Original Date of List Birth: Fri Aug 6, 1999
Notes: Based on a journal entry I wrote for Kristen last year that our
Listmommy liked but wouldn't put back up. (<G> Hi Reets! I found a way to
not make you put up the Kristen journal.)
Warnings? Not a Kristen friendly story. m/f, m/m. Written in under twenty
minutes when I found the entry on my diskette.

Summary: Kristen makes a fatal mistake. Can she deal with it?

A Big Mistake
by Voracity

Kristen huffed off to her room, hopes sliding quickly away. She closed her
door softly, not wanting to upset the house any more than she just had.
//What was I thinking? Never mind, I know what I was thinking. I need a
mate, one who can handle me and the one I've picked out doesn't seem to be
thrilled by the attention.// She sat down in front of her desk, pulling out
her house journal and opening it to the next blank page.

She uncapped her fountain pen and closed her eyes.

Thursday, July 1999

Why can't he just get over Derek and get to me. I need to have a good
mate. I tried to get Derek myself, but he only wanted Nick apparently, not
that he realized it but it was obvious. I just want a man who will see me
for my feminine side, overlooking the masculine traits. Someone who will
overlook all my little faults, like having to always be right, and having to
be the dominant one. If Philip wasn't a priest, maybe I would try him. I
need someone with his patience. Even if I could transplant it into the body
I want it, would be enough. Nick doesn't have the patience I really need and
crave, but he'll do; our relationship would be steamy and stormy most of the
time, but maybe I want that excitement. I need that stimulation.

If I could only find someone, some man, who was my equal. Nick was my
equal in strength and determination. Derek was my equal in brains. Now I
need to find someone with both.

Nick didn't even change his mind when I tried to show him how good it
could be earlier. I think that he never will touch another person again by
the time I get done with him.

She put down her pen and took a deep breath. //Maybe what I need is a better
plan to help me, some way to ensnare him so he can't go to his male lover.
After all, what could Derek Rayne give him that I can't?// She picked her pen back
up and started to write again.

I'll show him again how good it can be, but this will be his last chance.
I'm going to go to his room and show him how right it could be if he would
just give in to me; if he would just let me dominate him; if he would just
give in this once. Later...

She closed the journal, laying the blotting paper against the still wet page
so it wouldn't smear. She sat back in her chair and listened to the sounds
of the house around her, trying to hear where everyone was.

//Better get ready, I want everything to be perfect.// She unbound her hair
and stood up, stretching gracefully. She stepped out of her shoes and
stripped down before walking slowly over to mirror to look at herself.
//Flawless skin, not a mark on it. Breasts that are still pert and perky,
just like they were when I was younger. Killer abs - not too much muscle
and not flabby. Hmm, need to shave again before I head out on my trap Nick
plan, he seems like the type to appreciate smooth skin. After all, it's not
like Derek has a lot of hair on him.// She snorted and went into her
bathroom to run herself a bath.


Derek watched Kristen leave the room with a growing sense of dread. She had
made herself quite clear on the subject of her desires going after first
himself, then Nick. He glanced over at his lover and their visiting friend,
Philip, who was once one of them.

Nick and Philip were working through their third beer in fifteen minutes,
Philip commiserating with Nick's misery and torment. Alex had tried to take
the bottles away from them, but a quiet comment about needing the numbing
strength made her back away slowly.

Derek decided they would probably feel safer locked in one of their rooms so
he went to gather up the things they would need to get quietly drunk in
safety. He came back with the small picnic basket and handed it to Philip
before he leaned over Nick's shoulder. "Go to your room and lock yourselves
in. There's enough in there to let you forget tonight for a while," he

Nick nodded and gave him a light grin. "I knew you'd understand," he said.
He stood shakily and the two younger men walked up the stairs, supporting
each other.

Derek turned to Alex. "Are you staying up tonight for a little while? Just
in case?"

The young woman nodded and left, her softly dark features scrunched up in

Derek sighed and nodded at the butler to clear the table of Philip's welcome
home feast. Tonight was going to be a long night and he wasn't sure which
way he wanted it to end.


Nick closed the door behind them, turning to make sure it was locked. He
turned back to smile at Philip. "Man, welcome home. It's almost as bad as
hell right now, but we're all here for you."

Philip laughed and laid back on the bed, putting the basket safely on the
floor beside him. "Is it locked?" He raised his head up long enough to see
Nick nod. "Goo'. Wouldn' wan' her gettin' in here later. No' when you're
gonna be so vulnerable."

Nick laughed. "Me? I can drink you under the table and you know it." He
sat down on the floor beside the basket and opened it. "Ah, Derek sent us
up here with the good stuff." He took out the bottles of stout and the
fifth of really good scotch. "Just like home, huh."

"It's not. Home we have pubs an' no woman woul' think abou' doing tha' ta
ya." He grabbed a bottle of stout. "Do ya remember the las' time you said
you could drink me under a table? Or was tha' all blowin' hot air?"

Nick raised an eyebrow. "Gee Philip, I really don't think of you that way
and no, thankfully, I don't remember much of that whole week." He grinned.
"Not that you aren't cute or anything, but..."

Philip laughed. "Oh, Nick, you always were such a joker. Drink?" He
raised his bottle.

