Demon Criminal Investigative Services: Conventions

Abby checked into the hotel, smiling at the check-in clerk.  "Good morning," she said happily.

"Good morning.  Here for the conference?"

"I am.  Abby Scuito, DCIS."  The woman frowned as she typed that in, then shook her head.  Abby pulled out her reservation receipt, handing it over.

She put in the number.  "Hmm.  It looks like management canceled and overrode it.  I don't know why.  Let me get my manager?"

"Sure," she agreed happily.  She looked at the person behind her.  "Guess it's my turn.  It happens to everyone at least at one conference."  The person behind her nodded.  "Abby Scuito, DCIS," she said, holding a hand out.

"Abigail Walters, LAPD," she said with a smile, shaking it.  "You're one of the people that came for our invasion?"

"I was in the lab with the younger girls watching our manly men agents deal with it.  I'm not meant for combat."  That got a smile and a nod.  "But I did do a lot of research after it."  She turned when the clerk came back.  "Did I mess up?" she asked at the look on her face.

"No, we did.  It'll take us a few minutes to find you a room, ma'am.  As soon as we find one open we'll give it to you.  If you'd like to go check into the conference, you can."

"Sure."  She carried her bag that way.  "Hi, Grendal."

"Abby!"  He jumped, turning to look at her.  "Why're you here?"

"I'm talking here."  He gave her a stunned look.  She beamed.  "I'm even on the schedule.  Or I should be.  This is the Chicago conference, right?"  He nodded quickly, looking at it then gaping at her.  "I'm the head of the labs and R&D at DCIS now."

"Wow," he breathed.  "Gibbs is here.  I saw him."

"That's cool.  I haven't seen him in months."  She signed in and took her packet.  "Thank you, dear one."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "If they find me a room we can have drinks later."

"Sure."  He looked then pointed.  "There's Gibbs."  She squealed and went to pounce him.  He moved her bag out of the way so it was protected.  An employee in a suit and tie was looking his way.  "Looking for the DCIS rep?"  He nodded.  So Grendal pointed.  "She's hugging her former boss, Special Agent Gibbs."

"Thank you."  He went to clear his throat near her.  "Ma'am, we do have a room for you.  Thank you for your patience."

"It happens at least once every conference," she assured him, taking his arm to walk back to the desk.  She stopped to get her bag and let him finish checking her in.  She went up to her room and then came back down.  "Can I speak with that guy who was wearing the assistant manager tag please?" she asked politely.  He was gotten while the clerk checked in someone else.  "Did you know my room had a missing wall?"  He groaned, following her up there to see why.  It looked like something huge had taken a bite out of it to her.  So maybe it had been the last case in town.  Gibbs knocked then let himself in with a card scanner.  "Is McGee here?" she demanded.

"Of course."  He looked at the wall.  "That's not very safe and it's cold."  He looked at her.  "We have a pull-out, Abby."

"You sure?"

"He's been pouting about missing you."  She hugged him and he glared at the manager, who shrank down.  "She'll be getting a refund?"

"Of course," he agreed, hurrying off to do that while Gibbs got her and her bag down to his room.

"Only one bag?"

She looked up.  "I'm in, Dawn."  She opened a portal and shoved the rolling cart over, then a second one.  "Thank you, sweetie.  Dawn, this is Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs.  He used to be mine and Tony's boss.  He met your sister recently."

"I'm sorry.  Did she airhead you to death?" she asked dryly, smiling a bit while shaking his hand.  "Gotta go, nearly lunch."  She winked and closed the portal.

Abby beamed.  "She's a great future watcher."

"I can tell."  He got her stuff moved out of the way of the door and she settled in on the couch.  "You're presenting?"

"A lot.  We've done a whole lot of work."  She beamed and squealed when Tim came in, pouncing him to hug.  "I heard you pouted like Kate."

"The new guy's an idiot and whiny," he complained, giving her a squeeze.  "No Tony?"

"Later.  He had to wrap up his last case so he'll be in later tonight with the other CSI.  I flew commercial to get here earlier."

"That's cool," he agreed, settling in beside her.

"She's borrowing the pullout since her room had no walls," Gibbs told him.

"I saw that three had none," he admitted.  "Looked like someone huge punched them."

"Could be.  We had a case here a few months back," she admitted.  She shrugged.  "If so, we have a report on it for their insurance company I guess."  Someone knocked on the door and Gibbs answered it.  "He's whiny?"

"He's so whiny," he said grimly, shaking his head.  "He pouts, he's slow, he's opinionated, he's a bastard to be around.  There were a few days he clearly had PMS because he beat Gibbs at being a bastard and even the Director said so."  He looked over at Gibbs when he shut the door.  "Problems?"

"Taylor's in.  He and Horatio are having lunch.  I told him when the rest of them are getting here so they can see their former teammates."  He sat down on his bed, looking at her.  "What have you found?"

She pouted. "You're not coming to my lecture?"

"Of course I am."

"Then you'll see then," she said happily.  "Unless the people that canceled and overwrote my reservation also did my spot on the conference schedule."

"If so, we can hold it somewhere," Tim promised, giving her a squeeze.  "I'm coming too."

"Cool!"  She beamed at them.  "Lunch?"  They nodded and went with her to find food.  She stopped at the conference table.  "They didn't cancel my talk, right?"

"No, you're on the schedule and the room schedule," he promised, letting her see.

Gibbs looked in the room then came back shaking his head.  "It'll only hold about twenty- five.  We know of at least twenty that're coming," he told the guy.  Who winced.  "Abby, can you give two?"

"Sure!  I don't mind.  We can do that."  She smiled.  "If we have to, I can."

"Sure.  Instead of the scary movie festival?" he teased.

"Well, I do deal in scary monsters, and some very nice demons too."  He grinned at that.  "Some are very nice.  Some are even very pretty, but a few of them are really scarier than Godzilla ever was."  She shrugged.  "We'll let you know."  She bounced off with her NCIS family.  The rest of her new family would be in tonight for her to hang out with.

Grendal went to tell the conference organizer.  "DCIS might need a bigger room but she offered to hold a second talk if necessary."

"That'll work.  Scuito, right?"  He nodded.  "Then we'll figure it out.  I've never met her."

"She used to be the lab tech at NCIS, DC's office."

"Oh, her!  Pigtails, all black?"  He smiled and nodded.  "She'll be a long speech, we'll have to plan for that."  He went to make that note and to check on the room.  Maybe they could add seats if they had to.


"Why is it that every time we hit LA for a case they either give us the detective who hates us for dealing with the case he doesn't want to deal with in the first place, and sometimes is willing to give up his badge so he doesn't have to deal with, or we get ambushed by stranger stuff than the last time we got ambushed there?" Tony complained as he walked into the hotel.  "I swear, I think they save it up for us on purpose."

"Hey, it wasn't just us trapped in with the demon giving birth," Don Flack said dryly.

"Thank God," Tony agreed.  "Connor had a clue what he was doing.  Morgan and Crissy were a great help and Cor cooed over the baby demon very happily.  Made Charlie grin and ask her if she wanted to be a mom some day."

"I still like her answer of 'of course I do, silly, someone has to think your hair's a pet in the future'," Ryan said with a grin.

"Cordette's a wonderful girl," Danny Messer agreed.  "Very adorable."

Speed, who had been picked up at the base, gave them an odd look.  "I saw plenty of her from Xander's mind.  Kids give me the creeps."  He looked at the check-in clerk.  "Speedle, DiNozzo, Messer, Flack, and Wolfe to check in for the conference," he said.

She pulled up the first name and frowned.  "Not again," she mumbled, pulling up the other names.  Only two had rooms.  "Well, I have reservations for a few of you.  Let me do them first while we figure out why the system ate them."  She took their reservation confirmations and typed those in.  Still the same number of rooms.  She got those ones checked in, then got the night assistant manager out to deal with the others.  "Like earlier, sir.  I don't know why."

"Who else got eaten?" Tony asked with a grin.  "It happens at least once at any convention."

"A very nice presenter named Abby something."

"She's in our agency, so maybe the computer didn't like DCIS," Speed said dryly.

The manager looked at him.  "It's entirely possible it did kick out all the entries in a certain range, but it got another person about an hour ago from the a lab listed as DC Federal DNA lab."

"So it kicked it out alphabetically.  That happens," Ryan said, looking at his key.  "Am in a double?"  The woman nodded.  "If I have to, one of you guys can have my other bed as long as you don't make a mess."

Speed nodded.  "Me too, guys."

The manager smiled.  "That might be helpful.  Most of our rooms are in use due to the conference."

"I saw the damage," Tony admitted.  "Our last case locally?" he asked Ryan, who shook his head.

"No, our last case was down toward the stockyards."

"I'm afraid it was some local college boys with mini rockets that they were running by remote," the clerk told them.

"Ah.  Gotta love the geeks," Speed said with a smirk.  "We're their smarter, older brothers."

She smiled.  "Definitely smarter than them.  They did it while drunk and the FBI was already watching them from the news reports."

Tony snickered.  "Yeah, that's dumb."   The manager managed to find the glitch and called someone who was speaking about computer issues to ask them to look it over.  They got it fixed and they had enough rooms for everyone but Danny.  Who decided to share with Don since they were buddies.  "Have a nice night.  Our conference packets?"

"Mr. Grendal left word he's is in the happy viewing suite tonight.  That's up on five."

"Thank you," Ryan said with a grin.  They headed up, sharing the elevator with the computer tech.  "Hacker?"

"Yup.  Hates you guys apparently.  It locked out any mention of DCIS."  He looked at Tony.  "How are you enjoying it?"

"The cases are freaky but we spend a lot of time stopping things before someone dies.  It's a nice change and the girls are great to hang out with."

"Good to know.  I saw Abby earlier.  She's shacked up on Gibbs' and McGee's pull-out couch."  He got off on his floor.  They went to the fifth floor while he made notes of what he had seen.  Some hackers just had no sense.  Hacking a hotel where a CSI convention was?  Stupid idiots.

Tony walked in the open door of the suite, looking at all the happy people.  "Are we watching that stupid show that makes us all look like Gods With Guts, Guns, and GCMS's again?" he asked.  Abby squealed and pounced, knocking him down.  "You saw me yesterday, Abby."

"You're late."

"The case in LA took longer than we wanted.  A minor earthquake stuck us in a storage area with a demon giving birth."  He patted her.  "Can I get up?"  She grinned as she scrambled off him with Ryan's help, helping pull him up.  "Thanks.  Speaking of gremlins and babies.  Grendal, can we check in?"

"Clipboard's on the table by Speedle," he said, then he did a double-take.  "How in the hell?" he demanded.

