Xander walked into the church, around the nun that was swatting two guys and chastising them that smoking was against God's laws because it desecrated the temple of their bodies.  He knew she was a mean nun.  She hated him for some reason he wasn't sure of so he stayed far away from her.  He heard Philip talking and listened, then decided to interrupt.  "I told him you were retired," he said, realizing Philip was upset.

"He did, many times," John Winchester agreed.  "Harris."

"Hey."  He flopped down with a sigh.  The nun came over to yell at him.  He glared.  "Sister, he's going to have to talk me out of killing about six people.  Which is nicer than his usual 'don't destroy humanity' talk but I doubt I need this shit today since all but one of the ones I want to kill is female."  She gasped.  "Just...  Please?  Go be female elsewhere, where it's safer?"  She huffed off.

"She's a stubborn Irish lady from the back country," Philip chastised.

"I know.  She got on me for eating twinkies and you yelled at me when I offered to substitute the snack cake goodness with a dick instead because she was complaining it was a gay sex metaphor."  Philip smiled and patted him on the head.  "I bummed money to come get some common sense and calmness pounded in again.  Mostly because I tried Blair for that and Blair went on a 'hell no' fit in two languages."

Philip stared at him.  "You have money."


"Why?" John asked.

"Conservator, Gretchen, Willow."

"I can deal with Rosenburg for you," he offered.  "And the two others too."

"My former conservator is a human.  He filed papers to stay on as my conservator when I fired him.  I gave the judge the evidence Robbery had gotten and the judge said that was tragic and clearly a mistake, but almost let him stay before I said I was going to move out of the country to get away from them.  Willow showed up there to get away from agents."  He smiled.  "He was not happy that I shot her in the courtroom; the bailiff nearly had a heart attack.  Though she was attacking me with a sacrificial dagger at the time.  So, Philip, can you go over that meditation crap with me again?"

"Definitely, I seem to need some myself.  Is he in jail?"

"On bond."

"Gretchen?" he asked.

Xander let out a bitter snort.  "I was an *assignment*."

Philip growled.  "I'll do penance for my temper," he told the staring nun.  "His helpers just robbed him blind."

Xander looked back there then at John.  "That's one of the spirits that's been bothering him.  I can feel her chilly self."

John looked at her then at Philip.  "What have you done to help her move on, Father?"

"I've tried all the exorcisms I know."

John shook his head.  "Spirits like that you have to salt and burn.  That makes them move on unless they're tied for multiple reasons or have a *really* good reason to hang around like watching over their kids."

"No, she died here in the church hiding from her boyfriend that beat her because she was pregnant," he admitted quietly.

"Then it's kinder to help her move on."  He looked at her.  "Show me your grave later, ma'am, and I'll help you move on."  She smiled and patted Xander on the head before fading off.  He looked at the kid.  "I think you're starting to glow."

"I have a little tiny bit of latent magic," he said dryly.  "And the remains of my hellmouth taint.  Or else it's Willow or someone."  Philip got things and came over to do a protection over Xander.  It cut the glow.  Winchester did another with him and the glowing faded.  Xander sighed.  "Can't I go on a rampage now?"

"I won't tell you no about that," Winchester reminded him.  "I'd have burned Rosenburg in Colorado Springs if Summers didn't need her."

"I about did that once in my first year in Hawaii.  Gretchen told me it was wrong."

"It may be," Philip admitted.  He sat down beside the boy and gave him a hug, letting Xander lean on him.  "We'll get it back."

"Sammy's supposed to be paying him for the new bottles the Council bought," John said.

Xander grinned.  "D'Hoffryn and the Powers agreed that John's son Sam is going to head the Council.  Derek's met him and appreciates his viewpoints and all that too."

"Wonderful."  He gave him a squeeze and let him go.  "We'll work on it.  Are you local?"

"Yeah, I bummed enough to get out here."  His phone beeped.  "Hmm, the curse is gone again or it's someone magical.  Of course, the vocal feature won't work."  John took it to read and growled, typing something back.  "Willow?"



"Yup.  Said you could have it back if you gave up the other bottle."

"You know, he's got to be the last Wolfram and Hart lawyer left on this plane."

"Two here local," Philip corrected.  "One in LA that I've heard."

"Gunn got him the other day for trying to attack Fred.  I heard he staked him even though he wasn't a vamp.  Fred got him off charges by telling the officer why, who he was, and what he wanted to do to her.  The officer said it was self-defense."  He smirked.  "I can deal with the two locally.  Hell's lawyers need to be on another plane of existence."

Philip patted him.  "I know," he said, his Irish accent stronger today because he was still pissed at the people around Xander.  "We need to get it back faster."

"Steve knows once I get it back I'll pay him back."  He slumped down some.  "I can hear your Cardinal."

Philip rolled his eyes.  "He'll live, Xander."  He patted him on the head.  "Are you sure you can get those three to move on kindly?"

"They may panic for a moment while they're going up but otherwise I definitely can."  He smiled at the younger man.  "Xander told me repeatedly you were retired but good with languages."

"I am.  I even taught them for a bit.  Just straight Latin?"

"I'm good with Latin, though I've run into some obscure texts recently.  My son Dean ran into something that he thinks may be something ancient since it's not modern as far as anyone he knows can tell."  He showed him the picture Dean had emailed him of a page.

Philip looked at it.  "Tha's Ancient Sumerian."

Xander patted him.  "Is it the demon or the human version?"

"Demon I believe by the side marks.  Where did he find this?"

"A local library outside Peoria."

Philip smiled.  "Things like this show up in the strangest places at times.  I'd like to look at it."

"I'll have him swing by this way.  Dean can use the same 'don't be a slut, be a better boy' talks that Harris here needs."

