Note: Most of the list wanted twin fic so let's do that tonight. Though, not exactly how they pictured it.
CODA: Double Trouble.
The agent walking around the table looked at the young man in front of him. He was handsome, about twenty-five, and a corporate asshole no matter how goofy and geeky he looked tonight. "We need to talk to you about your company, Mr. Harris."
"Wrong Harris then. You want my twin."
"You don't have a twin," he said sarcastically. "That evil twin thing doesn't work with the FBI."
Xander pulled out his phone and sent a text message. He also swatted at the hands trying to grab the phone. His twin walked in ten minutes later while he was still denying he was him. "You mean, him? Though I am the evil twin." He grinned sweetly.
That one looked at the agents. "What did I do this time?" he demanded, letting the door be slammed closed.
The agent stared at him. "There really are two of you."
"Yeah, there are," he agreed. He sat down beside his twin. He had the eyepatch, the shaggier hair, the more upscale clothes. "Like the twins in the wonderful Mr. Robinson's books, we're a lot like a single person in one body though."
"Your company was recently auctioning off new gun designs, Mr. Harris."
"Yes we were."
"Why?"
"Because that's how I make money to send my slightly more evil twin to college so he can be a positive role model for someone some day." He smirked. "It's not like it was illegal or anything classified."
"It was highly dangerous."
"No it's not. It's a new size bullet, type of rifling, and a new gun design. How is that dangerous?"
"Foreign companies...." the agent started.
Xander 2 held up a hand. "All of which were cleared by the DOD for buying American weapons. Only companies on that list were allowed to bid." The agent snarled. "I'm not going to keep from advancing things in the world just to suit you guys. The DOD had no problem with it. One of my people is theirs so he can nark and check on things with them. That way I know before things go bad."
Xander 1 looked at him. "How is he working out in the design lab?"
"Graham's moved to lab dictator and paper pusher. It suits him some days. Lets him nag and all that." He looked at the agent again. "If the DOD has no problem with me holding that auction then why does the FBI?"
"They could be used on American soldiers or targets."
"Isn't that why the DOD has a list of cleared companies that don't sell to those sorts?" he asked. He stood up. "Have this discussion with them, Agent Whoever. I don't have the inclination to deal with it." He hauled his twin up. "Have a better night."
"I can have you arrested as a threat to national security."
Xander 2 smirked at him. "No, you can try. I'm pretty sure that someone, somewhere, will hear and have your ass for lunch." He walked out with his twin. "They decided I was you?"
"Yup. Apparently the eye thing is just freaky photography or something," he said dryly. He smirked at his twin. They hadn't been able to be put back together after the Toth thing but the mutual death clause had been removed by Willow. After that, the gang had gotten used to having two of them. It had come in handy and had given them some nights off whenever there wasn't a problem.
At least until the First's crap had started. Then the insane minion Caleb had gotten Xander 2's eye, calling him the One Who Sees. Xander 1 had freaked him out by pointing out that he had the wrong one since he had the visions. It had let the others get in there to save them. The battle hadn't been a picnic but Xander had packed up their entire idea file and had made it out alive.
Now 1 was in college to become a profiler or possibly a CSI. He was truly split and double majoring against his will. Giles had made him go to keep him in the States after their trip to Africa. He would let the girls bitch and whine if he didn't do what Giles wanted. Which they didn't like about him. He was getting a touch manipulative in his old age.
Xander 2 had ignored him and started his own company based on weapons designs. Which the slayers had use of. It made things easier and he was taking his own classes now and then when he wasn't in the lab. Giles had told him to quit watching _Ironman_ but that was just his lousy sense of humor again. Someday Giles would quit being so pushy and so would the girls, who were back on their 'normal people' kick since there were so many slayers.
They walked outside and 2 looked around before walking them to his car. "Did they pull you in from classes? I know you had Abnormal Psych tonight."
"Yup. Stunned the teacher to hell. I guess I'm going to be writing a paper on anal-retentive, unnoticing agents soon." His twin cackled at that. "I mean, seriously. Did they not notice the eye thing?"
"I have no idea," 2 admitted. He let his twin into the nice sports car he had bought with his first real paycheck and sild in to drive. "Why are we even in DC?"
"You picked it."
"Good point." He sighed as he started the engine and backed out, taking him home. They shared a pretty nice apartment near the campus and the company's building. The doorman smiled and nodded when they walked in. He was half-demon but knew they wouldn't hurt him. The elevator ride up was silent. They had begged to turn off the horrible musak in there and the other tenants had agreed.
The apartment was messy - they were bachelors - and pretty open. The nice kitchen with gleaming black appliances. Stainless steel showed all the fingerprints and smudges, scratches, and demon goo so much worse. The counters were nice wood. Not popular but more practical. They had nice kitchenware and a less nice set for brewing home cures when needed too.
They had two bedrooms, though half the time they collapsed in one anyway. Not like they minded when their other half drooled or shifted in his sleep; the other did the same thing. Being them and how they were split, nothing really seemed to bother them about each other. If they got that lonely, the other was there. It was like masturbation in their minds. If they had girlfriends, usually they kept to the double bedrooms but DC didn't have nearly as many evil or deadly women as they had expected.
"Hunting this weekend?" 1 asked from his spot on the couch.
"Please. That thing is bothering me and you know Giles will freak if we call and tell him something's down here."
"He did the last time and sent half the army of girls down on us to fix it," he agreed. He picked up their laptop and sent his psych teacher a note about how they wanted to talk to his twin about his weapons designs. Then the secretary for the department, who was the world's biggest gossip. He put the laptop back down and turned it to cinemax. It was after hours time so a lot of not-rated, booby friendly tv was on. His twin came out with a can of soda for each of them and sat down to watch it with him. Xander 1 picked up the remote and closed the curtains with it. He had that itchy, 'someone's watching me' feeling again. They sank down some and it was better. No threats, no more idiots, no class homework. Nothing but boobies and each other for the night. Then they'd see about tomorrow.
***
Xander 1 looked at his ballistics teacher and sighed mentally, holding up a hand. It had been weeks of this so far this semester. Couldn't he just date her and make her go turn herself in already? "Ma'am, you just contradicted yourself." She glared. "Also, I know that there's a bullet caliber that size. My brother just auctioned off the plans to DOD friendly companies."
She glared. "What does your brother do?" she sneered.
"Designs artillery and light combat weapons." She swallowed. "So yeah, that bullet size came out six weeks ago so someone has it in production by now, as well as the new gun design he didn't really like all that much." He shifted in his seat. All his fellow students knew about his twin brother. The program was small and 2 was taking night classes in ballistics anyway. Not this one, because he would have lost his temper at this teacher, but most of the other ones. None of them knew *his* role in the company because they had decided he'd be the *normal* one to the world.
"You're sure?"
Xander pulled out his laptop and got into the files, showing her. "See. Compact, fits more in a magazine, the gun's one method of using it and they're planning on others. It can take the place of the lesser .22 bullets that don't have much power behind them or distance."
She snatched it to look at, going pale. "He can't do that."
"He did and he made millions," Xander shot back sarcastically. "It's how I afford my twinkie habit." He took his laptop back. "So it is theoretically possible that we do have off-size bullets. Including the issue of hand-packing."
"I don't know anyone who hand packs," she sneered.
"A lot of hunters do. That gives them more control over what materials and size of materials they're using on their game. It's not as popular as it was when everyone had to do it, but it is still a hobby for many and you'll find that a good third of all serial killers that use guns hand-pack because it gives them another step in their ritual and gives them more control over the total fantasy they've built up in their minds. This way they can use whatever bullet they think of as holy or right for their purpose of killing. It was in the last Forensic Psychology journal. I can dig it up if you want."
"You're reading that?" she asked snidely, heading back to the blackboard.
"Yeah, that's the purpose of a double major," he said sarcastically, smirking at her. She stomped off. He waved. "Bye now. Have fun killing your next victim next week," he called after her. "If you do it sooner, they'll catch you for breaking your pattern!"
The top student in the program looked at him. "You're a smartass, Harris."
He opened his bottle of soda and took a sip. "Thank you." He smirked. "I should profile her for class." He took another drink and capped it when the head of the department walked in and looked at him. "Yes, sir?"
