Note: All Hail Occultopedia! Had to get the demon info there. Starts before the last scene of part 15.
Demon Criminal Investigative Services: Visitors From Another Strange Place.
Chase waved at Cameron when he spotted her getting off the plane, getting a nod back. Foreman came off a few behind her. And then Cuddy came off, making him look a bit confused. "Why is she here?" he muttered, calling the infirmary. "Helen, tell House Cuddy came as well." He hung up and caught them heading out to go pick up their bags. "It's a good thing I borrowed one of the agency's sedans," he said lightly.
"I wasn't about to let House forget he's due back next month," Cuddy told him.
"We're working on finding our replacements right now," he assured her. He led them down to the baggage claim area, letting them get their own. Then he led them out to the car. "Want to see part of this city or go right to the base? It's about a two-hour trip."
"Let me hit the little girls' room first," Cameron said, going that way.
"The flyover made it look like empty, pretty country," Foreman said.
Chase shrugged. "There's plenty of civilization if you go looking for it. Though it is pretty." Cameron came back and he let them into the car, checking it over before starting it. It was agency protocol in case there was a bomb. Foreman gave him an odd look. "We do deal in bad things," he pointed out quietly. He started the engine and backed them out of their parking spot, heading for the gateway out. "Did the dragon cause much damage?" He had to try to start a nice conversation. It was a long trip.
"No, but we had to replace about six beds," Cuddy admitted. "A few disappeared, the rest were bent. What did happen to the rest of them?"
"I believe zoos were suggested. That's humane, we can use them to increase foreign relation with countries that like dragons. No one will picket any of us for it."
"That's reasonable at least," Cuddy decided, looking out the window. "It's very pretty up here."
"It is," Chase agreed. "Xander's been running the girls through tracking exercises in the snow recently. We get a lot of complaining girls afterward."
"House must love that," Cameron said sarcastically.
"They respect him. One tried to hug him after he did stitches for her." Cuddy moaned, shaking her head. "He made her laugh instead and made her go do something less productive than rolling around with the pets."
"They have pets?" Foreman asked.
"Hmm. George, Binky, and Digger. George is presently hiding in the gym because it's warm and he needs sunlight. Now and then you'll find him on the elevators instead because it's always light in them. He was the first pet. Binky and Digger showed up a few days before the dragons did. They're a bit troublesome but they're nice usually." He changed roads to get them onto the right highway.
"You're on a base?" Cameron asked. The sign had said so when it had zipped past.
"They refurbished it for us. We're doing a bit of expanding to make more singles apartments. Not too many families at the moment."
"That's interesting," Cuddy admitted. "How many agents now?"
"Around sixty. The others are living in the married quarters until they're done." He turned on the radio. "You can nap if you want. I won't be insulted."
Foreman smirked. "How many people has House made cry?"
"Two with stitches because they refused local. He did it anyway as soon as they started to cry. One nurse who was a bit squeamish. She didn't want to do a STD swab on someone when he came home exhausted from playing and collapsed."
Cuddy moaned, shaking her head. "They work hard so they play hard?"
"In that case, no. Xander somehow convinced most of a plane that he was a god of lust. They made him come christen his temple." He smirked in the mirror. "Two weeks in their realm and not a whole lot of sleep." He paid more attention to the road. "House forbid Xander from going out with Sam or Dean again unless they brought him back a few girls as well. Doctor Jackson made it so they're not allowed to go on prolonged vacation together, just in case he does it to another one."
"How did he do that?" Cameron asked.
"They were in Las Vegas, I know that much. I know there was a D&D style quest game that they could join run by some benevolent demons. I know that Xander wenched his way through it and won the game by being a bit less than typical. I heard it mentioned he held a drinking contest one round instead of taking on the beings. Made friends instead of enemies. The last round was to beat a goddess that had been bothering the realm, which is why they set up the game. He got past her and all the wenches he had fun with promoted him to godhood." She groaned, shaking her head. "They're apparently peaceful. They sent a peace treaty. They're not going to kidnap him but now and then he goes back there to have some fun. House only groaned because he came back with a UTI."
Cuddy moaned, holding her forehead. "House must be insane."
"The girls make it fun. Especially the excuses they use to get out of their yearly exams. One used a physics test and she's not in physics." Cameron snickered. "She's young and it'll work itself out. They do have their favorites. They think I baby them and House is like some higher being who gives advice. We've gotten a lot of research done."
"That's good," Cuddy agreed. "It helped us a lot during the dragon issue."
"We were so exhausted fielding calls," he admitted. "The agents out to handle things as well. Fortunately there's only about seventy-five dragons left. Something like that." He shrugged, going silent for a bit. "It's been an interesting experience. Now and then it's a trauma situation. Sometimes it's a strange disease someone caught on patrol. House is taking Xander's blood today because he just learned Xander got exposed to a dead form of smallpox and syphilis in the past from ghosts."
"Ghosts can transmit diseases?" Cuddy demanded. She leaned forward. "How?"
"He fell into their burial chamber while he was helping in Sunnydale. It was a construction site." She nodded once. "Since he's open to the influence of spirits, they gave him a 'thanks for killing us' present as he calls it."
She moaned, sitting back. "So they gave him what had killed them?"
"It disappeared when they banished them. House wanted to make sure he's not still contagious."
"Is he?" Foreman asked.
"No idea. He was doing that while I came to pick you lot up." He smirked at him. "You can call and ask if you want."
"I'll ask when we get there. How bad are the cases?"
"The trauma cases can be bad. We had one who took some severe damage right after we got there. Then the dream demon attacked her so she took more while laying in her infirmary bed. It did not make us happy but they fixed it for her and she's fine now. Back at work in LA. One of them took some recently. She's still on crutches since her pelvic fracture hasn't fully healed yet. She hates it. Claims it makes her feel weak. Slayers have accelerated healing. She got up the same night and made herself go to dinner, no matter what we said because she decided she's tougher than three broken and one fractured bone. They all sent her back and corrected her thinking for her. The girls try too hard to be tough sometimes. Then their watchers and the Winchesters get on them."
"Good!" Cuddy said. "She's healing fine?"
"She's healing just fine. Her last MRI showed only the fractured pelvis and it's almost totally healed back together. She'll be off her crutches within weeks. She's a tough little thing. We had to yell at her for tousling with Digger the other day in the snow."
"That's some kid," Foreman decided. "Do they whine you to death too?"
"Not usually. Not unless we're giving shots or something. Then they can whine. Their yearly exams for those who get them."
"They make them?" Cameron asked.
"Slayer blood brings every demon within sniffing range," he said grimly. "One cut her elbow last week in the mall and had to fight her way out of the Gap." Cameron shuddered. "So the people in charge, namely Xander, decided that they should go on something to stop their monthlies. It works well. For the older girls it's also protection against bad taste. Because some do have really bad taste in boyfriends."
"Treating STD's?" Cuddy teased.
"One case of crabs. A few other minor things. House got handed Dean for his crabs from the prostitutes in Vegas, and the girl too. He gave them very nice lectures about picking people who bathe." He smirked at Foreman since he was in the front seat. "He got to be evil all day long."
"Interesting. He having many evil days?"
"That depends on if we get him up before ten." He changed roads again, this time they were on the road to the town and then the base. "There's a small town before the base if you wanted to pick up anything. I probably should hit the supermarket to pick up things to nibble on. The girls used their panty raid skills to break in and steal everyone's chips recently. Xander went to spank them."
"Panty raid?" Cuddy asked dryly.
"They're teenage girls who were stuck on a base. They picked a different person each month. They tried us our first night in. House got them with a dye pack." He gave her a smug look in the mirror. "It did stop that problem for us."
She snickered. "Sounds like House. Sure, we can stop at the grocery store." He nodded and sped up a bit, going around a slower moving car. "You're taking up bad driving habits?"
"I know him. He's searching for his driveway again." He called the local sheriff. "Doug, it's Robert Chase. I just passed Old Man Tyler on the road. Driving, Doug. Yes, him. About forty from his farm, going about twenty below the speed limit. Please. Thank you." He hung up. "He's not supposed to drive. Better to let the deputies handle that though. They have tact and he knows them." Two cop cars went rushing past him and pulled in around the old man, making him stop when he finally noticed the lights after a few minutes.
"Alzheimers?" Cameron asked.
"Not really sure. I've never examined him. If anything I'd say it was more likely dementia. He's nearly ninety. Usually it would've manifested by now if it was Alzheimers." He shrugged. The deputies got his car and the old man back to his farm, one waving on their way around him. He waved back. "He's a very nice old man. Served in World War II. Tells some great stories to the girls when they're in town and run into him."
"He doesn't have a caretaker?"
"His daughter does but she also works. So far he's doing all right with that arrangement. We'll have to see." He smirked a bit, waving a hand. "That's the town," he said. They all looked. Cuddy nodded. "It's very nice here. The mall's small but functional. The girls sneak off base all the time to go shopping. It proves who has stealth training mastered." Foreman snickered. "It does." He parked in front of the supermarket. "If you needed the drug store, it's up the street to the left. It'll only take me a few minutes." He rushed inside to get the chicken breasts he had forgotten to pick up and something to nibble on. He called House. "I'm in the grocery store. Need anything? I know the girls stole all your chips. They stole everyone's." The stock boy moaned and went to get more. They'd be down later to get some. "Sure, I can do that. Pay me back." He hung up and got him his bag of chips too. A few minutes more and he checked out. The bags went into the trunk and he slid in, looking back. "Pharmacy?"
Foreman nodded. "Tylenol."
"That's fine." He went that way, picking them up when they came out. He smiled. "We're nearly there. Only another two miles." He drove them off, taking them to the main gate. The guards stopped him. "This is Doctor Foreman, behind me is Doctor Cameron and Doctor Cuddy. She's not on our expected list but she decided to visit to harass House."
"That's fine, Doc. Go ahead and put the sedan in the garage. It sounds a bit rough."
"Steering's a bit hard too." That got a nod. "Thank you." He took them to the building. "Go ahead inside and I'll be right back after I take this heap to park." They went inside. Foreman even took the groceries. Chase drove it to the garage then jogged back there after making a trouble report. "There we go." He led them to his apartment. "House is up the floor from the elevator." He opened the door and paused. "What the hell are you doing?" he demanded.
"I'm hiding from mean bitches," one of the teenagers said with a pout.
"Why are you hiding in my place?"
"You have the Monty Python Xander doesn't and Xander's taking a nap after falling on the ice earlier. He told me to go away or he's spanking." She pouted at him. "I'll behave. I promise. I won't even hit on the yummy chocolate behind you." Foreman groaned. "You are." She smiled at Chase. "Please?"
"Can't you watch it at your dorm?"
"No. The mean bitches are there."
"Ask Tony if you can watch it at his place," he said patiently. She squealed and took the DVD with her. He shook his head, letting them inside. "That was Marion. The girls and she are having a few tiffs recently." He put things where they should go. "It came fully furnished."
"I didn't think the plaid throw blanket and pillows were your taste," Cuddy said. House tapped then walked in. "There you are."
"Not like I could stand two hours in a car with you, Cuddy." Chase tossed him his bag of chips. "What happened to Marion?"
"Mean bitches," Cameron told him.
He smirked a bit. "Some of the girls live in a soap opera."
"Xander said if they get that much sex or turn that slutty they're going to be sent to Cleveland and the Springer Slayer Patrol out there," Chase said dryly.
House laughed. "At least they're not fighting over the boys. They're sharing them. A lot."
"With everyone but Buffy," Chase said with an evil smirk. "I don't think they've told her yet."
"Probably not. Then again, not her tastes anyway. They have fun." He settled in, hearing someone coming up the hall. He listened for a minute. "We have guests, Annabelle."
She leaned in. "You said you'd give me a piano lesson this week; I wanted to know when you wanted to do that." She smiled and waved. "Hi. Can we keep them?"
"Don't tempt me," Cuddy said with a smirk.
She glared at her. "They're very good doctors and we appreciate snarky men around here. After all, we have him, Xander, Speed, and Gibbs, sometimes even Tony and Ryan. We like our men smart and mouthy. Or the older girls do anyway. Someday I will."
"Only if Xander doesn't paddle you for that," House told her, opening his bag of chips. "Tomorrow night after chores?"
"That'll work. Thanks, House." She closed the door and hopped off. She'd tell the others what they were like. They all liked the doctors so that one woman was toast when the older girls got her. "She's a mean and evil one."
