CODA: New Hunting Grounds.
On his first day, 1 was hunting around the lab. "Um, Alex, need something?" one of the other guys asked.
1 looked up. "Be wery wery quiet, I'm hunting wabbits," he said with an evil smirk. "Ones holding caffeine hostage."
The CSI stared at him. "You're twins?" he demanded.
"Congrats, you noticed the eye patch thing. Better than the FBI did for *years*," he said dryly. "Break room machines?" He pointed. "Thanks, man. I'm Xander, he's Alex. More often I'm 1 and he's 2." He walked off that way to get something to drink. He had dry mouth for some reason.
"I don't think they're going to be boring people," he decided, going to find Mac. "I found one of the twins."
"Congrats on figuring that out," 2 said dryly. "Better than the FBI did for *years*."
"He's hunting soda."
"Yeah," he sighed. "He drooled all night so he has dry mouth." He shrugged. "He's got twin sensing radar so he'll be in shortly." That guy smirked at him. "We're weird but nice."
"Good to know." He held out a hand. "Adam. I'm usually in trace."
"Alex, and that's Xander, we're ballistics." He shook his hand. "He's also a profiler."
"It helps with how they draw serial killers," Mac said. Adam walked off laughing.
"He'll hear soon enough I'm sure," 2 said dryly. His twin came in. He stole the can to get a drink and handed it back. "Better?"
"Much. What did I do, eat the pillow?"
"You ended up sucking on my shoulder through my shirt. Speaking of, Mac, when is our day off so we can go furniture shopping? I don't mind sharing a bed with him but he does things like that."
"I have you guys scheduled for Wednesdays."
"That's cool," 1 agreed. "We'll get good recommendations from someone around here and do it that way."
"While the people fix our building." He looked at his twin. Then back at Mac. "Same town as the first one but less work needed. They had a crucible setup already."
"Only a few ghosts," 1 added. He finished his soda and looked around before tossing it out. "We'll put a recycling box in our office."
"Thanks, boys." He stared at them. "You both have your ID's?" They held them up. "Wear them." They put them on. "Come on, let's go see your labs." He walked them down there.
Stella stared at them. "Twins?" she said. "Or are we missing a hidden sister maybe?"
"No, thank God we don't have one of those," 1 said with a smirk. "She might nag and clean on us."
She snickered at that. "Good to know."
"Boys, this is Stella Bonasera. She's my second in the lab. Stella, these are Alex and Xander Harris. Our new ballistics people."
She shook their hands. "Welcome to the labs, boys. Anything else I should know?"
"I passed profiler training," 1 said.
"We build artillery in our off-hours," 2 added. She blinked at that. He grinned. "We're fascinating. That's why serial killers love us."
1 nodded. "Too much. It was pitiful that Henri tried to break in that night. His pets called leaving angry messages that the mini-tank had bruised him."
Mac shook his head. "I don't want to know." He walked them on. "I heard about him from Horatio, boys."
"He is kinda a nice guy," 2 admitted.
"Still creepy," Mac said.
"It's better than the ones who want to kill us after screwing us," 1 said. Mac stared at him. "It seems to work that way."
"Try to keep that down, all right?"
"Sure," they agreed in unison, grinning at him.
"We tried very hard to do that for Horatio too," 1 added.
"I heard." He let them into the lab, watching them look around.
"The computer's crap," 2 said. "Slow and achy."
1 took off his backpack to hand over the laptop. "Network it in and use it as a hard drive." They got through to things and arranged a few other things. "There," they decided. "Let me get a soda." 2 nodded, looking at their samples. He jogged out to get two and bring them back. His twin was looking at the first bullet so he took the first gun to test fire and start his own job. They were efficient. With the two laptops, it was easier.
Mac watched for a few minutes then left them alone. They seemed to have it.
Stella looked at the guy on her scene. "Sheldon, have you met the twins yet?"
"Twins?" he asked. He almost blushed at that suggestion. Stella was *not* hitting on him. He hoped.
"The new ballistics guys," she said dryly.
"Oh! No, I haven't."
"Adam said they're smartasses. They seemed a bit that way when I met them earlier. One's a profiler."
"That's a help to the lab," he agreed. He got back to work. "Minority?"
"No. Though Mac did tell me earlier that they had spent about ten months in Africa training some people."
He looked at her. "That's interesting."
"They seem young. A bit sweet and funny. Neither one stared at my boobs for a change."
He laughed. "You've stunned more than your fair share."
"They said they draw serial killers."
"Even better," he said dryly. He took a picture and picked up something to bag. "Was one of them the guy that did the tire on that car out front?"
"Yup. That's Alex I think. One's Alex, one's Xander. That one has an eye patch."
"Gone from what I heard."
"Ow. Wonder what happened."
"Don't know, it was before they went to Africa."
"They had comedy albums playing quietly in the lab and they have an artillery design company as well."
He stared at her. "Really?" She smiled and nodded. "Where did they work last?"
"Interning in Miami. I called the people I know but haven't gotten one back yet."
"Huh." He got back to work. "They sound interesting to work with. Are they field cleared?"
"Yes. Mac wouldn't hire them if they weren't."
"Even better. It'll save us some work I'm sure."
"Yup." She heard a roar of a motor and grimaced. "It's too cold for a motorcycle."
"Only if you're in the breeze like we are," he complained. Whoever was on the bike got off and walked their way without taking off her helmet or gloves. "Ma'am, this is a crime scene," he said firmly.
"Yeah, I know." She tossed something at him, making him catch it. "Tell the bastard twins welcome to my city."
"Tell them yourself, they're in the lab," Stella ordered, standing up.
She laughed as she walked off. "I'm sure they'll find me later." She got back onto her bike and headed off.
Stella looked at the package. "Get someone to take that back to the lab," she said quietly.
Sheldon called it in and a uniform came to get it.
This did not look good.
2 walked in the next morning. "Wendy Omigo. Pain in our ass," he said, handing over the folder. "Went to jail once. Will be going again if she screws up or I'll paddle her to death." He walked off again. 1 was thinking bad thoughts and he had to stop that. "Hey, vindictive bitch is my job in this 'ship, get back in character," he ordered as he walked into ballistics.
"Why did Wendy come to New York?"
"Did you warn the group?"
"Yeah, Giles spluttered his tea and complained it had been the good stuff."
"Huh." They shared a look. "Wendy's a twat when she wants to be. We'll deal with her." 2 nodded. "Good. Work?" he asked, offering a gun.
"Thanks, my beloved. Let me go do this. You figure out where she is."
"She's in Harlem." They shared a smirk and got back to work for the day. She was so toast when they saw her.
Mac walked in. "Boys, let us handle her."
"She's not a danger to us," 1 assured him.
"Just an annoying bitch," 2 added. "And going to get paddled."
1 nodded. "A lot."
Mac smirked at that. "We can arrest her for stalking."
"She's not." 2 came out of the firing pen. "Yet. A few years back she went in for B&E but she got given amnesty for helping someone. It'll be fine and we'll drag her in here to paddle her ass."
"Where is she so we can arrest her?" Mac asked. "Stella thought she was threatening you two."
"No, for her that was a 'welcome to the city' gift," he said dryly.
"Cute pillow ," 2 said with a grin. "She'll be fine. We'll paddle her, Mac. Make sure she knows not to bother you guys when she wants to talk to us."
"I still don't see why she's not in LA with Gunn," 1 told his twin. "She had a massive crush on him and could be helping out there."
"Who knows." He went back to the firing pen. "This one's frozen so tearing it down first," he noted. His twin made that note for him. Then he got back to his own case load.
Mac walked out shaking his head. He'd have to make sure the twins knew they could help protect them. He went to talk to Don about her. He could pick her up for a nice chat. He adored Stella like a sister.
2 walked into the interrogation room Wendy was in with Don Flack, staring at her. She had cut her waist length black hair. Her skin was lighter so she wasn't out in the sun daily anymore. No more freckles either. She was not the slayer they had trained and sent to Morocco that year. "What did you do?" he demanded.
"Nothing! They're paranoid bastards!"
"Gee, you did threaten two CSI," Don said dryly.
"Nah, they know me here."
2 pulled her up, staring at her. "Why aren't you in LA?"
"Had a bit of a falling out with Connor. Connor has chastity belt service for Gunn. Gunn agreed with him, I'm too young and free," she said bitterly.
Xander stared at her. "Really?" She nodded. "Because we called." She groaned, sitting down. He leaned down to get in her face. "You're not the goddess here either," he pointed out dryly.
"Of course I am. I'm a *fine* incarnation of her."
"So was Faith, and she's coming up in a few months to be stationed," Xander told her.
"I can work with her."
"Good." He stood up. "Quit panicking people. Act like they do instead of like us." He dropped a kiss on her head, earning a growl. "I've heard lions do that better," he taunted with an evil smirk. He walked off.
Wendy snorted. "Pushy bastard." She looked at Don. "See, I'm normal. Can I go watch my dinner burn now?"
He growled but let her go. "Do not go near a crime scene or anyone in the lab again unless it's an emergency."
"Chill, Doctor Frigid, they're not my type anyway. Those two bastards made me the woman I am today." She left, going back home to sulk. Though Xander hadn't said to leave him alone so she could go over later that night she guessed.
Don went to talk to the twins. "You two made her the woman she is?" he asked as he walked into their lab.
"We trained her when we were in Africa," 2 said, looking at him. "She's not a bad kid, but she's messy sometimes. The B&E was slightly necessary but if she had listened then that problem would've been solved easier in other ways. She was working to get someone free." Don nodded once at that. "She's not a bad kid but she's one tough bitch because she wants to be. We wanted to paddle her *so* many times during her training."
"Training in what?"
"Self and village defense," he said bluntly. He got back to work. "I'm sure she'll leave the lab's people alone. She's a lot less nice than they are and used to a lot less nice than New York's version of civilization, Detective. She grew up in Somalia. We saved her village from some of the fighting going on."
"Oh. So she's a freedom fighter?"
"In a lot of ways," 1 agreed quietly. "In some ways not."
"Things got too bad and we had to evacuate most of her village. Most of them made it to the nearest refugee camp. We got lucky with her and got her to some friends who could use her skills to help her people. When she did, they went home and she apparently came here. We were in DC then."
"Her role model is coming this way we think," 1 added. "So she'll calm down again."
"Uh-huh. So not a real danger?"
"We told Mac that," 2 told him.
"Uh-huh. How good are you two at self-defense?"
1 looked at him. "Ask Miami." He groaned and walked off. He got back to work. "He's cute," he said, glancing around.
"Very cute. Bit dangerous."
"Straight," Danny said as he leaned in.
"We can admire and not hit on people," 2 assured him with a grin. "If he's not deadly he wouldn't be attracted to us anyway."
