Note: all hail Wiki and google for weapons.
Olivia scowled at the woman who was trying to flirt with her uncle
Xander. "We need a flying monkey like Wade," she told her Aunt
Tara looked at her. "Who had you watching the Wizard of Oz?" she asked.
"Who's Wade?" Martha asked.
Xander looked over. "During the convention I met one who has a guy named that as his assistant."
Olivia glared at the flirty woman. "We need flying monkey version of Wade."
Xander snickered. "No, we don't need the cannibal flying monkeys,
dear. It's all right." He picked her up to cuddle - a known
hoochey mama deterrent was fatherhood. "Can you get me my Peter's
phone?" She nodded and he put her down, letting her smooth out her
dress on her way to her uncle hiding in the corner. She kissed
him when he handed it over and brought it back. He got into the
demonology site he had shown Peter, finding the monkey. He showed
it to Tara. "That Wade there was dating Anya, who had just picked
up her first pet."
She read it and nodded. "That sounds like Anya, yes."
"I wrote that in a letter to her. She said it wasn't fair making
her giggle so hard she had to do penance." He smirked and put the
phone into his pocket, picking up Olivia again. She smoothed down
her dress. "You're being very good tonight."
"I like books," she reminded him, kissing him on the cheek. "Some
day I'll trap a pretty boy to wear a pretty dress who will like books
just like I do."
"Yes you will, Olivia." The hoochey mama snickered but walked off.
"Still need the flying monkeys Dean says come out his butt when Sammy lies," she muttered, putting her head down.
"We can go in about an hour," he promised. Tara took her back to
hold. "Can you hold her?" Xander asked. Tara swatted him and
strolled off to the buffet line. Magically it was cleared of
people by the time she and her future spawn got there. "Huh, they
do know to be scared of the cranky, pregnant witch," he muttered to
Martha, who snickered and nodded. Xander smiled and shook hands
with his next fan. It was technically Peter's book coming out
party but Peter was being a former spy and hiding. When Xander
finished looking good to the higher ups he strolled over to sit next to
him. "It gets worse," he said quietly. "For the movie,
there's going to be tons of fans, reporters, and all sorts of cameras."
Peter looked at him. "I will use Olivia as cuteness shield."
Xander grinned. "It'll be after nine probably."
"Pity." He leaned on Xander to pull his phone out of his mate's
pocket so he could put it back. "Why did you need it?"
"I showed Tara and Martha about Wade the monkey 'Liv wanted to show up."
Peter got into his history to see that page, eyebrows going up. He looked at Xander. "That is very weird."
"During the last convention, one of the hormoned ones had talked about
his Wade and Anya, who had adopted one and named her after her
"Hmm. I know some people I would like to gift some to."
Xander whispered an address in his ear. Peter shivered. "Is
very wicked idea," he assured him. "Perhaps Mickey would like to
"Is he back from England?"
"Yesterday." He texted him that address and suggested he could
find some very rare pets that someone might like to eat them. Then
he put his phone up. His nephew would be amused at nibbling,
flying monkeys too he was sure. Xander got up and held out a hand,
letting Peter take it to be pulled up. They walked back into the
mass of people there for the book coming out party together.
Everyone knew they were together.
"Dirtbag!" Olivia shouted. "No spill things on me! You're making me less pretty!"
Xander cleared his throat. "We can send it to the cleaners
tomorrow, Oliva. No yelling." She pointed and stamped a
foot. He stared back. "I'm sure it was an accident."
"No, he said his wife wanted me to have to go home so she could tempt
you. Dean said people like that on tv were dirtbags."
Xander picked her up and kissed her then Peter. "You guys are the
only ones I'd ever go home with." She smiled and cuddled Peter and
him then got down to get her auntie to help her remove the stain.
She wasn't going to stay so unpretty. Xander shook his head,
walking in the other direction. Paula was looking horrified.
"She's very opinionated."
"Yes she is," she agreed, watching Xander get something to drink for him
and Peter. She rolled her eyes. "No babysitters?"
"Unless the Winchesters were going to take her to deal with a gang of poltergeists who were creating hell in Harlem, no."
Martha laughed and cuddled the baby when she came back in a new dress. "That's very pretty as well."
Olivia smiled shyly. "I picked it out but Auntie said it was too formal and froufy for tonight."
"It is a bit but you're young and being outrageous with fashion is for
the young." She walked off to talk to a few other actresses in the
room about the recent New York fashion shows. Olivia cooed over a
few of the designers. Clearly her teachings were being passed on
very well as well as Tara and Xander's.
Xander looked over at her cooing over Oscar de LaRenta. "Until she
starts writing best selling books, she's not that rich," he called,
cracking up a few people.
"When I have to have pretty dress because you and Unclie Peter need one,
can I have it then?" she called back with a happy smile.
"We'll see." He shook his head. Peter was snickering.
So was Rick in his corner talking to a reporter. "Martha, unless
you're buying it for her, encourage cheaper, more chic things please?"
"I will, Alexian."
"Thank you. It's bad enough someone taught her about the Kingdom of Tiffany's."
Olivia looked at him. "I'll never be that sort of princess,
Grandpa said so. So I can drool over them and go to better
places." She ducked her head again and told her aunt's friends
about the jewelry store she had been staring at during a recent shopping
trip. They all cooed over the jewels. So clearly they were
smart and liked pretty things too. She looked at Martha. "If
unclies ever give me baby brother or sister, we need to make sure the
mommy likes pretty things."
"I'm sure we will, dear. Don't you have enough siblings?"
Olivia shook her head. "Daddy said grandma wants lots more."
"Yes, well, I'm sure they'll work that out somehow." She put her down. "Stay with us."
"Pretty is always better than books," she shared. "Unless it's a
book about animals or pretties." The other actresses smiled at
her. Yup, they were brilliant and liked pretty things too.
Xander shook his head. "You can watch Indiana Jones tomorrow, dear," he said as they walked behind the group.
"Lara Croft? That way I learn rope stuffies?"
"Sure. Grandpa and I would love that, even if your daddy would be very confused." Olivia beamed back at them.
"We should start saving for motorcycle soon," Peter said.
"We should, but I have one in storage that I won back in LA." He
grinned. "By then it'll almost be a collector's edition."
Peter snickered and nodded.
One of the reporters stepped into their path. "Boys, Olivia was
hinting that she'd get to wear a pretty dress soon and so would you?"
"We're contemplating one," Xander admitted. "Sometime in the future."
"Hmm." She blatantly looked at their hands. "Are you going
to the mystical Kingdom of Tiffany's for his ring, Alexian? Or
"I have jewelers I favor," Peter told her. "Specially made ones."
"Aww." She looked at Xander.
"I have no idea," he admitted. "Thinking about rings, it'd have to
be specific to fit his hand, lifestyle, and nature." He grinned
at Peter and winked then smirked at her. "Someone suggested I give
him a special *ring* but it's not one that anyone would ever
see." Peter blushed and shook his head. "Yeah, that was your
"I will kill Cash later," he decided.
"Ah, her. Yes, definitely going to go. She is clearly
warped." He pulled out his phone to send Cash a text message about
her. That way he could swat her before Peter killed her.
It'd do her good and be a good training device for other young agents.
Xander grinned at the blushing reporter. "If we do, we might be taking a signing trip as a honeymoon."
"That would be romantic and still useful," she decided, walking off
tapping out a note for her next column. There were rumors of an
upcoming signing trip so perhaps they would be doing it before then.
Xander winked at Peter. "She sent me a really nice site too."
"I saw that site and blushed even more." He kissed Xander.
"Mind on the books and the sales. Not on what is to come later."
"Yes, dear." He smirked wickedly at someone coming up to them. "Why, Mister Cash. No fire escape to climb?"
"Funny, kid. Guarding you two. The purge of your ex's missed two."
"The one in protective custody and which one?" Xander guessed.
Peter looked at his husband. "How did you meet him? I barely know of him."
"I was in LA and out at a club. He kidnaped me to Singapore.
It was my second trip there. Thankfully the LAPD alerted someone
so the FBI made his plane land shortly after taking off so they could
Peter shook his head with a moan. "The other?" Cash handed
him a folder. He read it over. He nodded. "Why is he
in protective custody?"
"He turned evidence. He's already broken it twice to stalk Xander."
"I knew about once."
"They caught him at the airport," Lorne said. Olivia walked over
and scowled at him, hands on her hips, one foot tapping. "Good
"You're not a book person or a reporter. Why are you here? Do you like Uncle Peter's books?"
"I do like them a lot but I have to tell Xander that two of his former drool patrol are being bad guys."
She waved a hand with a snort. "They all do, that's why they drool."
"That's very true," Xander agreed, patting her on the head. "Go
back to Auntie Tara. If they show up here we'll deal with it."
"Good." She walked off again with a side-trip for a few new
veggies to nibble. The person behind the buffet table gave her one
of the plastic cups with veggies, earning a smile. "Thank
you. They're very good veggies." She walked off nibbling.
"I think it's wonderful that Olivia is such a good eater," Martha said, smiling at Tara.
"It makes up for when she wants milkshakes, twinkies, and last night's
hot wings from Dean. She made him get two extra orders so she
could steal them." The other women snickered.
Olivia looked at them. "Spicy stuff may make you burp and pee a
lot but it's good for your belly to have that in there. It makes
it quit grumbling and sounding like a belly dragon. Plus it's good
to eat other things. Otherwise you get bored with food."
"Very true," Martha agreed, patting her on the head.
"Freeze!" someone shouted as they walked in, firing into the ceiling.
Xander and Peter looked over. "I don't know him."
"Me either," Peter admitted.
"I've never seen him either," Lorne agreed.
"If you give me what I want, no one gets hurt."
Olivia looked at him. "Bad you," she called. "And stupid you
too." She concentrated and he turned into a squeaky gerbil.
"That's better. Maybe someone will pet you and train you into a
better drool patrol member." She nibbled on a grape tomato.
Tara looked down at her. "What did I say?"
"He was being bad! He had scary gun!"
"No! Change him back!" She pointed. "Now, Olivia Marie."
Olivia huffed and pouted but turned him back and walked off nibbling to
find someone else to talk to. Paula wouldn't scowl at her.
The money lady loved her. She climbed up to sit on the table next
to where she was talking to someone. "Uncle working on three
books, one for me," she said when Paula mentioned what Xander had coming
The reporter smiled. "I heard he wrote you books."
She nodded. "It explained things like adults playing dress up to
me." She smiled and held out her cup. "Cucumber?"
"Thank you, dear. Where are your parents?"
"Mommy's still lost. Daddy's with the priest tonight because he's
sad at the demon who tried to take him over. My siblings are with
the coven." She smiled. "I'm a big girl though and avoiding
the scowling for making the bad guy pout." She nibbled, looking at
Paula smiled and patted her on the head. "Usually you're a very
good girl, Olivia." Olivia beamed and nodded. "And quite
modest too." Xander came and rescued her. "Thank you,
"Welcome. We have to talk about letting me handle the bad guys."
"Is my job," Peter reminded him. "You protect the family, I protect you."
"Aww," Olivia cooed. "Kiss him, Uncle Peter."
Peter kissed her on the temple. "Behave."
"Yes, Uncle Peter." She nibbled her veggies. Her uncle got
her more. That was very nice of him. "If you have babies,
they need to understand about pretty things and be smart so the babies
will be like me."
Xander looked at her. "That's a discussion for a few years from now, 'Liv. We're not ready for babies yet."
She pouted. "I need more baby brothers and sisters for Grandma. She'd like that. So would Grandpa."
"I know he would. Grandma would have to get some from your daddy for them to count."
"Shoot." The bad guy came running back in and Peter knocked him
out. "Oooh. Nice, Uncle Peter." She beamed at
him. "Very nice. Teach me that?"
"When you're a teenager."
She beamed and nodded. "I learn while you help me build my own scary research cabinet."
"Yes you can," Xander agreed. A reporter near them looked
over. "She's convinced that if you date you need a scary research
cabinet of weapons to scare off any evil drooling ones."
"I needed that when I was younger. It would've kept me from my
first marriage." She patted Olivia on the arm. "She looks
"No one at home," Xander quipped. "Unless we get to leave soon?"
"No, that's not a good thing," she chided with a smile.
"Olivia, come help me plan what I'm getting people for Christmas," Rick
called. She wiggled down and ran over with a squeal. She
loved presents. Even if they weren't for her.
"Thanks," Xander called with a grin.
"I have no idea what to give Ryan and Esposito."
"Something for their new house and something to make the other one laugh?"
"That might work."
Olivia took his smartphone to look up something she had seen on it
earlier. Rick stared at her. "Find pretty thing from
afternoon picture." Rick went back into his history. She
picked it out and held it up. "For Auntie Kate. She needs
something pretty to remind her life is still pretty after being hurt so
much. Plus she can wear it somewhere nice."
"She'd never let me give her jewelry, Olivia."
She snorted. "So be sneaky. Give her something with that
inside." She kissed him on the cheek. "Think like Uncle
"I can do that." She smiled and went over what to make the others
happy, including some big boy toys for Esposito since he was pouty
recently. The reporter was giggling. Rick looked at her.
"One of the detectives I work with is getting married soon and she snuck
out a few of her uncle's toys to help him calm down. She gave his
fiancee a few of her dolls too."
The reporter walked off cackling. She had taken some film of Olivia tonight for her twitter feed.
Someone new walked in. "Uncle Rick, is she like girls that work?" she asked.
Rick covered her mouth. "Tact, Olivia. Your aunt would have to blush at that."
Olivia pulled his hand off. "I can see her butt and panties. That's not pretty."
"Yes but she'll learn better in a few months when the winter freezes it
off." He kissed her on the head, turning her around. "Think
we should get Javier a lot of blocks?"
"No." She shook her head. "Robots."
"Yeah, like little ones that can be useful for work or play. So he can play jokes or use them to catch bad guys."
"That's not a bad idea," he admitted. "He might like that."
She nodded. "He could use them to prank mean lady too."
"Yes he could." He grinned at her. The girl who did indeed
look like a low class rent girl was strolling over to Xander. But
Peter was kissing his ear while telling him something. Xander was
actually blushing so it was clearly something naughty. The girl
wasn't going to take a hint but then Xander kissed him and
grinned. The tasteless young woman huffed and glared.
Xander looked at her. "Yes? Did you want me to sign something, miss?"
"You're really gay?"
"I'm really bi but Peter's my choice," he said. "I have dated
women but they were usually really dangerous and deadly. Peter's
much better for me and sane, yet still dangerous enough." He
smirked at him.
The woman glared at Peter. "You're so wrong! He should be with a woman!"
"Why?" Peter asked. "He cannot have children thanks to
Sunnydale. He likes me more than them. I do encourage him
and help him, plus spoil him rotten."
"He does," Xander agreed with a smile. "Even if we ever had
something tragic happen and we broke up, I still probably wouldn't want a
woman younger than me anyway. Or one that only had one thing on
her mind. I need people who can help me and understand my
muses. Plus all my nieces and nephew."
She took a swing at him. "You're wrong and have to be fixed. We can fix you."
Xander blocked her hit. "Honey, even hanging out of that outfit
doesn't turn me on," he said dryly. "I've dated prettier
assassins. Hell, I've dated prettier male assassins." She
tried to kick him but he picked her up and carried her out to the
hallway, dropping her out there. Then he walked back inside.
"She's sorry her hatred of me being with Peter got so tasteless," he
announced. The reporters were making notes on that. She
stormed back in with a knife. Lorne got her down and cuffed.
Xander looked at Peter, who rolled his eyes. Xander grinned and
pulled out something. "I was going to wait until All Saints or
Peter stared. "For what?" He stared at the small box. "You did what?"
"I.... Well, I had Rick take me shopping." Peter gave him an
odd look. He opened it. "It's a promise ring."
Peter moaned. It was a perfect, flat blue diamond on a silver
band. It would not bother him if he had to use a weapon or when he
was working out. "Are you certain this is a good place? Is
Xander leaned over. "I have your real ring at home," he whispered
in his ear. "This is a visible one for the nosy folk." He
moved closer. "If you want what we were talking about."
"I do," he admitted quietly, smiling at him. "Is much more
private." He looked at the ring. "Is very beautiful."
"So are you. It matches your beauty and reminded me of snow.
Which makes me think about cuddling for warmth and the color of your
Peter blushed and coughed, nodding. "That is very like snow in the
morning." Xander slid it onto his finger. It fit
perfectly. "Did you size my old ring?"
"No, I used a string." He grinned.
Peter smiled back and took a kiss. "We will do the other later." He got a purr back.
Olivia ran over to look at it. "Very pretty. Fits
well. Nice job, Unclie Xander." She smiled. "When do I
get to wear pretty dress?"
She squealed and ran back to Rick. "We have to shop!"
"Later this winter," he told her. "That way you won't grow out of
it." She nodded and settled in to babble about the pretty type of
dress she wanted.
Peter smirked. "That is very nice way of introducing things," he whispered.
"Well, yeah." He winked. "Was about time too. I was going to get jealous of the hussies that wanted you."
"I feel much the same." He took a deeper kiss, getting a moan back. "Next year?"
"In the summer? In the woods? At the cabin maybe?"
"Might be nice, yes," he decided. Xander beamed back.
"We want pictures of it," one of the reporters said. Peter let her
see it. She took a picture. "That's a beautiful one,
Xander. Not platinum?"
"Silver is protective. The diamond reminds me of snow, which then
makes me think of snuggling with him for warmth and long walks in the
She moaned. "That's so sweet." She took another picture and
walked off calling that in. "When, Xander?" He
shrugged. "Press notice?"
She pouted. "Fine."
He grinned. "I want him all to myself." She nodded,
repeating that. Xander winked at Peter. The whiny thing was
crying. Lorne was staring at it. "Did you ever talk to your
partner about her idea for his ring?"
Lorne blushed, shaking his head. "I didn't want to go there,
kid." He walked off. A police officer subtly came in to drag
the whiny thing off.
Olivia smiled and waved. "If you learned how to be pretty and
smart, boys would like that. Then you'd need a scary research
cabinet for them. That way you could have one of your own and not
trying to steal my unclies. Someday I'll need a *huge* scary
research cabinet," she told the reporter. "Daddy agreed with me."
"Yes you will, sweetie," she agreed, smiling at her and Rick.
Rick nodded. "She will. She'll be a strong, smart woman who
can protect herself, stand up for herself, and still be fashionably cute
without being shallow."
"Awww. What do you want to be when you grow up, Olivia?"
She considered it. "I like books. A lot. Reading makes
me smarter and smart is pretty. Unclie Xander wants me to be a
doctor or something but I hate needles. Auntie Tara said that
people actually study things for their jobs and I might like
that." She smiled. "I don't know, I'm only three."
The reporter smiled. "That's a great thing and you're a very
smart. I'm sure you'll be able to do whatever you want, dear."
Olivia hugged her. "Your future kids will do the same."
"I can only hope so." She smiled at Rick. "Being an uncle?"
"This is Peter's event so I can't push my own upcoming books." He smiled.
She grinned back. "Good point." She went to talk to Peter about his book. "There's actually flying monkeys?"
"Xander said there are. I think my nephew knows some people who would like to meet them even though they are mean."
She giggled. "I know some people I'd like to introduce them
to. Including a few ex husbands." He grinned back.
"So, is this the last book in this series?"
"No." He walked off talking to her.
Xander grinned at the reporter grilling him about an upcoming demon
problem that they had heard about. Xander was trying to calm her
down. It wasn't actually going to be very bad at all. They
were mediating a solution at the moment so it might not be anything at
all. She calmed down and it was better. At least until the
whiny thing came back. Xander spotted her and sighed.
"Fuck." She flinched and looked then moaned and shook her
head. "I agree with Olivia, she's tasteless and if she thought
that made her look hot, she looks like a low rent hooker." The
reporter laughed, shaking her head. "Even if I wanted a woman, it
wouldn't be her." He walked off to get a new bottle of
water. She tried to get close to him. "Watch me bless this
and spray you with holy water," he offered. She gasped. "Did
the hairdye ruin your brain, dear?" he asked, sounding like he
cared. "Because clearly somewhere you missed a few steps, fashion
"I see London," Olivia said.
"No," Xander, Peter, and Martha called.
"Rick, quit teaching her that," Martha complained. She was Rick's mother, she could nag him.
"Daycare," Tara sighed, shaking her head. She glared at the
woman. "Do you mind? You're making me want to go for boy
parts because yours are so nasty. Which I really can't
stand." The woman gasped and walked off, trying to push her.
Tara didn't move but did snort. "A pink, sparkly thong under a
black dress? Trashy. Olivia will never have that bad of
"She'll never be that way," Xander assured her. "How is my future minion of spoiling doing tonight?"
She swatted him. "It's fine, Xander. Really." She walked off to talk to Olivia about her mouth again.
Xander looked over when the trashy ho came back with a few friends, who
also had knives. He looked around. Peter and Lorne were
talking. Rick and Tara were talking. He sighed and
considered it then blessed his water, splashing them. One shrieked
about the water, drawing attention. "Huh, not demonic. So
that can't explain the bad fashion trends." He stared at
them. "Do you really want me to press charges? I mean, the
press people here have seen all of this and probably will be spreading
you all over the entertainment news tomorrow."
One rushed at him with her knife. Xander disarmed her by
dislocating her arm at the elbow and then tossing her down onto the
ground. He looked at the others. "None of you are probably
worse than a demon apocalypse. Really. So are you
done? You're messing up my prettiness and Olivia will pout at me
for it." He smoothed down his shirt again.
The main one screamed and rushed at him, knife held out. Peter
shot her with the paintball gun. He had come with less than lethal
weapons tonight by orders of Paula. Though he and Xander both had
real weapons on them. The hussy yelped in pain when the paintball
hit her. "You are going near what is mine. That is always a
mistake." He moved closer. "I am more than deadly enough to
be Xander's husband and mate. You..." He looked her
over. "Clearly have no training, no skills, no sense, and nothing
but mental illness. Please, find help. Before you get hurt
or hurt someone unable to protect themselves." Two officers walked
Xander looked. "Did you order the strippers, Rick?"
"No," he called, looking at them. "Those aren't NYPD uniforms."
"Freeze," one called.
"Not again," Xander sighed. He looked at the reporters, then at Paula. "Paula, permission?"
"Granted. No blood."
Xander nodded and took something out of his pocket, walking over
there. He held up the small animal looking bit of clay and the
blinky thing. "The range is about ten feet. Notice how
you've got over fifty around you?" He smiled. "It won't hurt
me. And it won't blow you up. It'll turn into a gas that'll
slowly melt your skin off." The fake cops looked horrified.
He grinned. "One of my ex's made it and gave it to me as a happy
wedding present in advance. Now, I can use this or I can drop this
off with SWAT tomorrow as I had planned to do. That's really up
to you pissing me off right now."
"Yeah," one said, squeaking a bit. "I..." He stared at him. "You're that guy that was in the demon battles."
Xander smirked and nodded. "I am, and my niece is in here.
So is Tara. So is my mate." He pointed. "So, do you
have a choice? Because, patience? I'm out of it until Peter
refills it later by evilly teasing me."
They backed up nodding. "We've got the wrong room, sir. I'm
*really* sorry," the speaking one said. His partner nodded
quickly. "We really wanted the debutante up the hall. They'd
have jewels and things." They backed up again. Someone
clapped them on the backs, making them shriek and jump.
Xander grinned. "You're late, Detective. Almost all the food is gone thanks to Olivia stealing all the veggies."
She smiled. "I wasn't going to come but I heard that you had
hookers who wanted to turn you straight. Since I arrested most of
your other dates, I figured I'd get them too." She held out a
hand. "Weapon." He handed it over. She pulled out the
detonator and put it into her pockets. Then she handcuffed
them. She looked at the crying ones. "Ladies, and I use that
term loosely, let's go. You're under arrest."
"Being gay has made him mean!" one sobbed.
Xander looked at her. "No, I was just as mean when I was dating
Anya." Tara nodded. "Tara's seen me being really mean to a
lot of people, no matter who I was dating or even if I was dating.
I take threats to my family *very* seriously." He stared at
them. "Maybe Detective Beckett would be able to tell you how to
put on real clothes as well. She's very nicely turned out most of
the time. Olivia looks at her as a style icon. So maybe she
can help you three." They slunk past him and let the detective
walk them out. He looked up then at Peter. Then at
Paula. "Okay, I need music." The DJ they had hired started a
new song. "Thanks." Peter smiled at him.
"I did say non-lethal weapons tonight," Paula said. "I suppose
that wouldn't have killed them." The reporters stared at
her. "One of the churches that sends Alexian death threats sent a
bomb yesterday. Again." They shuddered.
"It's not my fault they hate fantasy novels," Xander quipped with a hand
wave. "It's got to be nicer than their reality, which has to suck
with how much they do." A few of the reporters laughed.
"Then again, I tend to shoot back at most of them. The nice one
that keeps burning my books? I write them very nice thank you
letters for buying so many copies." Peter laughed, shaking his
head. "Whenever they burn me in effigy, I usually send one
complaining that it's shorter than I am, doesn't match my fantastic body
shape, and clearly they need their eyes checked if they think that's
anything like me."
Peter kissed him. "Some day they will find reality."
Xander grinned. "Promise?" Peter nodded, taking another kiss.
Olivia looked over then at Rick. "They're making people's hearts stronger again."
"They are," he agreed. His mother gave them a strange look. "Explain it to her, Olivia?"
She smiled at her shopping auntie. "Ads say oatmeal mush makes
your heart stronger. They're mushy so it makes heart stronger like
Martha took her to cuddle. "It does a heart good for many reasons
when you see true love, dear. That's very wise." The
reporter took that down verbatim and texted that to Olivia's twitter
Olivia looked at her. "Are you telling the people who know I'm pretty and smart in the computer?"
She smiled and nodded. "I am."
"Cool. I think they need to have lovies like Unclies Xander and
Peter too. Then they can wear the pretty dresses and all
that. Then they can do a wedding too."
"They can," the reporter agreed. "Where do you want them to do their wedding?"
Olivia stared at her. "Somewhere other than in front of the
Mayor. I don't think he'd like mush." The reporter gaped,
staring at Rick, who shrugged. "Oops?" she asked, looking at her
uncle. He grinned and took her back to cuddle.
The reporter got up and walked over there. "That mistaken report
that Rick and his detective friend were at City Hall was you two
marrying?" she asked. The other reporters stared at them.
Xander looked at Peter, who nodded. Xander nodded too. "You
hid it for six months?" she demanded.
Xander pointed at the doorway. "Because of twats like those ones."
"That's reasonable," she decided. "Are you announcing it?"
"We'll be doing a renewal next summer sometime."
"Good!" She walked off calling that in. The other reporters were doing the same.
Xander looked at Peter and shrugged. "We tried."
"Was a long time hidden." He took another quick kiss. "Relax. They will not come."
"I hope not."
"We will be protected. Olivia will scowl at them or we will use
baby's diapers to scare them off. Nearly did me this morning."
Xander grinned. "Me too." Peter grinned and they gathered Olivia to go home.
Tara sighed, looking at Rick. "I need to call a cab."
"I'll drop you off, Tara." He got up. "Mother?"
"I'll find my own way home, Rick." She pinched him on the cheek
and walked off talking to one of the reporters. Rick looked at
Paula, who nodded. So he left with Tara.
One of the reporters looked at Martha. "Is Rick the surrogate father for Tara's baby?"
Martha smiled and shook her head. "No, she went to a carefully
chosen agency. She talked about it for almost two years before she
finally went for it."
"Aww. She'll be a great mom and I'm sure Xander will help."
Martha smiled and nodded. "That's great. Olivia's siblings?"
"They're doing as well as expected. Where they were was without
anything beyond the family for mental stimulus so they're catching up to
normal food and other things that most children their age are used to."
"That's wonderful news. Is she a good big sister?"
Martha beamed. "She's so good to them. She teaches them
things but isn't too pushy. She helps them pick out clothes, reads
to them, teaches them about vegetables and plants. She's an
adoring big sister who is sure that Tara's is going to be a sibling as
"That's wonderful. She's a smart little girl."
"The only thing we'd change about her is wishing she'd finally potty train."
The reporter smiled. "Mine was almost four."
"Her father said he was five." That got a nod. "She's still
working on it though." She smiled and waved at a friend that came
in. "Let me greet them." She walked off to talk to this new
The reporter made those notes and sent them to her editor. It was so cute of Olivia.
Olivia ran in and pounced Dean. "Hi!"
Dean looked down at her. "You changed?"
"Someone spilled stuff on her," Xander said, patting Dean on the
head. "It's nearly ten, Olivia. Go get ready for bed."
She let Dean take down her hair so she could run up and get her
jammies. Xander shook his head. "She outed the wedding."
"Uncle Xander, can we have a monkey like Wade?" she called.
"No, it'd eat the cats."
"Shoot. Dean said they fly outta his butt when Uncle Sammy lies. Are they going to eat the cats too?"
"No," Dean said, shaking his head quickly. "There's actual flying
monkeys?" Xander showed him the site. He stared at the
page. "Huh." He sent that to his father. His father
sent back an impolite response. "Dad doesn't like that." He
sent why he had seen them. That got a laugh back. "Dad liked
why she wanted one though."
Xander grinned. "I wouldn't care if they wouldn't eat the
cats. They're pretty things." He took off his tie.
Peter stared at him. "Are you going to refill my patience by
evilly teasing me now?" he asked with a grin.
"After baby is in bed." He took off his own tie. Olivia ran
down to let them braid her hair then kissed each of them.
"Teeth? Potty?" She ran to do that then climbed into
bed. Xander went up to tuck her in and then they went to their own
room. He really did need to reward Xander and tease him into
relaxing again. The bad girls had unsettled him.
Dean shook his head, sending a warning to his father that they were
going to be noisy for a bit. His father said he'd get something to
eat and then come home. Dean settled in to read that demonology
site. Xander's group had dealt with a lot of strange demons that
they had never heard of.
Olivia watched the commercial on tv. "When do I get people to carry presents for me?"
"When you get married," Sam told her. He was babysitting all three
of them today for everyone else. He looked up then at her.
"You have to be really rich, like movie star rich instead of book author
rich, to get one of those."
"Oh." She considered it. "I could be rich."
"Yes you could," he agreed. "You can do wonderful things to earn a lot of money for your family."
She nodded, cuddling her baby brother. He was being cranky anyway
and he liked cuddles. He tried to wiggle away but she nibbled on
his ear and he quit, grinning at her. He liked her doing
that. Her daddy had done it and he had shown her how.
"Would being a doctor make me rich like that?"