"I heard what you yelled, Xander."
Xander sighed and opened that file. He had been collecting evidence that linked her. Nothing official, or that the cops would take, or the profilers who were starting to wonder. He let him see it. "If she goes off pattern tonight she'll definitely be caught soon. Right now she's celebrating each semester's end and they don't realize the importance of the timing or that she's a teacher here as far as I've heard around the profilers talking to my other teachers."
His twin leaned in. "She just tried to take a bat to my car, Professor Gillian. Can I beat her ass now?"
"No, Alex. Just arrest her and sit on her." He walked off with the laptop. Some of his students were better than he expected. "I heard about the new bullets," he said, looking at him.
"I made a set of schematics available on the school's database."
"Thank you." He went to find the cops standing out there. "One of my students thinks she's a serial killer."
"She giving him a bad grade?" one snorted.
Xander 1 strolled out. "No, she's been the one killing at the end of the semesters. BAU barely got handed her recently. She's killed on this campus and three others in the last year. "
"You can't prove that," she sneered, struggling in the cuffs.
"Well, yeah, actually I kinda can," he said dryly. "See, I can hack." He smiled sweetly and she gave him a horrified look. "So can my darling twin." He waved a hand at him.
"Oh, shit," she muttered.
"Let me get the Feds down here," one cop decided. "That way we don't have to play in their sandbox. Takes too much paperwork."
The other one looked at them. "Which one of you is a forensics student?" They both raised their hands. "Which fields?"
"I'm doing ballistics but I also own a weapons company," 2 said.
"Profiling and forensic ballistics," 1 said with a grin. "I was going to use her for a paper and send it over if they were that ignoring it. I figure they didn't want to think about the school year with as much as most of them took. Can I have my laptop back so I can play a game?" he asked.
"No," the teacher said, shaking his head with a grin. "Let them get the evidence off it, boys."
"Yes, sir," they sighed, sitting on the hood of their car.
One of the cops looked at the eyepatch 2 wore. "What happened?" he asked quietly with a subtle point.
"An insane preacher who thought I had visions of the future apocalypses. His thumbnail was disgusting."
"Ow."
"Yeah, morphine good for a few days," he admitted. SUV's with sirens came shrieking up and stopped.
1 looked at them. "Did you guys not figure out the school calendar was hers?" he asked. "I know you guys got traumatized by how much you had to do and all, but yeah."
The lead agent looked at them. "Who are you two?"
"Alex and Xander Harris," 2 said, holding out a hand with a grin. "Apparently she is that evil and wanted to date us like all the other evil bitches in the city with the way she kept flirting with me."
"Really? She just sneered at me," 1 said.
The teacher handed over the notes. "Looks like yours?"
He read it over, nodding. "It does. Not enough to get a warrant though."
"I found her trying to take a ball bat to our car," 2 told him. "I'm having her arrested for that. And if you want, we can hack her files for you."
"We have one, thanks," he said dryly, staring at them. "Profiler candidate?" 1 raised his hand. "Forensics?" he asked the other. They both held up a hand. "Computers?"
"Ballistics, guns pretty," they said in unison, then grinned at each other.
The lead agent nodded at that. "Okay then." He went back over the information. "She does sound like our present unsub. We hadn't caught onto the timing yet."
"Which is odd with how long you guys had to live on the semester schedule," 1 said dryly. "I figured it was trauma repressed in some ways. I'm going to use her in my senior paper by the way."
He handed over a card. "Send it to me too, kid. We'll talk about internships over the summer."
"Cool. I'll be a big corporate whore building guns, you can go be a suit for the summer," 2 teased.
1 bopped him on the back of the head. "Behave! I'm not a suit. Damn that's a horrible image!"
The lead agent shook his head. "You two are normal?"
"For us," they agreed with a smirk.
"I guess it's a twin thing I'll never understand. Guys, these two gathered enough information to make her our prime suspect."
One of the skinny guys walked over. "What was her timing?" he asked.
"End of the semester whoo-hoo-I-survived-another-class-of-people-who-could-catch-me-and-are-smartasses party. So she killed a student who hadn't annoyed her. If it had been one of hers it would've led you to her faster by being a common denominator," 1 said. "Plus weakened her field so she'd have to go back."
"I didn't even think of the school calendar," he admitted. "That would fit all but the second one."
"We had spring break then," Xander 2 said dryly. "She was a new teacher. Just out of the field and lab herself. We were driving her nuts probably."
"Oh. I guess that would work under those conditions, yeah." He smiled. "Nice work."
"Thanks," they said in unison. Then grinned.
"One's double majoring and the other's just ballistics," the lead agent said.
"Wonderful. Going all the way to doctorate?"
"Eww," 1 said. "Masters, only a masters. Maybe a master's with a whip too, but only a masters." His twin bopped him this time. "Hey!"
"Bad joke," he reminded him. 1 just beamed at him. "Have more soda. You woke up late today."
The lead agent was trying not to laugh. "Let's take her in for questioning."
"Since she's under arrest for trying to assault my expensive ass sports car, doesn't that give you probable cause to search her office and things?" 1 asked.
"We might be able to, yes."
"The president of the college can consent to the search of any office," the head of the department told them. "The same as principals can lockers." He called that office and got put through to her cellphone, walking off talking to her. He came back. "She'll be herein about twenty-minutes. She's at home. Let her throw on something." They nodded and sat her in the SUV with an agent or two. The cops got the paperwork to hand her over done and it was nice. The two smartasses went back to class so 2 went over the new gun's design and bullet design. They needed to know anyway.
***
Professor Gillian looked at his amassed program's students. "We are here to start an internship fair," he noted. "We have a few very good labs offering in person and information on another twenty or so that usually take in our interns. Of course, if you want you can apply to any other lab in the country." He looked around. "Your conduct today will be remembered so please do not make an ass out of yourself in front of them. Remember, you have an after-school internship period as well." They nodded. They had been warned to dress nicely today. Most had. A few were more casual. Harris, both of them, weren't really dressed up at all. That was going to look bad on them though. "They are in the conference room, and you may go talk to them. Please do not look bad on our program." He let them go.
Both boys walked in and right to someone they knew. "Hi," they said in unison, smiling at her.
"Harris, Harris." She smirked at them. "Internship time?"
"Yup, sure is." 2 moved closer. "And you know that they'll use it to get deeper into the files," he teased.
"I know," she said, pinching him on the cheek, then the other one. "Fine. The boss already okayed you. Xan, are you going to do the profiler internship I heard you had?"
"This summer instead of the semester one."
"Ah." She beamed at him. "I have a friend over there so I'll introduce you, okay?"
"That'll work. I even did as ordered and sent in the paper," he teased.
"Oooh, paper?"
"One of our teachers should've wanted to date us," 2 said with a wink, getting out of another student's way.
"Are you looking for someone for the DC office?" she asked politely.
"LA, Texas, and New York offices. The higher ups want these two so they can look at any new designs first. It's a perk." She shrugged. "Plus with their sealed files, it was thought it was nicer if they went somewhere they could be monitored."
Xander 1 shrugged. "Yay us?" She swatted him. "I know. Anyway." He grinned at her. "I've seen the inside of the New York office. They're uptight. LA's is said to be laid back by the people we know out there. I don't know about Texas though."
"That's good information to have." The tech gave her a packet and she walked off happier. She'd go back when the twins weren't hitting on her. Pity that they had their residencies already picked out due to the one's habit of making new guns.
Abby smirked at them both. "Ten, two days from now, paperwork day. Dress nicer because the boss is a bitch." They nodded and smirked. "You know her?"
"She tried to hit on me to get the company's information," 2 said dryly. "Graham told me who she was when he spotted her showing up in her limo. Totally not my thing. Evil but slimy."
"Yeah, kinda. She even tried to set dress codes that prevented me from wearing a collar."
"She apparently needed one for the other reason," 1 said dryly, getting a cackle and a nod. "Okay, two days, ten am, dress nicely," he said, getting a nod back. "No hunting while we're there," he muttered.
"We really don't like it," she agreed. "The last one was one of ours."
"We only sedated him," 2 said quietly, glancing around. "He damn well had that problem anyway."
