Molly looked up as the owls flew in with the morning mail, smiling at the owls. Her two oldest had written her finally. She sipped her tea as she read the first letter, smiling at the happy sounding note. Then she moved onto the second one, finding about the same message in that one. "Arthur!" she called. He popped his head down the stairs. "Charlie and Bill wanted to know if we could have a family dinner to introduce their girlfriends to the rest of the family," she said happily. "Finally!"
He chuckled. "Tell them to come up and we'll do it Friday night. It's payday. Or we could have the others make it a covered dish thing I suppose," he admitted at her frown.
"I suppose we could. Call it a picnic. It is such nice weather." She smiled at him. "Finally!"
"Finally," he agreed happily, grabbing his tie. "I'm off to work. I'll tell Percy and Arabelle."
"Thank you," she called as he flooed off. She wrote out notes to the other children, sending them off with the owls that were gathering with the week's notes from the various families.
Molly looked at her two future daughters in laws, she was sure of it, and smiled. "So, do you like children?" she asked them, pouring the tea for them.
"I do," Bill's girlfriend admitted. "I've always wanted a few of my own."
Charlie's girlfriend nodded. "I could stand one, maybe two."
Molly had a sudden thought, then looked at them. "Only one, dear? This family is rather prolific. Right now the average seems to be about five." They gaped at her and she shrugged with a smile. "Let's see, George and Xander have five or six, depending on how you're counting. Ron has five with his stepdaughter. Ginny and Draco had four, then there's his son and the daughter he had with Ron. I didn't count Morgana earlier. Percy's got four now. His son has one with one on the way. Iggy, George's oldest, has two already and another on the way I believe. She's having some problems so that one might not come to be. We don't expect as many from the Malfoy branch. Simone is a lot like Charlie and it'll take forever for her to find someone. Denver may have one sometime soon, he keeps swearing he'll have one when he's named to the World Cup team. Anastasia may have one sometime in the next year if her fiancé ever comes back. He ran away you know, perfectly scared off by something he had done. Ravena and Little Ron will be having some this year as well, we're not certain how many yet but we know more than one. Fred has someone, though it's a bit odd, but they're not expecting any yet because they've not settled down." She smiled. "We'll soon take over the world," she said happily.
"I can tell," Charlie's girlfriend agreed. "Like I said, maybe one or two. Definitely not five unless he wants to carry them."
"I'm sure if he wanted to, Draco could help him with that spell," Molly agreed.
Bill's girlfriend giggled. "He really did that?"
"Twice, dear. They're both adorable children, even when poor little Lucien does scowl so fiercely at people chatting with Maeve." She patted her on the hand. "Don't you worry, I'm considering this a warning for the dinner tonight."
"Mum? Warning?" Charlie asked as he came in.
"The children and grandchildren are coming too."
"Mum, please don't scare her off," Charlie begged. "Look at how long it took me to find a woman I could stand." She snorted and mock-glared at him, but it dissolved into a grin. "Really, there's no real reason why we're so prolific. No hexes, no curses, nothing like that. You do like kids, right?"
"I've thought about having one. Two at the most," she offered.
He beamed. "That's perfect. I don't want seven, like mum and dad." His girlfriend gaped at his mother. "Really."
"How on earth did you handle that many children?" she asked in awe.
"Easy. After a while it becomes second nature. It wasn't so hard until the twins came and then it was twice the work, with two more right after them."
"Wow," Bill's girlfriend agreed, shaking her head. "I'm in awe, Mrs. Weasley."
"Now, dear, call me Molly or Mother. That's all I'll accept from you." Both girls smiled at her. "Now, we should start working on our part of the picnic. I know Fred and Xander are stopping to pick up things for their families after work at the Broomstick. It's George's day in the lab so Xander will have to entice him out by disrobing probably. Poor Fred, he'll have to watch them go at it in the shop again," she sighed, getting up to wash her hands so she could work on something. "Bill, what are you and Charlie bringing?"
"Mum, I'm still Charlie," he said agreeably. "Bill said he was running out to a store to look for something in the deli. I sent him with enough money to cover ours too." She beamed at him. "I wish I had known the kids were coming."
