Notes: Myiaka wrote an excellent short series called the Game of Life series.  Then she offered the bunny up to anyone who could use it.  She approved of mine so this is it.

Games People Play.

"I will pay up to six million for a good heir," the old man announced to his underlings.  "One and a half for a female heir, plus half of one for an educational trust fund, or four and the trust fund for a male heir.  They can share one if the mother somehow manages to have one of each."  He waved a hand.  "Somehow.  Plus the offer to make him give up his foolish lifestyle and come home still stands.  I believe that one was a nice one million dollar reward to make him come home and say he's sorry and he was foolish."

"And the fact that your son had the plague a bit ago?"

"Then it's all the more important.  The doctors I talked to said it can't be transferred to them.  We can get clean sperm or he can do it on his own if we put the right incentive in front of him."

"I hate to complain but you've tried that before, sir, and he didn't fall for her."

"No, he didn't.  I had a bad idea of what he wanted.  Now we have a better one.  With all the women he's dated a few trends have come through each time.  Or we could simply put it out and let whoever traps him win."

"Your son will have you killed for this," his second in command said.

"He's in law enforcement.  He wouldn't or it's his career."  He shot him a look.  "Have it put around in the right circles and use whatever incentive is necessary for it to be spread."

"Yes, sir," his second said, going to put that out.  He knew it was in bad taste but the old man's word was law and even his son had to obey.  Even if he had managed to get away from the old man and live his own life.

Three hours later a fax came in and he frowned at the certificate on it.  After that came a second.  Then a note.  "He tried this before and lost.  Remind him of that and why I'm not going to let it happen.  I can have that fixed," he read.  "Oh, dear."  He walked them into the office and put them in front of the old man.  "It came by fax a moment ago, sir."  He walked off, not wanting to see him that mad.

He glared at the certificates.  "It worked the last time and no one will do that operation for you, son.  I've already made sure of it."  He put them away.  He hated that the wife he had chosen for his young son had died in that car accident.  Then his son had rebelled.  Though he had rebelled before then, this one was a worse betrayal.  It was not going to be allowed to go on this time.


Three years later, Tony DiNozzo looked up at the woman approaching his desk.  "Problems with some paperwork in HR?" he asked.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go out to dinner, Tony."

He frowned up at her.  "Didn't you tell me to go away and not even look at you again last month?"

"That was last month."

He considered it.  "What did you hear from my old man?"

"That you're looking for an heir?" she asked.

He shook his head.  "No, my father's looking for a grandchild.  I have no intention of ever having a child.  As a matter of fact, I slipped his bribes to every doctor and had myself fixed on a trip to Mexico."  She stomped off.  "Have a good night."  He went back to his report.  He decided to send an email to his father's assistant telling him that he had been fixed.  It wasn't fully true but oh well.  Maybe they'd leave him alone.  A friend called him to give him some new news and he smiled, leaning back to chat with her.  She was a good ally.  Gibbs came back from his coffee break.  He said bye and hung up.  "A spy giving me some information, boss," he said at the odd look.

"On the case?"

"Not this case."

"Tracking one you couldn't get?"

"More of a stalker."  He finished up and sent it over then grabbed his things.  "I'm off."  He headed toward the elevator.  "Have a good night, boss."  He smirked as he got onto the elevator.  He could hear the HR fairy screaming at someone on the phone.  That was a beautiful sound.

Gibbs frowned.  That was not a normal DiNozzo smirk and occurrence.  Looks like it was another love message from his family.  They'd stopped a few attempts from the old man, as Tony called him, to contact him in some strange and bizarre way.  Including trying to have his son kidnaped once.  Tony refused to talk about that incident.  The person who had kidnaped him had died before going to trial.  He called him.  "Another salvo from the old man?"  He heard why and groaned.  "How long has this plan been going on?"  He grumbled.

"Anything we can do to stop it?"  He nodded once.  "Let me know.  Who?"  He took down the name.  "Keep me informed, DiNozzo."  He hung up and looked her up.  Human Resources.  Wonderful.  He went to talk to her.  She was still screaming at someone on the phone.  He walked in and she hung up abruptly.  "I don't care what his father wants, Miss Sorren.  Leave my agent alone."

"It's a void deal anyway since he's been fixed," she sneered.

He nodded.  "Probably one of the smartest operations he's ever had."  He stepped closer.  "I will be watching for any paybacks."

"I'm not that way."

"Uh-huh."  She grabbed her coat and stomped off.  He closed the office door when he left.  Then he went back to the reports he had to get done.  This would stop itself like all the others had.  Though he did pull up the background he had done on DiNozzo.  There were roadblocks the size of mountains in the way of him getting a real one.  He considered it and tried another track to make sure there wasn't already one.  What he found made him sigh.  Car accident before birth.  He frowned at the date, counting back.  His agent had only been sixteen?  Was that his idea or his fathers?


Gibbs looked up as Tony walked in the next morning in a new suit.  "Have fun shopping?"

"Only had to pick it up."  He smirked.  "You look tired.  The old man call?"

"No.  Went back to the background on you."

"You have what you need."

"Not really."  He stared him down and got a smirk.  Tony sat down and got comfortable.  "There are things that could impact cases.  Old friends showing up?"

"Only my father's in this town, boss.  Not like my friends are lobbyists.  Yet.  Give them a few more years to finish their clawing to the top of Wall Street or wherever."

Gibbs nodded.  "Good point.  Former classmates?"

Tony shrugged.  "The military academy?  Three of my classmates are colonels or about to be.  One's still a sergeant of some level, not sure which one right off the top of my head.  I think he just got promoted to Staff Sergeant.  The rest weren't going to go to the military.  One went to the Air Force Academy but they flunked out and went to a regular college before starting out as a CPA."

Gibbs looked at him then around.  "Conference."

"Give them time to get in, boss.  It's the only elevator and I don't want to be yelled at because people are scared to yell at you."

"Fine."  He got up and walked over.  "Your...entourage?"

"Oh, boss, have you been watching HBO?" Tony joked.

"No, I saw it on some stupid starlette's six."

"I don't have a publicist.  I don't need one.  I do have people who spy for me.  I have people who invest for me.  I have someone who does do the one thing I've ever managed in a business way to cover it up.  Other than that?  No need."  McGee came in.  "Morning, Probie."

"Good morning."  He saw Gibbs' look and mentally shuddered.  "Case already?  Did I miss a call in?"

"My father's latest plan to get me back is flying," Tony said dryly.

"Oh, no.  Kidnaping?"  Tony glared.  Gibbs glared.  He shrank back.  "We can watch for one."

"No.  Not this time.  My father wants heirs."  McGee gave him a horrified look.  Tony leaned back with his usual smirk.  "About three  years ago he offered a reward for the fruit of my loins.  Someone in this office heard last night."

"You're...not going to have kids, right?"

"No.  Never will happen.  He managed to get me drugged up enough to have a priest marry me to a girl he had chosen.  She died in a car crash with the children that she had been forced to carry thanks to my father's greed.  No, it'll never happen again and as far as I'm concerned, I'm fixed."

"Good.  A good decision," McGee said quietly.  "Your kids would be holy terrors."

Tony smirked and nodded.  "Yeah.  I'll have fun some decade."

"Fine.  Just as long as I'm not here."

"You won't be, Probie.  I'll be retired to some island paradise by then.  Far, far away from my father and all his minions."