"True. Which we dealt with. By the way, me, Tony, someone at the DOD, and the SecNav have seen that file. He's the one that told her I was taking you two in as my puppies." They grinned and barked. "Awww, maybe I'll get you two to pull a sled."
"You're not evil enough for us," 1 said in a sing-song voice, cracking her up. "Now, the bossman that likes to growl at you? Is he single?"
"Straight."
"Pity."
"Guys, laws."
"We know," 2 promised. "They know we are though."
"Good point." She pinched them both. "I'll see you then." They walked off happier. 1 went to talk to the FBI person about his profiling summer internship. He'd have paperwork there too. She handed out more packets, but one was dorky, geeky, and reminded her of the twins so she gave him one for LA with a wink and a smile. He beamed back and went to fill it out immediately for her. She could see him in the corner doing it. He'd do good there.
***
Both Xanders looked up from their paperwork when the Director of NCIS and the head of Human Resources walked in together. "Yes, ma'ams?" 1 asked. He put down his pen.
"I was told to bring you two in on an internship in my lab," the director said firmly. "I don't know why."
"Because the SecNav was saved a few months back by my slightly less evil clone there," 1 said with a head-nod at his twin. The head of HR gasped, staring at them. He grinned and stared back. "Yes, we're wonderful but nice most of the time."
"I've heard." She took their forms. "Good, you already have a security clearance. That will shorten all that stuff." She left.
"You have sealed files even I can't get into," she noted.
"It's President's eyes's only," 2 assured her. "And between us we have five sealed files, ma'am."
"Why?"
"Again, only he can tell you that," 1 said. "That would go against our jobs to get tossed in jail for breaking that, ma'am."
"I will know or you won't be here."
"Then the SecNav will be pissed that I won't give him a tour of the file room," 2 said with a shrug. "That's between you and him, ma'am. Beyond that we're the second and third highest in our programs. My evil twin is a double major so he's behind me on some things. Psych papers you know," he said blandly.
"I don't like you."
"Is that why you tried to fuck me?" 2 asked, making her gasp. "Because I remember you real well, ma'am. I also know why you were there as soon as I found out who you were." He stared her down. "I'm only here for my ballistics internship. The same as he is."
"If you want to find out what's in those files, go ask the man," 1 agreed. "We will not break into a classified file for you guys. Sorry." She stomped off. He looked at his twin. "You have better taste," he said quietly.
"Of course I do. That's why we only had dinner. She didn't realize I could fight off truth serum then." He shrugged and leaned back. The head of HR came back with a grimace. "She reacting?"
"Trying to." She handed over their ID cards. "From the SecNav personally though." They beamed at her. "Go see Abby so you know when to show up." They went to do that. She carried the orders that had come with the ID cards upstairs to her boss, who was arguing with that person. She put down the paper and fled. She did have that redheaded temper now and then.
Both twins walked into the lab and looked around. "Tiny." She whirled to look at them, puffy eyed and sniffling. "Who in the hell hurt you?" 2 demanded. He moved closer. "Are you all right?"
"It's a bad day," she sniffled.
1 hugged her. "It'll be okay. You know it will be." He pulled back to look at her. "What sort of bad day?"
"Majorly bad day." She got free. "I have to fix this stuff so it's right."
Xander looked it over. One took half her pile, 2 took the computer work and sent her to her office for a bit. She went to blow her nose and clean up. She wasn't pretty when she cried. 2 looked at something. Then at 1. "Yeah, that's within our scope," he decided.
1 looked then nodded. "Call and see." He did that. "It's Xander. Yes, me. All me. DiNozzo." He listened. "Thank you. Yes, here. People are sobbing." He hung up. "Abby?" She came out. "He's alive." She beamed at him. "Go tell the others. Someone's going to be shocked as hell if they bring him in." She fled to do that. They got back to work and it was better. They hated to see a friend, especially a female friend, cry.
Gibbs stomped in with her. "Cite your source, boys?" They turned to look at him. "You two," he growled.
"Yup, us, on our forensic internship," 2 said dryly. "He called the bar."
"They're sure?" 1 nodded. "Thank god." He walked off, going to find him. Now that they had a hope it was going to be easier.
Abby gave them both a hug. "Thank you."
"We like doing the impossible," 2 quipped. She smiled and went up to help from up there.
They finished recoding stuff that had been put in wrong by someone in another lab. They totally screwed it up and 2 sent a note with the reports since Abby clearly meant to. Then they cleaned the lab. She'd like that when she got back and they were a slave to their women friends even to this day. Abby called them up and they headed up, finding Tony being brought in. "Thanks," 1 said quietly.
"Welcome, Harrises." He left them there.
Tony looked at them. "You two?
"Forensic interns," they said in unison, grinning at the end.
"You made her cry. It's not acceptable," 1 added.
"Thanks, guys." They walked him upstairs and Gibbs stared at him then joked for McGee to move back to his own desk.
Tony's eyes narrowed but 2 got him down to be checked over and calm down. 2 stared at him. "I could use a good XO," he offered quietly. "Graham does a lot of paperwork that I don't want to deal with." He grinned and they left him with Ducky. Ducky knew them, kinda, and wouldn't want them around. Besides, they were supposed to be meek little interns.
***
2 looked up when someone walked into his office later that night. "Hey. Your new office is to the right of mine," he said, pointing at a door. "Beautiful desk and all that already in there waiting on whoever saved me from the paperwork."
"Why does our director hate you?"
"Because she tried to sex bait me and tried to truth serum me, neither of which worked." He smirked. "Graham told me who she was."
"Hmm, probably a good idea. No telling what she's done since she used to do CIA work." He sat down in front of his desk. "I like NCIS."
"You can do it part-time if you want. I do."
Tony grinned and nodded. "I've noticed and talked to Graham Miller. You're driving him nuts."
"Why?"
"The new energy weapon. What's it based off of?"
"Something I saw in a demon market," he admitted. "Pretty cool though, right?"
"Very cool but a bit futuristic for down here."
Xander stared at him. "I know that." Tony smirked. "By the way, whatever wire she made you wear stopped working when you walked in."
"I heard the feedback." He crossed his feet. "So just paperwork?"
"If you want to save me schmoozing, go right ahead. Not like I'm comfy at parties and things."
"Good point from your background. Where is the eviler clone?"
"Working on the wiring in the back lab."
"Ah! No wonder Graham couldn't find him."
"Slayer weapons."
"Gotcha." He stood up. "I have a real office?"
"With windows that open, dude." He showed him into it. "You can be my Pepper since I got told yet again to quit watching _Ironman_." Tony cackled. "But you don't have to dye your hair."
"Thanks for that." He ran a hand through it and looked around. It was a nice sized office. The desk was appropriately large. The computer monitor was absent but when he moved the mouse a virtual screen appeared with a virtual keyboard. "Sweet." He looked around the rest of the office. A safe, five locking file cabinets, decent, neutral furniture. "Will I get the same stuff that Graham does for access?"
"If you want. We trust you, Tony. Even if half the other people in that building are fuckheads."
"Thanks, Xander." He patted him on the arm. "You know it turned back on, right?"
"Yeah, I haven't extended the jammer in here yet." He shrugged. "It's on my to-do list. Or my honey do list for 1."
"Good." They went back into the other office and he suffered through another bout of feedback. "Ow."
"Someone deserves it anyway," he said dryly. "So?"
"I might like that. Give me some time to get pissed at my team again."
"Like earlier?"
"Yeah, earlier was about the final straw," he sighed, sitting down again. "That...." He sighed. "I don't know Gibbs anymore."
"Not like we change all that much," Xander offered. "You know that. You were there during part of it."
"I was." He smirked. "You confessed to all five files?"
"Yup. And told her to go ask him herself."
"Good. That will keep you out of trouble for a while."
1 walked in with something. "Laser sight is fixed." He grinned at Tony. Then at his other half. "And the other thing too."
"Wonderful." He looked it over, firing a test bolt at a wall that had a few holes from this already. "Yeah, that's right on. Thanks."
"Welcome." He winked at Tony as he walked out. "I'm going back to the sexy, dirty weapons instead of the more mundane."
"Sure," they agreed then Tony smirked.
"Laser sight on a crossbow, sweet."
"Easier sometimes when hunting." He put it aside. Then he stared at him. "If you come back, no more wires."
