On the Imaginings list, we ended up in a discussion of what if...Horatio was split into two by something like Toth off Buffy. Well, I didn't *quite* get that from the muses, but I can hope this is nearly as good. So thanks go to Spanderfan, Josette, Goblin, Reflections, and Evelynz for the ideas.
The Triple Threat.
Horatio looked at his early morning crime scene, frowning. It was a pretty standard run up and shoot someone scene, which meant it had little evidence and was going to be annoyingly hard to solve. Which he did not like in the least. He liked the easy cases. It let him help more victims than just the one. He felt someone come up behind him but something told him it wasn't a danger to him so he continued to watch his CSI work. The arm going around his neck and the kiss to his cheek let him know exactly who it was. He looked at him. "Why are you in Miami?"
"You haven't called in two weeks. We were worried and we needed a vacation anyway," the redheaded man beside him said with a slightly evil grin. "So here we are. Or at least I am." He looked him over. "You look cute today."
Horatio snorted, taking the arm off his shoulders. "I wouldn't describe myself as cute. I haven't been cute since we were ten."
"I'm cute and you're my triplet so of course you're cute." He beamed. "See, logical even."
Horatio shook his head, trying not to smile. "Why are you in town, Honor?"
"You didn't call for two weeks."
"I was busy and it's been longer than that in the past. Why are you really in town?"
"I needed a vacation. Homer needed a vacation. You are one of the vacation capitols of the US and a very scenic attraction in your own right." He smirked at him. "Keys?"
"You're staying at my place?"
"Yup, saves me money to go find a little party boy later on."
Horatio shook his head but handed over his keys. "Don't make a mess this time."
"Yes, brother dear." He winked and strolled off, heading to his rental car and his brother sleeping in the backseat. "We're in, we can't make a mess, but he didn't say anything about pay per view this time," he joked when his brother woke up.
"That's because the cable's off," Horatio muttered, getting back to work. "I haven't been home long enough to pay the bill." He noticed neither of his people had seen the encounter and shook his head. He supposed it was good that they were so involved in the case at hand. Though the patrol officer gave him an odd look. "Family."
"I had hopes with the way you got mugged," he muttered, earning one of Horatio's evil looks over the top of his sunglasses. He got back to his post watching everyone but the CSI at work. It was probably better for him before he got demoted to dog crap bagger.
Horatio smiled at his brothers came into his office. "In for lunch?"
"Indeed," the one brother said, flopping down onto his couch. "Do you get to actually eat? I ask because your fridge had mold growing on the inside and there was only mustard in it. Even your cupboards were bare. I couldn't even find stale crackers, Horatio."
"I ate those three days ago when I got home," he admitted. "Alexx cooks for me now and then and I order lunch most days."
"No wonder you couldn't pay the cable bill," Honor teased. He leaned against the wall. The pose accented his leather pants and jacket, plus dark purple t-shirt. It was the same color purple as one of Horatio's dress shirts, the one he thought he looked good in. His brother proved he was right, he did look good in that color and black. Homer was wearing dark jeans and a matching button-up shirt, with a buttoned plaid vest over it. He smiled.
"Where would you two like to eat this time?"
"Anywhere that's not moldy and isn't fish tacos. You tried to poison us with those last time," Homer said dryly, smirking at him. "You're losing weight. I'm going to tell Yelina on you."
"She thought I gained some," he shot back.
"The woman's going blind," Honor said. "You're losing weight again." The door slammed open and he barely caught it before it hit him, but he didn't have time to protest before the man who had rushed in started to rant at Horatio.
"How *dare* you take on an officer without calling us first, Horatio! That's my job, not yours! Not your CSI's! Mine! I will not have you trying to take my job!"
"I didn't question him, Rick. He wasn't under suspicion. It was his neighbor that we were asking him about. He volunteered," he said patiently.
"I don't care! You still don't question an officer without me present!" He stormed back out.
Homer sighed. "Well," he said, looking at Honor, who let the door slam shut.
"Very," he agreed. "Who was the TNT sucking putz?"
"Stetler, IAB," Horatio said grimly. "He's the one Yelina dated."
"That explains what happened to her," Honor said, looking at their other triplet. "We should talk with him."
"Don't you dare," Horatio warned.
They both stared at him and snorted, but Homer did the diplomatic thing and changed the subject. "Lunch?" he suggested, standing up.
"Let me get the keys." He found his hummer's keys and let them lead the way out to the parking lot, taking them to his hummer. "Any particular cuisine this time, boys?"
"Food," Honor told him. "Edible, not too spicy, no funny meat beasts food."
"So no goat?" Horatio joked.
"Please. I just got back from an assignment in Pakistan. I didn't like stewed goat that much." He got into the back, buckling in. "They let you take the company car around?"
"They take the hummer from me when they pry the keys from my cold, dead fingers," he joked, getting in to drive, Homer buckling in as soon as he had the door shut. Horatio slid into his sunglasses and started the engine, backing out so they could go find food for his starving relatives. "Italian or Chinese?"
"Italian," the others said in unison, earning a smile.
"Then I know someplace very nice." He headed that way, waving at Calleigh when he passed her coming in from her scene. She hadn't stared so apparently she hadn't seen them. Sometimes he wondered how everyone only noticed his brothers when they were getting into trouble. He swatted Honor's hand when it reached for the radio's dial. "Don't."
"Fine, fussy. Can you turn it up?" Horatio did that and he relaxed, smirking when Homer looked back at him. "I'm being good. For me."
"For you," Horatio agreed dryly. "Why else are we in Miami?"
"We needed a vacation and it's the right time of year for me," Homer said smugly. Horatio shook his head. "Plus it's time to give you the dividend check and clearly you need it since your house looked like a rental."
"It is not."
"I know that but you could paint and things, Horatio."
"I'm never home."
"Clearly," Homer sighed, giving him a look. "You do need to take better care of yourself, Horatio. We worry."
"I know you worry; that's why you nag worse than Alexx does."
"Then again if you got laid now and then it'd make us worry less," Honor offered dryly.
Horatio glared back at him then went back to watching the road. "I do just fine in my love life without the help, Honor."
"Uh-huh. The last time you had a date was....."
"Six months ago," he admitted. "But we just had Speed shot four months ago. Miami never closes and that means we all pull overtime."
"Uh-huh," Homer said dryly. "And how was that young lady?"
"Nice until she ended up dead."
Homer stared at him. "An enemy of yours or hers?"
"Hers. I think." He shrugged a bit. "Auto accident but we couldn't prove the other driver was malicious, even if it was a coworker."
"Interesting. We were serious?" Homer prodded.
Honor shook his head. "Next time I'm overseas guarding some little tiny thing, I'm finding you a foreign bride who'll cook and sleep with you, little brother."
"I'm older," Horatio reminded him.
Honor smirked. "But I'm bigger."
"Only in the waist," Horatio joked back trying desperately to change the subject before his brothers decided to do something rash to help him. "Or don't you remember your last girlfriend making the comparison one night?"
"Why do you think I quit dating women?" he joked. Homer swatted back at him. "Not all of us can have the kinky monogamous thing you've got going, Homey."
"Don't call me that," he growled.
Horatio laughed. "It's good that things are normal with the rest of us too."
"Usually they are," Honor agreed.
Horatio hummed, pulling into the parking lot. "You're paying for your own lunches." He got out and headed inside. The other two burst out laughing and followed. It was good to be back together again. After lunch they headed back to the office, Horatio intending for the boys to go home. He went back to work once he said goodbye outside. Honor and Homer shared a look, going to find the putz who was bothering their brother. Horatio wasn't the only one who was good at sneaking. Homer may be an investment manager and Honor may be a top priced bodyguard, but they had both learned sneaking at an early age with their brother.
Honor nodded for Homer to stay when they found him, walking casually up to Rick. "Say, Rick, that case where I had to ask the officer about his neighbor, did you need the details or did you already ferret them out?" The other man glared at him. "I might be talked into sharing information. As long as you left my office door on the hinges next time."
"What do you want, Horatio?"
He snorted. "Who said I wanted anything, Rick? You're not my type." Rick went pale and backed away. "I was trying to be nice and decent, but apparently you don't understand those concepts so I'll leave you to make more deals with Satan today. Maybe you'll get a shiny new soul of your own soon." He strolled off. It was a weak beginning salvo but it was going to be so much fun. Because Horatio needed his brothers to stick up for him. He always had.
"Why are you wearing that at work?" Rick demanded.
Honor turned around and smirked at him. "Because leather is *nice*, Rick. Besides, it goes so very well with the handcuffs, don't you think?" Rick gaped and make squeaky noises, his eyes opened wide. He smirked as he strolled off, swishing just a bit.
"I'm drug testing you!" he yelled after him.
"If you want to watch me do it, all you had to do was ask," he shot back, making Homer snicker from his hidden spot. "Didn't know you were that way, Rick. Glad you finally came out."
Rick stomped off in the other direction bright pink. Homer came out snickering, swatting him on the arm. "That should at least buy Horatio the afternoon free. Nice start."
"We'll have to continue this soon. Maybe increase the intervals or something." He winked and walked him back out to their rental, heading back to Horatio's house to rearrange his furniture on him and then go grocery shopping. Their brother needed a good woman. Or a man, but he had sworn he wasn't as gay as they were.
Horatio came home that night, giving Honor a strange look. "For some reason, Rick drug tested me today."
"Really? He have fun watching you?"
"He clearly stated he was not going to watch me and turned his back," Horatio said, staring him down now. "What did you do?"
"Went to talk to the man, make polite conversation." He flicked a hand in the air. "You know, the usual."
"Your *usual* leaves people needing mental help," Horatio reminded him.
"Couldn't happen to a nicer guy," Homer said from the couch, smiling at their brother. "Where is Speed? I miss my fellow book nerd."
"Still on medical leave. He's at home. He probably wasn't answering his phone because everyone's nagged him recently."
"I'll travel over tomorrow to go shopping with him. Maybe we'll find Honor a pair of pants that aren't indecently molded to his ass and crotch." He turned the page on his book, going back to reading. "You're welcome."
"I noticed the furniture. Thank you." Honor gave him a plate full of nice smelling food. "And dinner too. I'm blessed."
"Of course you are, you're related to us," Honor quipped, going back to the couch to watch tv. "The cable guy was up the street so I paid it for you with your check. You're almost out of checks by the way."
"I know." He came out to sit down. "Thank you."
"It's what family is for," Homer said, getting up to get his own dinner. "Thank you for getting me some too, Honor."
"You're not special like Horatio is."
"Why am I so special?" Horatio asked, taking a bite and moaning. "This is good. Thank you, Honor."
"Welcome, Ho." Horatio glared. "Ratio," he finished with a shit-eating grin. "Want to go out tonight?"
"I've got to be in at seven," he said, taking another bite of dinner. "Besides, I don't like going to the gay clubs. People give me odd looks for the next month."
"That's because you go and never get any," Homer said patiently. "We'll remind you how you're supposed to club sometime during this trip, Horatio."
"I'd rather you wouldn't."
"Tough," the other two said in unison. "You need it."
Horatio gave them a look. "I'm doing just fine in my personal relationships."
"Do we perhaps not date because we need medicine?" Homer asked. "If so, I hear there's a few alternatives available in today's market."
Horatio glared at him. "No, I do not need viagra."
Honor beamed at him. "Good to know. It's a good thing too. Otherwise we'd have to prepare your next one for you. Maybe even switch out sometimes."
"Bite yourself," Homer ordered. "My husband would be very upset and so would all the little cute things you play with."
"I haven't played in weeks."
"Catch something?" Horatio teased.
"Not hardly." He gave him a look. "Local customs, thank you. Didn't want to marry the virgin I'd be debauching or break up a married couple, which is all there was." He ate a bite of his dinner and moaned. "I do good work." He ate another bite, waving his fork at Horatio. "Eat."
"Yes, mother." He dug in, eating the very excellent dinner. It was a nice change from takeout or Alexx's leftovers. He finally put down his plate and leaned back, watching his two brothers finish up. "So, why else are we down here? You don't usually take vacations together," he said at the guilty looks. "Who was it?"
"We heard they tried to charge you again," Honor admitted. "Pissed me off to no end. The head District Attorney got my foot up his ass via long distance phone call for doing that."
Homer nodded. "I threatened to tank his retirement funds if he didn't realize how stupid it was. We even went and dug up the old evidence box for you." He looked at him. "You know, I still fit into your patrol uniform." Horatio moaned. "Got caught but that's fine. They understood why and the guys in the property clerk's office agreed it was for a good reason." He shrugged. "It helped and I got flirted with by my man."
"Where *is* your husband?" Honor demanded. "He hasn't answered the phone in six weeks. Did you kill him in bed or something?"
"No, he's visiting his mother this month," he sighed, giving him a look. "You know very well I don't play kinky like you do. No breath play or anything. Some bondage, some begging, but nothing that would cause permanent harm."