"I need a new date, a new housekeeper, a new lawyer, and possibly a bodyguard to go 'wow, your temper's really bad again'," Xander quipped.  "And maybe a new house.  The other reason I had to come out?  Gretchen was cooking up something with rat poison and the whole house stinks of it."

"The puppies you said you had?" John asked.

"Melusia moved them for me.  For some reason he couldn't move me this time.  I think it was another Rosenburgian thing.  You know, we should start using her as an adjective."  He nudged Philip and tipped his head slightly.

John Winchester glanced and groaned.  "Your luck's bad," he hissed.

"Clearly."  He turned his head to look at the man he could feel staring.  "I'm letting Father Philip remind me that multiple homicides in very messy manners are against everyone's good will," he said dryly.

"You're around those demon sorts."

Xander sniffed.  "You're a quarter demon yourself.  I'm a born and bred hellmouth baby.  Get over it."  The cardinal gasped.  Xander grinned.  "Hi.  Yes.  And very pissed off at certain beings.  So can Father Philip please finish calming me down now?"

"Definitely."  He walked off shaking his head.

Xander tipped his head to the side.  "Hi, Faith."

"Hi, Boytoy."  She walked up behind him and gave him a hug around the head, hissing in his ear.

"Yeah, I know."  He grinned at her.  "Philip, let me go spill blood outside your church so you can use it in protection rites."  He got up and snapped the cane open, walking out with Faith.  He heard the bitches complaining and stared at one.  "So, we meet again, Witch."  Buffy flinched and backed off shaking her head.  "Buffy, I can smell you.  Just get out of the way."

"She wanted to apologize."

"She still needs to give me back my money too.  And take off all the spells she's done on me.  All that."

"I..." Willow said.  Xander glared and she shrank back.  "I was possessed."

"This morning?  Really?  Though, obviously a nice healing spell."  Buffy gasped, backing away.  Faith got out of the way too.  "Ladies, shoo.  I believe I need to have a discussion with my former best friend."

Philip came out and threw holy water on her, making her scream and wiggle.  "Clearly unholy."

"Philip, I've seen your holy water burn virginal babies," Xander said dryly.

"That's strong," John said from behind Xander.  "Rosenburg, didn't I warn you?"

"I was possessed!" she shouted.

"When you attacked him earlier?" Philip asked.

"That wasn't me!"

"Buffy, if you're still nearby, can you please check her side for us?"  She came over and checked then winced and let John Winchester see it.  "Gunshot wound?"

"Something that was pretty deep but it's mostly healed."  She got out of the way when Faith pulled her.  A cop car pulled up and Buffy went to tell him to stay out of the way too.  "She stole from the blind guy who used to be her best friend," she told him.  "She attacked him earlier and dragged us to help her this time but she's clearly going to attack him again.  Please let the priest give last rites?"

The cop nodded.  "I saw you at that thing."

She smiled.  "I'm a slayer.  This is my sister slayer Faith.  She's a local girl."

The cop nodded.  "Thanks, ladies.  Father, can I arrest her yet?  I hate cleaning up body parts."

"No, we have some work to do on her yet," he called.  He came down the stairs.  "Xander, let me make sure she's not possessed," he ordered.  He walked her to the graveyard beside the church.  John followed.  Xander strolled after them.

Buffy looked at Faith.  "If his holy water burns her, what would it do to someone like Spike?"

"He'd be toast," Faith said.  "X said his holy water burned babies when they weren't pure enough."  They both winced at Willow screaming about the burning holy water.  "Ow."  They looked that way at the sound of a gunshot.  "Do we have to clean up a mess?" she called.

"No," John called.  "She summoned something.  It's already dead.  It didn't like the consecrated ground either.  Stay, ladies."

"Yup, don't want to see that," Buffy agreed.  She looked at Faith.  "I thought Xander had a temper."

Faith nodded.  "He's back to smiling in pleasure at the destruction, B.  There's going to be a funeral."

"My conservator's," Xander called.  "Maybe my former housekeeper for helping her steal from me again."

"All of it?" Buffy asked.

"Yup.  Please go check my house?  My alarm system just called me."  They ran for a cab and went there.  The officer followed in case there was a problem.  Xander listened when Buffy called him a few minutes later.  "No, I'm not selling the house," he told the person.  "That person acted wrongly in my interests and I've since fired him.  No, he was my conservator because I'm blind, ma'am.  I'm not selling my house here or in Hawaii.  Please do.  No, he's on bond for stealing ten billion dollars from me," he admitted.  She babbled.  "I know that but one of the priests in the local parish is a friend so I bought it to be near him.  Thank you for checking though.  If I do decide to sell the house I'll call you."  He smiled.  "You have a better day, ma'am."  He hung up and John took the phone before he could throw it.  "Thank you.  Can you please call Steve?"

John found the number and dialed from his own phone.  "Detective McGarrett?  Oh, Detective Williams.  I'm John Winchester.  I'm a demon hunter and I'm here with Xander, who just had to talk to a realtor about the former lawyer scum trying to sell his Boston house.  Thank you, please.  No, I took his phone before he threw it.  Dealing with Rosenburg," he said when she let out another scream. 

"A priest is questioning her under holy water.  No, supposedly human," he admitted, walking off.  "Is his house there in danger?"  He nodded once at that.  "Well, my son's the new head of the Watchers Council," he admitted.  That got a cheer.  "He's buying three of the bottles from the kid.  So he'll be able to handle that sometime soon.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "He'll call Wolfe, who has your power of attorney at the moment?"  Xander nodded.  "The judge knows?"

"Yes.  He signed the forms to let Mack handle things until I could hire someone.  That way he could handle anything related to the investigation."  Xander looked toward where he was standing.  "Mack went on a swearing rant about it but he understood why."

