Xander watched Dean ride around on his dirtbike, smiling at the new helmet, black, that had his headphones on underneath he was sure, and his new leather jacket, which was a bit big but would fit him until he was probably almost sixteen according to him.  It looked a lot like the one he wore as an adult and it was making him happy.  Which was the most important thing to him.  Sam walked behind Xander, putting his hands on his waist, shifting up behind him to cuddle him.  "He has been miserable walking or being driven," Sam said in his ear.  Xander nodded.  "He have his CD player on?"

"Inside pocket of his jacket.  He switched songs a minute ago."  He sipped his coffee then put the mug back down on the table beside him.  "He's doing good with his balance."

"He's always had good balance.  We used to climb trees at Pastor Jim's and Dean would get up as high as he could then start walking on the branches.  Freaked Jim out a good number of times."  He kissed the back of Xander's neck.  "Want to talk about it?"

"No, just having one of those 'my baby's nearly grown' days I guess."  He turned to look at him.  "Did you need to talk about something?"

"I wanted to talk about a few things," he admitted, leading him back inside to cuddle on the couch.  He pulled Xander on top of him.  "We're still thinking about settling in a general area.  That would mean you could help here and we could do some mild traveling but we'd probably never be more than two days away.  Plus there'd be plenty of times when we'd be home."  Xander looked down at him.  "Honestly, Dean loves to be on the road, but even he was tired of the traveling for a while.  So was I.  This is the best of both worlds for both of us and for *us* as well."

"But I'm needed here all the time."

"Then we can live here so you can keep helping everyone and we'll be here as often as we can."

"You guys would hate being tied here."

"We'll get plenty of time out of town, Xander.  There's another area just above this town on the map that's got a lot of hauntings.  We can work up there for a bit, come home for a long rest, go deal with another issue, come back, and keep going until we have to give up hunting."

"Sam, it's not like I'm going to get to retire."

Sam snickered.  "Dean either most likely, no matter what your inner voices drew."

Xander looked at him and his heart clenched a bit.  "Doing that would mean you'd spend less and less time off the hellmouth, Sam.  Or you'd be spending a lot of time away from me.  Either one is probably not going to be healthy for you."

"It'll work itself out.  I'm not saying it'll be perfect but I think it'll be okay."  They heard some grinding metal and went to look outside.  "You good?" Sam yelled down.

"Wasn't me.  Miss Maple hit her mailbox again," Dean called back.  He used Sam's cellphone to get her some help then went back to his moving around so he could find all the quirks of his new bike.  He'd already found one in second gear that made him adjust his balance.

Sam drug Xander back inside.  "He's good."  He put Xander on the bottom.  "I'm expecting some rough spots, Xander.  That's not the issue here.  The issue is that I'm trying to work out a good compromise between us."

Xander smiled, stroking his cheek.  "Giles found a prophecy last year that says the hellmouth will likely be destroyed in the next four years," he said quietly.  "Something like that I'm probably going to have to be here for, Sam."

"It could be a natural occurrence.  An earthquake.  Gas explosion?"

Xander shook his head.  "They decided to rebuild the high school in the same spot last week."  Sam gave him a look then sat up.  "Our company bid."

"That's bad," Sam said.  Xander nodded.  "In the same area?"

"On the same foundation.  We start clearing it next week."

"That means more things can find it.  More things drawn here."

"Which means that the prophecy he found isn't going to be a natural occurrence," Xander said quietly.  Sam scowled at him.  "There's every chance the people will make it out.  We have in the past.  We will in the future.  Then again I might be run over by our son later on when he runs out of gas because I didn't get any money out of the ATM for his gas card.  I could die on patrol.  I could die at work.  If I do that and you're tied to Sunnydale, you may not be able to leave."

"So you want us to leave?"

"No.  I want you both to make a careful decision knowing all the facts and what you want to do for the rest of your life.  If you want to stay I'm going to be happy.  But Sunnydale drives you three insane with the way things happen and are different."  Sam nodded that was true.  "Can you honestly say you want to put up with that for *decades* if we make it that long?"

"That's why we'd go and come back."

"While that's nice, I'm still tied here except for in the summers and then I'm tied here by work."

Sam stroked his hand through his hair.  "You're putting up intentional roadblocks."

"You guys love living this lifestyle where you pick up and go.  A single bag of clothes, the car, some weapons, and you're gone."  Sam nodded slowly.  "If you really want more kids, that's not going to happen.  Being honest, kids take a lot of crap to deal with.  Remember trying to pack Dean to go *anywhere* in the first few weeks?"  Sam smiled and nodded.  "Can you imagine doing that in the middle of the night to head out to handle a poltergeist?"

"No," he said honestly.  "But kids were still a maybe."

"If we stay together, you're going to want more kids, Sam."

"Yeah, but maybe not right away."  He gave him a kiss then sat up again.  "We'll still get all the travel we want to.  We might do some traveling for fun even."  That got a nod.  "Though there were a few valid worries."

He stroked his hand under Sam's shirt to play with his stomach.  "You guys are used to being a battle-by-battle sort of hunter.  You hunt, you slay, you move on until the next battle hits.  That's how you're thinking about this.  That's not bad, but Sunnydale's not a battle-by-battle situation or we'd never have patrol."

"Which is what ties you here," Sam finished.  Xander nodded.  "There might be other helpers."

"That'd be great.  Buffy could die next week too.  Then I'd probably leave once the new girl got here."   Sam nodded at that.  "I'd still like to travel less than half the time.  Which means settling down, which means a bunch of payments that have to be made monthly, which means I've got to work and can't travel more than twelve percent of the time.  I had Willow do the math."

"Which means we'd be leaving you home a lot," Sam finished.  Xander nodded.  "It's still something we can overcome.  We might stay home a good thirty or forty percent of the time after a bit of mopping up at the start.  Plus no one says I have to go on *every* hunt."

"If he gets hurt you'd kill yourself," Xander said quietly.

Sam slumped. "Which is back to you having to stay home while we hunted most of the time."  Xander nodded.  "It's not right.  You're mine.  You had my son.  We're together.  Even your hyena likes me."

"I'm not going to deny that you're my mate, Sam.  I won't.  I can't.  I haven't been able to in months.  I can't make you miserable and watch you die in pieces as you watch Dean go hunt because you want something that's not good for you.  That would destroy both of us."

Sam stared at him.  "It won't," he decided.  "I won't let it.  We'll do whatever we have to do, Xander."

"And the money comes from where?"

"If we take our share of what Willow liberated, then we can buy somewhere.  Less monthly payments, we can pay ahead of time."

"What she did was wrong," Xander said softly.  "We shouldn't use it.  They do have a purpose even if they do try to kill me for the wrong reasons."

"Is there a right reason?"

"I have been known to threaten them when they show up."

"That's their own fault," Sam assured him.  "Not yours."  Xander shrugged at that.  "It's not enough reason to want to kill you."

"No but it's something we have to deal with."

Sam thought then nodded.  "If we can work out that problem?  Maybe get you a job where you can do some traveling at the same time?"

"Then we'd have to see what Dean's going to decide."

Sam nodded.  "I can do that."  He took another kiss.  "Would you maybe want more kids?"

"Some day.  I miss him being so cuddly.  Even a few months ago he was more cuddly.  As a baby he was the most cuddly thing.  It got annoying since I couldn't do anything but cuddle him."  He scratched him on the stomach.  "Then we have to start worrying about things again.  Like my parents.  Who are trying again.  They filed a new motion before the same judge."

Sam grimaced.  "We'll deal with them."

"I love you for that sentiment, but that's my job."

"No, that's the family's job," Sam told him.  "Where's the paperwork?"  Xander pointed at his toolbelt, letting him get it.  "Three days?"

"I got it yesterday."

"Then we'll do what we can.  We need a lawyer."

"We have one.  We can call Gunn up from LA to help us."  Sam gave him an odd look.  "Wolfram and Hart.  What Wes called to brief us on."

"I nearly fell asleep during that.  Was he always so dry?"  Xander nodded.  "Fine, we'll see if Wes or Gunn have anyone down there who can help us."

Xander grabbed the phone, dialing Fred's phone number.  "It's Xander and Sam.  Is Gunn nearby?"  He smiled.  "Gunn, Xander and Sam.  My parents are trying to take Dean again."  He nodded.  "Basically.  The same judge I outed as a demon last time.  That's what we need.  Three days.  I got it late yesterday.  No, I was going to kick their asses."  He smiled.  "It worked last time."

"Don't forget, Dean had to beat one of the ministers that was helping them for being a pervert."  Xander handed him the phone and he walked outside to talk to him.  At the very least he'd have an idea of what to do and bring to the hearing.  He saw Dean pause and put up his face shield, giving him a look.  He tossed down the papers.  "Take that to Giles and Joyce and be damn careful, Dean."

He looked at it and growled.  "Can we beat them all this time?" he demanded.

"Gunn said no.  Let the others know."  He nodded, putting down the visor and heading off with those.  He was pretty safe on the streets of Sunnydale.  If he got pulled over, he could BS an excuse to get out of being yelled at.  Sam smiled at the advice.  "That's what Dean went to do.  He's ten at the moment, nearly eleven.  Xander and I got him a dirtbike for Christmas so he'd be mobile," he said with a smirk.  "Yup, that was Dean.  He's so happy.  He's used to driving nearly everywhere.  Has for years."  He nodded.  "Yeah, and they're going to be highly shocked when he shows up.  No, last time they kidnaped him from Joyce at gunpoint.  Xander let the cops.  No, he wasn't feeling puny, he didn't want to have to cover up the explosion."  He laughed.  "Exactly."  Gunn could help and they could call to conference him in since he had to be in the office that day for something else.


The judge looked at the boy sitting between his parents the next day.  "You're much older than you were last time.  The last time I had your picture you were a mere infant."

"That's part of the spell that let me be reborn," Dean said patiently.  Gunn had warned him to be polite, as goody-goody as possible, and not even talk to Xander's parents if he couldn't hold his temper in.  It would help counter what Xander had done last time.

"You're at what age?" the judge asked.

"I'll be eleven in a few more days."

"I see."  He looked at the concerned grandparents and their ministers.  "I do notice that there's another name on the petition that's not represented here?"

"That child beat him," the other minister said grimly.  "He's not allowed near him."

"After he tried to pick me up because I was taking a short walk in the woods five hundred feet away from my parents," Dean agreed.  "He was a pervert and I protected myself when he made a try for me.  I am allowed to protect myself.  Then Mom drug him back for me so the nice officer could arrest him."

"We were proud but you still should've yelled," Sam reminded him.

"I will next time."  He looked at Xander, who smiled and patted him on the arm.  "Can I ride again later?"

"Sure.  As long as you're in by dark.  You're going to be with Joyce tonight because you're helping her plan Buffy's next birthday party."

"I forgot.  Sure, I'll ride until dinner."

"Ride a bicycle?" the judge asked.

"We got him a dirtbike," Sam told him.  "It's safe enough, he's used to being more motorized, so it's good until he can drive again."

"He has proper safety gear?"  Xander nodded.  "Fully?"

"Helmet, jacket, over-protective parents who hovered the first day to make sure I wouldn't fall," Dean agreed.  The judge snickered at that.  "Can I ask something?"  The judge nodded.  "How are they able to file to have me when they're going to be going to jail for kidnaping me at gunpoint when I was younger?"

The judge looked at that incident report then at them.  "I see all the same names."

"We were incredibly worried.  They had a young girl watching them while they worked.  He had no good supervision," the minister said.  "Plus their gay influence has meant that he's been turning violent.  As proven by his so-called self-defense."

"Tara's in college, she's twenty," Xander said patiently.  "She'll be twenty-one in about three weeks.  Secondly, he is in self-defense lessons because there's people like the one who tried to snatch him in the woods.  As for us being gay, Dean's already figured out he appreciates breasts.  I had to show him comics were better for getting those than the Hustler he tried to pick up before then."  That got a gape.  "Also, Tara's a very sweet young woman.  She bribes him for good behavior and to help her when she has to study by making him cookies.  She and her cat both love Dean.  If she's in class then we have a few other friends who can watch him for an hour.  Because, unlike my parents, I'm not going on welfare for my kid.  Nor am I an abusive alcoholic who doesn't remember that a child is in the house.  Nor am I a bigoted person who wanted to lynch someone last month for her husband leaving her because her husband wanted an eighteen-year-old prostitute he was tired of paying."  The judge coughed.  "Her church did, Your Honor.  It was in the paper."

"I saw that article."  He looked at the other information.  "How are we doing his education?"

"Since I still have the greatest majority of my former memories I'm refreshing myself and learning new skills.  I'm on my third book of Spanish.  On a higher level of Latin than I knew before.  One of my aunts is borderline genius and if I have technical questions about what I'm learning I can go to her or Mr. Giles for information.  Sam's been making sure I have a well-rounded education this time since I didn't last time.  We moved a lot and I wasn't that interested in school."

"You call your biological father by his given name?" the judge asked.

"Since Mom and my original father worked it out, we decided I could call Sammy by his name and Dad dad.  Dad would get touchy and I don't need that."

"Good point.  That's reasonable.  You'll be taking your GED?"

"He'll be taking the home education equivalency test," Sam told him.  "The home schooling version of the test seniors take to make sure they can graduate."

"Again, reasonable and it would show that he did know enough.  When will he be eighteen?"

"Seven more months."

"So one year a month?" he asked.  Sam nodded.  "Have we had problems?"

"His appendix nearly burst.  That hadn't happened the first time around but it was solved fairly quickly once Xander made the doctor who told him it was gas pains stomp off so a good one could intervene.  He healed quickly from it, did all his antibiotics, and it was fine.  He had a few extra fevers from teething so fast."

"A few cramps from growing pains but nothing worse than I had the last time," Dean told him.

"What necessitated this action?" the judge asked Sam.  "That was never clarified for me last time."

"Dean offered something himself in return for saving me," Sam said quietly.  The judge gave him a horrified look.  "He was my big brother, Your Honor.  Another reason I don't mind if he uses my name."  That got a nod.  "The spell was to save him from what he had offered himself to.  The way the spell was cast he was supposed to be carried by me but the power over it decided to stick him out here with Xander because he'd need the extra energy here and we needed to meet Xander apparently.  It'd lead to more happiness and him being pregnant headed off another problem."

"I see.  Could we do this on others who have been tragically lost?"

Xander looked at him.  "If you're talking about the mayor, no.  You'd need to do it before he died.  There would need to be a self-sacrifice of someone with power who loved him, and you'd have to have a part of their soul stored that was still innocent."

"I see.  Interesting.  How did you have that, with what you both used to do?" he asked Sam.

"Our father arranged it when he was sixteen."

He nodded, looking at Dean.  "Are you content with them?"

"Very.  Xander has a mush moment now and then but mostly he's a great mom to me.  He listens to me, he explains things when I get confused, and sometimes when I don't.  He's not hard on me.  He helps me with my training.  If I was handed a kid, said he's not going to really be yours but he's going to need you to raise him, I'd have thrown a fit."

"I threw a few," Xander said quietly.  Sam nodded at that.  "I was assured you could learn things from me too."

Sam looked Dean over then at his lover.  "He's already learned your taste in shirts apparently."  Xander pinched him.

"It's comfortable," Dean protested.  He looked at the maternal grandparents.  "I'm not sure that you could help me learn anything I didn't know in my last life.  Do you do anything?"

"We're a good, strong, normal family," Xander's mother sneered.

Dean shrugged.  "I've spent a lot of time with them."

"Though I wouldn't say *good*," Xander said.  "CPS didn't a number of times."  She glared at him.  "We did get the records from them?" he asked the judge.

"I do have them," he said, patting that file.  "How many times did they show up?"

Xander shrugged.  "I quit counting.  The one good one got killed before she could remove me.  The next one got killed the first time the cops sent her out.  There was one other but she was fired for being on the take."

"Wanted a bribe from us too," his father said dryly.  "I wasn't about to pay to *keep* you, boy."

"Yeah, pity about that.  I could've went to a family who liked me.  You could have even sold me when I was born and been better off.  Without your foodstamps, checks, and insurance cards....  Oh, that's right, you lost those when I hit eighteen."  His father lunged over at him but Xander simply stared while the guards put him back into his seat.  "Your Honor, I would protest any drunks being around my son.  I don't want my son to learn to like them.  They can only create a situation I'd have to fix and then retrain Dean after they were done with him.  That's if they remembered to show up for visitation.  As for me being with Sam, yes I am.  I enjoy the hell out of it."  Sam grinned at him for that.  "That doesn't mean that we're doing anything in front of Dean."

"They cuddle and kiss now and then.  I don't mind, it makes Sammy happy.  The only one allowed to hurt Sammy is me so them being happy is all good to me.  Makes me gag now and then because they're cute, but that's just the guy I am."

The judge quit smiling, shaking his head.  "I can see how that would be a problem.  It's also clear Samuel has calmed Mr. Harris down quite a lot."

"I was three months post birth last time," Xander reminded him.

"The books do say that postpartum mood swings can last up to six months after the delivery," Sam told him.

"You're a college boy, aren't you?" Xander's mother sneered.

"Yes, ma'am.  I got a full ride to Stanford.  I was a semester away from starting law school when I dropped out because my girlfriend got killed in our apartment.  At that time I went back to hunting with my brother."

"So you're bisexual?" the minister asked.  "Couldn't decide?"

"I judge people on who they are, not if they can pee standing up.  I find I learn a lot about people that way."  He looked away from her.  "Must she be here?"

"She should be.  Are you going to have a lawyer showing up later?"

"We have one we can call but he had meetings so he couldn't get here today," Xander admitted.  The judge gave him an odd look.  "Thanks to our work with Angel, and Angel just having taken over Wolfram and Hart, we've managed to get one of their people to advise us."

"I see.  They're a powerful law firm, boys."

"With Angel in charge now," Xander said dryly.  The judge shuddered.  "If we need him we can call Angel's associate, Mr. Gunn, to help us."

"Interesting.  I've heard of him."  He looked at the papers again.  "I don't see that they're mistreating the boy."

"Having him learning to fight?" the minister demanded.  "Being gay in front of him?  Letting him ride all over town on his new motorbike?  Which is *clearly* a bribe to him to not talk about anything bad here today, Your Honor."

"I got it for Christmas and we've only had the paperwork for this meeting for four days," Dean said dryly.  "How would it be a bribe?"  He leaned forward.  "As for my self-defense and hunting training?  Yes, I am.  It's what I do.  It's what my family does.  Every damn last one of us.  Including the new aunts.  I used to be one of the ones that things whispered about in fear," he said, staring her down.  She backed away from him.  "I will be again in a few months."  Xander stroked his back, calming him down.   "As for them being *gay* in front of me?  Let them.  Like I care.  Not like I was going to date Xander or my little brother.  Some people had suggested it but he's not my type.  My type is shapely, cute, and willing.  Has been for a very long time.

"As Sammy put it, I was a slut in my last life.  It was good stress relief because there was no way I could settle down.  Now, I might be able to see partially settling down when I'm finally back at my correct age.  Xander's given me a lot of love and support to work through my thoughts on a lot of issues.  Including whether or not I want to remain a roaming hunter with my brother beside me.  As for them having sex in front of me?  If it's that disgusting I can walk away, people.  I tried gay sex last time so something that wanted innocence couldn't get me.  Wasn't that great, didn't want to do it again.  I like my women.  Beyond that, what would I do at your house but watch you drink?  That's not a life, that's a version of hell.  Sammy saved me from going there the last time and I'm sure both parents and my original father are going to do it this time."

"He was invited," the judge noted.  "Working?"

"He'll be off shift at noon," Xander said.  "You called us a bit early.  He's probably getting cleaned up."

"He's probably outside but not being let in," Sam said.  The judge checked and John came in.  "Hey, Dad.  Wait long?"

"Yeah."  He sat down beside Xander, looking at them.  Then he tossed something down.  "I think that might be relevant.  Mr. Harris, the elder one with the alcohol issues, is presently engaged in cheating on his wife with a girl who's only fifteen.  He had to blackmail her into it.  When I found out her age, I had Willow talk to her and get her help.  She won't be coming back, ever.  Her parents know and Willow helped them file charges against him."  He looked at Xander's mother.  "You....  I don't know how you raised Xander to be the sort of man he is, it must've been an accident.  Please don't ever have another one."

"She's pregnant now," Xander said quietly.  "Still hasn't left town.  She's tried this before and miscarried twice."  His mother tried to grab him but John made her sit back down and cry.  "Also, my father's not just an alchie, he's got a pill habit for pain killers," Xander said, looking at the judge.  He looked at the minister.  "Watching the minister is harder since she's not in Sunnydale, but we know people who could.  You're so against gay people because both your kids are gay?"  She gasped.  "By the way, they also rescued the last torture victim you had to try to turn him straight.  They got him to the ER for the shock treatment and burns.  There's a warrant out for your arrest as of today.  He called earlier before we came in."

"I wondered what that call was," Sam said quietly.  Dean smirked at him.  "One of the other hunters?"  Xander nodded.  "Good."

"It says something when even the Initiative thought you guys were worthless.  If people who got off torturing and killing things thought you were too pitiful for it, what does that tell you?"  He stood up.  "Are we done?  Dean needs to have a snack soon."

The judge nodded.  "We're pretty well done.  Are you comfortable staying with them, Dean?"

"I am.  They love me a lot, even when I do protest the mush and chick feelings."

"Would you rather reside with your former father?"

"No.  I'm good where I am.  His apartment's tiny.  I get plenty of time with him since they worked it out.  Dad learned to respect Mom once he saw him on patrol and how things went around here.  Plus after he nearly shot him."  He grinned.  "That was a move a Winchester would've pulled."  He looked at Xander.  "Now get to marrying my little brother so you're one of us and not one of them."

Xander kissed him on the head.  "Stubborn," he teased.  He looked at the judge.  "We done?"

"You retain sole custody of the boy, Mr. Harris.  Your parents ...."

"Will hopefully be in jail for the kidnaping," Sam said, standing up.  "Hopefully soon since their case is due to be heard next week."

"I'll make sure the transcripts get to the prosecutor," the judge agreed.  "Dismissed."

"Sam, can you and John walk him outside?  I want to have a last word with my family," he said quietly.  Sam nodded, walking their kid outside with John.  Xander looked at his parents.  "I do not care what you wanted.  Having visitation with him wasn't going to get your check reinstated.  You've managed to try even the system's patience this time.  Mom, I hope this kid's not born brain damaged like so many others carried to term here are.  Apparently all the liquor you drank protected me."  The minister stomped off.  He sneered at his family.  "If you *ever* come near Dean or my family again, any of us, I will make sure your last minutes are very problematic for the cops to handle with a full stomach," he said calmly and quietly.  His father stomped off.  "Mother?"  She followed, giving him worried looks.  He looked at the judge.  "Buffy had a talk?"

"She told me her views and why she was worried.  Rosenburg as well."

Xander smirked.  "I love Dean's aunts, even if they are brats now and then.  Thank you."

"Thank you for not pulling a gun this time."

"Sam frisked me earlier.  All I have is a pocket knife.  You guys really should alarm the vamp entrance."  He smirked.  "Dean'll be fine.  He'll stop aging when he's his proper age, which is now about twenty-eight."  The judge nodded.  "Then I'm expecting them to mostly leave town because Sunnydale drives normal people insane."  He walked off, heading down to the car.

The judge called his assistant, handing him the tape of the hearing.  "Get this transcribed immediately.  Take all but the last part to the prosecutor for the Harris hearing."  He nodded, going to do that.  The judge considered it.  That boy was raising strong hunters.  He wasn't a harmful demon but he knew ones that were.  If they could get the boy to leave with his boys, that would leave less hunters in town to back up the slayer.  That would mean more hunters working together in another area though.  He wasn't sure which would be better so he'd bring it to the other demons in his position later.  Though it had been nice, Buffy had only stopped him to talk to him about Xander's parents.  She hadn't made any demands or forced him to make a decision.  Just told him what dirtbags they were.  He knew demon parents who were *much* better than those were.


Dean walked out later that night, looking around.  Sam was in bed.  Xander was reading something.  He walked over to stand in front of him, taking the book and putting it down.  "You're still wrong."  Xander gave him a curious look.  "Sam told me what the reasons you've been using are.  Who said I'm not bored with traveling all the time?"

"The Impala has been your home for a while, Dean.  You'd miss calling it that," he said quietly.

"Yeah but I can go on hunts and vacations when I have those needs."  He stared at him.  "Also, maybe it's because I was born here and carried here, but Sunnydale doesn't drive me as insane as it does Dad.  He's not going to be staying here if we're not.  He'll be going and coming again a lot more than I would.  We three Winchesters and you could cover a lot of territory.  He could go deal with that minor power point with all the ghosts if he wanted to.  He said he wouldn't mind handling that since he could see how areas like that needed a constant hunter after watching the insanity here."  Xander nodded once at that.  "That would let us cover the area from here to Stanford.  That would make Sammy happy.  We could even live here so you could keep helping Buffy until she passed.  Then we'd move."  He shifted his stance, staring at him.  "Or are you scared that Sam'll leave you all the time?"

"I think he's got a great ideal and the fantasy's great.  I'm all for fantasies, but can you see him going on a hunt if the siblings you wanted are fussy?"

"Yeah," Dean agreed. "To get away from the crying.  The same as Dad used to drop us off whenever Sammy got colic so he wouldn't kill us both.  Then he'd lose his temper on something, come back, and it'd be better."

"If it can be worked out, I'm not going to be anything but happy, Dean.  Sometimes I have to be realistic though.  There's going to be issues.  Especially if Sam wants more kids.  That means a lot of hassle."

Dean leaned down to get into his face.  "Then don't have them.  Sam's not going to turn you into a breeder unless you're willing to cooperate."  He stood up again, smirking at his mother.  "Besides, you need a normal kid to finish driving you insane."  He quirked up an eyebrow.  "You let me handle the problems.  Have you seen any others?"

"You mean besides you guys leaving me alone most of the time?  A lot of bills?  All that stuff?  Or you guys getting caught doing something like a credit card scam?"

"There's ways to fund the hunting and Sammy'll be working anyway.  I'll have to find something he can do on the road."  He shrugged.  "I should've before so he had something to do besides research, whine, and nap."  He walked off.  "Go to sleep, Mom.  You have to work tomorrow.  Sam's down to part-time but you're not.  By your own choice."

"I know."  He went to crawl into bed, letting Sam surround him again.  He relaxed into his arms.  It seemed so easy to believe in the fantasy when Sam was holding him.  That was his part of the Sunnydale Syndrome he guessed, believing that everything would be all right and he'd get to escape without leaving Buffy critically short.


Buffy stopped by the worksite the next day at lunchtime, waving at Sam but pulling Xander with her.  "I heard something interesting last night."

"Oh, no.  Already?  It's only been a few months since the last one."

"Not yet.  The demons, thanks to the judge."

"Thanks for that, Buffster."

"Welcome.  No way am I letting your parents have a goldfish.  Much less my only nephew and my mom's only grandson."  She gave him a look.  "They're trying to decide if you going with Dean and Sam would be a good thing or a bad thing for the town and the demons here."

"If I go, you're critically short," Xander said quietly.  "That's why I've been a bit resistant to Sam's ideas.  Dean thinks he can handle the problems I've seen."

"Which are?"

"If I leave, you're down me.  No males, no planning outside of what Giles and Willow can do, or you do.  No extra hands."  She nodded slowly at that.  "Sam wants more kids."

"I agree with that.  You and Tara both have to have normal kids to spoil."

"We're still thinking about that.  If they're going to go back hunting, they can't do that with a baby in the house.  I'll end being some sort of male housewife and mother all the time.  Which means I won't be able to work enough to support us and them out hunting."  She nodded at that point.  "Sunnydale stuff drives them insane and Dean was thinking about claiming an area from here to Stanford to take out the first problem.  Because leaving you here alone isn't going to be helpful to you and the only way I'm probably going to be able to leave is vamped or if you're dead."

She nodded.  "I can see what they were getting at now.  Any  others?"

"What Willow did the Council was wrong.  The boys use scams to get what they need now and then.  What happens if they get caught in the real world?"

"Okay, I might be able to get Willow onto the last one.  Find Sam something he can do on the road.  It might not be great paying but it'd probably cover gas and motels for the most part."  She considered the other ones.  She looked at him.  "We need you here, Xander, but to be honest, one of the other hunters probably could replace you if they wanted to and Dean could talk them into it.  That way you could be happy."

"Buffy, they think like John does.  Think about how insane all this stuff drives him."

She nodded.  "Good point.  Then again, with the prophecy of Sunnydale falling in about four years from now, who says I'd be living?"

"I told Sam that too.  He's hoping and praying it's an earthquake."

"So am I."  She looked at him.  "If it's going to make you miserable, go with them."

"I can't travel all the time that way."