"As long as I don't have to help," he said.

"I'd never let you babysit," he said dryly.  "You'd turn my future heirs into geeks."  Gibbs laughed at that.  "He would."  He smirked at him.

"Were there others trying?  It's been three years," McGee asked.

"Just her.  So far."  Tony pointed at Ziva's desk.  "She is?"  Tony smirked and nodded.  "You're sure?"

"She asked me once if I thought about kids.  She was hinting it might be good to have an heir stashed somewhere, just in case."

"No, please don't," Gibbs said, going back to his desk.  "Have you seen any of your old cohorts recently?"

"Three of them out to dinner.  I waved because I was off to meet with someone.  They gave me a confused look but one recognized me.  One waved back.  The others hissed my father no longer accepted me as an heir so he forgot I was there."

"Your father needs a swift kick," Gibbs said.

"The RIMA commander gave him two or three but he's too stupid to pick up on anything less than a hockey stick to the head.  We have tried, boss."

"Your father's going to pay for this stunt," McGee reminded him.

"Yup, in about three weeks," Tony said.  Gibbs gave him a look.  "SEC, boss.  He's due to testify."

"You're to let me know the minute you hear he's in town.  If he approaches you or if you're contacted.  If we even think there's going to be another episode, I want to know immediately, DiNozzo."  Tony tossed over a paper.  He looked at it then at him.  "Vacation time?"

"I'm going to Hawaii."

Gibbs smirked but nodded.  "Good plan."

"I'll bring you back pictures."  He got to work on a cold case and let it lay there.  Gibbs signed the request and sent it upstairs when the director's secretary came hunting for paperwork they were always behind on.

The director came down a few hours later, staring at Tony.  "Why should I let you go to Hawaii during our busy season?"

"Because my father is testifying in front of the SEC that same week and unless you want me to embarrass ten congressmen and another fifteen agents he has in his back pocket because he had me kidnaped a few years back, you'll let me go," he said quietly, not looking up from his current search.

"There's no way."

He stared at her.  "Ask Gibbs."

"He did try to kidnap him.  We managed to find him at the airport.  Drinking champagne in handcuffs and highly drugged."

"Being the princess I was raised to be," Tony said dryly.  He grinned just a bit.  "Since he had the report covered up and thrown out by one of his...helpers it got buried."  She swallowed.  "Right now, he's begging for a grandchild and has offered numerous bribes.  I'm going to Hawaii and maybe I'll pick up some cute native girl and have my heir that way."

She stomped off.  "I want that file."

"Call Fornell," Gibbs called after her.  "He has a copy somewhere."

"Actually, I think someone broke into his house to get it, boss."  Gibbs gave him an odd look.  "He called up screaming that my father's people had scared his daughter."

"That could be."

"Thankfully, I have six copies stashed in various safety deposit boxes all over the world with that report and another sixty or so, depending on which box it is.  The local one has over a hundred incidences.  Pity it went to the SEC."

McGee blinked, mouth slightly open.  "You turned him in?"

"Yeah."  He smirked.  "I love being the vindictive one in the family.  My mother taught me well."  McGee shuddered and went to talk to Abby instead.  "By the way, boss, the list of those is in your medals case."

Gibbs smirked.  "Make sure of it."

"It's booby trapped.  We'd know."  Gibbs laughed and got back to work.  He got back to his own search.  "Hey, boss, one of our cold missing persons cases just popped up with a new credit card but it's a lady that's over seventy and he was only twenty-one."

"Identity theft?"

"Or a relative.  We were never sure who killed him."

"Send it to me."  Tony did that and the original case's notes.  He looked it over, nodding.  "Relative?"

"Grandmother it looks like."

"We can talk to her."

"She's in Texas, boss.  Want me to call the local office?"

He considered it.  Four years cold.  "Go ahead."  Tony found the number on the list in his drawer and called, leaning back to quietly talk to the agent while he looked at what had been found.  She might be desperate or she might have a motive.  They'd see.  McGee came back.  "I don't have your report yet, McGee."

"I'm working on the conclusion, boss."  He handed him a new cup of coffee and went back to it. "When is Ziva due back?"

"Two days," Tony told him.

"Abby pointed something out.  You had some in a bank."

Tony smirked.  "He's not that smart, McGee.  He was born into the position but no matter how much my grandfather sent him to all the right schools he's still dumb."

"Oh."  He nodded.

"It's also been destroyed."

"Even better.  No chance of little Tonys wandering around picking up busty women."

"They are nice," Tony sighed.

"Work, DiNozzo, don't fantasize."

"Yes, boss."  He got back to checking the cold cases for other new leads.  They didn't have many so he was soon surfing the web.  Googling his father's name was quite informative.  "I'll be damned.  My father told a reporter his heir is nearly born."  He read the article and then giggled.  "I don't know that woman and she's from the west coast."  He considered it then wrote the reporter who had done the story.  Including that he was a federal agent and the man's only child,  but he had never met the mother of his supposed heir.   And that there was no way for her to have gotten a sample.  He got back the full notes of the article with a 'please don't sue me' response.  Tony looked it over and sent a message to his legal friends.  They could tell him how to file a paternity suit.  Because there's no way the kid was his.  His father's first level minion said that he was adopting the child as an heir and Tony giggled.  "He's adopting a woman's child."

"Why?" Gibbs asked.

"Because he wants an heir."  He did a follow up on her, finding it was a daughter.  She had a severe birth defect from the mother's drinking during pregnancy, and his father was now livid.  He looked at him.  "Maybe not since Mom drank during it and the baby's got issues.  I hate that for the mom and the baby, but my father's apparently never heard of prenatal testing."  He got back to work.  "Hey, boss, can I do that?"

"Adopt a child?  They usually want two parents instead of one, DiNozzo.  Especially when you do a dangerous job."

"What about someone who's not a kid and who could use the boost into society to do whatever they wanted to do?"

Gibbs considered it.  "That could work but if they're over eighteen it's not legal."

"Good point."  He went back to his searching.  "Yup, it got called off."  Gibbs shook his head.  The director came back.  "Fornell yell?" he asked.

"For ten minutes."  Tony looked up at her.  "You have a copy?"

"I have copies of many things.  The boss has access to all of them."  He grinned. "Hey, boss, think he'd mind an interracial baby?"

"Your father's nearly a Klan member, DiNozzo.  I think he'd kill you."

"Damn."  He shook his head.  He grinned at the director.   "So, can I go to Hawaii, Director?"

"Fine."  She walked off.  "I want a copy of that report."

"He's appearing in front of the SEC, Director."

She smirked and went to call them.  They could subpoena any records they thought were necessary.  She wanted to know more about this issue. It was clearly affecting her best team.

Gibbs shook his head.  "She's going to dig."

"She won't get any farther than you did," Tony said in a sing-song manner.  "Or Abby did when you had her try."

"Point."  He shook his head, getting the report back from the local office in Texas.  "She's desperate for cash."

"Uh-huh.  So they questioned her?"

"No.  They're going to do that today."

"That's fine.  Let me know if I have to dig out the full casefile to send them."

"Probably should."

Tony went to get that from the file room and fax down there. That way they wouldn't be caught off guard by a question.


Four weeks later, Tony walked into his row looking tanned and happy.  "Morning....  Who in the hell let you into the building?" he asked the First Minion.

"Your director."