"I don't play breathing games," Honor defended.
"Boys," Horatio said, shaking his head. "You're both too kinky for my tastes and I don't need to know what you do in the bedroom. We're not sharing anymore."
"Shoot and I thought I'd get cuddled tonight," Honor joked, grinning at him.
Horatio gave him a dry, bland look. "I haven't shared a bed with you since we were seniors, Honor. I'm not doing it now. Rick might peep in the window and then really freak out."
The other two laughed and nodded. "Yup," they agreed together.
"No more tormenting Rick," Horatio ordered. They both snorted and got up to get more, taking his plate and giving it back half-full. "Thank you. Please don't? It could ruin my career and get me fired."
"I doubt it," Honor told him.
"He's trying very hard to implicate me in something," Horatio said quietly.
"Which means he deserves it more than when we did it to Speed, who still probably thinks you're our love toy," Homer teased, smirking at him. "Eat, Horatio. Don't make me find your handcuffs." Horatio dug in because he knew he'd do it. "Good brother." He beamed. "I deposited the dividend check into the normal account. You can move it around wherever you want this week."
"Thank you. Did I call about Madison?" They both shook their heads slowly. "Ah." He finished up and waited while they did, getting comfortable. "Ray, while undercover, had a girl he was using as a cover." They both moaned. "Who is barely overage herself," he admitted. "Presently."
"She's *how* old?" Homer asked.
"She's twenty-one. Madison is going to turn six this year," Horatio said. "She's in Children's oncology unit. Ray Junior donated the bone marrow for her but she's still there."
They both stared at him. "Does Yelina know?" Homer asked.
"Now," Horatio said. "She saw her and decided Madison was mine. Right up until she got sick she believed that I had slept with a witness."
Both brothers nodded. "Our sister-in-law can be a bit blind," Homer sighed, looking at Honor, then at Horatio. "Does she know there's more than one of us?"
"I have no idea," Horatio admitted. "It turns out I wasn't a good match so I knew you two weren't. It's never come up. I have been watching over her and I had to sell some of the investment property for her treatments."
"I'll make sure it's covered for you," Homer promised. "Plus her future college fund. What about her mother?"
"She's staying clean for her," he admitted. They both stared at him. "Meth. Same as Ray." They groaned. "I'm going to see her tomorrow after work if you two wanted to come?"
"Of course we are!" Honor said, scowling at him. "She's our niece! Where is Ray Junior anyway?"
"Hopefully staying out of trouble," Horatio said grimly. "We're all hoping he stays out of trouble."
They both nodded at that, Homer grabbing the phone to call their nephew and talk to him. He was a good kid, a lot like Ray had been, but he needed a better bit of guidance from a male authority figure so he wouldn't pick up his father's bad habits. He went to the porch to talk to him, not telling him he was in town. He wanted that to be a surprise.
Honor watched their brother talk then looked at Horatio. "What're we doing tonight, Brain?"
Horatio smiled. "This is the first time I've been home before ten in about a month. I have no idea what normal people do, much less kinky, leather wearing boys like you, Honor."
Honor grinned. "I may be kinky but I still think leather is the most comfortable thing ever. Even over your silk suits."
"Suit yourself. I'd rather not sweat off the rest of my weight in the humidity down here."
"Hell, boy, I was in monsoon season this time last year," he said dryly. "Guarding a starlette doing a picture in the middle of the jungle."
"Didn't you get leaches from that?" Homer called.
"Don't remind me, please."
"Saline spray," Horatio said wisely. "We have many cases in the Everglades. We bring a nice little bottle of saline spray. It makes them let go."
"I'll remember that for the next time," he said dryly, getting comfortable on the couch. "You sure you don't need medication to help you date?"
"I've never considered drugging someone so you can rape them to be dating," Horatio reminded him, giving him a look.
"Not that sort. I know you wouldn't do that. That was Father's thing. I meant you personally needing the little pill."
"I work just fine, Honor. Thank you for worrying about the state of my dick. Should I return the favor since you're so focused on mine?"
"You can ask if you want me to brag," he offered with a bright grin.
"No thank you. I have no need to know more about gay sex than I already do."
Homer came in, giving him an odd look. "It beats having some whiny thing."
"He dates like Eric does. I'm sure he gets plenty of whiny things," Horatio joked.
"Probably," Homer agreed, moving Honor's feet so he could sit down again. "We should still make you go have fun. That way you remember that you're not a turtle and not a mole."
"No, we have one of those presently in the lab," Horatio told him.
"I'll see if we can figure out who," Honor promised.
"Speed's the only one who knows that there's three of us," Horatio warned.
"That's even better. Whoever I talk to will be relaxed because they'll think it's you." He waved a hand. "Even if I did drop out of the Academy, I'm still damn good at figuring things out. I use it all the time to figure out what's going on with my protectees."
"I've met a few of them over the last few years. They keep giving me headaches."
"Then move someplace where rappers and movie stars don't go to be admired as pretty people," Honor suggested.
"You could go somewhere smaller and be the Chief of Police I'm sure," Homer agreed.
"Bite your tongue," Horatio said, shuddering. "I have enough paperwork without that headache. I can barely get mine done now. It's what keeps me at work most often."
"Ah, the problems of command," Honor teased.
"Don't look at me. The closest I get to mounds of paperwork is around tax time helping heirs file statements," Homer protested. "That's bad enough."
"I've got at least a four inch stack of paperwork and case files on my desk every day," Horatio told them. They both shuddered. "Which is why I never get home." He yawned. "Sorry. If you two had given me some warning I would've taken some time off."
"When's your next day off?" Homer asked gently. Horatio snorted. "Okay, when's the next time you can conveniently call in with a sprained ankle or something?"
"Probably Sunday. People tend to beat instead of kill each other that day so it goes to non- felony mostly."
"Take three days off, Horatio. Let your people see how hard you work for them. It'll make them appreciate you more," Honor suggested.
Horatio looked at him. "The last time I left Calleigh with my paperwork, she threatened to set me, my desk, and the Chief of Detectives on fire for making her fill out so many forms. She had tied one up, had a lighter for the others. She got a very nice few days off once I got back."
"Can't Speed fill in?" Homer suggested.
"Not until he's cleared for duty. That'll be a little over a month from now. I doubt you two want to wait that long?"
"I'm free to move down here. Miami is hotter than LA at the moment," Honor admitted.
Horatio gave him an odd look. "Then I'd never get to date. You'd always be checking on them."
"Point," Honor admitted, grinning at him. "Take three days off starting Sunday?"
"I'll see if I can," he promised, getting up. "Until then, I'm going to get some sleep. Thank you for making dinner. Don't play the tv too loud, the neighbor calls patrol when you do." He gave them both hugs and went to his room. He smiled when Honor came in. "I'm still not sleeping with you."
"Uh-huh. We'll see if you have nightmares tonight or not," he said with a fond smile. He grabbed his bag was waved it a bit before heading down the stairs. "Night, Horatio."
"Night, Honor. Night, Homer." He closed his door gently and stripped down, putting on a pair of pajama pants before climbing into bed. He smiled. It was nice having people he loved in the house. Even if Honor would be sneaking in later to check on him, like always. His little brother was so bad about that but it showed he cared. Which was a nice thing. Horatio fell asleep with a smile on his face, not even hearing Honor come in and crawl in next to him to keep him nightmare-free for the night.
Homer smiled once Honor was up there, going to the guest room. It was comfortable and plain, but good enough for him. He snuggled in and fell asleep listening to the two upstairs snore in harmony. It was rather cute. He'd have to taunt Honor in the morning.
Horatio looked over as someone walked up to him in the lab, giving her a small smile. "How is the case coming, Calleigh?"
"It's stuck," she said, grimacing some. "You changed your shirt?"
He looked down then at her, shrugging a bit. "It itched." Which meant that Honor was prowling around somewhere in his clothes again. He hoped he remembered to wear underwear this time. Last time he hadn't and it annoyed him. "Can I help with it?"
"No, just checking on you. You seemed a bit confused earlier." She checked his forehead. "Tired?"
"Incredibly enough I managed to get home nearly on time last night," he said with a smile. She grinned back. "I even went to bed at ten." He patted her on the arm, walking away from her. "Let me know if I can help with the current cases. I'm going to try to take a few days off so I can do some management things around the house."
She glared at his back. "Do not stick me with the paperwork this time, Horatio Caine, or we'll need to renovate your office again!"
"I'm sure it'll be fine, Calleigh." He went to call his boss to make sure he had gotten the paperwork. He smiled at the secretary's cheerful voice. "It's Horatio Caine. Please." She put him through. "Sir." He smiled. "Family reasons, sir. No, a sudden appearance of some of them." He nodded. "That's what I was hoping for. Thank you for letting me take it on such short notice. No, I have told Calleigh and she told me I had better not stick her with the paperwork this time." He laughed at his assertion he'd be hiding from her. "Might be a good idea, sir. Thank you. It is going. I am working out who the mole is. Thank you, sir. Excuse me? No, sir, Rick came in to yell at me for talking to an officer who volunteered information about his neighbor. I thought I'd yank his chain a bit." He hung up on the 'good, but play nicer' and the man hanging up. He leaned back, looking at the stacks of paperwork. "I should do you before Calleigh burns down the lab this time," he muttered, pulling some over to do the ever-growing stack. Eric leaned in. "Problems on your case?"
"No, I just cleared." He handed it over. "All done, even the reports." He grinned. "You look less tired."
"I got to sleep last night," he said, smiling at him. It had been a peaceful rest too since he had his very own anti-nightmare knight hovering protectively over him. Though he had taken the opportunity to shove his sleeping brother off the bed before going to take his shower. "I'm taking a few days off because I have some small things that need done around the house. I'm starting Sunday. I'll be back Friday."
Eric gave him a horrified look. "Can we keep Calleigh and the paperwork apart this time?"
"The Chief of Detectives agreed that it might be a good idea," he said dryly, making the younger man relax at that. "How about cold ones, Eric?"
"I'm down to three cold cases and the one from last week, which we're still waiting on someone to come home so we can arrest them." He grinned at someone outside then at him. "I'll let you weed that out before she sets it on fire and people start to go free." He left, going to spread that news. He'd need help keeping Calleigh out of the paperwork.
Horatio smiled as Honor snuck in. "Having fun?"
"Who turned your lab into a piece of modern art glass with machines?"
"Miss Boa Vista," he said, giving him a look.
"Ah, cow eyes woman." Horatio gave him an odd look. "She did! She was trying to subtly flirt too." He shuddered. "So not my type."
"It never ceases to amaze me that Homer's the gay one and you sound more like a flaming queen," Horatio told him, getting back to Eric's case so he could sign it and send it on.
"My clients appreciate it." He came over. "Any idea why they're a mole?"
"I was hoping it was jealousy or something," he admitted. "Did you find one?"
"Besides Rickie poo?"
"He hates me, not the lab as a whole. Whoever the mole is, they're sending information on the full lab to the Feds. If it was just me I'd have already beaten Rick."
"Good to know." He considered it. "You have a few chatty ones."
"I'd suspect them of unintentional slips, not intentional ones."
Honor nodded. "Then you've got three good targets. Your AV guy. Miss Cow Eyes. And Calleigh. She seems different from when we saw her last time. Almost like she's carrying a weight."
Horatio shook his head. "John Hagen committed suicide in her lab a few weeks back. She's just now back in ballistics this week." He gave him a gentle smile. "I'm on leave from Sunday until Friday morning."
"Good news," he said happily. "So it's either the chatty one or Miss Cow Eyes."
"She's the one who got the grant to update us. Why would she do that?"
"Thinking outside the box, did you ask for a cold case DNA tech?"
"The county did." He signed the folder and put it in the outbox. Then he fully faced his brother. "She applied with the grant in hand. It made them beg."
"Uh-huh. So, she's a plant?" he suggested.
Horatio considered it then nodded slowly. "That would make her a suspect," he agreed carefully. "But it's not definitive."
"Yes but we can find definitive."
"True, we can," Horatio agreed, calling someone. "Hide or not, up to you." Honor sat behind the door again. His new officer came in, giving him a curious look. "I think we have a lead on the mole. Someone pointed out that we never really asked for a cold case tech."
Ryan nodded slowly. "Plus she's dated Eric and me. She's not well liked by anyone but Maxine and Calleigh, but they get along well with nearly everyone. She's hit on a few of the detectives and DC out of AV." He glanced at the other man, his mouth opening.
"I'm a mirror," Honor said with a smug look.
Ryan gave him an odd look then looked at Horatio. "Twins?"
"Triplets actually," Horatio admitted. "Only you and Speed know that outside of Yelina."
"Okay. No wonder you were wearing a different shirt earlier." He looked at Honor. "Are you a detective as well?"