"We'll help you find someone, kid.  Maybe another hunter's kid is a lawyer."  He patted him on the arm.  "It'll be okay."

"I wouldn't care if we just had a hired housekeeper and then a helper.  That might be easier to find.  I wouldn't get so attached this time."

"It won't matter!  You won't have a house to go home to!" Willow shouted.

Xander turned to look at her.  "Really?  Why is that?  I've already countered the 'I'm selling' crap."

"It's gone!" she sneered.  "With those *dogs* too!  They're unholy and unnatural."

"The dogs are here, Willow."

"I sent them back."

"Melusia?" Xander called.  He appeared, staring at him.  "Are the puppies all right?  Willow threatened them."  The dog snorted and patted him on the hand, getting petted.  He went back to check on them.  He popped back to the house, scaring Steve nearly to death.  He barked and sat, wagging his tail with a doggy grin.

Steve looked down at him.  "Are the puppies all right?" he demanded.  The hellhound barked and patted him too.  Steve grinned and petted it.  "Thanks, Melusia.  Is Xander in Boston?"  The dog wagged his tail.  "Good!  Have him stay there for a few days, all right?"  The dog barked and went back to his master.  Steve sighed in relief.  The fire department had been up the street with a barbequing accident when this house had went up so they had gotten to it almost immediately.  It had been hard to put out but eventually it had.  The crew chief came over to stare at him.  "The owner's at his house in Boston," he said quietly.  "We've known about a few death threats and it looks like his helpers turned on him."

"We didn't see any bodies, human or pets."

"Thank God, and thank your people for him?"

The crew chief smiled and nodded.  "Any idea who set that?"

He texted Danny, who said Xander thought it was Rosenburg but Father Philip had her.  He looked at him.  "There's about five possibles, we think one's more probable but she's left the island.  I'll be calling someone out where she is to question her and make her miserable until we can arrest her.  You're sure it was set?"  The crew chief nodded.  "Then I'm really glad you guys were fighting the evil barbeque."

The crew chief smiled.  "I'm just glad we got it before his garage went up."  He gave him a pointed look.  "There's a bunker in there?"

"He dated an arms dealer but it's really mine now."  He smiled.  "Just in case something huge happens."  The fire chief laughed and nodded, going back to tell his guys they could go when they were done.   Steve called Xander's phone.  Out of service message again.  He called the number that had called his partner.  "This is Detective McGarrett.  If you're near that psychotic redhead, she's under arrest for arson."  He listened to her screaming.  "That'll work.  Which precinct is near there?  I'll have her picked up when the priest and Xander are done playing with her."

He made a mental note.  "Thank you.  No, we're working on it now because two of his former dates pretended to be Robbery detectives to help.  And they were helping actually.  So we took it over as a favor to make them go away.  Thank you, Mr. Winchester."  He hung up and called the office.  "Get the 23rd precinct in Boston to Father Philip's church, wherever that is, to arrest the psychotic redhead.  They're torturing her and that's our fun."  He hung up.  He looked over at Mack Wolfe when he pulled up.  "Thankfully they were up the street."

"Thank God," he muttered.  "Much damage?"

"Some.  They got it pretty quickly but she set it."



"I'm going to kill her."

"There's a priest doing an exorcism right now.  We might have to get behind the kid."

"Possibly."  He leaned against his car.  "I have his power of attorney.  The judge said so until he could appoint someone decent."

"I'm asking some I know.  Most of them do criminal law, not inheritance and trust law."

"I don't think he much cares," Mack admitted.  "His last email said we could hire him someone from a good company for a housekeeper so he didn't get attached but he'd still need a helper sort.  He also sounded depressed."

"That's why I sent him to the priest in Boston."  He spotted someone watching and nodded at them.  They nodded back.  He strolled over there.  "You're not dangerous enough to be the kid's type so who're you?"

"I'm SGC," he admitted quietly, glancing around then at the detective.  "The ones who got you to the battle."

"Wonderful.  Problems?"

"I saw the fire and wanted to check on Harris for the general."

"He's in Boston."

"Good!"  He looked around again then at him.  "Is there anything we can help with?"

"No, we're going to get Rosenburg from Boston as well."  The soldier smiled. "Tell him I said thank you for worrying about the kid.  He needs a new conservator, housekeeper, and helper."

"I'll do that.  See if the general knows anyone."  He shook his hand and left, walking off talking to the general.  "Sir, Doctor Peter Grodin, one of the city's science corps."  He listened.  "Hawaii.  I did but the fire department were thankfully very quick to put out his house.  The detective who we pulled for the battle said that he needs a new conservator, housekeeper, and helper sort.  Please if you hear of one.  He said he's in Boston."  He smiled.  "It's good to have friends you can trust.  He needs someone like Sheppard, who can make sure he's good all the time.  Thank you, sir."  He hung up and went back on vacation.  No wonder the general had worried about the guy.


Xander looked up from his sulking in the park with the puppies when someone sat next to him.  He sniffed and looked at their position.  "Hi, Mack."

"Xander."  He patted the puppy that barked at him.  Then the rest when they got greedy.  "Hi, dogs."  They settled down well for them.  "Their training's coming along really well."  Xander nodded.  "We have your money back."

"All of it?"

"Yup.  The stuff from the Council is coming over tomorrow.  Between McGarrett and that general you've got a new conservator.  He's former JAG.  He retired to Hawaii and does minimal contract work to keep his hand in and for kicks.  He has his own trust fund set up so he can handle yours the same."  Xander nodded at that.  "He's scared to death that O'Neill will kill him if he screws up."  Xander grinned a bit.  "He's hired a housekeeper from a good company once you have a house."

"Can it be fixed?"

"The insurance company said no.   If you sell it and they don't realize, they could be attacked."