"Cameron?" Kim asked, looking over from her homework.
"No, the other one. The dark-haired one."
"Cuddy came?" Sam asked with a frown. Anna nodded, sitting down and putting up her feet "What happened?"
"I asked if we could keep them. She said to not tempt her. She nearly sneered."
"That's going to be one sorry woman then," Kim quipped. She went back to her homework. "We'll have to pull together the ladies." They all looked over as Dawn's phone rang and then a portal opened. "Hey, Buffy," she called with a wave.
"Who told our girls they could all date the same set of twins?"
"Xander told us we couldn't fight about the guys," Amber said dryly. "Not that I do."
"You'd better not," her girlfriend said with a smirk.
"Honey, I have slayer lovin'. What else do I need except someone who understands science to help me?"
Sam came over to help her. "We thought you knew, Buffy."
"No, I didn't know. Because I would've said something. That's wrong! Very, very wrong! Wronger than me dating Angel wrong!"
Dawn snickered at that. "Well, we do call you guys the Springer Slayer Squad," she quipped with an evil grin. Her sister glared. "You date bad boys. They date bad boys. Six of them are sharing a boyfriend." She shrugged. "Did you catch them?"
"No. The doctor did." The girls all giggled. "What?" she asked, looking miserable. "Where's Faith?"
"Rec room avoiding the homework things," Dawn said. "FAITH! BUFFY NEEDS HELP! SHE FOUND OUT THE GIRLS WERE ALL DATING THE SAME GUY!" she bellowed.
Faith came strolling in. "How many now?"
"Six. The doctor caught them and told Giles. Thankfully I answered the phone."
"They catch something?" Faith demanded. "Because we did make sure they all knew what birth control is." She crossed her arms over her chest.
"I'm not sure. The health department nurse caught the twins during their exam before they got new pills."
"Those girls need sense," Faith muttered, walking off shaking her head. "C'mon, B. Let's work out."
"Sure. I grounded them all and let Caridad yell."
"Oh, no, B. Wes, B just found out why we're calling them the Springer Squad. The health department nurse caught 'em."
Wesley and John came out of Wesley's office. "Excuse me?" John demanded.
"Six dating the same guy," Buffy said grimly.
"Oh, no. That will not be allowed," John said. He stomped off. "Dawn...." She opened a portal. "Thank you, dear. Good girl." He went to have a...discussion with the girls. That was not allowed for good girls to do. They saw him and tried to run. "Sit down!" They sat and gave him attentive looks. "Who was dating this guy?" Six of the girls raised their hands. "Knowingly?" They all nodded. "Do you think we'd approve?"
"He can't get us pregnant," Cho offered with a smile.
"I don't care!" he snapped, starting on the parental lecture he had apparently missed giving to them when they were on base. Caridad got him some water and sat down to listen like a good girl. He liked that she had some sense.
Back on base, Dawn looked at the portal when John started to yell. "Anyone wanna go save them?"
"Hell no. Sat through that one myself," Dean said. "It'll be *hours* before he stops that rant. Go ahead and close it, Dawn." She did that and he called Giles. "Giles, Dean. Don't hurry back to the house. Dad's going off on some of the girls for doing some naughty, nasty things."
"No that was last week," Kim said dryly. "Kennedy was talking about edible body paint to scare Willow back to death."
Dean shuddered. "No, Giles. Dad has it. He's an experienced parent. He got it through my head when I dated triplets. He can get it through their heads." He snickered. "No, not triplets. A few of the girls were dating the same guy. Buffy found out from the health department nurse. I'm sure Dad's having tons of fun at the moment so give it a few hours. Go have tea in public, man." He hung up.
"You dated triplets?" Dawn asked. He smirked and nodded. "What did you do with the extra parts?"
"Teased them. They were identical twins and a fraternal sister. They liked to share everything." He walked off looking incredibly smug.
"If I do that..."
"We'll let John yell at you too," another girl reminded her. "While we all hide."
"Me too," Sam agreed quietly, cracking up the room. "I did both times he had to give it to Dean." They all stared at him. "Ask him, ladies, not me."
They went to pounce Dean to see what he had done. John didn't like to repeat lectures. What had he done to get it *twice*?
Chase finished dinner and put it into the oven, coming back. "There, all ready and should be done in an hour." He checked the table. "I'll need to add space to it."
"We can eat on the couch," Cameron assured him.
"His mother was fussy about company manners," House reminded her.
"Most mothers are," Foreman agreed. "How are you liking being surrounded by pretty teenage girls you can't hit on?"
"Who says I can't?" House snorted. "They try often enough." Cuddy stared at him. "I've kept them from doing more than hinting, Cuddy. They're too young for me and they know that. Though one does want to become a doctor and I've been encouraging her in the direction she should go." He nibbled another chip. Chase gave him a look. "What?"
"She'll make a horrid OB, House. She'll make a very good pediatrician however."
"She'll beat any parents she finds abusing a kid."
"Yeah, and?" Chase said, shrugging a bit.
"Good point. I'll have her look into that area. She thought she'd like the OB part of the OB/GYN trade." He shrugged and ate another chip. "How's my office?"
"Wilson guards it jealously," Foreman said dryly. "All your toys are safe."
"I thought he'd be coming out but the new ex-wife managed to get the divorce hearing moved up so he couldn't," Cuddy told him.
"I heard last night. He called to get some sanity after her whining." He looked outside then at Chase. "Storm tonight."
He looked then grimaced. "Let's hope it's not one that'll make Binky come hide under the desk again."
"Shouldn't. They have the barn now." He put his chips aside and got up to get a drink. He turned around and found Cuddy had taken his seat so he got a different one. "How's the rest of the hospital?"
"Good enough," Cuddy admitted. "No one's tried to slug a doctor in weeks. No one's threatened to sue us in weeks. How's the one here?"
"The local hospital's about three hours away. They closed the county one last month," Chase admitted, sitting down again. "House?" He pointed at the more comfortable chair.
"I'm good." He smirked. "We're doing okay locally. The new nurse came from their staff. We can airlift for anything too serious. The guy on cancer treatments here is doing okay but we're giving them to him here instead of making him travel. Finding a replacement is going worse. Not too many people can deal with traumas and strange poisons or symptoms."
"How many of those do you get?" Cameron asked.
"Too many. A swipe of a claw. Someone ran into a demon's arm in a club going to talk to a witness. One of the girls nearly getting bitten by a rattlesnake trying to get some sun. All sorts of poisoning. That and small combat trauma injuries mostly," Chase told her. "They'll have to be able to use the equipment, House."
"Jackson said if I picked a loser he was going to let the girls kidnap me," he said smugly.
"I'm sure you'll show up painted pink and naked too," he shot back.
House looked thoughtful. "Annabelle will save me. Mary too. The two youngest love me."
"Mary's a little heathen and could almost be your child," Chase teased. "She's even got your mouth when she bothers to talk to others."
"True. I'm so proud of her calling you a funny looking kangaroo."
Chase shook his head, taking a sip of his tea. Cuddy snickered at that. Foreman cleared his throat. "How many cases are you guys getting a week?"
"We average about ten usual things and two strange ones plus research time," Chase told him. "You want to take my spot?"
"No. The girls would scare me."
"Probably," House agreed smugly. "They're all very strong girls." He heard a mass giggle and went to look outside. "What evilness are you girls plotting now?" he called down from the balcony.
"We're chasing Dean to see why John had to give him the 'it's a bad thing to be a slut' lecture twice," one of the girls called up with a happy grin. "John's giving it to the other girls since Buffy found out about the six girls dating the same guy thing and came to find sanity in Faith."
House walked off shaking his head. "Check the armory," Chase yelled. They headed that way. "He's probably hiding in the gun vault."
"I'm sure John's having a good yell at the girls since he's doing daddy duty."
Kim leaned in. "Wesley wanted to know if you guys would do the disease check stuff since they were not only sharing a single junior from the local college but one of them mentioned sharing a pair of twins with the others. John nearly had a stroke."
House stared at her. "The six girls were sharing three men?" She smirked and nodded. "Xander's right, they are members of the trailer trash show." He shook his head. "Can the local health department do it?"
"They're so horrified they tried to tell Giles on the girls. Buffy answered the phone; that's how she knew. John called Wesley to see if you'd do it."
"We can do them after dinner," Chase told her.
"Thanks, Chase. I'm sure they'll appreciate it." She waved. "Hi, all." She disappeared. Then she came back. "Chase, Willow said gay women didn't use toys."
"I don't see why not. Others I know have. Find a gay chatroom."
She beamed. "Thanks, Chase." She headed off at a jog.
"Have fun with the happiness patrol," House told him.
"If you give them the tour," he shot back.
House stared at him. That was a gift. Chase was up to something. "You sure you can handle yelling at them?"
"John has been I'm sure."
House smirked. "Fine, I'll give them the tour after dinner. Speaking of, is it ready?"
Chase went to check and turned on the broiler. "Ten more minutes. Go clean up, people." They did that while he and House shared a look. "They haven't met the pets yet."
House gave him such an evil look. "I've trained you well, padawan," he said quietly.
"That's one of his many jobs." He got up and went to clean up in his own apartment so he could cackle in peace. He loved to torment their friends. How nice of Chase to help him with that project.
Danny sat down next to Don Flack, giving him a look. "I'm sorry."
"Not your fault they misunderstood," Don said, looking at him. "Though it's nice I'm now the first husband and Mac's the second."
Danny smirked. "You're better in bed I'm sure."
"Of course I am. Mac's used to the same thing and I played for a while longer." They shared a look then smirked. "What're we gonna do now?"
"Now?" He got comfortable. "How about we date? Maybe eventually move into one of the married quarters so we can share but still have individual rooms if we need ta?"
"Dating's nice," Don decided, stretching out then letting Danny settle in under his arm. "Mac freaked?"
"Big time. He went to tell Stella, who only giggled before giving him a hug." He smirked up at him. "You?"
"It was a misunderstanding. They happen. I'm sure I'll have one some year. Hopefully I won't end up married to anyone," he teased. Danny poked him. "Think there's a language charm like in Harry Potter?"
"I asked Sam that and he gave me a dirty look. If there is, we might ask Thomas."
"Could," Don admitted. Someone knocked. "What?" he called. Stella leaned in. "Mac done hiding and cowering from my wrath?"
"Mostly. He's more scared of Danny's temper than your wrath." She grinned. "You two okay?"
"We were talking about maybe a movie this weekend if we're both here."
"That could be nice," she said with a soft grin. "Or dinner. You can do that tonight so the girls don't pounce you to congratulate Danny on his three-way marriage."
"That sounds so dirty," Danny moaned, shaking his head.
"Only if you want it to be." Stella disappeared before either man could hit her with a pillow.
"No, it's dirty sounding," Don agreed. Danny laughed and poked him. "She's right, I'm hungry. Wanna eat off base?"
"We can do that." He stood up and hauled Don with him. "There's a good Italian place in the next village from what I heard."
"Is that the same one the ghost told Xander he got the runs from?" he teased.
"Could be," he admitted, making Don laugh as they walked out together. "At least you got a car around here."
"You could," Don teased.
"'Course I could. Then I can't be the naughty hitchhiking guy either," he taunted back with an evil smirk.
Don paused before opening his car door. "Did you really mean to make me have dirty thoughts? Because if you did, you did a good job."
Danny laughed. "Good ta know you got a kink button, Don." He slid in.
Don gathered himself, staring up at the stars. "Sex on the first date is wrong according to my mother. You agree or not?" No answer came so he decided to let Danny lead for tonight. He climbed in, weathering the pinch to his thigh. "What was that for?"
"Taking so long when I'm hungry."
"Mac didn't knock you up, right?"
"Keep it up and I'll bite," Danny promised.
"Sure, I get that." He started the engine and drove them off to have dinner. He paused at the guard shack. "Going to eat."
"Watch out for Bulgosi's, guys. One of the guys ate there and had the craps for days. Not even medicine helped it. He almost got desperate enough to go see House."
"We'll remember that," Don promised. He drove them off shaking his head. "Isn't that the Italian place in the next town?"
"Mexican works for me," he decided. It was usually a lively place and a good family place. They gave him amused looks when he walked in with Don but that was fine. To everyone else they looked like friends having dinner. Which was what they were. For now.
Speed looked over at Ryan during dinner. "No sign of foreign docs or newly married CSI. Are we lucky or are they avoiding us?"
