Notes: Set after Glory went down but Joyce did not die and Tara's just fine. Set Season 1 of Supernatural.
My Own Evil Twin
A bright flash of light accompanied the pain to the back of his head. It was not going to be a happy day in the least he decided before he blacked out.
When he woke up, he was tied to a chair. He blinked at the shadowy figure in front of him. "This is not cute," he muttered.
"Want some water?" the voice asked, sounding a bit odd.
Xander shook his head quickly. "Not enough to give me a concussion after all the head injuries I've had, but thanks anyway. Now, who are you and why did you kidnap me? This is not how I wanted today to go."
The guy walked out of the shadows, making Xander blink. "I wanted to meet you."
"Tell me you're a shape shifter of some sort?" he begged. He looked around. There were two other tied up guys who were presently asleep or passed out beside him. He looked at...him. "How did this happen? My parents never said I had a twin."
"There was a colonel who decided you had merit but a crappy upbringing."
Xander considered it then looked at him. "So you're a clone? Like on Star Wars?"
"Star Wars?" he asked, looking confused. "Is that a military movie? I'm only allowed to watch those."
"No. Well, kinda but more personal combat than anything else." He shook his head quickly again to get back on track. "Okay, so someone took some DNA and made you of me?" The guy beamed and nodded. "Way to introduce the subject. You had to knock me on the head? And who're they?"
"They have their own others." He shifted his stance. "We wanted to meet the ones we were made from."
"That's cool with me," Xander agreed. "So why the knocking out and the tying up?"
"We didn't want to have to react and hurt someone if you panicked," a tall, thin boy with a military buzz cut said as he came out of the shadows. "We're trained to put down people and sometimes the line's kinda faint between putting down and killing. We don't want that."
"I can totally see that." Xander looked at the cuffs and chain around him then looked up. He grinned. "We should be somewhere more secure probably. Did anyone track us or you three?"
"Not that we know of. Would your friends?" the not-him asked.
"Possibly. Let me free?" His clone let him free. "Got my cellphone?" It was handed over. "Cool." He looked up. "Willow!" he bellowed. Then he found the number he needed, dialing it. "Captain Riley Finn please. I know he works there, lady. It's a former contact of his. He'll know," he said bluntly. "I don't know you from Alice, lady, and I don't live in Wonderland so just put him on," he finished with a snarl. "Well, I could tell you I'm his gay lover but his wife Sam would be *really* upset with that." The taller other boy with the military buzz cut flinched at that name. "Don't worry, she's military. He's former military and now Homeland." The line was taken off hold. "Riley, Xander. Yes I said that so she'd switch me over. She got smart with me. Yay. Probably the thrill of her unimaginative life. Sam knows damn well you're not going to bugger anyone if you didn't when you were in Lowell house with the boys. Anyway," he said to break into the spluttering going on.
"I'm sitting here looking at my clone. Who was raised by someone in the military. Yes, I said clone. No, he's never seen Star Wars. Asked if it was a military movie. It's me, him, two others like him and their originating samples or however you want to put it. Yes, Riley, I have an evil clone. Or maybe I'm the evil one and he's the nicer clone. Ask him later. We should be more secure. Because I doubt his project let him walk off to find us, Finn," he said dryly. The boys all shook their heads, looking down. "Us six, I just yelled for Willow. She'll be here soon. It looks like there's a big shape. I can put you on with him. Where are we, guys?"
"Bethesda," the not-Sam said.
"Bethesda, Riley. Yeah, we can find their names so I can see if I need to hide or help you destroy another governmental group." He grinned sweetly. "But I had such fun," he said dryly. "Sure." He handed over the phone. "He needs names and any serial numbers or anything to look you guys up by." He got the other two free, waking them up. "Morning, campers." The original Sam blinked at him, looking confused. He pointed. "Did you have a good or an evil twin? I'm still trying to decide if I'm the evil one or not," he offered with a grin. "I'm Xander. You two are....?"
"I'm Sam and that's Dean," he said slowly. "We're brothers."
"That's cool. The military made them. They're on with a contact in Homeland I have to see if we can get somewhere more secure." Dean gave him a confused look. "I doubt they gave them weekend passes to kidnap us."
"Good point." He stood up rubbing the back of his head. "Nice touch," he told himself.
"I let Sam do it. I don't know my own strength sometimes but he knows me better."
"That's cool. Our car, dude?" Sam asked, standing up too. "I'm going to guess they named you two Dean and Sam too and the other's Xander?" he asked.
"Alex. PS-45198." Riley said something and he beamed. "He found us." They came back to listen to what he said. Xander reached over to take the phone and put it on speaker then handed it back. "Oh, your car. It's really pretty and it's over there. Dean said he'd have to drive since you always drove whenever we watched you." They went back to listening.
"Sure," Dean said, going to check on his baby. He'd wrap his mind around the concept of having a clone later on. Hopefully his brain wouldn't explode, but one never knew. A redhead appeared. Dean reached for a gun he wasn't wearing. "Who're you?"
"Chill, that's Willow. We're buds," Xander said. He pointed at the not-him. "The military decided I needed a less evil clone."
She shook her head then looked at the trio around the phone then at him. "How do you manage to get into these situations, Xander?"
"Hell if I know," he said dryly. He grinned. "They're talking to Riley."
"Good!" She beamed and nodded. "Though you've got a problem. I can hear you," she called. The demon rushed in. "Oooh, I thought it'd be smaller when I heard it snuffling."
Xander stared. "I need a sword, don't I?" Willow found one she carried around and tossed it over, letting it expand in the air. "Um, guys, get out of the way," he ordered. "And ignore the big, hairy, slobbery thing because it's clearly a figment you'll be ignoring and forgetting later on." He lunged at it, making it move away from the clones.
"Bitch," Dean complained, rushing into the trunk. He came up with a shotgun and loaded it, shooting the thing in the head. Xander gave him a confused look. "Who are you!" he demanded.
"Xander Harris. That's Willow Rosenburg. We're from Sunnydale out in California."
"I heard some strange things out of your town when I was at Stanford," Sam said. "Do you hunt the strange things often?"
"In our town it's mostly vamps and a few demons. Some harmless, some not. How do you know?"
"I'm Sam and he's Dean Winchester. We hunt demons but mostly spirit manifestations and other natural phenomenon."
Willow squealed. "I've heard about you guys!" She bounced over to hug him. She tried with Dean but he got free. "Fine, be that way, Mister, make me not bake you cookies!" She huffed off to the trio of boys giving them all very confused looks. "Riley, are we bringing them back home?"
"Probably safer. The military doesn't want to come to Sunnydale ever again and you'd be able to know how to hide them and tell when they got there. Or if they got there."
"Okay, there's six boys and a car for some reason."
"Dean was stroking it like it was his girlfriend. I was going to ask him why he was doing that," the not-Sam said with a grin.
"Long story," Sam assured him with a grin. "We can talk once we're safe. Can we do something about that body? Dean, do we have any gas?"
He looked in the trunk. "Can of lighter fluid."
"Um, wood building," Xander said, waving a hand around. "We don't need the Bethesda Fire Department to come visiting at this moment." He looked at Willow. "Can we?" She looked then set it on fire with a grin. "Thanks." He kissed her on the forehead. "Go warn people? I don't want Anya to have to freak him out like we did with the Toth thing and her suggesting we play together with her."
"Gladly." She looked around then disappeared.
Xander looked at the guys. "We'll see her in a few hours. Fair warning, Spike will freak you out on purpose and keep doing it to get the reaction. Anya is very, extremely blunt about some things. Spike's a vampire who can't hunt thanks to Riley's former people and Anya's a former demon. She's ...getting used to normal life." They all nodded once at that. "If they bother you, let me know and I'll spank or something. Doesn't really work that well on Spike. By the way, he'll try to take cocoa or something from you and put blood in it to drink as he walks off. He's just like that." He looked back at the original Sam and Dean. "So, you guys do spirits?" They both nodded. "That's cool I guess. We don't deal much with them." He shrugged. "How long, Riley?"
"Half an hour, Xander. We're already on the move. I've got a plane waiting to take you six and the car with you. You can trust those two. They are hunters and they're supposed to be pretty good or at least Dean is. Relax and let us handle this little coverup before you drive more civil servants to drink." He hung up.
Xander took his phone back with a grin. "Help destroy one psycho, torturing group and you get such a bad reputation," he said dryly. He walked them over. "So, guys, how long have you been around?"
"Two years," Dean said, looking at himself. "Are you confused?"
"Very but Sammy gives me headaches so I'm sure yours does you."
Sam glared at him. "Shut up, jerk."
"Make me, bitch."
Xander frowned at the three clones. "Should we interrupt?"
"Maybe," the not him said. He shrugged a bit. "How would I know? We don't get to insult others without punishment."
"We're playing," Sam assured them with a grin. "It's an old argument between us." They all smiled at that. "I'm guessing you're an only child, Xander?" He nodded. "That's kinda cool. How did you get into demon hunting?"
"A slayer came to town and my best friend got taken soon after. I found out about her before then and made her take me to help him. We managed to rescue Willow but not him."
"Damn. That sounds bad," Sam said. "Our mom got killed by one when I was a baby."
Xander nodded. "That does suck. Was she a nice mom?"
"I don't remember. Dean said she was. She baked and took him to the playground and stuff."
"Wow." He looked at Dean. "Can I be adopted?"
"We have a father but he's presently hiding and hunting something."
"Oh. I guess that makes sense." Someone stopped a car outside. "Car stoppage." He snuck over to the door to look, finding a familiar face getting out of the car. "Riley send you, Graham?"
"Yeah, he did. I was closer. He'll be here with the plane in a few." He walked inside, stopping to stare and blink. "Two of you? Damn the world's going to go insane."
"I'm still trying to decide if I'm the evil twin or he is," Xander said with a sweet grin.
"Why does one of us have to be evil?" Alex asked the original Sam.
Sam smiled and pulled him closer to explain that reference to him, getting some relaxed young clones. He looked over. "Do we know you?" he asked at the continued staring.
"Riley briefed me on my drive over. I'm Agent Graham." He shook their hands. "Riley's on his way up with a plane. We're going to take you guys to Sunnydale to protect you for now while we figure out how these three came to be and what we can do about it. Also if there's more we'll have to make sure they're found and helped to adapt to normal life while they make some decisions."
"Does that mean we can watch things other than war movies?" Dean asked. "They're neat and all but I think we've seen all of them that General Patton found."
"General Patton?" Graham asked.
"He's the guy who oversaw our training," Clone Sam told him.
"Huh. Wonder if he's a relation to the one in World War II," Dean said.
"He says he's a grandson," Clone Dean told him. "He bragged a few times that with us at his side, his grandfather could've taken over all of the Middle East and made sure there'd be peace even today."
Dean nodded. "Interesting. I'd like to meet that guy."'
"Us first," Graham ordered patiently. He looked at the puddle of steaming sludge then at Xander. "Did it follow you?"
"No it was probably local and decided we smelled tasty," he shot back with a grimace. "They shot it when I took a sword."
"You're still insane, Harris, and we hate you."
Xander grinned. "You say some of the sweetest things. Tell me, did you stare at Buffy's ass more or mine?" Graham blushed, walking off shaking his head. He smiled at the curious looking men. "He was part of Riley's former project that we had to end. Pity." He looked back at him. "Anyone have any idea if there's a hunt?"
"Finn said there was but it's being kept covert. We've got some contacts we're going through to look at it. Expect a few of them from the DC area to come out within a few days." That got a nod. "Do you three know where you were being...trained?"
"Of course. We were going to sneak back on base in a few days once we had met our originals," Clone Dean told him.
Graham smiled. "I've got a map in the car. Let's see if we can pinpoint it." Dean walked over to give him coordinates and details. They'd need them for their friendly visit.
Riley stomped in thirty minutes later. "Can you not stay out of trouble, Xander?" he demanded.
"He knocked me out. I don't even know when they got stuff to make him. No offense," he told his clone. "But no one told us they were going to make you guys. If they had, I'd have warned them about probability issues and how the dark side loves us."
"Great, another demon magnet," Dean muttered.