"She did give them my old address in San Diego.  It got seven people killed."

"The insurance company is worried about that and the land's worth more than the house really."  Xander nodded once.  "You have two good choices.  Both single level.  One's really expensive but in a gated community.  One's not but it's got great views for you to hear."

"Would I sound woosy if I said the gated community sounds safer?"

"Not in the least.  I'll warn you it's heart attack inducing expensive."

"Hawaii real estate is all outrageous because it's an island.  Single level houses especially."

"That one's twenty-three mil."

Xander blinked a few times.  "Thank you for warning me."

Mack patted him on the arm.  "The other's just under ten mil."  Xander winced.  "That one's built like an island house with the large windows up at the roofline to let in winds.  It's got a drop off onto the ocean.  You're right on it.  The other's more Asian inspired and it's got some neat features.  Including a walking path on a shallow water pool with stepping stones."

"The dogs will always be wet."

"The less expensive has less grass by about an acre."

"Fussy things?"

"In-ground pools in both.  One has a spa.  That one's a bit of a split level so a few stairs.  The other's a single story.  The more expensive one has a detached cottage for someone staying with you."  Xander nodded.  "So whichever you want I can do.  Though I did tell them that you're blind.  The realtor thought a great view like they had might be wasted but I said you liked to listen to the ocean."

"I do like the ocean."  He considered it.  "I don't want to flaunt things or if they steal again I don't want to get in trouble with taxes and things, Mack."

"I know, kid, and you won't be.  If they try it again, that retired JAG guy will rip out their throats.  I told him all about all that stuff."  Xander grinned and wiggled some.  "Let me know which one you like more.  I can get everything signed today."

"Will I like one more?"

"I like the really expensive one.  It's got nice architectural details and the stepping stone wading pool is pretty.  It's got some nice landscaping and you've got nearly two acres."  Xander nodded.  "It's also safer.  This is one place where throwing money at a problem is a good thing."

"Is the other more a housey sort of house?"

"No.  Both rich people houses.  The only house sort of houses I saw were two or more stories."

"Which means more falling risk for me."  Mack nodded.  "Then I guess I like the sound of the expensive one," he decided.

"It's a great choice.  I'll send her the paperwork in a few minutes."  He stood up.  "Lunch?"

"The pet friendly places hate the puppies.  They think they're not normal."

"Two aren't usual dog colors but none have their daddy's ruff or anything.  One's got a slightly barbed tail too."  He hauled him up.  "We can order and take it to Father Philip."

"He might like that."  They walked off, the dogs surrounding them like they should.  "I've been thinking about what I should be doing again."

"Father Philip thinks you need a job?"

"Or at least a volunteering spot."

"I'm thinking the general has something up his sleeve about training the soldiers to hunt."  Xander grimaced.  "You can help a lot with that.  You know a lot that you don't realize."

"Giles would have a 'dear lord' glasses cleaning fit."

"I don't care, Xander.  He's an asshole."

"Point," he agreed.  "Buffy and Faith are local."

"I liked Faith when she showed up to check on you last month."  He led him to his rental car and got them all inside.  The puppies laid down in the backseat.   He got in to drive while Xander fumbled with the seat belt.  Mack helped then drove them off.  "What is Father Philip doing?"

"Coaching a little kids' soccer league team."

"Then maybe we'll bring water and juice," he decided.  "It'd bankrupt you to feed a hoard of hungry kids."  Xander grinned.  Melusia appeared.  "Sit," Mack ordered.  "Before you make us wreck, dog."  It cuddled in Xander's lap.  It was strange looking but it worked and the kid was liking the cuddling.  Mack stopped to pick up some cold water and juice jugs then went to the church he had printed directions to.  The priest was in the attached school's playground with a bunch of kids jumping around him while he taught them new words in Latin.

He and Xander got out, walking over with all the dogs.  Xander threw one out and one girl squealed and bounced.  "I know that one!  It means fun!"  The kids cheered.

"Good job," Xander agreed.  He and Mack handed Philip the jugs, letting him pour them out for the kids.  A few of the puppies went to sniff.  "They're future seeing eye dogs so please be gentle with them."  The kids cooed over the dogs, though a few sneezed.  Philip got them away from the puppies.  The rest were more than happy to have visitors.  Then they ran off.  "I thought you were coaching soccer."

"In an hour.  I'm filling in for the after-school center."  He smiled at Mack, shaking his hand.  "Thank you."

"Being that young is hard work, Philip."  He smiled at the nun that came out looking pissed off.  "Melusia, quit stalking the kid."  He came racing back and sat down properly beside Xander.  "Good boy."  He counted noses.  "Xander, we're missing one."

"She's digging in the sand box," one little boy called.

Philip went to check.  He knew that Xander had taught the dogs to track certain scents.  He also knew that they were half hellhound.  He spotted the blood and petted the dog.  "Good boy.  Go back to daddy."  The puppy barked and got petted then ran back when Xander whistled.  Philip covered it up with his coat.  "Let's leave the sand alone for now.  He found a nasty spot we'll have to dig out."  The kids accepted it and went to play some more.  Philip walked back.  "Fresh blood," he told the nun.

"I'll see if the surveillance cameras can tell us why, Father Philip.  Your friends?"

"This is Mack Wolfe, he was a homicide detective in Hawaii, and this is Xander Harris.  We've been friends now for over a decade."

"I bring big things to Philip like wanting to stop me from killing someone who stole from me," Xander said.

"That's always a wise thing.  Thank you for the drinks, gentlemen."  She walked back inside to rerun the tape.  She did check those two, realizing the one in sunglasses had been using a white cane.  She hadn't thought him blind, just sun phobic.  Interesting and reasonable.  Father Philip had a good, soft heart for those who needed help.  She found the reason for the blood and had the groundskeeper go dig that up.  The poor girl had her first cycle and had been crying in the sand box apparently.


