by Mytryk

Dangerous Liaisons.

The head of the Oxnard police looked at his most recent visitor.  He had seen too much of the kid since he had blown into town on a busted car that lit itself on fire.  Thankfully he wasn't a troublemaker but the strangest things happened to the boy.  He stared at him.  "Why bring this to me?  Usually you tease them to increase your paychecks," he said dryly.

"Because this one has three kids with him and he's been talking about burying people recently."  Xander Harris grinned.  "I'd rather not have the kids killed."

"Me too," he decided.  "Where is he staying?"  Xander gave over what he knew.  "Even a miniature background check," he joked.

"Yeah, I learned that trick early on," Xander said dryly, getting comfortable.  "Oh, and you'll have another one tonight beyond him.  That nice rapist is promising to come in tonight."

"We can have that officer hang out with his girlfriend tonight," the chief said smugly.

"The boss said it sucks for her because it reduces her paycheck."

"Then maybe I'll send one of the smarter ones in for a birthday or something."  Xander grinned.  "Anything else I should hear?"

"Yeah, leave Jonnie alone.  He's got stage four cancer.  That's how he's affording his treatments.  The pot helps him."

"I can ignore that then."  He smirked at the kid.  "How soon before you leave?"

"New car will take another two weeks and then I've got to head back to Sunnydale."  The chief dropped the papers, staring at him with his mouth slightly open.  Xander grinned.  "Born and raised there.  Going back to help on that unofficial protection patrol that kept the Mayor's mischief down."

"He was?" he demanded.  "I know he got blown up during a gas explosion...."  Xander stared at him.  "No way."

"Yup and tried to blame shit on us," he said dryly with a smirk.  "Even accused me of weapons dealing.  Now wouldn't I be driving a better car and not stripping if I was?"

"Probably," he agreed, shaking his head quickly.  "The next time you get one of those sort, you can lift their wallets."

"I do."  He grinned.  "Which is why I'm getting a better car sooner.  Otherwise I'd be here for the next month and a half."

The Chief shook his head.  "That's all good.  As long as I don't hear about you having special clients, I don't care.  Just keep turning them in, kid."

Xander blew a kiss as he stood up.  "We have commandos in town."  He walked off.  He needed dinner.

The Chief held his head.  "Myers?" he called.  That officer brought in a new cup of coffee for him and a packet of advil.  "Thank you."  He took them and gulped the coffee.  "Here."  He handed over the papers.  "That rapist is coming back tonight and the club's manager said that it's wrecking Sid's wife's paycheck.  Also, he said we have commandos in town."

"Got it, boss."  He walked off to hand those over to the other guys.  They had good plans in place after the last month of insanity of all the bad idiots in lower California coming to Oxnard.  Their federal stats were going to look insane.


Xander smoothly danced, testing the men in front of him.  Most of them didn't meet up to his expectations though one seemed fairly nice.  But married.  He smirked at him and winked, turning around to dance back toward the dangerous ones.  One of them was growling as he teased him with a small smirk, even using the pole to brace as he slowly slid to his knees, dancing for him.  The commando growled a happier sound and it was nicer.  Xander winked at him and popped up for the next song, strolling off to dance for the other side of the stage.  There the growling was dangerous.  Xander slowly took off his shirt, making the men snarl.  Xander leaned down, blowing a kiss at one.  "I can change and dance for someone else," he offered.  "If you like to watch."  He strolled off.

"No, you're mine," he shouted.  He lunged at the stage and the boy defended himself fairly well then kicked him off the stage.

Xander stared down at the sobbing man.  "Really?  Am I?  I could've sworn I was still single.  I don't see a ring," he said, looking at his hand then at the commando.  "Though you're cute enough to offer me one."  He winked and walked down the stairs, the married guy helping to steady him on the narrow little stairs.  Xander hauled the guy up, staring at him.  "I'm not yours.  Because you don't have manners.  I demand at least some manners and some wooing, dear."  The bouncers came over.  "No, I can handle him."  He walked him out.  The waiting officer smirked at him. "Lunged at me on the stage and declared I was his," he said dryly.  He shook him.  "What's your name?"

"Peter!" he shouted.  He rattled off his serial number.

"Oh, yay," Xander said dryly.  "Have fun with him.  The other commandos have manners and are nicer."  He strolled back inside.  The two he was expecting were scowling.  He stared at one, then kissed the other on the cheek.  "Quit scowling, you'll get wrinkles and pretty little boys like me won't like that."  He walked past them, going to get a drink.

"Nighthawk, can I buy you one?" a guy called.

"Sure.  I don't mind.  Pay for this one if you want."  He winked.  He strolled over.  The next dancer was already working it.  He sat down with the commando.  "How did you end up with such an idiot on your team, boys?"  They stared at him.  "Yeah, I'm kinda sure you guys are commandos of some sort or another but not with the other ones in here."  He sipped his drink.  "I'm also pretty sure that your geek, because he seemed like a geek to me, is overcompensating for a tiny dick."  They all laughed.  Someone screamed and came at him.  Xander ducked, using the chair to block the attack.  The guy tripped over it.  Xander stared at him.  "Yup?  You needed things?"

"I'm going to make you mine.  You'll submit and I'll make sure of it," he complained as he got up.  Xander just stared at him.  "No pithy quips?" he sneered.

Xander socked him in the jaw.  "No, I don't need one this time.  Boys?"

The bouncers came over to get him.  "Another like the last guy?"

"No, this one's got kids."  They nodded and removed him.  Xander looked at the others.  "Well?"  His other got up and slinked out.   The cops out there got him.  Xander sipped his drink as he kicked the chair back up.  "Sorry."  He smiled.  "I'm sure you guys are much better than that."

"Usually," the growly one said with a smug smirk.

"Then we're all good."  He smiled.  The manager stomped over.  "What?"

"Did you forget to pickpocket them?"

"No, I got them earlier."  He smirked.  "I was tired of playing with them."  His boss groaned as he walked off.  "So what brings strong guys, who I'm guessing are Marines?  To a little podunk town like this?"

"Army," the married one said.  "Downtime."

Xander nodded.  "Downtime is great.  I'm supposed to be on the great American road trip but my car exploded."  He finished his drink, rolling his eyes.  "The fire department was real nice when they answered the call."

"So it literally went up," the married guy said.

"Yeah.  Some jackass on the highway was firing fifty caliber shells," he said dryly.  "Hit my trunk.  Hit one of my weapons.  And I noticed it about ten miles later.  At least I got most everything out."

"How did that set your car on fire?" the growly one asked.  He was the epitome of big, black, mean looking man.  Including scar down his cheek from his eye.

Xander grinned.  "It hit the crossbow, which poked the grenade.  Which leaked and when the spare gas mixed it went chemical.  I saw the first set of smoke curling out so I managed it before fire fully started."

"Why did you have a grenade?" the tougher looking white guy asked.

"Because I needed it."  He got up and strolled off.  "Going back on stage, guys."  He winked at the married one.  "I won't tease you too much, dear.  Taken is sacred to some of us."  The guys in hearing all laughed and he stroked one's cheek.  "At least you're not mean like the earlier ones."

"No, Xander, I'd never be mean to you."

Xander stared at him.  "How did you learn my real name?"

"Oops?"  He got up and tried to hurry out but the cop in there got him to talk to.  Xander rolled his eyes and shook his head as he walked off.  "We're army," he wailed.  "C'mon!  I'm not a freak like they were!  We'll be seeing him soon anyway!"

Xander turned, staring at him.  "Why is the army interested in Sunnydale?"  A few others gasped.  "Yeah, I made you guys too.  Not all that subtle," he quipped.  "Tell me now or I'll have someone less polite ask."  A few stomped out so Xander grabbed the bar phone and called someone, speaking in another language.  The manager gave him an odd look.  "It's probably a bad thing."  He looked back there.  "Sit, boys.  I can tell real soldiers from pussies with stripes."  The silent one snickered.  Xander strolled up onto the stage, turning on something country in the jukebox.  He was in the mood to dance.  He got great tips too.  Because he got down to his thong this time and the guys were all happy with the 'ride a stripper' thoughts he built for them.  He got done and gathered his tips, winking at the guys at the stage.  He went to change and came out in tighter jeans and a t-shirt.  He sat down with the guys again with a grin.  "I love it when the psychos come early.  They tip great."

The married one stared at him.  "You're not normal."

"That depends on who you asked, Married Boy.  I know two girls and a librarian who'll tell you differently.  They'll insist that I'm normal and throw girl fits if you try to counter them."  The bartender brought him a drink.  "Aww, who bought me one?" he called.  That one waved.  "Be back, boys."  He got up and went to chat with him for a few minutes.  He was old, lecherous, and pouted that Xander didn't do *privates*.  So he went back to the military guys.  He sat down with a sigh.  "I'm so glad I don't have to dance in heels like the girls do."  He sipped his drink.  The growly one cackled, shaking his head.  "Yeah, exactly.  It'd do bad things to my hips."

"Heels make girls' asses look fantastic," the other hardnosed guy said.

"Yes, but my ass isn't built like theirs."  Someone screamed as they ran in with a knife.  The military guys got up to disarm him and kick him around.  "Thank you, boys."  He stared at him.  "Hi.  How're you?"  He smiled.  The man whimpered.  "Did we need something?"

"People want you to use whatever skill this is to help the government," he sneered.

Xander leaned down, swatting at the hand feeling his ass up.  "No touchies."  He stared at the guy again.  "I'm already serving our country by making sure the bad things don't get out of Sunnydale, dear.  I think that's a higher calling.  If not, they wouldn't rush me with a knife."  He smirked and stomped on his chest, making the military guys wince at the bone crunch noise.  "There, that should stop any and all plots.  Remind them who I really am, dear."  He blew a kiss.  He strolled off.  "Boss, I'm cashing out for the night," he called.

"That's fine, Harris."  He cashed him out and Xander got his bag, winking as he strolled past with it.  "Laundry?"

"Yup, need to do the evil things.  That way I can draw more people who want to own my ass."  He smiled.  "Have a nice night, guys.  If you like 'em sweeter, talk to Joshy."  He walked out.  The lights that came on amused him.  "Yes?"

"Mr. Harris," a male voice said.

Xander stared.  "This is so cheesy and I'd know."  He walked around them, going to his car.

"Sir, you're being recruited."

"I'm not going to sign up for anything.  I have a duty," he said in a sing-song voice.

"They don't want or need you back," the voice sneered.

Xander snickered.  "Really?  That's fine.  Then I'll go do wonderful things with my life."  He got into his car, locking the door.  He started the engine and backed out.  When one of them followed him he casually opened the window and grabbed something from the glovebox, throwing it out.  Their tires busted a minute later but Xander was nice enough to call and report himself.

"Hi, Marge," he told the 911 operator, smiling at the familiar voice.  "Some yahoos just tried to recruit me by force and were following me so I kinda popped their tires.  Yup, there.  Thanks, dear.  Probably some mess left, yeah, and I'm pretty sure they're with the commandos that got removed but not the tech geek.  Thanks, Marge.  No, laundry," he sighed.

"Tell the bigger guys that the tech geek that got arrested, his team's okay.  They were very helpful.  Laters.  They're trying to ram me."  He hung up and dodged the clumsy attempt.  "Really, people?" he demanded dryly.  "I've seen vamps do that *so* much better."  He spun into a lot that he knew led to the back police parking lot, which was probably full tonight.  He spun out, letting the smoking cops know there was a problem.

The truck barreled through to hit him.  Xander got out of the way, barely, and parked, getting out and grabbing his bag while the truck turned around.  He emptied the glove box, the trunk, and grabbed his cellphone too.  They had time to turn around and slam back into his car.  "You're paying for the replacement," he called, waving and hiding behind one of the bigger, meaner officers.  "They're Army.  They want to recruit me."  He grinned.  "Aren't you so proud of your service?"

"Thankfully I was a Marine," he said dryly.  He pulled his gun.  "Get the fuck out of there before I break in with the best 'hoo-yah' ever!" he shouted.  "And I do mean now, greenies!"  They tried to start the truck but Xander shot the engine.  He looked at him.  "I keep forgetting you have a gun."

"I like guns.  Guns nice.  Guns hot."  He grinned.  "Guns pretty."

"You need better taste in men too," he assured him dryly.

"Before I started to strip I've never even teased a man."  They all laughed.  "Seriously!  Bad girls but never guys.  So maybe some of that love is the whole virgin thing to gay sex.  Who knows."  He shrugged.  "Can I buy you breakfast?"

"No, my wife would mind if I brought you home, Harris."  He got the punks out of the truck, letting his coworkers helping him.  "Yup, military ID's."  Xander smiled.  "I'll get the accident report ready too."

Xander blew a kiss.  "I'm going to do laundry and hide."

"Let us escort you since your car won't drive now," another officer said.  "Just in case they're there."

"Sure."   He followed him to his squad car.  "I'm sorry I cause so much trouble."

"No, it's good someone's arresting them," the officer assured him.  "I don't know why they like you so much.  You don't get near as naked as the other guys at the club and you're not built like the body studs most clubs have."

Xander shrugged.  "No clue.  It's always happened.  All the girls I dated are deadly too."

"Huh.  Maybe it's a hormone thing then."  He pulled into the motel's parking lot and stared.  "What the hell are they doing?"

Xander watched.  "One's packing my shit, the rest seem to be packing their own shit."  He looked at the officer.  Who called and got their people to all come stop them.  Xander got out.  "Does this mean I can have their shit?  I could do such a great number with camos."

The Chief looked at him.  "Don't be a smartass, Harris."

"Sorry, Chief."  He grinned.  "Want me to sort it out?"

"For all we care, he can have it," the mayor said as he joined them.  "What is the military doing invading our small town?"

"They said they wanted to recruit me against my will," Xander said dryly.  "I don't know why, Mayor Thomas."

The mayor, who was a full blooded demon, stared at him.  "Anything else to add?" he asked dryly.

"Yeah, they know about Sunnydale.  They looked me up before they got here."

"There's rumors of a commando action in Sunnydale," the mayor admitted.  He spotted another guy.  "They with them?"

"No, that team is on downtime and they were very nice to help me earlier.  They are not part of those idiots.  Married Guy, Silent Guy with the Hat, Growly, and Tough Guy there are their own team."

"Got it."  The chief smiled at them.  "That geek yours?"

"He was stupid and being changed out," the growly one said.  "Want us to call someone higher up in our people?  We're army.  We feel dirty that they wear the same uniform but it's not us."

"Please," the Chief said.  "I have no idea who to call about them."

"We do," Tough Guy said.  He pulled out his cellphone to call.  "Colonel, Clay.  We're in Oxnard on downtime.  There's a commando unit here that is bothering civilians and trying to recruit by force."

"And we've heard there's some in my town too," Xander called.  "It has to do with Sunnydale, I've never been anywhere else."

Clay repeated that.  "Please.  The local PD does.  Oh, and would you please get us a geek that doesn't try to attack strippers?  Thanks."  He hung up.  "By the morning, Officers."  They went to their room.

Xander grinned.  "So, can I at least sort out my stuff and check for my money stash?  Oh, and they crashed the car."  The chief whimpered.  "I say they pay for it."

"I say so too," he agreed dryly.  "Have it for all I care."  Xander grinned and went to loot.  He tossed that other team some things and took the rest.  Though they nicely confiscated the weapons.  The chief and mayor shook their heads.  The boy had a thing for weapons.  And dangerous people.  It was probably a bad sign for a long life.


Xander came back from doing laundry and found the huffy car dealership guy.  "I did not do it."

"I know you didn't.  I got the report and your insurance company was having a fit."

"Sorry?"  He shrugged.  "I did what I could."

"I know, Harris."

"I still say they have to pay for it."

"The army disavowed them working within the US."

"Because that's treason," Xander said dryly.

"I guess.  They're going to jail for attempting to kidnap you."  Xander grinned.  "The insurance paid off the whole car."  Xander beamed.  "So you have your whole car fund back right now."

"I need one."

"You do and apparently you need something faster."

"Well, I could go tease the drug dealer in town into give me his," he offered.  Married Guy walked past and nodded.  "Thank you."

"Welcome, kid."

"I need something faster, right?" he told the dealer, who nodded.  "If I can tease him to death, he has a souped up Barracuda."

"No," Married Guy said.  "That's not the car you want.  It's not real protective."

"Yeah but I can't afford a hummer.  Even if I do pickpocket him."

"Good point, and can you do that?"

"Yeah.  The local Chief of Police said it was just fine of me to do it to the ones they're arresting."  The car dealer nodded.  "Speaking of, I found their wallets.  Need them?"

"Please," Married Guy said.  Xander got them for him.  He looked at the ID's.  "Crap."

"They're going to jail for attempted kidnaping," the car dealer said.

"They won't make it to jail."  He walked off to tell his team leader.  "Kid, for now, just stay calm and we'll figure out what's best for you.  I'm a genius with cars."  Xander grinned.

"He has twenty-five handy," the dealer told him.  "That's what the insurance paid for the last one minus the last two payments on it."

"I can help him find something under that."  He grinned before knocking and walking into a room.  "Damn, what did you eat," he complained as he shut the door.  "ID's."

Clay took them to look over.  "They're Special Ops too."  He called their higher up to let him know that.  And that it had to do with that small town so they might have one there too.  He vowed to get that stopped and hung up on him.  Clay handed them back.  "The kid have fun looting?"

"He said the local cops let him whenever he ran into a psycho.  Also he's thinking about his next ride."

"Boys his age it should be about cars and girls or boys," Clay agreed.  "Did we look up his town?"

"If the stats are to be believed, it's hell," Roque said from his bed.  "Literal hell.  It has a higher death rate than some countries having civil wars.  Which has went down in recent years."  Clay and Pooch both stared at him.  "That's what they reported."

"Who'd report that?" Clay demanded.

"I have no idea.  Go ask the kid."

Pooch went to do that.  He came back confused but odd looking.  "He said that half the things that *eat people* in town we'd never believe."

"Probably why the Army set up a special project," Roque said.  Pooch nodded.  He looked at Clay.

"I'd like tech support to hack them if we have to."

"Shouldn't they be being ended?" Pooch asked.

"Fuck no," Clay snorted.  "That's why they're getting quick jail sentences.  So they can't talk and I doubt they'll spend any time there."  They shared a look.  "Find us someone good for tech support this time."

"I'll ask around," Pooch agreed, going to his room to do that.  Cougar was pacing and uptight.  "What's gotten into you?"

"Something's wrong," he said.

"Beyond that group being army?"

Cougar looked at him.  "Yes."  He walked out, going to get a drink from the machine.  He saw the people watching the motel.  He saw clear sign of it being agents.  He knocked on the kid's door, nodding back.  "Agents."  He opened his soda, taking a drink.

"Play along, dude."  Xander pulled him inside and packed quickly.  "This has to relate and I'm getting that creepy feeling."  Cougar nodded.  Xander called his boss.  "There's more of them here."  He hung up.  "Okay, I'm going to disappear into the night.  You guys are free to do whatever but I'm going back to my own personal hell to hide because I know that town better than anywhere else."

He smiled.  "All you have to do is wait a half hour after I'm gone and then go back to your room like I was great at it.  Okay?"  Cougar nodded, he could understand and go with that plan.  "Tell Married Guy I said thanks for the car advice."  He checked out the back window and snuck out with his two bags and backpack, heading to the office first by the back door in the laundry room, and then to the car dealership.

Cougar waited the half hour and then went back to his own room.  With a stop to tell Clay what had happened.


Xander stopped at a diner for dinner, looking at a map.  He knew there were less obvious ways into Sunnydale.

"On a trip, sweetie?" the waitress asked with a smile.

"Well, I was, but I'm on my way home now, I just wanted to figure out an alternate route because I've heard some strange things are going on nearby.  Like military drills."

"Huh, I haven't heard a thing 'bout that."  She put down the glass of ice water.  "Got any idea what you want tonight?"

He smiled.  "Burger, fries, malt vinegar to spritz, and soda, no ice?"

She smiled.  "Every boy's dream but vinegar?"

"I picked it up from our school librarian.  He's a Brit."

"Ah."  She nodded, walking off writing that down.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, sweetie."

Xander watched the parking lot once he had the map folded again.  His slaying patrol senses were tingly.  So yeah, something was going to happen.  "Um, can I get that to go?" he called when he saw a car pull in.  "That's seriously strange since they arrested that guy last night for trying to follow me to my motel room."  She brought him the box and he paid her, smiling at her.  "Thank you."  He walked out, sliding into the car and locking his door as fast as he could, then he had to fight the person in the back.  He finally managed to get out, panting, glaring at whoever that was.  They got out, with a needle.

"So not going to work.  I'm not the average person."  Forget the manners he had learned as a stripper, it was time to be *Xander* again and Xander didn't put up with shit from anyone anymore.  She lunged with the needle and he kicked it then her.  Then knocked her down and stood on her throat.  "Who do you work for?  What do you want with me?"  She was gasping.  Her buddies were getting out of the car so he pulled a gun.  "Don't think I won't," he ordered, pointing it at her.  "Who do you work for and what do you want?"

"We want you to work for us.  You show some excellent skills," the driver said with a smile.

Xander stared at him then shot him in the leg.  "They're not for your use though," he said calmly.  Officers came screaming in and he put his gun on the hood, leaning against his car.  "That bitch was in my backseat with that needle," he said with a point.  "Her buddies," he said with a point at them.  "Have been stalking me.  I had to leave Oxnard really fast earlier because of them."

"Federal Agent," the other one said, holding up his ID case.  Xander shrugged.  "We're trying to bring him in."

"No you're not.  Because if you wanted to arrest me, she wouldn't have been in my back seat and you wouldn't have an army ID like the ones arrested in Oxnard last night."

"Sir, for now, hand me the gun please," the officer ordered.  "Handle first."  Xander showed it had the safety on and handed it over after discharging the clip.  "Thank you.  License, sir, and driver's if you have it."  Xander nodded, pointing at the car.  "Slowly."

Xander got into the glove box and pulled it out, putting the knife on the hood too.  "So you can't freak."  He tossed over his wallet.

The officer looked, nodding at what he saw.  "Why were you in Oxnard?"

"Exploding car.  I was on a road trip.  I ended up stripping."

"All right.  That is a nice car."

Xander smiled.  "I draw psychos."

"Huh."  His partner got off the radio, getting back out of the car.  "Ambulance?"

"On the way.  Mr. Harris?"  Xander nodded.  "They're with the same people?"

"As far as I can tell since they said they wanted to recruit me."  He bent down.

"No, let me," the officer said firmly.

"Okay."  Xander got his lunch and sat on his hood, eating it.  He crossed his feet, watching the ambulance get there.  "Guys, I was using silver tipped," he called.  "Never know when something's evil enough to need silver."

The officer with his gun looked at the clip.  "They are."  He looked at the kid.  "Where did you find those?"

"LA."  He grinned.  "Special order but good for the general evil things that seem to want to date me."  He ate another fry.

"That figures," the officer decided.  He stared at him.  "How can you eat?"

Xander paused between bites.  "Six weeks ago I had one guy who wanted me *so* much he kidnaped me from the club, tied me to an altar, and proceeded to kill small animals overtop of me, gradually working his way up to a whole family and then me."  He ate another bite.

"Eww," the other officer said.

"Yeah.  Basically.  This...."  He shrugged.  "I've seen worse.  Especially since it was my graduation ceremony that had the gas explosion."  They both stared.  "I was on my way home too."  He finished his burger.

Their shift supervisor showed up in his pickup.  He got out.  "He's eating?"

"I've seen worse," Xander admitted.  "And I date psychos.  Just another day to me, Sergeant."

He looked at his sleeve then at him.  "How do you know ranks, kid?"

"Relative was."

"Oh."  He got the report from his people.  "What ID are they carrying?"

"One has an Army ID and the one that got shot glared at him like he was going to roast him against a wall.  The one he said was in his backseat doesn't have any.  The other has one for the FBI but the kid's right, Sarge.  If they were here to arrest him, they wouldn't have been trying to drug him from his back seat."  He pointed at the bagged needle.

"No, they wouldn't.  Where was he before?"

"Oxnard.  I called.  They told me about the ones last night that they're never supposed to mention again and about how they've arrested thirteen different serial people and other psychos thanks to them wanting him."

"All psychos seem to want me," Xander quipped.  "These ones included."  He watched a car speed towards them.  "Guys, I may be from a small town but doesn't that look like the start of a...."  Bullets started to fly.  "Drive by?"  He dove backward, grabbing his knife as he rolled.  Not that it'd do much right now but his keys were with the officers.  So he couldn't get into the trunk.  "Can I have my damn gun back please?" he called.  It was tossed over and then the clip.

Xander reloaded, checked it, and came up firing on the car.  He got a small graze to the shoulder.  The sergeant's truck got two flat tires and a few around the gas tank.  The ambulance got one as it sped off.  Xander hit the tires, then the driver's side window.  Bulletproof glass was nice.  The officers were firing too.  Xander took more careful aim.  He only had two bullets left.  He caught one in the open window, a lucky shot making someone yelp, and one in the gas tank, creating a poof of noise, smoke, and light.

He and the cops ran over to pull people out before it finished going up.  Xander stared at them.  "Fucking idiots," he muttered.

"Car please, sir," the sergeant said calmly.  Xander nodded, going back there.  He got his keys on the way and reloaded too.  "Does this happen to you often?"

"Only this summer."  He shrugged.  "It never happens to me in Sunnydale."

"Jesus, you're from that town," he muttered, crossing himself.  Xander smirked and nodded.  "So that was your graduation?"  Xander nodded, smiling less.  "Understood."  He patted them down.  "No wallets."  He looked at the merrily burning car.  There was no chance they had survived.  Or the gun....  He looked back, and the kid produced them.  "How did you learn that?"

"Stripping.  My car did that earlier this summer.  Oxnard's guys said I could do that all I wanted to the ones they were arresting for wanting me."

He took them to look over and confiscated the rifle he hadn't seen the kid sneak past him.  "You wouldn't want it anyway, it'll be in the system soon."

"That's fine.  I confiscated some of theirs last night.  The Chief down there was happy to let me."  He grinned.

"He said they crashed your car."

"They did.  In the police station parking lot because I was getting away from them."  He smiled.  "Brand new, still making payments on it...."  The officers all winced.  "Thankfully the insurance people were real nice this time too and speedier."  He petted his present one.

"A lot speedier than mine usually is," the sergeant said, scowling at his truck.  "Maybe it's the whole stalker thing though."

"Maybe or they knew they could get the army to pony up faster than normal people to make this all go away," Xander quipped.  The sergeant looked at him.  "Yeah.  Last night's they already charged with attempted kidnaping."

"So you think these are going to be covered up too?"

"Yup.  Probably."  He looked at the two that were awake.  "Aren't they?" he asked dryly.

"Probably," he sighed.  "They're not going to be happy with us."

Xander smiled.  "I'm not happy with you and I'm going to ask favors of people."  They scrunched back away from him.  "Why are you trying to recruit me and I know this isn't normal Army recruitment so who wants me?"

"Our project needs someone like you so we can tell the dangerous ones."

Xander stared at him.  "Where might your project be?"  The guy stared at him.  "Ah, you're from the problem I've heard got started in Sunnydale."  The man whimpered.  "Don't worry, I'll work on getting that shut the hell down too.  Because clearly you're doing something wrong."

"If they're caught working inside the US and they're not National Guard, that's treason," the sergeant said.  Xander grinned at that.  "You're right, if they're going for attempted kidnaping, there's a plot.  Damn it."  Xander nodded.  "We'd like better statements."

"Sure."  Xander strolled over to give them all that had happened, just in case more happened.  The fire department got the car put out.  Xander was a bit too calm but they figured he was used to getting threatened by the reports from Oxnard.  They let Xander go on his merry way and warned the state boys that it had happened in case it did again.


Xander ended up in LA, finding a few people he wanted to talk to.  Both agents.  "Agent Cheese man," he said dryly, making him flinch and turn to look at him.  "Got ten?"

"Are you being stalked by someone else?" he demanded.

"Yup.  This time they're a special project out of the army and my town."  He grinned.

"Why?" he asked.

"I don't know.  Well, I do know some things and what I know means the higher up are involved in a crackhead moment.  So got ten?"

"Yeah, for that, I can have ten minutes."  He walked the kid off, away from his teammate.  The kid drew dangerous and you never knew about them.  Xander told him everything he knew, starting in Oxnard.  "So that other team helped."

"Yeah, and then they hit me again at this little diner by the other guys.  They admitted it there."

"What are they doing in your town?"  Xander stared at him.  He had been sent up to investigate the explosion at graduation and had been overruled by his superiors about what happened.  "No way."

"Yup.  Pretty damn sure.  All my contacts in town have said the same thing.  They capture and never release."

"Okay," he said, thinking quickly.  "Clearly the higher ups are involved."  Xander nodded.  "I have no idea what I can do beyond note it."

"They've been trying *really* hard to get me 'recruited'."

"So you said."  He considered it.  "I'm putting you into the database as a kidnaping risk.  That'll be DNA and things."

"Okay, but I do have to admit to some DNA warping."

"From?" he asked dryly.

"Our swim coach trying *really* hard to win."

"Steroids can do that?"  Xander gave him a pointed look.  "He used something?"

"Yeah, and then they ate him."

"That's disgusting."

"Yeah."  He nodded.

"We can do it anyway."  He took him to the labs.  "Guys, this is Mr. Harris.  There are some people who would love to own him."

"They only arrested seventeen psychos this summer," he said with a pout.  "That left three or so."

"I don't want to know why you draw serial killers and the like," Agent Colby Granger said dryly.  "We need to put him into the system as a high risk of kidnaping."

"We can do that," one of the lab techs said cheerfully.  She got some tweezers and a swab.  "Sit here please, sir."  Xander obediently sat.   She plucked a few hairs, did a cheek swab, and took a picture.  "There, that'll be in by tonight."

"Thanks," Granger said, walking him up to his desk.  "Let's make it official that you're reporting a problem."  Xander nodded.  "That way it's somewhere in the system even if the higher ups do react."  He went into the reports and started one on this contact.  As soon as he typed in the word 'Sunnydale', a warning box popped up saying that town was off-limits.  "That's new."  He canceled it and got back into it.  When it popped up again he got the regional boss.  He came to look and talked to Xander about what he was reporting.  He had come from the office in Texas so he wasn't infected with Sunnydale paranoia yet.

His team leader looked.  "The last time I did a report with that sort of box popping up I had to call an analyst at the BAU who is a hacker to get the report put into the system."  He called her and she said she'd do that for him.  "It'll go in when you save it."  Colby finished typing it up and his boss added his section.  Xander got sent on his merry way and the report went in.

"Why go to a hacker?" his boss asked.

"I'm told not even the president can have that box removed.  She wasn't sure who started it."

"I didn't have it when I filed mine for the gas explosion that the higher ups said it was," Colby said dryly.

"They were going to change that on you anyway," Epps said bluntly.

"What?" their boss asked.  So Colby told him about graduation, what really happened and what hadn't happened but the FBI said had happened and the ATF agreed with them about it.  He went to look that up.  That was wrong to change findings that way.  Later that night, his house was burned down with him in it.  Though he was mysteriously tied to a chair and full of holes when they found his body.


Xander was at a bar that night, playing with some of the contacts who had run after graduation.  LA was a lot bigger than Sunnydale.  He heard someone commenting on something and looked over.  "They did what?"

"They just signed their death warrant.  They pulled something huge," the vampire said with a smirk.  "Pity about the slayer," he finished with a quip.

Xander called.  "Giles, me.  Get the girls, get Joyce, get out of the city.  Now.  Because whatever strange project is up there just pulled something huge.  No, I'm in LA."  He hung up and called Joyce.  She wasn't going to argue.

"Oh, come on!" another vampire complained.

Xander stared at her.  "I know you figured out the calling goes through Faith, but that means the Council will wetworks her and you'll get one of theirs, who hits everyone."

"Damn," the other demons muttered.

"Yup."  He went back to his hand of poker.  All his stuff in storage was outside city limits.  And he had nothing in there he couldn't replace.  He had brought the special stuff with him.  His phone rang and he answered it.  "Hey, Buffster.  No, I'm in LA on my way back and I heard that whatever strange and freaky project that has been trying to get me for the last week just summoned something really huge and destructive.  You and your mom, and the others, need to go now."  He rolled his eyes.  "Hey, stay and die," he offered.  "The demons here wouldn't mind."  He hung up.  "Why?"

"We've never really figured out how you could stand their whining anyway," one of the vamps said.  "They tried to get you?"

"They so tried for the last week to get me.  They called it recruiting."  The demons snickered.  "Yeah, exactly.  Oxnard's PD is really nice though."  A few stared at him.  He grinned.  "The car blew up."

"You're.... aw, damn that so figures!"

Xander grinned.  "Heard about the club?"

"Yes!  Damn, boy!"

"Yup.  But I had some fun baiting."  He shrugged and got back to the poker hand.

An hour later, reports came in that the college had imploded and there was a lot of damaged areas.  Xander stared at the small tv.  The bartender noticed and turned it up.  He called Joyce, who was sounding a bit hysterical.  "Did they all get out?"  He nodded.  "No, I'm in LA.  How bad?"  He winced.  "Wow.  That's a lot of destruction.  Everyone all right?"

He nodded.  "Want to come where I'm staying and just get rooms tonight?"  He listened.  "That's what part of the city I'm in, yeah.  No, she argued with me but I'm tired and I hung up when she got pissy, Joyce.  You know how she gets sometimes.  She tried to argue with me about why she didn't have to leave.  No, I have a headache.  No, I'm not drinking.  I'm having a nice diet soda.  Playing kitten poker.  Then that's her problem."  He hung up.

"Fuck it."  He went back to the hand, shaking his head.  "It's PMS day up there."  The demons all shuddered.  "They're all synched too."  He tossed down his cards and cashed out, heading out to a real bar.  "Why did I want to go back?" he muttered as he walked.  Someone jumped out with a knife.  Xander stared at him then shrugged.  "I've seen worse wanting sex, dude.  Get a life."

"Give me your money!" he shouted.

Xander backhanded him then walked off.  "Whine, dude.  Try it with someone else."  He found a dirty, down low club, and got entry, going onto the floor.


Joyce huffed as she hung up.  "I think you pissed him off for good, Buffy."


"If you say normal I'm going to paddle you," Joyce said firmly.  "You should be thankful you have friends beyond Giles.  The other girls haven't."  Buffy gaped.  "They didn't have anyone to take over for them on their nights off; they didn't get nights off.  They didn't have witches helping.  They didn't have parents.  You're spoiled.  A lot of the girls would've killed to have the support you have."

Buffy backed down.  "Jeez, mom, I was going to say he's not that good at it."

"Sure, because he hasn't learned anything in three years?" Joyce snapped back.

"Okay.  Sure.  I get that."  She backed away.  "I know things are bad looking... but I didn't do it."

"Go sit down."  She sat down to stare at the town.  She did not need this tonight.


Xander walked around the people complaining the next morning, handing Joyce a chocolate laden latte.  "You sounded like you needed it last night," he said dryly.  She scowled.  Xander stared back.  "At least I heard."

"Good point."  She patted his cheek and took a sip.  "Mmm, chocolate, thank you."

"If it's too much, hand it to your daughter, who also clearly needed it," he said dryly.  She smiled at him.  "For the last week someone army has been trying to supposedly recruit me by kidnaping and things."  Joyce stared at him.  He pointed.  "From what I heard in LA they were under there."

"Oh, dear."

He looked at her and grinned.  "There's two police departments that got some of them."  He smirked.  "They weren't happy."

"I'm not happy!"

He smirked.  "You got to miss my car going up in Oxnard."  She stared at him.  He nodded.  "Ended up working at a strip club."

"Oh, dear."  She looked him over.  Jeans that were clearly new.  "That bad?"

"Actually, there were serial killers."  She cackled.  He nodded.  "Oh, yeah.  I made good money teasing the serial guys."  He looked at Giles as he came over and pulled out the candy bar to hand him.  "Because you sounded like you had PMS too."

"It's rather upsetting to have that sort of notice coming in suddenly."

Xander stared at him.  "Not like we didn't know the city could fall in at any time."

"True.  At the very least from the earthquakes."  He opened the bar and took a bite, then smiled.  "Thank you.  Raspberry."

"I know you like those more."  He looked at Joyce.  "Insurance guys?"

"Already," she agreed.  Giles nodded.  "Fortunately the storage area was outside the destruction area."

"It was," Giles agreed.  "My apartment is mostly still standing."

"Our house is leaning," Joyce sighed.

"Thankfully most of my weapons were at Giles' place," Buffy said as she joined them.  Her mother handed her the coffee.  She sipped and moaned.  "Chocolate, thank you, Xander."

"You sounded like you needed it."  He looked then at Giles.  "Army."

"We've heard stories about commandos," Buffy admitted.

"They kept trying to recruit me by force."

"Huh.  Why?"  He stared at her.  "Oh, you dated?"