Xander glared at him. "Yes I am and proud of it since it got me a near-nympho girlfriend this time who likes to tell me stories about how she used to torture people for shits, giggles, and a fun work ethic." Dean gaped. Sam stared, whimpering quietly. He smirked.
"Don't get him started on Anya," Riley ordered. "Just...walk away when she starts to get demanding or telling a story about her time as a vengeance demon. We did. It kept us sane."
Xander glared at him. "Sane? Should I even mention...."
"You do," he overrode, cutting him off, "and I will make your life a living hell, Harris." They stared at each other.
Xander just grinned sweetly. "Didn't you try that once before by giving me Spike?"
"No, that was Giles' plan to get you less sane. Not ours. We had a cage for him." Graham glared at him so he quit the masculine pissing contest and got back to the notes they had already made. "Gear up, let's head, guys. Plane's waiting." He looked at Dean and Sam, the originals. "Sunnydale is pretty small. Buffy and Xander's crew know most of the town by heart. They know all the hiding spots and all that. They know all the dangers. You can trust Buffy for all that she looks like a cheerleader and an airhead. Xander does know what he's doing even if he is a goofball with a violent streak." Xander just grinned at that compliment. "Probably for a very good reason." Xander nodded. "It'll be safe. The hellmouth can mask a lot of things and most ways of them searching for you."
"Plus the demons who work with us are hyper vigilant anytime anyone military shows up," Xander agreed. "They don't want a redo of the Initiative mess." Both men flinched. "We had one come home recently and half the demons in town showed up at the Magic Box to tell Buffy there was a guy in camos on campus."
"I'll email Willow the particulars of anyone I'm sending out to talk to you guys," Riley assured them. "We want to keep them safe. It looks like the people who planned this idea aren't big on ethics. You're now in a pretty bad position but they can handle it."
"Sure can," Xander quipped with a grin. "Where were you after Glory?"
"Hiding. Buffy okay?"
"Last time I knew." That got a nod. "I'll tell her you said hi."
"Thanks, Harris." He called in people. "Load up the car, guys. I'll take the extra with me." They nodded, both Dean and Sams going in the Impala. Both Xanders went with Riley. Graham followed thanking God he didn't have to deal with *two* Xanders. One had nearly driven him to suicide. Two would definitely do it.
Willow reappeared. "Meeting time," she called. She looked at Giles. "We need Joyce too." He called. Buffy came out of the back. "Anya, Spike, all of them."
"Major demon?" Buffy asked hopefully.
"Worse. Xander proved only he could do something again." Buffy moaned, shaking her head, going to call the others to get them there. She sat down, waiting on the rest of them to appear. Fortunately there were no customers. "Xander called me a few minutes ago," she said when Spike came up from the sewer entrance in the basement. They all gave her odd looks. "He's on the east coast with his clone."
"Clone?" Joyce snorted.
"Yes, clone. As in two Xanders. Two of two other guys too. There were chairs with handcuffs too so I'm guessing they took the originals to talk to since Xander didn't seem to be more than freaked out. He said he finally had a good clone. They've never seen Star Wars. The other Sam had to explain it."
Joyce shook her head slowly. "You can't age a clone that way by what they did to the cloned sheep in Scotland."
She shrugged. "He was talking to Riley to evacuate them back here to hide them. A demon showed up and we find out that the other two are demon hunters too." She looked at Buffy. "The Winchester brothers." She looked confused. "I'll find the entries later to show you. They're cute." Buffy smiled at that, it was a good sign. "They have clones too." She looked at Joyce. "So we now have three clones and who knows what from the government coming."
"They're coming back here because it'll be easier to hide them?" Giles asked.
"Probably. Plus we'll be told if the military shows up and with the haircuts they had they *had* to be military. Plus they were wearing camo pants and t-shirts. He did warn them about you, Spike, and you, Anya. Xander said to please not think about things like you did when he got split?"
She pouted. "But it might be fun. Or the others if they're cute."
"Xander's not that way," she countered.
She snorted. "How would you know? Gay sex can be fun. You have fun with the gay sex. Xander might too." She pouted at Spike.
"I think this might help you a lot, Anya," Joyce said with a small smile for her. "They're probably not used to normal life either. It'd give you someone to help with the same transition you went through over the last few years."
She smiled. "I didn't think about that. Maybe I can turn this Xander into a lover that gives me more orgasms a night and buys me even more presents."
"He'd have to find a job first," Willow noted impatiently. "We're not even sure if there's birth certificates for them. They have to have some paperwork to find a job." She looked at them. "So it's strange and it might not destroy the town this time but there's two Xanders."
"Could be worse," Spike said, lighting up. "Could be triplets."
"Don't say that, they might find another one," Buffy complained. She scowled and hit him on the arm. "One's bad enough. Two might screw us all up." She looked at Willow. "Talk with Riley soon to see if we need to help them with papers and stuff or if there's special concerns like food stuff?"
"I'm planning on it. Riley said he'd take about an hour to get there. I figure I'll call after that. Give them time to get into the air and have a drink."
"Probably a mercy," Giles sighed, shaking his head. "Buffy, alert all our contacts in town with Spike's help so we know if they do show up to repossess the others." She nodded, taking Spike to do that with. He looked at Joyce. "They might need a mother's touch."
"I can do that. It'll give Dawn someone new to squeal over." She smiled at Tara. "You can help me bake if you want, Tara." The shy blonde witch nodded, going back with her to make them dinner. She'd call Xander in a bit to let him know to bring them to her house for the night since Buffy had her room on campus. The boys could share there or the living room. None of the others had guest rooms in their places. Unless they wanted to sleep in Giles' tub like Spike had. She called once they got home. "Xander, bring them to me, dear. I'll feed them dinner and they can camp here at the house. We're already doing that. Anya's been stopped, yes. Tara and I are baking. I'll keep Dawn from squealing." She smiled. "That's fine then, Xander. I'll see you in about five hours." She hung up and got to work in the kitchen with Tara. They could check on sheets while the cookies baked. Every boy needed chocolate and Xander more than most boys. With two Xanders they tripled the usual batch. Just in case the others wanted one too.
Tara called Willow to get Xander's car to the airport for him. They'd probably need it.
Xander waved at Dean to pull over and stopped him. He got out and pointed. "The town has something called a hellmouth. That's a thin spot where multiple hell realms touch and leak through onto this one. It's under that set of ruins. That's the former high school."
"No way," he said.
Xander smirked. "It blew up at our graduation."
"Damn, we heard about that," Sam said as he got out, looking at the mess. "So the bad power in town is there?"
"Yes but it's been radiating so long the whole town is covered in it. That's why we have so many demons, harmless and not, guys." That got a nod. "Ask us if you're not sure. Basically we go on the 'if we see it hunting/hear it's hunting/hear it's causing a problem' version of hunting things down. I'll introduce you to the only local club humans go to unless they're suicidal and the demon bar where we go to pump the bartender for info. For right now, head downtown, turn right at the bank, and then we'll be going to a small house."
"Why don't you lead?"
"Because I should stop at the Magic Box first."
"We can follow you there," Dean assured him.
"Okay." Xander slid back in and smiled at his clone. "It's cool. It's something demon hunters need to know about." He watched them get back into their car talking about the new information and drove them off. He parked in front of the Magic Box. "Let me run inside." He got out and leaned in the door. "Only Joyce's?"
"Yes. We'll meet the boys tomorrow," Willow said. "They're probably tired. She's got dinner and beds. Buffy's at the college and Dawn will try hard not to squeal."
"That's cool. Thanks, Wills." He went back to the car. "Our local hangout/area where we research." Sam smiled at that. "Giles is a former Watcher." He got back in and they headed to the Summers household. He parked in front. Dean got the driveway since he was a car petting person. It'd make his car safer. They got out and he led the way up to the door, knocking before walking in. "Joyce?" She came out of the kitchen. "Let me introduce you to Dean and Sam Winchester and their others."
"We're seeing them like little brothers," Dean said with a grin, shaking her hand.
"Thank you for your help, ma'am," Sam agreed with a grin of his own, shaking her hand.
"Quit being so formal, boys. My daughter's in the same business." They gaped. She looked at Xander, who shrugged.
"They haven't heard of slayers. They asked me on the plane. She's Buffy's mom, guys." They nodded at that. "That means she knows and helps when she can." She gave the three stiff young men hugs, making them stiffen more. "Guys, it's not a come-on, it's a nice thing," Xander said patiently.
"I doubt they got many nice hugs in the military, Xander," Joyce said, swatting him. "Come on, boys. Can you three share a room?"
"We do now, ma'am," Clone Dean said.
"Good. Then you three can have Buffy's room and the other two can crash down here however." She led them back to the dining room, sitting them down in front of food. "You boys eat. It's probably been a while since you've had decent food." She stroked over original Sam's hair. "Could use a trim, dear." She went to the kitchen to bring out water and tea pitchers.
"She's the group's mom," Xander told them. They smiled and dug in. The clones inhaled food like they were starved. Joyce saw and gave them seconds first. "Did you guys not get food once you left?"
"We didn't have a lot of money or a way to cook," Clone Sam told him. "We lived out of the convenience stores."
"That's fine. We can figure things out," Xander promised. They smiled and nodded. He looked at Joyce. "My boss?"
"I talked to him once Willow told us. He said he figured Anya had tied you down and wouldn't let you go again." Sam choked. "Sorry, dear. His girlfriend is a bit...strange some days."
"I warned them." He shrugged. "I'll talk to him tomorrow so I can take a few more days off. Like them I figure Alex is like my twin brother or something." That got a smile from his clone. "Where is the squeal factory?"
"In bed. It's after nine."
Xander snorted. "Snuck out already?"
"Possibly. She did get that bad habit from Buffy."
"If so, I'll hunt her down on the way home."
"No, I sent her sister to chew on her for me," she said with a sweet smile.
"I did when Sammy snuck off," Dean agreed, eating another bite. "You're a great cook, Mrs. Summers."
"Joyce, please, Dean." He smiled at that. A small blonde girl walked in her brunette young teenage daughter. "Where was she?"
"At Cindy's." She gave her a nudge. "Go to bed, Dawn."
"It's not fair and she needed me. Her boyfriend broke up with her, Mom. She needed a hug and a shoulder because her mother's being a total lack of feeling mom again."
"You can talk to Cindy tomorrow," Joyce said firmly. "Or you two can arrange for a sleepover then." She nodded, then she saw Xander, squealing while rushing in to hug him.
"Hi, Dawnster." He grinned. "This is Alex, Dean, Sam, Dean and Sammy," he said with a point.
She looked. "Ohmygod, they picked for pretty." She hugged them all, even when Dean tried to get free. She swatted him. "Even gay guys like my hugs, get over it."
Sammy snickered. "He's not gay but he's not a hugger, Dawn. He's very anti emo."
"I'm a teenage girl. I'm supposed to be like this." She looked at the other three. "Where did you three come from? Alternate realities?"
"No and I was very thankful it wasn't my vamp self when I woke up," Xander admitted, eating a bite of dinner. Joyce moaned, shaking her head, holding her forehead. "Sorry, Joyce."
"Vamp you?" Dean asked. "Is there one running around?"
"No, his ex Cordelia made a wish to Anya when she still had powers. We had an alternate reality for a while. The vamp Willow and vamp Xander are both there and staying there since they got dusted there."
"Hallelujah," Xander muttered.
Buffy swatted him. "At least you weren't skanky leather boy like vamp Willow was."
"No I was more cool vamp and worse than Spike," he agreed dryly. "No leather catsuit and no skanky tendencies at all," he said, realizing that was a good thing. "You know, thinking about it her vamp self was kinda gay too. Powerful, kinda gay, and well I can't say as we have leather wearing Willow now but.... Think it was a portent?"
Buffy shuddered. "As long as she isn't turned here I don't care." She looked at her little sister. "Quit petting him."
"That's Alex," Xander told her. He looked at his brother. "If she's bothering you, tell her to get off."
"I've never been petted before by anyone but Dean and Sam." He grinned. "It's kinda odd since I know it's not in the same way they did it."
"Quite," Joyce agreed. "Bedtime, Dawn." She huffed but went up to her room. "She's sorry she's lacking in manners, boys. She'll behave tomorrow."
"It's the late night crankies," Buffy said. "Any for me, mom?"