Speed shrugged.  "It's a Xander Harris thing.  Long story.  Ask H or Ryan."  He smirked and signed in, taking his packet.  He handed out the others with their name tags on the front then waved.  "Later, guys.  Going to bed.  Had a case earlier."  They headed out and Abby came with them, going to switch to Tony's room since he had a double and didn't have to share.  He could even help her set up her displays.  Gibbs wasn't happy but he helped her move things since Tony was on the same floor.  Speed leaned out of his room at a familiar voice.  "The hotel's bar got any decent food?" he asked her.  "I'm starved.  They had to watch a demon momma give birth earlier so I got stranded at the airport waiting on them."

"Not really but there's a nice place around the corner that's not that expensive," Calleigh said, giving him a hug.  "It's good to see you again."

"You should've taken the offer.  Then you could live up the hall from me," he quipped.  "Plus be a big sister to all the slayers."  He pulled back in to put back on his sneakers and came out with her and his key in hand.  "Okay, let's go eat.  I'm starved."

"Was it an important birth?"

"Small earthquake while they had stopped to talk to Cordette with Tony.  She's a very young slayer.  One of their neighbors went into labor, her husband came rushing up the street to get Alan, who he knew was home, to get an ambulance since his phone was dead.  Then they had the minor earthquake that sank in their living room and nearly trapped everyone for five hours.  So they got to deliver the baby."  She laughed.  "It's a bit nasty but healthy.  Tiny baby slime demon actually.  Cordette cooed over it."

"She's how old?"

"She's eight."


"That's what she said," he teased.  He winked as they walked behind Eric and out of the hotel, him hearing someone tracking them.  "You're buying your own dinner."

"You don't pay for anything on base," Horatio reminded him.

Speed stopped and grinned back at him.  "Gotta save it to retire somewhere warm, sunny, and with bikinis.  If I save enough then I can have a string of hotties in bikinis until I'm an old man."

"That's a sad fate that should be left for Eric," Horatio taunted.  He gave him a hug.  "It's good to see you again."

"And look, Ma, no handcuffs," he taunted, patting him on the back while Calleigh giggled.  He pulled back.  "I'm starving so we're going to eat."

"I can nibble."  He texted Eric to let him know Speed was in and where they were going.  He'd join them after he quit hitting on one of the LAPD lab techs.  They settled into a booth and watched Speed eat dinner while they nibbled on little things.  "So."

"They had to help deliver a baby slime demon earlier.  The earthquake in LA got us.  I got to wait at the airport and wasn't about to pay five bucks for a mass produced cheeseburger."

"I'm sorry."

"It's healthy and the local girls out there were all cooing over it.  Connor was confused why, but he's like that."  Eric slid in next to him.  "There's already two on this side, sit with H," he complained, giving him a nudge with his elbow.  "I haven't had dinner yet and I inherited Xander's appetite when I got sneezed out of him."

"I can't believe that's how you got brought back," Eric complained, sitting next to Horatio instead.  "Long case?"

"Earthquake.  We were helping a woman in labor until the paramedics got there.  Then the earthquake hit.  Not too bad.  Five something I think they said.  She had weak floors and it started to cave the house while she was in hard, end stage labor."  Calleigh giggled.  "It's a beautiful little one but I didn't want to know how babies came out in that sort of detail.  Did get to see Wolfe go into super fussing mode on the video Tony took.  Figured out what Tony learned from Gibbs about emergencies and camping.  His first act was to start to call their ME."  Horatio smiled at that.  "Ducky did end up giving us a lot of advice on what we were doing. Including to watch for the antlers if they were present."

"They have antlers?" Eric asked, looking confused.  Speed took out his phone and looked up the picture Ryan had taken earlier to show him, showing it to him.  "They do have antlers.  It's a cute little baby."

"Yes she is."  He ate a bite of his burger.  "How has Miami been since that team case?"

"Much quieter," Horatio assured him.  "They said your team was coming."

"We were stuck in negotiations in Maine.  Sorry, H.  Tony only had court and the team in Minnesota got done first.  Though Jackson is hiring another team at the end of next month."

"That much work?"

"Most of the time," Speed admitted.  "Now and then we get slow weeks.  Besides, it'll give the girls someone new to pick on.  It's bad enough Dawn brought in some alien sex toy one night to embarrass the doctors by asking what it was for at dinner."

Horatio choked.  "Excuse me?"

Speed smirked.  "He's a lot like an older brother.  Snarky, smart, a bit mean.  She was getting him back."

"I see.  You have your own medical facility?"

"Yeah.  We can do brain surgery if we have to.  So far we've only had to put insides back in and stitch them up a few times and then do some casts."  He ate another bite of his burger.  "Many homicides?"

"Not this week.  The tourists are gone for the start of school and the locals are recovering from their summer vacations," Calleigh told him.

"Ah, yes.  The month where we got our paperwork done on time."  Horatio laughed at that nickname.  "It was."

"It was the only time all the paperwork got done on time without overtime.  Did Mr. Harris come?"

"He's not too sure what forensics is, H.  He's a good investigator, and he's good at questioning things or handling things if they have to be, but he's not an evidence person.  Like I'm hearing Gibbs is more than one of us."

Horatio nodded.  "He seemed very action oriented when he came to handle our situation.  Especially with the artillery he brought."

"Necessary," Eric reminded him.

"Yes, I do remember having to buy a new suit thanks to the goo I got sprayed with," Horatio told him.  Speed smirked.  "It was nasty.  Not even my dry cleaner could fix that."

"I've had to have a few new shirts since I started to work with them," Speed admitted.  "I had one where the victim puked on me.  Didn't make me happy when it started to burn."  He finished up then sipped his soda.  "Are you guys going to see what we've helped Abby come up with?"  They all nodded.  "That's cool.  We've been doing some amazing things in our lab.  Plus our current docs like to do research too so they've been helping.  Abby even found a nice formula to help George grow a few inches," he said with a grin at Horatio.

"Your little walking shrub?" he asked.  Speed nodded.  "He seemed nice."

"He's very protective of the girls.  Tried to go to school with them their first day.  He was limp branched until they came back and Annabelle and the younger girls settled in to play with him."

"We were told he was protective when we came out," Horatio agreed with a small smile.  "Any other new news from out there?"

"I wrote Alexx when I got the brownies."

"I heard.  Then that the girls tried to steal them.  That you had to spank."

"Repeatedly," Speed agreed dryly.  "Xander had to help me lock them up from the girls."  Calleigh laughed.  "You'd be amazed but all those girls eat like a herd of teenage boys at every single meal.  We eat and then let them have whatever's left.  The last time we had leftovers in the caf, it was liver night.  Even deer meat night didn't have leftovers and the girls looked grossed out at that."

Horatio chuckled.  "The ones who came to Miami did the same thing."

"How did you like Faith?"

"She was very blunt.  She seemed very concerned about the younger girls.  She had a good head for being in charge of them now and then.  She and the others all listened very well to the agents and Xander.  Especially him."

"He's a watcher too."

"Ah.  That's why."  He nodded.  "They did good while they were in Miami.  They even took down a slight vampire menace we had been building.  They got some hunting done in some of the clubs.  Faith had a bit of a mouth on her but Brenda swatted her repeatedly for it and got dirty looks back for the swatting."

"Brenda's like John's daughter some days," Speed admitted, leaning on the table.  The waitress came over and he got them a new round of drinks and Eric some coffee.  She brought them and the check then left.  He smiled.  "John's taken a very firm hand with Brenda's training because she'll be taking over training the future girls and some other hunters some year soon."

"She said he helped her get better educationally."

"We all want to beat the crap out of the old watchers, H.  Hers didn't let her go to school hardly ever.  She's doing good now though.  He's helped her a lot and the other girls do too.  Xander too."

"That's good to know," he agreed, watching someone eavesdrop.  He tapped the table then pointed.  Speed looked and sneered, getting up.  "Speed," he whispered.

Speed shook his head, walking over to him.  "Sir, DCIS."  The man gaped.  "You are?  Since you were listening to our private conversation about cases?"

He stared at him.  "Um...  I'm one of the old Council."

"I see.  I thought so.  Rupert's in Cleveland with a few of the girls.  We've got the younger set on base with us with Wesley and Xander.  The girls in LA are working with the establishment out there.  Need directions?"

"Some were that bad?"

"Most were that bad."

"Oh, dear."  He stood up.  "I'm from the Antigua branch.  I know of a few others in the research areas that hid down there."

"Call Rupert.  He's the technical head of the Slayers Council, especially over research."  That got a beam and a nod.  "Wes handles the practical matters and we have all the trainers, including Xander."

"That's wonderful.  The books?  I know the main library got blown up by the Bringers."

"We've found some.  We have Rupert's books on the base for the combined usage of DCIS and the girls."

"Oh, dear.  Girls?  Still two?"

"More like fifty-eight," Speed told him.  "Willow's thing in Sunnydale to defeat the First Evil."

"Oh, blast," he said, turning pale and getting a bit wobbly.  "Are there others of us around?"

"They tried to fix that number by explosives."

He shuddered.  "Not all of us were like that."

"Good to know."  He wrote out a number.  "That's Caridad's cell in Cleveland.  She's in watcher training and one of the senior girls there with Buffy and Faith.  This is Wes's number on base."  He handed it over once Wes's number was down.  "Call one of them."

"I shall tonight.  Thank you.  We've only heard rumors about your agency."

Speed smirked.  "We've been handling things.  Including the invasion."

"Ah, that I saw.  Good work, chap."  He left, going to call Wesley first.  He knew him personally and Rupert was apparently having issues from the way the young man talked about him.  "They tried to blow the girls up?" he asked in greeting.  "Yes, Wesley, this is Henry.  I was hiding in Antigua.  There's a few others of us down there.  News never reaches us down there.  It took us three years to hear Travers had taken over way back when.  Now, what happened?"  He listened while Wesley told him everything.  "Oh, dear."  He frowned.  "Let me call the others.  Where do you want us?"  He smiled.

"That would be an excellent help, yes.  Actually, Philip and Mercer both survived as far as I know.  I talked to Mercer last month.  He married a pretty native girl and stuffed her up."  He smiled.  "Of course.  I'll see you soon.  What's the situation with Rupert?  He's in charge?"  Wesley said a few more things and he shuddered.  "At least Harris held it together and got things started.  Now we can plan for the future.  The name change?"  He smiled at the reason.  "I know why.  Speedle.  I had heard rumors about DCIS and I heard one of them was to be up here for some conference; I was hoping to run into that one.  Ran into one getting a spot of tea when he complained about the old goats who had the girls.  Thank you.  I'll be there in a few days.  Of course.  Let him know and we'll talk when we appear."  He hung up and made another call.  "Philip, lad, it's Henry."  He smiled.

"I have met with one of them.  Rupert Giles is in charge!"  He heard the swearing on that end.  "No, it does get better.  That DCIS place we've heard rumors of?  They've got all the younger girls that Rosenburg called by accident to battle the First Evil."  That got some more swearing.  "Wesley Wyndham-Pryce is out on their base with them.  Rupert's in Cleveland with Buffy and a few others.  Wesley said to show up on their base in North Dakota.  Yes, that one.  They have the majority of the library right now.  Plus whatever they managed to scrounge during the probates probably.  So we do have a job cut out for us.  Wesley said DCIS is borrowing the collection and wanted it put into English for their personal use when Rupert got somewhere set up.  So that's a good thing for Thomas.