"It won't be wanted anyway with the way you have them jammed." He winked and stood up, shaking his hand. "Saturday?"
"Sure, you can help me paint my office and we'll go over Graham's maze of paperwork that he thinks I like."
"I can handle that. Can't be worse than what I've already got." He left, going back to the office. He looked at McGee. "How good are their jammers?"
"I barely got any sound at any time." He helped him remove them. "Outside of your office?"
"He offered me an XO position. Too much paperwork and people who suck up to him." He strolled off. It was totally legal for him to have a second job. Gibbs would throw a fit but yay.
Gibbs stared at him when he walked into their row. "No part-time jobs, DiNozzo."
"It's legal, Gibbs, and you can't dictate my private life." He looked at him, seeing the horrified look. "At one time I would've went to hell for you," he said quietly. "Damn too bad that urge has passed recently."
"She put you on that undercover, not me. I protested."
"I heard." Gibbs flinched at that honest answer. "So, no, I can help him with the paperwork, the annoying higher ups, and make sure they're doing honest things."
"Crossbow with a laser scope?" he snorted.
"It does help when you're hunting. Makes your shot more true. Though I know both of them brought down deers last year with traditional bows they won in Africa." Gibbs sighed. "Nice, big office. Coffee machine, windows that open." He shrugged. "I could even get a dog I could bring in." He sat down at his desk and threw something of McGee's back at his. "That's not mine." He got back to work writing up the contact report. The director was pissy but oh well. She stomped in sneering. "Ma'am, maybe you should ask someone what's in those folders instead of trying to play games with them. The majority of their friends are tough women who could bend you into a pretzel and giggle."
"You know what's in them."
"I know what's in *one*," he corrected. "It's sealed to presidential oversight only. That is not my story to tell." He went back to the contact report.
"I can have you put on leave."
"I now have a job waiting on me that probably pays better and respects me more," he shot back, looking at her. "Where I don't have someone who forced me to get into an intimate relationship with someone. Or to take on roles that I'm not truly comfortable with." He kept typing by feel. "If you want to know what's in that file, go ask him, Madam Director." She huffed off. He finished the report and printed it, handing it over. "I believe I'm supposed to be on medical leave so I'm going home." He walked off.
"This is just the undercover settling in," Gibbs called after him.
"If it was, I wouldn't have been feeling like this since before you got blown up, boss." He got onto the elevator and went home. Where he had takeout waiting on him thanks to a neighbor taking the delivery for him. "Thanks," he said with a grin. "Friends who knew I needed to veg tonight." She pinched his cheek and let him go home. He walked in and locked his door, settling down on his couch with his favorite chinese food. It was nice they remembered from that one meal. It was calming and better. Though he wanted to move since Jeanne had been here a few times.
***
Xander 1 came in for his ambush the next morning and stared at the people in the lab. "Sir," he told the SecNav.
"Where is your other half?" he asked.
"Lab. Caught up in the new weapon." He put on his jacket and stared at Abby. "Where do I start today?"
"They're seriously upset."
"Why? I was in the lab all night."
"You tried to take Tony from Gibbs," she said.
"Yeah, because we'd respect him. Plus he'd be a huge asset to our paperwork problem and he knows who's who in town." She smiled at that. "We both like and respect Tony, Abby. We have since we met him a few years back."
"Wow. That's kinda.... Really?" He nodded with a smirk. "Like you met me a few years back?"
"Sealed file."
"Oooh," she said with a wince. "No wonder the director's in a snit."
"We told her to go ask the man." He looked at the other man. "You did know that sending her to sex up my twin was probably in bad taste with the way we draw evil bitches?"
"I've seen the report on that," he admitted. "You're the one the profilers want to see this summer, young man?"
"Yup. I'll be seeing them in June."
"That's fine. It's hard to tell you two apart."
"No it's not," Abby said. "Xan has an eye patch and Alex doesn't."
He looked at her. "Why don't you get a cafpow?" he suggested with a smile.
"Because you're in *my* lab and I have evidence out. That would be a breach in protocol and FBI standards," she shot back. "Why don't you two go find the conference room that she hasn't bugged?"
Xander patted her on the back. "It's cool, Abby." He looked at him. "Why did you want to talk to me?"
"We didn't know you were building in the lab as well," the SecNav said.
"I was rewiring his laser scope. I did used to work construction and did also do a lot of antique weapon fixing for our former librarian, Mr. Giles." The FBI dweeb gasped. He smiled and wiggled his fingers. "Yep, us."
"Oh!" He nodded. "That makes more sense with your dating history, Mr. Harris."
"It's because I'm so charming." The dweeb snorted and shook his head. He looked at he SecNav. "Problems with that?"
"Don't date while you're here, Harris, and don't get sucked into anything."
"Not my intention, sir. I could care less what anyone's plots and plans are unless they're going against us or friends of ours."
"Good to know. Relax. You can't steal DiNozzo. He civilized Gibbs."
"Then perhaps Gibbs should act like he deserves and respects him," he said pointedly. "Instead of making it look like 'oh, you're back, so we'll have to rescind the move up for the old probie' thing he did yesterday."
"That could've been a joke," Abby said.
"Would you take it that way? Especially after nearly being blown up because you were made to date someone that you ended up caring for at least a little bit because of all the time you spent with her?"
"No," she sighed, sitting down. "You're right, that was bad."
"Yeah, it was bad. We'll respect Tony and don't care who he dates as long as they're not bad for us. We'll even let him keep working here if he wants."
"You act like it's your company," the FBI dweeb pointed out.
"It's half my company." The man gaped. He shrugged. "We are twins. We do share things, like an apartment, the sports car, all that." He grinned. "Now, are there any other questions? I have internship hours I have to do and I doubt this time counts." They left. He looked at Abby. "Send up a bat signal next time, Abby, we'll come save you from suits." She smiled and handed him something. "Cool, blood products." He settled in to transfer it to the testing medium and then ran the tests so he could get on with it.
***
2 looked up from his work as Graham let people in. "I have energy sources out in here, Miller," he said firmly. "That is not safe." He ushered them into the conference room instead. Xander sighed and finished up what he was doing, marking his spot with a bit of tape before locking it back into the safe and heading up there. He took off his lab jacket as he walked in. "What's up?"
"The Director of NCIS has thrown up a challenge to you two doing internship hours," the SecNav said.
"Is that because she tried to sleep with me and tried to dose me with truth serum? Or is it because we won't divulge classified information and it's frustrating her little, blackened, coal-like heart?"
"Probably the later," the FBI dweeb said. "We talked to your twin."
"I know."
"He called?"
"No, McGee called."
"Oh." He sat down, looking at the young man. "I was made aware that you know a Mr. Giles in Cleveland?"
"Yeah, although I think he's back in England at this moment." He stared at him then smiled and produced his original ID. "You wanted to see that I suppose?"
He looked then wet his lips and nodded. "So you helped?"
"Quite."
"I thought there was only one of you."
"There's been two of us for a long time. Not that the records will show it, but you remember how Sunnydale was I'm sure."
"I don't like to think about that town," the FBI dweeb said mildly.
"None of us do anymore."
The Secretary of the Navy coughed. "Xander, some of us knew. It was the only unlikely yet probable solution outside of cloning."
He shrugged. "Believe it or not, he's the shy one."
"Which one of you designs?" he asked.
"Both of us. 1 tends to do a lot more weapons for the slayers."
He held up a hand. "I don't need to know anything about them. I was briefed when one wanted to join the Navy." Xander grinned. "Your doing?"
"Yeah. I thought she'd make a great SEAL."
"She does," he agreed. "A lot of women are mad she's the bar to live up to on some things."
"She shouldn't be."
"She's the unofficial one," he corrected. Xander nodded at that. "So the higher weapons?"
"This current one I was walking through a demon market to meet a friend from Africa to see how his tribe was doing and I ran into it. So I decided I could make it better."
"There's programs that would like that," he offered.
"I know, we helped shut one down."
"Good point. It was nice you were giving Graham some time to recover and be a spy for us."
"Better one you know than one you don't. I know who he's reporting to; the one the Russians managed to slip in is annoying the crap out of me but he's only in personnel and Graham is keeping an eye on him for me." He smirked. "It's easier that way."
