Notes:  takes place after Tony and Greg have gone back to DC in _A Slut Hidden_.

Boys, Thugs, and Presents.

Xander looked over at his housekeeper, smiling at her.  "What's wrong, Tabby?"

"I've got to head to the old country to do the family wedding rituals," she said grimly.  Her accent had come back again.  She was working on smoothing it out so she sounded more like a natural American.

"Okay.  I can handle the house while you're gone."

She snorted, shaking her head.  "No you can't, Xander.  My two houseboys will fill in for me."

"With the short shorts?  Like South Beach houseboys?" he teased.

"As long as you don't hit on them," she said dryly.

"I don't need more boys."

"Good."   She stroked his cheek.  "We'll see if they want to come in dressed up or not.  I'll be leaving early next week so this is fair warning and I'll be back two weeks later."

"Okay.  We can handle it.  If they do things wrong I'll be gentle with them."

"Thank you, Xander."  She patted his hair and went to work on the kitchen. "Did Don cook?"

He looked over.  "Danny made a midnight snack.  He swore up and down he used the dish washer but it's broken.  Which means he closed the handle while half asleep and thought it ran."

"Ah.  I'll get someone in to fix it for you."

"Already called.  My coffee cup was in there."  She rolled her eyes and he went back to his project of the moment.  A chenille jock strap for Horatio.  He'd appreciate it or use it on Speed, who would probably appreciate it.  She gave him an odd look but shook her head and went back to the dishes, smiling when one of the Beauty ferrets came to help by batting at the bubbles.  They were adorable little creatures.  Her houseboys would love some of their own.


Xander bounced into the station, smiling at Frank when he ran into him coming out.  He saw the grimace.  "Bad day?"

"Very.  Plus there's Feds in the lab."

"Then I'll give Horatio his present and leave lunch."  He grabbed both baskets and headed up there, smiling at the receptionist.  "Two presents and lunch.  I won't try to deliver today.  Frank told me," he said quietly, getting a smile.  She paged Eric, getting Ryan.  "Hi."  He handed him the baskets.  "Lunch, and enough for the detectives and about half the guys on patrol.  Even on the bad days you have to eat something.  Otherwise you won't have the energy to catch the reason for the bad day."  Ryan smiled at that.  "Also, two presents.  Wrapped and marked.  One's Horatio's and one's Don's."  He gave him a hug and bounced off, going home to figure out what his next project was going to be.

Ryan walked the baskets into the break room, calling the two recipients.  Horatio gave the familiar baskets a fond look.  "He said you had to eat on the bad days or you couldn't stop the reason for the bad day.  Also, you and Don have presents."

"Thank you, Mr. Wolfe," Horatio said quietly, looking in the baskets.  He paged the others with the code 'lunch'.  Everyone came in to get theirs and go back to their desks or eat in the hall on the way to their labs.   They couldn't eat in the labs.  He stuck Don's present in his jacket pocket and his own in his, walking back to his office to take a quiet twenty minutes.

The Fed in Charge stomped in.  "You ordered lunch?"

"No, one of the detective's boyfriends brought it," he admitted, taking a bite.  "He often brings us lunch to ease our moods a bit."  He looked at him, eating another bite and chewing.  "He's a very good cook."  He saw the look from an officer in the doorway.  "Make sure we've all eaten and the rest is patrol's.  Xander cooked."  He nodded, going to do that then spread around the other things.  He looked at Fed in Charge again.  "It's very sweet of him to support us this way.  He's like family to most of us."

"Which person is this?" he sneered.

"Xander," Speed said from behind him.  He was down to using the cane when he had to but he was too stubborn to use it all the time anymore.  "He's a sweet guy and some of us are relationship counselors for him when he's confused."  He looked at him.  "He gave you a present?"

"It feels crocheted," he admitted.  "Don got one too."

"I didn't get to see Don's.  Don opened it, went bright reddish-purple, and headed to the bathroom to cackle and giggle."  He smirked.  "So let's see yours."  The Fed stomped off.  He came in and closed the door, taking the present to unwrap.  He looked at it, blinking.  "It's...."

"Chenille," Horatio said, touching it.  "Very soft and slightly fuzzy."

"I'm so seeing you in this after I spank him later," Speed said, handing it back.

"It should feel very nice," he offered, sticking it in his bag to go home with him. He finished his lunch, tossing out the paper plate before Rick Stetler stomped in.  "Yes, Rick?"

"You and Flack got presents?"

"Xander's been crocheting again," Speed told him.  "After the hummer cozy he's decided to do smaller projects."

"He did what?" he demanded.

Speed found the picture in his phone, showing it to him.  "That was his third project or something."  Rick gaped.  "This time he decided to branch into clothes."

"Clothes?" he said weakly.

"A chenille jockstrap," Horatio told him.  Rick turned red and walked out.  Horatio smiled.  "I can't believe you have a picture of that in your phone.  I thought it was your screensaver at your desk."

"I had to transfer it over somehow," he said dryly, heading back to work.  One of the Fedettes followed him so he logged onto his desktop, making her pause and stare at his backdrop.  He smirked.  "Xander learned how to crochet.  It was a present with an afghan.  He decided the hummer needed protected."