"You two need to find better people."
"We have tried everything," 2 assured him.
"Uh-huh." He smirked. "Results on a gun for me?"
"Hmm," 2 said, looking at the stack. "Case name? We had a small backlog due to finding a cabinet full of samples that needed to be done."
Danny moaned. "Our exemplar?"
1 pointed. "That one."
"Crap. That wasn't categorized?"
"Nothing was in the files when we pulled up matches," 2 said, shrugging a bit. "We're getting to today's guns right now."
"Yesterday's guns." 2 flipped to that part of the pile, then let him have the whole stack. "Sure, I'll hand out for you two." He walked off smirking. He would tell Stella that so she could fix them up with some nice guys. "Stella, backlog from a cabinet we didn't even realize had some."
"Damn," she muttered. She found her cases and sighed. "I've been looking for some of those."
"The boys thought Don was cute," he said quietly, glancing around.
"Of course he is." She smirked.
"In the needing a bucket way."
"Ah. I can see if I can fix them up since they seem to draw serial killers."
He snorted. "Please." He walked off to hand out the rest.
She walked into ballistics. "On a scale of 1-10, how hot did you think Don was?"
"He's got that good boy cuteness of about a 5," 2 said.
"I'd give him that. He tries really hard but too good boy to ever like us," 1 agreed. He printed and handed that over. "I think that's yours. Your initials were on the envelope."
She smirked, taking it to look over. "Thank you, Xander."
"Just call us 1 and 2, we do," he quipped. "It's easier."
She stared at them. "Your parents decided there was only one of you, treated you that way?" They nodded. "Damn it."
"It's fine. We had the official name change and all that," 2 quipped with an evil smirk. "It confuses prosecutors very well. Some even had their brain hamsters die."
She snickered. "I've done that to a few with some clothes." She looked at them. "So which is which?"
"I'm 2," 2 said with a grin.
"Okay. Is that stated in your file?"
"Mac probably heard it," 1 admitted. "Everyone else know so it's not a secret."
"Okay. Telepathic sort of twins?"
"Only really strong feelings."
"Good." She smiled. "Anything else strange we need to know?"
"Not really," they said in unison. They shot each other a look then at her. "If there is, I doubt it'd impact the lab," they agreed.
"Good. We like that. The PD is very hard on strange things." They both grinned at that. "Good boys." They both yipped. She walked off snickering. She ran into Mac, pulling him into an unused lab. "Did you know the twins had 'one and two' syndrome?"
"That's been noted all the way back through their training," he assured her. "Which is which?"
"Two is the one with the patch. I'm still getting them confused."
"They only split their name by a middle initial," he assured her. "That's fine, we can do that."
"They said anything strange wouldn't be brought here."
"I'd appreciate that, yes." He went to talk to them. He closed the door, staring at them. "ICW membership?" he asked. 2 nodded, looking at him. 1 was still working. "How far back?"
"The new council is our old team," 2 admitted. "We do things a lot differently. Where did you run into them?"
"On assignment. My team ended up saving one of the girls. She told us that while we bandaged her."
"One of the potentials probably," 1 said quietly.
"Yeah, the old farts got blown up a few years ago," 2 told him.
"Good!" He stared at them. "So this girl...."
"One of our trainees."
"You two train...potentials?"
"There's no potentials right now thanks to the problem that got them blown up," 2 said quietly.
"Oh. So they're all ...active for lack of a better word?"
"And she is?"
"Will she cause you two problems?"
"No. She came over to snuggle and talk last night," 2 told him with a grin. "She was lonely. She was being cutesy."
"We did spank her for it," 1 offered, still looking in his microscope. "This one's not right. It's a plastic bullet."
2 took it to look at. "Home cast it looks like. Huh. Take a scraping from the end, see if we can see what they melted?"
He took it out to feel. "I'd say lego plastic. It feels like lego plastic instead of something else and I doubt they were sophisticated enough to add coloring."
"Could be. Do it anyway," Mac said. "So it's official." He took the bullet to look at. "That does look like the one that Sid pulled for Hawkes earlier." He handed it back. "Anything I should be aware of?"
"We're adjunct and helpers," 2 told him. "They've got 'normal guy' syndrome again pretty bad."
"Normal people shouldn't try to do the job of a slayer," 1 mimicked quietly, glancing around at the glass walls.
"That's not a good thing," Mac decided. "If you run into it, tell me directly so I can clear up the demons. I've had to do it a few times."
"Wendy's your local slayer," 2 said with a smug look.
"I'll keep that in mind." He left them alone. "Adam, run the trace from the bullet they have," he called into that lab.
"Oooh." He went to look. "Plastic bullet? We haven't seen one of those before. I know they're making some for combat usage, but I've never seen one."
1 let him see how he was scraping it. "I can't do more without warping it."
"That's fine." He took it to look over and got out a divot from the end. "That is a skill that comes with practice," he said with a grin. 1 grinned back. "Give me twenty. The machine's in use. Want to have lunch?"
They shrugged. "Sure, come get us," 2 agreed with a smile.
"Cool." He left to run that. It was interesting. It came back and he ran it against known plastic formulas. He came back. "It was colored with a wax resin, probably a melted crayon or two, and it was barbie plastic." They beamed at him. It got included in their report. "That is very cool. Thanks, guys."
"Nothing hardened it?" 2 asked.
"No, just plastic and the crayon residue. Why?"
"If it was shot from too far away, it would've compacted more," 2 said. "So it met little resistence."
"I'd love to try that out," he admitted.
"We have the stuff to do it in the company," 1 said with a small shrug. Adam gaped and he grinned. "We make artillery, dude."
"Wow. Yeah, you guys could probably melt a whole lot of barbies. Would it coat the inside of the gun?"
"Hmm. We'd have to test that too," 2 admitted, looking at his eviler half. Who smirked back. "Tell Mac we'll be running those tests tonight. We'll give you an access pass tonight." Adam beamed and nodded, heading to tell Mac that, then Sheldon since it was his case.
1 sent an email to the new building. They'd run out and get him a few barbies and crayons to test with. Not like they didn't have guns laying around they could throw away on the test.
"Bring them here," Sheldon said. "So we can all watch the test and tape it. Mac said so."
"Sure, colored any particular color?"
"Nah, I don't care," he admitted with a smile. "Can we melt them here? Just to test percentage of however many were made?"
"Only if we bring in a crucible setup and molds," 2 said.
"Then go ahead and make some for us to test please." He left, going to tell Adam that. He could be bouncy about it later.
2 sent that updated message and they got back a 'you're strange'. He sent one saying it was for a case and Graham decided he didn't want to know. He'd go buy them a few barbies and crayon packs.
2 took aim with the first test, firing it. "Hmm, bullet pulls to the left," he said. "No wind resistence so it's off-center for weight."
"It's weighted just like that one," Adam said. "We tested that."
"True." He fired another one and they went to gather them. "The second has no rifling."
"Which means it left a coat inside the gun," 1 said, breaking it down to look over. "Oh, yeah, it melted pretty on the way out." He measured it. "Its probably originally a size larger."
Two looked then at their bullets. "Which made it a fifty caliber. What a waste of a good gun. Can it come out easy?"
Xander cleared the testing area and fired twice on the second gun. Then he broke it down and tossed it in the freezer. "The two methods most people would use. Scraping and freezing." He sat down to try to clean it. Still had flecks of plastic. 2 got the other one once it was thoroughly chilled. It came out better but still had some in the grooves. They wrote it up for Adam, who was happy that they had done it with him. Including the air resistence smooshing from the distance. "That'll help."
2 looked at the rifling on the original. "If that's a fifty caliber, it's a Desert Eagle, this year's model," he said, handing it over to be reenveloped.
"Wow," Adam said. They grinned at him so he took the tape and the results to Mac and Sheldon. It was their case together. He babbled at them and Sheldon was happy. It gave them a firm clue. This year's model was too new to be on the street so they had registration paperwork to look through. Also the distance meant that the person who had done it had used low residue powder. That was becoming more popular but still harder to find. It'd let them cross check.
The twins cleaned up and went back to work. This was the fun part of their job. They wrote up the results for Graham and put in a suggestion to the approval board about alternative bullets. That might be nice.
Mac groaned as the lights went out all over the building. "Damn it!" He went to check on everyone, getting them to seal things and gather for now in the break area. The twins were working away and they had lights. "How are you doing this?"
"Generator," 1 said bluntly. "Be damned if I'm going to let the power go out again."
2 nodded. "Definitely." He got back to work. "We're fine, Mac."
"How long can the generator run, boys? We have more important things, like coolers, that need to be running now."
"We can get Graham to bring down the other three," 1 offered, pulling out his cell to call him. "Graham, we're in the dark. There's sample coolers going bad. Can we have the generators for the next few hours? Yeah, those are fine. Why would they? This is a criminal busting lab, Graham, not the sort to look at our power supplies. Thanks, man." He hung up. "Give him an hour." Mac nodded, going to tell the others that. 1 looked at his twin. "He sounded stressed."
2 called. "What's going on?" He kicked back, listening to him. "Huh. No, tell him we're not doing it early because we're at work." He smirked. "I do like him. We like him a lot. What is he in a panic about needing?" He listened. "We have four in the vault. Can he bum and give back?" He nodded. "That might help, yeah. Failed vault, not the sold vault." He nodded. "Cool. Yeah, I'm good with that. Hey, if he can use it to make other things, then we only want partial credit for inventing the original source. Cool?" He nodded as Graham repeated that. "Wonderful. Thanks. We'll be on the lookout for Len. Thanks, man." He hung up. "O'Neill's in a panic. He's breaking into the failed vault to get those UAV and other things."
"More power to him if he can fix what wouldn't work for us."
"He thinks he can use them to create new stuff. Especially the power packs."
"As long as it doesn't get out of their hands, I won't mind."
"That's what we said." He grinned. His twin gave him a weak grin back. "Are you okay?" He tested his forehead. "Go wait on Len." He nodded, going to do that. 2 got back to work. He had forgotten his twin was a bit claustrophobic now and then. Those pirates should've paid harder. Stella brought in some things to plug in. "There's only four plugs."
"Can your laptops run on batteries?"
"They are. That's the light and the microscope."
"Work on reports for now." She undid the microscope and plugged in the other things on a single power strip. "That good?"
He looked. "Shouldn't burn it out any." She beamed. "Don't we have backup generators?"
"Which aren't working for some reason. It means Mac and I get to go kick someone's butt later. Where's your twin?"
"He's a bit claustrophobic sometimes. He's waiting on the other generators."
"That's fine." She patted him on the arm and left to tell Mac that so he could keep track of people. The power blinked but went out again within thirty seconds. "Any clue?"
"Downed lines due to a construction project hitting buried ones," Mac said grimly.