"Well, Denver and Emily have a game tonight, so they won't be up. Simone's playing on his team still so we probably won't be seeing her unless they get done very early." She smirked a bit. "They're against Ravena's and Little Ron's team so I doubt we'll see either of them or their fathers anytime tonight. Xander may have to seduce poor George out of the lab since it's his night so they and Fred might be late tonight, if Fred isn't watching the game with Oliver." She smiled a nicer smile. "I've always liked that Oliver. Very polite young man, especially around me." She smiled at the family around her. "That leaves you four, Ginny, Ron, Sarajane, and their children, Percy, Arabelle, and their children, Iggy and his brood since his wife is on bedrest, Melvin, his wife, and his son, plus probably some of the phoenix chicks will show up as well. They like to follow the children around," she finished with a happy smile. "They're mostly polite too, but do watch anything shiny, dears. They're little thieves on occasion." The girls nodded, eyes very wide. "Oh, it won't be that many."
"Mum, you just mentioned about fifty people," Bill pointed out as he walked in. "Do I need to go back? I only got enough for about thirty."
"Nonsense, that's only about thirty," she chided after mentally counting them up. "Twenty-seven if I'm not mistaken."
"Plus you and dad, plus whomever he brings home, plus whichever helper the twins bring home," Charlie added with a small smirk. "Plus any of the quidditch players that might come with their team, plus we all know Ravena is eating for about ten." She frowned at him. "It seems like it!"
"We know she's having at least twins," she sniffed. "It's perfectly normal to need that much more food."
"Mum, we saw Rav clean out an all-you-can-eat buffet two weeks ago," Bill pointed out gently. "She's eating for more than herself and twins." He handed over the bags he'd gotten from the stores. "I'm going back. Money?"
Charlie dug in his pocket and handed the rest he had over. Bill looked at something and handed it back, then smirked and headed off. "Thanks."
"Wasn't going to spend that. You sure the lucky galleon isn't in here?" Charlie patted himself down so Bill let him look over what he had been given, letting him take back three of them. "You done?"
"Bill, this should be fine."
"Mum, if we get too much, you won't have to cook lunch," Charlie reminded her. "It's a worthy goal."
Bill smirked at her. "Do you remember when we hosted the last real, full reunion and it was all held in the backyard?" She nodded, smiling at him. "We can't fit all the grandchildren back there now, mother." He walked out shaking his head. "We're not having more than three, Stephi."
"Thank you," she called after him, looking at Charlie. "So, what was that he gave you back?" she teased. He blushed and shook his head, putting things in the icebox.
His girlfriend got up to pat him down. "Hopefully it's not that baby tooth," she teased, pulling out something. He made a grab for it but she saw it. "Oh, my God," she squealed, hugging him. "Yes!"
He grinned and hugged her. "Good to know I won't have to switch off with Bill," he teased.
"You snore," the girls said in unison, making them look at each other.
"I heard him last night and Bill warned me," Stephi noted. "You, Cordy?"
"Oh, I know he snores. We've shared a camp-out while on hunt before," she said dryly. "The boss threatened him with a clothespin to the nose and lips." Charlie blushed again. "You only want one, right?" she encouraged. He nodded. "Good." She patted him on the chest.
"Not before the wedding, dears. We had enough problems with Arabelle because of hers."
"Mother!" Charlie said, looking mortally embarrassed.
Cordelia looked at her mother-in-law. "You do know that they make spells for that, correct?"
She nodded. "I always used one. Look at the family," she said with a bright grin.
Charlie leaned closer to her ear. "We'll get our nephew to make you something for that. He's got a wonderful thing for female problems that does that too," he whispered. She pinched him but she was smiling.
Fred walked in with his hands full of bags. "Grab something," he ordered, panting hard. "They're damn heavy."
"You're not too old to soap," his mother warned.
"Mum, I brought the cheese you like," he said with a smile. Everyone grabbed a few bags, letting him slump down at the table. He noticed the ring immediately. "About time," he grumped. "I thought we were going to have prank you two so hard that she ran crying to you for protection." He grinned. "Or the other way around of course," he said with a nod to her when she looked at him. He looked at Bill's girlfriend. "Need help to capture him, dear? I'm sure Charlie has ropes and my beloved twin is usually most happy to share some of his handcuffs and things." Charlie spluttered.
Stephi blushed and shook her head. "That's all right, I have him twined about my finger." She jumped up to help Bill when he came back, whispering his ear.
Bill looked at Fred. "Little brother, if I wanted handcuffs, I can get my own set. I don't need any of your twin's well used things. Thank you though, offer to Arabelle. She's been pouting at Percy because of his long hours again."
"Oh, that's not a problem," Fred said smugly. "She got Xander during a free class and make him take her to the store for something fun. Xander dropped off a rather large and scary bag of treats, including some pranks," he finished cheerfully. "Nasty thing, those."
"If I see any in this house, Frederick, I will not only soap your mouth but I will tan your bottom and then let whichever couple you've embarrassed do the same," his mother said firmly. "There will be no naughty pranks in this house."