"I'd say." He coughed. "She's going to get insistent."
"She also violated the law and protocol by feeding me truth serum in a restaurant. In public. Where just anyone could've heard anything I said if I hadn't been immune." He got onto the computer in there. He printed out something and handed it over. "She also used a poisonous dose. Damn good thing I'm hard to kill, huh?"
"Very. That would leave a lot of problems when your twin took over."
Xander leaned on the table. "He's the more shy but the more Rambo one," he said with a smirk of pure evil. "He would have destroyed anyone that came at the company. He probably still will." He grinned. "And just think, once we're both hired somewhere, we'll be moving the company since I'm not sure we want to stay in DC."
"What about DiNozzo?" he asked dryly.
"He can come or we can work out a corporate work-from-home gig for him. Whatever." He shrugged. "I like and respect Tony. He's a good man and a pretty great agent. I know damn well he won't fuck us over." He straightened up. "You might want to remind her that normal mortals would've died within minutes of getting a dose that high. That's kinda bad for interrogation." He left them.
"He's right," the SecNav said, handing it over.
"They sell to foreign companies."
"Who are on the Pentagon and Department of Defense's safe list," he shot back. "Do you really think they're going to be causing problems with their prior service?"
"I'd rather they be safely ensconced in a military setting."
"They won't pass the tests. On purpose." He stood up. "I'll drop you off at your office." The dweeb huffed off. He took that printout. That was a fairly interesting bit of news he could hold over her head the next time she got huffy with him. The military clearly wasn't ready to have a female spook in charge of its oversight organization. Nor was she the right woman to change that.
***
2 walked into the lab for his first day and smiled at Abby and Gibbs. "I'm magnificent."
"You're late," she countered.
"Yeah, the gate guards decided they had to hand search my car with a wand for thirty fucking minutes looking for weapons. I finally told them I designed them, I only usually carried a handgun and produced it and my license." He put on his jacket. "I'll make it up later tonight."
"Good." She went back to explaining to Gibbs how she had gotten something but he interrupted and just wanted results so she gave it to him.
Xander saw her pout and shoulder nudged her. "How did you do that? They didn't teach us that." She beamed and went over how she had gotten that result with him. He beamed back and took notes. She was a goddess of the labs. He could learn tons from her.
***
Tony walked into the labs that night, looking around. "They out hunting, Miller?"
Graham jumped. He hated it when people snuck up on him. "No, they're in the back lab working on something for Buffy."
"Thanks."
"So, you're DiNozzo?"
"Yup." He shook his hand. "I'll be part-time."
"That's fine. I've got a few problem employees I've been tracking for them," he said more quietly, leading him to his office to go over those with him. One was Mossad and he knew Tony worked with one too. Tony smiled and copied the files to go over with his boss. None of them were supposed to be working in this sort of company, even as personnel techs. Then he went to find the boys. They were working on a new curved sword blade. "Is that going to be carried?"
"Willow's going to shrink it some," 1 said without looking up. "Graham keep you?"
"Yup. Personnel?"
"Not much he can do to harm there," 2 said dryly. "He can't get into the labs, the cabinets, or anything else. All he can do is make paychecks. No one's allowed to bring work home so he can't break into their homes based on the check's addresses either."
"Good thinking, but still dangerous."
"Better that than a janitor," 1 said. "He'd have more access." He looked up with a grin. "Having him here keeps them from doing more overt things."
"Good. I like that but still a bit dangerous. We'll talk to someone in the DOD about them." That got a dual nod and he came closer. "Is it going to be spelled?"
"Yeah," 2 admitted. "They need it for a specific thing that has to be beheaded but is huge." He finished on his welding job and turned off the torch, putting it down. The curved blade now had three 'teeth' on it. One on the back, two on the inside of the curved side. "That should work for them." Willow appeared and walked over. "Will that help?"
"That will help tons," she promised, smiling and taking it with her.
Tony smirked. "You two are really good to those girls."
"We try," 1 said with a smirk. "Then they nag."
2 nodded. "A lot." He put his goggles aside. "So, moving into your office tonight?"
"Just getting a sit rep."
2 gave him a manly hug with a back slap. "It's all good, Tony. We respect you for your dirty mind." He walked off. "Going to the caf."
"Get me a soda," 1 called.
"Of course. I can read your mind you know."
1 beamed. "He's good at it too."
Tony snickered. "I'm sure he is, Xander." He looked around this lab. It was a smaller version of the main forming lab. Crucible for melting metals, furnace to heat it. Forms to do test pours into. Lots of forging tools for the smith's anvil. Long work areas to get away from the heat that was vented off at the moment. An exemplar cabinet. Some more ancient weapons that were bigger here and there tucked into corners. He looked at 1 again. "You guys need somewhere bigger."
"I know," he admitted. "When we've picked a final destination to be hired at, we'll be thinking about moving it and letting you either show up with us or work from home."
"Not staying in DC?"
"With all the demon owing politicians? Nope. Too much temptation for someone to get to us."
"Then why come here?"
"Giles made us go to college," he said dryly. "Wanted us safer. He picked DC so we're close by in case there's a problem the girls have to help with. Anytime we report a problem coming up he sends half the slayers at us. So we usually file reports like 'handled so-and-so, how, and don't forget thanksgiving'." He shrugged, taking his soda when his twin came back in. "Thank you."
"Welcome." He looked at Tony. "You'll get to decide that when and if. We might be heading down south for our post-grad residency."
"That'd leave me in charge."
"Yeah but I'd be sending things up for the loyal lab minions to bang out for us." He sipped his own soda. "That way we could still make a lot of money and pay you outrageously for doing paperwork or handling higher ups who want to play with assholes without rimming."
Tony snorted. "That's about half the town."
"We know," Xander 1 agreed. "Some day we'll have a *huge* lab. Like the one that supposedly doesn't exist in Area 51." Tony snickered. "We found their website," he said dryly. "I wouldn't hire half those idiots if I had to for an apocalypse relief machine."
"Good point but I don't want to know."
They nodded. "That's cool with us," 2 promised. He looked around. "We're supposed to be in the main lab." They went back that way, finding someone was asking for entrance. He let security let them in so he could ask why since it was the middle of the night. "Gentlemen, it is nearly ten at night," he said dryly. "Why are you wanting in here this late if you're not vampires?"
The man in the lead stared. "We were told that you found a weapon that had been taken off our project," he said bluntly. "Then updated it."
"Hmm, must be the energy weapon. Let me call around to see where it is." 1 walked off to do that from the office.
"Prove who you are," 2 demanded. They handed over papers signed by people they trusted. Including an order to cooperate. "Fine. This does let you into the updating lab." He walked them into that one and pulled the weapon out. "We decided it should be more carryable so we changed the power supply to a crystal energy structure, though it can handily be recharged every decade at a light socket for a week." He let them see it. "I'm working on the wiring right now, as you can see, and the last three need to be put in sometime soon so we can test the weight and range of it." He looked at the horrified men. Then he grinned. "She's big, but handy." 1 came in. "Who has it?"
"Peter and he wanted a chance to win one of us for a night for it. I told him he's lost every other time, he said luck had to be on his side once. Let me go get it from him."
"You left it in other hands?" the head person demanded. He was clearly a soldier. One of the people behind him was a scientist of some sort by his radar and the other guy hanging back was probably military by the way he was standing and looking around for a threat.
"Where we found it, there's every chance whoever made it gave it to them," 2 told them. 1 left with Tony. That was nice he'd have a guard. He sent a thought at his twin to just get the rest off Peter too. He was an annoyance and dealing to normals from what they heard. He looked at them again. "My twin will also see what else he has going on there." He let them go over the new weapon and the schematics.
"This line here won't carry the power properly," the skinny man in glasses behind them said.
Xander looked. "It's going to the amplifier. I actually put in a heavier gauge of wire than is on the plan because I realized that but I never put out fully correct plans for things like this in case they're stolen. Things like this don't get sold to anyone but the programs we can trust not to be assholes and trying to hurt innocents."
"Idealistic," he said.