"No clue, and maintenance is suspiciously not answering."
She snorted, going to find one to talk to him, or beat him to death with her shoe, one of the two.
Their guard walked in a large box. "Thanks, Len." The receptionist sent someone out to help him.
"Not a problem, Xander." He put the one he was carrying down. "O'Neill has one of his geeks at the lab helping construct what they need. He said they'd pay for it."
"I'm sure he will. We trust and like the guy." Len beamed. "Have a good ride and thanks. We'll bring them out later." He nodded and left. 1 looked around then called Mac's phone. "I have four small generators. They will last for about 10 days total. They are heavy as shit. Come help me carry since we're on the fifth floor and it's dark?" He laughed at Mac's orders to a few of the officers. "Sure, they can carry. Want me to grab lunch? Yeah, a bit. Pirates," he said in explanation. "Sure, Stella and I can go get lunch." He hung up and waited, checking them over. The generator had been his idea because they had so wanted some in Africa sometimes. At least to get emergency band radios up and charged. Four huge officers came down and he smiled. "Hi, guys. Not that delicate but don't drop them."
They groaned as they picked them up. "You weren't kidding, these are heavy," one said.
"Yeah but they work for about 10 days," Xander told him.
"Good! They said it'll be tomorrow." He walked up and Stella held the door for them.
She came out and smiled. "Lunch?"
"Please." He walked out with her, going up to the place she selected. She knew what people wanted. He just wanted out of the dark. At least they didn't have clowns there but still.
1 walked into the lab a few hours later. "We're going to be dark all day." Graham shuddered. "Exactly. We're on skeleton crew and I started to get claustrophobic so I left." He went into the building lab to help O'Neill. He saw what the geek was doing and got into another vault, bringing it out to take apart and hand over. "Wouldn't a full one work better?" She beamed and plugged that in. "Make us new ones," he told Jack. "Or pay us back."
"I am. I swear I am. Thanks, kid."
"NP. I know what you guys do is important." They shared a look. He looked. "You're weatherproofing wrong. That won't keep water or anything out of there." He took the rubber seals to work on for her, and she nodded at that. "That'll keep an air-tight seal. Now, if you're going to need an arcing spark, you need to set a wire."
"I will." She did that and they finished it together. "Thanks, kid."
"Not a problem. We like Jack. Did you take notes on what you took apart?" She pointed. He nodded at that. "Thanks." He looked at Jack, who shrugged a bit. "Call ahead and we might be able to make you one," he quipped.
"I'll try but you know how those things go."
"Oh, yeah," he sighed. Jack walked off laughing with his new powerful bomb.
Graham walked in. "That's a huge list of things that got broken down." He looked at the one he had broken into. "Isn't that your favorite?"
"I didn't figure he had time to make a new core. I'll make another one soon enough." He put it aside with a note on it. "Are we set up?"
"All but one person and she doesn't want to come so she's working from home."
"If she can, I'm all for it."
"Tony is too."
"That's fine for now."
Graham smiled. "They didn't like the plastic bullets. Someone's doing it. Jacketed and not."
"Huh. Well, the test on the barbie bullets we did showed that whoever had used them coated the inside of his pretty, this year's gun. Pity since it's a DE."
Graham moaned. "I looked at those. Hand cannons with sweet triggers." Xander grinned and nodded. "We are no longer behind on the design team."
"You have sixteen in."
"We should have eighteen in. We couriered two right before we left."
"I'll check." He went to do that. He came back. Xander had found the courier receipt for him. He went to call them. Fortunately Tony had them so it was okay. Tony sent them up the day before so they'd be there in the next day and a half. That meant they really weren't behind on designs that were up for review. He went to talk to Xander about getting an engineer hired to help them with the generators, maybe those would be good to sell? They were rechargable. They were heavy but compact. They were field worthy. If you could switch out power cells it might be a great thing and it was his project. He agreed it might be something to look into and went to look at his design-while-drunk. That dead engineering student he had been possessed by for two weeks had done bad things to his mind. But hey, he didn't really drink anymore.
O'Neill got the nice letter from the boys. "We know you haven't paid us, but we do need the money to remain pretty young men. That way the criminals we catch underestimate us until we make them beg," he read. He groaned, calling the mountain. "Hank, you haven't paid the twins for what they've done?" He read it over. "It looks like the last one was billed, when we had to build that bomb suddenly."
He listened. "No, Hank, they aren't like that. I know they haven't graduated engineering school but I watched them sit down and design things." He listened, groaning and rubbing his face. "No, and I don't care who's speculating about what. Or what McKay thinks about guys who haven't been to engineering school should be able to do. I've seen them do it. Why are people speculating about them because of the pouchy snake plot?"
He listened then snickered. "No, it wasn't because of that. Listen, meet me tonight in New York. I'm pretty sure I can clear up how they heard about it. No, they're not Ancients. They don't have the ego to be Ancients. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Meet you up there tonight after dark." He hung up and called the boys. "Questions have been asked about why you knew about the pouchy snake epidemic and why they were after you, plus some people are mad that engineers who have graduated can't do what you two have." He listened. "Please. We'll be up after dark. Kid, I know. Show your ass." He hung up and made plans for that hunt. Hank Landry was going to freak out at demons.
Jack walked Hank into the warehouse the boys were at. Hank stared. "What is that?" he demanded. "We haven't run into those before!"
"That's because they're from another plane," 2 said dryly. "Welcome to stepping on the ICW's feet, General. It's not a pretty place but we understand what you guys do all too well." The person following them came around to give them horrified looks. "Did any of you guys see what happened in LA a few years ago?"
"I was in LA," Jack admitted. "I jumped in."
"They didn't call me back from Africa for that. Instead, we were in Sunnydale before then." The geek king behind the two generals went pale. "So, yeah, we're real used to saving the world being necessary. You?" he asked the geek king.
"That doesn't explain how you do things that fully doctored engineers can't," he complained.
"You do pick things, and possessions, up along the roads of life," 1 said dryly, coming out of the shadows. "This stunning asshole here is wanted on his plane for genocide. There's been a lookout for him around for about a year. We had no idea he was up here until earlier when we asked for demonstration worthy models."
"Demonstration for what?" Landry asked.
"Do you really think you'll believe anything without one?"
"No," he ground out. He walked forward. "What is this thing?"
"His people are called Kolsi. They're generally peaceful. Herbivores for the most part. This one was a scientist who wanted to beef up some of them so they had their own soldiers. That way they could protect themselves. Which we agreed with," 2 said. "Until he killed over a thousand people trying to turn them more violent minded." The general shuddered. "His kind are about two realms over from the one that invaded in LA a few years back." He walked around him. "I'm going to call his people to come get him. There's plenty of vampires in this building if we need to stake one for you to understand."
"Where were you instead of the invasion?" Jack asked.
"Training Wendy," 1 said with a point. "She was in Somalia and her village had recently been attacked by supposed freedom fighters. Who did more damage than the national army when they had come through. It got to the point where we had to stop them before they found the women and food stores. Because it wasn't pretty." He stared at the generals. "On magnitudes of not pretty, that was about all our time top when we found one doing it and shot him."
Wendy nodded. "They saved my whole village and got us to a refugee camp then made sure I found a watcher in Morocco who could help me. Then I got involved in his thing and should've listened when they told me to think instead of act. Thankfully the Council still has some pull."
Xander nodded. "True." 2 looked at them. "Our former team dealt with idiots like this for a long time. Since we were sixteen." Landry moaned. "Mostly vampires, some demons. We had a lot of peaceful ones that we left alone. Our group does not care what you started out as, as long as you stay peaceful and don't try end the world bullshit like some." He stared at the demon then at them. "Wendy?"
She went to capture a few vamps with 1, bringing them back complaining. "They're still slightly drugged from the grenade." She dropped hers and he went to game face, lunging back at her. She knocked him down and back out. She stared at them. "Vampires, they're all pounce and grr as we're told."
"Twice as strong as humans, or more, and as fast. This particular species is stakeable before you ask," 2 told the scientist. He walked over and got that one, then looked at the other one cowering. "Oh, please. You're not meek. We know that." The thing roared and tried to rush him so he killed it. Xander got the third one. He walked back over. "We had years of them, apocalypses like LA's, only generally lesser than that, and a lot of patrols. So yes, we do understand about the benefits, the risks, and the necessity of the stargate program."
"They're dust," Landry said.
"Yeah, they're animated corpses."
"That doesn't explain how two people who barely graduated high school could create artillery."
1 sighed and walked over, looking over his shoulder. "Who's the redhead with the ponytail and the too-thin body?" he asked him, staring into his eyes. "Looks like brown eyes. Wasp waisted, so probably died of anorexia."
"You can't," he said, backing off.
"Unfortunately, with where we were born, people with certain...gifts come faster. Those with true magic, like Willow. Who you guys met," he said with a smirk at Jack.
"Don't remind me, please."
"She remembered you from the invasion actually." Jack gaped. He smirked back. "She also said the main group has three slayers that were thinking about military things. You should talk to her again. Or Buffy, she's technically the head slayer. Giles is in charge."
"I can do that. Thanks."
"Not a problem." 1 looked at Rodney again. "Not only do some of us have visions, which piss us off every fucking time, we also have the ability to suck in people who're no longer with us."
"I knew that coding looked familiar," he complained.
"Yeah, well, it took them two weeks to get him out of my head." He shrugged. "He wanted to drink again. Thankfully I heal better than his liver had when he had that DUI." He stared at the ghost then at him. "Got anything?" She floated closer. "Don't you dare. I don't want to see Willow tonight. Or holy water." She whispered something in his ear, making him snicker. "She thinks you and Dr. Z are cool together but she thinks you and the two he-men would be cute. That the colonel is very pretty and should be tied down more often before he gets into trouble and Ronon would do good spanking all the stupid thoughts out of your head when you got them." He smirked at her. "Also something about a 'you walked right past the lab you wanted, dumbass cousin'?" He shrugged and walked off. "Don't ask me. She said it." He got stuff from Wendy's backpack and put it down, motioning her over. "It won't hurt. Prove yourself. You clearly need to chat." She huffed but climbed in and became visible.
"Oh, god," Rodney whispered. "He was right, it is you."
"Yes, and you need to screw the bravery instinct out of that colonel. Before he dies on you."
"I know that, that's why you're stupid!" she assured him. She gave him a pointed look.
Xander walked them away. "Let them talk." He stared at the other general. "What else did you doubt about?"
"How did you know about the gou'ald?"
"Is that what the pouchy snakes are called?" He shrugged. "We heard from the paranoid people that some of them were possessed by things that look like pouchy snakes. Before that one guy sent us the pouchy-snake-be-gone we didn't think it was that hard to get rid of them. We had only run into one then suddenly they all seemed to want us. I don't know why." He looked at Jack. "Any clue?"