"Probably out for some air and Chase is too nice to let them be eaten by the girls."
"Hey!" one of them complained. "Chase said we could hit on them all we wanted." She smirked evilly and Dawn cackled. "See?"
"Uh-huh," Ryan said. "I see the Cleveland group came back. Long night over there, ladies?"
"No comment," Buffy said, shaking her head before taking a drink. "Please?"
"Ooh, sounds like someone got a spanking," Dean taunted.
Buffy looked at him. "I hope so. That way I don't have to and Faith doesn't have to."
Faith gave her an odd look. "I'm not that sort of mommy, B. If you wanna have spankies with the girls, that's up to them. They're big girls who can turn you down if they want to." Buffy blushed at that, putting her head down. Faith patted her on the back. "John still yelling at a few of them?"
"Good." She beamed. "At least I didn't have to run this time."
Xander looked down at her. "Just wait until you start to date again," he taunted smugly. She went pale. "Remember, we give very good shovel talks around here, Faith."
"Maybe I'll stick with the casual thing then," she decided, making Wesley choke. "If I do find a good guy, they'll scare him off."
"I dare say we won't let Xander scare off your good boyfriend," he assured her, complete with a pat on the arm. "Buffy, do sit up and eat. You're a bit thin again."
She looked at him. "Are you possessed by my mom?"
"No, not that I'm aware of," he admitted, making Dawn crack up. "The advice is still sound since your pants are too loose and you usually complain they're too tight." She nodded, getting back to eating. John walked the last few girls in. "Who's still in Cleveland?"
"Giles and Caridad." He pushed one. "Eat." She settled in to eat.
Faith looked at them then at John. "Not sitting funny. Didn't have to spank for real?"
He smirked. "Not cute, Faith, but we did have a nice, long talk with all three young men." The girls all whimpered. "And then we had a talk about other problems." He glared at Dean.
"Not my fault!" he complained. "I didn't tell them to share."
"Uh-huh." He dug into dinner, shaking his head a bit.
Buffy looked at him. "You're a really loud father, aren't you?"
"Only when necessary." He looked at her. "Speaking of, there was a letter there from yours," he said more quietly. "Giles found it in the mail from yesterday."
She stared, then swallowed. "Postcard?"
"No. Maybe two sheets at the most." He handed it over. "Since he figured you'd be here most of the night. So you and the younger one can read it."
She nodded. "Thank you."
"Use my place," Xander said, looking down at her. She nodded at that, tucking it into her pocket. She played with her food but Sam nudged her and gave her a smile. "Buffy, remember, we had a hunt order all ready to go," Xander pointed out gently.
She smirked. "Don't remind me. Dawn, letter from Spain."
"Excuse me?" she choked. Sam patted her on the back until she could breathe again. "Spain?" Buffy nodded. "He writes now?"
"Apparently. Xander's place after dinner? Then the gym?"
"Yeah, we can do that." She got up and hauled Buffy up, walking her off so they could stare at the letter together then go spar. Because Dawn was very pissed at her father. Well, Buffy's father but still her father she guessed.
John looked at the other girls. "Give them some room tonight," he ordered. They all nodded. "Those of you who have an appointment later, you had better be finishing up." They groaned but went back to eating so they could visit Doctor Chase. John walked them down there, giving Annabelle a look when she tried to follow. "You can do yours later. Have Jethro help you with your history homework since it's the world wars." She nodded, hopping that way. He stopped Mary too. "Big girl stuff, Mary. Go help House give the tour." She ran off to do that. He sighed, doing a nose count. Then he went to get the other one and drag her back by the simple method - he grabbed onto the back of her neck and walked her off while she said 'ow' the whole way. He gave her a light shove as he released her into the infirmary, closing the door behind him. He did another count. "Chase, do we need to keep notes for the health department?"
"I can tell them," he promised. He was thinking 'thank God they got the HPV vaccine' but he'd never share that. It was unprofessional. Though those three boys were going to be heavily checked by the health department if he had his say. And he would. If he didn't, House would. He got done with that one and filled her antibiotics before she left. She had to slink past John but oh well.
"Two bottles?" John asked.
Chase looked at him. "The rest I'll have sent to them."
John winced and walked off shaking his head. That was a bad sign. A very bad sign. Worse than Dean catching VD from some hooker bad sign.
Chase motioned for the next girl, who came in already scratching. "I already know about that problem," he assured her. "There's been three others as well." She moaned and the others whimpered. Yup, it was going to be a very bad night.
House watched Foreman flee from the unicorn. Binky had wanted to play. "What?" he called after him. "Scared?" They were in the infirmary and Binky had come looking for sugar treats. "How bad is it?" Chase handed over the list before petting the unicorn. House looked then winced. "That's bad."
"That's very bad. I reported them to the health department. All three boys need to be fumigated. Then I told John the ones that had shown up. He got to yell at them some more, this time with Xander."
"Charming," House said, handing it back. "Thankfully they're there." The portal from LA opened and Connor pulled Crissy through. "Banged on the head again?" he asked, coming over to help.
"No clue. She passed out, Doctor House." They heaved her onto a bed. "Morgan's not happy with her. I don't know why." He looked at him. "Should I tell Xander?"
"Call the slayer's hall. He's there somewhere yelling at the girls."
"What did they do this time?"
"The Cleveland girls," Chase told him.
"They kill a human?"
"No, they've been sharing boyfriends."
"I suggested that and Morgan got pissed," Connor sulked, going to call. "Rebecca, it's Connor. Tell Xander I brought Crissy back because she passed out." He hung up and went to hover over his buddy. His girlfriend would understand. Hopefully. House gave him an odd look. "Morgan said to come help her. She'd finish patrol tonight and check on Cordette for us. She's got Gunn and Angel."
"Fine." He went back to checking her over, sighing some. "That's going to be a sucky talk," he said. He drew some blood, tossing the vial at Chase. "Standard for the yearly." He nodded, running it through the machine. Ten minutes later he squeaked. "Yes?"
"Thought so. She's too skinny too. That's probably why she passed out. Did she eat dinner or lunch, Connor?"
"She's been up at the college most of the time, Doctor House. I have no idea."
Xander strolled in. "What's happened this time and do I need artillery?"
"For her boyfriend," Chase told him, giving him a look.
Xander looked at the girl on the bed then at House. "Seriously?" He smirked and nodded. "And today...."
"She passed out," Connor supplied.
"She's under her last known weight by about ten pounds. I'm guessing morning sickness."
"No, she had the flu last week but it lasted most of the day," Connor told him. "Is that what this is?"
"That means she's going to be making us both godfathers, Connor," Xander told him. Connor gave him a horrified look, backing away slowly like it was contagious. "If we're lucky it's not like Cordy's and demon spawn." He looked at House. "Can we tell?"
"Ultrasound. Pull it over." Chase got it and they looked. House searched then found it. "Looks human to me."
Xander sighed as he looked at it then poked her hard. She grabbed his finger with a gasp. "You are in such deep shit," he warned her. But he was smiling. "Who's the guy I get to give the shovel talk to?"
"Don't even say you don't know. I'll let John lecture you like he did the crabs patrol earlier."
"Eww," she said weakly.
"Ya think?" he asked. He helped her up once House was done. "She good outside of food?" She turned green.
"We have a medicine for that. I can prescribe it," House assured her. She gave him a hug and sniffled on his shoulder. "Let me get that."
"I'll see if the pharmacy in town is open," Chase said, moving to call. "I did turn the three boys in by the way."
"Good! They need it from that list."
"Should I steam clean the furniture they're sitting on?" Xander asked dryly.
"Yes, use a good disinfectant and make sure they didn't transfer anything," Chase said. "Ah, you are in. This is Doctor Chase, at the DCIS infirmary. I need to get one of the girls some anti-nausea medicine. We can have them down there by then. Thank you. Yes, that's the one I want." He smiled. "Say thirty days, just in case. Thank you." He hung up, looking at Xander. "They're open for twenty more minutes."
"Yes, Chase." He went to get her pills for her. On the way he paused at Sam. "Tell Dad in there he has to talk with Crissy about talking to her boyfriend. Let me go get her meds. Also, we'll have to delouse the couch." He went to pick up what they'd need.
Sam looked around. "Crissy?" he called. She came out looking miserable. "Want some soup?"
"Not unless the medicine works. I'm sorry, Sammy."
"It happens to girls every year." He put an arm around her shoulders, walking her into the dorm. John gave him an odd look. "Xander went to get her anti-nausea medicine."
"Flu?" he asked, looking hopeful. She subtly shook her head then shuddered. He took a deep breath. Dean handed him a bottle of water. "Thanks, son. Very supportive."
"Hey, you never had to have this talk with us," he said happily.
"If I did, I'd have killed the witch, son. Unless I missed something while changing your diapers?"
Crissy sniffled. "Can I switch bodies with him?"
"No," John snorted. "C'mon, dear. Let's go have a parental sort of talk." He snagged Wesley on the way past. Xander came in a few minutes later, handing over her medicine and him a large bag of boxes. He looked then at him. "I take it you heard Chase had to call the health department on them?"
"I'm damn happy we got pushy to give them the new HPV vaccine," Xander said dryly. "But no, I didn't get details."
"The first one came out with *two* bottles. Chase'll send the rest."
Xander just nodded. "We need to clean the couch or replace it."
"I'm all for replacing it," John told him. "Beds too after tonight."
Wesley coughed. "Why?"
"Crabs," Xander told him.
"Shellfish allergy just popped up?" he asked hopefully.
"I'm sure you've dated one girl who was nasty," John told him dryly.
"I had been hoping I had the wrong interpretation. Pity. Do we need to yell more?"
"Yes," John said. "And get Giles to yell too."
"Not at you, Crissy. I'll tell the asshole library ghost," he muttered. "Wesley, burn the couch and anything else they've had contact with." He looked at Dawn, who opened a portal with a head shake. He walked through and it closed. "Giles?"
"My office, Xander." Xander walked that way. "The girls who went earlier had a problem?"
"Yeah, the three guys they were sharing were dirty, nasty things with crabs." Giles dropped his pen, giving him a horrified look. "Chase put them on the appropriate medicines. I got them the anti lice treatment. You'll need to bleach sheets and might as well just toss the old furniture to be burned, Giles. How Buffy and Caridad didn't pick it up I'm not sure." Giles shuddered. "Yeah. But I do have some semi-happy news to go with that."
"You'll probably freak. Which is why I'm not letting you go near her."
"No. One's pregnant."
Giles gaped, then spluttered. "This is horrible!"
"Giles, we have fifty-eight girls. She can take some time off."
"One of the ones here?"
"In LA?" Xander nodded. "Is she dating Connor?" he asked, looking a bit confused.
"No, that's Morgan. Crissy's the other one. John and Wes are talking to her right now. She passed out on patrol so Connor dragged her to the infirmary via Dawn."
Giles moaned, leaning back to look at him. "What is she planning to do?" Xander shrugged. "Does she think she's keeping it?"
"She's known for all of a few minutes, Giles. So far we've gotten her on medicine for the morning sickness because she's lost about ten pounds. That's what made her pass out."
He took off his glasses to rub his eyes, muttering 'dear Lord' under his breath. He put them back on. "Well it is happier news. I hope she's not infected?"
"Not that we know of."
"Good! The others?"
"Chase turned the guys into the health department. Let's just say some of the girls also have antibiotics." He shuddered for real. "Yeah, exactly. How did you not notice the girls dating the same guy?"
"They'd go out and go on dates singly."
"Ah. They were time sharing instead of sharing at the same time. That makes more sense."
"How long have you known?"
"Six months. That's why we started calling them the Springer Slayer squad," he said dryly, giving him a look. "It was a broad hint but most of them are legal adults and sensible enough to not do stupid things." He leaned on the doorframe. "John needed throat drops after yelling at them."
"Good! I hope I shall too!"
"Just don't have a stroke, Giles. And don't yell at Crissy. She realizes it was stupid. I left her crying on John's shoulder. He makes a good dad to the horde."
"I'll leave that to you. Tell her I hope she makes a good decision that she won't regret. You're right, we have enough girls to cover for her if she has to be taken off rotation."
Xander nodded. "Thanks, Giles. Anything you need from us?"
"A bigger building."
"Furniture as well," he reminded him.
"Oh, yes, they'll be handling that tomorrow."