"Plans have been going on.  Wesley said he and Xander Harris, the little smug asshole that worked with Summers in Sunnydale, had been holding it together and they changed the name to the International Slayers Council.  Yes, to keep people like Travers from getting too big of themselves," he agreed at one man's comment.  "I don't know.  We might be able to contract with the new Council or possibly that agency.  We'll have to see.  Wesley said he'd meet with us in a few days.

"Oh, there was a sight issue.  Some of the girls were not being treated well.  I overheard Speedle say that one girl hadn't had any education at all.  Another issue is that a lot of the old goats that were left apparently tried to cure the issue of having fifty-eight slayers with explosives so they're going to be wary.  I wouldn't bring weapons right off.  That's fine then.  We can arrange that.  I'll look up the base tonight and send you all an email about where it is and how to get there.  He said there's a small town around it and an airfield about two hours away in a more major city.  Yes, do pack and get up here.  Good chaps, see you then."  He hung up and got to work on the things they'd need to move the rest of them to North Dakota.  Rupert sounded even dicier now that he had heard from his former Latin tutor.


Speed sat down in his former seat and called the base.  "Jackson, Speedle.  I just got found by a former watcher.  Yes, from the old council.  No, not an emergency.  Wesley was right, there's some still in hiding.  They've got his number so they can call him.  They did say they were mostly research watchers.  He did look horrified that the field people tried that stuff.  So fair warning, might have a bunch of book geeks coming.  Sure.  Let us know if we're not back by then."  He hung up and grinned at his friends.  "That's actually good news but we're going to be wary since some of the others tried to blow the girls up."

"Why?" Calleigh asked.

"There should only be one.  There will be when Cordette ages out at twenty-three."

"Wow.  If she's eight...."

"Damn long reign," he agreed.  "But not her fault or her choice.  She'll get two years of handling it by herself when the girl before her ages out."  He took a drink of his soda.  "Maybe they'll spank Rupert too.  He's been an ass to the girls."  He sipped his soda, paying the check.  "I'm alone in my room if you guys wanted to help me relax.  By now, Tony's called the base, gotten a 'it's all good out here' and is out hitting on the women so my next-door-neighbor won't mind."  They smiled and paid for their own orders before heading back with him.  Within an hour he had Calleigh and Eric rolling about some of his stranger cases and how it had been solved.  The fact one had been solved with a pint of Ben & Jerry's plus a tub of vaseline even made Horatio giggle.


Abby finished setting up and looked at the people starting to gather for her talk.  It was early for her but that was okay.  She had caffeine and it was all right in her world.  She smiled.  "I'm hoping we don't have to cram you guys in too deeply but I have promised to give a second lecture if we need me to."  She went back to twitch her last sign into place then turned to beam at them.

"Yes, I know, they're smaller than the back can read.  I have them on projector too.  This is for my physical pointing at."  That got a few smiles and people she knew were coming in too.  She was incredibly nervous.  She had never given this sort of talk before.  She saw Ryan, Speed, and Tony in the front row, beaming at them.  She cleared her throat and checked her watch.  "We might need a second section after all," she said.  "Hi, excuse me if I stutter or get lost.  This is my first *major* speech."

That got a few smiles.  "If you don't know already, I'm Abby.  Formerly with Gibbs at NCIS, now I'm the head of the labs and R&D at DCIS.  Big change even if you don't count the letter values."  That got a few laughs from her guys and she tried to relax.  She looked around then shook herself and turned on her projector.  Which didn't want to work with her laptop.  Ryan came forward to help.  "Thank you, Ryan.  One of my wonderful lab helpers, Ryan Wolfe, formerly of Miami-Dade.  For those of you who don't know, DCIS is Demon Criminal Investigative Services."

A few people sighed.  "We didn't see the invasion on tv?  I'm told it even reached the International Space Station."  The main sigher sat up straighter at that.  "Unfortunately we're the people who have to deal with it when there's a problem.  So we had to look at all the forensic tests we can use and see what would work for us.  We also had to look at some of the medical stuff to see what might not work there too.  As it turns out, we had a lot of stuff that wouldn't work for us.   We had to invent new tests, new charts for lab identification, all that."

She flipped her slide.  "This is a general list of where we're going today.  As you can see I've gotten four identification charts based on forensic values in tests that we already have, another seven new tests, two only work on certain species but I'm working on adapting those, and a neat new slime index so we can test it that way if that's what they're leaving."  She beamed and flipped the slide, then pointed at her model.  Tony used a laser pointer on her bigger one.  "I wasn't sure how to do that.  Tony DiNozzo, another of our people who helped me tons."

She took it and pointed at her bigger projection chart.  "The first thing we learned is that not all demons read with the same sort of DNA.  It was a basic assumption we had to start with.  Some have very complex DNA.  Some of the oldest species actually have multiple helixes twisted together."  That got a few moans.  "I've worked with a DNA god in Las Vegas in how to break those down.  He's got instructions on the webpage if you haven't found them.  If we want, I can go over those in detail and every other test, but we'll be here all weekend."

"Go ahead and skim," Speed said.  "We made sure you had the packets, right?"  She nodded, patting the stack.  "Then they can read along if they want."  He grabbed them and started to pass them around by handing one guy in a row the stack.

"Thank you, Speed."  Everyone stared at him.  He had been one of those they had a moment of silence for a few years back.  "We have wacky things like that happen at DCIS," Abby assured them cheerfully.  "And worse.  He's kinda tame compared to some things."  She moved on, going over the various DNA configurations on that short index chart.  Then she moved on through each one and each new test, how to code the machines to run them, and how to tell when you needed to, instead of when you wanted to.  She ended up with her favorite, the slime index.  Which was fun to test and play with.  They had slime fights in the lab in the past.  Thankfully Annabelle was a goddess of the laundry already.  At the end she took questions, running well over her allotted time.  Oh well, the other CSI needed and wanted to know.  At the end she was wrung out and it was well past lunch time.  Gibbs brought her a soda and she squealed, hugging him.  "Thank you."

"You did a great job," McGee said, handing her a candy bar to go with it.  "You're obviously hungry," he teased.

"I'm more thirsty.  I haven't talked that long in a long time."  Someone peeked in the door.  "Give me ten to take down my stuff."

"No, leave it up," he ordered.  "You might have to give another one later on, Miss Scuito.  Please?  We moved the other two things that should have been in here."

"Sure if necessary.  I kinda like to teach."  She beamed.  They left and went to talk to the organizers, who wanted to hold a second one with all the requests they had already gotten.  "So," she said, swinging her feet.  Horatio came back.  "More questions?"

"Speed went....?"

"Probably to take a nap.  He set his work hours as ten to whenever he got done instead of nine."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "Eric did get him up at seven."

"The last time the girls did that he growled."

"I'm sure he did at Eric as well.  Good job, Abby.  That last special use test you said you hadn't finished working on yet?"

"It only works on three out of every five samples so I didn't want to announce it just in case.  One where you have to run it five times and average isn't really useful or cost efficient.  We're still working on it."

"Can we code the machines to do these tests automatically?"

She took a slurp.  "You probably could.  I have but how many cases are you going to need it on?  Doing my machines took about two weeks to get them all in since we started.  It takes about a day or so to code each new test, calibrate it, then do any fixing you need to do."

"True, but I'd rather have my people need to only hit a button to run it."

"Then that's your thing," she promised with a grin.  "Your people's eyesight staring at the little screen."  He smiled and nodded.  "We don't have proprietary information in this area.  Doctor Jackson was very clear: I'm to find whatever I need to find and as long as it's not on a classified case, it can be handed out if it helps others.  Some of our R&D stuff can't be but the lab tests can be."

"That's good news," Gibbs agreed.  "Think you could program your old machines?"  She dug out a CD and handed it to him with a smile.  "Heard he was an idiot?"

"Yup.  He was pouty and slow from what I got told."  She took another slurp and Mac Taylor walked in.  "We're still here."

"Gibbs, can I copy that CD?" Horatio asked.

"I don't care," Abby told him.  He smiled and took it to have it copied a few times.  "That doesn't include the GCMS beta test," she called after him.  "Or the one I mentioned before it."

"I took notes," he promised.

Mac came in and shook her hand.  "You've done a lot of work.  You deserve that award they nominated you for."  She beamed at that, kicking her feet.  "Anything more speculative coming out of the labs?"

"Some R&D stuff but I have to get special permission to give any of that out.  Doctor Jackson used to be on a classified military project."  Gibbs moaned.  "Did you meet Jack?" she teased.

"Once.  That's all it took."

"We had a plagiarizing agent and Daniel said if he kept bothering him and kept up his bad behavior, he was going to put Jack on as his assistant."  Gibbs shuddered.  "Yeah, he ended up stomping off.  The girls very nicely helped him pack.  They hadn't even panty raided him so that was nice of them."  Mac spluttered.  "The slayers on base are teenagers.  Some of them went on some very bad panty raids.  Xander had to confiscate all his back.  Dean too."  She beamed.  "We're kinda insane most days but we're having a lot of fun too."

"I can tell.  Did Danny help?"

"Yup.  When he could.  Danny's team does a lot of diplomatic work.  Don is blunt and Danny's smooth so it works well.  They send Xander on the worst things and Tony's team on anything else.  We're getting another one soon."

"What happens if something diplomatic goes sour?" Gibbs asked.

"They can handle it.  They've got three other people on their team.   Slayers are on call if it goes that south.  So's Xander."

"Wow," Mac said.  "How dangerous is it?"

"Ask them.  I'm hardly out of the lab these days.  Unless the girls need girl talks.  Then I do a lot of that too.  I'm a good big sister to them."  She grinned at Gibbs.  "They heard what Horatio tried to do to keep Ryan and Timmy.  They said if you tried that with me and Tony, you'd have a very special invasion of girls with very strong muscles and 'tudes because they're all about to need new pill packs."  She took another sip.

"I'd never kidnap you, Abby.  Just ask you to come back."

"You could come out."

"I like DC."

"We could use you.  Even if Speed did find a lot of research watchers, we could still use field watchers to help the girls.  There's not enough of those."

"We'll see."  He patted her on the knee.  "Flack was heading for weapons and armaments from what he said as he and Messer walked out, Taylor."

"I checked, they're in there."

"They came in very handy in Miami," Horatio said as he came back in with a stack of CD's.  He handed them to Mac and Gibbs, keeping one for himself and the rest got set beside Abby.  "I had no idea we'd need artillery in storage.  Will we need it more often?"

"No, probably not.  The next ascension we know is going to happen is in DC next week.  They can only happen during eclipses."

