Damn the Man.
Dean walked into the small house, looking at the woman behind the computer. "Mel, we're here," he announced.
"Shut up, I'm writing," she complained, still typing. "You know where the barn is. Hit it. Remember there's no electricity and the roof leaks in the back right corner."
"Sure. Can we snatch the shower and some food?"
"Probably not much of the food stuff around here," she admitted, glancing at him then back at her monitor. "Shower is a good idea. The hotty one with you this time?"
"Yeah. Thanks, Mel." He went to wake Sammy up and lead him into the shower. "Here, shower. We can hide in her barn for a few days until the concussion is better." He went to look in the kitchen. She wasn't kidding, there was no food. Soda. Chips. Popcorn. Some pasta. The freezer had a pizza. He considered it.
"Bake that for me, Dean, and no you can't have any. Look in the fridge. There might be sandwich stuff."
"Sure," he agreed, doing that. She was a strange one but her barn had some cots and it was a good place to hide now and then. When Sam came wobbling out of the shower, he handed him two sandwiches and some soda on his way to his own shower. "Give me ten to shower and change then we'll hit the barn. Take the pizza out for her when it's done."
"Sure," Sam said, looking confused. "Hi, I'm Sam."
She smiled at him. "Mel. I've seen you before but you probably haven't seen me in a while, dear." She got up to check the pizza and take it out of the oven, then cut it up and brought out a few pieces. "So, what happened?"
"Poltergeist sent me head-first into a staircase."
"Ow." She frowned. "Tylenol's by the sink." He got some to take. She went back to her writing. "The barn's back on by the woods. The right, rear corner has a leak." She backspaced and corrected a typo. "The cots are folded up and the stalls kept pretty warm the last I knew. If you find it needs more repairs let me know before you two go back to your eternal road trip."
"Sure," he agreed. "IM'ing?"
"No, writing." She looked up at him. "I write slash fiction."
He frowned. "I've never heard of that. I'll have to look it up." She wrote down a few ID's and handed them over, getting a grin. "It'll give me something to do tonight since I probably can't sleep with the stupid concussion."
She grinned. "Couldn't tell you. Last time I had one was a car crash I was in as a child. I don't remember a whole lot of it." Dean came out of the bathroom. "Go hit the barn. I told him where the cots were."
"Sure. Thanks, Mel." He patted her on the head then looked at her computer. "Are you still writing that freaky shit?"
"Yup and enjoying every minute of my damn smut. Get a life, Dean. Plenty of people enjoy gay things."
"More women for me," he said dryly, heading out to the car. Sam nodded his thanks before following. He looked at his brother. "She's a nice lady but she writes some damn strange stuff. She even tried to check a few facts with Dad once but that was the second time I've seen him blush. The first being when you asked why the girl wanted to play with your ass during a blowjob." He started the car and pulled around the old path to the barn, parking it inside once Sam got the doors open. He looked around, pointing. "Cots." Sam got himself one while Dean got the barn's doors then his own cot. "The stalls stay pretty warm. We should be okay to sleep in them. It'll even be like separate rooms for a change."
"That would be a change. I don't think I've ever been with the family that we didn't share a room." He set up his own cot, then looked around the barn. "She's got some old equipment back here."
"I know. It was her father's. Mel doesn't want to run the farm as a farm. They used to have horses." He came back to look, frowning at something. "That's her last computer. I see it finally died. Must've been too much smut."
"Not everyone surfs for smut like you do, Dean."
"No, she writes it." He went to get their bags out of the trunk then looked around. "Let me hit a grocery store. You be okay by yourself for a while?" Sam nodded. "Good. Sandwiches?"
"Whatever," he agreed. Dean nodded, opening the barn's door so he could drive off for something to eat. Sam sat down with his laptop, looking up the ID's she had given him. He was bored, his head hurt, and it was probably amusing if Dean didn't like it, even though it was gay. What he found... Well, he didn't know that was anatomically possible. The header picture was very graphic. Very nicely done but very graphic. He clicked and got into the site, hoping for something good to read. He frowned at the definition he got of 'slash fiction'. "Of shows?" he muttered, reading further. It sounded interesting. He got into the first story that caught his attention, getting sucked into it. He had read the book of that movie. He had seen the posters. This... well this went well beyond the book of the movie. He didn't even hear Dean come in until the car door slammed. Then he opened a new window and started a search for other sites. Sam grinned at him. "Movies and show?"
"Yup. She has a fascination with some hotty on a medical show." He shrugged. "I caught an ep and I don't see why but Mel's a bit strange." He handed over the burger place's bag. "Yours is on the bottom. I got stuff for breakfast too." Sam found his burger and fries, handing the bag back and taking his soda. "You're reading that?"
"I'm curious and I have a headache."
"I doubt that's going to make it better," he said dryly.
Sam grinned. "It's good work. The one she pointed me at was very well written."
"Uh-huh. Just don't get sucked in and go freaky and comic con."
"Comic conventions are supposed to be really fun," he said with a grin. "My roommate my freshman year went to all of the local ones and he had a blast."
"Tell me you didn't go?" Dean begged.
Sam grinned. "I got the demon pretending to be the alien but it was a lot of fun. A lot of geeky girls who were attracted to my brains and my butt." He went back to reading.
Dean took the laptop and put it into the car. "Sleep, Sammy. Before you give me a concussion."
"I don't have anything to hit you with but I guess I could improvise," he offered, getting his laptop back and going back to his reading. That was a really good story. The other stuff on her page was mostly pretty good too and he was getting the rating systems pretty easily after sampling some. Then he found an archive from a link on her site. He nearly cackled when he saw some of the fandoms represented. He had watched some of these religiously at Stanford! His favorite character was even in a few. Not all were well-done but some were and one made him follow that author back to her site since it was het stuff. He wasn't against the gay stuff but he was het so he'd rather read het stuff. Even if he was having trouble putting himself into the scenario presented. He went back to the gay stuff and found it easier to imagine. His mind wasn't wanting to substitute him for one of the characters anymore. By the time Dean had gone to bed Sam had eaten and filled his need for mental stimulation as well. It was an interesting look at a closed society. Maybe he could put some of his education to work here.
Sam woke up the next morning holding his head. Concussions gave him strange dreams. Very strange dreams. He listened to Dean snore and got off the cot, going to look outside. It was a dreary day but he could see the lights on in the main house. He also heard someone screaming and jogged up there, coming in the back door. "You okay?"
"Rat!" she shouted, pointing at one from her spot standing on the back of the couch.
Sam looked then got a frying pan and smacked it on the head to kill it. He tossed it outside before putting the pan in the sink and helping her down. "You okay?"
"Scared the crap out of me. I need to be like some of the other ladies and get a cat." She pouted. "Thank you, Sam."
"You're welcome. I checked out a few of those sites you gave me. Some of them were really good stories." She beamed. "Gave me strange dreams all night long."
She cackled as she patted him on the cheek. "Muses are contagious. They like to clone themselves so they can share themselves around. I got my first set from another writer online and now you have a set." He groaned, shaking his head. "Look at it this way, Sam. There's a few very good paranormal shows on tv."
"I used to throw popcorn at them," he complained.
"So write the truth as a teaching tale, like myths started out as."
He blinked a few times. "You think someone would read it?"
She nodded. "Yeah. Even if they start out crappy you'll eventually get better, like all writers do. Hell, my first one sounded like a badly written romance novel that'd be read in hell as punishment." He snickered at that. "So even if your first one wasn't great, you can improve. There's whole mailing lists for that stuff. Beta readers...." She trailed off at his confused look. "Editors."
"Yeah, that's usually a good idea," he agreed. "Dean would freak out."
"So?" She smirked and kissed him on the cheek. "Dean needs something to get his blood pumping beyond a demon and a whore." He nodded that was true with a smirk. "So give him something. Or hey, shock the hell out of him, write gay stuff too!"
He snickered. "We'll see. How do you find those lists?"