"Bodyguard. I started to go to the academy with Horatio but they annoyed the crap out of me within ten minutes so I quit." He held out a hand. "Honor Caine."
"Ryan Wolfe." He shook his hand. "Are you two the identical ones?"
"Technically, Homer and I are," Honor admitted. "Horatio's the odd one out." He gave him a wicked smirk. "Which is why he's still dating girls."
Ryan laughed. "Authors?"
"Indeed," Horatio agreed. "But our mother couldn't think of a third author so Father named him," he told him, smiling at Honor. Then at his officer. "Honor thinks she was a plant."
"With the way the grant came in, it's a reasonable assumption. Want me to look into her background and things?"
"If you can do it without Rick realizing," Horatio ordered. Ryan nodded. "Thank you, Mr. Wolfe."
"Not a problem, H. Nice meeting you, Honor." He walked out, going to think while working on his present case. Horatio was a triplet! He had a gay triplet! One who was very nice apparently. He smiled at Eric when he came in. "I hear Horatio's taking some leave time."
"Yeah, he said he had some things to fix around the house. He'll be gone starting Sunday and he'll be back Friday. Frank was pouting."
"Anything I should know?"
"Keep Calleigh away from the paperwork. Last time she nearly used the Chief of Detectives to start a bonfire on Horatio's desk."
"Good to know," Ryan said. He watched Natalia as she walked up the hall. "Hey, Eric, that mole thing." Eric gave him a concerned look. "What if it's a tech?" He looked at him. "Not one of us, but one of the other techs?"
"It'd have to be."
He closed the door. "Someone pointed something out to me. No one asked for Natalia to join the lab." Eric gaped. "She volunteered. The county was thinking about hiring one from the gossip going around then she showed up like a deal from Satan." Eric started to shake his head. "Think about it without the 'we went out' part."
Eric put that feeling aside and considered it. He finally looked at him. "She's an outsider among most of the techs."
"All except Calleigh and Maxine. Then she dated you. She dated me. She's hit on DC and Horatio. She got that really expensive grant that Horatio never filed for. He told us she came with the offer, he hadn't asked for it."
Eric frowned, nodding some. "That would make her a candidate," he agreed finally. "Do you think?"
"I think we've got more than one. I think we have someone who maybe told a friend who told someone and we have a real mole. A real leak."
Eric nodded. "It's possible. I won't toss it out. How would you prove it?"
"Quietly. Horatio said we couldn't involve Internal Affairs and he's watching. Beyond that? Phone and internet records?"
Eric nodded. "That's about the only way I can think of too." He considered it. "I can get Frank to look up some of it quietly. Rick won't go after him."
"I am. Let me ask him." He went to talk to him. "Hey, Frank?" He looked over, grimacing. "Got ten?"
"Anything's better than proofreading a report," he agreed, following him to a quiet corner of the station. "What's up? I show up on another scene as a suspect?"
Eric shook his head. "Not this time. It's about the mole. Wolfe had an idea."
"A *good* one?" he pressed.
"Before certain people got here, no one asked for their position to be created," he said quietly, glancing around. Frank looked stunned. "The same one has dated me, Wolfe, tried DC and Horatio, and likes to lurk."
Frank nodded once slowly. "So we think it's her?"
"We think, we can't prove yet."
"But you can't do that without Stetler crawling up Horatio's tighty whities," he finished. Eric nodded, relaxing some. "Where are we starting?"
"A background? Phone or internet records?" he suggested. "That's all we've come up with in the last few. We're being watched by him too closely to do it as quietly as we'd have to."
"But I'm not," Frank said, getting a nod. "Let me see what I can dig up once he goes to his weekly acupressure appointment," he offered. Eric grinned. "I'll let you know."
"Thanks, man. Did you hear H's finally taking a few days off?"
"I'll make sure Calleigh doesn't have a lighter," he said dryly, going back to his desk. He smiled at Yelina. "Horatio's taking a few days off soon."
"Is something going on?"
He shook his head. "Probably just exhausted. It's been a long few months since Speed got shot."
"True," she admitted, frowning some. She called Horatio's office, getting a smooth voice that she knew wasn't Horatio Caine. "Honor?" she asked. He laughed and agreed. "No wonder he's taking some time off! You're coming to dinner?" She smiled. "Even better! Ray could use you. I'll see you tonight?" She laughed. "That's fine, I can cook that much, dear. I'll see you then." She hung up. "He has family down, Frank."
"I didn't know he had other family."
She nodded. "Homer and Honor." Frank gave her an odd look so she smiled. "I'm sure you'll meet them if you haven't yet. Honor is very nosy."
"Say it right, I'm the kinky leather side of Horatio," a male said from behind her, making her jump and turn to hug him. He smiled at Frank, wiggling his fingers. "Hi. Nice to finally meet you. Big brother talked about you."
Frank stared at him. "Twins or multiple personalities?"
"Triplets, or as a drunk priest once said, spawns of satan," he said with a wink. Frank moaned. "Don't worry, we don't do many things with him." He let Yelina go. "Horatio said tomorrow night. Tonight we're making him have fun even if he did want to just have a beer." He pinched her on the butt, making her swat him before he walked off.
"Three Horatios," he moaned quietly, shaking his head. "Those poor crooks."
She swatted him, shaking her head. "Honor's a bodyguard. Homer's an investment manager on Wall Street." He whimpered. "Homer's the sweet one."
"Married the wrong one?" he teased.
She snorted. "His husband would mind quite a lot if I thought I had." Frank gaped. She smirked and nodded. "He married a very nice British Knight. They've been together since Homer's masters program."
"Wow," Frank said. "That one?"
She snorted. "Young and cute. We should warn Eric."
"Nah, it's more fun watching them figure it out," he said smugly. She swatted him again and went back to her desk and her current caseload. He considered it. Three Horatios in Miami at once. Something was going to happen and he'd have to watch Horatio do something brave yet dumb. Again.
Speed frowned as he opened the door. "Horatio, what's wrong?"
Homer smirked. "Love, as much as I shared with you and you call me by his name?" he teased.
"Homer?" he asked, starting to grin. "Why are you in Miami this time? Is H okay?"
"He doesn't date, doesn't eat, can't decorate, doesn't get laid, but he's fine." He gave his buddy a hug. "I came to check on you, dear. How are you?"
"Bored and going out of my mind," he complained. He let him inside, shutting the door behind them. "Just a vacation to get Horatio laid?"
"Mostly," he admitted with a grin. "Honor needed a break. Horatio didn't call for two weeks."
"So you came down to get him laid," Speed finished.
"Basically. Plus Honor. He's been picky recently." He settled himself in on the couch. "How's the arm?"
"Still a bit sore and stiff. I'll manage to get back to work next month. Lab only for another four weeks but I'll get back into the field eventually." Homer smiled at that. "Ooh, I picked up a new book." He got up and found it, handing it over. "Try that one."
Homer read the blurb on the back, then nodded. "I'll have to get a copy when we go book shopping."
Speed beamed. "Thank you! They don't want me to ride my bike for another week. I'm going insane stuck in the house."
Homer smiled. "If I were Honor, I'd drive it for you, dear, but alas, I am not motorcycle literate."
"That's okay, just get me out of the house. Please?"
"You do beg prettily," he teased. He stood up. "Grab whatever and let's go." Speed grabbed shoes, keys, wallet, checkbook, and a list off the table, following him out. Homer stopped when he saw the man in the driveway. "Ah, Rick. I'm taking Speed out before he finishes losing his mind. Did you need something *important*?"
He looked at the casual outfit then at Speed. Then back at who he thought was Horatio. "Why are you wearing that? You've never worn plaid before, Horatio. This is getting creepy."
"There's more to me than you know," he said with a wink, making Rick turn pale. "Come on, Speed. Let's go shopping," he said with his best impersonation of Horatio. "Before we both forget what a store looks like. Maybe I'll switch to Gucci instead of Armani this year." He let Speed into the car's passenger's side then smirked at Rick. "When you're ready to know the real me, ask, Rick. It might make your life more interesting." He slid in to drive, backing out of the parking spot and heading down the street before Rick could get his mouth to close.
Rick scowled at the retreating car, getting back into his to head back to the office and see if Horatio had headed back there. He saw them walk inside together and got out, following them up to the office. He found Horatio in the suit he had seen him in earlier, talking and chatting happily with Speed. "You changed?" he demanded. "In that small amount of time?"
"I have to look presentable when I'm in the lab," Honor said dryly, giving him a look. "People wouldn't know I was me if I wasn't in a suit." Ryan leaned in. "Mr. Wolfe. Come in. Relieve Rick of his tension, please."
"Sure, H." He grinned at Speed. "How's the arm?"
"Better," he admitted. "How's Eric?"
"Pouty and needs laid," he said bluntly.
"We were going to go out to a club tonight," Honor offered. "We could take him with us. Show him how it's done?" he suggested to Speed, who gaped then snickered.
"I don't think Eric needs the lessons, H. He's already very good at picking up girls in the clubs." He looked at Ryan. "We're going shopping but he had to pick up something, so we'll leave in a few."
"That's fine. Let me know if you need anything. Alexx has been fretting again about you not eating."
"I am eating. She's been sending me lunch every day."
"She feeds Horatio leftovers too," Ryan quipped. "It's her small contribution to the sanity of the lab." He looked at Stetler. "Is there a problem on a case? Calleigh and Eric are in the field."
"No," he ground out, stomping off. He found an alcove and watched. Speed walked out and Horatio was back in that other outfit. Something was going on with Horatio and he had to find out what. Before the man drove him nuts. That thought sparked off another one and he frowned, going to look up something in the lab's library. "Multiple personalities caused by trauma?" he muttered as he read. That did seem to fit what he had seen so far. He stomped off to make an appointment for Horatio. Then to make sure he knew he had to go by going over his head with the Chief of Detectives. They could not have the head of the felony lab cracking up. It'd look bad on the department and cases would be jeopardized. Slimebags would go free. Therefore, Horatio had to either be found incompetent or fixed.
"Damn. Poor woman," Homer said, watching the girl that wanted them pout her way off. She was obviously high and Horatio had given her a look before pulling out his badge. She had jogged off after that. Now the badge was up again. Honor was shaking it out on the floor with Speed, drawing a lot of attention to his ass.
"She'll get over it," Horatio assured him. "They always do." He sipped his beer, watching the women around them. "They're all very young."
"A young lover keeps you energetic and young yourself," Homer quipped, pulling him out to the floor to show him how it was done. It was a general rule of the three of them: two were positive or good in any field or activity and the other wasn't. In this one, Homer didn't dance that well but Horatio had learned from Honor and his former girls in high school. So Horatio ended up leading but that was fine. They were both getting a lot of looks. A girl who was clearly barely legal came over to steal Horatio from him and he sighed, suddenly feeling ancient. A nice young man grabbed his attention so he smiled and shifted to dance with him, getting an adoring look. Redheads were apparently a rarity in Miami. Or maybe it was the triplet thing. Being around at least one of his brothers always got him propositioned, which meant his husband attacked him when he got home that night. Pity about his husband being in Yorkshire this time. He would've been pounced for days.
Horatio let himself enjoy his partner's advances without making any promises. It was nice to be flirted with. Even if she did only want him because Honor had made him wear some of his trendy, slutty looking, tight pants and a t-shirt that showed off his remaining muscles very well. She finally left when he wouldn't take her into the back to give her what she really wanted and he ended up with Honor again, but his brother winked and pulled Speed between them. Speed let out a loud moan but let them use him as a buffer this time, enjoying being the center of the very strong attention. Horatio and Honor both had the same sort of persistent attention when they were paying attention to someone. It made them hell in bed and in their jobs. Homer came over to dance with them and he shivered. It was fun being the center of attention of the triplets. They were very odd at times, and playful since Homer had just spanked him, earning a dirty look. Honor grinned and winked, letting himself be drug off to the bar by a nice young man. Horatio shook his head but he was smiling and Speed managed to get him taken for a drink too. Homer was nice enough to buy Speed a drink then they went back out.
Speed growled when his phone vibrated in his pocket, pulling it out to look at the text message. He sent one back saying he was dancing with triplets. Eric's dirty minded thought back made him shake his head and put his phone back up. "Eric," he said over the music, getting an eye roll from Horatio. "I told him I was surrounded by triplets. He's jealous."
"He's done that before," Horatio reminded him. "He complained they were greedy afterward." Speed giggled at that.
"Fortunately we'd never sleep with all three of us in the same bed," Honor teased. "Homer's a bed hog."
"You're sleeping in your own bed anyway," Horatio called to him, getting a smirk back.
Speed looked at his boss and friend. "Really?"
Horatio swatted him on the back. "Old history."
"Really?" he asked again.