"I'll keep that in mind.  Should we report to you if we get a growing vampire problem?"

"Slayer's Council."  She took his sheets and wrote a number on the back.  "That is Caridad's cellphone in Cleveland.  She's training to be a field watcher and she's one of the older girls.  She's one of the few that's graduated.  So you can tell her and they'll update things and possibly send a girl your way if you need it.  We're for cases, they're for vampires."

"That'll work," Mac agreed, writing down that number as well.  He unclicked his pen and put it into his pocket.  "Thank you, Abby.  We've had a few anomalous results with some demon samples, now I know why."

She beamed.  "I'm always working on it and our Docs have found a few things too.  Including some new poisons and things.  They'll be presenting theirs somehow.  Maybe a book.  Not sure."  She smiled.  "Danny's been pouting for the last two days.  The girls quit hitting on him."

"I'll talk with him after their current lecture."  He shook her hand and walked out with Horatio to get a quick bite to eat.

Gibbs gave her a gentle hug.  "Good job."  She beamed.  "What else are you here to look at?"

"Um...  The R&D panel.  I wanted to see the new machines."  She checked her watch.  "And of course it's half over so I'll have to go tomorrow instead."  She shrugged. "I'll go bug them later."

"Go bug them now, you can sit in the back and they shouldn't mind," Gibbs told her.  She picked up her briefcase, putting the rest of the CD's into it, walking out with him.  McGee followed, letting her smile at him too.  Abby clearly overworked herself.  "How many people do you have in your lab?"

"The CSI all come to run their own tests with my help.  I've got three main R&D people with me and two more who show up every few months as their military job allows.  They're super brains in physics so they help me with some of that area.  One of them came up with the identification index idea.  I gave him full credit in the stuff."  She sipped her soda before slipping into that room, frowning.  "Everyone left?"  They jumped and looked at her.  "Hi, Abby Scuito, DCIS."

"You've found new things to do with our machines," one said happily.

"I so have."  She came over to go over what she had given the others earlier, in a more condensed form.  "I even copied the coding I used for my old boss but a few others copied off his copy."  They ran it, going over it in detail to see what she was bending their machines to do.  Half the new machines couldn't do these things so it'd be something to think about for their first update.


Gibbs sat down at the table with Horatio and Mac.  "How are you going to do it this time?  I need to make sure I don't get invaded by the girls."

Mac smiled.  "I'm sure they'll relent if you get Abby to tell them to."

"Probably not.  They're all very stubborn girls.  Very strong, stubborn girls."

Horatio nodded.  "Very strong.  I saw one of them take a car door off by ripping hard."  Mac gaped.  "She had to, it had been an accident and someone was trapped."  He ate a bite of his salad.  "If they do come, they all listen to Harris."

"Harris makes every single agent in DC jumpy and nervous," Gibbs told him.  "Has since before he helped jump that one demon at the swearing in."  Mac shuddered.  "She had an invisibility feature.  They want Abby to make that work for us and she can't yet.  Or she hasn't gotten to it yet.  She's been working on restraints the last time I heard."

"Who is the McKay person she credited on the tables?" Mac asked.

"He's a physicist that shows up every now and then.  Him and the S. Carter mentioned on one form as a contributor."

"Good to know," Horatio said.  "The military is helping?"

"No, now and then Jackson asks some of his former coworkers to show up and those two are major physics people from what little she's said about them," Gibbs admitted.  "S. Carter is actually Samantha.  Goes by Sam."

"That explains a bit more of the contributors section," Mac decided.  "How many more people do they need?"

"DiNozzo said about another team last night.  Abby seems to think so too.  I know they had to expand the prison a bit recently."  They stared.  "It's under the base.  With the clan war in Miami they demanded to be kept in clans but apart from the others.  Abby said they checked and heard it would be cruel in most cases to keep them from their clans so they're in clan modules.  Carefully kept apart from the other clans."

"That's probably a good idea.  Bars?" Horatio asked.  "They'd have to be phenomenally strong."

"Force field of some sort.  No idea.  I haven't toured, only seen a portable one," Gibbs admitted.  "I know they have alarms and all sorts of stuff on that section.  It's under the back of the base too.  They do some strange stuff out there."

"It probably comes in handy," Mac agreed lightly.  He looked around.  "Do you think any of them want to transfer back?"

"I looked at the standard contract Ryan got given.  They can transfer back after two years of service without giving a reason.  Before then they have to give a reason," Horatio admitted.  "So technically all ours could be coming home if we presented it correctly."  He sipped his water.  Mac ate more of his lunch.  He looked at Gibbs.  "You can eat with us."

"I had a burger on the way over.  Thanks anyway."  He smirked.  "You think they'll come back as regional liaisons?  I heard Las Vegas has one of those."

"They'd be more than welcome to do so," Horatio assured him.  "We have one in patrol.  Our commissioner thinks she's not high enough up for others to listen to.  They do know since she's the one who called DCIS about the war when things started and they ignored her.  I backed her up when he tried to put her down for it.  That lasted until the point when they needed to pull out artillery in my city.  Twice."  Mac shuddered.  "Yours too?"

"I met Harris.  His old team came to bust a demon selling arms.  The artillery probably came from that bust.  Then I helped him and Wolfe get most of their team fired since they shot some of them who didn't hold any tactical advantage to keep while Harris and Wolfe were doing a weapons and money count in some strange little portal thing that was on a sheet."

"They had that in Miami inside a large suitcase," Horatio admitted.  Mac smiled. "It scared me.  They brought a lot of artillery to my city.  They apparently thought they might need it.  They came in with Harris' team, three slayers, and the bag."

"Were they right?" Gibbs asked.

Horatio nodded.  "They were and Harris has some very good hunches.  He had the feeling the demons were going to get them back for trying to stop it.  Had me called so I could help his people be moved.  A few hours later they burned the motel they had been staying in. The slayers arrested them and had them picked up by Dawn immediately."

"Their pilot?" Mac asked.

"No, she opens this glowing portal that lets her walk through," Gibbs said with a point.  "That's... Buffy?"

Horatio looked.  "Not one I'm familiar with but the one behind her is Faith.  Excuse me for a minute, gentlemen."  He walked outside.  "That is a bad place to do that, ladies."  Faith jumped.  "It's in the open."

"She tried it in the alley but it's mystically protected.  It's as close as she could bring us to here."  She looked at him and sighed.  "One of your people made a deal we heard about, Red."  He shuddered.  "Massively bad.  B's here to help since one of us has to go handle the major demon."

"How high?"

"High enough to not stink," Faith told him.  "We're talking Wolfram and Hart high."  He moaned.  "So, whichever you want."

"You worked well in Miami, Faith.  I'll work with you.  No offense, Buffy."

"No, none taken," she assured him with a smile.  "I've got to work with the girls anyway.  The senior slayer should be doing that."

"We found a few research watchers last night," Horatio offered. "Timothy Speedle ran into one."  She beamed at him and hugged him then disappeared back through the portal.  "We're having lunch.  Want a salad?"

"Rabbit food?  Don't you do too much every day to survive on teenage girl food, Red?"  She walked him back inside, smirking at someone and waving.  "Hey, Danny."  Mac looked then took his lunch over there to talk to his friends.  She sat down.  "Hey," she said to Gibbs.

"Faith, this is Leroy Jethro Gibbs, he used to be Tony and Abby's boss.  Gibbs, this is Faith, the second senior slayer."

"Pleasure," he said, shaking her hand.  "Checking on the agents?"

"Nah.  One of Red's lab made a deal with Satan's butt scrubber."  Horatio shuddered at that description.  "We think they're going to cause some major problems so I'm working on that.  I'm here to brief him then I'm headed south."

"Who?" Horatio asked.  She pulled an envelope out of her back pocket and handed it to him.  He read it while he finished his lunch, mentally swearing.  "Let me warn some people first, Faith.  There might not be a need."  She beamed at that.  "Trust me?"

"So far.  You're one of those guys who hasn't tried anything, tried to cop a feel, or even tried to appear more all knowing than X is.  He's picking up bad Wes habits."

Horatio nodded.  "He has to so the younger girls don't feel as insecure."

"Never thought of it that way.  All I know is it's annoying as crap."

"It can be," Gibbs agreed.  "Does he backstep when he's proven wrong?"

"Oh, yeah, if we prove it to him he backs up and all that.  He's good about that, but he'll go all knowing sometimes to piss us off."

"That's probably to keep the younger ones in line," Gibbs told her.  "I do it to DiNozzo and McGee because it makes them work harder if they're sure we're moving in the right direction."

She smiled and punched him on the arm.  "You're not so bad either, Gibbs.  Have a beer later?"

"We'll see."

She smiled and nodded.  "That'll work."  She looked at Horatio.  "I'm under orders to not get into trouble for a bit.  Where should I show up?"

"The hotel up the street is where we're holding the conference.  How about you show up about eight tonight?  By then I should know something."

"Good deal.  Let me hightail it somewhere less classy before the waiters give me another dirty and evil look for wearing jeans."  She stood up and headed out into the sunshine.  It wasn't greatly warm but it was bright.  Bright was nice when you worked all night.

Horatio looked at the message again.  "I need to cut this short."   He paid the check and left a tip.  "I'll see you later, Gibbs."

"Tell me if you need help."

"I will."  He headed back to the hotel to make a few calls.  He ran into Calleigh, letting her have the papers.  She muttered out a swear in Creole French.  "Exactly."

She looked up at him.  "Where are we starting?"

"Faith brought that."

"So we'll have Faith?"

"First, let's start with Stetler.  See if he can actually do anything."  She smirked at the evilness of that idea.  "He needs to earn his paychecks like we do."  He went to call him from his room.  "Rick, Horatio.  I just got information from a slayer that one of the people in my lab has made a dark deal to cause mayhem within the department.  I can fax you what I have.  We have the offer of one of the girls coming down to deal with the demon who made it."  He used the in-room fax to send it to him.  "It's sent."  He listened to him read it.

"I'll be back very late Sunday night.  Faith is on her way down if we need her to.  Yes, the brunette, mouthy one, Rick.  She's one of the senior girls.  I know that, Rick.  I did a background check on her and the others.  She's atoned and she's a very nice young woman who could use some strong guidance to stay straight.  Personally, it looked more like an accident while hunting to me, Rick.  I don't know.  I know she's paid her debt and it doesn't matter to me.  She's a nice young lady with a horrible job to do.  Now, do you want to handle this or do you want me to handle this on Sunday night?"  He listened to him say he'd do it.

"I'll be updating Faith tonight around eight, local time.  Let me know what you have."  He hung up and laid down to consider a few other things.  He called someone else.  "Frank, I need you to get a message to Alexx and the other quiet people in the lab.  One of my techs has made a deal with a very high demon to cause mayhem for an unspecified reward.  They didn't know.  Faith is coming down to help us if necessary.  Rick Stetler is also in the know as of a few minutes ago.  Exactly.  Yes, that one.  So tell Alexx to keep away from her.  She's very uncomfortable about demons.  Thank you, Frank."  He hung up and relaxed.  It was the most he could do since he was over a thousand miles from Miami.