"She's toast."  He put his things down and looked around then at him. "Have you talked to Gibbs yet?  He's going to be pissed that you're in his chair."

"He's with her."


"Touch the phone, Anthony, and we do have permission to take this talk outside."

"Security!" Tony yelled.  They came running and so did other agents.  "This man was part of a kidnaping plot to take me to New England a few years back.  He's in the employ of someone who enjoys trying to make my life a living hell.  Get him out of my sight before I shoot him."

"Let's go, sir," the guard said.

"Belay that," the director called.

"He goes or I do," Tony called.  "And I do mean right now, Director."  He looked up at her.

"You went to the Rhode Island Military Academy?"

"Second in my class," he said dryly.  "The same as you went through covert operative training at Langley though you were really trained in Bosorus, Missouri."  She went pale.  "Anything else we need to discuss?  Because I'm not talking to the First Minion."

"Your father's ill."

Tony clapped. "Yay him.  And?"  He shrugged.  "I'm not getting anything in the will.  I hope he's leaving something for all the agents he's turned and for the people he's walked over for years.  The only part of me he gives a damn about is my sperm and he's not getting it.  I'll be castrated first."  He looked at the minion.

"He needs bone marrow."

"I had the plague.  I'm not allowed to donate anything to anyone," Tony said dryly.  "Ever again."  He slumped.  "Anything else?  If not, get out of my boss's chair and out of my work building.  You are not welcome here.  None of his minions are."

"Mafia?" a guard guessed.

"At the higher levels of business, it's about the same," Tony admitted.  "Last month he voted to give himself a raise and cut seven hundred positions."  The guard growled.  "Exactly.  Now, please?"  He waved a hand.  "Before I get testy."  They hauled him up and out, one of the guards getting his jacket and briefcase.  Tony waved.  "Bye.  Have a good life."

"You won't have anything!" he shouted back.

"Everything I have, I built on my own.  Unlike him."  He smirked.  "Have a good life."

"We'll see about this."

"The CDC banned me."  The elevator came and he got on.  Tony walked up the stairs after handing someone his gun.  "Hold that for me please."  He walked the director into her office and slammed the door.  "Pick a side, Director.  His, which is failing, illegal, and has ties to so many white collar crimes he's worse than the Enron people combined, or your agent.  Who has been here now for five years and has some of the highest ratings and case solved ratings in your agency.  Because I'm not going to worry about you.  I'll simply tell one of the other minions that you're on his side and let him ruin your career for you."  He got Gibbs unlocked.  "Hey, boss, want to get coffee?"

"Yes, I do."  They walked out together.  "Your sidearm?"

"I have it to Bill.  He can keep me from shooting someone.  Maybe."  Gibbs got it and they walked out together.  "Want your pictures from my vacation?"

"That good?"

"Hawaii was beautiful, boss.  Just spectacular.  The flowers were in full bloom at the hotel.  The beach and the views were magnificent.  The whales were playing offshore."  He pulled the photo packet out of his jacket pocket.  "My tour guide is in there too."

Gibbs looked through them, not commenting on the 'tour guide' or her short skirt.  The rest were pretty.  He handed them back. "What can he do?"

"He tried to say the car crash was my fault.  I wasn't driving so I don't know how it was my fault.  The reports all say I was in the back.  I even have scars from the seat belt.  It cut me and I had to have stitches.  He might be able to use my high school disciplinary file.  He might try to use any shooting I've been part of.  I'm so squeaky, Internal Affairs only knows me because I hit on the pretty women in the office and one of them is."  They got their coffees and headed back to the office.  The guards stopped him.  "Was I fired?"

"She wanted it taken outside the building."

"Are they back?" Gibbs demanded. The guard pointed.

Tony sighed on his way over there.  "You would be?" he asked the man he didn't know.  One of the toadies opened his mouth.  "I know who you are," he said with a glare.  He looked at the guy again.  "Tell me now or I'm walking away."

"Sir, I'm your father's doctor."

"I had Y. pestis, Doctor.  That's the pneumonic plague.  I'm banned from doing anything like donating until well after I die by CDC orders because I might start someone else off with it."

"It won't transfer in bone marrow."

Tony took a sip of his coffee.  "Even if that were true, and my doctor said it's not, why would I care if he dies?"  The doctor gaped.  "I have no idea why he thinks I'd care about a manipulative bastard like him.  Did he also tell you that I nearly had twins when I was sixteen because he had me drugged, married against my will, and had her inseminated by a doctor against her will?"  The doctor went pale.  "For all I give a damn, I'll make him snacks to take with him for his trip to hell.  Now, is there anything else?"

"We'd like to test you anyway."

"No.  The CDC said no and if I even try, I'm going to be arrested.  Sorry, not into prison sex."

"He will die."

"And I'll throw a party with a lot of strippers."

The doctor grimaced. "He's your father."

"That might carry weight in your family; but in mine, my father only used me as a pawn to gain business.  The man tried to send me out of the house when I was twelve because I hated banking.  To live on the streets.  Social services made him stop when I told a cop what he had done."  The minions all shuddered. "Why would I care a bit about his opinion or him dying.  I'm not getting anything out of it.  The will is very specific and even if it wasn't, I wouldn't care.  I don't dance to any tune but my own now.  You can remind him he ruined me and he'd only ruin a grandchild."  He stepped closer.  "By the way, he's not sick.  He hasn't been sick.  That toady is sick," he said with a point.  "My father's in perfect health except for his liver because he likes to drink," he said quietly.  "Do the tests, doctor.  You'd be amazed."

"I did do them."

Gibbs shook his head.  "I saw him last week.  He was robust, healthy, had hair plugs that were recent."  Tony shuddered.  "His two mistresses were with him and babying him, talking about later with his viagra.  There's no way that man's sick."

"I ran the blood myself."

"Then do a spinal on him," Tony suggested.  "There's no way he can fake one of those."  The doctor looked stunned.  "Even James Bond can figure out how to fake a blood test so you get a different sample."  The doctor stomped off.  He waved. "Have a better day, doctor."  He took another drink of his coffee, looking at his boss.  "Should I be upset he tried to do that?"

"I am.  It cheapens all those people who really are sick."

Tony nodded.  "Good point."  They went back inside and he went to his desk.  On it was a disciplinary notice.  Tony signed it and handed it to Gibbs.  Gibbs went to yell at her.  Tony got back to work, finding a few emails he had to answer first.

McGee looked at him.  "What happened?"

"My father claims he needs bone marrow."

"You can't donate blood."

"Very good point and one that's bypassed him.  As I said, my father's not all that bright."  He looked at him.  "But the director liked him."

"Uh-huh.  I'm staying out of the crossfire."

"Me too," Tony agreed dryly.  He sent the prior conversation to his lawyer buddies and they all complained but it was a good thing for them to know.  Someone called him later and he put it on speaker as soon as he heard the voice, turning on his desk's tape recorder.  "What do you want, Father?"

"You'd let me die?"

"I'd clap and make you snacks for your roadtrip to hell.  You know that."  He started to type again, running a trace on where the call was coming from.

"You're working?"

"Criminals need to be caught before they kill someone else," he quipped.  "What do you want, Father?  I'm already tired of this game and it's annoying the crap out of me.  Pretty soon I'll have to bat back at you and then you'll be sorry."

"I know you turned me into the Feds, son."

"I am a Fed.  Of course I did."

