Slamdowns by the Smartasses.

Tony got corralled when he got back.  "Situation solved," he told Gibbs.

"Good.  Landry wants to talk to you and Sheppard at the same time."

"Ours?" he asked, looking confused.

"No, not ours.  MTAC, DiNozzo."  Tony nodded, walking that way.  Gibbs followed.  McGee had made sure nothing and no one else could see this discussion.  Including the security cameras.  "Here you go, General."

"Gibbs, thank you.  Tony," he said, looking a the boy.  He hadn't been that young in a while and to him Sheppard and DiNozzo were both boys.  "Have you had any pain from those visions of your cousin's?"

"Only when they're forced ones, why?"

"Because we scanned John when he had his last one."

"The spell was necessary, General."

"Not important at this point in time.  You can both yell at him later," he said bluntly.  He stared at the boy then at the picture of Sheppard he had.  "It seems that his more painful visions are forcing some changes on you two as well.  We know there's some on Sheppard's side.  He's had a few migraines since they started without having a vision."

Tony considered it then shook his head.  "I haven't."

"Some of the medicine you're on since you got the plague would prevent it," Gibbs told him.  "Is there anything we can do?"

"I talked to the aunts and got that nice Willow girl to summon someone else to talk to about it.  Hers killed her," he said bluntly.  "Took her a bit to come too."

"Cordelia's a powerful ascended, sir.  I don't think she's ever come when called," John said.

He nodded.  "That's what she said and chewed Rosenburg a new one for treating her like a hunting dog.  The problem is that she asked ahead of time.  She knew what we wanted to ask.  There's no way to remove the visions from him, or to remove the bonding from you two.  The only way it can be solved is to find some shielding method, which seems to not be available at this stage, or go further on so that there is some available."

"That would cause me a lot of problems in combat, sir.  Xander would instinctively try to help."

"You can train that out of him," he said bluntly.  "Because otherwise you're going to end up relieved of duty in about a year due to traumatic brain damage."  Sheppard slumped.  He looked at Tony.  "You're not getting as much carryover?"

"I was only accidentally linked in, General.  I popped up for help at the wrong time and got sucked into it.  For a few seconds Xander and I changed bodies too."

General Landry looked at him then at Gibbs.  "Would that situation being solved be a problem for you?"

"For me, no.  For the director?  She tried to get him to go undercover and sex bait, sir."

"I see."

"I'd hate to lose Tony.  He's one of my better agents."  The guy grinned at him for that.  "Took me five years to train it into him too."

Landry smirked at that.  "After a few months they become like your kids, I know that, Gibbs."  He looked at them.  "I can't make this choice for you.  Tony can probably hide his end better once you three work out some shields."  Tony nodded at that.

"I find it humorous that the Powers are forcing the aunt's ideas," Sheppard said bitterly.  "Even if we don't want it."

"It's possible that whatever is inside the boy that makes him so special will be a problem some day or will cause a problem," Gibbs reminded him.  "DiNozzo said once that he lived his whole life on the most corrupt hellmouth ever.  That has to change you."

"That, a few possessions, nearly changing into a sea monster," Tony muttered.  "I doubt he'd be an apocalypse, Gibbs."  He glanced at him.

"No but one never knows what someone might take him and use him for," Landry pointed out.  "By going his own way, the girls don't protect him anymore.  Others have probably taken an interest in him because of all that."

John shuddered.  "The vision two months ago had a warning that something wanted him for a sacrifice," he said.

"The slayers with us totally disrespected him at the battle," Tony told him.  "Buffy and Faith didn't.  Faith chewed them a new one about why he left.  So did Dean and I."

"But if he's taken by an enemy force, they won't be there for it," John said.  Tony nodded.  "Shit."

"You know I'm not against it, even if I won't consider it a marriage," Tony told him.

"You'd have to for the thing to work.  I had Rosenburg explain it to me," Landry told him.  "It's not only physical but all three of you have to accept that it's a done deal, DiNozzo.  No backing out, playing when you all agree, all that."

"We all really didn't want them to start this off," John told him.

"I fully understand that," he agreed.  "Even if you were bi before, I doubt this was your idea.  But it happened and now we have to deal with it.  Before I have to relieve you from command, Colonel."

"It would suck with my spouses gone, sir.  I'd have to leave anyway probably."

"No you won't.  Atlantis isn't moving for a good, long time.  We all know that.  DiNozzo and Harris can have free visitation time.  The same as others' spouses can.  We've already made that decision.  It's now listed as a classified base but we know that you won't show them the most astounding things.  The transporters and things you can't help, just don't tell them anything about what the city really is.  Most spouses know what classified means."

Gibbs nodded.  "I can see giving DiNozzo more time off out that way."

"We'd have to take at least a few days to complete the bond," Tony admitted quietly.  "At least a day to do it and then learn how to shield against each other.  That could take weeks if we can't figure it out easily."

"I've been trying all the mental shielding exercises I know of," John told him.  "One major problem, sir.  The spell would set off another vision."

"It's mostly herbal, she said the hard part is already done.  It'd be small and link you back into the bonding state," Landry told him.  "I asked that part too.  Miss Chase said he shouldn't get a vision from it."

"Shouldn't being the operative word," John countered.

"Is there another way?"

"I don't know," John admitted.  He sighed, looking at the picture of Tony on his screen.  "So?"

Tony shrugged.  "I don't think we can fight this one unless we want to lose all three of us.  Even if I don't like the plan."

"I don't either but I could come to care for our little goofball.  He's a lot like me."

"He is," Tony agreed dryly, nodding some.  "I'll probably be on the outside most of the time anyway.  Mine's never been as deep."

"Which would suck for you," John reminded him.  "Married and not getting any of the perks."

"True."  He looked at Gibbs.  "What about the director, boss?"

"She won't know.  She doesn't know about this, she won't know more than you're taking a medical leave of absence."

Landry nodded.  "That's how we've worked it out as well.   Woolsey will know it has to do with your migraines that've started thanks to Xander's visions.  You're going to find a way to block it from him.  Since you're basically on hiatus and research status he said it's fine.  Lorne can take over for you for the month we have budgeted."  John gave him an odd look.  "You need a honeymoon when you get married, Sheppard."

"I guess that's true but it would mean more possible exposure to magic, sir."

"I don't care if you stay home for it, son."  He looked at Tony.  "That good with you?  Starting Friday?"

"I can lose him for that long," Gibbs assured him.  "He's been sick that long before."  Landry nodded at that.  "Just for the noting, is there going to be another battle this year?"

"Fall," John and Tony said together.  "Early fall instead of halloween mischief."

Jethro sighed.  "Here?"

"No," John said, shaking his head.  "Our sort, Gibbs.  Not that sort.  General, did you get that email?"

"I did.  O'Neill has his forwarded to Jackson so he shared.  He nearly jogged up the halls to get it to us.  That and the one about the ship.  Thank you.  We'll make some plans for that."  John nodded at that.  "So, starting Friday, you're going on medical leave for one month, Sheppard.  Come back without the migraines or medicine to deal with it."

"Yes, sir."

"Before then, set up spousal privilege rules."   He hung up on both of them.

Tony slumped down in a seat, looking at the floor before looking at Gibbs.  "This is going to be really weird."

"You have a month to make it less weird and work out all those quirks between you.  If he's still going to bleed over for visions, come back with a migraine medicine or a suggestion for it," he ordered quietly.  "You're smart enough to figure it out, DiNozzo.  Just do what you have to do and learn to enjoy it.  It's pitiful when the sex leaves a marriage."  He walked off, opening the doors so the others could come back.  Tony came down a few minutes later, taking the paperwork he had ready to sign.  Gibbs went to hand it in for him.  That way there weren't going to be any questions asked.

