Getting Help

Xander woke up, groaning at the pain his body was in. He looked at the clock and winced, rolling off the bed to get up. He made a gross face at the smears of cum that had been under him but shook his head, muttering the sage words, "It'll wash," on his way to the bathroom. He tried to relieve himself but it hurt so bad that he had to look down, wincing at the redness of his cock. "Oh, hell," he whispered, sitting down. "Wonder if I hurt them too bad?"

"Not really," Giles said as he walked in. "We were able to recuperate after you finally fell asleep last night." He started the water in the tub, helping him into the soothing, warm liquid. "Now, you rest. We'll be in and out all afternoon."

"Can I have a soda?" he asked quietly, not looking up to see the disappointment in the older man's eyes. Giles tipped his head up and gave him a gentle kiss. "I'm sorry I was so mean to you guys," he whispered, hugging his neck as hard as he could. "Really, really sorry."

"Well, now we know how to fix it and everyone has assured us that you'll be fine next month so we're no longer distressed." He sat on the edge of the tub, watching him splash the bubbles he had put in. "Xander, never doubt that we love you and want you, even when you're acting like that. Your behavior was a bit distressing for us though. We've since talked about it and figured out how to cure you so we'll all be fine. You didn't hurt either of us," he finished after watching Xander watch the bubbles pop harder. "Just relax. You're bound to be sore." That got a frantic nod. "As are we," Giles said with a small smile. "But it was worth it. You made us both explore our depths of stamina." He patted the younger man's shoulder again. "Would like some toast? I'm sure your stomach is in revolt after all you've eaten recently."

"Toast," Oz said, bringing in his bed tray, which he sat beside the tub. He leaned down, kissing Xander's forehead. "Not mad, wondering if we can bottle it, but never mad about it."

Xander looked up and grinned, slightly. "Okay, I think we could make tons." He smiled at his men, taking their hands in his. "Thanks guys, really. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"Easy, you would have gotten your own sex toy and fixed it. At least that's what Willow does."

"Nah, now she has her *Spike-toy* do it," he said, wiggling his eyebrows. Oz nodded, kissing him again. "So, now what? I'm supposed to work tonight."

"And so you shall, if you can walk," Giles told him. "That's why you need to soak for a bit while we sleep." He smiled, patting the youngest man again before walking out.

Oz sat down beside him on the floor, picking up a piece of toast to feed him. "You okay?" he asked.

Xander nodded, blushing. "Really sore." Oz looked down at his waist in alarm. "No, not there, in front of there. My dick, Oz." He pulled himself out of the water so the older man could see it. "I think I broke it."

"I'd be raw too if I had fucked us as much as you did." He took a bite of the toast then fed the younger man the rest of the piece as he settled back down into the water. "You were *way* horny man." He leaned closer. "And I got it on tape. The stalking and all. After seeing that look on your face that first day, I wanted to share it over and over with you." They shared a gentle kiss. "How's the hole?"

"Oh, it's fine. Little twitchy, lot wet. Not really sore. Yours?"

Oz snorted. "Fine. It finally relaxed into its normal circumference last night." He patted his shoulder. "I'll even be nice and help you do all our sheets and your comforter." Xander nodded, stealing a quick kiss. "What? Need more? I can go find the vibrator, it's a waterproof model."

"No," Xander said quickly. "Want to do the kiss and cuddle thing." He shook his head, scooting away from the older man. "I'll lick you if you want but I don't even want to contemplate having actual sex."

Oz laughed, pulling him back for another kiss. "That would be fine with us, Xander, very fine." He let him go, feeding him another bite of toast. "I'd like to do the cuddling stuff too."


Xander smiled sweetly at Buffy as she walked into the store, and pushed the button for the back room. "In there, now! I want to talk to you." She followed him in, not even flinching as he slammed the door. "How could you *do* that to me! You know how bad Oz has gotten over being jealous and I'm not much better and yet you climb into my shower to molest me!" He put his hands on his hips, looking at her, seeing her 'and' look. "Don't you have anything to say for yourself?"

"Nope, not really." She shrugged. "Anything else?" He shook his head. "Okay, I'm just picking up Anya's order." She walked out, brushing up against him, making him shudder.