"Maybe. It'll take a few years. There's school first, and
then a few years of being a student doctor. Those years you don't
make a whole lot of money but afterward you earn more depending on what
field you go into."
"Oh." She considered it. "I hate needles. Shots are bad."
"Doctors give shots, not get shots."
"Oh." That made her happier with the idea of being a doctor like the one she saw. "Maybe I'll do that then."
"You don't have to decide what you want to be until you're nearly out of
high school. Until you're Alexis' age," Sam assured her with a
grin. "Then you'll know."
She nodded. "I can do that. She's getting really old."
Sam patted her on the head. "She's still pretty young. It's
just where you're younger than her. I used to think that Dad was
really old when I was Alexis' age but then I hit the same age Dad was
when I was little and I realized that he was still really old but I was
still basically a little kid in some ways."
"Huh?" she asked.
"You'll understand when you're older."
"When do I get that book of stuff? Uncle Xander said there's a lot of stuff I'll learn then too."
"Some of it you'll learn as you grow up, some you'll realize when you're
a teenager like Alexis." She grinned. "And by then we'll
have you able to defend yourself for when you start to date."
"That might be good. We need to start on my scary cabinet now so I have one ready when I'm old enough."
"You can borrow your uncle's."
She pouted. "I won't look like him with a sword or his axe."
"By then we'll teach you how to use your own so you can put yours in
there." She beamed and nodded. Daniel came off the
"All fixed," he promised with a smile. "Hi, kids." They
smiled at him and Olivia tripped him so he fell down. They climbed
onto him to hold onto him.
"That was a really good foot sweep, Olivia," Sam joked.
Daniel looked at her. "A bit mean."
She smiled and waved. "It's an infection from the nasty thing at
the book party. She was really not pretty and had her butt hanging
Sam nodded. "We saw pictures of her. Talk about a ho."
"When Santa says 'ho ho ho' is he talking about girls like her?" Olivia asked.
"No, that's Santa laughing, not talking about girls who work that way,
dear." Daniel glared at him. "She asked about one she saw on
the way to daycare. Xander told her they work, not anything
else. Though I'm told she did ask another kid's mother if she was
going to work on her streetcorner when she came in looking like a
ho." Olivia nodded, ducking her head with a blush.
Daniel sighed. "She's much more wordly than I was."
"That's because this is New York and there's people like that all over
the city," Sam said. "She walked up to one Indian lady in a sari
at the grocery store and asked her about her dress."
"It was pretty. It had twinklies and gold and it was a pretty red color."
"I'm sure it was," Daniel agreed. "Did he put you in the corner for that?"
"Dean and I were with her. She was very polite and Dean apologized
for losing track of her for a few minutes. The woman was most
happy to answer questions about her sari. She said it's better to
ask than to assume."
"My Ma would've thrown a fit if I had done that."
Sam grinned. "She sounds a bit uptight, Daniel. By the way,
she called and nagged me that I couldn't be good enough for her
grandchildren and I was probably tainting them toward the stuff we
do. She called it that." Daniel nodded and sighed. "I
didn't tell her a thing but let Olivia talk to her. She didn't
really want to talk to Olivia though."
"I'll call her in a bit." He looked at his oldest daughter.
"I'll get my Ma back into a happy mood. That way she can maybe
record a book on tape?" She squealed and hugged him. The
other two did the same thing. "Thanks, kids. Let me up so I
can use the potty?" Olivia hopped up and ran up to hers. He
smiled at Sam, getting up and going into the one down there. When
he came out, Sam was checking the time. "Olivia, did you fall in?"
"It's my reading time!" she shouted back. "I get twenty minutes because I had to poop."
"Sure," he decided, sitting down to cuddle the other two. Sam grinned at him. "If it works."
"Sometimes," he admitted. "Though she's had days she got naked,
went to sit in there on the toilet, and just let whatever happened
happen while she worked through her new library books." Daniel
shook his head. "It'll happen sometime."
"I was older. She's a bit ahead I think."
"Kids now do things earlier," Sam said. "Even puberty comes
earlier now than it did in your generation. Or else there wouldn't
be ten-year-olds with kids." Daniel shuddered. "Other than
that, she's doing good with most everything. Even if Peter is
helping her with her table manners sometimes."
"He is good at it. My Ma would be pleased." Xander and Peter came in talking. "Bad interviews?"
"No," Xander said with a grin. "You're finally better?"
"I am. Father Morgan made sure and nearly drowned me doing it."
"Yeah, he did the same thing when we had him handle Willow."
Daniel grinned and cuddled the kids. He looked around.
"Yup," Sam agreed.
"We're back, 'Liv."
"Reading. Timer says I have five minutes."
"Okay." He went to the kitchen to make a snack. "It's poker night at Rick's, Peter. Are you and I going?"
"I do not know," he admitted. "Perhaps." He smiled when she came down to give him a hug. "Why did you change?"
"I didn't pull my pants down far enough," she sighed, pouting some. "Got caught in the potty."
"Even I've done that," Xander assured her. She gave him a hug too. "Want PB&J?"
"What do you want for a snack?"
"The chocolatey peanut butter stuff and strawberry jelly? Auntie
Alexis said that strawberries and chocolate go good together."
"Sure." He got that down. "Daniel, this is called
nutella. It's hazelnut butter with a tiny bit of chocolate taste
to it. It's got the same fat, sugar, all that as regular peanut
butter." He nodded. "It comes in crunchy and creamy and
there's usually a few good imitation brands." He made them
sandwiches and handed the first two over. "For your brother and
sister." She carried them over and came back to get hers.
They sat down to color together. Xander made Peter one, handing it
over with a grin.
"Thank you. I missed lunch waiting on Marigold to quit crying."
"Her daughter just announced she is with spawn."
"Ah. That. Yeah, some year Tara's going to cry for the same
reason." Peter smiled and let Xander make his own sandwich.
"Sam, Daniel, want one?"
"I'll take the rest of whichever kid won't eat," Daniel said.
"They inhale that stuff like it's kiddy crack," Xander joked. He
made them one and handed them over then put everything up so he could
eat his own. He sat down and looked around. "Get into the
storage cabinet, 'Liv. There's another box of crayons in there I
think." She got up and ran in there. "No, don't eat her
sandwich," Xander said. "She's coming right back." The
baby brother pouted at him. "Your dad can make you another one if
you want, Brad." The baby pouted at Daniel. "You clearly
learned that off your sister," he said dryly.
Daniel nodded. "I did the same thing at his age I'm told."
He got up to make two more for the kids to split and if not, he was
hungry too. Brad grinned and gummed his. "Is it safe for
"Yup. He had that his first morning back on his toast."
"That's good then." He got up to look at the label, nodding at
what he saw when he compared it to the peanut butter. "I guess
that's good for them then." Xander grinned at him. "Tara?"
"Yup. It's still kiddy crack since they can eat it and have chocolate at the same time."
"That would've done it for me too. Can I call my Ma?"
"Video calling is on the office computer," Xander said with a
point. "It should log in automatically. Just pick her
name. We've called before." He nodded, going to do
that. Olivia followed to help. She loved the computer
phone. The other two crawled after them. Xander looked at
Peter, who smiled and stroked over his shoulder. "I don't know."
"We'll work it out," he reminded him quietly. Xander nodded and
finished his snack, leaning on Peter's arm. "We should both be
"We are. I'm thinking up new thoughts to put into a book and
hopefully a plot that hasn't been done to death. So are you."
"Good point." He let his husband cuddle. He knew Xander was
still worried about losing Olivia. He was as well. She grew
Daniel smiled at his mother. "Hi, Ma."
"Daniel." She beamed at him. "Where were you?"
"With a priest that does the same sort of thing that Xander does. I
brought back a bit of demon taint and he was removing it."
"That's good." She smiled. "Hello, Shannon." Shannon smiled and waved. "The other one?"
"Mother, there's three kids," he pointed out.
"Olivia's magic is very active and George said that she's not happy with it."
"No, she's got a good ethical foundation for it and she loves to use it
to help plants grow. Tara's made sure she won't have the same
problems her mother had." He looked down to check the kids then at
his mother. "Then again, Shannon and Brad both have the gift as
well. Brad has earth sense like his big sister and Shannon has
some defensive looking stuff so far. The coven Tara works with to
help Olivia and herself have been working with me to help her not use it
His mother blinked a few times. "They all have it? It wasn't something that will fade since you're back?"
He shook his head. "No, 'fraid not, Ma. They're very much
like their mother in some things. Brad can tell when there's going
to be an earthquake or something like that. His sister's a future
"Oh." She considered it. "When are you coming for a visit?"
"When are you coming for a visit?" he asked. "Xander said he'd
make sure you could get over to visit. It'd be like a
She smiled. "It's an awfully long way, Daniel."
"So's going that way and I've just started a job at George's bar.
If not, Xander's going to be doing a signing trip and maybe we can
travel with them on the way over."
She cleared her throat. "He seems a bit... angry."
Daniel stared at her. "No, he's not. He's very happy.
He's done a great job with Olivia while we were gone. She's a
fantastic little girl and now they're both helping their siblings catch
She smiled and nodded. "That's wonderful. Is there any chance that their mother might come back?"
Daniel shrugged. "No one's sure right now. For right now,
she and Buffy are trapped over there and Willow's about set to deliver
them another sibling."
Olivia looked at him. "Is that why she can't come home?"
"No. That was them not coming through the portal and arguing about
who'd go," he said, giving her a hug. "She wants to come more
than anything, Olivia. She'll be home as soon as we can get her
here." She nodded, snuggling in. "Why don't you go get your
uncles to read to you three?" She nodded, taking her siblings out
there. Daniel got up to close all the doors. Then he sat
down again. "Out with it, Ma."
"I don't think that the locals would appreciate her gifts," she said quietly.
He stared at her. "Really? Because we don't have a few of
our own there?" She glared. He stared back. "Their
mother is who she is, Ma. The same as I'm who I am.
Nothing's going to change that and if you don't like it I'm sorry.
I won't let you hurt them though. They've been through enough,
don't you think?" His father stepped into view. "Would you
like to come visit your grandchildren?"
"I would but your mother won't so I probably shouldn't travel alone, son. My health's a bit iffy sometimes."
"Xander's got a signing trip over that way next summer. We can probably pop around then for it."
His father smiled. "All the times we've talked to your oldest, she seemed like a sweet girl."
"She's very blunt but very sensible," Daniel said with a smile.
"But fashionable. Somehow her auntie Buffy taught her how to be
fashionable before we realized it. We're working on potty
training. She's already reading and starting to work on her
"They're pushing her a lot," his mother complained.
"She starts school in two years and she has to have all that down by
then, Ma." His mother gaped. "They learn through what I did
in second grade math now in kindergarten. Xander found an
excellent school that'll test the other two when they're of age so they
can go together. They love Olivia and when I toured with her, she
seemed to love it. She nearly tried to camp in their
library." He grinned. "The younger two are working on things
and catching up. The docs say they're about a year behind but
they're doing good with their learning stuff. I just found out
today that there's peanut butter stuff that has chocolate and is good
for them. Xander called it kiddy crack." He beamed.
"Tasted good too."
His father smiled. "That definitely would've worked on you. How is her potty training going?"
"She's got books up there. She gets reading time each time she
goes. She's on a schedule too because she forgets. She hates
diapers, claims they make her less pretty."
"Aye," his father agreed with a nod. "They can. Got any new
pictures?" Daniel looked on the computer and sent them over.
"Aww, that's an adorable gown."
"She wore it to a book party for Peter, Xander's boy. No one was
around to sit her so she hung out and talked about clothes and
books. They're her favorite things next to ponies."
His mother gave him a look. "Xander's with a boy?"
"Xander's recently married his boy, who used to be KGB." He grinned. "They're in sappy, gooey minded love."
His father laughed. "You have a cousin like that who does the same thing to his boyfriend."
"It's legal here," Daniel said. "Xander finally got around to
openly giving him a ring. They were hiding it because he gets
threats from churches for writing fantasy stuff."
"That's wonderful. I'm sure Olivia's happy?"
"She's still looking up dresses since they're doing a more public
version than the courthouse wedding. She's very happy to go shop
for something pretty." His father walked off laughing. He
stared at his mother. "I don't care if you don't like their mother
or their gifts, Ma. They're still my children."
She scowled. "You're being drawn into a cult."
"I am not."
"They're going to make you like them."
He snorted. "Not hardly. I'm still worried about my pregnant
wife." She gaped. He stared at her. "Nothing's going
to change that, Mother. Really. They're good men and they
love Olivia like their own. Xander's really upset about losing her
in his life."
Daniel held up a hand. "He is not and if you say that shit to me
or around me you'll never see my children again." She
gasped. He glared. "That's a myth and you know it.
Like Little People are. I won't have you upsetting Xander or the
kids. So make a choice, Mother. They're my kids and they're
the only ones you're getting unless we declare Willow dead." She
hung up. He huffed and canceled out of the program, sitting in
there to calm himself down. Peter opened the door to look at
him. "My mother's a bitch."
"She has been a few times," he admitted. He came in and shut the
door. "When she called earlier, she almost refused to talk to
Olivia but wanted the other two."
"She's not real happy they have gifts too." He grimaced.
"And tried to insinuate that you two're wrong around the kids."
Peter snorted, shaking his head. "Let me call someone else."
He called his sister. She lit up and babbled at him. He
held up a hand. "I'm pissed as hell at our spawing womb."
She snorted. "I've seen that building, Daniel."
He nodded. "I don't care about Ma. Da seems sane still."
"Mostly. He hides it better. He's uneasy about Olivia's
gifts but he's sure that her uncle will make sure she doesn't turn into
your wife's problems."
"All three have it." She groaned and shook her head.
"Yeah. And she tried to say stuff against Xander for having a
She looked at him. "Our mother is a hidebound bigot, Daniel.
She always has been on that matter. Gary's gay too and she kicked
"Tell him I said hi and to write," he ordered quietly.
She smiled. "Gladly. Where are your little blessings of chaos?"
"In the living room. I'll call back when I get my own account." She nodded. "Tell the others?"
"Gladly. Anything else you want to pass on?"
"I'm starting work in George's bar."
"Wonderful." She smiled. "It'll work out. You know it
will. She hated you two went over there anyway. She claims
that the US is the pit of Satan and drawing you to the dark side."
"No, I'm not a Sith lord," he said dryly. "Brad sometimes...."
She cackled, nodding. "All kids are at times. I'll talk to you soon."
Olivia popped up. "Who're you? Are you a cousin?"
"I'm your da's sister Margaret," she said with a smile. "You must
be Olivia." She smiled and nodded. "Well, you're beautiful
and smart just like he said. When he brings you over, you can come
play with my little kids too. Your cousins would love
that." She beamed and nodded. "Good girl. Go back to
playing." Olivia ran off. "She's sneaky like Kate."
"She is. I wish Kate was still around sometimes. She'd love
the girls." They shared a look. "Think Ma's still denying
why she died?"
"Probably. I'll let you go. Call soon, send pictures, and
I'll have Gary write. He could use more friends in the
family. I'll tell the others too." She winked and hung up.
Daniel leaned back again, looking at Peter. "Maybe the trip to
Ireland is still on but we're not going to see my parents." He
smiled and nodded. "Let me help them color." He got up and
went out there. It was easy enough to lay on the floor and help do
an edge. The kids all liked that and tried to do what he was
"Staying in the lines is hard," Xander told Olivia when she got pissed
at herself. "It takes years of practice. By the time you
start school you'll be able to do it." She nodded at that,
Her father broke it by tickling her. "Do the best you can, even if
it's not perfect. That's how you practice." She nodded,
going back to the fun stuff. He looked at Xander. "My
mother's a heathen bitch."
"Yup. Could've told you that."
Daniel grinned. "Thanks."
"Not a problem. Though I may not be going over there. With
the last thing the Council did, the State Department didn't want me to
go in case they attacked me and the British government doesn't want me
to go and be attacked either."
"That's good to know. If so, maybe we'll go halfway with
you." Xander nodded that was fine. He got back to helping
them learn new things, going over the colors for the younger two.
They definitely needed to be as smart as their sister.
Xander went down to answer the summons of the doorbell, staring at the officer standing there. "Yes, Officer?"
"Most of the time, yes. Why?"
"Sir, I need to talk to you." He pulled out his ID case. "SVU."
Xander snorted, shaking his head. "I'd never touch a kid,
detective. Who said what so I can sue their asses? Was it
one of the churches that sends me death threats or someone else?"
"Actually, it came from overseas. We could go inside."
"The house is a wreck but fine." He let him up and into the house. "Peter, visitors."
"I am trying to get Olivia out of tub."
"Olivia, the detective wants to talk to you."
"Auntie or uncles?" she called.
"Shoot, I was having bubbles."
"You can have bubbles later," Peter chided, carrying her down and
handing her off, towel and all. "She refused to get
"I think they're getting a bit tight. Can you grab her
jammies?" Peter nodded, glancing at the detective. "SVU."
"Ah." He walked off with a sigh of displeasure. Something really had to be done again.
Xander put her on the floor, staring at her. "The detective wants
to ask you a few questions. I want you to tell the truth, be
polite, and not mean."
"Yes, Unclie Xander." She checked her towel then looked at
him. "What did you want to ask? Is it about the park?
Did the ponies have someone mean hurt them?"
He cleared his throat but shook his head. "No, not the
ponies. Do you like pony rides?" She smiled and
nodded. "That's good. Have you talked to anyone in another
"Grandma. Daddy's mommy. Oh! And his sister, he called
her." She wrapped the towel around herself. "Why? Are
they being mean?"
"One told an officer over there something was going on over here that I
have to check." He glanced at Xander, who got up to get some
water. Peter came down and handed her pajamas, pointing at the
bathroom. She ran in to change then came back. Peter sat
down to brush her hair. "Can we have a tiny bit of room?" he asked
Peter looked at him. He look at his niece. "He was told by someone that we do bad things."
She scowled at the detective. "The unclies don't do bad things to
anyone! They only hurt bad demons who're beaing mean!" She
stomped a foot. "Who said that? They need to stand in the
The officer smiled. "Not that sort of bad things, princess."
"I am not!" she complained, glaring at him now. "Princesses don't do great things for the world and I will be!"
"Sure, I understand that. Has anyone ever made you feel uncomfortable by touching you?"
"Do shots count?" she asked. "They're not comfy and they
hurt. But I like our doctor so you can't be mean to her for it."
"I won't be." He smiled, pulling her closer by her hand. "I
need to know if someone...touches you in a way that makes you feel weird
She shook her head. "They change diapers sometimes and that makes
me feel better, not nasty. They clean off the nasty."
"'Liv, someone thought you might've run into someone like that guy in
the park," Xander said from where he was trying to calm his temper
down. Before he managed to magic himself to Ireland. He did
call someone. "I'm calling her father."
"You have custody?" the detective asked.
"Until the judge formalizes him being back, yes. He was caught off-realm for a while."
"Oh, I heard about that." He looked at her. "Does anyone bad touch you, sweetie?"
She shook her head. "I'd kick anyone like that in the ankle and
then turn them into something better so they could be kitty
trained." She looked around. "Where's brother and sister?"
she asked Peter.
"In bed still I hope."
"Go check them?" He nodded, going up to do that. She stared
at him. "I have a detective auntie and a few detective
uncles. I'm also smart and pretty. Who said mean things
"Olivia, that's for me to worry about," Xander said, handing her a
bottle of water and some toast with regular peanut butter. She
pouted at him. "Later." She nodded, sitting on the coffee
table to eat. "Don't let your father catch you doing that."
"Daddy's fussy. I know that." She ate another bite, looking
at him. "If anyone touched me I'm allowed to change them into
"Yes she is," Xander agreed. "We agreed that was a good
idea. Especially since the one time she got taken by someone, she
got knocked out."
"All right," the detective said. "Why would she level such allegations? Is there a custody dispute coming up?"
"She hates that we're gay," Xander said. "She hates me anyway but
she hates me more because of that." Daniel came off the elevator
with bags and John Winchester behind him. "Get Grandpa to make you
some more toast," he said quietly. "So the adults can
talk." She nodded, bounding over to help him put things up while
he did the mystical toast making. "Daniel?" He came over
already scowling. "Your mother said we touch Olivia."
"I'll roast her myself," he told the officer. "There's no way they
do anything of the sort! Xander and Peter are both good men."
"I'm sure they are but we have to follow up on any allegations," the
detective said. "Do you know why she would?" Daniel sighed
but took him outside to talk to him on the porch. There was less
chance of Olivia overhearing.
Xander deflated and looked back at John. "Think I can sue her?"
"Yup. Probably." He handed him some toast, then Shannon
since she was running down the stairs. "Nice job, Shannon."
She smiled and took her toast, heading to knock on the porch door until
her daddy let her out.
"Let them talk," Peter ordered, coming down with Brad snuggling on his
shoulder. He got put into the high chair and John handed over the
bowl of oatmeal he had microwaved. Peter smiled. "Thank
"I can't let that go on," Xander said quietly, looking at his husband.
"Then we will not."
"It will hurt him but he will probably shout himself hoarse." They shared a look. "Tell Paula?"
"After he says there's no reason."
"Is wise." He got back to feeding the youngest baby. Olivia
walked over to take the spoon and do it for him. "Do not forget to
eat," he said, kissing her on the head.
"Yes, Unclie Peter. Is he a bad guy?"
"No, he's doing his job," Xander said, looking at her. "He does
important work against people who hurt kids. We leave him alone
even though someone told him I was one of them. He's just doing
his job." She nodded, feeding her brother another bite of oatmeal.
The officer and Daniel came in. "As a last check, I can get a warrant for her medical records," he said quietly.
Xander shook his head. "I'll talk to her. There's no way I
want this hanging over our heads and I'm going to stop this stupidity,
which means you need access." The officer smiled. "I'm an
author and public perception is everything."
"I can understand that." He made notes and left. By the time
he got to the doctor's office, the nurses were aware of why he was
there and handed over the records before letting him speak with the
doctor. She was very horrified about the whole thing. So
clearly he was being used. Which was a good thing.
Xander walked up to a reporter. "I'm going to sue someone."
She stared at him. Rick looked at him. "Daniel's mother
called SVU." He smirked.
"Bull," Rick said, glaring at him.
"Why?" the reporter asked. "That's sex crimes, right?" Xander smirked and nodded. "But...."
"No, we're not like that."
"Then why would she?" Rick asked.
"She *loathes* Olivia. And I do not want to have to explain to her
why," he told the reporter, who nodded. "But hates her, hates her
gifts, hates her mother. Tried to disown Daniel for having three
magically gifted children. Threw up a fit about me being with
Peter." Rick shuddered. "So, yeah, I'm suing someone and I
thought of you to make sure that they hear that," he told the reporter
with a smile.
"I can definitely put that around, Alexian. We all know you're not
some pervert. Dangerous people but not underage and especially
He nodded. "The detective was very cool and professional.
Olivia asked if him asking meant he was bad and we told her about how he
was just doing his job. So he's safe from her."
She shuddered. "I'd have destroyed her by now."
Xander nodded. "Thankfully I'm not in Ireland."
"Oooh. So international too?" He smirked and nodded. "Pity."
"Yup. Daniel knows. And he knows I came to find you. He threw a three hour rant at his siblings."
"I would too!" she agreed.
Xander nodded. "I'm barely calm. Emphasis on barely.
So, can you please point out the rumors are wrong before they get
"Definitely. That's very damaging. She must have known that."
"She called to talk to Daniel about coming home and leaving the kids
with us. When I answered she said 'I thought you'd be in jail by
The reporter moaned and shook her head. "I wish you a lot of destruction, Alexian. I'd be pissed off too."
Xander smiled. "Thank you for the help." He patted Rick on
the shoulder. "The new baby and detective book is coming out."
"I knew that you two were writing it," she said dryly with a smirk for Rick.
"Paula had a copy stolen from her office last week." Rick sighed
and shook his head. "Yeah, so it's going to be better known.
Anyway, I'm going to go buy some new explosives to calm myself
down. I'm teaching Peter how to make the explosive clay
animals." He walked around them. "Thanks."
"Welcome." She waved and looked at Rick. "He's at the scary stage of angry."
"I'd be at the blowing things up one," he told her. He shook his head. "We'll get him calmed down later."
"I wish you luck. I really do. So, this new detective and his cutesy son book?"
He smirked. "This one I started and he finished."
"He did a lot of work on it too." He winked. "The baby gets
some more action. His mother hired a new nanny behind the
daddy's back. She's just his type."
She giggled. "That's good to know." They went back to the
book talk. It was safer here than wherever Alexian was for a bit.
That area might go boom and destroy itself.
Rick walked into the station. "We have to talk," he told the
detectives. They stared at him. "Now." They followed
him to an unused room. He shut the door. "Daniel's mother is
in deep and there may be a smoking crater in Ireland."
"Why?" Kevin asked. He looked confused.
"Xander walked up to where I was doing an interview. Daniel's
mother talked to someone out there who called SVU." Beckett
glared. "Xander's *livid*."
"I would be too," Esposito said. "Are they all okay?"
"Xander said that the detective was professional and calm. He told
Olivia that he was only doing his his job when she got upset."
"That's good," Beckett agreed. "What're they doing?"
"Good," Kevin Ryan agreed. "I'd ruin them."
"Xander was teaching Peter how to make the little clay animals he makes
from his plastic explosive." Beckett whimpered and shook her
head. "I tried to call Daniel but he growled and hung up."
"We can help him calm down," she decided. "We can cushion the
kids. We can help Daniel." She called him. "Daniel,
it's Beckett. What, exactly, happened?" She put it on
speaker, letting him tell them. "Are you going to be okay with him
losing his temper?" she asked when he had finished venting.
"I'm not so sure I'll be leaving anything," he admitted. "Is Xander all right? It probably devastated him."
"He's so pissed he's playing with the weapons to try to calm down," Rick said. "He talked to a reporter I was talking to."
"Good! I'd hate for it to ruin his career. They'd never be
able to pay him enough to make up for that." He sighed.
"Really, he might as well sue them for the ponies so Olivia can have 'em
anyway." He hung up.
"It's clear where Olivia gets her temper from," Esposito said. The
others nodded. The new captain walked in and gave them a dirty
look. "Sharing group news."
"Does it relate to a case?"
"Someone blatantly lied about Xander to get him arrested for something
heinous," Rick told her. "One of Olivia's grandparents that hates
her for having a gift."
The captain winced. "I'm sure we'd realize that shortly after arresting him."
"No, it was solved but something like that is going to cause an
international stink and we're going to get hounded by people who want to
talk about it. We did when the LA team got displaced to that
other realm," Beckett told her. "Because we know him and Xander's
not exactly great to interview when he's back in danger and destruction
Rick nodded. "He nearly made the reporter cry at what he'd do to her grandparents."
"Why would they say such things?"
"They've never done more than talked to Olivia over Skype," Esposito
said bitterly. "They hated her mother for having gifts. They
don't like her for the same reason and they hate that her siblings have
it too. I was unlucky enough to hear her sniping at Xander and
Olivia when he was trying to let her have some contact with her
grandchild. The woman's a hidebound ass."
"Bitch doesn't even come close to her," Ryan agreed. "Xander told
me she put him down horribly and Olivia once she was out of hearing
The captain shook her head. "So we'll be expecting phone calls?"
"Possibly or a few who show up to shout rude things," Beckett
said. "That, plus the threats from those churches who would
willingly believe it because they hate him enough to earn federal
charges for sending him bombs." The captain gaped, staring at
"I've only had a few of those. Xander gets weekly and monthly
threats depending on which church group. Some for the fantasy
stuff. Some for the marriage to Peter. Some because of the
demon stuff. Our publisher has someone who just reads his
mail. She has a liaison in the NYPD and in the FBI for anything
"It doesn't always help that he thanks the psychos for burning his
books," Ryan said. The captain gave him a confused look. He
grinned back. "Xander sends them letters of thanks for buying so
many copies to burn."
She rolled her eyes. "It encourages that sort."
"It lets them know they're not getting to him," Rick corrected.
"He complains about the straw effigies they burn of him too."
"Any local groups?" the captain asked.
"One church upstate. The Archbishop went up to talk to them after
he heard about it," Beckett said. "If Xander wasn't so tough
they'd probably consider it cowing him but he's way too tough to let it
show when they bother him. So they keep doing it hoping for the
fear reaction. Though I do think it's nice he told one of his
remaining exes to leave them alone."
"He sold one of them to the Taliban for a prisoner exchange," Rick quipped.
"Seriously?" the captain demanded. Rick and the others nodded. "How did he do that?"
"He's CIA," Beckett said with a smug look. "Gave Xander a nuclear
warhead once." The captain let out a tiny whimpering noise.
"Which is why we arrested most of them multiple times and weren't all
that unhappy when the vengeance demon trying to use them to get Xander
on his side made them shoot each other."
"I wonder if he realizes that the probates are coming up," Esposito said.
"They have a better lawyer who's handling them. Friend of Peter's," Kevin said with a smile. "Scary bastard too."
"Why did someone like that want Harris?" the captain asked.
"We have no clue why he drew the dangerous, deadly, and at least slightly psychotic. I'm just glad we could arrest them."
"Made our arrests stats look marvelous," Esposito said with a grin of
his own. "We got nearly a thousand arrests combined since he moved
The captain just nodded. "His current one?"
"So dangerous but better?" she asked, sounding hopeful. Beckett smiled and nodded. "Good! This new problem?"
"Xander's going to destroy them, if Daniel leaves anything of his
parents when he's done," Rick said. He snapped his fingers.
"No one told her about the pipeline probably."
"True." Beckett looked at her. "They told you I'm one of the
liaison officers in case something demonic happens in New York?"
"I was informed of that, yes."
"They told you that I have oversight on whatever weapons Xander gets given?"
"No, they hadn't. Not SWAT?"
"No. Half of it comes from the kitten poker circuit the demons have."
The captain grimaced. "That's different."
"That or homeless people," Esposito said.
"Then I like the idea better. How big is his stockpile?"
"We have it in a special warehouse that I monitor the inventory
for. Certain others that know about demon things have
access. Xander has petting access and grabbing for emergencies
access. We're telling you so you don't have to wonder or freak out
if someone brings in a weapon. Xander, myself, and a few others
decided that he'd hand over things as soon as he got them and we'd stock
the things for any major emergency the city would have. Or for
things like Detroit he calls, gives me what they're probably going up
against, and then we'll pick it out together."
"That's also known as the NYPD invasion vault," Kevin Ryan said.
"SWAT knows so they can grab if they need something. The other
liaison officers know too."
"So if we have another scene like at that school, we have enough
supplies to handle it," the captain said. Beckett nodded.