She sat him down beside her on the couch, shifting her monitor so he could see. "I met your father off this one. There had been a demon who was using what he knew to trap some of the writers by having them swear oaths." He groaned. "This list is still pretty active and your dad tried to flame a few people but he got kicked off the list. Dean came in to fix it and then slid quietly away once the demon was gone. Or there's this one." She did a search and found the list she wanted. "See?" He smiled at the list for a paranormal show that got a lot of things right. "Plus this one's got a few lists even though it's older. I'm surprised the other hunters like you guys don't have a list."
"I have no idea if they do or not." He took her keyboard to look things over. "What do I need to start?"
"A 'net connection, an email address, and some patience to answer age statements and get moderator approval for both of those."
"I'm online every few days," he admitted. "I don't think we should use our shared email for this though. Dean would definitely freak." She nodded, beaming at him. "I'll show him later on, when things get good."
"Sure." She typed in another search stream and found something she had been looking for recently. "A list in that fandom that allows smut."
He smiled at the description, settling in to start a new email address and sign up for those lists. It was a good start and if there were demons online they needed to be able to monitor the situation. That's the excuse he'd use. Since his father and Dean had both dealt with that sort of issue Dean might be a bit smug but nothing too bad. He hoped. Then again he could use it to take out his frustration with Dean. He looked at her. "Can I write Dean into things?"
"Change his name, Sam."
"I can do that. That way I can yell at him without making him scowl again. He looks like a constipated toddler sometimes when I yell at him."
She laughed. "I'm sure it'll be fine. Not like he'll be finding out." She gave him a pat on the knee. "Go play." He handed back the keyboard and headed out, stopping to get another rat with the same pan. She opened a new document while watching Sam walk, starting on a new bit of porn. That boy's butt was good inspiration, which she had been lacking recently.
A few days after they left Mel's, Dean saw Sam checking his email. "Anything good on the business front?" he asked, going back to his tv show.
"Nope. Checked that earlier."
Dean looked at him. "Then what're you doing now?" he demanded.
Sam smirked. "You didn't tell me you and Dad had to take on an internet demon." Dean whimpered. "Mel told me about it so I'm doing some checking."
"Those nerds are vicious, man. Leave them be. It can't physically hurt them." Sam printed something out and handed it over without looking then went back to his email reading. He was catching up on a story that had recently hooked him and it was fascinating how the person hypothesized the demon. Wrong, but fascinating. He'd have to take that into account. That wasn't cannon for the show. Which made him pause. He was using the lingo mentally. Yup, he was hooked. He went back to his reading when Dean moaned and put the report down. "I think that came from a credible source since the person was there and all. Still doubt we should watch?"
"No," he complained. He looked over his brother's shoulder. "Is that.... Eww! She got you hooked?"
Sam looked at his brother. "It's a great read. Better than some books I've read. The demon's an interesting one that's not real but it's a good try of how to create it. They do know their magic rites so that's really accurate and detailed. And hey, it's even het," he finished with a grin. "I could be reading some of hers. She's not a bad writer." He went back to reading, smirking mentally at Dean's agonized look. He looked so disturbed. Score!
"Tell me you're not going to write freaky shit?" his big brother demanded. "Sammy!" he demanded when Sam ignored him.
Sam turned to look at him. "I've found a lot of very loosely interpreted demons and spirit information on here, Dean. It's possible that if I do it could help someone in the future who doesn't know that we exist so they can't call us." Dean opened his mouth so he held up his hand. "I'm thinking, not doing. Mel claims that her muses are contagious and I've inherited a set now. If I do, it'll be something that'll end up teaching someone how to deal with things."
"Gay?" he snorted.
Sam shrugged. "Don't know." He turned back around so he could go back to reading. "This is really good even if the demon isn't real."
"Are you sure?" Dean asked, taking it to look at. "I've heard of something like this but not like that."
Sam took it back. "Exactly and she came up with it off the top of her head." They shared a look and Dean groaned. "So yes, I'm thinking about it. It could be a real help. Mel also pointed out there might be mailing lists with other hunters."
"Find any yet?"
"Two paranormal societies I've found Bobby lurking on," he admitted dryly. He gave him a look. "I sent him an email and he said he'll find me the others and send them so we can lurk on there too."
"Decent I guess." He sat down to sulk. "Just don't start writing freaky shit and don't tell me ideas. Mel does that to me now and then and it's gross." He gave him a long look. "I don't care if you start writing stuff online. I don't care if you start writing smut. If you *ever* share a bit with me, I'm going to beat you senseless then ship your body and computer files to Dad so you wake up to him reading them before he throws a fit."
Sam grinned. "I could probably use an editor."
Dean gave him an unamused look. "Fat. Chance. Sammy."
Sam snickered. "If you say so."
"I do say so."
"You know, Mel said that muses are contagious."
"Unlike you two I like my smut in living flesh so I can touch it, not just imagine it." He got up and headed into the bathroom to take a long, hot shower so he could scrub the image of Sam turning into Mel out of his head. He did not want Sam to turn into one of *them*. He had seen others of them and he did not want that horrible fate to befall his brother. Because if it did, Sammy might drag him down too. Then the world would seriously have to end. He would not turn into that sort of geek! He refused. The muses be damned, if they came for him he was shooting them. Rock salt should work on muses since they worked on other spirits and it had to be a spirit of some sort if others saw them and it manifested enough to communicate, right?
Sam got back the email from one of the people on his list and they were only about an hour away so he went to where they hung out to talk to her. "Hey, Pretty 416?" he asked a young woman. She gave him a horrified look. "Hi, I'm DemonicSammy." She beamed and shook his hand. "I was in the area with my big brother, thought I'd drop in. Stole the car," he said with a grin, making her laugh. "He's out hunting women anyway, he won't miss it. Much." He sat down across from her once he had some of his own coffee. "So, how did you get started?"
"I went looking for information on a show I watched a few years back and ran into a fan site. It listed an archive. Turned me off until I saw my favorite character in an *ungodly* pairing and I had to read so I could rant at the person. Then I found out it wasn't so ungodly because she made it seem sensible in some ways." She sipped her coffee. "You?"
"There's this young woman named Mel that my brother introduced us to on a layover in her area. She introduced me to a few different people's stuff. I had a concussion and couldn't sleep anyway so I checked it out. Found some fandoms I used to watch all the time in Stanford." She laughed and nodded. "A lot of us seem to be females in college."
"It's a common time to go trolling for interesting smut on the internet," she pointed out. "Plus lots of free time."
"I never had free time," he sighed, earning another laugh. "I didn't. I made straight A's in an ivy league. I never had free time to sleep, much less go looking for trouble." He sipped his coffee. "So, how's the series going? I saw the message a few months back saying you were blocked."
She nodded, taking a longer drink. "I don't think the demon clan I made up is going the way I want. They turned fluffy."
Sam considered it then wrote down an address. "This is a fairly ancient and odd paranormal site. Based off some ancient journals and stuff from the Vatican." He slid it over. "That's got some information on what they thought demons did, all biased toward women being eviler of course, but it might have a few ideas."
She leaned over to hug him. "Thank you, Sam. Even if it doesn't, I might be able to fix something else." She let out a small squeal, then looked over when someone stormed into the coffee bar. "By any chance your brother wouldn't be cute and dark haired too, would he?" Sam looked over then tossed over the keys. Dean had that 'going to beat you, frisk you, then kill you' look on his face. "I'll take that as a yes."
Dean glared at him. "You stole my car."
"I borrowed it for an hour," he complained. "I wanted to come meet this nice young woman who I met online."
Dean looked at her then shuddered. "You're like Mel. Aren't you?" She smirked and nodded. "I don't want to know. You're grounded, Sammy. I told you this would not take over our lives." He stomped off again.
"Sorry, sometimes Dean thinks I'm six."