"We'll share later," Homer said with a wink. He drug Speed off to dance with him, letting the leather twins dance together. Speed looked then smirked. Honor was teasing his brother very badly. Horatio was about ready to blush. His phone went off again and he pulled it out to look at. He nodded and headed to the bathroom to take the call. "What's up, Cal?" He listened to her complain. "I'm out with Horatio. What's Eric complaining about?" He smirked. "Well, I was. I'm not now. I'm in the bathroom now so I left the triplets out there." He smirked at the guy in there who gave him an interested look. He shifted some, giving him a better view of what he was looking at, making him drool. "No, I'll probably crash about two. Well, I am on vacation," he said dryly, hanging up. He tucked the phone back into his pocket, heading back out to play with his buddies. They were back to Honor teasing Horatio and Homer giggling, all of them at their table. Speed flopped down. "Eric complained to Calleigh so she called to make sure I'm not turning into slutboy's twin."
Honor smirked at him. "Don't you wish?"
"Not with Eric."
"You and that nice Ryan boy?" Homer suggested.
"He'd drive me insane," Speed admitted. "His OCD would hate my books lying everywhere." He sipped the beer that got put down in front of him by the waitress, smirking at her, appreciating what she was showing by falling out of her outfit. Then he looked at Horatio. "She's worried that you're going strange too, H. Oh, and she said Stetler was making an appointment for you. He was looking for you earlier to tell you that."
"Apparently you're seeing a shrink."
Horatio shook his head. "Boys, what did you do to Rick?"
"Confused him," Honor said with an innocent grin. "He's projecting his confusion about wanting you onto us."
Horatio looked at him. "I saw you use that same look to talk twin girls into breaking you in during the church's christmas party." Homer snickered at that, swatting Honor on the arm. "I'm fairly certain you gave up being innocent then." He sipped his beer, looking at Homer. "Where is your husband?"
"With his mum."
Speed grinned. "I think it's cute you married some flashy little British slut toy, Homer."
"So did he." He smirked a bit cattily. "His mother even appreciates me now because I made her taxes make sense this last year."
"Give her grandchildren. She'll coo over all of you, even if she does walk in when you've got a hand buried in your man's ass while he's tied to the bed again," Honor suggested. Speed spluttered and choked. "Ooh, poor baby. Didn't you know Homer's the kinky one? He's monogamous and kinky. That's much worse than my mildly kinky self or our brother, who should've been a priest apparently."
Horatio looked at him. "I'm particular about who I sleep with, Honor. Sue me, I like more than a few minute's fun."
Honor gave him a look then looked around the club. He got up and hauled Horatio with him, handing him to a table of girls. "This is my brother Horatio. He works so hard and is a cop. He hasn't had the time to be babied or date recently." They cooed and took him in, patting him and stroking through his hair, and a few over his lap under the table. Honor strolled back to their table, pulling Speed up and back onto the floor. "Come on, have to get your stamina back up somehow, Speedy."
Homer shook his head, watching their big brother be drug out back by the girls. "Honor has good taste. They're pretty and not wearing much." He checked his watch, smiling when Horatio came slinking in an hour later looking mussed, swollen, and content. "Better?"
"Much," he admitted, yawning a bit. "So are they." He looked out there, then at his brother. "I should head home. I could use a nap now."
Homer patted him on the arm. "We'll go." He whistled and nodded, getting a nod from Honor and Speed. "He's got the rental's keys. We'll cab." He walked him out, taking him home to put his poor big brother into bed. He had needed the stress relief apparently. He finished tucking him in and went to his own room, going to call his boy and have phone sex. It was as close as he got but he did get happy at the thought of Horatio slamming a few of the girls against a wall and having them hard and fast in the alley. Horatio and Honor's sexual habits were more than enough porn for him.
Horatio came back from his appointment with the force's psychologist, shaking his head when Ryan gave him an odd look. "Stetler's decided I'm warped and need more sex. He told the shrink I'm avoiding relationships that might turn sexual and that I have multiple personalities." Ryan giggled since he knew the truth. "Exactly. I should let Honor have the man but I'm not mean." He went to finish up his paperwork backlog so Calleigh couldn't set it on fire on him.
Ryan waited until he was out of sight to call Horatio's house and tell the other two what was going on. Honor had said he wanted to know so he could keep tweaking Stetler. He walked off mumbling into the phone, hearing them giggling on the other end. Including Speed so apparently it was now a full fledged plan.
Honor snuck into his brother's office. "I'm getting called in for two days for an assignment down here."
"Should I worry?" he asked, looking at him.
"Hopefully not," he said. "It's a catty little starlette without sense." He put on his leather jacket. "I didn't want you to worry. Tell Yelina tonight for dinner?"
"I can do that." Honor smiled and snuck back out, heading downtown to meet his onus for the next few days. Horatio got up and went to see her, making her smile. "Honor got an assignment that'll last for the next few days."
"He can come embarrass Ray Junior some other night," she assured him, getting a smile back. "We're still on?"
"As far as I know," he agreed. "Homer and Speed have been being book nerds together all day." She giggled and nodded. "Speed went with us when we went out last night." He looked at Rick when he came stomping by. "Thank you for deciding I was having problems finding a woman, Rick. It made me want to go out clubbing again tonight." He growled and stomped off faster. He looked at her. "For some reason I got sent to the psychologist to make sure that my lack of dating wasn't a traumatic reaction to something that happened on the job." She gaped but Frank burst out laughing. He looked at him and nodded. "Oh, and for some reason Rick seems to think I have MPD." He strolled off, heading back to his office. He should play on that delusion but it'd make him more of a pain to deal with in a few days when he found out. Besides, if he knew his brothers - and he did - they were the reason he had been called in. Fortunately the shrink had liked that he had been gifted by someone the night before. Though he would be paying his baby brother back for that.
Horatio knocked on the hotel suite's door the next day, giving his brother a look. "She needs an alibi."
Honor let him inside. "For when?"
The starlette came out and sneered. "What is *he* doing here?" she demanded.
"He is with the crime lab and he is here about a case," Honor told her.
"Well, tell him you were with me."
He looked at her. "This isn't the mafia, princess. I'm not lying to my brother for you." He looked at him. "Around what time? I can tell you if she was with me or which guard was assigned."
"Around ten this morning."
Honor shook his head. "I came on at noon and I left last night at midnight. She had Misty here when I got in at noon. She was in the shower and Misty thought she had just woken up."
"I'll need Misty's contact information."
"Agreed." He wrote it down, handing it over. "Think she's a witness?"
"No, I think her fingerprints were on the knife," he said grimly. "I would keep her here."
"I can do that."
"You can't keep me from leaving," the starlette told him.
Honor looked at her. "I can let him arrest you this instant," he offered. She backed up, giving him a horrified look. "Sit down." He pulled out his phone, calling his boss. "It's Honor. I ran into the big brother on a case. Her fingerprints were on a knife. Have Misty meet him in the lobby within thirty and change her itinerary." He nodded. "Agreed." He hung up. "My boss would like a warrant."
"I have one for her DNA," Horatio offered, pulling it out of his jacket pocket and holding it up. She started to huff off. "You will comply or I can arrest you for not surrendering for a cheek swab," he told her coolly. "Just because you have money doesn't mean you get away with murder in Miami." He moved closer and she pulled out a gun. Honor tackled her and got it out of her hand, handcuffing her with Horatio's cuffs. "Thank you."
"Didn't want to mess up your suit. You'd be less pretty." He handed her over. "Let's head downtown. I'll escort her since I'm on duty." Horatio nodded, taking them down to the lobby. A female in a short skirt and tank top came over. "Misty, this is Horatio."
"I've seen him work before. Honor, I'll take her down there since it'll mean a strip search."
"Not like I'd look," he said dryly. "Should I let the drug dog do her room, bro?"
"Please." He looked at them. "Ten this morning?"
"She was supposedly asleep but her bed was empty. She was drunk off her ass last night." That got a nod from both brothers. "Honor, clean up here. You're higher up the shit ladder than I am. I filed a report already." She walked the starlette out, letting Horatio get them into the back of the cruiser waiting on them. "Officer, I'm technically her bodyguard. Her other one handed over the gun she pulled on the nice CSI." She handed it over. "For you to bag or whatever."
"Thank you, ma'am. Was she frisked?"
"Then I'll do that once we get her into interrogation." He followed the hummer back to the lab, leading her inside with Misty following behind her. "Lieutenant." Horatio smiled at him. "Her bodyguard?"
"She can be present if our suspect wants her to be. I know them, they're used to following the rules." The gun was handed over. "Thank you." He watched as the officer frisked her then sat her down, hitching her to the table. Horatio pulled out a paper. "At this time I do have to read you your rights, ma'am."
"I know my rights," she sneered.
He slid over the paper. "Then please sign that saying that you're waiving your right to an attorney at this moment in time and that you know your rights." She read it then signed it negligently, handing it back. He pulled out a swab. "Open please. We're going to take DNA now."
"You can't. You have no right."
"I have a warrant for it, ma'am. It's this or I'm having someone draw blood while you're tied down." She went pale and let him take a swab of her cheek. "Thank you." He slid it into an envelope and handed it to the officer. "To DNA please." He nodded, taking it off. "Why don't you tell me what happened when you and your physical trainer met this morning?" he suggested, sitting across from her, staring her down.
"Are you gay like your brother?"
"My brother's not fully gay and no I'm not." He stared at her then smirked. "You didn't plan the assault very well, Miss Chambers. Yes, we do know your real name." She gaped. "You see, there were cameras all over that park thanks to some recent muggings. We saw you attack him. We saw you chat and then suddenly pull a knife to stab him. We have you in very good color and our cameras don't add ten pounds." Misty strangled a snicker at that. He looked at her. "Is her usual routine to meet with a trainer in the mornings?"
"She's new to me," she admitted. She pulled out her PDA, opening a file to hand it over. "This is the report I filed with my agency. She slipped out of the suite around eight." He looked it over, nodding at it. "I did a bed check at nine-thirty and she wasn't there. At ten-thirty she was in the shower. She told me she had just gotten up."
"Interesting. Where did the clothes go?"
"I had them sent out for laundry. They showed up at eleven to gather laundry. I can call the hotel."
"I've already talked to the manager. He'll have the linens and towels found as well." He hooked her PDA into their printer dock, pushing the print command for her before handing it back. He looked at her again. "Your only hope of avoiding the death penalty is to talk, Miss Chambers. Why did you attack him?"
"He called me fat and worthless," she sneered.
"Well, I can't speak on your weight, you're still abnormally thin by human body standards, but worthless? I'll let you come to that conclusion yourself." He stood up, nodding at Misty. "We're arresting her now."
"Yes, sir." She backed off and let him do that, leaving the station so she could call her boss. "She was arrested on murder charges," she announced. "She said she stabbed her trainer for calling her fat and worthless. Caine does. Yes, his brother. He has my report as well. Thank you. I guess I'm open for something new." She hung up, heading to catch a cab and head back to her place. Honor could talk to the bosses himself. She got there in time to watch the press descend on the lab to catch her being taken to jail to await arraignment. It was a pretty spectacle.
Horatio came in that night, looking at Honor since he was lounging on his couch in jogging shorts. "You good with your bosses?"
"Yup. She wasn't drinking when I left. She did that with Misty. She killed him by sneaking away from Misty. She told them she didn't want a tight guard because she'd be jogging and other things during her shopping trip." He shrugged. "They do want me to move down here."
Horatio smiled. "You'd miss LA and New York."
"I'll get plenty of time in both of them and down here since the bosses decided you wouldn't mind having me down here." He grinned a shiteating grin. "I talked to our nephew. He swears up and down he's going to be straight like his father but nothing else like him."
"Hmm. Yet he was slowly joining a street gang," Horatio said dryly.
"We talked about that." Horatio gave him an odd look. Honor just grinned. "It's a bit solved. Maybe he'll follow me instead of you and his mom."
"Maybe. He might be good at it." He gave him a pat as he walked past him. "Going for a run?"
"Just got back." He watched Horatio walk. "The girls called to see if you wanted to go out with them tonight. We told them yes so get pretty." Horatio's moan carried back down to him. "I left you clothes on the bed, dear." He went back to watching the news. Horatio came down in the same clothes. "Horatio!"
"I don't need to be attacked again tonight."
Homer came in with a few shopping bags. "There you are! The girls are pulling in now, Horatio. Go change!" He swatted him and made him go upstairs to change, giving the clothes on the bed an odd look. "No, you don't need to look like the slutty one." He pulled an outfit out of his bag, handing it over. "There you go. You're going to the movies first." He gave him a pat and headed back down there to talk to the ladies, make sure that they knew to treat their brother well. Horatio came down in the jeans and new shirt, earning a smile. "Very nice."
Honor frowned. "I wanted him to wear the tighter pants." The girls giggled and pulled Horatio off once he had his wallet and keys again. They both waved and beamed until the door shut. "Think he'll get some?"