"No, realistic. We ran into one of those in the past and helped shut them down." That got a nod of understanding. "So we have full oversight of where these things go. Apparently the head guys think your project is worthy. I'll be looking at that myself." They both stared at him and he smirked. "I'm not the stupid kid everyone thinks I am, guys. Really. I'm the brash, sure, confident one. Though I have heard both good and bad things about your program. By the way, Doctor, your picture was up at Area 51." He blanched. "Found their website. Are they as big of morons as they look?"
"Mostly," he admitted quietly. "We have many enemies."
Xander snorted. "Tell me about it." He waved a hand. "I've seen more than my fair share of them already. That's why I'm doing this." He pulled over his laptop and looked back at Graham. "Go home."
"I'm fine."
"Go home anyway. These guys are like the sealed files, eyes's only."
"Sure, Alex." He left, going home. He knew what sort of program that had to be. He hoped it was a decent one. He really did. Xander would kill them all if they weren't and he had given them weapons that were used against others.
Xander did his little trick and got into the Pentagon using the ID he had been given. It was, of course, above his rating so he used the ID he had...found on a demon who had pretending to be a general. That had worked better and he found what he needed. All their personnel files led back to a single program that had branched and it was horrifying but necessary. They were like intergalactic slayers and watchers. He shut down his lead and computer, looking at them. They were still staring at things. 1 was coming back and he said that Tony was not amused. He looked over as they came in. "Selling to normals?"
"Oh, so selling to normals. We got there in time to see him selling to some German dude who gave me 'skinhead' vibes." He put the guns down. "So I confiscated most of it and let Tony call someone important." He smirked. "Tony said I shouldn't but anything too future tech or really strong I didn't want in their hands. We can explain that, right?"
"Yeah, I can explain that." He pointed. "They're good."
"I heard." He stared and handed over the original. "I don't think it works."
"No, it appears burnt out," the physicist said, looking it over. It was clearly from their program.
Tony strolled in with two FBI agents. "Xander, they'd like to confiscate those."
"Unfortunately some came from their very classified project, which was why we were going after them to get them back," 2 told the agent. "Peter, the head guy there, had expressed an unnatural interest in our asses in the past. He plays very bad poker trying to get us as well." The agent grimaced but nodded. "Since we do have a high security clearance, and they were originally part of this program's stuff, and since they're here looking at the updated version of that one, we decided tonight would be a good time to confiscate it back while letting you guys handle the mundane things. Because people would ask questions if you had to hand over an energy weapon."
"Energy weapon?" one agent asked.
Xander switched the power core on the original and fired at the target they had set up. The agents all gasped, including Tony. "Energy weapon." He took out the power core and put it into the new gun, handing it back with a grin. "We're not keeping them, just handing them back to their rightful owners."
Tony stared at him. "How do you know it's theirs?"
"Some little birdies in our poker circle told us about who has what that was stolen from their project before they got there," 1 said dryly.
"Ah," the agent in charge said with a nod. "Can you prove it, Gentlemen?"
"Go ask this person," the military guy with the gun said, writing down a name and address. "He's our overseeing general. He'll agree with that."
They nodded, going to ask him. Tony had promised nothing would leave the lab until they did that.
Tony looked at the twins. "That's dangerous."
"Better us handing it over instead of an insecure vault or someone who'll use it," 2 pointed out. "At least we'll hand it off. Even if we do get a nice look at it and dream pretty dreams about it."
"There is a reason why they call guns dirty," 1 agreed dryly from his end of the table. He looked at the hole then at him. "Low powered?"
"Yes, I have the lower powered energy core in it. I don't want to have to rebuild the lab or the secondary lab."
"Good point." He looked around. "Miller?"
"Home."
"Even better. He might get jealous about a classified program that works." He leaned on the table from his seat, grinning. "We respect good projects that do good things and keep us all safe," he said quietly.
"Where are you two from?" the doctor asked.
"Sunnydale," 2 said.
"We're presently in the employ of the International Council of Watchers." The doctor stiffened, staring at them. "Reformed version since the old ones were shitheads and someone blew them up." He babbled something and 2 beamed, babbling back at him. He sighed and nodded. "So, see, we're not mean and we're good about this stuff. If we find it, we'll give it back."
"Thank you. It could be important."
"Of course it could be. You guys save our asses," 2 agreed. He shrugged. "Why do you think we make weapons?" The military guy snorted. "Seriously. Ask him later when you're in a more secure environment. He apparently knew the Council of old." The doctor nodded quickly. "We helped save the world a few times on our former team. You guys do that too so we'll be nice. We'll play nice, all that." He grinned at the doctor, handing over the lower power core. "Here." He fired the new one and the burst was wider but more handy. He went over the power needs and all that while the military guy petted what was theirs in the first place.
Tony opened the door for the agents and the general. "Sir," 1 said, waving him over. "Welcome to our humble lab." He led them back to the lab.
"How did you two get his ID and login?"
Xander looked at him. "Did no one ever notice that the man ate three assistants a year?" 2 countered. The general gave him a horrified look. "Hi, Alex Harris, from Sunnydale. That's my twin Xander."
"Oh, shit," he muttered. They grinned.
"I love that reaction," 1 purred.
"Straight," the general said firmly.
"Pity," 2 agreed. "So, that was yours, that's what we made off seeing yours. My humble slightly eviler clone got the rest of yours for you. Can we browse for a few minutes?"
"I'd like to see what you two could come up with," he admitted. They went to carry the stuff in for him. A few were more traditional bigger weapons that they snorted about already having something better and the others got a longer look over and a few designs being started. "Do you guys manufacture?"
"No, we're a design lab only," 2 said, looking up at him with a shy grin. "If you want more than the tester made, buy the plans and we'll give you correct ones because the stuff in our files have errors on purpose."
"Good idea, boys," the general sighed. "Doctor Zalenka, will that updated version work?"
He pointed at the wall. "Has a small vibration when fired but definitely," he said quietly.
"Good!" He came over to look at things too. The boys were quick and efficient. They got what they needed and handed them back. 2 went to the vault and pulled out something else, handing it over. "That's a staff weapon."
"Found it in a market place off plane," he admitted. "This is the sturdier version," he said, tossing him the other one. The general caught it to look over. "It's not as long but it's better in a staff fight as well as using less power to fire."
The general fired it at the target and it was pretty enough to make him coo. "Metal blend?"
"Yes. We managed to figure out three-quarters of a sample that we won in a poker game at the same place that they swore up and down was a ruined space ship. It's a lighter, stronger version of adamantium as far as we could tell and we used that formula to bulk up this one where we couldn't figure it out," 2 explained. He let him see the original piece and then the better fist-sized knot of metal. "We build with it a lot because it's stronger yet more flexible than steel."
He tested the staff a bit. Xander 1 picked up the original and attacked, letting him test it in actual combat. "Not bad," he decided. "Cold or heat weakness?
"Liquid nitro, yes. Dry ice, after an hour it became a bit fragile and created a crack. We don't have enough testing abilities at college to go all the way through the spectrum. We did drop a piece back into our crucible, which was melting silver earlier. That made the remains of the silver explode but afterward it came out stronger and harder to heat but weaker to cold," 1 reported, pulling out that report for him.
He read it over. "Not bad for a limited testing range you guys have between here and the college."
"We don't usually sell that metal," 2 admitted. "We usually forge one in it then test the hell out of it and make the other out of the usual metal composite for artillery."
"Even better," he decided. He handed back the secondary one. "What do you do with the originals?"
"Our testing vault is in a secure location," 2 told him. "It's alarmed within an inch of hell and no one gets into it but us two."
"Where did the original chunk come from?" Doctor Zalenka asked.
"Snake worshiping species," 2 said dryly, making him groan. "It had crashed and they cannibalized it."
"Clearly," he decided, looking it over. "I have seen it before," he decided, handing it to the general. "Can we?"
"Of course," 2 agreed. "It was your project's originally. Not the new prototype, but yeah, you guys are here to claim the originals." He smiled at the general.
"You two are such smartasses," the general said with a smirk.
"Yup," they agreed together then beamed at him.
"Call me the next time you're selling off a new artillery design, boys."
Xander pulled over the computer and let him into the records of what they had sold off. He got a few moans and they made notes of who had bought them. That way they could get some of their own. "We have three planned going up next month," 2 told him quietly. "All different beings than we're used to but based off other things." He let him see those project specs. "We're still in testing for all three. Once we've written it up, had it viewed and safety tested by someone at the DOD, then we'll put it out there."