Joyce looked around. Xander gave up his plate. Buffy pinched him on the arm but sat down to finish off his dinner. "There is more in the kitchen, Xander."
"I figure Anya's about ready to explode at home."
"She's at the shop and staying there tonight in case some of the guys needed to stay at your place," Buffy said. "Willow and Mom told her how she could help them get used to normal life too. That way they don't think that sex and money are everything."
"That was not my doing," he said. "That was you and the Cosmos you keep giving her. The same as her shirt thing recently has been."
"Hmm. Saw that and corrected it for you."
"So, Anya was who?" Dean asked before taking a bite.
"Anyanka," Xander and Buffy said together. Sam spluttered.
"She's without her power center," Xander told him. "She's fully human again."
"You clearly draw worse bad girls than Sammy does," Dean told him. Sam swatted him. "You do, bitch."
Joyce gave him a look. "No swearing in my house, Dean. If you want to pick on your brothers, call them less vulgar names."
"Thank you. I don't want Dawn to start sounding like some ganster's chick." She looked at her daughter. "Did you need anything to bring up to the college?"
"Only if I can steal the tv?" she asked hopefully. "The demon that broke in slimed ours."
She sighed. "We'll talk about getting you a new one tomorrow, Buffy." She smiled and finished up before hugging her and bouncing out the back door. She shook her head. "Does that happen at your house too, Xander?"
"No, but I don't have more demons than Spike and Anya breaking in."
"Good point." She shook her head. "Did you warn them not to go outside after dark without weapons?"
"Not yet. I was going to do that after your excellent dinner. As usual, you and Tara rocked the kitchen." She blushed, swatting weakly at him before starting to clear off. Sam jumped up to help her, earning a smile and a pinched cheek for that kindness. He leaned on the table. "Because of the hellmouth, half the town is filled with vampires."
"Decapitation?" Dean asked.
"Works or sunlight or stakes. We know there's more than one species but we're almost all Aurelius around here thanks to the former Master who was trapped and Buffy killed her first year here." That got a nod. "Garlic and holy water burns them. We keep a good store of holy water at the shop."
"I know how to bless water," Dean said.
"That's cool. Get with Giles tomorrow. I'm not sure if there's a difference between the two. Frankly, I'm grunt support and planning support around here." That got a nod. He leaned closer. "Also, the girls have this syndrome now and then when they appear to be brats and start to...put me down now and then. Ignore it. Please?" They all nodded at that. "Thanks, guys. Okay, want the bathroom or bed?"
"What about clothes?" Clone Sam asked.
"Joyce has a washer in the basement." They smiled at that. "We'll figure out other clothes tomorrow." That got a nod. "Did you guys leave any stuff back there?"
"We did but we asked Riley to get it for us," Dean said calmly. "Gave him the hiding spots. He said he'd do what he could."
"That's cool of him," Original Dean agreed with a smile. "It'll be fine, guys." He patted his twin on the back. "Let's hit the sack after they get showers? It's probably been a while since they've had a good one."
"Sure. Joyce, can we bum the washer too?" Xander called.
"Of course, boys. There's sweats up there that Xander left last time he had to stay over."
"You needed me here since Buffy was off battling something," he countered, staring at her.
"I was more than happy to have you here, Xander." She kissed him on the head. "Now, go shower and go to bed. Xander can start the washer for you guys." They nodded, heading up there to strip down and take a shower. She blushed. "Are they together?"
"Don't know," Sam admitted. "If so, we'll well...." He looked at his big brother.
"It's a bit strange but they weren't raised like we were," Dean said calmly. "We'll find out tomorrow, Joyce. Thanks for letting us crash."
She smiled and patted him on the head. "You're welcome, Dean. Do you need the washer too?"
"No, ma'am. We did laundry before we left our last job."
"Good. I'm going to bed. Xander?"
"Heading home for the night to check on my place," Xander said. That got a nod. "I'll be back for breakfast with some spare clothes if we need it."
"I can change stuff from the washer to the dryer," Sam promised. That got a nod and Xander went to gather the clothes and show them where the towels were. Then he went to start the washer and headed home for the night. He found Anya waiting on him. "Buffy said you were staying at the shop."
"I am. I needed to pack a bag for the night." She gave him a kiss. "Is he cute?"
"He's my clone. That means he's a twin." He grinned. "Since I'm adorable, he is."
She swatted him. "Fine. Can we have some snuggly time before I have to go?"
"I need to be up really early, Anya." She pouted. "I'll try for tomorrow night. Besides, it's nearly time for your cycle anyway. You hate it when I make you messy."
"Good point." She took another kiss. "Night, Xander."
"Night." He locked the door once she was gone, going to shower and change clothes then go to bed.
Xander came in the next morning, smiling at the awake guys. "Sorry I'm late. Had to stop to see my boss and the bank." He handed the clones thirty bucks each. "There's two thrift stores in town." They smiled at that. "We'll take you there later so you guys can get other clothes."
"We should go for our daily run anyway," Dean told him. The other two sighed but nodded.
"They're both that way and another three blocks to the left. One's on the corner and the other's nearer to the hospital." They nodded, heading out to do that. "Come back when you're done," he called after them. "And be careful."
"Yes, sir," his twin said with a saucy grin. He jogged off after the other two.
Xander shut the door. "That'll help them blend in a bit better until Riley can rescue their stuff." He flopped down on the couch. "My boss is very amused that I have a twin and he suddenly showed up." Joyce smiled at that. "Why aren't you eating? Do I have to bring out my super special powers of nag?"
"No, Xander. I had breakfast with the boys." She patted his arm. "There's no need to nag. I'm perfectly healthy now." He snorted. "I am. They said it's all gone."
"Which I'm proud of, but you still need to take good care of yourself or else Buffy and Dawn will be destroyed and Giles will have to dress up in women's clothes to be the mom." She blushed, then cackled and swatted him again. "He will. No other moms worth a damn in the group."
"Good point. I'm not going to go anytime soon, dear." She patted his cheek. "But you still don't have to nag."
"Dawn, what did she have for breakfast?"
"Cereal and toast."
"More than good enough." He looked at her. "Don't make me pull an Anya and tie you down to make you eat, young lady." She walked off giggling, heading out to go to work. "Sorry, but she's the group's mom and she's just coming off chemo," he said quietly. Dean and Sam nodded at that. "How was your night?"
"The couch is pretty comfy," Dean told him.
"Slept on it many times," Xander agreed. "They do okay last night?"
"No nightmares we heard," Sam told him. "Who was the blond guy who smelled like cigarettes?"
"Pale guy? Leather duster?" Sam nodded. "Spike." That got a groan. "Now and then he stays in the basement. He's massively crushed on Buffy."
"Eww," Dean said. "She'd sleep with a vampire?"
"Why not, her first time was with one. Really long story and we don't mention Angel around her. She'll have a fit or sulk for days." They stared at him oddly. He grinned back. "Twu Wuv," he said dryly. "And he's got a happiness curse on his soul. We don't want to make it go bye-bye again."
"Gotcha," Sam agreed. "Most hunters wouldn't even think about doing that."
"Buffy's not like other slayers. The Council didn't raise her for one thing. That means she's a normal girl who got bopped by the crossbow of destiny. We've seen one that the Council did raise and she was basically unemotional and not real sporty or fond of things that weren't hunting. She had *an* outfit. Buffy fixed that for her when she showed up."
"I did some research on slayers. Isn't there supposed to be one?" Sam asked.
"Yup, but I know CPR and Buffy died," he said bluntly. Sam moaned. "The current other one is in jail for being a pain and being walked over to the dark side after she accidentally staked a human." That got a dual nod. "So we're clear on that so far?" They nodded. "Good." He leaned forward. "I will warn you. Tara and Willow are together. Tara is shy and stutters. She has *no* idea how to interact with normal guys. Her father showed up and had told her she was a demon and would turn one on her next birthday so she had to come home and be their slave some more." Dean growled. "She'll be scared of you guys. You guys make her cry on purpose and I'll kick your ass. If I can't, Buffy will. Without waiting for me to jump in. I don't think you guys would do it on purpose but you never know about some snarky comments. I've done that and Buffy kicked my ass good."
"We're not like that but we'll watch it around her," Dean promised. "Sammy's the sweet sort even gay girls like."
"Good. Yes, Willow is a powerful witch."
"Noticed that when she appeared," Dean agreed. "How powerful?"
"No clue. There's no scale that we know of. We also know that she dabbles in things that probably aren't perfectly pure now and then. If you catch her, let us know?" They nodded quickly at that. "There's a worry right now since she slipped for a while. She and Tara fight about that now and then, usually out of sight. Giles is Buffy's Watcher. He runs the Magic Box. He's the latest in a long line of owners that mostly got killed by things before him. They're too scared of Buffy to even rob the store." That got a grin from Sam. "Honestly, Buffy scares plenty of demons. Oh, and the local cops are totally corrupt. They don't investigate hardly anything. We have a high death rate by wild animals, gangs on PCP, and the occasional barbequing accident where a fork bit someone." Dean laughed. "They're corrupt to the old mayor, who was why the high school had to be blown up at our graduation. The new one isn't any better. They hate us but they ignore us on patrol. Oh, and we do nightly patrols through the cemeteries and on the heavy nights in the Bronze."
"Anywhere I can make pool money?" Dean asked.
"The Bronze. It's the only human club in town." That got a nod. "We'll introduce you to there later. Do you guys need stakes or anything? The auxiliary weapons stash is under the couch."
"Nah, I can carve stakes," Dean promised. "UV flashlights?"
"We have a few at the shop." Dean nodded. "I will also warn you one of the other Watchers tried to get Buffy to go for guns and she flat-out refused. Thinks it's not the slayer way." He pulled out the weapons box to let them see.
"Archaic weapons," Dean said.
"Usually. Crossbow, sword, I have a battle axe I prefer."
"We've got a few lower tech things, like machetes," Sam offered. Dean nodded at that. "Will she mind us having guns?"
"Probably not but I'm not sure if the locals will ignore you walking around with a shotgun. So keep it hidden as much as you can. If one of them stops you, don't mention Buffy. If you have to, say you're a relative of mine from out of town and I begged Joyce to put you guys up for me." That got a nod. "My family's been here since before I was born and most of the cops know my father and uncle from having to drive them home a few times. My uncle has the town record for most DUI's." That got a shudder from Dean. "We've got a map of the town at the Magic Box. That'll let all of you guys familiarize yourselves with the areas. Today I'm going to peel off to check some of the usual hiding areas we use. Just in case we need it. Of course, fleeing to Mexico is only four hours away so that might be an option too if Riley can't stop their people."
"We can do that," Dean agreed. "Will this hinder you guys' stuff?"
"Nah. We had Riley until he turned into a shitbag. We worked with Angel. Spike helps us because we buy him blood." That got a nod. "I figure you guys know how to stake and they probably got fight training so you're not a liability. They won't be once we find out if they want to patrol or not with us. Then we'll wait and see what Riley has planned for things. Because if it's a bad plan, Buffy's ex and I get to have it out again."
"She did?" Sam asked.
"Back when he was Initiative. They wanted to recruit her."
"They found each other out and Riley tried to bring her into the group. We ended up busting their group a few times by the time it finally fell." He tossed something down. "My patrol journal. Giles keeps one on Buffy. I keep one on my own." That got a smile from Dean, who picked it up to look at. "It's not real wordy, mostly stats." He looked at Sam. "You're the research side?"
"More often than Dean is."
"Giles will love you if you respect his books. We try but he temped in as our high school librarian to be there for Buffy. We have research parties with food and he moans about his poor books each time we do it."
"Any we have to worry about clean procedures on?"
"The gloves and stuff?" Sam nodded. "If he tells you to. He'll announce those so we don't have to remember."
"That's cool then." He looked over Dean's arm. "You weren't kidding. You guys are overrun."
"Yup. Mostly of vamps." He looked outside when he heard a car, kicking the box back under the couch. "Don't know them." He went to answer the door. "Yes?" he demanded, making sure the person heard him locking the screen door.
"Sir, I'm with the census."
"The owner's not home. She's at the art gallery or she'll be home after six."
"Do you live here?"
"No, I'm putting up some out of town relatives with her."
"Oh, all right."