"Sure, mum, we'll get them when they come to the shop," Fred agreed happily. "Xander lured George out with one. Had to close the shop early, but the kids didn't seem to mind. Some of the new things can easily be lessened to kid's things."
She rolled her eyes. "Try to behave, Fred."
"I always *try*, mum."
"Well, try harder," Charlie suggested.
"What sort of pranks would you find in an adult store?" Bill asked, looking a bit confused.
"Lubricating ones, stripping ones, groping ones, things of that nature," Fred shared. "Xander sent in one called the Mini-Hand, which comes with a voice-operated controller."
"We don't need to know," Molly said quickly. "Come slice some of these melons," she ordered.
"Hmm, have to try that," Cordy muttered as she pulled out some of the new cheese to try a nibble while she sliced it. Charlie looked alarmed, but he was smiling when she looked at him again. "Maybe we can use them to get the dragons used to people patting them?"
"Maybe," he agreed. He could see that usage. Better the poor dragons than him.
Fred leaned closer and whispered in her ear, making her blush and swat at him gently, but she did smirk back and take the thing when Charlie and Molly's back was turned. Bill gave her a horrified look so she winked at him. He grabbed his girlfriend and wisely retreated. "Mum, Xander wanted you to know he's grounded the twins for trying to bathe in the cold jelly vat again," he said once Molly was occupied with something harmless. "Mary and William got in on it too so they're grounded too. They're babysitting all the littlest of the littles and Xander said William was to change diapers and Mary should but Ron was involved in his wife's mouth and stomach again."
"Again?" Bill asked, looking horrified. "Why?"
"Oh, she instigated it this time," Fred assured him with a naughty grin. "Pounced him and all once she had some of the Icy Hands of Death. Apparently Ron likes to laugh and shag at the same time."
"Frederick!" Molly shouted. "I did not need to know that about your brother's marital life!"
"Sorry, mum," Fred said sheepishly, smirking once her back was turned again.
"I see that, young man."
"Sorry, mum," he said, leaving the smirk off for longer this time. "You know, Ron's still complaining that the family team doesn't have a keeper, I'm sure he's trying for it this time. He was already holding a book on famous keepers."
"Considering how many of the family plays on the family team, I'm surprised we don't have one yet," Charlie groused.
"If he doesn't, maybe Rav will," Fred offered. "She's got to be having about six or seven by the way she's eating and how big she's getting."
"She's not that big," Molly defended. "I got nearly that big with Ginny."
"Mum, I've seen the pictures and I remember you quite well," Charlie told her, patting her on the back. "Rav's twice your size easily and she's only six months along. The girl's having the better part of her own team."
"Well, they do have seekers, beaters, and chasers on that side of the family," Bill pointed out. "Maybe she'll branch out to give Ron the keeper he wants to train."
"Since most of his kids are going to be working for us anyway, he's a bit depressed with not having anyone to follow in his footsteps," Fred shared with a small smirk.
"Hmm, all you'd need is to have a Harry grandkid at the same time," Charlie muttered, shaking his head.
"Well, with Ravena having Little Ron's kids," Fred pointed out, then had to stop when his mother swatted him. "I'm sure they won't get into nearly as much trouble as Ron did, mum," he defended, getting away from her pinching fingers. "After all, we have that map so Agatha couldn't get it."
Charlie snickered. "Too bad it didn't keep the others out of trouble, huh?" he teased. "Animagus all around and against all known laws of magic."
"Hey, we've always said Iggy, Simone, and Melvin working together with Denver watching and guarding them could take over the world," Fred reminded him with a grin. "And look what happened? Iggy made the potion, Simone did the research, and Denver talked everyone else into it."
Molly shook her head. "Iggy did most of the research even before Simone approached him and made the formula under Salazar's careful watch. She decided she wanted to do it as well and Denver decided it wasn't such a bad thing. Melvin decided it'd be a good way to get around the no fraternization rules."
"Oh, is that why he's a bunny?" Bill asked innocently. His mother shot a glare at him. "He is, but then again so is his wife."
"She's an adorable bunny," Fred pointed out. "Quite charming, especially when she went into heat the other day while she was stuck as her bunny form. Melvin teased her to no end once they had been separated and gotten changed back."
"They did what!" Molly shouted.
"It was a curse he was working on, mum," Bill offered gently. "Nothing harmful, just something that stuck them like that."
"Fine. It had better not happen again," she said firmly.
"No, mum, I doubt it will. She said she was a bit sore and made him sleep on the couch that night," Fred agreed. She pinched him again and he rubbed his chest. "Ow! Meanie."