Xander looked up, frowning when he saw the military guy in Air Force blues.  "If you're looking for the boss, he's hunting coffee in the caf since I forgot to buy more for in here," he told him, going back to his typing.

"I'm looking for you as well, Mr. Harris."

"Already signed up for a longer tour of duty than you guys offer," he quipped.

"I heard.  I'm Major Paul Davis.  Doctor Jackson turned over a certain treaty for me to look over and help him negotiate."  Xander gave him a horrified look.  "We've gotten it down to a small temple and you don't have to show up often but if you're bored and need another vacation you can do that.  They'll even provide you a way to get there since they know you're only a demigod, not a full one with powers."

Xander blushed.  "Uh-huh."  He looked at his uniform.  Clearly not a rental and it was spotless, plus pressed and had all his ribbons in order.  "Damn it."

Davis smirked.  "I heard that quite a lot from General O'Neill."

"Danny said I could be like his son some days," he quipped.  "Hey, boss?  They want me to go consecrate their temple," he called.  He heard someone spluttering and Chase came in.  "From my vacation House sent me on.  To them I'm a God of Lust."

"To us you're just fun," Chase promised, patting him on the back.  "Daniel's getting his allergy pills from House and being nagged about something."


"He's a bit bored so he's turned to nagging.  I'm almost ready to call our coworkers and friends out so they can bug him for a bit."  He smiled at the military man standing beside the desk.  "Hello, Robert Chase."

"Major Paul Davis."  He shook his hand.  "One of the doctors, right?"  Chase smiled and nodded.  "At least you keep the injuries down."

"We do try," House said as he walked in.  "Do not even *think* about telling Cuddy to come out here," he ordered. "That would end up like a local apocalypse when the girls used her for target practice and then one of us would have to take over her office."

Chase smirked.  "I wouldn't do that to myself, House.   Wilson could use a vacation though."

"Remember to give the standard warning about the girls," Danny quipped, smiling at his old friend.  "Paul.  Get it worked out?"

"Xander doesn't have to go to the temple consecration but he's more than welcome to.  They'll help him get there since they know he's a demigod instead of a full one.  He's waiting for his power to come on-line.  He has to kill so many more demons before they fully come into being.  It's a challenge set to him to become a full one."

"I see.  When does he have to go...consecrate his temple?"

"This weekend."  He held up an envelope.  "This will get him there and back."

"Can I bring someone with me?" Xander asked.

"Bring condoms with you," House snorted.  "So you don't come back with the UTI you got last time, Harris."

Xander gave him a look.  "It probably wasn't any of the ones I slept with there.  It was probably one of the working girls I hired."

Chase went bright red.  "What happened to dating?"

"He dates worse than Wilson does," House reminded him.

"Your friend Wilson dates evil women who want to destroy the world too?" Xander asked, looking totally serious.  "Danny, remind me I can't move to New Jersey?  Two of us in one location would be too tempting and they'd have an invasion of bad girls or something."

"Of course, Xander.  Or onto my old project.  You might take over a planet and then we'd have problems if they were the Amazons."  Davis gave him a horrified look.  "Apparently there's a demon underground and they knew.  They told him already.  He's even met Jack and driven him nuts.  I told Jack if he tried to bring me back to the base I was bringing Xander and Tony to recruit for here.  He said he didn't want to see them after Xander got done with them."

"I'd be nice and let them beg me for mercy," Xander said with a scowl.  "It's bad enough half the demons think I'm going to kill them.  Don't make the other residents of this universe scared of me too.  I'm already a warning story on eighteen demon planes."

House shook his head quickly.  "They should've warned us."

Xander beamed at him.  "I'm not trying to date you or Chase, House."

House looked up.  "I don't often say it, but thank you for small favors."

"I could even let Dawn have the other trunk of stuff Anya sent."

House glared at him.  "That's mean."

"Well, yeah," he admitted with a grin.  "Then you could explain their use to more of the girls."

"Um, trunk?" Danny asked.

"My ex Anya packed a trunk of her stuff to go with mine and all the books I got out of Sunnydale," Xander told him, getting a slow nod.

"His ex Anya was also a nympho," Chase said.

"Who used to be an eleven-hundred-and-something-year-old vengeance demon until she got fired," House finished.  "He let Dawn have this really strange one with a corkscrew tip that was as wide as my ankle.  She asked me at dinner how anyone would use it since Anya wanted it for anal sex."

"I'm so glad I was on vacation then," Daniel sighed, heading for his office.  "Xander," he called a minute later when he wasn't followed.

"Let me pack," Xander called, heading to do that once his current report was saved.  He packed a backpack, he changed into jeans and a t-shirt plus his new leather bomber jacket, he grabbed his favorite battle axe and daggers from the armory, getting an odd look.  "The demon plane I took the vacation to wants me to come consecrate my temple."

Benny Ray got him a gun and a good box of mixed bullets.  "You might need them."

"Only to shoot the girls off," he said with a cheeky grin.  He strolled back to the office, reading the new treaty over.  He sighed but signed it and took the transportation powder from the Major's hand.  And away he went.  He landed in the middle of a town square, looking up at his new temple.  It was pretty.  "You guys did a great job," he praised.  A woman came running out and pounced him with a squeal.  He smiled at her.  He remembered her.  She had been fun and clean.  He carried her and all his stuff inside, going to...consecrate the temple for them.  The others who had been waiting joined in and it was a time that was had by all.

Fortunately he had grabbed the box of condoms from his apartment.


Horatio cornered Speed and Ryan that night.  "Rick Stetler proved he gets a paycheck for a reason," he said happily.

"Are you drunk, H?" Speed asked, checking his forehead.  "Or sick?  Tony said delusions came with his plague."

"Neither, boys.  Faith brought me information that someone in the lab had been making demonic deals.  Pity but Rick did handle it and did make the demon rescind his offer and huff off in a snit."

"Let him handle the next one down there," Ryan said happily.  Speed pinched him. "He could!"

"They'd make him an object of worship or something.  We'd be smugged to death."

"Forgot about that."  He shrugged.  "So, anything else new going on?"

"I wanted to talk to you both.  It seems your two year contracts are almost up?"

"Not for six months," Speed admitted.  Horatio hummed.  "Why?"

"Because we would like you both back in the lab.  We're offering a very good salary.  We're offering free meals at certain houses whenever you want or need one.  We're offering all your friends and family.  All you have to do is come home."

Speed sighed.  "H, I like my job.  I prevent people from being killed as often as I have to see someone that was killed.  Even if some of the scenes we see are worse, I like my job."

"I understand that.  You could do the same job with the MDPD now.  You could be our regional liaison.  The commissioner was also considering making it a local office.  You two, and the patrol officer who was already our liaison."  He smiled.  "With a bump up to detective for Ryan and you up to a sergeant's pay and rank," he finished, staring Speed down.

"Federal service gets you that?" Speed asked.  Horatio nodded, shifting some so he was more beside him than in front of him.  It let him look down then look at him sideways, like always.  "I'd have to think about it, H.  I really would."

"I understand that.  Mr. Wolfe, when does yours ends?"

"Um, I'm under a yearly one and I think it ends about three months before Speed's does.  I'd have to check."

"I'd appreciate that and that you both think about it.  We would love to have you back.  You would both still have full lab privileges for case work.  Your past and future research work would be highly looked on by us.  The commissioner thought it would give him a very good way to brag to other cities' police chiefs and commissioners.  You would definitely be a credit to the lab since you came from us, and to the department as well."

Ryan thought for a second.  "If it wasn't us coming in, would he still want to make the new office?" he asked quietly.

Horatio looked at him.  "He did say he would think about it if I could recruit other agents instead of bringing you two back.  He said it's probably a good idea not to have to wait for agents to show up if we have another serious problem."

Ryan sighed.  "All I can do is promise to think about it, Horatio."

"That's what I'm asking, Mr. Wolfe."  He clapped him on the shoulder.  "You should both call Alexx."

"We can do that tomorrow," Speed promised.  "That way we can tell her what fun we had with you guys."

Horatio smiled and nodded.  "I'm sure she'd like that."  He walked them off.  "I hear we're doing a scary movie marathon tonight."

"I see plenty of scary things," Speed said.  "So I'll giggle."

"That works too," Horatio decided, taking them down there.  Eric had saved them seats in the back of the room.  Horatio got between his boys, Calleigh got Speed's free side and Eric got Ryan's.  It was as close as his lab family had been in nearly forever.

He hoped he had been tempting enough.  He really did.  He missed his friend and coworker both.


Mac found Danny and Don arguing in their room about sports.  He coughed and cleared his throat when Don let him in.  "Can I have a few, guys?"  They nodded, dropping the petty argument to sit and watch him.  "I talked to the Chief earlier."

"That's usually a bad sign," Don said.  "What did he want now?  Beyond my father carping about me being in North Dakota because there's no women for me to date and give Mom grandbabies."

Mac smiled.  "He didn't mention the grandbabies."

"Thankfully.  That'd be a bit too strange," Danny said dryly.

"He was thinking that it might be best if we assigned a few detectives to a unit of our own.  That way DCIS only had to come for the worst things and we could handle the rest ourselves.  Two shifts, one CSI per shift.  It's not expected to be a high volume office but you'd basically have the spare lab upstairs as your office.  He's offering to bump you both up a grade if you come back to head the more active shift."

"So, basically come back, go through all the stress I had, just to do the same work?" Danny asked.  "For less end pay?"


"I'm making six grand more a year than I was before," Don told him.  "Plus I don't have to pay rent, Mac.  The only thing I have to buy is clothes and snacks for my place."

"I know it'll be a pay cut.  He'd like you to think about it because he thinks your contracts might be ending soon?"

"Four months," Don admitted.

"About two for mine," Danny offered.  "I'll think about it."

Mac smiled.  "Thank you, Danny.  Don?  It'd make your mother quit nagging and crying.  She showed up to cry and yell at me for not stealing you back and keeping you in New York."

Don rolled his eyes.  "How did I became such a sensible guy when my mother turns into a drama queen at the drop of a hankie," he muttered.  Danny laughed.  "Mom thinks I'm going gay," he told him.

"I saw the letter saying if you were she still had to approve and she'd expect grandkids with a surrogate," Danny said with a small grin.  "Or she suggested you date a slayer who's not a teenager."

"Not happening.  I like the girls, but not my type."  He looked at Mac.  "We'll think about it."

"If you could, you could take a few vacation days, maybe give us two weeks to try it out?" Mac offered.  "Around the time you'd have to renew?  That's how we usually do it when we switch departments.  Most bosses understand that."

"We'll see," Danny told him.