"They thought you'd make good hosts and that they could use it to get what you know easier."
"Huh, but no. After being possessed a few times, it's a lot harder and the hyena we got back in tenth grade would've killed them immediately."
"Hyena?" the scientist said, looking over them. "Animal possession?"
"A shaman at the zoo had been planning on doing it to himself but we stumbled into it instead. She's kinda nice most of the time." 2 shrugged and looked at the generals again.
"If she's in one would it protect you both?"
"She's not our only one," Xander said dryly. "He got the hyena, I got the soldier...." They both groaned. "I got the engineer but it helped him a lot too." He shrugged. "It happened."
"There's only one of you born," Landry said.
They both stared at him. Then at each other, then at him. "We were split," he said quietly. "Something wanted Buffy split and got us instead."
"Split as in...." He waved a hand. They nodded. "Why?"
"It made the person more vulnerable. Kill one, get them both," 2 said with a small shrug. "We got that one fixed." He looked around. "Is one of you wearing a bug?"
"I'm going to fuck up Blackthorn and all their minions since they were the people over the invasion," 1 told him. "Then Wolfram and Hart." He called the bug over to him. It was magically placed and he did have a *tiny* bit of a gift thanks to Willow on that cliff. He crushed it and nodded. "We'll get them later."
"We can't. Mac would mind."
"No he won't." He smirked. "At all." He looked at the demon, snapping something. The others showed up. "In return for him we want the reward and everything on Wolfram, and Hart plus the Black Thorn that's still around."
The demons looked at each other, checking the demon in holding. "He is him," one admitted.
"We will ask," one said, disappearing. He came back with two boxes, handing them over. "All that we have, Great Knight."
2 smiled. "Thank you. Wolfram and Hart, and their spin-off group Blackthorn Inc, have been bothering us and we're tired of them."
"We're going to go Sunnydale on them," 1 agreed with his own smile. "Have him and welcome. We would've got him sooner if we had been aware of his location." They nodded and took him with them. No matter how much he wailed for the slayer to save him.
"We might be able to help if they're national threats," Jack offered.
"Why? You guys didn't stop the members of the group that caused the invasion that's in the government already." 2 gave him a look. "Or Wolfram and Hart's plans, which do include biological weapons."
"Which is really strange for a law firm," Xander 1 said.
Jack smiled. "Sweet. May we at least look?"
"And photocopy but we might not save you any," 2 assured him. The scientist stomped over once Wendy had released his cousin. "Privent was an ass."
"Yes, we looked at recruiting him. His drinking was worrisome."
"Oh, I don't know, that was some of the most fun I had while in Oxnard," 1 said dryly. "Stripping was more fun too." He looked at the generals then at him. "We are looking to hire an actual engineer to look over the generator issue we were thinking about. We have a compact, ten day generator made with the less powerful power cells but the more powerful ones blew it up. We were looking to expand that."
"How did you find those?"
"Those actually came from an idea Anya gave us," 1 told him. "Which we legitimately did all on our own one night while she was cramping in the tub." The guy huffed at that. They just grinned. "We may have learned a lot from him, but we don't copy other people's work. We have two design teams and an approval committee that makes sure of it."
"I'll see if I know of anyone," he grumped. "What's that?"
"The reward and stuff on the idiots who want to make our lives more difficult plus end the world."
"Ah, that's wonderful. What did happen in LA? I saw highly unbelievable tape of an invasion."
"No, they opened a portal and let a demon realm spill onto this one," Jack sighed. "I was in LA, McKay. I'm the one that took that footage before I jumped in to help the army of girls and the agents who managed it." He looked at him. "Really, I was there."
"We were helping Wendy," 2 told him. "They didn't call us back for that."
McKay huffed. "You can't just open dimensional portals like that," he said with a snap of his fingers.
"No, that one they had been working on for almost a century," 1 assured him. McKay groaned. "As for portals? Yeah, they can. Willow!" he shouted. She opened a portal, goop on her face. "The genocidal general from the Kolsi was captured and handed over. Wolfram and Hart is still trying to act against us, and the Council, and Blackthorn hasn't ended yet."
She grimaced. "Really? I can hack," she offered.
"Garcia said you were out of practice," 1 told her.
"Crud. We have two others. I can ask them."
"Please. I'm about to go Sunnydale on them," 2 told her. He smirked. "Got some in your eyebrows."
She swatted him. "Are you guys all set up?"
"Yes but we need to rebuild a few things thanks to General Jack having an emergency. Also, this is General Jack O'Neill. We cleared his project if those girls who want to go military want to talk to him."
She smiled at him. "Excuse the face mask, General, but we have three girls who want to go save the world in the military."
"Which they do," Xander assured her. "Like we did."
She nodded. "Can you come talk now?"
"I can come to Cleveland tomorrow," he offered with a smile.
She beamed. "That'd be perfect. Show up for morning tea around ten." She walked back through the portal then came back to stare at the guy. "You look like AJ."
"I think he's a distant cousin," 2 told her.
"Ah! Well, AJ would like a letter if you're related. She hasn't gotten very many outside of one from Madison. Who said her mother was too busy to write. So do some hiney kicking please? She's getting depressed." She walked through and closed the portal behind herself.
Xander smirked. "We do try to make the girls be as normal as possible."
"Alexandra Jamira Quentas?" he demanded. "She's fifteen."
"We're all called by the age of fourteen," Wendy said. She came over. "It sucks but we spend the first few years training. In the old days, more used to called younger. That really sucked for them because they died sooner."
He gaped at her. "That's barbaric."
"Not like we chose it," she said bluntly. "The people who did are long gone."
"Back in the hunter-gathering days," 2 told him. "Or a bit further back. The *new* council takes very good care of the girls. They never go out alone if we can help it. They have support, backup, a lot of help when they want and need it. Part of what we do is for their benefit." McKay swallowed but nodded. "So no, it's not like it was before. Though we do know AJ. We gathered her ourselves before going to Africa. Her mother knew she might be called some day. She fought the Council for years about them taking her daughter. All those complaints made against her? The guys who got blown up before Sunnydale fell in. The new people, we educate, we train, we support, we become like a family."
"Still doesn't beat the original family," 1 added, staring at him. "Her mother's probably been down recently."
Wendy shook her head. "Her mom broke her foot and needed surgery. She had to miss the last trip down."
Rodney swallowed. "I'm going with you, General."
"Agreed. It'll be good to have her family visit and check on her."
"We have family quarters for nosy family members," 2 assured him. "We've told all the families that they can visit, the girls get regular breaks back there if they want to, all that. Just tell them you're there to check up on her and they'll smile, make sure you get a private lunch together, all that." McKay nodded stiffly. He smiled. "We're not mean. Last time I heard she said we were mean because they made her take calculus when she didn't want to."
"That's a sort of mean I can accept."
"Willow?" 2 called. She reappeared without the goop. "He's insanely worried about AJ."
"Okay." She hauled him with her. The portal snapped shut. "AJ, worried relatives," she bellowed.
She came out of her room. "Cousin Rodney!" she shouted, pouncing him to hug. "What are you doing down here? Madison said you were in the middle of nowhere doing classified stuff!" She pulled back to look at him. "You're not injured, are you? If so I'll beat the shit out of someone for you." She pulled him to her room. "This is my roomie Casey. She's from Nebraska. We traded with the two girls from France because we could *not* get along with them. They were totally different about things and a lot more blood thirsty." She sat him on her bed, looking him over and babbling at him until he hugged her. She grinned and settled in to talk to him instead of at him now that his brain had engaged again. She was so happy!
Willow smiled at Buffy. "We'll be getting his overlording General, O'Neill, tomorrow to talk to the girls who want to go military," she told Buffy.
"Xander cleared them. Said they do it our way, the Sunnydale way sometimes, and it's necessary."
Buffy smiled. "What did Riley say?"
"Not a thing beyond it was too classified for him to think about. Graham did say they were nice and had scientists as well as soldiers but not in a bad way. He had cleared them with Xander for weapon buying."
"Huh. So we'll see." She nodded, grabbing her jacket to go talk to some underground contacts about him. If the twins trusted him it was nice but she still disliked the military.
Xander walked in two mornings later. "Sorry about that sudden time off for company business," he told Mac. He handed him something. "Wolfram and Hart are going to try to go after us. We're going to toast them soon but they're evil anyway."
"Is that because they're lawyers?" he asked with a small smile.
"No, it's because they've endangered the world a lot. Including with their local biowarfare lab that got moved from LA. We haven't seen them moving it yet so we're pretty sure it's still there." Mac gaped. He smirked. "Government contracts but somehow they missed the reviews the rest of us got. Oh, and they're evil for many reasons beyond that. They also include soul contracts in anything they do. So if you signed one, we'll try to help." He walked out, going to help his twin catch up again. Almost nothing had come in. Their laptops had been gotten into but they hadn't done more than went to the security setting. It was still showing a tongue spitting at them. "Any idea?"
"Two," he admitted, going over the footage. "I doubt it was the cute detective though." He let him see. "He just moved the mouse to make sure it was shut down or look at our backgrounds I think." He showed him the other one. "But what is a janitor doing screwing around with the back of ours where the USB key port is?"
"Huh," he agreed, ending the security settings. It showed what they were trying to do. He printed out that report. "We've got a case crossover."
"They're going to hate that," 1 said dryly. "Maybe we can legitimately raid?"
"No. Lawyer confidentiality."
"Damn." They got back to work and it was nicer. That footage got sent to Mac on a CD handed to Sheldon. It also had a copy of that report.
Mac came in. "Was that a request for help with your dirty work?"
"No, our computers were screwed with and went to the security setting," 1 said dryly. "I don't need help, Mac." He smirked.
"I don't want to know, do not make it illegal or findable."
"They missed their contractor review for the last six years," 2 said dryly. "He's turning them into ours first."
"Then we'll be mean and start handing things to nice, young reporters who still want to find truth and justice in stories."
"Is their lab legal?" Both twins shrugged. "Let me ask that question quietly."
"They have dirty agents and ones who've paid their price," 2 warned.
"I know some that think lawyers are God's excuse for target practice. They won't even be deposed by one." He went to call him and check up on that law firm. With the way things went, they had probably run into them in the past. Why would lawyers need a biowarfare lab?
The FBI agent in charge glared. "Where is the lab?" he demanded his minion.
"It's behind the blue wall, dude," 2 said, walking up to them. "Chill before you die from it."
"What the hell are you?" he sneered.
"The CSI who helped turn them in." He opened the portal and let him see. He looked in the incubator. "I'd get the guys in Hazmat to move this." He smirked. "Bioweapons lab from lawyers. Yes, these ones are that evil." He handed him a contract. "Or they think it's cute to ask for souls." He pointed at the little post-it arrow.