"I think the ones he didn't please last night are getting him tonight," Homer admitted with an evil smirk. Honor gave it back to him and they cackled. It was good for a boy to be enticed by young women who wanted to pretend to be sexual demons. Horatio would have fun at the dirty movie theater they were sure.
Horatio knocked on Speed's door, getting a grumpy healing man. "Can I hide from them here? They had those same girls come pick me up and take me to a pornographic film and then to another club."
"Sure, have my couch, H," he agreed, letting him inside his apartment. He locked his door, giving his ass a look. "You do look good in that. Homer? It's too uptight for Honor's usual style."
"Homer went shopping and came back with it." He laid down, toeing off his shoes. "Thanks, Speed."
"Welcome. Remember to tell them so they don't worry." He went back to his bed, smiling at his poor boss. His twins were going to drive him insane getting him laid. But it was probably good for Horatio. He didn't date all that often and Eric had often wondered if Horatio worked sexually. He laid down, listening to Horatio swear at someone over the phone. Then he hung up and snuggled in, letting him listen to him snore too. Speed shook his head, letting himself drift off once he was sure Horatio was fine. He'd have to protect him from the kinky twins. It was a friend's job to throw themselves on the girls their friends didn't want. Or maybe he'd send Eric after them.
Rick stomped up to Calleigh the next day. "We have to talk."
"Which case?" she asked, turning to look at him. She noted the scowl. "Is it mine?"
"What happened to Horatio? I know he's tired."
"I think he's mentally cracking."
She frowned, slowly shaking her head. "Why would you say that?"
"Sudden clothing and personality changes. I've seen him and he was wearing one outfit then ten minutes later another, then an hour later the first again. Deviant behavior patterns for him. An officer reported seeing him with a pack of college-aged girls. That's Delko's style, not Caine's."
She blinked a few times. "Horatio?" He nodded. "That's why you made him see the shirnk!" she realized.
"Do you know how many cases will be called into question if he's cracking up? I was ordered by the Chief of Police to make sure he was stable or suspend him until his mental fitness could be gauged. I can't watch him all the time."
"But we can," she said, understanding why he was there.
"You'll also be more gentle. I asked Yelina and she said he seemed normal at dinner the other night."
"I'll watch out for him and try to talk to him. I'm not giving you any information though. If he's got a problem, we'll handle it in-lab."
"Whatever! Make sure he either is fit mentally or is off out of the way if he isn't. It'll cause too many problems if this gets out." He left. He'd have plenty of witnesses when he pulled Horatio into a fitness hearing so he could take his badge. His whole lab would know and would have to say what they'd seen.
She sat down and considered it. She had seen a few of those things. Horatio had been changing shirts a few times recently. She'd see him in one and then a different one on and off throughout the day. She had seen him joking with Ryan a few times too but he quit when they came in. She went to find Eric. "I just got pounced."
"Are you all right?"
"It was Stetler," she said with a confused looking frown. He scowled down the hall. "No, he had a reason." She led him off to an empty lab, shutting them inside. "He thinks Horatio's having multiple personalities. You've seen his shirt thing recently, right?" He slowly nodded. "And I've seen him joking with Ryan and then twenty minutes later nearly growling at him for something."
He considered it. "He has been a bit odd the few times I've seen him in the halls. Drinking coffee in the middle of the morning."
"And get this, Stetler said Horatio was reported with a pack of college-aged girls, his phrase."
"Horatio?" he asked, looking confused.
"That's what he said. He said he's under orders to either make sure he's not mentally going odd or to keep him away from cases. He came to me because we can handle him."
Eric nodded. "It's better if we do it anyway. We'll watch," he decided. He shrugged a bit. "I don't know what to say, Cal. He's got that few days of leave coming up. Maybe he knows he needed it."
"He claimed it was to fix some things at home and I heard something about family being down."
"I didn't know he had other family," Eric said, frowning a bit. "We don't need this, not with a mole."
"I know. So what do we do? Beyond watch him?"
"Can we handle it without him?" She nodded slowly. "Then send him home. Tell him he looks rotten, because he does. He looks exhausted. He goes on leave Sunday. That's in two days. I'll see if he can have those two off behind his back." She nodded, going to do that while he called the Chief of Detectives. If the Chief of Police had went to Stetler he'd know about it by now. "It's Delko. No, about Caine." The CoD made a comment. "Well, he looks like he's coming down sick, sir. He's exhausted. Plus Stetler just came up to Calleigh." He listened to him. "That's what we were thinking. We'd need to keep him and Stetler away from each other for a few days." The question was asked. "I don't know. I know it's been complicated since Speedle got shot but I don't think Horatio's the sort of person to crack under the strain. Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. That's what we were hoping." He hung up and went to lurk nearby, finding Ryan giving him an odd look. "He's exhausted."
"Uh-huh. Someone set him up with a few girls last night. I heard they went clubbing or something."
Horatio came out of his office. "I'm not that tired, Eric." He stared him down.
Eric gave him a look. "Argue with me about it, I'm calling Alexx and Speed."
"I spent last night on Speed's couch."
"So! Go do something you enjoy!" He made a shooing motion. "Go! Now! Right now! Alexx!" he called when he spotted her. "Doesn't Horatio look like he needs the few days off the Chief just granted him."
She looked then nodded. "You do look like you're wrung out, Horatio. Go home, sweetie. Make sure you eat lunch." She gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked him out, making him get into the hummer. "There you go. Go rest. You do look tired." She left, leaving him in the hummer.
He groaned, turning on the engine and heading back to his place to complain to his brothers. He found his house empty so he decided a nap was in order. Who knows what they'd have in mind tonight.
Eric was driving home when a flash of a redhead caught his attention. He pulled over to park, staring at the redhead in question. It was clearly Horatio. Horatio in dark blue leathers. Horatio in very tight light blue leathers and a black t-shirt that did good things for his chest. Horatio in leather with Speed in clubbing clothes too. He gaped. "Speed and Horatio?" He considered it. They were both very focused and passionate about their jobs. They'd be hot together. Horatio had just slid an arm around Speed's back so that cemented it in his mind. He did that with his girlfriends, Horatio was doing it to his boyfriend. He blinked at them. Horatio in leather was hot!
Though he was going to pout at Speed for not telling him that he was gay and dating their friend and boss. That was the sort of gossip Speed should share with him. He watched as they were let into the club and nearly had to wipe the drool off. Speed and Horatio together were hot. He headed home, going to make sure he was fine with two of his coworkers dating. Not that he wanted to hit on Horatio, even in the leather pants, but .... That image made him shiver. So maybe he did need to think about if he was okay with it. Speed deserved to be happy. Horatio needed to be happy and it might help him some. Though maybe some his exhaustion was Speed's fault. He said he had spent the night on Speed's couch. Apparently it was a less than platonic sleeping on the couch. Probably under Speed by the pictures his mind was pulling up.
They were definitely hotter than his last girlfriend was. He'd have some good dreams tonight.
Speed looked up as his lunch in the park was invaded by a sweater vest wearing, grinning man. "What's wrong now?" he asked, putting down his book.
"Eric's been mumbling all morning that you and Horatio in leather was too hot and his mind is fried from the mental images."
Speed blinked a few times. "Excuse me?"
"Apparently he saw you and Horatio last night."
"No, he saw me and Honor last night," he complained. "Honor needed to blow off some steam."
"I liked him when I met him but you might want to call Eric and calm him down. He's already had to take one shower today after slipping in the mud on a scene."
"It hasn't rained in three days, Wolfe."
"It was a homicide during a mud wrestling event. Bikini mud wrestling and he's mumbling about you and Horatio in leather."
Speed moaned at that, nodding a bit. "I'll smack him around in a bit. Anything else I should know?"
He leaned closer. "Stetler came to Calleigh about H's apparent multiple personalities. They're correlating for the last three weeks to see when it started." He leaned back. "So I thought you should be the one to smack him. Calleigh walked off sniffling when she heard him mumbling about redheads in dark blue leather." He stood up. "Have a better lunch."
"You too," he said dryly, waving as the younger man jogged off. He sighed, calling Eric. "I was helping him relieve stress, Eric, not sleeping with him. Keep your mind on your girlfriend's thong, not on my ass." He hung up, going back to his book and his deli sandwich. He'd have to beat Eric later. His phone rang so he answered it. "Speedle." He listened. "No, Calleigh. I was taking him out to have some stress relief. We're not sleeping together. I'm not sleeping with a kinky leather Horatio. No matter how much Eric is discovering he's bi I'm not." She giggled at that, sounding relieved. "So you can taunt him all you want about bending over to take it from H but I'd never sleep with him. He's had way too many for my tastes. I like mine with somewhere under twenty lovers." He listened. "No, he's fine. He did spend the night on my couch. Because someone set him up with a few younger girls and they drove him insane. That way they couldn't find him to do it again. Yup. He's fine. Relaxing and enjoying a few things. Sure. Going book shopping later. See you." He hung up, smiling at Homer when he spotted him walking over. "Eric's decided that I was sleeping with the kinky leather Horatio last night. He can't keep his mind on his job thanks to Honor."
Homer snickered. "Many people have that problem when they first meet him." He pulled him up. "Come on. You can walk and eat. I want to go to this estate sale to see what books they have." Speed finished his lunch on the way to the car, taking him to the estate sale. They both could find some nice things cheaply there. They'd worry about Eric wanting Horatio or Honor later.
Horatio got called in to do some last minute paperwork, finding it ready for him on his desk. He sat down to fill it out, frowning at it. He hated this bit of yearly paperwork. It drove him insane every single year.
Stetler walked in and sneered. "What's wrong? Missing the barely legal girls that took you to a porno?" he taunted with an evil smirk.
"Not hardly. Though they were good about behaving for me. I was more a babysitter than anything," he lied. The girls had jumped him and he wasn't going to share that memory with Rick Stetler; he didn't like him that way.
"Uh-huh. You were *babysitting* ten college girls?"
Horatio looked up at him. "Twelve, thank you." He went back to the forms. "Anything else?"
"How did you get the mental problems?" he sneered. "I'm sure it's a trauma related, to Daddy maybe?"
Horatio calmed himself as he looked up at him. "I don't have mental problems, Rick. I've never had mental problems. Some anger issues but never mental problems." Rick stepped back at that warning. "Whatever drug you're using, it's probably bad for you and you'd hate it if I turned you in for using it." Rick snorted and shook his head. He dialed a number on his phone. "Joe, it's Horatio Caine. Rick's in my office claiming that I have mental problems and that I'm sleeping with a pack of teenage girls. Yes, I am suspecting him of drug use. Thank you." He hung up. "He'll be right down."
"I know all about your alter egos," Rick told him. "I have pictures of you and Speedle out on a date."
"First, being gay isn't a mental issue either, though I am straight. Speed was out having some stress relief. Being inactive is driving him to do rash things." He went back to filling out the forms. "Secondly, what alter egos?"
"You don't normally wear plaid, Caine. Or leather."
Horatio smirked at him. "Been in my closet recently, Rick? You have no idea what I have in there." Rick growled. "You haven't." He called Yelina. "Yelina, Rick's here saying that I don't own plaid and leather usually." He put her on speaker. She was giggling.
"Rick, he has owned leather since he was nineteen and did a stint in motorcycle patrol. He also owns some plaid because a family member gave it to him. He looks very cute in them. Even Ray said so."
"Thank you," Horatio said. "By the way, someone took pictures of Speed out for stress relief."
"I saw. Those dark blue leather pants were very tight."
"They were," he agreed dryly. "Thank you." He hung up and looked at Rick, then at his boss when he came in. "Drug test him. He's acting absurd and making claims that I'm now gay and sleeping with Speedle. He's even claiming he's been in my closet when I know he hasn't. Otherwise he'd know I have a plaid vest." He smirked at Rick. "Get out of my office."
"I'll prove you're cracking up," he said, stomping off.
Horatio looked at his boss, who shrugged and walked out. "He really does need a drug test."
"I'll do it," he called as he walked off. He drug Rick into the bathroom to get him to pee in a cup.
Rick came out ten minutes later, running into a leather wearing Horatio. "You feel good?"
"Always," he said with an evil smirk. "What's wrong? It not the same thrill when someone watches *you* pee in a cup?" He walked around him. "By the way, Rick, since you've never been in my closet I'll tell you that I do have a *lot* of leather in there. That some people even think I'm into S&M because of all my leather. Apparently I spank very well." Rick spluttered and turned purple as he backed away from him. "What's wrong? Your fantasy not what you thought because I'm not a bottom? Poor thing." He pinched him on the cheek. "You'll figure out your sexuality some day soon so you're less confused and embarrassed. After all, those of us who know what we like don't have to watch others. Unless that's your kink," he added as a parting shot, walking off toward Horatio's office.
Rick growled and followed him back. He found Homer on the couch reading. "No more forms?"
Homer looked up. "I'm taking a ten minute break."
Rick looked him over. "You changed. I'm surprised since you just said leather was so comfortable."