"That's all I could expect," he promised, smiling at them.  "By the way, Stella wants more detailed letters.  Even with the gory parts she said."  He stood up.  "Thanks, boys."  He left them alone to talk.

"Did you just feel guilt tripped?" Don asked.

"Yeah, just a bit," Danny said, leaning back on his bed to stare at the ceiling.  "I'm not sure I want to go back.  The city's my home and I miss it and all, but I'm kinda happy at DCIS."

"Me too."  He smiled.  "Even if Mom does think I'm doing Xander."

"I think Tony and Xander had a fling for stress relief," Danny offered.

"I noticed Tony needed it a few weeks back and found it somehow.  Since none of the girls was clinging I figured he had hit on one of us."

"They'd make an interesting couple."

"Very," Don agreed.  "You wanna think about this really hard?"  Danny shrugged. "Sure, we'll wait until he's not in puppy face range."  Danny grinned and nodded. "Unless they come out and then we can let George distract him again."

"He did give the shrub demon some very wary looks," Danny said, smirking now.  "He's a big shrub demon now too."

"He is.  Abby's done some amazing stuff with that new plant food.  I should get some for Ma's roses as long as they don't turn demonic."

"We'll have to test to see if it works on regular plants too."


"Welcome."  He looked at him.  "Your mom still think you're banging me?"

"Yup.  She thinks I followed you out here to get my bit of tail back, her words," he said dryly.  Danny laughed.  "I told her we'd see about the screwing part.  We're buddies.  Right?"

"Right."  He grinned and turned on the tv.  "Wanna go watch scary movies with the guys?"

"Nah.  See enough of that watching the girls at breakfast or stalking Chase."  Danny cackled and nodded.  "Got any good lesbian porn?"  Danny found some and bought it off the pay-per-view.  "Ah.  Now I see why Dean likes porn so much."

"We could use a single channel on base that didn't go to the girls."

"Annabelle would kill us all, Danny."

"Well, yeah.  Did you hear she decorated Dean and Sammy's place with unicorns so they couldn't put dirty things in the open?"  Don laughed, shaking his head.  "She didn't want to see the dirty naked women pictures.  Thought the unicorn statues would make sure it was all kept away from them or they'd be tainted."

"That girl's a great kid.  If I adopt, I want her."

"They might let you."

"We'll see."  He stroked his stomach, watching the pitiful plot end and the action begin.  "That's nice."

"Very nice," Danny agreed, tipping his head to the side to get a better view.  He pushed his glasses back up his nose.  The porn was very nice and Don was making some hot noises.  Got him where he needed to go very well.


Xander stumbled back onto base later that night, waving a cheery wave at the guard before plopping down in the middle of the road.  "I'm really tired," he said happily with a bright grin.

"I can tell.  Thankfully there's no traffic," the guard said, calling the boss from his apartment.  He wanted to know when Xander got back.  He could walk him back to his apartment.  "Drinking, Harris?"

"Hell no, but my temple is beautiful and all the women there love me and some of the men too," he said proudly.  Danny came jogging out.  "Hi, boss!" he said with a wave and a smile.  "You're right, I did need to go to the christening of my temple o'lust.  It was great!"

"Why are you sitting on the road?"

"Because I'm so fucking tired."

"Ah."  He helped him up.  "Come on.  You can tell me about the parties."

"*Huge*, MASSIVE orgy, Danny," he said happily, beaming at him.  "It went on for *nine days*!"

Danny whimpered.  "Nine days?"


"Did you eat?"

"Fuck no."


"I think I passed out after the quad."  He frowned for a second then let it slip back into his goofy grin.  "Not really sure.  I may've blacked out.  Things got kinda fuzzy in there."

"Let me get Chase to come see you."

"Awww, let House live vicariously.  He'd like my temple too.  It had some very pretty women.  Oooh, and I think I killed enough demons and bad things to finally make it to a full god.  See?"   He created a small mage light.

"We'll have to have Dawn check it out," he promised, leading Xander to his apartment.  He ran into Paul, on Xander's team, outside the towers having a cigarette.  "Can you get Doctor House to meet me at Xander's apartment please?  He just got finished christening his temple of lust."

"Sure," he agreed, smiling smugly.  "How many of them are going to invade and try to kill us all to get him back?"

"I hope none since we have a peace treaty," Danny said with a glare back at him.  Paul walked off giggling.  "Are any going to show up here?"

"Nope.  They'll wait for me to come back on vacation so I can kill more orcs and other stabby things."

"That's fine."

"And bed more women so they can learn better in bed and become better wives and lovers."

"I'm sure it helps."

"Most of them didn't even know what doggy style was," Xander said, looking at him.  "They were very deprived on the Anya scale.  Half of them didn't even know what oral sex was.  She'd be proud of me."

"I'm sure she would."

"And I taught a pro how to do it better.  Now she can charge more and take on better clients."

"That's nice of you."

"They used the christening to write a sex manual so they can all learn.  Then the skanky bitch goddess showed up and she howled too.  She was kinda cute but too evil even for me."  Danny used his pass to get into Xander's apartment - his had a master code.  Xander laid down on the couch with a hiss and a wince.  "Ow."

"Hurt yourself?"

"Kinda.  Too much butt sex."

Danny blushed.  "I don't need details, Xander.  Share with John or Dean tomorrow."

"Okay, but John will pout."

"Then share with Dean and Dawn."

"Sure, I can do that."  House tapped then walked in the open door.  "Hi," he said with a bright, cheery wave.  "How was your weekend?"

"It's late Saturday night, Xander.  So far it's not bad.  How was yours?"

"Nine day christening party at my temple o'lust."  He beamed. "I taught them a lot.  They didn't even know about oral sex or doggy style.  They were very deprived on Anya's scale," he said seriously.  "They even used the orgy to make a teaching manual."

"I'm happy they'll be getting off soon," House said dryly.  "Did you use the condoms?"

"Yup!  Even with the skanky hell goddess who was too evil, even for me.  But boy did she scream pretty when I had her...."  Danny covered his mouth.  "Sorry."

"Share tomorrow.  Jackson's got tender ears, Xander."  House checked him over.  "When was the last time you ate?"

"She fed me some honey."

"Actual honey?" House asked.  Xander beamed and nodded.  "On?"  If only he had thought to bring a video camera so he could show Xander how bad he was tonight.  It'd embarrass him forever.

"Looked kinda like bread but it was dark and had nuts."  He frowned.  "Tasted kinda funny too.  So did the wine she fed me earlier in the day when I made her scream in pleasure."

"Let's get you to the infirmary and draw some blood.  Just in case the food from that realm is a bit poisonous to us."  Danny nodded, helping Xander up, making him wince, hiss, and grab his back.  "Killed something bigger?"

"Well, yeah.  A few bigger, stabby things, but I think this was from the quad."

"He said that was the last time he got any sleep too; he passed out."

"He's got more stamina than I do then."  They walked him out to the hall.  "Hey, Sam, help Jackson carry Xander so we can make sure if he was poisoned or not."

"Xander, you left with weapons, where are they?" Sam asked.

"Oooh.  Glory, not the skanky hell goddess we killed back in Sunnydale but a very pretty blonde warrior wannabe wench, said she'd bring it back.  She wanted to study here."

"We'll see what we can do," Danny promised, getting Sam's help to take him to the infirmary.  "Sam, have him do a non-graphic report please?" he asked as he walked out. He wanted to blush in peace.

"Graphic?" he asked, looking confused.

"Nine day orgy," House told him as he got what he needed to draw blood.

"You are *so* the man, Xander," Sam said in awe.

"He didn't eat, sleep, and only passed out once during it," House told him.


Xander beamed.  "Then I went to kill more stabby things and then the skanky hell goddess showed up to let me teach her how to howl in pleasure too.  She fed me wine and some honey on bread-like stuff but it had nuts.  I'm really tired."

"I would be dead from all that," Sam told him. "You're much stronger than I am, Xander."  Xander beamed and passed out.  Sam helped him draw blood, getting an odd look.  "Might as well.  Should I go find him a protein shake?"

"Could help.  Let me make sure there's no poison I'll have to make him vomit."  He took it to run through the machines they had down there.  "I swear I'm going to have him write a book on what happened," he muttered.  "That way I know where to go on my next vacation."  The night shift nurse came in from the caf with a protein shake and Sam behind her. "Coffee break?"

"The tv down here's broken.  I put a sign on the door."

"Door was open when we got here," House told her.  "Not like we have narcotics but leave a bigger note."  She nodded, moving to strip Xander.  They both looked as things fell out of his clothes.  Not his underwear, which were mysteriously missing, but a few rubies, a few sapphires, an emerald.  A hard, coal looking rock.  Three gold coins.  A small flask.  A small statue that looked like bronze.  Sam found another coin in his shirt, putting it aside.  "Anyone recognize anything of these?"

"The flask is a shot of Dwarven wine.  It's *very* potent," Sam warned.  "People can die on it."

"Hmm.  The statue?  Is it alive or possessed?"

"No clue," Sam admitted, looking it over.  "Hey, it's a mini-Xander."  House shook his head quickly, moving to get the report.  The coins he looked at.  "Looks like elves."

"Elvis?" the nurse asked, looking confused. "He was with impersonators?"

"Elves, like pointy ears, smug demeanor?" Sam said, showing her the coin that had a picture of an elf's head on it.  She moaned.  "They had to sign and formalize a peace treaty with us thanks to Xander's vacation House sent him on."

"Next time, he can die here," House mumbled.

Sam grinned.  "We had fun."

"I'm sure you did."  He came over to administer the antidote to the poison.  "She tried really hard."  Sam read it and snickered.  "I know."  They got the protein shake down him by making him wake up enough to drink through a straw then Xander passed out again.  "I want to know how he survived a nine day orgy."

"His ex, Anya," Sam said.  "She was always wanting at least five orgasms a day.  Plus he was hunting with Buffy on the hellmouth and doing construction all day."

House looked at him.  "Did he sleep?"

"No idea."

"Thankfully he's coming down off that before he kills his next lover with it."

"Skanky hell goddess did," Xander mumbled.

Sam patted his hair down.  "I'm sure she did, Xander.  You rest.  We'll work on your report tomorrow.  Dean will want to hear."  Xander nodded, curling up on his side, taking Sam's hand to hold.  "Love you too, Xander."

"Not.  Turn you evil.  Mean Sam.  Not fun Sam."

"Okay, I won't love you enough so you can't turn me evil too."  House walked off snickering.  "Hey, his first one was Faith," he said dryly.  "Right before she went bad."

House shook his head, heading to make notes in Xander's chart.  "Let's do a penal swab as well," he told the nurse.  "Just in case he came home with something, even though he did use condoms."

"Yes, Doctor House.  Must I do it?  He'll be embarrassed," she said when House gave her a look.

"I doubt he can feel it after a nine day orgy."

She blushed.  "I'm thinking he would probably think it was continuing.  I don't want to be evil either."