She giggled, patting him on the hand. "It'll be okay. He'll get over it. Or maybe the muses will hit him too and you'll both write. It'll give you an editor on hand when you start writing."
He blushed. "How do you pick an editor?"
"You send out a general 'I could use one, this is my first story, I've had college english but I suck' sort of message. Or that's what I did." He grinned at that, getting one back. "It's all right. There's even whole mailing lists for finding a beta reader."
"There are?" She nodded, sipping some of her coffee. "Wow. I'll have to look at that." She nodded again. "I've got something short but slightly more original than some of the other stuff. Barely creasing some of the characters as they dealt with something. From the demon's point of view."
"It's not something that's highly done but I'd warn about that. Also what your pairing of choice is going to be. Some people get picky and there's all sorts of fandom wars about which one is better than the others."
"I've seen that. I'm sorry but that's stupid. Everyone has their own ideas. They're all valid. Who cares if you pair them with a character the others hate?"
"Some of the people on the lists do care," she pointed out more gently. "It's their whole life. All their fantasies. Their real life must suck sometimes to be like that but they do care a lot and they're vindictive when you say things like that. There's been whole sites shut down because of that."
"They've had sites shut down?"
"Complaining to their ISP, spamming it, some have been hacked and destroyed. They get vicious. Especially the little girls who think everyone is het and will sleep with them," she finished with a sigh. "I get flames from them all the time for writing gay characters."
"I have the opposite problem. I can't seem to put myself into the het stories as well as I can the gay ones to watch them." She giggled and patted his hand again. "I can't. I don't know why my mind went that way. Maybe because Mel handed me ID's of some great smut writers."
"Could be. Some of us play out our fantasies. Some of us don't." She finished her coffee. "Give you a ride back to your hotel?"
"Nah, I'll go hit up Dean for a ride back. He'll be down to sulking and complaining by now. Or maybe I'll go hotwire the car and he'll shout and scream later. It'll do his blood pressure good." She cackled at that. "Do other people talk about their muses like they're real?" He had been wondering. Some did, some didn't that he had seen, and he was wondering if they were manifestations or not. If so, maybe they could do something about them for the ones being tormented. After all, they could banish other spirits.
"It's all in how you see it. Some people imagine the ideas as bunnies and other animals."
"That's what that was about," he said, suddenly getting it.
She smirked and nodded. "They're vicious little Vorpal bunnies too. They bite and chew and nag."
He cackled. "I'll have to tell Dean that. He's down on all that and Mel's occasional bout of sharing."
She rolled her eyes. "Some people will never get it, Sam. No matter how much you try."
He smirked his most evil smirk. "Yeah but Mel said they're contagious and if I get a set....."
She beamed at him. "No wonder you call yourself demonic. That's almost evil of you." She leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. "Happy writing, Sam. I look forward to your first piece." She winked. "I've got to go back to the boyfriend. He's still so confused so we're watching Dr. Who tonight so I can explain to him how the doctor's doing his helpers." He grinned and nodded. "I know, it seems pretty obvious to me too. After all, trapped in that thing, all alone for months on end. What else are you going to do?"
"Make the Tardis make a playroom?"
She went pale then shuddered until the cackle came out. "I needed that idea," she said with a bright, happy smile, kissing him for real before bouncing out. "See you sometime, come to the conventions, they're great fun," she called as she ran out to get the idea she had just gotten bitten by down.
Sam beamed at the others staring at him. "I gave her naughty ideas." They just shook their heads and Sam pulled out his laptop to check his email for new story parts, going to get another cup of coffee while he worked on his story since nothing new had come in yet. He would like to get one done. Just to rub Dean's nose in it. He had even included him and his father. Subtly of course. He sighed in pleasure when he finished the last page, emailing it to Bobby, because he and Bobby had talked about it and Bobby wanted to see it. Then he went looking for an editor's list. He could use one. He was really unsure about some things. He'd send it to Bobby and show Dean the edited and finished copy.
//Speak to the Queen of Mundania,// Mel's voice floated out of the cellphone late a few nights later.
"Does that job require you to wear funny costumes or really strange makeup like being the Queen of Naboo?"
//You know, not at the moment, but if it ever becomes official I might have to so I get enough time to write. What's up, Sam?//
"I need help finding an editor. I asked and no one answered."
//You have something done?// she asked excitedly. //Really?//
"Yeah, fully done. From the demon's POV but yeah. Dean's freaking out by the way."
//I figure your brother's got to be looking for muse'cide. If he finds some, let us know. Or even bunny'cide.//
"I can do that. Bunny'cide might be helpful," he agreed. She cackled. "I woke up making that noise last night. Fortunately he was asleep or else I'd be calling from a pretty white room. I heard something was coming your way?"
//Just a friend coming for a visit. I hope. Unless you *heard* something?// she asked.
"Well, yeah. I kinda did. I'm not sure if it's a bad thing or not so if you need us, you call immediately."
//Of course. You guys stomp bugs, spiders, and mice for me. You're gods.// He grinned, she was sure of it. //Why else are we calling tonight, Sammy?//
"How do you stop them so you can sleep?" he begged.
//Take down notes and go back to your nap. That's why many of us carry notebooks everywhere. What's sparking yours?//
"Visions. The car. Dean snoring. Since that's the majority of my day most of the time, I feel like a Ford factory."
//We all had hyper bunnies when we started, Sam. You'll get over it and they'll slow down. Then you can complain about writer's block. Oh, hey, tell the lurking little bastard who's one of you to quit nagging me about dusting vamps my way. They're not the ones he runs into.//
//Some funky guy out by LA. Not a clue. He complained that vampires didn't die that way.// She yawned. //I figured he was one of you or a fanatic.//
"Could be. I don't know all the hunters. Send me his addy and I'll see if I can track him down to talk to him. What did you do?"
//The blessed blade and garlic powder.//
"It would only irritate it but the blade would work."
//Into the inner eye. He nearly ranted about that one.//
"He has a point but if you made it clear you're constructing a new sort of vampire he should lay off."
//He did after I put that note out. Though he did share how to dust a vamp, what it sounds like, what it looks like, and how tiring it is.//
"Definitely one of us then. Send me his email and stuff. We'll see if we know him and if we can meet."
//Sure, I can do that. Anything else tonight?//
"Pens? Protection charm? Anything like that?"
//Some people say getting drunk makes them change and warp but they don't remember much the next morning,// she offered. //You could do that. I can't drink.//
"I might try that then. Thanks, Mel, and call us if you need us."
//Sure will, studly. DemonicSammy, I like that.// She hung up and he leaned back on his bed.
"Why are we doing protection charms?" Dean asked, sounding half asleep.
"For her bunnies."
Dean blinked at him. "Bunnies?"
"The things that hop up and bite you with ideas."
Dean pulled the pillow over his head. "They've got to be some sort of spirit manifestation. Rock salt, Sammy. Rock salt."
He grinned. "I tried, it didn't work."
"Gonna kill you."
"Aw, come on, I haven't written you into anything gay."
Dean glared at him. That finished waking him up. "You wrote me into something?" he said, sitting up when Sam got up to grab one of the beers they had bought earlier. "Sammy!"
"It's two in the morning, Dean. Be quiet. Others are trying to sleep."
"Fuck the others. You wrote me into something!"
"Mel said there's another hunter on one of her mailing lists. He told her how to dust vamps." He opened it and took a drink.
Dean glared at him. "Not the point. We'll search them out later. You wrote me into something?" Sam beamed and nodded. "No. I'm not going to let...." Sam opened the file and handed it over then climbed back into his bed and covered himself once he had finished the beer. "Not cool, dude."
"I let the pretty ones try to claim you but you got free."