She walked off shaking her head to report that to her boss.  No wonder the boy had brought them a gourmet lunch.  She found her boss.  "You should see Speedle's background on his computer, sir.  The same one who made lunch crocheted a cover for their hummers."  He gaped, then walked off groaning.  "It's a pretty shade of blue," she called after him.  She found Horatio staring at her. "No wonder you get gourmet meals."

Horatio smirked.  "He's the boyfriend of a detective."

"That explains everything else.  Does he enter the labs?"

"The break room to deliver food sometimes.  We have lunch meetings thanks to him."  He walked off happier now.  Now his mind was off the depressing topics and back to making evil plans.  He would have to get Xander back for the soft, fuzzy jockstrap he'd be putting on his boy later.  The card said it was a new experiment and he hoped they had fun with it.  He ran into Don.  "Jockstrap?" he asked quietly.

He gave him a pitiful look.  "Thong.  Chenille?"  Horatio nodded.  "It'll feel odd but probably very comfortable."

"Probably.  We need Xander to give us some information on his other former poker buddies."

"You sure it was them?"

"It was Riaz," he said dryly.  "He took over when Jorge went to jail."

Don called him.  "Xan, we need Riaz.  He blew up an officer."  He smiled.  "Anything you know would be appreciated.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "He said he'd ask around."  He looked at him.  "It's nice that he helped us bust a third of the bad portion of the city's underground," he said since a Fed was hovering.  "Love the guy for it."

Horatio patted him on the shoulder.  "When he knows I need to know."  He nodded, going back to work while Horatio went to talk to Jorge.  He might give up his contacts for some leniency.  After all, he had only gotten ten years for killing the General.  The judge had said a drug dealer and assassin killing a drug dealer for cheating him at cards wasn't premeditated murder, even if he had butchered him, played in his intestines, and made him a few very gruesome pictures.


Xander finished up his show, staring at his target, making him swallow his drool.  He padded off the stage and around his table, leading him outside.  The man followed, two of his guards coming too.  They were trying hard not to pay attention to him.  He smiled, leaning against his SUV's back door.  "Did you need something?" he asked, his voice quiet and seductive.

"You're a pretty bitch."

"Hmm.  Jorge called me better pet names," he said with a smirk.  The man gave him a horrified look.  He let his hormones spike, getting them.  "Into the back if you want to party, boys."  They got into the back and he flicked the switch on the passenger's door, gassing them.  He checked the temporary interior camera.  They were out.  He flipped open his phone, calling Frank.  "It's Xander," he said happily.  "Well, someone broke into my SUV for a nap," he offered happily when he got a grumpy 'what now'.  "I think you would want them since they're Mala Noche, Frank.  The Grotto."  He heard the shocked silence and then Frank started to babble.  "I'm here.  You're not."  He hung up and grabbed his bag, going inside to change once he had his alarm system on and armed.  He came out in his leathers, his hair rebraided, and a tight t-shirt on, wearing his boots.  His thin dance pants went into the bag and he stuck it in the trunk once he had the alarm off again.  Frank squealed in and parked, stomping over.  "You wanted him?  There's a camera and screen up front."  Frank went to look at the screen then smirked at him.  "What?  I'm all for getting the assholes out of my way.  They bother me and he thinks I'm only a pretty bitch."  He waved a hand. "Want them?"

"We so very muchly want them.  I'm hoping Horatio can make it stick."

"Horatio can make it stick," Xander said with a wink.  He opened the back door and grabbed something from under the seat, sticking each of them with the small needles.  He put them back into the case and tossed it into the trash.  "Trackers."   Horatio's hummer pulled up and he got out with Eric.  "Him, boss?"

"Him, Xander."  He stared at him.  "What did you do?"

"I showed off," he said happily.  "I was a good boy and no one touched but ...."  The bouncer came out.  "Are they okay?"

"The orgy's fun," he said blandly.  "You wanted the others, Officers?"  He looked at Xander.  "Did the manager know you were going to trap them?"

"Yup.  He wasn't sure how since he thought Riaz was straight."  The bouncer snickered, walking off again.  He waved at Horatio.  "Want to drive my SUV, Horatio?"

"I'll have an officer ride with you, Xander."  He called in for backup, then hung up and looked at him.  "That was incredibly dangerous.  Where are your boys?"

"Having a night off apparently.  They came home for dinner and collapsed in a nap in front of the tv.  I'm assuming the bad day got worse?"  Horatio nodded.  He gave him a hug. "I'm sorry, Horatio.  It'll be okay."  He smiled as officers came up.  "Do you want to wake them up or not?"  He heard someone move and looked in there, blowing a kiss.  "Hi, boys.  Jorge said hi too."  He ruffled his hair, hearing the growl.  So he punched him, knocking him back out.  "I feel better now."  He smiled at the stunned officers.  "I've had to take myself back before.  Of course I can defend myself.  Want a Mala Noche?" he asked like he would ask the dogs if they wanted a ball.  They all smirked and two got into the back.  He got into the front to drive the SUV while an officer got up there with him.  "See you at the station, Horatio."

"Thank you, Xander."  He closed the door, watching as it pulled off.  He looked at Frank.  "Spanking?"