"And you can tell whoever sent you I said that." The guy gave him a confused look. Xander stared back and he backed off slowly. "Who?"
"The mayor," he whimpered.
"They're out of town relatives on my mother's side. Including the ones at the thrift stores."
"Sure, I'll let him know," he agreed, hurrying back to his car and driving off.
Xander called Buffy. "The new mayor sent a toadie pretending to be a census worker to see who the new guys were. Out of town relatives on my mother's side, exactly," he said dryly. "Yeah, I told him that. We can do that." He hung up. "We're moving you guys to a safer location." He heard an explosion. "Or not." He walked out onto the porch then down to the end of the driveway. "Hey, my Uncle Rory is useful," he said happily. His uncle was wandering off drunkenly and the toadie's car was on fire. So was Rory's. "Huh." Dean came out to give him an odd look. "See the drunk? That's Uncle Rory." That got a nod. "Wait on me, guys." He jogged over, making his uncle sit on a curb. "Uncle Rory, are you all right?" he asked loudly. His uncle glared at him. "You were in a car crash. Sit down." He made him stay down while he checked him over. He got some tissue from a woman watching and came back to blot at the cut over his eye. "That was a bad wreck. Is your head hurting more than the hangover?" His uncle shook his head. Then he grabbed it as cop cars and the fire trucks showed up with their sirens on. He waved one cop over. "Rory was heading home and his hangover blinded him. I was up the street at the Summers' house with some of Mom's lost relatives who're visiting and heard the explosion."
"He hit the mayor's gopher?"
"Apparently. You'd have to ask him how. He hasn't done more than glare at me. He's in full blown hangover." That got a nod and the cop took over. "Need me? They're probably spooked."
"Go, Harris. Stay out of trouble?"
"Don't I usually?" He grinned. "I'm too busy working to do more than have fun with Anya." He walked off, heading back up there, walking Sam off when he saw him in the crowd. "That way no one has to worry or wonder."
"You're going to let the cops have him?" Sam asked.
"He'll get another two years of probation that no one will monitor locally," he said dryly. "The most he's ever gotten was a month in the county jail and they let him out after two weeks of him moaning about not having anything to drink." He did pull out his cellphone to call his father's job. "Hey, Bob, it's Xander. Can you tell my sperm donor that Rory ran into the mayor's gopher and made his car explode? Rory's mostly fine. Has a cut over his eye but the cops are dealing with him right now. No, the car went up when Rory hit it. His own got set on fire from the explosion I'd guess. No, full blown hangover blindness it looked like. Yeah, I'm not sure he won't have to bail him out. No clue. Have someone turn on the scanner or let him call at lunch. On Oak. At Pearl. That's where it is, yeah. Thanks, man." He hung up. "That way the drunks can hold each other up." They walked back into the house. "Handled."
"Not going to wait with your uncle?"
"And be sworn at for being sober and not stupid?" He shrugged. "It's not a good way to spend a day off." Dean smirked at that. "Not like Rory likes me anyway." The three guys came in the back door. "Don't worry, that was Uncle Rory who ran into the mayor's gopher's car. I gave them the story about you guys being visiting relatives Joyce is putting up for me." He smiled at his twin. "Get anything nice?"
"We found some more clothes," Sam said happily. He held up his t-shirts and two new pairs of camos. "The Army/Navy store is pretty nice."
"It is," he agreed. "I've shopped there for a lot of stuff in the past." He made room for them on the couch. "If anyone asks, you guys are my mom's relatives in for a visit and I asked Joyce to house you for me." They nodded. "Okay. Get underwear?" They shook their heads.
"I can take them to do that," Dean assured him.
"Cool. Mall's about a mile that way," he said with a point. "And there's a Wal-Mart on the other edge of town." He pointed that way. "The mall has a Sears."
"That'll work," he agreed, getting up. "Put those up. We'll hit Wal-Mart." Xander made out a list and handed over money. "We need food?"
"Otherwise we'll have to eat really good muffins and croissants from the muffin and cookie shop but the girls will complain they're going to get fat."
"Sure, we can pick that up too." He walked them out to the Impala, taking them off.
"Meet us at the Magic Box," Xander called. He looked at Sam. "Ready?"
Xander paused before closing the back door. "Spike, we're going to the shop," he yelled. "Join us when you want to." He locked the front door and came down to drive. "Does Dean ever let you drive?"
"No. The car's his baby."
"Ah. No wonder he pets her." He slid in. "I don't mind if you need to do mine as long as you don't crash." He backed off and took him to the Magic Box. They had to detour around the wreck. He paused. "That's Joyce's art gallery." Sam nodded. He drove on, parking in front of the store. He got out and put a coin in the meter on the way in. "We're here and I brought you a research nerd," he said with a grin at Sam.
"I do a lot of ours, Mr. Giles, and I did a lot while I was at Stanford if I can be of help."
"There's not much of a threat going on at the moment but it's nice to have another person who respects books around here." He shook his hand. "You're which one?"
"Sam. The original Sam. My brother Dean's taking the other three to Wal-Mart."
"I gave him a lunch list so we don't get fussy girls," Xander added. He leaned into the back. "Anya?" She came out, then smiled and kissed him. "Hi to you too. Long night?"
"I didn't get my usual help sleeping. Of course it was. You know orgasms help me sleep, Xander." She looked at the other one then hissed. "Winchester."
"I'm not my father, Anya. Nor is Dean."
She pouted. "Meany."
"I know but hey, he loved mom enough to carry on this hunt for decades."
"True." She shook his hand. "Are you going to sleep with my Xander? He might like that and I'd like to see it."
Sam blushed and coughed, shaking his head. "Sorry, I'm getting over the thing killing my girlfriend."
She pouted. "That's a mean demon."
"Hey, if you get your powers back, killing her to get Sam would be a woman scorned, right?" Xander asked.
She glared at him. "Not really."
"D'Hoffryn might want him out of his way?" he tried with a grin.
She huffed. "Probably but it'd be blocked probably."
"He's arrogant," Sam told her.
"They all are. I was when I had mine." She sighed. "Xander, can't you cheat on me or something?"
"No. That's not the man I am."
"Damn." She walked off pouting.
"Sorry, she's missing having her powers. How did she know you?"
"Dad once shot her in the butt with rock salt for trying to come after Dean and told the girl to grow up since he hadn't promised her anything more than a fun night in the backseat. She rescinded the wish and her parents got her help for dabbling in that dark stuff."
"I'm sure she got many of those." Anya nodded where she was dusting. "Just don't try it now, please?"
"I won't. The other two clones?"
"Mine and Dean's," Sam agreed. "Plus Alex is Xander's twin."
"Hmm, twins. I could have a lot of orgasms with twins," she mused, thinking about it.
"Anya, most of us do not need to hear such thoughts," Giles complained. She pouted all the way into the back. He glared at Xander. Who gave him an innocent look. "Do behave."
"Yes, Giles." He grinned at Sam. "Anyway, this is our research and hanging out center. There's a training area in the back." Dean and the boys walked in. "Just in time. Anya's in the back and she'll leave you guy alone. There's a training area in the back for practice if you need it. This is also our research area and where we hang when nothing's going on." Willow came in and walked around them. "You guys remember Willow and this is Giles. He's Buffy's watcher." They all waved. "Get everything?" Dean handed over the bag. "Thanks."
"Welcome," he agreed. They settled in to look over the store with the clones. Willow went to talk to Anya. Who came out to pout at Dean. Dean stared at her. "You're a lot prettier out of demon face."
She slumped. "I miss being a demon."
"Sorry. But hey, it means girls have to get more creative until someone takes it over, right? Them having to do it on their own means that you'll get better wishes later." She perked up at that, taking him off to talk to him about proper punishments.
Sam leaned closer to Xander. "Should we save him?"
"Give it a few. It's making her happy and I hate to see her pout." Sam went to save his brother. Willow was going over what some of the stranger things did in the store. Xander set out lunch stuff and killed the fly that came in to try to help them eat. Giles got his. The boys got theirs and they settled in to eat and make plans for the guys until they knew something certain.
Willow came to the Magic Box. "Guys, this is Special Agent Gibbs. He's with NCIS. He's over the case where you guys came to be." The three clones gave her odd looks.
"By current US law, they shouldn't be cloning anyone," Gibbs said. "The president said so." He sat down across from them at the table. "They're not going to make you go back and they're not going to do something to harm you. I have your stuff in my car. I'm here to take statements about what you three know and help you decide some things. The President is very unhappy someone did this against orders."
"Do they want us back?" Dean asked.
"If you three want to go into the military, it can be arranged but we're not going to force you. It's all up to you three." They nodded. "We are having formal records made for you three so you're legal and able to work or do whatever you want." That got a smile and a nod. "Is there somewhere private we can talk?"
"There's a bench in the practice area," the Original Dean said. "The door shuts too."
"That'll work. Thanks, guys." He looked at Dean. Who just grinned. "Didn't you die?"
"No, it was a shapeshifter."
Gibbs shook his head. "I don't want to know."
"I'm fixing it," Willow said with a grin. "Tell Abby we said hi?"
"How do you know Abby?"
"We hack in the same circles."
"Fine." He walked them back there. He knew the others would be listening in somehow to protect them. For some reason they sent in a teenage girl, who cuddled with Alex. "Miss, this is a private conversation."
"If you hurt them I'm going to gut you and feed Spike your blood." The three guys smiled at her. "They're like really tough but sweet big brothers and I will not allow anyone to hurt them. Therefore I'm staying."
He stared her down. "I need to talk to them about things you're probably too young to hear."
She snorted. "A few months ago I had a hell goddess who wanted to bleed me and kill me, mister. You're not that scary and I'll be damned if you're going to hurt them."
"I don't plan on it."
"I'm with NCIS. I'm a Federal agent," he said at her clueless look. "I handle federal matters that pertain to the Marines and the Navy."
She shrugged. "So? Or should I say and? Still not moving me. You're not that scary or that tough." She snuggled Alex better. "So, go on. Mom'll only let me stay up a bit later tonight if you go long. As she says, procrastination leads to lack of planning and lack of getting good grades."
He almost smiled at the hyper-protective young girl. She reminded him a lot of Abby. That was such an Abby move to pull. "Fine, don't get sick if something bad comes up and don't blame me for nightmares."
"I can talk to Spike about them. Or Xander or these three." Dean put a hand over her mouth. She kicked him. "Meany."
He looked at her. "You're babbling. We're not used to babbling." She gave him a hug too. "Please quit?"
"No. You have to learn to like hugs. You're making up for all the hugs they didn't give you when you were being raised."
Gibbs shook his head. "My forensic scientist is a lot like her, boys. She'll never quit." He got down to the interview. She made a few gross faces at the training they got and hugged Alex when he said he had to kill someone. She'd make an excellent fussy mother some day. They came out to find her mother there to fuss over the boys. Who had to accept it apparently. Yes, she was her mother's daughter in all meanings of the word. He looked at the three originals. "Do we know when they took samples?"
"Not unless Riley's people did it," Xander offered. "Want a sandwich?"
"No thanks." He wrote that down. "I asked Finn, he said his people didn't explore that area outside their own people." He looked at him. "Any other times?"
"Why pick us?" Dean asked.
"Because they thought you had promise as real soldiers instead of what you're doing now," he said, being blunt. "They thought they could turn the same nature into good warriors who'd be good for the military."
The three nodded. "I was at Stanford until earlier this year," Sam told him. "Dean was off hunting all the time. I didn't even get to donate blood in the last year."
"I do donate plasma," Xander offered. "I don't remember anyone taking a lot of cells from me."
"Me either," Dean agreed.
"I'll look into that and make sure it hasn't happened again."
"Do they have others?"
"There's two others and they're being sent to their original models. One's on a highly classified project that we can only find out his CO's name. One's in Georgia." That got a nod. "You don't have to worry about them. I'll give them your three's email address so they can keep in touch if they want to. Form some sort of support group."
"We never talked with any others. They kept us as a unit and we did everything as a unit," Dean said. "These are mine."
"That's fine. Let me file this and we'll give you some options while we make up your background, boys."
"The local motel is for shit," Xander told him. "The motor lodge on the edge of town is safer but not totally safe. Nowhere in Sunnydale is after dark," Xander told him.