"You can do without him for that long?" the director asked, looking over the top of her glasses at him.

"I'll have to.  Whatever bond his aunts started is giving him migraines.  He's going to learn how to get rid of them."

"I suppose that's fine."

"He'll be on call if we need him."

"Even better.  Will he be out by San Francisco with his cousin?"


"Fine.  The resolution of that situation will be?"

Gibbs shrugged.  "I don't know.  All I know is he'll be learning how to shield himself from them happening in the middle of a chase.  Or from letting them cause him permanent damage since there's hints of it in the other cousin that was bound."

"What about the Harris boy?"

"He hasn't been near a doctor since they took down the Initiative mess, outside of a routine physical and blood work for the organ damage he took."

"Organ damage?"

"A spell hit him when he was trying to stop someone.  From my understanding it was causing some slight liver damage and nearly killed him when it happened."

"That's not good, Jethro."

"He's fine now."

"Fine."  She signed it.  "Do you want a temporary agent?"

"No."  He walked off, handing Tony the forms.  "I told her you're learning how to shield from possible brain damage," he said quietly.  Tony nodded at that.  "She did realize you'd be with him."

"That's fine.  I'll have my phone there and charged."

"Of course you will."  He went back to his seat.  "Don't leave with reports hanging, DiNozzo."

"I won't, boss."  He got into his backlog to clear it.  He'd have some overtime.  Thankfully he had leave hours banked for medical emergencies.  That way he wouldn't go a month without pay.


John gathered his targets into a conference room, closing the door behind himself.  "General Landry sent over an order earlier," he announced.  The people in there stared.  "It was on conjugal visits."  The people relaxed.  "They are going to be allowed but we are setting up some rules to protect the project itself.  Since we're back to a research post at the moment, it's unreasonable to make you stay here all the time.  He has relented and will let spouses come to the city."  One person raised her hand.  "Give me a minute.  He's letting me set up rules."

"Why you, sir?"

"Because I'm about to go on medical leave for a month about the migraines I've been having."

"Is that because of the thing your aunts did?" she asked.

"It started them off.  I'm getting bleedover from Xander's visions to be honest.  I'm going to learn how to make them stop coming to me."  They all nodded.  "So I'll be up the coast if there's a problem."  He looked around the room.  "We will need to maintain the classified nature of the city.  Some things he and I realized we can't hide.  Transporters, doors, those things.   The stargate won't be used for this."  They all nodded.  "We'll cloak a jumper and bring them over that way from the local port.  We've already got a warehouse set up for it."  He passed down a few sheets of paper.  "Those are the rules for conjugal visits.  Notice they have to agree to keep everything classified.  That's directly from the civilian specialists' contracts."  He stared at them.  "Are there any questions?"

"Sir, what if they want to sign on to be with us?" one asked.  "Or if there's kids?"

He sighed.  "The general did not want to have kids on base, just in case an accident happened or we triggered something we hadn't found yet.  We all remember the last one, right?"  They all shuddered but nodded.  "So we'd rather you go visit them instead of kids coming here.  Now, if she's pregnant, that's fine.  If it's a newborn I'd be iffy.  Again, accidents do happen and we'd hate to have you grieving."

"Will we be allowed extra leave time then?"

"If you have to go to them because of children, he's allowed an extra two weeks a year for that.  It's not much, but it's all he could work out with the Joint Chiefs.  That may be raised.  You would also have to have your comm on you at all times so you can be recalled if it's an emergency or an attack.   The last migraine I got was of an Ori ship coming this way."  They all groaned.  "Should've had the headache, guys," he said dryly.  A few smiled.  "While I'm off learning how to not have migraines, you guys can start this.  If your spouses want to sign on and have a way to do that, talk to Woolsey, get him to talk to Landry for you.  Landry told him why spouses might want to sign on when he didn't realize.  He's divorced, guys."  They all nodded at that, most of them had realized he didn't do well in interpersonal matters.  "Are there any points that are of concern?"

"Can we take them on picnics on the terraces, sir?"

"Yes.  As long as you don't take them to the labs, the classified areas, show them anything that they'd want to tell anyone about.  I've arranged for the jumper to land on a pier anyway."  They all nodded at that.  "Any other questions?"

"Sir, why a month?"

"We think it'll take two weeks, and if it does I'll be back sooner.  The rest is a cushion in case I can't get the hang of the techniques the aunts have."

"So meditation you think?"

"I'm pretty sure it'll be like the shielding meditation some people use," he admitted.  "Which will mean less chance of a brain intrusion when we run into another telepathic race.  Plus it'll mean less headaches when Xander has one."  He sighed.  "Other than that, any other questions?"

"Will you be okay?" that same woman asked.

He nodded.  "I'll be fine.  I'll do whatever I have to do, keep Xander calm so he can reinforce his since it looks like I'm the weak link and his are stronger than mine at the moment.  I'll play with his dog, watch him make more weapons, eat."  She smiled.  "Not exactly a vacation but necessary since it's started true migraines."  She winced at that.  "Which means I can't fulfill my duty and you guys get Evan Lorne for good."  A few shook their heads at that idea.  "You'll have him for a month.  Train him well in how to deal with the quirks going on, guys."  He straightened up.  "Any other questions?"

"Hopefully it works soon, sir," one of the guys said.

"Me too.  I'm tired of headaches.  All right, dismissed."  They filed out, going over the rules so they could tell their spouses.  He went to the office himself.  "They have them."

"I have a copy, they're well set," he agreed.  "Having one already?"

"No, I got asked about them."

"Ah.  Well, they are mostly scientists."  John nodded at that.  "Any additional concerns?"


"Not on base."

"I told them that.  I said maybe a newborn, but probably not because we didn't want anyone grieving."

"Agreed.  Go pack."

"I don't leave for two days, Woolsey."  He walked off, going to tell the team.  By now gossip was running wild.  They were in the mess.  He gathered three of the pilots together with his team.  "I'm off for a month of medical leave due to my migraines."  The pilots groaned.  "You three are going to be on call for any newly appointed conjugal visits.  No kids, spouses only, they have to make sure that they won't speak of anything."  They nodded.  "Good.  If it's an emergency I'll be with my aunts and cousins learning how to block out people again."

"Sir, how often?" one asked.

John shrugged.  "It was newly added this week.  I just set down rules today.  So probably within two weeks."  They nodded.  "We have a warehouse set up.  You're to go cloaked all the way there, uncloak only inside, load them, recloak, and come back here to the landing dock on the pier.  They're not to go into the classified areas at all."  They all nodded at that.  "Any other questions?"

"Are we expecting a lot or just a few?"

"That depends on them.  There's three married couples already here, sixteen that have marriages outside the base."  They nodded, going back to their meals.  He sat down, looking at his team.  "A month to learn shielding so I quit being the one that's getting the bleed over."

"Shouldn't he be getting it?" Rodney asked.

"He will be.  The problem is the link between us is fully open.  Neither of us can shut it down at this level of bond," he said quietly.  Rodney moaned, shaking his head.  "We'll have to shut it down the hard way then deal with it."

"So you're going to get it undone?" Teyla asked.  John shook his head.  "Then I suppose congratulations are in order even though it was not your idea," she said quietly.