"I'm comfortable in everything I own, Rick. Be it leather or lace." He went back to reading. His book was snatched. "Excuse you, that's a first edition of deSade's work." He took it back and went back to reading it. "Get out of the office, Rick. You have your own I'm sure." He got comfortable, crossing his legs. "Whatever games you want to play, I'm not being your master. If you need spanked that much, go ask someone else. Maybe Calleigh. That should fix all your sexual confusion." Rick glared then stomped off. Homer smiled at Horatio as he came back. "Stetler's in a snit."
"What did you say?"
"Did you know that some of his obsession is sexual?"
"Technically speaking, some of every obsession is sexual," Horatio said blandly. "What did you say?"
"Nothing much. That I wouldn't be his master. I took my book back from him." He shrugged. "He accused me of things again."
Horatio moaned, going to find him. "Rick, leave me alone. You don't like it when you and I butt heads. You never win. Just drop it." He walked off again, going back to his paperwork. He finally got done and they left.
Calleigh and Eric came out of hiding. "See," Eric protested. "Leather Horatio is hot."
"He was," she sighed. "But he's in bad trouble, Eric. We need to help him. Stetler's pushing him to break. We've got to help him."
"Have you two thought that it might have a more mundane explanation than MPD?" Ryan suggested as he walked past them. "Maybe doing a background check on Horatio's family since he's taking *family* leave?" He went into a lab and shut the door, giggling himself onto the floor. Honor had told him what he had told Stetler.
Calleigh looked at Eric. "You think he's right?"
"No," he snorted. "I think he thinks this is a game instead of being serious."
"Maybe we should at least check. He might know something we don't."
"We'd know if H was a twin or something," Eric protested.
"I wouldn't." She went to look up Horatio's birth announcement online. The NY Times had papers online back that far. She came out an hour later smiling. "Eric, he has cousins or something born around the same time."
"Yeah, Homer and Honor." She handed over the printout of the notice from the hospital. "Born around the same time too."
He read it then looked at her. "Then you think it's them and not Horatio?"
"I don't know. That seems kind of juvenile for someone Horatio's age." She saw Frank and pulled him over. "Frank, Rick Stetler thinks Horatio has multiple personalities," she said quietly.
Frank gave her an odd look. "Are you high?" he demanded finally. "Both of you? Got exposed to something?" They shook their heads. He walked off shaking his head. "Stetler's pissed God off. This is his revenge."
Eric smiled a bit. "I won't argue with that idea." She swatted him. "So what do we do?"
"We should watch him when he comes back. See if we see more manifestations of the other Horatios. That would prove it one way or another. If they're family they'll probably be gone after this leave time."
"Maybe," Eric said. She nodded and walked off happier. He went to talk to Ryan. "You knew about his cousins?"
"Horatio's cousins, Homer and Honor."
Ryan shut the door. "Eric, they're not cousins, they're brothers."
"They can't be. They were listed separately."
Ryan dialed Speed's phone. "It's me. I know it's a bad time, it usually is. Eric just asked me about Horatio's cousins Homer and Honor....." He put him on speaker. "There you go."
Speed's panting came across the phone. "Eric, you're an idiot as well as an asshole. They're brothers."
"They were in the same birth announcement on different days."
"Yup, because the twins got stuck, Eric. They're triplets." He hung up with another pant and a moan.
"Then who.... The other night?" Eric asked.
"Honor. He claims he's Horatio's kinky leather side. Homer's his book nerd side."
Eric shook his head. "Huh?"
"Yup. Honor's a high priced bodyguard. Homer's in investments or something. Speed's good friends with them. He helps keep the chaos down when they come out."
"So they've been playing?" he demanded.
"Apparently Stetler insulted Horatio too much in their hearing."
"Damn it," he muttered. "I should tell Calleigh."
"They're having fun watching you two try to figure things out, Eric," he said dryly, smirking a bit at him. Not evilly but the confused look on his face was kind of cute.
Eric walked off shaking his head, going to tell Calleigh. He didn't see Rick lurking to listen to the last half of the conversation.
Horatio came out of the club, stretching his back. He was sore but it was a good sore. "So, Honor," Rick said from behind him.
Horatio looked at him. "I'm Horatio, Rick, not Honor." He turned and walked off again.
"So you've had them how long?"
"All my life. Brothers are like that," Horatio quipped. He walked out of sight, knowing that Homer had been listening and hanging back. He listened, hearing Homer come out of the club after a suitable length of time.
"Well, Rick, fancy seeing you here," Homer said dryly, straightening out his collar for him. "There, better. Now you don't look like some yuppie wannabe." He grinned and strolled off. "Are you having a good night?"
"I'll prove that you have MPD, Caine."
Homer looked at him. "Rick, what *are* you smoking," he said dryly, then he burst out laughing. "How absurd! Next you'll be saying that I'm sleeping with a woman." He walked off giggling.
Rick turned when someone tapped on his shoulder. "Rick, for future reference I'm Honor, not those two. Get it right, man. You're slacking. I can't see how you made it to sergeant with how bad of an investigator you are." He headed to the hummer, getting in and scrunching himself down in the back seat. "We should head, Horatio."
"We should." He started the engine and backed out, tooting his horn happily when he saw Rick standing there with his mouth open. He even waved. "That was fun."
"He really is a stupid bastard," Homer said dryly. "God, how stupid is he?"
"He's obsessed," Honor corrected.
"With putting Ray's bad habits onto me," Horatio agreed. "We'll do something about him some day soon."
"Maybe he'll retire due to mental strain," Honor offered with a grin. "He looked about ready to cry when I introduced myself."
Horatio snickered. "Quite possibly. You drive me insane so why not him."
"Aww, you say the sweetest things," Honor teased. Horatio shook his head, pulling onto his street. They parked and went inside, Honor following Horatio up to his room. Horatio gave him an odd look. "You're finally getting sleep. We're going to make sure it continues."
"Would you be up here if I had brought home a woman?"
"Only if you offered to share," he said dryly. He stripped down to his thong, making Horatio hand him pajama bottoms. "I can't sleep in clothes. You know that." He pounced Horatio onto the bed, snuggling in on his shoulder. "There, relax. Sleep. Dream happy thoughts about bending Speed over. Because he might like that."
"Speed might but I need a good working relationship with him, not a sexual one that would cause more fights."
"Uh-huh. The fast way to stop all fights is a blow job. No one can fight and argue with you if you're giving them a blow job, or if they're giving you one."
"I'll keep those words of wisdom in mind."
"Homer told me that. He's right. It keeps him and Keith from fighting all the time."
"I'm not into the kinky stuff he is," Horatio said patiently. He yawned. "Never have been."
"So? Blowjobs aren't kinky and I've proved his hypothesis many times. It works with mine, it'll work with Speed or anyone else you decide to bend over and ram yourself into." He smiled as Horatio fell asleep under him, getting comfy on his shoulder and arm. Horatio was the best pillow he'd ever had. "I should move to Miami to watch over you. We could keep each other from doing stupid things," he said quietly. "I still haven't forgiven you for going to bomb squad when I moved to LA."
Homer snuck in and adjusted the sheets, then smiled and went back to his own bed. "We could all do that." He decided he'd call his bosses in the morning, see if they would let him move to Miami's branch. They had an opening and it'd mean a raise for him.
Rick presented the tape of the Chief of Police the next morning. "He's either making fun of me or this is a long-term problem, sir. He said he's had it most of his life. I have no idea where they started from. As far as I know, Horatio's never been a twin or anything that would cause that sort of trauma. Our shrink agreed that it'd have to be something like that to cause that sort of break that far back. He did ask Horatio about his other personalities and Horatio laughed it off. He mentioned Homer as family and said he was a book nerd who was in a happily committed relationship. From recent evidence, it's with Speedle."
"Either that or his brothers are playing with you," he said.
"There's no evidence that Horatio Caine has any other brothers, sir. Nowhere that I've looked."
"I see." He considered it. "I'll go see Horatio in the morning, Rick."
"Thank you, sir. I've prepared his medical leave paperwork for you." He handed it over. "That way you can gracefully suspend him then fire him during it when he can't be cured. That would cause less problems for the lab and less chance of having things appealed based on Horatio's instabilities."
"I'll keep that in mind." Rick nodded and left. The Chief of Police called Horatio. "Are you going to be home tomorrow?" He smiled. "Thank you, Horatio." He hung up and gathered things, heading over there. The forms went into his briefcase in the car in case he needed them. He found his house easily enough and tapped, getting someone answering the door. He stared at him. "You're not Horatio." His eyes weren't the same shade and his face was just barely different, plus a bit scruffy.
"I'm Honor," he said grimly, looking at him. "Let me guess, the pissant struck again when he got confused because he can't tell us apart?"
"Possibly." He walked around him and found Horatio on the couch. "I didn't know you were a twin."
"Triplets," he admitted. "Honor's being assigned to Miami as I found out this morning."
"Homer's thinking about it," Honor said with a grin. "Just to keep you out of trouble." He kissed him on the cheek before going into the kitchen. "Coffee, sir?"
"No thank you." He looked at Horatio. "You let them play with Rick?"
"There was no let, sir. I told them not to bother Rick. I told them to leave him alone when they started it. They did it anyway trying to protect me."
"You do know Rick was thinking I should put you on indefinite medical leave for mental strain?"
Horatio coughed, shaking his head. "No thank you." Homer came out, handing him some coffee and his boss some water. "Thank you."
"Welcome, dear." He gave him a hug around the head. "Would you want me to move to Miami? There's a higher position open and I've been offered it. It'd mean a tremendous raise into the seven figures from the six figures I make now."
Horatio smiled. "It's good for your career and you know I don't mind having you nearby. Besides, Ray Junior could use all of us closer right now. I met his last girlfriend and she was less than stellar. Reminded me of Honor's last one." He sipped his coffee. "This is my brother Homer, sir."
"Ah. I see." He shook his hand. "Did Horatio try to stop you?"
"Yes, but Stetler is obsessed and we were seeing a dangerous outcome if he wasn't broken of it. He's already tried to accuse Horatio falsely. He's nearly hurt him a number of times. He's tried to have him fired for no reason. I can only assume it's because of his deep seated desire to own him, Chief." He sat down. "We don't want Horatio to have that sort of problem. It's not good for him. As far as we know, Rick might even be the mole in the lab or trying to get Horatio discredited so no one would notice it when he kidnaped him. I'd hate to have to react and tear apart the city if such an instance happened."
"As I would," he agreed. He glanced in the kitchen but he couldn't see Honor in there. He looked at Homer again then at Horatio. "You'll leave Rick alone if I can make him stop?"
"With the way he's tried to get me blamed for other's misdeeds, he won't be stopping," Horatio pointed out. "He's tried to have me blamed for evidence going missing, for things being destroyed by someone else, for tampering that another lab was doing, all manner of things, Chief." He finished his coffee and put the cup down. "He's gotten to the dangerous part of his obsession. I'm not so sure that wasn't why he started dating Yelina."
The Chief considered it then nodded. "I can see that reasoning." He glanced in the kitchen again then at Homer, who smiled. "I'll talk with him. Would you like to use some more of your leave time? You have enough built up to take a few months, Horatio."
"I'd rather bank it for emergencies."
"You have. You've maxed that out too." He got into his briefcase, handing over the records he had looked up. "By the way, your records don't show Honor or Homer."
"Nor will they. They refused to be my beneficiaries." He looked at the accounting of his accumulated leave hours then at his boss. "When did I lose six weeks worth?"
"When you couldn't bank any more. They donated them to the catastrophic leave fund and the hurricane leave fund."
"That was nice of them."
"Take some of it, Horatio," Homer said quietly. "Please? We'll need help finding a place and moving. It's paid leave. Your lab can handle it."
"That'll leave them short."
"Speed's coming back to lab-only work in three weeks," the Chief reminded him. "Sooner if he can talk someone into it. He can take over the administrative duties for you, Horatio."
"Speed's bonfire would be larger than Calleigh's, sir."
He chuckled. "I'm sure it would but he's got to learn it sometime if he ever hopes to advance. His next step up is to lead a lab of his own." He finished his water and put the glass down. "You should take the time to help them. You do have the leave hours to burn, Horatio. Besides, your people need you firmly in control, not exhausted like you look like this moment."
"Blame the brothers, they made me go clubbing again," Horatio said, giving Homer a look, getting an innocent one back. "Honor does that so much better," he noted dryly.
"But I'm cuter because I'm married and my husband still pounces."
"I'm not getting into that debate. You and Honor can continue to argue who's cuter." He looked at his boss. "I should warn them. Speed told us that they all think I have MPD now."
"As Rick suggested and got the psychologist you saw to agree with." Horatio moaned. He even slumped. "Let me handle Stetler, Horatio. You take a few days on and then go back on leave when they come back to set up houses." He stood up. "I think you could use the fun anyway. Even if I did hear rumors about a pack of college girls?"