"Keep it up, you can help William and Mary with the children," she reminded him.
"I do it now," he reminded her dryly. "For not having kids of my own I definitely change more diapers than I should."
Ron bounced in the back door. "Hi, everyone. Great news, mum, we're going to have a keeper finally!" He hugged her. "The kids are coming with Iggy since they're all at his house for checkups." He grinned at his brothers, looking at the new ring being shown. "Wow. Very pretty and tasteful. Help me find something, Charlie? Sarajane needs a new piece of jewelry for this one."
"Ron, this makes six kids," Bill pointed out. "Aren't you ever going to let it rest?"
"She jumped me," he defended. "That's what happened the last two times."
"Not that you were unwilling or anything," Fred quipped. He quickly moved away from his mother's pinching fingers.
"I'm happy for you, Ron," Molly assured him, giving him a hug. "Are the children all right?"
"Yeah, it's time for shots and stuff. They always feel better if the others are tortured at the same time. It makes them want to act tougher than they are," he admitted with a grin. He hugged them all again. "I'm so happy!"
"I can tell, you're bouncing," Bill offered.
"Did we test something on you again?" Fred asked him. "If not, I have some immobility candy around here somewhere," he offered, patting down his pockets. He pulled out a piece of candy that looked like a set of handcuffs. "Here, wanna test it? It's our version of the popular toy."
Ron looked at it, then shrugged and took it, finding himself spread out against the wall with his hands over his head and his legs spread. "I don't think you made it different enough," Ron told him.
"Hmm, apparently not. I'll have to tell George that," he agreed, nodding, going back to his melon cutting.
"Get him off my wall, I do not need to see your brother in such lewd positions," Molly said firmly.
Ron's wife, Sarajane, walked in without the kids and smirked at her husband. "Were you naughty, Ronny?" she teased, leaning against him to kiss him.
"Oh, very bad," he moaned, moving his head to capture her lips again. "Very, very bad."
"Hmm, that's my boy." She kissed him again, her hands running underneath his shirt.
"I think it's about time for the rest of us to set up tables," Charlie said quickly, helping his girl up and outside, with Bill and Molly right behind him.
Bill's girlfriend stopped long enough to hand over the ribbon she had been shredding earlier with a smirk and Fred handed her a phoenix feather from his pocket. Then they left them alone. Fred wisely stopped Xander from walking in when he arrived with the his and George's kids. "No, Sarajane is pregnant and Ron's hitched to the wall."
"Hey, I thought only we practiced bondage," Xander called. "We should share tips and tricks."
Ron's wife leaned out the door. "No thanks, I've already dug through that trunk, Xan. It didn't have anything that I needed." She winked and went back to her husband.
"No, gryphon borns aren't horny creatures in the least," Charlie muttered, shaking his head. His girlfriend pinched him and he grinned at her, blushing a bit. "You'll have to excuse Ron and Xander. They're unique."
"But quite fun," she said with a grin. "So, you're Xander?" she asked, shaking his hand. "I'm Cordy, Charlie's fiancé. That's Stephi, Bill's girl."
Xander beamed and waved with his free hand. "Hi, don't worry, Molly tried so hard to civilize the rest of us. She only succeeded with Ginny." Both girls laughed so he wrapped an arm around Cordy's shoulders. "So, give. Do you like pranks? Could we interest you in the family business? Or that of the minor family business of scholarly pursuit of gryphonic knowledge?"
She beamed at him. "I've already had a lot of talks with Charlie about the second one. The first I'm afraid I'm not that good at. I like a good laugh now and then, but I'm not good at telling jokes or playing pranks."
He patted himself down, handing her a small blue candy. "Here, try this. The kids *love* these and for those who like to laugh it's a great thing." She opened it and took a bite, bursting out laughing.
"Xander!" Charlie said, taking his girlfriend back to try and calm her down. "How much did you eat? That'll last for a good five minutes."
"It's...fun," she managed, running inside before she had an accident, laughing the whole way.
"You know, I've been thinking," Xander said, looking at Fred. "Could we turn that into a gel? Like the cold jelly before we harden it? That was one odd night, but it was kinda fun when we mixed that up with our lube."
Fred gave him a thoughtful look. "We might," he admitted. "We'd have to make it weaker, but quite possibly. I'll work on it tonight, Xander. It'll have to go into our limited edition catalog of course, but I'm sure we can get some people to test it for us."
"Enough!" Molly warned. "There will be no talk of sex around me."