"Yay." He looked down the story. It wasn't too short. Thirty pages. He got into it, finding himself pretty easily. At least his little brother hadn't used his name too. He nearly smacked him with the laptop when he found their father in there as well. By the end, he really wanted to beat his brother. He had a good hand at storytelling but still! He'd get him in the morning. He shut down the laptop and locked it into the weapons bag. Sammy wasn't getting it back until they had to do some research stuff. He would not let him keep going down this path. This was the start of an addiction and he was going to intervene early. He swore he was. He got up and put a rock salt boundary around his brother's bed so whatever the muses really were couldn't get to him. Then he climbed back into his own.
Unfortunately he was going to have nightmares about being in that story the rest of the night.
Dean found the bookstore he wanted and went inside to find books on the subject. He had to get whatever demonic influence this was off Sammy. Before he went nuts. Well, more nuts. He was slowly slipping already. It was sad. Sammy had written last night instead of teasing women at the bar with him. Not that Sammy ever really teased the women at the bar.... Never mind, there were other signs of him going insane. This was just the worst so far. Pretty soon he'd suck Dean into his world and then it'd end. Dean would start going insane. He would ignore the ideas he had gotten last night while he was asleep.
He had even called his father, but hadn't gotten an answer.
His father wouldn't stopped him. He hated what Mel did too.
Dean found the book he wanted and pulled it down to flip through to make sure of it. It had a lot of information on muses and other demons that gave you ideas - usually bad ones. Well, the one who had given Sammy the idea to turn them both into incubi had been a bad one. It ranked right up there with 'assassinate the president' for bad ideas in his mind. He bought the book and walked out reading it, hoping for some sort of protection ritual. Or cleansing ritual. They needed Sam to research too much to keep him off the computer permanently. He didn't notice Sam walking past him until a picture was put onto the book before Sam disappeared back into the crowd on the street. He looked at the picture, frowning, glaring at the point where his brother had turned invisible. He was going to get him for that. Sammy was not naming one of his muses after him. Didn't he remember that naming things gave them power? He walked off to sulk and read somewhere more quiet.
Sam snickered at the look on Dean's face when he had seen the picture of the caged bunny with Dean's name written underneath it. Mel had been right, naming the bunny did give him some control over it and it gave him ideas as its personality warped more toward its name. His Dean bunny gave him demonic and fight ideas. His Mel bunny gave him smut. Unfortunately she was in control at the moment so he had to finish that story part before Dean realized he had stolen the laptop back. Sam still didn't understand why he hadn't run into fanfiction back at Stanford. He knew one of the professors there was writing it. They had chatted last week.
//Sam, trust me. Girl bunnies feed on chocolate and boy bunnies feed on bar peanuts,// Mel instructed. //If you want your little me to calm down, feed her some chocolate. Even if you do have to steal Dean's. You can even give him that dratted puppy dog eyes look and tell him it'll calm them down. Watch him buy you a lot if you do that.//
He laughed. "I might do that. Thanks, Mel. Did you like the new one I sent you?"
//Haven't read it yet. I've written thirty pages in ten hours, Sam. What was it?//
"Green Day inspired."
//Oh, yeah, saw the header. Then I got an idea. By the way, I should pinch you for the idea your last one gave me.//
"If you want," he teased. "You can play with my butt. No one else does," he offered when Dean came in.
"That's because you won't get off the damn computer long enough to go pick one up," Dean complained, shutting the motel room door. "Speaking of, where is it so I can hide it this time?"
"Don't worry about it," he said smugly. "Mine."
"Bet me," he snorted. "This is a partnership."
"I bought it."
"I don't care!" Dean complained.
//You know, he sounds like a kid,// Mel said in Sam's ear, making him cackle. //I'll leave you with that idea since I'm still working on the one you gave my poor ass. Have fun, dear.// She hung up.
Sam hung up and put the phone into his pocket. "Mel said hi. She also said that you sounded like a little kid."
Dean glared at him, nearly growling. "No more talking to Mel."
"I gave her a good idea."
"I don't care, Sammy. No more talking to Mel."
"Does that mean you don't want to hunt the thing that's haunting her town and eating virgins?"
Dean glared then stomped out of the room again. He had to talk to Bobby. Maybe he'd know how to cure Sammy. Because he was at his wit's end and was going to start yelling soon. He didn't want to damage his brother, just make him stop! Before he wrote him into something gay!
Sam cackled and got to work on the new idea. He was having a lot of fun with this stuff. It was good stress relief.
Sam got off the greyhound bus, looking around the quiet town. This was not how he had imagined it. He checked his throwaway prepaid cellphone, finding a message. He listened to Dean growling about him leaving him for five days. Then he called, rolling his eyes. "I had to talk to someone," he said in greeting. "Because you have to go help Mel with the thing eating virgins around her and I needed to talk to this one. That way you don't have to listen to Mel and me going all fangirl over the new show we caught last week." He smirked. "I'll be fine. You be safe too, Dean." He hung up and grabbed his bag once it was out from under the bus, walking off into the afternoon. He had looked the guy up online before getting on the bus. He had his home phone number, his home address, and his work address. He headed there first, finding him staring at something. "Good morning."
The young man, dark haired, fit, tanned, turned to look at him, looking confused. "Do I know you?"
"We have a mutual friend, Mel."
"Mel...." He shook his head. "I don't know anyone by that name."
Sam pulled out the email she had sent him and he had printed off, showing it to him. "Mel's a friend of mine and my brother's."
He read it, frowning at the header. "That's my email address but unless I've got a split personality or I'm possessed again I didn't write that." He looked at him. "Who're you?"
The man blinked a few times. "Like the Sam and Dean team of hunters?"
Sam smirked and nodded. "Yup. Mel and I both write fanfic and you told her how to dust vamps when she created a new classification that had to be stabbed in the inner eye."
"Oh." He handed it back and nodded. "Wasn't me, Mr. Winchester."
"Sam, please, Xander."
"Sure." He held out his hand. "Know me?"
"From the show."
Xander snickered, letting Sam shake his hand. "That was a rogue watcher actually. The thing wasn't really accurate. He heard second hand and embellished. As you can see, we're not in Cleveland."
"I can see that the town's not turned into a big ground ripple." He nodded. "Want to go talk? If someone's using your email account...."
He held up a hand. "I know very well who it is. It's Willow. She played with fanfic as a teenager and now she's monitoring it for any signs of other demons on the 'net." He walked off with him. "So, you came out to bitch me out?"
"No, just to meet you. I know there's other hunters online. I figured I'd come out, see what had been true if you'd let me, see if you guys had any other ideas about demons online since I've found three imps in the Homeland system recently."
"Willow said something about those." He shook his head. "The guy got a few things wrong. Yeah, it's a hellmouth and all that but not that bad." Sam nodded. "It's also not a great thing to be wandering around here at night."
"I've got the funds to stay at the motel, Xander. Don't worry about it. I'm good at doing room protections."
"Good." He smiled, leading him into the ice cream shop to get them some so they could sit outside. "So let me hear what was going on?"
Sam pulled out the other emails. "I knew from reading it, it wasn't a male. I figured if it wasn't really you then it had to either be a female who knew you or someone trying to take your identity. Did you really nearly marry Anya?"
"We broke up after graduation." He looked at him. "Things got a lot less factual after the ascension."
"Good! Thank you for that by the way."
"Welcome." He went back to reading. "Yeah, that's Willow's wordage." He handed them back with a head shake, digging into his sundae. "What are you writing?" Sam showed him some of his stuff. "Hmm, getting the truth out there?"
"I'm considering them minor teaching tales."
"That could be helpful. I know some of the pagan network does the same thing to hide their teaching methods too." He ate another bite. "Before you ask, the ascension did happen."
"I heard about that in the news. I had just started at Stanford then, upstate."
"Cool. I didn't want to do college. I sued the guy who did the show."
"That Joss guy?"
"His college roommie or something. He gave him the idea and story lines, let him claim them. The Council was heaving in disgust. Buffy threw many fits when it first came out. I took the high road and I sued his ass for half the profits for doing that. They settled quietly but it let the Council know where he was so they could wipe him off the earth. The Joss guy did good following it up and it was settled quietly. He asked permission and got some basic facts to build off of."