"Invite me," the general ordered. "We could use that."
"What I found on your project looked like something we'd support," 1 told him simply. "You guys do shit like we used to." That got a smirk and a nod. "Now, it's late, and I know you guys want to go fondle those in private instead of in front of others." A few of the team blushed but the physicist laughed and nodded. They packed things up for them and the FBI agents signed off on them taking custody of stolen weapons. That made everyone happy but Tony. Tony stared at them. 1 shrugged. "It was theirs."
"True." He sat down. "It's nice you guys do so much testing and safety testing."
"Our reps would be trashed if we sold something that ended up not working," 2 pointed out. "That would end our huge paychecks."
"It would," he agreed. "How much are you guys making?"
"We auction off each design. Highest, good bidder wins. Bids are taken from any company on the safe list the DOD keeps," 2 told him. "The new bullet size and new rifling pattern didn't go for much but the new gun design went for tons more than we expected."
"The new artillery designs go for more though," 1 told him with a grin. "Those we celebrate."
"I would too," he decided. "Okay, I guess we're done here tonight." He helped them put everything up again and lock the vault. "Go home, guys. You have intern hours and classes tomorrow."
"Don't remind me. The psych teacher gave me 'you're tasty' looks the other day," 2 complained. "I think that means she's going to turn out evil too."
"Well, I don't really like her," 1 said dryly as they walked out. "Night, Len," he called.
"Night, boys. Have a good night. Night, DiNozzo, you too."
"Thank you, Len." He walked out to his car. He looked at the sports car. "How did you two afford that already?" he asked.
"Oh, we found a few little things in Africa," 1 said blandly with a wicked smirk. "It bought the apartment too." He slid in to drive. It was his turn no matter how much 2 pouted.
Tony shook his head, getting in to go to his own home. Where he found Gibbs waiting. "Hey, boss." He opened his door and let him inside. "What's up?"
"Problems?"
"Small one. One of the boys' stranger contacts was found to be selling other weapons. So they helped me bust it and get the originals back to the military unit it belonged to." He got a beer and handed one over then sat down. "What else is going on?"
"You said something about files?"
"I totally forgot." He went to get them from the car and brought them up to him. He kicked the door shut since his hands were full. "All people they know aren't legitimate workers. Two industrial spies, one Mossad, one Russian, and one the guy who is watching over them wasn't sure who he worked for."
Gibbs looked through them. "I'll ask Ziva about the Mossad one."
"Please do. The boys have put them in harmless, non accessing jobs. Things like personnel. One in security but he's the junior guy and the head guy knows he's a Mossad."
"That's not a bad idea. They won't have access to any files."
Tony took a drink. "As I found out, the boys' files at the office all have flaws on purpose." Gibbs smirked at that knowledge. "Their storage vault for testing prototypes is alarmed and in an undisclosed location."
"Even better." He looked up. "What is their ties to a group in Cleveland?"
"Their former mentor runs it now."
"It's an international group."
"Yup but until you're in their life, you have no idea why it was formed and I can't take you there, Gibbs. I know some of it due to a case that nearly got me eaten. Literally." He took another drink. "That's how I met those two." He looked at something and plucked the bug off, holding it up. "I know it's not them."
Gibbs took it to look at. "FBI issue." He put it into his pocket. "They're uneasy."
"The boys only allow companies on the safe list to bid."
"I can agree with that. It's a good strategy. Manufacturing?"
"No, design and prototypes only."
"Even better." He went back to the files. Some of them bothered him, a lot. "I'll go over these tomorrow." He closed them and put them into his lap. "Earlier was decent enough work."
"Thanks."
"I still don't like you moonlighting."
"I can work from home most of the time they said. It's paperwork and dealing with minions of other agencies and companies who want to smarm them with attention."
"I can understand that. It's the role you were bred to," he agreed. "It's still going to conflict with case time sometime."
"No more than it will their internship hours."
"Why are they even bothering with that?" he asked. "It makes no sense. They have a thriving company with a lot of work ahead of them. They could be doing the playboy thing, which would seem more in line with them."
"Their mentor from earlier, the one in Cleveland, made them go to college, even with the new business. They had a long talk about normal people doing normal things."
"They're considered normal?" he snorted.
"Yup."
"As opposed to?"
Tony finished his beer. "Some day I'll scare the hell out of you by introducing them, Gibbs, but for right now, don't worry about it. Or them. Though, if we have fugitive hunting in the woods when they're with us, offer to bring them. They're both excellent at it."
"I heard the hunting mentions," he admitted. He stood up and tucked the folders under his arm. "You sure you want this?"
"Yeah, I think I can help them and they can help me, and maybe I'll keep them from dating the next serial killer one of them will have to profile." He shrugged and smirked. "It wouldn't be the first one."
"I guess they'll like the profiling lessons for that reason alone," he said dryly.
"Oh, I'm sure it'll come in handy," he agreed. "It has already."
Gibbs left, shaking his head the whole way to his car. That was insane. Truly insane. Maybe it was a twin thing though. He'd never understand because he wasn't one.
Tony kicked back, put in a movie, and relaxed. It had been a good bust and he did like working with the boys. He hoped it would stay that sane around the office.
***
Ziva glared when Tony came in the next morning. "You know those two imbecile boys?" she demanded.
"Alex and Xander? Yeah. Why?"
"They're a menace to your country and mine!"
"How do you get that?" he asked dryly.
"They were in Africa and helped lead revolts," she said firmly.
"Yeah because they were helping train a few girls that their former coworkers identified to protect their villages. Things happened and they jumped in to protect their students and others."
She gaped. "They can't have! Things like that don't happen!" she sneered.
"They're ICW," he said dryly. "The new version. I'm sure your father's heard of them if you haven't."
She took a step back, going pale. "They're Council?" she hissed more quietly.
"Were. Also the main council got blown up. Their former mentor, a Mr. Giles, rebuilt it around the girls who were *all* called. Both of them were down there training girls."
She swallowed. "They're not with them?"
"Adjunct personnel."
"Oh." She slumped. "They're still dangerous. They sell to nearly anyone!"
"They only let people on the safe list buy, David." He stared at her. "If you have evidence some of those companies aren't that safe, tell the Department of Defense."
"But... some of them ended up in the wrong hands."
"Stolen probably. The companies on that list don't sell to anti-American entities. Do your damn homework." He walked around her. "Morning, people."
Gibbs looked at him. "A few on that list are shady but the boys were told that I'm sure."
"Probably. That's why they have Graham Miller. He's their DOD plant."
"Do I know that name?" he asked, looking like he was trying to remember.
"Um, no, boss, Kate was on that hearing committee instead of you. One of the really sealed files with their names involved."
"Oh. Bad?"
"Rogue program."
"Really bad," he decided. "Why work with him?"
"He stuck up for the guy that turned on them. Had ties to the old group but he hated the one who turned thanks to him being an ex of one of the female members. Miller was sane and decent so a good choice." He sat down.
"I suppose that's reasonable. Where was he after that program?"
"UN retrieval squads," he said quietly. Gibbs stiffened, staring at him. He stared back. "Not the ones that go after human rights violators, boss. One of the other groups."
"I heard about those. Rumors but bad rumors."
"Heard the name Finn attached?" Gibbs nodded once. "Miller was one of them."
"Shit, and the boys trust him?"
"After Sunnydale, yeah, at least enough to let him be a lab monitor and nark to the DOD about whatever they need to hear so they're covered. I'll be handling most of the paperwork he creates for them to deal with."
"Good luck there."
"I can do it on the couch each Saturday night, boss." He turned on his computer. He got into his email to check for memos. "Huh, speaking of the people on high. The higher ups want me at the meeting next week for design firms to bid on a new project."
"Instead of them?"
"With them." He forwarded that to Xander, one of which sent back an 'I heard' response. "Okay, that's covered." He forwarded it to Gibbs, who put it on his calender with the court dates. "Thanks, boss." He got into the others. "Hmm. HR has a problem with my files."
"Go before they decide you're dead again," he ordered. He shook his head.
Tony went down to HR, finding the head of HR waiting on him. "I got a memo to come see you?" he asked.