"So don't.  Do the picking a region thingy.  If Dean needs away that badly, he can go to San Francisco and hunt or help Angel in LA or even take off for a long road trip of hunting with Sam.  You'd be stuck here but yay.  You can handle that."

"If we can work out the problems I will.  I have to be realistic though.  It's how I was raised.  Someone had to watch out for Willow while she was thinking big thoughts."

"Yeah, she still needs that."  She shrugged.  "Well, if you can work it out, we're helping. They've been very helpy to us so we can be helpy to you guys."  She smiled.  "Why are John and Sam looking at the molester's house?"

"In case his spirit's there.  The last three people who've moved in after he died have ended up molesting kids too.  They think it's a possession."

"Yeah, could be.  Then again, he could be a victim of that too," she said.  "I'll mention that to John.  He's at the Magic Box going over the records Willow pulled up on that house."  She gave him a short hug.  "Be happy, Xander."

"I am.  I'm enjoying it as much as I can," he told her.

She smiled.  "Fine.  You be cautiously happy.  What about the stuff you're saving?"

"I'm sending it with Sam and Dean when they go," he said quietly.  "That way they have money for a little bit."  She smiled and punched him on the arm then left.  He went back to eat his lunch, sitting down next to Sam.  "Buffy had a thought."  Sam looked at him, mouth full so he was chewing.  "What if the guy you're looking at in that one house isn't the original problem?  He could be another victim."  Sam swallowed and pulled out his phone to walk off talking to his father.  Xander smiled at their boss.  "How's your kids?"

"Mine are fussy.  Grandpa showed up last night.  How was that problem getting in?"

"Remember the laundry chutes he decided were too much problem to board up the week before I signed on?" Xander asked dryly.  He moaned.  "Since it was open it wasn't under a protection and we didn't know it was there.  I nailed ours shut Christmas morning."  He grinned.

The guy in charge shook his head.  "Damn.  Saw your kid earlier."

"On his bike?"

"Walking it to the gas station."

"Ooops.  I forgot to up his gas card again."

"He came to get Sam's wallet."

"Oh, good."  He grinned.  "He's wearing his safety gear?"

"Had it on the bike.  That was one sweet present," another guy said.  "He's good on it too.  He rode back by to drop off the wallet on the way to the college."

"He's old enough to spend a few hours alone and smart enough to know what to do," Xander said with a grin.  "Sam suggested the present, I tried to put it together but I am not a car guy.  So Dean put it together on Christmas morning with Sam and John."  They smiled and nodded. He dug into his lunch, then gulped his soda, letting out a small burp.  "Sorry.  Let me head back, boss."  He got back to work, examining the site.

Sam came back, looking confused.  "I know he gets the same lunch we do."

"Crew leads have to check over the morning's work at lunch," the boss said dryly.  Sam looked confused.  "He didn't tell you he got a promotion and a raise?"

"It's going into the bank," Xander called.  "Guys, who was running the boiler pipes?"  A few guys groaned and finished lunch so they could see what he was worried about.  They came out nodding and got another drink so they could have the rest of their lunch.  Xander looked then shot something, bringing it out to hand to the boss.  "Found the thing that bothered Kimmer earlier."  He walked off again.  "Lunch ends in ten, guys."

Everyone finished up while the boss went to throw the dead snake in the dumpster. They'd have to set out traps overnight.


Sam pounced Xander once they were inside that night.  "You got a promotion and we didn't celebrate?"

"I got it right before the holidays and we did celebrate.  We did the tongue thingy and then we did the playing thingy and the green thingy."  Sam grinned at that.  "See, celebrating so much we nearly got fired the next morning for not being able to walk."  He heard a female giggle and they both looked at the kitchen and the girl standing there.  "Hey, Melinda.  What's up?"

"Tara called.  She wanted to talk to me today for some reason."

"Ah."  Xander nodded.  "Okay."  He kissed Sam again.  "The extra went into the special savings account."  He walked over to give her a hug.  "Where is the demented son?"

"Wandering around with Buffy tonight.  She's going over some identification stuff since there's nothing going on."  Xander grimaced.  "He'll be fine.  Any idea what Tara foresaw when she was working the other day?"

"No, not yet," Sam said.  "You can call her over for dinner.  We can make her meatless stuff."

"I'll do that."  She called over there. "Tara, sweetie, I'm at Xander and Sam's.  Of course you can come see me tomorrow.  Sure.  I'll be here."  She hung up.  "She and Willow have plans tonight."

"Good to know," Xander said.  "Apparently we don't have patrol either."  Sam leered.  "Sorry, Melinda."

"I can make myself dinner, boys.  Go find a motel so you can get it messy and not have to clean it up."  Sam leered at Xander and they left to do that.  Sam had ideas....  Bastest jumped up onto the counter, nudging her to get petted.  "Hello, love.  How are you liking the boys?"  She purred so Melinda sat down to pet her.  Sometimes a familiar needed a witches' touch.


Xander was sitting in Buffy's backyard that Saturday when he heard the gate open and saw Warren step in.  He was up and heading over to stop him without knowing why.  He got him down and disarmed, even though the gun discharged into the ground.  "What the fuck, Warren!"

"Xander!" John shouted, coming out to help.  He moved the gun away and hauled the other boy up, hitting him.  "What were you thinking!"

"She's stopping our plans!" he shouted.  "She should die!"  He pulled a smaller gun and tried to point it at Buffy but got Xander in the shoulder instead.  John slammed his head into the ground and that was all he knew for the next few hours.

"Xander!" Buffy said, coming over to help.  She looked at the wound.  "Is anyone else hurt!" she yelled.

"That bullet wouldn't have went over ten more feet," John told her.  She gave him a look.  "It won't.  It doesn't have a long range.  Ladies!" he yelled.  "Get an ambulance or a healing spell!"

Willow came pelting down but Tara shoved her and got down, crying as she worked the healing spell on Xander's shoulder.  It slowed the bleeding until the ambulance got there.  She turned and sobbed on Buffy, mumbling something.

"Whoa, hold on," Buffy said, pushing her back.  "You saw me being shot and you dying so you made Xander be in the right place at the right time?"  She nodded, sobbing harder.  "Oh, honey, he wouldn't care.  You know that about Xander!"  She hugged her again, leading her inside.  "He'd probably consider it a good scar and put a tattoo around it so he could show it off."  John got the other boys to the hospital.  "Shhh.  You were saving lives, Tara.  Did you see the second gun?"  She shook her head.  "Then I'll talk to Sam, make sure he's not mad."

"I'm mad at me," she whimpered.  "It's a bad thing.  It got him hurt."

She made Tara look at her.  "We've all been hurt, Tara, and Xander's not going to be mad.  Really.  I promise you he's not.  He's going to be pissed as hell at Warren."  She walked out there to talk to the cops picking him up.  "He pulled a gun to shoot me."  They gaped.  "Xander pounced him and got him down with the first one.  He shouted why and then he pulled a second one, which got Xander in the shoulder.  He's on his way to the ER.  I'm hoping none of the stupid ones are there."

"Why is the blonde one sobbing?" one officer asked.

"Shock," Buffy said.  "She was holding it closed until paramedics got here."  He nodded.  "John knocked Warren out so he couldn't try again.  Thankfully Sam was inside or he'd be toasty and you'd be picking up bits and bloody pieces."  Honestly, even the vamps probably wouldn't be able to find enough to nibble on if Sam got Warren.  Or Dean.  Or John.  Or hey, her.  "Get him off my lawn before I have him next."

They nodded, dragging him out to the car and to the police station.  They had someone who could come look at him.

"We need to go to the ER.  I still have authorization to treat Xander," Willow yelled from inside.  "Your mom's driving."  They rushed in and out to the car, dragging Tara with them.  The first person they ran into was Dean pacing.  "I have authorization to treat if Sam doesn't," she said, walking around him.

Dean stopped Tara.  "I want to know why," he said calmly.

"Tara saw something the other day," Buffy told him.

"From her," Dean said without taking his eyes off Tara.

"I...I saw the other day when you were helping us."

"I knew you saw something bad."

"W..warren sho...shooting Buffy and the ...the bullet ricocheting into me.  Willow going evil," finished in a whisper.  "She would've tried to end everyone."

Dean hung his head, nodding.  "I can't be mad at that, Tara."  She started to cry again.  "He's not mad.  He said why it happened was Fate."  He walked her over to sit her down between him and his dad.  John gave him a look.  "She foresaw Buffy getting shot instead and the bullet bouncing into her, killing her, then Willow going psycho on the world."

Tara wiped her eyes off.  "She tried to pull up the temple on the cliffs," she whispered. "She was going to end it to make them feel how she was."

John gave her a hug.  "It's a hard choice.  Did you see the second weapon?"  She shook her head quickly.  "Then it was an accident, Tara.  You didn't mean for him to get hurt, right?"  She shook her head quickly.  "That's not an abuse.  Now quit sobbing.  I can't stand crying women."

"Way to be emo, Dad."  Dean gave her a hug because she, like Xander, dealt better with physical reassurance.  "If you *ever* tell girls I know how to do this I'm finding a spell so Spike can knock up Buffy and you have to raise it," he muttered in her ear.  She laughed, shaking her head, hugging him back.  He heard screaming.  "That's Willow."

Buffy walked back there, pushing someone out of her way.  "We can hear you and this isn't making for happy people.  Willow, issue is?"

"Sam and I want him moved.  Immediately.  To a hospital that doesn't have a forty-seven percent death rate."

"I agree," Xander said weakly.  "The one on the left is the one who nearly killed me with my appendix."  He swallowed.  "Sam, can I have some water?  I can taste blood."  Sam gave him a horrified look.  "Just..."  Sam got him water to sip, helping him sit up.  He looked at them.  "Someone get the car.  I am not staying here.  They got it to mostly quit bleeding.  I'm fine to transport."

"You won't live to the nearest hospital," one of them said.  "No matter why you're paranoid."

Xander looked at her.  "I know what you want."  She went pale.  "Fuck off.  Buffy, car?"  Sam went to get the Impala.  He got helped off the bed by the girls and walked out holding his shoulder.  "Okay, let's get me bandaged and to a *real* hospital, people," he announced.  John hopped up to work on the bandage, including a pain killer he had stashed in his first aid kit.  "Thank you," he said when the floaty feelings started.  "I hate gunshot wounds.  Please tell me Warren is in pain too?"

"Oh, he will be," Willow warned.  Tara gave her a horrified look.  "He was going to shoot Buffy!"

"He was going to do more than that," Dean said.  "Tara saw her own death from the bullet ricocheting."  He dug the Impala's keys out of Sam's pocket.  "Into the back with him, Sammy.  I drive better than you, even at this age," he snapped when Sam opened his mouth.  "Dad, get the girls.  Joyce?"  She nodded and they got into the cars, letting Dean drive.  He headed for the interstate.  "Which way?"

"North has one in forty minutes, smaller but near that other town," Xander said tiredly.  "South and you're hitting the LA traffic jams."

"West or east?" Sam asked.

"West is one in half an hour.  Never been there, don't know if it's still open.  The one up north has a base nearby, they've handled guns before."  Dean nodded, heading for the right sign.  "Go west, get off in two exits, then go north," he said, closing his eyes.  Sam shifted so he was resting on his thigh.  "Thanks, Sam.  Love you too.  You tell the boss?"

"I can do that," he said.  He kept checking the bandage.  Dean sped up once they hit the interstate.  "We'll make it in time, Dean."

"I know that.  I hate cleaning blood from the car."  Xander chuckled at that.  "Good."  He turned on music and it was like old times.  He saw a flashing light and called his Dad.  "Head them off for me."  He sped up a bit more and found the exit he needed.  He took it and followed the directions Xander gave.  Twenty-five minutes later he found a hospital but it was the base hospital.  "Xander, base hospital?"

"They can transfer him; he won't wake up but his pulse is strong," Sam said.  They pulled into the ER and he got out, heading inside.  "My boyfriend has a gunshot wound, ma'am," he told the nurse who ran out to stop him.  "He's in the car.  We were in Sunnydale.  He won't wake up but his pulse is still strong.  My dad was a medic and he gave him a light pain killer."  She went to make a call then followed him out.  "We figured if this isn't the right hospital you could either direct us or send us."

"We're it now, boys.  They closed the other one due to the budget right after Christmas.  We handle the town too."  She gave Dean an odd look.  "You drove?"

"It's my car."

"Okay then."  She got Sam's help lifting Xander out onto the gurney.  "Why did you drive?"

"Sunnydale," Sam told her, following.  "I have permission to treat and if you won't take mine, Willow has some too."

"I don't care, son.  As long as you can consent to surgery and blood."  Sam nodded, following back to where they'd let him.  "Gunshot wound from Sunnydale," she announced as they rolled him into the trauma room.

"That hospital needs to be shut," one of the doctor agreed.  He looked at the guy and flinched.  "I shouldn't."  They gave him an odd look.  "He's one of the people that stopped the project that had me hostage.  He'll kill me if he sees me."

"Go," the senior doctor said.  He ran out to talk to the family and give them a preliminary report.  "Single gunshot wound to the shoulder.  Medic wrapped, pain killers?"

"The guy driving said his dad was a medic, gave him something light.  There wasn't that much blood in the car or on his boyfriend.  I can find out what.  There were others pulling in at a high rate of speed behind them."  He nodded so she went to ask.  She found their doctor against the wall, being held by a tiny blonde girl.  "He'll be fine."

"He's not working on Xander."

"No, he agreed to that and took himself off the case.  We need to know what he was given?"

John tossed over the bottle. "Single pill.  I gave it to him about thirty ago now.  It happened nearly an hour ago.  The Sunnydale ER was going to cut him into parts."

"We've heard."  She walked back there, handing over the bottle.  "He got given one half an hour ago.  The injury happened an hour ago."  The doctor nodded and they moved him to surgery.  She went back out there.  "There's a nice surgical waiting area.  You guys can wait up there if you want."  They nodded.  She stopped Sam.  "We'll need forms filled out.  Just like every other hospital in the country."

"Gladly," he said.  She smiled and handed over the clipboard.  "Hand it over up there?"  She nodded.  He followed, working on it in the elevator, giving Dean a hug when they got out.  Willow took it but he took it back to fill out, letting her fill in the childhood diseases part while he hugged Dean.  Dean was agitated and wanted to pace but oh well.

"Son, go park the cars," John said, handing over his keys.  Joyce handed over hers too.  Dean nodded, going to do that.  "Sammy?"  Sam looked at him.  "You going to be okay?"

"I'm going to kill the little bastard and then rip him into pieces that not even the vampires would be able to sniff out.  Then I'm going to call his soul back and torture it," he vowed quietly.  Willow gave him a horrified look.  "If I'm nice, I won't send the remains of it to hell as a warning for the others who might come near us."

"That's my boy," John said dryly, giving him a pat on the arm.  Sam shook it off and glared.  Willow went to hand in the forms.  Dean came back with a guard.  John took his keys back.  "He not park well enough?"

"No, he did a real good job," the guard said.  "Nice driving too, kid."

"Thank you.  It's still my car."  He looked at Sam.  "Go hit a wall."

"The blue wall around the corner," the guard said.  Sam went to beat on it for a while.  "Can we get a statement?"

"Sure.  Sam's going to kill Warren, who broke into my back yard to shoot me.  Xander, the guy we brought in, caught him breaking in and stopped him.  He got the first gun away from him and Warren pulled a second one while they were getting him down.  He got Xander.  John knocked Warren into next month so he won't be feeling it when Sam rips him to pieces then tortures his soul, and we went to save Xander from the Sunnydale ER at Xander's insistence."

"He got up and walked out?" the guard asked.

"Our hospital has a forty-seven percent death rate," Willow said simply.  He shuddered.  "Not from infections but from stupid doctors.  Ask the one Buffy was holding against the wall.  He'd know.  He can tell you *exactly* why we brought him here."

He nodded.  "I can do that.  I'll get with the Sunnydale PD to let them know their victim is up here."  He walked off to make that call first.  "Hi, this is Jonathan Bradley up at the base hospital up in... yeah, us.  There's a new patient that got brought in by his family.  Harris.  Yeah, him.  He's here, he's in surgery if you guys needed anything.  Huh.  The tiny blonde girl is an evil thing who blocks their plans to do great things with the world?  He need drugs?" he joked.  "She's here too.  Told me what went on.  No, the boy drove the black muscle car.  Thanks.  Yeah. All here.  That many, yeah.  Thanks."  He hung up and went to find that doctor.  "How bad is that other hospital that the guy got off the gurney and walked out with a gunshot wound?"

He gave him a look.  "Remember the rumors about the project I got saved from because they had blackmail on me?"  He nodded, he'd heard about them and asked in case something came for him here.  "We nearly took over the hospital in town because it was so pitiful.  They put all their bad doctors on one floor; that floor's got sixteen members of the staff."  He sipped his coffee.  "Out of thirty-nine doctors."   The guard shuddered.  "They probably want the boy too.  He's one of the ones who ended the project.  Him, the redhead girl, the blonde who pinned me.  They all came in to free the victims they had."  He took another sip.  "The boy's good for being a normal guy.  Did his culture myself to make sure but he's a normal guy and he's very strong.  Had bad parents from the information we had.  Well, one of the hunt and extraction teams said that they'd seen more caring baboon parents at the zoo, but bad parents."  He smiled slightly.  "He'll pull through.  Don't know the older guy or the kid, or the one who was holding him.  Heard he told the nurse he was his boyfriend.  Good on him really.  His last girlfriend was a shrew who liked torture."  He walked off shaking his head.  "We don't know why the state won't close the Sunnydale hospital."

"Too many people pay them," Buffy said from behind the guard.  She shrugged.  "It's beneficial to those who do tissue studies, and those who need bodies, blood, or organs.  It's a major organ harvesting area."  She grimaced. "Not always for people who need them but they do a lot of it."  That doctor nodded. "Why didn't you guys take it over?"

"Too much paperwork," he admitted.  "Walsh said we could work without it."

"Oh.  Yeah," she said dryly.  "Her."

"Who?  Something normal for your team?" the doctor asked.

"Heard of the evil geeks we have?"

"Yeah.  We tried to recruit one of them.  Why?"

"Warren came to shoot me."

"Ah.  He got in the way?"  She nodded.  "Well, he'll pay.  He's young, smart, slightly cute, and geeky in a maximum security prison.  He'd better hope for a supermax or a good protector."

She smirked.  "Sam said he's not going to make it that far."

"Who are they anyway?"

"The one with the floppy hair is Sam, Xander's boyfriend.  They're all Winchesters.  John, the daddy, is a former Marine."

"Interesting."  He heard of that family from the Initiative's files. They hadn't been able to find the sons to recruit them.  She gave him a look. "They wanted to recruit the sons."

"Yeah, like they would've put up with that," she said dryly.  "Not once they found out."  She looked inside then at him.  "Sorry about earlier."

"Not a problem.  They had me there with blackmail."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too.  He'll be fine.  It wasn't that bad.  It was a small caliber weapon.  The biggest worry will be infection and use later on if it broke bones."

She nodded.  "Thanks."  She walked back inside, going back up there.  "Did you know the Initiative wanted to recruit you two, Sam?"  Sam and Dean both gave her looks then shook their heads.  She nodded.  "They did."

"Once they found out what they were doing it would've been their sworn and sacred duty to destroy it from the inside," John said, giving her a look.  "He'll be fine."

"We hope.  The guy said that we'd have to worry about use issues and infections."

"Xander's got a strong body, he'll be fine," Sam said, trying to sound calm.

"Wall?" Dean said.

"Wall," Sam said, going that way again.  He was still pissed enough to rip someone apart and piss on them.

"Have we mentioned your boys doing the Weasley twin thing is creepy now and then?" Willow asked.

John smirked. "It makes them a nearly unstoppable team."

"Yay good guys," Buffy said dryly.  "Still odd and bad."  She settled in next to her mother, giving her a hug.  "You okay?"

"Just worried, dear."

She looked at her.  "Want me to get some tylenol?"

"I'm fine.  The headache isn't back."  John gave her a look.  "I'm fine."

"You'd better be or the boys will all fuss over you," he pointed out.  She smiled and nodded.  "You should get that checked out."

"It's just a headache."

"And nose bleeds," Buffy said.  "Plus it's migraines, not headaches.  And you've been dizzy, not eating, all that good stuff."  Willow stiffened, looking at her. "What?"

"That's the sign of a brain tumor, Buffy," she said quietly.  John gave her odd looks.  "I used to play nurse from the textbooks!" she defended.  "Who do you think bandaged Xander's booboos?"

"I'll call my doctor in the morning," Joyce said.

"Yes, you will," Buffy said.  "And make sure he's sending you here or somewhere else good.  Even the Initiative wanted to close the Sunnydale hospital and didn't.  Walsh didn't want the paperwork."

"That's bad," Willow decided.  One of the nurses gave them an odd look.  "News?"

"You mentioned a classified project's name?"

Buffy smiled and waved.  "Hi, Buffy Summers.  I helped take them down for torturing others."  She gave her a horrified look, backing away.  "That's my buddy Xander in the surgery room.  He and Willow helped."

"Calm down, dear," Joyce said, patting her on the knee.  "We won't talk about it anymore, nurse.  Is there any news yet?"

"No, not yet," she said, going to check for them.  She called someone.  "Sir, we have an Alexander Harris from Sunnydale who was just brought in for a GSW by a Buffy Summers."  She listened to the 'do not touch, treat and release' orders.  "Are we sure, sir?"  She nodded.  "They mentioned that.  That's how I heard.  No, the forms said he got up and walked out of the Sunnydale ER, having his family drive him up here.  Yes, sir."  She hung up and went to pull Buffy out.  "We are under orders to give you whatever help you need to get him out of here healthy and safe, ma'am.  I was also asked to ask you if you needed help at the moment?"

"Ooh, I forgot to call Giles.  Mom, I haven't told Giles or Anya," she called.  She shrugged.  "We have others who can come sub for me.  Is Riley back in the area?"  She nodded.  "If he wants to go do a patrol he can do that.  Let him know Xander's in here.  They don't get along very well but he might want to know.  Don't make him go do my job for me, it should hold for one night.  Oh, tell him to call Giles anyway.  He had something he needed to hear."  She nodded.  "Also, tell them to leave Xander's belly flap alone.  It's a special thing and how he gave birth to Dean.  He's going to have more kids so I can be a good auntie in a few years."

"I can do that."  She went to call her boss back and pass on that information then went to lean into the surgical area, well outside the sterile field.  "Sir, Miss Summers said that the flap on his stomach is not an injury, it's a birth flap, and to please leave it alone.  He's looking forward to more kids in a few years."

"I had wondered about that.  Think he'd mind if we scanned it?"

"He's asleep, sir.  An ultrasound might be permissible."  She left.


Buffy looked up from Xander's bedside as Riley leaned in.  "Hey."  She got up to give him a short hug.  "How's your hunting going?"

"It's going.  Often."  He walked in.  "What happened?"

"Remember the geeks?"

"Unfondly.  They tried to get Jonathan once."

"Warren was trying to shoot me."

"Poor guy."

"They said his shoulder should be fine.  Did you call Giles?"

"I did.  Thanks for the head's up on that invasion prophecy.  He won't wake up?"

"Sam said to let him sleep tonight.  He'll be back soon, he went to scream and rant outside again."

"Sam?  New hunter?"

"Xander's boyfriend.  Sam Winchester."

Riley gaped.  "We've heard of them."

"So the nurse said."  She sat down again.  "Xander, Riley's here."  He kept snoring.  "Good drugs."

"I like those when I'm injured too."  He moved carefully closer.  "So you guys drove up from Sunnydale?"

"Yeah, they want to use him as a science project.  Xander got up and walked out, said we're driving up here."

"Probably the best idea.  They do have a high death rate."

"Yeah, a lot of them sell parts."  She grimaced.  "It's gross but a Sunnydale thing apparently."  She shrugged.  "So, how's the wife?"

"She's good.  She's at home, she had today off duty.  I'll tell her you said hi."  He nodded at the guys who walked in with the guard.  "Problems?"

"Watching them while they ranted and screamed at God again," the guard said, leaving them alone.

"John, Sam, Dean, this is my ex, Riley.  Riley, this is John and Sam Winchester, and Dean is the reborn one; Xander had him."

John looked at him.  "Someone higher up took the bootcamp kick to their hind ends, soldier?"

"Yes, sir," he agreed.  "In prison for the most part, or on the UN's hunting squads.  A few were left to do private research or doctors, like the one here.  Buffy, do you need us to do a patrol for a few days for you?"

"If you want to but we should hold okay.  Plus he'll be awake in the morning.  I should be able to go back tomorrow and Sam'll be back in a few days."

"If you're sure?  I heard you guys had a foothold situation?"

"Yeah, something chasing vamps our way.  Got them, got it, had a party for Dean's birthday."  Dean rolled his eyes.  "We did!"

"We did," he agreed. "It was good ice cream cake."  He grinned at Riley.  "You guys were going to come recruiting us?"

"We heard rumors about your skills," he admitted.  "We couldn't find you."

"We'd have destroyed you guys from the inside out once we figured out what was going on," Sam assured him.  "Probably better that way."  Xander shifted then whimpered, reaching up to hold his shoulder.  "Shh, Xander.  I'm here, you're all right.  I'm going to torture Warren as soon as you get out," he whispered in his ear, pushing Buffy out of the chair so he could sit next to him.  The nurse had made herself clear, no being on the bed.  "I've got you. You're safe and he's in jail waiting on me."  Xander mumbled something.  "No, everyone else is all right, baby, I promise.  Dean's right here with me."

Dean poked Xander.  "I was in the house eating my weight in food again.  Don't worry about me.  Worry about Grandma's temper."  Xander let out a soft smile and fell back asleep.  He looked at his dad.  "Can we have that guy before Sammy does?  There won't be anything left if he gets him first."

"If we can, son."  He patted him on the head.  "We'll do what we can to help Sammy beat the shit out of the guy."

Riley looked at him.  "Give Willow sugar and put them in an enclosed space?" he offered.

Buffy looked at him.  "Tara saw herself getting shot if Warren had managed to get me.  That's why she told Xander to sit in the backyard.  Willow would've ended the world.  Or at least tried."  Riley shuddered.  "I don't think they need to be in the same country.  Tara's stopping her."

"She needs to call Melinda," John said quietly.  Buffy looked at him.  "There's safe, good ways to help drain Willow back down.  She's becoming a battery and not draining back into the earth again.  It could cause problems."

"Plus more accidents like me being a bunny for four hours," Dean said dryly, giving her a look.

"We're handling her, guys."

John shook his head.  "You've got to handle it.  If she stores too much and sneezes, the theory that the state's going to fall off could happen if she triggers all the faults at once.  You have a fault line directly under Sunnydale."  She shuddered at that.  "If Tara asks someone like Melinda or her grandmother, she'll know how to help Willow bleed that off so she's safer and won't fart and make Dean a bunny rabbit again."

"Literally," Dean said when Riley snickered.

"She's had a few stunning accidents we've seen too, guys."  He looked at Buffy.  "They're right.  Helping her drain some of it off could help her a lot.  Plus, can't it make her sick?  We did research and a lot of witches's lines kept dying out from sickness."

"Fine, we'll talk about it."  Xander shifted.  "Oh, no, Mister.  They said flat on your back," she ordered.  Xander still tried to curl up.  "Dean, move to the other side.  He likes to curl around you."  Dean did that and Xander did shift, letting Dean take his hand to hold.  Xander smiled and went still again.

The nurse came in.  "He trying to move?"

"He wanted to make sure the son was all right," Sam told her.  "He used to curl around him when they were asleep on the couch or the chair.  Dean used to snore into his chest."

"Ah."  She cleared an area and let Dean sit on the bed, letting Xander curl slightly around him.  "Keep his shoulder and IV area still, Dean."  Dean nodded, letting Xander do it. "Good boy."  She patted him on the head.  "I heard you drove very well."  She gave him a sugar free lollipop.  "There you go.  For being such a big help, dear."  She checked Xander's vitals then left.

Sam reached over to kiss Xander on the head, getting a purr of happy noise.  "You let Dean cuddle you for me," he soothed.  "I'm right here beside the bed."  Xander shifted some but stayed curled around Dean.  "Thanks, Dean."

"He needs it so he can rest.  I'm sure I did when I was in the coma."

Sam nodded.  "A few times when you started to wake up."  He looked at his father.  "Why don't you take Buffy and Riley down to the commissary or something, Dad?  That way they can catch up without having to interpret for us?"  He nodded, walking them out there.  He looked at Dean.  "Tara's still torn up."

"She'll be fine.  Xander forgave her when they let him wake up earlier."  He patted him on the head, then swatted him.  "You better?"

"No.  I still want to torture the bastard, his friends, and any other creations they have."

"Good, we'll do it together.  It'll be good family bonding," Dean said with a grin.

Sam smirked.  "Good to have you back, Dean."

"Of course it is.  You're not bored or going all emo.  How you managed to bag Xander on your own I'm not sure."  Buffy came back.  "Dad getting information?"