"That's good to know. Anything else I should hear?"
"You know that the warehouse Xander guards pulls dangerous mystical
artifacts to protect everyone, right?" Rick asked. She gave him
another strange look. He nodded. "It will summon them and
safely put them in there so no one but Xander can use them. He
released a few things that were mystical and protective to protect an
area but otherwise he dusts a lot."
"The thing is freaky but he's got a good hand at it," Kevin agreed.
"Is freaky the technical term?" the captain asked.
"It's stretched to be more than a few blocks worth of space," Beckett
said. "It takes up a quarter of the block. He lives on top
The captain blinked then nodded her head. "That is freaky, yes. Do we have to do anything?"
"Just be aware so we can counter anyone that'd use it to discredit Xander," Esposito said.
Kevin nodded. "Put up with reporters when they show up to ask nosy things."
"Best friend him to help him calm down," Beckett added. She shivered. "There's a chilly breeze."
"Tara's here and pissed," Kevin said, walking out to talk to her.
He stared at her. "Are you chilly? You look blue,
Tara." He put his jacket around her shoulders. "It'll be
"How could they say such vile things about Xander?" she asked.
"Because Olivia's grandmother is a jackass," he said. "Xander's
livid and we're all trying to calm him down. Daniel said he might
leave some for Xander to destroy."
She sniffled. "It's not right and it's not fair. Xander nearly ruined his career to take care of her."
"I know." He gave her a hug. "It'll be okay. He's
already told a reporter so they know it's a false story spread by an
evil bitch in Ireland." She sniffled and nodded, resting her head
on his shoulder. "Are you all right?"
He grinned. "I'm told that all new mothers nap a lot."
She shook her head. "I'm not Olivia or Shannon. Thank you
though." She grinned. "Jenny's a very lucky woman."
He winked. "Yes she is." She pinched him and handed the jacket back. "It'll be okay."
"If you're sure."
"I'm positive." She nodded and walked off.
Beckett smiled. "You're good at helping those who're upset."
"She's a sweet girl and if she liked guys and I was single, I'd so spoil her rotten."
Beckett smiled. "You two would be cute together." She
went to her desk, texting Xander. She got one back from Peter,
which made her smile. "The wedding did come out during the book
"Yup. Olivia accidentally outed them between the drama rounds."
"Drama?" Esposito asked.
Rick nodded. "Cheesy girls in really tasteless clothes wanting
Xander to be straight, who ended up with knives. A few fake cops
that got really scared they had tried to raid and rob Xander's
event. Beckett came for the tacky girls."
She nodded. "They were wearing dresses even hookers wouldn't
wear. I know strippers who would call them trashy." The guys
"She came in and Olivia pointed out it was not pretty and more than her
butt was hanging out. When Xander drove her off finally she came
back with friends and their knives."
Kevin shook his head. "Sorry I missed it."
"It was a pretty calm party. Peter spent half of it in a corner watching everyone."
She smiled. "I wouldn't want that much publicity either." Lorne Cash walked in. "Another problem?"
"Yes, with that bomb sending people."
"Have you talked to Peter in the last few hours?" Rick asked.
Lorne looked at him then shook his head. "You should.
They're all trying to calm down."
"I can do that." He handed over the chart. "The one that sent the hookers at the boys."
She smiled. "They were her hired hands?"
"Is she Octopussy?" Rick quipped.
"Wanna be. Can't have her own island. No tattoos. She pays them."
"Then a weak knock-off," Rick decided. "Why does she want Xander?"
"She wants to turn him straight. It's her crusade to turn well known gay men straight."
Beckett shook her head. "So just a psycho, not his drool patrol?"
"No, no drooling. Just a crusade to show them they like women."
"Did she get anyone else?"
"She's tried to have a few others kidnaped. She failed
miserably." Beckett smiled at that fact. "She's somewhere up
here. She is wanted on a federal warrant and the FBI just
"I can understand that."
The captain came out of her office. "Why are we on for federal cases?"
Lorne smiled at her. "Because we like Detective Beckett and her
minion detectives. She's a detective most of us in the covert
"Goes back to arresting all of the drool patrol over Xander," Rick quipped.
"I see. Will this interfere with cases?"
Lorne nodded. "As long as we can get her before she tries to kidnap someone else probably not."
"Can't the FBI? I'm sure someone in that building has a clue."
"Actually, since so many are so dangerous, we go to Homeland about the
ones who want him," Lorne said. The captain let out another tiny
"That's why we talk with Agent Philips," Esposito said.
"He's calmed down a lot," Kevin agreed. "He's happier too"
"Wonderful. Do we have a sewing circle of agents involved?"
Beckett shook her head. "Just a short list to call in case of something. He worked with Peter in the past."
"Peter tried to kill me more than once," Lorne agreed. The captain
gaped. "It was the job. He was KGB and I wasn't." He
smirked. "He's a guy I'd always want at my back no matter
what." He looked at Beckett. "Their first night of dating, I
threatened him with more than a shovel. Xander nearly hugged me
for giving him the shovel talk."
"Tara told Peter she'd turn him into a goldfish for Olivia."
Lorne snickered. "Wonderful. I can see that. When is she due?"
"She's three months along," Esposito said.
"Gotcha. I'll be listening for people who want to hurt her and the
baby when she's too big to fight back." He waved a hand.
"Any idea where Mickey is?"
"His boss has a new case," Esposito said. "We can call him."
Beckett texted him. She got one back. "He's at Robert's. He said he'd meet you at the skating rink."
"That'll work. Thanks, people. Let me know if you find her." He left.
She handed the file over when the guys rolled their chairs over. "This one is pretty pathetic."
"She's probably at one of the higher class places to make herself feel more important."
"Let's check," Esposito agreed, taking half the list of the usual places to look.
She got her own contacts to see if they had the pathetic thing.
The captain huffed, looking at Castle. "Is this normal?"
"Yes. It'll take them a few hours. There's no open case
outside the cold ones." She huffed off. Rick called his own
contacts. "She's at the Ritz," he announced a few minutes
later. "She called the editor at the Times to set up an interview
about her views and life's work." The detectives loaded up and
walked out, him following them.
The captain called the mayor to see if this was allowed. She had
never run a unit like this one before and it was almost creepy at
times. They clearly weren't under her control.
Xander was found at the gun range by Mickey and his boss. "What's up, Mickey?"
"Uncle Peter's off controlling his temper?"
"We had a visit from SVU this morning thanks to Olivia's bitchy grandmother in Ireland."
"Oh!" He nodded. "That makes more sense." He moved closer. "New gun?"
"Yeah. One of your uncle's he wanted to try. He said it's
too light and I agree." He put it aside, nodding at the other
guy. "You must be his boss. I've heard you do some really
good things in the city." He shook his hand. "Problems?" he
"Where's Olivia?" Mickey asked.
"She should be at daycare with her brother and sister. Is she not?"
"No. She somehow snuck out and went to talk to someone at one of
the news stations. There's one up the street. She admitted
she snuck when they asked." He let him see the video.
Xander growled. "I'm going to spank her so hard. Daniel?"
"Can't find him."
"They wanted you to come pick her up and no one could find you."
"I threw my phone earlier," Xander admitted. He sighed. "Let
me go pick her up and yell at her." He ran a hand through his
hair. "Any other cheery news?"
"Even his cousin can't find Daniel. He's not answering his phone either."
Xander considered it. He took Mickey's phone to call
someone. "It's Xander. Is Daniel missing again?" He
blinked a few times. "Excuse me?" He took a deep
breath. "Okay," he decided. "Thank you." He hung up
and called Beckett. "Daniel got kidnaped from the city by his
cousin, who was IRA when he was young and stupid." He hung
up. Then he handed the phone back. "Thank you." He
unloaded the gun and cleaned it then walked off vibrating in
Mickey called Peter. "Daniel got kidnaped." He hung up with a wince. "Ow."
"Swearing?" Robert asked.
"And then some. In Latin. So clearly Xander and he are
learning from each other since Xander uses Russian sometimes."
Robert nodded. "I can see how that's nice." He looked around. "I like this gun range."
"I could use the blowing off stress time," Mickey admitted, going to sign them in so they could take some range time.
Xander walked up to the news station, smiling at the officer. "Are you here about my sneaky niece?"
"Yes, sir." He looked at him. "Where is her daycare?"
Xander pointed behind him. "That makes more sense. You
couldn't be found?"
"It's been a really long day and I threw my phone earlier. Can I have her to yell at her?"
"Sure," the officer agreed. "I'm just glad they found you."
"Tara and I share custody. If you can't find me, find her."
"She's not at work and her phone's going to voicemail."
"Yeah, it's been one of those days. It started real early and got
worse from there." The officer looked at him. "Her
grandmother, who has never done more than see her via Skype, made
"I heard that and that you're suing her."
"Yes, I am. If her father leaves any part of his mother
alive." She ran out with a squeal. He stared down at
her. "I'm *so* paddling you for this stunt."
She sniffled. "I was being good!"
"Thou shalt not leave daycare. It's dangerous. You could've
gotten hit by a car. You could've gotten stolen. You
could've been arrested and me too!" She whimpered and pouted,
looking down. He stared down at her. "You're so grounded
it's not funny. All your library books are going back today.
A week without your library card." She burst out crying and ran
back inside. He sighed and calmed himself down.
"I would've paddled mine," the officer said.
"I'm trying really hard not to physically punish her," he said
quietly. "It broke me in many bad ways." He walked inside
and picked her up. "Apologize for coming up here to bother them."
"It was actually very helpful," the reporter said. "I heard the
story that her grandmother had said something horrendous." Xander
nodded. "She let us ask her all sorts of questions so it can be
used to make her suffer during the lawsuit. She told me why she
showed up to talk to someone who talked to the people in the computer
who knew she was smart and pretty."
"She still shouldn't sneak out of daycare."
"No, she shouldn't. That's dangerous," the reporter agreed,
looking at Olivia. "It was a good idea but bad timing, Olivia."
Xander nodded. "Yes, it was. We don't need this sort of stress today," he told her. "It's a bad day."
She pouted. "Where's Daddy?"
"Your grandmother had one of your cousins steal him."
She scowled. "Excuse me!"
He grinned. "Way to channel your mom there, sprout. You're
still grounded for a damn week, including no library books."
"We have to get Daddy back before he gets lost again!"
"I already told Detective Beckett."
She smiled. "She'll kick butt and then wipe the nastiness off her
pretty shoes." She put her head down on his shoulder. "I'm
"You're going to be." She huffed. "Yay."
"Fine. Even though I was helping."
"Yay," he shot back. "Still wrong to sneak from daycare. I
would've had to destroy a lot of people if you had gotten hurt."
She looked at him. "Really?"
"Yeah. I would've brought out the warehouse and everything to kill
whoever hurt you." She whimpered. He nodded. "So
think about that the next time you do something like this. Try
thinking about whether or not we'd like it."
"Yes, Uncle Xander. Can we get baby brother and sister?"
"Yup." He shook the reporter's hand. "Thank you."
"I would've called Tara but she's not at work."
"No, today's her day off."
"I can understand that. How far along is she?"
"Three months." He grinned. "That's my future minion of
spoiled. Then I'll have four." The reporter smiled and
nodded. "Let me go calm down and yell at her." He walked
out. He took her up to the daycare, finding the head of it waiting
on him. "How?"
"She snuck out through a window in the bathroom. It didn't have an
alarm on it until this afternoon. We're really sorry, Xander."
He shook his head. "She was trying to be helpful. She's grounded by the way."
Xander smirked at the fussy thing he was carrying. "Shut up before
I decide to spank as well." She quit fussing. "Let me sign
them out?" She smiled back. "Shannon, Brad?" he
called. They came out squealing. "Good kids. Let's
go. Thanks, Missy. She's grounded for a week."
"That's fine, Xander. Good idea."
"But library books!" Olivia whined.
Xander looked at her. "I can paddle your ass," he offered.
She shook her head quickly. "C'mon, guys. Car." He
pointed. They followed him out. He got them in while Olivia
settled in her seat. He buckled her in last since she wouldn't try
to escape. Then he closed the door and looked at them. "Can
you?" he asked with a point. The head of the daycare
nodded. Xander walked off to the alley and threw the fit he'd been
trying to hold off for hours. A true screaming, hopping up and
down, swearing in multiple languages, nearly letting go and casting
magic fit. At the end he took a calming breath and then walked
back. "Thanks, Marge."
"Welcome, Xander. With the day you've had, the fit was fairly short."
"I was at a gun range until Peter's nephew told me." He looked at
the car. Dean was in there. He got in to drive. "She's
"Duh," Dean said. "Dad wants to beat her."
"Don't tempt me. I'm still debating that but we have other problems."
"Yeah, they gassed us," Dean admitted.
"Why?" Olivia demanded.
"To steal your dad."
"I'm going to kick someone really hard," she said with a scowl.
Xander glanced back at her. She calmed herself. "Can we call
"No, I'll call her in a bit. You can't use the phone for a week."
"Yes, Uncle Xander."
"Thank you. Dean, when we get home, her library books are going back."
"Sure, I can handle that. Dad will want to paddle her."
"She's going to take a punitive nap as soon as we get home," Xander said
calmly. "We have more problems than her acting up. I'm sure
she's not going to do it again too. As for spanking, that's up to
"Sure," Dean agreed, texting that at Tara. "Your phone?"
"Little pieces on the porch?"
"Sammy cleaned it up."
"Thanks." He rubbed his forehead.
"Let me drive," Dean ordered quietly. Xander nodded, pulling over
and getting out without complaint. He had a migraine
starting. Dean shifted over once Xander was out of the way.
Xander got back in and he drove them home. Once there, Olivia got
put in her bed. Xander went to lay on the couch with a cool
compress for his head. Dean gathered all the library books and
took them back while Sam and John watched the other two.
Peter came off the elevator a few minutes later. "British Customs
stopped them." Xander sighed and nodded. "They'll be sending
him home soon."
"That'll be a good thing," Xander agreed quietly. Peter looked
down at him. "Headache from holding off the fit." He got a
kiss and the bottle of advil handed to him. He smiled.
"Olivia is grounded for a week, Dean took her library books. If
she's getting spanked, Tara can do it," he told John when he opened his
"She's probably calmer," John agreed. "She has to learn."
"She was very upset when I grounded her tiny butt. She was nearly crying," Xander said quietly.
John nodded. "Good!"
"I also pointed out I'd have to destroy a whole lot of people if she had
gotten hurt. I'm pretty sure she'd hate that so she'd never do it
John smirked. "Guilt tripping might work since she's so sensitive."
Xander nodded. "The reporter said that she did a good interview and asked all the right questions for the later lawsuit."
"Excellent," Sam agreed. Someone called the house phone and he
grabbed it. "Xander's house." He listened, taking it
outside. Brad tried to follow but headed back inside since it was a
bit chilly today.
Xander looked over there. "Sam, problems?"
"Tell her Olivia wants to watch her clean the shit off her shoes when she kicks their asses."
"I can." He closed the door.
Xander relaxed again. When Peter sat down, he shifted to lay his
head on his husband's thigh. "Can we kill her?" he asked quietly.
Peter petted him, nodding. "Is not a horrible idea. We will
let the law try first and then say something." Xander swallowed
and nodded. "Relax, let us handle a few things."
"Please." Peter petted him, making him relax. Xander finally fell asleep.
John looked over from playing with the kids. "Good job," he mouthed. "Let them try things."
Sam came in and put the phone back on the base. "Beckett has
talked to Agent Philips in Homeland about this and the slut that wanted
to take him from the book party." Peter nodded. "She was a minion
of someone who wants to turn publically gay men in the popular media
straight by force." John snorted, shaking his head. "They
just had her arrested for your buddy Lorne," he said, looking at Peter.
"Was nice of them. Means I do not have to hit them next
time." He went back to petting his husband. They both had to
calm down before Peter arranged for a flight to Ireland. They
could take a full family vacation to kick ass. The kids would like
that; he would've at their ages and so would his nephews.
Daniel looked up from the table in the small room he was in when the
door opened. He got up and stared at the person being let in then
hauled off and hit her. "For hurting my kids. Olivia's got
to be freaking out since she just got me back."
"She's ...." his mother started to say and Daniel slapped her again. "How dare you! I knew they'd turn you!"
"The only thing that turned me was you," he spat. "You're an evil
bitch worse than most demons, Mother. How dare you!" The
officers tried to separate them. "I don't want to see that woman
ever the hell again."
"I can understand why," one of the officers said, getting between
them. "For right now, we need to finish taking statements and
arrange for you to get back to New York."
Daniel nodded. "Can we call my kids?"
"We can but the phone's been busy. Is it a mobile?" he
asked. Daniel nodded with a sigh. "Do you have the house
"Hopefully in my phone. If not, call Gunn's number, he'd have it."
"I can do that," he said soothingly. "Now, sit, please?"
Daniel sat, his back in a corner, staring at them. His mother got
put at the table. "All right. Let's start from the
top. How did all this begin? I know it had to start
somewhere beyond his kidnaping."
Daniel glared at his mother's back. "Oh, it did." He went
over a lot of past history, which mostly made her huffy and flinch a few
"That author guy?" one of the other officers asked.
Daniel smiled and nodded. "Olivia's my eldest."
"She's adorable. I saw them on an interview thing."
Daniel beamed. "She's a bit spoiled and very pouty about her
prettiness level but otherwise she's a good girl most of the time.
"She looked like it." The head officer looked at him. "Is
there any more current issues? We were told she was with the local
department earlier today."
He snorted and nodded. "She decided to tell someone that Xander's
one of those wrong and evil sorts. He's not. He's never
going to be even if someone possesses him."
"You don't need to be around people like that anyway!" his mother shouted, glaring at him.
He looked at her. "Shut up because if Willow doesn't come back,
I'm going to take up with a husband so I don't dishonor her
memory." She gasped. He stared her down. "Then we'll
adopt some kids." She burst out crying. He looked at the
officers. "Earlier, before my cousin proved he had lost his mind, I
was so mad I was going to rip her apart. Now, I'm more seeing the
pathetic as Tara calls it. Can I please get out of her stink?"
"Agreed," the head officer said, letting him be led to another
room. That gave him all he needed to know to charge her.
They had the cousin that had snatched him, who had refused to say
anything. He heard a disturbance and walked out, finding Daniel
beating the crap out of someone. "Another relative?"
"Nope, demon," he said dryly, kicking him. "No, you won't go near
my kids," he sneered. "No matter which realm or continent I'm
on. I'm pretty damn sure if Xander and Peter can't protect them,
Tara can and will. And if they can't, there's Winchesters, the
rest of the LA team, and a shitload of demons who owe Xander their
lives." He kicked him again. "Still want my family?"
It moaned and turned to goo. "Good!" He glared at his
cousin, who slowly backed away. "We're going to talk."
"You used to be the sweet one."
"Hmm, well, hunting and all that," Daniel quipped with an evil
smirk. "And you're the next highest on my shit list. Even
Willow didn't piss me off this badly when she was doing memory
spells." His cousin let out a nervous laugh and backed up
more. "If this so much as upsets my babies, you're going to be
paying forever. Even if I have to ask Xander to get me a contact
in the demon community."
"I'd never want to hurt your babies, Daniel. That's why I waited until they were at playschool."
Daniel sneered. "That's not going to save you." His cousin
nodded and looked down. "I'd sing so God has a pretty tune to
escort you to him for judgement. Maybe he'll forgive you since I
"I understand. Auntie is very wrong this time."
"Yup, she is. Hopefully he'll help her get right too." His
cousin nodded. Daniel let himself be led off. "Can we call
the house? I'd like to check on the kids."
"Sure. Let me get your phone," the officer said.
Daniel smiled. "Thank you."
"It's good that you stopped that harmful one from causing us more problems."
Daniel's cousin looked at the head officer. "I'm ready to make a deal."
"I'm sure you are. They'll be here in an hour or so." He
nodded and let himself be led back to his room. "Why was he out?"
he asked a staring officer.
"He jumped up when the other one started to beat the demon."
"Good reason then." He went back to questioning the mother, who
had witnessed all of it. Clearly she wasn't happy with what her
son was now like. Pity for her though.
Olivia heard the phone but it was muffled. She looked around then
sighed and summoned it. John was in the bathroom so he wouldn't
yell too much. "Hello," she chirped. "Daddy!"
John came out and took it. "Daniel, are you all right?" He
smiled at her. "She's fine. She snuck out of daycare to go
talk to a reporter but she's fine. Just grounded a whole
lot. The other two are good too. Where are you?" He
nodded. "That's a great thing, yeah. I can do that.
Napping off the migraine. Peter's down looking at weapons. I
can do that and we're guarding the kids. You know they're like my
own grandkids. I can do that. Here's Olivia." She was
giving him an impatient look and nearly snatched the phone from his
fingers. "Behave," he warned.
"Hi, Daddy." She listened and then smiled at her siblings, who
were staring. "No, they're doing pretty good. We're coloring
and nibbling on carrots and banana chips. I can do that.
How long before you come back?" She smiled. "That's a great
thing. Of course we like Grandpa John. He's a really good
grandpa. He teaches us stuff and he bought me my crossbow
too. I can do that," she chirped. "How do I do the bleepy
thing that turns it on speaker?" John did that for her.
"Thank you, Grandpa."
"You have very good manners, daughter," Daniel said.
"If I do then my baby brother and sister will," she said. She
moved closer to them. "It's Daddy." They cooed and waved at
the phone. "They're staring at it."
"That's fine, Olivia. Are you all right?"
"I'm okay and Auntie Tara said she'd paddle me next time if I ever did
something so stupid. Uncle Xander was mean and grounded me plus
took all my library books back."
"I would've paddled you and done that," John assured her. "You still wouldn't be sitting."
She stuck her tongue out. "Unclie Sammy said you were mean when he was little. He thought you grew out of that."
"That adds another week and an hour in the corner!" Xander called, coming down the stairs.
"As soon as he hangs up, your butt's going in the corner, young lady."
"I can agree with that. You have good manners, Olivia. Use them."
"Yes, Daddy. It's going to be three whole days?"
"Yup. They have to get some paperwork from the US. We're hoping it's going to be that fast."
"If they need a new sponsor or something I'll do it," Xander promised. "Are you all right?"
"He wasn't mean. Just gassed me. He's already praying and my mother is too. Haven't seen my father yet."
"If you need us, you let us know," Xander ordered.
"I will. Are they all right?"
"They're fine. Olivia's having an acting out day but otherwise they're good. It'll be all right."
Daniel sighed. "Thank you. I know I can trust you to protect
and nurture what's mine. I'll see you guys in three days," he
told the kids. "If not, I'll call as soon as I hear something."
"We can do that," Xander promised. "Be safe."
"I will be." He hung up.
Xander pointed. She huffed but did that. "You know better."
"I know," she pouted. "But it was daddy."
"That's great but your mouth is out of control again."
She nodded, sitting in the corner facing it, pouting heavily. Even the cats wouldn't come play with her.
John smiled at Xander. "Thank you."
"It's normal to act out when you're that age and bad things are going
on," he reminded him. "I'm sure you saw plenty right after you
lost your wife." John nodded he had.
Peter came up. "Anything new?"
"Daddy called," Olivia said. "He's all right. He said he needs paperwork and it'll be three days he hopes."
"That is fine. You and your siblings are very good to help raise." She smiled at him. "Why are you in corner?"
"I called Grandpa mean."
"Hmm, that is good reason, yes." He gave her a hug. "Quit acting out."
"Yes, Uncle Peter. Can we see Unclie Mickey's mommy again? She made nice stew."
"I will see." He looked at Xander, who shrugged. "Is not a treat really."
"No, that's a family dinner, not a treat. I wouldn't mind if she wouldn't. They could use a bit of normal."
"I'll call later." He took a kiss. "Head better?"
Xander smiled and nodded. "We should have that checked."
"I'm pretty sure it's a blood pressure spike. I checked mine and it was through the roof."
"Then we'll have to watch that. No one outside stupid people want
to lose you." Xander mugged him and then got a cuddle before going
back to making dinner. He looked at John. "Your boys?"
"Beckett for Sammy and Dean was heading to check on Tara since she called and hung up."
"That is good of them." Peter helped with dinner.
"Veggies?" Olivia asked.
"No. Regular potatoes."
"Oh," she said with a new pout. That was really mean of her uncle. He knew how much she liked veggies.
"I used to make the boys eat a full meal of vegetables when I was punishing them," John said, shaking his head.
"She'd like that."
"I know. That's why girls are harder to raise than boys."
Xander nodded. "There's marshmallows for dessert too."
Olivia sniffled and her pout got worse. He and Peter shared a
smirk. It was hard to punish Olivia since she didn't watch tv,
liked to sit and read, liked vegetables, and was generally on the
positive side of any punishment most parents used.
Xander answered the bell, going down to talk to whoever had run it. "Nicholas." He let him in. "What's up?"
"I saw Olivia's interview." He stared at him.
"She's so grounded for that," Xander said dryly.
"The reporter said she had snuck out of daycare to talk to her because
she knew that you went to people like reporters about bad things going
on." Xander nodded. "Is she all right?"
"Yeah, just really pouty about the grounding." He took him
upstairs. Olivia was back in the corner. He looked at Sammy,
who rolled his eyes. "Mouth, magic, or otherwise?"
"Magically changing her brother's diaper."
"It was gross," Olivia complained.
Xander stared at her. "It could've hurt him. You don't have the small control necessary to clean him with it."
"Oh." She grimaced.
"If you had told us, we would've changed him," Sam reminded her.
"That's an adult job, not an Olivia job." She nodded, looking down
and sitting down again. "Shannon cackled."
Xander nodded. "She likes to see her brother stumble and fall
too." He looked back at his nephew-in-law. "Any other good
"Mother sent me to check."
"We should have family dinner soon," Olivia said.
"Uncle Peter already called," Nicholas promised. He looked at
Xander. "Mother also wanted to know about the holidays."
Xander smiled. "Well, we're pretty multi-religious around
here. So we'll be doing solstice for me, Tara, and the kids.
Presents on christmas day, and we're going to your church for the
January 6th one." Nicholas smiled and nodded. "That way they
all get to know about the various religions in the family."
"That's a wonderful idea. We also run a daycare."
"No, their daycare has a member of Tara's coven working there. That's why we went there."
"That makes a lot of sense. The other two?" Xander
nodded. "Hmm. Uncle Peter said something about Shannon."
"She's a slayer."
"Oh," he said with a wince. "Training? I'm sure Uncle Peter can help."
"It's us, John, Dean, and Sam, some with Tara since she has gifts
too. Kinella's helped a few times and Faith just shudders because
she's been an active slayer for a long time."
"I can see that reason, yes." He smiled at his uncle when he came
in. "Mother wanted me to pump you for information on the
holidays." He looked at Xander. "What is Daniel?"
"Lapsed Catholic. The last few years he went to solstice with
Willow. If not, there's a non-bigoted church we know about."
"Good. Clothes, toys?"
"Sure," Xander agreed with a smile.
"Saks?" Olivia asked.
"No, and want another ten minutes?" Xander shot back. She slumped
and quit listening, putting her hands over her ears. He grinned at
his nephew-in-law. "She's in the middle of a growth spurt.
We can gladly give her sizes when we come for dinner and go over toy
"Please, no bells, whistles, or drums," Peter said. "Will drive me
nuts. Pans did this morning at two thanks to Brad." He
sipped his coffee.
"It was kinda brilliant that he made it out of the crib and down the
stairs without any of us knowing. Usually we would've woken up
when his door opened or we heard the first thump on the stairs."
"Good point. Was very well done." He looked at Olivia and pointed. "Why?"
"Magically changing diapers," Sam said. "Time's up." She
hopped up and went to play with the cats. That wouldn't get her in
trouble at all. "Olivia could use another bookshelf and a new
"I have no idea what Shannon was doing when she was trying to hide
inside it and broke a drawer," Xander agreed. "I'm looking at the
"I'll tell Mother that," Nicholas said. "Is Sunday good?" Peter nodded. Xander shook his head. "No?"
"No. Daniel may be back that day. If so, there's going to be fussy and crying kids."
"I get that. Wednesday?"
"Works," Xander said, finding his phone to look at it. "Peter has an interview at four downtown."
"We can do a later dinner then," Nicholas agreed with a smile.
"Thanks, guys. She's getting that grandchild feeling.
Mickey's hiding from her."
"She can be a virtual grandma like John is," Xander agreed. "Or a great-aunt."
"I'll tell her that." He smiled and hugged his uncle then left.
John opened the porch door. "I like the kids as
grandchildren. Their father has sense and you've raised Olivia to
have just as much."
Xander grinned. "We don't mind you being the grandfather. She needs more grandparents and people with sense."
"Peter's sister is a good woman from what you've said. Maybe
she'll be able to control the mouth." He stared in the
office. "I heard that. There is no magic spell to dye cats."
"Mommy's book has one."
"When did you get Willow's spell book?" Xander asked. "And
where?" He looked at John, who shook his head. "I only had
two and they were in storage," he said quietly. "Olivia?"
"It got mailed." She got up to get them and the package since she had kept them in there. "See?"
He looked. "Fred," he complained. "Did you do anything with
these?" She stared at him, looking scared. "I'm not
mad. I just wanted to know."
Xander nodded. "Okay. These are a bit adult for you so I'm
going to put them up. You can have them back when you're
ten. All right?" She started to sniffle. "John?"
He came in to test her, finding demon taint. "Maybe not Fred."
"I'll call," Peter said. "Since I cannot do exorcisms yet."
"This is going to be more than that," John said. "It's powerful."
"That might explain her acting out," Xander muttered as he walked off
calling someone. "I need a huge favor, Glenda. We just found
demon taint on Olivia and she had been sent some of her mother's spell
books." He pulled the phone away from his ear when she
screamed and ranted. "That's why I'm calling," he said toward
it. "We're at home." He hung up on new screaming.
Peter smiled. "Fred said she did not send them. Nor did Wesley or Gunn. They say they do not have her books."
Xander considered it. "They were confiscated, weren't they?"
Peter nodded. "So the fucking Council sent it to their guy in
"It's most likely," John complained. "They tried to approach me
when I had Shannon and Brad in the park. I had him arrested."
Xander nodded. "I so need to have a talk with the ones who're
still around." He went up to Olivia's room, finding a few
others. He came back down and put them with the first few.
"Call Tara, have her summon everything of Willow's back if she
can?" Someone buzzed the bell so he went to let them in.