"We have to redo your clearance paperwork, DiNozzo. Orders from on high."
"Our high or someone else's high?"
"SecNav and Defense Department high." He nodded, settling in to do that after IM'ing Gibbs about what was needed. He came out with a shiny, new higher rating. It was nice. He had a higher rating than Gibbs now. He went back to his seat, smirking at his boss. "Went up six, boss."
Gibbs stared at him. "That's a hell of a jump."
"She knew something about that and someone who knew wanted me to be honest about some things I had seen. That and time in plus some of our cases."
"Good luck."
"I know." He settled in to get back to work on his reports while they waited on a new case.
1 came up to bother them with reports. "Who gets the Abby special and concise reports this time?" he asked. Gibbs held up a hand. "On the Merchant case?" He pointed behind them. "Okay. Percasen?" Gibbs took that and two others. Xander walked toward the other people. "Abby special reports, people. Merchant?" One agent raised a hand. The others got handed out and he went back down to the lab. He ran into Ducky and Palmer. "Hey," he said with a head nod. "Abby, they're all handed out."
"Thank you, Xander." She pinched his cheek. "You're very helpful. Now go sort my exemplar?"
"Can I make it shiny?" he begged, giving her the puppy eyes.
"Sure, until something new comes in." He beamed and went in there to deal with that. She smiled at Ducky. "Xan and Alex are wonderful interns."
"I should hope so with as much of a stink they cause on the Hill when they're working in their other jobs," he said. "Though the company seems to be flourishing."
"They're twins?" Palmer asked. "I thought he had a glass eye and wore the patch when he had to take it out."
Xander rolled his seat backward. "Then how did you account for the longer hair my twin has?" he asked. "Or the extra muscles?" He rolled back to his work.
"I guess I need to be more observant around the office," Palmer decided. The director stomped in. "Good morning, Madam Director."
"Palmer, Ducky, Abby. Where are your interns?" she demanded. Xander rolled the chair back. "You and your vile little twin are wanted in the office."
"I'm the only one here right now, Director. We take turns you know."
"I don't care."
He sighed and finished putting that gun back together. "I'd do a bad Terminator impersonation but why bother," he muttered as he walked past the two doctors. Palmer laughed at that. He walked into the office, finding Riley Finn in there. "What the hell do you want?"
"Xander."
He looked out in the secretary's office then at him. "I'm surprised you didn't show up at the office."
"I did, Graham said you were here and the other one was at class."
"Yeah, basically. So?" He crossed his arms over his chest, staring him down. "Why show up today?"
"One of the teams in Africa is missing."
Xander considered it. "Where?"
"Where Sivan is."
Xander frowned. "Her tribe migrates some but I did give her a way of being contacted. So why come to me?"
"We can't use it. It's blocked."
Xander sighed. "Let me see if I can find anything out."
"Thank you. We have a six-man team in that area to handle the huge thing that was in that mountain."
Xander snorted. "He died a few years ago. He was this high," he said, holding his hand just above his knee. "He was powerful and could make you hallucinate."
"Crap."
"Probably." He pulled out his cellphone to call someone. "Paulo, Xander. Yes, that one. Problems around Sivan's area. Finn's here bugging me about a team that went missing." He listened, making notes for him, making sure he tore off a few extra sheets as well. "Thanks, man. Yup. How is she?" He winced. "I know it's normal but I'm sorry for her. I hope the baby's healthy and all that. Please do. That way we can check on her. Thanks, Paulo." He hung up. "The watcher in charge of Africa's slayers," he said quietly.
"The guy that looked like he was gay on the dance floor?"
"Yeah, Paulo."
"I'll get his number then. Thanks for this."
"Not a problem. Though, that asshole is an asshole. A human one." He nodded at that knowledge. "Safe trip. Are you taking Graham?"
"Can I?"
"We don't mind for good things. If he goes back to the bad shit, we'll kick his ass."
"I know. Thanks, Xander." He shook his hand and left.
Xander walked out shaking his head. He walked down to Tony's desk. "Graham may be heading to Africa to help out one of the retrieval teams that's having issues. So less paperwork for a few weeks."
"They okay?"
"Probably. I need to find one of the girls a happy motherhood present. Maybe cows since her tribe raises them." He walked off mentally talking to 2 about that. They could make Graham deliver them. It'd be good for him to see other normal people again.
Abby looked at him when her lab door opened. "Big problems?"
"Missing retrieval team."
"Crap."
"Finn showed up."
"Double crap. Do you think she got nosy?"
"Probably but not like we spilled or chatted about past acquaintances. Let me go back to making spiffy." He went back to his gun sorting and cleaning. When he was done, 2 would come in and do the rest of the ballistics samples.
***
Riley found Graham waiting on him with a duffle bag. "You ready?"
"Yup but we've got a motherhood gift to a slayer."
"Why?" he complained.
"Because Xander trained her," he said bluntly. "And it'll help us get local intel."
"Fine. What?"
"Three cows. Two female and one male."
He sighed. "Fine." The team loaded and they took off. They could ignore the mooing in the back. Hopefully. It was a long trip to Africa.
***
Xander beamed at the phone call he was chatting on when he walked in later that night. "That's great news, Sivan. Yes, of course we want you to be happy and healthy. Exactly. That's why I sent the cows. Good!" He beamed at his twin when he met him in the entryway. "Wonderful. Is the problem handled?" He nodded for Tony's benefit since he was walking up to them. "Good. You keep us informed about how pretty and strong she is and Graham can test her for that special thing you are. No, I'm not in the lab. Yup, that. Ask them. Thanks, Sivan. Sure, let us know. That makes sense. We weren't sure why it wasn't working. Yup, I'm in DC actually. So let us know. Happy motherhood, sweetie." He beamed as he hung up. "She's fine. Her daughter is precious. They cover mirrors or any reflective surface for the first month."
"Makes sense in some ways," 1 agreed. "She get the cows?"
"She did. Her husband was very pleased and led the boys right where they needed to be and will let them stop over on the way back out. She was on Sam Finn's phone."
"Even better. Do we think she is?"
"No idea," he admitted. "Graham can test for that though. He knows how."
"Even more great. I left you ballistics samples to run."
He hugged his twin. "Thanks." He headed to the lab.
Tony grinned at 1. "That's a cool baby shower gift."
"Her tribe live on their herds."
"Then it makes sense. Remember to tell Giles about that."
"I will," he sighed. "Thanks, Tony."
"Welcome, Alex." He grinned as he walked off talking on his phone. He saw a confused looking woman coming in. "Problems?" Tony asked her since he was pretty sure she didn't work there.
"I could've sworn he had an eye patch when he was outside on his phone."
"They're twins."
"Oh!" She nodded. "Good. That's great for them." She signed in and got the agent she needed to speak to down to escort her up.
Tony got to go home for the day.
***
Xander put the phone on speaker once he was in the car. "I am safely in the car," he reported. "We have chronicle news."
"What's went on this time?" Giles asked.
"I talked to Sivan thanks to some of Riley's guys going missing."
"Oh, how is she? We haven't talked to her in a bit."
"She just gave birth about four days ago. A little girl. Graham went on the rescue so he can test her for the slayer spirit."
"Wonderful news. We'll have to send her presents."
"Remember, hers is a nomadic tribe, Giles. They don't really collect stuffed animals and things."
"What did you send?"
"Cows. Her tribe raises and migrates with their herd. I sent two female and one male cow. She said it was excessive but well adored by her husband. She suggested maybe some blankets or blank cloth or something useful."
"That's wonderful news," he decided. You could hear scratching noises. "All right, I've got it recorded that she did give birth to a girl and I shall call Mr. Miller in a few days to be nosy. How are things at the company? Starting off well?"
"Giles, we've sold like ten designs," he pointed out. "We told you that."
"You did?"
"Yes, we did. We also turned down the college help."
"I remember that conversation. I was most disappointed."
"Giles, I'm sitting in a sports car that we own together," he said dryly.
"Oh, I see. So the designs go for a lot then?"
"Some. Artillery more than new guns or the new bullets we created."
"I saw the last excessively large sword you made for us."
"That's what Buffy said she needed," he said dryly, starting the engine. He listened. "Hold on." He got out and waved at a guard. "Someone please do a bomb check?" he called.
TBC