"Things need to be clean so they can clean themselves," he pointed out. "Killing the ones on them then laying on sheets that have them will mean another treatment." Giles shuddered again. "At least we have treatments for everything and we gave them the vaccine for the herpes virus, plus pills in case they get it anyway."
Giles looked at him. "That's not a happy thought."
"In the old days it'd take a red-hot poker."
"Good point," he admitted. "I have heard horror stories of burning rods applied to the inside of penises to cure such diseases." He shook himself quickly. "Anything else I should be aware of?"
"We're replacing our couch too," he said dryly. Giles smiled at that. "Have a drink and go to bed, Giles. Yell at them tomorrow morning." He nodded and Xander texted Dawn, getting the portal back. He paused to look at it then came over to knock her out. "You're exhausted again. You can't do that to yourself." He carried her to bed then came back down. "Those of you who need to go to Cleveland, treat yourself. She can send you before she has to go to school. Then make sure you put your sheets in the wash tomorrow so they can be bleached. We might have to replace mattresses too." They groaned but went to handle that. He went into the office. "Giles said he hopes you make a decision that you'll be satisfied with. He's not going to push you in any direction and I had to remind him we have fifty-eight of you girls."
She gave him a hug. "Thank you, Xander."
"Welcome. You should tell Alan and your boyfriend."
"Can I have Don handcuff Charlie and my boyfriend?"
"Ask him, see what he says."
"That might not be a bad idea," she admitted. "Would I have to come back here?"
He shrugged. "I have no clue. Ask Chase or House tomorrow when you go back."
"Yes, sir." He patted her with a smile. "Buffy? Or Faith?"
"Buffy and Dawn got a letter from their father. Faith I'm not sure. Let me find them and tell them. You tell the family out there. But take video of Deadboy's face, okay?" He smirked as he walked off. "Oh, Faith, wherefore art thou?" he called loudly.
She leaned out of the computer room. "Shakespeare? You?" she taunted.
"Crissy can use a hug. She's doing the countdown to nine."
Faith gaped. She blinked a few times. "Excuse me? Did I hear you right?"
Xander nodded. "She's lost ten pounds from the puking and passed out on patrol. Connor brought her. She's with John. Do not yell," he said quietly, stopping her to stare in her eyes. "We have enough to give her room."
"I'm going to let her cry on me, X. This is horrible news!" She got free and walked in there to hug the girl. "It's all right, Crissy. We'll be kick ass aunts. Dress the baby in leather and give it baby stakes." The girl laughed then burst into tears. The older guys left them alone for a few minutes. "I know, princess. It'll work itself out."
Xander went to his place, finding Buffy staring at the unopened letter. "Dawn's portal to Cleveland looked tired so I knocked her out." He flopped down beside her, getting a long look. "Crissy's preggers."
"Crissy, in LA, is pregnant."
"Huh?" she asked.
"You know, that state where babies come from your hole and scream and give you misery for eighteen years?"
She closed her mouth with a snap. "We sure?"
"Yup, saw the ultrasound House did to make sure it wasn't demon spawn like Cordy had."
She nodded once then sighed. "She good?"
"No. She's crying on Faith." He stopped her. "Don't yell at her, Buffy."
"I guess I won't." She sighed and sat down. "What about my girls?"
"Expect to pick out furniture since there's a serious run on Rid going on." She shuddered. "Exactly. Bleach the sheets, make sure the bed's not infected too. We're getting a new couch."
"That's not a bad idea," she said, leaning against his arm. "Do I even want to know?"
"Probably not." He picked up the letter and slit it open, handing it to her. "It's not going to bite. Your dad's a normal."
"That too," she muttered, taking out the letter to look over. She sighed, looking up at him. "We may be having a little brother."
"Good for him. Will this mother beat his ass too?"
"Don't know," she admitted. She finished reading it and nodded. "He's being transferred to the Asian office."
Xander pulled out his cellphone, dialing the number on the letter. "Here, call. It should be early but in the workday."
She listened to the greeting. "May I speak to Hank Summers please?" She was transferred up to his secretary. "This is his daughter Buffy. He wanted me to contact him. Please." The secretary put him through. "How dare you contact me after you couldn't even come see us after Mom died, shitbag." Her father spluttered. She got up to pace. "Not only did Mom die a few years back, we tried nine times to find you. You sent them back unopened. Why would I care that you're being transferred anywhere but hell? For that matter I hope the new one beats your ass like I want to, Dad. Really."
Xander took the phone from her hand. "Mr. Summers, this is Dawn's legal guardian." The man ranted at that. "Oh, shut up. You couldn't even have enough respect for your girls to see if they were doing okay after their mother died. And yes, I do know very well they got to you. Three had to be signed off on before being sent back. It was your signature since the last two specified your secretary couldn't sign for you. What did you want from your girls? Loving adoration?" He snorted at the continued complaints. "You know what? I'm not taking custody of the new one so I hope he has as great a mother as Joyce was before she died of a brain tumor. Have a happy life and hopefully the Asian office will suit you when you besmirch someone's honor and they cut you into sushi." He hung up and hugged her. "It's all right."
"It's not. He's my father."
"He's a sperm donor, Buffy. Fathers have to be there." She nodded, crying on him. Someone knocked. "Not now," he called. Sam leaned in. "Not now."
"Sure. She okay? Need anything?"
"No, tell Dawn she can skip tomorrow?" Sam nodded, going to pass on that message. Buffy looked up at him. "You two will be eating ice cream all day I'm sure," he said dryly. She nodded, going back to resting against his chest. "Shh, you've got family in the rest of us."
She pulled back wiping her eyes. "Yeah, I guess I do. What do I do about the baby?"
"We ask to see if we can find the mother. You can't hold it against him or her."
"True." She smiled. "I'll see if Giles will go with me."
"Go ahead." She nodded, heading down to talk to Wesley to see if he could help her with that. Xander looked up. "She needed this stress?" he asked calmly. Dean tapped then walked in. "Buffy's having a bad day."
"I figured it wasn't happy news."
"She's about to have a half brother."
"Oooh." He winced and walked out shaking his head after dropping the DVD. "Marion said thanks."
"Not a problem." Xander grabbed his keys and wallet, heading out to the supermarket. He knew what his girls needed in the way of ice cream. He ran into House on his way back to put up the ice cream. "Try to take Dawn's mind off her family tomorrow?" he asked quietly. House nodded. "It's a half-brother."
"No, they would've killed him if he had."
"Good! Where is he?"
House nodded. "If she comes to me I'll try, Xander. What are you going to do about the eighteen counts of various diseases?"
"The same three repeatedly?" he asked, sounding hopeful.
"I bought some Rid."
"That's a good start."
"We're getting new couches. I warned Giles too. He'll probably be buying new furniture too."
House nodded. "Probably a very good idea. Did he not have a clue?"
"Apparently us broadly hinting about the Springer Slayer squad went over his head. Caridad knew but only frowned at them."
"John should spank," House said.
"John needs throat drops he yelled for so long," Xander said with a small grin. House smirked back. "Crissy wanted to know about when she had to give it up?"
"Yesterday. If she's hit, she can miscarry anytime."
"Want her here?"
"We're supposed to leave in a month, kid."
Xander nodded. "Think a regular OB can handle it?"
House considered it. "I'd want to keep an eye on it just in case the slayer gifts get in the way. Like the fast healing." Xander nodded at that wisdom. "Whatever you guys want."
"She's in college."
"She can sit and do research and check in then."
"Good point. Thanks, House." He went to finish putting up the ice cream, turning to find Buffy staring at him. "Ben and Jerry's with the fudge fish?" She smiled, taking a pint to eat while she took a walk. Xander finished loading the freezer and put a note saying to leave Dawn and Buffy most of the ice cream tomorrow. Then he went back to his own apartment. He was exhausted. He walked in and slapped himself on the forehead, heading down to Wes's office. "Wes, the budget stuff?"
"I gave it out as a math assignment, Xander." He smiled at him. "Crissy is in her bed. What did House say?"
"To have her check in. No more patrolling as of yesterday. She can do research. He wants someone to make sure the slayer taint won't make it hard for her to carry but a normal OB might be okay." He nodded at that. "I have no idea how she's going to tell Alan or Don."
"She'll mange it. Women have for years."
"Am I missing any paperwork?"
"No, Xander. That's what Dean does for you. He does the training reports and certification." Xander gave him a tired look. "You're doing three jobs, Xander. You hired Dean and Samuel to help you. Let them."
"I can do that. I don't want to be the hanger-on though."
"You're not. You're very important to the girls. You train them to do a lot of things the boys haven't been able to. Let us handle some of it."
Xander nodded. "I can do that. Want Carra to go to LA to fill in or Caridad?"
"How about Rona?" he suggested. "Or Cho?"
"Cho could handle it," he agreed. "I'll tell Giles." He nodded but Wesley called.
"Rupert, it's Wesley. We're going to move Cho out to LA to cover for Crissy. Doctor House said she's not allowed to patrol. No, Rupert, it's not a medical problem but any hit to her abdomen could make her miscarry and she's not ready to make a choice yet. He said no patrolling from the moment she knows." He nodded, making notes. "We thought Cho could handle it fairly well and she's starting school this fall. That would give her a semester at a very good school."
"A few out there have trimesters so she could start one of those," Xander said. "Give her two sessions of classes to transfer."
"That is a good point. Xander said a few of them offer trimesters. Yes, like it sounds. That would give her two sessions to transfer." He smiled. "It would and she does work very well with Morgan plus Angel doesn't mind her. No, our second choice is Rona. Buffy can handle Cleveland and dealing with the girls."
Xander took the phone. "Giles, Buffy got a letter from her father," he said quietly. He listened to him moan and complain. "The man broke hiding to tell her she has a half- brother coming and he's being transferred to Asia somewhere." Giles growled something. "Exactly. She's wandering around eating ice cream. Please. She might want to meet the new baby brother. Not sure. She's not either. Sure, thanks, Giles." He hung up and looked at him. "She's off wandering."
"That's a good thing to do. I'll call some contacts that way, see if we can find the mother for her." Xander smiled. "Now, all you have to do, that the others don't do, is the advanced training, look over their educational needs, and threaten any and all boyfriends. Deal?"
"Deal. Dawn's allowed to skip tomorrow."
"This will be her third one, Xander."
"Second. She left after the alien blindsided her and bruised her ribs. Her portal to get me back here was wavy earlier."
"Then I agree, she should have some time off. This will be a bad emotional shock for her." Xander nodded. "Good. Shoo. You're tired as well." Xander nodded, heading off to bed. Wesley smiled, writing down Xander's duties so Giles would know as well. That way no one else would overuse the boy. It was nice how DCIS was slowly filling in all the spots Xander filled in for over there.
Don parked, letting Danny out of the car. He got out and looked at the girl wandering. "Buffy, shouldn't you be wearing a jacket?"
She shrugged. "I'm only a bit chilly. Thanks for asking, Agent Flack."
"It's Don, Buffy. What's wrong?"
She looked at him. "My father's a bastard."
"I figured there was some sort of story there since Xander has custody of Dawn."
She sighed, nodding. "We tried nine different times to contact our father after Mom died. Including ways that would make him sign the forms in person before sending it back unopened." Don nodded, moving closer. "He wrote today to tell me I have a new half- brother coming soon."
"Tell the mother what sort of shitbag he is so she'll know ta sue him," Danny told her.
She nodded. "I want to but I don't want to hate her."
"Buffy, not like she was the reason your parents broke up," Don said gently. "Was she?"
She shook her head. "No, Dad fooled around back then. That's why he got moved to Spain." She ate another bite of ice cream. "Why write to brag to me?"
"He has to; he's so pathetic no else will listen to his shit," Danny said bluntly.
"Maybe that's the reason." She sighed and looked at them. "Thanks, guys."
"Not a problem," Don promised. "Now, go inside. You're chilly and the ice cream isn't helping any." She nodded, heading that way. "God," he muttered, looking at Danny.
Danny nodded. "During the Vegas thing, right before Dawn did the spell, Xander's uncle showed up ta blackmail him," he said quietly.
"Charming people they had."
"Joyce was nice," Danny said with a smile. "Dawn pulled her back one day to yell at her sister and Giles."
"Good! She sounds nice." He made sure his car alarm was on and headed up with Danny so they could watch a movie...or whatever. They were both tired so whatever might have to wait for a few days but they'd get there eventually.