"Hi, Father Morgan. John's working on it. Hi, Miss
Glenda. Living room." He watched them head up and sighed,
stepping outside and closing the door most of the way. He needed
some air and some breathing room before he had to throw another
fit. He felt more than heard someone sneaking toward him, kicking
the door shut as he turned to deal with it. He also got stabbed
before he could do more than turn. "That's so cute of you," he
growled, attacking back. The knife was still in there. The
demon was going to die. Hard. The demon tried to run but ran
into a familiar detective behind him. Xander pulled the knife out
and killed the demon, panting and holding his side. "Flesh
"Shut up, Xander. Go tell Peter to baby you." Detective Ryan
stared at him. "Why are we having the scary people
conference? Tara wanted to know."
"Someone sent Olivia some of her mommy's spell books through the mail. I found another six in her room."
Kevin grimaced. "That's probably a bad thing."
"Yeah, more than. Is Tara really pissed off?"
"Confused. Let's get you upstairs." He pushed the button and
John came down scowling. "Some demon just stabbed him in the
"It slid off to the side," Xander said.
"That'll work." He let them inside. "Olivia's free of the
taint. It saw Glenda and fled screaming that the Council had said
she was open game."
"I'll fix that later," Xander growled. He came off the elevator. "Dear, I could use a bandage."
"I figured it was something like that." He got the first aid box
and took Xander into the bathroom down there to fix him back up.
"What is our current plan?"
"I know some portal making demons."
"I could have used that when I was working." He took a kiss and
Xander sprinkled him with holy water. "I'm still me."
"When did you eat peppermint? I thought you hated it."
"I did but they had some for taste in protective herb candy."
"That's great stuff but the hyena hates it." He sighed and lifted
his arms up again. Peter smiled and finished the bandaging
job. "Let's go see the local Council."
"Is bold move."
"Yes but I'm pretty darn sure that they're going to hate that happening
since there's a prophecy about Olivia becoming a hunter and that being
the last apocalypse of humanity."
"Then yes, they should not like it." He walked him back out. "We are going visiting."
"No, I'm going to go growl at people," Xander admitted. He grabbed
his jacket and looked at Olivia. He squatted down to get on her
level, making her look at him. "We are not mad at you. It is
not your fault someone sent you those. You're just too little
right now to get into them. When you're old enough to start
seriously practicing with the coven, you can have your mom's books
back." She nodded, staring at him. "Until then, be a little
girl, not the scary mega witch daughter of the last mega witch."
He hugged her. "I love you, no matter how bad you are, no matter
how often your mouth gets you sent to bed or the corner, no matter how
often you chase the cats." She sniffled and nodded. "For
right now, be a good big sister. Play with your younger brother
and sister. They could use some play time."
"You're not mad?"
"No, I'm not mad. Even if the acting out was all you instead of
whatever tried to take you over, I'm never going to be mad at you.
She nodded, hugging him again. "Just don't marry Daddy. That
would be weird to have two husbands who needed pretty dress."
Xander snickered and gave her a squeeze. "Are you going to the
"Yes, but you're staying here. Grandpa's going to protect you
while Peter and I go growl at them. I'm going to go spank one of
them and you don't really need to see that."
She covered her butt. "They won't do it again."
"No, they won't be." He kissed her on the head then stood
up. "Be a good girl for Grandpa. I'll be back in a
bit." She nodded, climbing up onto the couch next to John and her
siblings. "Any other things you got sent?"
"A necklace," she said.
"I'll find it," John promised. "Dean and Sammy are on their way back."
"Okay." He smiled and hugged Glenda. "Thank you."
"You're welcome and that's a good time for her to get them."
"We found out because she was talking about a spell to dye the cats," John said.
"Why not, people dye their doggies pink," she said.
Xander shook his head. "The cats would riot and kill us all for
kitty food." He and Peter left, with a quick stop at the artillery
warehouse for something small but imposing. They walked into the
demon council's building with him in front. Peter followed looking
displeased. Demons all over the building went into a panic and
started to call Beckett, Taylor, Flack, the slayers, John, anyone who
would save them from Xander being so upset.
The demon council was in their meeting room. "You bring your tainted blood in here?" one demanded.
"Want me to fire this up your ass since I just killed one of your
assistants?" he shot back. The council gasped. "Let me make
something *totally* clear," he sneered at them. "Whoever sent the
demon at Olivia, I'm going to kill. I'm going to make a fucking
mess. Whoever sent her the spellbooks from her mother's library is
getting it too." He stared around. "Whoever it is that
keeps trying to get Shannon and Brad, I'm going to do worse to.
And then I'll start to cackle like my furry other self does."
The head of the council cleared her throat. "Excuse me? The family was attacked by one of us?"
Peter pulled out his phone to show her the picture he had taken as they
walked past it. "He stabbed my husband. I am not
pleased. I am even less pleased that we had to pull spirits out of
Olivia and had to upset her because she was reading her mother's spell
"Shit," she moaned, rubbing her forehead. She glared at that
councilor. "Why was your personal assistant attacking him?"
"He's not one of us!" He pointed at Xander. "He's a pretending being!"
"Shut the fuck up," Xander ordered. "I've never been a
demon. I've been possessed a few times. Got some mermaid
taint given to me. I've never said I was a demon beyond being one
in the bedroom." One of the guards coughed. Xander stared at
him. "Anya called me a viking and she should know." He
looked at them again. "I want that truth potion used on him so I
can find out if I'm ending him or others."
"We will hold a hearing," the head of the council agreed. "That was endangering not only us but humanity as well."
Beckett stomped in. "Xander," she said firmly.
He glared at her. "Someone nicely decided to endanger the
kids." He glared at the head of the council again. "And if
he's found guilty?"
"We will have him eaten," she promised. "Who sent the spellbooks?"
"Could have been the Council. They know about Shannon and tried to
get her from John. Might've been part of this plot. Someone
sent her three through the mail claiming to be from Fred. The
others were in her room with a necklace she also got sent." Peter
held up the picture Dean had sent of it.
The Councilor next to the idiot demon hauled off and hit him. "My
people would not send that at a child so I know your envoy had to get
it!" He looked at Xander. "That held a powerful Old One."
"Witch Glenda, Father Morgan, and John handled it," Peter said.
"Two banes to the side of Evil and the witch that makes every practioner
in the city shudder. It was a good choice." He looked at
the head of the Council. "I need someone to investigate when it
"Agreed. Anything else, Xander? Or you, Peter?"
Xander smirked at the demon. "I don't know why the demon wanted to stab me with the apocalypse attempt a few years back."
The head of the council gasped. "I had forgotten you got given a
demon plague!" She got up to hit him herself. "That is never
to be released on this plane or all of demon kind will die, and so will
most of humanity!" She hit him again.
Xander stared at her. "When would you like us to come back?"
"Hearings are done in secret," she told him. "We will call with a
verdict and let you witness his execution if he is found guilty."
She huffed. "You were going to destroy us all?"
"If all of you had hurt the kids, yup. Every damn last one in the city if I have to so they're protected and safe."
She smiled. "Good. I like that attitude. I would say
the same if someone were infesting my young. I'm sure most parents
would." She looked at Beckett. "We have no problem with him
wanting to destroy us for that reason."
"I'd do the same thing."
"It's a trait we have always admired in humans." She looked at
them. "Go put the shiny thing up, Peter, and calm your mate
down. We will be calling shortly after midnight."
"I wanted to know of those who make portals in case it is the Watchers who did it."
She blinked a few times. "They're mostly gone."
"There's six in town," Xander corrected.
"Well, many less than there used to be at least. If this was them
working through a demonic contact, we will hold them accountable as
well. Shannon is active, we all know of that." The demon
under arrest gasped and tried to back away. "We also all know that
all three children share their mother's gifts. Also that is why
their paternal grandmother is having fits?" Xander nodded.
"Then I pity her for her blindness. Olivia has always been a joy
to us. She's a sweet child and I'm sure you can turn her siblings
into sweet children who have manners as well." She smiled at the
detectives. "It will be fine."
"He's still not supposed to grab artillery without a cause," Flack said.
"There are three prophecies that state Olivia becoming a true hunter
will be Humanity's last apocalypse," one of the other members
said. "There is another about a slayer with magical gifts being
one of the final ones of demon kind."
"John's training her."
"Excellent. That means that she'll have sense, ethics, and a lot
of skills," that demon agreed with a smile for him. "Brad's earth
sense is also noted in one but the trio of children would be negated by
them having a sibling."
"Willow was pregnant when the portal snapped," Xander said. "I had
a vision of her miscarrying on purpose to power the spell to come
home. Daniel would probably kill her for it though."
"So there is a sibling," the head of the council decided. "We have
no idea if it was born alive though?" Xander nodded.
"Charming!" The others looked at each other then nodded.
"Where is her father?"
"Daniel got kidnaped to Ireland," Beckett said. "They're trying to get him back since he's naturalized."
"I said if he needed help on this end to call me," Xander admitted.
"Good!" They smiled. "We will have someone over there show
Daniel the prophecy about the three siblings. Perhaps he can
soothe his grief with someone or there's one we don't know about."
Xander nodded. "Or it could already be broken since I had to do a
quickie blood adoption rite to protect them the last time the possessing
kind of demon decided they wanted the children to help them go blow up
They all stared. "You did what?" the head of the Council
asked. Xander went to find the book and brought it back to show
them. Peter had the artillery to hold for now. She read it
and passed it on. "That makes them your heirs."
"Unless Peter wants a child or something happens to Tara, they're the
only ones I'll have," he said dryly. "The mermaid taint means I'm
She winced. "I had not thought of that. Does he know?"
"I told him I had done it. That it was temporary because it
is. I haven't officially proclaimed them. I was going to ask
permission come solstice."
She nodded. The others groaned. "Brad's gifts would do well
as the heir to the warehouse. Shannon's possibly as well.
Olivia's definitely." Xander grinned. "Was that the intent?"
"Very good idea then. We will ask Daniel about that. It
would definitely leave you able to help them with their gifts easier."
"Not like I have magic."
She snorted, glaring at him. "Shut up, Knight. Your gifts
may be small and based in hellmouth taint, but you do have a tiny one."
"It has stopped a bullet in the past," Peter reminded him. "Dean thinks that they activated when the visions started."
She nodded. "Probably, yes. That has been a noted path in
the past." She stared at them. "I could like that
idea. I'll talk to Daniel myself."
"He'll be pissed."
"Right now, it would be protective." She stared at them.
"Also, bind under the moon, Knight. It is no fair you did a
wedding in only one of your traditions."
"We went to the coven for a blessing."
"Yay!" She smirked. "That would grant your spouse and you
better protection from the other in case someone wants to use you to
start another apocalypse. Though I believe that would be four?"
She huffed. "It will be stopped." She smiled. "I will
talk to Daniel myself tonight. You go calm down." He nodded,
walking off. Peter followed. Beckett took the artillery
case from him with a glare. "Detective, it is his right and
responsibility to destroy whoever harmed his family. Even if the
whole building is killed in the process. That is his right by
"We're in New York and he has to follow our laws."
She smiled. "Your laws wouldn't convict him either. They'd
say he was insane from the problems and his muses." She snorted
but walked off shaking her head. The others followed. She
sat down with a sigh. "Get him out of my sight." They did
that. One of the librarians brought out the scrolls she'd need and
she got sent to Ireland to talk to Daniel in person.
Daniel looked up from sharpening a stake at the twinkling.
He was in a field near his sister's house to think for a while. He
really had some things he had to think hard about. "Head of the
Council," he said with a nod of greeting.
"Daniel." Her assistant made a chair appear for her to sit on. "There has been news that you have not heard."
"I heard someone tried to hurt the kids. I'd expect Xander to have handled it."
"Yes, we're holding a trial to kill that one if he did it." Daniel
smiled. "Xander was going to destroy us all to get him, which was
"He's not her parent."
"No but he could claim the children as his heir. It would actually
solve a few very bad problems." She handed him the scrolls.
"They are translated."
He read them, grimacing. "That's not good." He put them into
his lap and looked at her. "Xander had a solution?"
"We found out earlier that Xander had to protect them by doing that
temporary heir spell by blood." He nodded he knew that. "Him
formally adopting them as his heirs would solve that."
"Their mother would hate that."
"The other choice is them having a sibling."
He grimaced. "I have no idea if the new one got born yet," he admitted quietly. "Time runs faster there."
"I know. So did he." She looked around then at him.
"We are suggesting that he claim them as his heirs so it will warp and
close both of those. We know he thinks of them like his own
"He's a good da and uncle to 'em," Daniel agreed. "He's been very good to my sprouts."
"That would still leave you their father but would give them additional protection from the Council sorts over here."
"I've met one and nearly clocked him for suggesting they take Shannon to
train." He grimaced. "I was going to stab him but I was
stupidly unarmed when they snuck into my hotel room."
She smiled. "They can be like that, yes."
"I pointed out that my little girl had plenty who could teach her to
hunt and that being Willow's girl, they hated to go against Xander again
"They should, we hope." She tipped her head slightly to the side. "What do you think of the idea to close those?"
"It might be safer but I'd feel weird and I'm not sure their mother would like that."
"Is there another sibling from before then?"
He shook his head. "Not that I'm aware of."
"That is a consideration but she would hate the apocalypse more. It would also give him guardianship over her gifts."
"That I could like," he admitted. "I have no idea what to do about
their gifts sometimes. Xander and Tara've done good getting them
to see the ethics part so they don't have problems like Willow
did." He picked up the stake to work on some more. "I'd have
"He'd have to do it at solstice anyway." Daniel grinned a
bit. "I know he wasn't going to do more than ask. That way
they also stand to inherit the warehouse."
"Brad loves it."
"He and Olivia have gifts that would invaluable in that service.
Also, if something happened to you, that would mean no one could take
them from him."
"That's a thought I have as well. I've amended my will to show
that." He looked at her. "Why're your kind worried?"
"Because the three children represent a prophecied possible extinction event. None of us want that."
"No, I don't."
"Finding a way around prophecies has ever been the knight's job.
He actually warped some by being born male." Daniel snickered,
shaking his head. "Honestly. There was one that said a
slayer would be born upon the hellmouth there. He was the only one
born on top of it."
Daniel winced. "That so figures." She smiled and stood up. "I'll talk to him when I get back."
"Thank you. Many demons were taking bets on what his future actual
child would be like but he pointed out he was infertile thanks to the
mermaid taint. It ruined a lot of hopes and plans." She and
her assistant left.
Daniel went back to his stake carving. "That so figures with him," he decided.
Xander heard the buzzer for the door and pushed it. "Yes?"
"Yes I am. Why?" He was going to lose his patience again this week. It might not be very pretty either.
"May we speak?"
"Fine." He came down, making sure the door shut behind him. "What, Watcher?"
"Um, I was sent to ask a question. We've heard rumors about a
prophecy we've been paying attention to. One about a slayer born
on the hellmouth."
"Are you looking toward one that's born to a demon family?"
"No. Why would we?" he asked, looking confused.
"Because when they closed Sunnydale, they ceded it to the peaceful demon
population." The watcher still looked confused. "You know
why Buffy moved to LA, right?"
He sighed and rolled his eyes. He pushed the button. "John,
can you bring me the Sunnydale report from my office? There's a
watcher who needs to see it."
"Sure." He came out a moment later, nodding at that one. "Olivia's sleeping in today."
"That's fine. I was keeping her home today anyway." He handed it over. "On why the FBI closed Sunnydale."
He read the first few paragraphs and groaned. "We were not aware of this. Who guards the hellmouth?"
"I'm told there's an elite guard unit protecting it from being
used. All the vampires got run out of town once the peaceful
demons took over."
"I see." He cleared his throat. "There's a prophecy that
states one of our most powerful slayers would be born on that
Xander snickered. "The only child ever born directly overtop of
that hellmouth was me." The watcher whimpered. Xander
smirked. "No mole, not female."
"How?" John asked.
"She was working in the school and went into labor. She was
drunkenly mopping when her water broke so she cleaned it up while
complaining about the mess that someone had made. Or so she told
me. Then suddenly I started to come, which surprised her.
She thought I was bad burritos causing stomach cramps."
"That figures," he muttered. "This prophecy?"
"It says that one of the strongest slayers, a new fencepost in the
lineage basically, would be born on top of the hellmouth sometime last
"Which you naturally warped by not being born female," John
realized. Xander smiled and nodded. "You did it before you
were born; I'm amazed, kid."
"Me too. Then again, I've helped hold the slayer line strong for years."
"True. You've done a good job helping the girls." He looked at the watcher. "Why is that a problem?"
"We thought it might weaken. Though I can see how you've managed
to keep it stronger while still warping it. Um, I was ordered to
politely ask you to hand over the future slayer under your control?"
"No, I'm training her with John and Kinella," Xander said firmly.
"She's Willow's daughter. The whole hunting community hates your
asses for the way you treat the girls you train. There's no way
you're getting a kid that's like my own to ruin."
"I see. Does she have her mother's gifts? There's that prophecy you know."
"I know. And I'm talking to Daniel about making them my heirs for
the warehouse." He grinned. "That should nicely stop that
one as well."
"Oh, I dare say that might, yes," he said, getting weak kneed as the
implications hit him. "Um... That's good. I'll tell
the others. The Watchers that got sent with the LA team?"
"I'm told Giles died of an infection," Xander said more quietly.
"Wes is back in LA. The only ones still trapped are Buffy and
"That's reasonable I suppose. I'll report on that and on this
since it wasn't noted anywhere. Thank you for being civil."
"I can be civil but if you ever attack those kids again I'm going to
kill every last one of you. I'll cackle pleasingly and let my
husband calm me down while he's nagging he could've helped."
"I'll pass that along as well." He fled before Harris got less polite.
Xander looked at John, who shrugged. "It's nice he was polite."
"Very." They went back inside to work on breakfast.
Olivia looked around her daycare a few days later. "Missy, where's Shannon. My sissy radar is broken."
Missy, who was a member of Tara's coven, looked around then at her. "She should be in the next room."
"No, she gives me funny feelings when she's close by."
Missy went to check. "Olivia said that Shannon's not here?" she asked quietly.
The room worker looked at her. "Who, Missy?" she asked with a smile.
"Shannon. Olivia's sister?"
"She doesn't have any siblings."
"Shit," she said, heading for the head of the daycare. "Olivia's siblings?"
"She has siblings?"
Missy grabbed the phone and dialed. "Gloria, something's
happened. No one remembers that Olivia has siblings and she said
Shannon's not nearby." She listened. "I am! Thank
you." She called someone else. "Detective Beckett, Missy at
the daycare. At least Shannon is missing, possibly Brad as
well. They don't remember that Olivia has siblings. I have
Gloria coming. Thank you! I don't want to tell Tara or
Xander!" She hung up and tested her boss, who was looking
confused. Yup, spelled. Pretty heavily spelled. The
head of the coven stomped in and looked, then ended the spells on the
building. The room worker for Shannon's room ran in and grabbed
the phone. "I called Beckett."
"Thank your Goddess. I didn't want to tell Xander."
Beckett stomped in with her minions and another officer. "What happened? Is there tape?"
"Yes," the head of the daycare said, shaking her head to clear it.
Gloria undid the rest of them on her and she sighed. "That's
"No, that's the fucking Council," Beckett muttered.
"Calling Philips," Esposito said.
Ryan nodded, calling Tara and Xander on a conference call, getting her
and Peter. "At least Shannon is missing from daycare. There
was a spell to ignore that they existed." He winced as Tara's
shouting came through the phone. "Are you at work, Tara?" He
hung up when they did. "Okay. Tara's a bit pissed
off. She's having a mood swing."
Gloria looked at him. "You're a braver man than I'll ever be,
Detective." She checked, following the kids' protections.
"Brad's possibly here." She went down to the basement. He
was being guarded by a hellhound, but he had bites and a few
bruises. "Did you do that?" The dog whined and nuzzled Brad
then looked at her. "Good boy. Thank you. Xander will
say the same for protecting them." She petted it.
"Detectives, he needs an ambulance to somewhere that can deal with demon
injuries." The door slammed open and she looked up. "Tara,
calm down. It's not good for the baby," she said patiently.
She knelt beside him, checking him over. "Those are fairy
bites." She looked around then at the cowering dog. "Thank
you for protecting my nephew, puppy." She hugged it. "Good
job. Can you wait with him until Xander and Peter get to the
hospital?" The dog yipped and lapped the boy. "Good
boy." Paramedics rushed down. "Fairy bites. Wash them
in saline solution, they do carry diseases. He'll need his tetanus
shot probably. The dog goes with him because it protected
him. His uncles can meet him there."
"Sure, Miss Maclay," the paramedic said. She stared at him.
He flinched and backed away. "I'd never hurt the brother of a
slayer." She stood up. That one tried to run and ran into
Beckett. "Save me!"
"Hell no," she sneered. She walked him off. "Tara, let me
get a real set of paramedics." She looked at the other one, who
shrugged and looked confused. "Do what she said. Now."
He nodded, moving to treat the poor baby. Esposito told dispatch
the updated news and they agreed. The airports were shut
down. There was an Amber alert. Someone was going to die
when the uncles found them.
Peter hung up and hopped up to grab weapons. Xander came out of
the office, staring at him. "Shannon is missing from daycare,
possibly Brad as well."
"I'm going to kill," he said calmly and quietly. "I don't like to
kill humans but fair warning not to let me lose my fucking mind."
Dean was on the couch and flinched, getting up to get out of the
way. He packed them a few bottles of water and handed them over to
Peter, who was following Xander out the door. Then he called
John. Dean wasn't dumb, he wasn't getting in the way of that.
In Ireland, Daniel got the news and hung up his phone calmly. He
was in the US embassy at the moment. "The Watchers Council just
stole my daughter from her daycare in New York," he said quietly.
"Is she one of theirs?"
"No, she's mine even if she is a slayer. Her mother was part of
the LA team." The counselor shuddered. "Excuse me while I go
"If you create a problem, they'll throw you in jail, sir."
Daniel stared at him. "If they have my daughter, they won't
survive to press charges. I want to get mine in before anyone else
does." He walked off. The immigration guy was calling his
boss to warn him.
Someone ran out. "Let us put in a diplomatic protest," she
offered. "We can get her back within a day. The locals hate
the Council," he offered.
Daniel stared at her. "I doubt her uncles will hold off that
long. You can put one in but if I find her first, oh well."
"I can point that out. Let me get you an escort from the
Police. They can do that with Social Services." He nodded
once because that wouldn't take too long. She pulled out her
cellphone to start making calls. Pretty soon she had a detective, a
SWAT team on standby because they'd need one to rescue her, and Child
Welfare people going with them. The detective checked with
the airport, they had no private flights going out from them. None
to New York in months. So they had to have used magic. That
meant she could already be there and they could go now. The
social worker got a court order to turn the child back over to her
Daniel walked into the building first when they got there. "You stole my daughter."
"No, we have no children in this building," the receptionist said with a smile.
Daniel hit her desk and caved in the center of it. "You stole my
daughter from fuckin' New York City," he growled. "I'll get her
back now. I'm letting them handle it for me because otherwise I'll
be helping her uncles."
She swallowed. "I know nothing about that."
"Then I'd get your supervisor," the social worker said. "After
all, we're well aware of your problems, young lady. I would also
suggest a new job that won't get you thrown in jail for accessory to
kidnaping." The young woman started to make frantic phone
calls. Security teams showed up. SWAT came in.
Security teams almost tried to fight until they got subdued. Then
the rest of the PD took over the building. Xander and Peter
appeared in a flash. "Immigration must love that," the social
Xander stared at her. "I'm from the Sunnydale team. The girl
they stole is my niece." She backed down. "Daniel, have you
checked the training rooms?"
"No. Which level are they on?"
Xander took out something and fired it into the floor. There was a
stone ceiling below them and it was cracked. Xander hopped on it a
few times before it caved. "Down here." He whistled as he
Peter looked at the detective. "I cannot stop my husband. They have attacked the family and him before."
"I wouldn't figure you could stop any parent," one of them agreed.
They followed while SWAT and the social worker checked on the other
children they were finding. It wasn't that hard to follow
Xander. You could hear him yelling.
"I told you not to fuck with the Sunnydale team. Did you listen,
no!" he shouted and something else solid sounding fell. "I warned
you not to come near my family again too! Did you listen,
no!" Something got kicked in. "I'd move that gun from my
niece's head before I kill you all!"
Peter caught up to him and shot the guy holding Shannon. "That is
easier," he said, letting Xander pick her up to hold her. Daniel
rushed in to cuddle her around Xander. Peter looked around.
"I can hear other children crying," he said quietly with a point.
Xander looked then blew in the door with the thing on his hand.
"The shit you find in a mystical warehouse from General Jack's
project." The officers rushed in there. He went back to cuddling
Shannon and Daniel. "They spelled the daycare to not know that
Olivia had siblings."
"Brad?" Daniel asked quietly.
"Fairy bites. Tara said a hellhound was protecting him."
"Good!" He took her to cuddle. "Did they scare you?"
She nodded, getting pouty. "It won't happen again, Princess.
Daddy will destroy everyone who tried." She clung to his chest,
looking at Xander. "It's my turn to destroy them."
Xander took off the hand thing and held it out. "Trade you for her cuddliness."
"Sure," he said, handing her over. "You wait with Uncle Xander
while I go destroy stuff." She giggled and waved. He stomped
off. "Where's the assholes in charge?" he demanded.
"Is that an illegal device?" one of the detectives asked.
"I guard a mystical warehouse. It came from a seriously screwy US
Air Force project. My warehouse likes to steal from it all the
"Like the one in London?" the social worker asked as she moved
closer. "Can I examine her to make sure she doesn't need medical
attention?" Xander shifted her so she could see Shannon
better. "She looks fine. A bit bruised."
"I'm an excellent field medic, and yes," Xander said with a grin.
"I guard the one in New York. These are my best friend's
kids. I'm their favorite uncle."
"That's wonderful." She patted the baby on the foot. "You're
such a good girl." Shannon smiled and hid her face in her uncle's
shoulder. "Her father?"
"That way," Peter said with a point. There was new debris dust
coming from the direction he had headed. She sighed but
followed. Peter held out his hands. "Let your uncle go
destroy things while I guard you. He has reason to hate these
people that I do not yet." Shannon leapt at him and cuddled in
with a hum. He smiled and patted her on the back. "Do not
get arrested," he said quietly.
Xander smiled. "I'll try really hard not to." He jogged to
catch up to Daniel. Daniel was running out of anger.
Fortunately Xander saw a good reason for it and released the harmless
demon they had in a tiny cage. "Are you evil?" She shook her
head. "Did you bite my nephew?"
"They made me, even though my kind do not eat flesh." She sniffled. "I got very sick."
Daniel looked at her. "How did they make you?"
"They poisoned me." The officers with them stared at her.
She held up the thing on her arm. "This releases a blood poison
that makes us crave blood, even if it does make us ill. I hate
One of the SWAT guys picked the tiny lock and let her free. She
did look a lot better. Even if she did have to finish throwing
up. "How did they capture her?"
Xander pointed to the north. "There's a few communities of the
Fairy societies up that way," he said quietly. "She's pretty
young. You can tell by the hair."
"Can we deliver her back there?" one asked.
Xander shook his head. "They'll think you're part of the people
who stole her." He pulled out his phone and tapped out a message,
getting a demon. He pointed. "They poisoned her."
"Damn, that's going to cause a war."
"Tell them a pissed off parent of a slayer born is freeing his child and
freed her." The demon nodded and left. He looked at
Daniel. "Because you doing it won't cause a war."
Daniel smirked. "I could like that, yeah. Do we have those?"
"Up by Great Escape, that theme park? Within a few miles of there."
"Huh." He kicked in the next door and winced. "Been a while since I had to do this."
Xander went jogging back to Peter and got the bag, coming back to open
it the old fashioned way. It blew up. He walked through the
rubble. "Knock knock. Sunnydale Team members here to kick
your asses." They heard chanting and followed it. The SWAT
guys were looking nervous. Xander looked in his bag then at
"Not a bit."
"Silver, guys?" One handed over a silver pin. "Okay.
I'll try not to ruin it." They let the officers sneak in and
Xander lunged for the demon they were summoning. Daniel went for
the casters. The cops looked confused but the ones with weapons
were taken down. Xander had to stab the demon a few times and got a
few claw marks for it. The demon did die though. Xander
climbed off the body and wiped the pin off, then handed it over with a
smile. "Thanks. I didn't even think to grab anything like a
silver dagger." He looked around. "People, for future
reference, how many times have you been warned against screwing with the
Sunnydale or LA teams?" A few glared from their imprisoned
places. "Shannon is my niece. I'm training her just like I
learned from Giles, Buffy, Faith, Kendra, and now Kinella." A few
shuddered. "Now, is there anything else? Because if so, I
can gladly help Daniel kick your asses. We were polite until you
weren't. Then each time you attacked, we had to get meaner and
meaner. This time, I'm about to blow up this building without
using a weapon. Not that I don't have any but why waste a good
toy." A few shuddered and inched back. "Leave Shannon
alone. And her siblings."
"She's going to become an apocalypse!" one shouted.
"I'd never let that happen. Remember, I'm the one that warps
prophecies!" He smirked and waved. "As in the only one ever
born on top of the Sunnydale hellmouth." They all stared. He
smirked and nodded. "As in ever, yeah. And hey,
male." They all moaned. "Beyond that, I've asked Daniel to
officially name them my heirs over the warehouse. That way they
will be protected. And by the way, they have a sibling,
people. Therefore there's not three anymore." The rest
nodded, looking down.
"Now, are you guys going to leave New York the hell alone? And the
LA team? And by the way, the kids would like their mother's
things back without you sending them while pretending to be Fred."
One laughed nervously. "The New York Demon Council is very upset
that you used one that way and now they have to hold elections.
He took the hand device back from Daniel and pointed it at a wall,
destroying the thing he could feel hiding in it. It screamed, bled
a lot, and died. Xander looked at the other one. "I can
feel chaos beings *very* well, dude." It laughed nervously and
fled. The higher demon that came down ran screaming when it saw
what Xander was wearing. He grinned at Daniel. "I think they
decided I'm scary again."
"I'd say," Daniel agreed. "I'll never have a rep that scary."
"Of course you will." Xander patted him on the back. "Let's get Shannon home?"
"Please," Daniel agreed.
"I want that hand device confiscated," one of the SWAT guys said.
"Even if it does belong in some mystical warehouse, it's dangerous."
"I'll give it to the general that the warehouse stole it from or one of
the guys in the NYPD that I trust," he offered with a grin.
"I know some of them. I also know some of the detectives on for demon things."
"Their SWAT," the boss ordered.
"Okay, I can do that. Can we take her home to be fussed over?"
"Take the father too."
"I got kidnaped and I'm waiting on paperwork," Daniel admitted.
One of the detectives walked off calling the consulate. "We're
sending the father of the missing child home without having to go
through Customs since they all appeared here. Is that all right
with you? Thanks." He hung up. "Go ahead and go.
I'm sure your kids need you, sir."
"I need 'em even if they're okay," he admitted. He walked back to
Peter and took his girl to cuddle. "I missed you three." She
cooed and petted him. "Peter, can we go?"
"If you're done making a mess."
One of the detectives looked at him. "From where in Russia?"
Peter smiled. "I am retired to be an author now. This is my spouse, Alexian Harris."
Xander smiled and waved. "Hi, guys. Retired from demon hunting. I'm on for apocalypse battles."
"Good!" the detective decided with a nod. "Go home, you
lot." Xander texted someone and a minute later they were
gone. He relaxed and looked at the social worker. "I'm sure
you've got plenty to do without that one."
"I do and it's heart warming how nice the boys are and how good of
parents they are. If parents aren't frantic in these sort of
situations I always wonder what's wrong with them."
The detective looked around the mess then at her. "This was just angry."
"I would be too."
"Me too, yeah." They went back to finish freeing the kids.
Not even groups like this could keep kids hostage to train them the
'right way'. The Queen and the PM frowned on that. A lot.
Xander and the others appeared in the apartment. The other kids
pounced Daniel to cuddle and their sister to coo at. Xander looked
around. "No detectives?"
"They're off trying to find the two that're still in the city," Sam said.
"Hmm. Cool. I got ordered to turn over the toy. But
the social workers got *real* unhappy with all the kids they had in
holding." He grinned. "And there's a crapload of building
fixing needed too." He kissed Peter. "Daniel, you want some
"Please. I don't mind if Dean and Sam are here."
Xander hugged and kissed each of the kids. "Let me check on Auntie Kate and make sure they're all right. Okay?"
Olivia looked at him. "Thank you for rescuing Daddy."
"I don't mind rescuing your father or your sister." He
smiled. "I'll never mind rescuing any of you." She nodded
and put her head down. "You guys behave for Daddy and Uncles Dean
and Sam. I'm getting lunch for me and Peter while we're out."
"Okay but you call often so we don't have to worry," Olivia ordered.
"We will," Peter promised, patting her on the head as well. "You
spend some time with your father." She snuggled in again, putting
Shannon between her and Daniel for the most cuddling coverage, and so
Brad could have more of him.
Xander and Peter walked into the station and up to Beckett's desk, but
she wasn't there. He leaned in the captain's office. "I'm
handing over a neat toy to Beckett and SWAT. We're going to hang
in her chair until she's back if that's all right."
"Fine, Mr. Harris. What happened?"
"The Watchers Council took Shannon, Olivia's sister. We used the
nice device to destroy all of their holding cells full of potential
slayers." He grinned. "They're not happy but yay!" He
closed the door and sat down. He sent a message to the head guy at
SWAT too. Beckett sent back that they'd be back soon. The
other one said he was on maneuvers and would be there in an hour.
Xander got comfortable and pulled out his e-reader. Peter smiled
and checked his email on his phone.
Beckett walked in and tipped her chair up, making Xander get up. "What did you do?"
"We went and rescued Shannon."
"Good! Why are you here?"
"Scotland Yard's SWAT team said I have to give General Jack's thing to
one of the local SWAT guys." He grinned. "We opened the wall
into the holding cells for the potential slayers too."
She grimaced. "How many others?"
"I think twelve but I was jogging past and there was already a social worker there."
"Good!" The head of SWAT stomped in. "It came from the warehouse?"
"Yeah, it came from General Jack's part of the warehouse but the
Scotland Yard SWAT guys said to hand it to you." He grinned and
handed it over.
The two cops looked it over. "How do you use it?" Beckett asked.
"It's a hand device," Peter said, taking it to put on and fire at a brick, outside wall. "That's on low."
Beckett looked at the bubbling paint then at the device. "What's it like on high?"
"They really need some renovation," Xander admitted with a grin.
"Even when Daniel had it, they *really* need some renovation."
She sighed but nodded. "Okay, we'll let SWAT hold it while I call
the general." She stared at them. "Go cuddle the kids."
"Daniel needed some daddy time and the kids needed reminded they can go to him when they're upset," Xander said more quietly.
"I get that." She patted him on the arm. "Are you less pissed off?"
"Mostly." Peter handed over the bag. "Oh, yeah, the rest of
what we brought with us." He handed it over with a grin. "I
needed silver but I didn't have any. I really have to repack the
Beckett let out a quiet moan at what was in there. "Was this in
the warehouse?" He grinned and nodded. "Where?"
"It got put on the inventory this month."
"Okay. That's good. I need to go do a count later.
What did you use?" Xander pointed at the used cases.
"Anything not in there?"
"Two or three maybe?"
"Fine. You two go do an inventory and send it to me." They
nodded and left. She looked at the other detective. "Lock
"Gladly. I'm just glad we can stand down." He walked off,
tucking that device carefully into his bag on the way down the
elevator. He did not want it to go off on him.
Beckett sat down with a displeased noise and found her contact
list. "General O'Neill, it's Kate Beckett. Xander found one
of your hand thingies and used it to destroy most of the building that
had stolen Olivia's sister. Our SWAT guys have it when you want it
back," she told him. He asked for a description. "It looked
like a hand spider with a hole in the center. Yeah, that's about
it. I don't know," she admitted. "I'm making them do an
artillery inventory for me because they had to use some. Thank
you." She hung up and thumped her head on the desk. "I hope
they aren't allowed to reform," she muttered.
"Are they allowed to use it for that purpose?" the new captain asked.
"Against the people who have tried to kill him more than five times, had
a huge contract on his head, and who tried to steal his niece?" Kevin
Ryan said. "Yup. Especially since they found at least twelve
other girls they had gotten control of somehow to train in their
"Turning gifted young women into perfect little soldiers," Esposito
said. "If they hadn't, there's some RAF guys I would've called to
handle it for them." The captain gaped in horror at him.
"They take these girls from their families," he said, leaning back in
his desk chair. "Sometimes legally, sometimes not depending on the
family and where in the world they're from. It's one watcher, one
slayer trainee, somewhere. Training is her only life.
"Kinella was trained by one. She had three whole outfits to her
name so she could change after patrol, and her watcher did her have on
patrol before she was given the full slayer gifts. She's expected
to go out there by herself every single night and slay until she
dies. And by the way, she's usually called around fifteen or
sixteen." The captain shuddered. "I know some RAF guys that
wanted to do them in before but couldn't due to politics.
Apparently that's gone now."
"They can't threaten to release something or not handle something
anymore," Beckett said, lifting her head. "With Shannon having
been activated already, plus a prophecy, they're seriously trying to
take her out and hurt Harris and Shannon's family at the same
time. They hated him so much some of them tried to shoot him on
the streets a few years ago." The captain moaned and went to take
something for her new headache and then call the mayor. She looked
at them. "Bitter much?"
"I found out recently one of my cousins disappeared to them." He smirked. "No idea if she made it or not."
"Ask whoever gets into their records," Kevin said. "They'd
probably keep records on that. Or I hope they would." He
pulled out his phone and texted Xander. "Yeah, there's a
book. They list each potential and any pertinent facts or what she
handled. Xander said it's magically updated and he took it during
that signing trip when they invited him for that chat that included him
beating asses." He looked up. "Its on the bookshelf in his
"I can look at that later." He grinned. "Shannon all right?"
"He was giving the daddy time to calm them down so they don't
automatically want Xander. He knew Daniel was getting frustrated
with all that," Beckett said. "Shannon was probably clinging to
him though. Olivia would like to but she's been raised for most of
her life by Xander."
"About half," Kevin said. "She really loves Daniel though."
"She does. I'm just glad she realized Shannon wasn't
around." She sighed. "That would've been an even bigger mess
if it had went on more than a few hours." The general beamed in
and she smiled. "Let me get the SWAT guy that has it locked up."
"Please." He sat down. "Our British liaison wanted to know
how a mystical warehouse stole some of our project. Fortunately
someone there who knew about the one in London told him." She
laughed and nodded. He looked around, seeing the damage.
"It's not charged?"
"That was on low."
"Excellent. We could use a fully charged one." The SWAT
detective brought it up. "Thank you." He signed the release
form with a smile. "Everyone locally okay?"
"The demon council put something out that said they were mourning the
loss of anyone innocent who got between Daniel and his daughter over
"Me too," Jack agreed. "But if it had been my daughter, I wouldn't
have stopped with someone left alive." He stood up. "Let me
get back to the base. Anything else in the warehouse I should
"They're doing an inventory of the apocalypse vault while Daniel does daddy duty," she said with a smile.
"Excellent." He disappeared. He held it up then looked at it
and tested it against a wall, watching it crumble. "Half
charged," he decided. Sam Carter took it from him and went to
charge it. "It got used in England."
"I heard. Our liaison is moaning in misery that no one had stopped them after the last time."
Daniel looked up as someone appeared. "D'Hoffryn."
He nodded back. "They were going to test her," he said quietly.
"She was in a room."
"There was a vampire waiting, Daniel. They were going to do the same thing they did to Buffy upon her maturity birthday."
Daniel nodded once. "Then it's a great thing they're mostly dead, huh?"
"Yes, it is." He smiled. "I wanted to warn Harris."
"He's doing an artillery inventory while I do daddy stuff."
"Wonderful." He stared at the staring child. "I'm
D'Hoffryn. I'm over wish demons, Shannon." She waved weakly,
still staring at him. "I am not a bad sort. I help people
who have been badly hurt and need to make a wish."
"He's like Jacob," Olivia told her with a grin for him. "He helped us get Daddy and you guys home."
Shannon grinned and waved, putting her head down again.
"She's an excellent girl, Daniel. Some day she'll be the brightest
star." He winked at Olivia. "You'll have a totally
different field to dominate."
"Oooh, like the spanking people that I caught Uncle Dean watching?"
Daniel cleared his throat. "Want grounded again for that?"
"No," she said, looking pitiful. "Sorry?"
"No more of that."
"Yes, Daddy." She put her head down too and cuddled Brad.
D'Hoffryn smiled. "They're sweet children."
"You want me to do what the Council lady suggested?"
"That's one solution and the best liked unless you can get the baby from
Willow." He shrugged. "That's up to you two. You're
the father and I'm fairly certain that even if the kids lost it totally
and went after everyone, Xander and you would step in and stop
them. Some of them haven't figured that part out yet however."
Daniel grinned. "I would, yeah. He really needs to be a Da to his own hoard."
"He's still infertile. Beyond that, Peter could give him some if he wanted." D'Hoffryn disappeared with a hand wave.
Daniel looked at Olivia. "We'll have to talk to Uncle Peter about having some kids for you to play with and teach."
She grinned. "After Auntie Tara does?"
"Definitely." She wiggled and kissed him on the cheek then got up
and grabbed a book then came racing back to read to her siblings.
She loved reading to them.
Daniel picked another book. "I don't need that one stuck in my
head today." She smirked and settled in to read it with his
help. Shannon and Brad loved storytime. It helped them get
Xander came in that night with dinner, handing Daniel the bag and
kissing each of the kids on the head. "How was your afternoon?"
"It went well. They calmed down and snuggled in all day," Daniel said with a grin for him. "Thanks."
"I know you're the daddy, Daniel. That's a special bond I'll never
have as their uncle." He gave him a hug and a pat on the
back. "That's bread and stuff."
"That should go well with the cheesy veg I made." Olivia got up
and snoopy danced. Daniel smiled while Peter took film from his
phone. "That's so adorable." Xander beamed at him.
"Not a problem, man. You know that." He looked down at the
feeling of little arms on his thigh. "Hi, Shannon. How are
you doing now?" He picked her up with a groan. "Someone fed
you rocks for lunch."
She laughed and hugged him around the neck. Brad came toddling
over to help. "Great job," Peter praised, patting him on the
head. Brad beamed at them.
"Very good job, son," Daniel agreed, handing him some broccoli to gnaw on.
Olivia beamed. "We worked really hard on that this week at daycare."
"You did good helping him," Daniel praised.
Xander grinned. "That's very helpful. Soon they'll be too big for the stroller."
"Oooh, that'll make shopping harder. Am I supposed to be doing something this week?"
Xander looked in his phone. "Donating to the Mayor's thing this
weekend. So you'll need to be dressed up and we need to pick out
what you're giving them."
"No, new stuff. We give the bell people the toys we separate out
and the clothes." She nodded with a grin. "You're growing
anyway so a lot can go to them this time if they won't fit Shannon or
"I can't see him in a pretty frock," Daniel teased.
"T-shirts are universal," Xander quipped.
"Good point. Why is she doing that?"
"Her twitter people got her notice for donating."
"Ah. I still don't like that."
"The guy who runs it is absolutely sure she's never going to have a problem from it." He smirked.
"I would hate to beat him," Peter agreed.
Olivia twirled and pounced him. "When are you going to give me siblings and Uncle Xander real babies?"
"Not for a few years yet," he said patiently. "Why?"
"I need more siblings than Auntie Tara's. I need them before I'm too old to play with them."
"I'm sure we'll work it out," he promised with a wink. She grinned
and danced over to Xander to hug him too. "Perhaps dance class?"
"None for her age group right now and she's got funky rhythm," Xander
said. "Unless she wants to try an African dance class."
She blinked a few times. "Is that fun?"
"You can try it Monday afternoon, after daycare, and see."
"Okay." She looked at her dad, who nodded that was fine. She
beamed at him. "Since Grandma was so mean and stole you, can we
steal her ponies?"
"We have nowhere to put them, dear," Daniel said patiently.
"There's places in park," she countered with a grin. "They can teach us how to ride too."
"When you're old enough to take care of one yourself, and that includes
going to clean out the stalls every day, we'll talk about ponies,"
Xander said. She sighed but nodded. "Who told you about park
"Huh. You're a bit too young."
"I doubt we'll be having a farm anytime soon," Daniel complained lightly.
"Riding lessons," Xander countered.
"Good point. Could be nice too. I learned by falling off ours."
"Alexis said it's a good thing. It helps your posture, teaches you
responsibility, and gets you into the fresh air. Depending on
what high school she goes to it might even be an elective."
Daniel stared at him. "She doesn't need to hang with that sort."
"It'll get her into college faster."
"I'd rather she went to a real person school, not one of those colleges."
Xander waved a hand. "I'm still paying for her PhD and real people
go to Harvard and Yale all the time." He grinned. "Harvard
even admitted a woman who was homeless a few years back, who graduated
with a nearly perfect GPA."
"Still," Daniel complained.
Xander stared at him. "I'd do anything to make sure these kids
have a good, healthy start on life with all the benefits they can hold
so they're not one of the faceless masses that ends up struggling for
every penny for the rest of their lives," Xander said quietly.
"They already have their shared educational fund." He walked off.
Peter shook his head. "He means the best for them," he told the
scowling father. "Is a lot harder to get a good job with degree
from mediocre college."
"Perhaps but she's got to work for that."
"She'll have to work at a better school, and do more of it," Xander
promised with a smirk at him. "Alexis said that Yale kids, she
knows one since they just started, do a lot more work than her boyfriend
at Stanford or the one that went to NYU. Plus, hey, smaller town
means safer campus."
Daniel rolled his eyes. "We'll let her make that decision when
she's old enough to know what she wants to be when she grows up."
"Tara's trying to get her into a history track," Peter said with a smile.
"Books, yuck," Daniel muttered, shaking his head. "Lots and lots of dusty books for life."
"Hey," Olivia scowled at him, hands going back to her hips and one foot tapping. "I love books!"
"These are the dusty sort that no one else reads," Daniel told her.
Xander looked back over at her. "That's like those guys on History
Channel that talk about ancient alien astronauts." Peter went to
the bathroom snickering most of the walk there.
"Why?" Daniel asked, looking confused.
"They think all the advances we made were and the mythological creatures
were created by them. They totally discount demon history and
species." He shrugged. "I've mailed one a copy of a history
book that the Council had and told him where the original was
from. I got back a nice letter saying demons weren't real so I
nicely pointed out they were, hadn't he seen the invasion?
Strangely enough, no one's heard from him recently."
Daniel shook his head. "All those sort of people need to find
reality a lot in my opinion. They're all too taken by the books
and not enough with life."
"Some people live for the books," Xander quipped. "Like Wes."
"Wes is a lot of fun when you finally get him to the pub and make him
drink," Daniel admitted, considering it. "Though he tends to burst
out in Latin babble at times when he's making a point with his
beers. Scared the crap out of a few at my last bar."
"I did that on the signing trip because John totally let me have the
wine list to myself in Germany," Xander said with a sigh at the
end. "Then Rodney realized I hardly ever drink and got us out of
public view before I kept babbling in Latin and one of the demon
Peter came out and walked behind Xander, kissing him on the head.
"I saw that when I went looking online. You were adorable babbling
about curly hair and belly buttons." Xander grinned. He
picked up Olivia to break her scowling at her father. "Feed the
cats and then do litterboxes?"
She nodded but sighed. "If I must."
"Yes, you must. Is your turn and grounded means chores."
"Fine." She got put down and fed the cats then went to find all
the litter boxes to clean them. Her father came to help her and
Shannon followed. She loved to play with the cats. Xander
grinned at Peter for that. "We're having ice cream."
"If you're certain," Daniel snorted. "I'm not, spoiled."
She pouted. "We deserve it. It's been a hard day for
Shannon. She had to get rescued. So did you." She
patted him on the hand. "Don't let them call you a princess,
Daddy. You didn't get to wear the pointy hat when they rescued
you." She bounced off to clean the litterbox in Dean's bedroom
first. It was a bit messy thanks to his kitty wife. She only
used that one and ran everyone else out of it.
Daniel shook his head. "Who said that?"
"One of the other kids when I said you had to be rescued. He asked if you were a princess."
"I'm not," Daniel said firmly.
She grinned. "You need the hat and pretty titties."
"Where did you learn that!" he demanded.
"Ummmmmm.... Tara's last girlfriend?"
Xander walked behind them. "Quit calling breasts anything but
that," he said patiently. "No matter what Tara's last girlfriend
Daniel glared at him. Xander shrugged. "She was talking
about having hers expanded. We broke her of most of that, though
now and then boobies will show up in talks about pretty dresses."
"The tv show with all the pretty dresses say that it needs to flatter
your figure and that's part of a girl's figure," she defended.
"Though Dean needs to hurry up and find a human wife to go with the
kitty wife. Before his get too saggy. He's getting old."
"I so dare you to tell him that," Xander said, walking off giggling.
"I think not," Daniel complained.
John came rushing up the stairs and hugged Shannon. "I'm so glad
you're all right," he said, nuzzling her ear. She gave him a shy
grin and put her head down on his shoulder. "She need anything
"Some new bruise stuff in a few hours," Xander said.
"I'll kill them if there's any left," John said, giving her a squeeze. "How's Brad?"
"Few fairy bites," Xander said. "They had one captured and
poisoned. Once they got the thing that was driving her to blood
lust off, she went to throw up in a corner from it."
"That's good." He looked at Daniel. "Did you leave any for me to kick around?"
"Not many and the cops over there may have 'em," he said with a smile for Shannon. "They wanted to help a whole lot."
"I would too." He looked at Olivia, who looked devious. "What? I know that look, young lady."
"Dean needs to find a people wife to go with the kitty wife soon. He's getting old."
"Was he talking about his butt being pretty enough for a girl again?"
John asked dryly. Daniel's mouth flopped open and he moaned,
shaking his head. "Him and Sammy picking on each other again,"
John sighed. "I would've been here sooner but we were pretty far
upstate. We need to move closer."
Xander patted him on the arm. "It won't be happening again.
They don't have much of a building to meet in anymore." John
snickered and punched him on the arm.
"Hey!" Shannon complained, putting the arm back around her. "Hug, not hit."
"Sure, you need more hugs, Princess." Olivia beamed at him.
"Thank you for doing that since apparently Dean didn't. You can
tell him to pay you his allowance since he's falling down on his
"Okay." She beamed at her daddy. "Can we go to store with it?"
"We'll see. Maybe a movie?"
She pouted. "Books last longer." Daniel sighed but walked off rolling his eyes.
"There's a new Muppet movie on Pay-Per-View," Xander called.
"Oooh, Muppets," Olivia said, staring at him. He pointed and she got back to work.
Xander followed Daniel, looking at him since he was sulking on the couch. "She's agreed to the new Muppet one."
"Sometimes it's like there's a whole family here without me," he muttered.
"There kinda is but that's why I leave you with the kids all the time,
so they can get used to having you as the daddy again." Daniel
stared at him. "Being a daddy somewhere that's a cave is a lot
different than being a daddy around people."
"Yeah, it is."
"Which is why I give you so much time alone with them. So they get
used to you being a daddy in the modern world. Even if I do nudge
now and then." He stared at him. "You know, some of this is
you acclimating again as well," he said quietly. Daniel stared at
him. "Maybe some talking would help? I know that the kids
are working with a behavioral therapist and she might help there too, or
know someone who can. Whenever I need to talk, I go talk to
Alexis. I don't think she's great enough yet to handle this
"Maybe," he admitted. "You've done a great job with them."
Xander grinned. "I'm still doing a great job fussing over all four of you, Daniel."
"True," he admitted with a grin. "They don't need a trust fund."
"Tough shit." He smirked. "My money, my decision and they've
had the educational trust set up since before I got Olivia. I
just added to it when she came to me. When the other two came
back, they got added to it. There's enough in there now for all
three to hit college and go through at least a bachelor's, including a
good private school. There's no way you want them in a public
school. They'll be lost and they need the encouragement of a
decent school. That's what I like about Olivia's."
"I liked it too. Will they...." He picked up Brad when he walked past.
"Yeah. They said they'd test them when it's time and if not,
they'll give us goals to reach. They know all about what your
little heathens went through. If we have to, they can start a year
late and we'll home school."
"Maybe," he agreed. "I'd like to see them up to standards."
"Daniel, did you realize it's only been four months? Both of them
are walking, when Brad could barely crawl and Shannon was only
crawling. Shannon was speaking earlier when she didn't when you
guys got back. Brad's babbled a lot too when he wasn't verbal
before. They've already done a hell of a job of catching up and
they'll finish catching up soon. Hopefully by school but if not,
probably by the next year."
Daniel nodded, cuddling his son. "That's a good point.
They've done a great job." Xander grinned. "Maybe I'll start
talking to Father Morgan about all this stress."
"I'm sure he'd like to hear from this family for something other than
demons." Daniel grinned and nodded. "Now, about their
educational fund. It's set up through my finance guy and he's been
paying the copays for their treatments too."
"That's a good help since their insurance would only cover part."
He looked over as John and Shannon came down. "Olivia still
"She's doing the last one now," John said. "We need the automatic ones."
"The ones with the rake get stuck a lot," Xander said. "There's a
good one that's supposed to be great but it's like three-fifty."
"Three-hundred-fifty dollars?" John demanded.
"Yeah but it's supposed to be marvelous. I've been trying to talk myself out of buying one for each room."
John shook his head. "That's insane." He went to check on
dinner, getting Shannon the asked for strawberries. She beamed and
settled down in his lap to nibble and stare at the books on the
table. One was an 'Olivia'd' one. She floated it over with a
beaming smile at it and opened it so it read to her.
Daniel blinked a few times. "When did you learn to levitate?"
"Remember Olivia doing it at four months when her mom put down the bottle to answer the phone?" Xander quipped.
"Yeah, I do," he admitted. Dean and Sam came off the elevator and Dean stole Shannon to cuddle. "Morning."
"Dude, next time give us enough time to get there," Sam
ordered. "We wanted to kick watcher ass too." He stole
Shannon to hug.
Dean took Brad. Beckett had him go handle the demon council with
Sammy while Xander and Peter destroyed parts of England. "You got
booboos?" he asked. Brad pouted and nodded, pointing at his
sister's strawberries. "Shannon, can Brad have a few of your
strawberries?" She pouted at her brother, who pouted back.
"I hid some in the freezer," Olivia called. "They might be mooshy but they're still good."
Xander went to look, pulling out the bag of frozen berries to thaw in
the microwave. Peter was snickering quietly again. "At least
the kids all eat healthy stuff." He handed over the thawed
berries. Brad squealed and dove down to get them. Dean put
him down. Shannon shared her berries for some of his and it was
good. Olivia came down to get her own, grinning at her
father. "I taught them very well."
"You sure did, Princess."
"Daddy, I don't have the pointy hat and no one has to rescue me," she
said dryly. "I'm not a princess." Dean walked off shaking
his head and cackling. Peter nudged her and pointed at Dean.
"Oh, yeah, and we think you need a human wife to go with the kitty wife
before your boobies sag too much from age, Uncle Dean."
Dean looked at her. "Boys don't have boobies, Olivia, and I'm not that old."
She came over to untuck his shirt, no matter how much he tried to stop
her. "You have nipples like a girl, therefore you have
boobies." She walked off to eat her own treat. Daniel was
staring in horrified awe of his daughter.
"And that's why she has the twitter people who know she's smart and
pretty," Xander quipped, texting that video to her feed. They'd
"Jesus," Dean muttered, tucking his shirt back in. "I'm still not that old, Olivia."
She looked at him. "You're getting ancient. You're over twenty-five."
"It's not Logan's Run. We don't die at twenty-five."
"If he's ancient, what's Grandpa John?" Peter asked.
"Really, really ancient?" She patted her grandfather's hand.
"But that's okay because you survived this long and did a good daddy
job so now you're in grandpa range."
He patted her on the head. "Some day you'll be my age and feel really young."
She shrugged. "By then I'll be weird in my old age, like you guys are." She ate another berry.
"I remember being so certain that you were so ancient," Sam said with a
smirk for his father. "That's why you kept trying to blame 70's
sins on an 80's kid."
John nodded. "I'm very impressed I never had to rush you two to the ER for drugs."
"I did," Dean said, glaring at Sam.
"It was not my fault she slipped me that. I had no idea you could do... Never mind, not in front of the kids."
"Back during the road trip I don't like to remember, I had a young girl I
fancied who had a thing for spray LSD," Xander quipped, looking at
Peter. "And fun while giving head."
Peter nodded. "I have seen that used before. Was probably very disconcerting."
Xander nodded. "Kinda, yeah. Especially with how we woke
up. Or the one a few years back that Dean and Faith tried to save
"Don't remind me, dude. Please!" Dean ordered. Daniel looked
at him then at Xander. "He so picked up a psycho at the
club. By the time he got himself free, because we lost him, he was
in soldier mode and didn't remember handling a blood hunter or a minor
"I'm pretty sure I walked in calling all Vice detectives crackheads
because she had made them smoke some," Xander admitted. "I
remember being real confused about why I had a grenade pin on me but not
my house keys. All I really remember about her was that she was
fun. That was right before you two got jumped and your legs
"I should see if Cash wants introduced to her," Peter quipped.
Xander looked at him. "Is good to pick on friends sometimes."
"Anya said you torture the ones you love," he quipped back with an evil grin.
"Let's not bring Sister Rosemary, the wicked minded nun of Spain, into
this one," John said dryly. Xander and Sam both gave him confused
looks. "A young woman asked Anya for advice for her upcoming
marriage. She told her everything she had liked with you.
Her Reverend Mother told Father Morgan."
"Maybe if Anya decides to rejoin secular life, we can set her and Lorne up," Xander offered to Peter.
Peter grinned. "I think they might get along well. It might help Chipper One get off the fence before it implants."
"Maybe," Xander agreed. "Though it's cute how she tries very hard not to stare at him."
Peter nodded. "Is, yes."
"I'm so glad I never had to have that sort of talk," Daniel sighed, shaking his head.
Olivia grinned at him. "Mommy thought you were hot."
"I'd hope so," he teased back with a grin. She beamed and dug back
into her berries. "There's still dinner in an hour." She
Shannon looked at him. "Veggies?"
"With cheese," he agreed, smiling at her. She beamed at Brad, who wiggled and then got up to dance.
Xander grinned. "Yes! And another one is taught the right
ways!" He got up and they Snoopy Danced together. Olivia
hopped up to help and so did Shannon. Peter took film. That
was too adorable to miss.
Daniel stared at them then at John. "Is it a disease?" Xander swatted him on the head. "Hey!"
"You need to remember fun before I find one of my former dates to set you up with," Xander said with a smug look.
Peter stood up after texting that to the Twitter feed, walking Xander
off. "We will cure nasty mental disease, Xander. Before they
try to kidnap him and Olivia has to rescue him next time." He
took them up to their room and locked them in.
John shook his head. "That is a bad thought."
"Then he'd have to wear the pointy hat," Olivia said. "And the
pretty dress, plus have the hair and the shoes." She got back to
her berries. "Then we'd really need ponies for knights to ride in
"Nah, today's knight's drive cool cars," Dean said with a wink.
"Can we wash the 'Pally?" she asked, beaming at him. "Tonight?"
"Tomorrow. It's supposed to be warm so we can even wax her."
She beamed and nodded. Shannon stole her berries. "Hey,"
Dean said, handing them back. "Eat your own, Shannon." She
dug in again.
"If it lasts through you two, maybe she'll inherit it instead of your
kids since I don't seem to foresee any grandchildren," John quipped.
Dean smirked. "I've actually found a chick I can date, unlike Sammy. I swear he's having library sex."
"Well, actually, I'm dating someone prelaw," he said with a smile. John
gaped. Daniel stared. He smirked. "She's very
nice. A bit mean but very nice. Wants to be a prosecutor and
then maybe a judge." He went to get himself an apple.
"Toss me one," Dean ordered. Sam did and he shined it on his
shirt. "Was that bun woman, the one I caught you with the other
day?" Sam nodded. "Serious, tight bun, Dad. Gray tweed
suit, flat shoes, ugly briefcase. Looks like you'd need WD
40 to part her thighs because they're squeaky at the knees and ankles."
"Actually, that was just for a class. She's working as a go-go
dancer to put herself through school," Sam said with a grin. John
gaped, looking horrified. "The redhead, Dad."
"I saw her. A bit too much of her actually."
Dean nodded. "She was hot and she needs to let some of that
tightness go in the formal stuff." He ate a bite of his apple and
walked off shaking his head. "Mine does hair."
"I noticed the haircut," John admitted. He shook his head. "Maybe I don't want grandchildren after all."
Daniel shut his mouth and glared at Dean. "Don't talk about sex around the kids."
"Thank you." He looked at Sam. "Hillary?" Sam grinned and nodded. "She's a bit wild."
"Yeah, but I need the fun." He walked off to take his laptop
outside. Brad ran after him, clutching his bowl of berries to his
chest. "Hey, little man. Want to help me check my
email?" Brad nodded and climbed up with Sam, who covered their
laps with a throw. Brad nibbled his berries while Sam explained
email to him.
"That's gotta come from his Ma," Daniel muttered, shaking his
head. He stole one of Shannon's berries, getting a scowl. "I
can share," he said, smiling at her.
"Mine! Eat!" she said, pointing at her big sister. Olivia loved to share.
"Sure, I'll share with her." Olivia handed him one with a grin and
then finished up, taking her bowl into the sink. "Good job, thank
"That way we don't have to move them later for Muppets."
"It's always a good idea anyway," John said, giving her a hug. She
grinned at him. "Get me a hard book." She ran to get one of
the ones from the library. John settled in to read to her about
dirty minded half-elves, though he did tone it down some. It
figured Xander had written dwarf jokes.
Daniel sighed, shaking his head. "I remember reading that second one as he wrote it."
"I like this one better than the hunter ones," John said. "There's
still hunters throwing fits about those." He went back to
reading. Shannon was listening too, pouting a little bit.
"There's no pictures, Shannon. This one only has words." She
sighed but finished her berries. Daniel took her bowl for
her. He went to get Brad's too before it got broken. By the
time he made it back to the couch, Shannon was in John's lap and
snuggled in while he read. That was a good thing for his heathen
Shannon walked up behind the shopping auntie that was helping Olivia
find them pretty clothes, pointing and grunting at something.
Martha looked then shook her head with a sigh. "Yes, that's a bad
guy. You stay with me," she ordered. She took their hands in
one of hers and used the other to dig for her phone. The guy was
looking around wildly so she took a picture of him and then a tag,
sending them to her son. She barely got her phone up before he
stomped over. "These are my friend's children. He will kill
you for bringing a gun near them."
The guy sneered. "I bet."
Olivia looked up at him. "I'm Olivia Rosenburg." The man sneered. "Is he a bad guy, Auntie Martha?"
"Yes, dear, he is, and no you may not change him into anything."
"Shoot. That sucks."
The man sneered at her. "Magic doesn't exist."
She stared back and suddenly his gun turned into flowers.
"Really? Tell that to my mommy. I get mine from her."
She smiled. He gasped and tried to grab her. "My uncle is
Alexian Harris!" He stepped back, shaking his head. "Uh-huh,
and he's going to kick your butt! There's no hurting Olivia,
Shannon, or any aunties or else Uncle Xander is going to kill
everyone!" He turned and moved. There was an officer
there. "Hi, Officer." She picked up the flowers and changed
them back. "It may not work. Sometimes that happens when I
change things back."
"Sure, that's fine, Miss Rosenburg. Thank you, dear. Is that your sister?"
She beamed and nodded. "That's my sister Shannon."
"She's very pretty." He smiled and walked the guy off. "Thank you, Rick Castle's mom."
"Welcome and thank you for handling him." She looked down at Olivia. "How does he know that?"
"Uncle Xander knows lots of people. He plays kitty poker with them."
"Good point. How did the officer know you?"
She shrugged. "I don't know but lots do." She smiled. "It's nice they're so polite and smart."
"Yes, it is." She got them the rest of their fall clothes and took
them home, looking at Xander since he was writing on the couch.
"Xander, how did the wannabe robber know her? Or the officers?"
"Kitten poker and most everyone knows that Olivia is like Tara," he said
absently while he typed. Shannon climbed into his lap, showing
him her favorite shirt. "Fishes! That's so cool,
Shannon." He gave her a hug. "Very pretty." She
beamed. "Help Olivia put them up." The girls ran up the
stairs and he looked at her. "Most everyone in the NYPD knows to
call on us for huge demon problems," he reminded her. "Almost all
of them know I have a niece named Olivia, who is a lot like her Auntie
Tara. Especially after a few former coworkers of Peter's tried to
grab those two at the zoo one day and they ended up being very pretty
"Then how did he know who I was?"
"Rick's been a best selling author for how many years?"
"Good point." She shook her head and handed over the receipts and the rest of the money. "Am I taking Brad?"
"Daddy wanted to take him but he had no idea about girl clothes.
Plus he wanted a more female mom approach than I can give
sometimes." He grinned. "I'll never be a girly girl."
"No, hopefully you won't," she agreed, patting him on the head.
She left, going to have a glass of wine. Rick was at home waiting,
making some coffee. "Thank you for sending someone."
"Welcome, Mother. You all right?"
"The officer knew me as your mother. He knew Olivia. The thief knew Olivia's uncle."
He grinned. "Yeah, even the scary people don't want to screw with
Xander. They think one of his psycho dates will come back
sometime." He smirked on his way to his office to get something
She poured herself a glass of wine and sat down to rest. It had
been a long morning. Shannon had no idea how to match colors and
only wanted things with graphics or patterns. Olivia loved
anything pink and purple at the moment. She said it went very well
with all the dark stuff in her closets. But at least they had
good clothes in their size. Including for a picture Daniel wanted
to have done.
Daniel came home looking confused. "One of the officers stopped me to make sure Olivia and Shannon were fine?"
"There was someone trying to rob a store while they were there," Peter
said. "Olivia stated her name and changed his gun to
flowers. Then scared the crap out of him by telling him her Uncle
Xander was going to beat him. I really do have to work on my own
scary reputation so they know I will do the same."
Daniel shook his head quickly. "Whatever. I got the mail too." He handed it over.
Peter looked through it, opening the one from the Treasury. He
called his lawyer and read it to him. They'd get that
solved. His lawyer said that the judges were wondering about the
probates and them not showing up but he understood that they didn't want
anything. Unfortunately no one else had challenged most of
them. Peter huffed and said whatever happened would. The
lawyer promised to call the financial guy. Peter hung up and went
back to Judge Judy since he was stuck on a plot point.
Xander walked into the Treasury office, signing in. He got taken
back to an office a few minutes later. "Has it escaped your notice
that I do actually have a job and a lot of my money comes from
that?" The agent gaped. Xander stared at him. "I'm a
well paid author. I make a crapload of my money from that, not
from former dates dying off thanks to demon plots."
The agent groaned and took his ID to get into his file. "We have no listing of a job for you, Mr. Harris."
"Look under Alexian Harris." He did and winced. "That's my penname."
"Oh, I see." He looked up. "Most change it."
"I don't want to. And I don't want to keep being harassed by you
guys. It's not my fault they got fixated. It's theirs, and
in a few cases a vengeance demon's. I protest all that shit."
"Please don't swear."
"This is the sixth time I've been up here over this shit this
year. Tough." He stared at him. "You can please tell
whatever demon cocksucker that's having his hair yanked to quit. I
do not need this. We're prepping for a battle in Russia right
now." The guy shrank down some. "Now, would you mind
terribly fixing it?"
"Um... We need paperwork from the courts?" he said. "And proof that that's you?"
Xander called Paula and put her on speaker. "This is my publisher,
Paula. Paula, this is a Treasury agent who doesn't understand why
I don't change my name to my pen name."
"He only uses a pen name because of his parents," Paula said.
"They're greedy alcoholic sorts. Who, by the way, Xander, sent
"Mother, Father, or Uncle?"
"Screw 'im, he can go back to prison."
"I've already alerted Probation out there for you."
"Thanks." He looked at the agent. "Do you need more than my agent's agreement?"
"We need it notarized and in writing."
"Fax number," Paula said. He repeated it. She sent it
through. The secretary brought it to him less than a minute
later. "Anything else you need from him?"
"Um, we need paperwork from the courts?"
Xander looked at him then shook his head. "Why? I'm protesting being included, not asking for more."
"Oh, that's not what it says," he said weakly. "Supervisor
Griffins?" he called. He came strolling in. "We've really
messed up this file."
"Again," Xander said dryly.
"Let me get back to my meeting, Xander. And script?"
"Bite me and it's been in your email for three weeks?" he guessed. "Along with two other things?"
"Oh, that's wonderful. It's down but I'll try to get into it later. Calm down, dear."
"No. We need to go to Russia soon for a battle." He hung
up. Then he looked at the Treasury agents, who were giving him odd
looks. Xander smirked as he pulled out his old Sunnydale ID
card. They shuddered. "I have a battle coming up. I
don't have the time, the patience, or the energy to keep coming down
here over the same things. This makes six damn times this
year. Can't we finally fix this shit since you guys promised to
the first time? Because I'm still not removing that suit until you
"Some good faith," the supervisor said.
Xander snickered. "Not a chance in hell. I dated a few too many
agents in my life." He stared at him. "You have all the
paperwork you should ever need. You had it back during the first
one and you said you'd fix it. And then you didn't. The only
thing I'm doing is upping the amount of the emotional stress damages
until it's fixed."
"The government doesn't really work that way."
"No, if the government worked, I wouldn't have had to come back here
more than once to get it fixed. Apparently the government isn't
working because of the demon cocksuckers in charge." A demon
appeared scowling at him. "You still owe me kittens. And if
you're over this mess, I'm destroying your whole fucking clan."
"I was going to offer to fix it."
Xander stared at him. "We have a battle coming up in Russia in two weeks."
"Oh, shit, I heard," he muttered. "I thought it was fixed, Xander, and did you get the nice wedding present?"
"No. To either."
"Ooh. Huh. I'll check on that and get with Peter later?"
"Sure. He's presently stuck on a plot point. I have three
things I need to get done and to make sure we have everything we need
"Please do," he agreed. "Kinella will look very nice in the furs."
Xander looked at him then shrugged. "Peter said it won't be that cold yet."
"Huh," he said weakly. "I forgot Peter is Russian."
"Former KGB," Xander said with a grin. "I'm so proud of my man and
his many accomplishments. Including how he witnessed and helped
some major events in history." The demon winced and nodded, going
to talk to the others. His clan was bothering Harris and it wasn't
a good idea. Xander looked up. "Those poker debts need to
be paid before the battle please." He looked at the stunned
agents, smirking a bit. "Kitten poker." He grinned.
"We'll see where the snafu is, Mr. Harris."
"Thank you." He shook their hands and left. He ran into
someone from Homeland downstairs. "I only threatened the demon holding
someone in thrall," he said when the guy glared at him. "Mostly
because I don't want to be fucked with any more, especially not in front
of an apocalypse battle."
"Here?" he asked, wincing some.
He winced harder. "That's going to be a nightmare. Does the State Department know, sir?"
"Probably?" He shrugged. "I talked to my usual Homeland
contact. I like him, he arrested a lot of my former dates with
"I can fully understand that, yes." He watched Xander walk off and
called his boss. Who had already heard about the demon problem in
the Treasury, the upcoming battle, and was working on an ulcer because
of all this. He went to tell a buddy in the State Department that
he played poker with. That way they could handle things.
The head of Homeland Security showed up in New York to look at Agent
Philips. "Harris is not allowed to go to Russia. They might
want to keep him."
"I'm pretty sure his husband can keep his former coworkers off him, sir."
"It's an apocalypse battle. They've agreed to even let them fly in
with weapons." His boss sighed. "Beyond that, the KGB guys
aren't stupid. Peter is a badass from the old school.
They've seen the movie _Red_ I'm fairly certain." His boss cracked
a smile. "The only problem Harris is having is the
Treasury. Again. This time he's vowed to take out the demon
clan that's pissing him off to free the agents in thrall or who they
were using as sexual aides."
"I'd like to see all of those sort gone anyway," he agreed. "We still can't risk it."
"No one knows anything beyond a few years ago some demons tried to give
him a demon plague to take out a good portion of humanity. That
was in the press at the time and got locked down fairly quickly.
Not even the most fanatical want a demon virus."
"True. I heard one of the terrorist groups decided that using it
would make them unholy." He rubbed his eyebrow. "Can't
someone else go?"
"No. It's going to take artillery and swords, not guns, so no Winchesters."
"Peter and I made arrangements through his former supervisors about how
to help them do it faster. Their former SG troops are going to
back them up."
"They had a gate?"
"Yes and had problems so had to shut it down."
"Interesting to know." He considered it. "I'd rather they have some of our guards."
"Get some guys who can use swords ready for an apocalypse, sir.
I'm sure Xander would love more backup. He's having nightmares
about his debit card working over there when he's doing the tourist
thing as he put it, but otherwise he's got that resigned 'it's another
battle' thing going on."
"I don't know many who know how to use a sword or any other bladed
weapon," the director admitted, going to take over his top minion's
office to see if anyone had anything noted in their profiles.
"Huh, one of the guys that Peter tried to kill a few times." He
called him to talk to him about what help they'd need in Russia.
Peter surely had plans by now.
Lorne Cash got called back to ECHO on his day off, which made him one
unhappy boy. "It's the last nice golf day of the year," he
"The president wanted you," Micah Simms, his boss, said with a smirk.
"That's a bad look. There's not a debutante involved, right?"
"Crap." He called him on the system. "Sir, you wanted to see me and couldn't drop by the bar?"
"Yes, Mr. Cash, I did," he said. "Because apparently there's going to be a short apocalypse battle in Russia."
"Shank was complaining about sword lessons recently."
"I'm told your profile states you know how to use one?"
"It's been years." This was looking bad. "Frankly, sir, I'm
not in the best shape for a real battle. Field work shape takes
less work to upkeep than battle shape."
"You have two weeks, Cash. You're going to watch over the
artillery they'll be bringing." Lorne moaned, shaking his
head. "Plus making sure that none of Shank's coworkers have any
designs on his husband's blood. I have to say, I nearly puked
after being briefed on why this was an issue by General O'Neill."
"I don't know all myself but I know they told Peter," Lorne admitted. "I'm sure they'll be fine."
"Not the point."
"Sorry, but tough. Suck it up, son." He hung up.
Micah looked at him. "Better you than me."
"Yay," he said blandly. "Let me get in that round of golf with the
other retired spies and we'll talk about the battle. Maybe we can
short circuit it."
"Not likely. Harris has been trying. Something about royal hell gods who want to move here."
"Yay," Lorne said coolly. "Do we have any contacts over there?"
"Your brother said they're nuts. There's all sorts of panic from
the Russian mob. Some of them found religion and cut their profits
to get people out of harm's way and to ship in better stolen weapons."
"That's a bad sign." He walked off shaking his head. Max
smiled at him. "Do you know how to use any sort of lesser weapon?"
"No, and I'm told Caroline Kitrich is going with you."
"That's fine. She's a weapons genius." He walked off with a
sigh of discontent. He really hated Peter sometimes. It was
almost worth letting Peter kill him at the moment. He joined the
golf party, who were looking curiously upset with him being late.
"The president said I'm going with Peter and Harris to Russia for the
apocalypse battle." They patted him on the back in sympathy and
took him to knock some balls around. Then they'd help him pick out
what to bring with him.
Xander and Peter walked into the station and up to Beckett's floor, waving at her. "I'm told we're having a meeting?"
"Yup," she agreed with a point. They followed her into the meeting room.
"Cash," Peter said with a nod. He looked at the other agent.
"Peter, this is Caroline Kitrich."
"I have heard of you." He shook her hand. "She is weapons
person like you are but formally trained to do what you tinker with," he
told his husband.
"Wonderful! Three of the bigger things we need to bring with us
need fixed as I discovered earlier." He sat down. "Here's
our plans," he said, putting them on the table. "Peter rented the
plane so they wouldn't have any problems on his end."
They looked it over and added to the manifest of what should go.
Cash had information on the group backing them up over there.
Caroline could fix the weapons and do a last minute check of them.
She also spoke Russian. So that was handy. She asked Xander
a question in Russian and he answered without thinking first, which
made Beckett blush at the dirty answer he shot back.
"His vocabulary is limited but growing," Peter quipped, smiling at Xander.
"All the better to tease you with," he quipped back with a smirk and a
kiss. "Dear, want to practice with Lorne and your sword?"
"Please. I am not used to swords."
"It's been decades since I had to go undercover using one," Lorne shot back.
"You can use an axe, guys. I do," Xander reminded them. "It's easier and a more versatile weapon."
"We need another few in the family," Peter said.
"They're in the secondary research cabinet, which is in the
office. Both are probably a bit light for you two but we can go to
the armory store." They nodded. He looked at Caroline, who
"I have two or three good blades. I started out fencing and went from there."
"Wonderful." He smiled. "Can you behead?" She
nodded. "Cool. The minions of the higher ups we can blow
away, them we have to behead. Have you met Kinella yet?"
"I wasn't going to wake her up this early since she might've had patrol last night," Lorne said. "We can meet her later."
"She and Faith are going club hunting tonight."
"That's fine," Lorne agreed. "What armory store?"
Xander grinned. "There's a historical weapons place, which is
hugely expensive but weapons that've lasted forever. Or there's
the ren faire guy who also sells real things that he's recently
done. Not for show blades or demonstration blades but real
"How expensive is the historical one?" Caroline asked.
"Very but they're all ancient, were used at one time and cleaned up
sorts of weapons. The newer ones are made of a lighter metal so
easier to carry and use, and are just as sturdy. My backup axe
came from him. He's got my silver sickle right now to fix the grip
on it in case we need it."
"Much closer to behead but handy in a more crowded combat field," she
agreed. He nodded with a grin. "Good." She looked at
Peter. "Your former bosses won't pull something at the last
minute, right? Or try to keep one or both fo you on the way out?"
"No, I have made sure. Everyone all the way up the government
knows that there is apocalypse battle and better us to handle it and
then disappear than making them do it themselves. Though, we may
want a person like Father Morgan on hand," he told Xander. "Just
in case fields need it."
He called him. "Father Morgan, Xander. I'm looking for a
referral for the battle in Russia in a few weeks." He wrote down a
name and address. "Is that in Moscow or where?" He wrote
that down. "Please. We'll be landing the day before so we
can scout the area, get over the jetlag, all that. Yup, us two,
Kinella, two agents, and they're giving us people to back us up thanks
to Peter." He made a note. "We're sure there's a
village? Okay, I can have the backup teams handle that.
Thanks." He hung up and passed it to Peter. "He said there's
a village not ten miles from the site."
"I'll see if we can have it cleared just in case," he agreed, calling
someone at the local embassy. They agreed they could do that for
that day and talk to the priest. They wanted all bases covered
quickly and efficiently so this did not get a lot of notice from the
In Russia two hours later, a man knocked on a church's door then walked
in. "Father Demeter?" he called in Russian. The old Orthodox
priest stepped out of the back. "There is a meeting you must
"The Church does not follow orders of the government any longer," he said firmly.
"There is a demon battle in two weeks."
The father stared at him. "I had heard and made plans to go clean the area after the military was done."
"Someone who has retired is bringing his male spouse to help him battle
it with some of our people and a few agents. They requested help
that day to make sure nothing tainted the land or the nearby village."
"I will be there that day," he agreed. The man nodded and
pointed. "I know where it is, son. I will be in that
village, instructing the local priest in how to battle a possession
until you need me."
"We are clearing any people near there for the day."
"That is wise." He got his coat and went with the agent to hear
what other plans would counter his. It was clear someone had a
clue. "Where is this hunter from?"
"Our person's male spouse is from somewhere in California called Sunnydale? And the slayer he works with is from Tunisia."
He blinked a few times. "The hellmouth?" They all
shrugged. "Put me... let me call a contact. Where are they
"New York." He handed over the number. "That is our person's
phone number, Father. That way you can make any arrangements you
might need to." He nodded and tucked it into his pocket.
They finished making plans about anyone living out that way. There
were probably farms that weren't attached to any village. They'd
send the army up to clear them out for the day.
Xander came home with Peter, looking at Daniel. "We'll be gone for about four days in Russia."
"I can handle that. Are the Winchesters going?"
"We couldn't get them cleared for visa's," Xander said dryly. "Me, Peter, two agents, their army, a priest."
"So the usual bad things battle then," he decided, cuddling Brad. "Kinella or Faith?"
"That's fine. I can handle that and the city with the rest."
Peter smiled at him. "Want Olivia to help you unpack the scary
"No, I've got to grab a few things and head to the armory stores."
He went into the office and came out, handing Peter the bug on the way
to the elevator.
Peter looked at it. "FBI issue." He put it into his pocket
and followed. Shannon ran after them. "We are going to look
"Me?" she asked with a grin. She looked at her daddy when Xander did. "Me?"
"Fine," he agreed. He smiled. "They'll take good care of
you." She beamed and pushed the button. Peter went back to
grab her jacket and shoes. Then joined them at the car to put her
into them. Then they got in to go to the stores. Shannon ran
to the door and looked inside with an 'ooh'.
Xander opened the door and let her inside. She ran right for the
knives. "This is my niece Shannon," he said with a grin.
"And my mate, Peter."
"Peter," he said with a nod, shaking his hand. The half-demon looked down. "She's active?"
"No slayers where she was born."
"Good point." He smiled at her. "Don't touch, those are
sharp, dear." She pointed at one and grunted. "When you're
older." Xander squatted down and let her look at it. She
petted it and grinned then put it back carefully. "Going to Russia
"Hell no," Xander said dryly. "Kinella is."
"I've got her swords in to fix them." He took them into the back.
"Pretty!" Shannon cooed, petting a heavy, ancient sword. "Ooooooh."
Peter petted her hair. "It is very pretty but too heavy for me or
your uncle." She beamed and ran to catch up. Xander found
what he needed and it was more comfortable than a sword. The Kama
and Arit pair went well, one more curved, the other more like a field
sickle or hand scythe. "What you bringing?"
"I'm bringing a set of hook swords for Kinella. They're her
holiday present if she likes them." He grinned. "I had
someone make me a Bat'leth and I'm bringing it as a backup. I have
a Kujang for the battle itself and I'm going to look over my fine
collection of axes to see which one I want to bring." He grinned
"You have weapons collection not in scary cabinet Olivia covets?" he teased.
"In special storage." He winked and looked at the armory guy. "He got me one of my more ancient Ono axes recently."
"And a Labrys too," the dealer agreed. "And a few horseman's picks
too. Those are war hammers with a spike on the backside and a
huge handle but they're about as thick as a current claw hammer."
Xander nodded. "Not a lot of damage causing but I figure they can
start Shannon or Olivia's scary research cabinet for when they're
The dealer smiled. "You're so sweet. What about a Bhuj?"
"They're like a Chinese machete," Xander told Peter. "Longer
handle, shorter blade at the end." One got shown to them.
"That would be for swinging only, not for stabbing, but they could be a
handy backup weapon."
"I used to carry an older falx," Peter said. "It got confiscated
by England years ago." The dealer showed them some and he picked
one that was longer but very nice in his hand. And another one
because he missed his weapons. They paid and left, going to the
other place to meet Lorne and Caroline. Xander picked up his
dagger. Peter picked up a lighter single-bladed axe. It
would go well with what he had. "What is a kujang?" The
dealer showed him. They looked like handles with curved scimitar
blades only about sickle sized. "Huh. Sharpened only on the
"No, mine are sharpened on both edges, but traditionally it was mostly
on one side," Xander said. "Mine's an antique set but they've been
well taken care of and well used over the centuries. They're one
of the first ones I bought myself. I've had them since the last
year of Sunnydale, right after Anya and I broke up." He
smiled. "I'll pick them up from the storage house tonight so you
can admire the prettiness." Peter smiled and nodded.
Lorne shook his head. "Pure mush," he muttered.
"It was you who pointed out he was in love," Xander quipped.
"Before then he thought it was only liking me and lust for my
Lorne shook his head. "I remember him telling me he'd kill me for
saying that too." Peter snickered but nodded. Xander gave
him a hug. "Thanks, kid." He picked what he wanted with
Caroline's help. She'd help train him to that one. It was
shorter than the one he had used undercover and probably be a lot more
"Get a sickle too in case you have to go close in," Xander said.
He pointed. "That should fit well and do you a lot of good."
Lorne nodded and got those too. Kinella pounced him and he
grinned back at her. "Want your present early?"
"Please," she begged. "Shannon and I can admire it together."
"Sure." He took them to his storage house for his weapons
collection. The guard nodded politely once he had signed in.
"There's an upcoming battle."
"Wonderful. Be safe, Mr. Harris."
"You too since it's in Russia." He got them into his storage
locker. Peter looked at all the axes, swords, and pole weapons
hanging up then at his mate. Xander grinned. "I like
weapons." He found the box and checked to makes sure then handed
it to her. He handed Peter his weapons he was bringing.
Peter stared at the Bat'leth, shaking his head. "It's a very
She looked and nodded. "It is. I practiced with it against
Faith. It's got a sweet balance and good grips." She sat on
the floor with Shannon in her lap to open up her box. They both
moaned in pleasure when she exposed the first one. "I love you,
Xander, and I might bear you babies some day for Peter." She
hugged their legs.
Peter smiled. "Those look handy. Axe blades protecting your
hands and sword parts." She beamed and nodded. The other got
pulled out and she hugged Shannon around them. They got repacked
and she took them home. Shannon, Peter, and Xander went home to
Sam came in after them. Daniel was cooking and ignoring Shannon
helping them sharpen things. John was sharpening his knives to
teach her how so she'd leave Xander and Peter alone. Sam paused,
staring at one. "Is that a Klingon weapon?" Xander beamed
and nodded. "Is it a reproduction?"
"No, I had someone make me one," he said with a grin.
Sam picked it up to look at. "It's heavier than I'd expect but
very many sharp little points. Two or one handed I guess.
Handy?" He handed it back.
"Very handy and Kinella likes it. I gave her the holiday present I found her. She and Shannon cooed over them."
"What did you get her?" John asked.
John considered it then looked at Sam, who looked them up on
google. "Oh, those. Still, swords aren't always
practical." Xander pointed at his special weapon.
"Uh-huh. How are they getting to Russia?"
Peter finished with his last weapon and took one of Xander's to sharpen,
getting a grin for it. Mickey came off the elevator. "We
are gearing up for trip for battle."
"I just heard." He stared at the weapons. Axes, hand weapons. "No guns?"
"Not for the head ones. The minions can get blown away but we might have to fight some of them by hand too."
"Do we need more help?"
"You cannot go to Russia, they will keep you," Peter said patiently. "Would hate to have to pull a rescue during that."
"Good point." He sat down next to John to look at some of them
closer. "Broke into your special weapons collection?" he
guessed. Xander grinned and nodded. "Why don't you collect
art like everyone else?"
"I have some jade pieces I really like but they're all in the
bank." He got back to it. Peter looked at him. He
nodded. "That safety deposit box has the wills, the baby pictures,
copies of most of the pictures I have, and six jade statues I
adored. Mostly lighter green jades and one white jade heavily
carved elephant I picked up during the signing trip in Singapore."
"Huh." He nodded. "I have a few paintings but I was never a collector."
"They're worth it and also fiscal insurance," Xander sighed. "In case the Treasury does things again."
"That reminds me," Peter said, handing Mickey the bugs. "I forgot to give them to Lorne."
"I'll hand them over." He looked at them. "Huh. Where were they?"
"Office," Xander said dryly.
"I can check on that." He put them into his pocket. "Do you guys need more help?"
Peter grinned. "I have talked to former bosses. They are not
happy and want it to go away very quickly and quietly. So we have
"Even better." He patted Shannon on the head. "You're very
handy at that, dear." She grinned and nodded. "No siblings?"
"Napping," John said with a smirk. "All on their own too."
Mickey snickered, getting up and leaving them to it. John got free
of Shannon and picked up the Bat'leth to test it himself. It was
well balanced, had a lot of sharp points and small cutting edges.
It could probably do a whole lot of damage to a body. "How do you
use this thing?"
Xander got up. "Grab something, Sam." He did and John sat
down to hold Shannon out of the way. They sparred a bit and Xander
even got to get a bit fancy with it. Peter moaned and when they
were done, he packed up things quickly and took Xander for their own
Sam sat down, looking at his father. "Dean will want one."
"Dean wants more practical things." He pointed at the kujang. "He'll want those."
"Those are pretty." He picked it up to test it. "Very nicely
weighted too." Dean came off the elevator a few minutes later and
paused to look at the weapons. He came over to check everything
over. The bat'leth got a strange look but that was just him not
acknowledging he was a weapons geek too.
Daniel shook his head from the kitchen. Not even Buffy had been
like that over her weapons. Maybe it was a gayboy thing and Dean
was in denial?
Xander looked at everyone before their flight to Russia. "We all
here and have everything?" They all nodded. Xander let the
Customs people who had been briefed handle things to check them over as
he walked off calling someone. "Can I ask for a huge favor?"
He smiled. "No, directly after the battle, can we come
home? Yes, vision," he complained. "That's their version of
'not letting CNN know'. Well, I consider them trying to kill
myself and my husband an emergency," he said dryly. "That's why I
had the vision I guess." He listened. "Thanks." He
read off the coordinates of where they thought they were heading.
"Somewhere near there. I can do that. Yeah, I'm still me and
I can take off the hellmouth necklace too. Thanks, Jack."
He hung up and walked back. Peter looked at him. "Vision
"I heard." He stared at him. "We can stop them."
"If not, I asked General Jack for a huge favor."
Peter nodded. "Could be helpful but ..." Xander whispered in
his ear. "Huh. That would be helpful, yes." They got
onto the plane and settled in to nap and rest on the way over.
Kinella was checking all hers for sharpness. "If you need help,
ask. The rest of us speak Russian."
She smiled. "I can do that. I do speak German." He
shook his head. "Okay." She went back to sharpening the
little blades on the handles of her hook swords.
Lorne looked over. "Those are fancy."
She smiled. "My holiday present from Xander. They're Chinese weapons."
"They look useful. I'm not so sure about his huge crescent thing but swords are probably handy."
She grinned. "You can use it when you would a sword or in closer
combat. I love that thing. Faith thinks it's weird but wants
one of the simpler ones for her own use." Xander nodded from
behind his book. She grinned. "She'll be happy."
"Tara has it in her closet."
"Aww. She'll have to go sweettalk Tara and help her make cookies
to get it early." She got back to her sharpening. When she
was done she checked all her other ones. Then she settled in for a
nap. It was a very long flight. About seventeen hours with
the refueling in Paris. She'd hate jetlag so it was best to sleep
all the way over to France. Where they couldn't get off the plane
or have to deal with Customs again but they could at least wake up for a
Xander nodded at their army enforcer/guide. "Xander Harris.
This is the Slayer Kinella, my mate Peter Yurchenko, Lorne Cash, and
"Welcome," he said in Russian. Xander switched to reintroduce
them, getting a smile. "Your mate has taught you well. You
barely have any accent." He led them to the cars. "I am to
take you to Major Sendrals." Xander got the weapons trunks and
Caroline got the other stuff loaded onto the truck going to the
site. "We have a small town up that way and will have village
cleared. They have been warned of why and most have already
cleared out a few days early," he told them. Peter translated for
Kinella. He smiled at him. "You were army?"