"No.  Riley just warned your dad to treat me right.  I had to walk off laughing and point out he was older than my usual type."  She looked at Xander again.  "Mom got Willow and Tara tucked in already.  Giles said it was quiet so far tonight.  Anya heard they're worried I'm going to throw a major fit and kill everything in sight over this."

Sam patted her on the arm.  "Helping her deal with it is like helping an addict, Buffy.  It'll only help them be the person they used to be."  She nodded, understanding that.  "Because if she goes rogue, you're going to have other hunters there to help you and not in the good way."

"I know.  I talked to Giles about it and he agreed.  He also went to talk to her, pointing out how Ethan started that way.  She's probably not going to be happy."

"Addicts aren't when their addictions are shown to them," Sam said.  "That's why it's called a denial stage."

"There's no AA for magic."

"That's why there's guardians," Dean said.  "If she gets out of control they're going to expect Tara to deal with her."  He wrote down a number on her hand.  "This is Nanny Gramley's number.  Call her.  Talk to her.  She's a former guardian."  She nodded, going outside to do that.  "I hate that."

"Sometimes it has to happen.  Sometimes you can binge on doing good too," Sam reminded him.  "They'll know.  If not, there's more powerful ones, including one coven in England Giles was thinking about asking for an intervention."

"She'd hate that and it'd be unsafe that close to the Council," Dean said quietly.  Sam nodded.  "She's the best shot then."  Buffy came back smiling.  "They heard?"

"Tara called.  They agreed we're bringing Willow out.  Me too.  That way I can see stuff I haven't and we can call it a magical road trip."  She smiled.  "Is it cold there?"

"Yes," Dean said.  "It's still spring so it could be chilly and might be some leftover snow."

"Okay."  She smiled. "We're heading tomorrow."

"We've got it, Buffy.  How're you getting home?"

"Your dad," she said, kissing Sam, then Dean.  "Mom will call tomorrow.  We'll see you guys soon.  Giles will get in touch with Riley and your Dad will do patrol for me tomorrow."  She jogged out, going to get into the truck.  It felt good to be doing something to help someone since she couldn't help Xander right now.

"No more fussing?" Xander asked, sounding sleepy.

"No, no more fussing Buffy," Dean said, letting Sam reach over to stroke over his hair again.  "Sleep, Mom."  Xander hummed and fell back asleep, making him smile.  "We're good."

"We are," Sam agreed.  The nurse came in.  "He woke up and drifted off again."

"It's time for new medicine anyway, boys."  She injected some into the IV.  "One of the docs had a question about his stomach.  Can they come ask you tonight?"

"Sure, I can explain it," Sam promised.  She nodded, going to tell him that.  Sam looked at Dean, who nodded for him to go.  "You sure?"

"Snuck in the one he had Willow conceal."

Sam smiled.  "Should've known I couldn't keep you out of the guns."  He walked out, going to meet with the doctor.  "I have one too but mine's dormant."

"Oh, good, then you can answer why it happened?"

"Yeah.  You might not want to know once you do."

"You'd be surprised at what I've seen when Mr. Finn's people come back from a mission, son.  Let's go talk."  He walked him off to talk to him about it.  The spell was interesting but a secondary consideration.  He showed him the ultrasound they had done during the surgery.  It answered more of Sam's questions as well.  Including how they'd have to do a second child's conception.


Joyce walked onto the school construction site, smiling at the man in the orange hat.  "Which one is the supervisor?"

"Did you need to talk to us about a future job, ma'am?"

"No, I'm here to hand in Xander and Sam's excuses.  They got faxed to me from the hospital a bit late this morning."  He pointed at the trailer.  "Thank you."  She walked that way, knocking before walking in.  "Good morning."

"Morning, ma'am," the boss said, sitting up straighter.  "What can I do for you?"

She handed over the two folded pieces of paper.  "Xander was shot in my backyard on Saturday," she said quietly.  He went pale.  "They have who did it."

"One of his after-hours things?"

"No, well, not quite.  They wanted my daughter Buffy.  He pulled a second weapon while they were getting him down.  Xander's wound is here," she said, pointing at the right spot.  "They're keeping him pretty drugged up.  Sam and Dean are both up there with him."

"I'll accept that reason.  Sam's not the sort to leave his boy alone in the hospital."  He looked.  "They got the locals to transfer them?"

"No, Xander walked out."  He chuckled.  She smiled and nodded.  "He refused to be used for parts.  Dean did a very good job driving him while Sam kept hold of the wound."

"Good for them.  When do you think they'll be releasing him?"

"Six days.  Then they'll come home.  We'll probably have a fussing Sam for a day then he should be able to come back to work while Xander gets fussed over by Dean."  He nodded at that.  "Or the girls.  Always a possibility once they get back from Kentucky.  Did you need any other forms?"

"No, this'll be fine.  I'll have the short term disability forms for Sam the day he shows back up.  Or I'll have someone slide them under his door or something.  Tell him I said Xander needs to get better faster.  We depend on him around here."

"I'll do that."  She smiled again. "Oh, since you know.  Riley Finn and his boys are back in town to cover for Buffy, Sam, and Xander while they're gone.  They're under Sam's father's watch.  So if you have problems, you let me or Rupert know and we'll let John know."

"I can put that around, ma'am.  Thank you for bringing this over."  She nodded, leaving to go to work.  He looked over the forms.  Then he called Sam's phone.  "Sam, don't worry about things.  I'll get the short term disability forms for you by the time you get back.  Tell Xander I'll appoint a temporary crew lead but he's still got his job too.  Let me know if you guys need anything and when you'll be back to work."  He hung up and walked outside.  "Henry," he called.  He looked over from his bricking.  "I want you to take Xander's spot until he's back from being shot in the shoulder."  All work stopped and everyone stared at him.  "The shooting that was reported in the Summers' backyard wasn't Summers, it was Xander's shoulder.  They're up north at the base hospital.  It's probably going to be a while before Xander gets back.  Sam should be back in a week."

"Sure, boss.  I can step into Xander's fussy shoes," Henry agreed, smiling and taking off his hat to run a hand over dark, sweaty skin.  "He good?"

"Buffy's mom said that he should get out in six days.  So if you guys want to send cards, send them to his house.   I'll go over what you need to know as crew lead over lunch."  He punched his assistant on the arm.  "Find me the insurance forms?"  He nodded, calling the company's secretary to do that.  "Back to work, guys."  They got back to work, talking about it.  The shooting had been the talk of the town all weekend.  They had figured Sam and Xander had been sitting vigil on someone's room.


Xander woke up and blinked, grimacing.  "No place is this white unless it's hell," he muttered.

"Do you remember walking out of the other hospital and having Dean drive us up here?" Sam asked quietly from his chair.  Xander looked at him, shaking his head.  "You got off the gurney once they had suppressed the bleeding.  You gave us directions once Dad got you wrapped up and gave you something.  Dean drove us both up here while I kept you with us."  He shifted closer, looking at Xander.  "Before you can ask, everyone else is fine.  Dean's in the caf getting breakfast."

"No one took him home?"

"Joyce and Dad tried.  He refused to leave you."  Xander let out a small grin.  Sam reached over to stroke his cheek.  "You scared the shit out of me when you wouldn't wake up when we got here."  He stood up, coming over to hug him.  "You'll be okay.  The boss said you have short-term disability.  I filled out the forms already and he filed them for me."  Xander nodded, pulling him back down to snuggle.  "I can't, Xander.  They said they'd kick me out if I was on the bed."

"Fuckers," Xander muttered.  "Need cuddles to feel better."

"I know.  Though the nurses have been *very* nice."

"Then I won't swear at the needles."  A nurse poked her head in.  "I'm up."

"We figured it'd be any time now."  She came in and turned off the intercom.  "You can have snuggles later."  Xander shrugged a bit, then winced.  "Yes, it will hurt for a bit."  She got him checked over then let him see his wound.  He looked away.  "It's not pretty.  It will heal.  The doctor said you won't need much physical therapy with the shape you're in."

"We work construction," Sam told her.

"That's good."  She patted him on the cheek.  "Go help your son eat everything in sight so I can finish asking him some things."

"He can stay," Xander said.

She looked at him.  "Unlike the one in Sunnydale, we don't hurt our patients, Mr. Harris."  Sam smiled then left.  She looked at him again.  "Since we know almost nothing about your stomach flap system, I'm going to start with the basics.  Do we need to worry about a period for you?"  He shook his head quickly.  "Okay.  Does it have any special care instructions?"

"No getting dirt in it again."

"We can handle that.  Since we weren't sure what it was we did an ultrasound during the surgery."  He winced at that.  "Sam told us later what was going on.  He and the doctor had a long talk.  Does it require anything like lubrication now and then?"

He grinned a bit.  "Only if Sam plays with it."

She laughed at that.  "That's good.  We did notice you're a bit anemic."

"I'm crew lead.  It's been a few long hours recently,"  he said.

"That's fine.  How much pain are you in right now?"

"Can I bite you?"

"No, but I'm figuring if you're asking you've either got macho syndrome and only need a bullet to bite or you're ready to gnaw on me until you get something?"  He nodded.  "I'll get you something in a minute then, Mr. Harris."

"Might as well call me Xander."

"All right, Xander then."  She smiled.  "I'll warn you now, you won't like the food."

"That's why hospitals are like hell."

"Actually, it makes the spoiling and fussing you get when you get home all the better."  He laughed at that, holding his shoulder.  "Want orange or cherry jello with your whipped potatoes and corn for lunch?"

"No meat?"

"We're thinking fish but it won't be ready in time.  Will you eat beans?"

"As long as it's not an MRE.  Or navy beans.  I don't like seamen beans."  She giggled at that.  "They wear the funny hats."

"They can," she agreed.  "I'll have to tell my sister that.  She's a nurse in the navy on a destroyer."  She leaned down.  "Because this is a base hospital, he cannot be on your bed.  At all.  Hugs, kisses, holding hands, no cuddling, no sex, no touching in any way that would make a commander scream at his soldier.  Het or not."

"Kissing would."

"Yes but you're not in the military.  Fortunately they closed the other hospital so we do the town's needs too."  She tucked him in better.  "Want something to drink?"

"Please?" he begged.  "Caffeine?"

"When you go home."


"When you go home.  Before you ask, you can't smoke either."  He shook his head.  "Okay.  Any other questions?"

"Can I have the good drugs when they pull the catheter?"

"Yup.  We use a local for that."  He grinned.  "That'll be later, Xander.  Let us make sure you're still going.  Will you drink milk?"

"Lots and lots.  Or soda, really."

"Not if we see it you can't.  Don't let it raise your blood pressure either."  He grinned at that.  "I'll get you the painkiller you need.  Be right back."  She walked out.  "He's a bit grumpy but he'll be fine.  The painkillers wore off."  They all smiled.  "He said to call him Xander instead of Mr. Harris.  He begged nicely for the local when we pull his tube.  He doesn't like navy beans, said seamen wear the funny hats."  The others laughed at that.  "I explained the no cuddling rules to him.  He will drink milk.  His next dosage?"  It was handed over.  "Thanks."  She went to put it into his IV, making him sigh in pleasure.  "Any new questions?  And what flavor jell-o did you want?"

"Orange is nice.  Goes well with Sam's hair," he said with a goofy grin.  "How long?"

"Four more days.  It's Monday."  Xander gave her a pouty look.  She smoothed his hair down.  "I know, but you'll be home to be spoiled soon by your adorable son and boyfriend."  She winked and left.  "Orange."  The one in charge of meals called down to add that to his.  They all smiled at the attentive son that came back from eating to watch over his daddy.  It was so cute!


The nurse who discharged Xander looked at Dean.  "You're not to drive on the way back.  It's not an emergency and there's no way you won't get pulled over this time."

"It's my car," he complained.

"You can drive it when you're old enough, Dean.  It's too dangerous when it's not an emergency."  She patted him on the head.  "Let your dad drive and you cuddle Xander."  She rolled the wheelchair to the elevator and outside, letting Sam go get the car.  She smiled at him.  "You did a good job and you were a great son while you were here.  They should treat you when you get home."

Xander looked back at her.  "He has a dirtbike for his driving needs at home."

She smiled. "That's probably a good thing.   As long as he's careful so we don't have to see him again."

"I hope not," Dean said.  "You guys were nice and all but I hate hospitals."

She pinched his cheek.  "Some day you're going to be a heartbreaker."

"Some day soon," Dean agreed happily.  She walked off laughing since Sam was pulling around.  Dean helped Xander into the passenger's side, then put the wheelchair back inside, coming out to climb into the back.  Sam pulled out of the hospital's parking area.  "Are you sure I can't drive us home?"

"Do you really want to explain to the nice CHP officer why you are?" Sam countered.

"No.  Can you at least put in my music?"  Sam slipped in a tape, making him a happy boy.  "Can we take the long way home?"

"Joyce expects us home in an hour," Sam told him.  "We can go for a drive tomorrow since it's Saturday and I don't have to work."  Dean grinned.  "Want to go around town, in the countryside, which one?"

"I don't care as long as we're in the car and there's music."  He leaned forward to hug Xander around the throat. "You can come if you want.  That way you learn to love my car like I do."

Xander grinned, reaching back his good arm to pet him on the head.  "Next time.  Tomorrow I'm probably going to spend all day napping on the couch from the fussing I'm going to get."

"Sure, next time," Dean agreed, giving him a hurt look.

Xander shifted to look at him.  "Do you really want to be trapped in a car with a sleepy, cranky, sore me?"

"It's not so bad so far," Dean offered with a grin.

"If you can get me up, I'll go."

"Cool.  You can have the backseat even so you can nap."  Xander grinned and nodded.  "Good.  Sammy, flip the tape over?"  Sam flipped the tape, letting it play on the other side.  Dean sighed in pleasure.  "Now all I need to do is drive my girl and it'll be fine."

"Five more months," Xander reminded him.  "As long as you pass the test."

"It have something strange on it?"

"Parallel parking spot was kinda small," Xander admitted.  "You might want to use my car since it's smaller and easier to park.  Plus not a good radio to blast the examiner."

Dean grimaced.  "No thanks.  They can't count me off for having a car that's too big for the space."

Xander looked at him.  "The Sunnydale DMV?" he asked dryly.

"I'll figure it out," he muttered.

"I'll make sure the insurance card is in here that day and drive you over," Sam promised. "After all, I was in the backseat when you took yours."

"You were," Dean agreed happily.  Xander gave him a 'go on, tell the story' look.  "Dad was off trying to handle a poltergeist.  It was my birthday, I was watching Sammy.  We had everything there.  I decided it was time.  I went there, did both tests, passed brilliantly I might add."

"Flirted with the examiner and nearly blew her," Sam added for good measure.

"It worked.  I passed.  Dad came in and frowned a few hours later because we were eating hamburgers and fries in front of the tv.  He said 'I thought I told you to use the car in an emergency, Dean'.  So I flipped him my license and said 'now it doesn't have to be one.  When do I get my own set of keys' with a big grin.  He looked then groaned and walked off to take a shower."

Sam shook his head.  "Later on, Dad yelled at him for taking me outside the wards he had on the motel room."

"You know, I usually like John these days," Xander said dryly.

"The poltergeist had slammed him into a few walls," Dean told him.  "He was a bit cranky.  He yelled at me after we went for another drive while he was showering."

"Ah.  The danger?"

"There's always a danger," both boys recited.

"Never mind.  I thought we were paranoid."

Dean smirked.  "You are but then someone's out to get you."

"Yeah, Dru," he said dryly, snorting a bit at the end.  Sam pulled onto the highway so he looked back at him.  "You could've went home with them," he said quietly.

Dean snorted.  "And leave you looking pitiful without me there to take pictures to show off after the next stupidity injury?  Sure I was going to do that," he finished sarcastically.

Xander grinned.  "Fine, I'm glad you stayed but you hate mush so I was trying to be mush free."

"Yeah, try harder," Dean said.  "That's why you and Sammy fit so well.  You go chick-like over the same things and then he gets to huff and pout while you go emo.  Which by the way, annoying as hell when you do it at Spike.  Even he thinks so, guys."

"We know," Sam said happily.  "Why do you think we do it?"

Dean snickered.  "Even better."  He shifted some, looking out the back window.  "Huh, cop car.  Why are you getting tickets in my car?" he demanded as they pulled over.

"I'm not.  Shut up, jerk."

"You are so, bitch.  I do not like you getting tickets in my car.  You can't drive it if you do it again."

The officer walked up to them.  "Boys," she said, looking at them.  Dean gave her his best flirting grin.  "Settle down, Junior.  You're a decade too young for me and I'd look horrible in prison gear.  Was there a reason you failed to signal when you pulled off the on ramp?" she asked Sam.

"I thought I did.  Did the light burn out?"  He turned it on and got out to check, nodding.  "I'm sorry about that, Officer.  I didn't know it was burnt out.  We've been with Xander in the hospital since he got shot."  Dean reached up to turn it off.  "I didn't pay any attention to that.  We'll change it tonight or first thing tomorrow once we get Xander back to bed."

"He was shot?"

"In the shoulder.  He was in a friend's backyard and someone broke in."

"I heard about a shooting in Sunnydale.  You boys from there?"

"I am," Sam said with a gentle grin. "Now."

She nodded. "One of those.  The kid?"

"Ours," he agreed happily.  "He's a little romeo.  We're trying hard not to let him become a slut."

She laughed, slapping him on the arm.  "Fine, I'll give you a warning this time.  Get it fixed before you hit my highway again."  He nodded, taking the warning ticket and getting back in to drive.  She watched them signal before driving off, shaking her head.  "Gay boys," she muttered.  "All cute but damn strange in too many ways to count."   She got back in and went after someone speeding.  She hated speeders.


Dean looked around the house before brining Xander a treat from the kitchen.  He had been working on it since Sam had went to change the taillight with his father.  "Again, if you tell him I can do this, I'll beat you until you whine crying to him to save you."

Xander took a cookie with a smile.  "Tara?"

"Nah, I knew before.  The same lady who taught Sammy how to make the meatballs."  He smirked.  "I used them often enough to bribe him into being good.  He always thought we got them in the mail."  Xander nodded, nibbling on that one, taking his glass of milk to have his snack.  "How's the shoulder?"

"Itches.  Still aches some but mostly itches.  I can't wait to pull the stitches out."

"Ten more days," Dean said wisely.

"Two more if they hamper patrol."  He grabbed another cookie, smirking when Dean gave him a horrified look. "Like I won't go but do what Willow does."

"No.  Hell no.  Dad won't let you.  Neither will Sammy."

"Your dad's going to beat Riley's ass later and Sam's going to help him."  He leaned over to give him a hug.  "Four more months and you can help."

"You still can't go.  Buffy won't let you go."

"If I don't go the demons will think I'm a woose and they'll attack me harder the next time I do get to go.  It's propaganda but she understands that.  That's why she does violent things when she has PMS."  Dean gaped.  "She figured out the first month that Willow was hiding chocolate on the demons for her."  He finished that cookie and leaned back again.  "So I'll go.  You can go fuss at Joyce for a while.  Why is she sick?"

"Migraines, bloody noses, dizzy....  Willow thinks it might be a small tumor."

Xander stared at him.  "Excuse me?"

"A small one," he offered.

"And no one told me?"

"You were in the hospital!"

"Whine!"  He got up and grabbed Dean.  "Pack those for her.  We can say I made them to make you fuss over Sam for a bit so no one knows."  He went to do that and they walked out together, him waving at John.  "Going to see Joyce since I just heard.  I'm going to kick someone's ass for keeping it from me," he shouted as they walked.

"Can I ride?" Dean asked.

"Only if I drive."

"Hell no!  My bike."

Xander smirked at him.  "Whine, Dean."  He put his injured arm around Dean's shoulders.  "Come on.  Walking is good for you.  Think of it as minor PT.  Not like it's all the way to the college or anything.  Or hey, we could jog."

"Bite your tongue," Dean muttered.  Xander smirked and took off running.  "I'm telling Dad!" he shouted after him, jogging to catch up.

Buffy opened the door when she heard them.  She had only gotten back that morning.  "Way to be immie, Xander.  Hi, Dean.  Mom's in bed."  Xander batted her on the head.  "Hey!  Watch the hair!"

"Ungrateful wench!  You didn't even tell me she was sick!"  He batted at her again and went up there with the cookies.  "Your daughter is robbing me of prime fussing hours. You should've spanked her more.  Especially since she wore that pink, nearly see-through skirt on patrol the other night."

"I'll get her for that later," she promised dryly, taking the cookies.  "Awww.  Were you making Sam fuss?"  He beamed and nodded.  "Thank you, Xander.  I'm fine."

"Bullshit, woman!  A growth like that isn't nothing even if the doctors say it's nothing.  It's in your head.  If it gets too big or it goes bad or they mess up taking it out, you'll turn into your daughter, the airhead version.  Then someone will snark at you about wearing her jeans.  Or worse, you could turn into Willow and wear the fuzzy sweaters.  Or even Giles, who still wants a repeat of the band candy night," he said dryly.  "By the way, have six of those bars stashed if you want them."  He gave her a maniacal grin.  "It'd serve her right."  She cackled at that.

"Don't you dare!" Buffy called from the living room.  "I don't care if you do have some of that stupid, cursed candy hidden.  Don't you *dare* give it to my mother, Xander.  It was freaky and my mother is not freaky that way!"

Dean opened up the door.  "I don't know.  With the way Giles was blushing as he remembered it, maybe she is *freaky* that way."  He shut the door on Buffy's stunned, horrified, nearly crying expression.  He grinned at Joyce.  "Hi, Grandma."

"You shouldn't have those sort of thoughts about me, Dean.  I'm much too old for you."  She let him give her a hug and kissed him on the temple.  "Take your mother home and make Sam fuss."

"They're changing my car's taillight.  The officer made them."

"Can't he help?"

"He's no good with cars," Dean said.

"You could teach him.  It'd be a bonding thing. Then he wouldn't get to make Buffy huff off like Sam."  Xander cackled at that.  "You do."

"Yay me.  It's good for a girl to get her blood pressure up now and then.  Especially since she's not getting it any other way because she's not dating."

"Xander!" Buffy called, sounding horrified.  "That's cruel!"

"Love you too.  Which cemetery are we doing tonight?"  Joyce shook her head while she laughed.  He nodded.  "Otherwise they'll try me the next time to make sure I'm not a woose.  I got up after nearly dying at Graduation and did one that night.  I can do one tonight."

"Fat chance," Joyce said sweetly.

Xander kissed her on the head.  "Dean, make sure she's got anything she needs later.  Read her your newest book if you have to.  It puts you to sleep, it should help her nap since she looks tired."  He got up after patting his son on the back, heading out.  "West or east tonight, Buffy?"

"East," she called.  "Six or seven rising."  She looked.  "Thanks for watching Mom, Dean!"  She headed out after him, going to get their weapons from the Magic Box.  Giles wasn't there and Anya pouted until Xander gave her a hug.  She looked at her.  "I saw that grope.  I'm telling Sam."

"You don't look like a child," she smarted back.

Buffy smirked.  "I want to see him sulk you into submission.  It'll keep him from making Warren commit suicide."  She headed out after Xander.  "Are you sure you can handle this?"

"If I have to, I'll channel Willow and just chat," he said dryly.

"Sure, we can do it that way.  Not like you'll need to help anyway," she said happily.  They walked off together.


John and Sam walked into the Magic Box an hour later.  "Where are Xander and Buffy?" Sam asked.

Giles looked over from his rearranging.  "Xander his this notion that if he's not out there, even injured, they'll start to think him and the rest of the team are getting weaker.  He usually does the smart thing and simply walks around with her.  How's Joyce?"

"She's fine.  Napping.  Dean's new book put them both out.  He's resting against her shoulder at the minute with one arm over her stomach in case something happens," John said.  "They went on patrol?"

Giles nodded.  "It does have some merit.  The demons do try to beat Xander harder if they think he's weak," Anya said from behind the counter.  She smiled.  "By the way I did not grope no matter what Buffy said.  It was a friendly hug and pat."

"Patting is groping, Anya," Sam said impatiently.  "Which way were they going?"

"They went east from here," Giles said.  Sam nodded, grabbing some stakes and handing his father a crossbow before heading off again.  "Someone has some sense," he said happily.

"Xander's right though.  They do attack harder when they think one of them is weaker.  Like when Willow got the cold and the demons all attacked that night."

"That was because her sneeze made all the town's demons thirsty at once," Giles reminded her.

"Good point.  But we've seen it other times."

"I know we have.  He should still be in bed however.  He could go out tomorrow.  They won't expect him out tonight."  He gave her a look when she nodded.  "They'll probably attack because he's still hurt."

"Yes, but that's why he always goes with Buffy these nights.  She could use the stress relief since she's not having orgasms.  Her mother being sick has to be stressing her out and her lack of orgasms to cure that stress is making her pale and tired looking again.  She looked really old earlier."

Giles shook his head at that.  He didn't want to think about that problem.

Sam and John found Xander and Buffy covered in slime.  Green, orange, and red slime.  "That had better not have gotten in your stitches," Sam growled.

"No, they're still covered, sweetie," Xander said with a grin.  "Like when I was limping, we get attacked harder if they think we're weak."

"Elementary tactics, attack when your enemy's weakest," John agreed.  "There's no way you can stake something with that shoulder, kid."

Xander looked at himself then at Buffy.  "Aren't I the reason we're covered?"

"Yeah, I'm going to smack you later when it won't slide off you."  She grinned.  "You two want to do patrol for me?" she asked hopefully.  "At least for an hour?"

"Xander," Sam said, still nearly growling.

John patted Sam on the back.  "How about we break to take showers and we walk you two home?  Then you and I will go on one later if Xander can't come back with Sam, Buffy?"

"Sure!  I'm all for not being slimy any longer.  Doesn't do good thing for my hair."  She looked behind him.  "Shit, duck!"  He moved and Xander pushed Sam, both of them firing their crossbows at the demon.  John got his too.  Xander's scored.  Buffy's hit it's slime pocket and John's finished ripping it open so they all got covered again. "Eww, more?" she whined.  "I'm never getting it out of my hair."  She stamped a foot, grimacing when it squished.  "Way too high up, Xander!"

"That's where the brain in," he said dryly.  "Which is how you kill it.  Silver into the brain.  And hey, not my fault we got more slimy."

"Really?"  He nodded.  "Are you sure?"

"You can call Giles and ask later," Sam said.  "His stitches need looked at."  He looked at them, then at himself.  He barely had any slime on him.  "March, Xander."  He sighed, hanging his head as he walked off.

"Dean's been a good babysitter for your Mom, Buffy," John promised.  "They were both asleep and he was right next to her, one arm over her stomach in case she needed anything."  She grinned at that image.  "Sam's punishing him by making him read classical literature."

She giggled.  "It did the same thing to me.  That's why I signed up for the Rosenburg book report system."

"That's because you once did a book report on the movie version of the book and the teacher caught you," Xander quipped.

John looked at Buffy.  "Your mother let you get away with that?"

"Mom's a realistic woman.  She knows school and I don't get along."  She gave his arm a hug.  "For suggesting the PE degree.  That's something I can do and it looks good.  Thank you."  She beamed and then bounced off to handle a few vampires.  She grimaced when the ashes stuck to the slime.  "Eww, even worse.  I'm never getting clean."

One of the minions who had just come up looked at them.  "Eww, what did you guys do, jell-o wrestle?  Do you still taste like the jell-o?" he asked, going to game face.

"No, we didn't," Xander said, staking him.  "Though jell-o is the only good thing about hospitals.  Can't stand to eat it outside the place but it's good when you're in there."  Sam gave him a look.  "What?"

"Thankfully I didn't get you any more."  He pointed.  "Home, Xander."  Xander pouted.  "Now."

"We still have to clear out the green, gooey things out by the cliffs.  They're breeding again."

"The slime hedgehogs?" Buffy asked.  Xander nodded.  "Ewww."

"Gas work?" Sam asked.

"Yeah but they'd stink really a whole lot," Buffy said.  "Why?"

"Flame thrower?  Gas can?"

"Well, no.  They're in a cave," Buffy said.  "Flame thrower might work."

Xander looked at her.  "Don't tempt me."  She giggled.  "There's your shower."  She went jogging to go take one.  "Thanks, guys."  John gave him a shove at Sam.  "What?"


"You've proved your point, Xander."  He walked him off to their apartment, waving at one of the guys they worked with.  The guy moaned.  "Helping Buffy with something."

"Of course he was.  You good, Xander?"

"I'm still a bit sore but I'm okay," he lied.  "Thanks, guys.  I saw the cards."  He grinned.  "How's Henry doing?"

"He's doing great.  When did the doc say you could come back?"

"Ten weeks probably."

"I'll let the boss know."

"I was going to come eat lunch with you guys."  That got a smile and a nod.  "Have a safe night.  Aww, didn't see the dog.  Hi, cutie."  It growled and snapped but its master kept it from biting.  "Good protection."  They walked on.  "See you guys tomorrow."