The senior agent snatched it to look at then gaped at him. "How in the hell!"
"Some of our group of friends ran into them in the past. We got offended when they touched our laptops in the lab last night to get into case files." He handed over that report. "Thankfully they don't have anyone in our company." He walked off.
"What company? Stop him, I want answers."
2 smirked back. "Hi, CSI Alex Harris, SI Corp's co-head." The man spluttered. "So yeah, they're real damn lucky they didn't get into *those* files." He left.
The agent snarled but he had good reasons now. And legal ones since the kid was a CSI. "Raid it." The minions ran off to raid everywhere else. The federal lab people came in to do an audit and NYPD HAZMAT was *not* happy with what they had to cart off to destroy. Not even the CIC or NIH had that many disease samples. Of course, they had a lot of information on who they were making diseases for and so many of them were overseas.
Yeah, this was going to look good on him for stopping terrorist lawyers.
2 walked into Mac's office when he called. "Yeah, boss?" He smirked at the agents. "Hi, guys. Did you have fun with the evil bitches that tried to get into our laptops' case files?"
"We did," one agent agreed. "We know you run your own company."
Xander held up a hand. "Nothing would make us work with them. We know people who fought them in LA for *years* over that stuff." They gaped. He smirked. "They are international. Have six offices in the US. Also affiliated with that Blackthorn Inc from Miami a few months back."
"We saw that connection," the agent in charge admitted. "Who are you?"
"Alex." He smirked. He pulled out his wallet to hold up his pass. "Needed to see that?"
The agent looked at it then nodded. "Enough said, thank you, CSI Harris."
"Not a problem. We like being the good guys." He grinned. "Even as adjunct personnel, mostly retired." He winked and walked off happier.
Mac coughed to clear his throat. "Was there hints that those two were involved?"
"They had a thin file on them," the lead agent admitted, handing it over. "They may have been the reason some people in Homeland were so paranoid about them coming up here."
"We did see many versions of that, yes," Mac admitted, looking over it. He knew most of that. Not the kill count from hunting but it figured since they seemed decent at that stuff. He closed it and put it under his hands. "I'll make sure they get that. Are there other copies?"
"Not that I'm aware of, but with them being multi-national, we'll talk to other governments about shutting down those offices as well."
1 opened the door and leaned in. "Pity about the one in Cairo since they had a failsafe and another lab. We told some of the people we met on our trip and they were planning a raid so they set off their failsafe. It's on the news." He left them alone.
Mac turned on his tv and it was on the news. "Hmm. That is not good."
"At least it only collapsed their building," the lead agent sighed. "I'm told the one in Miami had a three block radius." Mac nodded he had heard the same. "Thank you, Detective. I hope you enjoy having their bounciness up here."
"I do enjoy having the twins in my lab. They're very good, hard workers who make things a lot lighter around them."
"Even better. I would've figured them to be the scary sort from that file." He left, smiling slightly. Both the twins had surely recognized what he was but they didn't seem to be the sort of hunter that cared so he was fine. Clearly trained in Sunnydale like the file said. Though a lot of people had wondered about a few things. That file had cleared up some of it if that was correct as well.
2 walked in and held out a hand. "Our file?" Mac handed it over. He looked then snorted. "They didn't track us very well, did they?" He handed it back. "Shred that please. It's about three-quarters right and missed some things, like most everyone around us did. There's days we feel invisible." He walked off shaking his head.
Mac reread it then did shred it. That was dangerous information to be let into the open. The boys would be hurt if that got out. There might be people who would want to kill them or something worse like date them.
2 walked out to meet with the general that had come in unexpectedly. "Sir," he said, shaking his hand. "You're lucky, it's my day off. My twin is off furniture shopping for our apartment."
"I planned it that way after calling the lab to see when you were off, Alex." He walked inside with him. "I must say, this is nicer than the old lab."
"The old lab was temporary and a bit cramped. This time we knew we'd need more space. Plus there was some complaining that we didn't act like rich snobs sometimes."
That general laughed. "I've heard. I said it was smart of you. That was a nice corporate car."
"We let Tony go wild with it." He grinned. "He got us Aston Martins the last time."
"Nice cars." Alex beamed and nodded. "So, about this newest set of ideas." Alex let him into his office. "Two are looking like they're derivative? Or so I'm hearing from my people. One said that another company was saying it was a lot like theirs."
"We don't employ corporate spies, General Mays. Beyond the ones that get sent at us, who end up working in personnel usually, how would we know what they're doing. Though, if they're that certain, come to us so we can look them over. That way we're sure and can see how they came up with theirs."
Graham walked in. "Solderin is on line 2."
"Again?" he demanded.
"He loves you," he said dryly.
"Yay." He picked up the phone but didn't hit the button. "Local reporter, trying to profile the new company that came in. Give me a minute." He hit the button. "Yes, Mr. Solderin?" He listened. "No, I don't think that'll work. Because we do classified weapons designs, that's why." The man spluttered. "Exactly. No, no one is getting a tour of our lab outside the client list." He listened. "Really? Huh. I didn't know they were here. No, that's a small glitch that's getting fixed. Not a problem and they'd have no access to anything in the labs. Exactly. No, we're hiring local for some things. Including probably receptionist and those things. We brought the design team with us. That did add another sixty new residents." He smirked. "Exactly. Thank you for the interest but we'd rather be a bit more quiet really. You have a good day." He hung up and groaned, shaking his head. "Someone put the lab's layout online."
"Yeah, someone from GenTech. It's only half right."
"They're the same ones saying that you guys stole a gun design," General Mays said.
"Then let them prove it," Xander said bluntly. "Because their pitiful shit, not working on us. Really." He smiled. "Or are they indebted to someone like Wolfram and Hart? Because we just helped people see that they needed to be shut down for bad things."
"I heard about that," the general said with an evil smirk. "Nice work."
"Thank you. We know people who fought with the LA office for years." He looked at Graham. "Security said Wendy's here."
"I'll drop her in the breakroom." He went to talk to her.
"Friend from Africa," Xander told him. "Other than that, I have no idea who GenTech are beyond the guy in the blue shirt at the last pimping convention."
"Yes, that was one of them," he said, thinking back. "They're not very good designers. Have a lot of strange ideas. Only started a few years back."
"Well, maybe they have the former industrial spy that we fired for being Area 51 personnel." Xander smirked when the general moaned. "Otherwise, I don't know what to say. I know it's not. We don't spy and why would I want anything of theirs anyway. If that's true, have them come up and prove it to us. Then we'd work it out if it was true. Since we don't employ spies, I have no idea how that'd happen."
"Good point. A few of us want to look at theirs then yours to verify it."
"I'm fine with that. That would independent verification." He grinned. "Set it up and I'll have ours there."
"That'll work," he agreed, shaking his hand. "How many other things are coming up?"
"We have twenty-five total things that went to the approval board. They approved thirteen so far and are still working on the others. We've built six, and they're fairly nice but nothing I'd call awe inspiring. Pretty standard artillery, mostly single user or vehicle mounted. Some of the stuff they're still looking over is looking spectacular though. We branched into UAV weapons and other vehicle mounted things."
He hummed. "That's nice. I saw O'Neill's little tank friend?"
"That started out as part of our home security system. Pippen!" he bellowed. The small tank rolled in and stared at the general. "This is General Mays." The tank rolled around him and stopped in front of him, his turret staring at him. "He's very useful."
"I can tell." He squatted down to look at it. "He's very compact, has weapons?"
"Yes, some do. Some have more practical things like pincher arms. He's a quirky choice but ours for home security could run a person over, scan badges and ID cards, fire rubber balls, and zap the hell out of you."
"Wonderful." He stood up. "I can see a lot of uses for that in the field. Especially if he could be programmed to do bombs."
"I think someone was planning on that for a secondary round. For right now he's more sneak up and film sort of capabilities and some small defense. Then we'd work on higher functions like that. We need another engineer to work with us on those higher functions and the planned upgrades we have to the emergency generators we're working on based on the power packs. Right now the lesser ones run for about ten days and we have to figure out how to make them work with the higher ones without burning out."
The general stared. "Seriously?"
"Yeah. We had to use them in the lab for sample coolers when a construction project hit some buried lines."
"That might be very handy."
Alex grinned. "I'd hope so. That was my other half's idea while we were in Africa. He wanted to get emergency band radios working between some villages."
"That would be very handy to warn about problems and storms." He nodded. "I'd like to see those."
"Sure." Xander led him to the lab where they were stored, taking out one to check. "It's fully charged." He let him look it over while Xander went to talk to Wendy. "Big problems, little problems?" he asked.
"Ah." He gave her a hug. "Bad days happen to all of us." He smiled. "It'll be okay, I promise. We can have cookies after the general goes home." He winked and walked off, going back to the general. He walked back in and the general was still groping the generator. He could see definite uses for it in the field but they'd need to be upgraded to run longer in his opinion. Or made lighter for sudden field missions.
1 opened the door when he heard someone on the stairs, letting his twin inside. "Well?"
He looked. It was decorated. "Huh." He walked around. Both beds were nicely squishy enough. The couch was huge and comfy. A sectional this time. The kitchen had actual pots, pans, and all that stuff. The entertainment center was full and needed another few shelves it looked like. "You went anime shopping?"
"Yeah, kinda did," he admitted with a shy grin.
"I like it. We'll have to build more shelves." His twin beamed. "Nice job, but why did my closet have bagged clothes?"
"Oh." He settled down. "Wendy's coming." Xander went to make snacks. All slayers were usually hungry. 2 took off his shirt and loosened his pants. 1 came out to give him dinner then went back to it. Speed had been helpful to their cooking skills. A lot. Wendy knocked. "Open," he called. She opened the door and flipped the lock once she was inside. "Hey." She smiled and came over to steal his snack but 1 brought out more so they could tag-team cuddle her. So apparently her day had been shitty beyond belief. But that was fine, they understood about those things.
Xander smiled as the king geek of O'Neill land walked in a young woman. "Is that our new engineer?" he asked hopefully.
"She is. She has to retire from our project because she's pregnant. She is fully qualified and doesn't usually make me scream and rant at her for stupidity." She snorted, nodding at that. "These two make the power cells you were drooling over."
"One of the first projects you'll be given is to enlarge the generators we developed so they're better for field use," 2 told her with a smile.
"Yes." He led them both to a lab. The other guy knew so he probably had a good security clearance. "These," he said, pulling one out. "Right now they're ten day, about a power strip's worth of running sort of generators." He put it in front of her. "We'd like it more practical for field missions and more practical versions for field deployment camps. Also able to run on the higher power cubes instead of the lesser ones."