Dawn finished letting the girls go home, right into an ambush of Giles yelling, and headed to find her sister. She and Crissy were eating in the kitchen. "Any cookie dough?"
"Someone stocked cookie dough Ben and Jerry's," Crissy offered.
"I caught Xander stocking," Buffy said with a grin. The girls grinned back. "We really have to do something nice for Xander. He does tons for us and is clearly stressed out again."
"DCIS casework is stressing him out. He's got an impossible one that not even Thomas can find in the books." Dawn grabbed her ice cream and sat down. "Okay, I'm awake and rested. What did the letter say, Buff?"
"We have a half brother." Dawn spluttered. Thankfully she hadn't popped the top on her ice cream. "He's being moved to Asia somewhere."
"Charming," Dawn sneered. "Anything else?"
"I'm thinking about going over to meet him," she said. "Would you mind?"
Dawn took a calming breath. "We'll make sure the baby isn't tainted by his selfishness."
"She probably already knows," Buffy admitted. "But this way she can find out how bad it was on Mom too. I'll introduce you and him too if you want."
She smiled. "Take a picture of me. I'm almost out of free days for a while." Buffy nodded at that. "Take pictures too."
"I will." She smiled, patting Crissy's hand. "Cho's going to take her place."
"Why?" Dawn ate a bite of ice cream.
Dawn squealed, giving her a hug. "I'll be a great auntie!" she said happily. "Ooh, we'll have to get the baby shower ready so you get all the stuff you need. We can even creep Connor out with some of the stuffed animals. Maybe get a few puppets."
Buffy snickered. "That's mean, Dawn. Angel doesn't need to be reminded of that. Connor told me he still gasps from nightmares about being a puppet." She took a bite of her ice cream. "The medicine working, Crissy?"
"Amazingly well," she promised. "This is the first food I've eaten all week." She ate another bite. "I tried to hide it."
"You could've been killed," Buffy corrected. "We deserve a normal life. You can have one too."
She smiled. "Yes, Buffy." She ate another bite, looking at Dawn. "Think you can get me home later?"
"Sure, not a prob. I needed a recharge." She nodded and went back to eating the ice cream. It was good. Her body needed extra calcium too. "Just don't make the guys birth it," Dawn warned. "They're still talking about the demon baby they had to help deliver right before the conference." Buffy shuddered. "It was a baby slime demon, antlers and all."
"Eww." She ate another bite of her ice cream.
"It wasn't so bad," Crissy admitted. "We were trapped by an earthquake." She put a hand on her stomach and counted backwards. "Speaking of... Huh, Carl's going to kill me."
"Are we not with him?" Buffy asked.
"No, he decided to cheat the night before his wedding," she said dryly. "And I didn't know until he said goodbye the next morning telling me he had to get married."
Buffy snorted. "Maybe you're more than a sister slayer. Maybe you're really a Summers woman. Mom had dad the dirtbag. I had Angel, Spike, Parker, Riley, and the last guy I forgot the name of already. Dawn?"
"Going causally. There's a sorcerer near my teachers but they're watching him very carefully and I'm not doing more than being cute and flirting."
"Good! I like that! Remember, we get to give the shovel talk," Buffy said dryly.
She smirked. "We'll see." Buffy smirked at her. "We will." She ate another bite. "We need to do something to blow off some stress. Crissy, you'll need bigger clothes soon and there's a maternity store in the mall."
"We should," Buffy agreed. They took their ice cream with them. They deserved ice cream.
Crissy came out of the portal with the three bags, putting them aside before anyone saw them. "Hi, guys." She gave them a sheepish smile. "Buffy and Dawn insisted it was the best cure to a bad day."
"It can be for some girls," Alan said, smiling at her. "You wanted to talk to us?"
"Yes, but can I have a head start when you yell?"
"I'll yell?" Alan teased.
She nodded. "Probably. I did." Alan gave her an odd look. Don looked at the bags then at her. "Yeah, kinda necessary. You know that flu that wouldn't go away?" They all nodded. "Remember Carl? The dirtbag who was going to get married the next day?" She let out a nervous laugh. "Connor dragged me back to the infirmary last night when I passed out on patrol." She sighed, sitting down. "I'm sorry I'm a bad influence for Cor."
Alan blinked. "You're pregnant?" he demanded. She nodded. "How far?"
"Few months. He said fourteen weeks."
Don counted back. "Yeah, that was the week of Carl the bastard." He looked at her. "So?"
She shrugged. "I think I'll make a good mommy. I hope. If not, Xander and John said they'd give advice and I hope I can kinda get advice from you guys?" she asked hopefully.
"Of course you can," Alan said. He gave her a hug. "I should yell but you know it was an accident."
"And hey, I didn't catch any of the four diseases the girls in Cleveland got from sharing guys," she said helpfully.
Charlie coughed, shaking his head and blushing. "Four? That's talented."
"They were sharing a set of twins and junior at the college. Six of the nine. By the way, Cho is coming out to take my place. I'm allowed to research but nothing else."
"Good! That shows some sense!" Don assured her. She smiled at that. "I'll let you break my hand during labor but I am not delivering this one." She sniffled but nodded, giving him a hug. "It'll be all right. You'll be a good mom. Your kid will not turn into Connor, Xander, or Dean." She laughed, giving him an extra squeeze. "What about school? It's almost Halloween. That makes you due in April?"
She nodded. "With any luck I won't have to take too much time off. I might even go early during spring break." Charlie smiled at that, shaking his head. "I could. Doctor House wants me to check in now and then but I can get a local OB. We're not sure if slayer healing might hurry the pregnancy or anything."
"We'll find out," Alan told her. "Don can ask Megan if she knows any from her friends." She nodded and let him hug her again. "You tell Cordette but you listen to her squeal."
"I can do that. Thank you for not yelling."
"We'll yell later," he promised with a smirk.
"Xander said the same thing. John let me cry on him last night. He said he was thankful Dean had never pissed off a witch and gone through this." They all laughed. "But I did get some cute maternity clothes for later on."
"Good," Don agreed. "You're too tiny."
"I have pills for that now."
"Want us to tell Connor?" Don asked. "He's not usually up on guy things."
"He was there when I had the ultrasound," she admitted. "He dragged me through after I passed out."
"We'll explain it to him," Don promised. "C'mon. You should eat. Charlie, coming?"
"I'm having thoughts about the baby," he said, shaking himself free.
She got free of Alan's hug and pulled out something. "Dean and Sammy made it mini weapons already," she said proudly. They all smiled. That was so like the Winchesters and other slayers. They took her to lunch then home so she could rest. Cordette could be told at dinner. Crissy looked at Morgan. "I'm sorry."
"You going to tell him?"
"He left to get married the next day."
"Oh, that shitbag. Okay. And?"
"Two more months and we find out if I need purple or purple."
Morgan smiled. "Check, no pink and blue."
"Ooh, look. Dean and Sammy handed them over earlier." She showed her the little stake and the sword made from a large barrette, getting a coo at them. "Dawn and Buffy took me shopping because their father finally wrote to announce he despoiled a virgin to give them a half-brother."
"Charming!" She gave her a hug. "We'll manage it. When will Cho be here?"
"Tonight. She's flying out. We have to make sure none of the creepy crawlies came too."
"Creepy crawlies?" Morgan asked.
Crissy pulled her closer. "The sharing ones got crabs and at least one other disease out of four the guys had together."
"Eww!" she said, getting free to shudder and scratch herself. "That's just nasty!"
"Very. Chase went on a rant," she said with a smirk. "Turned them into the health department. John went on a two-hour rant before he knew about that. Then another hour long one after that from what I heard. Then they went home to hear another one from Giles this morning. Xander said they're all getting some new furniture."
"Yeah! I'll make sure it's not in there."
"Good! I don't need them either."
"That's fine. You can go help Angel research." That got an evil smirk. Crissy pulled out the video camera and handed it over so they could go tell Angel. They had to wake him up but he was used to them by now. Them bursting into his room to wake him up by bouncing on the bed was usual. He groaned, pushing at both of them.
"Hey, watch Junior in there!" Crissy complained. Morgan caught his expression.
She smirked and nodded. "I'm knocked up."
Angel stared, mouth slightly open. "Really?" She nodded. "You okay?"
"Now that they gave me something for the morning sickness, yeah."
Angel sat up, looking at her. "Can you patrol?"
"Then you can help me research stuff, Crissy. Who's coming out?"
"Cho. One of the non diseased slayers."
"Eww," Morgan said.
Angel looked down at Morgan then back at Crissy. "I'll hear that later when it won't be recorded. I want the name of your doctor as soon as you pick one. Just in case."
"Is that a Xander just in case?" Morgan teased.
"You'd better hope not," he told her. "Now, go eat and the take a nap. You have to rest, Crissy." He got up and carried her down to one of the spare rooms to tuck her in. She needed her rest. Being pregnant was a hard calling to have. Even harder than being a slayer. He growled when he caught Morgan taping it. "Who is that for?"
"Buffy. Her father wrote her. She needed the cheering up."
Angel growled in a lower, more threatening key. "He did?"
"Yup, he did. He's being moved to Asia."
"Good!" He brushed past her, going downstairs, avoiding all the spots of sunlight from long habit. "Gunn, help Crissy find a decent OB please?" he called into the kitchen. Way too much light in there.
Gunn gave him an odd look. "OB?" Angel nodded. "We're sure?" Angel nodded again. "Well." He smirked. "Who's filling in since she won't be let on patrol?"
"I like Cho. She's sweet and quiet. I'll see who my people see." That got a nod and Angel went back to bed, locking his door this time. Gunn brought some tea up to the girls, earning a smile. "How bad was his look?" Morgan replayed it for him, making him laugh. "I'll see who we see and tell her." He walked out. Connor must be freaking out so he called him. "Hey, Connor. Gunn. You okay?" He listened to the confused young man. "No, she's pregnant. She's going to have a baby. Not like you were born. Crissy won't turn to dust. I promise, man. She'll do like the slime demon momma did." That got a happier young man. "She's here. Angel tucked her into bed. Sure, you can do that."
"She told Alan," Morgan said as she walked in. "They dropped her off."
"We'll make sure she's protected if something bigger happens this spring," Gunn promised. Connor said the same thing so he hung up. "Who's left to tell?"
"Lorne in case someone has a plan and Cordette."
"That's cool. I'll let you tell the mini-mouth."
"I'll swing by Lorne's on the way home too. Oh, she said no pink and blue."
"Course not. Girl has taste," Gunn said dryly. She walked off laughing and he finished fixing his breakfast. That was so cool. The first of the next generation of greatness. Born around easter. Which was in the usual apocalypse season. He went to look it up just in case the baby already had a prophecy about it. Never could be too paranoid around them.
Xander looked around the hall that night then walked over to the boss. "Am I missing reports? I thought I was but I couldn't find any."
"Only if you're done with the one that's driving you nuts."
"Speed took your other one, Xander."
"Oh. Thanks, Tim."
"Welcome, Xander. Any luck?"
"Not a damn bit."
"Spirit, demon, or otherwise?" John called.
"Demon. Higher level, not one I've ever heard of, even in rumors, and it's not in the books." He went to get the case and showed it to him.
John read it over then called Bobby. "That sleeper demon thing. How long has it been asleep?" He listened to his friend rattle off facts. "Where was it stored, Greece somewhere?" He nodded. "No, Xander pulled it up in a case. Why?"
"A lot of artifacts and it started to send psychics out of their heads when they got near it," Xander said, flipping the page to show him. "In this museum. When they were told it was demonic related they snorted and said 'so'. They've had a few different psychics having seizures and 'that's one way for normal people to know who the freaks are' and left it there. One's trying to sue them to shut it down. The judge doesn't believe it's dangerous even though his daughter had a seizure." John moaned. "He made it out to be an epileptic who went into a museum knowing there could be flashing lights in some exhibits and threw it out. I'm worried someone's going to get close enough to awaken the thing in the urn."
John listened. "Bobby said he's not in an urn."
Xander pointed at the picture, sitting down. "That urn. That's the focus of all the seizures and it's calling out for someone to come open it and break it."
John grimaced. "That's... Any good pictures of the details on it?"
"No. No one can get that close. I sent someone from the local FBI office and they got shooed off. Even with a warrant. The judge did agree after his daughter had a seizure and they said she wasn't epileptic. Just empathic slightly. Even the most minor gifts are being set off."