Xander was let into a private dining room and paused, sniffing around.  "What's that?" he asked.

"Grilling meat the old fashioned way," Wolfe said.  "Over hickory wood.  You can't do that with your grill so you don't recognize it."  He led him to a table, smiling at the man there.  "General."

"Wolfe. Harris."  He waited until they sat down.  "Boys, this is David Sheppard.  He's John's little brother."

"Hi," Xander said, holding out a hand.

"Good evening."  He shook both their hands.  "The general wanted me to help your conservator and to give you my own helper as yours, Mr. Harris."

"I don't want to inconvenience anyone."

"You're not.  He needs to go somewhere warmer.  He's got a light case of COPD, emphysema.  His doctors said that Hawaii would be wonderful for him.  He's used to being my personal assistant."   Xander grinned and wiggled a bit.  "He is also bodyguard trained.  He's been through all the civilian training the FBI and Langley gives for higher end bodyguards."  Xander nodded at that.  "He cannot use a sword but he's more than willing to learn if you want to spar with him."

"I should.  I'm seriously out of practice."

David grinned.  "That happens at times."  He looked at Wolfe.  "How's his house look?"

"A new one thanks to Rosenburg.  Gated community.  All one level.  Just under two acres.  A bit Asian inspired.  The dogs are going to go nuts over the shallow pool with big stepping squares in it."

The general smiled.  "That's probably a good thing.  Is his old one all right?"

"As far as I've heard, yes," Mack said.  "Rosenburg got extradited back to Hawaii to face arson charges.  The US Marshals went out to gather her for the ones you had her arrested on."

"What did she do beyond to me?" Xander asked.

"A lot, kid.  She was hacking for Wolfram and Hart for years."  Xander grimaced.  "She's broken into so many classified files I can't even count that high."


"Yup, so we had to.  We did manage to get all yours back.  The conservator you have now is really good.  He set it up in an iron clad trust.  It's got magical curses applied if you steal it.  Winchester's buying of those bottles went to the same place."  Xander nodded at that.  "It's pretty much idiot proof and so simple even a chimp can use it unless he tries to steal from you."  Xander grinned at him.  "The new assistant can pay bills and stuff.  Your new housekeeper can be taught how you like things so you can find them."

"The kitchen's huge," Mack told him.  "The whole house is over ten thousand square feet."  Xander moaned.  "There's a few types of flooring but no carpet.  The land's on a gentle slope but it has views of Diamond Head and you can sit by the pool and see the ocean like you're right on it."  Xander grinned.  "The hot tub is at the end of the pool.  So it'll be okay, even if the dogs are always in the pool or the little shallow water that you walk across."

"I'll be in the pool a lot too.  I like to swim, even after the mermaid stuff."

"Our docs, not Colonel Carter but the actual physician doctors, wanted to know if they could study that," O'Neill said.

Xander considered it then looked at Mack, who shook his head quickly.  "We wouldn't care about that but there's other things," Mack said.  "If it leaks it'll become a security nightmare, General."

"Chin joked about using mine to draw someone," Xander quipped.  "Kono was supposedly really mean when she beat her cousin for that."

"Are we thinking there's people who will *want* it?" the general asked.  Mack and Xander both nodded.  The general winced and Mack nodded harder.  "Okay."

"When he was in Miami we had a new test run because the lawyers used a biological attack a few times," Mack said.  "I'm told the head of the crime lab down there emailed McGarrett the results and then stared at them in horrified awe."  Xander nodded quickly, finding his ice water to take a sip.

David cleared his throat.  "How did they keep getting away with that?"

"They were government contractors," General O'Neill said dryly.  "We found out later that their bio warfare lab in the building in LA was shut down a few months before we had to blow it up."

"Fred shut it down.  They gave it to Angel for a bit."  Xander grinned.  "It was another plan and a 'here, we created a mess we can't handle' thing."

"Charming," O'Neill said sarcastically.  Xander smirked at him.  "You guys lived an insane life.  Now we're here to help calm that down some."

"I can only hope so," Xander said.  The waiter came in and Xander ordered something soup-ish.

Mack looked at him.  "You almost always order soup at the fancy places."

"I know I can eat soup and not get it all over me and the table or anything else.  I figure it's more polite."

"We'll go over that," Mack assured him.

"I can do it at home but I still drop things and have to clean pasta off my shirt all the time."

"So do I," the general told him.

"I can't eat shirtless here so I can't tell when I drop stuff."  He smiled.  "If you can help it, never get blinded.  It's a huge set of skills you have to relearn."

"I've had to wear bandages in the past for a few weeks on end," Jack said.  "I remember real well how hard it was, kid."  Xander relaxed again.  "Order a steak."

"I can't find the pieces to cut it and I hate having my meat cut for me like I'm a little kid.  If I was at home I would but I'm trying to use the company manners I only learned ten years ago."

"I get that," David assured him, smiling at the young man.  "Their bisque is excellent and so good you'll want seconds anyway.  I usually do."  Xander grinned at him.  "How's finding him a new housekeeper coming?"

"We're going through a bonded, local company," Mack said.  "They know he's going to be particular but not too picky about how they clean.  They know he has the puppies he's working with.  When do they get tested anyway, Xander?"

"Next month.  Aria's doing it."

"Then maybe you'll get one so Melusia can go to whoever he's training for?"  Xander nodded.  "That's what I thought you said was going on."

"I've heard one of the top princes, one of the biggest of the high, had a son that was born blind.  I'm assuming he'll go to him."

"Probably, yeah."  He patted him on the arm.  "They'll love those puppies to death."

"They will.  I did when I got mine."  Jack smiled at him.  Xander grinned.  "It meant I got out of the house more often."