"I didn't know you could get miniature demon dogs," Sam said once they had turned the corner.  "Especially not in chihuahua size."

"Apparently you can and it's a very fierce protector of the master."  He grinned.  "Love you."

"Won't keep you from being paddled later," Sam said dryly.  Two vamps attacked them and he took one out, keeping Xander behind him.  Xander ducked and came up to shoot the other one.  It went poof right in front of Sam.  "Xander," he said calmly.

"It would've hurt you.  Only Dean can hurt you.  He said so."

Sam smiled in spite of what he wanted to do.   "Shower, dumbass."

"You call Dean that name.  I don't need special names like that."

Sam pointed.  "I'd spank you but I'd end up slimy too.  Go."  Xander walked that way.  Another vampire ran out of the shadows and Xander hesitated then staked.  "Who was that?"


"Oh.  Oops."  He headed after Xander.  He was a bit dusty but not that slimy.   He still got into the shower with Xander anyway so he could help him clean off.  That way he could spank him for this.

Dean walked in.  "Eww, what did you take on!" he shouted.

"Put the clothes in the special basket please," Sam called.  "And yes, they're filthy."

"We could do a laundry run tonight," Xander offered.

Dean leaned into the bathroom.  "I can't believe you did that, Mom."

"He was right," Sam admitted.  Dean walked off shaking his head.  "The same as we get attacked when we're injured.  That's why we fall back to a safe spot."  He finished washing Xander's hair for him.  "There, rinse."  He got the scrub brush and the good soap, working on his back.  Xander moaned at that.   "I know, Xander."  He leaned against the wall, letting him do whatever he need to.  Sam smiled at that trust.  "I should still spank.  Following is one thing."

"Buffy got jumped and the first slime demon, which you did have to get the slime pack of, jumped us while she got the vamps.  I got it with the crossbow, and that started the covering process.  Seven later and you guys caught us squishing through patrol."

"I saw.  That shirt might be ruined."

"Wasn't that special.  Was yours actually."

"I noticed."  He kissed a spot he had gotten clean, making Xander shiver.  "If you're a good boy we'll do that once you're clean."  Xander picked up the bottle of soap and his usual bath sponge, getting to work on his front.  Sam smiled.  Xander never missed an opportunity to cuddle or have sex.

Dean leaned in again.  "Those were disgusting.  I put the towel I used to pick them up in there too.  What did you guys run into?"

"Seven or eight slime demons."

"Nine with the last one, a few vamps," Xander said.  "We really should wash them tonight, Sam.  They're going to turn into slime cement and infect other things. Do we have more towels, Dean?"

"You have *a* towel," he said dryly.  "Mine."  He went to the kitchen to get a drink.

"Sure, we'll do laundry tonight," Sam promised quietly.  "What else was in the special basket?"

"Your blue shirt."

"We can do it tonight."  He liked that shirt.  He finally got Xander's back clean, letting Xander turn to show how he was doing on his front.  He took over cleaning around the clean bandage he had put on.  He looked down.  "Did one try to grope?" he teased, seeing the moved pubic hair.  Xander nodded, pouting at him.  "Did you stake it?"

"A lot.  That was the red slime.  He said you should take better care of me."

"Fuck him, I take good care of you."  He kissed him.  "You're still mine."  He knelt to clean him up there, plus Xander's legs.  He really did need it.  The water was starting to get cold but oh well.  You had to do it when you had to do it.  Xander turned it off.  Sam gave him a curious look.  "Saving the last of it?"  Xander nodded.  "That's fine."  He finished scrubbing and turned Xander around to make sure he was all right.  "Okay, do that, rinse, then dry off.  Let me do mine since I've only got ash on me."  Xander turned on the water and did that, then let him have it.  He smiled at the pink backside, taking his own quick shower.  He came out to the damp towel and Dean redoing the bandages for him.  "They good?"

"One had a bit of slime but I cleaned it off," he said, taping down the last side.  "All better."  Xander gave him a hug.  "What're we doing tonight?  There's that show with the chick on."

"Laundry.  My favorite shirt's in the nasty basket."

Dean nodded. "I saw that."  He handed him the boxes of goo and blood remover.  "Have fun."

"I can help," Xander said with a yawn.

Dean sat down next to him, turning on the tv.  "We'll watch inappropriate content while Sammy does laundry."  Sam sighed. "Not in my car either.  It's finally cleaned."  Sam took Xander's keys and headed out.  He had to come back for the regular laundry detergent but Dean was still curled up next to Xander.  "That was still really dumb."

"They'd try us harder if I didn't," he said with another yawn.  "I did one after graduation too and I was dead tired, had chest pains earlier from all the fighting, and still got four vamps that night.  I was incredibly proud of myself."

"You probably nearly died," Dean said dryly.

"No nearly about it.  I think I drank that night mostly to get the pain to stop.  I was so post-battle tense I couldn't stop the blood pressure spikes."

"I use sex for that."

"I wasn't seeing anyone.  Anya had left for the battle and I was a geek back in high school."

Dean gave him a pat.  "You're a geek now too, Mom."  Xander grinned at that compliment.  "Couldn't get laid?"


"Pity.  I guess alcohol would've done the same thing though."  He shifted some.  Xander leaned against his shoulder, as was his intention.  He smiled when he heard the snoring a few minutes later, turning the tv to something he wanted to watch more.  That one chick was hot.  He could fantasize about her tonight.  "If I had magic I'd put in some of your anime instead of mine," he muttered when the show ended.  He checked the clock then shifted.  Xander hummed.  "Putting in a movie.  Be right back," he said quietly.  Xander nodded, pointing at the blue cabinet.  "You're going to let me?"

"Might as well.  You were going to sneak some anyway," he said tiredly.

Dean laughed, getting up to find some of Xander's hentai that he kept hidden from Sammy.  He found one he had wondered about. "Tournament of the Gods?"

"Sex slaves," Xander said, nearly asleep again.  "Have to have a female helper.  You lose and she goes to your opponent."

"Not my thing.  I like mine willing."  He found one he did want, putting it in.  He came back to cuddle with Xander, turning down the volume.  Xander hummed in pleasure.  "Hey, lesbians, I picked well."  Xander curled up against his shoulder again.

"The guy's a highly respected artist of the regular manga," Xander said quietly.  "People want to name their kids after him.  This is his stress relief from his usual series."

"I can appreciate that."  It even had a ghost that was taking over the women in the house.  Interesting.  So if Sammy objected he could claim it was research.  It was a good story.  Xander was back asleep on his shoulder.  Dean grinned, going back to watching how they were going to deal with the possession.  Sam got back with the laundry about the time they called in the exorcist, who was a trannie or a hermaphrodite, and screwed the ghost out of her.

"Turn that shit off."

"It's a different exorcism rite," Dean told him.  He rewound it a bit, letting him see.

Sam looked at Dean.  "I dare you to try that."

"They love me," Dean said with a grin.

"Uh-huh.  So you picked it for the research?" Dean beamed and nodded.  "The five lesbians having at it not a factor?"

"Of course not.  You know, they say the Playboy mansion has a ghost too."

"Dead model," Xander mumbled.  "Angel brooded her into passing on last year."

"Pity," Dean said.  "Need help carrying?"

"I'm not letting you outside at night yet."  He went to put the laundry in their room, going to get the other things from the car.  He came back up and closed the door.  Dean was giving him that arch 'I'm the big brother and yes, my underwear is too tight' look again.  "You're not sixteen yet.  Tough."


"You know, you look like the thong's twisted when you give me that look," Sam said, walking behind him.

"I'm so getting you back for that," he warned.  "Expect it when your husband isn't sleeping on me."

Sam smirked.  "You're so cute!"  He took a picture and headed upstairs.  "Xander, come to bed," he called once the laundry was off it.  He heard a mumble and Dean giving him a nudge with 'Sammy wants sex'.  "That's not why I want him in bed and don't keep us up, Dean."

"Sure, I won't turn on the baby monitor," he quipped, heading to his room.  He had plenty of good reasons to go to bed tonight.  That and his new Hustler was in.

Xander stumbled into the bedroom and blindly kissed around until Sam moved to intercept him and give him a kiss. "Luff you," he mumbled, heading for the bed.  "Sex?"

"You're half asleep, Xander," Sam said with a smile for his silly boyfriend.  Xander pouted so he stripped them down and settled in next to him to stroke him.  "Did you need that to go back to sleep?"

"Waking me up," Xander said, turning over to kiss him again.  He moved down to his chest, teasing the spots Sam loved to have teased.  Then Xander did the mean thing.  He went to play with his slit.  It wasn't open like his was, but it did have a bit of depth to it.  Sam tried to grab the bed when Xander teased it with his tongue.  "Hmm."  He went back to playing, coaxing it open.  It wasn't a flap like his but it was open.  "I could handle that."  He pulled the edges apart to get deeper, making Sam whimper and make begging noises, arching into his tongue.  "Definitely should have that."

"Xander, please," Sam begged. "Claim me?"  Xander nibbled on his stomach. "Xander!"  He got the tongue back and it was great!  No wonder Xander screamed when he did this to him!   "Coming," he warned.  Xander laughed.  Sam grabbed the lube so he could prepare himself, then flipped them over, robbing himself of the tongue so he could have the cock instead.  He slid down, staring down at Xander.  "Yours," he said.

"Sam," he growled.

"Still yours."  He moaned as he hit bottom then shifted and started a long, slow ride, making Xander clutch his hips to hold on.  He gently played with the stomach flap, making Xander arch up into his fingers.  If he shifted just right...  He managed to get the head of his cock into Xander's stomach slit and loved it.  It was warmth, a bit dry but it was getting slicker from his come.  Xander whimpered.  "Won't knock you up," he vowed.  "Need the spell to get it past the barrier."  Xander nodded, arching up.  Sam rode him harder, needing more.  Xander was playing with the rest of his cock for him, making it good for him.  He came and felt Xander come in his ass, leaning down to kiss him.  "I love you. I'm still yours."

"Mine," Xander agreed.  "Still won't work as pack claiming."

Sam grinned. "I know but we can do that later, Xander."  He kissed him again.  He slid off Xander's cock, moaning a bit when it popped out.  He missed it already.  He did let his soft cock tease the hole some more, making Xander shiver. "Can I do this next time?"  Xander nodded frantically.  Sam grinned, going back to it.  "If you want to you can try mine."  Xander gulped air, making him a happy Sam.  Xander was starting to get interested again and it was sweet.  Sam was going to get claimed for real in a few minutes.  He kept going.  "My precious one."  Xander growled.  "My wife," he teased.  That did it.

Xander flipped them over, cleaning his cock off so he could do the same thing to Sam.  "Not the wife, Sam."  He watched his boy's face.  Sam was more than happy to get the cock in that right hole.  He was nearly singing and praying at the moment.  Actually, he was praying at the moment.  In Latin.  Xander grinned, working it until Sam was making begging noises.  "Since you're so open you can have our next one."  Sam moaned, nodding.  "Then Dean could fuss over a niece or nephew."

"No talking about him," he groaned.

Xander leaned down. "You could be waddling, needing to cure the pregnancy hormones that want sex all the time, and be having our son."  Sam pulled him down harder.  He slid in a bit deeper, seeing the wince of pain.  He pulled back, pulling out to tongue it instead while he rode the more usual hole.  It was still stretched, damp, warm...  "Tight," he moaned as he slid back inside.  "Mine?"

"Yours."  He arched up.  "Xander!"  Xander teased the hole while he tongued his stomach, making Sam lose what was left of his mind.  "Incubus!" he taunted.

"Thank you."  He went back to teasing him, making Sam beg for what he wanted.  Finally Sam broke and begged, loudly, to get more.  He gave him more, sliding in hard, just once.  Because that's all it took.  Sam came and Xander lapped it up, drawing patterns on his stomach with his tongue as he cleaned him.  Sam was limp.  "Still my turn," he teased.  Sam gave him an awed look so Xander shifted.  Sam wiggled off him and flipped over.  "Dangerous, Sam."

"Yours," he begged.

Xander sniffed then licked around his balls, making Sam whimper.  "This still isn't public claiming, Sam.  It won't get you past the problems."

"Don't care," he whined.

"Mine," Xander said into his hole, making Sam shiver.  "Is that what you needed to hear?"  Sam nodded frantically, shifting to open himself a bit more to whatever Xander had planned.  Xander slid in slowly, gently, just stroking in and out of him.  Sam had never *belonged* to anyone.  He didn't understand what that meant yet, but he would.  He was pledging himself as a mate now.  Xander rode him harder for a bit then gentled it.  "I'll still be on the bottom a lot."

"Good," Sam panted.  "That works for me.  I doubt I can come again."

"Who said you needed fluid to come?" he teased, making him whimper a begging noise.  Xander went back to driving him insane.  Sam had a dry orgasm, making him lean down to get next to his ear.  "Told you so."  He flipped Sam back over, staring down at him.  "Do you understand what mated means, Sam?  It means you're mine.  No one looks at you, no one flirts with you.  You don't get to flirt with others.  Even for work reasons.  Hyenas mate for life and we.  Are.  Possessive," he said slowly and clearly, staring down into his eyes.  "Every day.  No outs."  Sam nodded. "This is tighter than any church vow. You belong to me."

"I already did," he promised, reaching up to stroke his cheek.  "I've been yours, Xander.  Since I fell in love when I got to know you."  Xander rested against his hand.  "Really.  It's about your and me."  Xander grinned at that.  "Can I have more? Please?"  Xander slid back in, slowly and gently riding him.  "Can we open a window?" he asked.

"Not until you're ready to make decisions.   This way you can still leave and come back to visit.  If we do it in public you're never leaving."  Sam nodded.  "Not to do more than hunt, Sam."

"Of course not."  He wiggled free and went to open all the windows, then the balcony doors.  He came back up the stairs with a glass of ice water and put it beside the bed before stretching out on his stomach again. "Xander?" he said when he wasn't pounced.  Xander stared at him. "Please?"

"You're absolutely certain?"  Sam nodded.   "Because if you leave me I ..."

Sam pulled him down to kiss him.  "Even if I have to leave for a bit, I'm coming back.  No one else understands me the way you do, Xander.  You're mine.  A friend of the family is going to do our vows when you're ready for it but I want this step.   I'm yours.  Only yours.  Even if I have to leave to hunt, I'm still yours.  All yours and only yours."  Xander moaned at that.  "Your mate."  Xander pounced at that, taking him harder and faster this time, pulling him up so he was on his knees, sitting on his lap, riding him.  "Oh, God, Xander.  How are you doing that?"

"Training, Sam.  Training."  He teased the belly flap.  "That means that you have equal chance of carrying."

"I'd beg," he moaned.  "It looked like you were a god and I wanted to be in there with you," he promised.  Xander moaned in his ear.  "We'll do it both ways for the next one whenever we're ready."  Xander nipped him on the throat.  "Please?"  Xander shifted and they moved faster.  Sam's body was able to get interested this time and he was going to come soon.  "Xander, please?  Soon?"

"Not that soon," he said in his ear.  "When I want, Sam.  You're *my* mate."

Sam shifted his knees further apart to get him deeper, reaching back to grab onto Xander's hips.  "Please, babe?  I love you and I need this.  Please let us both come?" he panted hoarsely.  Xander growled in his ear.  It was the sexiest sound he had ever heard.  He moaned and came, and felt Xander coming.  He went limp in his arms.  Xander continued to nibble on him.  "Yours," he whispered.

"All mine," Xander agreed. He let Sam have the water since he was still panting. "Chest pains?" he teased.

"Sweated it out."  He finished half then gave the rest to Xander to drink.  He watched him chew up the ice, shivering some.  The glass got put back down and they laid down, Sam shifting to hold Xander. He was a bit taller so it worked better for them.  Had since Xander had been pregnant.  "I do love you."  Xander smiled, stroking his hand.  He was asleep within minutes.  Sam checked his stitches.  "You have a higher pain tolerance than I do, Xan," he whispered.  "Still love you."  He snuggled down, putting the sheet over them when he heard Dean up and around.  "Go to bed."

Dean came up the stairs to peek in.  "About time.  Need more water?"  Sam nodded, letting him grab him some.  He brought it back and left again, closing the doors.  Sam looked wrung out and Xander looked happy and content.  Dean, well, he needed to learn how Xander had gotten such stamina.  He needed to do that.  He went back to his Hustler and thoughts.  It was a good night for it.


Dean walked up to Tara the next morning, giving her a hug.  "Sam finally got claimed but not really in public.  Only with the windows open."  She blushed but hugged him back. "That means Xander's finally getting over it!"

She smiled. "Or it means he knows Sam will come back after hunting."

"That's fine.  We're staying here anyway."  He grinned at her. "The idiot went out last night."

She nodded.  "He does that."  He rolled his eyes but walked her to her next class.  "Why are you up here?"

"It's this or I have to go help Giles stock."

She played with his hair.  "Go for a ride, Dean."  He grinned and went to do that.  She smiled, heading in to chemistry.  She smiled at Buffy when she ran into her in the halls.  "Dean was here."

"How is the nephew?"

"Going for a ride.  He said Xander and Sam started the claiming stuff," she said quietly.

Buffy giggled.  "Good for them.  It's about time."  She gave her a pat on the arm.  "I'm off for lunch.  See you later."  She let Tara get to class while she went to eat.  Dean would be fine all by himself, riding around.  Everyone in town knew who he was by now and if something happened they knew someone would call one of them.  Probably Giles or her mother since they were the easiest to get hold of.


The officer parked and got out of his car, walking into the alley.  He saw the dirtbike and sighed.  "Damn it, we don't need a war," he muttered.  He checked.  Helmet but no jacket.  The kid had been wearing his earlier.  The kid's mother was a fierce bitch about him wearing his leather jacket and helmet.  He walked back to the car, heading to the apartment.  It was best to get them hunting their own son down.  Just in case he had hidden it himself to go make out with a girl.  He was about the right age at the moment.  The family had been good and quiet since the shooting months ago.  Why now?  He parked and got out, looking up at the balcony.  He smiled at the cat.  "Wake them up for me, kitty," he muttered.  He watched the cat run inside and Sam came out a minute later before he could do more than walk around the car.

"What happened?  Did Dean have a wreck?" he asked, holding onto the railing.

"No, his bike was hidden partially in an alley."

"Excuse me?"

He nodded.  "No signs of his jacket.  His helmet was on the bars.  No blood or anything," he said at the furious look.  "It's off eighth.  I can wait there for you guys."


The officer dove into his car and drove off as fast as he could.  The bitchy, cranky look on the father's face meant someone, probably a lot of someones, were going to die.

Sam stomped into the house.  "Dean's missing," he called.

Xander came down dressed.  "Figured it was something like that since he's fifteen at the moment."  He shrugged into his jacket and they headed out together.  The Impala growled all the way out there.  The bike was pristine.  No scratches to show he'd been knocked off it.  No blood in the helmet.  Xander checked the gas gauge.  "It's full.  They probably got him at the gas station."  He looked around.  "The one up the street is in the shade."  Sam gave him an odd look. "Unless she paid someone?"

"Do we know who?" the officer asked hopefully.

"Druscilla, Spike's mate, likes him," Xander said grimly.  "She's broken in a few times to leave him food and things.  Left him Christmas presents too."

The officer shuddered.  "I'm sorry, Xander."

"Don't worry, Dave.  She won't hurt him yet.  He's too young to turn."  He looked around then headed out.  "Sam, Take the cemeteries on the edge of town. I'll take the ones here in town."  Sam nodded, heading back to the car.  Xander grabbed his crossbow and a few other things from the trunk then slammed it, heading off to go hunting.   He knew where Spike liked to hide.  They knew enough about Dru to guess where she would.  There was one place he *knew* he'd be looking that Sam wouldn't think of.  After he checked her old haunts first, just in case.  His house was even on the way so he could pick up his car and the first aid kit.


Dean hung in the chains, gasping and panting for breath.  His back stung where she had taken the whip to it.  His side ached with the cuts to it.  "I'm not yours," he said, glaring at her.

"But, kitten, you have been.  All my kitten's kittens are mine until I give them away.  That's how birthing work."  She walked over, running a hand down his cheek, walking around him.  "You'll make a wonderful kitten once you learn to break for Mummy, Dean.  That's why you were born into this family.  To be mine and to help Mummy heal and be better.  We can be strong again," she said in his ear.  He knocked his head back to bang against her face.  "Naughty boy!"  She sliced him again, making him grit his teeth.  "You should not bat back at the mummy, kitten.  It's not good of you.  Be a good kitten and mummy will make you all pretty.  She'll give you bows and make the prettiness last for eternity.  That way people want you and will miss the others as we hunt."  He growled, staring at her.  "You'll not miss them for long.  They'll be my kittens too.  All pretty like you, my cub."  He spat in her face.  "Naughty, kitten.  You should not waste blood like that."  She moved to kiss him but he turned his head, keeping his lips shut.  "Poo.  You'll learn to like it soon enough."  She licked his neck.  "Such fire and heat, kitten.  Very warm.  A furnace of lust."

"Yeah but not for you," he said, staring at her.  "I don't do the dead, bitch."  He kicked at her, sending her back, making her shriek.  He had felt the last bit of the growth spell hit him.  He was sixteen now and whatever had hit him before hit him now as he came of age.  "You're going to die for this."

"Yes, she is," Xander said coldly as he walked in.  Dru hissed at him, he raised the sword.  "C'mon, Dru.  You want my boy, you go through me."

"Not *your* boy," she said smugly.  "That scruffy cub's boy, not yours."

"I gave birth to him, that makes him mine, even if the DNA does lie in his case."  She rushed him and he stabbed her, making her wail.  Then he punched her until she was unconscious.  "Bitch, you don't touch what's mine. You should've learned that the first time."  He walked over and looked at the chains.  "Look away, Dean."  He did that and Xander hacked at one separating link until it broke.  He got himself free of the other cuff and panted against Xander's shoulder.  "Shh, I have you.  Get in the car.  We'll get those cleaned."  Dean looked at him. "I've had enough.  We'll deliver the present to her Daddy."  Dean nodded, limping out to the car.  He looked at Dru, picking up her hair and dragging her out by it and her collar.  She started to wake so he opened the trunk and got the light with the solar strength bulb.  She screamed in pain.  "Shut up!"  He put her into the trunk and shut it, getting into the front.  "Text your Dad, that way he won't worry.  Tell him we're taking you to a good ER and handling Dru."  He put the car into gear and sped off.

"Which ER?  Dad wants to know."

"We're going to LA.  We'll stop at Beth Israel on the way.  Shouldn't take too long this part of the week."  Dean nodded.  "A few need stitches and my hand sucks at them.  Otherwise I'd do it in the car on the way there."

"No, it's good," Dean admitted.  He looked at the trunk then at him.  "Water?"

"Glovebox.  Gatorade."  Dean found it and drank it.  "You okay?  Do we need to do a more thorough exam?" he asked quietly.

"No, she didn't try that yet.  She was still going with physical breaking."  He leaned his seat back.  "I'm sixteen."

Xander checked his watch. "By ten minutes."  He grinned.  "We'll hold the party tomorrow night."  Dean nodded, letting himself drift on the pain for a while.  An hour later he pulled into an ER, parking and walking around to help Dean out.  He walked him inside.  "Some bitchy woman had my son," he said calmly.  "He needs some stitches."

"Do we need a police report?"

"No.  She's going to be handled by her family.  They won't like this."  She nodded, checking him over and getting him a room since they weren't that busy tonight.  He smiled at Dean.  "Give us thirty then we can go see Deadboy and the others."  He stroked over his hair.  "Forgot the gel this morning?"

"I ran out," he admitted, looking at the nurse who came in with a doctor.  "I hate stalker chicks.  They suck."

"I can see that," the doctor said, pulling his stethoscope over.  "Are you sure we don't need a police report?"

"We were in Sunnydale and her family's going to handle her," Xander said with a small smile.  That got a nod from the doctor.  They knew Sunnydale's reputation.  He handed over his insurance card, taking the forms to fill out.  Dean looked at something and checked it.  "You did?"

"Yeah, last week."  He looked at the doctor.  "Can I please have some stitches so I don't have ugly scars that scare off the ladies?"

The doctor smiled.  "Of course you can.  Why did she take you?"

"She wanted me to be her kitten.  She broke into the house when I was younger and left food too.  Her family stopped her then."

"This time they're going to get her in small box if I ever see the loony bitch again," Xander said dryly.  He looked at the doctor.  "I asked, she didn't get any farther than this and trying to psych him out.  She's a queen of mind fucks."

"Good.  If you can get me some stitching packs please?" he asked the nurse, getting a nod.

A guard walked in.  "Sir, your car is rocking?"

"Huh, must've snuck into the car," Xander said, shrugging a bit.  "It'll make it easier to report her to her family in LA then."  He pointed at his son's bare chest.  "She did that.  If she snuck into the car, she *really* wants her punishment.  We're going to her dad's house."

"Sir, we can't let you keep her in the trunk," the guard said.  Xander looked at Dean, who nodded for him to go handle it, he'd be fine.  Xander walked out with him.  He was even nice enough to let the guard open the trunk.  "Ma'am, do you need medical attention?"

"He stole my kitten from me."  She climbed out.  "How dare you, kitten!  I am all you's Mummy and you will obey!"  She lunged at him.  He backhanded her into the car.  She rushed again and he pulled out a knife, going at it with her.  He finally stabbed her in the chest.  She stood there.  "That won't work."

He pointed at something against her dress. "That's wood, Dru.  All I have to do is shove or kick it another two inches and you're dust.  We'll present your daddy with the box."   She moved and he hit her again.  The guard got between them.  "Like I said, Sunnydale," he said dryly.

He looked at her.  "There should be blood."

"Check her pulse."  He did.  She was dazed but not living.  No pulse.  A nurse came running.

"She's moving and doesn't have a pulse that I can find."  The nurse checked.  Dru went to vamp face and they screamed but Xander picked her up and shook her.  "Okay," the guard decided.  "Want help putting her back?"

"Just open it for me and flip on the light?"  He did that.  Xander shoved her head in there, making her scream in pain.  "I'll be nice enough to leave you living until we get to Angel's.  If you try my patience, you're a fucking bit of crumbs.  Am I clear?" he snarled.  She sobbed.  He flipped off the light and tossed her inside, then slammed it again.  "Thank you for your help, people," he said with a gentle smile.  "This has been an ongoing problem with her.  Can you guard my car while I get the son?"  The guard nodded quickly.  He looked at the nurse, walking her into the ER.  "She's in shock."  He handed her over, going back to where Dean was getting his stitches.  "That knife you gave me is in her chest and she's still wailing about us being mean because I won't let her torture you," he said in Dean's ear.  "We nearly done, Doc?"

"Ten more," he promised, smiling at him.  "Is she all right?"

"No but the guard agreed she could stay in the trunk.  Her daddy can handle her."  He gave him his best goofy grin and the doctor nodded.  He looked at Dean's throat, getting what he needed for that, spraying it with some holy water from his pocket before applying the cream then a bandage.  He bandaged the others for him too.  "You didn't drink or eat anything, right?  She didn't try to feed you?"

"No," he said, shaking his head.  "Not unless she did it after she darted me earlier.  Where's my bike?"

"Home.  She left it in the alley off Eighth.  Dave found it."

"Charming."  Xander bandaged the last one and shook the doctor's hand, letting him sign the papers so they could go.  "Thanks, Doc.  You did a good job.  I'm sure the ladies will only coo over them."  He grinned, walking out with Xander.  He nodded at the guard, who got out of the way and handed Xander his keys back.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem, sir.  I hope her...father can handle her."

Xander smirked.  "Yeah, he's a lot like us."  He got in to drive, letting Dean get the other seat.  He looked then flipped a switch on the console, listening to her scream.  He flipped it back off.  "UV, solar strength light," he said when Dean looked at him. "Very damn handy for nests."  He backed out of the spot and headed off with him.  "Since we'll be in LA, want to take the driving test tomorrow?"

"Won't I need stuff like my birth certificate?"

"It's been in the glove box for the last ten months, Dean."

"Oh.  Can I have my car?"

"You'll be taking it on the streets of LA with all their insane drivers and idiots driving while high or talking to their agent.  If someone hits you, I want you in my car."  He grinned.  "That way I can get a new car."

"Fine.  First thing in the morning?"  Xander nodded. "Thanks, Mom."  He stretched out.  "I feel like shit."

"I know, kiddo.  I remember the first time I was tortured," he said with a small sigh.  "Damn that was a while ago."

"We're so fucked up because we remember it fondly," Dean said.

"Yup, but that's just the way Sunnydale rolls."  Dean cracked at that, changing the music station on him once they got closer to LA.  "That's fine. I know you hate pop music."

"With every cell in my body," he agreed.  He closed his eyes.  "Tell me when we get there."