"Honor drug me over to their table one night and they pounced, sir. Not my doing. The next night Homer made them take me out again."
"We're worried that he's losing his sense of fun," Homer pouted at his boss.
"I can see why." He smiled, realizing how alluring and drawing Horatio could be if he wanted to be.
"Sir, he's firmly married and his husband is a British Knight. It'd cause an international incident and keep tourists away from Miami," Horatio said, coughing a bit at the end.
He gave Horatio a look. "I don't poach and you know I'm spoken for."
"Yes, sir, I've met your wife many times."
"Not funny, Horatio." He walked out shaking his head. Horatio definitely needed the time off. His sense of humor sucked. His mistress was not his wife. He went to Stetler's office, tapping before walking in. "You're wrong. Horatio's a twin and his twin has MPD." Stetler gaped. "I sat with both of them, Rick. I'm not seeing double and Horatio said they're nearly identical twins. Though I am making him take some vacation time because the other twin is moving down here."
"You criticized their big brother, Rick. Of course they attacked you. Though I do agree, you need help. Before your obsession turns into something tragic that makes Horatio blow up the city. Or worse, his brother blow up the city." He stared at him. "Am I clear?" Rick moaned, slumping some. "Good. Then I'll be expecting the first report from the psychologist within three days." He turned and walked off. He almost felt sorry for Horatio, having to deal with a brother with that sort of mental problem. It had to be hard on him. Hopefully having him in Miami would help him get over the trauma faster.
Speed walked into the lab Sunday morning, looking at Horatio when he walked in behind him. "You're here?"
"For today. I was ordered to take some time off but the boys don't need me for another three days. Then you can start to burn my office." He walked him back into the lab, looking at the people giving him odd looks. He sighed. "People." They all stared. "Honor, Homer?" he called. They came out of Ryan's lab. "I am a triplet. I do not have multiple personalities. No matter what Rick Stetler said, I'm not demented, deranged, or damaged."
"And you're only dangerous when you get pissed off," Honor joked, grinning at Calleigh, who passed out. "Hell, why can't my type of women to do that?"
"They have more sense because you'd take advantage of them if they were your type," Homer said dryly. "Speed." He came over to give him a hug. "You nagged your way back sooner?"
"Yup, so I could fill in for Horatio while he helped you two house hunt."
Honor smirked a bit. "Then I wouldn't get to be a mighty nightmare hunter anymore."
Horatio gave him a look over the edge of his sunglasses. "You're moving into your own place sometime because you are *not* bringing home a playmate."
"Not even a Playgirl playmate?" Honor teased.
"Not even one of those," Horatio agreed.
"Pity. I'd share."
"I'm possessive," Horatio said dryly, smirking at him. "You'd never get a turn." Eric whimpered and sat down hard on the floor. He looked at him. "I heard you had an issue with Speed helping Honor with some stress relief?"
"No," he squeaked, shaking his head quickly. "Not at all."
"Awww, baby," Honor said, giving him a hug. "You're cute."
"Straight," Eric squeaked.
"Then you wouldn't be thinking those thoughts right now," he said in his ear, making him whimper and nod. "If you wanna try it...." Eric gave him a look. "You can call." He straightened up. "For the record, I am a high priced bodyguard who deals with starlettes and those sort. You may see me on a case. If you do, I'm usually polite as long as I've had coffee. Homer is in investment stuff. He farts or sneezes and the value of the dollar changes. Homer is the smart one of the family. I'm the kinkly leather one; he's gay, I'm bi, and Horatio's in denial. Anything else we all need to know?" Horatio moaned and swatted at him. "You are!"
"Shut up," he said, sounding a bit fond. "That is his usual tease, people. Any more concerns about my mental health?" Everyone shook their heads. "Good. Then next week I'm taking more time off to help them house hunt. Speed's in charge while I'm gone. That's why they let him back so early. Any other questions, ask them." He walked off. "Come on, Speed, I'll show you the paperwork you'll be wanting to burn."
"Yay me," Speed said grimly, following him up the stairs. "Someone peel Calleigh and Eric off the floor please. Stick 'em in a cold shower or something." Honor was even nice enough to help with that. He heard the shriek when Calleigh woke up. He walked in and shut the door, leaning against it to laugh. "Well."
"The Chief thinks Homer has MPD," he admitted. "Homer did make some very good points so now Rick has to start therapy for his obsession." Speed smirked at that. "Ryan's coming." Speed got out of the way and sat down on the couch. "Yes, Mr. Wolfe?"
"Do you think Honor would mind if I set him up with someone?"
"Ask him, not me. Unlike my brother, I don't force my siblings on someone else so they get sexual attention."
Ryan gaped then giggled. "He made you go with the girls?"
"He drug him over there and presented him, letting the girls steal him," Speed said with a happy grin. "They drug Horatio out to the alley."
"Speed!" Horatio complained.
"Suck it up, H." He smirked at Ryan. "Eric out of his dirty thoughts yet?"
"Nope. Standing in the shower clutching the shower head. Calleigh's changed and having cocoa in ballistics." He left, going down to talk to Honor about his buddy, who he thought might be a nice person to at least have dinner with, and probably sex because his friend was like that.
"Miami is never going to be boring again," Horatio sighed.
"It was boring before?"
"Uh-huh. Maybe you really do need that vacation and all the sex Honor tries to get for you, H." He got up and walked out, going to check on his last few cases to see who had solved them on him.
Horatio leaned back, listening to his lab be happy again. Even if a few of his people were hiding in their labs. It would make the mole come out into the open so much faster this way. He should've thought of this before. After all, Honor did live up to the Caine Triplet Spawns of Evil reputation one priest had pushed onto them when he was drunk. That would definitely get some attention from the mole.
Ryan leaned in. "Natalia just called Stetler's tip line. It is her." He grinned. "Can I arrest her now?"
"Walk her off to talk to her, Mr. Wolfe. We'll arrest her later after we do a case review to see if she tampered with evidence as well." Ryan nodded, going to do that. Horatio got up to order Speed to do the review for him. It could be his first act as acting-supervisor. Better Speed than him really. Then he went to report they had found the mole and Honor was freaking her out by talking to her. He shook his head, walking into the interrogation room. "The last time I knew, you quit the academy on the first day because the instructor hated your name."
"Well, yeah, but she's fun to talk to," Honor complained.
"Tough. Only people with badges can interrogate, Honor." He smirked at him. "You can watch and give me ideas." Honor kissed him on the cheek then smiled at Natalia, making Horatio smirk mentally. She was swearing under her breath. "Do we have a problem, Natalia?"
"Yes, you're gay!"
"No, he's bi, I'm straight," Horatio told her. "Homer's gay. He's married and has been since his master's program." She slumped some. "Not that I date my people." She glared at him. "Your present choice is to talk to me, or to talk to the Chief of Detectives."
"How about I want a lawyer?"
"I'm sure you do," Honor agreed smugly. "After all, we caught you skimming, and we think you tampered with evidence."
"I know the renovations came with explosives because I've found them and disarmed them," Horatio told her. She gaped. "Therefore, a lawyer might be a good idea. That would go under terroristic threats really, which would mean Homeland would get you." She went pale and the Chief of Detectives walked in. "Sir. This is my brother Honor. He was a lot of help with the investigation into our mole."
"I see." He shook his hand. "Thank you for your help, Mr. Caine."
Honor smirked. "I'm moving down here too. Someone's got to watch out for Horatio." He strolled out, going to help Ryan carry boxes for Speed. "The big guys are in there and Horatio just told her she's going to Gitmo," he said smugly. "He said there had been explosives planted." Speed whimpered. "Yuppers."
"Who's older?" Ryan asked.
"Horatio by about six hours. Mom's labor stopped in the center and she had to have us c- section. Horatio *really* wanted out to charm the nurses. They all thought he was sweet." He grinned. "The priests did too. Even though one of the parish's priests had a thing against triplets, called us all the spawn of satan. That was my job and even though he suggested one of us should've been killed at birth to keep the spawn from coming, we're still all here."
Speed bopped him on the arm. "Some people are stupid. You learn that really fast down here. The city's full of them."
"Hopefully I can put up with them. If not, I'll go bug Horatio more often."
"Uh-huh," Speed said dryly, smirking at him. "We'll see, huh? Does Yelina know?"
"Oh yes," Homer said as he walked in. "We were all at the wedding. She met us all then. She had met Honor and Horatio because Ray was at their place. I was away at college. So she met me, she met the future husband, and she nearly passed out from meeting my magnificence." He beamed at them. "Honor hit on the very straight best man, who was highly freaked out by it. Horatio managed to almost hide in plain sight during the reception. I proposed because I'm a softy and a romantic at heart."
"Until you try to scratch his car. Then he turns into a spitting, hissing tiger with a 'tude and no caffeine," Honor warned.
"I only bruised the last one."
"You sent him to the ICU with sixteen broken bones," Honor reminded him.
Homer buffed his nails on his vest. "The ones in his hands should only count for one."
"That still leaves thirteen others."
"Ha, and yet you complain about my style when the person who scratched your bike and nearly crushed it ended up coding four times in the ambulance on the way to the ER?"
"He nearly killed my bike! The drunken idiot deserved to die!"
"I'd kill anyone who touched my bike too," Speed admitted. "A biker's first love is his bike, then the lover comes after that."
"See, I was perfectly vindicated for nearly ripping his head off for drunkenly crashing into my bike with his minivan."
"He had a kid in the back, Honor."
"Then he shouldn't have been driving drunk anyway."
"I'm going to enjoy having you two down here," Ryan quipped, making them look at them. "It's never going to be boring again."
"It wasn't before," Speed complained.
"I've had plenty of bored days," Ryan countered.
"Then learn to read, Wolfe."
"I do, Speedle. I can still get bored. I even had bored days when I was doing my masters degree at night." Speed gave him a horrified look. "You can be bored and still have things to do."
"He probably doesn't club either," Honor offered.
"Yes I do. I just don't get laid in them," Ryan snorted. "You don't know what you'll pick up these days."
"Don't look at us, we were teenagers in the seventies," Homer said dryly. "You do realize you two sound like an old married couple? And I should know." He walked out smiling. They were so cute!
"Not happening," Speed called after him. "He wouldn't love my books!"
"I do so like books, I just can't read for more than two hours without having to get up and do *something* to counteract the sitting."
"Those days, I read on my treadmill," Speed told him.
"I'll have to try that." He grinned. "Now, how can we get Eric back to normal and out of Honor's panties?"
"Ask Valera to flash him?" Speed suggested. He was joking of course.
"Think she would?" Ryan asked seriously.
Speed looked at him for a moment. "Go ask," he suggested with a grin. "It can only help."
Ryan went to suggest it to her, convincing her so she went to the locker room to help cheer Eric back into a heterosexual mood. She came back blushing but happy and Eric came out smiling so apparently it worked. Ryan beamed at Speed as he came back. "Great idea, Speed."
"I didn't think she'd do it."
"I promised she could tease him and then walk off. She loves to dick tease. She and I go clubbing now and then to tease everyone."
Speed shook his head. "I guess I'm learning new things this week about my coworkers." Ryan snickered but let it drop for now. Speed got into the case review, frowning at the evidence in front of him. He handed him a note. "To Horatio." Ryan took it to him, coming back with Valera. "He wants you to rerun them?"
"Yup." She took the cases he had pointed out and went to do that. She hadn't found many matches in the system for all the time she had spent in the labs. Which should've tipped her off that something was wrong. Too bad she hadn't been paying attention or they wouldn't have had to bring in Horatio's brothers to help.
Horatio flopped down that night, looking at the twins. "Why do you two look guilty?"
"I broke the spare toilet seat," Honor admitted.
"I needed to glue it anyway."
"I finished breaking it then," he offered.
Horatio shrugged. "Easily fixed. Why else do you two look guilty?"
"I don't want to move out to millionaire country," Homer pouted. "The husband doesn't want to move at all."
"Then stay in New York, Homer," Horatio said gently. "You can still visit."
"No, I've accepted the job down here and my bosses hate my husband. If I back out, they'll blacklist me and fire me." He pouted so they gave him a hug. "I need a good enticement to bring Keith down here."
"Bikinis? South Beach being a gay mecca?" Honor suggested. "Shopping? He likes to shop."
"We have all but the bikinis in New York and he's pouting at his mum."
Horatio gave him a squeeze. "I'll talk to Keith." He got a happy look so he went to do that. "Keith, it's Horatio. Why are you making my brother pout and nearly cry?" He listened to him stutter. "Yes, you. Yes, I am upset with you for hurting Homer. Because Honor got assigned down here when his bosses realized I was down here. Homer didn't want to be stranded up there alone." He listened to his reasons. "While that's nice, they spend half the year down here, Keith, and you can always travel back up to visit." He frowned, taking the phone outside. "Keith, are you perhaps cheating on your husband?" He winced at the honest answer. "Keith, I'd run back to England and find a very deep hole," he warned coldly. "By the way, Honor will be breaking up your things in New York. Am I clear? That's up to Honor and Homer. I'm going to be holding the handcuffs." The other man stuttered. "Good. I'd run. We'll send your things to you." He hung up and took a few deep, calming breaths before walking inside and squatting in front of Homer, who gave him an uneasy look. "Keith's not in England, Homer."
"Yes he is. I talked to his mother."
"He was just in Grand Central Station."
"He's back early?"
"He never left. She was with him." He slumped. "Honor is going to be breaking up the apartment's things with you. He did ask to have his little dog."
"I hate the dog," Homer admitted. "It tried to kill mine." He pouted. "He was cheating on me?" Horatio nodded. "Why?" he asked.
They gave him a hug, cuddling in. "I'll beat his ass," Honor promised.
"I told him you two could break up the apartment while I held him in cuffs. That we'd mail him his things."
Homer called his building's security people. "It's Homer Caine. My husband is *not* allowed in the building again. Because the bastard's cheating on me. He's not allowed, his mother's not allowed. No one but the person who feeds and walks the dog is allowed near my apartment, even if there's a leak or a fire. Am I clear?" He smiled. "Thank you. Yes, my brothers and I will be coming up tonight, dear. No, we're going to try to prevent the homicide, but if we see him, he's worse than a dead man because my brother Horatio is a police officer down in Miami. Thank you." He hung up and looked at Horatio. "Can you?"
"Of course. The Chief ordered me to take vacation time." He called Speed. "It's us. We're going to have to make an emergency run to New York. I found out Keith was cheating on Homer." He pulled the phone away from his ear when Speed burst out swearing. "Calm down. He's already kicked him out. We're handling it, Speed. Thank you." He hung up. "He had a few inventive ideas."
"Book nerds often do," Homer said dryly. He stood up. "Come on, we can catch the corporate flight going up in two hours." He called on the way out to the rental car. "Horatio, you can borrow some of my clothes," he called. "Don't even think about packing." Horatio shrugged and grabbed his usual badge/gun/keys/wallet/shoes combination and headed out with him. He was there for moral support and to kill his brother-in-law. The rest the boys could figure out for him. They liked to dress him up for some strange reason. It was usually harmless fun to let them. As long as they didn't try to put him in cabana boy shorts ever again.
Horatio walked into the felony lab with a box, tapping on an office door. "Up for visitors?" he asked the lab's head, Mac Taylor.
"For you, yes," he offered with a grin. "What's up? New case?"
"Things my brother found when he was cleaning out his former husband's closet." He handed over the box. "I thought you might like those since they lead back to at least one homicide done in the city. Little did we know that Keith was not only a knight but a former assassin."
"Excuse me? Brother?" He gaped when he saw the Horatio look-alike in leather behind him. "Um, you?"
"No, I'm Honor, those came from Homer's honey's closet." He walked in and shut the door, handing over something else. "That was also found and it's drug evidence. Horatio didn't want to carry that in here. Strangely enough, no one stopped me when I carried it in openly."
"They probably thought you were him and bringing me evidence," Mac offered, taking it to look at then bag. "Where is the owner?"
"In the car," the twins said together.
Mac smiled. "Was he read his rights?"
"After I nearly beat the shit outta him," Honor offered with a sweet smile. "You can have his mangled body if you want."
"Please." He glanced at the files then at them. "Are you an officer too, Honor?"
"Ah. Then I'm sure you've seen and dealt with people like this?"
"Yup and his mommy's already complaining to the embassy."
"Homer and I went to talk to them anyway with photocopies of those," Horatio said with a smug look. "Those are the originals, Mac."
"The evidence chain was kept pure?"
"Only my hand copied it and I packed it when Homer found it."
"Even better. We'll get a statement from you once we've got him in an interrogation room. Shall we, gentlemen?" They smiled and let him lead the way, Horatio waving at a few people he knew on the way out. "Stella's in the field. She'll be heartbroken if you don't see her."
"We'll be in town for a few days, Mac," Horatio promised. "Homer's moving to Miami. He accepted a higher job in his firm."
"Investments," Horatio told him.
"Homer farts and the dollar loses value," Honor expanded.
Mac snickered. "I always wondered who decided that." He pointed at the car, getting a nod. Horatio handed him the keys so he got the man out, checking his cuffs. "Mr. Keith Lamry, you are under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder, and animal cruelty. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights?" The man moaned like a zombie. "Good enough for the moment." He walked him inside, taking him to an interrogation room. Then he went to get the evidence. Horatio and Honor were in the corner staring at the man, making him slump away from them. "Guys, only we can question him in this city. Otherwise I'd let you have another go at him."
"Pity," Honor said, cracking his knuckles.
"Must you?" Horatio asked.
"Yes, they hurt if I don't."
"It's all the brawling and fights you get into, Honor. They're ruining your hands." He walked him out, running into Stella waiting on him. "Stella." He gave her a hug. "This is one of my brothers, Honor."
"I never would've guessed," she joked, shaking his hand. "I remember you guarded that ballerina when she got the threat."
"I did and she was very tasty after the show," he said proudly. She giggled at that. "Our other brother's former husband is in there. He's slightly evil. A contract assassin."
"I'd consider that pretty evil," Stella offered.
"Nah, some lawyers, some priests, and all politicians are worse."
Horatio gave him a look. "You know it was because he was drinking."
"I don't care. I'm not the one who should've been called the spawn of satan. That was you."
Horatio smirked. "Only when I'm pissed at you." He smirked at Stella. "Right?"
"The last time I worked with you you were very nice." She pinched him on the arm. "Dinner or drinks tonight?"
"Tomorrow night," Horatio offered gently. "I've got to help Homer and Honor pack Homer's house."
Honor snorted. "Take him, keep him over the weekend, make him have fun, have sex, and sleep. Otherwise we'll gut you and use you as a flag." He strolled off.
"Honor!" Horatio complained.
Stella giggled. "He's very certain what you need."
"The last time he gave me to a table of college girls in a club," he said grimly. "They're still calling." She cackled and gave him a hug. "Dinner tomorrow?"
"I'd love to."
"You can't steal Stella," Mac said as he opened the door. "She's ours, Horatio. Unless you move back up here."
"They're both moving to Miami to be closer to me."
"Then Stella would have to commute for cuddles," Mac told him. "He doesn't want to speak."
"Honor may have broken his jaw. He kicked him while wearing his motorcycle boots."
"He rides a bike?" Stella asked.
"He rides a very nice low rider," Horatio agreed. "He also wears leather all the time. He claims he's my kinky side." She gaped then burst out in high pitched giggles. "That's a better reaction than Calleigh, who passed out, and Eric, who got rather stuck on the leather." He slid into his sunglasses and headed off. "What time and where, Stella?"
"That Italian place from last time at eight?"
"Of course. Call if you're going to be late." He waved over his shoulder. "Have fun with Keith."
"I'm sure we will." She looked at Mac. "Contract assassin?"
"With drugs and a history of animal cruelty. His pot was in the same bag as a bag labeled dog intestines."
"Very." She walked in to help him, making Keith whimper. "By the way, he was married to Horatio's twin brother."
"Interesting. They're triplets?"
"Yup," Mac agreed.
She giggled. "That's so cute!" She pinched Keith on the cheek. "Don't you think the triplets are cute?" He gave her a horrified look. "Aww. Did you want Horatio and Honor too?" He shook his head then moaned again. "Did we take pictures, Mac?"
"I already did, Stella. I've also called the block doc so he could take a look at him."
"That'll work for me." She put a pad and pen in front of him. "Write it out, Keith. Confession is good for the soul and you know if you get out one of them will get you." He gave her a pitiful look. "Tough. Write me a pretty confession and maybe you won't die for it." He slumped but wrote things down for her. "Thank you!" She patted him on the head. "Mac, did you hear that Honor threw Horatio at some college girls?"
"Speed sent me an email with that. He said the pack of girls was very nice to drag Horatio off into the alley and a movie the next night."
She burst out laughing. "He just told me to keep Horatio over the weekend, make sure he ate and had sex, and I'd better be nice to him or else they'd use me as a flag."
Mac gave her a look. "I don't think you and Horatio need to date, Stella. He's still in Miami."
"Unless he moves up here to get away from his family?" she teased.
"Then I'll let him have the other shift and you two can date all you want," he promised, both of them looking at the suspect, who was gagging. "Let's get the block doc to look at him." She called. She was a lot less nice than he was to people like this.
Horatio walked into his house a few days after everyone was back. Homer had finally found a house. Honor was finding a condo once he sold his in LA. They were back in their respective cities for a few more days. He collapsed on the couch, smiling when the doorbell rang. "If you're in the lab, it's open. Otherwise I'm shooting," he called.
Speed leaned in. "Don't shoot me, I won't do your paperwork for you tomorrow. You'll come back to a foot high stack on your desk." He walked in with a box, handing it over. "Honor begged for me to cook for you tonight."
"Thank you." He gave him a gentle smile. "They're arranging things."
"Of course they are. Keith?"
"We found evidence he was a contract assassin," he admitted, opening the box and moaning. He noticed the plastic fork and it was good enough. "Thank you for ordering for me."
"Not a problem." He moved Horatio's feet, sitting under them. "Where's Homer moving?"
"It's beautiful and spacious. Honor was joking about taking a third of it for his own place since it's so nice." Speed grinned at that. "It has gorgeous views and it's a multi-level house."
"Sounds like he got a mansion."
"Not quite. Nearly." He ate another bite. He used his fork to point.
"I ate already. The beauty of being at your desk and growling at the idiots who call." He gave him a look. "Stetler's still in therapy. He's grounded to his desk for the rest of the month by order of the shrink." Horatio let out a small smile between bites. "Eric's still confused about why he wanted your brother's ass when it was covered in leather. He thinks he's growing a leather kink." Horatio coughed, shaking his head. "I told him what a leather kink was and he's blushing. So he's decided he's growing a kink for people in leather. I dared him to go to a bike bar." Horatio gave him a look. "He's smart enough to not do that." Horatio rolled his eyes, taking another bite. "Are you moving in?" The fork paused on the way to the food again. "Homer said he was thinking about it when he called last night."
Horatio shook his head. "I like my house. It's comfortable."
"It's nearly sterile, Horatio. You could use it as a showcase house if you cleaned the bathroom and hid all your clothes." Horatio frowned but let it drop so he could eat another bite of his dinner. "You might think about it. I know if Honor was joking about it he might be serious."
"He might be but they'd never be able to date with me there." He put his food down and relaxed, smiling and content. "Thank you. I'll eat the rest later."
"That's fine. I got you extra because I know the heathens pulled you out of bed nearly at dawn to look at houses." He swatted the feet in his lap, making Horatio sit up so he could shift and face him. "If they ask, are you going to make them pout?"
"Probably. None of us can date with the others there. Homer's going to take a while to get back into dating but Honor never gave up his pursuit."
"Yeah, he can be a hole hunter," he agreed. "But you did okay when they were here. That would be a bigger version of here."
Horatio shook his head. "I like living on my own and I have insane hours. I'd disturb them with early call outs and things."
"Maybe," Speed admitted. "But you might want to make a good list of reasons they'll understand."
Horatio nodded. "I will. They only live thirty blocks away. Honor can jog over if he wants."
"Don't tempt him, he'll do it when you have nightmares," Speed teased.
Horatio blushed. "He curls up with me to prevent those."
Speed pinched him on the arm. "Your brothers love you for some reason, Horatio. You're happier with them around. Plus, Yelina can be reined in the next time she dates a shitbag." Horatio nodded at that. "Or Ray Junior does. Because the boy has bad taste. His current one got arrested today for pimping her little sister." Horatio let out a small moan. "She said to not come over tonight. She's going to be yelling and you'd break her concentration."
"Probably to get in my own yelling," he admitted, pulling out his phone to hit a button. "Honor, it's me," he said into his voicemail. "Speed just announced that Ray Junior's new girlfriend got arrested for pimping her little sister." He hung up and smirked at him. "He'll yell. He's dated a pimp a few times. He can give Ray very good reasons why it's wrong in graphic detail."
"Honor is much more wild than Eric. That's almost as scary as you being a leather daddy, Horatio." He stood up and headed for the door. "Sleep and rest. Your desk only has about four folders on it." He grinned as he left, heading home.
Horatio laid down again, getting comfortable. That was a thought he constantly censored when Honor was playing around. He didn't want to see himself in a biker bar or as a leather daddy either. It was bad enough when Honor and Homer dressed up like twins. Having all three of them would warp Miami horrible and he couldn't let that happen. The threat was too great and he'd have to do something stupid again to make them focus on him instead of causing mischief. He really didn't want to go back to bomb squad this year but if it would save Miami....