Detective Work
by Voracity

Jim wandered around the small desk, looking at the piles of diskettes, ignoring the rest of the room lest his sense of order come out and make him fix it. He looked at Blair, pouting slightly. "I don't know why she can't find that Lesson. Most of the story diskettes are plainly marked. She knows we'd throw fits if she lost them." He snuggled into the tight arms that were almost always ready to hold him. "We should investigate." He looked back at the pile of diskettes. "Right after we buy her a decent sized hard drive."

"You can't," a voice said from the closet, the owner walking out to look at them. "You're personally involved," that got him a snort from Blair, "so you can't investigate. Those are standard rules, no matter what precinct or city you're in."

"And you are..." Jim asked, looking this scrawny looking blonde man over. "I've never seen you before." He smiled as Xander walked up behind this new man. "Do you know him, pet?"

"Yeah, she's about to start a piece where we're kidnapped together. This is Detective Kowalski, although she has this problem with his first name. Sometimes it's Stanley, sometimes it's Ray." Xander smiled at Jim, grinning lasciviously. "Didn't you read her last long piece?"

"Nope, sorry, we were stuck in the first few lines of the next Lesson part." Blair let Jim down easily to the surface of the desk, walking his little eight inch body over to brush that annoying cowlick off Xander's forehead before looking this unfamiliar man over. "I do know you, or at least heard of you. You belong to the uptight guy and the guy with the car, right?"

Stanley nodded. "Yeah, they're my partners but she doesn't like to torment me with them." He ran a hand through his hair, making it stand up more. "So, what are Lessons?"

"Good stories," Xander told him. "Good, smutty, hot stories that she writes to lower her blood pressure."

"She started them after having to deal with a misogynist advisor one day to lower her blood pressure before she died," Blair explained. "I'm being tutored by Jim and another guy, Brian Rafe, on how to make love to my Sentinel," he waved a hand at Jim.

"Oh, so *that's* a Sentinel," Stanley said, looking Jim over. "What does he do? Run really fast? Some other superhero thing? All I've ever seen him do is do superhero stuff," he defended when he got glared at by Blair. "I only came in while she was writing the superheros piece during lunch." He backed up into Xander, getting instantly hugged and held tightly against his firm chest. "Okay, so are these her normal length stories or one of the short forty page ones?"

Jim grinned. "Nope, we're the beneficiaries of her only truly short stories. None have been over sixteen pages long and some have only been seven or so." He stood up, walking over to hug his mate. "Are you sure you can handle this, Stanley?"

"Sure, I'm a detective too," the small Stanley said, popping his neck. He looked at Xander. "Let me guess, you're my guide since you're in her mind so much?"

"Yup, that's me. Her favorite plaything recently." He grinned at Blair, winking. "It used to be him but then she found me and it was instant petdom for me."

"So, Xander, where should we start?"

"I've checked the disks," Jim said, waving a hand at the hundred or so piled up. "What I could find anyway." He glared at the messy room then at the youngest man there. "You're keeping her from cleaning this place up. You know that, right? That's she's not done laundry in a month because of you? That she's not cleaned her tiny room in even longer?"

"I know, but I'm lonely and wanton." Xander giggled and jumped off the desk to get away from Jim. "Na na na na," he said, sticking out his tongue, only to have it licked by a fuzzy being. "Um, you're not Oz," he told it, backing away.

"No, that's not him." Stanley hopped down from the desk to the chair to the floor to pet the beast. "Didn't you know this was a muse?" He looked it over. "Must be her warm and fuzzy muse." He gave it one last pet then looked at the room and the large body on the small twin bed. "We should go to the source of the files, her organizational chart." He climbed up a convenient pile of, thankfully, clean clothes and turned to help his helper up. "Have you been in here recently?" he asked as he walked in through her ear, bypassing the grandmotherly looking person reading a story to her.

"Hey, I recognize that," Xander said. "It's part thirty-two of the cross-over I'm in. I thought she was on part thirty though." He walked over to look at the book. "Did we already do Florida and I missed it?"