"You didn't turn in everything."

"No, some of it I'm keeping hidden in case you try something *really* annoying.  Like the fact that you were driving the car that night."  His father swallowed and he smirked.  "Anything else?  I'm busy and people need to be arrested."

"You've shot people."

"I have in the line of duty.  I haven't outside that."

"My tests say otherwise."

"Really?  With which gun, Father?"  He leaned back and let the trace run, pointing at it for McGee's benefit.  He nodded and logged onto his system to take it over.  "Which gun?"

"The Magnum you carry."

"I haven't carried that since Peoria."

"Excuse me?"

"Most officers hand in their guns when they leave a post, Father.  Just like on tv."  His father groaned.  "Sorry, but no.  Even then, when I handed that one in and go the forty- five I carried after that in Peoria the old one was destroyed.   Unfortunately one of my busts got acid poured onto it and ruined the gun.  Nearly melted the barrel.  It was easier to get me a new one."  He put his hands behind his head, looking at McGee, who motioned to stall.  "Are you sure it was that one?"

"I am," he ground out.

"Ah.  Another ploy.  That's fine, I can have the box in Switzerland come into the open."

"I have the contents of that one.  Including that nice little sheet you have with the number of your former mistress."

"One, that wasn't the box I was talking about.  Two, she changed it long ago and she's actually dead.  She died of AIDS related pneumonia a few years ago.  Three, the stock option certificates in there are copies.  I have the new ones at home."

"I have those."

"I doubt it since I checked it this morning.  They're all still there."  He smirked at the phone.  "I did notice that your minion had left part of his hand on my doorknob and did turn that into the local cops so they could look over the break in.  That's also why I checked all my stock certificates, all my jewelry, and everything else I had.  Sorry, Father, you lose again and you're really annoying me now.  By the way, that's a very bad trick to use the doctor.  What did you have on him?  An addiction?  He had the shakes."  His father hung up.  He looked at McGee.  "Where?"

"In town.  Narrowed it to a hotel."  Gibbs walked in front of him and held out a hand so he printed it and handed it over.  He walked off talking to someone on his cellphone.  "Your father's insane," McGee said quietly.

"It's inbreeding. The higher levels have been inbreeding for centuries.  That's why so many rich kids have plastic surgery and they're all so stupid and do stupid things."  He got back to work.  "Thanks, McGee."

"Welcome."  He released his system and let him go back to work.  McGee notated everything and took the tape to Abby to have her check it and copy it.  They might need it later.


Later that night, Gibbs looked over at him.  The office was dark, only their row had lights on.  Everyone but the guards were gone.  "Where is he?"

"A very good hotel probably."

"Not your father, DiNozzo."  Tony looked at him.  "Who went to Hawaii?"

Tony smirked.  "Don't worry about it, Gibbs.  Just stay out of the game."

"That box in Switzerland?"

"He had someone break into it to copy things but I have a few there.  I had them release them to Interpol."  He smirked.  "I'm very vindictive when you try to screw with me.  As others are about to find out."  He pointed upstairs.  "Really."  Gibbs moaned.  "She was having tea with him?"

"She said she was trying to stop the conflict that was keeping her best team from working."  Tony gave him a look.  "I know, I told her to stay out of it.  Ziva?"

"Out of it for real.  As far as she knows I was snipped in Mexico."  Gibbs smirked.  "I heard she was getting into the incident where I got sick?"

"I hadn't heard that."  Gibbs put down his pen.  "Cite your source?"

"My doctor.  She presented a warrant for his files."  He looked over.  "Supposedly from one of the NSA secret courts."  Gibbs moaned.  "I told him that was fine."

"Are we good if they come for it?"

Tony smirked. "I am.  There's plans in place."  That got a nod.  "Don't worry about that unless I don't show up some day soon."

"I can do that.  Does Ducky know?"

"Yup.  He knows all about that plan."  He smirked and emailed one of his vacation photos to the director, including a message to check the scars.  Then he got back to work.  "If I'm leaving, Fornell's offered me a spot."

"It's a good one.  I'd work with you."  Tony smiled at that.  "I have you trained, it'd be easier and you won't give me stupid excuses."  The director came down the stairs from MTAC.  "You nearly done, DiNozzo?"

"No.  Second paragraph, boss."

"Why should I check the scar count, DiNozzo?" she asked.

He looked at her then smirked.  "Because I heard you had a secret warrant presented to my doctor, Director."

"He's not supposed to tell."

"Who said he did?  Not like the nurses wouldn't tell me."  She went pale.  "For that matter, one of the interns told me.  Since they're not technically part of the office, just learning, they can't be held to the same secrecy standard, nor were they included in the hush part of the warrant."  She went even more pale.  "So check the scar count."  She walked off again.

"Did we?" Gibbs asked.

"Ask Ducky somewhere not bugged, boss."  He found it and tossed it at him.  "I'm not playing her games either."  She let out a shriek.  He smirked.  "Good."


Tony looked around then moved his shirt to show the scar on his left pectoral.  Gibbs grimaced.  "Ducky," he said quietly.


"You'd be surprised."  Gibbs nodded once.  "I would check for bugs in your phone too.  You were staticky earlier."

Gibbs looked it over.  "How do you take it apart?"

Tony got into McGee's desk to get the tools out and did that for him, holding up the bug.  "Yours."  He went back to his report.  He finally got it done and sent it over. "Needs spell checked."

"I can run that."  He grumbled but he did it.  It was nearly perfect.  "Only two changes and a verb tense shift."

"Thanks, boss.  See you tomorrow."

"Be safe."

Tony smirked.  "Of course I am."  He left, heading down to catch a cab.  His car's alarm system had said something had been placed in it earlier.  On the way he stopped in security.  "Guys, my car's alarm told me something non-explosive had been put under my trunk and my hood was accessed about two hours ago."  They glared at him.  "It said it was electronic but not a bomb.  No timer."  He walked off.

"They do make remotes," one of the guards called.

"Why blow me up?  No one gains anything from it," Tony called back.  He waved.  "Have fun and do not scratch my car."

"Fine.  Thank you," he called back.  They went to remove the tracking device and camera they had been instructed to put on the car.  They had wondered how DiNozzo had a creepy sixth sense when someone got near his car.


Gibbs looked up the next morning.  Tony was late.  He called him.  "Where are you?"  He listened.  "That's a good reason.  How soon?"  He nodded.  "That's fine.  No, you're late, DiNozzo."  He hung up and went back to work.

"I saw his car in its ususal spot," Ziva told him.

"His car alarm went off yesterday and he had to have someone remove the devices they had put on it," Gibbs said.  He looked at her.  "Stay out of it, Ziva," he said quietly.  "Completely."  She shuddered at the cold tone.  He went back to his real job.  Tony came off the elevator panting.  "Ran from the gate?" he asked dryly.

"Ran from the person with the gun outside."  He dropped his things.  "Getting out of security's way."

"Who was it?" McGee asked.

"Not anyone I recognized.  Brunette woman, tallish.  Glasses.  Hair might've been a wig.  Security nearly had her when she tried to shoot me."  He sat down, finding his bottle of tylenol.  "I have a headache, sorry, boss."

"Cabs can do that to you."

"No, not the cab.  Other reasons."  He frowned, looking around.  Then at his boss.  He plugged in his headphones and it was much better.  Gibbs glared so he sent him an IM about the high-pitched noise and his sensitive hearing.  Gibbs nodded and sent back one saying to make it less obvious unless he was going to work on audio files.  Tony got into one and got to work.  The director came down frowning.