"Thanks."  He smiled at her then at the others.  "I'll be on his floor, meditating a lot for the next few weeks.  We're hoping for two weeks.  If I still have them, I'm to find something that works against them.  I won't have the violent bleed over I have been but I might still have the headache from them."

"That'll be more reasonable to deal with at least," McKay said.  "Others have migraines around here."

John nodded.  "Thank you for being pushy."  He got a smirk back.  "You know, the slayers need some watchers."

"I'd beat them to death for mouthing off," Rodney pointed out.  "I heard what happened the last time thanks to that email you left up when I was looking for you."

"Tony wasn't pleased either."

"Will he be there too?" Ronon asked.  John nodded.  "Is he getting the same thing?"

"At less strength.  He had one during a chase."  Rodney shuddered.  "Exactly.  I don't need one during a battle and we'll have to teach Xander not to jump over to help us during one."

"I saw that message as well," Rodney said dryly.  "We'll come up and visit to bother you."

"That'd be fine.  I'm sure the dog would like to play with you some more."

Teyla smiled.  "She was adorable and very cuddly.  She curled up with me that night."

"She does that to me a lot," John agreed with a smile.  "Xander's an active sleeper.  He rolls on top of her."

"I can understand why."  She ate a bite of lunch.  "You should eat."

"I had a snack before the meeting."  He stood up.  "So I'll be going Friday.  Be back within a month."  They all nodded.  "Lorne's in charge for me while I'm gone."  He left, going to straighten some things out.  He had some backlogged reports he had to get done for Landry as well.


Xander looked up as John and Tony walked in, looking confused.  "What's up, guys?"

"We have to complete it," Tony told him, settling next to him.  "The visions are going to kill us all if we don't, Xander.  John's already showing signs."


John shut him up by putting a hand over his mouth.  "We checked.  There's no way to undo it, Xander.  There's no way to shield at this level of bond.  There's only one option and we have to do it.  Otherwise you'll be joining your ex within a few years."

"I don't have that sort of vision without magic going on around me."

"I know that but even the dream ones are too powerful," Tony said.

"Damn it!" he shouted.  He hopped up.  "I hate it when they interfere."

"General Landry had a talk with Willow, Xander.  There's hints that the Powers think you'll be taken as a sacrifice to start an apocalypse due to the hellmouth taint."  Xander stared at him.  "We're here to protect you as much as you're here to protect us.  They didn't want to meddle this time but apparently they didn't see another way since hunting wasn't going to do anything but make it happen faster."

Xander slumped back down.  Muffin came out to cuddle him.  "Hey," he told his puppy.  He looked at his boys.  "I don't like this idea."

"None of us do," Tony said.  "But we've got a month to do it, work on the shields between us, and make sure you won't jump into our heads when we're in danger."  Xander winced at that.  "Yeah, that problem."

"He did?" John asked him.

"I was nearly shot and then I feel this strange sensation of someone seeming to look over my shoulder, who then told me where to hit him."  He looked at Xander, who shrugged a bit.  "You can't do that."

"That's what the shields are going to be for," John said patiently.  "We can work it out that way."  He patted the dog, getting a happy tail wag.  "You're a very good friend, Muffin.  Can we have the daddy?"

"Not yet," Tony reminded him.  "They have to lay the herbs around and stay away."

"Is that in the big package I got from Chicago?" Xander asked.  "How long have we been planning this without telling me?" he asked with a sweet smile that meant he was going to gut them.

"Since about Tuesday," John admitted.  "When they proved I'm showing signs of damage from your visions."

Xander glared at him.  "That's not my fault," he said calmly.

"No, it's not, but it's the only option we have."

"Maybe not," Xander said, going to his library.

Tony sighed, going to get the herbs.  He knew Xander wasn't happy with the way things were but he didn't seem to mind him and John having their thing.  He had felt them playing in the past few months.  "Not like you don't like him, Xander," he called as he sorted things out by the directions.

"Not the point."

"Not like it's rape either," John called.

Xander came out to glare at him.  "It's my life.  They fucked with my life."  John shivered at that coldness.  "It sucks that you got ended up getting stuck but there's no reason to bind you to my fucked up life any deeper so you can't get hurt more.  It'll mean they get to fuck with you too."  He went back to the library.

John sighed, going in there.  "Xander, I don't mind.  I knew it'd probably get there sometime.  Especially after they started the process.  Not like I haven't fooled around with you."  He made the boy look at him.  "No magic."

"Shut up, John.  That's so much bullshit."  He took the book back when John snatched it.  "I'm not going to let them hurt you through me."

"This will keep them from hurting me through you, Xander.  And them hurting you."

"No it won't.  They're the Powers.  They like to meddle and play what-if.  Just ask Whistler when and if he shows up."  He walked into the former working area, settling himself down.  He dropped himself onto the astral plane, smiling when Cordelia and Whistler both showed up; that wasn't ususal so they were expecting something to happen.  He smirked at Whistler.  Buffy had described him perfectly.  "You didn't even have the decency to ask me.  That really does blow, Whistler."

"We didn't start it, we're just going with the way your aunts messed up the board," he said, backing away.  Now he knew why he had been sent.  He had experience in pissed off Chosen Ones.

"No, you're not.  See, lying on the astral plane shows in your aura."  Whistler backed up another step.  "And for that little bit of meddling let me give you a gift back.  Because I'm not the ineffectual little boy they think I am.  I may have started out untrained but gee, look what a decade doing the job teaches me," he said, gathering the hellmouth energy around him.

"Xander, stop it," Cordelia ordered.  "You could hurt yourself."

"If he lets that go, he won't feel it and we'll regret it for the last few very painful minutes of our existences," Whistler told her.

"Xander!" she shouted.  "Stop it!"

Xander stared at him.  "I'm not a champion.  I'm not a slayer.  I'm a simple hunter who can craft weapons.  So why step into my life?"  She backed away from the icy tones.  "I'm not their toy.  They didn't want me in Sunnydale.  They didn't want me anywhere else after Sunnydale.  That's why Africa was like hell at sometimes.  The things a shaman sees," he said sarcastically when Whistler opened his mouth.  "Repeatedly."  Whistler swallowed.  "Now they think they own me because my aunts fucked up.  You want me to work for you, you come to me.  You don't go through my cousins.  You don't do to them what you did to Cordy.  You sure as hell don't try to give me leash holders."

"I've never liked collars on people," John said dryly from behind him.  "Put it down, Xander."  Like others, he hadn't seen that Xander was a threat unless he was hunting.  Now, he realized why some demons were terrified of the younger man.  His temper, well, galactic was Rodney's and Xander was *so* much worse when he lost it.  Rodney wouldn't want to destroy the astral plane even if they had done this to him.  Xander....  He might just make it.

"No.  They want me they'd better be prepared to take me and make me do it after all the things that I've seen in their precious balance."

John moved up behind him, grabbing him and turning him around.  "They didn't start this."

"Really?  You mean like the stuff in Sunnydale where they tried to drive me out?  There's no reason for me to have visions like I'm someone who needs to atone.  Not yet anyway."

John grimaced.  "That's true but those only come around magic."

"Actually there's no reason he has visions at all," Cordelia pointed out.  "He's not a champion, not a slayer, they never considered him important until your aunts screwed things up, he's not from a bloodline of seers, nothing gifted him with them like Winchester's or mine, plus we all know he doesn't have that gift naturally.  Willow's magic attack didn't prime the pump.  It seemed to appear then but that wouldn't be a reason for starting visions.  Caleb couldn't have gifted it to him; he was a higher level minion but he couldn't do that."  She looked at Whistler.  "Why is that?  The Powers would've seen him bringing Buffy back to life.  Or any of the other thousands of things they huff about like his ugly shirts."