She patted the side of his face and offered him a cookie she pulled out of the book. "No, pet, she didn't. This idea just popped up and she's getting it started. I've all but gotten parts thirty and thirty-one written for her. I've just got to get her to quit worrying about that research paper she has to do."

Xander munched happily on the chocolate chip cookie. "Okay, I can accept that. Do you know where she keeps her story chart that Jim helped her build? We're looking for a stolen lesson."

"It's right near the memories, pet," she told him, going back to her reading. "You can't marry him, William said," she read. "He's a sorcerer and I can't allow you to marry a man that's not me. William, Barbara said, are you *drunk*?"

Stanley pulled his helper with him. "You'd think you never saw a muse before."

"Not me." Xander pouted. "I only see her muses from the dark. They stand in the shadows and talk to me." He rubbed down a bare arm. "Didn't you used to have a shirt on?"

"Yeah, but we're coming to where the muses do their work." He pointed at a large room with a beautiful four poster bed, complete with overhang, and a number chairs and pillows pilled up in the corners. "Wow," Stanley said. "I wonder if this is where we'll be kidnapped to?" He walked up to the bed, looking at the sinfully soft sheets before jumping on them.

"Comfy," Xander said, laying down on top, er, next to him. "Meany!" he yelled to the hidden lusty muses, Catherine and Cub.

"No time for that," Stanley said, getting back up and holding out a hand to pull the younger man off the bed. "Besides, you'll be here again soon."

"But I never get to see this room," he said, blinking his big brown eyes at the older man, who ignored them by turning away.

"And I thought Mountie blue eyes were bad," Stanley muttered, walking out of the room after figuring out that there was no space in there to hide clothes, much less papers. He walked toward the darkness, almost falling into the large pit. He looked at the man that had saved him. "Thanks," he said with a soft smile. "Don't think I want to go down there now."

"No, that's Cub's kink pit. That's where the dark recesses of her mind live." He winced at the howl coming from it. "See?"

"Yeah, kinda. Been down there often?" He spotted a bottle off to the side, going over to pick it up. "Menstrual fluid," he read then shuddered. "I think this was misplaced." He dropped it down into the pit, smiling at the feminine 'thank you' that floated up. "Welcome, he called.

"Will? You okay?" Xander yelled down. "I'll be back later to finish that fic." He looked at his partner, his present one anyway. "Sorry, I know she's waiting on the line of to be written fics to go down before writing that one."

"I was going to ask what a woman was doing in here at all," Stanley told him. He quirked an eyebrow up. "Does she really have them running around in here?"

Xander nodded, pulling on the older man's arm and pointing at the woman walking towards them. "Who's that?" he asked softly.

Stanley looked at the frail, tear and mascara streaked woman walking towards them pulling out her long blonde hair. "That's her angsty smut muse, Catherine."

Xander straightened up. "Oh, okay, I know her then. We've met many times." He waited patiently to be hugged and cried on. "Shh, I know but it'll get better," he told her. "At least I'm not in jail anymore and we're working it out." She nodded, walking off, wailing Blair's name. "I'm free of her," he whispered, jumping up and down in joy. "For a few more stories, I'm free of her."

"Sure, kid, I'm sure you'll be fine." He looked him over. "Jail?"

"Stupid law in a fic." He shuddered. "I got caught by it because I looked suspicious taking my daughter on vacation but they wouldn't let me go until they talked to Willow, who was somewhere else." He snuggled into the older man's side. "I tried to protest but she said it would all work out okay and I wasn't going to be hurt again for a while."

Stanley felt the hand on his butt and moved away from it. "None of that. We don't have time to practice for our fic now." He looked around the dark cavern they were in, wincing at all the books. "I thought Blair and Giles lived somewhere else."

"But Derek and Philip need books too," Xander told him. "Otherwise I wouldn't be here." He walked over to the bookcase, pulling one down to look at it. "What language is this in?"