"Someone's got to."  He called Vice.  "If a GHS member danced to entice a thug who shot a cop and it inadvertently caused an orgy, what do we do?"  He listened to the spluttering and growling.  "The Grotto.  Harris, of course," he agreed dryly.  "No, he heard about the cop that got shot.  The guy who was behind it was here.  He enticed him to trap him.  Sure."  He hung up.  "They want to castrate him."

"It won't matter to his hormones but he says it hurts," Horatio told him.  He went back to his hummer to head back to the station.  Vice could sort this out.


Don stomped into the station, glaring at the officer who was standing guard on Xander.  "What the hell happened?"

"Vice is very upset with him," the officer said, handing Xander to him.  "They're not going to charge him but he is not to do whatever he did in public ever again if it will cause another orgy.  Though they were appreciative that he got them seven people with active warrants and another three who needed to be arrested for things that they could prove but they couldn't find."  He smiled at Xander.  "Thank you for getting the guy who killed one of us, Mr. Harris."

Xander gave him a hug.  "You guys don't deserve that."  That got a nod and the officer walked off.  He looked at his protector, finding him scowling.  "I danced.  Riaz was apprehended."

Don stared at him, mouth slightly open.  "YOU DID WHAT!" he shouted.

Xander flinched. "It helped!"

"I don't care!  Home, now!" he ordered, pointing at the elevator.

"Not yet he's not," Stetler said, joining them.  He looked at Xander.  "That was not on the approved list of how to help the department, Mr. Harris."

Xander looked at him.  "He had a cop blown up, Stetler.  I don't want him on my planet.  My planet wants to expel him like a kidney stone."  He got a horrified look.  "So yes, I helped Horatio by baiting him and snaring him.  I also tagged him with a GPS tracker like you use on alligators before anyone got there to stop me."  That got an even more horrified look.  He stepped closer.  "If the others had an orgy I hope they all came out happier and more content. It's not like I was going to do it ever again unless it was critical.  In this case, it is.  He's trying to destroy this department and Eric's family."  He stared into his eyes. "I could have been much worse. You forget, I had to handle things before my hormones got out of hand," he said quietly.  "Am I clear?"  He nodded, stepping back.  "Good."  He smiled.  "Most of the time the hormones mean I get to be a happy boy."  He took Don's arm, walking him off.  "I even brought the SUV and used one of the spy shop cameras so I could make sure they were out.  It wasn't dangerous to me.  They couldn't have gotten near me. That's why I chose that one out of all their clubs, Don.  Plus I gassed them then called Frank."  He beamed.  "See, I wasn't doing it in a bad way."

Don glared at him.  "I'm so spanking you when we get home."  Xander pouted. "What happens if some of the others who saw you dance want you?"

Xander snorted.  "My former poker buddies?"  He snickered.  "They know better, Don.  Oh, Wyatt said hi.  He was there and nearly choked himself to death when I came out and started to move.  I wasn't even doing the more erotic stuff.   I was doing some of the fight training parts.  Without a sword but I did have daggers on me."  He beamed.  "I was as careful as I could be."

"You're still getting it when we get home," he ordered.  He drug him to his car.  "No, Horatio can have the SUV tonight," he ordered.  He looked at the guard.  "The stretch range rover is his, it's staying tonight.  Tell Caine?"  That got a single nod.  "Thanks."  He walked Xander off to his car, taking him home.  Where he did indeed spank him and then tell the others in the family group what had happened.  Eric wasn't unhappy but Methos was moaning in Egyptian again.


One of the patrol officers walked up to Ray Kowalski the next morning.  "Detective?"  He smiled at him.  "Some of us got the tape from the Grotto last night.  We were wondering if he gave lessons?"

"Only to GHS members," he said dryly.  "I don't know anyone else who can.  If you wanna try, he's got the series on DVD to teach some of the other members.  I can get the first one."

"Can *you* do them?"

Ray arched an eyebrow, but smirked.  "Nope.  I'm not graceful."

"Pity.  Can any of the others in the department?"

Ray shrugged.  "Not a clue.  I wouldn't suggest asking them.  We're a bit of a paranoid bunch."

"With moves like that I can see why Mr. Harris is taken," he said quietly.  "Will we need to up the patrol by his house?"

"He's got a neighborhood patrol who likes to help him.  They're very attentive when he calls.  Plus two dogs who're trained to guard him."  The officer smiled and relaxed at that.  "It gone viral?"

"No, sir.  Computer services locked it down after a few minutes."  He licked his lips.  "Where did he learn that?"

"On a trip he took with Wolfe guarding him."

"Thank you, Detective."  He walked off to tell his boss that.  Including the advice not to ask the others.

Ray got up to find Horatio, finding him getting some coffee.  "I advised the officer who asked if I could dance that way not to ask the others, that we're paranoid and I'm not graceful enough to do that."

Horatio smiled at him.  "I've already been called at dawn by the Chief about that video.  He had computer services stop it."  He took a sip of his coffee.

"He was very polite, Horatio.  New guy outta the one by Xander's house.  He did ask if we needed to up the patrol around his neighborhood.  I told 'im he had a very attentive neighborhood watch."  Danny stomped in.  "Long night?"

"Spanking him," he agreed dryly.   He looked at Horatio.  "We keep 'em?"

"We did," Horatio agreed.  "All but one bodyguard."  He took another drink.  "He was killed by his people a few hours later.  That's why I was awake at dawn when the Chief called."  He walked off with his coffee.