"It wasn't written down but it was part of the original prophecy."

"To stop the one who would do so," Xander said, staring at him.  "Yeah, I saw the copy."  He smirked.  "Amazing what's in the dangerous materials vault."

Whistler moaned.  "That wasn't us, kid.  That was someone interfering."

"Really?  Interfering by giving me visions that weren't supposed to happen?  Or interfering like in Africa when I had to watch half a village die because no one had trained me to fight an oncoming army.  Or even how to fight at all."

Whistler winced.  "Not our call.  They could have.  You could've asked."

"I did.  They laughed.  I don't give a damn if the Powers do see me like Buffy and Willow did in high school.  For all I give a damn right this moment, they can hike their asses to another plane."

John considered what the young woman had said.  Lies really did tell in your aura up here.  He concentrated on the energy Xander was building.  He let it channel into him.  "So why did the aunts get that sudden bad idea anyway?" he asked Cordelia.  "It went from 'it'd be a good idea' to 'it has to be done against your wills'."

"They knew it'd help when he has these irrational moments," Whistler said, pointing at the still glowing boy.

"In that case they wouldn't have taken away our consent, they would've used another method and told us," Xander said simply.  "Especially since they were all possessed with higher spirits at the time it happened.  The things visions will show you when the magic brings them," he said sarcastically.

"Why does that happen?" Cordelia asked.  "Since whatever's possessing you seems to know."

He smirked.  "Why take away my free will to act when there's simpler ways to do it?" he asked her.

"They thought you might balk at the gay thing," Whistler said dryly.

"So they threw a dart and hit my name but never looked at anything in my life that might've shown them I wasn't totally against it."  Whistler gaped.  He stared at him.  "Cordy, what did I do on my roadtrip?"

"No one's really sure but I've heard rumors of at least one orgy and one stripping incident."

Whistler stared at her.  "How did you know that?"

"It was all over the underground for a while.  And hey, if they had looked they would've seen that," she realized.  "They think you're possessed."

"Nah, it's a past one and she's damn pissed."  She stepped back, shaking her head.  He nodded.  "Like John and Tony can tell you, the shaman were really great about me getting in touch with her."  He smirked at Whistler.  "That doesn't negate the fact that there's ones that could've been done without our participation, that would've gradually grown into the bond that they seem to want me to have."  He made a book appear, flipping through it until he came to a page.

Cordy snatched it.  "He's right, this one would've been done sooner and without the problems."  She looked at him.  "Then why do it in the way that screwed up three major backups to the light?"  She looked at Whistler.  "That screws their balance."

"Because the light's too heavy," John realized.  "They expected you to lose it and take us out with you when you finally snapped and went after the slayers."  He looked at Xander, who nodded.  "So this?"

"I'm pissed, she's pissed, and you know what?  If they want to do it, it'll have to be of their free will.  Because yeah, there's a way to end visions, Cordelia.  I can make sure that nothing happens to either of them because of me."

"You're willing to switch planes?" Whistler asked.

"Funny, but no."  Whistler gave him a horrified look.  "I can protect them very easily."

"Then the slayers won't have you there when they need you, kid."

"What do I care?  They don't like me," he said bluntly.  "Why would I keep putting myself through that?  Do I seem like a man who likes pain to you?"

"You did keep hunting when they pushed you away."

Xander walked over, putting a hand on his head, showing him something by dropping his shields and forcing the thought over on the hellmouth energy he was putting out.  "That's a common reason and feeling behind most hunters, Whistler.  It's call obsession due to things fucking up our lives."  He let him go, watching him shake.  "Most hunters have it in one form or another.  And you know, if you had approached me back then, I might've done it for you.  Now, if you want me to go bad that badly, turn my ass and watch what I became in Anya's wishverse."  He walked off.  "We're not doing it that way," he told John.  "If you two want me, then you want *me*, not what they want."

John nodded.  "It's important to all of us that there be some feeling behind it, Xander.  I'll tell Tony that."

"Thank you," he said quietly.  He looked back at Whistler.  "Just give me facts and let me do it on my own since I'm known to warp prophecies, Whistler.  How stupid are they to not research what they're playing with when humans aren't predictable."  He looked at Cordelia.  "You're about the only higher power that can appear on the land.  So if they want something, let me know."  He disappeared.  John left too.

Cordelia looked at him.  "You've just made him very stubborn and wanting to destroy all of us.  Are you happy?"

"He can't do it."

"Yeah, he can.  And with the way the slayers treat him, he could take out all the champions.  Not like he likes Angel."  Whistler gave her a horrified look.  She pulled up his history on a screen, letting him see it.  "Do you really think that same boy won't turn into a man who'll do what's necessary for whatever he thinks is right?  And you just made him think that we're evil.  Congratulations," she finished sarcastically.  "You'd better pray he's turned or something.  Then he'll only be evil."

"But that's not what they saw," he said.

"No, but that's reality," she shot back.  "Welcome to this plane, Whistler.  They don't see all.  Plenty of us didn't see the real Xander but you guys didn't even look.  You expected him to be like Sam Winchester.  Instead he's a lot like John and Dean."

"But he was supposed to be like Sam."

"Yes, but the hellmouth blocked the idiot demon so you screwed up!" she shouted at him.  "I'm not going to die because you're a fucking idiot and didn't look at reality!"

"We'll fix it," he assured her, going to tell the bosses that.  They were still trying to figure out where that extra power surge had come from.  He showed them the same thing but they didn't seem to see the point.  "That's the Harris boy," he said at the end.  They gave him alarmed look.  "So was that power.  He was going to let all his remaining hellmouth taint out on us.  On the astral plane.  Do you know how bad that would've been?  You've now turned him away from both sides."

"He was not meant to be that way," one said.

"So?  As Cordelia pointed out, he was that way.  Gay sex and all.  He is beyond livid.  With us, with the champions, with the slayers."

"That would provide balance," the female said, looking at her twin brother.

"Not in a good way when there's no one left on the light's side," Whistler said.  They stared at him.  "Cordelia pegged it.  He'll take everyone out.  No matter how good they were because they're spoiled and you prompted it.  Because you forced him into a relationship against all their wills to try to control what he does later on, and hurt the people he ended up bound to. "

"The slayers will take care of him," the male said.

"No they won't.  They'll agree with him.  Remember, he got to them first."  They both stared at him. He rewound it to when he was counseling some of the girls.

"She is one girl."

The film went forward to her spreading that information.  They groaned.  "He has warped our chosen," the male said.  He looked at his sister.  "We cannot allow this."

"They're still fighting for the light but they know that they deserve a life of their own outside the calling," Cordelia said as she appeared.  "Buffy started that trend and he spread it to the others.  The same as he told them about the concept of having a team who worked with you and how important it was to respect those others who helped.  A few forgot but they're not going to last that long anyway since they forgot it.  It was the most important point of why Buffy lived so long.  And now he's pissed enough to channel power back into a hellmouth and make it explode."  She clapped.  "His mates know too.  They're not real happy and one has access to higher weapons and science from higher thinking beings."  They groaned.  "Do you really think this is the way to go?  Maybe we can change something so it's not so bad?" she asked Whistler.  "Before he destroys everyone everywhere for hurting people to get to him?"

"How?" he asked.