John considered it. "Yeah, that's what it looks like, Bobby. Please. We can play fax tag. Thanks, man." He hung up. "We'll see what we can do, Xander. Maybe a hunter can get close enough with a camera."
"They tried to take digital pictures first but they didn't come out at all. It came out a black cloud," Xander said, staring at him. "Regular photos came out but they're only this good."
John nodded. "Then maybe Bobby can do something. Where is it?"
"Near your old home town, in Kansas," he said quietly.
"Aw, shit," Dean said, leaning over to look. "We saw that advertized. They're even saying it's a demon exhibit. Did Giles look?"
"Giles, Thomas, all of them. Nothing was found."
John nodded once. "Well, Bobby's like our version of a Watcher focusing on the higher demons. There's a possibility he can trap it."
"I'm more worried it's like the hyena guy back in tenth grade. He was doing a rite to be possessed by the hyenas," he said at their odd looks. "That's what we stumbled into on the same day he was doing it. Ruined a month of work for him."
"That's gotta suck," Dean decided.
"She's nice most of the time. Huffs now and then too." He shrugged. "You get used to her and the soldier baiting each other."
"Yes, you do," Tim called, cracking Ryan up. "Baiting the soldier back is fun too."
Xander scowled at him. "Don't remind me."
"Yay you. Why did you not keep anything from when I possessed you?"
Xander shrugged. "I don't know. Why?"
"You kept the soldier's memories and training. You kept the hyena's instincts. You still can't stand to be in total silence because you think you're going to be attacked. Yet you kept nothing from the time I spent in your head and I was in there longer than either of them."
"Maybe it's because they're baseline, useful memories I was already learning and science stuff is something that makes me feel stupid?" Xander suggested.
"That could be," Tim admitted. He considered it. "We should ask someone and see if you did keep some of the memories. I've seen you helping collect evidence and Tony said you moved through a scene properly in Cleveland."
Xander shrugged. "If you say so. I did what seemed to be reasonable. Science is a language I'll never understand, Tim. That's probably what kept it from sticking." He turned back around. "Possess one of the girls, see if they get it."
"Me, me," one called, then cracked up laughing.
"You're still too young for me and Alexx would still have to agree," Speed shot back, making Horatio choke. She smirked and he smirked back. "Nice try though."
"Can I possess Xander then?"
"Only if you go evil," Sam quipped as he walked in. He looked. "I hate that urn."
"Me too," Xander said, folding it back up and putting it into his back waistband. "I'm more worried about someone making it over to break it."
"It's too late in the year for a fall apocalypse," Faith said happily. "The exhibit is being packed up again on New Year's."
"Halloween," he shot back, making her shudder. "Pre, during, and post."
"Shit," she muttered. "Are we sending someone?"
"The museum won't let us."
"Whatever you do, don't go and get possessed, Xander," Tony called, cracking Daniel up. "You either, boss. I do not want to tell Jack."
"If I do, I'll tell Jack myself," he promised dryly, shaking his head. "Or I'll try Sam so he'll do an exorcism."
"We can do that," John and Sam agreed together, cracking the others up.
John looked at Xander. "Think you need to keep them?"
"Yes, they're my stuffed animal and security blanket," he shot back dryly, giving him a look.
"Fine. Whenever you're ready, we can get rid of them too."
Xander leaned closer. "Then I'd be a normal Xander and people would die, John." He leaned up again. "Someone hand me my plate?" They handed it down after refilling it for him. "Thanks for the beans, Faith. Did I need to fart?"
"Yup. It'll keep the little heathens out of your place tonight."
"If it's like last time, it'll drive us out too," Sam teased, smirking at Xander.
"You can come stay in our dorm," one of the girls said with a wicked smirk.
John looked down at her. "That's not a bad tactical plan but announcing it negates the act of surprise, dear. I'll give it a two."
"I won't pounce."
"No but you'd facilitate the others pouncing," Dean taunted.
"No, watching them be frustrated without boyfriends is more fun." She smirked at the glaring girls. "It is."
"Behave, Mary," John ordered.
"Because good girls don't do things like that," Sam told her. "Bad girls go to Cleveland."
They all cracked up at that. Those girls would never live this down. John shook his head but stuffed his mouth before he said something to his son. Xander finished up and Sam wrote down Bobby's email and fax number for him. Let them play some fax tag. It might help their case.
Xander walked into the museum and the guard sneered, walking over to stop him. "The last time I knew, there wasn't a policy about coming in to look at the exhibits," he said dryly. "Even for me."
"You can't be in here, sir. It's known to be a risk."
"I'm not psychic." He stared him down. "Now, move." The guard backed up a step then sneered and moved forward again. "Boys!" he called. The two FBI agents with him came in to remove the guard. "Thank you." He walked into the exhibit hall, noticing the other three guards headed for him. "This urn and exhibit is part of an active federal investigation. You get in my way again and I'm shutting the whole museum down, which means you're out of a job until I'm done." He walked into the room and paused. Nothing. Proved he wasn't psychic, no matter what the funky, creepy knights after Dawn thought. He walked the multiple taping devices around. He had an EMF sensor that was going nuts. He had a few different forms of taping cameras. Digital and regular video plus one of the older ones that used regular film like came on a roll. He walked around each piece and took pictures of what he could, then turned to look at the urn last. The supervisor was in the way. "Move it, stupid. I am a federal agent. Here's my warrant to investigate these artifacts." He handed him over. "Get in my way and I'm having you arrested and shutting this place down." He glared and the man glared back. Xander ran the EMF meter over him.
"PKE meter?" he sneered.
"EMF meter. Why do you read as radiated?" He looked at him. "Have you been playing with nuclear fissionables?" The man went pale. "Hey, guys, he reads in the uranium level on the EMF meter," he yelled. The agents came in to pull him out to examine him. They took the meter once Xander had taped it going over the urn. Xander got closer to the urn, not getting anywhere near touching it. He was having that itchy brain feeling he got when he borrowed Sam's vision the last time so he kept his hands at his sides. He frowned, tipping his head. "Someone had bad handwriting."
He pulled out his tape recorder. "Side of the vase showing toward the room reads 'here lies the Angel, capitalized, of Dokken, spelled like the heavy metal band. He is hereby interred with our best wishes for future greatness because our people have grown outside his wishes. In order to save him the fate of wasting away we have entombed him so he may rest and gather strength until more people believe again." He shifted. "To the right side, looking at it, are pictographs depicting what looks like a fight. Two warriors with boar spears. One cloud with a face and ears. Plus a pointy hat. The urn is underneath the cloud. There's something in the cloud's arm like thing but it's been worn down by time."
He looked around. "Get me some sterile gloves please? Leather or cotton. Leather preferred." One of the guards got him some and he calmly opened the case, listening to the alarm. "Good, they do have it alarmed. I'm going to gently shift it out of the direct sunlight." He did that, looking at the back of it. "Herein lies the Demon of Dokken, he who has made us believe in him as being a God, capitalized," he read. "He has taken us from our path to a path of idolatry. This time it's in Hebrew. Before it was in Sanskrit if it matters. The Hebrew goes on to say they had reinterred the demon for claiming to be a God and a messenger of heaven's greatness. Again, the same warrior scene as on the side but this time the Hebrew is scratched in overtop of the picture and cloud."
He looked at the top. "It's not visibly sealed that I can tell. That means it's probably a blood seal from what I know about these." He shifted it to the side he hadn't seen. "Hmm. Sanskrit again. The pleasures of Heaven come in his touch and our lives are safe and sane because of his teachings. Long live the Angel of Dokken, even though we no longer believe in him as the most powerful of all." He put it carefully back into place and shut the case, which shut off the alarm. "The case is reclosed. I'm going to apply a lock to it." He did that and sat down in front of it, taking pictures of the plaque the museum had put up.
"Agent Harris, are you nearly done?"
"Five more," he said. "What's up with that guy?"
"He reads to ours too. We sent him to the closest radiation treatment center just in case."
"That works." He moved to the side, looking at the marks on the small thing behind it. "I'll be damned, it's not just the urn." He took special pictures of the small casket behind it, lifting it out carefully. He put it on top of the case, looking at it. Taking pictures from all sides. "Shit. Who put this in here. Get one of the guards please?" One of them was released and brought in. "This was laying behind the urn. What is it?"
He moved closer. "No idea, sir."
"Any idea when it got here?"
"Had to be the same day or the sniffer dog would've sensed it the last time the Feds came through here."
Xander looked at him. "One of these two things is causing the seizures."
The guard nodded. "How?"
"That's supposedly got something trapped inside and this is a soul container," Xander said, holding it up. "On it reads Egyptian." He let him see. "The soul of Meshkhent. A thing to hold part of the God of the Dead so they could keep themselves from fully going over. That way they could pass back and go on doing works like they thought were needed. Probably because they thought Justice had failed or they wanted vengeance." The guard shuddered. "I need to film this." He put it down and filmed it with each of the cameras and took back the EMF meter to take a good reading. The thing taped its readings, long live Dean and his ideas! He finished up and put it back into place. "Do not touch that. Do not let anyone touch that. Not even a mouse."
"Can't you take it?" the guard asked.
"If we can find a reason. Our boss started as an Egyptologist." That got a relieved sigh. "Just keep people away from that and the urn."
"Yes, sir. Our director? You had him taken."
"That's because he was bleeding radiation."
"That's not good."
"No, not good," Xander agreed, taking off the gloves to pat him on the arm. He stared down at the crypt, it was now calling to him. "Do not start," he warned. The urn shouted and he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Boys, not amused," he warned. He looked at the curious looking Fed. "Technically I suck in spirits."
"Do you make mystical gifts aport too?" he teased.
"Huh?" Xander asked.
"During seances mediums often conjure gifts from the dead," he said.
Xander shook his head. "Never dealt with that kind. I'm just easily possessed." That Fed shuddered. "Oh, come on, just because I had Tim Speedle inside me for nearly a year." He grinned sweetly. The urn howled and the crypt rocked. The guard saw because he backed up slowly. "Get me a lead box?" he asked. "I'm taking them to the base." That got a nod and they ran for it. This museum was creeping the whole department out. Xander put back on the gloves and carefully put each one in the separate compartments they had set up for containment. He put the lid on and locked it down. "There we go." He called home.
"Boss, bringing home the urn containing an angel or a demon, depending on interpretation of the original people, and a crypt that started to scream at me when I took the gloves off. Egyptian, miniature, naming part of Meshkhent's soul in it. I was wearing gloves, boss. I'm not possessed," he said sweetly then hung up. "Paranoid," he told his phone, getting a laugh. "Bring home one possession," Xander sighed. He and the guard carried it out to the van the FBI had brought him in. "Okay, guys, got to go to the airport. If the director guy bitches or whines, send him to North Dakota. They're both dangerous and started to move without being touched." They gave him odd looks. "What? You expected normal from us?"
"Some of you, but only if they were recently hired and not fully sucked into you guys yet," the one driving said. The other one shut the door and they drove him back to the airport as quickly as they could. Because they wanted that *out* of their city. Now. Before they turned into Harris. Which might be a fate worse than death for most of them. They saw Xander back onto the DCIS plane and waved as it took off with the box. Then they went to report to their boss so they could get his blessing on going out for a beer or ten that night.
Xander got out of Tony's car, walking around to get the containment box. "Where in the lab are we setting up?" he asked Daniel when he came jogging out. He handed over the cameras and tape recorder.
"Did you confiscate it?"
"The warrant the FBI agents and I got together said I could confiscate it if it was a danger to the public. With the record of seizures and all that, yes. Especially when they both started to scream." Daniel moaned. "By the way, the urn wants to be petted too but he likes virgins so keep the girls away?"
"Let me get Anna out of the lab. Let's go set up in the containment area," Daniel decided. He carried things up there. "Abby, the stuff Xander and Tony are bringing up will eat virgins. Clear the containment room and keep the girls out of the lab until it's sealed again." She nodded, going to move Anna to a safer location. Tony and Xander walked the box in together and sealed themselves in the biohazard lab. She sighed, heading to change and go help. Speed came to help her too, earning a smile. "Hoping Xander's not possessed?"
"Not funny," Xander called. "Out, Abby. The demon likes women as sacrifices and I'm doubting he's going to be picky after this long."
"I'll help," Speed said, walking in and nearly falling down as the voices hit his mind. "Ow," he said weakly. Abby pulled him out. She was drawn to go in there and pet the urn too so she slammed the door and locked them in. Daniel smiled at her for that. "What is that?" he demanded.