"Fine."  He came over to take one and went to run it as well.  That UTI had come back but no diseases.  He made a note to ask Dawn to see if there was a disease repelling charm on the boy.  There had to be with how much he had gotten off bar prostitutes.

Sam was trapped so the nurse got him a nice chair and something to drink, then left them alone.

House made a note to get a new night shift nurse since this one was kind of wimpy.


Xander looked up from his infirmary bed, grinning slightly.  "Hi, Doctor House."

"Well, you've slept so you're not goofy from lack of it.  How do you feel?"

"Okay enough.  Why do I taste flowery stuff at the back of my throat?"

"Antidote to a poison."  He checked his vitals then nodded.  "Not bad.  Bit high."

Xander shrugged.  "I got scared awake by Nurse Patty."

"She could do it to me too," he admitted, making the nurse laugh from where she was stocking a cabinet.  "Did you get him cranberry juice for breakfast?"

"Sure did.  He drank it with a sigh.  No more sex, Xander."

"I try really hard but then Doctor House said I get too uptight.  I'm much more fun when I'm dating."

"I'm sure you are," House agreed.  He stared at him.  "Jackson's going to blush."

"I remember coming back."

"Good.  When did he finally let Sam go?"

"Around two.  When Dean came to see what happened to him," the nurse reported.  "What happened to Meredith?"

"Wimped out on giving a penal swab."  Xander shook his head.  "She said she didn't want to be evil either."  He gave Xander a look.

Xander shrugged back.  "You only go evil if I'm dating you.  She's nice but she's married."

"Good point."  He patted the kid on the head.  "How's his exhaustion and other levels?" he asked the nurse, limping that way.

"Reports are on the desk.  Doctor Chase slept in this morning."

"I let him now and then," he said dryly.  "He performs better later on."

"Does he have to bark too?" Xander asked him.

"Only if he's a good boy."

"You try to feed me a dog biscuit and I'm biting you," Chase said as he walked in.  "Where did you go?  Your girls wanted to know."

"To christen my temple o'lust," Xander said with a grin.  "After a few stabby things, a nine day orgy, and a hell goddess who wanted some for herself, I came home really tired because time runs differently there."

"Good to know.  I should go there on my next vacation."

"I may have made the women a bit demanding.  They didn't know what oral sex was."

"Pity for them."  He checked Xander's forehead. "You are running a small fever."

"I noticed," House called from the office.  "It looks like we countered the poison you got fed early enough.  No lasting damage.  You'll feel a bit sick and tired for a few days.  That'll give you time to do the report Jackson wanted.  A non-graphic one.  He said you can write out the full one if you want though."

Xander picked up and waved his laptop.  "Figured someone wanted to know."

"You still basically came in goofy and smiling about being tired," House told him.

"I remember.  At least it wasn't because I was drunk."

"No, no alcohol in your system," House assured him.   He swatted Chase.  "You ever bite me and I'm going to make you have sex with Cameron."

Chase looked at him.  "She's pretty."

"And whiny."

"So?"  He shrugged.  "Not like I'm marrying her.  She'll nap afterwards so I can escape.  Not much of a threat, House."

"Fine, Cuddy then."

Chase shrugged again.  "Stress relief."  House gaped.  "I'm a young man," he complained. "It'd only ever be stress relief on my part but if she wanted to...."  He walked off again. "We have two of the girls coming in later for their exams."

"Which you're doing," House shot back.


Xander snickered.  "You two sound like you're sleeping together," he pointed out.

"Only if he bends over the conference table and takes it," they quipped at the same time, then glared at each other.

"I'm older, I'd top, Junior," House said sarcastically.

"Only if this is Ancient Greece."

"Don't suggest that, it might happen," Xander complained, making both men shudder.  He went back to his report, letting House draw more blood.  "Didn't she just do this?"

"I'm running different tests."

"Fine."   He waited until the doctors were busy then got into his email and an address he had looked up.  Chase had said that Doctor Wilson had a teasing relationship with House.  House clearly needed more people to pick on.  So he'd give Wilson a chance to come pick on him in person.  Telling him House and Chase were so bored they were joking about sex with each other would crack him up and make him send more toys the girls would try to steal.  It was helping their stealth training.

Chase caught him and added on a message to the end, making Xander cackle quietly.  "He needed to know anyway.  He's clearly missing having something."  He walked off again.  "Try to rest, Xander.  You still need it."

"I'm trying, Mom, but I'm not sleepy yet."

"Don't make me sedate you."

"If you do, the girls will fuss."

"So?" he asked with an evil smirk.  "Won't be my problem or my back they hurt."

"No, I think that was butt sex with the quad."  Chase gaped at him.  He shrugged a bit.  "What?"

"Never mind," he muttered.  "We should do a swab there too."

"I used condoms."


"Really, I did.  They even had a local equivalent."

"Good!"  He smirked at the young man.  Dawn bounced in and squealed, pouncing Xander to hug.  "We had a question.  Is there an anti-disease charm on him?" he asked her.

She beamed and nodded.  "Anya wanted one done on her and got the stuff for Willow to do it.  She did it on Xander just in case Anya turned out to be a skanky, cheating ho."  Xander nodded a bit at that.  "What did you do?"

"Had to seal the peace treaty by going to see my new temple o'lust."

She blushed.  "Oh, no.  Is there a whole realm of bad girls coming here?"

"Only if the skanky hell goddess managed to get up again after the second round," Xander said dryly, giving her a look.  She whimpered.  "Different one; she wanted to learn how to scream better too.  They didn't even have oral sex."

"Poor women."  She shook her head and got her next pill pack.  "Few days early but better now than I forget since I have a test Wednesday."  She gave Xander another hug.  "I'll tell the girls you're back."  She went to do that.

Xander went back to his decidedly graphic report.  He could tame it down for the boss later.  Dean would enjoy it and he was sure there was someone somewhere who needed to know what was done to ratify the treaty.


Gibbs found Tony at brunch the next morning, sitting down across from him.  "Still satisfied to be there?"

"I am," he said with a smile.  "Very satisfied, boss.  It's a great job.  The girls treat me like a big brother without sense sometimes but it's good."  Gibbs shook his head.  "You could come out with Probie.  Even with new watchers being found, we could use another one.  You'd be driven insane with how much of our job is spent in the library but you could do the watcher stuff."

"I'll consider it.  I'd rather have you and Abby back in DC."

"We like where we are," he said quietly, looking around.  "Abby?"  She came over to hug them both.  "He wants us back."

"Nope.  I'm a good big sister to the girls and they need me, Gibbs.  There's almost no other girls on base."  She gave him an extra squeeze.  "You can come out and work with us.  We wouldn't mind."  She beamed and bounced back to her table and discussion.  The other forensic people were asking about her research.  It was a heady feeling.

Gibbs smiled.  "They're appreciating her," Tony agreed.  "She deserves it."  He ate a bite of jelly toast.  "They could use you, boss."

"I know.  We'll see."  Tony nodded.  "What George was she talking about petting?  New pet?"

"We have a small shrub demon who came for sanctuary and adopted the girls.  Abby's recently come up with a plant food for him and he's grown some.  They all pet his branches and it makes him a happy little wandering shrub."

Gibbs shook his head quickly.  "That's a bit strange."

"George is pretty nice until you block his sun or go after the girls.  Then he's got poison nettles.  He even tried to go to school with them their first day."

"Still too strange."

"You know, half the time we're protecting the harmless things from humans hurting them, boss.  There's a lot of harmless species and we end up rescuing them and keeping the humans from doing harm."

"I get that.  It's an important job," he agreed.  "Doesn't mean I can deal with the strangeness."

"They're less evil than your ex-wives," Tony quipped.

"I think Satan's less evil than one of them," he shot back.  Then he cuffed him on the head.
Tony just grinned back.  "We'll see."

"Sure.  Probie's coming out in a few weeks.  She's got a party lined up if he's staying.  It'll give the girls someone new to coo over.  They said I hired for eye candy."

"I can see why they think that," he said dryly.

"I may be pretty but I'm also very talented," Don Flack quipped as he walked behind Gibbs, getting a dirty look from him.  Don smirked back on his way to the food.

"He's very talented," Tony agreed.  "He's a very good poach."

Gibbs shook his head quickly.  "If you say so, DiNozzo."  Tony's phone chirped.  "Problem?"

"Xander's back and okay according to Dawn."  He held up a finger and called.  "Case?" he asked.  He listened then he nodded.  "Good to know.  Tell him I said feel better."  He hung up.  "Hey, Abby, they had to send Xander to seal the peace treaty."  She cackled from her table.  "But he's okay and we're not going to be invaded."

"Good!" Danny yelled from his table.  "We don't need Xander to date.  I agree with the girls."

"He's fine."


Don Flack walked back to the table shaking his head.  "Only Xander."

"Yup," Tony agreed dryly.  He looked at Gibbs.  "Xander's Vegas vacation led to a peace treaty with somewhere else but he had to go back to seal it.  He's okay though.  One of the women tried to poison him.  He came home exhausted from sex.  A normal Xander vacation with women involved."  Gibbs spluttered.  "Xander's just like that, boss.  He only dates evil women.  We had all worried they might invade if they didn't get the peace treaty signed soon."

"Define evil?" he suggested.

"His last one used to be a vengeance demon.  A nympho vengeance demon.  One who punished unfaithful men."  Gibbs shuddered. "Yeah.  We've seen a few of her successor's handiworks.  It's very bad."

"Damn," he said in awe.

"Uh-huh.  But that's just Xander for you."

Gibbs shook his head quickly and got more coffee, heading over to talk to Mac and Horatio in their corner table.  "It might be better if we go there to make them sane."

"I heard," Mac said.

"They're going to go nuts.  Especially protecting the harmless things from the humans."  Mac gave him an odd look.  "DiNozzo said that's half the job."

"I didn't know that."

Horatio nodded.  "They also step into matters when one clan bothers another one if a complaint is made.  They're there to keep down any interaction that could come to public notice.  Including keeping us from hurting them.   The second team that came to Miami spent their first day breaking a slavery ring fairly quickly.  Humans running it and selling off demons that they considered useful."  He took a drink of his tea.  "Tony was not a happy agent when he busted in there.  They looked scared of him too."

"Good, they should be scared of him," Gibbs said.  He sat down.  "What did you offer them?"

"New offices," Mac said.  "Rank raises."

Horatio nodded his was the same.  "All the home-cooked meals they could ask for."

Mac smiled.  "Alexx is going to fuss those boys to death."

"Again," Horatio agreed, earning a smirk from Gibbs.  "She's like Speed's mother."

"Some women do adopt that way.  If you let her onto base she'd probably adopt all the girls."

"Some of the girls are very blunt and would make her blush," Horatio told him.

"Especially Annabelle," Ryan said as he walked behind Gibbs to get out the door.  "But she's neat."