"Any idea who the person who tried to shoot him was?" Gibbs asked when he saw her on the stairs.

"No.  There was one?"

"Security almost had her when she tried to fire on him outside."

"What is he working on?"

"Audio files. I make him use the headphones so it doesn't bother the rest of us.  He has very sensitive hearing but some of them still squeal."

McGee rubbed his forehead.  "Boss, maybe his headache is catching."

"Do what he's doing," Gibbs ordered. He put on headphones and smiled.  "Director, please stop whoever's using the subsonics."  Gibbs got back to work.  His hearing was bad enough at the highest registers that he wouldn't be bothered for a bit but Ziva was being bothered now.  He put in ear plugs and it was better.  His phone got put on vibrate.  His desk phone had a flash button so he hit that.  McGee came over to reset it for him then went back to his desk.  The director stomped off.  He sent an IM to Tony about her trying very hard to get him under medical care and got a simple nod back.  Tony didn't even look up.  He sent a 'which file are you working on and Tony sent him the file.  He listened and smiled.  Abby's last birthday party.  That was a good thing to listen to.  Though he was wondering why he was concentrating.  He frowned and sent him a 'what' IM.

Tony sent back a section of the tape, then nodded at him to go to the lab with him.  He copied it down and went to run it in the lab with Abby.  "Abby, I was blocking out the ear piercing noise upstairs by listening to your birthday party."  She smiled at that.  "I caught something in the background."  He loaded it into the computer and she came over to run it.  "Minute 23:15 in the background."  She sorted out the sounds and they listened to Ziva telling someone male that the plan was going very well.  That nothing was wrong so far and it was going according to her ideas.  He looked at her.  "Did we take tape?"

"It's at home.  I don't think we started to tape until the food came out and that was way before then."  She frowned nibbling on her lower lip.  "I don't recognize the voice."

"I do.  That's Ducky.  His voice drops when he's recorded."   He activated the interoffice video conferencing system.  "Ducky, can you come to the lab for a minute?"  He hung up and stepped back.  "Any idea?"

"None," Tony said.  "And I'm usually sensitive to plots around me, boss."

"I can tell why.  Think it's going to get her nagged for the noise?"

"I'm about to."  Ducky walked in.  "Expect a run on tylenol too, Ducky.  Someone's got subsonics going on upstairs."  He grimaced at that.  "Listen to this."  Abby replayed it.  "Any idea which plot this is?"

"She was plotting to get some young fellow into bed," Ducky told him. "I'm not sure who though.  She had been going after him like he was prey."  He considered it.  "I don't think I ever did hear the outcome of that."  He shrugged. "Is that worrisome?"

"The plot to give my father an heir is being stepped up," Tony told him.  "He got a doctor to lie and say he needed bone marrow."

Ducky gasped, staring at him.  "Do tell me that's a joke?" he demanded.

"Nope," Gibbs said.  "He busted his lie too.  Then the director's gotten into his medical records about the plague."

Ducky smiled.  "That was some of my finest work that night, Jethro.  Like I did for you once."

Gibbs smirked and relaxed.  That meant the scar was a fake scar.  "Good to know, Duck.  I trust you."

"So do I," Tony agreed.  "Abby too.  But this is going to drive me nuts.  It's starting down here."

Abby took his gun when he tried to pull it.  "No shooting in my lab, Tony."  She got him some earplugs and handed them over. "Try those.  Because that's annoying me."  She rubbed her forehead.  "I can't work like this!" she yelled.  She stomped off.  "Director, I have to take today off because whoever's using the subsonics have now given me a migraine and I'm going home."  She walked off again.

"I doubt that," she called after her.

"Turn it off and I'll get an excuse.  I am on medicine for them, Director, and that can cause heart problems.  Since three of the agents in this office do have them, I'd be very careful where you use it."  The director gave her a horrified look.  Abby went down to her car and headed off.  She was not putting up with this.

Tony walked a copy of a report up.  "From Ducky," he said loudly.  "Before you ask, Abby's had migraines since she was eighteen and in a car crash.  She's on medicine for them and any high pitched noise can start them off.  Then she turns evil."  He walked off.

Gibbs got the other team leaders together. "Who's doing the subsonics?  You've already sent Abby home with a migraine."  They all looked clueless.  "No audio files, nothing?"  They all shook their heads.  "It started recently.  It's over most of the building.  Jim, warn Thomas."  He went to do that.  They didn't need him to have a chest pain today.  "The rest of us might have to clear out.  It's even getting to Ziva and Ducky."  They nodded and he went to find his boys gone and Ziva moaning in pain.  "Outside, Officer David.  It's subsonics and a form of torture."  She nodded, grabbing her jacket and heading out. He switched his phone to his cellphone and left too.  If they had a case he'd call his team in.  He found Tony checking his car. "Alarm?"

"It's been off for hours.  Just making sure."  He looked under the back bumper and grimaced.  "Boss, bomb!"  Gibbs called it in and they moved out of the way.  The guards came running.  "When I said to take off the surveillance equipment you put on, I didn't mean to put on explosives!" he shouted.  Gibbs pulled him back.  "I'm going to kill.  Soon."

"Calm down, DiNozzo.  It might be related to your father."

"Bet me.  He needs me alive to produce an heir.  After all, no empire is built without someone to keep it going."  He watched as it was disarmed and his car was checked.  A few small scratches that made him wince.  Then it was turned over to him.  He looked the guards.  "Who?"

"I don't know, sir."

"Tapes?" Tony suggested.  "I'm almost directly under a camera."  He headed for security to rerun them himself if he had to.  The head of security tried to stop him.  His growl made the man move.  He nearly scurried out of the way.  Gibbs followed, watching it with him.  They saw the agent and Tony copied the tape onto the special disk, heading out with it. "I've had enough."  He drove his car to the FBI complex and got out, slamming the door.  A few of the agents gave him a dirty look.  "Screw yourselves."  He went to Internal Affairs, tapping before he walked in.  He tossed down the DVD.  "A bomb on my car by one of your agents."  He pulled up his ID.  "I don't care why.  Stop him or I am permanently."  He turned and walked off.

The agent ran the DVD, finding the file.  He watched it, hissing at that.  That was fairly blatant.  They knew he was bad.  This proved it.  He had his supervisor bring him in and showed them both the tape.  "I had a pissed off Federal Agent," he said when it was done.  "He's the one who gave this to me after you did that to his car."  The agent shuddered.  "You had better tell me now or else I am sending you to Gitmo for attempted treason, boy.  Am I clear?"

"He'll talk," his supervisor said, glaring at him.  "You need a lawyer?"

"They'll kill me."

"So will the car's owner.  He was pissed enough to mean it too."

The agent swallowed.  "People want him."

"I don't care!" the IA agent said hotly.  "I want names, reasons, and proof if you have it."

He swallowed, nodding a bit.  "I have it.  It's in my desk."

"Then let's go clean your desk.  It'll be done anyway."  They walked that way together and he took the evidence to look over.  Including more DVD's.  "Audio?"

"Video.  I was wearing a camera.  It self tapes."

"Good.  Maybe you won't be shot."  He walked them off again, going to go over that evidence.   Six hours later he was on Gibbs' doorstep.  "Is DiNozzo here?"