"Really bad news."
"I'd guess. Let me get Sammy." He stumbled over to the phone. "Sammy, got a painkiller that'll work when the demonic voices get to you?" he asked, rubbing his forehead. "Yeah, Xander's back." He looked up. "And Daniel is swearing up a storm in the containment lab. Two demonic artifacts I think. Both of them screamed. Sure. We're going to evacuate the lab floor for now since Abby wants to go back in there. Thanks, man." He hit the evacuation button, looking at the pissed techs. "Guys, they have two demonic things in the containment lab and it's bad," he said calmly. "Like demonic voices screaming and wanting Abby bad. Clear the lab floor, now." They fled, taking Abby and Annabelle with them. Speed checked and turned off the alarm, getting a nod from Tony for that. He left, running into Sam and John, who were armed. "Guys, they're already in boxes." He went down to the infirmary. "Hey, House, got anything for a headache from the demons?"
"They've given me many," he said grimly but got him a vial of the pain killer they used. "Here."
"Thanks. Xander brought back two infected things that screamed at me to get them away from him." He took it and walked off, heading to take a short nap at his desk. Horatio gave him an odd look. "No going onto the lab floor," he announced. Everyone stared at him. "Xander brought back the damned urn and another thing that screamed at me to release it and get it away from Xander." He sat down and leaned back. "So stay out of there."
"You okay?" Eric asked.
"I'm fine now. I had a pain killer. Now I need a nap. It was trying to get Abby so really, no females up there and it's better if we keep it evacuated."
Horatio rolled his chair over to work on Speed's shoulders for him, getting a small moan of pleasure. "Relax. Let it go, Speed. You always did keep stress." Speed nodded, letting his friend soothe him into a nap. They'd keep him away from the demonic voices that were way too loud.
John tapped on the window and held up a sign asking if they could help. Daniel nodded and let them in. "Speed cleared the lab, guys. What is that?"
"They yelled at Speed to get them away from me," Xander said dryly. "Don't know *why*. They're apparently cranky because I didn't pet them on the flight back." He glared at the boxes and he quit hearing them for a minute. "Ah, better." He rubbed his forehead. "Now what, Daniel?"
"We have to take good markings off them. Rubbings if possible."
"It might release it," Sammy said. He moved within ten feet and grabbed his head. John sent him out of the lab and slammed the door again. "Hey!" he shouted.
"The other psychics had seizures. You're not," John called. "I'm not losing you to this demon after we got rid of the other one."
"Yes, sir." He went to get some pain killers for them, because Xander would be aching soon. He walked into the infirmary a few minutes later. "We might want to prepare the exorcism ward, guys. Xander brought back two demonically possessed items and they're very loud. Annoyingly loud." House tossed over a bottle of painkiller. "I love you, dude. Thanks."
"Is this the same one that was causing seizures?" Chase asked. Sam nodded while he swallowed. "Charming! How likely are we to see Xander again?"
Sam looked at him. "I got about ten feet from it before my head started to throb. Two different demon possessed artifacts." House stared at him. Sam nodded. "Dad's up there with Daniel, Tony, and Xander. I'd at least give Xander a bed, just in case the usual happens."
"Chase," House ordered.
"Going," he agreed, going to make sure the bed with the straps was ready for them and they had extra straps just in case for the others.
Sam looked at House. "Any luck on getting away from us?"
"Not yet and Cuddy's off touring the countryside with the ducklings." He gave him a wry look. "She's off to terrorize young men into being pathologically scared of women."
"Nearly worked on me," Sam quipped, earning a small smile. "You could stay for another six months."
"It might be a possibility. We'll have to see. Anything else I should know?"
"Speed had the lab cleared and one of them likes women, particularly virgins but you know how hard a virgin is to find these days."
House snickered. "I never go looking for one. I hate breaking them in." Sam walked off giggling at that. Chase came back. "Sam said one of them likes virgins so you should probably stay away."
Chase gave him an odd look. "I haven't been one of those since I was fifteen, House."
House smirked at him. "After seven years they say it grows back."
"Still doesn't apply to me and I don't have to pay for it."
House clapped a hand over his chest. "Ooh, low blow, wombat. I only pay when I want something better than a drunk bitch from the bar."
Chase snorted. "My last date came from a museum, not a bar." He walked off smirking. He had won an argument with House! Yes, there was a God who had a sense of humor!
"Prove it," House called after him.
"The pictures are in my apartment," he called back. He leaned into the infirmary again. "Unfortunately I wouldn't let her be kinky and tape things. Not my style." He smiled sweetly and left again, going to straighten up his place. House was cackling so he was happy. He had still won the argument! He nearly did a happy dance in the elevator but he knew it was taped and House would somehow get a copy to embarrass him at home.
"I used to get women like that," House reminded himself. "Stupid Stacey."
Sam walked back in, giving him a look. "Quit pouting. It's pitiful and the girls will pounce you."
"Why are you back?"
"Anna just slipped on the ice. Dean's bringing her in whining about not needing to be back in here."
"I'll warm up the x-ray machine," he said, going to do that. Annabelle was a tough patient but he liked the girl. He gave her a look for her whining. "Keep it up, kiddo. With how nice you usually are you nearly talked me into having some spawns of satan and Barney some day."
She gave him an odd look. "I encouraged you to have kids?"
"You're cute, nice, have a mouth on you." She giggled at that. "I figured somehow it might not be *so* bad, but you ruin it with the whining when you need medical attention. I could never have a kid that hated my job."
"Pity but I'm still too tough to need to be back here."
"Don't make me call Xander from the possessed things," House told her.
"Two," Dean agreed. "Both higher level demons."
"Crap. We'll have to check him later."
"Dad's up there, Anna," Dean promised.
"Can we check anyway?" she asked, giving him a begging look.
"Only if he needs the special room. What did you hurt this time?"
"Same leg from thigh down to her ankle," Dean said. "She's got a few scrapes too."
House nodded, helping her undress so they could do the x-rays and Dean could tell Wesley what had happened while he finished bandaging cuts. The film developed and looked over, then he stared at her. "How did you do that?"
"Do what?" she asked, looking amused. "I'm talented. I can do many things. Just ask Faith."
"Not that sort of talented, Anna." He let her see the x-ray, making her whine. "Stop it or I'll put on a real cast." She slumped but nodded, letting him put on her soft cast. "There we go. Only remove it to shower and change clothes. Shower sitting down, just like last time."
"Yes, Doctor House," she said sullenly.
"Need something for the pain?" he asked.
She looked at him. "Nope. I don't want to need it."
He leaned down. "You only need it if you get it all the time," he said quietly, staring her down. "Taking it as needed cures that."
She nodded. "Please?" she asked quietly. He got her something and handed it over. "Thank you, Doctor House." She took it and gave him a hug. "I like you. No matter what the other girls say about you being mean." He smiled and patted her on the head. He even helped her to stand up so she could hop off. "How long?" she asked as she hopped.
"Two weeks then we'll take another x-ray."
"Yes, Doctor House. Thank you."
"Welcome, Anna." He shook his head, going to make a note in her chart. It was getting pretty full. He emailed a note to the school to extend her excuse for gym class, citing she had slipped on some ice and refractured the old break. The principal would not be happy but yay him. House went up to get a snack, finding Dean stomping his way. "She rebroke it."
"Wonderful. How long?"
"Two weeks. Go salt that spot."
"Did. Got onto the maintenance guys. They're not happy either."
House smirked. "It's a gift when you can make others miserable by being yourself." He strolled off as casually as he ever managed with his cane, going back to the infirmary in case someone else fell. Who happened to be Faith. She limped in and made whining noises. "X-ray," he said with a point. She limped that way and he went to check her over too. Fractured her foot. Wonderful for her since she liked heels. "Flat shoes, Faith. Slippers if possible. Only flat shoes or I'm sticking you in a cast."
"Must you?" she whined.
He looked at her. "I got that from Anna too. Stop it. Be a good example or I'm telling Wesley."
"Yes, House." She let him take off her high heel boot and hand her crutches. "Thank you. Stuff for the ache?" He got her some and she hopped off once she got a few bandaids for her knee. The maintenance guys salting the sidewalk got glared at. "How can I patrol when slipping on that stuff means I broke my foot?" she asked bitterly. "The world's going to go to hell and only Buffy and Xander can handle it." She went to their tv room, finding Dean in there. She flopped down beside him, leaning her head on his arm. "I feel rotten."
"That means B and X will have to fill in for me."
He patted her knee. "It'll be okay, Faith. I promise. It'll only be a few weeks and the next apocalypse is either in the lab or this spring. Even Anna should quit hopping by then." She smiled and nodded, putting her foot up. "Good idea. Need some ice?"
"Please?" He went to get her an ice pack while she got comfortable watching the car show he was. "Are you having penis statement envy?" she asked when he came back.
"Looking at this year's model of my baby." He plopped the ice pack down for her then sat down. "It has air conditioning. How cheesy and unmacho is that?"
She looked at him. "It's nice on the hot days."
He glared. "It's not necessary and why bother? Messing up your hair is more fun."
"Uh-huh." She pulled him closer to use his shoulder as a pillow again and watched the car show with him. At least it'd help her sleep.
Dean smirked at the first snore and went back to the football game. It was a weak ploy but it worked. Wesley gave them an odd look. "Slipped on the ice. Anna too."
"Did we tell someone?" he demanded.
"They're not happy."
"They're going to be even less happy should one of the teenagers slip and fall. They will complain about their hairdos." He walked off to talk to them about their lack of work around the dorm. They'd even made the girls shovel the snow recently. He came back a moment later. "They're not out there. Where is Doctor Jackson?"
"With Xander, Tony, Dad, and two possessed artifacts," Dean said dryly.
"Oh, dear Lord," he muttered, going up to the lab to see if he could be of help. He knocked politely on the glass but John looked and shook his head. "You're sure?" he called. John nodded. "All right then. Should I warn the infirmary?" John nodded more quickly so he went to do that. "House, John seemed to think it would be prudent to get beds ready for at least Xander since they've got demon possessed artifacts. I asked and he nodded quite quickly that you should be warned."
"Already got one bed ready and the extra straps for the other ones, Wesley. Quit being so uptight before you make the rest of us uptight and British by contagion."
"I didn't know I was contagious," he said smugly. He walked off, going back to watch what was going on so he could take notes. It was fairly fascinating. Xander did bring some horrible things into their lives in a fun way.
Xander looked at the others. "Are we sure about this?" he asked again. For the third time.
"You're the only one who can hear them," Tony reminded him. "They're calling out to be petted."
"Only the urn. Which is really destroying my sense of manhood. He goes for virginal girls, which I'm not."
"So he's slumming," John joked, smirking at him. "Pet it, Xander."
"Fine," he muttered, petting the vase. He closed his eyes, feeling the spirit trying to seep out. "It was soul sealed." They groaned. "I can feel the barrier. Not just blood but soul." He looked at them. "She's desperate to get out too. She's one of the hermie demons who change form to suit their audience. We're all male so she's a she at the moment."
"Is she saying anything?" Daniel asked.
"Only if I open it."
"I don't think that's wise," Daniel offered, looking over the crypt-like soul vault.
"No, probably not," Tony admitted. "But it'll get it unpossessed."
"Yes but remember, we can't fully unpossess me either," Xander quipped with a grin. "Or else the priest in town wouldn't say a special prayer that I get unstuck every Friday night before he goes to bed."
John groaned. "He told you this?"
"Yeah, the same guy that got you unpossessed," Xander sad dryly, smirking at him. "Somehow he felt my prior ones."
"Yeah, that's probably a good thing," Tony decided, shaking his head quickly. "Daniel, you're the boss."
Daniel looked up at them. "Do you really need another voice, Xander?"
"No. They want me to."
"I don't want you to die from it."
Daniel smiled. "Are we *sure* we can get him unstuck if it comes out?" Daniel asked. John nodded. "Without calling in two priests and watching for pea soup?"
"Eww," Xander told him.
"Very and nasty to clean up. Pea soup plus stomach acid will be hell on my clothes," Tony joked.
John looked at him. "That's why hunters wear jeans and t-shirts."
"Yeah, but I've got to look good for the ladies," Tony quipped back with a grin.
"Guys, spirit, bad thing?" Xander pointed out. "Which you had me touch and now I can't let go of?" John tried to help and got tossed against the glass of the lab, nearly knocking him out.