Horatio smiled, shaking his head.  "They sound nice enough.  Even if they had been doing panty raids to practice their stealth training."  Mac spluttered.  "They've been trapped on base for months with only the, admittedly, pretty agents Tony and Xander Harris hired for them to stare at."  He smiled before sipping his tea.  "They're teenage girls.  What else were they going to do?"

"I should have Stella talk to them," Mac mumbled.

"She might make a good big sister, the same way Abby has been," Gibbs said.  "Abby said the old watchers were assholes, to be blunt, and she's had to give a lot of girl talks to them."

Mac shook his head.  "Stella would go into fussing mode."

"They could use it," Gibbs agreed.  "Especially if she could make it as a watcher."

"That's a hard job," Horatio told him.  "Watching your slayer go into the field to hunt every night."

"It's an important one," Gibbs corrected.  "Even if it does wear on everyone.  They get the same sort of soul destroying worry, Horatio."

"I know.  Faith and I talked a lot while she was in Miami.  She headed down last night to deal with another issue since our Internal Affairs department is actually earning their pay."  Mac gave him an odd look.  "She brought me information on someone making a very bad deal with something.  Rick Stetler actually managed to scare it off by himself."

"I'm proud," Mac said.  "Isn't he the one that thinks you're an evil thing?"

Horatio smirked.  "Indeed."

Gibbs shook his head.  "People like that annoy me.  Then again, my new director is like that."

"You could go join them.  Most of your team has," Horatio pointed out.  "If we get our people they'll need more agents."

"Half their cases are solved in a library."

"Yes but the half that aren't seem to be very bad," Horatio pointed out.  Gibbs nodded he knew that.  He checked his watch.  "The second DNA panel is about to start."  He finished up and headed for that.  Mac too.  Gibbs went to browse.  His next one wasn't for another hour.  Abby bounced off to the DNA panel as well, making him smile.  He looked at Speedle, who was being nagged by Wolfe.  "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Speed didn't carry his sidearm to the conference," Ryan said with a glare at Speed.

"I carry it on cases."

"Uh-huh.  It should be peaceful this weekend, Wolfe," Gibbs said.

"It should be but there's a huge sucker outside."  Speed groaned, heading to find Tony.  Ryan walked out to help handle it by distracting the thing.  It worked well.  Tony came out to handle the demon once he had it out of public view.  It had come to file a complaint.  Against a slayer.  They groaned but took it.  They'd pass it back to Wesley, which they promised to do.  Gibbs stared as it wandered off.  Ryan looked at him.  "It wanted to complain about a slayer."

"It's huge."

"It's an herbivore, Gibbs," Speed said, glaring at him.  "We don't hurt the harmless ones.  Size and meanness don't equate and the only agent we've lost to death has been from something two foot tall that was a ball of fur and mouth."  He walked off calling Wes.  "Wesley, it's Speed.  I just had one of those large, purple herbivores... yeah, that thing.  I had one of them come up to me to complain that a slayer was taking out his clan.  Said her name was Candy?"  He nodded.  "It could be one of the girls that got missed somehow.  I don't know.  I can fax it to you.  Please.  If so, you need to smack her around.  If not, well, it's a case."  He smiled.  "Thanks, man."  He hung up and went inside to fax it.  The desk clerk gave him a relieved look.  "That one only eats plants.  Usually lettuce and pine needles."

"I'll remember that."  She finished the fax for him and handed back the complaint form he had written out.  "There you go, sir.  Have a happy conference."

"You too.  I know we drive you guys nuts."  He walked off smiling, folding that to put it into his pocket.


Wesley walked into the squad room a bit later.  "Paul, there you are.  We have a supposed slayer killing herbivore demons."  He handed over the complaint.  "I had Dawn and Willow check.  There's no slayers called in that area at all."

"I'll get onto it," he promised, looking it over.  "It should be pretty easy to stop her."  He smiled.  "How's Xander?"

"He's not all right?"

"He had to go help that peace treaty."

"Oh, I see.  Is he injured?"

"Loopy when he came back last night.  Something about an orgy and a skanky hell goddess who wanted some."

Wesley rolled his eyes.  "That boy is a bad influence on the girls," he muttered.

"He didn't do it where they could see."

"I'm sure he brought something back," he said dryly.

"No, Willow put the anti-skanky ho charm on Xander when she did Anya's," Dawn said as she walked in.  "Looking around, the girl has a webpage of her hunting," she said, handing over a CD.  Paul smirked at her.  "Even Xander needs the stress relief now and then.  The girls know this and know that Xander's a Xander and no one else can do what he does, Wes.  Lighten up before you turn into Giles."  He shuddered at that, but nodded to show he understood.  "She even tried to poison him during sex."  She strolled off.

"I'll get a report on that, in case it comes back to bite us later," Wesley sighed, going to do that.  Xander looked up from his typing.  "Peace treaty?"

"After my vacation."

"Oh, that place.  Was it fun?"

Xander grinned. "Nine day orgy.  Fortunately time runs faster there."

"Indeed.  The girls would worry if you were gone that long."  He came closer.  "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine.  They said the poison didn't take hold and I'm not as tired as I had been."  He grinned.  "I'm fine, Wes.  The girls won't be warped.  They know they can't be a Xander."

"Good."  He looked at the laptop.  "Report?"

"Yup.  You can even file the less graphic version if you want."

"Please."  He walked off shaking his head.  That boy!  Sometimes he did try the nerves.

Xander grinned and went back to finishing up his report.  When Dean came in a few hours later to see him he handed it over.  "Proofread it for me?"

Dean sat down on the foot of his bed to do that, giving him an awed look.  "Damn."

"Sam said the same," he said with a grin.

"Yeah!  I couldn't survive that long."  He went back to reading.  It had some great details.  "Think they could film this?"

"I don't know.  They don't have video cameras there," Xander admitted.  "Well, except at the casino but I didn't think about that."

"Sammy heard and made a bet while you were gone," he assured him.  "He bet how long it'd last.  He laid a spread bet and lost two because you didn't make it to the tenth day."

"I had to slay the stabby things attacking the town."

"He heard.  So he changed his last bet when he found out there was a woman involved.  Dad nearly beat his ass for that."  House gave him a dirty look.  "Dad can spank hard!" he defended.

"Then why didn't it make you a good boy?"

"Nature of the business, doc."  He shot him a cocky grin.  "Can't salt and burn if you're a good boy."

"Uh-huh."  He came over to print out a copy of the report for himself since all the laptops were hooked up to the wireless system.  It'd print down here since it was the closest printer.  He went to read it in the office.  It did have a lot of good information in it.  Very happy information really.  Though he caught a typo now and then.  Still good enough to make him need a distraction.


Dean walked into Jackson's office, handing him the two reports.  "The thinner one is the less graphic version to file with the treaty in case some nosy person wants to know how it was sealed."  It was only a page long.  The other, about forty.  "They sedated Xander again a few minutes ago.  He still needs a nap."

"Good to know."  He looked over the shorter report then the thicker one.  "How graphic is that one?"

"If he could find someone to film it, they'd make millions."

"Ah."  He put that one aside.  "I don't need to read that."

Dean smirked.  "I proofed it for typos.  So did House."

"I'm sure you did," he agreed dryly.  "What's this I heard about new watchers?"

"Wesley got a call from Speed.  There were a few hiding in the Caribbean.  They heard rumors about DCIS and the others no longer being around.  They figured they'd hit the guys up for intel at the conference.  Speed had been complaining about the old white guy council to his former teammates."

"The guy approached him?"

"More like Speed saw him getting uptight and huffy about what he said and faced him down about it.  He gave him the clue he needed and Wes's phone number, plus Caridad's in case they wanted Cleveland.  Wes said they'd be up in a few days.  He's calling Giles today once he finds out exactly who's left.  But we have the library and they're research guys."

"Who weren't as dangerous as the ones watching the slayers in training," Danny finished.  Dean nodded.  "Good to know.  How many?"

"Don't know yet.  Wes thinks at least five."

"That could be helpful if they'd translate the library."

"I think that's what they were planning.  Even Giles could use it in English and there's all that stuff from the probates in storage too."


"No room."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "That can be a problem I guess.  Thanks, Dean."

"Welcome."  He left, heading back to talk to his dad and Sammy.  It was Sunday.  Everyone had the day off until something happened.  "Xander handed in both reports."  Sam moaned, shaking his head.  "Very good."

"I'm sure it was.  Wes found out there's seven coming from the Caribbean and they know of one in Africa who's going to stop and talk to the girls there for us to make sure they're still okay.  Wes laid down the law about leaving them if they were wanting to stay.  They think there might be a few more hiding in college and things.  Some of the older ones' kids and the like.  They'll look into that for them."

"Good.  What did Giles say?"

"He nearly cried and agreed the library was the first priority at the moment.  They needed it translated for both agencies then we could have copies.  Which might be thinner."

"It'd have to be.  Did we remind Wes of the stuff in storage from the probate hearings?"

"Mostly," Sam agreed.  "He's been in there a few times looking for a few specific books.  Angel's even donated his copy as a loaner."

"So we'll be okay on books?" John asked.  Sammy nodded.  "Good.  No new field guys?"

"Not that he said.  They might end up being some."

"Some of the girls are going to need someone a bit tougher."

"Tony's been trying to get his old boss Gibbs and the girls wanted to keep Horatio," Dean told him.  "We don't know if they'll take the hints.  Oh, anything on New York coming up?  Annabelle was moaning about it when I saw her wandering around half asleep a while ago."

"Small disaster, kept in-clan," Sam told him.  "I took the report, forwarded it to Giles. He'll send Caridad and one of the others to handle it."

"Good."  He smirked, getting comfortable.  "Now what?"

"Now, we wait and see if any of the women Xander slept with come to invade when the one brings his stuff back.  And then we wait to see what happens since a lot of emotional pressure is going to be given to some of the guys to go back to their old jobs.  Dawn has a science test on Wednesday.  So we'll do what we normally do."

"He didn't come back with his stuff?"

"No, apparently the skanky hell goddess, as he put it, decided to take him after he killed the, as he named them, stabby things," Dean told him.  John moaned, shaking his head.  "All his stuff was back at the temple.  One of the people will be bringing it to him.  Including his battle axe."

"Good.  Let's hope they don't try to get him back."

"We can all hope," Sam agreed dryly.  Dean gave him a shove.  "Hey!"

"Ah, whine," Dean said with a mean grin.

"Are you possessed?" Sam demanded.  Dean shook his head, giving him a raised-eyebrow strange look.  "You sure?  We can check."  He pounced, knocking him down to hold him down and pin him while he made sure he wasn't possessed.

"Boys," John complained, shaking his head.  "Quit trying to exorcize your brother, Sammy.  Dean, quit picking on Sammy before he messes up and puts one in you," he said patiently.  He sounded horribly parental to his ears.  For some reason.

The End.

to part 11