"We were wondering which cause it was."

"Both."  He walked in and handed him the tape.  He knew Gibbs didn't have anything as technological as a DVD player so he had copied it onto tape.  "One wants parts and the other only wants one part."

"We knew that," Tony said as he came up from the basement.  He took the tape to play, listening to it.  He sighed, then looked at him.  "I have plenty on both of them.  Want it?"

"Yes.  Down to the least little sin."

"Okay."  He started to write down information.  Then he handed it over.  "That's where things are.  Those are the codes.  The keys are in Gibbs' medal cases in my desk."

"I'll get them in a few minutes.  You all right, DiNozzo?"

"My father's tried many times.  This is just another salvo.  He got someone to say he needed bone marrow."

The agent nodded once.  "Your father's an idiot."

"Yes he is," Tony agreed.  "He tried to tell me he had evidence of a shooting that was done recently with a gun that was destroyed about ten years ago."

"I'll keep that in mind."  He went to get that evidence.  And that tape.  It was on the list.  He found it and listened then grabbed the medal box.  He could take it with him since there was a noise that was giving him a headache.  He called their techs to come in and see what was going on since it had clearly emptied the building.  All but a few diehard souls with headphones on.  He left, going to his office to look things over.  It was a well-built case.  DiNozzo had been sitting on a lot of evidence for both civil and criminal charges.  He knew why.  Turning in your father was often considered a bad thing.  Thankfully he had reached his limit and it was now their turn.  He called Fornell since he found him mentioned as someone who had a clue, handing him the evidence sheets.

Fornell looked then nodded, handing them back.  "He broke into my house to take the kidnaping report copy I had.  Scared my daughter to death.  He had another agent who was dirty help him.  He supposedly committed suicide before he could do more than spend ten days in jail while waiting on a bail hearing.  He's got at least ten agents dirty to him and he's not doing much criminally.  He calls it his spy network."

The IA agent nodded.  "Thank you for the warning."


"He's fine.  Pissed but fine.  They put a bomb on his car earlier."

"Damn it," he muttered.  "He good?"

"No.  His father wants his nuts and the Director wants his blood and tissue."

"DiNozzo was the one who had the plague," he said quietly, glancing out the door then back at him.  The agent was staring.  "Exactly.  DiNozzo heard that his medical records got a secret warrant sweep job."

"Fuck," he muttered as quietly as he could.

Fornell nodded.  "Exactly.  In many keys."  He walked off, leaving it with him.  He'd hear what he needed to.  Especially when he got served with notice he was a material witness in a suit against DiNozzo's father and his director.  Someone was screwed.


Tony came in the next day and found everything going well.  Even if internal affairs was crawling all over the director's office.  He sat down and looked at Gibbs.  "We good?"

"We're fine.  You?"

"I've decided to bring up my inner drag queen tendencies.  I've had enough."  Gibbs shuddered.  "Pity."

"The guys upstairs?" he asked.


"She was...." Ziva started.  Gibbs cleared his throat so she stopped.

"The agent who planted it had evidence of who paid him to plant it, Ziva, and why.  The unholy alliance is going to end."  She shuddered.  "I've had enough of these games.  Totally.  And for that matter, if I have to, I can retire to some tropical island and sit back to watch my father die."  She nodded, looking down.

"You sure?  The IRS was looking for you earlier," McGee said.

"I have investments I claim in a different category and one I don't take that I could.  If they do an audit, they're going to owe me shitloads."  McGee whimpered.  "So I'm having a bitter day.  Case?"

"Not yet," Gibbs said.  He glanced up then saw DiNozzo turning on his computer. "Do you owe me any reports?"


"Good.  You two will work and not talk about this.  My team does not gossip."

"Yes, boss," McGee said.  He got back to work.  He smiled.  "Sending you my last report, boss."  Gibbs opened and went through it then put it in the inbox to go on since it was the last one on that case.  He glanced at Tony.  "You do?  I thought you were living on your paycheck."

"I was teethed on the stock market, Probie."  He looked at him.  "A little is all I needed."  That got a nod.  "Especially since I had a good hand at investing in computers when they started to come up as IPOs."

McGee smirked.  "Microsoft?"

"I dumped it about three weeks before the last major plunge.  I lost about three thousand doing it that early but it was looking iffy.  Now, Yahoo, I still own some there. The guys who make ATM machines.  Some in Google.  I know one of the guys that runs Google actually."  He grinned.  "It is a wise man who diversifies."

Gibbs nodded.  "He's helped me with my retirement account a few times too.  Given me an idea how to split things better."

"I told you to keep it out of that stupid one that dropped, Gibbs."

"I did.  I didn't take the bath the others did."

"Wow.  Can I get tips, Tony?"

"I sent you to your stock broker, Probie.  He's as good as I am."


"Welcome."  He checked and smiled at his bank balance and that it was locked.  He called the IRS number on the blocking certificate.  "This is Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo.  Are you auditing me?"  He listened.  "That's my father, miss, not me.  He disowned me when I was twelve."  She spluttered. "You can if you want.  If you can prove I've had access to his money I'd be surprised.  A bank in where?"  He frowned.  "Where is that?"  He looked it up online.  "I've never been to that part of Greece, ma'am.  That's fine, check it on my end.  Want my financial manager's name?"  He smiled and got the card out.  "Herman Presley.  Fitch and Cascade."  She wrote that down.  "He knows what to do that if anyone audits me.  Thank you, ma'am.  Let me know if I can be of more help.  Did you also block my ATM account?  I'll need to get gas on the way home.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "Somehow I have a trust fund I've been withdrawing from in Greece, without ever having seen it."

"They'll find that out," Gibbs assured him.

"That he took it back?"  He smirked and sent the information he had on his father's finances to her IRS account.  She sent back a thank you.  Ten hours later she sent back a request to talk to him in person.  He sent back a message he was on a case at NCIS, to come to him there.  He went back to work.  "Boss, incoming auditor."

"You can take twenty," he agreed.  "Bad, good?"

"Good.  Has to be good.  I have them do my taxes for me."  He gave him a look, getting a smirk back.  He sent over what he had. "That's the last place her cards were used, boss.  That's five hundred miles from where she was found wandering."

"Is that a bar?"

"I can't find a listing online for it.  I even tried the phone books and it's not in there."  He leaned back.  "The bottom of the email has the local sheriff's number.  They should know."

"Good work, DiNozzo."  The agent came off the elevator so he nodded.  "Use it."

Tony stood up and walked over to her.  "Hi, Tony DiNozzo."  He led her back into the elevator and flipped off the power.  The emergency lights came on.  "This is our conference room."

"Your director allows this?"

"We don't have any others.  This is private."

"I guess.  Dangerous probably."

"Only if there's a failure and then we have emergency brakes," he said with a grin.  "So, did you find it?"

"I did, I found it going back into his own accounts.  A supposed joint account that you never signed off on and only his people have made withdrawals for."  She frowned. "Your father is in banking?"  He nodded.  "What is he doing?"

"Being sorry he kicked me out at the moment.  He's been pushing for heirs or for me to come back.  He kicked me out when I was twelve.  Had me drugged and married when I was sixteen.  She was forcefully gotten pregnant then he crashed the car we were riding in."  She hissed.  "Since then I haven't given a damn.  I just avoid the ploys."