"He said it was mostly his old poker buddies so we shouldn't have to worry too much," Danny called after him.

Ray looked at him.  "Computer services stopped the video."

"Hey, they *can* do computer stuff."  He grabbed his water and walked off shaking his head.  He went down to check the SUV, looking at a few guys getting off duty.  "Want to drive Xander's tank back to him?" he offered.  "Give you thirty."

"Sure," he agreed, taking the spare keys and the money.  "Address?"  Danny wrote it out.  He got in and wiggled in the seat.  "This is more comfortable than I thought it'd be."

"It's very comfy," Danny agreed.  "It's also a mini limo in the back."  He walked off smiling.  Don had grounded Xander to the house for the next week.  Even the Gods coming down in person weren't going to get him out of the house this week.


Xander came out to see who was driving his SUV.  "Hi."  The officer handed over the keys.  "Thank you.  Don made me leave it last night."

"It's a good car, sir.  Where did you get it?"

"The place by where they hold the volleyball tournaments."

That got a smirk and a nod.  "Figures.  It's got some nice options."

"It does," he agreed happily, handing him a fifty.  "Here, so you can get home, Officer."

"Thanks, sir.  You have a good day."

"I'm grounded."

"I heard why, sir.  We'll make sure no one tries to retaliate today."

He grinned.  "If they do, I'm going to DC to see Greggy since he just moved up there."  That got a laugh and the officer walked back to the gate, letting his friend take him home.  Xander went back inside.  "That's not a bad idea," he mused.  "Greggy did forget a t- shirt.  He'll need it.  And it's a good thing to give wedding gifts...."  He called Don.  "What do you think would be a good wedding gift for Greggy and Tony?"  He rolled his eyes.  "I know I'm grounded and I'm not allowed to shop online, Don.  I was thinking the SUV.  Gibbs could probably use it too."  He listened to him.  "Don, we have cash.  I can get a new one in a color you like more than the one I've got.  Or I can get them their own and bring it up?  Well, it would mean you wouldn't have to worry if someone wanted me."  He grinned.  "Exactly.  I know it'll take a while but not that long."  He beamed and wiggled.  "You think?"  He nodded.  "I'll do that then.  Thanks, Don."  He blew a kiss and went to find the site online to see what he could do to order Greg and Tony a wedding present.


Don came home that night to find two young men in tiny gold and silver shiny shorts and high top sneakers without socks dusting.  "Um....  Tabby?" he asked.

"In the old country to visit family before the wedding," one said with a smile. "We're her houseboys."

"I can see that.  You guys look a lot like South Beach houseboys."  He blinked a few times.  "Xander?"

"That one's in the office looking at options for someone named Greggy's car."

"Thanks."  He went that way.  "We don't care what you guys wear around here.  Xander's prone to forgetting clothes at all.  If he does that you yell at him."  He walked into the office, taking a kiss.  "Were you good?"

"I ordered groceries since we were out," he said proudly.  "And I ordered ice cream too."

Don smiled.  "Close enough to good then.  What else did you do?"

Xander let him see what he wanted to give them.  "What do you think?"

"I think it's a very expensive toy," Don said.  "The same as I think yours is."

Xander looked at him.  "But it's a good and protective toy.  Like body armor."

"It is," Don agreed, smiling and nodded.  "Which is why I can see you giving them one."  He kissed him again.  "I don't think they need the play area in the back.  Give them seats that either fold down or join together to form a bed."  Xander nodded, making that note in the comment section, undoing the limo seats button.  "Are we going to make Steve swear?"

"I called him already.  He's called them to talk to them about how much it'll cost.  He thinks it's a good idea and Tony could use it at work too."

"He probably could," Don agreed.  "I know I've borrowed yours once for a trial to guard a witness."  He stroked over his hair.  "How long is Tabby gone for?"

"Two weeks.  They're her houseboys."

"I saw that."  He took another kiss.  "Dinner?"

"In the fridge, heat it up.  Blue, green, red, or yellow?  Or white or black or silver?"

Don pointed at one of the paint swatches.  "Matte gray.  Less noticeable if they have to use it for work stuff."  He went to find dinner, finding the bags in there.  "You ordered fast food too?" he called.

"No, I bribed someone to bring some since I didn't want to cook," he called.  "Wyatt said no one's going to steal me for that.  He did say that they think you and Danny are The Men for handling me when I clearly need a leash."

"Uh-huh."  He pulled out a bag to check the sandwich, putting it back for Danny.  He took his, heading into the living room to watch the news.  He'd let Xander play with the expensive toy for now.  It wasn't like he was buying them a country or something.  Just a really expensive toy.


Xander smiled at the guards a few weeks later, giving one a hug.  "Hi.  I saw you in Miami.  Is Gibbs or Tony in?"

"They both are, sir," he said, letting him sign in and then walk through the metal detector.  He had to take his hair clips and pins but the second time he went through okay.  He did his hair again on the way to the elevator, making the guard shake his head.  He remembered when he had come up for the bad reason.

Xander came off on the right floor, smiling at Tony's horrified look.  "I brought you a present."  He gave him a hug.  "This way you can protect Greggy and yourself, and the growly one," he said, grinning and waving at Gibbs.  "A going away/wedding present."  He smiled at him.  "I drove it up so it's in the garage in visitor's parking.  Come see or are you *really* busy for the next five minutes?"