Peter rattled off his former position, getting a moan and head
shake. He smiled. "Retired now to write wonderful books that
get turned into movies."
The army sergeant smiled and nodded. "That is a great thing.
Much more peaceful. I hope my later life has such quiet."
He gave them maps of the area. Xander pointed out the problems of
it and where the energy readings had spiked. They nodded and
switched the plans around to there. "Any idea which way we'll be
"Probably facing west. They wouldn't want to offload their army
into a hill and they have to had a scout sometime somehow. Maybe
one that was already here, one that immigrated in the last few years,
I'm not sure how long this plan has been going on. To the east and
north are both small hills that would cause immediate problems for
offloading things. To the south is that stream. It's a well
protected area." The sergeant nodded. Peter asked a few
questions about the weather predictions. They didn't want to have
it during a rainstorm, or worse a snowstorm. He got handed reports
on that to share around.
"Good thing I brought my comfy, loose sweater," Kinella joked with a grin for Xander.
"Don't tell Olivia you only have one. She's going to need to start making money to do her own shopping soon."
"She's only three, Xander."
"She's expensive and has expensive tastes."
"That sometimes depends on who she is with. With her father or
you, or Tara, she hates going to expensive places. With me or
Rick, or his family, she loves them," Peter said.
Xander smiled. "Our three-year-old niece we have custody of for at
least another month. Until the judge agrees her father is
back." The sergeant smiled and nodded. "She'd like to be
very fashionable at times."
"She is very nicely attired," Caroline agreed with a smile for
him. "She's very cute in most everything, including what you had
her donating in."
"The mayor asked. I'm not sure *why* he asked but it was good for
her to encourage other kids to donate to ones less fortunate." He
shrugged. "Then we went home, went through her closets and
toyboxes, gave Shannon and Brad what they wanted, and took the rest of
the Salvation Army drop off. They were very happy with her.
Tara had her helping at a soup kitchen that night too."
"You've done a good job making her socially responsible," Lorne agreed.
"I try really hard since her Aunt Buffy somehow taught her about fashion
before she could walk or talk." Kinella cackled and nodded.
He smiled at their guide, bragging about his niece. It let the
others calm down, make their own plans, and let Kinella rest since she'd
be doing a lot of the fighting. She and him were taking the front
lines while Peter and Lorne covered one side and Caroline got the
weaker side. The army was going to be behind them to get whatever
Xander, Lorne, Caroline, and Peter, who was being held up by Xander,
appeared in a flash of light in an infirmary. "Doc, I hate to be a
bother," he quipped. "But can you grab Peter, they shot
him." She came over to help him onto a bed. "Did I forget
Kinella?" he asked, looking around.
"Father Demeter has her guarded," Caroline said. "He left before
they tried to gang up on us, Xander." She patted him. "He's
got a few good claw and bite marks, Doctor. So do we."
"Did we beam you?" Doctor Lam demanded.
"You were supposed to," Xander admitted. "I had a vision that
they'd turn on us so we couldn't tell anyone that Russia just had an
"Crap," she sighed. "O'Neill?" He nodded, taking off his
jacket. It was mostly ruined. His shirt and sweater
too. She called him. "There was an attack, Xander. I'm
"It's all right. I used the hellmouth taint and I have a hellish
headache but yay. Though I'm going to miss those weapons."
"Kinella has them," Lorne said. "All but yours I think."
Xander grimaced. "She didn't get to take yours to 'clean' with the
He nodded. Peter took Xander's phone and called someone, swearing
at them in Russian. "I will have them all back by the time I am
back in New York, with the slayer the Father is guarding, or I will
invite multiple demon species to come take over." He handed the
phone to Lorne with a wince. "I do not like being shot any more
than I used to."
The doctor smiled. "That's always a wise thing." O'Neill
walked in and sighed in relief. "The slayer's still over
there. So are the weapons."
"That will be fixed because I am mean enough to send little biting
things over. Ones that reproduce like tribbles," Peter said.
The doctor gave him something for the pain and he sighed, letting go of
Xander's hand. "Fix Xander."
"I will be fixing Xander. Let me scan for the bullet and get one
of the surgeons here, Peter." He nodded once, letting himself
drift on the painkiller.
Xander looked at his phone then took it to text someone. "One of
my kitten poker contacts has family over there who is in the
mafia. Maybe they can make sure we get all the weapons
back." He handed it back to Lorne, letting one of the doctors look
over his cuts and scrapes. "Ow, Doc."
"Sorry, Mr. Harris." The other two got put onto separate beds across from them and handled.
"Was it as bad as the invasion?" Jack asked.
"Half," Xander said quietly. "Lots of stuff to loot though."
"Regular army probably already has and sold half," Peter said.
"No, you guys were supposed to get the SG Teams from over there," Jack
said, going to make that call. He came back ten minutes
later. "They took over from the army and banished them to the
cities. All your weapons are with them. They have Kinella
and are going to hand her back to us." He patted Xander on the
head. "A Klingon weapon?" Xander grinned and nodded.
"I never considered that."
"It's good if you're in close quarters combat or have to have something
at sword length. It's a very good blocking, cutting, and ripping
weapon. It's very handy when it's too close to use a real sword or
axe but too far to use a dagger or sickle-style one."
"I never considered that. I'll have to see if Ronon wants to try
one of those since he's such a big fan of the sharp and pointy
stuff." Xander grinned and nodded. "Doc, how bad?"
"Pretty bad. Peter's injury missed everything important but will
need babied for a bit. Xander's are deep but not infecting.
Anything like slime, poison?" Xander shrugged. "Okay, we can
give you antibiotics and monitor you just in case." Kinella
appeared on top of their trunks with the weapons. "Did you get all
"All but one of Xander's kujang."
"They can be summoned," Xander said.
"Not magical," she reminded him. She called Tara. "We're all
in Cheyenne since they tried to double-cross us and make sure we
couldn't brag. Can you summon Xander's other kujang? Thanks,
Tara. Should I tell Faith to beg you for her holiday
present?" She grinned. "I'll do that. No, we're all
good. Peter's the worst. They tried to shoot them before
Xander got the energy to move them." Xander tossed over his
hellmouth hiding necklace. "Yup, that way. Thanks."
She hung up. "She will do that on lunch, Xander." He
nodded. "Does he have more taint, Doc?"
She scanned him. "No. Not a whole lot." She finished
extracting the bullet for Peter and started the cleaning and sewing
process. "You're very lucky."
"I should've been able to move us sooner," Xander sighed. "I was
panicking enough." He shifted onto his side and winced but then
sighed in pleasure afterward. "I falled," he told the nurse
looking him over. "And slid."
She smiled. "We have some wonderful cream for bruises that will
help that." She pulled the curtain to get him out of his
pants. "Um, Doctor Lam? He did more than slip and fall."
"I knew I was not only one that got hit," Peter complained in a hazy voice.
"No, not by a long shot," the nurse said. One of the other doctors came over to look at his gunshot wound.
"At least it's in fleshy muscle," she decided with a smile for
him. Xander thumped his head on the bed. She smiled.
"You can baby each other."
"Olivia is going to fuss us to death," Xander said.
"Yup," Kinella said, texting Paula that news and to tell Olivia.
Jack smirked at her. "It's a daughter or near-daughter's right to
fuss over the daddy or uncle figure." Someone came in and looked
at the weapons, drawing his. She smacked him with the
bat'leth. "Stand down. We're all battle hot, Soldier."
She watched them being cleaned up. Lorne and Caroline were tucked
in. "Just tonight?" Doctor Lam nodded. "Cool."
She stood up and looked at the general. "Can I get these back to
New York for Dean to take care of?"
"We'll send you guys tomorrow." He smiled and showed her to a
room, making the panicky soldier carry the rest of the weapons for her.
Paula walked outside her office. She had called a press
conference. "Contrary to popular reports out of Russia, the people
who tried to shoot both of my authors, the slayer with them, and the
two agents did not succeed. I'm told they're all safely in
Colorado at the moment. Peter and Alexian do have minor injuries,
both from the battle and the Russian army trying to cover up the
apocalypse battle. The agents and slayer with them all have battle
trauma injuries. They're all awake, alert, stitched up, resting
comfortably, and Alexian said to quit making his niece cry before he
comes back here to kill you all." She smiled and folded the
papers. "Any questions?"
"What happened?" one reporter asked. "Was it like the invasion?"
"Slightly. I was told it was a higher being from another realm
deciding to move here with her army. They were backed up by the
Russian army. It was nearly in the middle of nowhere and the local
villages were evacuated as a precaution."
Another raised her hand. "How injured?"
"Peter and Alexian both have very minor, easily closed gunshot wounds in
addition to the cuts, scrapes, and a few bite marks from the
battles. The rest just have the battle injuries."
"How did they get to Colorado? Did that program help?"
"I know that Alexian called General O'Neill before then. You'd
have to ask him." They nodded and made notes. "As for
coverage of it? I'm told that there is underground video taken
from a villager who is online. I'll be releasing that to Homeland
Security or General O'Neill, whichever one asks first, but not the press
as I don't want charged." They smiled and nodded. "So
please quit making Olivia cry, people."
"Who told her?"
"I believe the embassy called the house to tell them," she said.
"Which was a bit premature as it was before the battle had started from
what I've heard." They all moaned. "So I'm guessing that
someone had a bad idea of covering things up."
"Apparently," one of the reporters quipped. "Do they know?"
"Yes. Kinella texted all of us when she got to Colorado. She
said she had been guarded by a priest that showed up to help like some
of the local ones here do. She had their weapons with them as
well." She saw someone pushing through the crowd. "Agent
Philips. Why do you have Shannon?"
"She's throwing a fit and Mickey said to bring her to you," he said dryly, handing her over.
"Shannon?" she asked patiently, staring at her.
She called. "Kinella, talk to Shannon?" She did and put the
baby inside with her phone. "On my desk, Agent Philips." He
went in to get it, coming out with the CD. They could hear Shannon
giggling. "Thank you."
"She's very worried about them." He looked at them. "We'll
release any reports needed about it after we review the film.
Which will be next weekend probably. Dismissed, people."
They groaned but left. He looked at her. "Daniel had no idea
how to handle that," he said quietly. "So he sent her to you
because they'd answer for you when they weren't for them."
"It's possible. Peter always answers my calls." She went in
to talk to Shannon, who was much happier and talking to her Aunt Kinella
and Uncle Xander. She had even figured out how to turn it on
speaker, so Olivia's training showed very well. "C'mon, we'll go
home and you can tell the others that he's fine. Call me when you
get back, people." She hung up and called a cab, taking Shannon
home. She found Beckett and Rick there. He took Shannon to
cuddle. "They're fine. They're in Colorado." Beckett
sighed in relief. "Xander and Peter both have minor wounds from
the army and others from the battles."
Rick nodded. "Good! Why would they do that?"
"To hide that it happened. The same as LA's City Council likes to
ignore that demon things happen," Daniel said, taking his daughter
back. She wiggled down and went to hug her auntie. Beckett
smiled, giving her a cuddle. Brad ran in and clung to Rick. Olivia
came running off the elevator, gave her daddy a hug, then pounced Paula
for information. Mickey followed more slowly. "They're
fine," Daniel said.
"Good." He smiled at the kids. "They wanted to hug the
uncles and aunts instead of calming down in the park." He sat down
on the couch. "So, any other news?"
"Colorado. And I made a tape for Xander's personal review later
with the slayers and any of the LA team," she said, holding it up.
They smiled and nodded, put it in a locking cabinet away from the
kids. She looked at them. "Let me head back to the office to
field calls." She left them to calm down together.
Mickey smiled. "I'm here to guard, guys. That way no one tries anything in retaliation for them living."
"Thank you," Daniel said quietly. He got up to work on a
snack. The kids let go of everyone for some salad. "My Ma
would've been proud of them liking that." He sat down again.
"She might be when she gets right in the head," Rick said. "Most
grandmothers would be thrilled to have such smart, talented
children. If she couldn't see them for that, then she'll get the
help she needs hopefully." Daniel smiled and nodded.
"Grandpa called," Olivia said.
"John?" Daniel asked.
"Other Grandpa. He said to come home and think."
"I'll talk to him later." Rick nodded so he went to do that in the office while they watched the kids inhale salad.
The next day, Peter walked up to where the ambassador from Russia to the
US was giving a statement saying how sorry they were that the people
who had come to help them had died. "In my day, intelligence
system was much better." The ambassador stared at him. He
looked at him over his sunglasses, a look he had gotten off his
mate. "Army was also less jumpy and called people after they shot
them, not before." He walked off.
"Peter!" one shouted, chasing after him. "Is everyone all right?"
He nodded, smirking at her. "We are fine. Minor
injuries. Worst is really my temper over them calling the family
before they tried to shoot us to cover incident up." He
smiled. "Alexian said he's not moving from couch for a week
because he got graze on rear end when he dove to get me out of harm's
"Are you all right?"
"Small wounds. Doctor Lam fixed us up very well."
"Did the SGC help evacuate you?"
"Not exactly but they did patch us up. She has taken excellent
care of Xander in the past." He smiled. "Let me get my fussy
things donuts. Shannon scowled at us for not having any this morning
and Brad joined in."
"Olivia's siblings?" He nodded. "How are they doing? I
know they're seeing someone to help them catch up since they were
environmentally deprived on that realm."
"They are doing wonderful. Brad is finally walking. Both can talk now. They catch up very well."
She smiled. "That's good. Whose idea was the donation?"
"The mayor asked. That way she could show other children it is
cool to donate. They have made sure she is very socially
responsible, even if she does like to be pretty all the time."
She grinned. "Thanks and tell her good job." He nodded,
heading off. The other reporters that had followed had their own
notes. The ambassador had snuck off to tell his bosses he was in
Lorne and Caroline walked up to the White House. "We got
summoned," he reported, producing his ID. They had a note the
president was expecting him so let them in. One of the
Secret Service guards glared at them. Lorne glared back.
"Watch me take out my bad mood from the sixty-four stitches on you," he
"We'd like the President to be calm since he has an important meeting later."
"I'm sure yelling at someone will make him happier," Caroline quipped. They were let in by the secretary and saluted.
The president turned his chair around to look at them. "What in the holy hells happened?"
Lorne stared at him. "There's tape, sir."
"I've seen it. I've seen your reports. I'm still lost about how all that turned into such a cluster fuck."
"Did you also see the report where they called Harris' family and told him they were dead before the battle?" Lorne asked.
"No, I hadn't."
"Yup, they did," Caroline said. "Someone called his phone to make
sure. Talk about pissed off. I didn't think Peter was going
to be able to calm him down. I thought we might see him go berserk
with that special Klingon weapon of his."
"Klingon... Never mind," the president said, shaking his head
quickly. "I don't want to know if O'Neill has found real
"Harris is a fandom geek," Lorne said dryly. "He had one made. It was a lot more handy than I thought it would be."
"Oh." He rubbed his forehead and called someone. "What were
your people doing shooting at some of my best agents?" he
demanded. "And calling their families before that battle you asked
for help with to tell them they had died during it?" He leaned
back, listening to the backpedaling. "I gonna have to tell you,
next time you're on your own damn devices. I'll be damned."
He listened some more. "No, and I'm not real happy about it.
Neither are they. As a matter of fact, I'm downright pissed off
and I'm sure your former agent is as well. Yes, Yurchenko.
Well, his husband seems to think he was worth having a sudden magic
spike about," he said dryly. "And the tape some local took clearly
showed that the military was going to shoot 'em all. Which I hate
like hell. So what are we going to do about it beyond making you
deal with your own apocalypses?" He smirked. "I doubt they
would, even if it would mean them spreading."
"Peter threatened to send some little biting things that procreated like
tribbles over," Caroline said. "And some flying monkeys."
The president looked at her. "There's really flying
monkeys?" Lorne got into the site that Peter had sent him, showing
him. He read it and snorted. "They're cannibals too.
Charming!" He handed it back. "You two go rest. You've
earned a few days off. And if Micah gives you shit, Lorne, you
tell him to call me."
"You work for Simms?" Caroline asked as they walked out.
"Yeah, I have Max London as a partner."
"Damn, I'm so sorry." She patted him on the arm, getting a wince back. "Happy advil."
"You too, Caroline." He went to the bar. His bartender held
up the bottle of generic painkillers as soon as he heard him come
in. "Thanks. Water?" One was handed over and he went
back to watching something on his laptop. "What's that?"
"The battle. It's on youtube."
"That figures." He took some pills and sat down. "It's not that thrilling."
"It's not as big as LA's but it looked pretty desperate. And why does Harris have a Klingon weapon?"
"Because he likes it and he said it's a good mid-range weapon."
His bartender just nodded. "Peter thinks it's nice, now."
He nodded. "It looks like it." He put his laptop
aside. "Anything we should know? Max and Micah have both
called and so have a few of the golf buddies."
"I'll call them later," he muttered, grabbing the bar phone to call his
boss. "The president said I had days off." He hung up and
got a drink, going to his office to do some nice, plain, boring
paperwork that would hopefully work him into a nap very soon.
Max stomped in and back there. "You should've told us you were back. We would've done the medical checks for you."
Lorne looked up. "Doctor Lam kept us until she was sure there was
no poison. I only have stitches." She huffed. He
smiled. "But thanks for worrying, Max."
"Micah wanted a report." He sent it via email. "Anything else he should know?"
"We're all kind of pissed at the Russians. Harris has an antique
weapons storage area." She moaned, walking off shaking her
head. Lorne went back to his paperwork. He could
really use a nap but he was too sore to get one. He decided to
call the retired spy golf association to take his mind off his stitches
and his new nightmares about demons. They'd be good at that.
Mickey walked into the demon procurer's shop. He had went to see
why his uncle had sent him here and had nearly cooed at the flying
monkey. Though it was too mean to be his pet, but he definitely
could find it a few walking lunches that were causing people
problems. "Uncle Peter was threatening to send something to his
former bosses?" The man smiled and nodded, leading him to a
cage. "What is it? It looks like a really fluffy
gerbil." He reached over to pet it. Then two very large,
sharp looking sets of teeth came out of the fur. "Huh." He
nodded. "No wonder Uncle Peter wanted to send them to Russia."
"Only need one. Within ten days, will have hundreds." The
procurer smiled. "One was used against a drug dealer by his
husband. Very handy and the team that put him out of his misery
had a lot of fun with them as well. Only took two days to overrun
his jungle palace."
Mickey nodded. "How rare are they?"
"Not at all. That one is only ten bucks."
Mickey texted that at Peter and his boss. Robert was very confused
about why he wanted an opinion on it. Peter said he'd lend him
the ten dollars and money for sales tax. He paid for it and took
it off. He nicely sent it to a friend he had in Germany, who could
send it to the Kremlin. It might take it a few days but he was
sure someone would get the point.
Two days later, General O'Neill got visited by his Russian counterpart. "Problems?"
"Two." He put a cage on the desk. "What is this thing? How do I kill it?"
He stared. "That's a demon of some sort."
Jack called Xander, who moaned as he answered the phone. "Sorry to
wake you, Xander, but how do you kill the furry gerbil looking
demon?" He tapped the cage. "Yeah, lots of teeth."
"It has eaten three generals," the Russian one complained. Even he heard the cackling from that end. "What?"
"Peter said it served them right and they're only ten dollars. His
nephew loved it." He smirked. "And you can squish
them." He hung up. "Peter said some people needed to be
"Uh-huh." He scowled. "What did we do to them?"
"The army tried to shoot them."
"Oh, them." He sighed. "These are a mean payback for that
but probably suitable." He glared at it. "Will bullets
"Xander said squishing."
"Wonderful. At least they can be stepped on."
Jack's desk computer beeped and he looked at it. "I thought I was
ignoring that." He checked then opened up a report that had been
sent to him. "Huh. Someone's used them to take down drug
"I believe we have our own sort of problems that could enjoy them," he said dryly. "It was still mean."
Jack grinned. Another email happened. He read it.
"Aww, Xander sent his own suggestion of what he would've sent." He
let him see the information page. Then the other one that got
sent. "His niece Olivia wants one of those but she doesn't want it
to eat their cats."
"A flying, carnivorous monkey," he sighed, shaking his head. "I
can just imagine the stink the Church would cause with that. Tell
him those of us with sense apologize and the rest were already
eaten." Jack sent that back and got another one, making the other
general shudder. "Yes, I believe that is very mean of them.
He must need painkillers again."
"They can't have sex for at least a week since Xander was diving at
Peter to get him out of harm's way so got shot in the ass. They've
only been married for six months." Another one came in and he
read it. "I'm so using that the next time we run into the Ori," he
The other general snickered, walking off without his nibbling gerbil friend.
Jack looked at it then called someone to come get it. They had a
lot of enemies that wanted to kill them. They could use that the
next time they were attacked. He gave his assistant the other
pages he had printed out. "Find them too." He nodded, taking
it back to the mountain. The biologists there freaked out a bit
but it was a happy man-eating gerbil since they fed it reese's
cups. Chocolate worked on their bad mood too.
Beckett got handed a report by Castle a few days later. It was on a
takedown of a Russian mafia group in Moscow. She read it, then
shook her head quickly. "Think they sent it?" she asked.
"No, Peter said Mickey sent it for him." He grinned.
"I know what to do about ours if they act up again," she said, putting
it aside. Esposito rolled his chair over to get it.
"Thankfully Xander likes us."
Esposito looked at her. "We have plenty of places to use one."
"Then go ask Mickey to help you find a new pet," she quipped. "If it can be trained as a police animal....."
"I'll keep that in mind." He rolled back to his desk and got back
to work on his reports. "How are they doing, Castle?"
"Xander still can't sit so he's in a bad mood. Olivia's in fussing
heaven. They had to send her to Tara for the weekend so she had
some girl time. Shannon pouted about that so Alexis came over to
play games. They pounced her so hard to knock her down for a
tickle fight she's bruised but she enjoyed it." He smiled.
"They're mostly fine. Lorne sent a mean email to Peter that made
Xander cackle while we were chatting earlier."
"Those two are very well suited," Beckett said. "But they could
use a threat free time to calm down and just be a couple for a while."
"They're going to the cabin next week."
"Wonderful." She smiled. "Any other good news?"
"Olivia was getting Alexis's opinion on all her presents she wanted to
buy. Horrified Daniel a lot. He pointed out she had a very
limited shopping budget. And the others would pout that she got
one at all. She huffed and pointed out two of the best ones
were for them. He is definitely not used to her style of doing
"That's about what I expected since they spent so much time apart.
Olivia's a very worldly child and the other two are more sweet and
simple instead of smart and sweet." She spotted a tiny hairbow
over a doorway. "Olivia?" She peeked around. "Did you
She walked over pouting to get a cuddle. "Daddy doesn't like me."
"He does love you, he just doesn't understand you." She gave her a hug. "How did you get here?"
"From?" Rick asked.
"Auntie's house. She's napping. I called demon cabs like
Uncle does." She rested her head against her aunt's
shoulder. "Daddy really hates me."
"He doesn't hate you. He loves you enough to keep going even
though they were trapped over there. The only thing that helped
him make it through was coming back to be your daddy," Rick said.
She pouted at him. "He hates my ideas."
"He's not used to you," Rick said. He sat down and took her to
cuddle. She was still pouty. "Your dad is used to girls like
Melody, the one you talked about from daycare. That's how girls
were where he grew up. So when someone so special and smart
came into his life, he's not used to all the thinking that you do.
He expected dollies and pretty dresses, not books and nerf crossbows."
"Then he won't like Shannon either," she said, looking at him.
"He does like you both. And Brad, but he's got to get used to
being the daddy. The same as you're getting used to having him
around as the daddy instead of your uncles."
"That's right," Kate agreed. "Esposito, call...."
"I've already called Tara and woken her. I called Xander."
"Uncle Xander's easier," Olivia said. "He wants me to read and
likes what I like and wants me to do things that I like as long as it's
not chasing the cats. And I'm almost out of chasing the cats now
because I'm so big."
"You are," Kate agreed with a smile. "You've grown into a very
smart, sensitive young woman." Olivia gave her a shy grin.
"You still shouldn't take a cab on your own, even from the demon cab
"I know but Auntie was so sure that I was being a princess."
"No, you're not. It's just that things are different and it takes
time to get used to different things. Like when your uncles ate
Middle Eastern food and you hated it through most of the meal until
suddenly you really liked the rice and figs."
"I guess. Daddy's still... He doesn't like me to think and
plan and even to fuss. He said I'm fussing too much."
"It's normal to fuss when someone's sick or injured," Esposito told her
with a grin. "You're a great fusser, but you took some of your
Uncle Peter's fussing time."
She grinned. "They go to cabin next week when Uncle Xander's butt heals."
"I heard. They could use the time without any threats from someone
who wants to hurt the family. That way they can snuggle on the
couch and just be together."
She nodded. "They need vacation," she agreed. She leaned her
head on Rick's shoulder with a sigh. "What do I do about Daddy?"
"I think it'll take some time talking to someone," Rick said, looking
down at her. "Maybe someone like Father Morgan can talk to you
both and translate. Sometimes being a dad is a whole different
language from being a kid."
She looked at him. "He can do that? Talk it to banishing like it's a demon?"
"I think we can ask," he offered. She nodded with a slight
grin. He called him. "Father Morgan, Rick Castle. No,
not a demon. Olivia needs someone to help her and Daniel get used
to each other. That's what I was thinking. No, probably not
that much counseling. At the station. She took the demon cab
company to come visit. Thanks." He hung up. "He'll
make sure your dad's not worried and then come talk to you." She
nodded, snuggling in again. "Didn't sleep well last night?"
"No, puppy had hairballs and threw up the meatballs Auntie Tara made all night."
"That happens sometimes to puppies and kittens. That's why my mom
didn't want us to have one when Alexis was little." She grinned at
him. "Some day, when she's all grown up, I'll get a dog to pay
attention to me. If you're still here in the city, you can help me
pick it out." She beamed and nodded. She went back to
snuggling in for comfort.
When Father Morgan got there, she gave him a listless wave. "They don't think that Daddy hates me but I do."
"I think it's more he doesn't understand you." He held out his
hands. "Let's talk." Beckett pointed at a bench in the
corner. He took her over there to talk to her. Xander sent a
text to them to bring her home. "Detective, Xander wanted her
"I know you won't hurt her." Father Morgan nodded and took her,
letting her walk on her own since she wanted to. Shannon was the
sort to limply use you as a transport pillow so you'd carry her.
Brad wanted to run now that he had figured out how. Olivia was
very independent and even Xander didn't get much carrying time with
her. He and John Winchester sat down to talk to her outside once
they got back to Xander's. Daniel was off having a fit in the
warehouse. They'd talk to him next.
Daniel sighed as he sat down in front of the kid's physical therapist. "I need someone to help me."
She smiled and handed over a card. "I've noticed you've gotten a
bit frustrated with all this, Daniel. She works in this
office. She's the one that Olivia was talking to outside the other
"I don't understand Olivia."
"Olivia's a bit worldly for her age but she's generally a caring,
fussing little girl like all the others. It's just that she
doesn't want to coo over rainbows and dolls, she wants to get out and do
things to make others feel better."
"I'm going to ruin her. She ran away from Tara to go see a few family friends."
"Did you punish her for that?"
"She actually found the number for the demonic cab company, snitched
some of Tara's coffee money, and got herself there. Xander called
them to pay the difference."
"That's very advanced but most kids in the city that take them so often know how to use a cab."
"It was simpler when they're on the farm."
"I think Olivia would adore being on a farm, mostly because she'd have
all the animals to fuss over and all the vegetables too." Daniel
smiled and nodded. "But you'd still be making bi-weekly trips to
"Maybe I'll never understand her."
"I think you will. It's an adjustment for both of you. When
you left, she was pretending to be a baby for her mother and hiding that
she was able to do things like walk." He grinned and
nodded. "During that time, she's done a lot of growing. You
had too much to worry about with the other two to worry about things
like socialization and the like. Olivia's fairly advanced for her
age, but she's still mostly a normal girl with some extra experiences
that most kids don't get. Most of them wouldn't think about going
to a reporter to get help with a problem."
"That was brilliant," he sighed. "Xander has an educational fund set up."
"I'm sure he does. He probably has since he found out he was going
to be an uncle." She smiled. "Even before, Olivia was a lot
like him from what you've said. Even without his influence.
Your wife was turning her into a female Xander."
He considered it and nodded. "She was, yeah."
"And he's liked that. He's doing great with the other ones and
helping you get used to doing it all by yourself with all the additional
options you now have. Xander and Olivia are both very intuitive
people. They read the people around them easily enough that they
know how to handle things without conscious thought. There for the
first few weeks, he was totally lost with her. He had to take her
to interviews. He was on a book tour when you guys got
displaced. She had to travel with them, though it was cute that he
told one reporter that asked that his bodyguard was a father and
helping." Daniel nodded, slightly smiling. "He's had over a
year to get used to Olivia no longer hiding how smart she is and what
she can do."
"She is. Around you, she uses simpler sentences, does simpler
things, reads simpler books." He groaned, leaning forward to rub
his face with his hands. "She's reading that frustration from
He looked up. "Detective Beckett got Father Morgan to talk to her
when she ran away and then we talked. He tried to explain things
to me. I'm not sure what I can handle though. Especially
with Xander and Peter taking a week off at his cabin."
"You'll handle it and we'll set up the first talking appointment during
then. Later that night, she can call and talk to them as a
touchstone point but otherwise it should help."
"Please," he agreed quietly. "I feel like I'm failing her."
She smiled. "You're not. You'd only be failing her if you were pushing her spirit down."
"We had a fight about christmas shopping."
"Olivia was telling her siblings about the holidays during their last
appointment while I was waiting on something from the nurse. About
how the coven had a neat solstice thing and a dinner. How they
could send letters to Santa. How Santa worked. How they'd
get to see how Peter's nephew the Orthodox priest celebrated Santa
"I don't mind that. It's good for 'em," he agreed quietly. "I wouldn't have even thought of that."
"Before you probably didn't have many friends who weren't pagan, lapsed
like you are, or fully Catholic. You kept yourself around a fairly
limited group of people, Daniel."
"I know. It felt familiar so it was easier. I freaked out a few times about Willow taking me to coven things."
"Some people don't do well with change."
"I'd hate to think I'm like my mother."
"No, you have an open mind and reasonable expectations, unlike her. How is her court case going?"
"They're charging her out the butt. My father is not happy with
the legal bills." He slumped down. "That'd be a lot but that
and all this too is way too much."
"Yes but Xander and Peter need some time alone to be a couple."
"I know. They do deserve it and I hope all the stress hasn't ruined 'em."