"I can tell.  Your manager told me a lot about what's been going on.  You haven't been claiming some of your exemptions?"

"No, ma'am.  If I did that he might hear."

She nodded.  "Do you want me to issue you a refund?"

He considered it.  "Only if you can do it in absolute quiet and it takes at least a month.  The SEC is after him."

"That's fine.  I talked to my boss and let him know what I knew.  He got talked to by an Internal Affairs officer at the FBI.  Neither of us were happy."

"They had an agent put a bomb on my car.  Neither am I and I'm vindictive."  She smirked at that.  He shifted closer. "I was going to be a painter."

She held up a hand.  "I'm very married.  I've heard of your reputation."  She pulled out something.  "My boss authorized it and drew it personally.  That is a good set up."

"I'm going to buy an island."  She laughed.  "I am.  Then I can sit back and laugh."

"I can see why.  Good luck with him."

"He's seventy.  He can't last that much longer."  She smiled so he turned back on the power.  "There you go.  Thank you for your prompt help."

"Not a problem.  When we get reports like yours, we do act.  Usually it means people owe us money and we love when they pay."  He laughed as she got off the elevator on the ground floor and headed out.  She smiled at the curious looking guard.  "Settling with him after an audit."  She handed back her visitors pass and went to her car.

Tony walked past Gibbs' desk, dropping the check onto it.  Gibbs choked.  "Don't make the ink run, boss."

"Not," he wheezed.  Tony put it into his wallet and went back to work.  He finally cleared his throat.  "Dinner?"

"If we ever get out of here I might."  He checked his accounts, all unlocked.  "She's even fixed the auditing block."  He smirked.  "Even did it quietly."

"Even better."  He wiped his cheeks off.  "Don't scare me like that."

"I won't do it again, boss."  He smirked.  "Ribs?"


"Sounds good."  He got back to work.  "Why is someone paying her medical bills?"

"It's her father."

"No it's not."

"Her biological father.  The one listed in her information sheets is her stepfather."  Tony nodded once at that and then sent it to him.  He looked.  "No, that's not."

"No, it can't be since it's a woman."

Gibbs smirked.  "Maybe we should talk to her."  He looked her up so they could find the mysterious benefactor.  That did look a bit suspicious to them.


Tony walked in the next morning.  "Director wants you," one of the guards ordered.  He looked so smug.

Tony nodded.  "Yay me."  He used his pass to get through the metal detector and headed up there.  He waved at the secretary.  "Why?"

"No idea."

Tony nodded, knocking then walking in.  "You left a message with the guard instead of leaving me a voicemail, Director?"  He sipped his coffee and put it on the table behind him.

"I want to talk to you about this suit."

"He has you on tape contracting to put the bomb on my car.  No."  He picked up his coffee to take another sip.  "You've broken laws.  I'm not being used as a pawn."  His father's first minion came out of the bathroom. "Morning."  He looked at her.  "Anything else?"

"You can be fired."

"I can go buy my island now."  He shrugged.  "So?  I only work because I want to work."  She glared.  "It's not like I hid it, Director.  If you're firing me, go ahead.  I can add that."  He walked off.  One of the guards met him at the doorway.  "Am I fired?" he called.

"No," she said, coming to the door.  "We weren't finished."

Tony looked at her.  "Yes I am.  I've had all of this I care to take."  He walked around the guard and down to his desk.  Two more were there with Gibbs.  "Boss?"

"They think you pose a public hazard."

"I bled on someone?"  He took another drink.  "The only public hazard I pose is in lust inspiration.  Really."

"You've been hurt in the line of duty," the director said as she came down the stairs.  "You could have infected your fellow agents."

"The plague doesn't transmit that way and all the local EMS agencies in the state and region know that I had it.  That's the reason for the CDC warning."  He put down his cup.  "It's also in my wallet, on a medical alert card."  She glared.  "Beyond that, I can't give it to Gibbs by bleeding on him if he's holding a wound closed for me.  The plague is airborne.  I could only give it to him if he had a substantial amount of blood-to-blood contagion.  Like I was bleeding overtop of him into an open wound or I gave him some of my blood."  She growled.  He shrugged. "So said the CDC.  I figure they'd know.  I asked that specifically, using him holding a new gunshot wound closed as an example.  They suggested he have gloves, and he usually does, and they did warn all the EMS agencies that I might be able to do that, to use proper gloves and shielding methods."

She stiffened.  "When was this?"

"The day before I got out of  the hospital.  They came to talk to me and I asked a lot of questions.  We agreed it'd be better.  That way no one got any bright ideas.  As is, my blood can be boiled down to make a very weak strain of it.  They said it'd take either a direct transfusion of at least a pint or something like a transplant situation to give it to someone else but they still blocked me from donating anything to anyone ever again.  They also went over my preplanned funeral to make sure no one could get me then either."

"I didn't know it went that far," Gibbs admitted.

"The guy who did the analysis was worried someone might be desperate enough to boil my bones down," he admitted.  "So instead of a nice crypt, I'll have a Viking style one.  Literally."  He picked up his coffee to take another drink and grimaced.  "Eww."  He handed it to Gibbs.  "Don't know who did it."  He pointed at the director's shadow.  "Ah, the First Minion."  He grinned.  "Did he like the IRS?"  His father's assistant glared.   "He tried it, I had to show where the money was really going.  Not like I was using it the way you guys were to try to capture me."  He smirked at the director.  "He did tell you that the FBI wants him now too?"

"The agent who was over that investigation had a car accident," one of the guards said.

Tony snickered.  "He's Internal Affairs, guys.  Not like it's going to go away this time.  None of it.  Because I know he duplicated the evidence at least twice."  The director glared at that.  "You hitched yourself to a bad cart of apples, Director."  He leaned against the front of his desk.  It moved so he looked then snickered.  "Cute."  He sat up on the front of it.  "Anything else we want to know, or can we be done with this whole sad drama now?"

"I think we can," Gibbs said.  He pushed the button on his phone and the Internal Affair's chief came in.  "Did we need that?"

"We did need that, Agent Gibbs. Thank you."  He pulled out cuffs.  "Boys?" he called.  More agents came in to arrest everyone there but Gibbs and DiNozzo.  Gibbs handed over the coffee.  "This is?"

"Drugged," Gibbs said.

"Ah."  He nodded.  He looked at the director.  "My boss has looked over the plans the CDC put into place for DiNozzo.  He called them smart thinking and reasonable precautions in today's paranoid age."

"Really?" she asked.

"Yes, really."  He looked at DiNozzo.  "Going to Ducky?"

"No need.  It was fairly mild and I've been exposed a few times.  I only got a sip.  It's good."  That got a nod and they walked off everyone.  Tony waved as they walked off with a smirk.  He looked at Gibbs.  "You look tired."

"I am.  Where is he?"

"Small academy in the midwest.  With his mother."  He grinned.  "They'll never find him."

"Good idea.  You'd hate to have him have the same problem."

"No, he won't.  Or I will kill.  Repeatedly."

"Good to know.  Go visit Ducky, DiNozzo."

"Yes, boss."  He went to do that.  "Ducky, someone drugged my coffee and I took a sip," he said, yawning a bit.  "Gibbs said to come see you."

Ducky checked him over then pointed at his office. "Couch is in there, Anthony."

"Thanks."  He went to sleep it off.  Ducky would lie to protect him from the director if she came back.