"I heard that from Abby. She made sure I'm staying in the next town." That got some smiles. "We'll work on your background files tomorrow." Willow nudged his arm and held up something. He looked then nodded. "Not bad."
"They need to be put into the right systems and areas." That got a nod. "I talked with Abby. We'll need to get them licenses if they can drive."
"We were taught how to drive and Sam knows how to fly helicopters or small planes," Dean said. Sam smiled and nodded.
"Then we can work on that tomorrow too, boys," Gibbs agreed. They all smiled at that. "For now, rest. Let me file these with the office." Dean's cellphone went off. "We'll talk tomorrow?"
"Sure, we'll be here," Clone Dean agreed. He ducked Joyce fussing with his hair. He gave her the most pitiful look he could because he had seen Xander get out of being fussed over that way. She smiled and smoothed it down for him but let Dawn pounce him instead. That happened to Xander too so he'd put up with it for a few minutes.
"Guys, why don't you come over to my place tonight? Give Joyce time to calm Dawn down since she's on a fussy kick?" he suggested. Joyce smiled but nodded. "Thanks, Joyce. I'll present them tomorrow."
"You'd better. And stock up on food too, Xander." She kissed him on the head and walked her daughter off.
"Yes, she's the mother of the group," Willow told Gibbs.
"Every kid needs one." He looked at the three big kids. "We'll figure it out with you guys." They nodded. "For tonight, rest." They smiled and nodded faster. He left to check into his motel.
Dean finished typing back the text message and sent it. "There. That way Dad knows we're off the hunt for a few more weeks at the very least."
Sam looked at him. "Where did he want us to go?"
"Looked like the Carolinas."
Sam rolled his eyes. "You want first hit?"
"Nah. I'm stepping out of the way." He leaned back, looking at the new one that came in. He sent back a message that he was tied up with a brotherly thing in California. He couldn't get out of it for weeks. His father sent back one asking if Sam was hurt. "He wants to know if you're hurt."
"Not at the moment." He took the phone to text back to him. Then he sent it and handed it back. Dean shook his head at the less than polite message. "He'll come in with a shotgun."
"Then we'll let Dawn squeal at him. Dad could use fussed over." The others stared at him. "He could." He smiled sweetly.
"Sounds like you need sleep, Sammy. You're going evil again."
"You two take Buffy's room," Xander ordered. That got a nod and they went back. "I'm taking the boys home, guys." They let them head for his house. "Want to watch a movie or have some processing time? I know things have been moving around you and you probably feel like you're caught up in something huge that you don't really get. You guys can lock yourselves in the bedroom for a few hours if you want." They smiled and did that. Xander sat down to watch a movie while they did...whatever clones did to comfort each other.
Dean looked at his boys once they were locked in. The tv was up loud enough they shouldn't be heard. "It's nice to get some privacy," he said quietly. Sam nodded, moving closer to kiss him. "Did you ever find out what the other Dean was grossed out about? Am I not happy with gays?"
"With me being his little brother he was raised against touching him." He took a good kiss. "Thankfully we weren't." Xander pouted at them. "Like we'd forget you." He pulled him closer to kiss him too, earning a naughty grin. Xander wiggled closer against his front, pulling Dean up behind him. "Hmm. Do you have naughty ideas?" he teased.
"Apparently very naughty. He's already hard," Dean teased back. Sam moaned. "I think we should handle that somehow." He took Xander's t-shirt off then his own. "Off with it, Sam. That's an order."
"You know I don't mind those sort of orders," he said with a smirk, taking off all his clothes. "Your turn." Dean smirked back and stripped down then they stripped Xander off so he could be the cute little boy he tried to be. Dean laid down on the bed. "Think there's stuff?"
"There is," Sam said happily. "The last time I was here, Anya was digging in her table for something." He opened it and held up a bottle. "Massage lotion." He looked inside. "Some dick shaped things." He held up one of those. "I don't know why anyone would use those." He walked out to talk to Xander. "Xander?" He looked over and blushed. "Um, do we have any lube and what are the dick shaped things in plastic for?"
"Anya's sex toys," he groaned, getting up and walking in there. He ignored the naked trio. He found it and held it up. "Condoms are in the same place. If you're going to play with her toys, cover them because she'll throw a hissy fit." He grinned at himself. Then at Sam. "Babywipes are just under this side of the bed."
"Why would you need toys?"
"Because sometimes Anya wants something beyond me or she wants to do things that I won't or can't. Sometimes she likes anal sex at the same time as regular sex. Sometimes it's for when she masturbates. I have no idea why she needs them but they make her happy and she buys her own." He fled to the kitchen. "I'm putting on some ice water for you guys for later."
"Sure, thanks," Dean agreed. "Didn't mean to freak you out."
"I'm not used to seeing other naked guys. It's not a problem, guys. We kinda caught the clue that first night when you three showered together." He grinned. "We don't mind even if Dean and Sam are freaked out a bit by the incest stuff." He closed the door and went back to the tv watching before he blushed himself to death.
Sam blinked at his boys, who nodded. He walked out to talk to Xander, closing the door behind him. "Xander?" Xander looked over at him. "Can I ask you a few more questions?"
"Sure. I helped Anya with her newly human questions, I can deal with anything you guys need to know." He turned down the tv and heard a groan so he turned it back up. "What's up?"
"I was wondering a few things. Like if there were differences between you and our Alex."
"Well, we're basically twins so I'd say probably not outside of training and raising differences."
Xander blushed bright red. "That can be based on diet. Or so I'm told."
"Really?" He shifted closer. "We talked and they said I could ask you to see."
"Um, Sam, I'm not into boys. I like girls."
"We've noticed you like bad girls," he promised with a grin. "I can go dress up if you want. I learned how in diversion class. They taught me all sorts of ways to be a good diversion or even to snare a target."
Xander shook his head quickly. "No, you don't have to dress up, Sam." He gave him a hug. "I'm sure it's nearly the same."
"But I won't know that and I can't exactly ask the other Dean. He still flinches when he sees me and my Dean touch in any way."
"Incest is one of those taboo things that we all get drilled into us."
"I learned that but are we related?"
"No, I guess not," Xander said. "But I still like girls. Anya's tried to get me to play a few times but I told her no and I'm still dating her."
"I can ask Anya for permission. I'm sure she'd say it's okay." He grabbed the phone before Xander could stop him. "Anya, it's Sam. Yes, Sam two. We're all with Xander tonight and I wanted to learn something new. Can I suck Xander off to see if he's different than Alex?" He beamed. "No, I won't do anything that would make you want to be here. Just some oral stuff. Thanks, Anya. No, they're on the bed playing together. I wanted to see if there's a difference between Alex and Xander." Xander moaned. He kissed him, making him pant instead. He grinned. "Thanks, Anya." He hung up. "She said it'd be okay this time because she wanted to know those things too when she turned back into a human." He dove back in, pushing Xander back.
"Oral only. No playing with my ass," he moaned between kisses. Sam nodded. "I don't go that way, Sam. Anya's tried to finger me and I didn't like it that much."
"Okay. I can stick with that." He got Xander stripped and went back to pleasing him. Xander teased him back. Sam beamed. "You think you could?"
"It's wrong and you're not here to service me." He pulled him back up to kiss him then let him do whatever he wanted while Xander did what he could. Sam tried a few spots then found one on his side that Anya hadn't. "Sam!"
Sam smiled. "I like that part." He moved down. Xander went boneless when he played with him. "Anya doesn't?"
"Not often. She says it loses some of her fun," he groaned. He nearly came then. "Sam, that's good."
"Thank you. The teacher spent a long time teaching me all sorts of tricks." He winked and went back to it. He did reach back to tease the winking little bud that was having unconscious twitches. "Can I?"
Xander moaned, shifting some. "Hit the spot, Sam." Sam beamed and did that for him. "Oh, long fingers are nice." He let Sam do whatever he wanted. Sam had snuck out a very small toy and it was good. He loved vibrators suddenly. And Sam's mouth. It was heavenly. He groaned and came.
"Naughty you, didn't warn me," Sam teased.
Xander lifted his head. "That's because I can't speak," he said hoarsely. Sam beamed and took out the toy, cleaning him up a little bit. Xander kissed him. "Thank you, Sam."
"Welcome, Xander, and thank you." He bounced back in there to kiss Dean.
Dean pulled back. "He tastes a bit sweeter. Must be all the cookies he eats." He took another kiss then smiled at Alex. "What's wrong? You're pouting. Missing us fighting over who gets you tonight?" he teased.
"Yup." He pulled him down to kiss then smiled and pulled Sam down to kiss too. "Mine."
"Yours." They teased their boy with some of the toys. That saved them some energy since Alex was greedy. He always took so long to get off unless they were snuggling after practice in a closet. Sam finally plunged into Alex's mouth. He had taught their boy well. That meant Dean got to have his choice of asses tonight. He decided on having Sam's to remind him who he belonged to. Sam finally came and went limp. Alex pulled away licking his lips. He kissed Dean as he moved him away from the hole he wanted. Dean grinned. Alex in a possessive mood made them all beg and whine for advil the next morning.
"Mine," Alex told them. Dean pounced him, making him beg within minutes. He had the combination to Alex's loins. He went limp when Dean bit him. "Thank you."
"He's still ours, Alex. Relax." Dean smiled as he plunged into him. "We're both still here with you. They're not breaking up the unit." He took another kiss then Sam got his own. "See?" Alex smiled and pulled Sam back down to kiss some mor while Dean finished up. Dean took his own from both of them. "Clean me up. Or should I call you my bitches like the other one does his Sam?"
"I'm only your bitch if we have to go back on that assignment in that club with the collar," Sam taunted.
"No fair. They wouldn't let me go on that," Alex complained.
"If you want a collar, I'll get you one," Dean promised with an evil smirk.
"No. But I might like a backrub? You bent me in half again."
"Flip over." Alex wiggled onto his stomach and let them pamper him for a bit. "Spoiled," Dean teased.
"Only by you two."
"Only by us," Sam agreed. He dug into the lower back muscles, making Alex moan deeper and louder. "Shh."
"Xander's snoring," Dean told him. Sam grinned and they got back to work soothing Alex's insecurities. Nothing and no one was breaking them apart. They'd been together since they had gotten out of the training tubes inside the columns. Finally they laid down around him and let Alex cuddle however he wanted. He pulled Sam on top of him and laid on top of Dean, who needed to know they were there most of the time. It made them all sleep better. Even if Sam's hand was on the knife they had put under the pillow.
"Boys," Gibbs said the next morning, getting grins back. "Coffee?"
"It's bad for a soldier's focus when he can't have it because it's addicting," Dean told him.
"My CO fed it to us by the thermos full so we'd be focused." He sipped his. "Did you three sleep last night?"
"Most of it," Sam said with a grin.
Gibbs looked at them. "Good to know. You three..." They nodded. "Did they like that?"
"No," Dean said. "They tried to beat it out of Sam and me. They made Alex prove it made him stronger. They locked him in a room with three armed guys and he got two of them before the last one finally brought him down but my boy was trained very well and he got him back. It was a draw. I'm very proud of my unit and how we handled ourselves."
"I'm proud you survived too, kid." He pointed at the practice area. They looked around and he smiled. "Dawn's at school. Relax. You won't be cuddled today." They walked in there with him, going over what had happened on their assignments. They hadn't been able to get into those records yet. What he heard and reported back made a few people in the Pentagon swear and take a better look at the other guys they had made. Those two were from an odd background. Well, odder than demon hunting at least. He came back with a report on what the guys would need to know if they wanted to join any branch of the service but Gibbs didn't think they'd have a lot of fun. Or in covert work either. Too many restrictions. Too much splitting up. Too high of a risk of death for the team. He walked back in and Dawn looked up at him. "Don't you have school?"
"I cut. It's a fine, time honored Scoobie tradition."
Xander walked in and stared at her. "Car. Now," he snarled. "You are not going to end up in the same trapped fate I am, Dawn Summers. Or else I'm calling your mother over to return you to school."
"They need me!"
"They have me. I can fuss just as well as you can and I proved it over your mother when she was sick." Dawn slumped, gathering her stuff and heading out. "Be right back," he said more cheerfully, giving his twin a look. He got a grin and a small wave back. He drove her back to the school and walked her inside to the principal. "She's worse than I am."