She looked it over, then beamed at him. "I like this design."
"Thank you." He grinned back. "My other half designed it in Africa." Pippen came in blowing bubbles. "What did you do?" he asked it.
"We gave him bubble solution to see if the air cannon could handle it," one of his geeks called. "Isn't it cute!"
"Very as long as it won't rust him," he called back. "Nice bubbles, Pippen."
She stared at the little tank. "Awww." She sniffled. "I like that. It's cute!"
"The one we have on Atlantis is very helpful in engineering. Radek loves his for getting into conduits," Rodney said dryly.
"We knew him, that's why we set him up as a home option."
"He does like the thing." He looked the generator over. "I would love to see these working on a larger scale and compare it against what we have."
"If she can, dude." He shrugged. "I'm stumped on that right now while I'm dealing with a former minion of yours who's claiming I stole stuff from his new company." Rodney stared at him. "Kavanagh?"
"Yes, I remember him," he sighed. "I doubt he could do any of this sort of work. You hired him?"
"For his engineering skills, yeah. Then fired him for nearly destroying the testing lab and telling us we had no right to question him. Like it was his company."
"Just shoot him."
"I was wondering if the zappy thing we found in the demon bazaar would be okay to use on him," 1 said as he walked in.
"Zappy thing?" Rodney asked. "Demon bazaar?"
"Yeah. That's where we found the original cannon that got you guys to notice us." He grinned and went to pull it out, handing it over. "Zappy thing."
Rodney looked at the hand unit, putting it on and firing at the wall that had the target. "It's running out of energy." He took it off to look over. "Did you fix some wires?"
"Some were burnt," 2 admitted. "We had a great time looking through that junk seller's stuff. Got a whole shitload of things, some of which we think were yours, which was why we asked you guys to show up today with her." Rodney followed 1 back to the safe and he grinned at the moan.
Their new engineer looked around. "There's no coffee or colonel getting into trouble. Interesting." She quit playing with the tank, getting back to the generator. She did pick the tank up and put him onto the table. "He's very light."
"That's because we expected him to be put onto something and brought closer then dropped for a bit. Basically, ground surveillance."
"That's not a bad thing," she promised with a smile. She went back over the generator. It was a wonderful thing. Someone else walked in. "He's in the vault, Colonel. Groaning like you just got tapped by a priestess again."
Xander smiled at this new colonel. "I got told about you. He's looking at the stuff we found a zappy thing among."
"Hmm. Thanks, Harris." He walked in there, staring around. "All this was where?"
"A demon bazaar," 1 said with a grin. "We bought it to look at, update, make it prettier or work better. Those that know, know we have updated some things." He looked at Rodney again. "Are you sure we can hit him with the zappy thing?"
"At that power, it'll only cause frizzy hair." He sighed, looking at him. "Can't you fix it?"
"We have. The independent evaluation by three generals said that he was wrong. He's still being pushy and putting out rumors. We're suing them but they're being bitchy. We thought it'd be nice to see him flinch and jump."
Rodney nodded. "It was when he was among us." He searched through another box, coming out with something. It was a square cube. "What does this do?"
Xander took it to look over then opened it and let him see the small thing inside. "It's decorative."
Rodney looked at the crystal glowing pretty colors. "That is very pretty."
"I was going to put it on my desk at work." He grinned. "It's very unique and even closed it's pretty."
"It is." He handed it back, letting him shut it again. He dug in again, finding a few more gou'ald artifacts. "How did they get these?"
Xander shrugged. "Who knows. Mutual trading partners maybe? I can call and ask one."
"Won't that cause problems?" he asked.
Xander grinned. "They have cellphones. Not like the old days when you had to summon one." He pulled out his cellphone to call. "Morgan, Xander. Yes, me. The stuff in that one seller's tubs. Where does he get them?" He listened. "Some stuff is extra special and we like it." He nodded. "Yeah, but his prices are outrageous for stuff he considers junk." He grinned, nodding. "That's cool. How?" He nodded, writing down an address. "Thanks, man. Yeah, we're good. Let us know please. We'll hook ourselves into that more directly. Thank you." He hung up and called them.
"Hi, this is Xander Harris. 1. Yeah, about Tere's tubs. I heard he got it off you. Is there anyway we can get first look?" He nodded, taking down that name and number. "Please do. Yeah, that stuff especially. Well, you know we *love* weapons, even strange ones. Thanks, man." He hung up and waited two minutes then called him. "It's Xander." He listened. "That's actually really good, yeah. We are in New York. Not today, we're at the office outside the city. Yeah, that's cool. Thanks." He hung up. "The lawyer who is auctioning it off is more than willing to talk to me and whoever I bring. If we buy it and it's that classified, you guys pay us back?"
"I could get that approved," Rodney decided.
"We need to make sure first," the colonel said.
"Sure, we can do that. Know the way there?" He nodded and they left in the corporate mobile. "We only got it for the generals so we look better in their eyes," he said dryly. "We drive nice, semi-subtle sports cars." They both smirked at that. "We are young and single."
2 got told what was going on by one of the guards, shaking his head. "Him and his strange tech," he muttered. The engineer working next to him gave him an odd look. "The person selling things like the zappy thing is in the city so he's taking them to talk about it."
"Stuff like that can be dangerous in the wrong hands."
"I know." He heard the security update and grimaced. "What lawyer?" he called back. He groaned. "Fucking hell." He got up. "Ex-stalker left me shit," he said at her odd look. He walked off shaking his head. He shook the lawyer's hand. "Why did he leave me anything? He only stalked us."
"I know that, sir, but he was insistent that you were meant to be his mate. Is there an office we can borrow?"
"We can hit mine." He walked him that way, sitting down behind his desk. He saw the strange look around. "I half-own the company. My twin's heading to town. You probably passed him at the gate."
"Oh, yes, in the Bentley?"
"The corporate car. Not ours." He took the paperwork to look over, sighing at some of it. "What the hell?"
"He had no other family."
"He had a younger brother and sister," he pointed out.
"No, I believe he disowned them for wanting what he thought was his."
"Which means they'll contest it or we'll get two new stalkers," he pointed out, handing it back. "I don't want it."
"It is really not something I can fight against, sir. These are my former boss's orders. It is going to probate next month and his siblings have not shown any indication that they're going to fight it."
"Have we found them yet?" he asked.
"Yes, and they're both nicely drugged thanks to their ...shared tendencies."
2 grimaced. "I know they were all three psychos. That's why that one wanted us."
"Exactly," he agreed with a smile. "Their current executors said they're not going to protest the will's contents."
"That's stupid of them. They're family."
"Yes but in this case, that is what he wanted."
"I'm not leaving the lab or my company to run his," he said bluntly. The lawyer gaped. "I built this one with my twin. We're not going to run his. It would be better if they did protest that. Because, frankly, that's creeping me out, dude." He stood up. "We weren't in love with him or anything. We turned him in a few times for his stalking. I don't want rewarded for that."
"I can't really encourage that."
"Yes you can. You're his executor and acting in his asset's best interests means that having the company not be disbanded by someone would be better for it, correct?"
"Well, I suppose."
"Then I would suggest his siblings suddenly decide to protest." He smiled. "Nothing against you but I have a headache."
"That's fine, sir. Um, do you have a corporate or personal attorney?"
"Back in DC. I'll write her an email in a minute so she can arrange to help them fight for their sibling's stuff." He shook his hand. "Have a good trip back to the city. Please." He smiled and showed him out. Once he was gone, Xander turned and banged his head against the wall.
Graham watched him for a minute, smirking a little bit. "New stalker?"
"Rasputin left us shit," he muttered. He hit his head again. "Including his company."
"Yup. Don't tell the girls. They'll cackle. I suggested to his attorney that his siblings suddenly find a way to protest." He banged it again. "Is this why Riley was so paranoid and made others paranoid?"
"I don't know. What did he run?"
"Yeah. That encompasses two restaurants, three clothing stores, and a few other things as well as the better known research firm." He looked at him. "I'm not giving this up to go work for the dark side." He walked off. "I'm taking a nap. New engineer has Pippen and the generator problem in lab 3."
"Sure," he said, nodding some. "How in the hell?" he muttered, going to do a check on that stuff. The will was publically filed now. "Shit," he said in awe. He sent an email to Taylor to warn him. That way they wouldn't get in trouble at work. Including that he was fighting it hard but it might not be easy. He wasn't sure if a judge would give a former stalkee stuff from his stalker's will or not in New York state. He also sent it to Abby so she could calm him down and commiserate with the boys. They probably needed a cuddle too. He sent Wendy it so she could cuddle too. That was something that meant you needed cuddles.
Tony got into his email from Abby, staring at the information. He sent that to O'Neill's public email address. He got back a polite response from his assistant, who had asked why it was relevant. He told him who it was about. He promised he'd pass it on. Tony looked over at his boss. "The boys' stalkers died and left them things, boss."
"That doesn't really surprise me," McGee complained as he typed. "Which one?"
"The one that thought he was Rasputin."
Gibbs looked at him. "Seriously?"
"Seriously." He smirked. "He ran Baggers LTD."
"The research firm?"
"That's going to suck for them."
"Yeah. Graham said 2 was banging his head on the wall." He got back to work, mentally cackling because it hadn't happened to him! Yes!
Gibbs shook his head to clear it. He looked like a dog getting out of the water. Then he went for coffee and some fresh air. Maybe that would clear it.
Mac looked up when the twins walked past him pouting. "What happened at the lab?" he asked with a small smile.
"People suck," 2 said.
"Especially Sheldon," 1 agreed.
"What did he say?" he called after them. One of them slammed the door to ballistics. "Okay then," he decided, going to find Sheldon. "What did you say?"
"I asked if they had heard the news about the head of Baggers dying," he said, looking confused.
Adam coughed from his quiet corner getting ready for work. "You mean their former stalker?" he asked, not looking up from his paper.
"That's got to suck," Sheldon decided, going to apologize for seeming to pick on them. He knocked then leaned in. "Guys, I didn't know he had stalked you two. I wasn't picking." He grinned. "Are you two okay?"
"He's trying to leave it to us," 1 said dryly. "Which means I'll end up using it to become Batman for real."
Sheldon smirked. "I'm sure you're going to be wonderful at it." He left them alone, closing the door again. "One of them said that he'd use it to become Batman."
"If I catch him being Batman in this city, I'm paddling them both and firing them," Mac said dryly. "We're forbidden from becoming vigilantes even if it is good for the city." He went to remind them of that. Then he wrote an email to warn Horatio in case it started to impact anything they had handled down there. You never knew how things were connected, especially their two labs.
2 walked into the courtroom, sitting down beside the corporate lawyer, smiling slightly at her. "Bad day?" he asked, sounding hopeful.