"I'm sure it does," Jack agreed.  "It also kept you safer."

Their dinners were brought in with a note from someone for Mack, who took out his phone to text them.  That got one back.  "Xander, everything's all set up with the bank.  The new twelve billion is there."  Xander nodded.  "Your new bank cards and things are coming.  The bank is still very understanding."

"They've known about the threats and the hackers before.  There's a huge set of notes about things in there."

"I remember handing them some of the information," Mack said.  He sent back one more and put his phone up.  "Okay, we're set to go back in a week and a half."  Xander nodded, sniffing his food.  He moved the bowl so it was easier for him and sniffed again.  He took a bite and grimaced.

"May I?" David asked.  "I know how it's supposed to taste."


David took a bite and spit it back out.  "It tastes suspiciously bitter, General."

Jack took a bite then nodded.  "That's a poison."  David took a drink of water and rinsed his mouth out to spit it in another glass.  Xander did the same.  The waiter got called back with the manager.  Jack told the manager to take a bite and he went pale, shaking his head.  Mack had already sent a message to someone so cops were on the way.  They got there when they were arguing.  Xander went to the ER to have his stomach pumped just in case.  David went to be watched over and Jack got to watch over both of them while Mack helped the local PD to see which threat it was.

The demon that wanted Philip was not pleased to meet John Winchester but he did squeal very much like a fangirl when the holy water hit him.


Xander made it back home, still looking a bit ill, and came off the plane into way too much quiet.  He blinked, turning his head around.  Even in the walkway tunnel from the plane to the gate there was usually more noise.  He paused, waiting on Mack to join him.  Mack was frowning.  "Way too quiet," he said quietly.

"It is."  They walked out together, finding no people in the gate area.  "Was the airport shut down?"

"Yes, sir.  They've just cleared the suspicious person who was having a seizure.  Someone panicked and thought it was some sort of biological assault."

"They can feel like that when you're having one," Xander admitted.  "Are we clear to leave?"

"Yes, sir.  They've cleared everything and there's a shuttle service I can get for you if you need me to."

"I'm with him," Mack said with a smile.  "Thank you though."  She nodded, letting them walk off.  "Next time you get to fly with the dog again."

"That usually takes some pre-planning and some warning ahead," Xander said dryly.  "Most airlines don't really respect those that have problems moving around easily.  I heard one deaf person nearly had to sue about not being able to check in because they had warned ahead but no one could sign.  I usually get harassed by security too.  'Take off the harness and your glasses. You can't have your cane, sir'," he mimicked.

"That's dumb.  Do they have someone to lead you through it?"

"This last time I got patted down because I pointed out I can't not have my cane.  I couldn't see.  They thought I was being a pain in the ass until I threatened to buy the damn airport and fire them all.  By then, an agent who was flying back from vacation stepped in and chewed on them for me and the guy who needed his cane for walking that they were harassing about it."

Mack shook his head.  "They need to train those guys better."

"Half of them are like McDonald's workers, Mack.  They make minimum wage.  You only have to have a high school degree.  If they were serious, they'd be *agents*."

"Good point."  He led them to baggage claim and got Xander's three bags.  Philip had gotten him a few new things so there was a third bag now.  The security guy at the gateway out of baggage claim checked the tags against their tickets and let them leave.  Mack sighed when they got outside.  "We're going to meet the new lawyer first."

Xander yawned and waved a hand.  "Okay.  Can I nap on the way there?"

"For about forty minutes."  Xander pouted.  "I have to pick up your keys too.  Danny Williams has them."  Xander nodded.  They got a cab to go to the lawyer's house.  Xander did indeed nap against his arm.  It was almost sweet and Xander was very cuddly.  He really did have to find him someone nice to date.  Mack paid and got them out, helping Xander out first.  Xander yawned and stretched a little bit.  Mack got their bags and they walked up to the porch.  Xander made it up the stairs with a small tumble.  "He napped on the plane," he told the man waiting on them.

"I'd nap too.  It's a really long flight from the east coast.  I flew in from DC."  He held out a hand.  "I'm Robert, Mr. Harris."

"Xander, please, unless you're a dickhead like my last one."  He held out his hand and the lawyer shook it.  He grinned.  "Mack seems to think you're a good guy."

"I try very hard to be."  He let them into the house.  He knew the boy was going to be cautious.  He would be too after the wreck that had recently happened.  He got them into the living room and went over what Xander had, where he had it, and how things were going to work.  During that, Xander's new assistant Paul showed up.  He and Xander got along cautiously well and it was going to be all right.  They gathered things and called a cab, going to get the keys.  The guys weren't there but they were told to wait in the office since everyone knew Wolfe.

Steve McGarrett stomped into the office and paused.  "You're back."

"I am back."  Xander yawned.  "I nearly used your couch for a nap."

"I've done it a few times when I've been here all night."  He stared at him.  "The puppies?"

"Aria has them to test them for seeing eye dogs."

"Wonderful."  He smiled at Mack.  "Only two of his dates are on the islands."

Wolfe grinned back.  "Six were in Boston and offered to help with the higher, possessing sort of demon that wanted to make Philip sad by poisoning Xander.  John Winchester learned to brush them off pretty fast."

Steve smirked.  "Figures."  Xander grinned.  "You better now?"

"Still a bit pukey but otherwise I only had a bite of the heavy poison.  I'm immune to most of them.  They clearly knew that."

"John handled it."

"I know.  His sort of hunter does."

"Do we have those sort in town?" McGarrett asked.

"Remember Perry?"

"Sort of.  You only saw him a few times since we've known you."

"He was one."

"Huh.  Okay."  He went into his office.  Danny came huffing and stomping in complaining.