She considered it.  "First, remove the stupid higher visions.  Sleep ones are fine.  He gets plenty, they get bleed over to see without having their own."  He nodded slowly at that idea.  "Secondly, the bond?  Make sure it works right.  Then go visit Buffy and have her point out why she lived so long and how two slayers have already died because they didn't listen.  If you don't respect the lives you're protecting then eventually you get tired and quit.  At least he moved to an associated area and fell back to only helping those he knew when the killing got to be too much for him."

"I can see doing that," he agreed.  "Plus making it so their bond does work correctly with whatever way they choose to do."  He looked over but the Powers had faded out.  "Huh."

She shrugged.  "It doesn't matter.  Go, shoo!"  He went to do that.  She huffed and went to find someone who had some sense and planning ability to help her for a few weeks.  Someone had to straighten out this massive playbook.  It was a world-ending mess.  So she went to who Xander trusted.  The former ascended.  She appeared to him in the gateroom.  "No, you can't go.  I need help."

"Why do you need help?" he asked quietly.  He dropped his pack.  He had been getting ready to head on a mission.  Guess that got screwed up somehow.

"The Powers That Be fucked up *so* majorly trying to turn Xander into an instrument of balance against the light.  He nearly destroyed us all because of it.  They disappeared leaving me, Whistler, and one hell of a mess.  Can we maybe borrow you for a few weeks?  Or months?  It's that bad."

"I'm not any good at strategy," he said.

"So?  You have common sense.  It seems to be needed.  Especially after he broke whatever was making Whistler their lapdog."

Daniel nodded.  "Sure.  Give me a few minutes, Cordelia."  He looked at the general in the control room.

"It sounds like that's an emergency," the general agreed.

"They got him calmed down when he realized it," she assured him.  "Barely.  They're making their own decisions and we're fixing the problems there, Cleveland, LA, and half of everywhere else right now.  Can I borrow him?"  The general nodded.  "Thank you!"  She took him pack, weapons, and all.  Whistler reappeared.  "Any idea where the bosses went?"

"Totally gone.  I can't feel them at all."

"Ask Oma Desala," Daniel suggested.  He went to do that.  He looked at what they had planned out, frowning.  "What the hell is that?"

"I have no clue," she said.  "I'm not that sort of brainy smurf."

"Can you go hijack Jack O'Neill?  Younger or older?"

"Maybe.  They're together."

"Even better.  The younger's the clone."


He'd ignore the sarcasm like he had Jack's.  Sometime she was a lot like a spawn of Jack's from what he had seen of her.  "Please?"

She nodded, going to where they were.  "Yo, you're being recalled to service," she said as she appeared.  "The Powers majorly screwed up, nearly made Xander an apocalypse, and then disappeared when this was pointed out.  Daniel said he needs both of you."  She took them both with her.  She pointed at him.

"Jack, I think this was supposed to be a battle plan for the coming centuries.  I have no idea though."

They came over to look, the younger one tipping his head to the side.  "That's a freakin' mess," the younger said.

"Yeah," the older agreed.  "That's a hell of a mess."  He touched something and it showed him what it was and the planned move.  "That makes no sense!" he said.  The others tried that.  Both Jacks were moaning.

"Please, help us fix it," Cordelia said.  Whistler came back, giving the two new men a funny look then looking at her.  "Xander trusts them and right now Xander is a road sign so I went with who he'd trust if something had to happen," she told him.  "The older one was over Sheppard and is like his original prototype."

"Xander's too," Daniel joked with a smile.

"He tries very hard," older Jack said.  "Can we undo some of this?  Or maybe rebuild it?"

"Definitely," Whistler said.  "I've seen them shifting and removing pawns."  He came over to show them how the board worked.  Within days they would have a less complicated plan that was going to work no matter what happened, wasn't going to needlessly sacrifice champions, and was going to mostly keep the balance.  He and Cordelia were staring in awe.  It even covered alien attacks or native alien creature attacks.  They gave input about who each one was.  Daniel told them something about what they were like, and it worked.

Long live the new Powers That Be...working well finally.  And their oversight committee of smartasses.


John and Xander came back to themselves.  Tony walked in with glasses of tea, staring at them.  "It had to happen," John told him.  "They were going to turn him and us into an apocalypse to take out some of the light."

"No way in hell.  Gibbs would kick my ass," Tony told him.

"You guys...." Xander started.

"Drink your tea, shut up, and let us make plans," John said in his ear.  Xander slumped but did drink some of his tea.  "It's time for us to be big boys and make our own decisions, Xander.  Then we'll see."  Xander shifted to look at him.  "It's my choice to join with you that way, not yours or theirs.  You were right about that.  A bit pushy and frantic, but you got the point across.  Way too forceful though."  Xander nodded slightly, looking down again.

"Sometimes force is the only language some people understand," Tony said with a small shrug.  He went back to the kitchen.  "I've already written the aunts."

"Thanks."  He gave Xander a cuddle.  "Give me tonight to think."

"I don't want to lose friends."

"You're not.  Not like I'm going to dump you as a friend just because you had to get pushy and mean."  He smirked.  "Otherwise I would've dropped Rodney into the ocean a *long* time ago."  He stood up and helped Xander up.  "Go play with the dog or make something.  Let us talk and think."  He nodded, leaving him alone.  John went to the kitchen to get more tea.  "He's very strong willed.  He was going to destroy them for hurting us through him."

Tony nodded.  "He hates that anyone gets hurt because of him.  So do we."  He looked at him.  "I don't know, John."

"I told him we'd think tonight.  He also pointed out there was more than one way of bonding us together."  He went to the library to get a copy of that book.  It was still there.  Or newly returned since it was cold to the touch.  Then he went to sit in the living room.  He could hear Xander banging on his forge.  The dog was curled up next to him once she spotted him.  It was...nice.  Calming.  He glared at the ceiling and the feelings faded.  He rolled his eyes, going into the various ways of bonding.  Not that he really minded the first one.  Xander was hot as hell in bed and the three of them were a beautiful picture when they were naked together.

Tony sat on his other side, reading over his arm.  He pointed at one, getting a shrug.  It was nice, uncomplicated, they could do it while Xander was asleep if he got pushy that they didn't have to.  Waking up married would probably piss him off for years though.  He kept going, including the one they had started to go through.  It wasn't bad....

It was a hot mental image that made him sweat.  But the bonding itself was harder on them.  Less intimate and harder to shield against.  There was another that used the same sort of spell and herbs but it worked slightly different.  They had to want it.  They had to tell Xander that they wanted it and him them.  They shared a look then John went to drop the book beside Xander's work space.

He got him some more tea too since his glass was empty.  Taking care of Xander wasn't that hard.  Neither was loving him.  He could feel a bit of pull that way already.  And he knew Xander was panicked because he felt very deeply and couldn't put up with someone not returning it.  It was too much like what he'd had before.

None of them would put up with that.  Xander was not going to be emotionally shredded over this.  They'd even help with that pesky low self esteem problem of his.  Plus some of the nightmares he'd had since getting back home.

Tony heard a car, going out to find it was Dean and Sam.  "Hey, guys."

"Hey," Dean said, getting out.  "Xander that busy?"

"We've got to do something about the bond this weekend."

"Then we can definitely disappear.  We mostly came to borrow the library and have some thinking time away from demons," Sam offered.

Xander came around the house, giving them both hugs.  "What's up, guys?"

"Thinking time about the hunting stuff," Dean admitted.  "Library too if we could."

"I don't mind.  You guys can have the double room.  It's pretty shielded and we've got a lot to talk about before anything happens anyway."

"You sure?" Sam asked.  "I know those things are personal and all that."

"I'm certain," Xander promised with a grin.  "I know what the thinking is like very well."  Dean nodded he remembered.  "Come make yourself lunch and crash for a bit, guys."  They went to do that.  Xander went back to his forge.  He felt more at peace out there.  Someday he'd find out how to make 'kill anything' weapons instead of just blessed ones.  Dean came out and dropped a journal next to the other book.  "What's that?"

"Colt's journal," he said with a smirk.  "Bobby found it.  He thought you might like it."  He went back inside.  Sam was talking to Tony about the various ways of bonding they had thought about.  It made Dean's chest hurt.  It meant Sam was going to leave him alone.  Again.  He wasn't sure he could take that a second time.  Not without something there to buffer him.

Sam walked over to look at him.  "Stop it, jerk.  I'm not leaving.  I'm trying to figure out how to hitch you to a cute waitress so you never have to be a slut again."  He walked off with his sandwich and milk.

Dean stared at his back, grinning some.  "Silly bitch, it won't work," he called after him.  "I'm too much man for just one woman."

"There speaks a future case of VD," John said dryly.

"Not yet it hasn't," Dean said smugly.  "Shore leave that bad?"

"Not hardly.  A few scary moments but they got worked out."  He grinned.  "So, to hunt or not to hunt, that's the question."

"Plenty more evil bitches out there," Dean said.

"Or you could become a watcher," Tony pointed out.  "Some of those girls need a firm hand and experience."

"I considered that but most of the girls I've met were needing spanked more than a firm hand."

"Go see Katya in Nebraska," Xander called.

"Is that from a vision?" Dean called.

"No, she's an older-ish slayer at seventeen.  She could use some training and a lot of the girls could use someone who traveled to them instead of making them leave their areas."

"Traveling backup service?" Sam suggested, looking at Dean.  "Some of that, some training, they might even pay for gas and motels."

"That's an option I might think about.  We'd be in the car, traveling, anyway."

Sam grinned.  "Plus it'd let us stay in one place for a while.  My seat in the Impala has a spring impression in the shape of my ass, Dean."

Dean smirked.  "It was my ass's spot first, Sammy."

"I know."  He went back to the library.  Then he went to watch what Xander was doing.  He wasn't working on a new dagger or anything.  He was working on something that might be a pendant maybe.  Smallish, round but he was trimming out pieces of the center.  "What's that?"

"Protection amulet."

"Cool.  How did you learn to do that?"

"I talked to a local blacksmith, took lessons, and he realized why I was learning so he gave me the books and told me to go learn. I had to make my own mistakes once I had the basics down.  Plus his grandfather was floating around so he gave me some advice too."  He grinned at him.  "It's cool."

"It's very cool and that knife you gave us works really well."  He gave him a hug.  "Thank you for helping protect me, Xander.  You're a special guy."  Xander stared at him.  "I heard, in a minor vision during a nap," he admitted.  "Not forced but you are.   You can even make Dean relax."  He grinned.  "He didn't nag me all week."

Xander snickered.  "Glad to have helped, Sam."  Sam let him go after another squeeze and went back inside.  Xander got back to work, calmer now.  He had needed to hear that.


John and Tony made Xander do dishes after dinner while they set things up.  Xander wasn't going to complain as long as they honestly wanted it and this way would prove it to him.  They got everything set up and fans in Dean and Sam's room so they wouldn't get infected with the smoke.  Muffin sniffed a few times and went to sleep with Sam.  They smiled at the dog.  She was a good companion for Xander.  John was in the bathroom while Tony got the guest bedroom.  He'd let it be just them for now.  He still had a few heavy thoughts he needed to work through.  He heard the door shut and came out in a pair of boxer shorts.  Xander stared at him.  He nodded him closer, holding out a hand.

"This looks scarily familiar," Xander said.

John kissed him.  "Slightly different.  This one you have to mean it when it happens."  He smiled at the younger man.  Xander gave him a confused look so he led him to the bed.  The book was beside it with some water, some chunks of fruit for later energy, and a few warm washcloths in a bowl.  The lube was on the other side table along with condoms.  He got Xander stripped and laid him down, watching him read while John finished up a few last things.

Xander put the book aside, looking at him.  "So...."

"It may not be eternal true love like they write about but it's that comfortable, friendship, could turn there sort," he admitted.  "Has been since I got stuck in your head way back during the initial cousins thing."  He laid down next to him, kissing him slowly.  Xander wiggled.  "Xander?"

"I....  Brain dead," he said after another kiss.

"No, not brain dead," he teased with a smile.  "Either of us."  He stroked a hand up Xander's bare stomach. "How do you feel about it?"

"I don't want you guys to be hurt because of me."

"This'll make sure of it.  Beyond that it means that I have one hot hunter to cuddle next to whenever I want."  Xander wiggled some more so he went back to teasing him.  "Do you think you can put up with me and Tony?  He'll be in later."

"That seems odd."

"That was his decision."  Xander nodded, accepting that.  "So?"

"I..."  He played with John's chest, making him hiss with what his nails were doing to his nipples.  "It's very comfortable," he admitted.  "But I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't."  He took another kiss, lighting the herbs.  "Will you be ours?"

"As long as I'm not the wife," he teased.

"We'll make Tony love the bottom so we all get some topping time," he promised.  Xander groaned against his throat as the herbs started to work.  John was a bit more clear headed.  "It'll grow.  It's not my ideal but you're hotter than some bimbo with great legs anyway."  The herbs started to take care of them, having felt the feeling behind the words.  He felt Xander get a small vision but it was over with quickly and it gave him a chance to stroke and calm him down, then make him beg.  The herbs were very nice.  Even better than last time.  He was more than willing to do whatever their wicked minds wanted to.  Xander was creative, he was creative, and they had four bottles of lube that they could go through before they had to run out for some.  It was going to be a good night.


Tony felt the herbs take hold and mentally sighed.  "Okay so I want them," he muttered.  He felt it start to work on him.  "Them first, like last time."  The herbs were going to win though.  He got up and stripped off, heading over there.  He got there in time to see John making Xander beg him to ride him harder.  Which got a very pretty sounding moan from him.

John looked back and grinned.  "About time you got here.  Way too much self control, Tony."

"Was not," he mumbled, moving closer.  Xander pulled him down to kiss him.  "I'm not ready for that part yet," he said quietly.

"When you are, it'll be fun," Xander assured him.  He took another kiss.  John went back to what he had been doing.  Which was making Xander feel like his ass was a godly relic.  Tony got snuggled underneath Xander so he could thrust down against him, getting them both off.  "Tony, you have to say it," he reminded him.

"I guess I'm yours if you'll have me and keep Gibbs from smacking me so hard," he offered with a grin.  The spell finished taking hold and it was gooooodddd.  Oh, it was so good.  Xander came with a long, low moan and collapsed on top of Tony in a sweaty, shaky mess.  Tony and John shared a kiss.  "That was pretty."

"He's very pretty like that," John agreed.  He took another kiss.  He was still needy.  Xander was too but he needed a short nap.  Too much foreplay first it seemed.  Tony was reacting and it was wonderful.  They were kissing, stroking, nibbling, touching, and fondling when they felt Xander join in with his hands and mouth.  "Oh, that's nice," John moaned.