"We can go see," Tony said with a smile.  "Boss?  Coming?"  He nodded, calling down to the lab and autopsy to find Greg so he could join them.  They rode down with him, finding the director down there.  "Ma'am.  This is Xander Harris.  Greg used to live with him so he gave him a going away present."

"I know who he is," she said grimly.

Xander stared at her until she backed off.  "Pissing me off makes me want to enslave Congress," he said happily with a bright, cheerful smile.  She took another step back.  "Thanks.  This is Tony and Greggy's present.  Only they can say who can use it."  He handed over the keys to Tony, who was staring in shock.  "It's like mine but has a few different features.  Including a real backseat instead of the limo option."  Greg came off the elevator.  "Hi.  I put your t-shirt in the glove box since you left it under my pillow."

Greg smiled, giving him a hug.  He saw the stretch Range Rover and moaned.  "You repainted yours?"

"No, this is *yours* and Tony's."  He kissed him on the cheek and walked them around to let them in the driver's side.  "See?  It's still got the undercarriage and backing up cameras.  Still bullet proof.  I did change out the back seat and there is a backseat DVD system.  The seats fold down into a platform if you need them to for camping or carrying a lot of stuff.  It's a bit lighter than mine.  It's got a different metal for the bulletproof panels, and they are all around.  There's dual tanks if you need them.  I did fill it up and there is a gas card in the glove box.  The second one is the green switch if you need it, Tony."  He nodded at that.  "They're also behind an extra layer of bullet and bomb proof shielding just in case and they're offset so they're not in the usual spot if someone should try and make it past them."  He smiled at Gibbs when he opened the other door.  "I thought about getting you guys some of the mobile crime lab stuff."  Greg moaned at that.  "But instead I gave you an uplink in the back."  He walked them to the trunk, showing them how to pull out the monitor and the keyboard.

"See, DVD writer, uses both plus and minus styles so it shouldn't be a problem.  Uplinks via satellite if you want to pay for that, Tony."  He nodded.  "Emergency cargo carriers as well."  He opened one.  "With body armor because if you or Greggy *ever* get shot seriously I'm going to throw a fit and destroy someone.  Since I helped Horatio destroy the Miami Mala Noche branch he doesn't think I'm kidding when I say that anymore."  He closed that one and opened the next one.  "Guns.  Ammo.  For emergencies."   He closed that one and opened up another.  "A tent just in case."  He closed it and moved to the last two.  "A GHS style emergency pack," he told him.  "Because I packed it and I know what we need when we're kidnaped, stolen, sold, or otherwise inconvenienced by idiots who want a piece of our ass."

Tony smiled.  "She knew," he assured him.

"I know.  This is fair warning if she tries to hurt you too."  He beamed at Gibbs.  He opened the last one.  "It's empty so you can pack whatever you need in it.  It seats nine.  All the seats have good harness style seatbelts.  The ones on the side will still work as single shoulder harnesses if the seats are down so they can still sit in the back if you have to fold down the seats for something."  He backed out and closed the trunk, then the driver's door, turning on the alarm and handing the keys back to Tony.  "All paid, all gassed up, and the insurance is paid for the next three years.  It's on mine so don't worry about it."  He gave them both a hug then Gibbs too.  "It's a good going away/wedding present so I don't have to worry about them.  Right?" he asked Gibbs.

"It is," he agreed.  "It's very protective even if it is the size of a troop carrier and you can camp in it."

Xander beamed.  "Don's had to use mine to protect witnesses and things.  And hey, I didn't include the limo seat mine has in the back or the toys I keep in mine.  Like the explosives."

"Thank you for that," Gibbs said, patting him on the back.  It was easier to humor his oddness and low self-esteem sometimes.  "Do your boys know you're up here?"

"Yup.  I check in every few hours so they know I'm okay."  He hugged Greg again.  "If you two ever retire, come find us.  I mean it."  They both nodded.  "Then I'm going to head to my hotel and then the airport.  I'm flying out again tonight.  I drove it up, Tony."  He handed over the visitor's pass and skipped off happy with himself and his gift giving skills.

Gibbs waited until he was gone to look at his agents.  "He definitely likes big toys."

Greg coughed.  "Yes, he does.  But it's a useful toy.  I can see us having to take it on out-of- town cases."

Gibbs nodded, taking the keys to get in and try the driver's seat.  It was nicely padded.  It had four cup holders up front.  "Why four cup holders?" he called.

"So you can have a primary and a spare," Greg called.  "Xander goes through a ten pack of twenty ounce bottles when he's out of the house all day."  He came up to look.  "I helped him pick out the options on his when he was having an 'I want to be hipper' moment.  It's a great toy.  It's got good power steering too."

"Hopefully.  It's probably as heavy as a light tank."

"It's got a redundant power steering system," Greg assured him, getting a smirk.  "To even get in to cut the lines you've got to remove panels.  It's a vehicle Mac loves.  They've used Xander's a number of times for security details."  He went to try the backseat, wiggling some.  "They're comfy back here too."  He put on the harness.  Four straps came over to meet in the center of his chest.  "Not bad.  We should take it for a test drive if we've got time."