"No."  He rolled his eyes, turning around.  "The press are watching."

"Oops."  Buffy moved closer to her mother.  "I haven't seen Willow this morning."

"She's probably trying to get her parents to answer the phone so they can do things."  He found his phone.  "There it is."  He dialed the pager and left his number and an emergency code.  A few minutes later he got called back.  "Mr. Rosenburg, Xander Harris.  Yeah, her friend Xander.  Did you watch the news today?  Because most of Sunnydale is destroyed and your house is in ruins.  No, last I heard she was fine but she's probably been trying to find you this morning.  Well, there's insurance stuff," he said dryly.  "Packing up anything that might be left."  He snapped his fingers.  "There she is.  Willow, your father."  She took the phone to walk off.  He looked at Joyce.  "They have a pager."

"I didn't even think to grab my phone," she admitted with a sigh.

Xander nodded.  "Phones usually come after family photos."  She smiled and nodded.   "Or weapons," he admitted.  Buffy snickered.  Willow came back.  "They tell you who to talk to?"

"Yes and they'll fax permission over to handle things because they're out of the country in Panama."

Xander nodded.  "That sucks but...."

"Yup, a lot."  She looked around.  "There's the insurance guys huddled together."  She walked over there.  "Excuse me.  My parents are faxing over permission to work on their stuff for them since they're in Panama."

"Miss Rosenburg," one said.  "Where is it going to?"

"I have no idea."  Their insurance guy smiled.  "Xander called their pager."  He nodded and led her off to check the faxes set up for residents to get things sent off.  Willow got the number from Xander's phone and sent the pager the fax number.  A few minutes later it came out with orders.  "They're excited, I can tell," she said dryly.

"Clearly.  I wonder if they realize that was the only branch of that bank and it was totaled too."

"No clue."  She shrugged.  "I'm not sure if they remember what their address is."

"We'll deal with it, Willow."  He got their files and settled at the card table to go over what he had.  The bank manager had their backup copies and he got him to go over that with her as well.  Willow faxed things back and got signatures sent back.  Then the new bank wouldn't let them set up a new account.  Willow winced and nodded.  Xander got them the name of a private bank somewhere a bit farther away and it worked.  They set it up with them.  Willow finally relaxed and found the group smiling and happy.

Xander looked at her then at Joyce.  "I'm at a cheap motel in LA."

"We can do that," Joyce decided.  "It'll be days before they let us into the house or apartments."  Giles nodded.  "Where?"

"About two hours away."  Xander handed over a card.  She smiled.  "Let me go back there and get a nap.  I was up at the club last night blowing off stress."  He strolled off.  "Hey, Doug, do I get to do a happy dance?" he called.

"Half, Harris."

"Hey, cool!"  He smirked.  The insurance agents stared at him.  He shrugged.  "I'm not paying for anything for them."

"You sure?" one called.  "That means you can't inherit.

"Yup.  Absolutely certain."  He looked at him.  "They wouldn't do it for me."

"Well, no, they wouldn't.  They tried to cancel your policy."

"Did I remember to pay?"  The agent nodded.  "Cool."  He smirked.  "I don't care if they're billionaires."  He headed for his car.   He saw the agent and shrugged.  "I got a warning and called someone."

"Not the police?"

"They wouldn't have done anything," Xander said bluntly.

"Good point."  He shrugged.  "Any idea?"

Xander smiled.  "The same one I told Agent Cheesy about from what I got told."  He got into his car and got out, staring at it.  "Get them out of my car please."  The agents came over to get the guy.  Who shouted he was there to recruit Xander.  "I'm not interested."  He smiled and waved.  "Get over it."  They checked his car and he got to drive back to LA.

Buffy stared.  "Huh, he wasn't exaggerating.  Did he date?" she asked her mother.  She got swatted for it too.  "Ow," she complained, rubbing that spot.

"Shut up, Buffy.  There's clearly a problem since he's also claiming he's army."  Buffy shuddered.  "Let the agents handle it."

Buffy nodded.  "I don't need to talk to army guys.  It might be bad for me."  She walked off to bother Giles.  Who shot her a dirty look.  So she had to pipe down.  The world was against her working off stress today.


Xander looked up from his poolside lounging when Joyce plopped down next to his chair.  "I thought you might like this place."

"For being inexpensive it's a decent place.  Nice pool too."  She swatted him when she noticed him staring.  "They're not your sort."

"No, not with the herpes sore."  He looked at her again.  "Buffy taking a nap?"

"Yes.  She needed it."  She put on her sunglasses.  "I have no idea what we're going to do."

"No clue but I'm wondering how long it is before British people show up," he said with a point.  "Yo, British dude," he called, making him flinch.  "She's taking a nap."  He gave them a confused look.  Xander got up and strolled over.  "I'm Xander.  I work with Buffy."

"Oh," he said flatly, nodding.  "She's resting for patrol?"

"I think she's just resting right now.  That's her mom."

He looked then at him.  "We don't usually deal with parents, or friends."

"Yeah, that's why Buffy's lasted so long and told most of you to blow her," Xander said bluntly.  "Joyce, is Giles in yet?"

"He'll be here in an hour."

Xander walked him over there by force and sat down again.  "So, where are you posting her this time?"

"Well, first we wanted a report on what happened."

"As I heard last night, there was a military group up under the college trying to figure out things we already knew by the neat things called torture."  The Council rep gave him an odd look.  "They found some remains in really bad shape that wasn't from the explosion.  Which was caused by someone they summoned.  Ladies," he said with a smile.

"My friend thinks she saw you stripping."

"She might have if she was in Oxnard over the last month.  My car kinda blew up.  Literally."  He grinned.  "Had to do something to make the rent and things."  She giggled and ran back.  He looked at the Council rep again, who was looking disgusted.  "Literally, fireball.  Had to pay for a room and a new car somehow.  And hey, I got to bait serial killers a lot."  The rep shook his head.  "I made twenty-thou without letting anyone grope in a month and a half."

Joyce looked at him.  "How on earth?"

"Seventeen psychos."

"Ah."  She nodded.  "That makes more sense with the way you draw them."

"Yeah, it worked well.  Anyway," he said, looking at the Brit.  "They apparently got something summoned or summoned him.  He created the explosion in revenge for all the torture they had created."

"Okay," he said cautiously.  "So do we know who it was?"

"The army was running it.  I heard the name 'Walsh' associated and it's a female.  One of the ones that came after me said she wouldn't be happy."

"All right.  I hadn't heard anything about that.  We have no idea of which one it was?"  Xander shook his head.  "Can we find out?"

"I asked earlier before heading up, no one had any idea.  Just that he lost his temper because of the torture they were doing.  They kept saying 'usually he's so nice'."

"Did it have a title?"

"No one mentioned one.  If I had to guess, there's only a few classes of beings it could be.  Yes, dear?" he asked with a smile when she came back.

"Are you dancing now?"

"No, my town got blown up last night and my friend's mother and I are making plans of where we're going next and what we're doing.  I haven't even looked at any of the local clubs.  If I do, I'll put around some notice."  She beamed and bounced off again.  He looked at the Brit again.  Then at them when they both bounced over.  "Yes, ladies?" he asked with a smile.

"We think you should dance now," one said, pulling a knife.  Xander leaned up and grabbed it, tossing it into the pool.  "Hey!  That's mean!" she whined.

Xander stared at her.  "Threatening me makes me want to spank."  They shivered.  "Not that way, ladies."  The manager came over and looked in the pool then grabbed the girls to walk off.  He wiggled his fingers.  "Have a good night!"  He looked at Joyce again.  "It'd be strange to dance at a place that was mostly women."

She shook her head.  "It's nice they didn't grope either."

"I had no problems until the army kept trying to recruit me by force."  The rep stared at him.  "Three times in two towns."

"Oh, dear.  No wonder she keeps you around."

"You can join the knife in the pool," he said dryly.

"Fine."  He looked at Joyce.  "When is Mr. Giles due in since she apparently listens to him?"

"She listens to me," Joyce said dryly.  "I am her mother."

Xander looked.  "Giles?" he called.  He came out of the office and over to join them, scowling at him.  "He thinks that Buffy will only listen to you."

"No, she barely listens to me."  He went to get his room keys and came back.  Buffy was down there by then as well.  "Is there a decision on where to post her next?"

"We could let her stay here," he offered.

"Small problem.  Angel's taking over LA's safety," Xander said.  "Heard that last night. The Powers said so."

The rep huffed.  "Who is that?"

"The Powers That Be?  The ones over the girls?" Giles said dryly.  "Did they send you because you're an intern?"  The man stomped off.  "I'll call in a while.  Buffy, do some laps to calm down."

She nodded, diving in to do that.  "Hey, there's a knife in here."

"Yeah, I took it from a girl and tossed it," Xander called.

"Please don't date."

"Shut up, I didn't even flirt with them."  He looked at Giles.  "Willow still arguing?"

"Oh, yes.  Her parents are not happy."

"They're not happy with anything."

"I've noticed that," Joyce agreed.  She adjusted her sunglasses.  "Did you put on sunscreen, Buffy?"

"Yes, mom.  It's in my daily moisturizer because I stole yours."

"Thank you.  You'd be miserable with a sunburn."  She looked at Xander.  "You can go play."

He smirked.  "I played last night."  Joyce scowled and swatted him.  "She was nice!"

"Go do laps."

"She'll run into me and drown me."  He shifted down so Giles could sit next to her.  He stretched up and then out.  "Better."  He spotted someone and grinned, nodding at them.  Married Guy nodded back.  "They're nice guys," he said quietly, noticing Giles had noticed them.  "They helped me get away."

"That's fine."  He and Joyce went back to talking over the problem areas.

Xander worked on his tan. It was time to work on the simple things and pleasures.


Xander looked up from his dinner when someone sat across from him.  "Hi, Growly."

"What happened?"

"I'm from the town that got sucked in."

"I saw that on the news.  You good?"

"All my important stuff was out of there.  The rest is in storage anyway."

"That's good.  What're you doing here now?"

"Resting.  Though I'm tempted to go show my ass in a club without stripping."

"You can do that?  I didn't think you had that sort of rhythm," he taunted with a smirk.

Xander smirked.  "You'd be surprised and it depends on the motivation."  He ate a bite.  "Want dinner?  I won't even tease about a date."

"Nah.  We're going drinking."

"Have fun with that.  I can't drink that much.  I'll start hating myself.  Then bad things will happen."  He looked at the guy who teased the back of his neck.  "Hi, friendly.  Who're you?"

"I am Pedro," he said with a heavy accent.

Roque looked at him.  "He's busy for the next twenty while we figure out if we need to protect him from others since I helped save him from some idiot soldiers."  Pedro smiled as he walked off.  Roque leaned closer.  "Word of warning.  He's a drug dealer.  He's a well known drug dealer in the upper levels."

"Figures.  That's the sort of guy who likes me," he said dryly, staring at the one staring at him.  "Know him?"

Roque looked and shuddered.  "Assassin.  C'mon, I'll make sure you get back to the motel."

"Thanks."  He bagged up his dinner and followed him out.  "Think middle america is safer?"

"With your luck, they'll follow your ass," Roque said dryly.

"Possibly."  They ran into the FBI team.  "Are you here about the drug dealer or the assassin who was flirting with me?"

Epps shook his head.  "Neither, just dinner."  He considered leaving again but... "Can we prove it?" he called.

Roque walked over and took his phone from him, calling someone.  He said two names and, "Look them up," then handed the phone back.   He walked the kid off, having to take him from a woman, of all strange things, who was trying hard to suck out his tonsils.  "Is she that bad?" he quipped.

"She was my prom date.  Who used to be in vengeance.  She's the one that girls called on to torture their bad boyfriends.  She *really* enjoyed it before she got fired."

Roque stared at her.  "Now I'll know if she comes near Clay.  He dates batshit insane chicks."  He drove the kid back to the motel and handed him to Joyce.  "Here.  We didn't want to interrupt our drinking tonight to save him from an assassin, the drug dealer, or his prom date."

"Anya's back?" Buffy asked.  "Huh."  She looked at Xander.  "At least he's big and kinda cute."

"He's on the team that saved me from the other army guys.  Thank you, Growly."

"Welcome, kid.  Try to stay in tonight instead."

"Yeah, I'll try to stay safe.  You guys too."  He went to his room.

Roque went to talk to Clay, who was watching.  "The bad boy club is circling around him already.  And I met the girl that punishes guys just like you."

"So we're doing tequila tonight?" Clay guessed.  "And we ran into the kid again?"

"At dinner.  Yeah, that's all good."  They left, giving Pooch all their room keys.  He was the designated driver for everything, including missions.


Xander sighed and looked down at the pool, then at Giles.  "I saw Anya."

"Joyce told me.  How was she?"

"She only liplocked me and kept sucking at my lungs."

"Ah.  You could go out.  I'm sure whoever made you flee is now gone."

Xander stared at him.  "Giles, do we know how many psychotic people there are in lower California?" he asked dryly.  "If I ran into seventeen in Oxnard, which is a bit larger than Sunnydale was."  Giles gave him a horrified look.  "Taunting and teasing them is how I afforded the new car without spreading my ass cheeks.  Though there was that really nice one who was  kinda a bit creepy about bringing me home to his mother."

"That sounds like it might have been suspicious, yes."

Xander looked at him.  "He was nicer than the guy who kidnaped me from the club to tie me down and sacrifice small animals overtop of me."  He smirked at the horrified look he was getting.

"Oh, dear.  For what rite?"

"He was supposedly raising power.  He was moving up to a whole family and then me."

Giles stared at him.  "I believe we should make sure no extra magic is on you.  Perhaps that's why you're drawing them."  He led him back to his room to look at that.  He found spells form Willow but not any others.  Though he did remove them.

Buffy looked at Willow, who was staring at herself.  "Why are you glowy?"

"I don't know.  I got some power from somewhere."  She shrugged and they got back to their board game.

Xander knocked and leaned in a few minutes later.  "Giles said if you ever magicked me again he was going to bind you and let me sacrifice you to something," he told Willow.  Who shuddered.  He smiled.  "If you're the reason I've been attracting psychos please stop it."  He closed the door and went to get his stuff so he could go out.  He really needed away from the group.  He walked out of the motel's parking lot to find a cab and found an agent waiting.  "What?"

"No, hell no!" Epps ordered with a point.  "Get some beauty sleep."

"Why?  Is there a convention?"

"Apparently.  Go back inside, kid."

"I was going to club."

"No!  Go inside."  Xander nodded, heading back inside.  Epps called that in.  That way they wouldn't have to deal with whatever was pulling people up to his city.  Though, if he could pull them and find out....  No, that would be using the kid.  Which was always a bad idea.  Plus his father would kill him if he heard.


Xander went out for breakfast the next morning, with orders from everyone else, and ran into his friend from last night.

"You avoided me," Pedro said, moving closer.

Xander looked at him.  "I had to get back to the group I'm with.  Right now I have to get them breakfast because they're mostly lazy girls."

"I could help."

Xander looked at him.  "One's a former cheerleader.  She's picky."  He smiled at the cashier.  "Two egg white mcmuffin thingys.  Only fat free cheese," he said with an eye roll.  "One egg white with veggies."

"Mustard on that?"

"No, she'd freak out."  The cashier smiled.  "Girls, ya know.  Two regular biscuits with ham.  One with jam, something other than grape if you can, and a tea bag, and three hashbrowns plus two of the number 2's please."  The cashier rang it up.

"Did you want tea tea or we do have sweet tea?"

"He's British."

"We have earl gray and the lemon stuff."  Xander pointed.  "Yes, sir."  He took the cash and gave him a number.  Pedro got his own and moved to wait with him.

Xander smiled at him, hoping he got to get back.  "Our whole town sank recently."

"I saw that on the news."

"Fortunately they all got out.  Just in time to nag."  His number got called.  "Have a good day, Pedro.  Maybe I'll see you sometime soon."  He hiked the block back to the motel.  He was pretty sure he was being followed but oh well.  He made it back, handing Buffy the bag that had hers and her mom's.  "Giles' tea bag is in there and his are in this bag with Willow's and a spare hashbrown for your mother."  Buffy smiled and took it for herself.  He and his food went back to his room.  Someone was leaning in front of it.  "Hi, Hat Guy."  He grinned.  "Long night drinking?"  He nodded.  "I have some hash browns if you want one."  He nodded and followed him inside.  "So why the guarding?"

"Two assassins and a weapons dealer," he said as he closed the door.

Xander smirked, handing over the hash browns.  Then he took one back and gave him one of the sandwiches.   "They all wanted me?"  Cougar nodded.  "Huh."  He dug in, shaking his head. "I have no idea.  I ran into the guy that Growly saved me from last night at breakfast.  He said his name was Pedro, Growly said he was a drug dealer," he said at the curious look.  Cougar just nodded once and shook his head.  "Are they having a convention?"  Cougar nodded.  "All the arms dealers?"  He nodded again.  "I like weapons but..."  Cougar stared at him.  He shrugged.  "Still have no idea if gay sex is fun, dear."  He smiled.  Cougar smirked back.  "Though, I'm not sure if it'd stop if I did."

"Probably not," he admitted.  He ate a bite.  "Plans?"

"For today?  We're figuring out where Buffy's going, and see if I want to follow her to help her with her duty."  Someone knocked and he got up to answer the door.  "Yes?" he asked the man he didn't know.  "Did we need something?"

"I think that's my room," he said.

"I think this has been my room now for three days."  He closed the door.  He looked at Hat Guy, who shook his head.  Xander sighed and got his gun out, getting a dirty look.  Xander grinned.  "Not exactly a boyscout but my town was kinda dangerous.  I'm not all that nice when I have to be."  He smiled.  "Anyway, how was you guys' drinking last night?"  Cougar nodded.  "Good.  I was bored.  I couldn't even sneak out later."  The door was kicked in and Xander pointed his gun at them.  "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"I think you're coming with me, Mr. Harris."

"I think I'm not unless you can produce a warrant, and I've done nothing wrong."  The man snarled.  "I'd go before I kill your ass too."  The guy lunged and Xander tangled him in the blanket.  He punched him a few times then picked him up and carried him out, tossing him over the railing, aiming at the pool.  "Hey, three points," he said dryly when he splashed.  He saw the manager.  "He decided I was his.  Sorry, I'll wash the bedspread."

"Probably needed it anyway, Harris.  Thank you.  Any damage?"

Xander looked at the door.  "Little bit but it looks solid."

"Thank you.  Go back to bed."  Xander nodded, going back in there.  He went to talk to the guys he *knew* were tough guys.  "I know you guys know Harris," he said bluntly when Clay opened the door.  "It's nice one of your guys is having breakfast with him.   I have no idea who the guy Harris just threw in the pool was but do you think you can warn him off your bitch or whatever Harris is?"