Tony whimpered but Xander did the same thing to him and it was very nice.  Plus fingers in his ass.  Which made it even better.  He got off quickly and his body seemed to have eternal teenage stamina at the moment so it didn't take too long before he was ready for more.  He knew the bonding meant he'd be breaking that final frontier but he still wasn't sure.  Fortunately Xander was moaning in his ear while John teased them both.  Tony moved to help tease Xander, letting it happen when it did.  When John slid into him it was beautiful and fulfilled the ache he'd had for the last hour or so.  Xander shifted and got John's ass this time and it was even better.  He could feel the bond take hold, then mute itself.  Which was very nice.  He could feel a warmth in the back of his head from each of them but nothing else.  It was very nice.  Comforting.

Xander finally got off and it was good to collapse between the other two.  Yeah, he could do this as long as they really wanted him to.  Though they'd have to work out the house/Atlantis/DC thing they had going.

John leaned down to get closer to his ear.  "If you're worrying I clearly need to do something mean," he whispered with a grin.

Xander looked up at him.  "Just thinking."

"Uh-huh.  Let us worry, you rest."  Xander snuggled in so he could sleep.  John shook his head, looking at Tony.  "What was he worrying about?"

"The bi-coastal thing we have going."

"We're allowed conjugal visits now," John offered with a grin.

"Hmm.  I'll think about that."  He rested against Xander's back.  "He makes a good pillow."

"Yeah, he does."  He got comfortable too.  It was definitely nice.  He'd worry about Atlantis, Tony's job, and Xander's forge in the morning.


Dean looked at the wall once the noises stopped, checking his watch.  "I need to work on my stamina if he's Sammy's age and can do two guys for that long," he decided, flipping onto his side.  The dog got off Sammy's bed and came to curl up with him since he was awake.  "Hey, girl."  He petted her gently, making her a happy puppy.  "Did the daddies keep you up too?" he teased.  She lapped his face and got comfortable against his side.  Dean let the petting lull him to sleep.  It was nearly three, he needed it.


John looked at Xander as he trudged out the next morning, handing him some juice on his way to the forge.  "Breakfast?" he called after him.

"Sometime," he said with a hand wave.

Tony came out buttoning his shirt.  "Did he have a vision last night?  I got the hint of one but nothing visible."

"He had one but I didn't get anything either," John admitted, sipping his coffee.  "He's not happy this morning."

"I'm hoping he's more sore than I am," Tony said dryly.  Dean and Sam came in from a run with the dog.  "You guys okay?"

"We're good," Dean panted, leaning down to release the dog.  She lapped them both then heard the daddy so she went to curl up near him.  He straightened up.  "She's still bouncy and hyper."

Tony nodded, smiling behind his coffee cup.  "They'll suit each other well for decades," he said.  He moved to the kitchen.  "Xander, I'm cooking," he called.  He heard a small groan but that was the dog.  "No, you have dog food.  I'm making people food."  Sam chuckled.  "You two go clean up and I'll have something by then."  They nodded, going to do that in their room.  Tony was cracking eggs to mix together.

John walked out to take the hammer from Xander, making the younger man give him a curious look.  "You've never come out before breakfast before.  Was it us or the vision we didn't see?"

Xander shrugged.  "I like working on it.  It's calming."

"If you're sure but we're cooking."

"I'll eat in a bit.  Let me finish this."

John looked at what he was doing.  "Protection amulet?" he guessed.  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Your handwriting's getting better," he teased.

"Thank you.  Practice and all that," he taunted back with a smirk.  John let him go back to it, going to help cook.  Xander got a few more lines out of the amulet before Tony had Dean come out to haul him back inside.  Xander had to run outside to cover his forge since it was starting to rain but that was fine.  It happened.  Muffin came in to nap with them while they watched tv since nothing else was going on at the moment.

John looked at Xander, then mentally nudged him, getting a physical grunt.  "How does this thing work?"  Xander sent over instructions on shielding.  "You've been working on it?"

"Yup.  Ancient Thai secret."

Tony shook his head but went over the instructions.  They weren't that hard.  He tried the first exercise and the warm spot that was his new husbands faded back further.  Now it was like the sun shining in his brain on a winter day instead of a late spring day.  Muffin groaned as she stretched out next to him, getting petted for her efforts to be distracting.

Sam came bouncing out of the library with his laptop.  "A few of my friends are having a get together."

"How good of friends?" Dean asked.  "Are they going to freak out at the sight of you thanks to that one in St. Louis?"

"No!"  He sat down.  "I already asked and they said to come and bring you.   Plus whatever I've been doing for online-classes."

"Have you been?" Tony asked.  "I know there's a lot of them out there.  Some are through some of the better colleges too."

"Two classes," Sam admitted.  Dean gave him a pointed look because he hadn't told him. "If I didn't want to have to repay my scholarship I had to go forward," he admitted.  "So I'm all but done.  If I can get one done this fall, I can walk in the spring."

Dean considered it.  "Dad would be proud," he decided.  "Go ahead."  Sam beamed at him.  "Any other shocking news you're hiding?  Like I already have nieces or nephews?"

"Not that I've been told," he admitted.  "If so, I'd hope that my earlier girlfriends would've told me."

"Me too," Dean said dryly.

Xander snickered, shaking his head.  "If I have any floating around out there I'd be shocked too but they'd better tell me."

Sam nodded.  "My yelling would know no stopping for *years*," he agreed smugly.

Dean shook his head.  "Wouldn't beat Mom coming back from the dead to kill them then you, Sammy.  Really.  Dad and I would hide."

Sam smirked at him.  "You played a lot more often than I have, Dean.  That means it's more likely you've got one stashed somewhere."

"Not that I've been told about," he assured him.  "I know my ladies would have told me."

"Since when did you date ladies?" Sam taunted with an evil smirk.

Dean looked at him before going to get into Xander's holy water stash on his altar, bringing it back to splash him.  He started an exorcism, cracking Tony and John up.

Xander shook his head.  "For future reference, those don't work real well on me.  I tend to keep them," he said when Dean looked at him.  "Twice now."

Dean shuddered.  "Demonic?"

"Hyena," Tony said, rubbing his ankle over the scar.

"Soldier," John said with a grin at Xander.  Xander nodded.  "Any idea where that Rayne guy is anyway?  I'd almost like to thank him for that and make sure that he's not anywhere near my project."  That had been an odd thought to have.  Why would a British chaos sorcerer be on Atlantis or even at the SGC?

"I'm not sure.  You might ask Willow and them.  Of course, he probably signed on with your project to make sure the bad things weren't going to interfere with Janus' fun."

Dean shuddered.  John was nearly whimpering in horror.  "That's so bad, dude," Dean complained.  He finished the exorcism, then huffed.  "Looks like it's a normal level of evil and you just need laid, Sammy.  We've got to fix that.  We're stopping in the city on the way east."

"Sure, I'll find a high class brothel while you go trolling," Sam quipped.

John looked at them then back at Xander.  "You don't really think that, do you?"

"Personally I think he'd run from the military but you never know.  He is the high priest to a god of chaos.  Your project and the mothership in the mountain do bring some pretty chaos."  He gave him a serious look.  "Have someone do a locating charm.  If he's in the city, you'll know."

John shuddered, walking off to call Rodney from the office so he could find the picture.  Yup, he was sure Ethan was in his city with the way things had been for the last week.  He emailed his personal annoyance machine a picture of him.  "Rodney, me.  I just emailed you a picture.  Make sure he's not on Atlantis.  No, not a military problem, but he had been taken by a problematic one before because he's a high priest to Janus.  Yes, that Janus.  Rodney, just make sure before we're all turned into something.  Please."