"So sick," he whispered, walking back out. He saw Oz at the register instead of stocking the shelves, so headed over to shelve so he didn't have to look at Buffy anymore. He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder so looked up, smiling faintly at Giles. "Hey," he said. He looked around, seeing just the three of them in the store for a moment. "Felt I had to protest her actions."

"I see, and did you know that your voice carried through the floor?" He sat down beside the younger man on the floor. "Xander, I'm sure she has some sort of sickness."

He shrugged. "And? Giles, she crawled in the shower with me!" He moved a little farther away from his lover. "A few years ago that may have been my fondest wet dream but not now. Not after all I've seen of her."

Oz shook his head as he walked over to them. "Relax. I talked to a friend of a friend, who said we could get keypad locks on the doors. No more keys to fight with while trying to keep Miri from crashing the gate on the stairs." He sat down beside them, taking Xander's hand. "I know what she did was really close to what Faith did and I knew you didn't want it, that's why I stopped her." He gave the hand a little squeeze. "Are you going to take the judge's suggestion of counseling?" The younger man shook his head. "Might be a good."

"Oz, then I'd have to go over stuff I don't remember and I want to forget. It's not tainting her. I've proven that it didn't hurt my functionality with women, just ask Anya," he shuddered briefly, knocking the thought of his ex and Buffy together out of his head, "and it's not really affecting us. Yes, I know I have some anger stored up, but it's gradually coming out and going away. I'm letting it go." He squeezed the slightly older man's hand, releasing it so he could go back to his stocking.

"We just worry, dear one," Giles said softly, brushing over his cheek. "But if you want to talk to us, we're here for you." He stood up as the door chime went off, smiling at his student. "Willow, how are you today?"

"Oh, fine. Needing new candlestick holders and the magic shop didn't have any cute ones." She picked up the one Xander silently held up, smiling down at him. "Okay, I like this, but how about in blue?"

Oz pointed behind himself. "For tapers and for larger ones. Swirled glass and painted metal." He got out of her way, handing back the green painted metal one. "Do like those though. Wish we had them in purple to go with my apartment."

"Could," Xander said. "They had a bunch of colors in stock and they were on clearance for discontinuation." He tossed the catalog from the box over, smirking at the gasp. "And you thought they only made cute frames and sex toys." He finished putting up the contents of the box, standing. Then he had to catch one as it almost fell when a flap of the box caught it. He handed that one off to Giles, nodding at the display in the window.

Willow looked at the three in her hands then at the ones he had just put up, considering her rooms. "Well, my bedroom set *is* green," she said, pulling three of those down and heading up to the counter, coming back for a few of the plain metal ones to work with. "Ah, happy day, found good ones for pillars. Been looking all over for them."

Oz went to the register, adding things up on the little calculator under the counter, frowning. "Willow, did you check prices?" he called. She ducked around the edge of the shelving unit, frowning at him so he held up the calculator's big display.

She shrugged as she walked closer, putting four more down. "I don't care. My mother finally accepted me being a Witch. She's buying me witchly things to work with." She smiled. "And she's trying to learn about the ways too. Seems she wants to *bond*."

Xander snorted. "'Nother paper?" She nodded, grinning. "Cool. Give her the truth so it's actually out there. Don't want any more witch hunts." He patted her shoulder, grabbing the last box and walking over to the shelves. "Hmm, hi Miri," he said, taking the ceramic dog from her and putting it back. "You have a hamster at Daddy Giles', dear, you don't need a dog." He sat down beside her, putting up the new stuff, frogs and cows, watching her watch him. "Do you like them?"

"What noise does this one make?" Giles asked, touching the top of a frog. She looked up at him, frowning.

"Little young for that, I think," Oz said. "Give her a year to croak and moo." He sat down to help put the things up, nudging Xander. "Didn't I volunteer for this?"

"Yes, but I'm sparing you this job because you dealt with the Buffy order." He finished a row, starting a new one. He gasped as his lap was filled with cold stuff suddenly, looking over his shoulder at the person who had done it. "Happier, Anya?" he asked, standing up.

She nodded, putting down the empty slushy cup. "Much. Why pick on my girlfriend?" She crossed her arms, tapping her foot while she waited.

Xander pulled her into the stock room, across the small hall that led to the stairs up to the apartments, and closed the door behind them. "She crawled into the shower with me." His ex nodded for him to go on. "Uninvited, Anya, as in I didn't want her in there with me." She shrugged. "How would you feel if Oz did that to you?"

"I'd throw a fit," she admitted. "But you're a man and you've wanted her for a while now. That was the whole point behind that pretend to be another one of us game we used to play." She crossed her arms again. "You had no reason to yell at her like that." She walked out, slamming the door.

Xander leaned against the wall, thumping his head a few times. He felt the soothing hands touch his back and shrugged them off. "I'm fine," he whispered.

"I know," Willow said. She gave him a hug. "Just doing the friend's thing here." She stepped back. "Did she...hurt you too?" He shook his head. "Xander, is it the same?" she asked, sitting on a box next to where he was leaning, looking up at him.

He pulled back, looking at her. "Willow," he started coldly, "just because I'm a man doesn't mean that I can't be raped or molested. I have just as much right to say no as you do." He walked out, heading up to his apartment and leaning against the now locked door. He flinched when someone knocked, not caring who it was, the sound loud in the apartment. "Go away," he said.

"No, let me in," Oz said. Xander opened the door and he stepped in, frowning. "Did you have to tear into her like that? You know how sensitive she is."

"You know what?" He walked over to the fridge, taking out the carton of milk, drinking out of it. "She asked if it was the same." Oz nodded. "She blamed *me* when she found out what Faith had done." That got a small wince. "And gee, that was almost a year now, short maybe a month." He tossed the milk away, turning away from his friend. "I'm sorry but I think by now she ought to know better and not have to ask that question." He sat down at the table, putting his head down. "Can you grab me the Tylenol out of the bathroom? I have a major headache."

Oz calmly walked in and got the bottle, coming back with it. "Here," he said quietly. "No one blames you. If they do then they're undereducated." He sat down across from him, taking the fidgeting hand. "Xander, we all know Anya isn't up to speed on life now. Hell, someone had to tell her what rape was." He stroked over the back of the hand. "I want you to start seeing someone babe, talk about this stuff."

Xander shook his head. "No." He looked up. "It was a momentary thing, not something I need to discuss with some stranger." He got up, walking back to the fridge for a cool drink to take the pills with. When he turned around the phone book was lying open on the table, turned to crisis hotlines.

He flipped it closed, silently taking the pills to make his head quit hurting.


Xander looked at the man across the desk from him, frowning. "What do you mean that isn't possible?" He stood up. "I know, mostly, what happened. Why isn't it possible that she raped me?"

"Because you're a man," the doctor, a balding, elderly African-American man said, yawning. "Men can't be raped." He sat back up. "I believe our session is up now. I encourage you to come back to see me again so we can work on your other problems but I can't allow you this delusion."

Xander walked out of the office, slamming the outer door. He avoided Oz, walking right past him, shrugging his caring hands off. "No," he said, pushing him away. "Just leave me alone." He got into the car, in the back seat, and buckled up.

Giles turned to look at him, frowning. "Not go well?"

"Apparently Miri can't exist because it doesn't happen to men." He closed his eyes, leaning his head back. "I give. This is stupid and a waste of time." Oz got in beside him and he flinched as the gentle hand tried to touch him. "Just don't. Don't touch me, don't look at me, and don't talk to me. This is your fault. I didn't want to come and you said I had to." He rolled his head to look at his lover and friend. "See, apparently I'm delusional because I wasn't *man* enough to fight her off." He got out of the car, after struggling with the belt, and walked off into the hospital's park.

Oz looked at Giles. "I'm guessing he wasn't believed."

"Oz, I warned you that this might happen," Giles said quietly. "Men aren't accepting of this ordeal. Most of the societies in the world aren't and this one that's built on male competition certainly isn't. Almost nobody would help him and if they did, they would question his decisions to be with us and to take care of his daughter. Not to mention his surgery." He shuddered. "Go find him, see if you can bring him back so we can go somewhere and discuss this between ourselves."

Oz got out of the car, walking after the hurting younger man, jogging to catch up to him when he started to disappear from sight. "Hey," he said, walking up behind him, looking over the fence down on the interstate. "It's not your fault. None of it." He started to reach out but drew back, instead pulling him into a hug. "I'm sorry I forced this on you, Xander, I really thought that society had progressed more than this." He let him go, looking into his eyes. "I'll still listen and so will Giles. As a matter of fact, he told me to come get you so we could go talk if you wanted." The younger man silently shook his head, sinking back into the welcoming arms. "Hey, not your fault here. Society's maybe but not yours." He stroked over the tense back, sighing when it started to relax. "Come back with us, babe, it's time to go home."

Xander nodded, following him back to the car, sliding into the back seat with a small grunt of exhaustion. "Why are they so cruel about it?" he asked when they were on the road. "He said I was delusional." He shook his head, slumping down in the seat. "Never mind, it's not worth it."

"Well, the judge that had your mother arrested had her office call to check up on you," Giles told him. "She asked for an appointment to discuss Miri with you." Xander shuddered. "She's not taking her away," he soothed. "No one would."

"You don't know that, Giles. Nobody does. And now that I've told someone, three someone's actually, I know it'll get around and it'll get back to people who could hurt us very much by taking her." He slumped a little more, curling up to nap when he got uncomfortable. "Wake me when reality makes sense."


The Judge, a pleasant woman with a pleased smile to see him and her hair loose today in brown curls down her back, waved him to a chair. "Mr. Harris, how is your daughter doing?"

"Fine, her birthday's in a few days," he said quietly, looking around. "Is there some problem?"

"No, on such extreme cases I like to do follow-ups, see if the family is still working properly and all that." She relaxed, still smiling. "So, did you seek some help to deal with your abuse issues?"

He shook his head, earning a frown. "I tried and they said I was a man so it didn't happen." Her frown got larger so he sighed. "I tried, I really did. Three different people, all with the same message - I need medication to make me stop imagining things." He slumped in the chair. "I'm not going to keep looking, it's worse than the problem."

She nodded, sitting back up. "I can see that." She looked him over again. "Did you look at that list from the rape hotline?"

"I tried them first and they were the first to laugh at me." He shrugged. "I'd rather just talk with my men about it. At least they believe me." He looked up. "Miri's in no danger."

"And what about you?" she asked softly. "I looked up your family's record after our last talk and I noticed the transcripts from your senior year." He flinched. "Yes, I see you do remember yelling at the court that your father was the cause of you being so suicidal that you were ready to die to get away from him." He nodded. "Would you try one more?"

He shook his head. "No, I won't." He sat up straighter. "Miri will never know how she came to be and my two friends and I have handled it in the past. We'll be good enough now."

"As long as you try to work it out," she said kindly. "None of us want to hear about your death." She smiled again. "My own daughter's your age and I can only hope that she's never hurt as badly as you were." He nodded, standing up. "Oh, do sit. I'd like to see a picture of her if I may."

Xander grinned, pulling out his wallet and handing it over. "That was just last week. We had them done early so we could give them to Aunties and Uncles at the party."


Oz looked up as Xander walked into his apartment, clearing his throat to get his attention. When all he saw was the stiffening back, he put down his book, walking over to talk to him. "Hey, Miri's downstairs. Wesley showed up a day early." He reached out to touch his lover, but remembered that he had asked him not to touch him suddenly so let his hand fall. "Want to tell me how it went?"

"She wanted to know if I had tried her suggestion of counseling and I told her about my experiences. We talked about Miri's birthday for a few minutes. She smiled at her picture. Just a follow-up." He downed the soda in a few gulps, leaning down to get another. "Wanted something else?"

"Xander," Oz said, turning him around to look at him. "I'm sorry I pressed you. I thought it'd be for the best if you started to work it out. Totally my bad."

The younger man shook his head. "Not at all. You're not the only one that said that." He walked into the bathroom, shutting the door partially. "I'll be over later."

"Sure," Oz called. "I'll make popcorn and we can watch movies." He walked back to his apartment, seeing Buffy sitting on his couch. "Weren't you banished without chaperones?" he asked snidely.

She shrugged. "I thought you might have wanted to know what people were saying about Xander." She handed him a piece of paper. "From the college's chat room." She walked out, leaving him alone.

Oz sat down, his stomach sinking as he read the remarks that could only be about one person. "I'll kill somebody for this," he muttered. He pulled over his laptop, logging on to look up the recorded information about the people in the room.


Giles looked up, smiling at Miri as she was brought into his new apartment, the site of her birthday party. He sat her in her high chair, putting a silly-looking hat on her head and giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Happy birthday, sweetness," he said, stepping back to take a picture before she could ruin the hat. And he just got it in time too.

Willow smiled, putting a dish of ice cream in front of her, the traditional chocolate, then stepped back, watching her wave it around at them all with happy baby noises. Oz watched Xander lay on the couch, covering his eyes. He walked over, nudging a foot hanging off the edge of the couch. "Want to eat something? Might help the headache."

"I'm fine," he whispered. "I'll go back upstairs if it gets too bad."

Willow walked over, frowning at him. "You're going to miss her party?"

"I have a headache," he whispered, looking up. "Just drop the subject." She shrugged, going back over to the happy people.

It was almost an hour into the party when the music started and Xander was driven up to his bed, lying down with a small groan of pain. He looked at the mess in his room, shuddering, but he didn't have the energy to fix it right now. He looked back at the door as someone quietly knocked. "Unless you're carrying stuff for my head, go away," he called.

Giles walked in, shaking the bottle of Tylenol, handing it and a glass of water over. "Thought you'd like some of this." He watched while the younger man took some pills, sitting on the side of the bed. "What's wrong?" he asked gently. "You've not been yourself recently."

"M'fine," Xander said, rolling onto his side. "Just need my eyes checked or something." He covered his head with a pillow, falling rapidly into a deep, unrestful sleep.


Giles and Oz shared a look across the younger man's resting body and decided to hold the talk then. It had been a month since the headaches and depression had started and it was time for some intervention from somebody more knowledgeable. "He needs it," Oz mouthed. Giles nodded. "I can find someone that won't laugh." Giles nodded again. "Right now?" Giles nodded stronger, pulling Xander onto his chest so Oz could slip out of bed, wandering over to his apartment to use the phone. He set his wallet on the table, pulling a card he had hoped never to have to call again, but needing his expertise. Hell, his former boss knew everyone.

He dialed slowly, getting up to close the door so none of the sound would carry. "Hey, it's me." He looked at the clock. "Yeah, but you were always up at this time surfing the net." He sat back down, covering his eyes. "You know how you said if I ever needed something, to call? Well, I need something. A referral for a friend to someone who would understand and not judge." He shook his head. "No, John, not like that. Like the guy I came home to help when he found out he was a dad and the reason he has a daughter." He nodded, picking up a piece of paper and a pen to write down the number and name. "Would he be up now?" He smiled and hung up, looking at the door and his smile fell away. "This is too close to high school," he decided quietly, dialing this new number. "Hey, my former boss, John, told me to call you about my best friend." He looked at the door again. "Yeah, it's an emergency."


Xander sat down with some trepidation at this new man's office. He looked over the counselor, seeing no suit, no tie, just jeans and a t-shirt and a pair of cowboy boots, casual even by LA standards. "Hi," he said. The man looked up from his copy of the Wall Street Journal. "Xander," he said, getting up to shake his hand.

"Cool, Blair," he said shaking it back. "Sit, relax, talk." The younger man gave him a confused look. "Let me guess, you're about to ask about what?" He sat up, pulling his feet off his desk. "Well, let's start with why you're here." He smiled, brightening the room. "You must be very important to someone for them to call me at two am." Xander groaned. "Ah, but I see now that it was indeed an emergency." He leaned forward. "Let me guess some other stuff. Everybody else has laughed at you because of what you've been through." That got a slight nod. "I know you've been depressed and suicidal before. And I'm thinkin' that you're so close that you're going to try again if you could figure out how not to hurt your daughter, one of the three most important things in your life. You were going to sit down and seriously think about how tonight."

"Last night," Xander said quietly. "I sat down last night to write things out."

"Ah, then it was *really* worthy of a call at two am." He smiled gently, tapping the top of the desk. "You're going to find out three things. I don't do things the normal way. You're going to do all this yourself while I listen and suggest. And you'll never hear a judgement out of me unless it's absolutely warranted to keep you from hurting yourself or your family more." Xander nodded slowly. "Good, so, what happened?"

"I'm not sure," he said, holding his head as the pain came back. "I remember her choking me. I remember another person waking me up as he dressed me." He shrugged. "I don't know what to say here."

"Ah, not a verbal person?" Xander shook his head. "Why do I think that's a lie?"

"Because you have massive amounts of education and I barely passed high school." He caught the tennis ball thrown at his head. "Sorry."

"Hey, just another issue to work on." He shrugged, leaning back and putting his feet back up on the desk. "So, tell me again. You were raped by whom?"

"A... a former friend." He stood up to pace, frowning at the floor. "There are things I can't tell you about the situation, not my secrets to tell, but it's not about what happened to me but it is because it's related but not why she did it." He stopped, looking at the older man, who simply nodded. "But I tried to go work out a problem between her and our group, my group of friends and I, and she attacked me." He started to pace again. "I knew she was strong, but that was *incredibly* stupid of me. Why do I trust you?" he asked suddenly.

Blair shrugged. "Because I'm likeable. You see in me a man who's been where you are and who couldn't find the help either." He crossed his legs in the other direction. "So, this person who attacked you, she was really strong?"

"Yup, like superstrong." He shrugged. "Even if I hadn't been knocked out I still wouldn't have been able to fight her off. She had this ... specialness to her."

"And do you and she still have contact?" Xander shook his head. "Why not?"

"Because she's in a coma in England."

"Ah, why?"

"Um, another attack, on her this time but a physical, knock-down-pulling-hair-stab-her-in-the- stomach kind instead of what she did to me." He stopped pacing, staring at him. "How much did Oz tell you?"

"How do you know it was him that told me?"

"Because Giles would have made me talk to *him* instead of an outside resource and Oz has been pushing me to see someone."

"Do you resent that?" Xander nodded, frowning. "Good. You should, it means that you're trying to escape the depression." He waved at the couch. "Sit."

"Not a dog," Xander muttered.

"Of course you're not but you're also not going to ruin my carpet by wearing it out." He grinned. "Now then, this person, Faith I believe the guy who called me said her name was, why did she attack you?"

"Because I was an easy target. I was on the fringe of the group over something bad that I had done. I wasn't real protected. I was trying to heal things so we could solve a problem."

"You were trying to get attention for doing something good," Blair suggested. Xander nodded, frowning at him. "Okay, now, honesty rules in here so start that again."

"I went to her to fix the split she had caused, and yeah, a little of it was to get some recognition for doing something right, maybe get my acceptance back some." He shrugged. "I'm human."

"Good, always a nice starting point. So, human, why do you think she picked you?"

"I was easy," he said again, getting angry. "Why weren't you listening?"

"I was, I wanted you to blow." He sat up again, his smile disappearing. "You have some anger built-up, not only from her, she was just the last straw." Blair saw the wince. "Or maybe not. Some other stuff? You know I can handle it, right?"

Xander nodded, slumping in on himself. "I know but it's not my secret to tell."

"Well, let me tell you a few things about me then. My partner, as in the guy I work with, is working with the LA Police Department and part time with the VCTF-LA. I had him look up your name and I've heard all about your problems with your friend's. That's why I'm here. That's why *he's* here and we work as a team." Xander looked confused. "We all have secrets, Xander, some of ours go deeper than others. There's nothing you can tell me that your friend Oz's friend John wouldn't know or that I wouldn't know."

"I worked with Buffy Summers in High School," he admitted. "Faith was..." He looked around and Blair simply pointed up at a sign that said 'all things said in here are confidential and are only told to someone who would understand, me'. He grinned. "Really?"

"Yup, got tired of saying it. So, you helped the Slayer, and the other one got you?" He shrugged, leaning back at the sudden frown.

"You don't work for the Council, right?" Blair shook his head with an amused grin. "Okay, just checking. Yeah, you're right. And Buffy's ex saved me, called Oz because I was still out of it in shock and he's been there. He didn't even relate what happened to me to my attempt though, it was non-issuage."

"You know, I always loved how your generation mangled the English language." He dropped his feet from the desk, rubbing his thigh. "So, you went to do a group cohesive thing and got bitten for it? Then you got saved, and ten months later you had a daughter." Xander's mouth fell open. "Hey, I pumped Oz pretty hard for information. He told me everything." He shrugged again. "Now, you have to deal with the anxiety, the anger, and the fear that you have that she's made you do things that aren't you. Know those feelings very well, young man, very well indeed." He yawned. "Sorry, had to go to the target range with Jim this morning anyway then my wife and I went riding with our daughter." He smiled gently again. "Now then, you wanted to talk about which? Your present problem, the first one, the Faith one, or the first suicide attempt?"

Xander shook his head. "None of them really but Oz insisted that I give it one last try, said you'd be different." He looked at the older man. "And boy, was he right."