"You can do some deadboy taunting even."

"Cool."  He closed his eyes, falling asleep for now.

Xander grinned at him and used his phone to snap a picture when they hit a bit of a traffic snarl.


Dean walked into the hyperion, nodding at the woman reading in the lobby.  "Hey.  Angel here?  Mom's bringing in an issue he has to deal with this time before I do it for him."

"Who're you?"

"Dean."  He grinned.  "You?  I haven't met you before.  I know you're not Cordelia.  You're sweet looking and she never was."  He moved closer, turning up the charm.  "What's your name, beautiful?"

"Fred," she said with a giggle.  "I'm about a decade older than you, Dean.  Nice try though."  She patted him on the face.

"With the way I'm aging that'll only be a few months."  He winked. "Save me some time?"

She blushed bright red. "Let me get Angel for you.  Angel!  Dean's here!"  She saw someone dragging in a wiggling, screaming body.  "And Xander!"  She looked at Dean.  "Oh, you're *DEAN*!" she squealed.

"I love it when they squeal my name," he teased.

"Taken, junior," a black man said.  "Xander?"  Xander dumped her at his feet.  He looked down.  "Dru.  Charming."  He looked at Dean's bandages, then at Xander.  "You didn't stake her, I'm proud."

"The knife has a wooden hilt.  She's gone if Angel doesn't do it in seconds."


"Oooh, loud," Fred complained, wiggling a finger in her ear.

Wesley leaned out of the office.  "Xander.  How are you, lad?"  He came out to shake his hand, stepping over Dru.  "How is Sunnydale?"

"Quiet when we left earlier.  Someone never stopped her wrong thinking.  She went after my cub again, Wes."  He moaned at that, shuddering at the end.

"I have taste," Dean said dryly.  "I don't do the dead.  I like mine wiggling, screaming, begging, panting, and living."  He grinned at Fred again.  "I can see you wiggling.  A bit hyper is a good thing."  She went bright red and ducked her head with a giggle.

"She's got brains like Sam too," Xander told him.  "You can talk to him about science stuff.  Sam does."  She grinned at that.  "All the time.  So does Willow.  He'll do good with a brainy woman who might like to cuddle."  She went brighter red and the blush spread down her chest.  Angel came down the stairs.  "Your loony, bitchy daughter tortured my son.  There's no way I'm living in an ancient play.  Stake her or I am."

He pulled Dru up, staring at her.  "Nice knife, Harris."

"Thanks, Deadboy.  Wooden handle too.  Dean got it for me for Christmas."

He looked at the boy then at her, shaking her.  "You had better have a good explanation, childe."

"He's my kitten," she wailed. "You gave him to me.  The stars said I could have the kittens and Miss Edith said that's how birthing kittens work!" she defended, pulling back.  "He's mine!  You gave him to me!"

"Yeah, about that," Dean said, staring at Angel.  "Did we perhaps give my Mom away to Uncle Spike and his loony bitch on purpose?"  Angel stepped away from him.  "Thought so."

"Leave him alone, Dean.  It's not worth the angst STD you'd get."

"I'm not doing him either."

"Staking disease.  Some demons can spread their taint to you when you kill them.  Like how Buffy went telepathic."  He looked at Angel.  "By the way, the 'you can't hear my thoughts because no reflection' explanation you gave her?  So much BS!  I can't believe she fell for that line.  I swear sometimes you make up worse excuses than Dean does about why there's no cookies."   Dean snickered.  Dru tried to move so he caught her by the hair again, slamming her head into the pillar behind his son's back.  "Not done with you yet, bitch."  He got into her face, letting her see into his eyes.  "Do you know what you attempted by taking my cub?" he hissed in her face, watching her stare then shudder and look away.  "Take a good, long look, Dru.  My son is mine.  I will not have you touching what's mine again.  Do I have to make this point clearer?"

"Your girl can't hurt me."  She stared at him.  "You can't let her loose or others will be hurt."

"She likes me," Dean said.  "Drew on me, all that stuff.  Even hugged really nice."  She whimpered.  He pulled the knife from her chest and turned, stabbing it deeper this time, moving closer.  "Centimeters now, babe.  You're definitely not my type."  She got free and hid behind Angel.

"Oh, no," Angel said.  "I'm not shielding you from this one, Dru.  You did it, you own up to it."  He got out of the way.  He knew Harris was going to lose it soon.

Sam and John stomped in.  "I want her," John said.  He looked his son over.  "Stitches?"

"We stopped at a hospital on the way, Dad.  I'm good."  He grinned.  "Mom made sure of it when he found me.  She was in the trunk the whole way."

"Didn't want to tie her up.  She might like it and reminisce about Spike," Xander said dryly, giving him a look.   "I heard enough of that when I tied Spike in my recliner."

Angel gave him a look.  "You tied Spike in your recliner?"

"Giles had an international bootie call come in.  Spike had to live at my place.  Damned if I wanted to wake up to blood breath next to me.  Or anything else he might try to freak me out."  He gave him a look.  "He only complained about the duct tape," he said smugly.  "Apparently you taught him very well because he was having flashbacks and having happies with Anya and my mom while tied up."  Angel walked off shuddering.

"I didn't know sires played bondage games with their childer," Fred said.  "Wow.  That's kinda kinky.  Gross but interesting."

Dean smiled.  "I'm not a kinky boy."

"Son, quit hitting on women while I'm in the room," John ordered.  He looked at Fred. "Even if she is like a sweet version of your brother.  Can we torture then stake her now?" John asked the other men.

"Can't you just stake her?  Being good guys means that we should protest the torture part," Gunn told him.

"Sure, I can do that," Sam said, grabbing the knife and shoving it in farther.  She dusted.  He waved.  "No more touching my son, bitch.  We had enough a *long* time ago."

"Son, I wanted that," John complained.

"Tough."  He looked at Dean.  "You good?  Pain killers?"

"They gave me advil," Dean promised.  "Mom said I can take my driver's test tomorrow so let's hit a motel?"  He looked at Fred, nodding. "You can come and babble at me if you want."  She back to blushing but shook her head, squeaking a bit and reaching for Gunn.  "Well, if he can't do it for you, look me up, Fred.  I like smart, cute, wiggly women who might babble at me."  She giggled nervously and he strolled off.

Xander sighed.  "He's sixteen now."

"Yup, Dean Winchester is back in normal form now," Sam said dryly, shaking his head.  He grinned at Fred.  "Want his number?  I can get it for you."  She shook her head quickly.  "If you're sure.  If you need it later, let us know."  He walked out with Xander, going to hug Dean.  "You sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine!  Get off!  Mushy bastard!  Quit hugging me!"  Sam laughed, getting off him.  "Dad, Mom, make him stop!"

"Sam, quit going emo over Dean's first torture," Xander said.  "It was mushy enough when I sighed and said I remembered my first torture session."

John coughed.  "Yeah, I remember mine too," he sighed, shaking his head.  "Damn we're not normal."

"That's about what he said," Xander said with a grin.

"Of course, he's my boy."

"He's mine now," Xander said dryly.  "And I *know* you didn't knock me up, John."  John walked off laughing.  "Into the car.  Who's riding with me?"  He pulled out the keys to get in and drive.  Dean got in with him.  He watched.  "Sam's in the truck."

"Pity.  Should've brought my car."  He looked at Xander.  "Can we get a room with the magic fingers systems?"

Xander considered it then nodded.  "I can, yeah."  He drove them to a motel on the farther end of town, one that was near ho row.  Dean gave him an odd look.  He winked and went to check them in.  He came out, tossing John a set of keys.  He handed Dean a set of keys.  "No picking up women until we can hold a sixteenth for you tomorrow."  Dean nodded, going to tease himself for one last night.  He winked at Sam, pulling him into their room.  Sam looked at the room then at him.

"You got us a room full of sex toys?"

"I did," he agreed smugly.  He pulled him closer to kiss him deeply, kicking the door shut. "I even asked for the gay sex room," he said between kisses.  Sam decided if Xander wanted to be kinky tonight he had a few things he had been wanting to try out so it was good with him.  Plus, hey, public enough for claiming probably.

"Hey, I have free porn and it's het!" Dean's voice carried through the thin walls.  "Ooh, in room cameras.  And a magic fingers system. Thanks, parents!"

"Shut up, son!" John yelled from the other side of Dean.  "I don't need to know!"

Xander cackled.  "John needs some excitement."

"He hasn't since Mom died."

Xander winked.  Then he pushed Sam down on the bed. "Think of this as research, Sam.  Maybe we'll find something we need at home."  Sam leered and stripped off, looking at all the things in the room so he could play with his boy.  Xander stripped himself, letting Sam pick the first toy.  A small glass dildo was chosen.  Sam came over to let him lick it.  "Yes, I checked, they're cleaned with bleach water every day."  Sam smirked and plugged his mouth with it, getting a few others.  Xander sucked and let Sam do whatever he wanted.  Sam was going to be sore in the morning.  Sam came back to take that one out and use it to tease his stomach slit.  Xander moaned, arching up into it.  Sam gagged him with a ring gag.  It left a nice sized hole for his cock if he wanted to use it or a toy.   He started with a toy and went to play with the toy and Xander's stomach.  Xander was wiggling and stretching, making him laugh. Xander gasped at the warm tongue next to the cool glass.  "Ooh, we need this one," he mumbled

"We'll get one."  He went back farther to lick at Xander's cock, giving him a good blow job while his fingers opened him up and slid in another toy.  Xander whimpered.  "There, all stuffed," he said into his balls, looking up at him.  Xander gave him begging looks, pushing the toy out with his tongue.  Sam smirked.  "Wanted a bigger one?"  He got a bigger toy and used it.  Xander licked it like he was supposed to.  Sam took off the gag.  "I like you better noisy anyway."  He let Xander suck on him while he laid on top of him to go back to his blow job.  His head's movements were enough to rock the glass dildo and his hand was free to thrust the one in Xander's ass.  Xander was making such pretty noises around his cock.  Sam got tired of that and climbed off, looking down at his boy.  "Hmm. You look so slutty like that.  Wonder what you'd look like with nipple clamps?"

"No pain, Sam."

"Fine, no pain."  He removed the glass dildo, putting it into the basket beside the bed.  He moved to kneel around one of Xander's thighs, letting his knee hold in the ass dildo while his tongue went back to the slit.  Xander yelped but it was a pretty sound too.  "I should take you here too," he said into it.  "Fuck you good and hard in it."  He looked up, seeing Xander giving him a begging look.  "Then we'll see what happens."

"How...  If we decide?"

"A small spell to open the barrier.  I found it after the doctor looked at both of them."  He lapped inside the edges again, making Xander shiver.  "We'll come back here to have another kinky night, Xander."  He went back to tonguing it, going as deep as he could.  Xander was making such pretty noises.  He shifted and reached down to thrust the toy in him a few more times.  Xander arched up into his hand.  Sam gave up on that since it wasn't making him squeal at the moment.  He found a few toys he hadn't considered for gay sex.  "Hmm, hard or soft," he mused.  "Harder," he decided, bringing over a few other things.  Xander's eyes went wide at one.  "I think we both want to be taken tonight."  He put it down beside his boy's head.  Then he went to get another one.  The first toy had been very thin.  This one wasn't.  He slicked it up and slid it slowly into Xander, watching it disappear inside. "So pretty.  Not as pretty as when I do it but your body greedily sucks me in.  This blue one will never be me."

Xander shifted his hips out and arched his hips up.  "That's my boy."  He put the extra pillow under his hips.  "Oh, that's pretty, Xander."  He reached up to adjust the mirror overhead so he could see.  "Look."  Xander looked, making pretty noises.  "That's my pretty baby."  He pulled it out and slammed it in, watching the hard cock bounce.  "Hmm.  I like that reaction."  He did it a few more times to watch it bounce.  Then he leaned down to lick the head while he did it.  Xander was starting to drip precum.  "Very pretty, and tasty."  He tossed that one aside and slid into his body, riding him gently for now.  "Opened nicely for me, Xander.  Thank you."  He smirked.  "Later on, my cock's going to go so deep into your stomach you're going to wonder."

Xander whimpered. "Sam, dirty talk."

"I know, baby, I know.  That's why I'm doing it."  He gave him a wicked look then turned on the magic fingers system with the quarters he had put down earlier.  The bed jumped to life and Xander shrieked as the vibrations did it for him.  Sam put back the glass dildo, letting that be jiggled to.  Xander was making begging noises.  "Aww.  Do we need to get a vibrator for home?" he teased, leaning down to lick beside the glass dildo again.  "See how pretty, Xander?"

"Sam," he gasped. "Please, Sam?"

"Of course, baby.  What do you want?"

"You on me."

"We can do that later.  Like I said, we'll both be getting it."  He rode him for a few more minutes, getting off with a groan.  Xander whimpered. "Oh, no, not done yet, babe."  He picked up the double-sided one.  It was black flesh colored, fairly stiff, and would look fantastic coming from Xander's ass.  "Flip over, baby.  I'll adjust the mirror so you can see the side view."  Xander flipped over, letting him move the glass one so he couldn't get hurt.  "So very pretty.  If I was into felching I'd tongue you now."  He slid the doubleheaded one in slowly, making Xander shiver as it kept going.  "So long.  I know you've thought about a long one like this one in the past."

"Only watching porn," he groaned.

Sam smiled, going deeper with it.  Xander had to swallow. "Tell me if it hurts."

"Will," he panted.  He looked.  "Mirror?"  Sam adjusted it for him.  "Looks like I'm shitting a cock, Sam."  Sam leaned down to lick on the exposed head, making Xander shiver.  He could feel the warm breath on his hole, feel the little bit of spit dripping down it.  Then Sam used his mouth to make it thrust in and out while he sucked on it.  He loved Sam.  "Oh, Goddess, Sam!"  Sam laughed around it when his lips were back against his hole, letting him feel the vibrations through the toy and in the delicate muscles.  "More?" he begged.  "Deeper?"

"Deeper and I have to go in and get it," he teased.  "I didn't know you wanted that."  Xander swallowed.  Sam pushed it in almost all the way.  Only the tip of the head was showing.  That was such a  pretty look.  "I need a camera, babe.  I want that picture."  Xander shook his head.  "No?"

"No cameras," he panted.  "Sam?"  Sam pulled it out then less gently slid it back in.  He tightened around it, loving this. Sam was using the toy like a magic wand.  The vibration ran out and he pouted.  Sam shoved it all the way inside this time.  He felt his hole pop closed around it.  He moaned, wiggling his ass.  "Sam!" he said when he didn't go in to get it.

Sam got up and found what he was looking for, holding up the swing.  Xander blushed.  "You wanted kinky?"  Xander nodded quickly.  Sam looked at it then put it up.  He found a cockring too.  Then he put Xander into the leather harness, which left his ass as the prefect height for Sam to ease three fingers into him to grab the toy.  "Want more?"

"One more?"  Sam watched his face as he switched to four fingers.  Xander was panting and swallowing.  "Sam?"

"If you want, I'll help you try it, Xander.   You know I'd do anything for you."

"Let me try it on you?"

"After we've both recovered," he agreed happily.  It was only fair.  He grabbed the toy and teased where it was laying inside him.  He slowly pulled it out and shoved it back in, watching as Xander went stiff and tried to come.  "Good?"

"Very good, Sam.  Are we doing the double headed one the usual way too?"

"Yup."  He leaned down to lick at his cock while he did it.  "There's bigger dildos too, Xander.  Much wider."  That got a shiver so he pulled out the one he had and got a bigger one.  He showed it to him, let him lick it to get it slick then slowly shoved it in.  It was a normal size in length but about four fingers wide.  Xander was shivering and grabbing the arm straps.  "Hmm, tied down Xander.  I could appreciate that sometime when Dean's out of the house.  Our headboard would be perfect to tie you to."  He slid that one out, kissing over the hole before getting the second-biggest he could find.  That one was a bit tighter of a fit.  Xander pushed up into it.  "Easy.  Let me guide it.  It's huge."  He slid it in and Xander came again.  He used it to tease the open hole, watching him shake.  "You like the stretch, not the filling."  He got the biggest one.  That one might not fit but he'd try it if Xander wanted it.  Xander went totally limp, letting him slide it in enough so the bigger head was stretching his ass.  Xander gave him a happy look.  "I need to find a way to keep you like that."  He looked and found a leather harness that slightly looked like underwear.  He hitched it around Xander's hips, attaching the straps around Xander's toy.  It kept it in place.  All the way in but that was still huge and Xander didn't seem to mind.  He rocked the swing, pushing on the toy until it could hit his prostate.  Then he went back to rocking the swing, making Xander moan.  "That's my boy," he praised. "Take it all, Xander.  Show me how much you love it."

"Ring," he groaned.

"No, the cockring stays on for now, Xander.  I want to see you mindless and insane, needing whatever I do to you," Sam whispered in his ear. "You're very close.  Then I'll take you again."  Xander groaned.  "Please, babe?"  Xander nodded, letting him do whatever he wanted.  He went to look at the bottles of lube, finding one special one with a green cap and a blue bottle.  "Tightening...  A potion to tighten you back up to virgin levels."  He read the directions.  "Up to three times tonight."  He unhitched the harness and spread a small bit around Xander's hole, watching him whimper as it tightened around the toy.  Then he went back to stroking it.  "Does it feel like you're new?" he teased.  Xander nodded, pushing his hips up.  "If I was that big, you'd die," he teased.

"Am," he panted.  "Sam!"

Sam took out the toy slowly, watching it pop out.  He unsnapped the cock ring before the head popped out, watching as Xander came when it popped out.  Xander was limp, sweaty, panting.  "So pretty."  He licked the hole, watching it tremble, feeling the aftershocks.  "So very pretty, my slutty little boy."  He licked up until he got back to his cock, cleaning it up. "Mine?"

"Yours," Xander moaned.  "All yours.  Shower?  You?"

"I'll have you in a few minutes.  I want to try the double headed thing now."  He helped him down and onto the bed on all fours. Sam slicked it up and slid one half into Xander, turning to slick up the other end and stretch himself slowly.  He slid the free side into his, clenching around it for a minute.  He didn't do this very often but it felt so good!  He shifted, feeling it slide out.  He pushed and felt it sink further into Xander's body.  The next time he felt Xander clench so it slid deeper into his.  Sam was in heaven.  His and Xander's asses bumped now and then but it was so good.  He loved this sensation and he knew Xander liked to bottom for him.  He did it every chance he got.  He'd have to take more turns.  He finally got tired of that one and spread out next to Xander, getting an interested look.   They'd both had enough time to recover and start to get hard again.  "Your turn."

Xander kissed him, going to get some of the toys he wanted to try.  Including cleaning off the ones that he had liked.  Xander helped Sam's hips up onto two pillows and started with the smaller end, teasing him basically.  Sam was moaning about that so he moved up to a bigger size.  Sam was groaning.  That was a pretty sound.  He moved further up and Sam yelped when he slipped in the extra-large toy.  "Sore?"

"Not yet," he panted.  "Spank," he begged.  Xander spanked him lightly, watching the toy bounce.  Sam tightened around it.  "More!" he demanded.  Xander exchanged it for the largest one.  Sam shivered the whole time it was sliding in.  "Xander!  I didn't think it was that big!"

"Oh it is," Xander said, leaning down to lick up some sweat while he sild a quarter into the magic fingers box.  Sam yelped but Xander turned him over and made him sit with his ass flat on the bed, toy inside him, watching him bounce, jiggle, and be vibrated nearly to death.  "Want a ring, Sam?"

"Yes!" he begged.  Xander held up the cock ring.  "Please!"  He slid it onto him and then something around his throat.  "Xander?" Xander kissed him before putting in another quarter then turning around to impale himself on Sam's hard cock.  "Oh, sweet JESUS!" he shouted, using the motion to help him do his boy.  He was slamming into him, passing on the vibration, loving his boy for suggesting this.  Every now and then they needed to be a bit kinky and this was great!  The vibration stopped and Sam whimpered.  "Xander!"

Xander climbed off, making Sam kneel so he could take out the toy.  He found the bottle, using it on Sam's ass.  He caught Sam's look and used it on his own.  Sam swallowed hard, pouncing.   He used it as the lube it was, slowly sliding into the tender hole.  "Sam?" he begged.

"I'm yours, Xander.  The same as you are mine.  I'm fucking claiming you here, in public, letting anyone who wants to watch.   Mine, all mine.  I'm possessive.  No flirting, no playing, no letting Anya pat."  Xander nodded.  Sam kept going until he nearly came. "Damn it!"

"Not nearly done, Sam."  He stroked his face, reaching down.  "Let me?"

"No, I'll undo it when I'm in pain," he growled, leaning down to kiss him.  Xander whimpered, letting him devour his mouth then his throat and chest.  Sam could just barely bend down to lick his stomach flap's top edge while he rode him.  It finally got to be too much and he released the cock ring, letting himself come with a growl of pleasure into Xander's ass.  He went limp, panting hard.  Then he got up and found two plugs.  One went into Xander's ass.  He flopped down then rolled over, spreading himself out.  "Claim me?"

Xander looked at him. "This is serious to me, Sam."

"I'm calling Jim in the morning, Xander.  I'm marrying your stubborn ass as soon as he can get here."  He kissed him.  "Claim me, my mate.  Make me your bitch," he whispered.  That got a small growl.  "That may be Dean's pet name for me but I'm your bitch, not his."  Xander dove into his ass, riding him hard and fast, watching him, staring down at him.  "No playing, no cheating, no flirting," he panted, wrapping his legs around Xander's waist.  "All yours.   No one else's," he vowed.  "Even if Anya tries again."

Xander growled.  "All mine?"

"All yours," he promised.  He could see the switch that came back and reached up to pet her head.  "Claim me," he begged.  "Please?"  She purred, leaning down to suck on his throat while she rode him hard enough to kill him. "Oh, God, all yours!" he shouted as he came again.  Xander came and he went limp.  Xander gave him a fierce kiss, making him gasp when it ended up.  "Xander, please!" he begged.  "Tired?"

"Yes."  He shook himself back to normal.  "Sam..."

"Shh.  I always was, Xander.  I'm calling Pastor Jim in the morning."  He curled around Xander, using a foot to shove the toys off the bed.  Xander slid the plug into him, earning a smile.  "Good.  Now I'll hold you inside me all night.  Let it soak in."  Xander moaned at that.  "Not yet, Xander. I'm tired."  He cuddled, letting Xander wrap himself around him.  They both liked it when he did that.


Dean smiled, flipping the channel to the two girls/one guy upstairs, watching them go at it.  The guy was pitiful but the girls were college age and apparently hot for each other.  He was having some fun wanking to that.  "Oh, yeah, babe.  Lick her there.  She'll like that."  He smiled when she did that, making him a happy legal age boy.  He came and sprawled boneless, continuing to watch. One was faking it but the other was having a hell of a good time.  Too bad he had never paid for it in his life.  He'd go hit on her since it clearly wasn't getting done.


John flipped off his son's station, shaking his head.  He had only checked when the 'oh god' yelling and the names being called in pleading tones had stopped.  Just in case they were dead.  Instead he found his younger boy happy and married by Xander's thoughts.  Well, he'd call Jim for Sam in the morning so he wouldn't forget.  He flipped back to the two girls in one room upstairs, watching them have the cat fight.  It was a good one.  It got down to clothes tearing.  Mary would not approve but now and then a guy had needs that even *he* had to take care of.  Not that he'd ever touch another soul.

Speaking of, he'd have to remind Dean about the innocence issues tomorrow.


Xander walked Dean into their apartment, putting him in front of the other Winchester boys.  Dean put down his license with a smug look.  Sam put a box down on top of it.  "You're of age," he said.  "It's time you're back to yourself, jackass."

"You say some of the sweetest things.  You kiss Mom with that mouth?  Or just his cock?"

Sam smirked.  "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Not really.  He opened the wooden box, taking out his amulet to put on.  Then his warding bracelets.  He sighed as they settled back onto his body, feeling like himself again.  "Oh, yeah, baby, I'm back."

Sam tossed him his actual leather jacket and keys.  "Go.  Head.  You have ten days to come back as uninnocent as possible and back to your old self," he said with a smug look.  "Any longer and I'm sending Xander."

"I need ten days?"

"Son, go," John said.  "Before the girls get here."

Dean hugged Xander. "See you in ten days, Mom!"  He ran out, finding a small envelope on his front seat.  He smiled at the prepaid mastercard inside.  He gunned his engine, turned up the music and headed out.  It wouldn't take that long to find a ghost to salt and burn, then a woman who'd fall to her knees for him.  Hell, maybe he'd find a married couple to go around him for the first time.  Nah, first a girl then onto the business stuff.  After all, he was sixteen.  He peeled out of the parking lot and headed off into the night, his music thumping like it should be.

Sam hugged Xander from behind while they watched from the balcony.  "He'll be fine."

"That's not what I'm worried about."

Sam turned him around, holding up the amulet Xander had slipped around his throat. The one he had gotten for Xander was around his mate's throat, finally.  "We're finishing the binding once he's his proper age.  The day after.  Jim'll be here then."  He kissed him.  "Then Dad's going hunting, we're going hunting for six weeks, then we'll come back and settle down.  Dean and I already agreed, picked out and announced our future territory, and everyone likes the idea.  We have one we *have* to stop because it's bothering Bobby and he can't.  It'll be back then and it'll take us about a month.  Plus travel time."  He winked.  "Understood?"  Xander swallowed and nodded.  "If you argue with me, do it now.  I won't listen to it then, Xander.  You're mine just like I am yours."  He kissed him, looking down at the girlish giggling.  "He's off for ten days of getting laid and salting and burning ghosts, girls."

"Sure, we can have cake anyway," Buffy said happily.  "They said Mom's tumor wasn't cancerous."  Sam nodded, leading Xander up to their room for a few minutes.  He wanted to suck him off to seal in that promise to him.  She walked in with the cake, looking at the closed bedroom door.  "Aww did they need it fast?"

"Sam's making sure Xander agrees on the date for the wedding," John said smugly.  He checked.  Dean had taken his license with him.  "What sort of cake?"  He came over to help, turning on the music to drown out the blowjob noises.


One year later, Dean shifted, stretching, smiling because he had felt the spell snap.  "Yes!" he called.

Sam came down the stairs to look at him. "Done?"  He nodded.  "Good.  Jim'll be here in two days.  I miscounted."  He went back up to tease his boy, including his stomach flap.  "Xander?" he said, making Xander insane with need.  "Do you?"

"Don't know," he whined.

"Shhh, then we'll wait.  We're young."  He finished his mate off, making him go limp. "Two days.  Anything you want to do before then?"  Xander shook his head slowly. "You sure?"

"Hug?  Brainless."

"Brainless is good," he teased, leaning down to cuddle him.  He let Xander pull him down so he could be fully snuggled, watching him drift back to sleep.  They were both on hiatus from work for their honeymoon, which he had made sure of.  Then again, they were between jobs too.  He stroked Xander's back, making him happy in his sleep.  "You're not going to get to escape."  He kissed him.  Dean coughed from the doorway.  "What?"

"Wanna hit the Magic Box later?  The ladies were going to have a party today."

"Sure.  Give me a few."  He smiled.  "You're good with this, right?"

He snorted.  "I'm perfect with it.  It's you two who're confused.  I would've come in with a ring and a preacher.  Even in this situation."  He walked off, looking a bit smug as he called over there.  "It's me, the real me, all me," he said when Giles answered, getting a happy answer back.  "Snapped earlier, Giles.  Sure, later.  When the sleepy ones get up."  He laughed.  "Exactly.  Sure, soon."  He hung up and looked up there. "Let me get breakfast out.  Join us about noon."  He left, going to hit the local diner for breakfast then the Magic Box to help out.  He had been working at the construction site since he was seventeen and had passed the equivalency test that he needed to prove graduation.  He had a good paycheck.  His baby was in great shape.  Her motor hummed when he turned her on.  The diner had a pretty waitress he played with now and then.  Nothing serious and she agreed on that.  He saw a face he didn't recognize.  She looked tired.  She was wired.  She was tense.  He sat at the table next to her.  "Hey.  New in town?" he asked, hoping she wasn't going to be a problem.

"Passing through.  I need to see B for a few minutes."

Dean smiled.  "I'm going to see Giles at the Magic Box after this."  He knew who she was now and why she was tense.  Buffy had an ice cream fit a few months back and had told him about her.  "Dean Harris-Winchester," he said, holding out a hand.

"Harris?  You married X?"

"No, my brother's marrying Mom.  I was reborn from him."  She gaped.  He smirked. "Long story, Faith."  She swallowed.  He waved a hand.  "I'm a hunter, I know."  He dug into his breakfast, flirting with her, getting a wink and a nod back.  So hey, he'd be busy tonight if patrol wasn't too bad.  He looked at her again.  "Finish up.  You need more food than that.  I've got it."

"You don't know me."

"Buffy told me.  She had an ice cream night a few months back and told me.  She was worried about you."