"He threw someone in the pool?"  He pointed at the guy getting out.  "Yeah, let me talk to the arms dealer," he said, walking out there.  "Pooch, call someone official."

"Already doing it," he said.  He got put through to the agent that they had heard knew about the kid's problems.  "Agent Granger, I'm a military guy staying at the same hotel Harris is and he just had to throw an arms dealer in the pool.  The manager asked my team leader to go talk to him.  Thank you, yes, there."  He hung up and walked out to help.  "He'll be here in twenty."

"That's fine.  I'm sure we can have a *charming* talk."

Roque walked out holding his head.  "Mother fucker," he said, staring at him.  "I'm going to make your ass beg to open wide for all the cons in prison to do you at once!  You're gonna wish for the Brothers to gang bang your ass."  He hauled him over, and the guy sneered but he quickly went to whimpering.  "Good idea.  Begging is always so sweet," he sneered.

Xander bounced down the stairs and pounced him, staring down at him.  "Now that you have my attention, what did you want it for?"  The guy started to move but Xander had a good grip on his throat.  The guy was struggling.  "Tell me the fucking truth or I'm going to sell you to someone who'll *love* to use you as a tentacle toy."  He eased up some.  "Name, rank, serial number, why me.  Now!" he snarled, letting the hyena come forward.

"Oh, shit, what are you!" he shouted.

"Special."  He stared.  "Now, who in the fuck are you and why the fuck are you after my pretty ass?"

"You're wanted!  Everyone wants you!  They all think they can have you as a good lover because you know and like weapons!"

"I do like weapons but I've never done more than stare at a naked guy."  He blinked his big brown eyes at him.  "Who are you?"

"Simon DeTars!"

"Who is he in the employ of?" Roque asked, staring at the kid.

"I'd answer him.  He's a big mother fucker and very sweet to a pretty little weapons nut like I am."  He smiled at Roque then stared at the guy.  "I might even let him break me in."

The guy wiggled.  "C'mon!  We can do better than a black guy!"

Xander stared at him.  "I've seen strippers bigger than you both.  It's not always about the size."  The man pouted.  "Who do you work for?"


Clay groaned, shaking his head.  "Psychotic assholes be gone," he muttered.

Xander looked at him.  "Then who would stalk me?" he quipped.  He heard the cough and got up, hauling the guy up and handing him over.  "Here you go, Agent Granger.  He tried to break into my room so I threw him in the pool."  He grinned.  Then he looked at Roque.  "How many more are in LA?"

"There's some sort of arms dealer meeting."

"I love weapons but I'm not ready to suck on a barrel of one yet."  He walked off.  "Hat guy came to breakfast if you're wondering."

"That's fine," Clay said with a wave.  "I trust him to protect you."

Xander looked at him.  "Gee thanks," he said dryly.

"He's trained, kid.  Let him hit some of them."

"Fine.  He can protect my virgin ass very nicely if he wants."  He went back up there.  Buffy was giving him an odd look.  "Arms dealer."

"Never mind!"  She went back to her room and slammed the door.

Xander snickered, going back to his own room.  He sat down on the bed and finished breakfast.  "Arms dealer."

Cougar nodded.  He handed him the rest of his hashbrown.  Xander grinned and dug in to eat.

"Xander, we're going to the kitten poker place," Buffy called.

"Let me change.  I'm in jammies."

"Yup, I saw that.  You have ten minutes."

"Is that ten girl minutes or ten real minutes?" he quipped.

"I'm already dressed."

He went to wash his hair, put on some deodorant, and put on real clothes.  He smiled at Cougar and waved, heading out with her.  He followed more subtly.  The whole team did and were horrified at the bar they were going into.  A lower class, grungy dive and that girl?  They looked and found a lot of strange creatures.  Xander walked out and pulled Roque in.

"They're decent people, they helped save me from idiots in Oxnard.  Leave them be, people."  They all nodded and let the newbies in.  Xander taught Growly how to play kitten poker.  The rest of the table was staring at them.  "He's good.  He helped this morning when an arms dealer tried to get me.  And helped in Oxnard."  He looked.  "Did you send your geek off?"

"Hell yes.  He was out the next morning and sent back to Bragg in disgrace."  He looked at his cards.  Xander leaned over to help him with the few strange rules.  He nodded and they played well.

"This one cheats," someone called.

Xander looked over.  "They'll eat you if you cheat."  He nodded, not cheating this time.

"Sorry, he's used to playing with army guys," Clay apologized.  He didn't want to know how any of these...beings would *eat* them.

Buffy looked over from her hand.  "Okay, guys, where's the place that needs me?"  They all groaned.  "Angel's got LA and he's right, it's best if we don't get mixy right now."

"Cleveland has a hellmouth," one said.  "But yours is still active."

"Ours is in a hole," Buffy said dryly.  "It'll be years before we get people back there.  I'll be really ancient by then."

"There's the remembrance tonight," one told Xander quietly.

He looked.  "When and where?"

"By there, at dusk."

Xander nodded.  "I can do that.  Buffster, remembrance?"

She looked at the table's dealer.  "When?"

"Tonight, dusk, at the boundary."  She smiled and nodded, texting that to her mom and Giles.  Her mom would tell Giles.  "We can be there."  They smiled and relaxed.  "The Council's already gotten huffy, guys.  I need to have a few good choices.  Cleveland and where?"

"New York?" one offered.

"Traveling like Kendra had?" another one said with a smile.  "She was very sweet and helped my clan by taking out the hunter that was bothering us."

"I'm glad she did," Buffy said, patting him on the flipper.  "I might do that if Mom lets me.  Is New York really heavy?"

"Some but they're like here, mostly settled with young punks that show up now and then," the dealer told her.  "Miami is the same way.  So are most of the older east coast cities."

"Anything overseas I should hear about?" Xander called.

"Did you know there's some arms dealers in town?" one asked.

"Yeah, they already tried to make me the girlfriend," Xander said dryly.  "I had to point out I've never slept with a guy."

"Maybe you should," Buffy quipped.  "It might stop them like the bad girls did."

Xander looked at her.  "Buffy, Anya was *after* my first time."  She gaped at him.  He stared at her.  "Really."

"I didn't know that."

"You didn't need to know that."  He went back to his hand of poker.   He put down two cards and got two back, increasing his bet.  "Sorry, guys."

"That's all right.  She distracts many," the dealer said dryly.

Buffy pouted at him.  "I'm not mean today.  Xander even got us the breakfasts we wanted.  Even with stinky onions for Willow.  Thankfully she sleeps in another room."

They all smiled at her.

"Guys, Oz?" Xander asked.  "Is he still local?"

"Nearly so," one said.

Xander called his phone.  "Oz, me.  No, FYI.  Sunnydale fell in.  We're all in LA.  Playing kitten poker.  She's at the motel.  Yeah, just a head's up, dude.  Have a safe and good trip, man.  We'll miss you until you get back."  He hung up.  "He's leaving later today."  Buffy smiled and nodded.  "He's going to Tibet."

Buffy looked at him.  "Like with the mountains and the news people say that Chinese are mad over?"  Xander nodded.  "Huh."

Xander grinned.  "Maybe you should dye your hair red?"

"I don't dye my hair," she said.  Everyone in the bar snorted.  "Hey," she said weakly.  "No fair picking on me."

"It means they like you," Clay said.

"Then I guess it's okay.  I pick on Xander because he's a friend."  She didn't look over.

Xander smirked at the others at his table.  They all smirked back.  He folded and the game went on.  It was a long morning with Buffy trying to find a place to move to until Sunnydale came back.

It was broken up by two men in serious suits showing up and stomping over to Xander.

"Not again," Buffy complained.  "Xander, can't you turn that drawing bad guys thing off?"

"I don't think they're that sort of serious," he said, staring at them.  "What's wrong, guys?"

"Mr. Harris?"

"Yes.  Why?"

"Sir, we wanted to ask a small favor of you."


"In private."

Xander stared at them.  "Do you think I'm stupid enough to go with two armed guys without knowing why?" he asked dryly.

Roque looked over.  "They're Secret Service."

Xander looked at him then at them.  "Really?  Is this about the guys that kept trying to kidnap me with army ID's?"

"No, sir, but fairly the same reason," the one in the lead admitted.  "Is there a private room here we can use?"

"Speak.  I'd probably complain and there's not many links in common."

"I'd rather it be private."

Xander got up and Buffy followed him to the back room.  "Guys, we need to talk to the agents," he said.  The higher demons stared.  Then at the agents.  They all got up and left their cards there.  Buffy sat on the edge of the table and he looked at them.  "What's on your minds?"

"Sir, how do you draw those sort?" the other agent asked.

"I have no idea."

"None of us do," Buffy admitted.  "It's always been dangerous girls since I met him."

"We have the school's dossier on your group, Miss Summers."  Buffy stared at him.  "How did that mummy come back?"

"Someone broke her seal," Xander said.  "I really felt sorry for her."

"I do the same," he admitted.

"Who did the dossier?" Buffy asked.

"Mr. Giles' reports.  We ...intercepted the people who intercepted them."  He smiled.  "They're the same people who just blew up your town."  He looked at him.  "We would like to see if your unique ability can draw more of the arms dealers in town."

"Beyond the one this morning?" he asked.

"This morning?" the lead agent asked.

"Yeah, I threw one into the pool.  You can ask the military guys out there."  The other one went to talk to one of them.  Xander shrugged.  "I'm not against that.  How did you guys want me to do that?"

"Well, there's the club approach."

"I cannot act high class.  I tried while working at the club in Oxnard and it didn't work.  I got laughed at."

"Okay," the agent agreed.  His partner came back.  "Who?"  He showed him the e-file on him.  "Huh.  Who got him?"

"Granger.  FBI."

"I met him over one of the psychos in Oxnard," Xander said.  "I reported all that to him so he could be aware that they had tried to take me a few times."

"Good idea," the agent said.  "What about a regular club?"

"I can do that.  I often do that."

"You stripped?" Buffy asked.

"Few times."

"Wow.  Why?"

"The car exploded.  Boom," he said, making the hand motion.


"The army guys crashed into my new one the day after I picked it up, with two payments still needed."  She shuddered.  "Which is why I have mine."  He looked at them.  "I can do that or I can do a turn on the stage.  I don't mind helping this time as long as you guys watch my back."

"We would be doing that, yes, and you can even pickpocket them if you want."  Xander grinned.

"Xander!" Buffy complained.

"Bad habit I learned on patrol.  How do you think we paid for the pizzas?  Not like I got an allowance."  He looked.  "Which one of my parents died?"

"Both but your uncle's alive."

"Huh."  He nodded.  "I have the stuff I danced in before but I'm guessing Oxnard was a lower rent area."  They nodded.  "Is the club you guys liked leather, jeans, music type?"

"The one you did with the teasing down to your jock was good," the lead agent said.  "I saw that one.  Music is vast and varied but not country.  Leather ... up to you.  Not my choice."

Xander smiled.  "Got it.  I need to hit a store.  I know I don't have something I need because they ripped."

"Go for it, sir.  Do you need anything gear wise?"

"I want someone in the club," he said.  "I know I'm decent but I'm not that great.  I can't take on an army of drug and weapons dealers."

"Drugs?" one asked.

"This guy named Pedro, who Growly said was one, showed up at dinner last night and breakfast this morning."


"The big black guy with the hangover."

"Captain Roque," he said, going to ask him.  He told him who the guy was and the assassin.  He came back, staring at him.  "What do you think about them watching your back?"

"They're on leave."

"We can get them more downtime, Harris."  He called that in, getting permission.  He waved Clay in, getting a scowling Colonel.  "For tonight, we're using the kid to draw some."

"That's probably a bad idea.  He's not trained."

"We have nightly patrols in our town," Xander told him.  Buffy hit him on the arm.  "I'm not great but I'm not that green.  Beyond that, I'd be stripping."

"You weren't bad.  So you guys want what?  Him to have backup?"

"Yes.  We'd be in the club as well but better safe than sorry with the ones who've already wanted him."

Clay nodded.  "And in return...."

"You get an extra week of downtime and can go wherever."

"Pooch would appreciate seeing his wife."

"Good.  This club," he said, showing him the profile in the system.

Xander looked.  "If it's in the system, won't they know about it?"  The agents asked.  Xander leaned out.  "Guys, which strip club have the arms dealers been in?  I need a new rifle and I'm going to sweettalk one out of a discount."

"Reggie's," they called.

"Or the Pillar but it's a bad place."

"Thanks."  Xander pulled in and shut the door again, staring at him.

"I wouldn't ask this team to try to survive the Pillar.  So Reggie's...."  He looked that up and nodded.  "Harder music, scungy floor, badass needed."  He looked at him.

Xander smiled.  "Okay."  He shrugged.  "Let me shop to get some new jeans, guy."  He walked off.  He cashed out and waved.  "Laters.  Let me find something pretty that Buffy will want to steal to pet."  They all laughed.  He left, going to find the shop he needed.


Xander turned his first turn on the deck, staring at the guys.  Whole lots of navy guys tonight.  He moved closer to tease them, seeing the sneers.  "Then why are you here, baby?"  He winked.  "I don't care what your style is."  He moved on, dancing for one of the others up there.  There were a few in there, in the back areas, the darker seats.  Xander moved out to draw them.  Just like usual.  They made the best tippers.  He did okay and came off, going to get a drink.  He smiled at one, who shook his head.  He walked off, going to sit with the navy guys.  "So, did they bring you because they wanted to see what you'd do or because they're picking on you?" he asked as he sat down.

"Probably to pick on me," he said sullenly.

Xander patted him on the wrist.  "Some of us aren't gay here.  I'm here because I have to move since my town just got sunk.  So I need money."  He smiled.   "Beyond that, smile.  Half the guys in here will see your uniform and treat you like candy and the others will shy away because they know the military rules."

"I've never been thought of as candy."

"Everyone should be candy to someone.  A good woman will treat you that way someday."  The navy guy smiled.  "And for this, you get to razz all the guys for *weeks* because they knew where a gay strip club was."

"I don't care if they are."

Xander smiled.  "Then get back on the pony, Corporal.  You're moping and it's only getting you pity looks and no drinks."  He got up and strolled off.  He looked at the manager.  "What did I do wrong?"

"We prefer more...boytoy but hardass here."

Xander smirked.  "Let me try it again.  How do we feel about country?"


"How do we feel about jazz?"

"Better.  Most of our people love heavier metal."

"Yeah but I can't get naked to that."

"Naked could help."

"Sure.  I can do that."  He winked and went to get ready.  He stretched this time.  He ached for some reason.  Maybe the drink had been laced.  It had tasted like it was E so he was fine with that.  Not the first time this summer.  Everything would just be...happy.  He went back out for his next one, which usurped a usual dancer, who glared.  He kissed him to start off his set since that's what the music called for.  Then he smiled, winked, and strolled out to dance to it.

This time, the guys were more interested.  He got a lot more showing of his ass.  He was down to the thong by the second song of the trio.  The third, he did mostly swaying his ass and teasing until he went down.  A few of the guys moaned.  He smirked and leaned down to kiss one then hung his thong off his finger, over his shoulder, and strolled back to kiss the next dancer again.  The guy smirked.  Xander smirked back and strolled off, his butt cheeks flexing.  He got a few hoots that time.

So his third and final dance tonight he'd kill.  The drink this time, he looked at the bartender.  "Can I have an undoctored glass this time?"  The guy gave him a scared look.  "I don't mind E but really."  He smirked and blew a kiss.  "It'll take more than some cheap drugs to make me learn how to blow.  It'll take some special incentives."  He winked and walked off with his new drink.  One of the dealers was smirking at him.  He smiled.  "Lonely?"

"Not fully but you seem ...interesting."

"Sometimes.  Sometimes I'm just...a bit naughty."  He sat down.  "I'm Alex."


Xander shook his hand.  "Where are you from, Intera?"

"How do you know I'm not from here?"

Xander smiled as he leaned closer.  "LA is the home of the pretty people who want to be seen.  Everyone here is about the pretty.  You're hiding in a shadow.  Your clothes are expensive but not flashy.  Your jewelry couldn't be classified as bling.  And your haircut is practical, not fussy."

"Not everyone locally is like that."

"Most of 'em.  I'm from up the road and even the guys who work fast food are wannabe actors and models."

"Good point.  Are you?"

"No, my town just had an issue so I have to move.  I'm making money to move on.  I did some really nice work in Oxnard when my car exploded this summer, earned a new car, so it's nicer this way."  He smiled.  "I get paid much better than I would for fast food."

"I can agree with that.  How much do you think you made in tips just now?"

"Maybe a hundred, hundred and thirty maybe."  He smiled.  "This is my first night here and I'm still getting the feel for this club.  I'm hoping my third set tonight is magnificent and I get really good tips so I can pay for the motel for the next week."

"You know, there's faster ways to earn money."

Xander blushed, but smiled.  "I've never done more than stare at nude male art, Intera.  I have no idea what to do if I'm given that choice."

"Hmm.  Full virgin?"

"No, I've had a few women but my town was tiny and a college town, plus I'm a bit geeky."  He grinned.  "It was slimmer pickings than it is here in LA.  That's why I went on my roadtrip and got stranded in Oxnard.  But it was a nice town."

"I've heard that."  He smirked.  "So, Alex, how much do you like weapons?"

"I love weapons.  Especially the rocket we had to fire off last year."  The man moaned and shifted.  He grinned.  "I'm very lucky someone gave me"

"You had codes?"

"About four days out of date," he admitted.  "That was actually my best date in high school."   He grinned.  "That ex-girlfriend's a wannabe actress."

"Interesting."  He stared at him.  "What would you do for a new toy?"

"That depends on the toy.  And the tempter, wouldn't it."  He got waved at.  "Sorry, let me go get ready.  As for a new toy, I'd definitely bark.  I'm not sure if I'd roll over or not though."  Intera growled a happy sound.  Xander went to see the manager.  "Better?"

"Much.  Got something a bit harder and less drama?"

Xander nodded.  "Yeah but I'm told I look pissed off and mean."

"That's fine."

Xander went to put on his new jeans and a looser t-shirt.

"That's too loose."

Xander smiled.  "It's getting ripped off anyway.  Thanks."  He found the right shoes and stretched.  He popped his neck and it was better.  He got out there and found the navy guy at the stage again, winking at him.  His music came on and he shifted, scowling at him.  "Bad boy," he said.  The navy guy shivered.  He tempted him into grabbing him and then walked off, letting him rip the t-shirt.  He was totally dancing a girl fit on stage but the crowd liked it a lot.  He was getting more tips.