"Want your desk chair back so you can sulk?" Xander asked.

Danny gave him a hug.  "Not yet."  He got the keys out, handing them to him.  "There's two keys.  One's to the garage, which is massive, and one to the house."  Xander nodded, feeling both of them.  "I went out last night to check on it for you guys and it's a really sweet house.  I'm going to move into your pool area in a tent."

"Any of the puppies that stay might join you."  He grinned.  "Thanks."

"You're welcome.  Your two dates have been very good recently."

"Are they here to steal?"

"Yes.  Both of them."  He helped Xander up.  "Wolfe, can you get them out there?"

"Yeah, I walked through the house."  He smiled.  "Thanks."

"Remember, my daughter wants one of the puppies that don't pass."

"I will," Xander promised.  He gave Kono a hug.  He had smelled her.  "Hi, Kono."

"Hi, Xander."  She patted him on the back, letting Chin have him for his own hug.  "You guys go home.  We have a new bad guy that Xander hasn't dated causing problems."

"If Wo Fat comes near you, tell us," Danny ordered, staring at Paul, who nodded quickly.  "Guy's climbing our shit list."

"He's nasty," Xander agreed.  "He doesn't smell nice either."  He shrugged.  "I only date those that smell pretty."  He grinned at Kono, who swatted him on the arm.  "Okay, let me go collapse in bed."   That got a few smiles and they walked out together.  Xander nearly fell asleep on Paul on the way there but it was only twenty minutes.  Paul gave him a gentle nudge when they got to the gates.

Mack smiled at the guard.  "Guys, I'm Mack Wolfe.  This is Xander Harris, your new resident.  That is his assistant Paul."

"Sir," he said, nodding at them.  "We've been told about Mr. Harris and the problems he had before.  It will not happen here."  Xander grinned.  "Your house's alarm system is reading as on and the house reads as safe.  Have a good night and I'll bring my usual gate team over tomorrow to meet him so he knows who to run to if he has problems from anyone."

"Thank you," Xander said quietly.

"You're welcome, sir."  He opened the gate and let them in.  He made a note that the guy was pretty young.  Only looked like he was in his late twenties.  They knew he had a seeing eye dog and puppies but they weren't there yet.  They'd expect them soon.

Mack got their things out of the cab and paid for it out of Xander's wallet, like usual, then got them inside.  "Paul, are you taking that detached cottage?"

"I am.  That'll give Xander privacy."

"Bed?" Xander asked in a little boy's voice.  "Right now I don't care if he cuddles.  I like cuddles."

"Bed is this way," Mack said, walking Xander to his bedroom.  Xander hummed and hit the bed with a smile.  He was asleep within seconds.  "I'll help him around later.  Go settle in, Paul.  It'll be a few hours probably."  He nodded and left.  Mack went to rearrange the kitchen.  The new housekeeper was there waiting.  "He's in bed."

"Jet lag I understand very well," she said.  She was Filipino and a bit round, but she seemed happy to Mack.  "How was his former kitchen set up?"

"Glasses next to the fridge, plates next to the stove on the right," he said, showing with his hands how it was set up.  "Forks in the drawer next to the sink."

She looked around.  "We can't really do that here but how about this."  She pointed.  "Glasses here?"

"Most of his are plastic and kind of ugly," Mack said.  "That's a clear glass front.  The one next to it?"  She nodded and they set them in there.  Plates went into a large drawer next to the stove that usually held pots and pans.  They went wherever she wanted.  Forks went into the next drawer over.  That worked and the fridge door opened toward the glasses so he'd get used to that.  "He can help do some cooking.  He used to."

"That's fine."  She smiled.  "I know he's got some independence.  The dogs?"

"They should be back this weekend.  Aria's giving them all a long test as seeing eye dogs."

"That's fine."  She smiled.  "I hope they make it.  I know there's a shortage of them."  Mack nodded.  "They're house trained?"

"Yes.  They're also trained to go out and run back inside immediately."

"Even better.  Less mess for me to clean up.  The floors should be easy to keep clean.  I'll warn him when I mop after the wet pawprints."  Mack grinned.  "Anything he adores eating?  He looked a bit thin."

"A demon in Boston tried to poison him.  He's spent the last week being pukey as he put it."

"So no milk things tonight.  Mac n' cheese?"

"He adores the baked stuff with the crunchy bits.  He's also a big fan of baked fries.  I taught him about fish because he'd never had more than fish sticks before coming to Hawaii.  He grew up pretty lower class so he's used to nearly anything.  We've all extended his food pleasures.  He'll usually try anything new as long as it doesn't smell too sour or foul to him."

"I can do that.  I started a stew in the crock pot and I can make some fries."  She smiled.  "Go rest.  You just flew back too."  He went to nap on a couch.  She got things ready for fries and put them aside until the boy woke up.  He'd probably have the twenty minutes for them to cook before he wanted to eat.


Paul smiled when the less tired but rumpled looking young man made his way out of the bedrooms.  "We would've come gotten you."

"I need to learn the house anyway."  He looked around.  "I can smell someone else."

"This is your housekeeper, Xander.  Her name is Myeong Li.  Myeong, this is Xander."

"Pleasure, sir."

"Xander.  I'm not formal."  He shook her hand.  "I smell food.  It's what woke me."  He gave her an impish grin.  "Are you a really good cook?"

"I'm a very good homey cook; I can't cook the fancy, four star meals."

"I only order soup and things at fancy places.  That way I don't make a mess."  His cane helped him find a stool and he sat down at the bar.  "How's the kitchen arranging going?"

"I'll go over it with you after you eat."  She pulled the fries out of the oven and salted them then dished up some and some of the stew.  She put it in front of him.  She got him a spoon.  "Water, juice?"