"About what I'd do?" she snorted.

"No, that you'd be lost."  He ate a bite of breakfast.  "Gloria, feed this poor girl!" he yelled.  She came over with a plate for her.  "Thanks, sweetie." he told the old woman who ran the diner.  She patted him on the head before going back to the kitchen.  "It's good food.  Eat."  She dug in and ate, finding her appetite after a few bites.  He paid the check when he was done, walking her back to his car.  She ran a hand over it.  "Been mine for a while now," he said proudly.  She smiled and slid in, buckling up.  He slid in and buckled up, heading back to the the Magic Box.  Giles gave him a look when he came in.  He nodded.  "Found her wandering around looking scared of me.  Didn't think she was evil anymore."  Faith gave him a look.  "If you were, you would've tried to hit on me," he joked.

"You got that skill from your mother," Buffy complained from her usual seat.  "Hey, Faith.  Come have cake and stuff with us. Dean's finally at his right age?"

"Spell snapped this morning," he said happily.  "So I'm fully back and all myself again."

She smirked.  "When's the wedding?"

"Two days!" he said happily, coming over to have some cake too.  Faith gave him an odd look.  "Yeah, I can eat again.  Guys can do that."

"He has his mother's stomach too," Willow said dryly from her seat next to the register.  "Hey, Faith."  She waved weakly.  "Don't worry about it.  You'll like Sam, Xander's boy.  They're getting married in two days if you wanted to stay around.  We're having a massive pizza party after it for the reception for all the hunters who'll be here on Sam's side."

"I need to warn them today, don't I," Dean said thoughtfully. "How many?"

"I think we worked it out as get you and your Mom two then feed the rest of us at least six pieces each so we have leftovers," Buffy said.  Dean nodded, making a mental list.  Then he went to tell the pizza place to warn them.  She grinned at Faith.  "Long story.  So, you okay again?" she asked the confused looking staring she was getting.

"Yeah," Faith said weakly.  "Yeah, I'm good.  I got my head straightened out in the slammer, I'm good."  She sat down.  "Boytoy is getting married to a boy and he has a grown son?"

Buffy snickered.  "Sam, you'll meet him later, saved his brother's, the little smartass who just strolled out thinking he's a sex god, life and soul after Dean sold his soul to save Sam's life.  The rite had to make him be reborn but the demon decided Dean needed two daddies this time instead of just one.  So he put it into Xander.  We had a lot of fun with the pregnancy stuff."  She grinned.  "I'm a great auntie and will be when they have more soon."  Willow nodded since her mouth was full.  "Anyway, Sam was all ready to propose and stuff but Xander made him hold off until the spell snapped.  When Dean was sixteen, twelve months ago, they finally moved to the claiming stage.  So they're getting married in two days."  She grinned.  "There's a whole bunch of hunters coming in for the wedding.  John's threatened to walk his son up there at shotgun point."  Faith snickered at that.  John walked in, he was off for the wedding too.  "John Winchester, this is Faith.  Faith's the other slayer called.  Faith this is John, Dean and Sam's daddy.  He's been a great help around here."

"Hey," she said, waving.  "Met Dean earlier at breakfast.  He fed me."

"Boy's got sense then.  Looks like you could use a few dozen more.  Both of you girls."  He looked around.  "Where is Dean?"

"Pizza place," Buffy said.  "Then maybe having the waitress at the diner on her morning break."

John shook his head.  "The boy needs to quit playing."  He sat down on Faith's other side.  "The hunters are starting to show up.  Bobby showed up a few minutes ago.  Thanks for helping clean out both motels, Buffy."

"Not an issue.  We don't want them to stay at the bait and buffet place," she said happily.  "Then I'll never get to find a cute younger one to date."  An older guy in a baseball cap, jeans, a jean jacket, and a t-shirt walked in.  "Hi.  Welcome to the Magic Box.  We're eating the first trial of the reception cake if you wanted some."  She got Faith another piece.  "John's right, you're too skinny.  You're making me feel fat next to you.  Eat."

The older guy laughed.  "Heard some about this place, ma'am."

She clutched her chest.  "Oh, please don't!  I don't look that old today, right, Wills?"

"No, Buffy.  You don't look that old today," she promised like a good friend would.  "You look young, hip, and sassy in that outfit."

Bobby laughed.  "Nice to meet you again, Buffy."  She looked confused.  "I was out right after Dean got born.  We saw each other on patrol one night."

"Oh, yeah!  You're Bobby."  She grinned.  "Sam and Xander are probably back in bed."

"No probably about it," John said dryly.  "I tried calling.  Sam growled and hung up on me.  Come have some cake, Bobby?"

"Sure, don't mind if I do."  He pulled over a chair from the reading room, sitting down with them.  He nodded at the girl he didn't know.  "I didn't get to meet you last time.  Bobby Singer.  I'm a researcher and hunter in John and Sammy's circle."

"Faith.  The other slayer," she said calmly.

He grinned.  "That's a hard calling to have, miss.  Let's hope the wedding means you girls have some easy nights coming up."

"I hope so.  Sam vowed he was taking Xander to some kinky motel in LA to celebrate their honeymoon and the anniversary of them finally getting off their butts and Xander claiming Sam."  Buffy ate another bite, smiling when Dean came in followed by two women.  "Hey.  Look who else is in."

"Bobby," Dean said happily, shaking his hand.  He got a long look.  "The spell snapped this morning, I'm free and clear."

"Good."  He patted him on the arm.  "Ellen, Jo.  We're having some cake, want some?"

"Sure," Ellen said, nodding at the older guy behind the counter.  "I've heard this store mentioned a few times."

"We do try to serve the needs of the hunters, witches, and slaying community," Anya quipped from the office.

Faith pointed.  "Who?"

"Remember Anya?" she asked dryly.

"Yeah, X's prom date, former vengeance demon you guys accidentally turned human.  Why?"

"Anya," she said, pointing at the office.  "She came back after graduation to hook up with Xander.  Then they broke up when Xander got knocked up."

"Oh."  She shook her head quickly.  "I can't imagine Boytoy pregnant."  Willow walked over a picture, making her stare.  "He really was?" she demanded.  Willow grinned and nodded.

"Yeah, he had me.  That's why I'm a Harris-Winchester instead of just a regular Winchester," Dean said smugly.  "Gives me extra powers to pick up the bad girls, good girls, girls who haven't decided yet, and to hunt better."  John choked.  "It does."

"You're not too old to spank, Dean."

"Xander said you couldn't."

"There's no way you'll turn into him now," he warned.  Dean snickered, walking off laughing to help Anya with what she was doing.  "Sorry, Xander warped him just a bit," he excused.

"Xander does it to everyone," Faith said.  "Even me."

"Yeah," Buffy sighed.  "Then you realize you don't know what you'd do without him so you can't yell at him or else he'll walk off pouting like Sam does."  She shivered.  "Oh, fair warning.  The cute and groping awards both go to Sam and Xander.  Often.  No matter *where* they are."

"I still like how some demons run off screaming because they're kissing," Willow said.  "I didn't think demons could be homophobic.  Pity about their clan."

"Yeah, but they tried to stop them from groping on patrol the last time," Buffy said. "They were asking for it."  She shrugged.  "Then Sam babied all Xander's injuries and it was good."  Dean cackled from the office.  "What?"

He leaned out.  "They went last night and a bunch of the older vamps came to congratulate them and asked them to make out at the Bronze tonight so they could have a good show when they were massing.  Like the time they were in the car and started an orgy outside the store."  He went back to helping Anya.

"Oh, dear Lord, Dean!  Quit about that!" Giles complained. "It's bad enough Spike eggs those two on."  He cleaned his glasses.  "There's sodas, water, and juice in the back if you needed any."

"I'm a good hostess," Buffy said, getting up to get them drinks.  "Who wants what?"

"I'll take a soda," Jo said, looking confused.

"Diet or regular?" Willow asked.

"Um, regular's good."

"Regular soda, Buffy.  Ma'am?"

"Water please."

"Buffy, get her mom some water too," she called.  "Any milk?"

"No.  Spike got it again."

Faith gave the kitchen that same confused stare.  John nudged her, getting it instead.  "Heard about the Initiative?"  She nodded slowly.  "They got Spike.  He's helping."

"Okay.  We're in some alternate universe, right?" she asked calmly.

"Can't be, Xander's not a vamp and neither am I," Willow said cheerfully.  "No skanky, gay, leather Willow here."

Xander and Sam walked in, giggling at something.  "Morning all," Sam said happily.  "Hi, guys."  He hugged his friends, then pointed. "That's my Xander."  He grinned at Jo.  "And you thought I was sick and needed the hospital!"  He smirked at Bobby.  "We agreed.  We're taking a few days of honeymoon, coming to help you, then coming back here to settle into our new region."

"Works for me, Sammy."  He patted him on the arm.  "About time, boy."

"I tried!" he defended.

"Nearly every month there for a bit until I had to start getting cranky with the mood swings," Xander agreed.  "Ooh, cake?"

"Trial for the reception cake," Willow said, handing him a small piece and Sam a bigger one.  "He bounces, it's your job now."

"Has been since I found him," he reminded her with a sweet grin.  She snickered, nodding.  "No Tara?"

"Class for another hour."  She checked her watch.  "Hmm.  Oh, well, I can't make it back for English but I'll think about computer class.  Even though I hacked the teacher and he said I was too good for the mandatory class.  Buffy, Xander and Sam are here."

She came out with drinks.  "Sorry, Mom called."  She handed them over, handing Xander and Sam both a soda and John a bottle of water.  "What are you two doing in there or would I blush?" she called.

"The books," Dean said coming out with it for Giles.  "She didn't know how to account for the interest."  He walked over, getting some more cake.  "She was playing with virtual money."   He looked at Bobby.  "Hey, Anya?"  She came out to get some of her own cake.  "Do you know a vengeance guy named Bart?"

"Yeah, over those who lost their beloved toys."  She smiled.  "Why?"

"He's been bugging Bobby now for years," Dean told her.

She snorted.  "Someone had to get rid of their toy?"

"I run a salvage yard, ma'am."

She snickered. "Bart has the biggest sweet tooth ever, try feeding him honey treats and see if he'll renegotiate.  If it's been that long the owner should've quit pouting and you're clearly not going to go anywhere."  She walked off again with her cake.  "Good cake, Willow, thank you."  She looked at Giles.  "Can you help me with my plans to buy off a crack ho sometime soon?"

"We're thinking about more kids," Sam told her, mostly to keep her from going to buy a baby.

She squealed and came over to hug him.  "I'll be a good auntie again.  That'll be even cheaper so I'll have more money to make baby money and spend."  She went to stock she was so happy.

"Ditto," Willow called with a wave of her fork.

Xander looked at her.  "Isn't Tara talking to a doc?"  Willow blushed but nodded.  "She can be an aunty to yours too."

Anya gave her a look then hugged her and went back to stocking.  Two nephews!  She could go shopping all the time for presents to spoil them!

Sam looked at Buffy.  "You get that same look when people mention shoe shopping."

She giggled.  "I need it.  Not like I have a boyfriend.  The last one got turned."

John patted her on the shoulder.  "Angel said he's doing good helping him."  He looked at Bobby.  Then at Ellen.  "This is Buffy, the older slayer called."  They both smiled.  "She needs a boyfriend.  Badly.  Likes them slightly older but she needs someone who'll help her, especially if they're thinking about more kids."

"I don't care about looks, but cute is nice.  Firm is very good.  Great in bed is best," Buffy told her.  "I've had too many that didn't know what they were doing."

Xander looked down at her.  "So Angel got that happy because ....?"

"I don't know.  It was good.  Not earth shattering, but decent."  She shrugged and ate more cake.  "Willow, class?"  She sighed.  "I know, me too.  Faith, want to head up to the college?  That way you can crash on my bed for a bit?"  Faith gave her a look.  "I can crash at Mom's tonight.  Don't worry about it.  Willow's officially my roomie but she lives with Tara and Tara's kitty.  You can have the spare bed or my bed.  I can pull them apart since they're kinda skimpy on beds."

"Sure, B.  Thanks."  She nodded at them.  "Nice to meet you all.  Gotta go talk about slayer stuff."  She followed them out, looking at them.  "That's strange."

"Yeah but Xander fell in love," Buffy sighed.  "Sam's nice but he's really *normal*.  Not evil at all.  He even watches geeky things with Xander and lets Dean read comic books for the girls normal."  Faith shook her head.  "Yeah, who would've thought Xander would go for a *normal* person?  Just doesn't seem his type."  She nudged Faith.  "I'm glad you're back to being good.  It's lonely being us.  We have to stick together."

"Sure, B.  We'll talk tonight on patrol?"

"Sure," she agreed happily.  "John warned all the hunters so it'll be cool."  Faith nodded, relaxing again.

Xander looked at Sam back in the shop. "Think Buffy's complaining because you're not evil again?"

"Probably," he agreed.  "Or even demonic."

"Yeah.  That's still freaking her out too."  He finished his cake and reached for more but John moved it out of his way.  He gave him an evil look.  "I'm allowed to have sugar.  Sam made me wear out the cereal I had earlier."

"Kiss him if you want sugar, son.  You're not bouncing us to death today.  Someone might try to take Sam from you if you do."

"Try," Sam said dryly.  "I dare them to try."  Giles snickered, coming over to get his own cake.  "Can we help?"

"Go for a drive, boys.  Be back in time for patrol."  Sam nodded, going to do that, hauling Xander with him.  That way Xander could have his sugar fix.  "We had all wondered when Xander was going to finally realize Sam was his source of bouncing recently."

John snickered.  "You should see them at home, Rupert.  They're insane."

"Don't remind me," Dean called.  "Please!"  He leaned out of the office.  "Fortunately the new place has an apartment for me."  He ducked back in there.  "Hey, Ellen, any pretty female hunters coming this way for me to hit on?" he called.

"Only Jo that I know of, Dean," she called back.  "Go ahead if you want."

"No.  Thanks."

Anya walked out, looking at Ellen.  "You do know that the one who followed me got called on her?  Plus another one?  They're presently trying to figure out who gets to do what?"  She walked off again, happy that she had warned her.  "That was a good guy thing, right?  To warn her?"

"Yeah, it was," Dean agreed happily.  "Very good guy to do, Anya."  She beamed.  "What else are we working on?"

"I need to order more porn.  I'm bored with what I have."

"You know, there's that swap meet Mom goes to," he said dryly.  She beamed.  "Might get some of the same stuff you've already seen but you can check it out."

She nodded. "When is it?"

"Tonight.  Mom's going to switch out some his hentai.  Some of mine too."

She bounced and squealed, hugging him. "I'll go with you."  She walked out.  "Dean's going to show me where the swap meet is so I can get more pornography since I still haven't found a boy that's got as good of a tongue as Xander has."  She went home to pack up the stuff she had.  Maybe they'd have some good stuff there she hadn't seen.  Or she might find that one she had mistakenly sold on herself.  She missed that one.  The guy looked a lot like him.

Dean came strolling out.  "She's a former vengeance demon, Ellen.  Don't worry about it."  He looked around.  "Sammy had better have taken Xander's car and not mine."

"They did," Giles said patiently.  "Yours is about to get a ticket."  Dean went to charm the meter maid.  He did it every day he had to park downtown.  She sucked it up and he got to make her happy enough.  He shook his head.  "He's going to flirt his way out of another set of parking tickets."

John shook his head.  "Sometimes I wonder what warped Dean.  I never played like that."

"Weren't you cute with Mary when you were Sam's age?" Bobby teased.

"Bit older, but yeah," he admitted. "That's why we have Dean.  And Sam.  And she was pregnant when she died."  He sipped his water, watching Ellen and Jo both splutter.  "She got happy!  I wasn't about to deny my woman anything!"

Buffy came jogging in.  "Faith had a slayer dream.  It's that time of year again!" she said cheerfully.

"When?" John asked.

"Within six days.  Major master moving into town with his robots, his harem, his minions, and his small creature that can open the hellmouth on us.  Have to destroy all the vamps, robots, and minions.  Harem if they're harmful or want it."

"Any idea where?"

"He's moving to Angel's old mansion.  We know the layout really well."  She got that set of maps for him.  "Xander drew them out after graduation."  She handed them over.  "There you go.  Let us know.  I've got a hair appointment for the wedding in an hour and this let me skip a class too."  She bounced off to get pretty.  She needed to be pretty in case someone cute came in for the wedding.  All the magazines said that you could pick up people at weddings.

"She needs a vacation, Rupert.  She's happy about a possible apocalypse."

"I know," he agreed.  "I was thinking about sending her to stomp on Travers in person."  John gave him a look.  "He tried to call the other day.  The Council is reforming and he's still a bit off from his time in prison for tax evasion."  He got back to his reading.  "Pity about that but he really shouldn't have told Sam he'd give him a half million dollars to kill Xander for him."

John snickered.  "Shoe shopping."

"Indeed," Giles agreed.

John smirked at them. "If we *ever* need a hacker, Willow's one.  The people over the slayer's line are assholes who had a hit out on Xander for helping Buffy against their wishes."

"Especially since it was Xander doing CPR that lead to having two slayers," Giles agreed.

"It's supposed to be a watcher, a slayer, and no one else," Bobby said.  "I heard that."

"Yeah, the boy jumped in.  So they put out a bounty."  He held up a hand at the laughs.  "Willow got peeved at them for a few things.  Got into there to hack them.  Took their money so Buffy and she could go shopping in LA.  Buffy got three thousands dollars worth of shoes."  Ellen gaped.  "Her Mom wasn't happy since she got some trashy looking ones.  Willow locks them out of their own system.  Travers, the head guy, calls up and Sam talks to him.  He offers Sam a half mil to kill Xander and hand him over.  That's when Willow and Sam got *really* mean.  She put them online and turned over their weapons list to the FBI."  They all laughed at that.  "They're insane around here but it's being here and doing nightly patrols that does it to you.  I swear I felt some of mine slipping last week when the demons came to beg me to stop Xander and Sam from making out during a patrol."

"Dad, yours started to slip when you saw me being an adorable baby again," Dean said as he came to rejoin them.  He sat down in Sam's former spot, getting comfortable.  "Oh, she said you're cuter than I am.  Since she's older she needs a young boy but not as young as me.  She's a nice lady.  Has a grandbaby."

"I'll have some of those soon," he said dryly.

"Mom might not mind."

John gave him a look.  "She'd come back from the dead to smack the hell out of me with her mother's cast iron frying pan, son.  Yes she would."

"No she won't.  Anya called her up to see if she'd mind you two dating.   Mom said she would've thought you would've remarried a long time ago to get help with us.  Though she is happy the demon's dead and everyone's all right now.  Anya said she saw me being so adorable again and cooed from where she was.  She was happy that Sam's finally found someone good for him, and loves Xander.  She's going to come dream walking sometime soon to talk about future grandbabies."  He got smacked on the head.  "Ow!  What was that for?"

"For doing a seance with your mother, son."

"I didn't!  Anya did!  She told me!"

"I'm not dating her either.  No matter how hard she tries."

"You tell her.  She's been after your pants for over a year now."

"Now *that's* stubborn," Bobby joked.

Dean nodded.  "Very.  Buffy suggested it might make Dad less scowly as she put it."  Ellen burst out cackling.  "Dad was busy scowling at Mom so she suggested it to get him off Xander's ass."  An officer came in.  "Yes, sir?" he called.

"Boys, quit flirting with my woman," he said firmly.  "Before I pull over your Impala and do a check for suspected drugs and find all the weapons."  He stomped out.

"Sure, I'll quit flirting with your woman," Dean agreed, waving after him.  "Even though she has no idea you're interested in her.  I'll have to mention that."  He smirked at his dad.  "I'll get on Anya's good guy kick."  His father hit him harder this time. "Watch the hair!"

"You got that line from Buffy," Bobby taunted.

"Well, yeah," he agreed with a shiteating grin.  "Still true.  I can't pick up women if I don't look pretty."

Giles went to the paper, reading it quietly behind the counter while the old friends caught up with each other.  He groaned at one announcement. "Dean, did you put the wedding announcement in the papers?  It was nice that you put in Buffy being an attendant so they'll know not to come get her dirty."

"Yeah, thought it might keep that area clear that night," he said.  "Why?"

He turned to the next page and handed it over.  "The arrest reports, Dean."

Dean looked at it then handed it to his Dad.  "Here, you can help me beat up on my grandparents since they were just given suspended licences for DUI.  Again."  John muttered something.  "How much time did they get for the kidnaping?"

"The judge thought they had a good heart so he gave them probation and suspended sentences.  Except for Rory, who did the actual kidnaping at gunpoint," Giles told him. "He gets out of jail in a few months if I heard right.  Overcrowding and the board thought it wouldn't happen again since you were older now."

"Mom's going to freak if they show up," Dean said, starting to sulk.

"You call him Mom?" Bobby asked.  "Still?"

"He gave birth to me.  That does make him my mom.  He was good to me, better than he had to be under the spell's boundaries.  Hell, he even made me mushy now and then," Dean said dryly.  "Of course I do."  He smirked.  "Any future kids will be nieces and nephews.  No matter which one carries them."

"Sam's works?" John asked.  "He didn't say that.  I thought his was latent or closed."

"No, Xander found out it's open.  That's why Sam screams so much when they're in the teasing mood," Dean said dryly.  John groaned.  "The doc at the hospital did a scan, said it was all in working order if Sam wanted to use the spell and some eggs."  He shifted.  "What was the vial on the shelf in the kitchen that broke?"

John considered it.  "The present Dru left your first Christmas.  Willow said it should have been frozen so we didn't worry about it."

"Then I won't worry that Sammy broke it last night by accident getting a bowl down."  He shifted again.  "Anyone want a tour?"  Ellen nodded so he got up to lead them around and show them were everything was, plus to tell them about some of the hunts he'd been on since he had turned sixteen.

"He gets the new bounciness from Xander too," John told Bobby, getting a laugh. "Go shop.  He's got books we've never heard about.  Including classification manuals."

"Second shelf, blue bookshelf," Giles said as he read.  "Plus his order is in.  It's in the basement, Mr. Singer."

"Thanks, Rupert.  Nice of you."

He smiled.  "Saves shipping costs to both of us."  He went to get it, bringing back the box.  "The gall you wanted will take another three days.  It has to be gathered on the full moon and last month was a bad one to gather."

"That's fine.  I'll probably be here then."  That got a nod and Giles went back to his reading.  Bobby checked his box.  "New catalog?"

"Yes, the Council was ditching some of their older books.  Someone in the library suggested they could do it through me instead of the people in Britain since they were watching for more tax fraud.  Of course, I'll be filing the proper paperwork anyway," he said happily.

John shook his head.  "Some year they're going to fire Travers for being the root of all the problems."

"As long as he doesn't come over here, I could care less," Giles said smugly.  "Angel and Wesley are coming for the wedding so you are the first to see that."  Bobby found a few he could use and made out the order form for him.  He smiled and got them, letting him pay for him.  Tara came in.  "Dear, help him to his truck?"

"I can do that," John said, taking the bag to help him out there so they could go talk in private.  Bobby knew he'd want to complain about his new son-in-law's insanity in private.  Not that he didn't like the boy, but he was still slightly warped.

Tara looked at him.  "It worked."

He hugged her.  "Congratulations, Tara."  She beamed.  "Willow's in class."

"I know.  I'll tell her later."  She went to tell Joyce, finding her dusting.  "It worked."  Joyce squealed and bounced over to hug her, looking a lot like her daughter.  "Nine months of hell then eighteen years of raising one.  I'm insane."

"You'll do fine.  I did.  Xander did.  You'll do fine, Tara," she promised, taking her to the office to help her know what she'd need to for the pregnancy.


Sam looked at his father and brother the night of the wedding.  "Why are you two arming up?"

"Because there could be an attack," Dean said.  "Dumbass."

"There won't be.  The demons are scared of messing up Buffy's new hairdo."

"Too tempting," John told him.  "Besides, I had a shotgun at mine to hold your grandparents back from trying to kidnap Mary.  Had to use it twice.  I had one at Dean's wedding and nearly used it on him.  It's a family tradition.  I'll be having one at my grandkids' wedding some year."

Sam shook his head.  "You're insane, Dad.  Take a long vacation from Sunnydale."  He finished fixing his jacket and looked at them.  "I should've gotten my hair cut shorter."

"Too late now," Dean quipped.  "Besides, he's seen your mop, Sammy.  He hasn't minded yet."  He picked some cat fur off him.  "Bastest was giving her blessing too."  They walked out together, taking the Impala to the place where they were holding the wedding.  It was holy ground, some protection, and in the park, but Buffy had made sure *everything* in town knew about the wedding so they shouldn't be bothered.  Just in case, he had checked the trunk twice in the last day for extra weapons.  He knew most of the hunters were armed too.  Buffy even had a few stakes in her cleavage.  He had helped whittle them for her.  They got out and found Buffy waiting.  "We good?"

"So far.  Who's idea was it to do it at dusk?"  Sam slowly raised his hand.  "Never mind."  Her mother pulled up with Tara, Xander, and Willow.  "Okay, we're here."  She looked at John's shotgun. "Isn't it a bit late for a shotgun wedding, John?"

"Family tradition, in case of kidnaping attempt or attack."

"Sure.  You be paranoid.  It'd be a stupid demon who'd make me messy tonight."  She gave him a pat on the arm, turning Sam around.  She nodded at the pastor, who started the music.  She walked Sam up there with Dean and his Dad walked him down the aisle.  Xander was walked up preceded by Willow and Tara but her Mom walked him down the aisle.  She sniffled and Dean handed over a hankie.  "We taught you well," she said.  She dabbed at her eyes.

Xander looked at the shotguns then at John.  "I won't run.  It's too late for that.  He's already mine."

"It's in case something tries to take you from him, kid.  Like one of your exes."

"Buffy killed most of them," he quipped.  A few of the guests laughed.  Sam had complained long and hard about Xander's former love life during his pregnancy.  He stepped into place.

Pastor Jim looked at the couples, then at the audience.  "It's about time we were gathered here to make this official in the eyes of the Lord as well as the eyes of their friends and family.  It's been a long two years of waiting, watching these two settle each other down, and get ready to make a solid commitment."  Something came running up screaming something obscene in a demon language.

Xander pulled out a collapsible rod and extended it with a flick of his wrist, then beat the demon on the head twice.  It fell down unconscious.  He unscrewed the center and collapsed it again.  Sam gave him an amused look.  "Paranoid is good.  It was even concealed."  John took it from him.  "Sure, you hold that."  He took Sam's face in his hands and kissed him.  "Mine."

"The same as you're mine," Sam murmured.  "Let Jim do the formal stuff, Xander.  We can have cake soon."  A few more snickers, mostly from their attendants.

"That does come later, boys," Jim agreed, getting more laughs.  "Before we go on are there any more people who disagree with this wedding?"  Nothing.  "One last chance.  The next one Dean gets.  Or Sam."

"Oh, we do, but we think it's cute you guys set up a buffet for us," one of the vampires in town said.  "By the way, we spiked the ground last night."

Buffy looked down.  "Thought it was a bit squishy under my new shoes."

Sam and Xander both pulled guns and shot the vampires, Dean right behind them with a shrug.  Sam put his gun back and grinned at Jim.  "Xander and Dean worked out how to do wooden bullets that work very well."

"I'll keep that in mind."  He smirked.  John took both boy's guns too.  "Any other weapons?  I do believe John wants you to start your newly married life unarmed."  Xander sighed and handed over his pocket knife, getting a few more laughs.  "Good.  Now then.  Yes, it's been amusing watching these two slowly get together and to reraise Dean where he had to grow up.  They've proven their future children will be well taken care of with how well they did.  Sam proved he had patience when Xander said they had to wait until the spell on Dean snapped.  Xander proved he had a sense of humor by teaching Dean how to swear in many demon languages behind his father's back."  Something came strolling over and Buffy glared, making it scurry off.  "Thank you, young lady."

"Buffy," she said happily.

"Ah, I've heard of you."  She smiled at him.  He looked at the couple.  "I know I usually insert a nice sermon here about patience, tolerance, and love being enough to get past all the annoying quirks, but these two don't seem to need it.  They've learned to live together already.  They've learned patience and how to care for each other through problems and good time, and even injuries and hunting.  So I'll skip to the important part.  Vow to each other, your family and friends, and the Lord, boys.  Xander?"

Xander looked at Sam.  "You're insane for wanting me.  For wanting to hunt with me, slay beside me, possibly have more kids in the future, and to stay here.  I don't know why you do it.  I'm glad you do but I have no idea why.  I guess that's what love is.  For that much alone I love you back because you put up with my anime, my battle axe, my friends, and my sugar addiction.  So yeah, you're the man and I'm still your mate."

