here to do the overlooking of the other files and to help us if we need it.  She's a physics major and Larry recommended her highly.  She's a graduate candidate in her last year."  They shook her hand and showed her around while telling her about their projects.  Abby went to check her email while they did it.  Then she bounced off to help with the tour and introducing her to everyone.  She saw Speed flinch at that name but she wasn't the one he was thinking of.  She walked her out to find her an apartment then they got back to work in the labs.


Jack looked up as Abby found him.  She was dragging Mac and Horatio by their wrists and had papers in her teeth.  He took the papers.  "They wouldn't come?"

"Not immediately."  She pointed at the papers.  "Three projects you guys missed looking at.  Megan saw them and nearly freaked at the human genetic experimentation to make telepathic warriors for secure communications on the battlefield."

Jack groaned, looking them over then handing them to Horatio, who handed them to Mac.  "I flagged two of these as questionable," Mac said.  The other one he stared at.  "I've never seen this one."

"Me either," Horatio said, taking it back to look over again.  "Which lab sent that over?"

"NID.  I put one of their assistants to specifically make progress reports to me weekly.  Someone Rod said wasn't too stupid or bad, just liked to brag a lot about every little accomplishment."

"That way they'd brag about all their accomplishments to you," Jack said.  "Not a bad idea.  I didn't know McKay thought tactically.  Sheppard's rubbing off on him again."  She squeaked and blushed.  "Not like that, Abby.  Sheppard's getting all the girls up there."

"I know some girls who'd like to see that," she admitted, "but I'd never ask.  Rodney's got a frail self esteem and I like him more.  John tries to play stupid too much."

"If you say so," Jack said dryly.  She bopped him on the head.  "Hey!"

She smiled.  "I had to learn it from Gibbs, Jack."

"I saw Mary doing it the other day," he said dryly.

"To the unicorn who tried to bite her," Abby agreed.

Horatio looked at her.  "Is the unicorn all right?"

"Yeah, they were playing around.  Digger tried to bite her so she swatted him on the head."  She looked at Jack again.  "Do I have to go stomping in there myself?"

"No, we'll save you for the bigger threats," he decided.  "Guys?"

"I have a case on my desk that's going to turn into a team case," Horatio said.

"I'll go with you," Mac said.  Jack nodded.  "We'll bring Stella or Speed with us since they're the more science oriented of all of us."  She beamed at that.  "Tonight, Jack?"

"We can leave after dinner."  Abby hugged him.  "What was that for?"

"The girls are cooking dinner tonight."  She bounced off.  "Let me know."

"I will.  And Danny how much more budget he suddenly has."  Mac snickered, shaking his head.  "He will."  He put his feet back up and went back to reading over them.  "Did we get reports from Area 51 yet?"

"She didn't mention any."  Horatio walked off smiling to check on that.  She hadn't so they'd leave them alone for a bit longer before doing another check.


Jack walked into an office in the Pentagon two days later, tossing down closed report files.  "Human experimentation is *always* wrong, Generals.  So said Jackson, who is now over NID and Area 51.  Since we've run into some of their ideas in the past that nearly compromised earth's security we'd know.  Can we maybe try not to work against protecting all of us?"  He walked off, sliding into his sunglasses once he was outside.  He saw a familiar face.  "Out of retirement?"

"They said your group was changing a few rules and pissing people off, Jack."

Jack smiled.  "DCIS got handed Area 51 and NID, sir.  Danny's first order was to make them ethical."

Hammond smirked at that, nodding a bit.  "Bit of a shakeup?"

"Quite and some of the sponsored programs are now freeing up some space in the budget. I politely asked them to please quit compromising earth security."  He nodded politely at a colonel coming in, waving off the salute since he was in his dress uniform.  He looked at him again.  "Did they suck you back in, sir?"

"Not in the least.  I came in to take an old friend to lunch.  Deli good?"

"Deli's great.  You can't find a good deli in the town around the DCIS base.  I'm moving back and forth between the two."  That got a nod.  "Am I riding with you?"

"It might be safer," he agreed.

"That's why I asked for one with a remote start."  He pointed at a guard, getting him over.  He handed him the keys after he had started his car and it had blown up.  "I came directly from the airport, Lieutenant."

"I will find out who did that, sir."

"Thank you.  I'll be with my former CO for lunch."  He showed him his cellphone's number.  "Let me know?"

"Of course, sir."

"Thanks, kid."  They walked off together.  "Think we missed one with the extra neck passenger?" he asked on the way to the car.

"Could be," he admitted.  "There's a lot who don't like DCIS."

"Yet the military doesn't want to deal with what they do either.  Danny said he gets a lot of that from other federal agencies.  They were surprised when he went to a security conference."

Hammond shook his head.  "Can that compromise security?"

"Oh, yeah.  We knew we had a leak on base due to them.  Harris knew way too much about us when Danny showed up thanks to the demon networks."

Hammond groaned, giving him a look.  "Was it sealed?"

"They're making sure we don't end the world."

"Good!  That seems to be some of their species' jobs."

"Which gets Xander onto them and more federal agents end up drinking after exposure.  Did you get to hear the last one?"  Hammond shook his head so Jack told him on the way to the deli.  Including the Atlantean response.

"I'm so glad I don't have you both under me," he decided when he quit laughing.  "I'd never get anything done."

"Danny's picked up your antacid and tylenol habit, sir."

"I can see why."  They settled in to eat and chat about regular things while someone found where that bomb had come from.  It really was most rude of them.


to part 31

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