Tony looked then at him. "Magical superglue?"
"Possibly." He tried to pull his hand away again. "Danny, can you maybe figure out that artifact while this one tries to eat me and own me?"
"Sure, Xander." He turned on the tape recorder. "Go ahead."
Xander sighed and did what the urn wanted, releasing the spirit. "This one is highly prized," the demon's voice said through Xander's mouth. "He is a good choice to bring to me as my new high priest."
"We didn't," Tony told him. "We don't like your kind of demon."
"You're not an angel," Daniel said.
"Mostly, that is a matter of opinion. For one who has gone to the heavens and come back, it is strange you do not know the truth of life."
"They sent me back without any memories," Daniel said, giving the demon inside his friend a look. "Anything else or can you go back to your nap?"
"No, I'm quite comfortable in here." He closed his eyes and felt the body again. "Hmm. Much in the way of comfort. Much in the way of want and need. Much in the way of being desired by many higher ups."
"Who?" John moaned, making himself stand up. "Who wants the boy?"
"Alocer. Amduscias. Andrealphus. Their master Asmodeus. Anamelech once wanted him and was promised him but he failed to deliver. He also has an Agathodemon looking out for him. Very interesting what they will do for him. It has protected him for a very long time." He looked at Daniel. "You do interest us. This is not your field or your concern."
"They made it my concern," he corrected. "Xander is a friend and a coworker."
John walked over. "Three princes of hell and their boss? Why do they want the boy?"
"He has much talent for the right side to use," the demon said smugly. "What helps the tainted ones who deal with the lesser ones would help us just as much." He sniffed John. "Hmm, hatred, jealousy, lust. Not for this one though."
"I miss my wife now and then," he told him dryly. "Anything else we should know?"
"No. The boy is very comfortable." The boy's body moved. "What are you doing?" she demanded. "No, do not touch that!"
Xander's regular voice snorted. "Bitch, not like I don't have a bit of control since it's my body." He opened the coffin and a bit of steam popped out, surrounding him and taking the demon with him. "Great One, please send this one where she belongs?" he prayed in Latin. "Pretty please?" The voice inside the crypt whispered the demon would be gone. That is why the crypt was placed nearby, so the demon could be moved back to its own world. The dead should not speak through the living. Then the crypt closed itself and Xander was free.
John pulled out a small bottle of holy water, splashing Xander. Who yelped. "Looks like we're going to be doing this for you, Xander."
"He got most of her!" he defended.
"Yay. Keep it up and I'm telling the girls so they fuss."
"You wouldn't," he said, glaring at his buddy.
"I would and I'll tell Annabelle first," he promised. "March, Xander." He walked him off, taking him down to the possession room so they could get to work on the boy. Having the slayers fuss over him might make the demon happy so he wouldn't do that but he knew that Xander hated to be fussed over. Especially by the slayers. It was a good threat.
Daniel went back to translating, reading what he saw into the tape recorder while Tony cleaned up the mess the demon had left. "It is never boring around here," Tony said. "Even on paperwork days."
Daniel looked at him. "I could learn to like boring."
"No, you wouldn't. You'd call up Jack for a poker game or some fishing."
"Well, yeah," he admitted. He went back to it. "Think it's safe?"
"The urn is." Wesley came in when he waved. "Who are Alocer, Amduscias, Andrealphus, Asmodeus, and Anamelech? The demon said they wanted Xander."
Wesley nearly fainted. "That's a very bad thing."
"How bad?" Daniel asked.
"Amduscias is a grand duke in hell who commands 29 legions according to legend. Asmodeus is the one who was Satan before Lucifer fell." Tony shuddered at that. "Alocer is Grand Duke of Hades, ruler of 36 infernal legions. He's described as appearing in the form of a Soldier or Warrior. All of them are known to be givers of good familiars and the reason the liberal arts were taught, but also some associate them with astrology."
"And the last one?" Daniel asked. "I've heard of it but I don't remember right off."
"Anamelech is an obscure demon who was worshiped at Sepharvaim, an Assyrian town where children were burned on his and Adramelech's altars. It's one of a pair, one was the moon and the other the sun but I don't remember which was which right off the top of my head. Any others? Or should I fear to ask?" Daniel rewound the tape and he smiled. "That last one is like having a good genie looking out for you; it's a guardian spirit to protect you."
"Thankfully!" Tony said, walking off shaking his head. "Too strange for me, boss, going to get plastered."
"Write your report in the morning," Daniel called after him, looking at Wesley. "Why him? Beyond the fact that he could lead to a lot of great victories? They've got to have battle planners."
"Yes, but Xander is unique. The Powers don't watch over him. They consider him beneath their worry so they don't plan for him, don't put him into any prophecies usually, or watch what he's going to do. Any action he takes is unusual and shocking to them."
"He's a wildcard," Daniel said, suddenly getting it. "It's how he messed up so many prophecies." Wesley smiled and nodded. "Then why do they want him so badly? Aren't there others?"
"Not who do important things. Added onto that is that he is a warrior for the light. A chosen, unacknowledged champion for the Light. Even the slayer spirit likes him. He's had contact with it a number of times."
Daniel considered that. "So he's on the hit list for being the warrior he is, but with the Powers ignoring him most of the time they're salivating?"
"Exactly. If they could turn him and recruit him, it would be a major gain on the side of evil. Especially if they could get Xander to use any latent gifts he may have."
"He created a palm light like Dawn does when he came back from christening his temple."
Wesley nodded. "He has latent magic, we all knew that already. The same as he won't acknowledge that he's a seer. To him it's a non-issue as he says. Something to endure and push away because it would allow the Powers to punish them for being arrogant and ignoring him."
"Why punish him for their screw up?"
"The Powers aren't going to take responsibility, Daniel. They never have and I doubt they ever shall. That's why they helped the watchers go after the girls after the First Evil battle. Even though Dawn had them masked," he said at his horrified look. "That's why she went after them to yell and scream about their precious balance. Which is why Xander went to help her and they found the nice teachers. They told him then he was beneath their notice. Xander proved them wrong and may have blown up one of their meeting areas." He smirked. "Xander was in a foul temper that night with the head injury and the rib issue he had."
"I remember." He leaned a hip against the table. He licked his lips while he thought. "Seers are high on the hit list?"
"As high as anything but healers. Concubine demons are right below seers."
"So he's got their top ten for three reasons."
"Indeed, and he doesn't seem to care most of the time," Wesley pointed out.
"That's good but is that arrogance?"
"Xander has decided death will come when it comes. Until then, he'll do what he can and live all he can. I'm almost surprised the soul vault wasn't to Ammit."
"What do we do with these?"
Wesley checked the urn. "It's totally neutral now. It can be sent back. The crypt I'd bury somewhere safe. I have the feeling if Buffy gets near it, it'll take her too."
"That's why I feel a pull to it probably. I've died a few times," Daniel admitted.
Wesley nodded. "That could well be." He patted him on the arm. "If you want, I can have a full background on those demons pulled together."
"Please. Just in case." He smiled. "I must be getting his feelings."
"It's possible. Or it could be intuition." He walked off, going to start the research portion of his day. Daniel gathered the urn up and repacked it. The box needed some special handling. He carefully picked it up. "Got any idea where you want to go now that you don't need to be near the urn in case the demon comes back?" It whispered to him and he smirked. "The real one or the Gou'ald?" The crypt moaned at that. It whispered something. "I can do that." He went to call the FBI office in that town, leaving it on his desk.
"This is Daniel Jackson, I need to speak to the agents who went with my agent earlier." He got connected through. "No, Xander's fine. We fixed the urn. The demon's gone. We'll gladly return the urn to him. Did he mention a soul vault or a small crypt marked to an Egyptian God of the Dead?" The agent said he had only mentioned the urn, repeatedly, and he would've mentioned that. "I'll bring it back personally tomorrow to him now that it's fixed. Thank you." He hung up and patted the top of the crypt. "We'll see what we can do. I know someone at one of the bigger museums. They think I'm insane." The vault laughed and he smirked back. "I figured out the pyramids. They mostly know after the one attack. Pity."
Daniel walked into the New York Museum of Natural History, heading for the work areas. He smiled in remembrance. "I grew up around here," he said quietly, petting the vault. It hummed in pleasure when they bypassed some of the Egyptian exhibit. He found who he was wanting and knocked. "Got ten?"
"Daniel Jackson?" she asked, looking confused.
"Yeah." He smirked, nodding so she followed him to an empty room. "I'm running DCIS now."
"You're joking," she demanded, giving him a dirty look.
"How did you guys make all the dragons?"
"The shield blinked." He shrugged. "I was off translating for a treaty. Xander had to handle it. Yesterday he went to handle an urn that was causing seizures. While there he found this with it. It's not on that museum's rolls. It's not in their inventory. I had him check and I double checked." He put the vault in front of her. She moaned. "We didn't do any carbon dating but it's clearly a soul crypt for one who wanted to cheat death and come back."
She pulled out her work gloves and put them on, picking it up to look at. "You were touching it without gloves?"
"It likes me," Daniel said dryly. The thing shook in her hand and she put it down quickly, lifting the lid a bit to peek inside. The trapped being decided to help him by talking to her. He grinned. "Like I said, it likes me." He crossed his arms and leaned his hip against the table. "Since it's not on that museum's inventory, I asked the judge that gave us the warrant to confiscate the urn. He said to get it to someone safe because that guy's in trouble. It would fit in well here."
She looked at him. "The judge said to hand it over?"
"He's showing signs of radiation poisoning and he blatantly let the urn that was giving seizures keep doing it, on purpose, even when his own daughter got caught." She shuddered. "Exactly. We fixed that and this was sitting behind it. I didn't think you had one of these. Usually the family snuck in to take them back and it's in nearly perfect condition."
"It is." She smiled at him. "Let me get our director. Though, he does hate your theories."
"He was where during the invasion?"
"Well...." She grimaced. "Point." She went to find the director. "Sir, I have a Federal Director giving us an artifact found on a bust by judicial order," she said in his ear when she found him overseeing an exhibit. He looked at her. "The head of DCIS is here."
"That urn that was giving seizures turned into their case."
"Of course it did," he sneered.
"They found an unlisted soul crypt at the same spot. The other museum doesn't have it in the inventory or any paperwork on it so the judge said to give it to someone safe. We're deemed safe."
He smiled. "Cracked?"
"Oh, my. Who came?"
"Jackson himself, sir."
He moaned. "I hate that man."
"Apparently he was right," she pointed out. "At least he found a way for his theories to be proven. If all the cranks had a way to prove or disprove their theories, we'd be in real trouble." He laughed at that. "Anyway, DCIS brought it."
"How did they do the dragons?"
"He said some sort of shield fell. He was off helping translate a treaty." She led him back, finding Daniel talking to the box. She coughed. "Xander?"
"The agent who found it." He shrugged. "It likes Xander. Who knows." He nodded at his father's former friend. "Morning."
"Daniel." He came in to look over the box, taking out his own work gloves so he could pick it up. "It's in nearly perfect condition," he said in awe.
"It is. It was hiding behind the urn that was giving seizures." He had to catch the box when the man holding it got sucked back into the box. "Hey!"
The box shifted once he had put it down. "The one who brings him to life disobeyed and left our halls years ago. It was his time to return and more than." The other museum worker gaped. "He is where he belongs."
"You want to stay here?"
"I would be most honored."
"Then we'll find you a good spot," she said, carefully picking it up. "Just don't eat anyone else."
"Only if they have seriously cheated death in a way that is illegal. Not those who simply come back due to medicine."
"Thanks." She carried it out. "Guys, call someone. The director touched this box and died of a heart attack."
Daniel walked off shaking his head, going to help set the box up. He opened a case with a wink for her. It was put into the case with the altar set up to Anubis, earning a groan of pleasure. "Just don't turn to dust."
"I will not. He was not the soul I search for. Even then, I'll be a pretty box." They nodded and sealed him in there, then she went to fix the card and talk to the police. A junior member brought in the new card and inserted it with a nod at Daniel. The box shifted once to be highlighted better but it was content to stay there, as was its rightful place.
Daniel went with the police when they showed up, getting some odd looks when he pulled his ID. He told them why he was there and it was good enough for them. He got to go home after finding some lunch and hitting a deli for Danny, Don, and Stella. They had asked so nicely after breakfast.
to part 17