Sam sniffled.  "Actually, I think you're insane wanting to marry into this family.   I love you for it though.  And yes, staying here is fine with me.  Sunnydale will be warped for the better with both of us helping Buffy slay on patrols.  Your anime I put up with but your battle axe is beautiful and you're stunning when you use it.  How could I not keep you as mine.  You're mine and my mate.  No matter how many more vampires or incubi or demons want you, you're staying mine.  Even if I do have to kill every demon to make sure of it."  John let out a small sniff at that.  Dean handed him a hankie too with a smug look.  John bopped him on the head for it.

Jim smiled at the boys.  "Yes, love does mean putting up with some insanity but they fill your heart so it's full of joy, most of the time.  I think you two will make a long-lasting, very strong, powerful couple for many years to come.  If God is kind, you'll be training your grandkids how to hunt before sending them out to fulfill their destinies, as hunters or not, but making sure they're going to do great things for the world."  He smiled at Buffy.  "I believe you have the rings, my dear?"  She handed them over.  He smiled at them. "Simple bands for men who want others to believe they're simple, but are in fact some of the most complex souls I have ever met.  These simple bands are a symbol to others so that they know at first look that you are married and that no one should come between you.  Heaven help their soul if they do."  He blessed the rings then handed one to Sam, who changed it out, getting a small smile.  "Intone your vow, Samuel."

"I, Samuel Allen Winchester, do take you to be my wedded husband," he said, sliding the ring on Xander's finger.  He frowned at the looseness, switching them out.  "Sorry, I got it wrong."

Xander took his when Jim handed it over.  "I, Alexander Lavelle Harris, do take you to be my wedded husband."  He slid it up his finger, then grinned. "You're stuck now, buddy.  No way you're escaping and I'll kill whatever tries to flirt with you."

"Sure, the same as I get yours," Sam promised, giving him a kiss.

Jim coughed, letting Dean poke them to separate them.  "Not yet."

"Um, sorry," Xander said with a goofy grin.  "There's more beyond the cake?"

"I foresee a long future of you two driving each other insane," Jim said when Sam sighed at the cake comment.  "All right, since we're impatient, I now pronounce you husband and husband.  Let no man, demon, or creature tear asunder what God has brought together though the most unusual agencies.  Do it again then we'll have cake."  Xander dipped Sam this time, making him groan in pleasure.

"Mom, the rest of us are hungry," Dean complained after the kiss kept going.  "Can we have cake now?  You guys have a whole life to kiss and whatever."

Sam laughed, breaking the kiss.  "Sure, Dean, we'll go back to the store and have cake."  He kissed Xander's hand, turning to look at everyone, who was staring at them.  "Just think, they think I'm the normal one."  They walked back to the cars with the laughter behind them.  He looked at the cars, then at Xander.  "Walking, riding?  Got a preference?  We forgot this part."

"Get in the Impala.  You're a Winchester now," John ordered. "The other Winchesters started their lives in the car, you can start your life as one of us in it too," he said with a smile.  That got a few more smiles.

"No making out either," Dean called, walking around to drive.  His dad got the shotgun position and they headed back to the shop.

Buffy sniffled.  Her mother gave her a hug.  "Some year you'll find one of those too, Buffy."  She gave her a nudge.  "Let's go to the store for the reception," she announced.  "If you get lost, turn at the bank then again at the coffee shop."  She walked off, the other attendants getting into her SUV.

An hour later, after the cake and the boys sneaking off for their honeymoon at the kinky motel Xander had claimed Sam at, Buffy looked around.  "Giles?"  He looked over.  "Should I go out tonight?"

"You probably should, just in case," he agreed.  She nodded, grabbing some stakes.

"Give me a second and I'll go with you, Buffy," Dean called.  He finished his cake and punch, grabbing his own weapons.  He grinned.  "It's a hunter's wedding so if you guys want to hit patrol with us, you're more than welcome to.  The more the merrier.  If not, stay out of the demon bar.  They're having their own party and vowed it'd be peaceful."

"We need to check the mansion too," Buffy reminded him.  "The woosy new master's moving into town with his minions and harem.  Should be an easy stakage."

"Sure," he agreed, following her and Faith out.  Most of the others followed too.  Dean knew that they thought Buffy couldn't do much at her size because slayers were still mythical to them.  They'd learn and what better way to get a boy impressed with Buffy than by letting them hunt with her.

Joyce smiled at the minster that had stayed behind and a few others.  "So, if one of them decides they like my girl, will you do hers too?"

"I'd be honored, Mrs. Summers.  She seems like a sweet girl.  A bit bouncy but a sweet, good girl.  She'll make some hunter a very fussy wife someday soon."

"If God is kind," she agreed happily.  He laughed.  "Fair warning, she'll want to be a princess at hers but she'll have weapons too."

"Decorative ones?" John teased.

"Probably," she agreed, patting him on the arm.  "Glad they're out for two days?"

"Hell yes!  Especially with that new master moving into town.  Fortunately Dean sucked up enough geek tendencies from Xander that he'll be able to defeat anything the guy brings with him."  Jim gave him an odd look.  "He's got some robots too."

"A geeky master vampire?" he said, smiling some.  "Interesting."

"As long as my daughter doesn't fall for him," Joyce said, toasting him with her punch.  John laughed and nodded at that.  "Think they pulled off the road yet?" she teased.

John nodded.  "Maybe but I made sure Sam wore full underwear tonight so he'll have a bit of a problem."

"I did the same thing to Xander.  He pouted," she said with a laugh.  She took the minister over to sit on the couch with him.  "You should've heard some of the complaints Buffy had.  They'd stop to cuddle while on patrol.  She'd be off doing a minion or two and they'd be kissing against a tombstone or a crypt."  He giggled.  "A few times some of the demons went running and crying.  Some watched."

"Some tried to participate," John said.  He flopped down on Jim's other side.  "When I married Dean off I got drunk that night.  I should do that tonight."

Joyce smiled at him.  "It's probably safe enough.  Just don't go to Willie's."

"That's right, he said the demons were holding their own celebration tonight."  He got up.  "Later, guys.  I'll see someone tomorrow.  Call."  He walked out, going to get a small pint bottle and head back to his place to celebrate and remember his own married life.  He watched out the window, smiling at Dean swaggering home to the shared apartment.  That would be fixed soon enough.  Then Dean could have his own apartment and quit complaining about how noisy Sam and Xander were.  He took another sip, watching Buffy pause across the street.  He tapped on the window and waved her to come up.  She looked depressed.  He let her inside, giving her a smile.  "He show up?"

"Yes, and it was Jonathan.  A friend of Warren's."  She flopped down.  "He had a whole harem of girls and minions and I can't get a date.  That's really unfair."

"It is," he agreed, handing her a drink.  "I made yours light."

"Thanks.  I need it."  She sipped.  "So, you look upset."

"Remembering my own."

She smiled.  "I've dreamed but I probably won't get that.  Slayers don't last that long."  She took a drink.  "I'd be happy just to have a boyfriend."  She took another drink.  "Faith snagged one of the young ones already.  Maybe I need to be slutty to get a nice guy."

"Which one?"

"The one with the blue shirt and the brown vest."

"I know him.  His daddy's a hunter.  He's slightly insane about hunting."

"Faith is too.  It's good she's healed."  She took a longer drink.  "What did you put in here?"

"Whiskey."  He got her another one when he made himself one.  "Mary would've giggled all the way through the wedding."

"I did like the attacks," she admitted.  "It's a very slayerette thing to have happen.  Another reason I can't have one.  Vampires would invade.  Like every other celebration I've been at something bad would happen.  Tonight was at least a nice one."  She looked at him.  "I had zombies invade for my birthday once," she told him.

He smiled.  "Zombies?"

"Yeah.  Zombies."  She sighed, slumping down some.  "I thought whiskey was harsh tasting.  All the books say it burns."

"I didn't mix yours that strong so the soda covers it, Buffy."

"Oh, it's good."  She poured herself some more, going back to drinking.  "Think you'll be throwing one for Dean soon?"

"Not anytime shortly.  Some year soon but not that soon."  He finished his drink, cheered up by her pouting.  "When it's your turn we'll make sure nothing's going to attack."

"Hell, I'm Buffy, it'll be an apocalypse that'll happen right when the minister asks if anyone objects.  He'll take that as a sign from God that it can't go on.  He'll spread it around so no one would marry us if the guy stays."

"That's what Vegas is for," he said dryly.  She beamed at that.  "You can do the whole carriage and princess thing, see a show, then head home the next night with some preplanning."

"You and Mary did?"

"No.  I had to shoot at her father twice for trying to take her back."  Buffy giggled, leaning on his arm.  He put an arm around her shoulder.  "I feel old tonight.  My son's married.  I'll be getting grandkids soon."

"You're not old, John.  Men are supposed to live until their seventies or eighties.  I'm ancient by slayer standards.  Most of us are lucky to make it to sixteen.  Hell, I'm nearly twenty-three."  She finished her drink, putting the glass down.  "I should slow down on those."

"Probably.  It's stronger than you think."

She looked at him and grinned.  "So am I."  She snuggled into his side. "Tell me how Mary planned hers?"

"Why?" he asked, smiling fondly at her.

"Because it'd be like a fairytale to me, John.  I could use more fairytales and fantasies.  As long as they don't come to life.  I will put that one down.  I don't want them to come to life so everyone knows."

He stroked over her hair.  "I can understand that.  Everyone's got fantasies," Buffy."  He smiled.  "I wasn't too fond of the dress.  She had this ruffly, puffy thing of a wedding dress.  Looked like she made it out of curtains but I loved her enough even in that dress."  He finished his drink.  "Her daddy had some of his buddies try to stop her outside and I shot at his feet.  Then we went inside.  The minister was amused but Mary, she stood up to her parents when they tried to stop it again.  He pulled a gun and I pulled mine back out when it was time to say the vows.  Got him on the foot.  He was carried out crying and the minister went on after everyone calmed down and the cops had been there."  She giggled.  "Mary threw an unholy fit at her mom.  They never did consider me good enough for her.  Tried to take the boys away from me the day of the funeral.  I had a restraining order put in when CPS found I was okay, just grieving.  They even tried to bribe the judge but he had them arrested.  A few weeks after the honeymoon we had a slight accident with the birth control," he said dryly.

"You were just as insane for her as Sam is for Xander, huh?" she asked quietly.

He smiled and nodded.  "Yup.  The night she threw half the pots in the house at me to tell me she was pregnant she nearly died from the celebrating.  I nearly died from the celebrating.  Then Dean came out and he was the sweetest thing.  Until his first diaper.  Then I knew that God's punishment to mankind was children, not childbirth."  She giggled and nodded, giving his arm a hug.  "Mary used to hate diapers so she'd try to get me to change him by being sneaky."

"Sam's rule was 'if you have custody of him and he needs changed you're doing it'," she said.  "Did you hear?  Tara's pregnant."

"She'll be a great mom.  She was to Dean when the boys were at work."  She nodded.  He smiled at her.  "If you need to nap, go ahead, princess."

"Not a princess.  No kingdom would let me be a princess.  I have to fight and do ungirly things.  I used to do girly things.  I was a cheerleader.  I was eighth grade homecoming queen for my school," she said, looking up at him.  "I was on the debutante track and then I got poked with the slayer sharpie to redraw the hairy mole I had removed."

"The system sucks for you girls," he agreed quietly.

"The one before me got called at twelve," she said.  "It really sucked for her.  She didn't even get to be kissed by a boy.  Then again the Watchers raised her so she wouldn't have been kissed by a boy unless her Watcher was a sicko."  She looked up at him.  "Most slayers last nine months.  I've lasted since I was fifteen."

"I'm incredibly proud of you," he said honestly.  "You do things so hunters like my family don't have to.  I doubt many slayers could do what you have here, even if they did live as long as you have."  He stroked over her hair again.  "You do a lot of things that make you seem like some heroine in one of Xander's comic books."  She beamed at him for that.  "I couldn't do it, especially not in your shoes."

She giggled, punching him on the arm.  "They help and they make me look more fashionable, therefore more helpless, to the vamps."

"I've noticed that."  He heard someone on the stairs and started to move but the door was kicked in before he could.

"I hate you both!" he shouted.  "You ruined everything!"  He threw something at them then ran off into the night.

Buffy blinked.  "That was Jonathan.  He's a buddy of Warren's."  She got up to see what he had thrown.  "Um, John, it's a blinky thing."

He got up and moved her out of the way.  "That's a concussion or smoke grenade.  Move."  She moved, grabbing the bottle on the way.  He got them behind the couch before it went off, barely.  The smoke coming out was choking and smelled like chemicals.  "Can they make bioweapons?" he coughed.

She shrugged.  "Maybe?   Don't know.  No one's really sure what they can do."  She stood up and turned on the exhaust fan over his stove.  "It doesn't seem to be killing us so I'm guessing it's just a really bad chemistry experiment.  Did you see the shirt?  He was *clearly* trying to be Xander."

John stood up, looking at her.  "That's another thing I'll never have; I'll never be able to put things into a light like you did."  She smiled at that, preening a bit.  He felt his head start to get a bit dizzy and grabbed it.  "Maybe we're wrong and it is a biological agent."

She looked at the pieces.  "Probably magical."  She held up something.  "That's hair."  She dropped it and wiped her hand on her pants.  "Want to clear out?  Go kitty sit with Dean?"

"No, we should be fine," he decided, opening a window.  "Why didn't anyone come?"  She gave him a clueless look.  "No cops, no fire department?"

"After hours in Sunnydale?" she asked, snickering.  "Not happening.  We'll file a report tomorrow if he's still living."  She pulled out her cellphone and called Dean. "We're okay. The 'splody thing went boom and smelled way bad but Jonathan ran out nearly crying after he threw it at us.  Yeah, we're fine."

"We're fine, son," John said next to the phone.  He caught the scent of her perfume.  "You really went all out for the wedding."

"Of course, I was hoping some of them would be nice guys."  She smiled and hung up.  "Maybe some would move here so I'd have a shot.  Then I could be a princess vampire slayer for a day.  Go on vacation.  Get some great sex.  That stuff," she finished with a grin.  He grinned back.  Then he kissed her.  "Hmm, wondering if that was a lust bomb."

"Could be," he agreed.  "Or the liquor.  It is pretty strong."

"Hmm, is," she agreed, pulling him back to kiss him.  "Still tastes good."


Joyce pounded on Dean's door the next morning, getting him up.  He had bedhair and was mostly naked.  "Buffy never came home last night."

"She's with Dad.  They called after the woosey vampire threw some sort of grenade at them.  She called to say they were fine and she was giggling.  I heard a fan in the background.  Since they didn't show up anywhere looking for a bed I'm assuming it was fine."  He ran a hand through his hair.  "Want to go check?"

"Yes.  Jonathan was Warren's friend and we know what *he* did."  Dean nodded, going to get dressed.  She squatted down to pet the cat.  "Hi, Bastest.  I'll bring him back in a few minutes."  The cat nuzzled her hand then went to the couch.  "Did we not fix her?" she asked when Dean came out putting on his jacket.

"Melinda and Tara never agreed to."  He closed and locked the door, following her down to the Impala.  "Want a ride?"

"I'll follow you."  He nodded, getting in to drive.  She got into her SUV to drive after him, thinking hard.  Jonathan was a dead vampire by her hand if her daughter was hurt from him.  They parked and she followed him up the stairs, smiling at him pulling out his spare key.  It was probably safer.  He held up a hand and snuck inside, then came back out and closed the door as silently as he could, walking her back outside.  "Are they okay?"

He shook his head quickly.  "They're having a Xander and Sam moment actually."  She gaped.  "The fragments I found looked like spell residue.  Want me to go interrupt them? She might kill me."

She looked up there then at him, smirking evilly.  "Got a shotgun and Jim's number?"  He gaped.  "She's not on birth control, Dean.  Her cycle is in one week and about five days.  That means she's probably fertile."

"Hey, a new sister," he said happily.  "Dad'll beat us senseless."

"Everyone's still here.  Better do it now than to call them back."

He snickered.  "That's mean."

"I want my little girl to be happy, Dean.  As happy as Xander is.  At least your dad can help her with her duties and he understands her.  I won't force the marriage but I can make sure she wants him."

He considered it.  "Get Jim to agree," he sighed.  He'd be missing chunks of his ass but oh well.  If she did it for his dad, he'd get over the creepy feelings.  Then again, they had both changed him so it wasn't like he was hitting on them.  She smiled and went to find Jim at his hotel room.  He waited, watching the apartment.  A few of the other hunters came over.  "Guys, might want to wait.  Someone threw a lust spell grenade through dad's door last night.  Buffy's mom went to find Pastor Jim."  They snickered.  "So we'll see what's going to happen."  She and Jim came back.  He handed her a shotgun.  "Loaded with rocksalt.  It won't kill them but it'll hurt like a bitch."  She smiled.  "Know how?"

"Dean, sweetie, my father hunted anything that moved.  Nearly my husband twice too.  I should've let him."  They headed up there together.  She looked at the door.  "Hmm.  How does she do that."  Jim pointed at a spot so she kicked it in, bringing John running with a knife.  "Do try it, Jonathan Winchester!"  He stared at her, then behind her, blushing.  "I want to know your intentions."

"Mom, hangovers are evil.  You're yelling," Buffy called, coming out in her panties and nothing else.  She looked down and squeaked, hiding behind John's back.  "Um, mom.  Is that Dean's shotgun?"

"Yes, dear," she said with a sweet smile.  She looked at John, who blushed.  "Tell me I'm not going to be a grandmother!"

"She's not...."  He looked at Buffy.  "No birth control pills?"

"No reason to.  Hello, was dating Spike."  She shrugged.  "Riley was getting commando shots so he wasn't working right at all.  Besides, they made me feel sick.  I felt like I was pregnant."  She rubbed her forehead.  "Mom, why do you have Dean's shotgun?"

He coughed.  "For the same reason you're nearly naked, Buffy."

Buffy looked around his arm at her mother.  "Did you make Jonathan send in the nasty smelling grenade?"

Jim bent to look at things.  "Hmm.  He botched it.  This was to call a demon here to eat you both."  He stood up, dusting off his hands, looking at them.  "Well, John.  I expected this talk with Dean, not you."

"Not cute, Jim," he growled.  He put his hands on his hips, feeling Buffy moving more firmly behind his back.  "Buffy, go get dressed?"  She went to do that.  "Joyce, I'm an honorable man.  You can put it down."

She smirked.  "I want my girl to be happy, John.  Someone who understands her and knows what it's like to do this nightly."  He slumped, nodding.  "Now, should I have to fire at you, you're going to be in a bit of pain.  Dean said rocksalt hurts like hell."

"It does," he agreed.  "He hit me once when I was trying hard not to wake them up coming in from a hunt."

Buffy came out in her top.  "Um, can't find my skirt," she said, finding it under the couch.  "How did you get down here?"  She slid into it then her shoes.  "Mom, put down the gun?  Please?  Not like *that* happened.  John let me snuggle and we groped, nothing else."

She looked at her. "Are you sure?"  Buffy shrugged.  "Buffy, think, dear.  Your cycle's in just under two weeks."  Buffy went pale.  "I'll put it down and walk away if you didn't."

"Um...."  She looked at John.  "The whiskey was pretty strong."

He nodded.  "It was.  The grenade too."  He considered it then went to get pants on at least.  He checked himself, coming out shaking his head.  "You should shoot me.  I'm sorry, Buffy."

"That's why there's the morning after pills," she said bluntly, standing up.  "I love you, Mom.  You're great and neat and all that, but even then he couldn't want me."

"Shut up," John said.  "You're a beautiful young woman, Buffy."  She gave him a  stunned look.  "You and Xander both think you're only good for your muscles and what you can do to save the world.  You're more than that.  I wanted to beat that attitude out of him but I know where his comes from.  I'm not sure where yours does since your mother has sense and good taste.  I know she didn't beat you that way."  She slowly shook her head.  "Then quit!  You're more than the slayer.  Get over it as you say."

She blinked.  "Wow," she said weakly.  "Well, I guess I'm pretty.  Still.  For a few more years."  She shrugged.

Her mother gave her a look then swatted her hard.  "Shut up.  You're being a bimbo again, Buffy."


John snickered.  "She pretended so long it became a reality?"

"Could be."

Buffy scowled at them.  John stared at her.  "Buffy, do something for me," he said suddenly.  "Pinch yourself."  She pinched herself and he rubbed the same spot.  "Jim, we need to know how he messed it up."

She called Willow.  "Wicca 911.  Jonathan threw a spell grenade at me and John last night."  He patted himself on the arm and she felt it, giving him an odd look.  "I'm feeling it when John touches his arm, Willow.  He felt me pinch myself.  Mom's here with a shotgun and a minister."  She hung up.  "Give her ten."

"Dean, go get Willow ASAP!" John yelled.  He heard the car start and pull out.  He sat down on the couch.  "Okay, let's calm down and think."

"If what you're thinking is right," Jim started.

"I need the shotgun," Joyce said.

Willow and Dean showed up five minutes later.  Willow found the spell and knelt to look at it.  "Oh, fudgescicles."  She looked up.  "Felt hot and wanted each other?"  Buffy slowly nodded.  "Were you drinking or anything?"  She nodded again.  "It might've only linked you but the sex sealed it I think."  She called Giles.  "It's me.  What you found out Jonathan had ordered was right.  It's here.  He put it into a grenade casing, Giles.  Buffy and John.  They had sex by the looks of them."  She handed the phone to Joyce.  "Here.  Let him read to you."  She pulled them back to the bedroom to look at them.  "We'll have to negate the secondary portion of the spell.  It was to get you out of the way, Buffy.  To make it so you could not slay because you'd be...."  She waved at her stomach.  "Sprung."  Buffy went pale.  "At least he didn't pick some dweeb to hitch you to.  The good news is...."

"Giles said he can't counter it if they had actual sex, Willow," she called.

John swallowed.  "Buffy?"  She went into the bathroom, coming out pale.  "Yes?"

"Yeah, after effects."  She blushed, glancing at the bed then at him.  "Okay.  Now what?"

"I think your mom was right to borrow the shotgun," Willow said.  She 'eeped' and ran out at the dual glares.

Buffy looked at him.  "This is not what I intended when I came over last night." she said.  "I intended to cheer you up a bit.  Not to end up claimed and mated."  She sat on the bed, looking at him.  "I'm not going to..."

"I taught my sons to be honorable men and I am one, Buffy," he said firmly.  He looked at her.  "Want to be a princess on renewal?"  She gave him a look.  "If we're stuck this way, we're already technically bound."

She slumped.  "It's not right.  I feel like one of those sleazy girls who does it to trap some guy into marriage.  I'm not that sort of bimbo."  He swatted her.  "Hey!"

"Don't put yourself down again, Buffy."  She pouted at him.  "Sammy does that better."  She cracked, giggling as he had intended.  "So I guess the question is, want gold or silver?"

She blinked at him.  "But..."  She waved at the ring he still wore.

"She'd kick my hind end if I didn't.  I'd do it to myself."  She slumped again.  "Jim?"  He came in.  "How long can you stay?"

"Two weeks at the most.  I have a birthing I've got to attend.  They're inducing that day.  Why?"

He hauled her up.  "She wants to be a princess.  Besides, we need Sammy back here."

Jim nodded.  "We can do that."  He smiled at Buffy, kissing her on the forehead.  "You'll do fine."  He left, nodding at Joyce, who smiled and handed the shotgun back.  "We'll let you two finish talking and getting dressed.  Meet you at the store?"

"Sure, fine," John agreed, walking them out.  "Make Dean not snicker or try to prank me.  Little smug bastard," he muttered.  Joyce walked off laughing.  He closed the door, looking at her when she came out.  "Well."

"Yeah, well.  A big, deep one full of horse manure."  She sat down again, looking at him.  "I'm not going to make you...."  He kissed her and she remembered some of last night, moaning into his mouth.  "John!"

"Get the pills on the way.  Got something to change into?"

"I'll shower at the store.  I have in the past," she said.  He nodded, going to shower and get dressed while she looked around.  This is not what she expected on Xander's wedding night.  A minor apocalypse but getting married was a major one!


Sam blinked as he answered his phone. "Dean, trying to sleep for the next round, dude."  He blinked, sitting up.  "Excuse me?  Say it without the laughter this time?" he ordered.  Xander moaned, reaching up to tease his stomach.  He listened to it, smiling halfway through.  It was so comical.  "Uh-huh.  When?"

"What?" Xander asked, sounding sleepy.  Sam kissed him.  Xander smiled.  "Fine, I can wait."

Sam listened then nodded. "We'll be there."  He hung up, flipping over to land on top of Xander, looking down at him.  "Jonathan was the new master moving in."  Xander groaned.  "He threw a spell grenade through Dad's door while he had Buffy over for a drink after the wedding and patrol.  It bound them.  Dean said he's feeling it when she bumps her elbow and things."

"So we're going to be going home to a shotgun wedding?"

"Dean said the first thing she did was take a morning after pill."

"Oh, thank God.  I don't think I could handle Buffy having mood swings."

Sam smirked.  "We get to razz them."

Xander gave him an even more evil smirk. "Didn't you hear about Buffy's celebration curse?  Any celebration she's at has an attack."  Sam gaped.  "It wasn't just the ones during the wedding.  Something like that has to take time and prep.  They planned to hit her and whoever she was with that night."

"Oh shit," he muttered.  "Well, Warren can have some company in hell since he committed suicide before I could get him for shooting you.  Jonathan should be right beside him somewhere."

"We need to find Andrew and threaten him when we get back.  When is it?"

"Next Saturday."  He took a kiss.  "Buffy wants to be a princess."

"We'll have to rebless the ground or the store, then make sure nothing and no one will attack with the witches."

Sam smirked.  "No one would *dare* mess up Dad's wedding day, Xander.  Even the demons are scared to death of him."  He took another kiss.  "Now, I believe I was going to make you scream my name in another key, wasn't that what I promised?"

Xander moaned.  "I'm tired, Sam."

"I know, Xander, but it'll be fun. Then we'll nap, go pick on Angel a bit, then come back after dinner and do it again."

Xander considered it.  "Sounds like a honeymoon to me."  He pulled Sam down to kiss him properly.


"The kinky twins have returned," Dean joked when Sam walked into the store with a sleepy Xander.  "What's wrong?  Too much in the car?" he joked.

"No, he took a nap on the way back."  He settled him onto the couch next to Tara, letting her hold him.  "So, shotgun?"

"It was only fair.  He got me to mine with one."  He smirked evilly at his father when he came out of the back room.  "I leant mine to Joyce so she could defend her daughter's honor."

"Thankfully the healer said she's not pregnant," John said.

Xander blinked at him.  "If she was, we'd get you a stun gun for the mood swings."

"I can handle mood swings, Xander."

"Better than I could hopefully," Sam said.  "Xander had this bad habit of throwing things at everyone.  He even released the sock demon when he finally broke that urn the fifth try."

"I want siblings, someone work harder on that," Dean complained, heading to help Anya stock.  She had celebrated with a few of the hunters until they all ended up in the ER with chest pains.  It was his good deed for the week.

"Is that how you're announcing your choice, son?" John asked Dean's back.

"No, she and a few of the younger boys celebrated the wedding until they ended up in the ER last night, Dad."

"It was good and one of them can do Xander's tongue thing," Anya said happily.  She looked sated and content.  "I'll have to find him again sometime soon for more since he lives in LA now."  She went back to her stocking.

"We're all insane," Buffy muttered.

"It's Sunnydale," Sam agreed happily.  "It's what the hellmouth does to us."

She looked at John.  "Can we blow it up?"

"Sure, we can do that."

"We're nearly done with the school, Dad," Sam complained. "They'll make us do it again."

"Son, I'm talking the whole town," John said, looking serious.

"Warehouse on eighteenth," Xander said, half asleep.  "The mugrats have 'splosives for sale cheaply.  Only want Anya for a night.  Even have something nuclear but they're still trying to figure it out."

Anya came out of the shelves.  "The mugwraiths want me?"

He blinked at her and nodded.  "Have for a while now.  They want you to be a clan guardian or something."

"That's a prestigious position.  They're procurers for most of the demon world."  She looked around.  "I could open my own store."  Xander nodded.  "Hmm."

"We want all the weapons, explosives, and all the harmful things they have presently," Dean said.  "We'll handle them and what we don't need we'll make sure it only hits hunters or the ATF."

She shrugged. "Let me talk to them."  She went to talk to them, bringing John with her.

Xander looked at Dean.  "Something I learned from D&D, sewers create huge explosions.  Ones that can carry on under the right circumstances."

"And that would cover the town," he said thoughtfully.

"Then what would I do?" Buffy complained.

Xander smirked.  "Move to Kansas with John?"

She blushed, heading back into the workroom.  "Sam, you did it too much, he's silly again."

Dean looked at Sam, he was thinking hard.  "What?" he asked.  "Your giant brain is spinning, college boy."

"The methane demons that we have to keep running out of the sewers."  Dean gaped.  "If we don't it's an explosion risk, right?"  Dean walked off shuddering.  "Well, it'd work!"