Nick raised his after taking the top off and they clinked them together
before going back to the important work of forgetting that Kristen had felt
the poor young man up earlier during dinner.


Kristen listened at the door of her room, silently opening it so she could
check the hall. She had heard Nick's door open and shut just a moment ago
and now was the perfect time for her to put her plan in action.

She slipped down the hall, quietly opened Nick's door, and slipped inside
his room. She didn't bother with the lights, knowing where his bed was
situated, but instead crept over silently. She tiptoed up to the bed and
knelt beside it, stroking the soft hair.

She could see the color in her mind, one that would blend with hers so well
in their children. When there was no movement, she brushed up his chest
with her fingernails. When there was still no movement, she moved his
t-shirt up slightly so she could get under it to wake up her destined mate.

She played with the hard nubs of nipple, teasing them into hardness and
scratching them lightly with the fake nails she had applied earlier. There
was a quiet moan, so she moved his shirt up a little more and licked over
his abs.

//Funny, I'd have thought they would be more defined.// She teased the soft
muscles, using her tongue to show how good she was, how good she could be.

She licked her way up, suckling briefly on a nipple before bringing her head
back out from under his shirt. She looked up into a pair of blue eyes.
Gentle and soft blue eyes that didn't have any idea why she was doing that
to him.

//Nick has hazel eyes. Oh, God! NO! Philip!// She hastily backed away
from the bed as he sat up. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I thought you were Nick. Oh,
God, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

"We go' drunk an' I passed out, so Nick is in my room. We'll talk abou' it
in the mornin'. Go to bed now," he said softly with a hint of authority to
his voice.

Kristen was shaking and crying now, not sure of her fate, of her decisions,

Alex came in, flipping on the light. She frowned at the semi-hysterical
woman on the floor before lifting her up. "I'll take her back to her room
and lock her in."

Philip nodded and tossed the sheet up over his head, wanting this nightmare
to have not been real, to have been a product of the stout and old scotch.

Alex dragged Kristen out of the room, closing the door quietly, and dragged
the other woman down the hall to her own room. She got Kristen onto the
bed, tossing her like she would a sack of laundry, and covered her up. She
grabbed the door key off the dresser where the other woman told her she kept
it and left her there, alone.

Kristen heard the door close and lock. She rolled onto her side, curling up
in a small ball. She lay there, rocking herself gently back and forth to
comfort herself.

When she was calm again, she stood up. She got dressed in some practical
clothes, packing the rest of her meager possessions into her carpetbag. She
decided she had to finish the entry, she couldn't leave it like it was.

She slowly sat down, uncapped her pen, and wrote her final note in her house

I was so wrong to do that. I went to Nick's room to prove to him that he
was meant for me. I walked in without knocking, to surprise him. He (I
thought) was curled up in bed asleep. I went over and kneeled beside the
bed without turning on the lights. I moved his hair out of his eyes. Our
children would be so perfect with either of our hair. Smart, funny,
strong, determined. I started to rub his chest through his t-shirt, then
underneath his shirt. I leaned down to suck his nipples and then ran my
tongue around his abs. I thought that they would be so much more defined
than they were. I looked up to see a pair of blue eyes staring at me. I
know, Nick has hazel eyes. It was Philip. I was molesting a priest in his
sleep! Oh, God, how could I do that? I'm going to Hell for that.

He just gave me a "What are you doing in my room?" look. I stuttered and
told him I thought he was Nick; he told me that they had been drinking and
apparently he had passed out, so Nick was in his room.

Philip said he would talk to me in the morning! I hope he doesn't remember
anything. I did this to Nick the last time I tried to convince him. He
screamed at me. Alex came and pulled me out of the room. Please, let
Philip not remember! Please God!

end. Let this be a lesson to all others who would fail as I have.

She put her pen in her cloak pocket and close the journal, replacing the
blotting paper gently. She patted it one last time before picking up her
bag. She retrieved the spare key she had had made, left the room, the
castle, her old life, behind.


Derek walked down to breakfast the next morning in foul spirits. Nick had
already told him what had happened during the night and he had talked with
Philip also, trying to get him to stay anyway.

He stepped into the kitchen and frowned at all his colleagues, who were
sitting around reading a journal. He walked over, standing behind Nick,
placing his hands on Nick's shoulders and giving them a brief squeeze in
kind. He looked down, reading the entry and smiled. //More for me. And
I'll see that Boston hears about her conduct. How dare she take my man, and
even if she did try to molest Philip in the process, there are some things a
lover can't tolerate.// His smile got wider and he took the book, heading
with Nick to the control room.

They held hands while the page was sent to both Boston and London, Nick's
idea. They would make sure, together, that no one like her could ever come
between them again.

Nick looked back over his shoulder and smiled. "Aren't you glad that's

"I'm very glad it, she, ended up sending you to tell me that you loved me so
I could tell you."

Nick shook his sore head. "Logic puzzles later, my love; for now know that
you're mine and once I get rid of this headache, I'm going to prove it. In
glorious and minute detail."

Derek smiled and kissed his cheek, wiping it off so he could answer the
phone. "I'm sure you will and I'm looking forward to it, my Nick," he
whispered before answering the vid link to London. "Goot morning...."

The End.