"So the Initiative?"
"Was actually real," Xander sighed. "Pussbags."
"I'm sorry. Did you really have Spike as a roomie?"
Xander snickered. "Nope. Didn't get him. He's hanging around here but nope. Before you can ask, she never slept with Angel either. Her usual reaction is 'eww that's disgusting'," he mimicked, cracking Sam up. He grinned. "Ripper's still wanting to beat his corpse. We think them getting together on the show was Spike's doing. Or Dru. She's a bit batty and it's her idea of romantic." He ate another bite, waving his spoon while he swallowed. "How about you?"
"We're doing okay. We're still doing a lot of spirit manifestations. You'd be amazed at how many poltergeists there really are in the world. A few higher demons instead of the ones born different from around here. The usual for those on the road."
Xander nodded. "That works for me. I run the Magic Box." Sam gaped. He cackled, shaking his head. "Shocking, huh?"
"So the stuff where magic went wrong around you was fake too?"
"Not fully. That's why I picked it up, so I could quit making it come for me. The others weren't really happy but it was helpful. The Magic Box does good business with the college's Wicca group and others. Plus we sell show memorabilia," he finished with an evil smirk.
"Sounds like it works. I'll have to remember that when we need good materials for something."
"You guys practice?"
"Now and then a minor protection ritual, those things. We don't have the big things, we handle the annoying things. My brother's presently trying to find a way to kill my muses so I quit writing but otherwise we handle the small, annoying things that kill a person here or there."
Xander nodded. "That's what most of you guys do from what I understand." He finished his ice cream, looking at him. "Want to help me talk to Willow?"
"Please. She's been upsetting Mel horribly recently. Mel's nearly blocked thanks to her and it's a shame."
"We can do that." They tossed out their stuff and Sam put back the copy of his story, following him back to the shop. Xander walked in and looked around. "I was wondering how you managed to get into the email account I could no longer get into and got my address book," he announced. Willow went pale and whimpered. He stared at her. "Quit using my name before I sue you too."
"Fine," she whimpered, pouting at him. Then at the guy behind him. "You're Mel?"
"No, I'm Sam Winchester. Mel got me started writing." She moaned, slumping and nodding. "You've nearly blocked Mel from being able to write at all." He handed over something else. "Her vision of where it was going before you nagged her into writer's block."
She looked then sighed, handing it back. "I'll write her an apology tonight and change my online name, Xander."
"Thank you, Willow. Sam's writing stuff as well."
She looked at him. "Which one are you?"
"Oh, yeah, caught your incubi piece. It was good." He grinned. "Using it to teach?"
"After my father and brother had to handle one that got online and out onto the 'net a few years back? Yeah."
"I thought we got him," she said, frowning a bit.
"Not yours. Or even that class. A wish demon got online and started to cause problems on a Babylon 5 mailing list."
She shuddered. "I can imagine what the geeks wished for."
"Fandom. Wars," he said simply.
She gasped then shuddered worse. "Yup, thank you."
"Welcome. I was in college." He sat down next to her. "So, what're you working on?"
"Some of the hidden agenda stories for the Pagan networks. You doing teaching tales works well for us." He grinned. "Didn't you put that into our fandom?"
"Yeah, I was going to use Xander as a character in one until you started to bug Mel."
"Use me as a cautionary tale," Xander said, waving a hand, going to check the phone for messages. "The show did."
"You sure? It'd mean you'd be in fairytale stuff."
"Let me see it first," Xander offered. Sam nodded with a grin. "He and his brother Dean are roving hunters."
"There's a few of those from what we hear. Did you get to meet Buffy yet?"
"No, ma'am. Was she as personable as she was on the show?"
Xander cackled. "Now and then. Those days, we hand her chocolate and midol. We gave up on subtle for her. When she wants to quit being smart, she falls back to the level of high school football player for brains."
"Dean plays at that now and then too," Sam admitted, grinning at him. "Have you seen the new one that's coming up?"
"I've seen hints of it."
"I've seen the trial ep online," Willow said, starting to bounce. "It looks like they got some things right. I'm so proud!"
"That means we've probably got another insider sharing information or one of the people online who tracks these things doing the writing," Sam pointed out.
Xander shuddered. "I'm not in this one, right?" Sam shook his head quickly. "Then I'm fully happy for some of the truth to get out there. Then again, we caught a lot of demons on the X-Files that they thought were other things."
"The Lone Gunmen are very nice though," Willow told him.
Xander looked at her. "I don't care! They were calling demons aliens, Willow. I don't want the Roswell-ites here looking for aliens! We'll have to save them and they'll get freaky and strange! We might even have that stupid cult start up again."
"Fine." She looked at Sam again. "So you came all the way here to yell at me for Mel?"
"Kinda. Plus to get permission from Xander since I found out he was real."
"That's kinda cool. What're you working on?" He pulled out the laptop, handing it to her once it was on and the last file was open. "Hmm, unbeta'd."
"I'm still looking for one on a permanent basis."
She nodded. "It can be hard to find one." She read it, suddenly giggling. "Is that your brother?"
"No, he's one of the ghosts of experience who show up to nag."
She kept reading, still giggling, cackling when Dean, his father, and Pastor Jim showed up as nagging ghosts to help the poor soldier stuck in the middle of the demon zone. She let Xander have it once she was done, watching him giggle his way through it too. "That's so cute."
"Thank you," Sam said with a grin.
"Henry's going to be so pissed if he hears," Xander said, smirking at him.
"It's based on his cousin's bar in Des Moines."
"Is it the same?"
"I've only been to both of them once but they looked nearly identical." He shrugged. "Either great minds thought alike or they got the same decorator."
Xander nodded, grinning some as he went back to reading. "That's mean to get the crap eating demon onto him, Sam."
"Well, yeah," he said with a smirk. "But fun when he has to keep brushing him off."
Xander kept reading, nodding that it was cute. He finally handed it back. "If the others are that good, I'll definitely let you use me. Just let me see them first." Sam got into a file to show him, letting him read them. He burst out laughing. "Me as Snow White? Uh- huh." He kept going, giggling most of the way through. "Who did you cast as Prince Charming?"
"Just someone I saw out on the street," Sam said modestly. Xander gave him a look. "It was."
"Uh-huh." He grinned. "I do remember what she used to write, Sam."
"I'm not putting myself into it, Xander."
"If you're sure."
"I can make it Dean if you want," he teased with a grin.
Xander shrugged. "Guys are nicer than some of the women I've dated." Willow gasped. He looked at her. "What? They are." He shrugged again and went back to reading, giggling at something. "The little dwarves turned into little hippie witches?"
"I thought it more fitting than little mining men."
"Probably could be," he agreed. He finished reading it then grinned at him. "Fair warning, the Hansel and Gretel ep was real."
"I figured it was. We've found that demon in the past too." That got a nod and the laptop was handed over again. "So you like it?"
"I do like it. It fits very well, Sam." He grinned. "Relax." He looked outside at the shouting. "Aw, crap. Willow, Ripper's stalker is back." She went to tell the woman off. He shook his head. "Sorry."
Xander nodded. "Have been now for nearly a year, since Tara went to greener pastures that didn't snore or steal her books."
"Ah. That's always hard."
"Had one?" Xander asked.
"A demon killed her," he admitted. "Back at college."
He frowned. "Really?" Sam nodded. "Vamp?"
"Higher level. Mind screwing demon. Did my mom too, Xander. It's a family vendetta."
"Hmm. Research area is behind you if that can help."
Sam went to look, coming back with two books he hadn't searched through yet. They did have something he was looking for but not on that demon. "Can we photocopy or scan?"
"We have almost every book on DVD, all lined up properly. Each one is available for fifteen buck. That way other hunters get the information and the Council can crap itself."
