(Set four months after alignment 19)

Legacy Journal of Xander Harris:

Guess I should start by apologizing again for snatching you. But I had to have some way to remember who I was, way back when I was happy. So I stole both of you, because there's no way I can go back to being the old me again. Just like when I shot Giles, I can't go back to me again. Remember a few entries ago, when I was praising the merge I had created? Well, guess what, I was wrong. Big shock there, huh. Now that I've lived the merge for the last few months, I can truly say I'm lonely. I miss my kids, my baby. I miss Oz. Strangely though, I don't really miss Willow. We were growing apart even before we fled the Legacy, now I don't even think we could sit in the same room and talk civilly. Yeah, I've heard some pretty bad things about her through the contacts I watch them through. I've even heard about her fooling around on Oz and them fighting so much that she almost miscarried. If that had happened, I would have went back to take Oz and the kids. After the way he found her five-month pregnant body in their bed with three other men and another woman, with the kids in the next room, I don't trust her to be around those kids anymore. I won't do anything about the knowledge, if Oz wanted to kick her butt to the curb, he would have already. But if we ever get back together, I'm going to watch her.

If it wasn't for the merge, the hyena and soldier making me stay to protect my family, I would do it another way. I really don't want to hunt anymore, but each vamp I get means that it's one more that won't breed or go after Oz and the kids. I'm hunting to protect them, but I'm *so* lonely. All I really want to do is pull their number out of my pocket and make the call. All I would have to say was "Oz" and I know he'd understand and come for me. Why won't he come for me?!?