Gibbs looked over as the Secretary of the Navy walked in.  "We all good?"

"She'll be coming back but she'll be having some oversight, Jethro.  There's been some disturbing rumors."

"Like the subsonics?"

"Yes, that was one," he agreed, pulling a chair over.  He sat in front of the desk.  "How are you handling this?"

"I've known about the old man issue for years.  DiNozzo was honest about that."

"That's good.  Ever manage to do a full background on him?"

"No.  Not yet."

"Interesting.  Anything I should know?"

"He said his father's liver is going."

"Good.  The less problems he can cause the better.  How is he handling it?"

"He's very upset."

"He's gone past pissed to vindictive?"

"He was there before they put the bomb on his car, sir."

"Well, it'll mean fewer problems.  Where is he?"

"Ducky's office sleeping off the drugs his father's assistant slipped into his coffee."

"That means he's safe and out of the way when this goes down."  He glanced at the empty desk then back at him. "His things?"

"McGee last night.  I heard someone was going to try something."

"At least you have a good handle on things.  Any problems I should know about?"

"You haven't been taking complaints?"

"I have," he admitted.  "Many of them."

"Then I probably can't add to them, sir."

"Fine.  Need a raise?"  Gibbs looked at him oddly. "Do you?"

"Is that a subtle way of asking if I wanted a higher position?"

"Could be."

"Hell.  No.  Sir."

"Fine," he said with a small smile. "I won't make you do more paperwork."

"I do plenty helping my team and Abby, sir."

"Good to know."  He stood up.  "Things will be back to normal tomorrow, Gibbs.  Or else I'm sticking my foot up someone's rear end.  They will understand why I used to be one of the best drill instructors."

Gibbs smirked.  "You still scare me, sir."

The Secretary of the Navy walked off laughing.  "Good to know, Jethro.  Thank you."

"Sir, if you're going upstairs, she stocked some very ancient bourbon."

"I saw the requisition, Jethro.  Is it any good?"

"It's excellent and ancient."

The other man smirked at him.  "I don't think we should allow more than emergency flasks in the office either.  It's probably what's wrong with DiNozzo's father."  He went to check and have the secretary clean out the liquor cabinet.   Plus any other contraband she might have in her office.   The secretary always knew.  He looked at the furniture, frowning some.  "Morrow didn't have that desk or table."

"She got it, sir," Cynthia said quietly, then went back to her desk.

He looked out at her.  "Yours too?"

"No, sir.  New rug though."

"I see."  He walked out.  "Do we have the slips?"

"She keeps all budgetary materials in the second cabinet from the door, sir.  Sorted by year."  He went to look it up.  She smirked.  It looked like someone was getting a leash.  She smiled at Tony when he leaned in.  "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine now that the vampire's not after me.  He in?"  She nodded so he went in there.  "Sir, I'm sorry my father managed to corrupt another officer.  He seems to be next to Satan for that."

The SecNav smirked at him.  "I heard, DiNozzo.  She was leaning toward archangel of hell before him."

"I wasn't going to say it, sir.  My mother did try to teach me tact."  That got a laugh.  "She did."

"I'm sure she did, DiNozzo.  Are you okay?"

"I had a nap, we're without cases, there's no noise driving me insane, I'm good."

"Good.  How do you read this?"

He pointed. "In, out, totals."

He frowned at it.  "That's not the approved format."

"Does she do much the approved way, sir?"

"No."  He looked at him. "Heir?"

"He wants one really badly.  I don't need kids."

"Your son's sixteen, DiNozzo."

"I know that, sir.  Even I can mess up condom use."  That got a smirk.  "He lives with his mother and I make sure he's taken care of but he does know why.  I taught him everything I know about starting your own evil empire.  He's at a very nice private academy."

"Good."  The desk phone rang.  "For me, Cynthia?"

"DiNozzo, sir.  Transferred up by Gibbs."

Tony answered it.  "DiNozzo.  Hey, Phil."  He listened then he turned on the tv in there, getting an odd look for the giant flatscreen system.  "That's....  Interesting.  Who did it?"  He nodded.  "He did the same thing way back when.  Thanks, man."  He hung up.  "The flaming pile of nagging bastard is there.  He was drunk."

"I'm sorry."

Tony looked at him and shrugged.  "I'm not in the will, I haven't cared since I was sixteen and he hurt someone else to try to make me bend to his will, sir.  I'm hoping he only took out himself."

"It looks like his was the only car involved.  Though some people may be without power since he hit the pole that hard."

"Hmm.  I'm wondering why it's on fire."  He spotted someone he knew and called.  "Doug, Tony DiNozzo.  Why is my father's car on fire?"  He listened. "Ah, smoking.  Good to know.  Lit the alcohol he spilled.  Okay, gotcha.  Tell the officer in charge I'm his son but not his heir and I already know.  His minions were mostly just arrested by the FBI for being bad guys, and they don't have to worry about telling anyone.  I will."  He hung up and dialed a long distance number.  "Gloria, my woman.  It's Tony."  She growled.  "Watching the local news where Father was smoking and driving drunk.  He hit a telephone pole.  It looks like his cigar lit the alcohol on fire and the car's going merrily.  I would've called the First Level Minion but he's on his way to jail, along with a lot of the other minions.  You might tell the others.  Well, the FBI does hate to hunt people but now and then some of them enjoy it.  So if they run, it's all on them.  Thanks."  He hung up.  He looked at his boss.  "The housekeeper."

"That's fine.  As long as they're notified."  He clapped him on the arm.  "Want your own team?"

"And make Gibbs break in someone else?" he asked, looking confused.  "Sir, is my father's evilness spreading or were you going to give him an agent you hate?"

The SecNav walked out laughing.  "Good one, DiNozzo."  He went back to his office to go over those figures with her.  There were a few things that were off about them.  Maybe she wouldn't be returning to work in the morning after all.

Tony skipped back down to his desk, smiling at him.  "Boss, I talked myself out of getting a new team of my own so you don't have to torture anyone new."

"Are you still high?"

"No.  Just happy."  He logged onto a live feed news server and let him see.  "He was driving drunk again and smoking."  Gibbs moaned.  "So I'm having a better day."


"Why would I care?  I'm not in the will."

"You sure about that?"


"You might be."

"My son is.  I'm sending him an email in a minute."

"Fine.  Let me know if you need time off."

"Nope."  He sat down at McGee's desk to write his son an email.  He'd appreciate it and it'd give him a reason to party with his dormmates later on.  He looked at him.  "Case?"

"Finish sleeping it off, DiNozzo,"

"Fine, boss.  Make me go take a nap."  He went to do that.  He came back from the elevator.  "He was giving the pretty furniture and rug a very long look."  He went back to the elevator, sliding in before the doors closed so he could go back to the morgue.  "Ducky, I'm back."

"Go ahead and finish your nap, Anthony," he said patiently, shaking his head once he was in the office.  "Any new news?" he called.

"She's in deep.  The SecNav was just emptying her liquor cabinet and looking at the budget stuff."  He heard Ducky shudder.  "He also looked around her office for a bit.  Oh, and my father's a burning wreck."

"Charming.  Go ahead and nap off the giddiness, Anthony."  He smirked, getting back to work on his present body.  Honestly, the games they played in the office these days would be driving him nuts soon.  It wasn't like that when he was a lad.   He could even tell this body about those days.  She wouldn't care.

The End.