Sam grinned, buying the ones he needed from the list Xander slid over. They shared a grin and he went back to researching. He needed to know about this demon. They had chased it across two states already and it was annoying them. He sent Dean an email at Mel's, getting back a 'he growled hi back' from her. He laughed. "Dean's with Mel." He finished his note and put the books back then came out to shake his hand. "Thank you, Xander."
"You're welcome. Thank you for letting me know what Willow was doing." He handed over a card. "Let us know if you need something. My email's on there and I'm on at least once a night." Sam nodded, sharing a grin before he left. Xander watched him go. "Not too bad, even if he did cast himself as Prince Charming." He went back to his inventory. He had to do a candle order for the store.
Sam tapped on Mel's door before walking in. "Dean still in the barn?" he asked, kissing her on the cheek. "Willow said she's sorry."
She sat up. "Willow?"
He smirked. "The show was written by a rogue watcher. The Council killed him. Some was truth and some wasn't but that was her. She was supposed to apologize."
"She did. Wow. So you met the real Xander?" He grinned and nodded. "Cleveland?"
"The guy got killed after the ascension. The Initiative was real but Spike was a pain in the ass according to him. Buffy did not sleep with Angel and he never lost an eye. Sunnydale looks very pretty during the day. He's running the Magic Box."
"Wow," she breathed. "That's so cool!"
"Very," he said happily. "So anyway I've got new research materials for the growly big brother. He still here or did he leave?"
"He's growling in the barn, fixing the hole in the roof." Sam gave her the box of chocolate. "I'm not writing smut."
"So feed your smut bunny, that way she grows big and strong. The elvish vampires need laid too." She cackled and got into it while he hiked out to the barn. He looked up once his bag was in the backseat of the car. "I got us some new research materials."
"More books?" he asked, looking down.
"On DVD. The Magic Box sells them."
Dean stopped mid-hammer, it back beside his ear. "The Magic Box?"
"The one from Buffy? Xander, the real one, runs it."
Dean blinked. "I caught that show a few times and giggled."
"A rogue watcher wrote the thing."
Dean shuddered. "Eww!"
"Sorry. The one bothering Mel was Willow. Xander and I talked. He sells some really good research books for fifteen bucks a title on DVD."
"That's cool I guess. You get it out of your system?"
"He liked my ideas. So did she. She used to write in her teen years." Dean groaned, hanging his head. "Oh, he said Buffy didn't sleep with Angel."
Dean looked at him. "Go back on vacation, Sammy."
"Can't do that. Sorry. I got info on the demon we've been chasing." Dean finished that shingle then came down to see what he had. "I bought the book it was in too." He let him see it. "See?"
Dean smirked. "So that's how you kill it. Good to know. Anything else good?"
"He's looking for the one that killed Jess. He doesn't think they have it on record but he'll ask Ripper to see."
Dean shook his head. "You're freaky like this."
Sam patted him on the back. "At least you're not getting my plot bunnies."
"Shut up!" He went back up to the roof. "Find a hammer and come help me."
"Sure." He did that and came up to help him with the roof. Every time Dean looked over at him he was smirking. "So, what sort of animal are your ideas coming from?" he asked after the third smirk.
"I'm not getting ideas. The only idea I have is to toss you off this roof," Dean said patiently, going back to it. Which wasn't such a *bad* idea but then he'd have to listen to Sammy whine for weeks while he was stuck in casts and he'd have to hunt alone or find somewhere to hole up. If they stayed here, Sammy would get sucked in deeper and Bobby didn't seem to want to help him stop Sammy from writing so their usual two were out. So no shoving at the moment. Maybe later, when he'd found a good new hidey hole.
Mel walked out, looking up at them. "Sam, the hot pepper candy was mean," she called up at them. "But nice. Thank you. I got a good sex scene from it."
"You're welcome. Have your muses infected Dean?"
"Not mine. Though one of the girls in town wanted to know if you two were together."
"I get that a lot. They think I slum by taking him to bed for stress relief," Dean shot back. He gave her a look. "Keep your version of the freaky shit away from my little brother, Mel."
She cackled. "But they love him! He got me unstuck from a major plot deviance recently. They love him so much that more of them want to come live with him." Sam snickered but shook his head. "Are you sure?"
"Xander said I could use him in the fairy tales as long as I told him first."
"Poo. Does he look like the guy?" she asked hopefully.
"Nearly exactly. He does still have both eyes."
"Cool." She grinned. "I think you'll do just fine, Sam." She beamed at Dean. "Now all we need is for you to start writing too, Dean. That way it's a family activity. Maybe you can write stuff teaching how to fight things. Highlander fans can often use those sort of lessons. I have a site that needs some help from someone with self-defense training because he said you can so cut someone's head off with one swing."
Dean shook his head. "I don't care how sharp your blade it. You've got to be going pretty fast to take off a head. Just standing it's more likely that you cut into it then have to chop at least once more once they're down."
"I'll let you read it so we can remark back, dear. Thank you for fixing that for me." She wandered off to eat more of the candy. It wasn't too hot but it was good for her smut muse. She knew just how to use that.
Dean looked at Sam. "Not one word."
"I think I found that site and corrected something myself," he said with a small smirk. "They really do need it. They even got gravity wrong in one remark."
Dean shook his head, going back to his self-appointed task.
"You never even wondered about characters after your favorite shows or movies got done with?" Sam asked. "What happened next?"
"That's why there's sequels, Sammy," Dean said impatiently. He would not answer that question. His father had taught him to leave those thoughts alone. Apparently he had missed having that talk with his brother. He'd have to get them together to have that talk soon. No matter how good some of Sammy's stuff was.
Sammy moaned and Dean looked at him. "That had better be a nightmare or a vision," he said loudly. Sam moaned again and he was pretty sure it wasn't a vision or a nightmare. Unless he was having sex with the nightmare. Sam finally woke up and sat up, panting a bit. Then he moved to his laptop to write down something. "Oh, no. No smut. We need to sleep."
"Not smut," Sam mumbled, but he kept writing. Dean tried to take the laptop so Sam punched him and took it back, going back to his writing. "I'm detailing what I saw. I'll be done in a minute."
Sam finished and let him see, watching as Dean went back to bed. "It was a vision, Dean, not an idea." Dean whimpered but covered his head with the pillow. Sam went back to bed, hoping he didn't get it again. He didn't need to see that idea. He really didn't need to see that idea. An hour later he decided he couldn't sleep so he got up to check his email. He had one from Mel, answering it with the idea helper he had thought up for her. He found one from Xander and read it more slowly. Then he sent him the vision he had just had. He got back a 'yeah, that's about what I saw too'. Sam sent back a 'we're heading your way'. He got back a 'there's a spare room underneath the store' message. Sam sent back a thanks and went to wake up Dean. "Dean."
"What now?" he muttered.
"I'm not the only one who got that vision."
Dean pulled the pillow off to look at him. "If you say Mel had it too I'm killing your ass."
"Xander had it. Out in Sunnydale."
Dean moaned, going limp. "Do we have to?"
"Yeah, we have to. He said he's got a room we can borrow underneath the store."
"Sure. In the morning. Map it out for me."
Sam went to do that, leaving it on top of the keys. Then he went back to bed. Talking to Xander had cured his sleeplessness. It was amazing. He'd have to think on that later, after he got a lot of sleep.
Dean looked at the town. "It looks pretty for being so evil."
"He said the hellmouth isn't as bad as everyone thought."
"If you're sure. Where?"
"Middle of town. Blue store." Dean headed toward where he could see larger buildings, finding it after a few blocks of driving around. Sam got out and headed inside. "So, vision?"
Xander smiled. "Vision," he agreed, shaking his hand. "Nothing new?"
"I saved up to send it to you all at once. One I hinted at the physical description but did not use your name or any special abilities. It was just porn to piss Dean off," he finished with a grin. He handed over his laptop. "You have your own folder." Xander got into it and found it, starting to read the first one he hadn't.
"Tell me he didn't suck you into that freaky shit," Dean said as he came in.