He shifted closer to one to 'nag him' and winked at the end.  When the line 'you may've bought it but you're a fool to think you can take it back' was sung, he pulled a knife and cut the jeans off, making the crowd groan.  Xander was down to a very nice velvet thong, which was kinda see through-ish.  When the lights hit him, it was shadowed.  When it wasn't, it was more solid.  He danced back toward one of the military guys.

Growly was smirking at him and he winked.  He pulled his own knife and stripped the thong from him, keeping it.  Xander finished dancing the last half a song that way, getting a lot of hoots and hollers.  He finished up with a bend over to grab his clothes, and the crowd went nuts.  He had a lipstick print drawn on the inside of an ass cheek.  He winked back at them and walked off humming.

The manager stopped him.  "How did you get that there?"


"Never mind.  That was good.  Can you do more like that?"

"I'm not sure how long I'm in town."  He considered it.  He was bored shitless waiting on orders.  "As long as you never try to coerce me into the back room and no one doses me again."

"I can do that, though you'd make good money."

"Never touched a guy."

"Damn.  Well, that'll work then.  You sure?"  Xander nodded.  "Four days a week.  Starting tomorrow."  Xander nodded, accepting the tips from the bouncer.  Xander paid him, paid the DJ, paid the bartender, then came out with his bag, sitting with Intera again.  The manager stared and Xander gave him a pointed look.  He knew why he was here.  So he could bait.

Xander smiled.  "Better?"

"Much better.  That was quite an enjoyable show."  He smirked.  "Are you feeling better?"

"Much.  I sweated most of it out."  He saw someone move.  "I'm officially off for the night.  I was going to go to Temple."

"That's a fairly low class club."

"It has its points.  A lot of the locals don't go there but it has a world class VIP lounge and a great floor.  Come with?  I need to drop my bag in my car but ....  I think it's an underused club."

"I can see trying it."  Xander smirked and got up, heading out.  Intera paid his tab and followed.  That had been a nice tip.  A few of the others heard and followed.  He found the VIP room charming and decent.  Multiple little nooks and a lot of strippers went there.   The ones who wanted it could talk the pretty strippers into table dances.  The club's management didn't really care about anything.  They even blatantly put out condoms on the lamp bases.  Xander was in his element, teasing blatantly.

Two of the younger thugs were trying to get him but Xander wasn't letting it happen.  He finally let one of the guys closer, earning a scowl from the other one.  "He has things I could learn to like.  You're just...bling."  The guy huffed off to talk to his boss.  Who laughed and agreed.  Xander got the guy good, he was seriously wanting and hot.  Xander was teasing and he knew it was a tease.  Though he had already pickpocketed him.  And most of the others.

One of the bigger guys came down, making the littler thug huff off.  "Boy," he said, smirking at him.

Xander smiled.  "Not quite that young."

"I saw you pickpocket him."

"He was groping without permission.  Are you going to spank me for it?"

"No.  Everyone's a bit mercenary."  He pulled him closer.  "I think you'll be coming home with me."

"I think there'd better be a really good incentive because I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now."  The gun against his side clicked.  Xander looked down then at him.  "Huh.  That's nice.  I could use a new one of those."  He moved.  The guy pulled him back.  Xander let the feral nature come up.  The man shivered at his stare.  "I'm not looking for a boyfriend."  He moved the gun.  "And if that comes near me again, it's mine."  The guy snickered.

Xander had already lifted his wallet and two of his passports.  He got the last one and held it up, reading the name.  "Victor Ortiz."  He looked at him.  "Clearly a fake."  He tossed it on the table and took the gun from him, looking at it.  "Weak gun too."  He tucked it into his waistband, earning a few looks.  "I love me some weapons.  I'd probably even learn to suck cock for weapons, but not yours."  He blew a kiss and walked off.  "Thanks for the gun."  Most of the others were watching and Xander smirked.  "If I ever go for a man, it has to be a *man*.  Not...  Well, someone tougher than me let's put it that way."  He strolled out.  A few tried to entice him but his play time was over.  He ran into one outside, who kissed him and tried to claim him but he got pulled off by Growly.

"So, you need a real man, huh?" he said with a smirk.

"If I'm gonna go for a guy, it's gotta be someone tougher than I am.  I know I'm decent but not the full badass I can be yet, but that doesn't mean I'm going to agree to sex for rescues or faint in someone's arms going 'my hero'."  Roque smirked at that.  "Though, if you can disarm the blinky thing I can see on my car I'll give you a kiss with tongue.  It'll be my first real one with a guy."

Roque looked and used a knife to slice the right wires.  "Done."  Xander kissed him and Roque enjoyed the hell out of it.  "When did you get peppermint candy?"

"Schnaps."  He grinned and winked.  "Maybe you can show me some new weapons?"

"I probably could, yeah."  He got the kid into his car and watched him head off.  The rest of the team gathered and went back to the motel too.  Xander had already sorted out the wallets.  "Don't take the credit cards.  They can track those."

Xander smiled and held up an ID card.  "Isn't that Pentagon?"

"It is," Clay said, taking it to look at.  "Official and real too."  He put that into his jacket pocket.  "What else did you get?"

"The one I tossed said Victor Ortiz."  He took that down.  Xander added in the other information.  Then he handed over the passports.  "Will that help?"

Clay smirked as he read them.  "Quite a lot."  The agent in charge walked in and shut the door.  "Passports, wallets?"

"That last one?" he asked.

"The one outside or the one I scared?" Xander asked.

"The one outside."

"Apparently really wanted a kiss."

"What did you get given at the club?" Pooch asked.

"E.  Not the first time this summer.  I tend to get chatty and pouty and cuddly."  He grinned.  "The bomb?"

"We got it," the agent assured him.  "Nice catch."

"It was twinkling on a dark street."

"It was."  He looked at the information.  "A few aliases we didn't have.  Anything else?"  Clay held up the passcard.  "That's interesting."

"Real too."

"Who had it?"  Xander pointed at the passport.  "Get anything else?"

Xander got his dance bag and looked, handing over those wallets.  "I didn't get the chance to strip the money."  He found something and held it up.  "And bling."

He looked.  "Keep it or sell it, kid."  He smirked.  "Nice work."  Pooch stripped all the wallets for him and they searched them.  "Hmm.  One has a picture of someone who looks like your friend Willow."

Xander looked.  "That's her cousin Bethany.  She's from upstate New York."

"Interesting."  He smirked.  "Thank you.  Where is she?"

"Her room."  He pointed.

"Even better."  He went to ask her about that girl.  Even a little bitty thing like an address might be important.

Xander took the money.  "Thanks, guys."

"He offer you a full time?" Clay asked.

"Four days a week."

"Shave," Pooch told him.  "You were more furry than the other guys."

Xander grinned.  "I know.  And I need to do more situps."  They all laughed.  "Thanks for watching my back, guys."  They nodded and left.  Xander got comfy and made a few plans.  He had made nearly six hundred in tips and another sixteen grand in pickpocketing.  Plus jewelry.  So a good night and he could get a decent breakfast.  Though he would be staying away from the places he had already been since they seemed to find him there.


Xander was found the next night at work by Cougar, who was at the front of the dance deck.  He smirked at him and nodded politely, but didn't tease him that much.  Even when he held up a five dollar bill.  Xander winked at him and moved to the really dangerous fucker who had shown up.

"You did better in Oxnard, Nighthawk."

Xander stared at him while he danced.  "Maybe.... I could play different music there."

"Clearly.  Maybe you should switch to a better club."

"This one has nice security."  He smiled and wiggled for him, earning a sneer.  "But anyway."  He moved on to tease Cougar now, getting a smirk back.  Then he moved on again to someone who wanted to think he was a big tipper offering tens.  Xander teased him for a second then moved on again.

"Oh my fucking god," a female voice said loudly.

"I'm not the one you're thinking of but if you wanna switch I'll gladly help you build me an altar," he called, cracking most everyone up.  He finished up on a harder tune, which made the dangerous one growl.  Xander winked at him and leaned down to kiss him on the forehead.  "You need to take something for the growlies because it can cause even worse upset stomachs."  He walked off.

The manager was snickering.  "Know him?"

"From Oxnard.  They arrested him twice on homicide charges."  He smiled.  The manager moaned.  "Yeah."  He went to change and stroll out.  He got a nice mixed drink.  "No drugs this time, right?" he asked.

"No, Alex."

"Thank you."  Xander walked around the women.  "Ladies night is tomorrow," he quipped.  "We all love dancing for the ladies."  He winked.  "They like us more."  He went to sit with Cougar, who was smirking at him.  He glanced at the other guy, getting a slight nod.  "I have got to figure out some better music.  Before I could intermix some country, some lighter, but not here."  He sipped his drink and glared at the bartender.  He put it aside.  "I hate drugs."

"I do too," Cougar agreed.

The dangerous one came over.  "Not liking the drink?"

"I'm not liking the drugs in it," he quipped, smiling at him.  "Was that you?"


"Hmm.  Cool."  He smiled.  "I need music suggestions."

"You need more rhythm.  A good, long fucking will cure that."

"Yes, but you still tied me to an altar that once and I'm not into pseudo-religious stuff."  The blinked his big brown eyes at him.  "I require dating."

"Fine.  Dinner?"

"Not tonight but see me tomorrow.  I'm off."  He smirked and walked off.  Xander looked at Cougar, who pointed.  Xander looked and sighed.  "Figures."

"It could help," he said quietly.

"Yeah but I haven't picked up anyone recently."  He shrugged.  "I'll do that later."  Cougar nodded.  The manager walked past.  "Here.  He did it again."  The manager sniffed the drink and went to chew on the bartender.  "Maybe I should switch clubs.  There's that new one."

"Only girls."

"Not that one.  The one by the classy strip joint with all the rock stars."  He got a confused look.  "The one with the Nirvana symbols."  Cougar shook his head.  "Yeah, that's guys.  I checked when I was passing through before I went to Sunnydale.  They seem to do more mellow nights too."  Cougar wrote down an address and handed it over.  "I'm not old enough to work there," he said dryly.  "They insist on twenty-one."


"I'm not," he said quietly, getting a grin.  "If I knew how I did those things, I'd perfect it."

Cougar nodded.  "Natural scent."

"Could be, yeah."  He got up to get a soda and came back, lounging again.  "I'm being a lazy bitch tonight."  Cougar smirked at him.  "I dance again in about an hour."  He looked back.  "Ladies, since there's not much activity tonight, what do you want to hear me dance to?"  They giggled and said something.  "I can do that.  I do a really hot country number."  They grinned and he went to get ready for that one.  The DJ scowled but Xander handed him a CD from his tape player.

He sighed because the girls were chanting so he played it.  Xander did get happier to that music.  The manager was whimpering but the girls were tipping heavily.  When Xander got down to the thong, the ladies were reaching for him.  He let one stroke then backed up a step and let it come out.  They shrieked and giggled.  He smirked and finished up then leaned down to kiss one on the head.  "Thank you, ladies."  They grinned.  He gathered things and went back to change again.  His soda was still waiting on him.  The ladies called him over so he went to tease them some more.  It was cute of them.


Xander was at the new club, which he liked a lot more.  He could be his goofy self here and they allowed country music.  They didn't allow heavy metal but he could play some rock when he wanted to.  And he got to play on the mechanical bull.  Which was where he ran into Roque and Clay.  He was doing a show on the bull, which was making the people in the bar hoot, holler, and yell.  Which made him good tips.  Xander rode it the whole way, mostly naked, and shaking it to the music.  The ladies loved it.  The guys were cheering him on.

When the bull finally stopped everyone cheered and Xander winked as he slid down the side to stroll off.  He kissed one lady who was panting.  "Hi, baby."  She moaned and kissed him for real.  "Thank you.  Cute lipstick."  He winked, going into the back to get into his patrol kit for an antidote.  The head bouncer looked in at him.  "Poisoned."  He gulped the potion with a grimace.  "Eww."

"You good?  Need medical?"

"I should be fine.  That cancels out most poisons unless it's something real exotic.  Just tastes nasty," he said with a shudder.  He got dressed and leaned back in his chair.  "Can't drink for twenty with it."

"Sure."  He went to tell the manager, who had her detained and searched.  The kid got the antidote and he was happier.   He finally got to go out, get a drink, talk to people.  Swat the guy trying to grope him until he got off him.  The bouncers pulled him out and tossed him.  Xander smiled at the pouty woman.  "Sorry."

"No, he shouldn't grope anyone else but me."  She pulled a knife.  Xander pinned her hand to the bar and popped her on the jaw.  The bouncer got her.  Xander threw it into the wall with the other weapons, earning a few claps.  "Weapons are not permitted unless they're personal carry," he quipped.  "And easily disarmed."  The crowd laughed.  He noticed Clay and smiled at him.  He even bought them beers.  Then he strolled off to find something new to dance to.  A few songs intrigued him.  One really got him moving so he selected it and did his next dance.  And two others he kinda enjoyed.

The crowd appreciated that and paid him handsomely for his ass's skin being shown.  He disappeared into the back and then came out for the last dance of the night.  It was his fifth, he was tired, he was sore.  He needed to pep himself up.  So he'd work the crowd up.  Which he did well enough to need to be saved.  The bouncers weren't able to stop the surge toward the stage when he did the lipstick kiss print showing.  Xander managed to save his own ass and get to the back room, staring at the other dancers.  "I think they like me."

"I think they want to steal you."

"Yeah, I think so too."  He got his stuff together.  "I'm going to cut now."  One of the bouncers managed to get in and looked at him.  "Sorry?"

"No, it's a good thing.  They're buying beers in sorrow that you're gone for the night."

"Sure, I can sneak out a window.  Gladly."

"Please."  He helped the kid get outside and the bouncer waiting out there escorted hi to his car.  Where someone was leaning.

"Kid," Roque said.  Xander gave him a sheepish look.  "Damn."

"People seem to like that."

"Uh-huh.  Too much."

"How drunk are you?" the bouncer asked.

"I've barely had three beers."

"Are you guys at the same motel?"  Roque nodded.  "I'll give you a lift back, Growly.  Your wife with you?"

Roque snickered.  "Yeah.  He's inside with the next crazy chick."

"Didn't I throw her out?" the bouncer muttered.

"Different one."


Xander got into the car, letting Roque get into the passenger's seat.  Xander sild in to drive.  "I'm off tomorrow, right?"

"Hell yes.  Manager said you're off until Friday," the bouncer assured him.

"Killer."  He drove off with a small honk.

"They ever straighten out where you're going?"

"Buffy's in Cabo handling something.  Willow's parents made her switch to a school overseas so she'll be back in about six months, and I'm doing this and saving up money for something bigger."

"New car?"

"Maybe a house."

"That'll tie you down."

"Yeah but sometimes it's nice to have a safe place you can hide all your guns."

"I prefer knives."

"Knives have an allure but after three years of staking people... I'm not sure I like knives all that much all the time.  I'm ready for some long distance weapons.  Keep my ass from being thumped."

"You guys...staked?"

"How else do you kill vampires?"  Roque stared at him.  Xander nodded.  "All over Sunnydale."

"I know it had a high death rate...."

"Because of the vamps," Xander agreed.  He pulled into the parking lot and stopped the car, smiling at him.   "Like all the demons at the bar we let you follow us to.  Most are peaceful, some aren't.  Vampires aren't, except for Angel, who's the town's problem solver."

"Huh," he said, shaking his head.  "Okay."  Xander grinned.  "All good little boys should be in bed by now."

"Who said I'm a good boy?"  He gave him a look.  "The one that kissed me used poisoned lipstick.  The crazy bitch with the knife had an ATF badge in her purse.  I'm still drawing them."

"Clearly, kid."  He got out, letting the kid get out and lock the doors.  "You make good tips tonight?"

"Fairly decent.  Four hundred I think."  He shrugged.  "Could've been better but it's the end of the month and a Tuesday."  He headed for his apartment.  "Need walked home?"

"Do you?" he snorted.

Xander smirked.  "Not the damsel."

"You'd make a good one."  He followed.  Xander gave him a look.  "Making sure there's no boogeymen under your bed."

"No, I killed the last one."  Roque laughed.  "Seriously."

"You should move into a place."

"I can't find one that doesn't require at least three grand for a deposit plus rent.  Usually plus utilities."

"You'd have to live farther out," Roque agreed.

"Which is a problem."  He opened his door and looked.  "Good instincts."  Roque growled and the bed shook with the guy underneath it.  "Hey, it's the one from earlier."

"You're moving tomorrow then," Roque ordered.

Xander blew a kiss.  "Not your girlfriend.  I'll find somewhere decent to hover."  Roque growled and moved closer.  Xander stared at him.  "I'm still not fainting at your feet."

"Maybe later.  I hate fainters."  He hauled the guy out from under the bed and threw him out, into the pool.  Then the guy in the closet and the one in the bathroom.  "Do they think you're a slut?" he taunted, slamming the door and locking it.

"It's possible they do.  The whole job thing does throw some people."

"Uh-huh.  So how's the *weapons work*?" he asked smugly.

"Still nothing with it."  He shrugged and looked a bit nervous.  "Posturing aside."

Roque pulled him closer to kiss him.  "That's even better."

"Um...."  He was kissed again and it was nice.  His head was swimming but it was...decent.  And hot.  And moist.  And then there were hands.  Nice hands.  Firm hands.  Stroking hands.  Hands could be nice.  As it turns out fairly nice.  And warm on his skin.  Even the calluses weren't that strange to him in the moment.  Even when he got nudged down to get closer to the warm skin, he wasn't really worried.  The pressure on his head gave him indications of what he was supposed to do.  And it wasn't bad.  Roque clearly liked it.  He got one back and it was really much better than his attempt.  Xander went limp after he came, grinning a bit.  "For a first time, that's not bad."

"It's not a first time until your cherry pops," Roque said in his ear.

Xander turned his head to look at him.  "I have *nothing* to help with that."

"I have something in my kit."  He got up and put on pants, hiking over to his room and back.  The kid hadn't locked him out so clearly he was interested.  Or as it turned out, asleep.  He checked, still alive.  Bit warm.  Roque got comfortable.  The kid would wake up pretty soon.  Him staring at people did that.  Though the boy just sighed and snuggled into his chest instead.  He stared down at him.  "I'm not exactly into cuddles, kid."

Xander bit him and he hissed.  "Cuddles are elementary to Xanders and if you want in my ass that much, you'd better learn.  At least for tonight."

Roque snickered.  "I can let you cuddle later."  He moved to tease him some more.  He knew he'd have to work his way back up to it, the same as he would for any woman that had a break in the center of the sex.