"You need an encryption key," Oz told him as he walked up behind him. He looked at the front. "You should be able to read that, it's part of the Xandermagic series." He pulled down another one, handing it over. "This was your first one there. Must not be to that one's part yet."

Xander flipped through it, smiling. "Okay, I remember doing that." He gave Oz a shy smile. "No more beer, right?"

"No more beer and games of Truth or Dare," the slightly older man corrected. "What are you guys looking for? I've been prowling around in here recently while I waited for my scenes and I might be able to tell you if it's in here."

"Lesson 19," Stanley told him. "No one's seen it recently."

"Nope, not in here." Oz shrugged. "I've got to get back to the waiting room. You behave, Xander," he pulled the younger man's head around, kissing him hard. "Understand me? Even while I'm not there or no more Cub fics for you for a month."

"Okay. If not, she'll just have to put me in that punishment fic with Giles and Willow." He grinned, stealing another kiss. "Until Florida," he whispered, letting the other man walk away. He put the books back, turning to look at Stanley. "What?" he asked a little defensively.

"Just wondering how you two got together."

"We fought beside each other and he was with my best friend." Xander shrugged. "Which way? Dark, darker, or inky?"

"Hey, I'm supposed to be the comic relief here," Stanley protested, pulling out his contract to point to a highlighted section. "See?"

"Na-uh. I do comedy at home all the time. I'm the relief there." He pulled out his own contract, reading it then showing it off. "See? I'm in here for an extended run." He smirked as he put it back.

"What do you do there?"

"I fight demons and vampires, get donuts, and have sex with a former demon." He grinned, walking closer. "It's almost like teaching a baby some days. A very sexual baby."

"Xander, hurry, she has early class today," Oz's voice floated out of the darkness.

"That's right, she has music for idiots today," Xander said, heading for the darkest black opening in the cavern wall. "Come on, Stan, we've got to find that missing fic before she wakes up or she'll never get it sent back out."

"I thought Ray was bad," Stanley said, walking after him, only to be caught in the spider's web that smelled and looked just like cotton candy. "What is this?"

"Um, I walked into the wrong hole. This is the memories best left alone place." Xander broke free by eating his way out, coming over to lightly nip around the older man's body, and to eat all the stuff that stuck to him. "I'm pretty sure it's not in here so we should go before she wakes up. Otherwise she'll have a rotten day and almost hit the music teacher again for being overly criticizing." He backed away as a screen came at his head, emerging from the muck under the web. "Stan, duck."

"What?" he asked, just a little too slowly. The screen plastered itself to his face, flashing images at him. "Whoa." He backed away, shaking his head. "Come on, we've got to go to another hole." He backed out, walking in front of the younger man with his gun drawn in case any other bad memory surfaced.

"Which was it?" Xander asked softly, accepting pets from the warm and fuzzy muse that came up to lick him off.

"Isn't that supposed to happen down in the kink hole," Stanley asked, pointing at the muse.

"It's a muse so it's okay. If it was Oz, then I'd have to go hide in the pit." He leered. "Don't you want to do down there and rehearse our fic together?" He heard some music start up from somewhere. "Oh, no, we're too late. It's her internal symphony/soundtrack." He grabbed Stanley, hugging him tightly, not squishing the muse since it moved after leaving it's saliva/wants all over him. "I'm sorry we can't make it, Stanley, I'll try harder next time."

"Get off," he said, pushing the younger man back to look at the muse. "You just had to make him cuddly when we only have an hour or so left, didn't you?" He dragged the young man under a convenient waterfall, ignoring the "NO!" that floated out at him.

Derek and Oz rushed out, pulling Xander from under the water. "You put him in Lethe water," the older man said, his accent pretty rough at the moment. "Xander, son, can you hear me?" He slapped the slack face lightly. "Xander, come on, wake up for me now." He smiled as the brown eyes opened to look at him in confusion. "Goot boy. Oz will fix you."

"Sure, she likes it like that," the younger man said, running a hand through his hair and magically changing it's color. "Undo button," he muttered, searching the walls behind the water for it.

"You'd think, with as many typos as she has, that it would be in a more open place," Derek remarked. "And the thing you're looking for is with a muse but not these. It's at the suppression muse's lair." He pointed down the middle hole, smiling as Xander shook himself and Oz retreated carefully from the water. "How do you feel, pet?" he said softly, hugging him.

Oz hugged him from behind, holding both men tightly. "Oh, needed this," he said before backing up. "You okay?"

"Yeah," the younger man said, shaking his head. "Just keep Precious away from that man. I don't want her or Serena near Ethan." He looked at Derek. "I'm sorry I worry you so much."

"Too far," Stanley said. "He got licked by the warm and fuzzy muse."

"Better him than the angst muse," Xander told him. He smiled over his shoulder, showing off his small, tiny, sexy smile. Then he turned it on Oz. "Want to come help us?"

"You'd never find it," Derek said, pulling Oz against his side. "You'd start to rut again." He played with some of the dark hair. "Go help him find the lesson before you get icked again." He smiled. "Did I get that right?" he asked, looking down at the smaller man leaning against his chest.

"Works for me." Oz shrugged. "Go find it so we can go to Florida, Xan, and then I'll fulfill every wish you've ever had." He kissed him lightly as a promise more than anything. "Go save Jim and Blair and we'll see if I can't get Blair into one of our fics." He pulled Derek with him.

Stanley pulled Xander down the middle hole, making him walk even though he only wanted to watch his mate walk away. "He's cute."

"Even in his fuzzy phase." Xander smiled at him. "Thanks for trying. I know you've not been here that long, but that waterfall is only to be used on the muses when they get a bad idea." He said a few quiet words, lighting a torch. "Hey, it does work outside of that series," he said, grinning. He handed it over, looking down the hall. "No vampires, right?" he called.

"Only me," Spike said. They walked up to where he was hanging on the wall. "And she had me gotten too early. I didn't have half a chance to be bad." He smiled at Stanley, not moving. "It was nice to bring me a snack though, pet." He lunged at the cop's neck, missing because Xander pulled him back. "Mean," he accused. "I gotta eat. It's bad enough she puts me down here to forget about me, now you won't even let me snack."

"If you're good," Xander said slowly, walking up to lean against him, "I'll let her put you in *that* fic." He smiled seductively. "Right after Giles finds me." He backed up and took a silver challis from the wall across the path from Spike. "Here, you could use a drink, you look bad." He looked down the firm body, waiting for the blood to have it's usual results. "See, now go be a good boy and I won't tell I fed you again." He winked, walking down the path.

"Who was he?" Stanley called, jogging to catch up to Xander.

"Spike, bad guy in my world. Vampire that I ended up feeding in a fic." He licked his lips. "Very tasty, even if I do say so myself." He stopped at the edge of the tunnel, looking at the little cottage in the middle of the clearing. "How do you want to do this?"

"We go in, shoot her if she gives us trouble, then take the lesson back to Jim and Blair." Stanley shrugged. "You have a problem with that?"

"Yeah, one. This is the muse of suppression." He bounced lightly on the balls of his feet. "Her whole purpose is to make sure none of the fic ever gets written and sent out." He looked at his partner. "What do you want to do? She's bad. A very big bad. Even badder than Angelus." He shuddered. "At least she doesn't make me face him most of the time."

Stanley started to pat the younger man down. "All right, give me your stash of chocolate," he said, backing away. He watched as the small box of Godiva was pulled out of the front of the younger man's pants, not making the bulge there go down at all. "That's it?"

"One little Reese cup," Xander said pitifully, turning the true power of his eyes on the older man, letting his hurt show for not being more than patted down come out. "That's so mean," he said softly, his head going down some. "I need that."

"Not if she's that bad. She could use memories on us, right?"

"Giles knows all about these guys, he told me." The younger man shrugged. "You'd have to ask him what sort of attacks she has though." His head came up some and his whole body moved with the sigh. "He told me about them while he was running his fingers through my hair and I wasn't listening." He looked over his shoulder as he heard steps. "Who's there?" he called.

"Just me," Nick said, walking up and slinging an arm around him. "You'd think after all this time with me that you'd know how to plan a strategy. She was even writing part of the crossover series during lunch, but you can't remember your inner soldier?" He smiled at Stanley. "Yes, she can use the memories against you. That's how she manipulates her," he pointed up. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go talk to Spike. I'm not even that brave."

"Where are mounties when you need them?" Stanley quipped. He headed down the path, walking up to the front door. He felt the warm body behind him, assuming it was the younger man, as he knocked. An old woman walked out to frown at him. "I believe you have something of hers?" he said, holding out a hand.

"She doesn't need it. It's wrong and evil," she said, her voice cracking like it hadn't been used in ages. She looked at the man hiding behind the one facing her. "As for you, you dare come onto my demesnes?"

"You're demented," Xander accused. "And so very wrong." He stepped out behind Stanley, frowning at her. "Just give us the fics and we'll go and you can ... can..."

"Languish," the older man suggested. He smiled at Xander. "My partner, Benny, he's a walking dictionary and he makes me learn new things." He tipped his head off to the side slightly and smiled. "How do you learn?"

"Giles. He's a great guy. Knows tons about everything I need and want. He taught me most everything I know." He smiled then looked at the hag, his grin falling away. "Okay, grossening thing. We want the lesson and all the other fics you're holding hostage."

"Come and get them," she said, opening the door and smiling meanly. "If you can get past the memories then you can have them."

"I hate when they're nice," Xander said as he walked into the first memory. He shook his head, backing out of it. "Thank you for taking my candy stash. I don't think I'll eat chocolate again." He frowned at the old woman. "But I'm still here, not going to go, no siree bob. I'm staying."

"You talk too much," she told him. "Not everything needs a speech." She looked at Stanley, who was still outside. "Not coming in, dearie?"

"Yeah, I can do that." He stepped up behind Xander, earning him a sexy look and a quiet "oh, nice". "Would they actually be in the trunk marked fic or is it somewhere else do you think?"

"It's in the trunk, or at least that's what Giles told me." The younger man walked toward it, wincing as he ran into another memory, this one of 'things' coming out of the darkness at her. "Gee, and I used to wonder why she didn't like the dark." He took another step, ducking under a thread he could see, missing that memory but hitting the one under it.

Stanley winced as the memory hit him, shuddering. "Okay, now that explains some things." He grabbed the trunk, diving under a whole web of strings so he could pull it away from the trap.

The muse of suppression wailed and started to smoke. "I thought only the dragons in that one series did that," Xander muttered, helping pull Stanley back and taking one of the rotting leather handles on the trunk. They got it all the way outside before he had to ask about the memory he'd been hit with. "What was it?"

"A continuation of the one that got me in the cotton candy web." He set the trunk down in the tunnel next to where Spike was hanging. "It's not pretty and I'm not going to tell you."

"Okay," he said, smiling up at Spike and licking his lips lightly. "He won't tell me, Spike. Not even about the bad things."

"Oh, tell him. It can't be any worse than he's already seen." After getting a glare of Jim proportions, the vampire wiggled down from his shelf, the chains around his wrist rattling as he hugged the younger man. "I know, pet, but it may be for your own good. I'll let him tell me and if it's too bad I'll just tell Giles, Derek, and Oz."

"But they'll keep it from me."

"Yeah, but you were never put in a corner in a box because you were too hyper and your parents told you were retarded either." Stanley covered his mouth. "I didn't mean to say that," he said. Someone female laughed, and a bright light flashed at the cabin in the clearing that they could barely see. "Witch," he muttered.

"Hey, don't insult witches. They're good people. My best friend is one and one of my others is a sorcerer." He nodded then went back to his snuggly spot in Spike's arms. "We've got to get these out of her head so she can deal with them," he said, stepping back with a sigh. "I should go back to Oz."

"Pet, I know you'll be back. Especially after what we shared." Spike kissed him, hard and passionate, deeply probing his tastes. He pulled back, his feeding face and fangs out, dripping lightly from where he'd chewed on the full bottom lip. "You always come back to me." He brushed that one annoying spot of hair out of the way and climbed back on his shelf with much showing of his tight butt in the tighter jeans.

Both men shivered then picked up the trunk, walking back to the main cavern. Derek stopped them to open the trunk for them, saying quiet words as he laid his hand against the lock. It popped open, showing three disks laying on soft velvet. The older man smiled at them as he read the titles. "It's here," he said, closing the lid again. "Take it out of her head. Oz made her want to sleep in instead of go learn to play the piano." He stepped back, stopping Stanley with a hand on his arm. "Don't tell him the rest. He's too close to how she was and it'll scar him."

The cop nodded, shifting his grip. "I can do that if I can talk to you about it." He smiled slightly. "I think I'm supposed to come your way soon." He started walking, ignoring the only non-sexual pout he'd seen so far on his partner's face. They made it out of the ear, finding a wolf and a werewolf watching for them.

"Hey," Xander said, bending down to kiss Oz's furry head. "I thought you were staying in the kink pit." He smiled as Blair whooped and ran over to them. "Yup, we save the day again."

"You're good about that," the nonfuzzy Oz said as he walked up behind him, brushing a hand down the firm backside. "I don't even think I'll worry about what you saw this time." He grinned, just a hint, as he turned the younger man to face him, kissing him. He backed away with a grimace. "You kissed Spike?" His voice went up. "Spike?"

"I had to reward him but that was all. You know I'm not going to go for him again, Oz. Not after that one fic." He brushed a hand through the presently ginger colored hair. "It was just a small one." He smiled a little. "Like I'd give to you if we were around lots of people that didn't know." He sighed in relief as he was taken into the abnormally strong arms, the memory of the kiss he'd shared with the vampire wiped away by this one and the ones that followed it.

"Get a room," Nick muttered as he walked up behind Stanley to steal the trunk. He looked at the labels, his smile getting bigger. "You even found those?" he asked, his smile going to a full grin and a leer at Derek. "Oh, Precept mine, they found *those* stories." He waved the large-against-his-frame disk in the air. "Guess what we get to go do." He laughed as he was chased back into the ear.

"Nick, give me that disk," Derek yelled as he chased him. "I'll never get the stains off my desk or my custom leather chair!" floated out, fading away the further in they got.

Xander looked up from his position on Oz's cock, slowing down his riding to look at Blair. "Get it all right?"

"Yeah, thanks man," the young Guide said, coming over to kiss him. "I can't wait until she's done with the crossover to do ours." He winked then looked down at Oz. "You two and me? A nice night." He looked over his shoulder at Jim. "Oh, Jimbabe, my precious love. I'm ready for another lesson!" He laughed as he was chased under the bed, the shriek as he was caught very telling, "I'm not bottoming this time!"

Xander looked down at his partner then at Stanley, who was trying hard not to watch them. Oz nodded so he slid off, going over to rub his naked body against the t-shirt and jeans clad one, earning him a small grin. "Want to come with us? We could practice." He licked over the firm neck, earning a shiver. "Please?" He looked up under his lashes. When he got a silent nod, he led the other man back to Oz. "You two ought to get to know each other anyway. You'll be spending some time together during that fic when he and Giles come to rescue us." He slid down the now naked body, his tongue out and tasting all that was offered to him, swallowing the biggest part offered as he was filled from the other end.

Stanley smiled, running his fingers through the dark hair, getting into his groove. "I could get used to this," he said. "Who needs mounties who are too uptight or Rivs."

End! <catching humour with big net and clamping muzzle on it very quickly> Night all! I'll contain it better from now on.