Xander grinned at him. "Willow did back in high school. Sam's letting me see things before he sends them out so I can approve of how he's using me." He went back to reading. "Down the back stairs in the kitchen, guys. There's two cots down there." They nodded, heading down there. Dean came back up first. "He's got a good hand at storytelling. Even if he does need someone to proofread."
"It goes to the beta after you read it," Sam said as he came back up. "So, any idea what that was?"
"Two books on the research table," Xander said with a point. "Blue bookmarks are Willow's so don't use them." They nodded, going to look. He went back to reading. Sam had a good hand at telling stories. Even if he didn't write too much smut. "No smut this time?"
"Smut comes later in the longer one. That short one is in the other folder."
"You put *folders* on the computer?" Dean demanded.
"One with my name, one with yours. That way I could move your porn there." He smirked. "It's my laptop. You don't like it, buy your own." He went back to reading, listening to Xander snicker in the other room.
Xander came in and hugged him. "I make a good Rapunzel." He went back to reading.
Sam grinned. "See, he likes it." He got down to the research, finding what he needed. He frowned. "That makes little sense."
"That's what I said and I couldn't find a major apocalypse. Neither could Ripper," Xander called. "He'll be over later."
"Sure," Dean called. He looked at what he was reading then got into his father's journal, finding something similar. "Is that the same thing?"
Sam looked then nodded. "That is and that makes more sense." He brought it out to Xander, nodding at the blonde woman in there. "Hi." Xander looked then gave him a look. "Our father's journal."
"No wonder we got visions of Dean on an altar."
"Probably." He looked at the blonde woman, who was giving him an odd look. "Sam Winchester, ma'am. My brother's in the other room."
"Is that the visiony thing that we have coming up, Xander?" He nodded. "Why?" she complained. "I wanted an easy summer!"
"It's not going to go the way they think," Xander promised. "We can protect Dean. You can hit on him. He's a demon hunter," he offered.
"He likes pretty girls who can smart back when he's being a smartass," Sam offered with a grin. "I wouldn't mind."
She beamed and went to introduce herself. Dean was cute.
Xander beamed. "Thank you," he mouthed. He went back to reading. "Figure out how to stop it and tell us. We'll protect you guys."
"Thanks, Xander." He went back t it, sitting across the table from them while he reread the journal and then the other books. He went to find another source, bringing back the DVD he had just paid for instead. Buffy got him a laptop with a grin. "Willow's?"
"The spare one for back here. Others have to use it. Even me sometimes." She went back to flirting with Dean, who was flirting back. It was nice.
Sam grinned behind the laptop as he read, finding what he needed. He walked it into the other room, nodding at Willow. "Found it."
"Ooh, we heard you were a God of Research." She looked over his arm, slapping herself on the head. "I didn't even think about opening that book."
"You'd have to buy it. You sold our research copy," Xander said dryly, giving her a look. She walked off shaking her head. He looked at Sam's research then shrugged. "Seems pretty normal to me. Killed how?" Sam showed him. "That'll work. We have that."
"We have it in shotgun shells."
"Even better," Xander agreed happily. "Maybe it'll be scared off and we'll have a sleepover instead."
Sam grinned at that. "Could happen. We've scared off others." He glanced in there then stayed where he was. "They're heavily flirting."
"You can hang out here. We all do." He showed him something. "Major typo."
Sam looked then fixed it. "Thanks."
"Welcome." He got back to reading. Even if it was het it was cute. "Bit of a sudden transition."
"That'll be explained in a few pages," Sam promised.
Xander kept reading then snickered. "I know the demon that does that."
"He wanted to marry Dean last month."
"I'm going to kill you, Sammy!" Dean shouted. "Quit showing that stuff off!"
"He promised to let me read anything I'm in before he sends it," Xander called back. "I'm fixing typos." He looked. "You said the girl has a prostate."
"It's not a girl," he said quietly. Xander gave him a look then kept going. He finally burst out laughing so hard he started to turn red and had to grab the counter. "I take it you like it?"
"I so like that," he giggled. Dean came out to stare at him. He just waved and grinned. "It's not you."
"Uh-huh." He went back to flirting with the nice, normal girl. Even if she was a slayer and could break him in half it was more sane than Sammy flirting through porn with that guy.
"He does make Xander happy," Buffy told him.
"I'm sure. Still freaky."
"Well, yeah but Xander is too." She smirked. "His last girlfriend was way too sharing. Thankfully the succuba left." He laughed. "Honestly."
He shook his head. "If they get together is that a sign of an apocalypse?"
"Could be but then again this is Sunnydale," she said dryly. He laughed and gave her a kiss, getting one back. "Hmm, you taste good." She did it again, knocking him onto the floor.
"There's cots downstairs," Xander yelled. "Do not do that near the books, Buffy."
"Yes, Xander." She drug him down to his bed and jumped him there instead. It was good for them.
Sam shook his head. "If Dean's happy, I am."
Xander grinned. "No hoping to follow his lead?"
"No, I don't think I'm ready to date another woman yet."
"What about a guy?" Willow teased.
Sam blushed. "Never did more than consider it. I'd have to think about it again."
Xander smirked. "You could write that out."
"I can," he agreed, then he groaned and rubbed his forehead. "I'm starting to hate bunnies."
"Bunnies give you bad ideas?" Willow taunted with an evil smirk.
He looked at her. "Yes." She walked off cackling. "Is it bad when I wake up making that noise because of the muses?"
Xander shrugged. "Don't know. Could be. Depends on how you view sanity."
"I'm pretty flexible since I know that half the people who claim they see things actually did."
Xander grinned. "Then we'll have to see." He winked and went to greet the man coming in. "Ripper, they figured out what it was but Buffy's jumping Sam's brother so we've got an hour if you wanted to get some tea."
"That's all right. I'll read it over before we figure out what we're doing." Sam handed him the journal and the laptop with the book's page open. He sat down to read, nodding slowly. "Well, that does make sense with the vision, doesn't it." He looked at Sam. "Is he virginal in any way?"
"Maybe to men. Not sure," Sam asked. "I know he's not to women. He's not a blood innocent either. Since we hunt creatures and spirits, I think that should count for life innocence."
"It usually does," he agreed. "Then there's one area that could be. Has he done magic?"
"We've had to help with some protection rites."
"Then that's probably the only way they can get him. I'll have to ask him when Buffy's done bruising him." He went back to reading. "I forgot we had this book."
"Willow sold our copy. All that's left is the store's copy that's actually for sale," Xander said dryly.
"She needed it used."
Xander looked at her. "Then take off the paper the next time."
"Fine," she muttered, walking away. "Buffy, Ripper's here," she called down to the basement. "He said we'll hold the meeting about Dean's innocence after you're done bruising him."
"Sure," she called back. "Give me an hour."
"Okay." She shut the door. "That way we don't have to listen to it too." Sam grinned, going back to the research room. "He seems nice," she said casually.
Xander looked at her. "Don't help."
"Whatever," she muttered, going to help her boyfriend with his research.
In the research room, Sam was thinking about that proposition. Had Xander meant them? Because that was making him sweat to think about.
Sam looked at Xander later that night. "So, freaky much at the moment?"
"A bit but this is my life," he said dryly. "You?"
"I'm thinking thoughts I haven't before."
Xander grinned. Score! Yes! Inwardly he was dancing. "Need help thinking?"
"I was writing it out over dinner while Dean and Buffy were cooing at each other."
Xander laughed. "They did, didn't they?" He leaned closer. "Think you'll need to leave him here?"
"That means I get to have the car," he teased back. "With the weapons."
"Oooh, weapons pretty."
"Weapons are Dean. I'm the research nerd." Xander grinned at that. "But I'd let you play with the weapons." He blushed. "Not fully what I meant to say."
Xander laughed, making Sam shiver a bit. "Weapons or not to weapons, that is the question, young padawan."
"I'm older than you are."