Roque got up in the morning to someone pounding on the door.  "Fuck off," he called as he got up to answer it.  He stared at Clay.  "What?"

"You...."  He spotted the body on the bed.  "You came back to do him?  Is he suddenly desperate?  Are you that dangerous now?"

Xander sat up, looking at him.  "Do you mind?  He just got done popping my cherry a few hours ago.  I'm trying to sleep."  Clay glared at him.  Xander threw something at him, making him yelp and start patting himself down.  Xander blinked at him.  "Yes, I think I picked the better one and I'm sorry your husband there left at you the bar, Wifey Colonel, but it wasn't really planned."

Roque looked at him.  "It was actually pretty good."  He smirked.  "Calm down.  He's always cranky when he doesn't get any."

"Then he should get on his knees like a proper wife."  Xander got up and went into the bathroom.  "Let me clean up."

Clay glared at Roque.  "He's a little shit."

"Actually he's not.  Or else you wouldn't have been putting out small fires."  He smirked.  "What's the matter?  The crazy chick bad at it?  Or did you find crabs again?"  He slammed the door and went to calm the kid down.  Normally he wouldn't care but he respected the kid.  Xander was pouting but he slid into the shower with him and it was easier.  "He's sorry he's an ass."

"It's fine.  I knew you were taken."

"He's not...."

Xander looked at him.  "If he didn't, he wouldn't nag like one."

"He'd never let me," Roque said quietly.

Xander hugged him.  "I'm sorry your wife won't bend over."  Roque swatted him but he was smiling.  "So I guess I have to find a safer spot to squat later on."

"Yeah.  You could probably afford an apartment."

"I probably could but here's easier.  There's a housekeeper, I don't have to pay cable or utilities.  All I have to do is buy food and I'm not eating that much."

"I noticed you lost weight."  He looked at him.  "Look at an efficiency by the colleges.  They're usually cheaper."

"That's still farther away."

"There's one five miles from your job."  He helped him and they got out, drying off together.  Xander went for breakfast, running into Cougar, who gave Roque a pointed look.  "Back down, kitty cat," Roque ordered quietly.  "Clay's already went psycho this morning."  Cougar rolled his eyes but left them alone.  Roque got a paper and went back up there.  Xander came back with breakfast.  "You need to eat better."

"I know but it's cheap."

"Clearly."  He handed him the paper.  "I'm sure you know the areas."

Xander nodded.  "I've been looking.  I even talked to a few but they didn't like my job.  I even said I bounced at the club, not danced."

"Then let's look on the commando set list."  Roque took the paper back to look over while he ate.  "Can you cook?"

"Yeah, slightly.  Had some fast food jobs when I was younger."


"Cooked at the place in Oxnard for the buffet.  I started out washing dishes."

"Huh.  I thought you started out drawing psychos."

"No, they were short one night and the manager ordered."  He shrugged.  "I sucked at it.  So I watched the others and my second time was less frozen road deer and more better and I kept getting better."  He pointed.  "I looked at that one."

Roque looked then shook his head.  "Too big and too flashy."  He found a few he circled and one he called right off because the number looked familiar.  "Tim?"  He smirked.  "I served with him before he got shot."  Xander grinned.  "Helping a young guy who's helped the team in the past.  Nope, young stripper.  Male," he said, rolling his eyes.  "Nighthawk still?"  Xander nodded.

His former teammate moaned.  "I take it you've seen him?"  Tim described him.  "Yup, him.  No, at a residence motel where others have broken in to steal him.  That's what he was looking for yeah.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "We can go over in two hours and look at what he has open."  Xander grinned. "It might be under mom standards."

Xander shrugged.  "My parents were drunken assholes, Roque."  He finished his breakfast.  "Thanks for the help."

"Not a problem.  For some reason I like you."  Xander smirked.  "Get something that's about what you make a week."

"That depends on the time of the month.  The first week, I get two, three grand usually.  This week, I'll be lucky to get six."

"Split it in the center.  No utilities there."  Xander grinned at that.  "And don't pick up a sugar daddy."

"I've turned down two.  One who I woke up next to in his apartment.  Which he offered me."

Roque shook his head.  "You need to quit drawing guys like that."

"His wife wanted me."

Roque snickered.  "What did she do?"

"High up in the FBI."

"Figures.  You turn her in?"

"Swore to if she ever tried to have me kidnaped again."

"Good."  He helped the kid pack things and then they went to look at it.   His former teammate nearly drooled on the kid.  The kid smiled and acted all nice back.  The apartment was scummy.  Really scummy.  But it had nice space.  It just needed cleaned a whole lot.  And a new carpet.  And some tile work.  Tim apologized.  The last tenant had just moved out and left it in that condition.  Xander negotiated cleaning it to knock off some of the security deposit.  Which was fine with him.

Xander asked a question about self defense weapons rules.  Tim snorted and said he didn't care as long as the ATF didn't raid.  Xander grinned.  He signed and paid out of his checking account.  He and Roque carried up the bags and then Xander took him to his storage area.  Roque figured it had some extra clothes, maybe pictures, maybe some tapes.  Which it did, but it mostly had weapons.  Roque stared then at the kid.  "I don't have this many."

Xander shrugged.  "Nature of the hunting?"

"Clearly."  He looked.  "Nothing larger?"

"I'm not supposed to collect artillery."

Roque stared at him.  He was trying too hard to act innocent.  Which he wasn't.  "What did you lift?" he demanded with a smirk.

"If I tell you, you'll want to turn it in or use it."

"Yeah.  Probably.  It is the law."  He smirked.  Xander sighed and they packed all that and went to his other one.  Which didn't have video cameras or security.  But the storage area had two locks and inside was horrifying.  Roque stared at them then at him.  "Lifted?"

"Poker debts."


"Theirs.  I play a great hand of kitten poker."

"How many cats does one of those equal?" he demanded.

"About fifty bucks per kitty," he said, closing the door when he noticed a station wagon driving their way.  "Hmm, they're worried I'm corrupting you."

Roque looked at Pooch.  "They paid him in higher gear."

Pooch looked and moaned.  "Damn."


"You can't move this to your new place," Pooch told him.

"I can so."

"You can't.  They'll definitely know and hear."

"Yeah but we have yearly apocalypses here."  They both stared at him.  Xander nodded.  "Every spring," he quipped.  "Just like Sunnydale."  He closed and locked it again, smiling at them.  "It'll be used this spring I'm sure."

They stared then shook their heads.  "If it is, call," Pooch ordered.

"I don't have anyone's phone numbers."

"Uh-huh," Roque said.  "Let's go put up the rest of your collection."  Xander nodded, letting him lead the way back to the car.

"We'll talk as a team and figure out if we can do something to help with that problem," Pooch said.  He got into his borrowed station wagon and drove off calling Clay.   Maybe the kid was Roque's type after all.  Pooch had always thought he was a nice, goofy, sweet kid with bad taste.  Clearly not so much.

If the team had a competent tech, maybe they'd look the kid's past up better.


Xander finished putting up guns and swords and crossbows, which confused Clay.  Then he went to shower.  "I've got patrol tonight, guys."

"Patrol?" Roque asked dryly.

"Yeah, as in going to handle the newly coming up and those things."  He leaned out.  "We did it every night in Sunnydale.  Even while we were in high school."  He ducked back into his shower and finished up then went to get dressed.  He came out pulling on an overshirt.  "You guys can order a pizza if you want."

"I don't think so," Clay said.  "We need to talk."

"No, I need to do this.  We can talk later if we need to talk."  He shrugged.  "Otherwise the death rate goes up again.  And we get notice."  They all stared.  He waved.  "I'll be back in about four hours if you guys want to order dinner.  Or hook up the tv, ya know?"  He grinned and grabbed what he'd need, heading out before they could really figure out how to stop him.  That would let someone follow him, which he was sure was going to happen, and see that he wasn't an innocent bystander sort who liked weapons a bit too much.  It'd also give them time to talk amongst themselves and come up with a plan to talk him out of his babies.  Which he wouldn't be giving up.


Cougar came back from following the kid, shaking his head and muttering in Spanish.  "Bad?  He knock over a liquor store?" Clay quipped.  Cougar sat down and told them what the kid had done tonight.  They all stared.  He had also recorded a lot of it for them because he didn't have enough words in any language to describe seeing a person turning to dust.  Xander came in with a gallon of milk and a box of Frosted Flakes.

"Thought you could cook," Roque said.

"I can but this is for dinner."   He shrugged.  "What?"  He put them up and cleaned up, then cleaned his weapons so they could be put up.  He came out to staring.  "Guys, kinda freaky with the freak staring contest."

"You and the blonde did that every night?" Clay asked.

"Most every night, yeah.  Though she has a bad habit of thinking I'm normal."  He sat down.  "Sorry if it freaked you guys out.  I know it's not exactly the same thing you guys do."

"Not hardly.  We use guns."

"Buffy hated guns.  We could only use stakes.  Here in LA I use some guns but I can't find wooden bullets."  Cougar moaned and shook his head, covering his face with his hands.  "Sorry?" he asked, getting up to get a bowl of cereal.  "Anyone want some?"

"Sure," Clay said, getting up to get himself some cereal.  He sat down and watched the kid be wary but eat.  "Calm down.  We're not going to bitch you out for doing a dirty duty like that one."

"It's really necessary."

"I get that."  He ate and the kid nibbled too.  "The storage area however....."

Xander moaned and got up, getting something.  "It was a present."  He sat down to find the files he had Willow steal for future looking back reference.  He let them see that.  "This spring in LA."

They watched the battle, Roque grimacing.  "What is that?"

"A law firm's idea of fun."

Cougar looked at him then at that.  Then back at him.  "Not that bad."

Xander switched video clips.  "My graduation."  They watched and all four of them shuddered.  Xander nodded.  "So yeah, it happens.  It's needed.  I wish I'd had those then."

"I would too.  Who planned that?" Clay asked.  Xander slowly raised his hand.  "How?"

"Way back in tenth grade," he said dryly.  "We had a chaos sorcerer show up.  He decided we should become our costumes."

"You went in uniform," Clay guessed.

"BDU's from the thrift store and a toy gun."  He ate another bite.  "I'd weed it down but we might need it."

"Aren't there official people who could handle it?" Pooch asked.


"No, I meant like agents."  Xander shook his head.  "At all?"


"Why not?"

"They don't like to see demons."

"Good point, neither do I," Roque admitted.

Xander shrugged.  "I know more of them than I do decent people.  I like some of them a hell of a lot more than some people I know too."

"I fully agree," Clay said.  "But that's still too much."

"And too unguarded," Pooch said.

"Best I could do without getting my ass busted."

"I agree," Clay said.

"We'll talk to that agent you know," Roque decided.  "He's clearly been in town for a few years.  Does he know about up there?"

"I'm pretty sure he does."

"Good.  Then we'll talk to him.  I'm sure he's realized those things happen here too."  Xander nodded at that, relaxing some.  "Thank you for being reasonable."  Xander shrugged.  The guys broke up for the night, going back to the motel.  Though, Roque gave Xander a pointed look, getting a shrug back.

"Go grocery shopping tomorrow," Roque taunted with a smirk.

"I will."  He grinned and settled into his new bed all by himself.  "I should've asked about pets."


Agent Granger showed up at the park that afternoon, as requested.  He found two military guys waiting.  "I thought I was supposed to talk to Xander."

"He's here somewhere getting an ice cream cone so we could talk," Clay said dryly.  "The kid's been getting paid in weapons for the upcoming spring problems."

"I know we have a slight case of apocalypse every spring."

"The kid's ready for that," Pooch said.  "And paranoid."

"He should be."  He saw him coming back.  "You have what?"

"Half of what I wanted in Sunnydale."  He stared at him. "Kitten poker debts."

"How much?" Granger sighed.  Pooch pulled out a list, which made him tense up.  "This is insane."

"This year's going to be bad," Xander said.  "The whole underground is saying there's some neo-nazi demons and things.  Including a huge weapon."

Granger looked at him.  "How about we work out a way to store it for you guys?"

"Angel doesn't even realize I'm in town," Xander said bluntly.  "Supposedly it's his duty.  He's just ignoring things."

"Yeah, I've seen him a few times.  We like you more.  You're less freaky and have more sense."

"Yeah, for over two hundred, he broods a lot."

"I don't want to know."  He stared at the guys, who all shrugged.  "Good idea getting me involved, guys."  He looked at the kid again.  "All right.  I'm going to talk to my boss, who does know.  He's from here.  We'll figure out a way to keep them safe and out of destruction in case we need them, and if we do need them you'll be telling us and letting us help."

"You guys hate demons."

"I know the government hates demons.  I'd rather remember that demons were around instead of having half the city destroyed."

"Wolfram and Hart," Xander said, taking another big lick.

"Good to know.  That's a law firm, right?"  Xander nodded, going back to cleaning up his dripping cone.  "Are you doing that on purpose?"

"No, but only the dangerous ones like me," Xander quipped.

"Uh-huh."  He walked off shaking his head.  He went back to the office.  "Don, we need coffee.  The store was out," he said as he walked past him.  He grabbed something from his desk and walked out again.  His boss and teammate followed him down to the garage.  "I'm driving."

"Sure."  They got into his personal car, not the agency issued one that has cameras.  "What's going on?" he asked once they were on the street.

"Remember....  Let's start this another way.  Do we have any plans for spring?"

"Another one?" he demanded.


"Does someone else?" Don asked.

"Yup."  He drove them to the storage area and found it.  No locks.  He called.  "Which one was it?"  He found that one, different building number, and got into it after picking the locks.  Don Epps whimpered for the first time he had known him.  Colby stared at him.  "Spring plans."

"How?" he asked.

"Poker debts."

Don stared at him.  "Kitten poker?"  Colby nodded, closing things up and locking it again.  "Harris?"




"Does the other guy know?"

"No, he said he doesn't even realize he's in town or that he's probably continued to patrol.  I'm guessing the military guys did."

"What military guys?"

"That same commando team that helped with the identity getting last time."


"So we need to decide what to do."

"It's not staying here."

"Can we find a way to store it in case of emergency and then maybe loan if necessary?"

"I've been looking.  We have an anti-communist invasion vault from the fifties.  It's under FBI control.  I'm trying to get the boss to put it under mine."  He called him, walking off talking about that and that they had the modern version.  He came back.  "We can steal all this for that.  We need to check because he thinks no one's updated it since it got moved there."  Colby nodded, calling them to tell them that.  They'd move the weapons to wherever for them.  Colby smiled at the 'you owe us dinner, kid' response one gave.

Epps drove them over, using the code he had been given to get into the storage warehouse.  He stared.  "Yeah, it's all ancient."  The team pulled up and put everything inside but one of them was staring at things.

"We can fix those up," Cougar said quietly.  "Not that hard."

Epps stared at Xander.  "Anything else and it goes in here, kid.  Automatically.  No matter what.  If you need to use it, you call as far ahead as possible."  Xander sighed but nodded.  "How many do you have at home?"

"Small gun collection, some swords, some crossbows," Clay said.

"Swords?"  Xander nodded.  "Never mind, I don't want to know."  He walked off.  "It's my job now to watch over this.  So no borrowing the other stuff without permission either."

"Yes, mom," Xander said.

"Thank you!"  He left once they had the new stuff concealed.  He and Colby went to have a headache.  Xander went to grocery shop and make dinner.


Xander looked up from his dancing a few months later, finding a curious looking man staring at him.  "Back up, sir.  You're not allowed that close."

"I think you'll find I am."

Xander looked at the bouncers, who looked scared.  So Xander kindly pulled up a boot dagger and got the guy in the stomach, staring down at him.  "No you're not."  He walked over him.  "I'll get back when the trash is cleaned up, people."  They clapped and a few cheered.  He reached over the bar to call someone.  "Epps, I have one of your people here I just stabbed in the stomach because he assured me he could stand right next to me when I was dancing.  Club."  He hung up and strolled over to get a soda.  "So anyway, who is he beyond that?"

"He said he had a warrant."

"Then he wouldn't have been standing there.  When the FBI wants to arrest you they don't just stand and stare at you like they're stunned stupid."  He sipped and walked back, waving at the officers.  "Did he tell you that bogus warrant story too, guys?"


"He somehow scared the bouncers and told me he had the right to be on stage within threatening distance to me.  It's a minor flesh wound though."  He smiled.  "I'm very paranoid about my safety."

"Is that because an arms dealer nearly took you the other night?" the bartender called.

"Yup, definitely."  He smiled, leaning down to frisk him.  "Bad fake FBI ID."  He tossed it aside.  "Which has the wrong motto.  I don't think Gonzo's noted at this point in time."  He found a few other things.  "Hmm, contract on my life."  He held that up.  The officer took it and gently moved him out of the way.  "Want me to question him?  I do a really good job."  He smiled.

"No, that's fine, sir.  We can."  Someone else stomped in.  "Um...."

"He's a real agent.  I've had to hide behind him twice because of things."  The officers smiled at him.  Xander got the ID case and looked at it.  "When did you guys start swearing your loyalty to Gonzo and his chickens?  Since the Motto reads 'Gonzo will Protect and Service the Chickens' in Latin?"  He let it be taken.  "He had a contract out on me too."

Epps took that to look over as well.  "Not just you.  Which one's Oliver?"  Xander leaned over to whisper in his ear.  "Is he here tonight?"  Xander went to get the new kid and bring him out.  "Sir, this man had a listing for a contract on your life," he said, letting him see it.

"I have no idea why."

"Me either, sir, but we need to talk about this."

"Don is an actual agent," Xander told him.  "He's the guy I hid behind when the arms dealer took me."

"Okay, sure."  He went with them.  The officers nicely helped out.

Xander waved.  "Have a nice night."

"No, I was at home watching the game," he complained.  "Can't you send the bad guys who like you to New York or Houston for a while?"

"Why do I need to move?" Xander complained.

"Good point."  He left.  Tonight was going to be a long night.

Xander shrugged.  "I say we give me forty minutes to slip into some body paint."  He grinned.  The people watching moaned.  "Maybe a real strip off?"  He strolled off.  He had some nice peel off body latex/paint stuff that was excellent and a really long show.  "Guys, I'm doing the latex thing," he said as he walked in.  They grinned and one went to dance while the others went to sell drinks.  When Xander came out, he had a really long set peeling little pieces of latex off every few minutes.  The crowd got to help with some and they liked that a lot.  It came off in bigger chunks tonight so it was a faster show but the crowd still liked it.  The long show gave the other dancers time to sell drinks, which made them better paychecks.  The boss liked it too because it sold drinks.  A lot of drinks.