Blair laughed, leaning back in his chair. "Oh, from you, I'll take that as a compliment." He turned his head to look at his patient. "Thank you. That was the nicest thing anyone's said to me all year." He swung the chair back and forth a few times. "So, we have almost half an hour left of this time. Should we bring your friends in?"

Xander's brow wrinkled. "Do I have to do the admitting thing in front of them?" Blair shook his head. "No?" He got another head shake. "Drugs?" A head shake and a frown. "No?"

"No, I think you'll do fine if you simply get it out. How you working out your frustration out now?"

"Decorating," he moaned, laying down and covering his head. "Right after my surgery, I redid my whole apartment. Seventeen layers of sponged-on paint, with some things thrown at the wet walls, new furniture which I arranged fourteen times when I shouldn't have been out of bed yet, and one daughter that I took care of because I was being stubborn." He looked at the therapist. "I'm really sick here, I actually watched Martha." Another ball was launched at his head, the last one laying on the desk still. "How many of those do you have?"

"Quite a few. Each time you say something stupid, you'll get another one. The best sessions either have total honesty or my desk is full of them. But two your first session is okay." He picked up another one, tossing it in the air. "I'm guessing here, but you're doubting your orientation, again, because of this and your surgery too, which your friend did tell me about." He smirked some. "That boy wouldn't give me the good details though."

"It was told to me that I had...." He rolled off the couch to avoid the ball Blair had thrown hard this time instead of tossed. "Hey!"

"*That* is a stupid statement. You had doubts before it happened, right?" Xander shrugged as he got back onto the couch. "Don't remember?"

"Not really. I was kinda het before and after. Giles made me admit that I wanted his ass." He made a sour face then grinned, just a little as he looked down. "The man is shameless sometimes. All that reserve just floats out the window when you have him under you."

Blair walked over, sitting beside him. "Xander, you're gay because you're gay. You're not reacting the way someone who had switched due to trauma does. Trust me on this, Jim called me on it a few times while I struggled with what happened to me." He squeezed the frail feeling shoulders. "Now then, we're going to do some lifestyle evaluation. You're a hedonist. You like doing things that feel good, we all do that's human, but you take it to an extreme. Your bathroom has got to have an awesome tub in it. Your bed is sinful and the sheets are either fuzzy or silky, I'm kinda sure you wouldn't want silk or satin sheets, too hard to take care of. You only work because you have to, and after your settlements are finally all fixed, you might be able to get away with less work."

"I work with them," Xander said, leaning against him. "You're comforting."

"Thanks. You can have a hug, if you ask for it."

"Can I..." His mouth closed and he sat up, shaking his head.

"Say it, Xander," Blair said, looking over his shoulder and winking. "Say I want a hug, please."

"I want a hug please," Xander whispered and instantly he was hugged by his men, who he hadn't heard come in. "Hey," he said, kissing each of their cheeks. He looked up at Oz. "I'm sorry I put that on you, man, it wasn't right."

"And it stressed you out more when you were already hurting so I didn't fight with you about it," Oz told him, leaning down for a real kiss. "Can we do this with you?"

"Sure," Xander said, nodding, pulling Oz into his lap and Giles down into Blair's former spot. "So, doc, what's next?"

"Hmm? Well, you get to talk to them for the next week then come back and talk to me and let me referee for a while. Right now, I'd say go clean your house and eat something but that's just me."

"We did it for you," Oz told his lover quietly. "We wanted it to be a surprise. But we left the tub for you." He gave him a small kiss. "You okay with all three of us?"

"More than happily. I changed sides for a while because I couldn't deal with women and now my wife understands. My partner and I constantly talk to the other's wives so we can not have secrets. The three of you is a normal thing in my life. Jim has three wives all by himself, which freaked him badly, and I have one, so yeah." He shrugged, stretching. "Now, go home, kiss the baby, eat something. Oh, and I want a picture of you guys for my happily family wall." He pointed behind him at the wall of pictures. "Okay?"

"When?" Xander said.

"Hmm, well, how about next Wednesday? I have nothing that afternoon."

"Yes you do," floated from the front office, in a very masculine voice. "Try Tuesday, you cleared the afternoon for them."

"I thought that was for Sam." Blair said.

Jim's snort carried through the door. "Wrong. She's going to be in Wednesday."

"Damn orderly people," Blair muttered, writing something into his book. "So, how's Tuesday sound?"

"Fine," the three men said together, smiling at the others.