"Bull." They pulled out ID's and sure enough Sam was barely older. "Okay, I give." He took a kiss. "There, something to write about tonight." He got up and headed back inside. It was now a good night.
Sam blushed, heading down to his bed, trying hard not to wake up either of them with the weird dreams he was going to be having tonight.
After the second one, Buffy waited, looking down at Dean. "He always that jumpy?"
"Now and then. He's been infected by these muse creatures that're giving him ideas."
"They make drugs for that," she said seriously.
"Yeah but then we couldn't hunt."
"Oh. Good point. He's really writing the stuff that Willow reads?" Dean grimaced and nodded. "The gay stuff?"
"Some. Some het. The one he put me in wasn't *too* bad. Still freaky."
"Well, yeah. Can't see you as an elf at all," she teased with a grin.
"You read that?" he asked flatly.
"Willow read it to us after Sam found out she was using Xander's email address and showed up to chew on him, I mean chew him a new one," she said with a wink and a smirk.
"If they do, maybe it'll cheer him up." He gave her a squeeze. "Enough about the dork king over there. More about you or me."
"Ooh, about me?"
"Sure, this can be about you. How about how loud you scream so we don't get woken up by his strange dreams again."
"I might like that." Dean flipped her over and went to work teasing her. Yeah, they could wake Sam up. He could go back to sleep just like they did.
Upstairs, Xander covered his head with a pillow, willing himself not to hear Buffy chanting Dean's name. That was not the thought he wanted tonight!
Sam finally found the rite he wanted in Xander's books. For some reason he was having a major surge of bunnies. He felt like he was body surfing on fur at the moment. Sometimes he swore he could feel them slithering around his ankles, stroking them with their ears or tails before taking a nibble to impart a new idea. So he had to find a way to slow it down. Even if the protection ritual wouldn't *technically* work it would give him a psychological advantage over the stupid ideas. Because some were just...wrong. In many ways. He grinned at Willow when she came in to look over his shoulders. "Bunnies," he sighed at her odd look at him.
"Ah, bunnies. How I remember them," she sighed back, grinning a bit. "There's whole plotbunny agencies to get yours adopted." He leaned over to whisper in her ear, making her make the most horrified look he'd ever seen on a human face. "Never mind, we need to help you corral them."
"The sad thing is, I could write it really well and *so* use it to gross Dean out."
She snickered, patting him on the back. "I know it's a fun game but you'd end up letting it slip and others would be traumatized, Sam." She led him out, taking him to the store he needed. There he found a small white stuffed bunny. Normal bunny shaped, on all four feet. Like a bunny that hopped around the yard sort of bunny. Then she found the other symbolic things they'd need and led him back to the park. Bunnies were natural creatures so he'd have to do the symbolic chaining outside. She led him through the short rite, teaching him how to chain and unchain it metaphorically so his ideas were linked to the furry one. He sighed in pleasure. She better than most knew the power of psychological encouragement and symbolism. This would help him get hold of some of the *really* bad ideas he was having. Because that one had been so very *wrong*!
Dean found the stuffed bunny a few days later while hunting for laundry to do. "Sammy?" he asked, holding it up. "What is this?"
"A psychological replacement so I feel some control over the ideas I'm getting." He snatched it back. "Before you think about burning it, it's stopping ideas like Golum being a masseuse for elves." That was the most innocuous one he had had since the surge started.
Dean stared at him. "You need medical help."
"That's what it's there for. That's Barney." He grinned as he put it back into his bag. "I've already done laundry, Dean. Do your own."
"I'm getting you pills."
"Barney makes sure I don't get ideas like that any more."
"Which means you gave it power, dude. Remember, ritual symbolism turns into realistic symbolism somewhere on the ethereal plane."
Sam looked at him then opened something and handed it over. "It's Barney or those sort of ideas."
Dean read the first paragraph and shuddered, handing it back as he walked off to do his own laundry. "We'll see."
"It's worked so far. I've only had three ideas and two've been good ones," he called after him. "Don't forget the amulet."
"Blow me, dude."
Sam followed, putting it around Dean's neck before he could get into the car. "If you don't wear it, the demon will." He went back inside and looked at Xander. "Want my brother?"
"He's not my type but Buffy might be willing to keep him."
Sam grinned. "Don't tempt me to leave him here."
Xander cackled. "I'll tell her you're interested in doing that. Nothing new?"
Sam went to get Barney and put it in front of him. "For the really horrible ideas." Xander smirked so he handed him that story. The cackle he let out was bad. Evil and bad. But really cute too.
Xander stared at him at the end. "No wonder you got Barney."
"Yup. I'm wondering if it'd help Mel too."
Xander petted the stuffed bunny. "You be good for him. Store the bad ones." He handed them both back. "It'll be tonight."
"I've got stuff set up downstairs." He went to put up his laptop and Barney then came up with thee weapons. "Did you like the last one? I printed it out so I could do some edited work without being attached to the monitor."
"I haven't gotten it yet," he said dryly, glaring into the research room. "I believe someone is editing it for you."
"Willow," Sam complained. Ripper brought it out. "Not much better."
"But charming." He clapped Sam on the back. "Were you local more often none of us would mind."
Sam channeled a bit of Dean for a second. "So you think it's bad if I lead him on by sending him bits of smut now and then?"
Ripper blushed and walked off cleaning his glasses. "I dare say you're better than his last three so we don't mind if you make him happy. Do be aware that he'll want you closer someday however." He shut the door to the research room. It had been good and had given him his own ideas for what to do with his own naughty girlfriend.
Xander looked, then at him. "Girlfriend am I?"
"In the most classic sense," he teased back with a grin. "But you get to turn the tables. A bet you lost."
Xander gave him a long look. "I'm very lucky."
"Then you get petted before people go to Vegas?"
Xander blushed. "Not yet." Sam snuck a kiss then went back to making sure the machete was sharp enough. Xander got back to reading. He had laid it out as the 'girlfriend' part was part of a lost bet. "Heels too?" he asked dryly.
"You pay me back."
Xander kept reading, having to shift position now and then. Yup, he did get Sam back when he tried to get too pushy. "Still can't stand heels. Buffy tried that once. I spanked." He handed it back.
Sam grinned. "Not my fantasy. Mel wanted to know if I could."
"Ah. How is Mel doing?"
"Frustrated with her elven vampires."
"Still. She cleared one road block then ran into one in the cannon she created."
"I hear that can happen." Sam pulled another bit of paper out of his back pocket and handed it over. "Another for Mel?"
"No, me thinking," he admitted with a blush, checking the bullets.
Xander grinned and got into it. It was much nicer. No heels. He giggled at one part where the bunnies were helping but it was cute. And hot. Because Sam got a bit graphic with his thinking about male/male sex. Which was kinda nice. He knew what he wanted and liked. Sam liked most of the same things. Sam was also a bit aggressive. Which could be fun. He looked at his friend. "Later on?"
"If Dean's not in the hospital." He blushed a bit but smiled. Jess had always said his smile was the cutest thing about him.
Xander grinned back. "Sure. Dinner?"
"I can't cook. I'll help order."
"That'll be even better," Xander agreed with a wink. He put that one under the counter and helped him go over the weapons. That's one thing the show did get right. Ripper hated to play with weapons. They both looked over as Willow screeched in pleasure. Sam clapped. Xander hooted, and Ripper slammed something into the door to protest their appreciation. "Then go do that at your house instead of having kinky, semi-library sex," Xander called. "Not like we needed the het sex tutorial." Willow slunk out and headed for the car, Ripper striding quickly behind her. "See you guys around dinner time." He waved at their backs, cracking Sam up. Xander winked and took a real kiss, making Sam moan. "Let's talk about that idea, Sam." He pulled him into the office to start the groping. Since Sam was new at it, he'd have to take it a bit more slowly. Today at least. Then he could be a bit more happy faster, like Ripper and Willow were together. That would be fun.