Xander opened the door to his new apartment, he was moving up in the world, to find a familiar guy and an unfamiliar guy.  "Hi, Hat Boy.  New teammate?"  Cougar nodded, walking in with the other guy.  Xander shut the door.  "I'm trying to mangle dinner if you guys wanted to join me."  They were staring around.  "Don't ask," he said dryly.

"We've heard rumors," Cougar said.

"Me too.  Mostly about me suddenly taking over for someone huge in the underground but it's not true."

The blond guy with glasses was staring around.  "This is a really nice place.  Not as nice as my sister's house but still really nice.  But you know an apartment can never be a house but still really nice."

Xander grinned.  "You guys finally found a tech like me."

Cougar nodded.  The blond grinned.  "Clay said we should visit."

"That's because only the dangerous and deadly like me in that special kidnaping way.  The last two have been dweebs who had that draw.  This way he's sure whether or not you're one of them."

"Well of course I'm dangerous," he said dryly.  "But you're not female and pretty."

Xander smirked.  "Thank God, breasts cause problems."  Cougar snorted, shaking his head.  "They do!"  Xander stared at him.  "You guys missed it.  I had to go drag to get away from one of them.  He stalked me for six damn week."  Cougar stared at him.  "I had to do drag for a week and a half to throw him off and wait for him to leave the city.  I told Roque that and he said he wanted pictures."  Cougar nodded.  He pointed at the wall.  "I asked a real Queen to help."  He hugged him.  "Thank you for shooting his stupid ass when he left LA."

The blond guy snickered.  "Jennings?"  Xander smirked and nodded.  "No, I'm nowhere near the dickwad he was."

"Which is cool."  He walked into the kitchen.  "Roque tells me I'm a crap cook for anything beyond basic stuff so if you're hungry, cook and clean up."  Jensen followed to see what he had.  Cougar was still staring at the picture.  He looked at Xander a few times then shook his head.  Xander walked behind him.  "Double sided tape itches," he said in his ear, cracking him up.  He went to change.  "Are you guys just hanging out before the rest get here?"

"Probably.  Clay said they'd be in for a few days of downtime on Tuesday."

"I'll clean the bathroom then."

The blond grinned.  "That's cool."  He looked at the sniper.  "He seems like a nice guy.  Is he related to Roque?"

"Not quite."

"Huh."  He went back to making them breakfast and handing them each a plate.  Xander kissed him and sat down to eat.  "Welcome, friendly one."

Xander grinned.  "Only sometimes."  The blond grinned and nodded he understood that.  "You might warn Clay that the new female dancer is his type and likes arson.  She's just out of jail for setting her cheating boyfriend on fire for sleeping with her teenage sister.  While they were together."  He nodded.  Jensen texted that for him.  "That way Roque can't growl at his duty wife."

Jensen snickered, nodding.  "They do act like it at times.  So how did you meet the team?"

"They were saving me from other commandos who wanted to kidnap me and use me."

"Huh.  For what?"

"That draw."

Jensen nodded.  "It could come in handy."

"We've already seen him once," Cougar said, digging in.  "Peppers."  He got them some milk.

Xander ate, he liked it.  "I needed some spice.  We're doing cowboys and Indians tonight at the club."  Cougar stared at him.  "I'm due to be a cowboy because I'm the only dancer who can do the bull.  I thought about making it a dual stripper show on the bull but that would be bordering on pornographic.  The boss said no."  They both smirked at him.  "Simulated only.  I'm not that sort of boy either."  He ate a bite and went to answer the door.  He saw Roque and Clay, who had the package from DHL delivery guys.  He took it to look at.

"Who gives you rubies?" Roque asked.

"Some guy who really wants my ass to be his.  I've sent them back but he's not getting a hint."  He shrugged and tossed it on the table, going back to eating.  "He made breakfast."

"We usually appreciate that," Clay admitted, sitting down.

"Peppers," Cougar warned, eating a bite.

Roque sat down.  "Which stupid mother fucker is this one?"

Xander grinned.  "I want to kill him myself."  Roque gave him a pointed look.  "You're good but I don't need a spouse, dear."  He blew a kiss and got finished, going to load the dishwasher.  He came out to kiss him hard and fast.  "Help me get ready for tonight?  I have no idea how to be a cowboy."

Roque growled.  "You and that damn bull."

"Well, yeah."  He smirked.  "I might even have to save the damsel later."  He winked and strolled off.  Roque followed to 'help' him.

Clay shook his head.  "It's a casual thing," he told his new tech guy.  "Xander only draws the deadly and dangerous."

"Did you get the text?" Jensen asked, finishing up.

"I did.  Sounds nice."  Cougar glared but he just smirked.  "Cowboys?"

"And indians."

"Jesus!  That's cold!  My ass does not need ice cubes!"

"He's louder than Jolene," Clay called with a smirk.

"Bite me," Xander called back.  "Of course he is.  I'm fantastic."

"It's a sometimes thing," Clay told Jensen.

"It's all good as long as it's willing and fun."  He shrugged.  "If he likes the scary man with the big knives, I'm all for it.  Must make Roque happier to be around for a few days."

Xander strolled out to grab something and went back in there.  They heard the distinct sound of a whip and Roque cackling in glee.  Then someone came running out whimpering and trying to hide behind Clay.  "He thinks you're doing a crappy job as the on-duty wife, Clay."  He slammed the door.

Clay glared at the idiot, who shrank down and nearly under the table.

Jensen looked over the edge of the table at him.  "You giving Clay a blowjob probably won't help anything but his bad mood you caused."  Cougar swatted him.   "Or Cougar's bad mood you're causing."

"I have standards," Cougar said bluntly.  The man started to bawl but moved closer to Clay.

"No thanks.  Crying does not get me off."  He kicked him.  "Out!  Now!"  He sucked in the tears and gave him a hopeful look, mouthing him.  "You fucking freak," he said dryly.  Cougar got up and pulled Jensen with him.

"We'll go shopping," Jensen announced.  They left them to their or whatever.


Jensen had tracked the present to this guy, who was a big, black, dangerous guy.  If Xander was looking to switch, he'd make a heavyweight bad boy boyfriend.  He stared at him.  Then he smirked.  "Xander's mine and I don't share."  Xander didn't know they were having that talk.  Though the hangover from watching him tease in lewd positions from the back of the damn mechanical bull only added to the growl.

"He could trade up to a man with money."

Roque smirked as he pulled out a knife, testing the edge.  "He doesn't need to trade up.  He has all he needs and wants."  He looked him over.  "Clearly, you disprove the brother stereotype."  He smirked as he walked off.  "Only warning you'll get."

"I have the weapon he wants," the guy called.

Roque smirked.  "I'm the one who taught him weapons maintenance.  He doesn't need to trade to a smaller barrel."  The man glared.  Roque smirked.  "Your loss, but find a ho instead.  They're satisfied with anything tiny as long as it has a wallet."  He walked out of the restaurant and back there.  Xander was napping before his job that night.  Maybe he'd teach the kid something new.  He had taken it easy on the kid, mostly.  He got back and found Xander on his knees in front of a pantsless Clay and Clay hissing and moaning.  "Didn't I teach you not to use your teeth?" he asked dryly.

"It'd feel better for him if I was blowing him instead of cleaning the bite marks.  Did she have a cactus, Clay?  There's a tiny tear hole like a cactus spine."

"No.  Canines," he sighed.  Xander looked up at him.  "Wannabe, not real.  I'd never fuck a corpse."

"Then you're one up on Buffy, who used to date Angel."

"Eww, don't make me puke," Roque complained.  He looked.  "She bit you, Clay?"

"Twice," Xander quipped.  "He couldn't stand to clean it."

"I can't really stand to watch you clean it."  He shook his head.  "Sucked to be you," he quipped.

"Cute," Clay growled.  "Xander, can't you bite him?"

"I did, his skin didn't break.  You made him too tough."  He smirked.  "Or else he'd have an interesting scar on his chest."

Roque nodded.  "He got paid back for it too."

"I had to call off tonight because of that bite mark.  Todd, the manager, wanted proof it was that noticeable.  I went in to show him on the way to get stuff to clean this.  He said you're clearly a hungry man and to never let you do it again.  And to get a tetanus shot because you never know where your mouth has been."

Clay snickered.  "I'm pretty sure I know where it's been."

Xander grinned.  "Not really.  He didn't even offer me a handjob, Clay.  You need to teach him better manners in the field."  He looked up with a nasty grin at the swat.  "If he does it for you...."  Clay was growling.  Xander smirked and stood up.  "Go soak in the epsom salt to make sure you don't get an infection.  Otherwise people will call you stumpy instead.  Then you'd end up a basic training lecture to the new boys and girls."  He got out of grabbing range.

Roque grabbed him.  "He already is.  Too many of them think his taste is ideal."

"Clearly someone did last night."

"I meant in women but she clearly did.  Didn't that hurt?" he asked.

"Hell.  Yes."  He got up with a moan and went to soak in the tub he'd made Jensen clean earlier for him.  "You need a maid, kid."

"They're expensive, even if they're illegal."  He looked at Roque.  "You really shouldn't bite me.  You might scar me and then they won't pay as much to see my pretty ass."

Roque spanked him lightly.  "Yes they would.  All the psychotic mother fuckers on this coast travel to see you."  He smirked.  "He was as big as me but not as built as me."

"I've never met the man.  He just heard."  He shrugged as he walked off.  "I told you I was handling it."

"I'm having Jensen check to see if he's in weapons."

"No, I think he was n pros."  He smirked from the kitchen.  Roque growled.  "No, I don't get paid for that," he said dryly.  "I'm still not that sort of boy."  He heard Clay going 'owowowowow' and went to look.  "Did she bite you somewhere else?"

"For some reason a feather came out."

"Quill pen to scratch for blood probably.  Where?"  Clay glared at him.  "Fine.  Roque, your on-duty wife needs you to remove a quill tip."


"I'm not sure if he'd appreciate that or not."  Xander got out of the way.

Roque walked in.  "Who in the fuck uses a quill?"  Clay pointed at the scratch marks on his chest.  "Uh-huh.  Where is this tip?"  Clay growled.  "Flip the fuck over."

"I'm not that sort of boy to quote your thing."

"Yeah you are.  If it's insane you'd pretty well do anything for them."  He helped Clay shift over, seeing the feathers.  "Did she use the whole bird?"

"Damn well feels like it."

Roque pulled on the feathers.  They came off the center shaft.  Clay was wincing.  "How did you not notice this?"

"I think she slipped me something."

"Yeah, I'd say she did."  He went to get some lube for this.  He'd have to go in and get it since it was tip up.  "We think she drugged him."

"Probably LSD or something similar.  The local group she hangs with likes it a lot."

"Charming."  He went back in there with the tube, working one finger in.  Clay was groaning.  "Shut up.  This is hard enough without you getting happy."

"I'm not!  Did your fingers swell?"

"Yup.  That's why they're perfect for going up any ass or pussy ever."  He found the end of the quill and pulled it out.  "It's broken."  He went to get the rest.  Which meant he had to switch up to two fingers to grab it.  "Damn it.  Xander?"  Clay groaned, shaking his head.  "He has smaller fingers."  Xander came in with gloves on.  "There's a piece."

They switched spots and Xander gently lubed his fingers and inserted them, making Clay stiffen.  "Easy, Clay.  If you tense, it moves farther up and I'll end up fisting you."  He found it and gently pulled.  "And of course it stuck in."  He gave a gentle shift of it and it came out.  "We might have to flush the feathers out."

"Is this humiliate a Colonel day?" Clay demanded when he saw the hose.

"Only if you want it to be," Xander offered.  "Do you want to keep the feathers up there and that small puncture has to be cleaned.  Which means you need a liquid diet for a few days."

"I was going to drink myself into a stupor anyway," he said dryly.  "Fine, whatever.  Can't be worse than when a nurse does it."

Xander smirked.  "If you want, I'll make it more fun."

"Don't you dare," Roque complained.

Xander gave him a shove and got Clay out of the tub and against the sink so he could run the water.  Clay tensed when the tube was inserted but Xander was massaging his lower back to make him relax.  Clay was moaning and gripping the side of the sink.  "Just relax."  He checked his stomach and then turned off the water.  "Work those muscles he says so much about," he said.  Clay swatted at him.  "Poor thing."  He tickled him, making him tense up and wiggle.  Xander grinned.  "You need to make sure that area's clean.  And later if you ask really nicely I can even put some of the inside the body antibiotic ointment on it."

"He ripped you?" Clay demanded.  "He knows how to be gentle with a virgin.  I'll kick his ass if he did that."

"No.  Stretched me pretty wide but not ripped me.  It was for a deep cut on an arm."  He hugged him.  "Thank you for being an overprotective harem wife of us lesser wives."  He got swatted again.  Xander removed the hose.  "There you go.  Then soak."  He left him to go to the bathroom by himself.  He tossed out the gloves.  Jensen was back with Cougar, looking confused.  "His girlfriend of the evening hurt him."

"From what I understand they all like to hurt him," Jensen quipped.

"No, this one had pointy teeth," Roque said smugly.  Jensen whimpered, gripping himself.

"Hand him that cream when he's done, Jensen."

"Sure, Xander."  He smiled.  "You're not a bad field medic."

"I learned from Willow, who had learned from her mother's textbooks.  That was how she used to play doctor."  Roque burst out laughing.  "She did a lot of my early stitches too."

"I should kill those bastards," Roque said with a smirk.

"Why?  They're dead.  Only an uncle left.  I never see him."  He sat down and got pulled into Roque's lap.  "Am I lap candy?"

"Yes."  He smirked.  "Later on, can I get a private show?"

"Maybe."  He smirked.  "We'll see what sort of mood I'm in."  Roque smirked.

Jensen looked over.  "Xander, we got cupcakes for your birthday tomorrow."

Xander stared then started to sniffle.  "That's the nicest thing I've had happen in years, Jensen."  He got up and gave him a hug.  "You're better than a girl any day."  Jensen hugged him back.  He heard Clay swearing.  "Something else sharp and pointy?"

"Getting back into the damn tub.  The epsom salts burn."

"That means they need to clean stuff," Xander said.  "I could've suggested the ocean."

"No thanks."

Jensen tossed in the cream.  "For the bite marks."

"Thank you.  Go away please?"

"Sure."  He grinned at Cougar.  "I want to go to Disney."

"Disney?" Xander asked, looking at Roque.

"I'd kill every single screaming kid there was," Roque assured him.  "Jensen, take good care of my boy.  Don't let him make himself sick.  Cougar, watch out for more of his type of people."  Cougar gave him a dirty look.  Roque stared back.  Cougar huffed but let the boys change and lead the way to Xander's car.  When they were gone Roque called Pooch.  A panting Jolene answered.  "We all lost the best.  She bit him.  He has two bite marks, with fangs thank you, and she poked his ass with a quill we had to pull out."

She cackled and hung up.  Roque settled in to watch tv.  His goofy bitch was going to do whatever he wanted.  He'd call it a birthday present for him.  Though it did mean he'd have to find something for his goofy bitch.  Lap candy always got something for each leave time.  He got up and decided to taunt Clay.   Maybe his next girlfriend of the hour would be better to him.


Roque watched Xander.  "Why don't you crawl over here and show me how well you slick yourself up," he said, patting his naked thighs.

"Because that's a boyfriend's job?" he taunted with a smirk.  He turned to dance to the mirror instead.

Roque growled.  "Good bitches should slick themselves up for a good, hard ride as a birthday present."

Xander looked back over his shoulder.  "I'm not that sort of bitch.  Because it's only a good, long ride if it starts off with foreplay and a suck."

Roque smirked.  "I might indulge that."

"Then you'd prep me not have me do it.  Because lube tastes nasty."

"Yes it does."  He stared, patting his lap again.  "I want a lap dance, Xander."  He smirked and danced closer.  Roque pulled him onto his lap.  "I meant a real one."  Xander knelt around one thigh and danced for him.  Roque smirked, liking that.   He spanked and got bitten for it.  "Ow!  Bitch!"

"No spanking."

"Fine."  He watched him move and get him hard.  He kissed him and ran his fingers over the hard cocks.  "I'd like to see you ride my bull."

Xander smirked.  "We'd have to see, huh?  I prefer being ridden."  He rolled over onto his back, spreading out.  "You can even be on top instead of behind."

Roque smirked.  He usually took Xander doggy style but that wasn't such a bad idea.  "Fine but if I do you're being tied down."  He looked at the tanned, soft, yet strong flesh.  "What do we have to do that with?"

"Not a damn thing since I don't usually appreciate being tied up."  Roque smirked and looked in his toybox.  Not even play cuffs.  Jensen leaned in and tossed over a bag.  "Hey!"

"We got them to tie Clay down when he was drunk."  He left them alone.  "He's really well built," he told Cougar.

Xander stared at him.  "I'm not into the really kinky things."

"I'm sure you're not."  He checked in the bag.  Pink fuzzy cuffs.  Clay would've been mortified to see them.  Including ankle straps.  Those had some promise.  He left his hands free for now but tied his thighs apart and to the headboard.  That gave him a nice open play area.  Xander was groaning.  Roque dipped down to lick up his cock and that made him happier.  There was medical grade lubricant too.  That was nice of him to need.  The thing in the bottom of the bag was cute too.  He wouldn't need an enema kit tonight though.  He dipped down to tease his boy for not giving in.  Xander was wiggly and he liked that.  He also grabbed his ears when he was taunting him and scratched.  That got him bitten lightly and the hands cuffed but put on the pillows.  "Next time they're behind you."

"That'd hurt."

"You'd enjoy it after a few minutes."  He went back to his tormenting.  If Xander had just went along with his plans there wouldn't have to be torment.  Xander was loud too.  He liked that about him.  He dribbled some spit on the waiting hole, using that with a single thick finger.  Xander winced and shifted.  "Want the medical stuff or the slick stuff?"

"Slick stuff.  You're still huge."

"Want me to work you more open this time?" he taunted.

"I'm not saying it's bad and if I said yes I'd end up with your hand in me."

"Probably not tonight."  He got the slicker lube and poured some in since the hips were nicely tipped up.  He massaged the butt cheeks to get it deeper and into the hole, which made Xander shiver.  "I should take you now."

"You rip me and I'll make you suffer," Xander promised quietly.

"I'd never do that.  It's no fun for me if I do that."  He stared at him and smirked.  "Or you."  He'd lose his good thing if he hurt him and he knew that.  Xander was just dangerous enough to kill his ass if he did something wrong.  He teased the outside of the hole with both thumbs, making his boy shiver and twitch.  "Better than a blowjob?"