"We have a few," Gibbs decided.  "DiNozzo, call Kate and McGee, tell them we'll be right back."  Tony did that, climbing into the passenger's seat and buckling in.  He looked at the marked buttons, turning on both cameras once he had the engine started.  The door was closed and it locked automatically.  "Good against carjackers."

"Sometimes it does happen to us too," Greg pointed out.  They backed out and Gibbs nodded at the nice turning radius.  They headed out to go to the coffee shop, driving through.  The woman at the window gave them an awed look.  Greg smiled.  "My buddy gave it to us."

"It's a hip car, Greg."

They got their orders and headed back to the station.  Gibbs parked it a few times to get used to it.  "Not quite as gentle as the coupe but it definitely makes a statement," Greg said happily.  He got out, going back to helping Abby in the lab.

Tony looked at his boss.  "It's a nice wedding gift."

"Don't expect anything this expensive from me."

"I'm not.  I'm expecting you to make sure I make it to the ceremony if we make it that far, boss."  He took the keys back and they made sure the cameras were off before getting out.  The doors locked with the alarm going on.  He walked off smiling, sipping his coffee.  "It's a great ride."

"It is," he agreed.  "If we ever have to camp Kate and you two can have that while McGee and I take the tent."

"Sure, boss."  He smiled as they came out of the elevator on their floor.  The director was waiting on them.  "It handles very well."

"I'll want a copy of the keys," she demanded.

He looked at her and snorted.  "It's my toy, Director.  Not the agency's.  He gave it to Greg and me.  I looked at the paperwork.  It's in *my* name and *Greg's* name.  If another team needs it they can ask nicely."  He sat down, smiling at McGee.  "Look in Greg's parking spot."

He tapped into the security system then gaped at him.  "Is that a stretch range rover?"

Tony smirked and nodded.  "Xander gave Greg and me a going away/wedding present."

"Wow," he said.  "How does it handle?"

"Almost as nice as the coupe," Gibbs said.  "Better than some of the agency sedans."  He looked at the director.  "He's right, it's his car, not the agency's.  You wouldn't borrow his mustang, you can't borrow this one."  She stomped off.  He shook his head.  "Take it home tonight, DiNozzo."

"We have a secure, gated garage at the building, Gibbs.  It'll be very safe."  He gave Kate a smile when she came up.  "Go look at Xander's idea of a wedding present."  She went to look on McGee's computer when he waved her over, listening to her squeak.  "He didn't put the limo seats in the back like his has.  It's got real seats with racing harness straps.  Seats nine.  Oh, Probie, has a computer in the back."

"Good to know," he agreed happily.  "Can we take it out tonight, Tony?"

"If you put more gas in it," he said dryly.

"Then I'll see after I pay bills this weekend," he decided, getting back to work.

"Think he needs more female friends?" Kate asked.

"Nope.  Women were bad to him in his former life, Kate.  That's why he's got two boys."

She sighed, sitting down at her desk.  "Pity."  Tony smirked at her.  "Did you take it for a ride?"

"Gibbs did.  Greg and I rode along for coffee."

"Wow.  Anything we should know?"

"Bulletproof," he told her.  "Can camp in it."

"I'll remember that for out of town cases," she agreed.   Gibbs nodded.  "We are?"

"Possibly.  Depending on the price of gas.  It was more comfortable and we can fit bags in the back if we need to."  He looked up.  "Work, people?"

"Boss, I was thinking.  We don't have anything on her except her intake forms," Tony told him.  "What if it's an alias or she's in witness protection or something?  There's no bank records, Probie can't find an education history outside of a small form saying she was home schooled in her intake file.  No DMV records.  There's nothing that says she was here eighteen months ago."

"Cross-check it with the FBI?" McGee suggested.

"Witness protection won't give out those records," Tony told him.  "Unless she's got her prints in a database and most of the time they remove them too."

"You want to gloat about your new toy," Kate said dryly.

"Well, no.  Not today," he said with a grin.  "I want to drive it first.  He'll probably try to steal it too."

"She'll get over it, DiNozzo."

"Boss, there's a tow truck," McGee said.

Tony grabbed the keys and went down there, smiling at the guards.  "Hi, guys.  That's my new car.  Xander delivered it to us."  He pulled out the forms for them.  "See?"

"The director wanted it removed, sir.  She said it's going to the agency parking lot?"

"No, it's mine," Tony told him.  "She can buy her own if she wants one."  He called Gibbs.  "She was having them remove it to the sedan parking lot, boss.  Thank you."  He hung up and locked the papers back in there.  "Touch my SUV and I will kill," Tony told the guard.  "Then I'll let Gibbs yell."  That got a nod.  "She can buy her own.  It's a going away present from Miami."

The guard waved the tow truck driver off, getting a nod.  "Make sure it goes home tonight, Agent DiNozzo."

"It'll go home at lunch," he promised.  "Before I kick her ass," he said quietly, getting a laugh. "Tell your boss please?"  He nodded, radioing that in while Tony went back to work.  He came off the elevator and found the director huffing in anger.  "Ma'am, what you tried to do was theft," he said plainly.  "It's my car.  Not your car.  Not the agency's car.  My car.  Keep it up, and I've got an open offer to move to Las Vegas or Miami with Greg."