"We catch her easier than we did you, Harris. Thank you."
"With the clothes he used to wear?" she asked.
"They all thought I was invisible." He handed her over. "I haven't told her mother because I don't think she needs the stress."
"I heard she was sick. We can handle this in-house this time."
"Thanks. I'll let Buffy know." Dawn groaned, collapsing into a chair to hold her head. Xander walked back to his car and drove up to the college. He found Buffy having lunch and paused the car near there. "Buffster, I took your sister back to school when she cut," he yelled. Buffy growled. "Didn't tell your mom either." He drove off again. The Magic Box was a good place to hide. "I told Buffy but not Joyce. The principal agreed they didn't have to tell Joyce this time either. Less stress on her." He grinned sweetly.
"Xander, be less evil," Anya chided.
"Did you walk over and tell her?"
"No. I yelled it from the car so she couldn't swat me this time." He bounced off to get into the fridge and then came out to help with the monthly inventory.
Clone Dean came out looking miserable. "They won't let gay officers in the military."
Xander paused to give him a hug. "So become bodyguards or something, Dean. There's plenty of ways to use those skills without being in the military. Bodyguarding, hunting if you wanted to join your other sides or us. Security work. All sorts of ways. We'd have to be careful that you didn't kill anyone but bodyguarding might be some of the best work. Probably pays a lot better than construction work too."
"Would Gibbs know about that?"
"I don't know, ask him." He went to talk to him about that sort of option. Gibbs knew some and he knew someone who would know more that they could trust. Xander went back to work feeling good about that bit of help. Better than he did about last night. That was still freaking him out some. He got done and headed out to the park, finding it a pretty day Southern California style.
Clone Sam was wandering around the park thinking. It was a pretty afternoon. His team was back at the Magic Box for the next hour getting up to date on the backgrounds Willow was making for them. He had some heavier thoughts. Things weren't as simple as they were back on the base. Sneaking around so they could have each other without getting noticed had nothing on figuring out what they wanted to be now that they decided they didn't want to go into the military. He'd love to but Gibbs couldn't guarantee they'd be in the same unit and they'd have to be even more careful when they got together. Plus they'd be put on a field team for covert action probably. Which he was trained to do but it hurt him each time he did. Even when his mates agreed he felt like it was a wrong between them. Even though they never minded and never said anything about it to him. Or him to them when Alex had to do something similar. Sam felt someone staring and looked around, finding an older white man staring at him. "Hi."
"You know me?"
"Son, quit joking around," he said tiredly.
"Um, I'm not the Sam you think I am," he said, backing away. This one had a weapon and Sam didn't. He could probably get the guy down and hurt him really bad but Gibbs had said they had to hide their skills as much as they could. "Really, I'm not the Sam you're thinking of."
The guy stared at him. "Were you knocked on the head too many times, Samuel Winchester?"
"No, but I'm not Sam Winchester either. He's up at the college today looking at the magical artifacts and library they have up there, sir. I'm not your Sam." He turned and walked off before he had to do something bad that would out them and get the others in trouble. They'd hate for the cops to bother Joyce over something like that happening. She seemed very sweet.
The guy grabbed his arm. "What do you mean you're not my son Sammy? You look just like him, kid."
"Yeah, kinda a long story," he sighed. He flinched when the guy was bowled into by a dark shape. "Alex! No! That's Dean and Sammy's dad I think."
Xander looked up with a grin. "Not Alex, Sam." He got up and looked down at the unconscious man. "Help me carry him back to the Magic Box. It's not that far. That way Dean and Sam can deal with him."
Sam frowned at him. "I could have handled it, Xander. I'm trained."
Xander grinned, giving him a pat on the arm. "The cops would expect it from me." Sam gaped. He smirked and let out a small chuckle. "They do."
"Are you the evil Xander?"
"Yeah but it's Willow's fault. Help me carry him." He picked up John's head while Sam got his feet. They walked him off to the Magic Box.
A cop coughed. "Why are you doing that in the daylight? Can't you take your torture victims in the night like all the other sickos, Harris?"
"He passed out. I'm taking him to his sons. Beyond that, I don't torture anyone but Spike." He beamed. "Not like EMS works real well around here."
The cop sneered. "A likely story."
Xander shrugged. "Up to you, dude, but I'm tired of this already." He started to walk again, making Sam follow along. "Laters."
"Fine, just drop him outside the county again so we don't have to deal with your mess," the cop called after him.
"If I wanted to kill him, he'd already be dead," Xander called back. "He passed out and I'm taking him to his sons at the Magic Box."
"Whatever," the cop said, going to make a report on that odd occurrence. They did not like Harris and his crew. They were disturbing the natural order too much again.
Xander walked into the Magic Box first. "Giles, can we clear the couch?"
"Who is that and what happened to him?"
"I thumped him into the ground for grabbing Sam." He put him down, letting Sam drop his half. He grinned at the older man. "I told the cop that accused me of picking a new torture victim that I'm taking him to his sons here since he passed out."
"Are you possessed again?" he demanded.
"No, just magicked. Anya found it earlier and went to ball her out but she still hasn't removed it." He smirked evilly. "So yes, I am the evil twin today."
"I think you're more evil than Alex most of the time," Sam muttered. Xander hugged him for that compliment. "You're strange. Alex would complain if I told him that."
Giles called Willow. "What were you trying to do when you cursed Xander to being evil, Willow?" He listened to her complain. "It did not work. He's quite evil. No, more evil than a ten pack of candybars evil, Willow." He groaned, rubbing his head. "Come remove all the spells from him before something occurs." He hung up. "Xander, do sit for a bit please. She'll be right over."
"Anya won't like that. She wanted dirty, nasty sex tonight." He went to get a drink and came out when the door's bell dinged. "Hi, Tara." He kissed her on the head, making her blush. "Willow did it. I felt the spell take hold while I was in the shower."
"S..she..she was tr..trying to find a n..new w..wa..way to bind bad guys," she stuttered.
Xander nodded. "Doesn't work. Bound me as a bad guy instead," he said with a wicked grin.
"Oh, dear," she sighed, going to get what she and Giles would need to remove them all. Before Xander went too evil. She pointed at the body.
"Dean and Sammy's father we think," Sam told her. He sat down to watch them work. He'd never seen magic at work before and it fascinated him. Dean walked in a bit later and he knew it wasn't his Dean by the swaggering going on. "Your dad's here."
He looked at the man on the couch. "Yes he is. How did that happen?"
"He thought I was your Sammy and tried to grab me so Xander knocked him out," he babbled.
Dean looked at him. "You've been sucking up more than kisses from Alex," he taunted with a smirk.
"Did Willow hit you with the evil binding too?" Xander asked with a grin.
"Nah, I'm this way from the hunting bad bastards who do bad things to nicer folks." He watched as they despelled Xander. "How often does that happen?"
"Depends on the month and what she's trying to do," Xander quipped back. Tara swatted him. "It does."
Giles sighed. "The spell is gone so the rest must be too much chocolate. Don't make us make you toss it up again, Xander. You didn't like it the last time."
He grinned. "What evil genius doesn't have chocolate for breakfast, G-Man?" He fled the store when he heard John moan. "I'm going to hide from Willow."
"Alex never gets chocolate," Sam said when they looked at him. That got a few smiles and a clap on the back from Dean. "Why did the cop think Xander was going to torture someone?"
"They hate that we handle things," Giles told him. "The old mayor told them we were doing the bad things he was doing to escape blame."
"Oh. Substitution of blame. I get that." John woke up. "I told you I'm not your Sam. But that's your Dean, not mine."
John sat up with a moan, holding his head. "Who hit me?"
"Xander." Dean got him an ice pack, handing it over. "Here, you look like hell, Dad." His father glared at him. "Yes, there's two sets of us now." He grinned. "Two Deans, two Sammys, and two Xanders."
"Classified," Sam said automatically.
John looked at him. "The military did what?" he demanded.
"Thought if we had the training to be soldiers instead we'd be wonderful ones," Dean said sarcastically. "We've decided they're like our twins." He sat down on the foot of the couch. "Sam, what's wrong? You look depressed. I get enough of that from my version."
"It's harder out here than on the base."
"It is," Dean agreed. "But did you really think you could go back after meeting us without punishment?"
"We were hoping for a light punishment. We got a light one when we asked when we found out we were clones." John whimpered. "What's wrong with him?"
"Too high tech for him." He grinned. "How bad was the light punishment?"
"Fifty lashes and double PT for the next month. Plus they put us back into the reeducation tubes to fix the wrongness."
Dean patted him on the back. "You don't need reeducation. Right now it's hard but it gets easier. Now you're just like everyone else."
"Even the other Sam?"
"Even Sammy," he agreed. "Remember, you're our twin, Sam." He smiled and nodded slightly. "Relax and it'll happen. You'll pick the best decisions you can and protect each other in case some of them don't go to jail immediately or someone tries to help them."
"You think someone will?"
"I don't think Gibbs is high enough up to get all the higher ups behind this training center you guys were at. I think he'll try. I know the ones he can't directly get he'll try to get and will warn them that he's watching them to come for you guys."
"Then we should leave before they come to hurt Joyce and you guys."
"Nah, they won't come here," Dean assured him with an evil little smirk. "Sunnydale's got a 'don't enter' code for the military. They're not even allowed to recruit from Sunnydale anymore except for special skills they might need, like Rosenburg and her computer stuff." Sam stared, then swallowed. "After the Initiative, they blocked it. I asked Gibbs to check. They don't want to screw with this town again. If three girls, a librarian, and a construction worker can take down a government project and strike teams, ones being run by the military at the last phase when they did it, then they don't want to mess with the town."
"Wow," Sam breathed. "So we're safe here?"
"Safer than you'd be most anywhere else. Once you guys are more used to life and stuff, we'll help you set up in a normal or slightly more normal life. Then it can be like you're retired military."
Sam nodded at that. "Thanks, Dean."
"Welcome. Quit thinking so hard, Sam. Your brain's smoke is stinky." Sam giggled, swatting him before bouncing off. "So, Dad, I told you it was a brother situation."
His father gaped, then slowly shook his head. "Clones?"
"Yeah, me, Sammy, and Xander, who was probably who knocked you out for trying to grab Sam." Giles nodded, rolling his eyes. "Giles, an evil binding spell?"
"It was to bind evil ones from doing physical harm. Instead it tipped Xander across for a bit, though it was broadened quite a bit by the chocolate he apparently had for breakfast."
Buffy walked in. "Why is Xander cackling in the donut shop and should I go knock him out to save others?"
"We've removed the spell Willow accidentally did that made him temporarily evil but he had chocolate for breakfast, Buffy."
"Gotcha. I'll go knock him out again." She went to do that. "Xander, no breakfast is supposed to contain chocolate! Bad Xander!" she yelled then swatted him until he ran back inside the Magic Box. Dean caught him. She handcuffed him and put him in the training room. "Stay there until you're down or I'm finding a way for Spike to take you as a minion."
"Buffy!" Giles snapped. "That was inappropriate."
"But, he's hyper on chocolate, Giles. That's mean to us!" she complained in a near whine.
"It'll be worn out," Dean said firmly. "Mine does." She shuddered, walking off looking miserable. He gave the older man and witch a look. "Normal for them?"
"Now and then. Xander calls it special girl syndrome," Giles sighed. He looked at Tara. "Go confiscate that for me please, Tara?" She nodded, going to do that. "We'll let him go after he's slept some."
Dean went to let Xander go, finding him sulking. "She's a twat," he said in his ear, unlocking the handcuffs. "I'm sorry I helped, Xander." Xander looked at him. "I didn't know any girl was so anti-chocolate." Xander gave him a shy grin then got up and left the store by the back door. He walked back to the front shaking his head. "Can we adopt Xander and the other three?"
His father looked at him. "What?"
"Long story, Dad." Sammy came back bouncing and happy. "Look who's here."
"You hit him yet for disappearing on you?"
John looked at him. "Another clone?"
"No." He walked over and stared him down. "You made Dean worry."
"It was necessary to keep you boys safe."
"Then you should've sent him a note," Sam said. "Not like the demon can intercept email, Dad." He walked off. "Who's where?"