"They're gross too," Xander said, putting his head back on Tara's lap.  "Nice auntie's lap," he sighed in pleasure.  She giggled, stroking over his hair.  "Tara, he's mean.  He woke me up and wouldn't let me have sex this morning."

"Poor baby," she cooed.

"I thought we should get home and we got up late," Sam reminded him.  "You can have sex for lunch, Xander."

"Hmm, I make a good sandwich as long as you don't bite really hard," he teased.

"Yeah, you nearly proved it by making Angel bite you," he agreed dryly.  Buffy leaned out of the practice room to give him an odd look.  "He went to pout that they hadn't come up for the wedding."

"Oh.  Yeah, that was kinda strange."  She withdrew, knowing that Angel would call to complain soon.  He did every other time he had to run into Xander.  Maybe Angel had a Xander fixation now?  That's why he was always calling to talk about him?  She'd have to ask John if that was the literal definition.  Just in case.  She'd hate to see Sam stake him.


Xander walked into the demon clinic a few days after Sam and Dean had left to help Bobby, blinking at the receptionist.  "Is my OB here?"  She nodded.  "Can I see her really quick?  I feel like shit and my stomach hurts behind the flap."

"I'll get her.  You sit."  He sat down, holding his stomach.  She went to tell her.  "Mr. Harris is here.  He said his stomach hurts behind the flap.  He's pale and said he feels bad."

She went to bring him back to a room, looking him over.  She looked at his stomach, frowning.  "How did you create extra eggs?"

Xander blinked. "Huh?"

"You have eggs."  She looked at him.  "You're also pregnant."  He passed out.  "Oh, dear."  She frowned, helping him come back around.  "What happened?"  He told her about the sex, getting a head shake.  "It would take magic, Xander.  It must to create the eggs and pass the barrier."

He blinked.  "Four days or so before the wedding Sam broke a vial that Druscilla had given us."

"Describe it?"

"Tara said it was cross-species fertility.  Oh, shit!  I'm having a baby demon this time?"

She checked then shook her head.  "Human.  Fully human."  Xander slumped.  "Both of them."  He gave her a horrified look then burst out laughing.  "Hmm.  Perhaps you should rest for a bit more.  Let me get some things."  She went to get something to tell spells and came back to find him on his side in a little ball.  "Let me near it, Xander."  He flipped onto his back, letting her have access to his stomach.  She ran the wand over his stomach, nodding.  "It is fertility magic.  It implanted eggs into a small sac.  Like an ovary in certain species of fish."  She looked at him.  He was passed out again.  She checked his general health.  He was tired and weak.  The next time he woke up she looked at him.  "Where is your mate?"

"Hunting," he said weakly.  "Six weeks."

"Then we will deal with it as we did last time," she told him.  He gave her a look.  "Unless you do not want to?"

He blinked, then sniffled.  "I don't know!"

"That is fine.  Do you want to talk to someone?  You have time."  He nodded, letting her help him off the bed.  "Here, you give this to your witches," she said, writing it down.  "They will know how to cancel it once you're no longer with child.  It cannot be done until then.  You'll miscarry."  He nodded, trudging out.  She went to pull his chart and make notes.  That was not a happy mother.

Xander walked into the gallery and burst out crying, hugging Joyce, babbling at her even though someone was in there.  She got him into the office and settled down, going out to write out the receipt for the nice customer then coming back to cuddle and talk to him.  Even though he made her promise not to tell anyone, especially Sam until he had figured things out.


Buffy watched Xander sulk around the shop, frowning.  "You could call him."

"I did earlier.  He's out hunting the thing down tonight."  He shrugged.  "You call yours yet?"

"Twice.  I'm a bit clingy and he's off doing dangerous stuff.  Stuff that Riley's people should be doing really."  She sat down next to him, giving him a hug.  "Want to talk?"

"No."  He looked at her.  "Not yet."  She nodded, leaving him alone for now.  He looked at Tara when she came in.  "What did you think that vial Dru gave us did?"  She shrugged.  "Beyond it being *fertility* magic?"  She gave him a horrified look.  He pulled her down next to him to hiss in her ear, getting a hug back.  He subtly held up two fingers, making her moan lightly.  "Yeah.  So the next time you see it."

"I'll know what it does.  Have you told ..."  He shook his head.  "Why not?"

"Not sure."

She pouted.  "Fine.  You can be not sure.  That's up to you."  She snuggled into his side.  "My doctor doesn't want me to be here."

"That's because being here carries a higher risk of miscarriage, brain damage, or death for both of you," he said dryly.  "Most women are forced out of town when they're pregnant."  She pouted.  "It's nearly summer vacation.  Go somewhere with her.  Take a vacation.  You know it goes slower here.  Head for the east coast, go see pretty people."

She shrugged.  "I didn't budget that."  He gave her a look then hauled her up with him, taking her to the bank.  He walked her inside and to the teller, writing down an account number on a withdrawal slip then looked at her then wrote down an amount.  "Here."

"Going on another roadtrip?" the teller asked.

"She's pregnant.  Her doc forgot to warn her that carrying here is dangerous.  Speaking of, what did my mother have?"

"One of the poor ones without anything inside. CPS already got the baby, Xander," she said quietly.

"I figured they had if they lived," he said.  "So now I'm doing the same thing for her."  That got a nod and the teller bundled up the cash for him into an envelope.  He handed it to her.  "Go, shoo.  Tonight.  Willow should've already drug you out of town."


"Hush," he ordered.  She pouted.  "Tonight.  This is the time when the baby's doing the most developing.  You need to go tonight."

"We were protected."

"Yay you.  Go.  Now."  She pouted but nodded, so he took her back to the Magic Box.  "Willow and Tara are going on a trip before something happens to the baby."

"We did...."

Xander glared at her.  "Yay.  Go.  Tonight."

She shrank down.  "You're right, it's probably not enough."  She smiled at Tara.  "Do we have money?"

"Yes.  You can pay me back sometime," Xander said patiently.  "Shoo!"  They ran out and he sat down again.  Giles gave him a long look.  "You know very well why I had to."

"I do.  I was wondering at the forcefulness of it."

"She should have done it as soon as Tara got pregnant."

"I know.  I was wondering when they were going to go."  He shrugged.  "It's nearly summer.  It'll be fine."  He went back to his dusting.  "Are you feeling all right?  You look a bit pale."

"I'm fine.  Stomach flu," Xander told him.  "I saw the healer, that's what she said," he said when Giles opened his mouth.

"Then perhaps you should go home and play with your cat?"

"Home is boring. The cable's off.  Some idiot up the street ran into the pole."  He got up, heading home to play with the cat.  She was enjoying kneading his stomach.  He sat down, letting her do it.  "So you know too, huh?"  She meowed and cuddled into his lap to let him pet her.  She was good stress relief.  Plus she was helpful while he thought.  Kids?  Already?  He wasn't sure he could handle a normal kid.  Dean hadn't been one.  He texted him to make sure they were okay.  Well, he texted Dean to call his cat, but he'd understand.


Dean looked at his phone, snickering.  "Your boy just told me to call my cat."

"He's worried about us," Sam said, smiling at him.  "That's a non-mushy way of saying call him."

"We'll do it once we have this sucker back in the ground."  They went back to tracking the zombie.  Not their primary concern but they had run across it and it wasn't a happy thing.


Buffy paced in the lobby of the clinic a few weeks later.  "Do we know anything yet?"

"No, miss.  Please sit down?  You're scaring the other patients."

Buffy scowled at her.  "Go.  Find.  Something.  Out."  She went to do that before the slayer went through the glass and killed her for not having new news.  She looked down when one child demon tugged on her hand.  "What's up?"

"Why are you mad?  Did a demon do a bad thing?" he asked.

She smiled.  "No.  You've seen Xander, right?  The dark haired one who's married to Sam?"  He giggled but nodded.  They all liked to watch Sam.  "Well, Xander passed out at work today.  We don't know why."

"Oooh.  So you're worried?"

"I'm very worried.  See," she said, squatting down to get on his height.  "Sam is somewhere in Iowa, heading for South Dakota today.  He won't be back for three weeks.  So we have to worry about Xander while he's gone.  Not that I'm not worried anyway because if the big dummy is hiding serious stuff from me I'm going to beat him a little bit once he's better."  The child laughed and she straightened out his shirt.  "There you go.  You don't have to worry about me.  Okay?"  He nodded, going back to his mother's side.  She looked over as Xander's healer came out, walking up to her.  "What happened?"

"He needs to eat more often."

"I've seen Xander doing nothing but eating."

"Yes but he's not keeping it down."

She frowned.  "He's pregnant again!"

"Hmm.  With twins.  Morning sickness struck early."

"HOW?  We were told it took magic!"

"It did.  Druscilla gave them the magic.  It broke before the wedding."

She counted back.  "That was eight weeks ago.   Oh, damn.  Sam won't be back for three weeks."  She looked at her.  "How long has the idiot known?"

"A few weeks.  Since your witches left."

"That must be why Mom's watching him."  She nodded.  "He told my mom?"  She nodded, smiling a bit.  "Okay, what do we do?  Besides make him eat and keep it down?"

"He needs to rest.  He's been worrying and not sleeping.  I'm about to call his supervisor as well."

"Oh, let me.  I want to see his face."  She handed over the excuse.  "When can I bring him home?"

"A few days.  We'll keep him safe in our ward."  Buffy nodded, walking off.  "You can come see him tonight."

"Sure.  He'll only eat jell-o when he's in a hospital."

"I'll make note of that."  She watched her go, shaking her head.  That poor girl.  She had too much to do.

Buffy walked over to the site, waving at the foreman to come outside the fence.  He jogged over and she handed him the note.  "Again."

"Again what?"  He looked then he went pale.  "Again!"

"Remember him complaining about Dru?"  He nodded slowly.  "Well, Dru broke in and gave them christmas presents Dean's first one."

"I remember him complaining about that."

"What she gave him was a vial with the stuff to create twins and make it happen.  It wasn't labeled if I remember right.  Sam broke it a few days before the wedding by accident."  He groaned.  "So, Xander's resting."

"Hold on, twins?"

"Yup," she said dryly.

"Aw, crap," he muttered.

"I have the feeling that's what he was feeling.  She said morning sickness struck early."

"Wonderful.  How long?"  He looked at the paper.  "Will we have Sam back by then?"

"Probably but you know they're moving when Sam gets back, right?"  He smiled and nodded.  "Good.  So, he's at the demon clinic.  I've got to go get his cat to take care of her.  I've got Miss Kitty too.  I'm starting to feel like the crazy cat lady that lives on sixth."  He walked off laughing.  She smiled, walking over to Xander's place.  She smiled at the pitiful meow she got in greeting.  "Come on, you can come play with Miss Kitty while Xander's in the hospital."  She picked her and her food up.  She had a litter box so she could pick up more litter on the way home.  The cat jumped down once she was outside, using a bush.  "I'll clean it later, Bastest."  She picked her back up and put her into her purse, letting her peek her head out if she wanted to on the way home.  "Mom?"  She came out of the kitchen.  "Twins?"

"He finally told you guys?"

"No, he collapsed at work because morning sickness is keeping him from eating."  She let the cat out, watching her scamper off.  "I'll get more litter on my way back from cleaning her litter box at home."  She grabbed dinner then went to do that, smiling at the phone that wouldn't quit ringing as she walked up the stairs.  She grabbed it.  "It's me."  She smiled.  "Well, no, he feels like crap so I'm familiar sitting for you guys too.  Yeah, she's with Mom.  He's at the demon clinic.  Passed out at work.  Well, it was about ninety today," she admitted.  She grinned. "I'm sure he's going to be fine, Dean.  Nope, he's not allowed his cellphone. I will.  I'm going to see him tonight while I'm on patrol.  It'll be fine, I'm sure it will be.  When are you guys coming back?  Two weeks, really?"  She grimaced.  "No sooner?  Well, I am feeling a bit like the crazy cat lady that he had to help hunt cats down for.  He sent Tara out of town for the baby's health too.  No, he should be fine but I'm not sure I can handle kitty sitting both cats, ya know?"  She smiled.  "Thanks, Dean.  Love you boys too.  Yup, call me when you get into town and I'll let you know which couch he's on.  Laters.  Cleaning the litterbox."  He laughed and hung up.  She went to do that with a sigh.  She was not going to tell her step-son that he was about to become an uncle, twice.  It wasn't her news to tell.

Too bad she forgot to tell the demons at the clinic not to gossip.


Sam stretched as he went to answer the door, taking the note from the motel keeper.  "Thanks."  She nodded and left.  He looked at it, kicking Dean's bed.  "Hey."

"Better be good," Dean mumbled.  "Was having one of those good dreams."

"Someone wants to meet us at the bar at ten tonight."

Dean looked at him.  "Why?  New job?  We're on our way home.  That way you can get laid and actually *sleep* again."

"Doesn't say."  He handed it over on his way to take a shower.

Dean looked at it then grumbled, heading to start his day too.  Because flushing the toilet while Sam was in the shower to watch him shriek never got old.


Dean sat down at the bar, taking his beer from the waitress.  "Hey, someone told us to meet him here?"

"He's running a bit late, Mr. Winchester.  No brother?"

"Sam's emailing someone from the car.  Why?"

"Well, it's about his spouse from what I heard."  Dean stiffened.  She beamed.  "It's all over the demon networks.  Congratulations!"  She pinched his cheek and walked off.

Dean walked outside, pulling Sam inside with him, getting a few laughs.  He put him in front of the waitress. "Tell him please?  Xander hasn't shared yet."

She used her tentacle to pat him on the cheek.  "I heard through the grapevine that you're expecting again.  Congratulations."

"I am?"

"Uh-huh.  I heard that your mate fell down at work so they brought him back to his OB.  The slayer was pacing and really worried but a little kid got her to talk."  She pointed.  "There's the guy who wanted to see you two."  She skipped off.

Dean grabbed that demon and brought him over to the table, letting Sam have the beer.  "Does this have to do with his kid?"

"The twins?  No!"  He smiled.  "No, we heard that there's some Watchers looking for you boys in the next county.  They were going to hit the motel today.  This got you boys out of the way because you know how *they* are."

"Yeah," Sam said, taking the beer to drink.  "Twins?"

"He hasn't told you?"

"No.  Then again we heard last night he was in the demon clinic for a while."

"He's apparently on some bed rest.  Passed out at work."

"Buffy told us that part," Dean admitted.  "She never said he was pregnant again."

"Uh-huh.  He apparently found out the same day he sent the witches off for the health of their baby.  I heard a rumor about Druscilla's present being responsible."  Sam let out a small, hysterical sounding chuckle.  "Wasn't planned huh?"

"No, it wasn't.  Soon but not right now.  Thanks for the info on the Watchers.  Any idea how many?"

"Four.  Extraction team."

"They're going to need more than that to get us," Dean promised, earning a smile.  "Thanks."  He put down money for the beer and they left.  Dean headed for the car.  Sam walked around the side of the building to throw a fit.  "He was probably waiting until we got home to tell us," Dean called after him.  Sam came back looking calmer.  "Want me to get you some beer on the way home?"

"No, I think I should abstain for a bit," he admitted quietly.

"Why?" Dean asked.

"Dean, the vial of stuff Dru gave us broke when I accidentally knocked it down.  Xander was behind me."  Dean went pale.  "Do we know of any of those sort of demons?"

"We can be home in four days.  Can you wait?"

"I can wait," he decided.  "Bobby?"

"We'll call."  He called him. "It's us.  Xander's pregnant."  Bobby choked.  "That present that we complained about?  It did it.  Collapsed at work.  Dad's there?  He need us?"  He grinned at Sam.  "Heading back home, yeah.  Immediately since he collapsed at work.  Twins from what we heard from the demon here that warned us there were Watchers coming for us.  Sure, see you guys soon.  Come see the new house."  He hung up and got in to drive, Sam following along like he was in deep thought and on automatic.  Which he probably was.  "Want me to ask?"

"No, I can wait the four days."  Dean nodded, backing out of the parking lot, watching the cars as he pulled out.  He saw one coming and it was intensely suspicious.  He drove off a ways, watching it.  Then he dialed the number on the bar's sign.  "It's Winchester.  Watchers are there."  He hung up, watching as the bar emptied and the Watchers were overrun before they could even get out of the van.  Everything in there fled.  Down to the waitress.  He drove them on.  "Okay, I'm not letting you drive, dude."

"Probably a good idea."

"You were all prepared to have me."

"That was three years ago, Dean.  Different circumstance."

"Well, hey, if Mom's pregnant, I get siblings," he said happily.  Sam punched him on the arm.  Dean laughed.  "Need to workout more, Sammy."  He sped up once he hit the main road, heading back toward home.


Sam walked into the clinic three nights later.  Dean had hit the interstate for a bit, making it go a lot faster.  He smiled at the receptionist.  "Is my mate here?"  She nodded slowly.  "Can I talk to the doctor first?"

"She's in with him."  She led him back there, letting him into the ward Xander was on.

Sam walked over slowly, watching his mate give him worried looks.  He leaned down to get into his face.  "You couldn't call?"

"You were going to be home soon."

"Uh-huh.  You still should've called."

"It would've taken your mind off the hunt?" he said, looking hesitant.

Sam kissed him.  "You can be scared.  I am."  He looked at the doctor.  "Can you please check me too?  Just in case?"  She nodded, running a hand over his abdomen.  She nodded.  "I am?"

"One single one."

Sam went weak-kneed and Xander pulled him onto the bed.  "Can we resurrect Dru and kill her again?"  He snuggled in, stroking over Xander's stomach.  "At least this time I don't have to search for you."

"No, you don't.  His are human too, right?"  She nodded.  "Does he have the fishy egg pouch thingy?"  She nodded again, leaving them alone.  "I'm sorry she sucked you guys into her thing against me."

"Shut up, Xander."  He kissed him.  "We'll have triplets.  Even if mine is two days younger than yours."  Xander looked hurt.  "Remember, you couldn't that night.  The night before the wedding we couldn't be with each other so I took that towel I had you scent for me and had some fun with it."  Xander blushed.  "Basically.  So I'm guessing that's how it happened?"  He found the doctor with another patient.  "It's his, right?"  She nodded.  "See?"  He kissed him again, getting a small moan.  "Why are you in here?"


"Hmm.  Morning sickness?"

"That, heat sickness.  Buffy's been too busy to watch over me and she won't let me go home alone."

"Hmm.  Well, we're back now.  She still have Bastest?"  Xander nodded.  "That's fine then."  He looked over as the doctor came back.  "Can we take him tonight or tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow morning."  He nodded, giving Xander a kiss then getting off the bed.  "Thank you.  We don't allow conjugal visits in the hospital, boys.  You eat something too."

"Yes, ma'am."  He smiled at Xander.  "We'll come get you in the morning.  Dean's been babbling for three days."  He winked then left, heading back to the new place.  He walked in, slammed the door, then started to kick it.

"So I take it you're knocked up too?" Dean asked cheerfully from the couch.

"Yup.  Just one though.  He is having twins.  They're each other's.  Ooh, and get this, I now have a fishy egg pouch thingy thanks to that stupid ass potion."

"Fishy egg pouch thingy?  So you're making your own eggs?"  Sam nodded, resting his head against the door.  "Well, it's a good thing you're the girl of the two of us."  Sam turned and threw something at him.  "Hey!  That's his thing, not yours."

"I learned new tricks," he said.  "God, we're going to have three of them!"  He covered his face.  "We're going to go insane."

"Thankfully I'll be living above the garage and Dad lives up the road," Dean reminded him dryly.  "Plus we've got everything here paid ahead for over a year."  Sam gave him a look.  "We do.  You saved a hell of a lot living with Xander.  Even with all the time you had to take off with me.  That's not counting where you and Willow looted."  He patted him on the back.  "How's his savings doing?"

"Probably healthy, even if he did give some to Tara.  We still have to warn Giles about the Watchers."

"I'll do that.   You ...go nest or whatever."

"We can get him tomorrow.  Anything left at the old place?"


"I'll do it while you tell Giles."  Dean nodded, driving him over to do that.  He could take Xander's car.   He could even use the time to clean the house so it was spotless.  Plus spackle the holes where they had nails.

Dean walked into the Magic Box, waving a hand.  "We're back."  Giles and Joyce smiled.  "Sam's pregnant too."  Giles spluttered.  "Ah, you didn't know.  Xander's carrying twins."

"Should he leave like the other pregnant women?" Giles asked.

"We'll ask tomorrow when we go to spring him.  Any other happy news?" he asked Joyce.

"She's not.  The pill pack worked."

"Good.  Dad's at Bobby's.  We're at the new place after Sammy does laundry.   Sam's having a mental fit about triplets.  Giles, your former bosses are looking for us."

"They tried here already and I told them to blow themselves up.  Then I relented and calmly told them you were heading to join up with your father.  After a suitable warning of course."

Dean smirked.  "That's so mean.  So anyway, can I get the cats?"

"Please do.  Buffy's been cranky with the kitty fur issue."  Dean nodded, walking her out to the car to take her home and grab both the cats.  She helped Dean move them to the new place, smiling at what they had done to it already.  "I like this."

"Mostly all we did was move in," Dean told her.  "The poltergeist had nice tastes."  He let the cats down, getting stereo 'what the hell' looks.  "This is the new home.  Miss Kitty, you're staying until your mommy comes home."  They unloaded the litter boxes and food, putting them where they'd be good for the cats.  Then they sat down to wait on Sam.  "He's still on automatic."

"It didn't become real to Xander last time until you kicked him the first time.  His boss said he dropped the power saw nearly on his foot when you did."  Dean shook his head slowly.  "So it'll become real to them eventually."  Dean's cellphone rang.  "Your father or Sam?"

"Dad."  He answered it. "You're in the presence of greatness.  Yes, that is how you taught me to answer the phone.  You said to identify myself."  She giggled.  "No, I haven't already brought home some woman, Dad.  That's your mother-in-law.  We got the cats, Sammy's doing laundry.  Probably cleaning some.  Why do pregnant people like to clean?" he asked.  His father dropped the phone into something that sounded like running water.  "I'm going to laugh if he dropped that in the toilet."  He hung up and waited.  It'd take a while for his father to clean the phone off and dry it.  "So."

"So," she agreed.  "Nursery?"  He led her upstairs to show her the room Sam wanted.  She sighed in pleasure.  "This is perfect."

"Thank God we went with the house with six bedrooms."  She swatted him, walking off shaking her head.  "Want a ride?"

"Buffy's coming up the street, I saw her skirt.  John needs to spank her for wearing that one."

Dean followed her down, taking a picture of her to send to John.  "Dad said hi.  He dropped the phone in the toilet when I told him Sam's pregnant too."

She gaped then burst out laughing.  "Oh, my God.  Triplets!"

"In two parents' bodies," he agreed happily.  She cackled at that.  "Plus Tara's."

"We're going to be overrun with babies," she said happily.

"And Watchers.  They're looking for us."

She snorted, waving a hand.  "Screw them.  They're idiots.  I'll handle them if I have to, even in a Xander approved manner."  She walked her mom off.  "Did we drop off the kitties so I don't have to lint roll?"

"Yes, we did," she said patiently.  "I'm going to paddle you for wearing that on patrol, Buffy."

"It's cute!"

"You're married now," Joyce said in the same tone of voice.

Buffy pouted. "He wouldn't mind."  Her phone rang and she smiled.  "See, he got the picture."  She answered it.  "Hi, John."  She pouted.  "But I look adorable."  He said something else, making her blush.  "Is that why you dropped the phone in the toilet?  So you could make a dirty phone call?"  Joyce shook her head, walking off again.  "Hold on, walking Mom home.  Sure, I'll change.  They're all moved in I guess.  Well, Xander's car is at the laundromat so Sam's probably doing laundry.  Unless the car is sentient but that hasn't happened yet so I'm doubting it's going to."  She laughed at his assertion of 'it could...there'.  "I know.  So anyway, Xander gets to come home tomorrow.  Dean warned me that the Watchers are out looking for Winchesters, and I'm still adorable because no one's here to appreciate me."  She laughed and hung up on his growl.  "Teach my man to be out of town for six weeks without even kissing me goodbye."  Her mother laughed at that.  "It will."  She let her into the house.  "Here you go."  She walked off, heading for the Magic Box.  "Where are the idiots in the black van?"

"They'll probably be here tonight."  He looked at her. "Isn't that one a bit short?  You usually complain that you have to keep pushing it down while you run."

"Well, yeah, but I'm missing my man and he's still *there*."  She beamed.  "Gonna finish patrol.  Laters."  She strolled off, finding the black van they were worried about at the clinic.  "Oh, this isn't going to be pretty."  She headed that way but about a block away the van blew up and men came running, holding their backsides.  "Hey!" she shouted.  They stared then one came at her.  She thumped him and got him down, then the others.  Xander came out of the clinic.  "Go back to bed!"

"They tried to cap my OB!  Fat chance."  He looked at the burning pile of van.  "Huh, it worked."  He smirked at her.  "Sam made me learn how to blow things up magically."

"Why are you using magic?"

"Dean made it start."

"Oh, charming.  It can't be good for them."

He shrugged.  "I'll let the OB tell me that."  He calmly reloaded the gun in his hand, then pointed it at the first one who moved. "And you wanted what?" he demanded.

"How you did it," he moaned.

"How I did what?"

"Gave birth."

"There was a really hard rebirth spell and the demon over it decided Xander should carry Dean instead of Sam," Buffy said cheerfully.  She saw Faith and waved.  "They wanted to know about bellybutton babies."

"Are they considered human?" she asked.

"Yeah, unfortunately," Buffy sighed.  "Pity."

"Very," Faith agreed.

Xander shot at one who moved.  "I'd stop.  Hormones are *fun*," he growled.

"Xander!" Sam shouted.  He jogged over, taking the gun from him.  "Hi, how are you?" he said with a grin.  "What are you doing out of bed?"

"They came in to try to kidnap me!  I wanted to hurt them.  A lot!  You mind?"

"Not really," Sam admitted, grinning.  "But if the OB keeps you I can't show you our surprise in the morning."

Xander pouted.  "Surprise?"  Dean came driving up and stopped, getting out.  "Hi.  Morning."

"Not quite.  Few more hours," he said dryly, looking at the guys on the ground.  "What are we doing with them?"

"If Willow was still here we could turn them into animals and send them home again," Buffy offered happily.  "Like the last time they tried stuff," she said at Faith's odd look in her direction.

"Yeah," Faith said.  She looked around, spotting a demon.  "They harmful?"  Everyone looked then shook their heads.  "Good."  She waved it over.  "Now!" she snapped when it didn't come.  It jogged over.  "See these people?"  It nodded, looking scared.  "They're Watchers here to hurt Xander and his babies."  The demon babbled at Xander, smiling and patting his stomach.

"That was a congratulations, your eggs should bring you as much joy and insanity as mine do to me," Sam told him.  "I'm carrying one and he's got two," he said in the demon's language.  It gave him an awed look and nodded, pointing at them.  Sam explained and it nodded.  "Angel for gift giving or someone else?"

"Angel can send them back," Buffy said.  "Wes would like to sneer too probably."  The demon nodded and whistled, bringing others to help him pick them up and take them off to LA.  She smiled at Sam.  "I'm so happy!  I'll be an auntie a lot!"  She gave him a hug.  "Now, get Xander back to bed!"

"I can go home," he whined.  "Doc?"

"Go, rest and do not work for the rest of this week," she said from the doorway.  "Thank you, ladies.  Much blessings on your health and your wombs as well."

Buffy shook her head.  "John said no more kids."

"Shoot," Xander said, pouting at Sam.  "That way Dean could have real siblings to annoy.  Since he said these are going to be nieces or nephews."

Dean gave him a look.  "No mush!"

Xander pouted.  "What surprise?"

"Let's get you home.  I've got to change the laundry around," Sam said.  They paused to do that then went home.  Xander pointed when they didn't turn at the right spot.  Sam smiled.  Then he pointed at the house Xander liked. "That one?"

Xander lunged over the seat to kiss and hug his boy.  "I love you!  You're great!"

"Not in my car!" Dean shouted, stopping so they could go inside.  He pulled around the driveway, parking in his garage, heading up to his apartment.  With both of them pregnant they were probably crying on each other or something.  He heard a yelp and grinned. "Or not," he muttered.  He called his Dad back. "You know, it'd be neat if we all had kids the same year.  Can't you imagine that kindergarten class?  Three Winchesters, a baby Tara/Willow, and yours with the stepmom?"  He laughed and hung up on the swearing.  It'd get the idea started.  If Buffy didn't like it...that's why there was birth control.  Because he wanted to be a bigger brother instead of simply a big brother.  He heard another yelp and shook his head.  "They need to practice more.  It's not supposed to make you yelp, it's supposed to make you moan or scream."  He laid down with his present issue of his favorite hentai magazine.  It was still better than Hustler.  The women looked less diseased.  Plus no articles to have to page over.

The End.

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