"You are a member of this agency and that vehicle could mean the difference between an operation working or not."

He shrugged.  "Then buy one, Director.  I'm sure Greg knows where Xander got us that one.  He helped him pick out the original one's options."

"The other one is in possession of what agency?"

"Xander.  He's nice enough to let the crime lab use it if necessary but it's Xander's.  He uses it when he goes to play poker with the criminal underground now and then.  They don't like it when they owe him money."  She turned purple.  "I really don't care, ma'am.  It's my car and I'm not donating it.  It's a very thoughtful gift.  It's meant to protect myself, my team, and my lover.  If the others want or need it, they can *ask*," he said firmly, staring her down.  "As of this moment, it's going to take some begging since you tried to steal it."   The veins in her neck were throbbing.  "Now, is there anything else, Madam Director?  Because you're acting like one of Gibbs' ex-wives - greedy, spoiled, and throwing a fit."  She huffed.  "I will make a report to the man I know who is presently sleeping with the president's right-hand advisor," he hissed quietly.  "He knows all about the group and Xander.  I'm sure he'll only giggle and stroke his very blonde hair."  She gasped and grabbed her chest.  "Yes, there's gay men advising the president.  He even knows it, he simply ignores it since he's so much like him and a former college buddy."  She sat down, letting him stare down at her.  "I'm not taking begging today."

"Um, I think she's having a heart attack," McGee said, calling Ducky.  "The director's dying."  He hung up and came over to help with Gibbs.  "Tony?"

"Get her away from my desk."  He sat down.  "I have work to do."  He called the department in the FBI over witness protection.  "Hey, it's DiNozzo in NCIS.  We've got a person here who we think might've been one of your protectees.  Nothing before eighteen months ago.  That's what we were wondering.  Ducky.  Thank you."  He hung up, watching the paramedics come up to take her off.  He waved.  "Have a better day."

Gibbs glared at him.  "That was not good, DiNozzo.  At all."

Tony looked at him.  "Now and then I get GHS PMS and that's what it comes out as, boss.  She deserved it.  Oh, by the way, she tried to sell Greg.  That's who I had arrested last night.  I got an email from the officer who arrested him after I had to shoot him.  He had paid sixty grand for him."

"He okay with that?"

"I haven't told him yet."

"Are you going to?"

"Later.  When we go over our security with the guys at the apartment building you found us."  Greg came up.  "Hi."

"Hi."  He grinned at him.  "She gonna live?"  Gibbs nodded. "Pity."  He looked at Tony.  "I know.  He emailed me to be careful because she had been paid for me.  Can we ask Xander to go destroy them?"

"No, they might want to keep him.  Even if he is in a vindictive mood," Tony offered.  "I'm sure they've got the point now.  If not, well, I wear a GPS tracer, you wear a GPS tracer.   We'll be found fairly quickly if we're even a few minutes late."

"Yes, you will be," Gibbs said.  "You think this was part of that?"  Greg nodded, heading back to his desk.  "The FBI?"

"Someone's coming over from Witness Protection to see if he can make an ID.  Should we tell the DC gang unit that Miami's Mala Noche threat was mostly eliminated to see if they can track them?"

"Do so," Gibbs ordered, going back to his desk.  He had to call and report this to the Secretary of the Navy.  "It's Jethro Gibbs.  Our director just got taken to the hospital for a possible heart attack," he told the secretary.  "Thank you."  He hung up.  "Pull the footage, McGee."

"I'm trying, boss, but a lot of others are logged in to watch it replay.  Guys, I need to save it down!" he bellowed.  "Get off the replay so I can do that for the Sec Nav!  He's coming in!"  He got better access and saved it down, starting from the visit earlier.


Horatio answered his office phone.  "Horatio Caine."  He listened, holding his head, dropping his pen before he wrote on his forehead.  "Sir."  He smiled.  "I did know about the present, sir.   Xander did say that she was trying to claim his present to Tony and Gregory."  He nodded.  "Yes, he can enslave Congress, sir.  He's a high level GHS.  I'd ask Gibbs.  He's had to help save him in the past, sir."  He looked over as Xander peeked in.  He pointed at his spare chair, making Xander come in and sit down.  "Is she all right, sir?"  He smirked.  "That is a good reason.  I will, sir.  Thank you for letting us know.  I'll make sure his future trips to DC are announced better and...."  He listened then grimaced.  "If you say so, sir.  Thank you for being so understanding.  I do hope Gibbs' team is all right, sir.  You have a good night as well."  He hung up and glared at Xander.  "She tried to claim it.  She had a heart attack when Tony thwarted her.  You may not threaten to enslave Congress or any other governmental body ever again, Xander.  Am I clear?"

He pouted but nodded.   "Even if she deserved it?  She gave someone my home address, Horatio.  She gave them your home address too."

"I know.  They found that.  That's why she was arrested in the hospital."  He stared at him.  "It was a good gift.  It was a good presentation.  Threatening her was wrong.  Even if she did deserve it," he said at his opening mouth.  "You know better."

"I'm sorry."  He looked at his hands then at him.  "Are you still mad about the Riaz stuff?"

"I'm concerned," he corrected.  "I was not mad about it.  I was mad that you would risk your safety that way.  There's more moving into town.  Ray Junior pointed out a few to our Gang Unit earlier today."  Xander nodded.  "I'm concerned that one of them will want to retaliate or take you."