"Xander walked off after I let him go," Dean called. "Weren't you with Willow?"
"Yeah but she's sulking. Something about having a magical oops."
"That turned Xander evil."
Sam came back out. "Repeat that please?"
"It happens now and then," Giles sighed. "She dabbles to make new spells."
Sam looked at him. "Everywhere but here, that would've gotten someone like us to hunt her, Giles." He flinched. "We can help you find her a coven to teach her. I'm sure Dad knows some decent witches, or Dean might."
"Dean does," he agreed.
"Tara and I have been talking up that approach since she doesn't want to embrace it," Giles told them.
"Good!" Dean agreed. Sam nodded. "Where's my twin?"
"At the burger place with Dawn, who skipped again. She's asking him about guys." Dean groaned, shaking his head. "Alex is with him the last I saw. I saw Buffy heading that way too."
"DAWN SUMMERS, WHY ARE YOU OUT OF SCHOOL!" a female voice screamed outside. "GET YOUR ASS BACK TO THAT SCHOOL RIGHT THE HELL NOW BEFORE I TELL OUR MOTHER!"
"She's louder than a whole sorority," Sam said in awe, looking outside. "Wow."
Dean laughed. "She kinda seems like a sorority chick too."
"She's no longer drinking," Giles told him, giving him a slightly disapproving look. Dean smirked back. "She's not. She did learn her lesson after that dehumanizing beer she got given one night."
"Dehumanizing?" Sam asked.
"Turned her cave slayer," Xander as he came back in with Buffy. "Her blood pressure just spiked." He handed her to Giles. "Joyce has Dawn. The cops are all wincing at the high pitched shriek she just let out that dogs answered with a howl thanks to Alex splashing her new outfit by accident when he jumped. Dean's got him calmed down. Dawn explained her sister to him to calm him down while her mother stomped out there to yell at her this time. So it'll be fine soon." He grinned. "I'm going to take Dean and Alex to the strip club in the next town tonight."
"Girls?" Dean asked.
"They're gay, Dean."
"Oh, right. Fine. Don't share details, dude."
"Not an issue. I'm just a sober driver. I'm told everyone needs to experience it at least once in their lives."
"Yes, didn't you work in one?" Giles taunted.
Xander looked at him. "It got the car fixed." He walked off shaking his head. He didn't get a chance to see both Winchesters scowl at Giles for that comeback. He found Anya outside and kissed her. "I'm taking the boys to the strip club in the next town. I'm not going to look but I'm going to be the designated driver."
"Does that mean I can't shoe shop tonight?"
"Yup." He grinned. "You have plenty of shoes." He kissed her again. "That new outfit will look good with the red, black, or cream colored ones." He went to gather the three boys and do a quick drive-thru at the bank then took them to the bar. It'd get them out of the Summers and the Winchester crossfires.
Anya walked in. "Xander's going to look at sweaty, naked men." John hopped up, staring at her. "Poo, you're here and I can't even pay you back for shooting me in the butt. You know, it nearly kept me from being able to have orgasms now that I have Xander." She walked off in a huff, nose in the air.
"Oh, yeah. She lost her powers and Xander's dating her, Dad," Dean said, making Sam laugh at the look on his father's face. "She's really concerned about the state of her sex life." He sat down again. "I guess I forgot to text that."
John glared at him. "Not cute."
"Still not cute, son." He glared at his younger sons. "I think we should talk about this new situation."
"They're our twins," Sam told him. "I like Sam. He's a nice guy."
Anya looked over. "We do know that they did a few things to them in case they got free?"
"We thought we got all the destruct mechanisms out of them," Dean said, turning serious.
"You did but there's a few left in there and there's a problem with their aging too I think. Alex found a gray hair this morning and Xander doesn't have any yet." She smiled. "But I don't know for certain. I know Alex is strange somehow. I don't know why."
"Can we find out somehow?" Dean asked. "Magical telling spells or something?"
"I don't know," she said, looking at Giles.
"I don't know either. I can certainly look it up," he promised, going for the books he'd need. Sam moved to help him. "We should know by the morning."
"Good enough," John decided. "We need to talk. Sammy?"
"Helping. Yell at Dean. Let him yell back for me too, Dad." He waved a hand absently while he got involved in the research. "I had no idea people had studied this stuff."
Giles smiled. "The Watchers Council has been at it for a very long time. Predating written language by a few centuries." Sam beamed at that and got sucked back into the books.
John glared at him. "Sammy."
"Dad, this could hurt them. They need my help researching," he said firmly, turning to look at him. "I'm not going to see them hurt more than they already have been."
"He was made of me, Dad. He's my clone. That makes him my identical twin," Sam said firmly. "I'm not going to have my twin or Dean's twin or even Xander's twin hurt any more than they already have been by the bastards who made them did. They got beaten and Alex nearly got killed for liking guys. They tried to have him fight to the death for it. Mine got beaten into the infirmary for having an opinion. I'm not going to let anything that could hurt them go on."
"Way to be the big brother, Sammy," Dean said happily. "But ditto, Dad. They need us to help protect them until they can find what they want to do with their lives. Hunting or not, we're leaving it up to them. Xander's taking them to look at easy guys in speedos tonight. They're talking with the guy from NCIS again tomorrow." He looked at Sammy then at Anya. "The self-destruct, is it mechanical, drug based? A device that'll release a drug like a fake tooth?"
"I don't know."
"Okay, we'll look," Sam agreed. "Thanks for letting us know, Anya." He pulled out his phone, calling Xander. "It's me. Watch them for any health problems. Anya thinks she felt some sort of self-destruct in case they got free. We're not sure. Also, make sure Alex is all right with the gray hair he found last night." He smiled. "Thanks, Xander. Yeah, he's up and growling. Thanks, man." He hung up. "He'll talk to him about that. Thank you, Anya."
"Welcome." She looked at John. "Can I shoot him back since I'm human now and I didn't even get around to cursing you?" she asked Dean.
"Unfortunately the car's locked."
"Shoot. Did I tell you how it nearly messed up my orgasms? It left a soft spot and scarring on my butt. Xander said he doesn't mind but I might not stay with Xander forever. He's not very wealthy and he gives good presents but not the great ones like they do in the magazines or on tv."
Dean sighed and looked at Sam. Who nodded. Dean looked at her. "Anya, real life isn't what's on tv. Real women don't get presents like jewels and flowers and shit. Real women get flowers and something nice now and then. Maybe lingerie, flowers, maybe a light piece of jewelry on anniversaries. Maybe candy now and then. Not weekly presents. Not bi- weekly presents. Didn't those magazines say something about guys giving presents out of the blue because they feel guilty?"
"Yes but I know that Xander's not cheating on me or else I'd have my powers back. He's not that way. That's why the other Sam called when he wanted to make a comparison to Alex the other night." She pouted. "Girls don't get presents all the time?"
"No," Sam said. "I loved Jess. I got her flowers out of the blue because she was having a crappy week. Bought her a candy bar now and then. Bigger presents for major events. Not every payday. Most girls would be suspicious of that. You making Xander do that, it's not real fair to him."
"He broke my power center," she said sullenly.
"That's fine," Dean agreed. "But hasn't he made up for that?"
"I was a demon for over eleven hundred years. Now I'm a *human*. You can't make up for that!"
"Fine," Dean agreed. "I can get that. I'm sure Dad gave Mom a lot of presents when they had to get married thanks to me." John groaned. "But you're still bleeding Xander dry. What happens if you move onto that guy with the better paycheck?"
"I guess I'll have to let him go but I'll keep him on as a second string."
"No," Sam said, shaking his head, smiling a bit. "Your new one won't like that and he'll dump you. Possibly sue you to get any and all presents and money spent on you back. If you go to someone else they'll expect you to dump him."
"One guy at a time unless you're one of the tacky chicks on Springer," Dean agreed.
She pouted. "Then he'd have to go to someone else."
"Yup," Sam agreed. "That's the point of breaking up. But next time maybe he'll be a bad guy and do something so you can get your powers back."
She beamed and bounced over to hug him. "Thank you for that hope, Sam." She went back to work.
John gave his sons a strange look. "You're supporting that?" he mouthed.
"Yeah," Dean agreed. "Xander and she both deserve to be happy. She's clearly not torturing guys now even though she could be."
"It's no fun without the magic," she called. "I can't turn them inside out, make them eat their parts, or even change them into dogs, outhouses, or anything like that." She beamed. "I had one two years ago that had me do all three. I was so proud of her. Making him eat his intestine and boy parts so he could crap them out while a dog screwed him. The only way I could do that was to start him off then change him into a dog because she wanted to use his dog and it was a Yorkie. Too big of a difference in height."
"Eww," Dean said, shuddering.
"Very," Sam agreed.
"Anya, please?" Giles asked.
"Fine," she muttered, getting back to work. "I never get to tell anyone else the good stories. Xander listens to me."
"That's good he loves you that much," Sam agreed, giving her a smile.
She beamed. "He gives me great orgasms too."
"I'm sure he does," John said quietly. He looked at his older son. "Fine, the research is necessary tonight. I want a longer sit rep. Now."
"Sure, we can go to dinner," Dean agreed. "Sammy? Dinner?"
"Bring me something."
"Chicken or spaghetti?"
"Whatever wherever you're going."
"Sure." He walked his father out, taking him to the car. "Where's the truck?"
"Other side of that park."
A cop stopped next to Dean's driver's door. "He didn't torture him after all?"
"Nah, he's our dad. Xander was evil because of Rosenburg and chocolate."
The cop shuddered. "I hate Harris on chocolate." He drove on.
Dean smiled. "Longer story than this one." He got in and his father got in the passenger's seat. Dean took them off to the better burger place in town. He wouldn't subject his father to the Double Meat Palace. His father pointed at one. "Gross. Worse than that place outside Taos with the disgusting waitress when Sammy was eight. The one you turned in for hitting on me."
"That was disgusting food."
"So's that place." Dean stopped them in a parking lot, looking at his father. "Sammy and I agreed once they kidnaped us and told us, Dad. They're our twins. They don't want to hunt demons. It goes against their training. It got beaten into them." John grimaced. "We did warn them about the demon after Sammy."
"They kidnaped you?"
"Yeah, knocked us out and tied us up with Xander. Xander woke up first, found out what was going on, got us free. Then a demon attacked and we found out Xander does demon hunting too. Around here is stranger than we've *ever* had or dealt with, but we're doing it."
"Very strange. Like vampires that can't hunt humans for food but do hunt with the local team strange." John stared in horror. "That has a crush on their major hitter, who is that blonde girl right there," he said with a point out the back windshield. He had seen her in the rearview mirror. John turned to look. Dean waved. She waved back and walked on. "That's Buffy. You briefly saw her earlier but she's their major heavy hitter on the team." He smirked at his father. "They're working on the witch that had the oops earlier too."
"Why?" John moaned.
Dean smirked. "Because this is a hellmouth."
"Apparently there's multiple hell realms and a hellmouth is a place where they come together but there's a thin spot for radiating energy. It's under the former high school. It's what's radiated the whole town and why there's so many different species of vampires and demons, including some that are very harmless. And did we know anything about kitten poker before?"
"Kitten poker?" he demanded.
"Apparently it's the harmless demon game of sport. Played for kittens. The vamp who can't hunt plays it with another few demons that help the local team." He grinned. "It's supposed to be a pretty decent game."
"No, son," he sighed. He shook his head. "Please no."
"Thank you." He patted him on the shoulder. "What else is going on with the... new twins?"
"Well, someone military made them. Saw us in action somehow, decided we'd be better use to the military." John nodded slowly. "Cloned us somehow, educated and raised them. Oh, you can *not* say a word to the boys. They're together." John opened his mouth. Dean held up a hand. "They didn't know that me and Sammy are brothers. It's the only comfort they have, Dad. All three are together. It's how they managed to live through all that. They went through torture and hell to stay together and prove it was good for them. They tried to kill Alex for it."
"Xander's twin. His full name's Alexander."
"Oh. And Dean and Sam don't have any other nicknames so they're Dean and Sam." Dean nodded. "They're together?"