"Good."  Roque got into position and slowly pressed in with just the head.  Xander was panting and wiggling.  He held him still, letting it get used to that depth.  Then he slowly inched back and slowly in again.  He'd only had Xander's ass about six times and his boy clearly didn't play without him present.  He was still really tight and that was great.  "I should've done this your first night," he said with a smirk.  His boy tried to scratch him.  He let him.  It was more thrill.  He slid in deeper and deeper, leaning down to kiss him before he slammed in that last inch.

"So damn tight," he said.  "New boy tight and then some.  I like that."  He pulled back and slid in again.  "It's clear you're only my bitch."  He started off slow but deep.  Which he knew Xander liked.  He worked up to fucking him like he would be if he was on his knees.  Xander was keening and clawing up an arm trying to find purchase.  "How's this for a present?"  He slammed in a few times, going as deep as he could.  Then he pulled back and released his handcuffs.   He shifted against the footboard.  "Ride me, Xander."

"This is some macho bullshit ownership thing, isn't it?" he panted.  He got himself free and got to his knees.  "What if I say I'm not yours?  I'm not ownable."

"That'd be playing with fire," Roque growled.  Xander smirked and shifted.  "On the lap or I'll see if someone wants to help me."

Xander stared at him.  "I'm not for rent."

"I never thought you were. " He pulled him over.  "You are my sort of volatile though."  He pulled him closer, making him straddle him.  "Slide down me and I'll give you a ride you won't forget for days."  Xander moaned because he was teasing his cock.  "Be my bitch tonight, Xander.  You know you want it."

"What if I don't want to be the bitch?  What if I want to be held and stuff since it's technically my birthday now?"

"Your present is coming tomorrow night."  Xander stared at him.  "This is all my present."  He teased the hole.  "Slide down me and take control, Xander."  Xander pouted but did that.  "That's my boy."  He shifted so Xander could ride him.  "I'm better than any bull."

"Are you jealous of a mechanical bull?"

"Yes.  It seems to get you hotter than me," he quipped dryly.

Xander stared at him.  "Stupid."  He kissed him and rode him gently, which drove Roque nuts.  The gentle rocking of his hips, the not intense up and downs.  Roque was growling.  "You wanted ridden like you're a bull."

Roque bucked up and Xander went with it.  He had to set a harder pace before the boy drove him nuts.  "Most girls would do this for me."  Xander cut him.  Roque snarled but smirked.  "Is that my knife?"

"No, it's mine."  He put it back under the pillow and smirked.  "I'm not a girl."  That got him flipped onto his back and ridden harder again.

"You're still my bitch, Xander.  If you admit it, we'll both be happy."  He growled at the clawing his side was getting.  "I'm clipping those on you tomorrow."  He kissed him hard and rode him harder.  Xander was appreciating that.  He was nicely loose and happy.

Clay slammed the door open.  "Some of us are trying to sleep," he complained.

"I'm not sharing so unless you're here to get into Roque's ass...."

Clay kicked the door shut and walked over, finding the lube.  "Sure, I can do that."  Roque growled and tried to grab Clay but he smirked and still got two fingers into him.  He found the prostate too by the look on Roque's face.  Xander clamped down around Roque, making him growl in pleasure.  "Hmm.  This isn't the birthday present I expected him to give you."

"He's in ownership mode."  Xander stared at him.  "Well?  If you're going to rub him off...."

Clay smirked and rubbed better over the prostate.  Roque went stiff and whimpered a few times, trying hard to thrust before coming.  "He lets you go bareback?  That's really trusting of him."

"No, he's supposed to use a condom," Xander complained.  He smirked at Roque, grabbing the handcuffs and hitching him down.  "My birthday present."  He stared at the body underneath him.

Clay smirked.  "You could teach him better manners," Clay said.

"Yes I could."  Xander looked at him.  Clay leaned down to kiss him.  "I'm not a toy to be shared."

"You need a better man to play with you."  Roque as growling in a whole new key now.  Clay smirked at him.  "Didn't teach him what good foreplay was?"

"He doesn't need it like that, Clay.  Go back to bed."  Clay smirked as he walked off.  He stared at Xander.  "Rinse out those bad boy germs."

Xander leaned down to kiss him.  "They taste surprisingly like yours."

Roque smirked and stared at him.  "You could climb on top here."

"I don't think so.  I have to clean up all the messy stuff."  He got a baby wipe from the bedside table to do that.

Roque watched.  That was pretty.  "Dip it inside slightly to catch some more, Xander."  Xander stared at him then shook his head but did it for him.  It turned into an erotic cleaning and the boy was *real* good at it.  He even cleaned him and then laid down on his chest.  "These cuffs won't stop me," he warned when he was stared at.

"Uh-huh."  He teased him with an evil smirk.  "I'm not a bitch.  An occasional lover but not a bitch.  Bitches have collars or bling, depending on the type."  He stared at him.  "So I'm not either.  I could easily go find a replacement all those months you're gone and I haven't."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Good.  You'd better not.  Teasing in the middle is one thing.  Treating me like your possession and ass candy is another."


Xander kissed him.  "Want me to continue what Clay started?"

"No, I want you on top," he said smugly.  "Or letting me watch you finger yourself."

"I can't get a good reach."  He smirked meanly.  "That's why I always play with toys."  He got out his favorite lube toy and settled in to use it on himself.  Roque was nearly drooling.

"That looks like most white boy cocks I've seen.  Tiny and stiff."  Xander kicked him.  "You're bigger.  I'm sure the new tech boy has one that size though."

"Not from what I saw when he came out of the shower."

Roque was growling again.  "You looked?"

"He was in a towel and we passed in the hall."

"So he rubbed against you?"

"No."  He smirked.  "I don't flirt with your team."

"Hell, I wouldn't care if you did.  Others I'd mind but not them."  Xander stared at him, the toy stopping.  "I trust them with everything in my life, Xander."

Xander nodded.  "I get that but I'm still not a rentable bike."

"No, you're clearly not."  He watched Xander tease himself and then the toy got taken out.  The hole was nicely flexing in the open air.  He felt the toy touch him.  "I'm a top, Xander."  Xander smiled and licked over him, using the toy to fuck him while he sucked him.  Roque was growling and liking that.   He got the cuffs free and wound one hand into the short hair.  He could appreciate this little bit of intrusion when he was getting such a good blowjob.  "I taught you well."

"Yes, you did.  I had someone offer me six grand the other night for a blow job."

Roque flipped them over, ignoring the toy.  "Did you beat his ass?"

"I graciously said I don't do that and I had a boyfriend who was deployed."  He smirked.  "He said that I clearly needed someone to step in when you were gone."  Roque dove back into his ass and rode him hard and fast, making them both sweaty.  Xander saw the toy fall out but he also saw Clay sneak back in.  Xander flipped them a bit so he was in a better position.  Clay had found the toy box and found what he wanted, slicking it up and sliding it into Roque's ass.

"Clay!  I'm going to kill your ass!" he complained loudly.

Cougar walked to the door and shut it, walking off shaking his head.

"You look pretty and volatile like that," Clay taunted, stroking him.  "Very nice ass, even if the rest of you is ugly as hell."

"He is not," Xander said.  "He's a very manly man."  Roque kissed him hard and got off, trying to get Clay.  Xander laid there and stroked himself.  His boyfriend with the big black dildo up his ass was kinda hot.  Clay pinning him to taunt him was hot.  Roque looked over at him.  "You look good with that up your ass, dear."

Roque smirked at him.  "I'll fuck you to death later."  He got Clay out of the room and took out the toy, tossing it aside.  "I want to see that in you later."

"Only if you clean it."

"Yeah, I can do that."  He laid back down and nipped Xander on the neck, earning a swat.  "I know, no visible marks.  You're off tomorrow."

"You being all claimy will last for days, not one day."

"If I'm doing it right, you'll feel it for weeks," he promised, sliding three fingers into his boy's ass.  Xander let out a happy noise and wiggled with their intent.  Roque was happy watching him do that.  His boy was sensual and fun.  Roque considered spoiling his tightness but he enjoyed it too much.  "I'd handball you but then you'd never be tight again," he growled in his ear.  "I love watching you on my hand."

Xander panted.  "You do and I'm swatting.  With the knife."  He gulped air.

"This is sexy and hot on you," Roque said.  He did add in his little finger.  Xander did swat him and reached for the knife but he stopped him.  Roque shifted them so Xander could see in the mirror.  "Look how pretty your ass is, Xander.  Riding my fingers.  Greedy, flexing and sucking at them."  Xander was still panting.  "Watch," he ordered.  Xander watched himself.  "It'd be so easy but you'd never be this tight again."

"Kegels," he panted.

Roque looked at him.  "Was that permission from my bitch?"  Xander shook his head.  Roque kissed him hard, fast, and shifted his fingers in deeper.  Now he was at the third knuckle.   "Someday I'll handball you," he promised.  "I'll tie you down like earlier and watch my hand get eaten by that tight, hot ass.  I'll miss the tightness but it'll be so good.  Not that I'm not about that size anyway but I love you tight."  He tensed when he felt a touch to his ass and looked back.  Clay was parting his cheeks.  "What are you doing?  You're fully drunk and out of your mind."  He yelped at the hot tongue that hit his cock.  "Oh, damn!"  He was happy with that tongue and was happy with his fingers too.  Xander was looking a bit oddly at him but he kissed him.  "He's drunk."

"Not my favorite thing."

"He'd never touch you without my permission."  He leaned down to suck on the head of Xander's cock.  Xander moaned and whimpered, arching into it and his hand.  "If it's tonight, you're not going to be doing much tomorrow beyond asking for a plug, Xander."

"It won't be tonight."

"That's fine."  He kept it there.  Xander was liking it and he was adoring his fingers being sucked at.  He shifted position and hands, letting that one have it since it could do his prostate better.  Xander let out a happy shriek of pleasure.  "Is this place soundproof?"

"No neighbors," he panted.  "Damn it!"

"That's right, damn him to hell for being such a sexy bastard," Clay agreed.  He slicked himself up and slid in hard and fast, making Roque stiffen and try to hit him.  He rode him quickly, finding that spot easily enough.  "He looks pretty on your fingers. Roque."  He heard the moan and winked at the kid.  "You're a big boy, Xander."

"Yes I am."  He shifted around.  Roque pressed his cock into Xander's mouth and sucked him while making him ride his fingers.   Clay was draped over his back giving him the fucking of a lifetime and then reached down to tease Xander's hole too.  "No," Xander ordered.

Clay bit Roque on the neck.  "Is he still tight?"

"Very tight," he panted.  "Xander!  Damn it!"  Xander was going to make him come and come hard.  He started riding him faster and harder, but his boy didn't mind.  Clay didn't mind either.   Clay shot off.  "No stamina," he taunted.  Xander played with his ass and he came.   "I taught you to swallow," Roque said, making sure he did.  Xander even cleaned up the messy remains.  Roque got him to come too and it was better.  Xander was limp, sweaty, panting hard.  They shared a kiss and Roque looked at Clay, who was staring in the toybox.  "You're buying your own."

"I'll replace his."  He found a nice sized one and held it up.  "Do you take this, kid?"

"It was a gag gift from another dancer."

"That would gag a man."  He smirked at him.  "Do you think you could?"  Xander nodded.  "Did you try it?"

"On stage for Porn Night."

Roque looked then at him.  "Not much bigger than I am."  Xander smirked at him.   "Give me some recovery time, Xander, and I'll prove it so you can compare."

Clay looked and found something else, bringing it over.  "Here," he said, nudging Roque with it.

He saw the plug and smirked, sliding it into Xander's body, making him wiggle and shift against it.  "It'll keep you open for later."

"I like the foreplay."

"It'll help you ease down to more tight," Roque said smugly.  Xander sighed and let it go.  Roque got one too.  "I'm going to kill you, Clay.

"No you won't.  It's good for you."  He smirked at the kid, taking his own kiss.

"I'm not the team game."

"No, you're not."  He smirked.

"Would you try that with Pooch and Jolene?" he demanded.

"Jolene was really fun and it was her idea that I fuck Pooch to hell and back for worrying her.  He came so hard I thought he was having a stroke," Clay told him smugly.  "Her too.  Her boy was not up on oral sex techniques."

"I miss oral sex with women," Xander admitted.  Roque swatted him lightly, getting hit back for it.  "I do."

"That can be fun," Roque agreed.  He let his boy cuddle, smirking at Clay, who slid in behind Xander.  Xander looked at him.  "Let him sleep it off."

"As long as he's not the one poking me in the morning."

"Sometimes you gotta live a little, kid.  Try some kinky shit now and then."

Xander looked at him.  "He nearly had his hand in my ass earlier.  Isn't that kinky?"

"It was beautiful," Clay assured him.  "If he could do it and let you stay so tight, it'd be the best thing ever."

"He's still really tight," Roque said smugly.  "It didn't stretch him much past what I do."

Xander nodded.  "Just a bit."  He yawned.  "I need recovery time."  Roque nodded.  Xander fell asleep.

Roque looked at Clay.  "I don't share."

"I know you don't share.  You don't play well with others either."  He smirked.  "You're still a great ride."  He stroked over Xander's back.  "He's nicely built, very warm, very flexible.  He's got a sweet looking ass too."  He looked at it.  "I can see the bite mark that got him called off."  He ran his thumb over it, making Xander hum.  "He's very sensual.  Like what a female Cougar would be."  Roque growled.   "I'm not poaching."

"You're trying."

"Not really."  He smirked.  "You're still my favorite volatile bitch."  Roque slapped him on the head.  "See?"  He snuggled into Xander's back.  "Very warm and nice to nap with."

 Roque shoved him out of the bed.  "Not yours."  He let himself rest with his boy.  Clay was snickering and clearly slightly drunk.  But he knew Clay would never poach his good thing without permission.  He had been asking for permission all night.  He felt Clay climb back in and flipped them so Xander was on top of him.  Which made Xander purr in his sleep.  Clay liked that and cuddled up.  He even got the wet spot on the bed.


Cougar tapped on the bedroom door but there wasn't any answer.  He looked at Jensen and shook his head.  "That's fine.  I made enough that can be warmed up later."  He got them both breakfast and settled in.  It had gotten loud and he had heard Roque complaining that Clay had snuck in a few times while drunk.  "Is that... normal?"  Cougar shook his head.  "I meant on Clay's part."  Cougar shook his head again.  "You sure?  Because I wouldn't want to touch Roque's boyfriend.  Even with permission."

"No."  He heard two yelps and then Clay rushed out and so did Roque.  "See?"  He ate more.

"I made eggs," Jensen called.

Xander walked out and kissed him.  "I need a nice guy like you instead of mine."  He got himself breakfast and went to his room.  "I'm soaking in the tub."  He slammed and locked the door.

Jensen looked at Roque.  "Special birthday present go bad?  I can show you where the local stores are so you can get him something nice as an apology."  Roque shot him a dirty look so he stuffed his mouth and ducked his head.

Cougar looked then at Roque, nodding.  He saw him clench his naked ass and moan, going to take that plug out in private.  Cougar officially had reached his point of he didn't want to know.  Though if those two had their things then maybe he'd talk the Hacker into being stress relief while in the field?  It might work.  He had a nice looking mouth.

An hour or so later, Clay went to talk to the kid.  "I'm sorry I got so drunk."

Xander looked up from his reading.  "I am not a toy."

"I know you're not.  Roque wants to kill me this morning."

"Well, you did sneak in and invade his ass."

Clay smirked.  "He has a nice ass.  You should try it sometime."

"He'd freak out."

"Probably, yeah."  He smirked.  "Really though, you're not badly built and you do need to loosen up sometimes."

"I deal with drunks all the time at work," Xander said dryly.  "I see plenty of them every night who want to try to possess me."

"Good point."

"You're still replacing those toys."  He went back to his book, ignoring the staring going on.  "Not yours."

"No, he's not," Roque said from the doorway.  "Though I should make him pay for last night."

"You're still replacing those toys," Xander reminded him.

"Uh-huh.  Be a girl and order them on my card, Xander."

Xander looked at him.  "Do I really look like a girl to you?"  Roque smirked.  "Keep it up, watch me take up with one of the people that want me instead.  I'm not a bitch, I'm not a girl.  I may occasionally play lap candy but I'm really not."

"I know."  He looked at Clay.  "Why are you kneeling next to his tub?  Were you going to offer to scrub his back?"

Xander looked at Roque.  "Go change the sheets or fuck him on them and then change the sheets."  Roque snickered.  Clay shook his head but Roque pulled him around to 'help with a little problem coming up'.  Xander rolled his eyes and went back to his book.

"Looks like he's not interested," Clay taunted.

"My ass is sore.  It's your turn to be the wife," Xander quipped back.  Clay growled but Roque smirked and shoved his dick in Clay's mouth.  He got a dirty look for it but his boss and friend played along well.  Xander wasn't watching but he was still hard.  It was nice. He could fix Clay's dirty mind once and for all and make his boy happy on his birthday. "How old are you anyway, Xander?" he asked as he plowed the talented mouth.


"Still a babe," Roque taunted.

Xander blew a kiss.  "Yes I am."  He looked.  "You're going to choke him."  Roque looked and let him up a tiny bit.  Then he got happy with his mouth again.  "Don't forget to change the sheets.  They're sticky."

"I'll do that in a while."  He hauled Clay up and spun him around, bending him over the sink's edge.  "I should do you right here for last night."

"Remember that poked spot he had," Xander quipped.

Roque looked then bent Clay over the tub instead.  "Suck my main bitch's cock.  You wanted it last night."  Xander moaned but it was good.  And so was Clay's ass when he got into it.   Clay moaned at that but his mouth was full.  Xander tossed the book out of the way of harm and let him do whatever he wanted for now.  Though someone still owed him a birthday present if they were actually celebrating it.


Roque looked at his boy, staring at him.  "Can you try to stay out trouble while I'm in God's Asshole of the universe?"

"I always try."

"Uh-huh.  I've heard."  Xander smirked.  "I also noticed the new scars.  Try harder."  He stared at him.

"It's nearly spring."

"I know, that's why I'm ordering you to try harder."

"Not in that sort of service either."  He smirked.  "I always try.  Try not to get shot?"

"Yeah, getting shot fucking sucks."  He took a kiss.  "Watch out for the suicidal mother fuckers who think they deserve you.  I scared off another one last night."  He left.

Xander waved.  "Have a good trip, boys."  He watched them go, going upstairs to see if he could cover the hickey he had smacked Roque for doing.  He needed to get back to work and make the rent this month.  He liked having savings and wasn't going to dip into it if possible.  Let it make baby money for him for now.


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