She smirked. "I think I can pull up enough irritation to eat someone for you, Xander." She patted him on the hand. "How is the lab?"
"They're both doing good. The new engineer is wonderful." He beamed at her. "She loves Pippen too. Wants to build her own."
"I'm sure she'd enjoy having such a fuss-free pet. I know I would." She plucked off a cat hair and let it fall to the floor. The judge came in and they stood up, then sat down when she did. "Just relax," she whispered.
"We're here to probate a will?" the judge asked. Both lawyers nodded. "I see two parties when four are listed?"
"I'm handling the needs of the deceased's parents, Your Honor," the stalker's attorney said.
Xander's lawyer coughed, standing up. "Ma'am, we find a problem with that since he's acted against the family's needs by approaching my client."
"Why would that be?"
"Your Honor, my client was stalked by the deceased," she said patiently. The judge moaned. "He cut his family out of the will and left things to my fairly disturbed client. He suggested that the deceased's attorney talk to the family again." She handed the bailiff statements. "Which their executors said he did not." She sat down.
She looked those files over, then looked at the other attorney. "I believe I want to see their handlers as well," she decided. She put the files down on her desk. "Are they in attendance?"
"Yes, Your Honor, I called them," Xander's attorney told him. "I was going to call them as witnesses in the siblings' defense."
"Why do they need them?" the judge asked.
"Because, like their older brother, they have the same sort of mental...imbalances," the other attorney said, grimacing some. "They're not really fit to act in their own defense."
"I see," she said, looking at the young man. "He stalked you?"
"Yes, ma'am. He also got involved in a conspiracy plot to take over mine and my twin's weapons design company. It made a mess over part of DC and Miami. I have the non-classified parts of those files at home if you want them."
"I hope it's not necessary," she said. "What sort of imbalance did the deceased have?" she asked his attorney.
"I was not able to find complete records," he said.
"He thought he was Rasputin reborn, ma'am," Xander said. "Plus he also may have, we weren't totally sure, killed about three people to get our attention because they were bothering us. All other serial killers." She gaped. "We have that unfortunate draw," he admitted with a grimace.
"So he killed at least three people," the judge said. The other lawyer moaned. "What exactly did he do for a living? Beyond stalk the young man?" she asked him.
"His company is still small but worth a few million plus future assets," the lawyer said, handing those forms over. "He was certain he wanted to leave it to his intended mate."
She stared at him. Then at Xander. "How do you feel about that?"
"I haven't often thrown fits, but I have thrown more in the last week than I have in over twenty years."
"My client is not going to give up either of his careers to handle this one's business," Xander's lawyer said. "So it will be dissolved. He would rather it benefit his actual family, Your Honor. He's fully disgusted by this will."
"I can see the ramifications of that," she said. "All right, I want to hear the siblings' handlers on this point." The bailiff went to get him. "You represent both of them?"
"No, Your Honor, but my coworker is presently in the hospital with his ill son. His son's appendix burst two days ago." He handed over that letter. "That has his client's wishes as well." He looked at the young man then at the judge. "I do know that my client was warned off by his big brother because he was starting to have desires toward Mr. Harris himself. I have heard that he did the same to his sister."
The judge stared at Xander. "What did you do to attract them?"
"If I knew, I'd turn it off," he said with a sigh. "He's not the first. He's not even the tenth."
She shuddered. "I'm sorry. At least you're usually armed?"
He grinned. "I'm also a CSI."
"Ah! Good!" She went back over the forms then looked at him. "Locally?"
"Manhattan with my twin."
"Even better." She got back to the forms. Then looked at the new attorney. "Well? Do you have any desires for your client?"
"What would Mr. Harris be doing with it?"
"I'm not giving up SI for it," Xander said firmly, staring at him. He shifted in his seat. "I have no desire to deal with his companies. That's why I suggested very hard the siblings get given it instead."
He nodded. "Then our clients would like the continued allowance from it, Your Honor. We would have to name a successor to the head seat."
"Yes, you probably would from what I've heard today." She looked over the rest of the will. "What about his other worldly belongings? Clothes, apartments? Any pets?"
"No pets, not too many clothes or other valuables, and his apartment is already a shrine to the twins," the lawyer for deceased pouchy snake said.
"Hmm. What type of design firm again, Mr. Harris?"
"Weapons, Your Honor, specifically artillery."
"Do you know anything about this company?"
"What's been available when I looked it up for the last few days while brooding."
"Hmm." She went through it again and looked at the representatives. "I believe we can name someone suitable for the company, sometime soon?" They both nodded, smiling slightly. "Someone who will act in the best interests of the company and the family at the same time?"
"I believe it's doable and we're working on a preliminary list," the siblings lawyer said.
"Good. Give the shrine back to Mr. Harris, today if possible. I'll take his wishes into account and cut him out of the will otherwise."
"Thank you," Xander said, beaming at her.
"Most people would be greedier."
"I have all that I need outside a semi-decent date."
She smirked. "Let's hope your next one is more sane?"
He shook his head. "My last one turned out to be wanted by the ATF for being a major gun dealer in Panama."
"Oh, dear. Perhaps you might find succor in the arms of a man?"
"He was. It doesn't seem to matter which gender they are, but it's very helpful at work," he finished with a smirk.
"I'm certain it is, yes," she said, smiling some. "You and your attorney are dismissed. Get that shrine set up to him tonight." They all nodded and the boy nearly fled the courtroom. The other attorney took their seats. "Good. Now, how unstable was this person?"
"It was written long before he got involved in that conspiracy, Your Honor," his attorney said.
"Huh. Good. Then it might be valid." She went over the rest of it with them, settling who got what and how to share the company.
Xander walked into Homeland later that night, finding his target in there. "Sam." She flinched and looked at him. He held up two envelopes. "This one is yours." He handed it over. "Rasputin's eviler incarnation had some nice piccies of Riley and Buffy so you can cut her out if you want. These," he said holding up the other with a smirk. "Are proof that the conspiracy was older and hiding among Sunnydale." He handed them over. "Happy searching, dear." He walked off happier.
She opened that one first, staring at it. "How old was he?" she asked the paper. It was clearly someone possessed. Their eyes glowed in the photo. Yellow glowing, not like Xander's hyena glowing. He had to be younger, he still looked goofy and kind of geeky. Riley walked in to look over her shoulder. "How old was he?"
"I'd say about eleventh grade by the pictures in his profile. Why?"
She pointed at the other person in it. "Possessed?"
"Probably." She flipped and found one with a snake that had been taken when the body died. He moaned. She handed it over. "Hand that to O'Neill so he can make sure they got them all." She handed him the other one. "He said Rasputin thought you were cute too."
"Yay," he said flatly, going to the Pentagon. It was a bad drive in the traffic this time of day. But it gave him plenty of time to stare at the pictures. He had looked better in them. He really needed to get back into commando shape instead of agent shape. Sam would like that too probably.
Xander walked into the lab, taking off his tie. "Boss, you paged as I got off the plane?" he asked, running into Mac.
"You can't have a phone on while in flight," he pointed out. He stared at Stella, who was staring back. "What?"
"Who bought you that?"
"Female?" He nodded. "Huh. Doesn't do much for you. You need to shop better. New York is more hip and glam."
He shrugged. "I'm not comfortable in suits and I probably never will be, no matter who possesses me the next time. I have some for court and that's good enough."
"Dates?" she asked.
"Why?" he countered. "They'll just kidnap my cute ass anyway." She walked off moaning, shaking her head. He looked at Mac again, who was trying not to smile. "Really. Oh, Rasputin was tracking us back in high school by what his shrine had."
"I'll keep that in mind. Two cases have come up and we cannot tell which one of you did them. We're going to have to figure out how to mark cases because the DA is not happy and wanted to talk to you both later tonight."
"Can he just blow us?" he asked dryly.
"No. He hates you two already."
"Did you give him copies of the name change paperwork?"
"I think that's why he hates you."
"Yay," Xander said sarcastically. "He can still blow me." He walked around Mac. "Let us know when. I'm taking my twin to eat."
"Sure. Come back after you're done so I can get a report on how it went in case it comes up during a case."
"Yup, it's in your email."
"Thank you." He went to check that, smiling at the disparaging report but it was nice he had anticipated. Now if only he could teach Danny that skill. Though that brought up a funny thought of the twins teaching him more than that, including how to draw the worst mental health victims in the city. He did not want to see Danny being psycho bait like the twins were. He had to find a new dead body to take that out of his head. Fortunately, it was New York, there were usually dead bodies somewhere.
1 looked at the DA that had requested they both show up together. "We did ask the people at the FBI labs that question while we were in training," he told him. "They told us we could add the middle initial, and that it wasn't uncommon to do that. Many techs did that to make sure they were differentiated. We do most of the time. Unless there's no room. Like on that sample that had been opened billions of times."
"The judges still won't accept that."
"That is federal protocol," 2 pointed out.
"The defense attorneys can say that you two switch off duties and that the other did samples instead of the one on the stand," the DA said bluntly.
"Then they're fucking dumb," 1 said just as bluntly then shrugged. "I know defense attorneys live for the scandal, but we're very well trained and we'd never do that."
"They can also say that since you two are a bit...odder than usual that there may be improper and/or indecent things going on."
2 snickered. "While we do cuddle on occasion, especially when it's been a long day and neither one of us feels like being alone, we do date. A lot. But we're quickly running out of evil bitches here in the city who like us." The DA gaped. He smirked back. "It's not our fault we draw serial killers and the like. Unfortunately your city is running out. You'll have to make more." He stood up. "Are there any other concerns from the petty minded, political ass kissing society that we probably won't care about?"
"They'll ask you that stuff."
"Yeah, we know about the mental hamster wheels going backwards," 1 said dryly. He stood up too. "It's not our fault we stun them stupid enough to ask things like that in open court."
"One did try to ask me during a deposition if I had ever had oral sex with you," 2 said.
"Did you tell him I bite?"
"Yes I did. And that was my full answer." He smirked and his twin smirked back at him. Then they smirked at the DA. "Let them ask. It gives us great pleasure to make them be embarrassed for asking stupid things. And hey, if it gets to a point where it's a painful question about the past that we can't admit to, because it's classified, we were raised by girls. We can easily talk around them. Now, are there any more real concerns beyond the initial thing?"
"As long as you two give the other attorneys just as many headaches as I now have," he said bluntly.
"Poor baby, want us to coo?" 1 asked. "You're probably dangerous enough for us." He growled so they grinned. "We'll go easy on your people when they get stunned too." He walked out.
2 grinned. "Forgive him, you took him from his exemplar cleaning time." He left as well, smirking some.
"Are you an officer?" a middle aged woman asked.
"CSI," 1 said, looking at her from the elevator. "Why?"