"They won't do either," Xander told him.  "They're very macho men, Horatio."  He smiled slightly.  "They'll kill Riaz and the other guy for being brought down by a gay man and for liking men.  They've killed other gang members who were gay when they found out."

"How do you know this?"

"I asked Jorge."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "You two are still friends?"

"Yup, I write him all the time.  He giggled like he had been given happy drugs when he heard what went on.  One of the others told him.  He sent me a cassette of him giggling through most of the letter and telling me what was going to happen to him."  He handed it over.  "It came before I left."

"Thank you."  He put it aside, giving him a look.  "We do worry about your safety.  Especially when you go into crisis mode and you start doing unpredictable things.  It's easier to guard you when you're a simple GHS boy, Xander."

"I know.  I'm sorry, Horatio.  Oh, tell Ryan his horses are missing him."

"He went tonight since he hadn't been able to get out for a few days."  He smiled at him, standing up to give him a hug.  "No Danny and Don?"

"No, they're waiting at home."  He grinned.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Remember, no threatening congress again."

"I wouldn't want the old, white guy patrol anyway," he teased.  "They're boring and stiff and not used to anyone having pleasure outside of cash.  Oh, Vesvold giggled too.  He thought it was cute that an organization that was started in the passionate response to a civil war was going to be brought down by the passions of a man's loins.  That's a quote."  He gave him a good hug and skipped off.  "I'll see you later."

"Have a good night."  He watched him go, sitting down to listen to the tape.  It didn't have much information on it but a hint of something coming into town to take over for the idiots that had been in charge.  They really should have learned better when Xander had bankrupted a few at poker.  Speed came to the door.  "He's back.  The Secretary of the Navy said he has very good taste in presents.  Tony's director is under arrest for trying to sell Greg."

Speed shook his head.  "Joy.  Who's next?"

"I don't know.  He didn't tell me."  He smiled.  "I'm nearly done.  Let me log this in."  He grabbed an evidence bag and logged it in, locking it in his desk drawer. Then he locked up the rest of his desk and joined him.  "Dinner out?"

"I have dinner coming to us.  I wanted to try out Xander's gift.  See if it fits."  He walked his boy out to the hummer, following him home on the bike.  It was a sexy idea and he did think the chenille would drive Horatio nuts once he had it on.


Danny looked at their housekeeper the next morning.  It was his day off and he was a happy guy.  "Are you going to keep bringing them to help you, Tabby?"

"If you want.  Were they good boys?"

"They were very good and they reported on Xander's actions very well."  She smiled at that.  "They did a good job on the house too.  Even the ferret cage while Xander was gone to DC."

"Political business?"

"Giving Greg a present," he said with a grin.  He went back to his paper.  "Up to you.  We don't mind your sons."

"I'll let them know.  It'll be good for them to work full time."  She patted him on the head, going to check the house to make sure they had cleaned to her standards.  "They said wearing the shorts were fun.  One's got a date this weekend."

"Tell him I wish him luck," Xander called from the office.  "Hopefully she'll make him happy."  He went back to his email to Vesvold, making his buddy smile later on.  They were having a bad week on the Demonic High Council and his buddy needed some levity. He knew the mental image of him making the other counselors gibbering, begging things that turned into puddles of spoiling goo would cheer him up.  The next one was an e-card from Speed and Horatio from their shared room in the hospital for their back problems.  He smiled and wrote back to them that he had been happy to give them something that not only made them so sore but happy enough to almost need traction.  He decided to get some more soft yarn so he could make some other pieces for Don and Danny.  They needed to be teased too.  He bounced out, going to get his keys from Danny.  "Want blue or some other color for your new treat?"

Danny took a kiss.  "Whatever you feel like using, Xan."  Xander beamed and left, taking the corvette out to the yarn store.  He sighed and called in.  "Hey, Frank, it's Danny.  I got your message earlier but I'm just now awake enough to call.  What's up?"  He listened.  "Uh-huh.  Why are Horatio and Speed in the hospital?"  He heard the explanation of thrown backs.  "Something break in?"  He blinked then shivered.  His answer of 'Xander presents' gave him a bad feeling.  "I'll stop by later.  Have them call me if they need me, Frank."  He hung up and called the hospital Frank had said they were in.  "Can I be connected to either Caine or Speedle please?"  He smiled when Horatio's panting voice answered.  "Hey, boss.  Should I stop Xander from making more presents for a while?"   Horatio's 'don't you dare' made him laugh.  "So you two are okay?  Frank told me.  If they need me they'll call, boss."  He smiled.  "Sure.  I'll even tell Mac if you want.  What present was it?"  He blinked at that.  "Don won't wear his.  I'll have to see if he likes his too.  Have a good rest, boss.  Kiss the hubby too if you can get out of bed."  He hung up, shaking his head.  He called Xander.  "Make mine green and Don's the color of his eyes or his bike, Xander.  He'll appreciate that.  Did you give any to Greg and Tony?"  He hung up, going back to his reading of the news.  He turned to the national news section, smiling at the announcement of a new director for NCIS.  It was a good thing in his book.  Maybe some year he'd transfer there instead.

The End.

To part 45: