Notes:  starts after the boys leave in the SPN outtake.

Aliens?  Really?

Xander looked around his empty house.  Then at his puppies.  "I guess you're all I have left to take care of and fuss over.  We'll have to play more often."  Kiss went to hide while Hershey got a chew toy and curled up next to him with a pitiful look.  Xander smiled and petted her, making her a happy puppy to nap with her favorite pacifier/chew toy.  Xander could make plans so he had something to do later.  Maybe he'd nap too.  The dogs had a good idea this time.


Gibbs looked up as the creature appeared next to him then glanced around before turning into a human.  "That's a good trick."

"Illusion necklace.  I need to speak to two of your harem, Agent Gibbs."


"Something Agent DiNozzo owns."

"Uh-huh.  So you're with the DPP?"  The man nodded. "Interesting.  He's in court.  Probably will be until tonight."

"That's reasonable.  Is Agent Sanders supposed to be in Nebraska?"

"No," he said dryly.  "He was supposed to be going for coffee.  I wondered what was taking so long."

"I'll bring him back."  He left to do that, bringing him back to him.  "When would be a good time to talk to them?"

"We're off at six tonight.  Sanders, you want dinner or at my place?"

"We'll pick up dinner and bring it over, boss.  Thanks for the save, man," he said with an arm punch for the detective.  "I tried, boss."

"Go back to your report, Sanders."  He looked at the detective.  "Do you see a lot of them?"

"Xander usually.  Mr. Harris has been very helpful with some problems and he's been nominated as one who can watch over the various concubines when they're bored.  They often congregate to play board games and things."

Greg snickered.  "Got that email from him."

The detective smirked.  "He swears he didn't know.  They're dealing with it now."  He looked at him.  "Seven would be acceptable.  Please have at least DiNozzo there and whoever he has to help him with financial matters."

"That's usually him."  That got a nod and the detective disappeared.  "Again, Sanders?"

"Not a clue, boss.  The guy just now was mean.  He got me before I could get coffee."

"Break room.  Do not leave this building."   He nodded, going to do that.  Gibbs looked at McGee, who was cackling quietly.  "Not his fault."

"I know, still funny when you get frustrated, boss.  You get this look on your face like someone who wants to paddle a toddler for being a little kid."

"No, if I spanked they'd both behave.  Permanently."  He got back to work.  "Reports, McGee?"

"On their way, boss," he said, sending them to him.

Gibbs sighed in displeasure but got down to the process of proof reading.  Greg was brought back again by the same detective.  "Arrest him?"

"This time," he assured him.  He left, going to finish that report.  He had time to kill afterward but that was the nature of the business.


Tony walked in last.  "We got you baked chicken with cheese sauce and rice, boss," he called as he walked into the kitchen.  "We figured that way you could have one meal Ducky wouldn't complain at you for since he said your cholesterol was up again."  He handed over the box then the pizza box.  "We can nibble that afterward."  He looked at the appearing DPP officer.  "Thank you for saving Greg earlier."

"Part of the job.  The same as notifications are."  Tony started to scowl.  "The people of your former husband have been looking for you to give you your yearly tithe, Agent DiNozzo."

"I don't need it."

"We don't care.  It causes more paperwork if you don't take it.  It ends up getting stored in our building.  Bad enough Harris had a whole closet full of stuff Mystyck had to shrink into a single box."

"We had some questions," Gibbs said.  "Some of the chemicals in the gems he got last time had asteroid residue?"

He frowned.  Then he checked his PDA.  "Well, they are from off-world," he admitted, looking at him.  Tony sat down weakly, staring at him in horror.  "Some of the portals do go there.  A few worlds where we do trade or other business with mostly.  Your former husband supplied a lot of present giving people."

Gibbs held up a sample.  "Any idea what this is?  We got it from Caine.  Someone gave it to Xander and he gave it to Dean and Sam.  A chain of carved wolves in this stone."  Taylor had sent it to Horatio and Horatio had sent it to Abby to see if she could tell what it was with other databases they didn't have access to.

He looked at it.  "Eternity stone.   Very hard stone.  Can only be carved by special high powered lasers.  They're very pricey and very rare."  He handed it back.  "I'll find them and let them know."   He looked at Tony again.  "Unfortunately they do need to give this to you.  It is a goodly amount."

"Warehouse?" Greg squeaked.

"Not that much.  I'd say a good sized suitcase full though."  He looked at Gibbs.  "As their harem lord, it is up to you and them where it goes when they're not being sensible.  Where would you like us to put it?"

"Bring it here if it's boxed up," Gibbs ordered.  "Could you also ask someone to come talk to DiNozzo in person about this off-world stuff?  We know people who would be very interested in that if you could arrange it in a few days."  He sipped his coffee and put the 'good for you' meal in front of Tony.  "Eat, DiNozzo.  Before you pass out."  Tony ate by rote while he got some pizza to nibble on.  "Would that be something we can arrange?"

"I think we can," he agreed.  "I'll ask.  Someone military?  We know that there's a project that has been having problems with the portals recently.  Crossing over to send to alternate universes and things."

"I know someone in them.  It might solve some of their problems."

"That would be most agreeable, Gibbs.  Thank you for your help.  That's another thing that gives our portal person headaches.  I'll bring that tomorrow with him."  He nodded. "Have a good evening."   He left to arrange that for him.  That way they could deliver those things themselves!  He was not a messenger demon even if his boss did treat him like one.

Gibbs put down his coffee cup to make a call.  "General, you know that project you slipped and said something about while drunk last year at the Marine ball?  We've just had DiNozzo and Sanders intersecting with it.  They have someone coming tomorrow who can brief someone if we have a liaison."  He smirked at the swearing.  "Yes, that one, sir.  Sometime tomorrow."  A paper floated down.  "Tomorrow afternoon, here at my place.  Long story, sir.  Just leave it at DiNozzo happened and Harris was with him when it happened.  Sanders too."  He hung up and looked at Greg.  "Pizza?"

"Sure."  He got a piece then sat down to eat and hug Tony.  Tony needed a hug.  Aliens were too weird unless they were coming out of someone's stomach.

Gibbs smirked, took the rest of the pizza down to work on the boat.  Those two would probably crash on the couch soon.


The Major who showed up saluted Gibbs.  "Sir, you needed to see me about our special project?"

"I think you'll want to talk to a visitor we're having this afternoon after DiNozzo and a few of his friends managed to go off plane while being kidnaped, Major.  Especially since the stuff he's getting today doesn't fully register in NASA's database."

"Excuse me?"  The chemical report was handed over.  He frowned as he read it over.  "We've seen something similar.  Where did you get this?"

"In some rubies DiNozzo got given when his former husband of ten minutes died."

He squeezed his eyes shut.  "And I thought Air Force problems were bad," he muttered.  Gibbs snickered.  "How did you know to ask for me?"

"General Langton had to be carted home last year after the Marine Ball and he spent the whole drive complaining about his daughter's boyfriend leaving her for Cheyenne and space."

"Oops."  He sighed.  "He was recruited."

"I don't care.   I figured if this sort of problem was happening you could at least act as liaison between DiNozzo's nap and these new people that the DPP are bringing to us."


"Demonic police department."  The man looked so confused.  "What do you know about GHS, Major?"

"Not a damn thing, sir."  He sat down.  This was clearly a sitting down speech.  Gibbs gave him the short, sweet, given to military commanders who needed to know speech.  The major was gaping so he explained one certain GHS and how he had not only warped part of the US government's viewpoint but also a number of agents, officers, CSIs, and others' lives.  The rock demon detective appeared with a cloaked figure behind him a carrying a case.  "DiNozzo!" he snapped, waking him up.  "They're here."

He yawned but sat up.  "Sorry, taking a brief nap while waiting.  Long night having a breakdown," he admitted, holding out a hand.  The cloaked figure bowed. He stood up and bowed back, getting a nod of appreciation.  "I really don't need it.  The marriage wasn't my idea."

The cloaked figure shrugged.  "He was our clan's overseer.  His choice was odd but he knew you had an eye for beauty beyond a blade.  Our clan is not one of those that turn out assassins every few generations."  He handed over the case. "Those are yours by right of marriage."

"It only lasted ten minutes," Tony pointed out.

"So?  It was still legal by our standards.  He would have made a good second husband, one to take over your estate," he said with a nod for Gibbs.

"How long is this going to last?" Gibbs asked.   "Just so we know how long to tell people who handle these things."

"He is entitled to a tithe as long as he lives," he admitted.  "Then it would go to any children as long as they were made part of the clan."

"Not having kids," Tony assured him. "The dark blond with the pointy hair is mine."

"Then it is for the length of your life.  Once a year."  He smiled.  "This year was a good year of mining.  We had many profits.  That is your one percent, as is traditional for a spouse."

"Thank you," Tony said, sitting down.  "Would you sit and talk to us?  All I knew is that we were pulled there by the one who wanted us.  We all thought you came from one of the demon realms."

"We do good business with those who want present quality stones.   Otherwise we mostly do not associate with outsiders except when one comes to us for training or they come to marry and mate with us."

Tony nodded.  "I can understand that.  What little I got tutored in your ways was very complicated.  Just the cloak and makeup code."

He smiled.  "Your ways seem much the same."

"As we've heard before," the major agreed.

"We had heard you had some interest in our area of space?  Exploring?"

"Right now we're exploring some areas, making allies, finding out how bad a few species are," he agreed.  He unrolled a map he pulled from his pocket.  "This is what we have mapped so far.  We're here," he said with a point at their sun.

The alien moved over to look, frowning.  "We're not on there."  He pulled something out of his pocket and spoke into it, getting an illusion map above it.  It shrank the view until two dots were highlighted.  "Here is our colony and people.  Within the Empire's edge.  Here is yours," he said with a point at the second dot.

The Major stared.  "That's a lot farther than our gates go."

"You use the gateways?  The round ones with the symbols?"  He nodded.  "No wonder.  Those are fairly limited and made by an elder species that decided they were more special than others."

"There's an evil species that uses them too.  The Gou'ald."

"I have not heard of them but the Empire is safe from outside enemies most of the time.  Any assaults or attacks inside are taken care of swiftly."

The Major smiled.  "Do you think it's possible if we could talk to someone about getting a better map and maybe getting one listed with planet and species names and characteristics in case we run into each other again?"

"I will send word back through our clan to the colony overseer.  See if he will pass it back."  He spoke into the device again, getting some outraged squeaks back but he finally sounded grudging and agreed.  He nodded.  "He will send it to the military unit closest to us and they will send it back to theirs.  Would that suit you?"

"Of course.  I'm sure they'd have very comprehensive maps for defense purposes."  That got a nod.  "I thank you.  Many happy years mining, sir."

"May your profits show in your hard work as well."  He bowed to him and Tony, getting bows back from them and Gibbs before the DPP officer left with him.

The Major smiled at Gibbs.  "I could kiss you but you'd slug me."

"Welcome.  Figured it was your sort of contact situation.  All I would've done is offer him coffee."

"Her," Tony corrected. They all stared at her.  "Males of their species are bigger and females seem to be the predominant higher gender in their people from what little I saw.  Besides, she had breasts, she's a female."

"I'll yield that point," the major assured him.  "Thank you, DiNozzo.  Now, what were you given?"  He opened the box to look, gasping at the pretty, shiny things.  "Oh, my."

"Very," Greg said smugly from the kitchen.  "Any more of those Eternity gems?  I was talking with Charlie Epps and he said someone had hypothesized that a stone like that would be good for laser applications for medical and fine tuning work."

The major scowled.  "You told a civilian?"

"I am a civilian.  I'm also a scientist and Charlie has a high clearance."

"We're eyes only of the president."

"I don't know jack about your program, Major.  Get your thong out of its twist."  He looked at Gibbs.  "He also said there was a chemical report about six years ago that Larry was privy to that had something similar.  He was wondering if we could find that one and compare it.  He said it drove Larry  nuts for months trying to figure out where it came from."

"What report and what project?" Gibbs asked.  Greg handed over what he had. He looked at it then nodded.  "Probably could.  It's been decommissioned but you should ask Xander.  That's the people his people took down."  He handed it back.

"A military project 'taken down'?" the Major asked calmly.

"The Initiative," Tony said.  "We know Xander Harris.  He was on the team that broke them up for torture and other fun abuses of beings who simply look funny."  He looked at Greg again.  "Was there a lot of connection?  He has the full file that Willow downloaded."

"I didn't realize that."  He shrugged.  "Not a lot from our analysis but they did have an eternity stone there somewhere.  It was specifically mentioned by Charlie.  He called it that diamond that was impossible to cut or deal with."

"Interesting," Gibbs decided.  He looked at the Major, who was still looking a bit horrified.  "Yes, they have talked about that.  Greg used to live with Mr. Harris for a little over a year?"

"Nearly two."

Gibbs nodded.  "So he got to listen to him babble about stuff a lot."

"That one I heard more about the nightmares and asked so he'd get to work through some of it."  He looked in the bottom of the suitcase, pulling out a silver stone.  "I have no idea what that is."

Tony took it to look at.  "It's soft.  Softer than chunk silver."

Greg took it back.  "I can test a bit."

"I think we're more set up for that," the major complained mildly.

Greg looked at him.  "We're not giving up our lives for you either."

"We can confiscate that."

"Xander!" Tony yelled.  Xander ended up outside the door a few minutes later thanks to a ride he hitched.  Then he walked in.  "The major here thinks he can confiscate the new yearly tithe I'm getting from the short-lived spouse."

Xander nodded slowly.  "Doubt it since he has no authority to do so."  He squeezed the guy's neck, making him scream and Gibbs start to get up. "Sit," he snapped at Gibbs, who sat slowly.  He looked the guy in the eyes.  "You're from where?"  He mouthed something.  "Ah.  Heard of your happy project.  The DPP keep complaining because your project keeps screwing with their portals and people get trapped places, like we nearly got trapped on the incubus realm."  He let him go.  "You can ask for a sample.  You can sweet talk them into a bigger sample, but if you try to harm them for this.... well, somehow I managed to come into ownership of six different demon realms, three inhabited, somehow through various board games and a staring contest.  Am I clear, Major?  I helped bring down the Initiative.  I was Buffy Summer's right hand boy until she tossed me away.  I will make someone who hurts my friends very sorry.  No matter who they are.  If I have to steal him back, again, I'll make them so fucking sorry they beg."

"I don't want to but they could be contaminated."

"The last batch weren't," Greg said with a small shrug.  "You know, this could be the platinum stuff Speed thought was in the last few rubies."

"Could be," Xander agreed. He took the lump to look at then nodded.  "It's not silver but I've seen it worked with. Once it's formed it's basically indestructible by anything but high heat.  It mimics silver in weight, color, and shine but I've seen it made into semi- ceremonial armor."  He handed it back.  "I asked the other person who was enslaved on the fighting realm since he had some."

Greg nodded.  "That makes sense.  Thanks, Xander."

"Welcome.  Did you figure out what those wolves are?"

"Eternity stone."

"Like on He-Man?"

"No, like from people who aren't from demon realms," Tony said dryly.

Xander nodded.  "I had a few doubts about some of them.  I've ran into some species that couldn't be demonic.  Guess I was right and Don owes me a backrub."

"How do you know about these things?" the major demanded, hopping up.  "And who are you to barge in here this way?"

"I told you about him," Gibbs said, looking at Xander.  "How did you get up here?"

"I had the messenger demon bring me as a message."

Gibbs snickered.  "Cute."

"Thank you."  He grinned.  "Can I borrow Greggy for a while?  I need more evil ideas since my boys are still working too long of hours, even with crime slowing down."

"I heard why," Gibbs said, reaching over to head smack him.

"Ow!  It was necessary!  I'm not being worn out at all!  I don't want to enslave Miami or anything.  I'm trying to be good, Gibbs, and it helped a lot."

"I'm sure it did.  They'll have some time off once all the arrests are done, kid."

"Fine," he pouted.  "Still need an evil idea to get back at them for not coming home last night."  Greg motioned him closer then whispered in his ear, getting a laugh.  "Danny would spank and he does it hard.  I can't walk in wearing nearly see through pants."

"Go into a sudden dance number downtown?" Tony offered dryly.

"No, I got yelled at after helping catch the Mala Noche who killed one of the patrol guys who worked with the lab all the time by doing that.  Even Frank yelled."

Gibbs shook his head quickly.  "I've seen the DVD's.  Please don't do that."

"Hold a small, regional convention?" Greg offered.  Xander beamed.  "I knew you'd like that one."  He winked and Xander gave him a hug.  "Down boy."

"I am."  He looked at the major.  "See, not making of the happy today."

The major shook his head.  "How about this.  I won't confiscate it if they don't sell it until we can clear it.  We'll have someone talk to these new people and see if they can help us or if they're friendly."

"They're very friendly.  The one I ran into wearing something like the eternity stones in a crown was very amused and delighted by me."  Gibbs glared.  "I was getting free and their project screwed up a portal so I ended up there instead of at home.  She was genuinely sorry and had someone help me reset it so I could get back to the DPP.  Especially after I found a slimy fucker abusing demons for parts and fun and after she caught me having to beat his ass by sword fighting.  Had one on me," he said with a grin for Greg.  "Weren't you there with me?"

"I kinda remember the slimy parts guy in the marketplace.  Then there was a headache."

"You drank some wine in a thimble looking cup," Xander agreed.

"Oh, that time.  Yeah.  Never doing that again.  That was very strong wine."

"A thimble full got you drunk?" Gibbs asked.  Greg nodded.  "How strong is it?"

"I bought a bottle to bring back since he had such a strong reaction and his hormones went off the chart," Xander admitted.  "That way we can reference it.  It's got wax layers and the wine's between the layers.  So you break out a layer, pour, break out the next one and pour."

Gibbs nodded at that.  "I'd like to see some of that."

"If I open it, it'll go bad in about two days."

"Think we could do a needle aspiration?" Greg asked.

"I don't know.  You should ask Adam.  He helped me find the wine shop so he knows about that stuff."

Greg nodded.  "I can do that.  Boss?"

"That's reasonable."  He looked at the Major.  "That way you can get a chemical analysis of the sample as well."

"That's reasonable," he agreed calmly.  "Anything else you brought back that way?"

Xander shrugged. "I've been cross-realms shopping a few times but nowhere I ever recognized as not being in a realm."

"Fine.  If you think of anything, send them a sample, Mr. Harris?"

"Sure, I can do that since you're not one of the torturing bastards after all."  He stared him down.  Then he smiled sweetly.  "That's two R's."

He nodded.  "Figured it was.  Want to give me a dossier number?"  Xander looked at something in his phone then showed him.  "Why are you rated as 'do not touch'?"


"Oh.  That.  Gibbs explained that to me."

"That's probably a good thing since the last guy that tried to claim him was a general and he came home begging for mercy," Tony said, looking at Xander.  "Or was there more?"

"I accidentally got someone while grocery shopping and he offered me his jet.  I got him back to base and explained it.  The commander knew and had an idea of how to clean it from his system so he's okay.  I sent a sorry note and he talked to Horatio, who sent Danny home early to nap on me.  They really do need to quit working so much."

"It'll be okay, Xander," Greg promised, giving him a hug.  "What about Ryan and Eric?"

"Eric and Aiden are having fights right now and Ryan's been taking classes at night so he's been too busy too."

"Damn," Gibbs muttered.  "Backlog, kid?"

"Badly.  That's why I need the crime wave to slow down before I go kill them all.  Or make them all drool or something equally nasty."

"You'll get it fixed," Tony promised, getting up to give him a hug too.  Xander relaxed.  "I promise.  Plus the DC convention is in three months."  Xander beamed at that.  "Make sure the wonder twins you're teaching show up."

"They left last week," he pouted.

"Disarm the pout, Xander," Greg ordered.  Xander sighed but cuddled instead.  He grinned at the major.  "He can out pout his two labrador puppies."

"That's a strong gift," he said.  He looked at Gibbs, who nodded.

"He managed to pout his way out of a kidnaping last year when some Asian tycoon wanted him as a pet.  Made him give him back at his own expense from what we heard."  Xander nodded.  "Soshar was very amused from what I heard."

"He was.  Horatio was too.  Then he sent Don home early to nap on me."  Greg pinched.  "He let him call in sick the next day too."

The major shook his head quickly.  "Is this Horatio going insane?"

"Caine?  Possibly," Gibbs admitted.  "He's been overworked recently too."  The major gaped.  Gibbs smirked back.  "Exactly."

"He's the reason Miami's been insane?"

"Be nicer," Tony snapped.

"Sorry, didn't mean to insult him," he said.

Xander looked at him.  "You make a good diplomat.  If I ever move people to my demon realms, want a job?"

"No thank you, I like my present one, Mr. Harris."  That got a nod and Xander disappeared with the funny thing that showed up behind him after he rubbed his necklace.  He typed in that dossier number, getting the full file to his PDA.  Which did not make him happy.  Apparently that young man *could* have his commission, life, and soul in front of him fairly quickly.  He looked at Gibbs.  "Have you seen this?"

"Yup.  Xander has a good mind for strategy when he's not backed up.  He used to be the planner out there before they shot up suddenly.  He and the crew down there taught Sanders a lot of things that have helped him at NCIS."  He put his feet up.  "So, what're we doing?"

"As long as they agree not to sell any more of it and let us have small samples, then we'll see what we can do.  I'll also pass on the request was made for diplomatic and/or military contact so we can get information on where they are and how they are.  Would your team act in concert with us?"

"If I have to," Tony said grimly.  "I'm not a diplomat.  I don't act that well."

"Me either," Greg said. "Unless it's a goth or death rock culture who loves hair dye."

"We find one of those and we'll call," the major said, standing up.  "Can we get samples tonight, Agent DiNozzo?  That way your Abby can have one as well?"

"I don't mind.  Gibbs?"

"Abby!" he yelled, brining her from the backyard.  "They need samples and Tony said you can have a small one too."

She smiled and dug out her tools to do that.  "He had me waiting outside.  Did I hear Xander squealing?"

"He came to save us from the ET treatment," Tony told her with a grin.

"Good.  You'd look sucky in quarantine this time.  The blue lights last time were bad enough."  Gibbs nodded that he agreed while he finished his current cup of coffee. The major took his samples and left. "Wow, uptight much?" she complained.

"Xander threatened him," Greg said with a grin.

"Oh.  Well, I guess that's a bad thing but less than the time he promised to hormone congress and make them go after Sheppard for touching you two."  She shrugged and finished capping her own samples.  "Anything else?"

"Xander has a bottle of wine he found somewhere near where this came from," Tony told her.  "It is strong enough that Greg got so drunk on a thimble full that he blacked out part of the trip."

She licked her lips.  "That's strong."

"It's in wax layers inside the bottle and if he opens the bottle and breaks a layer it'll start to age the wine and destroy it in two days," Greg told her.

"Hmm.  I'd have to look at the bottle."   Greg texted Xander and it appeared.  It was a small bottle.  Shaped like one of the old Italian restaurant's house Chianti bottles.  Long neck, round belly.  She checked and the cork wasn't sealed so she lifted it slightly to sniff then looked at the wax layers.  "If we had a way to teleport things out."  She looked at him.  "Ask the major if they do."  A note appeared.  Xander had bought two bottles instead of one according to Strife.  The second one appeared and the first disappeared.  She looked.  "This one has some wax layers broken but not all.  So I can pierce the next one and take out the sample."  She took it back to the lab to do that.  While it ran she looked up the major who had been scared earlier to send him an email about having it and a sealed sample for him.  He came to get it an hour later then left silently.  She smiled at his back.  It was very strong alcohol and a few herbs.  It smelled good.  Someday she'd have to try some she guessed.  She was open to new experiences. The other samples got ran and she forwarded a copy of the reports to him as well, just in case.  You never knew *who* was doing the processing on the other side.  They could be complete morons who only wanted weapons to destroy other people or something.


Ten days later the major appeared in Horatio's office.  "Lieutenant, I'm Major Paul Davis. I'm told that you know where I might find a Mr. Harris?"

"The military wants him?" he asked.

"We'd like to talk to him about some of the places he's traveled, sir, and some of the other things he's brought back."

"I see.  He did tell us of your last run in."

"I'm sorry I upset him and his friends that way, Lieutenant.  We do have to be careful about what gets released into the population however.  Who knows if they contain germs that could hurt others."

"I think that's why Gibbs had Abby and our people check things."

"Would you happen to know of other things we should look at?"

"A few.  I also think that Xander knows people who can give you better maps than he said yours was."  He smiled a bit.  "He's due in soon to bring us lunch.  His lovers both work in this building."

"That's fine, sir.  I can wait and come back if it's not a problem."

"As long as you don't cause us one."

"Agreed, sir.  Would you know where most of these things are being held?  Are they secure?"

"I can't get to them. Xander has an index list or he'd never remember where in the house he stuffed the never ending bags."

"Never ending bags, sir?"

"Bottomless.  Anything you can put through the opening will fit and you can keep filling it.  If you break the bag, everything in it disappears."

He nodded once.  "That sounds useful."

"They are, yes.  We've got an emergency kit in one.  They've been used to rescue Xander in the past as well."  Xander bounced in and handed him a wrapped plate plus gave him a hug.  "Are you done delivering?"

"Yup.  The receptionist said you had a military guy up here so I saved you for last."  He looked at the major.  "Crawled out of ET's butthole again?"

"We're worried about foreign germs that we have no resistance for," he corrected patiently.

Xander shrugged.  "So was the cold virus at one point in time.  Every disease mutates so we don't have full immunity."  He looked at Horatio.  "New recipe, a bit spicier than you usually like, but Speed moaned and nearly went to his knees so you might like it.  I already copied the recipe for him."

Horatio took a careful bite then moaned and reached for his water.  "Very spicy," he said.  But the spices were soothing something.  "Not bad.  On Greg's list?"

"No and I checked when I tried it at first and it calmed down some issues I was having that day.  He said he tested it and it came out ambiguous but person by person instead.  He also said that it only dropped you down five percent and it only lasted for a day and a half."

Horatio nodded.  "That's better than the herbs that nearly killed us then."  He ate another bite.  It was helping leech out his backlog.  "Are we sweating it out?"  Xander nodded.  "Could be a problem."

"Everyone here knows, Horatio, and it's only a problem if I'm in public and get pounced again."

"Good point.  Eat any?"

"Not in hours and I took a shower afterward."  That got a nod.  "Even Ryan said he liked it."  He grinned and looked at the military guy.  "What's up this time?"

"We'd like to examine some of your prior shopping materials and see if you can put us in touch with someone who would know how the star maps go together."

Xander nodded.  "We can do that.  Did they call you back?"

"Three days later and their people will contact us in a few days.  We were wondering if anyone you know knew about protocol.  We don't want to insult them."

Xander nodded.  "I know the one I met wore very little.  Less than _I Dream of Jeannie_ little.  Skirts were held up somehow at the waist, two panels, front and back.  Separated bra cups with no straps.  Hair."

He nodded.  "I'll make sure we don't stare then.  Anything else you remember?"

Xander shrugged.  "Not a clue but I can ask."  He looked around then rubbed another necklace and disappeared, going to talk to the guy who had taught him how to make portals.  He brought back two books and a map for him.  He was smiling when he landed.  "Mystyck said thank you for finally letting my boys help my backlog."  He handed over the diaries.  "Those are copies of his personal teaching journals.  How you build the portals and hold them steady.  That's how he learned so you can have someone like Larry and Charlie help you."  He handed over the map.  "That's a copy of the map he works from.  The place I ended up had a gateway here back to the DPP."  He pointed at the dot.

"What language is this in?"

He looked.  "Frosian.  It's a demon language, one of the original ones.  Eat, Horatio."  He took another bite and some more water.  "I left ice cream in the freezer."  Horatio smiled and went back to eating.  "It's not that hard to translate and I found an online translator.  Abby and Greggy both have it.  So does Charlie Epps."

He looked at him.  "I looked him up as well.  He's a good choice to help with these matters. We do have geniuses working with us as well though."

Xander shrugged.  "Area 51 nuts are all on my death list after they tortured demons without figuring out if they were harmful, harmless, or even children."

"I can understand why and we do not like that they did that."

"Then why were they moved from the UN to Homeland Security?"


"Yet they got a lot of stuff wrong.  Remember, one case does not a species rest on."

"You have a better suggestion?"

"The Watcher's Council are bastards but wrote most of the books and did most of the research without torture.   I wouldn't go to the one Finn knows but the main people are in England."

"I'll keep that in mind and pass it on.  Do you know if you brought back anything else from a non-realmal destination, Mr. Harris?"

Xander shrugged, then pointed at the dots.  "I've been to all the red dots, most of the blue dots and one of the purple dots to get people back."

He looked then moaned.  "May we look?"

"Sure.  Horatio, good?"

"Very good, Xander.  I'll watch where I sweat."

"You're not sweating in the A/C in here," he said with a smile.  Horatio looked stunned then laughed.  "See, good me.  Just don't go out without a shower."  He bounced off.  "I'll be home in an hour.  I have to check the present warehouse to make sure no one dropped off more innocent animals or dead guys."

"Please call if they did," Horatio called after him.  He wrote down an address.  "He lives there.  It's a gated community.  Present yourself to the gate, tell them you're there to see him about something he brought home from a shopping trip.  They'll let you into his gate if he's busy."  That got a nod and the major left.  Horatio dug into his lunch again.  It was very good.  The spices were a bit high for him but he could stand that and it was helping his backlogged state.  Since he had inadvertently made the Police Chief give his department a raise by accident earlier, it was needed.  Before his boss caught on and yelled then cut his budget like he planned.


The Major sat down in his office two days later, letting out a small moan when someone knocked then walked in.  "Sir, I'd salute, but I'm exhausted after watching Mr. Harris bounce."  Even sleeping on the plane hadn't helped that much.

"I've met him before," he assured him.  "Salute next time, Major.  What did you find?"  The list and pictures were handed over as well as the analysis the local lab had done for him off to the side.  "What's the two books?"

"Training journals of how their kind make portals.  Plus a map of common destinations that only need a hit of energy to open. Which is how Mr. Harris usually does his.  He has one in his backyard."

"Okay."  He went back to reading it.  "Are they readable?"

"We have the address of an online translator."

"Good.  That's a good step.  Carter will be pleased."

"She can ask Scuito for it herself since she's having a horrible day.  I got a warning when I landed."

"That's a reasonable precaution with NCIS really."  He kept going.  "This lyre....  Is that what I think it is?"  Davis nodded.  "What's it made of?"

"The same silver-like material, sir.  No idea what they call it yet."

"We call it damn handy in weapons research," he admitted.  "Is Mr. Harris still upset with us?"

"Only some of us.  He got his point across with me and his dossier is very thin compared to the man in person, sir.  Area 51 personnel should probably never come near him.  He will kill them.  The same as he will anyone in the Initiative.  He also told me to quit using them, they grabbed any source and didn't make sure that their results were typical or even on adults."  That got a wince and hiss.  "He's very upset with them about going after harmless things and little things.   He gave me the name of the organization he learned from."

"Even better.  Anything else?"

"Did you know the demons had their own police department?  They're incredibly nice since they consider our project a big pain in the butt, sir.  We mess up their things, their portals mess up our stargate.  One of the AU incidences is because of that."  That got another wince.  "And the quantum mirror thing?  They have an explanation and a way to harness it.  It's in the second training journal.  She may not skip ahead.  It's to be done in order."

"I'll let you tell her that.  Anything dangerous?"

"Only Harris himself.  I have no idea how he enslaved a part of the city but he got frustrated, let out a shriek of outrage then let it go on someone.  Pity about that part of the city being very calm the rest of the day after half of them rutted themselves into a nap."  The general shuddered.  "Is your daughter still complaining that we recruited her boyfriend?"

"She's found a decent new one that I hate," he admitted. "I'll be watching my alcohol consumption at this year's ball, Major.  I promise.  Gibbs was a good choice.  He knows more than we think."

"Somehow he manages to work with two of the people like Harris, sir.  I'd salute the man if he was a civvie for that."

"I asked him how once.  He said they wear each other out."

"Good to know.  Anything else, sir?  I'm heading out there tomorrow to report."

"Not if you don't have anything else for me."  He handed back everything.  "Good job."

"I'm much more diplomatic than I thought, sir.  Mr. Harris made sure I knew where my line was when he was confused and bouncing.  The rest of the time he's fairly nice."

"Good to know.  Take a nap, Major, then make travel arrangements."  He left him alone to nap on his couch.

Davis decided the ten feet was too far to walk and stayed where he was, napping there.   Though he would have nightmares about GHS taking over the universe and his precious project.  Their enemies might be amused but what could GHS members do to Gou'ald?


Later that night Don walked into the house and was already unbuttoning his shirt. "Xander?" he called.

"He's hiding," Danny called back.  Don joined him in the bedroom so he pointed.  "He's mad at himself for losing control that way."

"We'll fix it tonight and tomorrow and possibly the next day too," Don said.  He walked over there and opened the closet door.  "Getting mad and frustrated at the gay basher isn't a bad thing, Xander.  Losing control was.  We're not mad and the Chief agreed you couldn't hold it in."

"Should be able to," he said, giving him a miserable look.  "I tried, Don.  I promise I did."

"I know you did.  It was too much for you.  C'mon.  We've got the next three days off to help calm you down again."  He pulled Xander up and over to the bed, laying down behind him to tease him.  "Danny, isn't he not in trouble?"

"Nah, not in trouble.  Even Horatio and Speed said it was inevitable."  He smiled at him.  "We've been trying."

"I've done everything," he assured them.

"We know, Xander," Don whispered in his ear, getting a shiver.  "Now, let's tease Danny.  If we tease Danny good enough, he'll pounce."  Xander shivered again.  Don's hand moved to stroke down his naked chest, making Danny hum in pleasure before stripping off.   "See, he wants ta pounce," he assured him.  Xander shifted so the hand moved lower to his stomach.   Danny was clearly reacting to what they were doing.  Xander too.  He loved to tease.  The hand moved down to tease the hardening cock, making Danny very interested. Don too.  Xander was getting there and Danny had good reason when he pounced a few minutes later to take over and love their boy into their ancient bed.  Don got his turn and it was nice.  Xander was already lower from the outburst earlier so it was easier to wear him out this time.

They'd have to make sure it never happened again.  Even if they had to cut back to half- time again.  Xander needed them.


Dean looked up from his tv surfing when Sam made a squeaky noise.  "What happened?  New case?"

"Email from Xander.  The DC convention is in less than two months.  Reservations are on the GHS website."

"We can go," Dean promised.  "Any other news?"

"Tony's five second marriage that happened during that trip we didn't go on to say goodbye to Hubert ended up being an alien."  He looked at him.  "And Xander had a hormone explosion.  Got a good few blocks at least on a gay bashing meter maid who was going to boot his 'vette for being with Danny and Don.  They got into it because he has no tickets or anything like that and she said it didn't matter, only her word did.  The argument got heated enough that a patrol cruiser stopped when they saw it going on.  They checked, Xander was in the clear but she tried to do it anyway since he was so evil for being gay and corrupting the department.  He got so frustrated he let it out."

"It happens," Dean agreed.  "We were warned about that.  That's another reason why backlogging is so dangerous."

Sam nodded, turning back around.  "He went home to hide.  He said he's not in trouble but they're taking a few days off to help him calm back down."



"Charming.  Military coming for us?"

"Nope.  The guy they talked to about it said that if he *ever* saw a GHS member in the military he'd have them removed as being unfit for duty due to their hormone condition.  He caught Xander that same day and he was still backlogged."

"I remember those days.  There's probably a few."

"Four," Sam agreed.  "By the website.  I'm sure the higher ups know by now."

"Hopefully.  If not, maybe Tony can tell them."

"Maybe.  Oh, one from Charlie Epps.  He's managed to figure out how the GHS controlling robot works and they're able to extend it to other fields."  He sent back a congratulations.

"GHS controlling robot?" Dean asked, considering that statement.  "Why do I think there's someone who wanted Xander in there somewhere?"

"You'd be right.  A long term wanter who had met him back when he was working in New York.  He created a whole island full of robots and left it to Xander when he died.  They were all set up to clone baby Xander's and keep going for eternity as long as he followed the few rules.  From what he said, when he brought one back to test for other uses through
Tony's boss Gibbs one of them chased one of them around a military base with a sex toy attached to its hand begging to let it cure his surge."

Dean snickered.  That was a funny image.  "Like on the movie with the lost spaceship?"

Sam shook his head, turning to look at him.  "Totally realistic, dude.  Can't tell without a magnet or a cavity check realistic.  They found he had put some in government offices to help him control things and make more money based on what they were doing so he had knowledge of where to hedge his bets.  They found four in the Pentagon and couldn't tell."

"Damn," Dean said, looking awed.  "That good?"

"That good.  Most of them were confiscated just in case by the military to see if they could reprogram them.  One broke in to try to steal Xander back to the island.  That one went to Charlie and Larry.  They've had a lot of fun talking to him and getting into his computer code."

"Anything we can use in hunting?"

"Some day we may be replaced," Sam teased.

"Then we'll retire and run a gear shop," Dean shot back.  "Sell them all the motor oil and bullets they need."

"Sure, if you think we'll be able to make a profit doing that," Sam teased.

"Hey, I can sell ice cubes to eskimos."

"If you say so."

"I do.  Anything work wise?"

"Not yet.  Just Xander pouting."

"Yeah, well, expected that," he admitted.  "The guy really needs someone to stay home with him all day like Greg used to.  That way he has someone to play with and help him do things when he gets backlogged."

"He didn't have much backlogging when he was with Greg," Sam told him.  "Danny said so."

"So maybe they'll take in another CSI and it'll be okay."  He changed the station again.  "Crappy cable here," he muttered.

"It happens," Sam pointed out.  He logged off and went to lay on his bed, watching whatever Dean could find.  He finally took the remote, found the cooking channel, and planted it there.  "Now, it feels like his house."

"Maybe one of us can learn to cook like that.  Mom wasn't a great cook but she was okay.  I'm sure she'd like it if we could end up doing more than boiling water."

"You were taking lessons from Xander with the way you watched him cook."

"I was," Dean admitted with a grin.  "Do remember Marissa's face when she saw the pyrex dildos in the dishwasher?"

Sam laughed.  "Oh, so funny.  She nearly puked dinner thinking that they had been washed with the dish she ate off of.  Him explaining that they were just dusty and he had never run dishes with the dirty ones, then he ran a cleaning cycle afterward didn't calm her down much."

"Didn't me either the first time but he said those things are really handy."

"Guess they are.  Expensive though.  I looked one up online and it was like three hundred bucks."

"When you can win the cost of that house in a few poker games...."

"True."  They shared a smirk.  They hoped Xander's card luck rubbed off on them.  They even prayed for it.  Dean had done good in Vegas with their stash to build up their funds.  Plus what they got from that box....  "What was in that small box?"

"Sex toys."   Sam grimaced but Dean decided it could help his perpetually backed up brother.  Poor guy, never getting laid.  And Xander had sent them with a few sex toys too.  He called it an emergency pack.  Well, let's see what happened when Sammy backlogged this time.  Sam finally fell asleep after stripping down to his boxers.  Dean snuck out to get what he needed.  The instructions were in the thing, carefully printed by Xander's hand.  Which helped a lot.  He made sure Sammy was really asleep then unwrapped the new toy and carefully slid the cuff down the right spot as far as he could.  Then he turned it on and went to take a shower.  He heard the needy noises but that was fine with him.  He heard Sammy swear and went out to get one of the other ones, handing it, a condom, and lube over.  "Clean it if it's nasty later."  He went back to his shower.  Sam finally came and went quiet so he got out and went to bed once he was in his clean boxers and t-shirt.  Sam was sprawled out like a cat.  He casually flicked the sucking machine off and it was good.  Yeah, that'd help when Sammy couldn't find a date or his hand.  It was a great going away present.  Even if his father would be screaming somewhere in the afterlife.  Very loudly probably.  Probably for a very long time, but then again this whole GHS thing would drive him nuts.  He was a firm believer in your body not ruling your life.  Dean climbed into his bed, comfortable and sure that Sammy couldn't get him back this time.  He'd have to be careful but Sammy wasn't that sneaky.

The End.

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