"I think Xander might have a moment of panic but I also think Peter's
expecting that and can pin him to something so they talk after
sex." Daniel blushed but nodded. "They have a very healthy
relationship, even though it was a bit rushed. They started with a
strong foundation and they can easily talk and work any problems out."
"Yeah, I guess. How long did they date?"
"They had a lot of cross-state emails, some trips up or down for them,
and a few times when people showed up get them Peter showed up to help."
"He's a good Da to my kids too."
"Yeah but it's not a race. There's no winning medal for being the
best. There's no olympic podium where you stand and hear your
national anthem. A good parent is a good parent, no matter how
they get to that point."
He nodded. "I'm not sure I'm good at it."
"You're doing fine. Parenting is a hard thing. Every parent
has days that they feel like they've failed. What did John
Winchester say? I'm sure you've talked to him."
"He said Olivia and Sam were a lot alike and a good reason for a
temper." He grinned slightly. "He loves Olivia like his own
but Shannon's sucking up a lot to him because he's helping train her."
"She's been told about grandparents from Olivia, who treats John like he is."
"She's got a mouth on her too. She told Dean he needed to get
married before his titties got floppy." She cackled and
nodded. "I can't handle that. I don't know how to not be
horrified and punish her. Xander just cackles with Dean about it."
"Dean and Sam got raised by a very lax parent because John had to
be. He had to leave them alone when he fought demons. Dean
did a lot of raising of Sam by what he's said in the past. Xander
was basically raised by Willow from what he's said. I doubt that
she was very strict of a parent."
"No, not likely." He considered that and shrugged. "They're
not letting her run wild in the least. She and Xander had a long
talk about her running away from Tara. I had no idea how to handle
"He probably did a bit of it himself."
"Probably," he sighed. "I'm still lost. I'm not sure I'm cut
out to be a father. It's simpler with Shannon and Brad, even with
them being behind."
"Actually, we were going to talk to you about that. You know how
Olivia hated to walk around you?" She smiled. He groaned and
shook his head. "Shannon said that you liked her little when I
asked while she was using baby toys instead of bigger girl toys."
"Jesus," he muttered. "I'm screwing them up."
"You're not. Think of it like you're stuck in a moment. You
rewound to what you did with Olivia." He nodded at that.
"But they're not Olivia. They have different needs and they have
different wants. Shannon only likes books that read to her. I
talked to Kinella and Faith about that issue and Kinella said she was
never a huge reader either. That she hated school for the most
part. So did Faith. I'm guessing Buffy wasn't Brainy Smurf
"No, Willow used to cheat for her thanks to patrol."
"Did she do the same for Xander?" Daniel shook his head
slowly. "I think maybe there's some brainwashing there too.
I've heard Xander describe himself as normal and emphasize it as if it's
a bad thing."
"That was their thing, yeah."
"And you got it too maybe?"
He considered it. "I let them do it to me so I didn't have to hunt
as much. I kept trying to pull Willow back to emergencies only."
"Again, a huge change that you had to work your way though. But I
am very happy that you've never badmouthed their mother to them, even
for her addiction problems. That you've never talked about her
addiction problems with the kids or freaked out about their skills."
"It does freak me out some but Olivia is good about not using it around
me. She realizes that." She smiled and nodded. "Damn
"You can work that out, Daniel. It's a normal reaction to having
your kid suddenly start to sprout things that you don't
understand. Though she will never have that problem. She's
got the coven making sure of it, her aunt and uncle, and the
Winchesters. If she even steps toward that line someone's going to
"True," he agreed, relaxing again. "The other two don't like to use it."
"You can't compare them. In some ways, Olivia is like an adopted
child to you." Daniel nodded. "But you can both adjust and
get used to it. She's done a lot to make you more
comfortable. I watched you guys that day in the park. She
turned into a fussing mommy sort for you and when Xander showed up she
was a lot more independent and just telling the other kids things
instead of nudging them toward them. We had a talk about that and
she said that you needed more help with them."
"I do. Maybe a nanny?"
"You can't afford one right now," she reminded him. He sighed but
nodded. "You will work it out as a family. Even if there's
some rough patches, it'll happen. We all know it'll happen.
Consider Xander a teaching tool and a seatbelt. He's there in case
you crash and burn but it's really not his job to do all this.
He's showing you how to do it and it's not exactly your method so you'll
have to adapt some and change some of his to suit your own
methods. Each parent does it differently because each kid is
different. Brad's going to turn into a thug if someone doesn't
stop him some day soon. He's been picking on Shannon, who only
"John caught him this morning and swatted him good for it. He went
on a wailing fit that woke Olivia and me up. She glared at him
and told him to quit being a jackass then huffed off back to bed."
She grinned. "John grounded her for the day for her mouth,
"She hasn't had much acting out. This is all stressful for
her too, Daniel. She's used to Xander encouraging her and mildly
spoiling her. Olivia asks them questions and expects them to dumb
down the adult answers for her. Tara's taught her how to be a good
being by taking her to donate things and help other kids in
need." He nodded. "She's not much spoiled beyond wanting to
be pretty and have a huge library."
"I know and I like that but ... Is she acting out because of all this?" She nodded. "Because she can't adapt?"
"Because now you're putting different pressures on her to be like the
girls you grew up around. You'd love her to be a sweet, doll
carrying, house playing little girl and she's not exactly like
that. She doesn't fit into your mental image of what a girl should
be and she realizes that stresses you out and you're struggling, and
it's putting pressure on her to conform to ideals that everyone else
around her thinks are wrong for her, so she's reacting out of
stress. She's a very brilliant girl but she's still only
three. It's not like she can tell you off for not wanting to go to
the American Girl store."
"Shannon loved that."
"Shannon loves dolls. She's been growing into a much more
traditional girl. Though her dolls all have weapons." Daniel
shuddered. "That's part of her reality. The slayer essence
is prompting her to take precautions and she's doing what she knows how
to do." She got up and found a tape, popping it in her player and
turning on the tv. "This was her last session with me." They
sat down and watched her playing with the dolls and the counselor
asking her about them. One of the dolls sounded a lot like what
Daniel expected girls to be but with Faith's weapons. He was
slumped down and disappointed. "She's trying really hard to fit
into that narrow mold of what a girl should be. Though she does
like dolls and lace and all that stuff. Olivia encourages that
because she knows it makes you happy."
Daniel looked at her. "I'm an absolute fuck up with this."
"You are not. You expect her to be like your sisters."
"My sisters kicked my bum all around the farm."
"While your mom encouraged them to play with dolls. We repeat our
own childhoods with changes for what we believe was wrong with
them. How many times did your mom yell at your sisters to quit
doing boy things?"
"A lot," he realized. "I'm turning into my own Ma," he realized, shaking his head quickly. "How do I stop that?"
"You're doing a good job of it. You need to relax and let the kids
be whoever they want to be. That means if Shannon wants a career
she can have one. If Olivia wants a PhD she can get one, and I
think Xander needs to quit being so pushy about the college thing for a
while. He's gone a bit overboard with the 'you'll do great things
for humanity' lectures a few times but she knows that she's special, has
special gifts, and that means that she should use them to help others
or do something that's going to help others some other way.
"Xander realized he had gotten a bit pushy about wanting her to go to
medical school or something like that when she started to pout about
it. In that, he's taking a cue from John Winchester with what he's
realized he kept from Sam. Almost everyone is looking at Olivia
like a little Sam and Xander baby. Shannon like a little Dean and
Xander baby. Brad like a little Dean baby because they're going to
be a lot alike I think. And you're looking at them like a man of
your generation, where girls did certain things and had families or
careers and things were much more segregated by gender thanks to the
religious underpinnings of your home. I'd hate to have seen what
John would've done to a daughter."
Daniel considered that and nodded. "Then how do I fix it before I ruin 'em?"
"For now, relax. Just let it flow like water over river
stones. Correct the big things that are dangerous. Correct
Olivia's swearing gently because that's the one of the few ways she has
of releasing her frustration. If she was older, you'd have to deal
with a teen pregnancy or other issues." Daniel shuddered.
"Some day you'll be a grandfather."
He shook his head. "I wasn't sure I'd live long enough to have kids."
She smiled. "Most guys aren't." He relaxed again.
"Just take it in a very zen-like manner. Correct the highly bad
things and let the rest go. If Shannon wants dolls who have
weapons, let her. If Brad wants dolls that have weapons, let
him." He grimaced. "Some boys do like to play with
dolls. Especially if they have sisters that show him dolls are
cool and he can act out things with them." She put in another tape
and let him see Brad playing with the dolls.
He was acting out a morning in the house and it was hilarious.
Olivia's doll had a book over her head the whole time. Shannon's
was shoveling in all the food at the table and Brad was sneaking stuff
off her plate or begging Grandpa for it. Then the Xander doll and
the Peter doll came in and it changed. Olivia put down the
book. Shannon suddenly started to share. Brad got to be
meaner but got pouted at by his sisters so he quit. It was
hilarious watching it but it was pretty realistic too. He looked
at her. "Totally unprompted," she said quietly. "I left him
alone with the dolls to see what he'd do."
"It does look a lot like the mornings recently, though Olivia's been trying to help cook."
"She knows that's what a big sister or mommy figure does according to you."
He slumped. "No, she's not old enough to take care of anyone but
herself and barely that. She's still working on potty training,
that's hard enough."
She smiled. "She's mostly got that covered for now. We
talked about how hard it was and how hard it was to realize that she had
to go. I've talked to the doctor about that and they're going to
do a short-term medicine to help her with that since she's got some
bladder leakage beyond that."
"Like old women?"
"It's not that uncommon. The muscles down there aren't used all that much in kids."
"Good point I guess. Is she too young?"
"No. I know a good many kids who are potty trained fully by her age."
"I was five."
"She's got to have it soon because the next room in her daycare will be
expecting her to be or the other kids could pick on her."
"I like her daycare," he admitted.
"So does she." She smiled. "Missy's a good, normal role
model for her too. She has a decent job, does for herself, isn't
overly hyper on the magic thing. Missy's her normal person view
along with the detectives and Rick Castle."
He nodded. "Her Ma's not normal and I guess the rest of us can say the same thing because of the demon thing."
She nodded. "Basically."
Daniel stood up. "Thanks."
"Make an appointment with our therapist, Daniel. It'll help.
She can help talk to Olivia too so she has somewhere to get out that
He nodded, going to do that.
Xander looked down at his kid, and Olivia was so his sometimes. "I want to try something."
"Why?" she asked, looking up at him. "Is it naughty?"
"No. I want to see if you guys want to do some art."
"Art?" John Winchester asked from the couch. "Like art therapy art?"
"No, like self expression art." He stared at her. "Get
dressed. We're going to an art store." She ran off to do
that. He looked at Shannon. "While we're gone, make Grandpa
read to you." She beamed and got him a book. Xander got her
another one that had dolls. She adored that and squealed, hugging
him. He grinned. "Your mother did that same thing
sometimes." She beamed and cuddled in with Grandpa. Brad was
napping on the coffee table and they all enjoyed that since he had been
hyper all morning with Dean.
Olivia came down putting on her jacket and gloves. "Good
job." He took her down to the car and put her in her seat, then
got in to drive. He had picked a good art store online and were
more hippy artists and real artists instead of poser or art student
artists. He walked her in there and to the counter. "Can you
help my niece?" he asked quietly.
"Sure." She followed them back into the shelves. "She's very young."
"She's got a bit of thinking to do about a lot of stuff," he said,
looking down at Olivia. "I think you can do art like I do
Olivia looked awed. "Really?" He nodded. She looked at the older woman. "How do I do that?"
"Well, let's start by picking a way. Do you like to paint, draw,
play with clay?" She nodded, still staring in awe. "Then
let's look at the kid's section." She smiled at Xander. "I
know who you are." He grinned. "A bit of art is a great
thing in any life."
"I'm horrible at it or I would've retreated there years ago. I
know she likes to take pictures with my camera phone." He showed
her the last few. All of the ponies in the park.
"Huh. That's actually a pretty decent job at her age. My
nieces only took pictures of their thumbs." She grinned and found a
few things. "Let's start with a few simple things. You're
still doing crayons, right?"
"I'm working very hard to stay in the lines."
"That takes years of practice," Xander assured her. "It did for me
and your mom. She couldn't do that until third grade."
"Wow." She looked at her. "I like colors. They're pretty."
"Cool. So let's maybe do some free form coloring," she said,
grabbing a large box of crayons that held almost every single
color. Olivia got two more. "For your sister and brother?"
"Brother might eat them but yeah."
Xander changed one out to a bigger set. "For Brad. His hand
can't grip something that small yet. Also, her room has a
whiteboard we've only tacked pictures on."
"Hmm." She nodded and got a few markers and an eraser. Then
she got them the painting kits. "These," she said, squatting down
to show her. "Are premade and you paint them." She looked at
Olivia. "Then your uncle bakes them in the oven to set the
paint." Olivia nodded, taking it to look over. "You can do
that at a table and paint it whatever colors you want. There's all
sorts of pre-made forms. Those are the simpler ones so you can
practice but at the bigger levels there's things like carousel horses,"
she said with a point. "And later on you can do paint-by-numbers
if you like that sort of thing." Olivia squealed and hugged
her. She patted her. "So want to try that and maybe some
clay?" She smiled and nodded. "Cool." Xander found the
clay and got a lot of it. "Get the other stuff. That's not
good if it's eaten." Xander did that and found some playdough for
Brad, earning a smile. "Always safer with the little ones."
"He'll work his way up to clay animals." He smiled at
Olivia. "Those paintable things, when you're ready, can also be
presents. I'm sure Alexis would love one when you're ready to show
She beamed and nodded. "I'd like that. It'd make her happy."
"It would," the sales clerk agreed with a smile. They checked them
out and went to pick up a kiddy card table set. She
grinned. The girl was going to pounce on art so hard. It was
good for her.
Xander set up the card table and then the chairs, pointing at the
organizer cabinet he had put up in their corner by the stairs.
There was also a thick plastic mat underneath it. "Okay," he said,
showing her things. "This is your art area for you three.
John, here," he said, handing him stuff for Brad. "Safer for
little kids who still stick things in their mouths."
"Sure." He got Brad sitting down and showed him how to use the
playdough while Xander showed Olivia how to use the clay. Shannon
came over after her nap and got involved too. They all enjoyed
that. Olivia quit acting like the little mommy and just enjoyed
herself with her siblings. They were all learning something new
together. John smiled. "Art is a good way of playing and
working things out."
"Plus the clay strengthens little fingers," he said, grinning at Brad,
who beamed back and held up his playdough snake. "Very nice,
Brad." He beamed and smashed it then made it into something only
he knew what it was. Xander put the three hand-made labels on each
of the cabinets. "Shannon, this is your cabinet," he said with a
point. "See, that's your name. You can use anything in there
if you want to." She beamed and nodded. "The next one is
Olivia's and then Brad's. He's got special stuff for littler
kids. So let him have his. Okay?" She beamed and
nodded. He grinned at Olivia. Who beamed back.
Daniel came in with a few bags. "I bought new berries. Is that clay?"
"Yup," Xander said. "This way they're all learning something new
together and they have things that they can express themselves
with." He looked at Daniel. "So they're not having to hide
"So when I'm frustruated I can come draw it out," Olivia said, looking at him. "Daddy needs art stuff too."
"I got him some extra crayons," Xander said with a wink. She beamed and nodded, getting back to her clay.
Daniel stared at him. "I hadn't even thought about that."
"I didn't either until I wrote a character using art as therapy to get
over something." Daniel grinned. Xander grinned back.
"Plus they're learning together."
"That's a great idea. What about the Treasury stuff?"
"They can't lock the overseas accounts and I'm pretty well living out of
one of them. I had my financial guy put all the stuff here into
safe investments and made sure they're not going to be able to fuss over
any ready access funds. The stuff out of the country is easier
anyway." Daniel nodded. "My financial guy set it up to deal
with all this stress before I started to throw a fit. Again."
"I had hoped we would have fixed it," Peter admitted as he came down the
stairs. "Ah, many clay animals. Mickey used to make them to
cheer Nicholas up whenever he was sick." Olivia beamed at
him. He took a kiss from Xander. "Can they protest cabin?"
he asked quietly.
"No, I bought it long before that judge's half-brother got him to piss
me off." They shared a look. "And if so, I'm moving next to
General Jack again." Peter snickered. "The leftover
Initiative guys so freaked over that. That's why I got that cabin
instead of the one I bought in Colorado." Peter smiled and nodded
at that. "All that's on file. Even Agent Philips has had
enough of their petty plays for power. He suggested I start
working to take out certain clans." He took another kiss with a
grin. "It's going to be a bit chilly so pack that blue sweater?"
"I can do so." He smiled. Brad ran over to show them
something. "That is very nice, Brad. Very pretty." He
beamed and ran back. He smiled. "Nice carpet protection."
"Olivia has paint too."
"That is very handy." Daniel looked and stared at him.
"I can paint those to be pretty any way I want and then Uncle Xander
bakes them. Then I can give them as presents when I'm good enough
and am ready to," Olivia said, staring at him. "Alexis would like
something pretty for her room when she goes to college."
"I'm sure she would," he agreed, kissing her on the head. She beamed and relaxed. "There's a lot of them."
"I can practice to see how to paint and then do some," she said. "There's really fancy ones, like horsies and things."
"Wow." He patted her and settled in on the fourth side of the
table to help them. They all enjoyed that. "Xander, do we
think Brad's doing okay on the boy stuff?"
"I think he's got three other pack members at daycare that love to pick
on him and be picked back at. He's good on boy stuff, even if he
is surrounded by girls. Just look how I did." He smirked.
"Good point. I had a younger brother to bedevil and be a boy around."
"He gets plenty of boy time. Even Rick got in some boy time with
him because he missed having a son." He shrugged. "They went
out to the garden plot we have and found frogs."
"No frogs in my garden," Olivia complained. "Eww!"
"It'll be fine and frogs are part of nature," Xander said patiently.
"They eat bugs," Peter said.
"Bugs are grosser than frogs so I guess that's all right," she
sighed. Kinella came off the elevator with a bag. "Come see,
She came over to look. "Aww, that's real pretty, kids." They
all smiled at her. "Good job." She handed Xander the
bag. "The weapons. Faith ordered me to bring them back
before I stole your bat'leth." She rolled her eyes. Xander
hugged her and she bounded over to play with the kids too. Brad
scowled but his daddy got him and it was better.
Xander found the carrying cases for his special ones and checked them over before putting them up.
Shannon oohed and ran over to look at his bat'leth. "Shiny," she
said in awe. She looked at her uncle and smiled. "Me?"
"When you're older I'll teach you how to use one." She beamed and
kissed it then ran back to the clay animals. Xander grinned.
"I like that thing too," Kinella told her. "Klingons are cool
warriors." She beamed and nodded back. Then Kinella showed
her how to make clay elephants.
Olivia watched and did the same thing with some help from the slayer
auntie. It was very hard but anything hard like that made her
smarter and therefore prettier so she'd learn and have fun with
it. Then she'd get to paint.
Xander put his weapons in the office for now. They could go back
into storage later or tomorrow. All the kids knew not to touch his
weapons even if Shannon did covet them. Sometimes John even let
her pet them like they were the cats.
Xander looked around the cabin their first night there. "It's a lot more quiet without the kids."
"It is." Peter was watching him instead of the fireplace. He
knew Xander was a bit worried about them not having the buffer zone of
the baby. He had been at first too. He pulled him
closer. "Within months it will be golf season again. We will
need to check clubs."
Xander grinned. "I need a new putter."
"Is that arrangement from overseas accounts working out?"
"Yes and the Treasury people still hate me."
"We have filed second lawsuit against them." Xander melted against
his side. He kissed him on the temple. "We need music."
"We do." He heard a car. "Though it's handy." He got
up and went to the door, finding the sheriff there. "Did I forget
to pay my property taxes?"
"No, sir. Is this your place?" Xander nodded. "We have an agent who says it's not."
"I have a lawsuit against them for trying that shit." He leaned in
the door. "I bought this cabin years ago. Before the
problem that they seem to think happened." The agent got out of
his own car. "Oh, hey, it's you and I'm still not allowed to shoot
"I bought this before that inheritance issue."
"What?" he asked. "No you didn't. You bought one in Colorado."
"Which was transferred to the former Initiative people who outed the
SGC. I got this one in exchange because they panicked when I met
"Ummmm....." He called his boss. "The boss said that's not legal."
"Yes it is. Agents in Homeland did it," Xander said dryly.
"For that matter, you're trespassing without a warrant." The
sheriff moaned. "I'm going to have a demon clan eat you and your
whole family for it." He smiled.
"Calm down," Peter ordered. He came to the door. "My husband
is correct, there is lawsuit and a very nice restraining order that you
have not honored."
"We're the government," the agent said.
"No, you're a demon cocksucker," Xander corrected. "I can see the
offering mark from here, dude. Step onto the property, I dare
you." He did and screamed in pain. Xander smiled at the
sheriff. "I have it warded so demons can't come onto it.
Apparently he's more than offered."
"I have that note in town because one of the deputies is a halfie," he admitted. "You're a hunter?"
"Xander Harris," he said, holding out a hand.
"Oh, shit," he muttered. "You're gay?"
"Yeah." He smiled back at Peter then at him again. "We married about seven months ago."
"Huh. That one?"
"I don't care," Xander admitted. "They're pissing me off.
They're pissing me off enough that I'm not going to tell anyone about
the next vision I have about an apocalypse." The demon agent
stared at him. "So you'd better hope Sam Winchester is more
forgiving. Because I could care less at the moment." He
smiled. Peter was stroking his back. "You all have fun with that
"You can't do that. You're not a seer."
"Look my ass up, demon. I'm in the database." He did and
then let out a shriek of outrage. "Which also means that you've
broken the treaties." Xander stared him down. "I
wasn't going to be punitive. I was going to let the law work
itself out. Unfortunately you kept pressing your luck." He
stared at him. He called on something. It appeared and
winced, stepping off the property line. "He's violating the
treaties. He's outright broken most of them."
"Your house above the warehouse is safe," he offered.
Xander smirked. "I'm not going to keep telling people about
visions. After all, Willow Rosenburg raised me not to really care
about a whole lot of humanity. The drunks surely wouldn't
care." The demon gaped, staring at him. He pointed at the
demon staring at his PDA. The demon took it and moaned in
horror. "Usually I get stalkers who make that noise. Peter,
can you get me a weapon?"
"I'm sure it is not necessary to kill them in front of sheriff," he said
calmly. He gave Xander a visual order to calm down. Xander
kissed him and smiled.
The demon looked at them. "How did you get a do not touch rating before you left Sunnydale?"
"Was that because Angel offered me to Spike as a ruse, the stuff with Anya, or one of my other drooling stalker members?"
The demon stared at him. "You're not that Harris."
"I am that Harris unless you made me a clone."
He walked over and tested him. "No taint."
"I had to remove us from Russia the other day before they shot us."
He tested again. The hellmouth markers were there. Subdued
but there. So were a few other ones. There were protection
marks from some of the highest of the high. "We're screwed," he
"Yes, someone is, because the Treasury keeps fucking with me. Including my cabin here."
The demon snickered then looked at the agent. "Leave him the fuck alone!"
"He can't be him!"
Xander pulled out his wallet and the Sunnydale ID he carried, walking it
over to hold up. "Really? I was the only one in
town." The agent took it to look at and winced, tossing it down
and stomping off. "The treaties are still broken," Xander
noted. "Which means I get to attack now." He stared at
him. "All I want is left alone. Not like you're not causing
your own problems. I have no idea why you're causing your own
problems but I'm so sick of it." He picked up his ID and put it
back. "Anything else you wanted to discuss?"
"All hunters will die," he sneered.
Xander considered it then looked inside at the transport ring. He
walked in and through then came back with something in his hand.
He held it up. "I still guard the warehouse, dude." The
agent started to babble, backing up. "It's the one thing I've put
"That should be in a shrine," the higher demon said, backing away
slowly. Xander grinned. "Oh, damn. We heard it was
looted after the earthquake."
"That was right after I got given the warehouse and I thought it needed protecting."
"Actually, it may be pulling attacks at you since it's a chaos artifact," the higher demon said, backing up a bit more.
"Yeah but most Chaos gods love me." He grinned. "I am a
force of chaos, or at least I was when I was younger." He bounced
it in his hands a few more times.
"No! Don't break it!" he shouted. Two senior demons, higher
than the Oracles, appeared. He fell to his knees. "This is
the Warehouse's Guardian."
"They broke the damn treaties," Xander said simply.
"Yes, they did," they agreed. "You have not helped."
Xander smiled. "I only react. I never attack first."
They stared at him and one put up a shiny thing that showed them his
life going by very quickly. "Shit," he said, making the lesser
demons and the sheriff flinch. The sheriff actually reached for a
gun. He looked at Xander. "It was wise to hide that."
"I thought it needed protected."
"It did," the other agreed.
Whistler, the Powers That Be's mouthpiece, showed up. "We wondered who was hiding that."
"I thought it needed protected since they moved it to the hellmouth," Xander said dryly.
The higher ones looked at Whistler. Who shrugged. He didn't
have orders, he was butting in to see what was going on with the sudden
power spike. Whistler looked at him. "Whoever holds that or
opens that has the powers of the Highest of the Deeper Well at his
"Which is why I'm not breaking it," Xander said. "I'll gladly let
them take it and hide it somewhere other than a hellmouth if they'll
quit screwing with me. By the way, are you guys replacing Cordy's
visions with someone else? If not, Sam and I are really tired of a
lot of problems."
Whistler stared at him. "That's not ethical."
"I was raised by drunks and Willow. The only person I'd listen to
about that would be my spouse." He pointed back at Peter.
"And he's kinda tired of some of them too."
"Um....." Whistler disappeared and came back with a velvet lined
box. Xander put the artifact into it. Whistler shut
it. "Thanks, I was getting a tan, kid. No, there's no plans
for a third seer again. Just you and Winchester until you
die. The slayers will still get theirs." Xander stared at
him. "You used to have ethics."
"Back in Sunnydale?"
"You mean like when I lied to Buffy so she could handle Angel and not angst or lose?"
Whistler walked over to check that incident. He got a much better
read of the kid, especially over the last few attempts to use him to
cause harm. The other higher ones held a conference and Whistler
butted in. "We will be remaking the treaties," Whistler announced.
"Okay," Xander agreed, leaning against the doorway.
"We will be stopping those that have plans against you," one of the higher demons said.
The other coughed. "You put them on the vision site."
"Yes I have. That's as far as I'm going to go too. Mostly
because of the last few times you guys tried to use me to start an
apocalypse. We do realize that I got given more than one nuclear
device, right? I was nice and handed them over."
"Who else gave you one?" Peter asked.
Xander smirked back at him. "Same guy." Peter rolled his eyes. "Apparently he thought I was that hot in bed."
"You are but very pissed off and this is vacation."
"I'd love to have one, but like that time they used me to out demonkind
to start an apocalypse, I don't want to deal with this. So
therefore I'm shortcutting the process to end this attempt now.
Before it gets one of the kids dead."
"They need a sibling," Whistler said bluntly.
"Willow was pregnant when they got shut in."
"I've also asked Daniel if I can adopt them as my heirs. In my
paperwork I have them as my heirs, them and his nephew Mickey. I
need to add Nicholas, Peter, can you remind me?"
"Of course. Who does warehouse go to if we die?"
"Right now, it either goes to John Sheppard and/or Rodney McKay, or to
Dean. They hated that Sam might get it because so many want him as
their consort, again because they had plans and used a human for them
without their consent."
Whistler shuddered. "No, the warehouse cannot go to Winchester,
either one. Just as many want Dean. A lot of demons get you
two mixed up, kid."
"Dean says he's cuter." Xander grinned. "So, what do the Powers want?"
"You to calm down."
"I'd love to."
The demons got to talking and suddenly plans started to unravel.
"The treasury demons have been told their plan is stopped," one
said. "Their whole plan has been outed to an agent you know and
have worked with so they can stop this plot. They were going to
make you react in a way that would end all hunters and then they could
take over control of the US from there in the middle of the hunter
Whistler nodded. "Wolfram and Hart's remaining people on other
demon realms have been stopped as well, Kid. One of the ones from
the Light's demonic law firm will be showing up next week with the new
treaties to look over." They shrugged. "Thank you for trying
to stay calm."
"I could've brought any of the weapons that're stored in there. By
the way, General O'Neill is really upset that he's still having to come
retrieve things from his program. Are you guys fucking with them
too so we fall to the alien menaces?"
The three higher demons all looked at each other and one moaned.
"We will exempt most of their project unless it is critical and
"Our Wills will be done," the other said firmly and all demon planes
heard the chimes of a new order of laws being made. Then suddenly
everything on this plane untensed. The demons plotting the
overthrow of the US got found out. The ones trying Xander found
out what they were doing.
Whistler looked at him. "Have a good vacation, boys. You
need it. Peter, he'll always get this tense when he figures out
someone is trying to use him to cause harm. And no, he's right,
Rosenburg raised him. He's got some flexible ethics and you're a
good balance to him. Part of the treaty will be that we will not
interfere with your relationship again. The few that have tried
are really sorry." They disappeared. The treasury demon
The sheriff looked at Xander. "I can warn you that some won't like you two being too gay together."
Xander shrugged. "I love artillery. You can tell them that if you want." He grinned.
"I can do that," he decided. "The others that show up here?"
"I let Winchester sort of hunters break their paths here if they need a
resting spot. All the protections mean it's safe if they're
"Excellent. Even if that sort are a bit weird." He walked
off. "Have a good honeymoon, boys." He went back to the
office to make a report and then get real drunk.
Peter turned Xander around. "If you tell me these things, I will help."
"If I had told you, they would've pressed harder and tried to kill you
again. I stopped one trying last week. That mugger had a
poisoned touch." Peter winced. Xander nodded. "Which
is when I figured it out. Before I thought it was just demons
being assholes because of me helping slayers."
Peter kissed him. "We will calm down. We will cuddle."
Xander beamed and pounced him for a hug. "I am learning more
about your scary side and I want to know more about your intense side of
other matters." Xander grinned and suggested something totally
dirty in Russian, making Peter cackle. "Other sides beyond the
sexual one. We do not talk as much anymore."
"Ask me anything," he said with a slight grin. Peter took him back
inside to talk about things. Even the scary Xander turned him on
in ways he hadn't realized he had buttons for. Clearly he had met
his match. Even when Olivia called to check on them and
interrupted his flirting it was fine. Yes, that was a clear sign
he was where he belonged and Xander would have to kill him to get rid of
him. Which was just fine with Xander too apparently with the way
he got loved into the couch once he had hung up.
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