"Yup. My twin seems to be the alpha in that ship. Alex seems to be a bit of a toy now and then. Sammy got given lessons in how to *distract* others but he hates it. He and Sam talked last night about how he thinks it hurts them all and he hated that duty. So he's not looking forward to it in whatever real life we get to find for them. The guy shutting down their former owners is NCIS and he's a good guy. Seems pretty solid when we did a background check on him. He's bringing them a few options for a real life tomorrow. Rosenburg's working on a background for them."
"That's good I guess." He grimaced. "Do they know about the family business?"
"Yeah. They asked all sorts of questions on the way here. It's nice Homeland flew us and the car when Xander talked to them."
"He has a contact in Homeland Security?"
"Apparently Buffy's ex is former Initiative, which is why the town's flagged not to have the military come in. Ever again." John groaned. "The Initiative was a huge mess that was handled before all this happened. The guy owed Xander for that. Xander called it in." He shrugged. "I didn't ask beyond the fact that the military was trying to figure out demons. Their egos got bruised when three girls, a librarian, and a construction worker killed their program on them."
John sighed but nodded slowly. "Uh-huh. Are you insane?"
"I don't know," he admitted. "If I am it's because Buffy's little sister squeals and hugs. Her mom's nice though. Feeds us until we're stuffed full. And the twin is a heavier eater than I am. That might be with whatever's wrong with them though." He yawned a bit. "Dinner?"
"Please. Then I want a long, detailed synopsis of what the hell is going on in this town when we go hunting tonight."
"No patrol tonight. Buffy called it off. No new ones raising. All we'd have is a Bronze hunt and it's a Wednesday during the school year so it won't have hardly anyone in there. Plus she has a test tomorrow."
"She's in school?"
"College. Freshman year. She rooms with Rosenburg."
"Oh, and fair warning. Willow's girlfriend Tara, the blonde who ran out earlier? She's shy as hell, she's delicate, and her parents need a few good doses of rock salt in their balls for hurting her. If you startle her or make her cry, even unintentionally, they'll kick your ass. Sammy did it by accident and Rosenburg nearly got him but he got her calmed down. They're serious about that. They got Xander for that."
"Her parents showed up to take their daughter, who they told was a demon, home. To slave for their needs and wants forever until she dies like her mom did. She's so shy she stutters and still won't look me in the face. After a few days she'll glance up at me but I'm still too overwhelming for her."
"Okay, I can be nice to the girl. I have no problem being nice to the girl. She seemed sweet and nice."
"She is. She's also a powerful witch and she's a lesbian. Willow's her girl. Willow's highly overprotective of her even without that."
"Good. She should be. Girls need help now and then."
"Which is why you're getting the same warning we got. Though, watch out for Spike. He'll do crap around or to you for the reaction. Stole Sammy's mug of coffee by putting blood into it."
"Very. And he does it for that reaction."
"Wonderful." Someone pounded on a window then opened the back door and slid in. "You are, Miss?"
Dean looked back. "Dawn. What's up?"
"Why is Buffy having a 'bad guy' moment?"
"Went off on Xander being evil after Willow made him evil."
"Uh-huh. So why did she go into major bitch mode?"
"No clue. Haven't been around her that long," Dean said.
"Pity. The guys?"
"Naked guy strip clubs."
He gave her an odd look. "You didn't notice that three big guys managed to share your sister's bed, the shower, and t-shirts?" She blushed, shaking her head, looking down. "Yeah, they're together. It kept them sane and solid."
"Okay then." She shrugged and looked up. "I guess that's okay. Are you guys coming for dinner?"
"Nah. Sammy's researching and we're talking before picking up dinner for them. They think that there's some sort of self-destruct button on them."
"Ooooh." She grimaced. "Why can't you use a telling spell?"
"We're not sure it'll work. That's why Sammy and Giles are researching."
"All they need is Willow and it'll be a geek triad of geekiness and books."
"Sammy's better than Willow," Dean said with a smug grin. "He can find anything anywhere online."
"Huh. Maybe I can ask him how to find stuff for my paper on mexican wrestlers." Dean laughed, nodding. "Think he'd have time?"
"No. Not tonight. Ask Rosenburg."
"Fine." She gave him a hug then got out of the car, closing the door before skipping off.
"And that's Dawn, Buffy's little sister."
"Uh-huh." He was saying that a lot but what else was he going to say without busting his desire to put his favorite son in the mental hospital for a while? Dean would hate that. He'd hate that for Dean. Being given goofy drugs that'd make him happy and emotional like Sammy would annoy him then Dean would eventually have to get him back for it.
"She squeals and hugs. She likes to pounce both Sams." He started the car, taking them to the burger place now that his father was thoroughly confused. It was a son's duty to confuse his father. Then his father would apologize and tell him what was going on.
Xander looked at the boys in the bedroom then sighed. He didn't want to do this but Sam wasn't going to be able to find anything. He found the chalk and moved his rug, doing what Anya had taught him to do. He looked around then knelt into the middle of the diagram.
"What are you doing?" Dean called.
"Doing what Sam won't be able to figure out." He looked back. "The stuff they found earlier? It'll have to be fixed or you guys can die. It's the last thing that they're holding over you." Dean nodded at that, coming out and closing the door behind him. "So I'm going to have it fixed. You guys need this to stay healthy and together." He grinned. "And I think it won't be *too* bad."
"We have no say?"
"It won't hurt you guys."
"They said you don't do magic."
"Ah, but I'm not."
"Isn't that a magic-based symbol?"
"To summon someone who can help." He looked up and recited the summoning he knew. He went to get his boys up. Xander smiled at the woman who appeared. "Morning."
"Technically. What the hell are you doing, Harris?" This was not the sort of thing he did according to Anya or rumors.
He pointed behind him. "Three that were never allowed a childhood, Hallie." She looked then gaped and pointed. "Yeah, mine and two other hunters. We consider them our twins, but they screwed with them in horrible ways. They hurt them for being themselves. They hurt them to train them. Truly a lost childhood."
"They kinda sped through it," she admitted, studying the guys. "There's something wrong with them."
"I know. That's why I called. I want to make a wish on their behalf to get that fixed. I'm willing to offer you something in return."
She looked at him. "Usually it isn't a payment situation."
"I know, but I know something you want, that Anya wants, that would make you happy. They deserve to be happy and healthy. Truly a lost childhood."
She considered it. "That could be counted, but why make a wish for them?"
"Because they don't know everything that was done to them. We know there were things done so they couldn't fall into enemy hands. There's things that were done so they're aging faster."
"There's things that were done that could make them have kids with the right drugs," she added, looking at them. She ran a hand over each one of them. "I can fix that. Remove the drugs and the three things that'll take them out. I can't fix the breeding thing."
"We can deal with that. It takes stuff to make it happen, right? I can't just take them and have it happen?" Sam asked.
"No. It'll take massive drugs to prime the pump. They probably did it so you can bear good heirs once you're too old to be in the field."
"Good," Dean agreed with a grin. "Thanks for that. What'll it cost?"
Hallie looked at Xander. "I want Anya back."
"I'll break up with her. It'll make her happier anyway," he said quietly, looking up at her. "Anyanka!" He summoned her, smiling at her as he stood up. "I love you."
"I know that," she said, looking confused.
He pulled her closer to kiss. "You're very special but you're not happy. I can't stand you being unhappy. I'm going to be unselfish and break up with you." He pulled Hallie closer to kiss her and grope a bit, then looked at her. "We're through, but for the right reasons."
Anya gaped, then squealed. "Ohmygod! I sound like Dawn but I love you!" She kissed and groped. "Thank you, Xander."
"Hey, you need to be yourself to be happy." He kissed her again. "And Hallie needs her best friend to make the job easier. Too much pain makes you bitter and you create things like Spike." He looked at the stunned vengeance demon over Lost Childhoods. "Deal on?"
"Deal on," she decided with a smirk. "I didn't know you were that good, Xander." She looked at them then waved a hand. Three boxes landed at their feet and a few soft vials too. She hummed and looked at Alex, taking out something else than one out of Sam's head. "There, done. Better. Even the accelerated aging. D'Hoffryn! Xander cheated on Anya with me!" she called.
D'Hoffryn appeared. "Why would he do that?"
"Because Anya's not happy as a human. Hallie needs to have her best friend to make the job bearable before she makes another Spike, and they needed the help."
D'Hoffryn frowned. "Not a bad reason." He looked at Anya. Then shrugged and restored her. "We'll see how long you last."
"Thank you!" she squealed, giving him a hug. "I love you, Xander."
"Come back for snuggles if you need them, Anya. It's a rough thing hearing pain every day." She smirked and disappeared with Hallie. The boss looked at him. "If you want of course."
"We'll see, Harris. You do screw so many things up."
"Well, duh, and look, someone made me a twin. That means I get to be the evil twin now." He pointed at Alex.
D'Hoffryn frowned at him then at the original. "Oh, Dark God, we're doomed." He disappeared to go groan and grumble in peace.
"Awww, I love spreading happiness."
"Were you hit by the evil spell again?" Sam asked.
"No, I'm just like this in the middle of the night and now I don't have anyone to roll over and make the strange thoughts go away." He laid down on the couch. "Night, guys. Don't get too loud celebrating." They stared at him. He grinned back. "This means they can't kill you."
"Whoo-hoo!" Alex shouted, pouncing his boys onto the floor. "We're free," he told them. They grinned and took him back to bed to celebrate. Really loudly but it was nice they were happy guys.
Sam looked at the guys the next morning. "Have a good night?" he asked, looking really tired. "I still haven't found anything. I'm sorry guys."
"Xander found a way." Dean gave him a hug, making John groan quietly. "Dawn said hugs are nice." He smirked. "Xander asked someone who dealt with lost childhoods to deal with it because ours were kinda lost and she needed her best friend back to make them both happy."
Dean looked over from his reading. "Where is Xander?"
"Work. He had to go back to work today. Why? Is he in trouble?"
"No," Dean said. "I'm sure it was the right thing to do, even if he did lose his girlfriend."
Giles walked out of the office. "Excuse me?"
Sam bounced over to him, hugging him. "He fixed it so they can't kill us from afar. Even if we do get pregnant some day because they made us able to, it'll be okay."
"Pregnant?" original Dean demanded, sitting up straighter.
"Apparently they decided we could breed the next generation after we got too old. She fixed the aging thing too. I think."
Buffy walked in reading something. "Yeah, she fixed the aging thing. Anya left a letter, Giles." She handed it over. "She'll be in for her shift later." She looked at the guys. "Okay? Sore from the celebrating?" she asked with a grin.
"Kinda," Alex agreed. "Thanks for asking." He grinned. "Xander doesn't have a tub, only a shower."
"Use ours," Buffy ordered with a point. "Mom won't mind and she's still home. It'll give her a chance to fuss some more over someone." Alex and Sam both grinned, dragging Dean with them to the house. She looked at Xander when he leaned in. "You okay?"
"I'm fine. D'Hoffryn still growling that I have a twin?"
"Yup." She let him read the letter. He burst out laughing, letting Dean and Sam read it. Then he left to head to work. He had been on break. It was going to be a lot cheaper not having to buy Anya presents all the time.
Dean handed it to Buffy again, shaking his head quickly. "Okay then." Buffy laughed. "They're really that worried?"
"If one Xander can ruin six prophecies and counting, what can two do?"
"Oh, Janus, we're doomed," Giles moaned, going to lie down in his office. "Buffy, do handle the store for a bit so I can nap that bad thought out of my head?"
"Sure, Giles." She grinned. "That's why Xander is the evil twin." Sam cackled, nodding a bit. "But we do love the goofball." She bounced over to check the register and mail that had been delivered already. Gibbs walked in with a man in leather and red hair. "They're in my mom's tub. Xander managed to get rid of their self-destruct thingies. They celebrated too hard."
The redheaded man smiled at her, taking off his sunglasses. "Really? That sounds interesting. Think they'd be willing to talk over there, Miss Summers?"
"Yup." She wrote down directions and handed it over. "Mom should be home and fussing. Who're you?"
"Honor Caine," he said with a smirk. He walked off with Gibbs following him.
"Wow. Way hotties to work with the three hotties we now have as part of the family." She went to do some dusting of the weapons. She loved the weapons. Dean came to help; that was so nice of him. Even if he did hit on her. Maybe she'd set him up with Xander since the other Dean seemed to like his version of the evil one.