"We've had a lot of people who shouldn't be here today."
"We had a meeting with the DA about some lawyers being confused about the concept of being twins," 2 said with an evil smirk. "We pity how law school and ambition rotted their minds."
She gaped in horror. "We were not!"
1 smirked. "Really? Because you asked us if we were detectives, even though our ID's are out and there's no badge." She stomped off. He pushed the button for the elevator. "Why did lawyers get invented again?"
"Everyone needs someone to defend them when they do stupid things they don't want to admit to?"
"Oh, yeah." They got onto the elevator and went home. Their apartment was cozy. It was comfy. They had chocolate there so they could unwind and go through the rest of the shrine's pictures to find anything else that was odd, unreasonable, or just plain creepy.
Though it was nice he had stolen some from Willow.
Stella looked at the twins when they came in the next morning. Goofy shirts, good enough jeans, sneakers. She grimaced. "That's not fully dress code."
"We're not due out this week and we were told someone finally busted a really huge gun case," 1 said, bouncing slightly.
"Ah." They went to their lab to coo, pet, and catalog. As long as they were working, Mac would let them pet and coo all they wanted, even if Adam was snickering at their antics again today.
Mac came in looking tired. "They run the DA into the ground last night?"
"Yes, they gave him a migraine, shot back at Kellerson that she's lost brain power thanks to law school, and called them all ambitious."
"They are." He nodded.
"They're cooing at the new guns."
"I'd rather have them in there than warping other minds." He went to his office and then to the front desk since there was a note saying he was needed there. The receptionist hadn't been there when he had come in. "Gladys, you needed to see me?"
She pointed at the large package in a box. "The twins got that. I have no idea what it is. They scanned it and it's not a bomb."
"They didn't give you an idea of what it was?"
"No, Detective." She handed it over. "I'll be on the watch for more of them. Rumors say that they tend to date bad girls."
"That's putting it mildly," he said, smiling at her. "Thank you, Gladys." He walked off, taking it up to the lab. The boys were engrossed so he had to turn down the radio and hand it over when they turned, hands on their knives. "It came to the front desk?"
2 pulled it over to look at. "Huh, pretty wrapping." He pulled his knife to open it. His twin looked over his shoulder, staring at the box. "Interesting," 2 said.
"Eww," 1 said.
Mac came over to look, staring at it. "Interesting is a bit lite. Adam!" he yelled. He came jogging in. "This was sent to the twins," he said, handing over the dead, skinned, and eviscerated duck. "Have Sid look it over as well?"
"Sure," he agreed, carrying the box off with a grimace and a nose wrinkle. It did smell a bit. "Sid?" he called as he walked into the morgue.
"Yes?" he said, coming out of the office. "What's that?"
Adam handed it over and backed off. "It got sent to the twins. Mac said to please look it over?"
"Of course. Though I believe this will be my first duck autopsy." He put it on a table, letting Adam have the box and wrappings back. He turned on the light and probed it. "Very sharp knives used to gut it. Skin wasn't boiled or heated off." He probed and found something, pulling it out slowly. "Interesting side dish." He probed further, finding the next bit of things in the skull. It got put aside as well. Mac was going to be amused by this victim.
Adam walked into the lab with Danny behind him. "Guys?" Adam asked. They came out of the firing pen. "Danny's got the case of our poor duck victim."
2 nodded. "That's a good thing. Which sicko sent it?"
Danny sat down on a stool, laying out the pictures. "These were in the duck. This small video camera was in the skull. The rest was in your present's chest cavity." He let them see it. "Does this look like the work of any of your usual paramours?"
1 nodded but 2 shook his head. 2 looked at him. "It does?"
"Yeah, Anne did that to me twice. You were sick that week."
"Did I hear about her?"
"Okay." He sat down in his desk chair, letting his twin handle it. "Which one was it addressed to?"
"Both of you," Danny said. He let 1 look it over and Xander dug out something from his bag in his bottom drawer, letting him see the entries on Anne. He compared them but shook his head. "No, not her. Not the same."
"Okay," 1 said. "So that leaves us with someone who likes it the same way?"
"Probably." He made a copy of those notes while 2 answered the phone.
"CSI Harris and Harris." He grinned. "Hi, Derek. What's up?" He listened, handing over the phone. "Whoever this is took Spenser."
"Excuse me?" 1 demanded, taking the phone. "What the hell, Derek?" He listened. "Oh, I'll be there tonight. Fuck it, Derek, I'll be there tonight since she wants me anyway." He hung up and looked at Danny. "I've got to go to DC. I'll be back in a few days." He grabbed the bag and checked it, walking off. "Mac, having a problem with a wanna-be date," he called when he spotted him in a lab. "She stole a Fed." He got onto the elevator, stabbing the button.
Aaron Hotchner looked up when someone flinched behind their current lines. "Xander," he said in greeting. "She won't hurt him."
"Yes she will. She'll do it because she wants to show me how much she can do for me. And she's a Cleveland reject." He headed into the woods they were searching, finding her easily enough. "Bitch," he said, kicking in the door. Spenser gave him a horrified look. "You, back that way, an eighth of a mile." He let him go and she came at him. He backhanded her into a wall, staring at her. "What? You didn't hear the slayer code?"
"You're not worthy of a real slayer," she sneered.
He snickered. "Really? Why not? Though why would I want one? I'm mostly retired except for psychos like you."
"I am not!" she shouted, coming at him. He kicked her legs out while grabbing her wrists. He flipped her over and cuffed her, staring down at her. "Now, you were saying?"
Derek burst in. "Thank you, Xander."
He snarled at her. "I don't think you're worthy of them, Claudia."
"You know who I am?"
"Yeah, I know most of the slayers. I am the chosen slayer backup and knight." He kicked her head into the floor. "Now, what you did is very wrong. You tried to hurt a friend to get my attention. Is it everything you wanted?" She moaned. "Well, Claudia?" She whimpered. "Anything else you wanted?"
"No," she whined.
"Good! Then these nice agents can talk to Rupert about you tomorrow. Huh?" She nodded, crawling behind Derek. "Good girl." He patted her on the head. "Don't touch the normal people friends, Claudia. Ever." He walked around Derek, calling Cleveland. "Dawn, I need Giles ASAP. We have a slayer that just got arrested by the FBI for kidnaping one of them to get my attention. Claudia." He waited all of ten seconds while she yelled that. "Giles, me. 1. Claudia. One of the profilers I interned with and am buddies with. No, she's begging for mercy right now because I kicked her ass. DC. Thanks. Yes, the BAU guys, Giles." He hung up. "Hotch, Giles will be calling about her tomorrow. He's her legal guardian since she's only seventeen." He walked off shaking his head. "Spenser, are you all right?" he demanded when he ran into him.
"I'm okay. She wasn't that mean." He grinned. "Thank you."
"Stupid slayer," he said dryly. He looked him over, then nodded. "If you want to vacation, you can come up and use one of our rooms. You know that, right?"
"Of course I do. The next time I'm in New York I'll pop in for lunch or something." He patted him on the shoulder. "Quit thinking it was your fault. It wasn't."
"Yes it was. She was getting my attention."
"It's a common tactic," he reminded him. He smiled. "Now, you're sweet but calm down. I'm good. It's okay. Really."
"We have his security well in hand and most of your former dates are now in jail," Hotch reminded him. "Usually this can't happen because they're all in jail, Xander."
Xander grimaced. "Hopefully. Did you hear what Rasputin tried?"
"Yeah, we did," Spenser assured him with a grin. "How big was the shrine?"
"He had stuff from Willow from back in Sunnydale."
"Ah. That's a bad sign. His siblings?"
"In mental hellholes. Better ones than Zach is but still drugged up I hope."
"We can check," Hotch decided. "I have heard that Gretchen got her claw in Zach and he's having a lot of work, but he's having a good time." Xander beamed at him. "Did you talk to him recently?"
"Yeah, last night." He winked at Spenser. "If they come back again, we're going to make you come work for the company so we can protect you from them until we give up dating."
"Sure, we'll work on that," Hotch assured him. Xander walked off looking unconcerned though they both knew he was pissed at her beyond belief and he was at the stage of pissed as hell. "You sure you're all right, Spenser?"
"I'm fine. She was going to demonstrate on me when he showed up. Then he about kicked her ass." He walked off. "Go clubbing, Xander."
"Please don't!" Derek called more loudly. "Please let us have a night off!"
Hotch laughed. "He'll probably pop in on Tony." They both sighed at that. "Spenser, that was mean to encourage us getting more cases. Take a vacation sometime soon." He and Derek walked off planning how to handle the next one that showed up. Somehow the trait of drawing psychos had rubbed off on Spenser.
Gibbs walked off the plane, handing the former intern to his new boss. "Here, please keep him away from DiNozzo in person for a bit. That way DiNozzo's psychos and his don't decide to form another union."
"They did?" Mac asked.
"Yeah, they did," Gibbs assured him. "In the club. Then they went to steal Spenser Reid and Hotchner as well. It was a shock to him that they decided he was hot." He glared at the boy. Who only shrugged. "I know, it's not your fault. You didn't even go out in clothes meant to draw them this time. DiNozzo either." He looked at Mac again. "Do they have this much trouble up here?"
"No. We haven't had one single psycho up here," he said, looking at the boy.
"Not a clue," he admitted.
"We know Hotchner said that trait rubbed off and moved to Spenser Reid." Mac smirked at that. "DiNozzo already had his own version." He gave the boy a nudge. "Abby's pouting that she couldn't keep him. I'll have DiNozzo come up here for any meetings. Hotchner said the same thing about him and Reid." Xander pouted. "Don't start. It didn't get you a candy bar earlier and it won't work now, kid." He looked at Mac. "Good luck." He walked off, going to find his plane back.
Mac looked at Xander. "That duck? It was back to the same woman."
"I figured it was." They walked off together. "It wasn't my fault."
"I know. It's usually not your fault. Unless you went out in those damn leather pants again."
"Even we need laid, Mac."
"Uh-huh. Hire one."
"That'd get us fired."
"I'll get you two a dispensation for that." He walked him out to the car and got him inside then said a silent prayer as he walked around to get in and drive.
2 walked up to Mac later that night with folder. "You know, some day we might even have kids to call you Uncle Uptight." He smirked as he handed over the stack. "Most of these are yours." He walked past him. "Night, Mac."
"Night, Xander. Both of you." He shook his head. "I'm not that uptight," he called after him.
"Yes you are." Xander got onto the elevator with Stella. "Some day we'll have kids who'll call Mac Uncle Uptight."
She snickered. "If you have kids, we'll be warping them from day one, Xander." She patted him on the back. "That way they don't draw psychotic women like you do." She got off.
He rode down with a grin. That might work to save their future spawns of hell.
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