"Oh, Ron!" Sarajane called loudly, and something thumped against the kitchen wall. "Yes, Ron, more! Much more!" She let out a scream and then there was silence.
"I nominate Xander to see if they're okay," Bill said when the quiet kept going.
"Fine, send me into the trenches of het sex, it's not like I practice it," Xander sighed, heading that way, his cane thumping loudly in the quiet. "Yo, you two still alive?"
"Barely," Ron croaked. "Tell mum there's not a mess, 'kay?" He yawned and fell to the floor as the sticking charm ended, curling up with his wife right there to nap.
"Awww." Xander looked behind him. "We need a blanket. They're cuddling and napping. He said there's no mess, Mum."
"Good." She sent a blanket down to cover them, and added a few pillows too, just in case. She rolled her eyes. "You children will be the death of me yet. You and your sex and your pranks, and your desire to combine them!" She went into the kitchen to get back to work. "Bill, Charlie, come help," she ordered.
"Do we have to, mum? Ron's a grump when you wake him up," Charlie defended when she glared out the half-door at him.
"Coming, mum," Bill agreed, standing up and heading inside, towing Charlie with him. They delicately stepped around the couple on the floor. Ron was a grouch, but Sarajane got mean and early-Malfoy like if you woke her after sex. She had even made Draco cry once, though he claimed it was with pride for his attitude being carried on.
Xander moved the tables around, separating out one for the kids. "That way we don't have to get in the middle of the food fight," he shared. Fred shuddered and added more chairs, expanding the tables some. Xander looked at the gossiping women. "Don't worry, that's a special occasion thing. I didn't even get to do that when I had the twins." He pulled another table out of the shed and set it up, letting Fred do the delicate stuff. Then he pulled out the smallest table, the one that went up by the grandmother's seat, so the babies could eat at it. "Think that's enough?"
"I hope so, that's ten more seats then we'll supposedly need," Fred offered. "Would any of you like to take part in the pool we have going at the shop about how many children Ravena is actually carrying? We've heard as high as eight so far. Her husband got quite upset, saying he wasn't a dog to have litters. Though he did mention she was a bit of a bitch that day."
"Yeah, and she's only carrying one," Xander snorted sarcastically. "I still say triplets. Buffy was about that big."
"True," Fred agreed. "That seems about right to me too."
"The astonishing thing is that the girl played a fun league match that way last month and won," Xander added. "Ollie was not happy with her."
"Neither was her mate," Fred said, giving him a nudge when Iggy and the kids showed up. "How are they all?"
"Healthy little heathens. Go wake up your father and mother, children." They ran for the house, then quickly ran outside to play when they saw the parents cuddling. Even they knew better than that. Iggy brushed back some of his silver hair. "I'm running out for food now. What did we still need?"
"Mum, Iggy wants a request list," Fred called.
"Just anything, dear," she called back.
"Hey, Grandmother, are you aware that we've now passed up sixty years with at least one of us in each year at Hogwarts?" Iggy called with a smirk for his father. "Sixty-two as of this latest one. Now all we need is one in another six years." He disappeared, going to the store. If she wouldn't tell him, he'd just have to buy groceries and let her do whatever she wanted with them. He did make sure to get a cold ham though, he liked them and Sarajane would probably need one or two. Not to mention Ravena.
After the dinner, Cordelia looked at Charlie, leaning closer to him as they watched the stars come out. "I love your family, but they are the best birth control in the world," she whispered. He nodded, grinning down at her. "One, maybe two. No more, Charlie."
"That's all I ever really wanted," he admitted. "Dad said he only wanted one, it was Mum who kept it up." He kissed her gently. "Oy, Bill, why don't you go to bed?"
"Because I'm not tired?" Bill suggested, smirking down at his lady. "So, how did you like all the kids?"
"Your family is insane," she pointed out. He grinned and nodded. "Then again, it was nice how they all decided they could help each other. With the bigger kids helping, we even managed to get the younger set cleaned off well enough. I can see that happening."
"So, you want more than one?" he asked, kissing her.
"I could be persuaded to have three," she admitted. "Not seven."
"Never dreamed of it," he agreed, pulling her into his lap. He felt the small tube get pressed into his hand. "What's this?"
"Fred's first attempt at making the tickling thing into a lube," she said with a grin. "He gave one to Cordy too." She kissed him gently, helping him spread a very thin coat on himself. "I don't mind being tickled."
"Hmm." He didn't care, he was having her right then and none of the kids were around.
Little did he realize that Xander's twins and their older sister Maeve were watching and taking notes on the effectiveness of the new product. The fathers weren't going to get that personal but the kids were bored.