"Apple juice please?"  She handed him a glass of it.  He sniffed and grinned.  She smiled back but he moaned when he ate.  "Thank you."

"You clearly needed to eat and that's good, hearty food for all the stuff you've got to learn over the next few days."  She patted him on the hand.  "This kitchen is bigger than your last one."

"I can tell.  It nearly echoes in here."  He ate a fry.  "Stove?" he asked with a point toward the warm spot he could feel.

"Wall ovens.  Cooktop's over here," she said, pointing his hand in that direction.  "Eat.  We'll walk you around later."  He nodded, eating another bite.  Paul got his own and sat down to eat too.  "There's a few places with tile that will be slick if I'm mopping so I'll warn you first."

"That'll be appreciated.  I still trip sometimes."

"Xander, I trip and I can see things like rugs," Paul said.  "We'd expect some awkwardness now and then.  Don't apologize for having been in a fight and being blinded."  Xander relaxed.  "Wolfe went to a couch."

"He could use a spare bed," Xander said.

"He was watching tv."

"Oh.  My laptop?"

"In the living room," Myeong told him.  "Eat.  Learn it later."  He nodded and ate.  He was hungry.  She heard Wolfe yelp and went to check on him.  He had been pounced by a dog.  "Is that one a dog he has?"

"Sometimes.  This is Melusia," Mack said, petting him.  "He's been learning how to be a guide dog next to Xander and is the father of the puppies.  He's a hellhound but he's very friendly."

"Did he lick you again?" Xander called.

"Yes.  Pounced too."  He sat up, letting the dog shift and lap him again.  "Calm down.  Xander's up."  Melusia raced to find the human.  Mack followed her back to the kitchen.  "I think he's happy."

"He said he got accepted as that Prince's seeing-eye dog.  I'm very proud I could help you, Melusia.  You're going to be a great seeing-eye dog for him."  He petted him. "Good boy.  Go to your new master."  He smiled.  "Come visit me and the puppies now and then."  Melusia lapped him then disappeared.  He sighed but settled in to eat again.  "He'll come visit."

"I think it's great he learned so much from you," Mack said, patting him on the back.  Xander grinned.  "The puppies are in good range for their final training too."

"They are."  He finished up.  "Can I have some more please, Myeong?"

"Of course.  You could use about five extra pounds to make you cuddly."

"I could use cuddles.  I haven't had cuddles in a while.  I take fix-ups too."

"I doubt she knows anyone dangerous enough for you, Xander."  Mack shook his head.  "Only the dangerous ones like him."

"Aww.  My nephew, Seung, might like him.  He's a soldier."  She got Paul seconds and Mack his own dinner.  "Sit and eat.  That way you can wander around later."  They smiled and did that.  She helped with the tour, finding where Xander needed things and a few places he vowed to get rugs because the floor was chilly.  He called Aria about the puppies.  She brought over the four that hadn't made it.  Xander hugged one.  It was his favorite. 

Aria agreed he could train him into a good seeing-eye dog but no one would take him since he looked a bit too much like his hellhound daddy.  Two of the others had that same problem and the last one was way too bouncy.  Mack called someone about the bouncy one and he got an interview for police training.  Xander hugged him too.  Aria giggled but she was happy for them.  She left and took the other dogs to the training center.

Mack called Danny to tell him to bring his daughter out if she wanted a dog.  He loved the mutts but he'd end up breaking their training.  So he'd let her have the spare one and get one from the pound.  The other one could easily go to police training.  He was a great tracker and would scare the crap out of anyone he was chasing.


Steve McGarrett looked at his partner's daughter the next morning.  She had chocolate around her mouth from chocolate milk.  She had a very protective dog he recognized next to her, and she had a black eye.  Which was probably why she was with her father this morning.  "Who hit you?"

She pouted.  "Stupid person up the street who hates my dog.  Daddy beat him up."

"Good!  I should help him."  He patted her and the dog on the head.  "You're a good dog.  What did you name him?"

"Xander said he's been calling him Hungry," Danny said from the doorway.  "There was a minister that lives on her street.  He took offense at the half-hellhound."

"You beat him enough to make him refind God?"

"Yup."  He smirked.  "But I have to take today off."

"That's fine.  She's more important."  She grinned.  "We're hopefully going to have a quiet day today."

"Thanks."  He stared at the moping dog.  "What?  You miss the others that much?"  He nuzzled her and she giggled, petting him.  "She can play out back."  She and the dog ran out back to play.  He grinned at his partner.  "She's going to spoil the dog rotten."

"Yup."  He smirked.  "The rest got accepted into service?"

"Wolfe called someone about the bouncy one.  He'll make an excellent patrol dog with how much energy he has."  They shared a smirk.  "So Xander has a dog left."

"Wonderful.  Let me go do paperwork.  Call me next time and I'll come help beat him for hitting her."

"My ex pulled me off him."

Steve smirked.  "Gotta protect the innocent and family.  That's why we do this job."  He got into his car and drove off to go do paperwork.  He hated paperwork but the quiet days made up for all the exciting ones.  He walked in.  "Dano's daughter got the black one with the barbed tail."  They smiled.  "And a black eye from a minister but he handled it."

"Good," Kono said.  "Pity he didn't call for backup."

"That's what I said."

"Now, all we need is to find Xander someone to settle down," Chin quipped with an evil smirk.

"We have a whole list of people he's not allowed to date," Steve said sarcastically.  "We can give it to him later."  The guys smirked back at him.  "Let's do the paperwork so we can go home early."

"I've got most of mine done," Chin bragged.  "What are you doing when you're here all night?"  Steve glared but went into his office.  The rest of them smiled and got to work on the paperwork that annoyed them all.  They'd handle the hell that Xander dating would cause sometime after the hell that the paperwork caused.

The End!

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