He hung up and put his head down.  Ten minutes later his cellphone rang with a 'he's in the infirmary on the staff, what did you want to do with him' message.  He called Landry's desk.  "Sir, John Sheppard.  Remember Xander saying something about Ethan Rayne?  Yes, the one who had him possessed and the Initiative took hostage.  He's on Atlantis.  On the medical staff."  He listened to the groaning through the choking.  "Xander mentioned it wouldn't be unreasonable.  Rodney's asking for orders.  Thank you, sir."

He hung up and texted Rodney back 'give Landry time to choke and make sure he can't disappear, do a sick-in thing'.  "This is a time for beer," he decided, walking into the kitchen.  Unfortunately they were out.  No other liquor either.  He had to settle for chocolate.  Xander pouted at him.  "He's on the medical staff."  He sat down with a small huff, getting Muffin over by patting his lap.  She would soothe him very nicely.

"He could be keeping chaos down," Sam offered.

"He might be if Janus can't channel it," Xander agreed.  "Of course if you all get food poisoning I'd look at him.  Or if we have a mass hallucination or everyone acting like teenagers, something like that."

John nodded.  "That'd suck.  I was surly as a teenager."

"I was a sports guy so I got better girls," Tony admitted dryly.

"Not that much different then," John taunted with an evil smirk.

Dean looked at them.  "Do I need to go make more holy water?"  They both shook their heads.

"If you want to," Xander offered.  "I could use some for the blessing on that protection amulet I'm working on since you took the rest of mine."  Dean got up to do that for him.  He grinned at Sam.  "Sneak out now," he mouthed.  "Make him have a fun hunt."  Sam snickered but shook his head.  "Really.  Before he gives you to some skanky street ho."

Sam put down his laptop and went outside to look over the car.  Sure enough, Dean did track him down a few minutes later.  "Xander suggested I should run to make you hunt in a more fun way."

"Unfortunately I can't spank him like I can you," Dean taunted.

"Not likely.  Clubbing?" he asked suddenly.

"I could use some easy lays," Dean decided.  They went inside to get dressed and head out for an easy afternoon and then the club.

Tony poked Xander on the arm.  "Making Dean get jealous and overprotective might not make them happy."

"Yes it will.  Dean's happiest taking care of things and people.  He needs to take care of Sam.  He has been since they were really little, or so it seems to me."  He looked at his new lover.  "Sammy was angsting though so Dean needed to distract him.  That would've given Sam a method to distract both of them from the heavy thoughts.  They got me a dog for the same reason."  He went back to his tv watching, flipping the channel.  He hated rainy days.

Muffin shifted over to let the daddy pet her too.  Xander grinned and did that.  John didn't mind.  Muffin was in his lap but it felt nice to pet the dog.  And be petted now and then when Xander's hand ran into him.  Yup, now he felt like a newlywed.

"John, if you're that needy, ask," Tony said.

Xander snickered.  "Are you not?" Xander asked him.

"Well, yeah," he admitted dryly.  "But I have self control.  I haven't pounced."

Xander smirked.  "I noticed that."  General Landry appeared in a fizzle of light with someone else who had his head down.  "Hey, Ethan, welcome to my home," Xander told him.  The older man gave him a horrified look.  "Relax, they're in Cleveland.  Finn's group is in Homeland.  I make weapons now."  He stared at him.  "You were keeping it down, right?"

Ethan nodded slowly.  "As Janus commanded.  It helped me work through some problems and kept them from destroying the galaxy."


Ethan was looking very confused.  "You're not going to hit me, send me away?  Nothing?  Even after what happened back then?"

"Ethan, I spent almost a year in Africa growing up," Xander said bluntly.  "Thank you for Halloween though, it's been a great help through the years of hunting back there."  Ethan gaped, mouth flopping open.  Xander grinned.  "It's helped a lot."  He grinned at his dog then at him.  "Anything going on John has to know about?"

"You know of him?"

"He's a distant cousin and the aunts wanted us to marry," Tony said.  "Just don't hit DC, please?  We'd have to help fix it and my boss would kill whoever magiced the capitol."

Ethan shook his head.  "Not on my to do list," he admitted.  "Are you all under a spell or a curse?" he demanded.  "You're not normal."

"No, we're not.  The whole family hunts," Tony said dryly.  "That's why the aunts wanted us to marry this one," he said with a head nod at Xander.

Who just grinned.  "They're very good at it too."

"You're warped, boy," Landry said dryly.

"Well, yeah, but that's because someone has to master shields," he said, glaring at Tony.  Then he grinned at Ethan again.  "My house is magic free because it brings on really horrible visions, or it used to, not really sure which, but hey, live and let live, Ethan."

Ethan shook his head quickly.  "This is wrong on so many levels," he muttered.  "Where is darling old Ripper?"

"Cleveland, being driven insane by a whole lot of slayers.  He's in charge now," John said with a smirk.  "You know, you're not a bad nurse.  You didn't stick me too hard the last time I was in there."

"Thank you, I think."  He looked at the boy.  "So you're going to just let me go?"

Xander nodded.  "If the general doesn't want you, the only thing I could do is ask you nosy questions so I could help Willow the next time she leaked chaos magic or to write notes on how chaos magic affects demons for hunting."

"It does," he admitted cautiously.  "There's a few wonderful books on that subject."

"Can I get the titles?" Landry asked.  "Apparently Jackson has been building his own occult and odd thing library.  Someone cleaning his office uncovered the stack in the closet."

Ethan nodded. "I could see doing that."

Cordelia showed up with Daniel.  "I would like them," Daniel admitted.  "We're getting there, General.  They had a screwed up system worse than the Pentagon could ever create."  She took Ethan with them.

Xander waved at the bare spot.  "Have fun," he called.  He looked at the general.  "Want a drink, sir?"

"We're out of beer, General, but there's water, tea, disgusting vegan milk, and regular milk," John quipped.

"I think you're too warped, Sheppard."

"It's Tony's dirty mind, sir."

Tony gave him a bad look.  "My mind's not that bad.  You're the one who had thoughts about Xander on fur."

"I don't need or want to know," Landry said, touching his earpiece.  "Take me back to my office please."  He disappeared in a fizzle of light.

"O'Neill said he used to make Hammond reach for his tums whenever he saw him," John said after a moment's silence.  "I wonder if I'm approaching his record."

Cordelia appeared.  "He said yes and to quit it before he has to come back and do more paperwork so it gets screwed up."  She disappeared again.

Xander grinned at Tony.  "I used to date her."

"Clearly you warped her," he said, patting him on the arm.  Muffin looked at him. "We're going to pet the daddy so John's dirty mind calms down.  Go lay down."  The dog ran off to hop up on Dean's bed for a nap.  Tony got up and hauled Xander up, giving John a pointed look.  "Before I'm traumatized by you two doing a spell to make you dogs?"

"That wouldn't be that fun," John admitted.  He got up anyway.  He was a bit needy and Xander was very good at teasing him.  That had to be why he had put on the spandex bike shorts this morning without underwear.  "Don't wear those around my team?" he asked quietly.  "You might make Teyla blush," he finished when Xander gave him a dirty look.

"Why would she blush?"

"Because those are a bit tight and form fitting," Tony said, watching Xander walk off shaking his head.  "And it's clear that you and even thongs have parted ways.  I've seen rent boys more clothed," he muttered as he walked.

"Easier access," John said with a small leer.  "Did you put on good clothes today to impress us?"

"It's about what I packed.  I grabbed the wrong bag."  He followed them to the bedroom.  Since they were offering and all....

The end.

To Story 7

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